Podcast: The Ride - SoCal Water Parks with James Adomian

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

The topics splash around like a wave pool when James Adomian (Path of Most Resistance) joins us to talk single riders, waterslide injuries and so much more. "Six Flags Live" episode is up at: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Check out Path of Most Resistance! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ5DFrdOyig  FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! the hilarious James Adomian joins us to talk about a bunch of bullshit, some of which is SoCal Waterparks on Podcast The Ride, a podcast hosted by 40-year-olds who will likely drown on the watch of untrained 15-year-olds. I'm Scott Gairdner. There's Mike Carlson. It's going to happen, and it's going to be even more embarrassing than you could imagine it being. Like, I'll lose my pants first or something, then i'll be like upside down like it's going to be a cartoon death with an apathetic 15 year old watching on yeah well and we're hopeful we're probably if a like a more knowledgeable lifeguard could have solved the situation in 20 seconds but in the seven minutes it takes for him to get his shit together. Yeah.

But I don't blame him. He's 15. What is he supposed to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should maybe change the hiring policies in general, but that's something we can discuss and get into. That's a whole political issue I have to get into later, yeah. Jason Sheridan, hi.

Hi. Yeah, if it's not apathetic and comical enough, I'm going to haunt the water park. That's cool. It's going to be a haunted water park. That's cool. It's gonna be a haunted water park. It's a good place to haunt because they are, they're inherently creepy.

They're creepy when they're not running and they're really creepy when they're abandoned as some are, as happens. Yeah. Some of the things we'll be talking about today. But when he says haunt, he's gonna haunt the lazy river and he's just gonna sit in the ghost inner tube and float down and go, hey, hey.

Hey. Hey like he doesn't want to actually do what are you making you making taquitos yeah you're not gonna yeah you don't have the energy to is that a new flavor yeah haunting is an aggressive act that's a little bit of someone and you have to like learn about them and like you find their fears you're suggesting that haunting is tired like i think it is. Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I think there's an aggressive version and there's a lazy. If you're just passively around as a ghost,

that's not the same as what PI duties. Consider the labor, the unpaid emotional labor of haunting. Who's paying me to be a ghost? Who's paying me to haunt? If I'm not being paid, why should I put in effort? If there's dark energy, it's coming from somewhere. So if energy is expelled, it's coming from somewhere. So there has to be some effort, and it has to eventually become depleted. That's what I believe.

Okay. That's something I've believed for years. Okay. Not just something I thought of now. It's a principle of my beliefs. That all of your other less-known podcasts get into for a long time. Right. Well, we'll get thoughts about parks, haunting, Dark Energy, and where it comes from, from

our guest, who we're really excited is joining us today. A podcast luminary, a prolific actor, stand-up, and impressionist. He's got a new special out called Path of Most Resistance. Very excited. James Adomian, welcome to the show. Hey, thanks for having me, Scott. Absolutely. Appreciate it.

Thank you, Jason. Thank you. This is a provocative question. The haunting, the specific mechanics of haunting and all that. Yeah, yeah. You said something about unpaid labor, which makes me wonder about the people who are hungry for the haunting work, and they're down by the docks waiting to be picked. Oh, yeah.

It's like, I only need two ghosts today. Yeah, yeah. You got room in the truck. You're not scary enough, you're not big enough. Scary, existentially scary or large inhabitants

of an energy field. I'm a weird little kid. That doesn't work. You can be little, but there's got to be something imposing. If you're little, then you have to go overboard in terms of psychically.

I just don't know if you're neither here nor there. You're always hiring the ring girl over there with the long hair. She's my same age. What are you doing? Yeah, but you're so cute, Pipsqueak. You're just the cute one. Yeah. She has a you're just the cute one. Yeah.

She has a way of turning the cute expectations into a very unfulfilling sadness. Can you do... Come back when you can do that. I just think pure scary-wise, I've got it. I didn't realize there were all these other emotions that I needed to evoke. Yeah, it's like a...

That's like a Casper situation. Yeah. That's too cute. Casper's too cute. Listen, kid, you died young. That's too bad. But I can't do anything scary with that. The ghost-like foreman.

He's like the agent for the ghost. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to find your work. I really am. But it's tough out there. It's am, but it's tough out there. It's tragic, but it's not convenient. Okay. Look, there's 4,000

little kid ghosts like you every day coming to wash up under the metaphysical side of this city. But I died a little bit younger than them. Like, I was talking to a five-year-old in the lobby. I was four and a half. That's sadder. They go honking cartoons. them. I was talking to a five-year-old in the lobby. I was four and a half. That's sadder. It's my six-year-old months of sadder.

Well, this is a great field to explore. This is employment for after all of our demises. Jobs we could all get, which is good to start thinking about now. We're all so busy thinking about how we're going to make money now that we don't think about what we're going to do after we die.

Yeah, that's good. We should really get the jump on it. We're too focused on not working now. Not working now. We don't think about not working after we're dead. In the afterlife, we'll all become grind set. Like guys, we're all a lapel grinding. Rising and grinding.

Rise and grind. Right. But not till then. But unfortunately, that's usually attached to some kind of mill that you're grinding in a circle. Oh, it becomes literal grinding. Yes. Grinding ectoplasm. Bones.

Grinding bones into the raw powder that the elements of hell and the wings of hell are made of. Sure. And there's always someone who's like, more. Like the one who likes, everyone's sad except for the guy who's like, yes, power. And no one else is having a good time except for him.

So how do you rise to become hell foreman? How did he get that? You definitely don't get to do live shows that way, where everyone's in misery, but you're like, good. It just doesn't work. It'd be more fun, I think.

Yeah. Power dynamics on display. James, thanks for joining us. And we're sort of like, you know, you threw out a bunch of stuff we could talk about. And we have this water parks notion, but this is a loose assignment. We can talk about a zillion things

in the general realm of theme parks or otherwise and i say otherwise because i have a theory about permission to speak informally about the theme park yes yeah not require you did not have to write a report to get on the show uh this this can be loose uh you've hopefully shown to us later well we appreciate yeah no no we recognize the effort um but i have i have a theory about uh some of what brought you here today uh and i could be wrong but this is this is what i think uh brett boehm who runs the show at forever dog here messaged us about having you on and i and i think that i believe it was on the very day that you had been on the best show and you had done a big,

uh, chunk of stuff, uh, about John Taffer. Yeah. And that is what I believe. I believe that Brett set us up on some kind of podcast blind date on the basis of John Taffer because we're Taffer obsessives. Yeah.

This is something we talk about a lot. Right. Uh, and you boast an incredible Taffer, which I don't mean to put you on the spot about my life's work but we're just i was just thrilled to hear you're a fan you're a fan of the big guy if he came in here what you've got plastic on the ground podcast close it this should be ballet only people don't our customers don't care about

they don't need they don't need a bunch of frills black walls this is what people like all right yeah charlie rose he is has the wrong advice for all occasions yeah yeah it's so like in practice does not really work seemingly as you said with tom like his work is overturned as soon as he is out of town right everyone undoes what he does it's not the usual ozymandias grind of the hereafter yeah yes though it's very no with him it's just like no he's gone flip it back over to yeah i think he's they're all waiting outside they're all waving bye thank you and as soon as the car as soon as the production vans go over the horizon line okay turn this time back because there's always a place that's called there's a place that'll be called like you know the the the exit

door and then he comes in and goes, here's your new bar. And then he unveils it, and it's like, Mykonos. And he's like, this has nothing to do. And he's like, we cleared out all the regulars. Now it's this. And he's like, all those people who came all the time, you don't got to worry about them anymore. You're going to get college kids in here now.

Yeah, and he's like, we used to serve grilled cheese in now. And he's like, we used to serve grilled cheese in here. And he's like, but you're serving escargot now! This is a whole new menu! And then that saddles them with more money and problems. He basically turns every bar into what people don't like about Santa Monica.

It's brightly lit! Unwelcoming! TV's everywhere! Oh, nobody goes to those places. Right. And then we bulldoze them and turn them into bigger, dumber places. We're flipping. Don't you realize?

Bar flipping. He always wants to light the liquor bottles from underneath, too. That's very important. Oh, is that a common? That's one thing, at least in the first so many seasons. He always wants a light under liquor bottles from underneath, too. That's very important. Oh, is that a common? That's one thing, at least in the first so many seasons. He always wants a light under the liquor bottles behind the bar. Okay. Every bar has to have lit liquor bottles.

To remind you that they, because otherwise people might not know that we have liquor bottles here if they're in the shadows. There's a sports bar in Burbank I used to drive by going to an old job. Champs? Champs. Champs. Yeah, he probably did Champs. Champs, which I think was the name before and maybe after.

Whatever. I forget if they ever changed the name. Well, it was Champs. Yeah. We're going for a French vibe now at Champs. But I would drive by it like every day and so for a while the outside they would just it would be painted white then it'd be painted black then it'd be painted wood gray like i'm like what is going on over there and i found out it was because it was on bar rescue oh

that was concurrent when this was happening it It was their original, and then there was an intermediary phase, and then his version, and then the undoing. And then, uh-oh, he permanently stained the wood, so we have to go back to a completely different color. I also don't. There was residential areas all around. I'm like, wait, what's hard? Just have a bunch of TVs you're a sports bar just sell wings and mozzarella sticks you know and and don't overpour and don't

disrespect women those are the other things he yells about I feel like that's only for me to do right uh one of the things he'll do is that he will send his wife into a place and be like, and then be like, let's go in there and let's see if he hits on you. And then he does. Of course. And then he comes in and goes like, you hit on my wife. It's like he didn't know that, first of all, that she was your wife. And you guys planned it on camera.

