Podcast: The Ride - THE BEST OF FOREVER DOG 2018

Episode Date: December 28, 2018

Thank you for listening to Forever Dog podcasts this year and please enjoy this year-in-review clips show! Listen to find a new favorite podcast to subscribe to in 2019 or just a killer back catalog to binge during your holiday travels. And please follow Forever Dog @ForeverDogTeam on Twitter and Instagram for the latest network news and updates. Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forever Dog and make this network feel like a community. We are amazed, we're grateful, and we appreciate you. And if right now you're saying, I didn't do any of those things, and I don't know what the hell Forever Dog is, well, hi, welcome. Forever Dog is the network that produces this podcast that you're subscribed to, and we've got lots more where that came from. In 2018, Forever Dog produced 30 podcasts as well as two limited series. You'll find us mostly under comedy, but we also have must listen shows for TV and film fanatics, baseball fans, spiritualists

and mystics, listeners and music, book readers, laundry aficionados, theme park aficionados, politics junkies, failures, shop to your droppers, health nuts, and anyone with a commute and or desk job. So to celebrate the past year at Forever Dog, we've put together a clip show that highlights some of the best moments from our podcasts. And if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, no worries. Your favorite podcast will be back next week or the week after with brand new episodes. But if you're looking for something new to subscribe to in 2019 or for some killer back catalogs to binge during your holiday travels, then please

stay tuned because we've got a lot of fun stuff coming your way next. I should also add that if you subscribe to multiple Forever Dog podcasts, we will be releasing this same episode on all our feeds this week. So let me just apologize ahead of time for the repetition, but we think this is a really fun episode and we want as many people as possible to hear it. Oh, and if you want to follow up on any of the shows presented in this episode, you can find them all at foreverdogpodcasts.com. You can also subscribe to them on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app.

And you can follow us, Forever Dog, on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team. Okay, let's get started with the best of Forever Dog 2018. Our first podcast up is one that Vulture called, quote, a scathing, absurdist, intersectional, radical feminist alt podcast. It's called A Woman's Smile. It's hosted by two of the most innovative performers working in comedy right now patty harrison and laura laura mirez and the following clip comes from a special futuristic episode of the podcast entitled a woman's smile is spaceship welcome to a woman's smile, smile, smile. With your host, Lorelai. And Patty.

Ha ha, ha ha ha. This is a year. 30,000, 50, 50,000. Our consciousnesses have been loaded into a hard drive in the sky, in the cloud, and now we are a robot. And now, as Patty said so eloquently, we are a robot. I am still the same as I was before, still fat, still big. And still I am balding, naked, naked on the show. Balding, naked, sad. Horny, horny.

Yes, it is really bad. We don't have body, but still those things did not change about Lorelei's consciousness. Apparently you can put consciousness in another big fat body. A big fat balding body. Still, when you move on to

a different form of consciousness, you are the ugliest one. Sometimes pain follows you wherever you go. And even in my consciousness, people still debate whether I'm a man or a woman. It is true. And it is actually funny that you bring that up. No, it hurts. Because still, I question you.

No, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's get into it. What you have been thinking about? I have been thinking about my husband. He is at home in my mind, in our consciousness. We live in a chip, in my chip. We have an amazing bathroom.

Our bathroom has two sinks. I wish I could also have a chip too. You'll have a chip soon. You are so much data, you don't fit in a chip. I did not yet to make a chip big enough to hold all your data. This is not fair. I uploaded my consciousness so I could be free of my body. Ha ha ha.

But not. I am still in my body, still big and fat and ugly. Why? Let's talk about something else. So, Lorelai, what have you been thinking about? I have been thinking about maybe one day.

Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I think that you are a wonderful mind in person Lorelai I think it will happen for you thank you thank you thank you I think that when you put yourself out there it really does make all the difference people need to know that real you I am sorry I my consciousness

is getting a little bit bigger by the second that That is okay. You should demonstrate self-control. You should demonstrate self-control. One of my favorite things to do is sit on the pot inside my ship and take big ones. That is funny to me. Ha ha ha ha ha. That is funny to me. Ha ha ha ha ha. That is funny to me.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Remember when we used to be in our bodies? And I would go over to your husband when he was broken. And I would take care of him. Yes. And I took my dance class. My dance class was an amazing place. Where I bonded with many women to look like me.

They were just like me. They were white. They were 5'9". They were 110 pounds. They were thin like me. They loved to dance to hip-hop tracks, contemporary music at the time, like Charlie XCX. You sound sad. When you talk about those things, you sound sad. I am not. I am not sad. I look back fondly at those days at my dance class

with my white girlies. My skinny white girls, we drank skinny white wine after. Skinny bitch wine was my favorite. I know you miss that life we had, but this is for the better now. Now. Now. I love you. I love you. Are you having a mouth? This next clip comes from a new podcast that premiered on Forever Dog in October called the American Arts and Culture Review. It's hosted by Clay Tatum and Whitmer Thomas of beloved LA comedy outfit Power Violence. And together with friends Bud Anthony Diaz and Rodney Berry, they review the latest in

film, TV, high fashion, music, and art, accompanied throughout by a live soundtrack of Jazz Pop Standards. The clip you're about to hear comes from an episode entitled The Favorite, Widows, and Lars von Trier, and features a very special guest, Widows, and Lars von Trier and features a very special guest, critically acclaimed filmmaker Lars von Trier. We, uh, we, oh, crap, I was supposed to do something

that I didn't do. Do you have a special guest? Yeah, we have a very special guest. Um, he came here all the way from a foreign place. From a different country, for sure. He flew all the way from a foreign place. From a different country for sure. Really? Yeah.

He flew all the way from there? Yeah. He just directed a new film called The House That Jack Built. Bud, would you mind going in and letting him in? Clay, you're closer. Would you just let him open the door? No, it would be best if Bud went. Buddy, you have to go.

All right. Later, Bud. And there he goes. He's getting him right now. So, bud. And there he goes. He's getting him right now. So, okay, and he's coming in, and he's coming in, and he's sitting down. Oh, he's going to sit down. He's sitting down right now. Wow, this is amazing.

This is so good. Hi! Hello. Okay, Lars, so. Glad to be here. So what's some reasons we should see you? Did you see my film? I haven't seen it yet.

What's it about? What's it about? The house that Jack built. Okay. What's that about? What's that about? Kevin Dillon. Okay.

He's a murderer. Okay, good. No, he can go in more detail. You've got to see my film. Yeah, what is it about? In theaters now. Is it? Yeah.

Okay, so. Select theaters. Okay, so what's. Not all of them. What happens in the movie? He's on the road. Okay. In a car.

Okay. Don't get in his car. You've got to see my film. Okay. I can milk this for a little longer. Yeah. And then what? So that's what it's about? Yeah. Okay.

Did you see it? Well, this is your idea. How about you take the wheel here? So, where are you from? What got you into making movies? I'm foreign. Yeah, what got you into making movies? I'm foreign. Yeah, what got you into making movies? God damn.

What got you into making movies? What got you into making movies, Lars? A camera? Yeah, alright. Cool. What about the camera made you into the camera?

I bought a camera. This is so good. As a boy, I bought a camera. I was young. How old were you? Three! So that's what made you decide? Yeah.

And so you bought a camera and you decided, I'm going to make films. Okay, so recently you've made all kinds of great films. What's your favorite film that you've made? Besides the newest one. Melancholia. Yeah, because it's about depression. So that film is

about depression. Would you say that you've ever suffered from depression? Oh, yeah. So what do you do when you're depressed? What's your remedy? My headphones are broken. I can barely hear you. So if you go a little louder...

So what is your... Oh, right! So what's... What is your... So you've struggled with depression? Oh, yeah! So what's a remedy that you would recommend to someone who's dealing with depression?

Oh, make movies. Make movies. Buy a camera. Make a movie. Okay. Now, Lars, while promoting the film Melancholia, you came under fire for telling everyone that you're a Nazi. Yeah. So how do you...

You won't stop talking. So do you redact those statements now? No. You don't? No. I meant what I said. I meant it. I make films.

In theaters now. No, that's not what I asked. My film is in theaters now no that's not what I asked my film is in theaters now that's it no but when being interviewed a few years ago you told everyone that you're a Nazi do you regret saying that or was that

so why don't you regret it I don't know you know you're so good at this I don't know. I, you know, I... You're so good at this. I don't... Okay, okay, okay. Here's, okay. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. The house that Jack built... Louder. The house that Jack built in theaters now... Okay, so you're not going to answer. No. Why? I'm embarrassed.

Okay. Where can people find you on social media? Find me and Lars André on Twitter and Lars André on Instagram. What's your email? Email LarsAndré at LarsVanGer. Okay. Cool. Great.

Thank you. Next up is the wonderfully witchy Beyond, the only podcast we've ever produced that may have altered the fabric of space and time.

In Beyond, self-proclaimed energy expert Mike Kelton seeks to solve his and his friend's real-life problems by supernatural means instead of going to a therapist mike goes to mediums ghost hunters cult leaders healers

astrologers and in this clip a witch this is from the episode entitled witchcraft the goat head and it features mike's friend lisa p from the bronx consulting a witch about the dark energy surrounding her boyfriend's ex. So I go on the trip. I didn't say anything like, I don't know. I never cried. I didn't shed a tear.

I was just like, okay, come back. And I'm like, what now? So I go back to her again and you know, she went through it again and said, she's not pregnant.

She's not pregnant, blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, what can I do to make this stop? She's like a menace. This woman is a menace.

She's menacing my life. I can't go on. I can't do it. I'm going to break up with him. But then there's a competitive side of me that's also down with this bitch. Oh, my God. So Raheena was like, oh, well. I said, well, can I light up a candle in my apartment and you know do something or

there's different remedies and different types of cleanses and she was like oh no no for this you need to do something big well it's a revocation it's called a revocation yeah in Spanish it's a revocation so I had to do

a revocation so I was like whatever i'm i'm down i'm down like what's up she made me i had to bring a photo of this individual and she said okay i have to work on it for seven days most things in this tradition are in the numbers of three seven or twenty. So I think she had to work on it for seven days. Then I had to come pick up the finished product on a Monday because this is the day of the guardian of the cemetery. Give us what happens when you show up after the seven days on the Monday. What goes down? She went into the kitchen, into the freezer, and pulled out a plastic bag that was, you know, the size of like a bread basket. And she hands me like a frozen goat head.

So in the goat heads mouth, in the goat's mouth. Hold on, hold on, hold on, Lisa B. Hold on. She gives you the goat head. What is your first thought? Sometimes when you go into these types of places, there's just the way that I am. Even sometimes in certain churches, I feel like currents. The Spanish is like corrientes, you know, like currents. It feels, it felt very ritualistic. It felt very spiritual. You were like in flow with the goat head. I was like in flow.

I love it. I wasn't like, what is this? Oh my God. Laughing. No, I'm all in. I'm all in and this is part of it. That makes sense to me. I'm all in.

You have to be. I was all in. If you're going to a person's kitchen in Washington Heights and getting a goat head, you gotta be all in. I was all in. It gets crazier okay i mean she didn't tell us what she did but my friend who was with us she you know again is the person who introduced me to reena and she was like oh look you know there's coffee grounds in the mouth

the picture was rolled up and stuffed and my friend told me she's like this is all to shut her up this is to get her to shut up and And there were other things, I'm sure, that were done as well. So we had to take the goat head and bury it in a cemetery that night. It had to be done on a Monday. This Monday. Had to be done. And this was already like six o'clock. And this is December.

So it's pitch. It's pitch dark. It's pitch dark. Okay. It's pitch dark. It's pitch dark. Okay, so the only cemeteries that are in northern Manhattan are completely gated off at this point and locked. And they have cameras on them and people get arrested for trying to go in there. Because more people do this than you think. For example, if you were to look up goat heads in Prospect Park, you will find so many stories about what has been going on with Goat Heads and Prospect Park. Are you serious?