I watched it. I'm watching the show. You're watching the issuing of the assignment. The order. She's like, sure, no problem. Go tart it up. Pull the shirt down a little bit. Show off what you got.

They did what? They hit on you. Yeah, it's a source of a lot of joy to us. It's an episode that we've long threatened to do. A full episode on him, yeah. It's forcing us to do on the main film. mean that we would love yes that we would love and a certain percentage of our audience would be so mad about yeah but i think worth it scott let me ask you something you're gonna look around when he has the eye contact of a pedantic school

principal you're gonna look around the studio and say that things are going well. I think so. Yeah. You know, people subscribe. Garbage on the floor. They don't see that. It's an audio medium. And that's your excuse that it's audio only.

I think most of the time it sounds pretty good. Most of the time there's not some weird ambient hum through the entire episode. If I locked you in here overnight, would you be scared? There's no windows. So yes. Yes, I would. I'm locking you in here overnight, would you be scared? There's no windows, so yes. Yes, I would. I'm locking you in here overnight. We're going to see if you're scared. And I'm going to be locked in here with you. And we're going to see if you're scared.

I'm scared now. Are you going to stare at me in that manner all night? What do you think I'm going to do? Eight to ten hours of this. You're so much taller than me, too. This is what's going to turn this place into a bar that people are going to like. You're spittling all over the microphones.

These are going to be inoperable if you... It would be worth it for like a five-minute episode, I think, if he just yelled at us and left. We could do a mini episode. Although, you know what? I forgot. He's not going to go for that. He's going to want to take over and change your podcast. Okay. If we allow him to. Although, you know what? I forgot. He's not going to go for that. He's going to want to take over and change your podcast. Okay.

If we allow him to. I would allow him to do it. If we describe the full breadth of what's been going on and we show him our number, we open the books, as the show says, that's your amount of growth.

It's because you're a niche podcast. You only talk about theme parks. You should be talking about sports in America. Your GoFundMe is more like a GoFuckMe. The one in we have i still believe is that he posted this last year him on tron light cycle run at disney world with his wife uh-huh and he like praised it up and down so maybe under like the you just hit tron my wife the master control program hit on you um i think there's multiple ends because actually you know

what i didn't realize did you guys know did anyone know that the reason the paramount connection came about is that he he knew he had contacts over there because he was a consultant at some point in the early run of Bubba Gump. Is that right? Yes. Yeah. Whoa. So we got a lot to talk to him about. We really do.

We've talked about Bubba Gump many times over the years. It's on Universal property, so. It counts, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's in our top review. I love that you know the jurisdictional line. Like, that comes into play sometimes where there's like, I'm the sheriff of Universal City. I got jurisdiction from the Minion statue all the way i'm the sheriff of universal city i got jurisdiction

from the minion statue all the way down to the border of forever bubba gump shrimp falls within the purview of this this county if you can see the minion if if the minion is in your line of sight then he's still in charge that would be the yeah the ancient common law definition be ye under the eye of the minion he does have the minion does have kind of a like uh brazil christ statue type like yeah like i wonder if any like maybe i don't know if any parents in this area we're parents in this area we could use that minion as kind of a if you you act out, that minion could come down here. That god up there will. This reminds me of the crucified minion that was,

AI manufactured the meme and then manufactured the outrage about it afterwards. Really? I missed this entirely. Don't navigate away. Don't go away. The video is just people saying the same script. Yeah, it was the same. It was the outrage script that the same people were going like,

you know, it's can you believe it? Can you believe it? Can you believe it? That they've gone this far. That AI has gone this far. That AI has gone this far. And it was just an image. AI had created this image of a crucified minion.

Okay. With the crown of thorns. And then entirely. Okay, yeah, yeah, well, this was like over the summer. Interesting. And who's, so what's the end game here?

How do you benefit from the game outright? No one benefits from it. It's just a cycle of, it's chasing itself. Yeah. Although I do like to imagine the extension of the world

where there is a minion Christ and you have like, you have somebody like Johnny Cash singing really respectful gospel like, Were you there when they crucified my Lord? When they Crucified my lord Sometimes It causes me to Mignon Mignon I think that's like When culture is like flattened and AI is

Taken over that is what like people Will there'll be an AI Johnny Cash song like That that's easily gonna like you can do that now, really. You can make it now. I also think a lot of, maybe AI is doing a lot of crucifixion of our favorite characters. Really quickly, I found a crucified Shrek, who's also buff, too.

We have two premises here. This is very hat on a hat. Right. Buff Shrek crucified. Hot Shrek. Crucified for being buff? Because that's not what Shrek's supposed to be. Well, he was on the hill of Golgotha, and he was next to the minion when he was crucified.

Was he repentant, or was he the mean one? I think Shrek was repentant, which is why he had returned to his monster form. Which Pontius Pilate could not tolerate. Still a monster. Crucify him. He was next to the Lord of the Minions, who looked up to heaven and referred to Shrek next to him and said, Translation, I'll see you up there, my friend, I guess. And then next to them was just Barabbas going like, what the fuck is going on? Barabbas was freed by the crowd.

Sorry, man. This is getting weird. It was my favorite. It was the only thing that I looked forward to about church every year was that every year on Good Friday, there would be a little play, and you in the audience of church, what do you call the audience of church?

Yes, everybody had the part to do, the congregation, yeah, yeah. Like I have a line in this. I get to be, like there's a whole crowd line, and then hearing all of these children, parents my age age and then old people all kind of really hushed all going bravis who do you want me to free bravis nobody could even nobody would ever put any stank on it it's it's to this day the only like positive memory i

have from years of church and and that's a betrayal of Christ in my mind. I think that there's no greater part. There are some kinds of parts that are designed for a great actor. And in the passion of Christ, any more I've said this before, any idiot can play Jesus Christ. Any blue-eyed fuck. It's kind of

all about looks. You don't have a good You have someone who's like, blessed are the poor in spirit. No one's listening. Everyone's watching and thinking of something else while they're watching the scene easy one note where you put the good actor is the role of pontius pilate yeah that's where the actor because you're introduced to him as the most powerful man in palestine and he's like he's sitting there in a palace with attendance and. And he's like, who is this? He doesn't want to do it. Who is this Jesus of Nazareth?

And then he interrogates him in person where he's like, are you the son of God? Looking around at the people. And he ends up sending him to be executed and then the best there's nothing you I mean the washing

of the hands afterwards oh yeah there's all process I washed my hands of this I didn't want any of it that is that's where you put it you saw in the pre-interview

I was this was not really my vibe that's where you put the actor and you give you only give him one note, which is chew as much marble scenery as your teeth can handle. Bigger, bigger. Bigger, bigger.

Make me pull you back. Yeah, Pontius Pilate in Jesus Christ Superstar is very campy. Oh, yeah. Wait, what's that depiction? How do they – does he get a song? What's the? He gets like. Is he the one who gets a song and that's all? So you're Jesus Christ.

That's all he does in the show is the one song. He's in and out, but he steals the show, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. It feels like Adam West should've played that role or Shatner. Shatner? Yeah, yeah, like someone really hammy from the old days.

You say the son of God. I guess I did walk you into Shatner doing this. What would it be like? Sorry. Miracles, you say? And from his point of view, it's like when he's talking to the robot trying to trip it up with logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just watched the pilot of T.J. Hooker, so I guess I have Shatner on the brain.

Okay. So you're thinking more T.J. Hooker, so I guess I have Shatner on the brain. Okay. So you're thinking more T.J. Hooker. I'm thinking more Hooker. How would T.J. Hooker be a different pilot than Kirk? Right, exactly. It's so different. It would be so different. It's more grounded.

Yeah, yeah. It's a more grounded character. Barabbas was the one who was pardoned. Gestas and Dismas were the names of the people. They have names? To the right and left of Jesus. Wow. Gestas and Dismas? I names of the people. They have names? To the right and left of Jesus. Dismas and Dismas? I never would have guessed this.

And as you're saying that about like Easter, Good Friday services, I am remembering that in that little pageant, I was the mean one crucified next to Jesus. Really? You were the bad one? I was the one like hissing at the audience. Shut up, Jesus. Hissing at the congregation.

Wait, remind me how it works. There's one who's nice, who they bond, but the other one is still fucking you. I was the mean one. You would hiss at the congregation like you were a wrestling bad guy. Like a wrestling bad guy. A branches cross. Branches from like the woods

behind the church that one of the deacons were they heavy? No but was it tough to hold your hands up? It was awkward. That's really hard. How old were you? Tied to wood. Probably like 11 or 12. Is there video? I don't know if there is video

of the I think that I would pay $500 for that I would love it. Do you have any idea what you said? Do you remember any of it? I don't think I said anything. I think I was just doing a lot of like, grr. You said you were hissing, though, at the crowd.

Like at the crowd, like growling at, because it was mean. And then the one who repents, like, has the lines. Think about how scary could 11-year-old you have been to be the most hard boiled criminal in all of them wow you gotta look into that if there's a video yeah please yeah I also wait tell me do you know how to spell that name cause maybe I can find some dialogue while we uh

oh it's either G-E-S-T-A-S or D-I-S-M-A-S okay yeah no it filled me in justice impentant thief yeah Jestus, impentinent thief? Yeah. I was the impentinent thief. Jestus.

Jestus. What? Okay. I want to imagine he's a jester, and he has a big jester hat on. Wow, he's being crucified. Now we're talking. Yeah. I was at Lollapalooza and I kept stealing.

And I was being crucified. I never took my jester hat off. Your cat in the hat type hat. My big dog cat hat. From the 90s. Hat in the hat. Lollapalooza hat. Yeah.

Well, you know, we're not here to talk about. Oh, you know, actually, you know what I meant to say in the Taffer run. I'm going to put this on the table. You certainly don't need to take it. But I just thought ahead with the John Taffer discussion. And I just want to show you how generous hosts we are. If during this podcast at any point you would like a sip of John taffer's uh personal uh bourbon brand uh this was i busted this out we're recording this very early also you thought of this ahead of time yes yeah yeah

if you want a little what is it 11 0 8 a.m sip of john taffer's browned butter bourbon i haven't eaten enough and also would you want to smell it maybe and also it okay can i look at this yes at least observe it is this like is this like the hot sauce podcast so it can be there's a lot of things to hate about this oh yeah taffers browned butter bourbon they have the thought of a newspaper from the civil war like you're supposed to with a whiskey. Right, right. But it's supposed to be called like Broken Wheel. Mm-hmm.

Something rustic. It's either something like a piece of old machinery that doesn't work, or a sad animal, or a veiled, very, very veiled reference. Barren calf whiskey. Right. Yeah, like disrupted crow. Or there's some veiled, very veiled reference to the Confederate States of America. If you're from there, you know what they're on. It's like Arkansas whistle.

But this is, he has this font, but it's just his dumb name, Taffers. Yeah. Yeah. And it should be, I mean. It's not an old thing. It looks like the old, he's like, get me the font of the old letters. Browned butter bourbon. Bourbon is already too sugary for me.

Yeah. Even just regular bourbon straight is too. If I'm going to drink whiskey, I want it to be a rye whiskey or a Japanese whiskey. You would hate this so much. He's like, make it more sugary. Southern comfort is too bitter

for our purposes. You should at least pop that top and smell it if you can because the smell is like, I don't think there's a hint of whiskey in this whiskey. Jesus Christ. Yeah, right? Yeah. Get me a bottle of rejected

Jack Daniels. Then get a honey bear. Get a honey bear and upend him. I want that honey. The entire bottle of honey bear honey. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Milk him.

Melt a bag of Werther's. Crafted by John Tapper. And then he has this thing where he signed it. Oh, yeah, shit, it's exclusive. It's not a wet signature, though, I'll note. It's printed. And there's this shit that you're you see with maker's mark where there's like paint drops and shit yeah on the bot like oh but it it it looks like it's printed

according to the same pattern each time uh-huh with notes of vanilla and toffee bad yeah those are not things i don't know first of all, if you're at the Cheesecake Factory, that's the dessert that you shouldn't get at the Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, yeah. Vanilla and toffee, what? No. Having tasted this, their definition of hints is a giant smack in the face. Because there's not a hint of whiskey. You'd be hard pressed to like, oh, maybe, all right, now on the fifth sip, maybe I detect a little bit of whiskey.

And he has the audacity to have a frying pan on the back label. That's what that is. Which is ironic because at Taffer's Tavern locations, everything is like sous vide or convection oven made. He has a restaurant chain that's like pseudo failing, by the way, if you didn't know that. Which one is it? It's called Taffer's Tavern. One just closed in Massachusetts. One in Boston area.

Yes. Six months ago. Every time one opens in a new city, you can tell the food critic in that city is just gleeful. To give it just an awful review. I thought I was washed up here. I thought I was washed up here. I thought I was washed up here in Chattanooga, Tennessee. The Taverns Tavern locations have a big picture, like a painting of him.

Like a joke based. That's disgusting. Yeah, but there's only two locations right now. You're supposed to trust this guy. This is some sort of a money scam, though. I think there's many things that have been additional coming soon that have been there for three years. To Orlando, it will be, the Orlando location

is going to be ten minutes away from Epic Universe. We will do a live show at Taver's Tavern next time. If there's a room to do it. If they let you. Live podcast and a bar! This really should be a sketch. I don't have a budget for anything, so here goes. You have Gordon Ramsay and Jon Taffer like spy versus spy trying to remake each other's bars that they own.

Hell's Kitchen and Taffer's Tavern. It's disgusting. There's raw pork everywhere. We don't have pork on the menu. Exactly. And is it an attempt? Are they undermining or are they fixing or is the fixing itself undermining? I think the idea is they're trying to humiliate each other in both the fixing and the tearing down.

This would be so fun to do. It feels like there are a few comedy places left to do it. They're all gone. I just found out because I've been finding all these old clips of mine to post in preparation for the special coming out. Comedy Central has been gutted. There's nothing on YouTube. There's entire TV appearances of mine that just don't exist anymore.

Jeez. Wow. And this is going to keep happening uh and this adult swims kind of gone yeah all the money right now is in draining emptying buckets of content yes the same thing that happened to the hard-working industrial well which are manufacturing industries in the 70s, 80s, and 90s where they would shut down a steel company and then chop it up for assets and so forth. That's happening to every other industry. Because there are people who go to

school who should be pulled out of school and put in jail. There's still time before they strike. There's entire business departments at colleges where they teach people the only way to make money is through cannibalism yeah you've got to find an industry and chop it up for parts uh-huh and so and that's that's like we send people to go to study that where you're supposed to study aristotle's nickel nickel nickel mckeon ethics and instead you're

coming back going like No no dude no seriously No my buddies are like Family and we're like a pack of Investors and we look for things to fuck up Yeah it's just not a good Time right now it's just weird time you know So we gotta close our shot you know we Crunch numbers and yeah we're shutting it down

Crunching numbers crunching companies We fucking do it we slam it dog I went to crunch school uh yeah no i know it's a bummer now what do we hear what are we in the lowly pie are we saved in the podcast world ultimately by that uh you mike have all of the files somewhere uh probably unless you crunch us you bring this up out of the there's some money in it for you later to not distribute the files to me and i took an online bane capital course in my spare time and i'm just biding my time before i impact like vulture capitalism on this podcast you i like that this is a this is you're a smart you're a smart pod operation because you

immediately go like oh my god it could come for me right yeah yeah i was looking at the three of you start to like hold your necks and go wait a minute this guillotine thing come after me i'm the bad i'm the what was the name of the impenitent thief oh yeah i guess I'm the guestus. Guestus. Although, wait, does impenitent mean, wait, no. Penitent means good, and impenitent is the bad one. Only the penitent man shall pass. Oh, that's right. Yes. I'm going to saddle the podcast with a lot of debt.

That's what I'm going to do. And then we're going to go into bankruptcy. I'm going to pocket all the money from the bankruptcy, and then you'll find out it's like all the money that you still owe is in you and jason's name or something like there'll be some scam like that community college business classes like idris elba and the wire so you can figure out how to run the operation you know yeah search will ruin you too actually really should have known i should have known it was you yeah well now we we know. Watch out. Anything you say here, he's going to profit off of. It's actually liberating to be speaking on a podcast in progress,

knowing that it's going to be wiped out from link rot, and the podcast is going to be chopped up for parts. It's kind of freeing. If you don't put any expectation on, like, this is going to be the number one part of my podcast reel, it's going to make or break. Yeah, no, it's all going to be destroyed. expectation on like this is gonna be the number one part of my podcast reel um this is gonna make your brain yeah no it's all gonna be destroyed this episode will never air because i'm gonna write it off like how batgirl got wrote off at warner brothers i'll just like send to the

government and say like this is a loss what's unreleasable this this single episode costs 90 million dollars we need to collect 90 million dollars for this and then i'll what you'll i'll send a video in of me deleting the file. I'm the executive at Warner Brothers write-off film department. We have actually big, big dollars for development. Now, we're going to crush these projects when they come out. Right. But we have a lot of money to develop and then kill your project.

That's what we do. That's what we do at Warner Brothers. Brothers killed a long tradition of this but it feels fun to go make a movie to say action put on a hat that's what a director would wear to sit in a special chair you get to do all of that and make money we've been overrating the step of it

where people get to see what you did I think people have not realized this I think in totality the step of it where people get to see what you did yeah i think uh it would be there people i don't know people have not realized this i think in totality when you start to get 50 or 75 years outside of the current times or even like recent decades the copyrights will be gone and some of their in perpetuity clauses will be unenforceable and you know a barren wasteland notwithstanding you'll have a lot of unproduced pilots that will finally be readable or at least watchable right uh as long as you physically grab them yes yeah what i'm saying is

i'm saying is wait until the the the large media companies are decaying and then break in and steal the hard drives and then put them out on the internet in 100 years. Get close to the brother of the guy who is the key to all the hard drives. Yeah, yeah. That's what we've learned. Funny that I was practiced for this. Seduce the guy. Marry him. USB 3, USB C, a lot faster than FireWire 400.

So copying the files will be quicker. You'll get out of there faster. You'll be able to get more. The tough thing will be finding the connecting cable. Yeah. That's really the biggest technological roadblock. It's got to be a cheapy USB cable. It can't be a nice one, because then it won't work.

So we just need to, like Mad Max style, you've got to just wear everything you need on your person, kind of weird post-apocalyptic clothes, and just have all kinds of cables as your clothing. Yeah, exactly. And then it's on you when the time comes. A dozen USB as your clothing. Yeah, exactly. And then it's on you. A dozen USB-C cables. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This came from headphones. This came from a hard drive. And then that's light. He disguised himself as a bundle of cables. How did he get into the building? He snuck around and then just when somebody was coming, he just dropped like nobody here but a pile of cables. Yeah.