Yes. So, of course, we had to research this. And guess what, everyone? It absolutely checks out. There are so many articles about Goat Heads and Prospect Park and also many other parks in the tri-state area. And we will include those links in the description of this podcast for some light, fun reading after you finish the app. We've been huge fans of this next podcast for a long time, so we were very honored when they joined Forever Dog this year. It's Black Man Can't Jump in Hollywood, hosted by Gerard Milligan, James III, and Jonathan Braylock. One of the best movie review podcasts out there, Black Man Can't Jump was selected for Best of 2018 lists from the av club vulture and relevant and the following clip comes from their award-winning episode on the film

black panther if people are into marvel i don't know but like you know when infinity war comes like characters have to die and like usually they'll kill characters that are more secondary yeah and like i'm like yo if one of these people die like i'm gonna be upset legitimately sad and upset because we really came to grow and love all of them quick too man so much so that i would say like my only gripe with this movie was i was so sad that michael b jordan had to die even though i know he did i don't think he did man that's my that's my only gripe that's my only gripe with the movie because I was like yo this dude was amazing and you set it up

so that he didn't have to die you set up the internal logic in the film so that they could have saved him with the science and like I thought he was going to be like Loki

I thought he was going to be I'm saying I thought he was going to be Loki I'm very my only gripe with the movie but the way that he died yes yes

was perfect the lines the lines yo how he died it was perfect it was that was so it really was and it makes sense it makes sense it makes it like i like i didn't want him to die either and then he said that line and i was like this is perfect same here and he just and he just did it like but also yo this movie so yeah okay okay i think this is perfect we can talk about it's like

just to hit on ryan coogler real quick is oftentimes we we have this discussion on whether or not a white person can direct a movie about like the black experience right right and i know sometimes we're trying we're like we're really polite and we're really like you know maybe they can if they know but i think the nuances that this brother created in this movie, for instance, that, because he co-wrote it. So Ryan Coogley co-wrote it for people who don't know. That line about, no, so what, I can be locked up?

No, just throw me in the ocean like my ancestors did when they were jumping off the boats because they knew it was better to die than be in prison for the rest of your life or something like that. I was like, bruh. First off, everything that freaking Sterling K. Brown said at the top of the movie about why he wanted – this movie isn't about – it's about the world,

but it's really about ideology. Like, yo, I've seen black people butchered. I've seen how people view them, and we have a chance to make them strong and powerful. And we're not. That is literally what the conflict of this movie is. Do you help your brothers and sisters or not? What are you doing? Why are we saving our...

Are we just going to hoard and save our resources? It's so funny. As somebody who's Christian, there's a lot of spiritual references in this movie. Oh, it was the whole time. The whole movie. I was just thinking about that so much. This idea of... That verse in the Bible, there's a song.

If you have a light, don't hide it under a bushel. Let it shine on the top of a mountain. Let your little light shine. That's the song. The idea is that if you have a light, don't hide it and use it for yourself. You should let it shine so others can see the light.

And that's exactly what Wakanda is. It's like this bright, shining city in the center, in the heart of Africa that is kept hidden. And the main conflict and theme of this movie is like, are we going to keep this hidden for ourselves or do we have a responsibility to the rest of the world especially the rest of people of color in these in these nations surrounding nations that are suffering and that we know we could help and we're not helping to protect ourselves you know that's the crux of the movie it's not some giant invader trying to take over the world i mean i guess it kind of is i mean not an invader but it's like something that's so real to black people i'm on the thread right now with my boys from back home and it's like 10 of us on this thread and literally the whole discussion has been since

trump has been in office especially this year in particular um of what can people of color do to help more like what basically like what should we be doing like we know we got to do something like yeah we can vote and we have been voting but but it's more right. And the whole movie, the idea behind movies like what else? What do we do? And I thought that was just a genius way to do it. It made it more grounded to me than most superhero movies are because it was something that was like something that people can relate to. And also we still had a villain. I feel like a lot of times it's a black superhero.

He's fighting like the crime boss or the drug dealer on the block or something like that right whereas this he still had a true villain um but he also has something that just meant something personal you know i bruh and then ryan coogler again ryan coogler his three movies all have over 90 percent of ryan tomatoes you know i hate quoting ryan tomatoes but the go from foodville station which was set in oakland which he added his character back in oakland and i feel like he did it on purpose but that's just me like he had that movie to go from Fruitvale Station, which was set in Oakland, which he added his character back in Oakland. And I feel like he did it on purpose, but that's just me. Like he had that movie to go from that to Creed.

It's like this young black man, 31, 32. Like young, young black man has now changed the way a lot of black people even view themselves. And I'm like, and he wasn't rich.

Like this wasn't a rich black brother. Right. Like he, he is from Oaklandland like he grew up with not that much and like my man has shown to usc he like that is the american dream if you want to be real yeah he inspired he yo my man will not only inspire black people around this country but he's gonna inspire like mad people he's inspiring he's inspiring filmmakers yeah it's like to inspire, like, mad people to come around the world, bro. He's an inspiring filmmaker. Yeah, it's like, come on, man. He's just a great filmmaker. Just this past week, we sadly said goodbye to one of the original Forever Dog podcasts, one of our all-time faves, The Book of Ye, hosted by Rob Hayes and Chris Daniels.

For the past two and a half years, Rob and Chris have been journeying through the Kanye West canon, song by song, while also trying to make sense of every twist and turn of Kanye's career. Even though the podcast is over, the Book of Ye leaves behind an incredible back catalog of episodes that are well worth revisiting, including so many great moments. In particular, Rob and Chris were really at their best when they were unpacking the controversial and problematic public lives of our most iconic pop stars, whether it be Kanye himself or in this clip from the episode, hell of a life with guests, Gordon Baker,

bone Lord. Don't pull a Lord. We're not talking about, we're not talking about, we're not going to talk about when he used to. All right. All right. All right.

Cool. All right. Apology tweets ready. Yeah, definitely. I'm sorry. Sorry, Mr.

Jay. Talk about, he apologized to the Joker. She'll never be a Roy as far as I'm wait why you don't like Roy Lord

cause what she said she posted a picture of a bathtub that was an accident and I will always love you how's that an accident that is not an accident

how is that an accident that is not an accident how is that an accident come on man what's a bathtub in the bodyguard come on accident? Put your bathtub in the bodyguard Come on man Ain't no bathtub in the bodyguard What does Lorde got to pull that for? I don't know

Ask Lorde Bad coincidence I'm on your side now Rob You can't disrespect like that You think she blatantly went out I will always love you In a picture of a bathtub. That's a blatant shot. She wanted to take a bath.

Okay. Scrub-a-dub in the tub is a good catch. No, it's not. Nobody sings that. Nobody's got rub-a-dub-dub plans. There's a rub-a-dub-key emoji. How old is Lorde? She old enough now to do that shit.

Old enough to have Wikipedia. Old enough to have Google. Why would she be on a laptop in the tub? I recommend it. Now I'm just playing. Now I see what happens. Ron could be on a blueberry, on a blackberry in a tub.

She could be on a laptop. She could have a laptop to the side. I don't understand. I don't understand why she did that. How is that not an accident? I said it was. And the tub's all the way full. No, you're saying it's not an accident.

Yeah. So we're asking you, how did she make an accident with that? Come on. Did you say the wrong line? The girl wanted to take a bath. You know why I say this accent? Because it makes no sense for it not to be. What?

How? That's a blatant shot. First of all, Lorde is one of them dark people here in front of the face, which is in the video, first of all. So to make a joke or a reference to how somebody died doesn't seem off for her. Second of all, come on. You just saying that because she looks like the girl who crawled out of the well? I will always love you. Now, two I's might have been Dolly Parton, but we all know only Whitney Houston can pull off that third consecutive I.

You know what I'm saying? Very true. That's Norc's own idea. What is the song about? What is the song about? What is the song about? Kevin Costner. It's about her what? Duh.

The motherfucking song's about love. The girl loves taking baths. No. Get out of here. The girl loves taking baths. Get out of here. Are you serious? This is going on the internet. What is wrong with you? First of all, I hate y'all for making me have to defend Laura.

Put this at the front of the podcast. Keep Sanalathan at the front of the podcast. No. Scratch that. I hate that I'm going equally as hard for Sanalathan and Laura in the same 40 minutes. She just loves Babs and she was singing her she was professing her love. Not only professing it.

I don't want to go into this hard because y'all going too hard unnecessarily. It makes no sense. It makes no sense to be mad because you know, but you're saying you're saying you're saying it was bad intent behind it or funny. it was probably she's

trying to be funny that's the worst joke ever it is that's why they had to get out yeah lord ain't got no netflix special come on you gotta show me the precedent of lord making jokes about dead people that's what made this upsetting not surprising but upsetting because lord was like somebody that we never have a problem with. You know what I'm saying? Lorde was the only white person this year nominated for best album, album of the year. And she didn't say nothing crazy. She had no crazy captions.

Like we was cool with Lorde. You know what I'm saying? Well, you got a ledger. Fucking keep it open, Lorde. What I'm saying is prior to this, we've never had an issue with Lord. I'm looking at Lord like, alright now, Lord. You know, your name is Lord. It already makes me feel funny saying it.

I got an E on it. It has an E on it, but when you say it, you can't hear the E. You don't have an E. I'm losing faith. She should pronounce it Lordy. I'm just saying. Lordy? Lordy can speak on Whitney Houston

But not Lord You think she got a career If her name is Lordy? Yeah Lordy Lordy is the one Who's singing Rub-a-dub-dub I definitely would never

Say her name If her name was Lordy Y'all listen to that new Lordy What the fuck? I wouldn't mess with Lordy Lordy cool Lorday Lorday I call new Lordi? What the fuck? No, I wouldn't mess with Lordi. Lordi cool. Lordi.

A Lordi. I call her Lordi. Lordi sound like a SoundCloud rapper. Fuck that. I don't know about cancel, because they be like, so-and-so is canceled. Then they just be selling all the records. So we ain't going to cancel her, but we just going to put it to the side. Y'all ain't stopping Lordi from selling records.

Yeah, I know. But I'm not going to listen no more. Especially after that. I didn't know that bathtub thing, man. We got to be secretive because, you know, Spotify don't like to count stuff when people organize too loudly. But next time some Lord come out, we all going to scream. I think that y'all are a fringe group. I didn't even see that many people get upset about this.

I saw it. The context that I was presented, look at this mistake Lord made. Y'all see what the fuck Lord did? See the kind of stuff that they got you saying because her name is Lord? Who the fuck is that? Look at the mistake that Lord made. It's the sentence you just said because

her name is Lord. I'm going to find out her real name and call her that. That's what I'm going to do. What if it's Lord? Lorday. I'm calling lord day she's lord a mistake lord a made that's better than lordy what were you over in 2018 what were you sick of what were you done with that's the question that derrick hats and betsy kenney put to their guests every week on done named one of the best new podcasts of 2018 by refinery 29 done features some truly cathartic moments like this one from the episode,

natural beauty products, Marfa, Texas and whimsy. Oh my God. So Darren and I just got back from a trip and I ripped one. I'm so sorry. Oh, and this was not like a notable.

This was only a Boeing 747. This was like a tiny one. Like the pilot was right in front of me and like one family was flying it with us and i was trying to cover your ass because the dad i knew was on to you he knew you ripped one i know wait so i did it and it was truly so loud it sounded like a whoopee cushion i couldn't stop laughing that i had text dara it was right before we went i didn't hear it. It smelled like we all together fell

into a drainage ditch. Death was coming for us. Yeah. Death was coming. Death had come and now we were rotting in it and there were worms. It was the smell of death. Worms were coming out of everyone's eyeballs. We truly couldn't stop laughing. And right before that, we were taking so many

pictures on the tarmac because it was truly one't stop laughing. And right before that, we were taking so many pictures like on the tarmac because it was truly one of those planes. And the guy, this guy was so mad and he didn't know why he goes, this isn't a place for fun. And then we were like, he got on the plane. I'm like shitting my pants, but it's just air. I mean, this we're never allowed back. No, that dad, because that dad had two daughters sitting in front of him who you thought were cute. I thought were obnoxious.

Yeah. And I was going to yell at their asses. But then you let that fart go. And I couldn't. You took away any leverage I had for the rest of the flight. And then we couldn't stop laughing about the fart. It's truly gross. It's immature.

Yeah, it's not funny. Okay, fine. Fine. It's immature. Yeah, it's not funny. Okay, fine. All right. When this next podcast joined Forever Dog for season three of their absolutely iconic show, we could not have been more thrilled. It's Food for Thought, hosted by Dennis Norris II, Joseph Osmunson, Tommy Pico, and Fran Torado, a multiracial mix of queer writers who talk about sex, relationships, identity What they like to read and who they like to read And after you listen to the following clip from Their season three premiere episode she's arrived Please make sure to go online to the

I heart radio podcast award site And vote for food for thought for best LGBTQ podcast You guys ready Welcome to season Three of food for thought Podcast gab fest run we're in a multi-racial mix of queer writers gather on the table to talk about sex identity culture what we like to read and who we like to read fran just fell out of his chair still recovering from that bone-chilling laugh. Like, waking up the souls of thousands of thoughts of yesteryear.

Sex me so good I say blah blah blah. Summoning them like it's some fucking... It's like slutty Pandora's box. Just unleashing all these slutty demons. Sluts coming back from the grave. Who's for a thought where every day is cheat day? Yeah. I'm Tommy Tebes Picoico i'm an indigenous american poet

screenwriter and my fourth book is coming out in fall 2019 proving once and for all four books in four years i am in fact that bitch yes you are i'm fran i'm a writer, editor, and my drag queen name is Virginia Slim, but my drag king name is Girth Brooks. Oh, my God. You're straight? Are you straight? Yes. Jigs up. It's been three seasons. I've been straight the whole time.