It's like a Metal Gear Solid stealth mission. Objective complete. You have acquired Coyote versus Acme. And then you watch it and you're like, oh my God, it was bad. Actually, Zaz made the right call. He was right about this one. He knew something we didn't because he saw it

That's what John Cena said John Cena was like well if they didn't release it there must be a reason Did he really? Well he's got to tell the party Yeah whatever the company says Whatever China says If they're a company he's listening to There's no

You're once again inspecting taffers I feel like you're getting tempted maybe i'm not gonna drink this i just noticed on the top of the cap that it says the number is 003 and i'm like i don't believe it i don't believe that you have special numbers for these i don't think so exclusive no yeah yeah also weird thing it is pretty exclusive though because they only sell it in like three states i had to bring this back from vegas where i should also say i left it in the car uh and i think the bottle may be like you know three percent exploded uh uh not fully exploded i've i have consumed actually a surprising amount of this like 60 of it i would say uh and again i'm

not after i'm like i'm after like a milkshake There's no laws in Nevada, you realize. That's a good point. Nevada is an experiment. What if there was no laws? That's where Taffer lives. That's his home state. I guess you shouldn't drink anything while you're there, just in case. Probably, yeah. It's not regulated properly.

Anyway, it's still there if you ever want to grab it. And another thing that's on the table, but you also don't have to grab this is talking about theme parks to any uh percentage but it doesn't matter at all you did mention some things that we could talk about we did we don't have to i realized this whole it's been a sham terrible facade well for theme parks deal in facades you see sometimes you go back there and there's nothing back there. I don't know if you guys are from what parts of the country you're from. I'm SoCal. Mike over there is Chicago. Schaumburg, Illinois.

And Jason's from, I mean, Philly, Jersey. Philadelphia, South Jersey kind of split. So I don't know a lot of theme parks outside of Southern California except because I never really went. When I was in New York, I never went anywhere. Sure. There's not a lot there. And I didn't even go because there's Six Flags everywhere, but I just didn't go to them. And I've always, sometimes if I have an extra day in some city and I see a flyer, I'm like, maybe I will go to Six Flags on Sunday.

It never happens. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're going to be- You need someone locally in town who is like, I'm an adult who wants to waste time. Yeah, yeah. Doing it solo ain't great. And what I've found here and there is that from my little bit of Six Flags experience, you're paying for a place that's worse inside.

You will pay a premium to go to a worse place. It's an inverse country club there will be more weird stains the food will attract more flies like you're making the right move not going the food at disneyland is garbage um i'm for the most i think this has changed here and there there's there's exceptions to this a little bit i will say turkey legs oh yeah yeah they taste like you know how know how vegetation becomes calcified and it turns into stone? It feels like they dipped it in salt so long that it's just salt. Yes.

Yeah, they do kind of taste like ham. Are you sure this isn't a straightened out ham leg? Yeah. No, the answer's no. I'm not sure. No, there's no way to know what that and it's weird and pink so i do love i do there's a bunch of theme parks i like we were going to talk about one thing but i i went to this is one of my favorite little memories i'm just realizing

trevor moore my friend my late friend trevor moore of the whitest kids you know we had a lot of fun time we went to disneyland for some reason just the two of us oh cool and he was like you mean you want to go to disneyland and we went to disneyland we spent the day at disneyland and we were two like adults like 30 year old adults smart asses we were not even drunk or stoned but we were having the blast we were laughing the whole time about everything yeah and one thing we remembered was if either of us had gone alone that's then you're weird then you're like the weird creep stranger guy uh now what i could do is say oh yeah for sure or i could talk to that with the three of us all three of us go alone it happens all the time well what we did we were like we were like this should be a thing for weird strangers is that

they get to have a stranger who's a buddy oh Oh, there's some kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. A society of strangers. Uh-huh. And we wanted to have a society of strangers where you could be paired up with another stranger. Oh, sure. Yeah. And you have your long coats. You both have long coats and weird gates.

But you have each other. And somebody's analyzing the walk patterns to see like, okay, yeah, these two kinds of shiftiness will match in pairs it's okay yeah well you do single rider sometimes and you do get paired accidentally with some like other single strange oh sure you do because once in a while where they were like well there's there's three people on this ride right yeah yeah or then you end up having a sometimes a special little experience so yeah you either never see again yeah you end up with Yeah. So then you end up having sometimes a special little experience. So yeah, you either end up with- Somebody you never see again.

Yeah. You end up with a stranger or you end up with an entire family. It's like you and five people from a family. You join the family. And you get- That's right. I've been on that where you get into something and there's some guy who's like, the lap belt comes down.

He's like, oh boy. A little bit too much to eat. And you're in the photo of that family. Pork legs. That family did the Cars ride and now you're in the family photo forever with them. There's five of them and it's like maybe that's their one

Disneyland trip of their life and you're sitting on their mantle forever. You're just like forever. Who's that guy? We've all been that guy. Yeah, we might be on a lot of mantles. We're trapped in a number of family photos. We are trapped, yes. We're going to be haunting those photos when we pass.

Very often, what's the kind of thing that's like a round life raft that you can kind of steer through the rapids? Oh, the rapids. Oh, the rapids. That's where you most end up in a group of strangers. Because there will be like two brothers and a cousin and then like a like a young couple from france who's like a young sex fucking that's that's how i describe people they're a sex fucking couple yeah and you all get very and they're trying to rank each other but you outnumber them

so you that you get the french couple oh you shift the weight you shift the weight yeah if they're trying to dunk each other, but you outnumber them. So the French couple, you shift the weight. You shift the weight. And everyone laughs together. Everyone laughs. And when a person is grumpy, dad is grumpy because he didn't want to get too wet and he's soaked. And then not everybody gets equally wet on those two. So you're kind of all hoping the couple gets it. Because depending on how it turns and the angle when you hit the waterfall,

so there's a whole element of like, it's like Russian roulette or something. You're all waiting to see who's getting the splash, the random splash. Russian roulette. That would be great if some gangsters take over the theme park. And they're like, if you survive dry,

you will live. I will let you go. It shows you were cunning enough to. John Wick has to go over the rapids life raft. You know something about Disneyland I realized? Disneyland, you don't realize, you guys realize it, but you don't realize it if you're a normal person. Yeah, yeah.

How much of it is just water? Yeah, true. Lots and lots of shit at Disneyland is water, water, water, water, water. Or there's like, hey, go look at Snow White feeding Bambi and then splash into water at the end. Yeah. And I noticed one of the last times i went to disneyland when it's when it's late in the day when it's late in the day at like 7 p.m you can look around in line anywhere and there are excited overexcited kids all over and then like

soaked grandmothers yeah grandmothers who've been soaked several times and grandmoms don't get soaked because they're important so they look like old cats they don't know how to get wet and you see them all over disneyland in every line you look at grandma and they're like they're kind of dazed like uh-huh uh-huh slower slower Chris come back and this sometimes the sun is going down

and they need to dry off they need to dry off like lizards right a soaked grandmother and she's it's unpleasant but also she's like this is this is my last time yeah I did not live a big and it's unpleasant, but also she's like, this is my last time in Disneyland. Yeah.

I did not live a big full life. If there's a cold snap, they fall out of trees like iguanas in Florida, you know? The old ladies at Pirates of the Caribbean? Yeah. It's okay, they're alive. You just got to get them a cup of tea, a hot tea, you know, to revive them

an older lady in her 60s or 70s it usually has like nice jewelry and she's dressed nice and then to see whose idea this was to make like make sure they all get wet before they leave and it's not clear to them necessarily on a ride that that's gonna happen

right because it's in the fine print so no one reads it you You're tired and whatever. If you're not like us where you know everything about every experience before you get on it. I've been reading about this for years. I know everything. You just get in a vehicle. Well, if you get in a boat, that would be a clue. It would be a clue.

Keep your eyes peeled. If you're on a boat, you might get wet. But it's not like us where we can tell you exactly what seat to sit in if you want to get wet or not sit in. It's like they're just like, the teen loads grandma into the last row, and that's the wettest row. Yeah. She doesn't know what's coming. If you're ever about to get on the Jurassic World ride and you're wondering, like, all right, they're loading me in the fridge.

Just shoot us a text. We'll try to guide you out of. Right, to which seat you want. Make sure you don't get souped. That's the term we've used. Every time I've been to Universal, the Jurassic World ride is closed. I always go when it's closed. And I don't like it because my experience of Universal is just a series of screens where they're shaking the seats.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's a lie. I had a proposition if I was going to chop up Universal Studios for parts like Bane Capital or something. Cut out the middleman. Don't even have people walk around the park. Just strap, you get to Universal and you strap into some seat and the whole experience is just a virtual

walking around going place. Even the little pet thing where they go through the doors, that little pet show. Still off screens. Yep, just do it on screen. You could save hundreds of thousands of dollars. Well, just get lots of TVs,

which is Taffer's advice for anywhere. Yeah, Taffer would say it too. Get lots of screens in place, and then just either the chairs do the shaking, or you just get seasonal employees, 15-year-olds, to shake people around, and it doesn't matter what's on the TV. Right. If there's a screen in front of you and you're being shaken, then Universal's doing its job.

I really hated the Harry Potter potter ride because i never watched the movies or cared about them yeah yeah and then it was it was a lot of screens yeah yeah mist and shit and they're shaking the seat and they're and i'm like i don't care about any of this lore yeah and it's just it's just a carsick machine. Yeah, it is a special. That is an unnerving. Yeah, I've watched people who could do better coaster, like bigger, scarier coasters than me, really lose it on Harry Potter.

Oh, fuck yeah. Sorry, if you want to reverse it, the cord, I'm sorry. I should have set it up better. Or if you want to flip your mic stand over, and you wrap it around, I don't know. I'll just play with it. Or play with it. It's fine.

It's not coming out. I can't hear it, so it's fine and you wrap it around i don't know just play with it or play with it it's fine it's not coming i can't hear it okay um what were you were just saying uh uh the the the inherent nausea of the harry potter harry potter yeah yes okay so right the harder rides yeah those are cool yeah what is your speed if you're gonna if you are gonna go to the what what have you liked the best ride is like, is it Colossus? That style. Imagine, oh, that's, yeah, you mentioned like wooden roller coasters. Old school wooden roller coasters that are psychological thrill rides where it's based on not how many times can we whip you around in this limited footprint, in my opinion.

Yeah. Like, we've invented a new way to go backwards and upside down sure sure uh uh and residents of minnesota aren't allowed to ride this even though it's in california your state government your attorney general has prevented minnesota citizens from riding on this ride they don't have what it takes but uh But I love an old-fashioned wooden roller coaster where it's anticipation-based. Oh, okay. Oh, this is interesting because we talk a lot about Mike likes launch coasters where they shoot you out in a matter of two seconds

because there is none of the anticipation. You prefer. Montezuma's Revenge. I have not done it, actually. I think it's that way. That's a fast one. I think it's that way. That's a fast one, though, yeah. I think it's the one that zips you up. I think it's that way. That's a fast one. I think it's that way. That's a fast one, though, yeah.

I think it's a bullet shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In knots? That's a knots one. Yeah, it's a knots one. I think they were just redoing that one, so I don't know what it is. I've done Hangtime. I've done, we did Ghost Rider.

That's an old wooden coaster. Ghost Rider is really intense. And which park is that in? That's Knott's. Knott's Berry Farm. Yes, that's the one at Knott's. It overlooks the parking lot. They all do.

Yeah. Because back then, they didn't need so much parking. They had no idea they would need it. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Now, any experience, you're in Scrooge McDuck's Money Bin ride or whatever. Guess what? You're going to be looking down at a parking lot. Yeah.

Breaks the fourth wall. They're going to go right to the border. Yeah. breaks the fourth wall right to the border Knott's is like unique in that way of like oh you can park half a block away from the gate like you can see

the gate from your parking spot if you're there early also Knott's Knott's is okay

Disneyland is on brand and everything's clean white gloves and like you're supposed to do it A certain way And there's an underside

But it is an underside Because there's a There's a message Six Flags is like We don't clean up Yeah Six Flags is like There's gum in the carpets

That's It's like a W Hotel And that's Especially Magic Mountain Magic Mountain And Six Flags here in LA They're like This is

It's a little bit Less expensive than Disneyland And it shows Yeah And Knott's berry farm is like we don't have mickey mouse or bugs bunny we've got snoopy nobody cares about snoopy so here's the deal with me with with knots berry farm you will have there's cats there's feral cats and we will not get rid of them. There's just cats. Welcome at Knott's Berry Farm. Well, Disneyland has those, too. They do still? Yeah.

They help with vermin. And they are also vermin in some sense. I don't know how. I've not seen a lot in Disneyland, but they have a lot in Knott's Berry Farm that just come out at 6 p.m. Yeah. Also, Knott's Berry Farm has a bunch of shit that's not rides. They have all this gold mining bullshit. Yeah.

Not into that. That's not understood. They have Old West where it's like, come shine your boots down at Old Hank's Boot Shining Barn. Yeah. They have all this old time California fantasy nonsense. It was only that when it opened. I know. That's how it started. Rides were an afterthought.

You don't like the little dioramas of the famous missions of California. It's interesting that it's there at all. And then they have this propaganda up on the walls, and I don't mean that disparaging necessarily, but they have I'm used to like Disney propaganda where you'll be like california

adventure uh uh reimagines the early days of walt disney and los feliz and i get it you're it's your lore it's your propaganda but at knott's berry farm they're like this was a conservative theme park and young republic Republicans used to come here in the 80s. Wally George fans would get drunk after a taping and come down to Knott's Berry Farm and get drunk on boysenberry. Take their anger out on small depictions of Snoopy and Sally. You can see it on the walls. They're even just like, it was very popular with conservative Republicans up until the 90s. There was a Freedom Center there.

It was called the Freedom Center, am I correct? Yeah, about free enterprise. You can't just say there was a Freedom Center and not explain what that means. I think it's very self-explanatory. There was a Freedom Center, James. Yeah. What do you imagine a Freedom Center would be? You would learn from Walter Knott.

There was a video playing or whatever, a film strip playing. Here's my 13 points about American freedom. Yeah. It's not for everybody. They don't think the male of rights. One of those old California farmer guys. Here's my libertarian ideas about the way things should be run in California. Camp Snoopy kicked out the John Burt Society clubhouse.

Yes! You think? That is so funny. You think Snoopy is like a third-rate theme park character? No, no, no, no. Snoopy and Woodstock fucking bounce the John Burt Society from Knott's Ferry Farm. It's a revolution, yeah. And Wally George.

Hey, Snoopy, I think you suck. Get off my show! Hey, my next guest here is a real loser a real he's a real dumb dumb charlie brown watch this guy trying to kick a football watch just watch him oh yeah you're a real you're hey hey you're a real dumb head in my opinion get out of here you do have uh it's where it's like it's the only place I can think of where you can, where there is a depiction, a full replica of Independence Hall right next to a water park. And on your way to both bunch of ducks and geese. It's a strange little ecosystem over there.

None of it makes any sense. Is that water park Because James you had mentioned a number of Southern California water parks Well that was the originally we were going to talk about The water parks in SoCal Is that still going The water parks by Knott's Is still there

Is it Knott's affiliate It's not Soak City It is not Soak City Well there's a lot of There's a lot of water runoff in the Process of making boysenberry, so you've got to put it somewhere. It's really a functional thing. Yeah, the slide started as pipes. That was to route them elsewhere.

Right. The city of Maynard Park doesn't allow you to jam raw boysenberry down in the sewers, so we made a park. We thought it would be better. It would make the sewers smell nicer, right? Here's a little Fun fact Boysenberry jam And jelly That's great

It's delicious Yes And Of course Another Bain Capital thing Smuckers Bought Knott's Berry

Correct And they discontinued The boysenberry flavor Really The assholes Yes What Someone should

You can't I can't say it on a microphone. Someone should fucking, someone should kidnap the guy's kids who made that decision. Which I think is okay to say as long as you're not saying the name and none of us know the name.

So I think you're fine. The guy who's in charge of mergers and acquisitions at Smuckers who's going like, I have a certain set of skills and they involve preserves and jams of various kinds. Turning off jam pipes. I'll choke you to death with pectin sauce if I don't see my daughter.

Well, that's a shame. I feel like you're getting boysenberry bullshit somehow there. That's one of the reasons to go. You've got to go. I think they still have the pies with the boysenberries in the pies. Oh, they do. Yeah. Smuckers doesn't sell the jars of it.

Jason checks every three months. You make sure they are. Are there perks specific? But there's a private label. Knott's has their own private label of jams. So you could go down there and get it. So you can go down there and get it. So you can go down there and get it. We sold it, but hey, we're going to redo it under a slightly different name.

Yeah. I think I got one of those when I was down there, but I didn't open it, so now it's probably too late. It's a decorative jam jar at this point. It looks cool. Yeah. decorative jam jar at this point. It looks cool. I'm starting to decorate my kitchen to look like a Knott's Berry farm with a jammied apron on the table.

Do you want that crosshatch pattern? That tablecloth plaid? Tablecloth plaid, but it's purple and white. Your aesthetic is like what Cordelia Knott, Walter's wife, wanted for her restaurant. Cordelia Knott, here's wife, wanted for her restaurant. Cordelia Knott, here's my 13 points about what a loyal wife should do for a man.

You can tell from the setup exactly how wrong the 13 points are going to be. You would learn about it. It's the title itself. There was a room, there was an old building at Knott's called the Wife Center, where you would learn about being a good wife. You could be processed by the time you come out of this room. We separate the boys from the girls. Boys can't be wives. You're out of here.

You're not allowed in. That's step one. These are hungry boys. They're growing, you see. I wrote a number of letters to the editor about this in the Orange County Register. He was buddies with John Wayne. That was the thing we found, that when they opened the log ride there,

there was an inaugural ride with John Wayne, the king of the OC. Did he invent the log ride there? I mean, it was before Disney did it. I don't know if it was fully... First in California, maybe? I think it was the first to be at least kind of themed and kind of rustic and have the log concept.

Because there were probably weird guys in the old days that were like, let's ride a log down a river. For real. Oh, yeah. That's from centuries ago. But to make it plastic and float in a bunch of chlorine. And not kill you. Yes. That probably is, if he didn't invent it, he didn't perfect it.

And to see a lot of sad, scary, broken men along the way. That's what we love about the old, the knots rides with all the animatronics with the faces who have seen a lot. The desperate migrant workers. Yeah, yeah. Sullen, broken men. I don't know what they're trying to tell us.