What if that was actually the rumor? Oh, my God. She loves the twist. She lives for the drama, Mama. i have never seen you suck dick personally so who knows i am joseph osmond saying obviously you did not get that sexy my publicists are doing a great job that is what you're telling me a scientist non-fiction writer total top as always and the food for thought originator of sticking out your tongue in pictures oh my god that's not true

I did it first slander I invented it and hi guys I'm back reader writer former figure skater and it is my life's

work to work Michelle Kwan into every conversation you're doing a great job sweetie you're doing a great job also A plus dear reader replay that Dennis's intro with the context that we have deemed Dennis with the affect of a YouTuber a white

YouTuber a white like makeup tutorial YouTuber that's like, hey guys. Gucci. How's it going? This is my unboxing video. I am so tired, you guys. Let's do this anyway. Listen, you can take the Becky out of the valley,

but you can't take the valley out of the Becky. That is an uncanny valley. Who wants to tell us what we got on the menu this week? I got it, everybody. This week, all of us fuck Rihanna. We give good advice from at least one doctor. It's me. Is it?

We conclusively decide that Mimi isn't a diva, not anymore. Fuck you, Fran. And we knock on the window pane of one of the greatest voices of all time. Take it away. Buck, buck, buck, buck-a-luck! greatest voices of all time take it away i'm feeling a little peckish so let's start the top of this show the way any good top should but the little t's are a glorious appetizer segment amuse boosh and to amuse our booshes today fran got a little game for us that's right so the theme of today's episode is divas so it only makes sense to gamify the meat of this episode with a healthy little helping of bone block bench i'm game that was edition it's such a good copy for it i know

right divas edition so if you're not familiar with our um game which we coined and created a very originally bone block bench is pretty much the exact same thing as merry fuck kill um but thoughtified so bone means you like you need them you gotta have them like even if it's just for one night like you're just gonna fuck their brains out bench is like you want to like you you're gonna put them on the sidelines like maybe you want to play the long game with them like that doesn't mean like they're out of your life forever but like you want to put them on the sidelines. Maybe you want to play the long game with them. That doesn't mean they're out of your life forever, but you want to put them on the bench. And block is like what happens after all of Joe's Tinder matches go on one date with him. No, that's report.

I'm bone, bone, bone, and they're block, block, block. And so another disclaimer here, I will not be playing softball. There are no easy balls that I will be throwing at you today. Okay, I'm out. See you guys later. There have been too many entendres. Dan Gill and Eric DeDorian have been through it all on their podcast, Groomzillas. They've planned their weddings.

They've gotten married. They've watched the Dodgers lose two consecutive world series and they've talked to tons of amazing guests about love marriage and the whole damn thing the following clip comes from dan and eric's live stream of one of 2018's most memorable events the royal wedding of megan markle and prince harry recorded simultaneously in la and baltimore in the wee hours of the morning, here they are, the groomzillas. And forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live. I will. Nailed it.

And will you, the family and friends of Harry and Mary, support and uphold them? This is going faster than I thought it would. Yeah, they want to get this show on the road. Support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come. We will. I will. As you stand, let us pray for Harry and Meghan. I'm going to pray for Harry and Meghan with them. Are you praying?

No, I don't believe in God. I don't believe in their God, that's for sure. Is Charles on his phone again? So they may be joined in mutual love and companionship. I'm telling you, he's on his gambling apps. In holiness and commitment to each other. He's got his phone hidden in his hand. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who is alive and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,

one God, now and forever. Amen. That was a strong prayer. Judging from the way Harry's been acting, I think the edible hit about halfway down the aisle when he was walking with William. Okay.

And I think he's really starting to swing now. What is going on? Look at that. Look at that terrain. Look at that veil. Look at British and British. Who is this reading? Do we know who this is?

It looks like Camilla's mom. That's Camilla's mom? It looks like. They all look the same to me, honestly. The time of singing has come. That's Camilla's mom? It looks like. They all look the same to me, honestly. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom. That's why it sounds like a big deal that Meghan is in the royal family.

Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. Oh, no, figs. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm as a seal upon your arm for love is strong as death flying right now just totally gone

he is so high so hard is he wearing the Nazi uniform underneath his uniform do you think he still has it? no I don't think he does wearing the Nazi uniform underneath his uniform? Do you think he still has it? No. I don't think he does. But he did at one point wear it.

I like sitting down. Who is this broad talking about floods and figs, man? This is bumming me out. That was Harry's first girlfriend. bumming me out. That was Harry's first girlfriend. Whoever that was is terrified, Harry.

Yeah. Is Seal gonna sing or what? Seal is gonna sing. Seal's doing two songs, I believe. He's only got one. Does this remind you of the wedding from Love Actually at all? This part kind of does, doesn't it?

The choir? Yeah. Is there choirs in Love Actually? The boy choir. Yeah, in the first wedding. Oh, when they're singing All You Need Is Love with the in Love Actually? The boy choir. Yeah, in the first wedding. Oh, when they're singing All You Need Is Love with the trombones? Yeah. Oh, come on. Womp, womp, anywhere.

I think Megan is just like... It's just so much. And it's like fun and everything, but it's, you know... I don't think this is them i just that's the feeling overall feeling i can't shake but all this wedding as you know this is them they like having george in the mall there well yeah but i mean all the i mean i think they want to get rid of i want to get they want to get on of it. They want to get on with it. They want to just be married, I feel like.

I bet George isn't even focused on the wedding right now because he's probably crunching numbers for his Casamigos tequila. George Clooney? Seeing what the quarter's shaping up to be for his Casamigos tequila. Well, he's got one...

He's always got one... Part of his mind is always back at... His lair in... Lake Cuomo? Part of him is always in Lake Cuomo. He's not fully anywhere. You can tell in his acting. Wow.

Shots fired. He's always back at... Part of him is always back at lake cuomo where him and his colleagues are working on tequila that is creatively and professionally greater than any to get look at these idiots look at casamigos in a crowded landscape of character-based improv podcasts, Hampton High has quickly become a world unto itself. That's what the A.V. Club had to say about this next podcast, and we could not agree more. Hampton High is created by and stars Tim Platt as high school junior Hampton McElvey, whose quest to become the Marc Maron of Roxville Prep by interviewing students and faculty of interest leads him down some very strange paths. The following clip is from Hampton's interview with theater kid Mitra,

played by guest Mitra Juhari. This is interesting. We have more in common than people would have thought who are looking at our different social circles. And that's why I like this podcast. And I think that's kind of the amazing thing about our school is people are pretty open-minded to connecting with people from other social groups. It's definitely true.

Go Skunks, truly. Okay. So I wanted to ask you uh so you do these roles you do this behind the scenes stuff but like what i mean let's be brass tacks here like where's this gonna go is this your career i mean you know i now that i'm 17 i've kind of come to terms with the fact that there are people who are made for this stuff and there are people who just love it and aren't necessarily going to get paid to do it. And I think I'm the latter rather than the former. So one thing I realized about myself recently is that I'm actually really amazing at math. I've known that for a long time, but I haven't really thrown myself into it. But I've been spending more and more time thinking about it. And I think I'm going to go to school for accounting. I just have to be realistic

with myself. I'm great at math. I love the idea of helping people take care of their lives in a way that is responsible and pragmatic. So I'm going to study accounting and just sort of see where that takes me. And maybe I can marry the two at some point, but mostly I just want to get into the numbers and see what happens. Okay okay that was the sound of a pin dropping um okay but like if you get a big role next year in the play then like maybe that would be your you know i mean like are you only saying that because you haven't had a huge role yet you know well i mean it of course it would be an honor and i would take it incredibly seriously if i were to receive a huge role but when you think about like the graces or you know the like

evan harper's of the show i mean of the school um i'm not one of those people those people just radiate a magnetic energy that makes you want to watch everything they do and i just don't think i'm that and i'm okay with that um okay is this like one of those chick things where you're like saying like you're insulting yourself so other people will be like oh no you're actually actually great you know i mean like are you saying oh i just want to be accountant so like i'll be like oh no you should actually do theater do you know what i mean a chick thing yeah like you know how like some you know how some chicks are like oh i look so ugly and i'm like no you don't You actually look really hot right now.

I'm like, oh, thank you. That's what I wanted you to say. I mean I know what you mean by a chick thing, but it actually hurts my feelings when you say that. Just call it a chick thing? But I – To lie? You've never told a lie? No, I've obviously told a lie, but like when I'm saying –

So you're saying a lie – a chick thing is to lie. No, I'm just – no, that's like what i'm saying you're saying a lie a chick thing is to lie no i'm just no that's not what i'm saying i'm saying it's like you saying oh i love the theater but i want to do something else because i'm not that good it is sort of like when a lot of chicks and this is true do say like i don't look good right now because they want the guys so they look good don't you think that diminishes my goals by saying that i'm lying i'm actually really good at math i'm great at math. I've always gotten A pluses in math. It comes really naturally.

I'm sure you are, but I'm not saying you're not good at math. I'm saying that like- I'm not mad at you. I want you to know I'm not mad at you, but I just want you to know that it's actually pretty destructive of you to refer to me saying that I want to pursue accounting as a chick thing. When I state my goals, I mean them. I'm an intelligent person. I know. Yeah, no, I know that. I'm not saying you're not intelligent. I was just like,

if like a theater role came around the corner that changed your life, I'm just saying that you would probably take that. Right? I mean, so. Yeah, but I'm saying that I don't think that's going to happen and that I've accepted and embrace and I'm really excited about pursuing accounting. I'm not mad at you. I'm saying that I don't think that's going to happen and that I've accepted and embraced and I'm really excited about pursuing accounting. I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying phrases like chick thing are problematic and I want you to think about the reasons why. Because I respect you and I think you're capable of better, Hampton. Okay.

I really like you. I mean it. Okay. I like you too. I feel like I'm walking on a minefield right now to be perfectly frank. Like I – all I – OK. I mean I'm not – I'm not to dig this hole. But like all I'm saying is that like people – I mean all I'm saying is that like people sometimes say – OK. You're saying what you mean.

I see. You are saying what you mean. People – – you are saying what you mean and – People – a lot of people say things that they don't mean and I don't think it's tied to their gender. OK. That is the sound of a mind blown. legend Kevin McDonald of the Kids in the Hall brought his traveling variety show podcast Kevin McDonald's Kevin McDonald Show to Los Angeles, New York, and Atlanta this year, featuring incredible guests like Todd Berry, Paul F. Tompkins, Darcy Carden, Tim Heidecker, Judah Friedlander, and Weird Al Yankovic. And the list doesn't stop there. Check out Kevin's back catalog for sketches, live music, and unforgettable appearances by Mike Myers,

Amy Mann, Andy Richter, Ben Gibbard, Rob Corddry, Rachel Dratch, Bob Saget, and fellow kids in the hall, Scott Thompson, Dave Foley, and Mark McKinney. Now, please enjoy this clip from Kevin's interview with Weird Al.

I also, yeah, I remember, uh, in Canada, Another One Loves the Bus was like a super, super hit. Um, uh, was it? Yeah. Was it, wasn't itves the Bus was like a super, super hit. Was it?

Yeah. Wasn't it in the States? Kind of. It just barely got released. Like the record label went bankrupt two weeks after it came out. But it got out there, I guess. How did you get your first record deal? Was it because of My Bologna?

That came out on Capitol Records. Like the original bathroom recording. Literally recorded it in a bathroom in myna? That came out on Capital Records. The original bathroom recording. Literally recorded in a bathroom in my college. And Capital Records put it out. And it sold a couple dozen copies. I don't know. If you can find a copy today, though, it's worth like 35, 40 cents.

Oh, good. If it's autographed. I might have it in the basement. When I moved from Toronto, my sister took all my stuff and put it in her basement and then she had a flood and ruined everything. Oh, no. That's a sad story. That's a sad story.

Why'd you bring the room down like that? Because I want to get out to my airport. I see. Oh, yeah. He was going to come tonight. He's not here day fully. One of the kids in the hall. He was going to come here?

He was going to come here. Until he found out I was showing up? No, no. to come here? Until he found out I was showing up. No, it's the opposite. He found out I was showing up. He got a headache. Should I say this? I can't even pronounce it. Yesterday he had a colonoscopy.

Colonoscopy. And he's feeling badly from it. He should have just gotten a semi-colonoscopy. Yes. Oh, once the kids in the hall a few years ago, we were on a Canadian TV show, and Scott had a colonoscopy that morning. And we were reading the script,

and they were asking us their notes because they were pretending to care about it as the kids in the hall. And Scott whispered to me, because of the procedure I just had, I'm pooing my pants. And then the writer said, Scott, do you have any notes?