I found gold! You know, you realize that there's nothing romantic about a life like chasing the remote chance that you might find a valuable metal in the dirt. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's your only hope. You have the worst life. You have an awful life. You're covered in soot and you breathe more soot.

But maybe, just maybe, if i find a pebble down here they give you the little you do the little uh there's like there's gold in the water everybody gets a little bit of gold when you pan for it there yeah and uh i do i will say i mean i still have i still have it from when i was like eight or nine or ten years old you know really yep i've still got like a little cedar chest of bullshit from my childhood, including an amethyst with Google eyes. Yeah. That I think we got in Big Bear.

And then a whole bunch of stuff from Knott's Berry Farm. What do you keep from Disneyland? What lasts over the course of 30 years? Disney dollars. Oh, wow. Do you think you have any of those? I do. I don't have them in good condition,

and I found out they're worth actual money. They've appreciated in value. The promise of Transformers didn't work out. The Transformers, of course you played with them. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Transformers didn't pay off. Disney dollars did. Yes.

I guess so. Especially if you've got a fucking Donald Duck $2 $2 Disney dollar note Yeah we looked into it You can go to conventions and people have binders Full of them And you can just like Oh yeah that $1 Jack Sparrow

That was one of the ones we saw That was like limited They only produced so many Jack Sparrow dollars That was one of the ones we saw That was like limited They only produced so many Jack Sparrow dollars That was the last run In the early 2000s I want, I always liked the gay villains Because I have an old stand up bit about that From 12 years ago

So I Collect Ursula and Captain Hook Things Not a lot Can't handle a lot. I only live in an apartment. Yeah, well, yeah. Square footage.

Then it becomes every... If you have to devote a room to it, it's too much. I did. I had to get rid of some stuff. I was like, oh, no, what? There was a pandemic time, and I was like, just buy things. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.

They were delivered. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize they would come. Wait, who do you count as a gay villain? Who do you bring over to the set? Well, okay, so in Disney, it's definitely Ursula. For sure.

Ursula's divine, right? Divine, yes. Inspired, yeah. Divine inspired or lesbian bartender. And then Captain Hook or the gummy bears it's Duke Eggthorn which is the same it's the same character basically oh that's true yeah

Captain Hook I mean come on Peter oh I didn't realize how Hollywood squares yes he certainly is Peter Pan and also bring me those gummy bears. Oh, yeah. I'm going to squeeze them for their juices.

Every last drop. Get it all over me. Yes, this is, of course, all the Decepticons in Transformers. We're leaving Disney now, but every single Decepticon, different kinds of gay villains. Megatron, shut up, Starscream. And then there's the quieter butch bartender who's like, Megatron. Sound wave.

Megatron. Okay, this is all available on my 2012 stand-up album, Low Hanging Fruit, which is also on 800lb Gorilla, which is where my special is out. Great. Okay. This is a one-stop shop. I recorded both of these things in Year of the Dragon, or released them. Oh, wow.

2012 was Low Hanging Fruit, and then 2024 is Path of Most Resistance. Wow. Then you'll be back, and you won't do another one until the next period of the dragon. I'm like a comet. Very predictable comet.

But then the scarcity, like with Disney dollars, is what you- Oh, yeah. Yeah, makes it more valuable. I'm going to appreciate in value if you keep me in a nice cedar trunk. Buy a copy. Buy a digital copy of the special. Keep it in a cedar trunk trunk. Buy a copy. Buy a digital copy of the special. Keep it in a cedar trunk. Right.

Watch what happens. Let me bring this one up because when you were throwing out theme park stuff you have experience with, the one you mentioned that we have not ever talked about is Wild Rivers because you were – Whittier you spent time in? I went to Whittier College. I went to high school in the Valley. I went to junior high school in Westchester in Santa Monica. Oh, gotcha.

Okay, okay. So I'm all over that stuff. When I was a kid, there was Raging Waters and Wild Rivers. Okay, okay, yeah. And that was like the great rivalry. Oh, sure. Where did you fall on that? We went to both.

And I think our family thought that wild rivers was better but it was a narrow i don't remember nothing was like so superior right it was basically the same thing right raging waters is in san dimas and i believe wild rivers was in oc somewhere irvine it was in irvine irvine in the the same neck of the woods as the uh the amphitheater there which is verizon wireless at one point and Irvine Meadows at one point. And now I think it's all just becoming apartments. No, it's moved. There is a new-

Wild Rivers shut down a long time ago, but there's a new Wild Rivers in something called Great Park in Irvine, which is always, I've been to and it's confusing. Is it affiliated or like we got the name? Is it a Bain Capital estate? It is. It did, reading the history of it, it is a little succession-y in terms of like, well, Vendelisk was for 30 years,

but they only used 13 of it. So then they were selling this off, and they were going to rebuild it on top of the land that was an old I think marine base great well I assure you you mentioned boysenberry contaminating groundwater something else

contaminated the groundwater west of this so they did not end up building it on that land so don't go on any rides that splash you into the groundwater. It is not on the groundwater. Groundwater rapids. Contaminated.

They say it has been cleaned up. Luckily, their new location is right between San Onofre and Camp Pendleton. There's things about these theme parks that are the same that where there's always a lazy river. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, some big tower where the big one, the big tower. Yeah. Yeah.

Now I think raging waters is gone too, right? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but they also have, uh, the, the six flags has Hurricane Harbor. And does Disneyland have one? Not here.

Not in California. Yeah. So the most recent one I went to was Hurricane Harbor. Okay, great. Maybe five years ago with my friend. Oh, okay. Again, an adult friend where we were just like, let's go. You need that.

It was the end of the summer. It was after Labor Day. So it was like this time of year. Okay. So they still had their five-day-a-week hours, but that was the last week that they had the five-day-a-week hours. Okay, closing up shop. And then they switched to weekends only, and then they closed, I think.

Yes. So we caught the tail end, and the lifeguard was just like, lifeguard's 18. Because they're like, that's was just like it was like you know lifeguards 18 because you they're like that's the one rule the lifeguards have to be 18 lifeguard that had no interest at all just like watching everything happen like yep okay you know drown whatever and um i just have to be sitting here everything was kind of sloppy and rickety at the end of the summer at Hurricane Harbor. I bet it's not so great at the top of the summer either.

We decided not. We both went up the stupid tower where there's like three options of elite manhood. And they were like, is it the, there's like a black diamond. It's like a ski slope. Black snake stomach. Is that what it is? That's the name, yeah. Yes, black snake stomach. And there's a scary one at the top we didn't do where it's like a ski slope black snakes is that what it is the name yeah yes black snake

stomach and there's a scary one at the top we didn't do where it's like cobra assassin oh no and they're like if you get stranded up there if you can't go down the side you gotta be rescued with a helicopter there's no way down we have to dislodge the roof here's a deconstruct the entire tower. And a rope ladder. Yeah. It was rough. It wasn't scary so much as I went down, and I've done water slides since I was a child. You cross your arms over your thing, you go, you follow whatever the specific rules are. Okay. Where they're like, this one

you make sure you go down ass up. Whatever it is. Whatever it is, you do the thing. And so I did it, and it was rough. And it was like, it was sure you're sloshing, and you're like kind of almost slosh up out of the thing, going down or whatever, where you're in uncontained water at some point. It's just you and a water stream going down.

But it also, the plastic things were rough. The panels were not fit together right. They don't line up. That's the worst thing. And I'm almost naked. And it was like, On your skin. It's slicing your skin.

Thick, thick, thick, thick, thick, thick. And then like, it was like thick, thick, thick, thick, thick, thick, thick. And then crash, bump, and then down into the final fucking splooge area. What do you call that? That's the term. It's the splooge area.

It's the splooge down. It's the final splooge down. You get down into the final eject zone, and it broke the skin. It drew blood. Did it really? Yes. Oh, my God. And I was, it drew blood. Did it really? Yes. Oh my God. And I didn't do anything wrong.

I was just sliding down the slide and it was, it was enough, it was enough like difference in the panels of the plastic that it drew blood and it hurt, not badly,

but I was like, ow. Wear on your body? Like my, my, this is gonna, people are gonna love this. This is,

sure. It was like, it hurt, it hurt my ass and back and ribs, and I think the blood was on the side of my torsos. Okay. My torsos? I have two torsos, by the way. They both look great.

Both in great shape. So you ended up with a bloody ass? Sure. Why not? You paid to get a bloody ass? It's not the first time that's happened. But then the problem is um the guy the lifeguard down at the fucking splash pluge he was like get out and it's just it was just normal and he could tell that me and my friend one after

another came down and we're like ow and then like a couple minutes later ow and he was just like routinely like yep get up get out next one and then we were like we like we like clambered out with difficulty and then he's like we're ready for the next one you know looking up to the top or whatever with the signals unfazed every person screams and it was like it wasn't like like pouring blood but you know the kind of like scrape kind of scrape where it was like a bleeding scrape. Right. And I realized, oh, yes, I was bitten by the black snake. There were fangs every eight feet.

Well, we built them into the plastic. We put snake in the title. You weren't expecting fangs uh they're like look they're like hurricane harbor's gonna pay it off here's okay here's two facts that i learned about uh that involve the lifeguards at these places one is the one is from soak city and and it's apparently it's soak city there is a uh i found this from people saying like i really like the music that they play there i think does anyone know where the mix comes from it's kind of nice they use pandora raid what is it but the weird

thing is that but what i find weird about the mix is that between every song there's a big chime what's that about and other people have answered that that is for the lifeguards to remind them to stay alert and keep what so not soak city has to have a ding that is meant to like reawaken all of the teenagers remember do your job because otherwise you just get lost and like yeah oh yeah come over they're playing gotta get up or whatever you get you get relaxed whatever it is right i just didn't i picked something that's like 20 years older than me mine was old too uh i can't think of a modern relaxing song look the chime like that's one of walter knott's you know principles like you gotta keep them alert. Teen alertness chimes.

Teen alertness, you know? Just like a theme park needs a chime to keep the correctly paid laborers alert at their jobs. And you end up with under-the-table handjobs if you don't do that. A proper republic, and it is not a democracy, it is a republic,

also requires a series of chimes to alert those who would depart from the vision of the founding father. When Nixon is elected, I will propose a loud alarms throughout this great nation. Just to remind people to be American. My fashion style was crafted by uh barry goldwater it's primarily bowtie based the stiffest suits you've ever seen you can't bend these at the legs if you sit you can uh you get lazy stay alert stand something about those guys that always have white hair and very thick black glasses yeah or you know the black rim glasses yeah and they all kind of look like the same guy when they are over 60 i'm i am just the generic california old conservative

i believe in limited and they believe the same things and they would write the same when i was a kid you'd read the same letters to the editor by the same guy and it was always the same every every iteration of every issue of any newspaper in california used to have the reagan guy letter that someone would write about something and it was always like your article of last week is typical liberal propaganda and as we need be reminded as the great president ronald reagan said government is not the solution government is the problem signed yours robert w walker pasadena, California, written while wearing a bow tie. Then you look him up and realize, oh, he owns the entire city that I went to college. He owns 90 acres.

He's just collecting rent and writing letters to the editor all day. He owns the 405. He owns all of us. The problem with the 405, it is too egalitarian. A toll road would have survived. We propose permanent lanes that you stay in for your entire life. Giving people permission to switch. That's willy-nilly.

You should pay a dollar to switch lanes. They can switch, but that costs money. Throw a dollar at it on the highway and serve as a collector who will pick it up at the end of the night. I have a design from my theme park that might be useful to people. Mass transit was a series of slides. The other thing I want to say about this is back to Hurricane Harbor. I read a review. I was going through one star reviews,

always a good thing to do, and then there are many, and there was one that said, well, there were a lot that said that half the rides were closed. One star ass sliced. This particular one says, half the rides were closed. The reason for this was a shortage of life guards due to graduation

day. So this is something that can happen to you. If you go in May to a water park, what you might find is that a lot of the lifeguards can't be there because they are graduating high school. This was on the Yelp for up in Santa Clarita, the Magic Mountain, too. For Magic Mountain in general. In general, it was like, why is everything closed? And someone was like, I think school is back in session. So half the workforce is gone.

Holy shit. Like, it just completely, you have to shut down a lot of things. Which then, with the graduation thing specifically, that leaves you now with either the employees are too young to have graduated or perhaps did not graduate for. They're doing an extra year. Yes, yes. We might be dealing with, if you're seeing employees, year yes yes we might be dealing with if you're seeing employees these lifeguards might be people who are being held back well yeah they're cpr certified you know they did the full training but they are also super seniors so really they should get a pay bump for all the experience in a way and someone who did senior year just once they have read a couple of

chapters of the great cat that's what I've read it was all just an elaborate series of faking it I've been meaning to actually read it but I have not that's interesting about

the times of year because I know there are and and you guys, of course, know this. I had a friend who was very into theme parks who knew this. It was a roller coaster buff. Shout out to Bill Lynn if he happens to hear this, my friend from the old days at the Groundlings. But I know, okay, so there's certain times when you're supposed to go that you have to navigate. There's not going to be a big crowd, but they might be doing maintenance, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. And I feel like when it's just back at school from a vacation is a good time.

Because everything's in ship shape. So now in September or right after Easter or something. But maybe, I don't know about January though certainly not for waterpots. There's a way you can ride it there's definitely a time where Disneyland is a little cheaper and a little less crowded that's right if you can nail right before like some schools are back but not all

this is a thing that now that I have a child who is in school I can't believe it now we are like stuck in the school confines unless we dare pull him out of school in order to go to theme parks with less attendance. Are you allowed to do that as a parent? I know you can have sick days or emergency days, but can you be like, you know what? This is a fuck it day.

And I dare everybody down at the Pasadena. It's just one of Walter's 13 principles. I went to Disney World in eighth or ninth grade in middle of May. You weren't done. But did your parents lie to the school about what you were doing? No, I think I just had to write a 500-word essay of what I did on my trip. Really? They just didn't care.

You just had to do a report and you could do whatever? What kind of laissez-f of school did you go to i read all of um i read dracula the novel and i i took you know oh get ahead because by the time you get back we'll have read this and i read it and got back and they're like uh we didn't get dracula't particularly, I mean, it was a fine vacation read. I was old enough to 13 or 14. You're in Disney World cramming in Dracula between every bit of free time. Before I go to bed or on the airplanes. Or in the lines.

Did you dare read while? No, I was not. And it was one of the ones where it's like, we only have so many copies of the book here's a photocopied pamphlet of the book he's got a loose leaf yeah got loosely yeah i got paper that never happened you never had to buy like in college you never had to buy a bunch of articles like for five bucks photocopied i don't think a bunch of articles it seems unofficial like he ran into a guy in the alley

text me yeah i got textbooks come here i got it very much was that yeah is dracula the only public domain uh uh intellectual property that didn't make it into disneyland or disney as like a main property it's kind of a universal because universal is associated with the classic monsters from their old mood right they've done more with frankenstein dracula etc uh but yeah you're at disney could they could just probably dracula does exist in the marvel universe oh that's the way i think there was a big they were just finishing in the marvel comics a big vampire crossover robert danny jr's next part he's gonna be i'm not gonna be dude don't make me be doom again i've done so once he's done 20 vampire crossover. Robert Downey Jr.'s next part. He's going to be Dracula. I'm not going to be Doom. Don't make me be Doom again.

I've done so... Once he's done 20 movies as Doom... He'll be 80 and he'll do Dracula, yeah. In the 70s, they had the Godzilla license. So the Avengers and Nick Fury met like Godzilla. Yeah. Really? There's like a phone book size collection or two.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Right. This poses an interesting problem. Let me throw one thing out, maybe on the way out the door here. Because when you mentioned Wild Rivers, that sent me down. Well, here, one thing first. I want to get everybody's thoughts, especially Jason's thoughts on something they apparently sold at Wild Rivers, that sent me down. Well, here, one thing first. I want to get everybody's thoughts,

but especially Jason's thoughts on something they apparently sold at Wild Rivers, but you as the treat boy of the show, what do you think of the apparently exclusive Wild Rivers snack, the Funnel Dog, a corn dog seemingly made with funnel cake batter as the batter? I don't, I'm into that.

I don't think corn dog batter and funnel cake batter is that different. And I think if you have a salty enough or spicy enough dog in the middle, it would compliment a sweet corn dog. My memory of water park food i specifically have one of course uh at blizzard beach at disney world we were there and we you know did the did the slides and the ref rides and everything it was time for lunch and like the main lunch counter they're like what is their main their main thing was like meatball subs and i love a meatball sub so i was pretty excited but i also like as soon as i started eating it i'm

like this is a dangerous food to eat without a shirt on so what what happened covered in marinara sauce because marinara drips out the back. If you're not careful, a meatball is going to fall right out the back. Did that happen? And if it's hot, it's going to – well, I think I dodged one. I think I caught it with a blade. Oh, shit. You took a bite and you squeezed the bread at the wrong angle

and then squirted a bullet speed meat meatball into your onto your bare chest yeah meatballs could go in any direction either side of this and then the meatball lifeguard is like next come on keep moving is it just is it just my memory did they have like unique kinds of ice cream at water parks that you couldn't get anywhere else where there was like it was like a guy with eyes and they were like want to buy this guy and eat his face sometimes uh one of the like you can get soft serve in a little sand pail right bucket at one of the disney ones and that's cute but it's a lot of sauce serve to fill a bucket. It's not a huge bucket. If anybody's up for the challenge. Well.

It's a lot of soft serve to fill a bucket. Luckily, we have a massive underground system of pipes here in this water park that filters out everything from hair to an entire bucket of soft serve every 14 cubic feet. We know there's an entire bucket of soft serve every 14 cubic feet. We know there's an entire bucket of soft serve in the water. You know, you just don't want to mix up the pipes

because then the soft serve machine shoots out chlorinated water and then the wave pool is full of soft serve. And feral cats that may have been caught in the filter also get served from the soft serve machines. Cats, they're all bloated also get served from the soft serve machines. They're all bloated. They're full of soft serve. Well, maybe we could get Tom and Jerry as a costume mascot of this park.

Got enough rats and cats around here. There is a mascot that I want to mention as we wind down because I can't keep this fact in my head, even if this could be for a future episode. But when you brought up wild rivers in Irvine, this area that, you know, some of it became an amphitheater, but all of it, just like big teeming grounds there in Irvine, used to be something called Lion Country Safari.

I don't know when this closed, but I think it reached its height in the 70s. And all of that land around there was one of those places where you could drive your car around and there were just lions and hippos and ostriches. It was a drive-through safari. Now we've kind of relegated all that to San Diego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It all moved there. San Diego still does that. That's Animal Town.

Yes. We haven't been there. I haven't done that. That's Animal Town. Yes. We haven't been there. I haven't done that. I thought it would genuinely scare my child, so I didn't do it. But yeah, there was a time where just right next to the, whatever that mall is called, the Spectrum, there would just be lions wandering around. Apparently, at one point, a hippo got loose and was just running around Irvine for 19 days.