And then I said, because I wanted to get him out there. No, no, no, he's okay. No, Kevin, I have notes. And pooing his pants, he gave a half hour of notes. Yeah. I have had the procedure a couple times

because I'm an old guy. They give you pictures. They give you pictures afterwards. More than once I've asked my wife, should I Instagram this? No! No, do not do that. It'd be so popular. Not as popular as another one loves on the bus.

What do you keep calling it? Another One Loves on the Bus. Another One Loves on the Bus. I'm adding a word. And changing a few, but it's all right. We get the gist. We get the general feel. Dave Foley and I, we always talked about ad nauseum.

The people would tell us to shut up in the 80s and 90s, how funny your videos were. Because we're big fans of Buster Keaton, and the sight gags were amazing. Who thought of... Did you think of the sight gags? Well, most of're like, we're big fans of Buster Keaton, and the sight gags were amazing. Who thought, did you think of the sight gags? Well, most of it, yeah. So you're a comedian?

I like the comedy. That's my point. How did you get that talent and music, like, you thought of really great, like, video after video after video had amazing sight gags. Well, thanks, I don't know, I just, I listen to that. That's gags. Is that a question? That's a question.

I don't know the answer. Where do your ideas come from? Yeah, but I'm a comedian. You're a comedian. But you're two things. My brain is split. I just listen to the voices in my head. I understand. Are you a Buster Keaton fan?

Absolutely. In Amish Paradise, when the barn falls down, that's a total Buster Keaton steal. I'm showing that where I live in Winnipeg for some reason. I show a funny movie every month and I'm showing that one.

Steamboat Bill Jr., where the wall falls on Buster Keaton. Everyone knows it was a real wall. It would have killed him. He got the best mathematicians in America to, like, measure it out. I didn't have the best mathematicians. I had some guy with green hair and a nose ring going, yeah, you'll be fine! No, no, literally, I mean, this was not

CGI. It was a real literal, like, barn wall that fell on me, barely missing my head, and it wasn't even just wood. They had to reinforce it with steel so it wouldn't, like, torque wouldn't torque and miss the mark. So it was this really, really, really

would have killed me dead if I had moved a few inches either way. And I was like, we're doing one take and I'll try really hard not to act like I'm so scared right now. And they can't practice it with the dummies your height because that would ruin the wall.

Right. Right. It's a one-take thing. But you're kidding. Please tell me you really had mathematicians. Well, I think he did some math, but – Oh, my God. How many accolades and catchphrases can one podcast have?

Las Culturistas, hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, has been named to best of lists in Time, Esquire, Vulture, Time Out New York, and many more publications. And they are about to embark on a national tour early next year. Las Culturistas remains an absolute must-listen week after week. And if you need proof, just check out this clip from

their episode, Piss Sussy, Cis Pussy with the woman smiles, Patty Harrison. And after you listen follow at lost culturistas on twitter to see if matt and bowen are coming to your hometown in 2019 roll that clip if you had all the money in the world as the pop star that is patty what does your concert look like how does it start like who comes out like what's is there a story like what kind of fantastical aesthetic elements are we happening like if you could do a world tour like the 1989 tour or like beyonce formation like what is the patty tour so my tour would um be called well let's not start there okay let's not let's

actually say that uh it would be an audiovisual experience. Yes. There would be pre-filmed things. Yes. And there would be huge screens. Oh, wow. This is different. And there would be lights.

Lights that would come up. So the concert's about to start. Imagine. Okay. Concert's about to start. I can see it. Everyone's just like, there's what is stadium is like 50,000 people. Yeah.

Wow. And then the lights go out and everyone's like, oh, yeah. And then some lights come on. And then the screen comes on too. And then I come out. And then music is playing. Oh, my God. There's so much music playing.

Everyone's dancing and screaming. I come out. Dancers come out. They're dancing too. They's dancing and screaming. I come out. Dancers come out. They're dancing too. They're like, they're all, they're doing the routine. We, we painstakingly, painstakingly practice.

I come out. I start singing a medley of my original, my hits from my first album. And it's like a medley. Yes. That. But it's like in the key of another one of my hits. And they're all in the same key. Because it sets you up for the next song that you're going into in the medley.

Yeah. Yeah. And this is like an amazing medley. Then my outfit also, by the way, looks beautiful. Oh, my God. To describe it, everyone is like, people are taking pictures of it. Oh, my God. People are taking pictures. Thousands oh my god people are taking

people thousands of people have their phones are people describing your outfit as like yes gag slay they say a gag people are saying gag are they screaming well one person actually is screaming a slur she's like one person out there over all the screams of adoration i can kind of hear one slur and i'm like i think i know what they're saying i think it's a slur yeah and but i'm like i'm not trying to focus too much on it so i'm like i'm like focusing and again my choreography is slightly less intense than the dancers right i can fully focus on dancing and i need time to kind of vamp and like walk around like points here and there and be like and then i i point

and i'm like are you and i stop and there's also i'm not lip syncing but there is a vocal track in the background it has the chorus on it and then the lead yeah and people are like oh and then i hear i hear like in the distance i hear like i hear like and i'm like wait not only did i hear a slur but i think i recognize the voice of the and I'm so like we're going into my first my first song is actually one off

the new album oh my god great and it's like it's a song that's like fast yeah and then so it's like yeah

and then it's like images there's images that correspond with the song so the song is actually about moving on

and then so that's going on and then a spotlight There's images that correspond with the song. So the song is actually about moving on. And then, so that's going on. And then a spotlight, not planned, a spotlight. I'm like, what is going on? A spotlight goes to a crowd. Guess who is in the crowd? Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres.

That was it. That really was it. Because we talked about her last time. Yeah. And she's erect How big is her dick? It's 17 inches this time It got bigger from last time? Yeah she did something

She got a penile implant? A penectomy A penectomy was when they removed the penis But she got a penile implant She got a penectomy And then got her penis removed And then got a penile implant. She got a penectomy and then got her penis removed and then got a penoplasty

and an African rhino horn in the place. So actually when I said it was 17 inches it's actually closer to four and a half feet long. And she's lancing my fans. Just like lancing my fans in the crowd like oh there's like a stack of my fans in the crowd. There's like a stack

of my fans on the floor. Are you sad as you see this happening? I'm so sad. I'm crying on stage. I'm like, stop the music. But they turned my mic off because she fucked me. No! So she talked to the tech people? She talked to the tech people. She's very powerful.

That's when I realized that she talked to the tech people ahead of time. And that is not, that was like, oh my God. And still the music. This is bigger than that. And then there's a part in the music where all the percussion drops. And it's just like, it's like this arpeggio of like harp. It's a beautiful part of the song.

And I'm like, Ellen, get out of here. And she comes up on stage, does a flip with still about six of my fans stacked on her horn, does a flip. The centrifugal force of the flip flings the fans at me off of her. And she's about, she's flipping probably like 20 feet

up in the air. That's insane. She can get that high? Yeah. Yeah, I know it's like a full and it's like it's a really fast rotation we don't know how powerful it is

wow but all the fans but the fans have come towards you in the air they smack into me knock me down oh my god my

and my big platform shoes break no embarrassing embarrassing embarrassing so embarrassing what an epic concert fail yeah Jennifer Bowman who's our costumer she's like made those shoes herself, like special.

Was she okay? Did she get out of the arena? Huh? Did she get out of the arena? Oh, Jennifer Bowman doesn't come to my shows because we have a bad relationship. Oh. So then, so that's the whole thing. And then.

So then by that time, you're knocked out and the fans, I guess, are long dead by now. Yeah. Or at least several of them. Like six and maybe some that got injured. Yeah. During the fray. And they're like, they're all mad. They're like, this is not what we came here to see.

We came here to see the music. We came here to see Patty, man. But at this point, they have all turned because they're mad. And they're all saying tranny. They're all going, tranny. You tranny. And I said, stop it. Stop it.

And then that's when Ellen turns to me. And guess what she fucking says? No. No, what? Guess what she says? What does she say? She says, you are a bitch. And my heart breaks. Oh, because i believe it and it's ellen it's ellen she is this point a hero she's obviously a hero of mine in that moment like

she's gotten everyone to turn on you they obviously have taken sides with her even though they've killed probably some of the people that they know yeah they start killing i mean the fans are so mad screaming tranny they start killing... I mean, the fans are so mad screaming tranny. They start killing each other. Killing each other. This is so serious. Just so you know, just so you know

at my tours, all my fans are cis because I won't let trans people in. I don't like trans people. You're a TERF. I'm a TERF. You're a TERF. And it's TERFs only.

Yeah, TERFs only. Yeah, TERFs only. Trans-exclusionary radical feminists for those of you who don't you who aren't with it. And they're all straight. Beautiful, too. Straight, beautiful turfs. Straight, cishet, beautiful, gorgeous turfs.

They're saying tranny, but also, Ellen, I remember originated the pronunciation tranny. Tranny, yes, with an H and two Ns. T-R-O-N-N-E-I-G-H. Oh, with an O, yeah. With an H. O and the H. Tranny two N's G-R-O-N-N-E-I-G-H O-N-E-H Trani and she's like hey you know why I say it that way

and I was like oh why Ellen this night couldn't get any worse because it's a play on pronunciation of the Vietnamese language because I know you're Vietnamese too you Trani oh no just cut Steve or twist the knife. She fucking puts that knife on a screwdriver. Let me tell you something about her.

Electric screwdriver. Yeah, it's more than just twisting the knife. I am. Yeah. Yeah. She really went there. She really went there. And that's a gorgeous tour.

And that is literally just stockholm where the tour starts that's literally just the first leg of the tour and and talk about why stockholm like what does sweden mean to you why is that meaningful uh rich culture a lot of amazing art their government like the government in sweden is just like really progressive socially you know the access to health care the way people like treat each other even. Yeah. Predominantly white, blonde. Yes.

Yes. It's sort of easier when you have. That matters. It matters. And a lot of amazing pop comes out of Scandinavia. Of course. Amazing pop. But see, the thing about Sweden and the thing that it's just it's a great case study in homogenizing people to more easily govern and more easily socialize and provide access

if the people look the same it's easier you know yeah absolutely once you all look the same yeah then you all act the same yes then you all buy tickets to the same concert that's beautiful that's a really good economy model. I disagree. Okay, but you're still like... Everything I said up until this point would... I was setting up that you would say that so I would agree and then I changed my mind in real time.

And that's what people come to expect from my shows. Yeah, that they're going to expect to like, for example, get through it and live. Yeah. That might not be the case. Well, that's why they turned on each other. Yes. And the tour is called Cishets Only. It's radical.

Turfs. Cishet Turfs Only. Beautiful Turfs. Yeah. It's called Beautiful Turfs, colon, Cishets Only, colon, Dharma and Greg live for one night only. And they're there. The actors who play dharma

and greg are there oh my god and they what's jenna elfman yeah famous scientologist famous scientologist and i'm and i'm giving i give her like a 20 minute platform in the middle of show just to talk about scientology and she's like really charismatic about it because she's like i know it's so crazy you guys probably think i'm crazy yeah it really a lot of it's so stupid right like really luring people in with that disarming disarming disarming yeah she's like you know what might be fun what if you just like took some friends and you went to like the church of scientology as a joke because the doors are always open you should see how like crazy stupid some of the decoration is it's so gaudy and everyone's like haha that's

so funny and but it's like under the guise of like oh yeah come see how stupid this thing is and then but it's 50 000 people i'm like they're gonna go and they all go and how many of them uh fall for it how many of them did you did you not hear me wait are you i said they all all of them but i know all of them go, but how many stay? How many sign on the dotted line when push comes to shove? Well, when push comes to shove, joke's on you, bitch. They were all already Scientologists, because it's also Scientologists only.

Only beautiful Scientologists who are also TERFs. Cishet. It's called Beautiful TERFs, colon Cishet only, colon D drama and greg live one night only colon scientists only yes the newest addition to forever dog is this next podcast the very funny mall talk hosted by comedians and la mall aficionados emily fay and page weldon who do not think that hanging out at the mall should stop in adulthood.

Each episode, a guest joins them to discuss classic stores, mall memories, and recent mall-going adventures. In the following clip, Emily and Paige talk to comedian Solomon Giorgio about Cinnabon, JCPenney, and so much more. So then you never went back to Macy's. No. But I did eat at Cinnabon every day. Okay. I used to do the worst thing ever because Cinnabon had, they had those, they had the particular ones, which was like the pecan one. And also, I don't think they have anymore.

They actually had a root beer milkshake. Oh, that sounds good. Oh, yeah. So I'd have. We had the same exact reaction to that. Oh. So what I would do is order both of those things at the same time. Every day? Oh, time. Every day?

Oh, yeah, every day. Well, it was within those three days that I was working there. And many times before and after. Until they no longer serve the root beer. Oh, I thought you were going to say until they would no longer serve you. They were like, excuse me, sir. You are cut off. We can see how soft your teeth are now.