That many days? Yeah, yeah. Made it a while. Yes. Well, he's like, well, they don't know where to find me. They think, oh, he's heading north. They go north on the 5. That was actually off the 405. There's a Y.

There's a Y. That was in Wild River's tagline. They said it's where the 405 meets the 5, so the hippo could use that confusion to his advantage. The hippo started auditing UC Irvine classes, and no one really paid it any mind. Put on a big XXL t-shirt. Also, bad advertising to be like,

it's where the 405 meets the 5, because that could send people to your arch rival magic mountain. Oh, yeah, right. They meet in two different places yeah right um okay i know where that is great um but here's here's what i wanted to bring up about lion country safari uh that they i think you know they were doing okay for an orange county drive-through safari but things really kicked into gear when they brought a lion into the fold named Frasier. Frasier was an old toothless lion.

You could barely see, he was 18, which is 80 plus for us humans. This is old for a lion. And they didn't know, I think he was with some shady circuses, and you know what, we'll take him in, we will be better to Frasier. The question is, how will Frasier blend with all of our lionesses who have been very standoffish when we've introduced other males

into our drive-thru safari? And then what happened was Frasier had 35 cubs with six different lionesses who had all refused to mate with younger, more virile, you would think, male lions. And this led to a situation where they started advertising this lion specifically, this old toothless lion who fucking fucks. And they started calling him Frasier the Sensuous Lion. This was, I guess, a thing. People know this from the 70s.

And honestly it like kept them in business fully was frazier the sensuous lion but then here's the here's the anecdote that really takes it over the edge is that the popularity of frazier was so much that people took a risk and said you know what this sounds like to me like a movie and there is a movie that was made called frazier the sensuous lion based on the real lion in Irvine. What I'm showing you guys right now is a 70s drawn sex comedy poster where there is a sheet covering up a kind of leering guy and a sexy laughing Dean Martin girl. Human. You're right.

Humans. Important detail. And then the most like side eye pervy face having a threesome with a lion yeah that's kind of what's implying yes yeah yeah uh uh the woman going like ooh and the guy and and the lion i mean it's there's also kind of the subtext of like she's seeing something well this is in accordance with my 13 leonine principles. You separate, you have the lionesses go to the lioness center to learn how to please a properly maned male lion. I believe that the oldest of any species, lion or human, should receive the most sexual pleasure from the youngest, most beautiful women of their species. And if this involves shaming and aggressively expelling

the younger male members of the clan, then so be it. Making them feel real bad about everything, about their looks and their beliefs. Who was in the movie, do you know? Yeah, pretty cool they got Ellie Gould and Jane Fonda. Man, they worked a lot in this. Well, that's how it looks in the photo, but really what you're dealing with is in

Frasier the Sensuous Lion, the film. I'm so glad you asked me who's in it, because the cast is lots of names that I've never heard of. Some with cool names, like Malachi Throne. Whoa. I wish I knew more about Malachi Throne. But it's kind of, to be honest, no names until you get deep into the names

who are on the sheet, kind of down by the knees in this poster. You get to the name Peter Lorre Jr. Whoa. Interesting. So Peter Lorre had a son who acted and he got into this lion movie. Rick, I'm fine.

I don't need anything, Rick. Leave me alone. I'm playing a video game. But then you're like, okay, well, that's good that he could have his own career outside of his father. Nope, wrong.

This was some guy with a different name who was trying to be an actor and he had a weird face like Peter Lorre and it wasn't going anywhere so he said you know what I'll do I'll become legally Peter Lorre Jr.

I dare you to say that I'm not why would anybody do that? I dare you to say I'm not actually Peter Lorre Jr. but he was not. You could just do that? I guess so or they made a law after this guy. Maybe if you try to do it now you invoke the Peter Lorre Jr. law. But at the time, this was a lawless time.

You didn't have that. So some guy. I would go for Orson Welles. It's a really good scheme, though, is to take some guy that you kind of look like and just say whatever fine i don't know who i don't know if i'd have one people used to say i look like zach breff but i haven't heard that in a long time uh when i was a more slight man that's when when he was more popular that's what was said but i get it never occurred to me to say i'm zach breff jr and see where that gets me. I'm Lil' Zach Braff. I'm Lil'. If they made Junior illegal,

then he's Lil' Zach Braff. Lil' Zach Braff. It's funny. I was just reading about Michael Keaton revealed his birth name is Michael Douglas. Oh. And when it came time to join SAG, it was already taken.

So he called it Michael Keaton. But now he's going back to it. He said he's thinking about changing his SAG name to Michael Keaton Douglas. Over my fucking dead body. I have survived multiple bouts of human papillomavirus from guzzling the love juices of various women. And I did not go through that delicious hell to have my name ripped away by some kind of bird man. I believe it's going to come to Fisticuff's fuck face. I'm so delighted you do, Michael Douglas.

Michael Douglas is the funniest guy. I could listen to him tell stories, stories of sexual conquest forever. I have to monitor my blood pressure. He's smoking with a heart, with a, what do you call it, blood pressure sleeve on while he has a cigarette. I have to monitor my blood pressure.

Anyway, I just wanted to educate everybody about not only Frasier the Sensuous Lion, Peter Lorre Jr., but also that this is a good, if you're looking, just think about who might read as your father. I don't know if you have. I don't know if you've ever been compared to somebody 30 years your elder. Well.

It's a good angle. Yeah, when I was skinny, everybody said I looked like Errol Flynn, which is great. Errol Flynn Jr. is great. No way to question that. Errol Flynn Jr. He doesn't have to be more than just probably I think it's a few more generations.

Or you could go you could do like Errol Flynn the fourth. Oh yeah. Nobody questioned that. And then you do you subtly the subtle thing

you spell it wrong you put like you know one less R one more R three R's and then you're not infringing on anything legally.

Errol Morris IV. Great. Well, that's a good potential plan for you. But anyway, anything else on the way out the door? Any theme park memories or pain? I think we are. We've reached the time when the Disney characters are projected in the mist above Main Street. And they're about to herd you out the door with nothing open except the shops.

Yep. The shops. Extra hour. Ice cream shop. Yeah. Oh, that's something we could call it. I mean, we call it exiting through the gift shop. That is kind of what we do.

But, I mean, I guess with that, we can say officially, James Adomi and you survived Podcast The Ride. Thank you for a big pile of uh of memories and oddities uh and for you know only a minor scrape you've mostly you've mostly survived you know if it happens again bring a bottle of taffers brown butter oh yeah rub it on it yeah that's probably the best years not like an unopened bottle on the shelf but how many years, not like an unopened bottle on the shelf, but how many years that occasionally sipped from bottle of whiskey can stick around. And how can it help heal a wound if it has very little actual whiskey content? Right. That's really the question.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, let's exit through the gift shop and let's talk about the special a little bit. Hey, there we are. Yeah, yeah. It's called path of most resistance it's my first stand-up comedy special uh it's out now on 800 pound guerrilla media.com uh to pay what you want and as of september 19th it's available everywhere streaming on youtube you can rent it and buy it anywhere you would do that with a comedy special

and all the information is on my website jamesadomian.com fantastic well path of most resistance and uh it's um it was it was a fantastic comedy special about two weeks ago but now events of the day have overtaken it oh geez um wait which events of which and actually i should be careful because i don't know when this is coming out i'm like getting that coming out. That's a real moment of hubris on mine. It'll be closer to the YouTube date, I think. I think it's where it is. Don't forget I said anything. You know, I don't care if you buy.

This special adheres to the 13 principles of Walter Knott. Very good. I don't know if you get a laugh out of Walter Knott on this, but you think he might at least crack a smile That is right up my alley for the level of obscurity That I like to have I know I love that you busted it out of Walter Knott I don't think anybody's tried a Walter Knott

Well it's just him but it's also any guy like that It's the same guy OC conservative From 48 to And they're not there anymore All those people their kids moved to arizona and nevada uh yeah i know it's change boy a shame huh oc voted blue i never thought i'd see the day my my i'm still alive i'm 104 years old and i've been very disappointed to see that my great-grandchildren have become liberals.

Liberals. I have a blood vendetta with Snoopy. There's a room in the Freedom Center in Knott's where he is still alive in an iron lung. Disguised as an animatronic prospector. Oh, he's in there. I did find gold. He's part animatronic. I found gold in a boysenberry. Everybody's like, boy, that weird old robot, that's not realistic at all.

Actually, it is the range of motion that a currently living Walter Knott would have. His heart has been replaced by a large boysenberry, and it's beating boysenberry through his veins. They're feeding it exclusively a bucket of fried chicken and boysenberry pie, and it's preserving it. Like the Borg queen in Star Trek. He's like half of a bird. He comes down from the ceiling. That's a healthy republic, if you ask me. As for us, check out for three bonus episodes every month.

Check out Podcasts that are at the second gate, or get one more bonus episode every month on our VIP tier. Club 3, you'll find all of that at patreon.com slash podcasttheride. Mike, I swear, if you fuck us on this episode, if you bury this episode for tax breaks, if you fuck James over, this is think about us. Sure, but this is our guest. Look, if John Cena were to hear my plan, he would say, well, that makes a lot of sense. I think you should do it. And he would sign off on it. And I want to please him.

So probably buried for a reason. Sorry. Probably buried for a reason. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe C Cilio and Alex Ramsey

for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest

Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.