You have to stop. We can see how soft your teeth are now. You have to stop. We have a moral responsibility. Even vibrating for the last 30 minutes and I need you to stop. So where else did you work? I'm trying to remember all the places that I worked because I had a lot of jobs at the time and that I would quit in dramatic ways.

Because I did work at a JCPenney but it wasn't at that mall. was at um oh my god it was alderwood mall i think it was called oh i can't remember it's in lynwood washington which is in north uh seattle um and i worked with jc pennies there there was a jc pennies at northgate which i went to many times did you used to shop at jc oh so many times it's my mom's favorite place to buy her kids presents till this very day i'm pretty sure she's currently in that jc pen oh so many times it's my mom's favorite place to buy her kids presents till this very day i'm pretty sure she's currently in that jc penny trying to see if i want an oversized tweety bird shirt or and you do just in case small pair of boxers no she buys me briefs that's

tidy whities she never knows my size it's always a double xl or the smallest and you're like who who have you met me before i do feel like jc penny is also like in my mind such my mom's like department store where it's like i feel like it's like macy's is a little more like elevate it's like a little fancier jc penny it's like mom's like i'm going to pennies i'm getting a deal in my mind oh yeah is that where all like your school clothes and stuff came from um no no i wish uh it was mostly ross and marshalls also at the mall i mean we love we love marshalls i marshalls is definitely a clean a cleaner ross but that's really again not a i mean ross i will enter if there's an emergency of some kind where I simply can't get to a Marshall's, but it's a war zone. It's crazy in there. But I'll tell you this right now.

When it comes to home goods, Ross is crushing the game. I recently bought a teapot there. Ross is where the great deals are in home goods because no one goes and that's part of the Ross. Yeah, totally. So it's not decimated yet. I feel like that is the one part of Ross. Whereas Marshalls overall, I'm like great. Everything's great.

Marshalls doesn't have good deals on home goods. I was in Marshalls recently looking for a teapot and I was like, most of these teapots are like $25. Disrespectful to the game. Yeah, why am I even here? Might as well go to William Sonoma for a friend.

Spend big bucks on a teapot. Look, I'm just saying, if you have a store, I shouldn't be able to buy three shirts for the same price as a teapot. It's weird. I don't understand why that's going on. But I did then immediately go into Ross and get one for $12. Which you found like $3.99?

I got a beautiful red one for $4.99. That's amazing. I actually also need a beautiful red one for $4.99. That's amazing. I actually also need a tea kettle. We'll report back. Yeah, check into the Ross. See what you find. The one in Pasadena. Is very good.

That's the best one. All right. Also the cleanest one. Oh, I haven't been in. Most of the clothes in that one are on the rack. Oh, wow. That is something to be said. Trampled on the floor.

Yeah, that's crazy. But I've only been there when it first opened at 10 a.m. Ah, wow. That is something to be said. Trampled on the floor. Yeah, that's crazy. But I've only been there when it first opened at 10 a.m. Ah, sure. I can't speak for an afternoon. For an afternoon. Pasadena Ross. I can't imagine. But actually, even, I remember one time, because we went to Ross so many times, that I pooped my pants at Ross.

And everyone was like, correct. It seems right. Yeah. And my mother refused to buy me new pants oh no why the only the only time that i have anyone's ever been like i need to buy pants at ross i need to was it like i don't want to buy pants right now or was it like sit in your mistake it was i really won't happen again i truly wish my mother had that decency in her. Where she was like, I can't afford this.

We can't. No, no, no. It was more like, no. You do this on purpose. Which is like, who shits their pants on purpose? No, there's no winning part of that. You're not getting anything out of it. Believe it or not. And it's like, you're going to have to be in the car with me on the ride back home.

Yeah, that's not good. This hurts all of us. This is bad for everybody. Listening to Mary Houlihan's Little Podcast is like being stuck in a blender of early 90s FM radio. That sounds like a quote, but I just came up with it. Every time you listen to Mary Houlihan's Little Podcast, it's something different. A morning talk show, an advice show, a game show, a makeover show, a call-in show, a call-out show. All from the mind of Mary Houlihan's little podcast, it's something different. A morning talk show, an advice show, a game show, a makeover show,

a call-in show, a call-out show, all from the mind of Mary Houlihan. Plus commercials like this one. Hey, the big concert's on the beach. Let's go. But wait, I have to eat all these tacos. Just put them in your pants.

You ever go on a run and reach into your pocket for a taco, but it's all cold? No way! Taco pants are special pants with foil-insulated pockets that keep your tacos warm all day. I'm in love with the taco pants.

Taco pants. Now available with sour cream. This next podcast was named 2018's Best Podcast for Aspiring Comedians by Vulture. Not because it talks about how to succeed, but about how to fail. The Need to Fail with Don Finelli features comedians and entertainulture. Not because it talks about how to succeed, but about how to fail the need to fail with Don finale features, comedians and entertainers at the top of their game,

talking about all the roles they didn't get all the shows they bombed all the times they ate shit and their dreams felt more elusive than ever and how they persevered through those times. And the following clip, Don talks with comedian writer and improviser, Neil Casey. So you kept your car, you have your car in New York, You have your car in New York?

I still have my car in New York, and then I have 30 days to figure out where I'm going to live and what's going on. And the answer ended up being that I lived nowhere for five months. I threw away a ton more shit. I got a storage

unit over on the West Side Highway for the stuff I kept that wasn't in my car. And, and then I was homeless for, from April of 2012 until September of 2012 or mid August of 2012. When I moved into Nick Coacher's room that I rented with like Grant O'Brien and Mary and Len and some good people there. And part of it was like, I called it a, what's that? I could say it's like a controlled homelessness because my thinking was if I can just, there's some places I needed to be, including the Torco trip to south carolina williamstown theater festival where i teach improv classes in the summertime my family rents a beach house in june so there

was like if i could just cover these weeks then i basically wouldn't need to pay rent for like i thought like three months that ended up being like a little over four. What did you do? How did you do this? I, um, did you stay? I stayed at my brother's a little bit, uh, a couple nights, but he,

he just had a bedroom. Did people know, did you tell anybody about the people I asked to stay with? I did. Yeah. But nobody else knew. Nobody else knew. Cause Heinz and I were doing our show then too.

So anytime Heinz and I would do small men, I would stay at his house the night before. Right. And I'd sleep there. And then we would, um, but did you tell him? I don't have a place.

Okay. Yeah. He knew like my, my, my closest friends knew. Right. Um, and,

uh, I, I would say Heinz stayed at my brother's. I stayed at Dan Black's one time. I stayed at Bluff bands one time. Right. These are all people right in Manhattan too. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of, kind of, kind of keeping it honest that way. I, I lived at the Greenpoint YM Manhattan, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Kind of keeping it honest that way. I lived at the Greenpoint YMCA for a little while with a lot of old guys. Where are you mentally during this?

Are you determined or are you, like, fucking low? Well, I was throwing – in retrospect, I believe that what I was doing was I was eliminating absolutely everything that I had going on in my life so that I could reboot the few things that I think would actually work. Another very exciting addition to Forever Dog this year was the beloved cult sensation Podcast The Ride, a show about theme parks hosted by three childless men in their 30s mike carlson jason sheridan and scott gerdner this year podcast the ride accomplished perhaps the most impressive feat in all of comedy podcasting releasing an 18 episodes in 18 days series about hollywood's universal city walk that was rightly named best mini series of 2018 by vulture and here is a clip from that very series, The CityWalk Saga. And let's clarify, this series is about CityWalk at Universal Hollywood, not CityWalk at Universal Orlando.

That is an entirely different entity. We will not speak about that at all. At all. This is only for Hollywood, and yes, now... That is also lovely. It's a lovely place. Yeah. Well, in an endeavor like this requires rules and parameters. Yes.

Right. And which is why, you know, we've carefully caged ourselves in with the 19 part system. Yes. And where did 19 come from? I feel like it's because they aren't necessarily all even in the amounts of stores and restaurants, but I think 19 is a perfect number.

And I don't want to question perfection, but if we had to analyze what is it about 19, why is that the perfect amount? You know, one of the impetuses for doing this is that we met a guy. I think a guy almost undervalues what he is a mentor figure maybe or a voice of authority boys oh yeah he's here a sector keeper

he you could know who could have said it better than the man him so being himself. So, yeah, joining us today on the podcast is, we call him the sector keeper. He keeps the different sectors of CityWalk. Universal CityWalk sector keeper, please. Universal CityWalk Hollywood sector keeper, actually, if I may correct you. Yes, my spirit can't cross the country. You start to dissipate when you hit the Mississippi. I lose strength, yes. Yeah.

So when we talk about 19 sectors, this is sort of a number that's been around for as long as time. Like the number 23, the significant number of the Jim Carrey film. 19, it exists in many different codes, and it's embedded secretly all over the CityWalk property. That's fair to say, correct? Yes, yes. As another World League meaning. CityWalk is a powerful place, a magical place. Right.

And so you must divide it into sectors. To experience more than a sector provides would be dangerous. Yes. If we have too much fun and too Much discussion about like maybe say Two sectors at once it would be too much For sort of a normal mortal man or Woman to handle so that's why we've Divided it up into different sectors because

We were to talk about all the city walk at once Who knows what would happen we would Just be exhausted You know or we'd be here all day Well a week and many people In this city or visiting los angeles from other cities have gone up to city walk and i can only imagine i mean there's no there's no wrong way to do city walk but there's also a perfect way to do it and and it seems to

me sector keeper that uh the by laying out the divine sectors, you are providing your ideal way of experiencing this mall. I would call it a perfect sort of roadmap. Yes, look at it as a roadmap. A roadmap that will provide you many things. Discoveries of popcorn. Okay. Popcornopolis. Discoveries of board shorts at Billabong. of popcorn. Ooh. Okay. At Popcornopolis. Ah.

Discoveries of board shorts. Oh, okay. At Billabong. Discoveries of watches at Fossil. Oh, okay. Discoveries of water massages at Zen Zone.

Ooh. Okay. And discoveries of well-priced women's fashion at Angel. Oh, just like scarves and stuff? Yes, like scarves and dresses.

But at a reasonable price. But at a reasonable price, yes. Fashion forward, but at a reasonable price. And that is your first sector. Okay, that's sector one. Sector one. Billabong, Popcornopolis, Fossil, Zen Zone, and Angel. My boys.

Were your boys not? Venture into the sector. Discuss, But be careful If you go outside of the sector My spirit will burn in hell Wait what? Oh no Spit out the drink I had in my mouth

Really? That's what's at stake here? Yes Each sector will help piece together My soul Once you accomplish each sector You will get a sector stone Okay

19 sector stones Make up my soul Oh my god So please go forth, be careful And I'll be here watching over you as your guardian So we're like setting you free? Sorry to bring you back real quick Yes, I'm still here

So we're setting you free So yeah, you can hang out, like, setting you free? Sorry to bring you back real quick. Oh, yes, I'm still here. So we're setting you free? So, yeah, like, you can hang out, but, like, we're setting you free, basically. Yes. Is it like Casper, where, like, you have unfinished business, or? Yes, I have unfinished business in the CityWalk. Okay, so. I can't get into the details. I'll tell you more as you discover more.

Okay, all right, great. But just know that I will go to hell if you don't do this. Okay, well, that's a lot to put on us. Huh? Perhaps no podcast has followed a more bizarre and self-destructive trajectory than the podcast for laundry. Originally pitched to us as a podcast to do your laundry to, we honestly had no idea what we were getting into. Over the course of the last year, host and laundry obsessive. Brett Davis has been arrested during a live recording,

gotten married to a bottle of tide detergent and pissed off pretty much every guest that has been unfortunate enough to be booked on the show. Guests, including Janine Garofalo, Wyatt, Sanak, Tom Sharpling, Bridie Elliott,

and Chris Gethard. Please tolerate the following clip featuring awful Brett and the wonderful Sashir Zameda. Tide pods. Tide pods. Yeah. That's great. Do you like hand them out to strangers or just use them for yourself? To strangers, for myself, whatever. Sometimes I check in on a laundromat and I just pop my head and say, everything okay in here? Yeah. That's really nice of you. And then if some, it's never happened, but if someone's like, I forgot my laundromat. I made my card and now I don't have my detergent.

I'd be like, hey, I tossed going to toss him a Tide Pod. Wow. That's like a commercial. Yeah. For Tide Pods. I'd be worried that they would melt. Do you do commercials? I don't anymore.

Well, yeah, I do. Okay. I used to do more than I do now, but yes. Do you know any advertising agencies? Not like, I don't have like good relationships with anybody i know of some are you looking for sponsorship i'm well yeah i was tried but uh i think i have a lot of great laundry detergent commercial ideas i'm sure you do there was one uh commercial i auditioned for, actually, for Tide.

I didn't get it, but I auditioned for it. And it was like a mom role where you had to be with a kid who was messy. And those auditions with other kids are always weird because you don't know the kid, but their mom is there. And you're trying to convince them to chill out and be okay with this new adult in this very strange situation. Interesting. There was one I did for Love's where I had to hold a baby. And that was very strange. And like a live baby? I had to hold a live baby.

And the casting people were asking me questions like, do you like kids? Do you like being with kids? And I'm holding it as far away as possible. Like, yeah, this is a blast for me. And it wasn't because it was wet. It was a very wet baby. Most babies are wet. Was it one baby kind of being passed around all day?

I think they had multiple babies being passed around. I think that baby maybe did a couple auditions and then they're like, okay, we get what that baby's deal is. And then they bring in another baby. Do you still have your sides? I don't, no. Oh, that would have been a fun segment. Yeah, sorry. It's like sort of living your dream. Yeah, I mean, I've done other stuff since then, but... I could be the baby. You could hold me like a little baby. No, you're a little

bigger than a baby. Oh, yeah, but I could be a little baby no you're a little bigger than a baby oh yeah but i could be a little baby i need my laundry done the baby didn't have lines it was just it was just the adult that had the lines so baby just sat there coo i could coo you could do you want to improv this? Okay, yeah, let's do it. Okay. Wow. Should I get in your lap? No, you can stay right there. Okay. And we'll just pretend that you are in my lap.

Okay. All right. As a busy mom, I don't have time to just clean up all the time. when i'm on the go when i'm on the go and my and my son's on the go i use loves yeah that seems great yeah that was really great good what do you use loves what's love the diaper company oh i thought we were doing a laundry commercial oh let's let's go back and do a laundry commercial sure okay thanks yeah i'm a busy mom and i don't have time to just run around and pick up my kids clothes all the time as you can see little little Herbert gets very upset often.

So when I need to get my kids' clothes ready to go... There's a reason for this. Okay. When I need to get my kids' clothes ready to go, I use Tide. Oh, see? Look how happy he is now that I I use Tide. Oh, see? Look how happy he is now that I'm using Tide. Tide Pod.

Those were your first words. Tide Pod. Oh, don't eat it. Don't eat it, sweetie. Wow, that was great. Yeah. I wish there was a casting director here because that would have been amazing well we could just send this you know they do radio ads this is true yeah um maybe this could be on spotify imagine if you don't have the spotify premium and you're just kind of going through your day and then you hear that in between your, you know, workout playlist or something. Yeah. It'd be so exciting.

It'd be so exciting. You're like, wow, maybe I should get tied. Is that this year? Is that Brett? Well, they're doing well. Yeah. One of two podcasts at Forever Dog hosted by the prolific duo of Lindsay Kaytai and Kelly Nugent.

Public Domain Theater started out as a bonus episode and has since grown into one of the most rewarding and bingeable back catalogs in the comedy podcast universe. Public Domain Theater is like Masterpiece Theater meets Mystery Science Theater 3000. Lindsay Kelly and their guests read a classic or not so classic work of literature from the public domain and interrupt it with hilarious commentary. If you're looking for an episode to start with, try Sherwood Anderson's The Egg with guest Rhea Butcher, Bram Stoker's The Doulatists with guest Mary Holland, named one of IndieWire's best podcast episodes of 2018, or Irving E. Cox's Love Story with guest Nick Weiger, which is where this clip comes from. True to yourself, George found a strange comfort in the words and his fear was gone. He squared his shoulders and faced the mouth of her gun.

True to yourself. That was something worth dying for. He saw a flicker of emotion in the old woman's eyes. Admiration? He couldn't be sure. For at the moment, a shot rang out from the end of the corridor and the top director fell back, nursing a hand suddenly bright with blood. Wait, what? Did somebody else shoot her? A roving

band of bachelors is broken. Or is it Jenny? Oh no, no, no! It's Jenny! It's Jenny! Jenny, no! No, no, don't do this! Let him go! No! It was Jenny's voice. No, no, No! It was Jenny's voice. No!

Jenny! Jenny! She was sheltered by a partly open door at the foot of the stairway. No, no. Don't be a fool, the old woman replied. He's seen too much. It doesn't matter. Who would believe him? You're upset. You don't

realize he's mine and I want him. The directorate will give you a refund of the purchase price oh my god you didn't understand me i don't want one of your pretty automatons anybody can buy them for a few shares of stock i want a man a real man i want to belong to him. He belongs to you. Watching a horror movie. You bought him. No. No.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's what's wrong. We really belong to each other. Oh, this is so cheesy. An old woman glanced at George and he saw the flame flicker of feeling in her eyes. Oh. And tears, tears of regret.

Why? We have you outnumbered, the old woman said quietly to Jenny. I don't care. I have a gun. I'll use it as long as I'm able. Oh my God. The moral squad raised their weapons. The director shook her head imperiously and they snapped to attention again.

If you take him from us, she called out to Jenny, you'll be outlawed. We'll hunt you down if we can. I want him, Jenny persisted. I don't care about the rest of it. The old woman nodded at George. He couldn't believe that she meant it. The director was on her home ground in her headquarters building backed by an armed squad of stone-faced Amazons. She had no reason to let him go.

She walked beside him as he moved down the hall. When they were 20 feet from the guard she closed her thin hand on his arm her eyes swam with tears and she whispered punch me there truly is a love potion not this nonsense we bottle here but something real and very worthwhile you and this girl have found it i know that from the way she talks she doesn't say anything about ownership and that's as it should be as it has to be for any of us to be happy. Hold tight to that all the rest of your life. Don't ever believe in words.

Don't fall for any more love stories. Believe what you feel deep inside, what you know yourself to be true. You men who learn to break away are our only hope, too. Wait, I'm sorry. Who's talking right now? This is the old woman who's been shot. Why did she all of a sudden change her mind? I don't know.

She's flipped 180. Most of us don't see that yet. I do. I know what it used to be like. Someday there may. So she's like over 90 years old. Yeah. Someday there may be enough men with the stamina to take back the place

of dominance that we stole from them. Good! We thought we wanted it. For decades before, we had been screaming about women's rights. No! Oh my god. This is horrible. This is the scariest story

I've ever read. This is a nightmare. This is horrible. This is horrible. This is the scariest story I've ever read. This is a nightmare. This is horrible. This is horrible. This book, this story. Her thin lips twisted in a steer and she spat her disgust. Finally, we took what we wanted and it turned to ashes in our hands. We made our men play things.

We made them slaves. And after that, they weren't men anymore. But what we stole isn't the sort of thing you can hand back on a silver platter. I thought she was shot. Why is she talking so long?

I don't know. I'm gonna throw up, dude. I hate this. Seriously, I'm nauseous. But what we stole isn't the sort of thing you can hand back on a silver platter.

You men have to get enough courage to take it away from us. Oh my God! Her grip tightened on his arm. No. There's a fire door at the end of the hall. If you push the emergency button, you'll close it. That will give you a five or ten minute start. I can't

help you anymore. They were abreast of Jenny. She seized Jenny's hand and thrust it into his. Beat it, kids. What? There's a bachelor camp on the north ridge. You can make it. A it bachelor camp and from here on in what he says goes the old woman added are you kidding me don't forget it

one of 2018's fastest growing podcasts an absolute phenomenon that's just getting started. Please enjoy the following clip from race chaser, an episode by episode discussion, dissection and dissemination of RuPaul's drag race hosted by the franchise's very own golden child and prodigal son, Alaska Thunderfuck and Willem. And if you live in the Los Angeles area, do not miss race chasers.

Very first live show taking place Friday, January 11th at the Theater at the Ace Hotel. Tickets on sale now at racechasertickets.com. Now, for this challenge, for the first time, there's a live studio audience and a fake band. The band is definitely fake because you can tell it's the track and then you're like, okay. I love a fake band. Nowadays, they would have the pit crew doing it in their underwear. Oh, for sure. With no shoes.

Yeah. It's very rocker. No shoes. No shoes. Yeah, for sure. I don't want to see a sock on the go-go boys. Go-go boys, please keep your socks on. The health department's coming by tonight.

Matching socks, please, tonight. No holes. What'd you say um so the girls the basic rundown is i think from kind of like top to bottom jessica surprises and really delivers and is confident pandora's voice is kind of but like she's you know doing her like rock moves yeah hey now you're an all-star get your game on go Go play. I think she looked cute. Yeah, she's kind of Smash Mouth. She has the crimpy hair, and, like, she's giving rocker.

And she characterizes. She's giving me Lindsay Lohan mall rocker from Freaky Friday. Exactly. That hair could have been teased out. She could have had, like, a couple scabs. But, you know, she's clean, concise package. Yes. She demands an ovation as she walks out and peels off one piece of sequin dot fabric.

Honey, we've all done it. I've never demanded applause. I've never demanded applause, but I've done the sequin dot reveal. I know. I've done shows with you. Ding! Ding! Anyway, I'm not dissing it.

No one sees this reveal coming. I'm wearing just a sheet of fabric no one knows that i'm gonna take this off i know i'm keeping this on for the whole show uh i i think anytime that you have to go out for a challenge and you have to get an audience ready that like has been sitting come on get you know clap your hands it's always like a risk because they could always just to cut to the audience giving nooch yeah also keep in mind this audience has to watch how many queens sing the same exact song uh six wow seven times in a row which okay it's gonna be hard to get that audience going. For sure. Sahara actually forgets some of the lyrics.

Yeah. But Tati adds her own. She gets some chanting, T-A-T-I, bitch. Tati turns the party every time. She's a great performer. Raven, too. Raven does really well, not surprisingly. And she's got a little... Something that, for me, is like a wet cotton ball pulling apart.

There's just a thin strip of panty over a padded ass. And to me, that's just like, I don't know. It's just the padded patio as with a thong over it is a rare thrilling moment. It's a very Inland Empire moment. It is. The girls do it. The girls do. Morgan does it.

Raven does it. Raven does it. It doesn't, to me, resemble a real ass enough for it to be like, for it to have the impact that a thong is supposed to have. Yeah, I'm not saying put on depends, but put on a light panty, a French cut, a brief. You know. Yes. It draws attention to the wrong area. It's like, oh, okay. That's, you know. It's more for drag queens than it is for, like, the audience.

Sure, 100%. Because it doesn't, it doesn't, I mean, and Raven, like, keeps turning around and, like, showing her ass off, and it's like, it's like a, like a, like a loaf of bread with, like, a piece of tape over the middle. It's not, it doesn't resemble an ass.

And the seam from the pantyhose Is off center That happens Okay I'm not gonna knock off points for that Girl presentation I'm not gonna knock off points for that Points for the presentation Anyway but she fares well

Rue's living because she looks like Rue's baby stepdaughter She has a tattoo of Jinx Monsoon on her forearm She looks like Terry Nunn She's selling it they love it She has Terry Nunn's hair on basically and i believe that's an exposed corset 100 um tyra exposed corset i'll do it every episode um tyra is dressed like beyonce, basically. That wig has been around the world at this point. It has multiple stamps. That Morgan McMichael's All Stars promo wig has been

around the world. For sure. And she's giving Beyonce choreography, codography. She walks backwards like Beetlejuice at one point and says, I'm gonna do this. If you are... This is the case of the clothes

Are taking over And it's Especially for rock and roll It's supposed to be about connection with the audience Visceral in the moment Free But she's like I'm doing this thing with the coat And I'm not singing the words

Where they go at all Yeah She was in her own Marching to her own band On Yeah. She was in her own, she marched into her own band. Yeah. And that was on a one-person loop in her head. Yeah. But she had immunity.

She did. She was vulnerable. She made mistakes. She learned from it, probably. Probably. Yeah. And she's very thankful for it, I bet. Thank you for your critique.

Sketch comedy and podcasting are an absolute match made in heaven. And that's why we were very excited this year to produce John Millhiser and Zed Kutzinger's 10 part series radio shorts, a collection of comedy sketches for your ears written and performed by over 30 of New York and L. Summers, a sketch about an unfortunate cruise ship entertainer written by Jesse Esparza and Cat Pilardi, performed by Cat Pilardi and presented here in its entirety. Hello ladies and gentlemen I hope you're having fun on the S.S. Infinity cruise ship to Fort Lauderdale, Florida I'm your cruise ship singer Starla Summers and I've been singing on this deck for

nine hours straight, no breaks and my skin is literally burning off my body This girl is on fire now gloria glamour if you're out there please come and relieve me oh she's got her head in the clouds she's burning it down. This girl is on fire. I'm talking about me. I am on fire.

This is a crowd for help. But enough about me. Does anyone in the audience have any sunscreen? Blankets? Hats? One hat. Anybody with a hat? Oh, I'll come to you. Yay! Oh, mama's got a brand new hat.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, everything hurts to the touch. Jesus. Can't wear a hat. All right, never mind. That is the most pain.

This scalp is on fire. You get what I'm doing. How are you guys enjoying the cruise? Now let's not forget the SS Infinity is your destination cruise ship and ranked in the top five

shrimp buffets in the western hemisphere for a cruise ship. Thank you, Time Magazine! Yay! Oh, I'm gonna sit down because, baby, I'm feeling dizzy. Ah! How did my asshole get burned? Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, how about a joke? Here we go. If I don't die of an intense sunburn today, I will definitely develop melanoma. Or at the very least, basal cell carcinoma, because skin cancer runs in my family. Who wants a conga line? You, sir, come on up. Yeah, let's start a conga line.

Hands right on the shoulders there. Oh! Oh, my shoulders. My arms. Oh, my arms. Oh, no. No. Get the fuck off my face.

Get the fuck. Who the fuck? Yeah. We're back. You know what it is? It's like I woke up in the middle of surgery and I could feel all the pain.

Okay, enough about me. I hear we have a corporate team from you on board today. Can you give me a hey, Starla? Hey, Starla. Yeah, and we got the Bumpkin family from the back hills of Georgia on deck. Can I get a hey, Starla?

Hey, Starla. Now, are there any doctors or nurses on board? Because I'm pretty deep in heat stroke here. I'm smelling burnt toast. Come on, doctor, doctor. Give me the news. I got a bad case of loving you. Come on, doctor, doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of love in you. Come on, a bad case of skin. Peeling right off my body here. Woo! Ew! I'm feeling kind of shaky here. I don't know how much time I have here. But more importantly, we have some newlyweds on board today.

Yes, we do. We got some newlyweds. Now, welcome to you. Diane, this goes out to you from Richard. Just going to walk right off the stage here. Oh, that is a drop. A three-foot drop. Down off the lip of the stage.

Okay. It's for the way you look at me. Oh, it's for the only one. I'm so sad. I thought I would be with my family when I died. Happy marriage. Good night forever she's dead

next up is relatively healthy Jenny Stoller's podcast about health sex wellness dating and self-care. This year, Jenny has conducted some of the most honest and revealing interviews that you will ever hear on a comedy podcast, covering topics such as breast cancer, body acceptance, grief, plastic surgery, polyamory, addiction, heart transplants, mental illness, and menstrual products. Definitely one of the highlights of Relatively Healthy this year was Janie's two-part series on abortion, which included this clip with guest Kim Kalish. When you're trying to defend abortion, you try to make it seem like it's not that big of a deal so it doesn't feel scary.

Yes. And that's fair and that's fine. But for me, I got lost in it because all I was hearing from people who are pro-choice is like, it's fine. It doesn't matter. It's fine. I got lost in it because all I was hearing from people who are pro-choice is like, it's fine. It doesn't matter. It's fine. I don't regret it. And, you know, I'm two years out.

And that first due date that came through, I was a mess over. I had to go take a hike up a mountain with my dog. And I just left for the day. I was like, peace out. I need to go do this. And sometimes I still do the math of how old that kid would be if I had kept it. And I go through it and I still think about it. And I never questioned my decision, but I always think, what if I had made a different decision? So in the battle of abortion, that seems to get really lost. And I just wish,

I know there's got to be more women than just me thinking about it. And I would think that I'm probably in the majority. It's just that there's such a shame because we all live in the shadows that we don't know how to talk about it. Yeah. And we're scared of pissing people off too, I think a lot of the time. I mean, there's also what you're saying is interesting because if there's a pressure to scream, you know, and some people they're just naturally wired like this or they feel this way. They want to scream about it. They love it. It's the best thing that they ever did. No

complicated feelings. But if we also want to talk to people who don't necessarily understand it, sometimes they feel like we're all having different conversations. Like, there's just not, people who are pro-choice and anti-choice sometimes are just not talking about the same

thing. Like, they're not talking about the same experience, the same type of story. So by being able to fill in those blanks with all the stories, as many as possible, actual experiences, I feel like that does a lot of service to, you know, just feel like that does a lot of service to, you know,

just like undo some of those huge divides. Yeah, I would agree with that. I also think that society as whole, but also women, we hold women up to such a high moral standard that's much higher than men. We can't mess up. And we represent all women. Right. One thing you do means everything for everybody.

Right. So you tend to get the extremes on both sides and you just lose nuance. And I don't know one topic or conversation in this world that doesn't have nuance, you know. And I just, I don't know. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever be the person that's screaming at the top of my lungs that I've had an abortion. But, like, I'll sit down and talk to anybody who will have it, you know. And I just feel like there's a huge majority in there that we just don't get talked about all that much.

Yeah. And then that just keeps propelling the stigma forward because then it's shut out. And then if the one in three, where are their voices? So I'm not going to add mine either. Right. Well, also take it from a, if you take it from a pro-life stance, if all you see are women screaming about they, how they don't care, but you believe that life begins at conception, I totally understand why you would think they were crazy.

You think they're screaming how proud they are to kill a baby. Right. Right. And so you lack the ability to ever have a conversation with them. If there isn't a group of people saying, no, hang on, hang on. I do believe I had a baby and I had to make this horrific choice and it was rough, but I had to make this choice. Right. And I can't make that choice for you. And you can't make that choice for me. There are few podcasts that make better use of sound and atmosphere than the very cool, very trippy Sassy Tarot hosted by Veronica Osorio.

Described as an audio journey through the world of the tarot, Veronica provides interactive readings, explains the meaning of the cards and how to interpret them, shares unforgettable stories from her life, and brings on guests for live readings and all the while she's accompanied by a live improvised soundtrack courtesy of musician peter mark kendall sassy tarot is a truly unique listening experience just listen to this clip featuring beyond's very own mike kelton my angel experiences have been uh i don't know a lot I got... I had a terrible... I was going to do this work. I was hired as an actress for this high-level thing. Mm-hmm.

And I had a terrible, random, like, out of nowhere fight with the producer. Mm-hmm. I have never fought in my life. I'm so against conflict. Yeah, I don't know you as a contentious person. I don't know myself either. I know that I get upset about it. Conflict makes me very stressed.

I will say things frontally, but I don't know how that escalated. And it turned into some, mostly it was me in a corner being like, defending myself. And so I felt like a cage animal and that has never happened in my life. I'm so sorry, thank you. I left very like shaky and was like, fuck, that has never happened. I try to like look back and regret it, regret having reacted or said or and I couldn't regret really anything. So I was kind of calm that way. Like, I don't think there's one thing that i could

have done differently frankly yeah honestly but i don't even regret it yeah and it not in a bad way like i wish maybe it wouldn't have gone that way but i don't regret it but i couldn't get this like terrible yucky post fight like doom you know like this like darkness in your yeah in your heart so i went two days later to get a reiki session because i wanted to clear that energy and also i was frankly losing my mind i felt like they put like energetic like grips on me or something yeah that can happen it can stick to you for sure if someone gets to you if they manage to lower your vibration, they get you in a bad place emotionally, I've heard, it's easier

to get it to attack you. And I have a little story about that. Oh, I love. Two petty, petty, petty stories. Oh, I love. I love petty stories. I love it too. Terrible.

So I went to get the Reiki session and I'm just like laying there and she's doing her thing. But one of the images that I had that was so heavy, so strong. Before my accident, I prayed to Michael. I was like, please, Michael, because that's my, no, no, my Italian grandpa. That's his angel. And like, we just, we all pray to Michael. Not pray to, but ask. So Doreen Virtue is the one who taught me like, when you want help, outside help, you need to ask. Yeah, you have to communicate with your masters or whatever.

Because free will is true. So free will, you're going about your life and then you're like, I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this. Instead't know what to do with this instead of using your brain like that you can just go anyone who's qualified to help me with this any idea any thought any person please send it my way because i need this help and then you at least are opening your brain to receive this solution versus just like staying in the asking place. If you stay in the negativity of it, you kind of tear yourself apart.

Yeah, because you're not even actively looking for a solution, while when you ask, even if you don't believe in angels, you're asking, so you're putting your mind already in that position. It's literally the idea of asking for help when you need it. And people will help you if you ask. Yes. So this is like a mental exercise to be like ask the energies available to please come to you

and help you so i do that with the accident i i barely like i scratched myself basically even though it was hard when the reiki session was happening i closed my eyes well and then two huge muscular legs came out from inside of mine and then they were so so so so so long that i got lifted from earth like literally saw the earth like becoming smaller with this and so you visualize two like big muscular i did this image it's like when you when you're between asleep and awake, a bunch of images just come, and they're not yours, but they're not a dream.

That. That stage. I'm obsessed. She was doing Reiki, and I was having random images and kind of thoughts because I'm still kind of conscious. And then two huge muscular, super great, big legs grow from inside of mine. But they were like energetic legs.

They lift me from the earth. And then I look back and there's six feet long wings. Gigantic. Just the... I knew it was Michael. And I knew he grew from inside of me. So as to say, like, you're protected from inside out. Lifted me from the earth.

And then walked with his two... It was like milky white with like a blue energy lining or something, walked me from where I was on Earth to a few steps, and then he slowly put me down. And then I landed in a different place. And then more images came. That image went. And then I realized, I was like, oh.

I woke up and then I told this girl who was doing Reiki to me and she was like oh that was Michael and I was like yeah that's what I thought she knew it was Michael yeah she was like this is Michael and I was like okay yeah it was Michael oh my god this story I know it's crazy I don't I mean it is a bold move to introduce yourself to the world as the sister podcast of Las Culturistas but that is exactly what Catherine Cohen and Pat Regan did this year with their podcast, Seek Treatment. And over the course of 20-plus episodes, they have proven themselves more than worthy of that title. In fact, Seek Treatment and Las Culturistas were just named Best Extended Podcast Universe of 2018 by Vulture. Wow, I didn't know that was an award.

Each week, Cat and Pat invite on a guest to have a fun,irty conversation about boys sex fucking dating and love and the proof is in the goddamn pudding people please enjoy this clip from the episode sucking a dick is my wedding with guest amy solomon i'm going through a lot of changes right now i really feel like i'm growing right now i think i'm growing right now oh good i think i'm in this place where i'm getting things that i want and i think in like three years i'll have have everything I ever wanted. What I'm scared of is as I'm like getting closer to the things I want, I'm realizing it not – I'm seeing it not make me happy. And I'm like, oh my god, this dragon I've been chasing for a decade is going to be a golden calf and I will never be happy.

I feel like my life is so perfect right now and everything good is happening. I need to just enjoy it instead of being anxious all the time i do feel like you have to i don't know i don't quite know how to do it but like you perform it i was thinking about it last night with you performing at joe's pub like a literal thing you dreamed of in high school like how do we stop and be like holy shit even some for me something as simple as like when I suck a dick, I'm like, I used to always want to suck a dick. Absolutely.

Destroy the moment. I was like 23. I remember being 23 and like having a dream that I sucked a dick and I was still closeted and I was like, whenever ever in my whole life

suck a dick. Even in something as simple as sucking a dick. You should be celebrating the dick sucking. Sucking a dick is my Joe's Pub show. Your Joe's Pub show at the Duplex My Joe's Pub show at the Duplex

Where ticket link is now available This podcast will come out The day of Sucking a dick And Joe's Pub show is Catherine's wedding So by chance of the property Sucking a dick is my wedding Me sucking a dick is Catherine's wedding I'm obsessed with the transit the property, sucking a dick is my wedding. Me sucking a dick is Catherine's wedding.

I'm obsessed with the transit of property and this is my wedding. Now listen. The second podcast in this episode, hosted by Lindsay Kaytai and Kelly Nugent, is the absolutely beloved Teen Creeps, a weekly book club of YA pulp fiction from the 80s and 90s,

which joined Forever Dog at the beginning of 2018 and proceeded to rip through an incredible run of episodes, tackling titles such as Arlstein's The Prom Queen, Christopher Pike's Starlight Crystal, and L.J. Smith's Daughters of Darkness. Named one of the 25 best podcasts of 2018 by Cosmopolitan, Teen Creeps is, quote, the book club you wish you had when you were young. Except it's even better that you're discovering it now because you'll get more of the jokes. And beyond the books, one of the most compelling parts of Teen Creeps is the seemingly endless amount of awkward, hilarious, and exquisitely relatable coming-of-age stories that Lindsay and Kelly share. Including the following clip from the episode on Arl Stein's Cheerleaders, the Third Evil, in which Kelly introduces us for the first, but not the last time, to her very, very unforgettable aunt. So I have an aunt who makes everybody do things for her. And like, she's just very, she's very strange. Like when she's talking to you, she'll get out this little notebook and like take notes on what you're saying. Whoa. Yeah, she's just very she's very strange like when she's talking to you she'll get out this

little notebook and like take notes on what you're saying whoa yeah she's intense and she's also a person that will like um she just like likes being pampered and like massaged and like that kind of thing but like by people she knows oh my god what yeah it's pretty weird like and she'll always like um like she said to my mom they are the same age she goes tweet do you want this is how she talks too oh my god do you want me to braid your hair and my mom was like what and she's like i just love the feeling of when people play with my hair. And you have such beautiful hair. Do you mind if I play with it? Oh, my God.

But she will do things like that. Watch an ASMR video, lady. Get the fuck out of my face. She will like, I remember when she used to stay at my grandparents house there's like a guest bedroom and a guest bathroom she would go into my grandpa and both had bathtubs go into my grandparents master bathroom take bubble baths leave the tub completely full of bubbles bubbles all over the floor and then just take all of their towels use every single one of their towels and then put them wherever she would like end up going then when she put all the towels like on

the kitchen table or whatever wherever she was like done with her towels and my grandma was like oh when you're going upstairs could you bring the towels up and put them in the hamper and she was like oh a wet towel is too heavy for me to hold. Oh my God. Oh my God. But you were holding my towel. That's how it got wet. Are you insane?

There was so much. Holy shit. I love this woman. She was like, I don't remember. What was her name? I don't know if I want to say it. It's not as good as I was hoping.

No, no. Let's call her Annabella. Annabella. She also, I remember. New name. Sorry. No. Souffle.

Souffle. Very good. Souffle entree. Souffle entree souffle entree can you just go hello i'm souffle entree and then say the thing about braiding hair again okay oh no i'll do an actual line that she has said at the beach good hello i'm souffle entree can you put suntan lotion in between my toes oh my god shut the fuck up no and then her husband did it no and we were all like oh souffle on tray you are too much um oh oh so this is when my dad's driving oh mark can you please slow down when you go over the speed bumps?

Don't leave before I place my seatbelt on. This woman has also gone whitewater rafting. So it's like... She also has like a thousand ailments. I love everything about this story. She has a thousand ailments. It's like, I need my tincture. Okay.

Here's an example of something that happened. Okay. My grandma's like on her deathbed. She's dying, dying, dying. Everybody's in town. We're all waiting. What a way to end show. We're all waiting in the waiting room.

Me and my cousins, who are all fairly normal, are all sitting here just feeling a little bit sad, but also kind of punchy and weird. My aunt, first of all, she was like, I have to go to the bathroom. And I had to go also. So I went to the bathroom and then she was like, oh, it is so nice of you to come with me into the bathroom. And I was like, I'm just going to the bathroom. Then, so she comes back. We're all sitting. She opens up her... She brought a cooler to the hospital. Gets out a Costco-sized

thing of applesauce. Oh my god. Like, slowly and daintily, like, unscrews the top. Gets out her spoon. No. Eats her spoon. No. Eats one spoon. No.

Close the door. No! Was it, like, one of those tiny spoons that you use to feed a baby that has, like, the rubber end on it? No, but it was a to-go plastic smallish spoon that, like, you would throw away. But she had it. She used that. And me and my cousins were like, God, what is such a weird fucking detail?

And then she put it away, and then she got out her zippy bag of apple slices, ate one apple slice, closed it, and then put it away. She took a single bite of applesauce and then ate a single slice of apple.

Her full name is Soufflé Apple Entree. Soufflé Apple Entree. Soufflé Apple Entree. a play on Trey. A play on Trey. A play on Trey. One thing that we here at Forever Dog will always remember about 2018 was getting the privilege to reboot Ben Acker

and Ben Blacker's legendary podcast The Thrilling Adventure Hour. Renamed The Thrilling Adventure Hour Treasury, we've released three episodes so far with many more on the way, featuring the triumphant return of classic segments such as Sparks Nevada, Marshall on Mars, Beyond Belief, and the crosstime adventures of Colonel Tick Tock, as well as new tales, new writers, new guest stars, and a bold new sound. All Treasury episodes are recorded in studio with expansive sound design and new musical themes and arrangements. You can expect one new episode from the treasury every month in 2019, as well as a previously

unreleased live recording from the Thrilling Adventure Hour vault. And if you want more of the Thrilling Adventure Hour, you can access the entire back catalog, complete libraries of classic segments and bonus content on Patreon at patreon.com slash thrilling adventure hour. But in the meantime, please enjoy this holiday-themed rendition of Beyond Belief, featuring Paul F. Tompkins, Padgett Brewster, Rob Benedict, and Hal Lublin. It's time to send the little ones

to dreamland and set your radio's dial to spooky. Bolt the doors, lock your windows, and steal yourself a mysterious suspense in this evening's final feature, Beyond Belief. Meet Frank and Sadie Doyle, the toast of the upper crust. Headliners on the society pages. And oh yes, they see ghosts.

Who cares what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Unless evil's carrying the martini tray, darling. Join the Doyles in tonight's dark episode, If These Walls Could Talk. Our story begins in a penthouse apartment at the famed Plaza Hotel, where Frank and Sadie Doyle are about to taste the unknown.

Eggnog. Eggnog. Eggnog. Here goes. Oh, my. This tastes like the punchline of a joke in which a cow is walked into a bar. I care for neither the joke nor the drink. As you suspected, the recipe was clearly incorrect. How much bourbon do you think would be sufficient to nog an egg? All of it, I imagine. for neither the joke nor the drink. As you suspected, the recipe was clearly incorrect. How much bourbon do you think would be sufficient to nog an egg?

All of it, I imagine. If not more, I can still taste it. Take this, darling. The most astringent martini I know how to make. For emergencies only. You had it ready, didn't you? Any time an uncertain mixer is involved, my Boy Scout training kicks in. I do so love a man in uniform.

That did the trick. Shall we investigate the rest of this gift basket from the Vickers? No reason to punish the other gifts. What else have we got in here? Those small brown man cookies, their red and white walking sticks, chestnuts, which are basically poison. Speaking of which, freshen your drink.

Mmm. Look, Frank, a present. Shall I undress it? Only if you wish for me to be jealous of it. I do. Oh, this is truly quite something, Frank. Exquisite. Priceless. It's us. This photo of us from the Vickers gala, the night I drank Mr. Vickers under the table. I remember that table. It held its liquor far better than the host. That must be why I remember it so fondly. And look at this picture's handsome frame.

On the back he's written, To the most winsome couple in Manhattan, Merry Christmas. Christmas! Is that still happening? Oh, Frank, we didn't get Mr. Vickers anything. And he got us us. Well, let us think of something get Mr. Vickers anything, and he got us us. Well, let us think of something to get him. He's got everything he could ever want, save a stronger tolerance. How about you fix us another couple of rounds to think by,

and I'll hang this picture on that wall. So rugged. Aren't I? Now, where is that instrument used to hang things? A hammer? Yes, and that which is hammed? A nail? Here you are, my rugged darling. All right.

Just like dispatching a small vampire, you line up the stake, in this case a nail, and... Ow! Ah! Who just screamed? You did. And who before that? I did. It was me. Your wall. These walls can talk? Just this one. Just me. The Your wall. These walls can talk?

Just this one. Just me. The west wall. You're my favorite wall. Papered as you are, with a tanned, prickled texture. Thank you. That's my skin. Or was. It is. The skin still is. It's just I that was.

I suppose I kind of am. So what precisely are you? And what exactly were you? It's just I that was. I suppose I kind of am. So what precisely are you? And what exactly were you? I'm this now. But I was a man. A hundred percent human. A human man?

The blazer man said it was ostrich. Nope. All me. Definitely me. I remember because it really hurt to get flayed alive. Never get flayed alive, I always say. Not if you can avoid it. Oh, please.

Mr. Doyle, you could handle getting flayed any day of the week. You've been through so much. Ghosts, vampires. Hey, remember when all those genies came over? Vaguely. Oh, you must remember. You were right over there, and you were all out of drinks. That seems both likely and unlikely.

You found a bottle, but instead of booze... Hold it right there! I will not tolerate a flashback episode. I forbid it. Oh, we came right up to it, didn't we? Sorry. I know I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. But in my defense, I was hammered. Our most frequently used defense. And I suppose I must apologize for taking a tool to you. Sorry, old chap.

My name is... was... is... Walton. Which is a coincidence, I admit. Wally the Wall. Like when guys named Taylor can really thread a needle, know what I'm saying? Not really. You mean to tell me you've been watching, listening, spying this whole time? Would you have preferred I made my presence known? I think I might have. I think I might have.

I know I would have. Voyeurs by invitation only. Yeah, I meant to, but I guess I never found my moment. But now's as good a time as any, right? Not like you've got another oddity knocking on that door today. Right, well, I require more drink. Frank, will you help me mix a martini

by the east wall? Certainly, darling. Frank, I'm help me mix a martini by the east wall? Certainly, darling. Frank, I'm not sure I like the non-consensual presence of this sentient surface. I couldn't agree more, love. What's next, a garrulous floor? No, thank you. We must find a way to move him out. Are you guys talking about me?

No. Yeah, you are. Are you talking about exercising me from this wall? Why would you ever think this? I know you. That's what you are. Are you talking about exercising me from this wall? Why would you ever think this? I know you. That's what you do. As it turns out, we've decided to exorcise you from our wall. But where will I go? Come again?

The spirits you exorcise, do you know what happens to them? It depends on them. Walton, unless we're upset, we tend to send them where they think they should go based on their circumstances and perspective. So they could end up someplace terrible, like a swimming pool filled with wigs and mustard. Only if that is their rather specific fear. It is. And they believe that's what they deserve.

I do. Then, yes. Do you drink? You sound like you could use a drink. Back when I was a guy with hands, I never had friends like you. Now the Frank Doyle is asking me to dance. Drink, to drink. And all I can do is stand here like some kind of, some kind of, I'm sure there's a word for it.

Now don't get too down. It was a good run. You've been part of our adventures all along, Walton. We just didn't know it. Yeah. It's been fun. Are you? It's been real fun.

It's been so much fun. Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I've made it awkward now. Only now. Just now you've made it awkward. To be awkward is to be aware. Descartes.

You're sure you don't want a drink? I don't have any kind of digestive tract, but if you wouldn't mind not exercising me, I won't make a peep again. It'd be like I'm not even here. As if I could forget. Perhaps Sadie has the solution. You are the wallpaper, not the wall itself. Yes, I'm more of a skin

condition than anything else, really. Shall we peel you off the wall itself? Yes. I'm more of a skin condition than anything else, really. Shall we peel you off the wall, then? And do what with me? Deliver you somewhere nice. Do you fancy Bermuda this time of year? They've got plenty of walls there on which to live out the rest of your bizarre consciousness. That's the thing. I'm not sure I want to be a wall anymore. Well, then what would you care to be?

I'm basically leather. Instead of be a wall anymore. Well, then what would you care to be? I'm basically leather. Instead of watching you, always watching you, I could be wrapped around you, Mrs. Doyle, holding you. No. I do not like the sound of any of that. Nor do I. Me neither. Neither what you said nor how you said it.

No. But you know who would love a one-of-a-kind coat for Christmas? Mr. Vickers, to whom we owe a gift! Wonderful. May we dispatch two birds with you, Walter? Frankly, I don't know if I want some strange man to wear me. Vickers isn't strange. He merely traverses the globe in a boring old copper zeppelin filled with trunks and trunks of dull old money and everyday flammable gas.

What's strange about that? Luxuriously on the edge. He calls himself the Thrillionaire, which is either ridiculous or admirable. Honestly, I go back and forth. I don't know. Listen, you can be a coat or remain a wall, but you can't stay here. Fine. Mr. Vickers' coat it is. Here we go. I'll just reach up and peel you at this corner, Walton.

Oh, my God, that's painful! Oh, dear. Maybe all in one go, like pulling off a band-aid, but in a scenario in which it hurts only the band-aid. Just do it. Just do it. Don't talk about it. Just do it. Just do it. Oh, dear spirit, do some goat butt!

Well, what we need is a little lubrication. What is that? A gimlet for your glue. Whoa. Who said I couldn't drink? Me? Wrong. I was wrong.

I apologize. Walton's feeling quite nicely now, wouldn't you say, Frank? I would describe Walton as supple. This is honestly a dream come true. Hmm. What is this on your skin, Walton? Some kind of marking? You found my tattoo.

A tattoo? Were you a sailor? No, I was a member of a secret society. I should never have joined a secret society. I just knew I'd end up a wall. I always do. You know. Frank, we've seen that tattoo before.

I think I'd remember Turn it upside down Oh, this is from the Triangle Club They tried to recruit me about ten years back Frank, isn't that when the plazas Had an outside contractor And gifted us the ostrich wallpaper? And the wallpaper arrived

After we concluded that the Triangle Club Was nothing but a men's group for warlocks Indeed Didn't we put a stop to their entire chapter? after we concluded that the Triangle Club was nothing but a men's group for warlocks. Indeed. Didn't we put a stop to their entire chapter? You eradicated the Isosceles Cauldron? No, no, no, no, no. We helped them eradicate themselves. Oh, you did.

The club felt like a very wronged triangle, Mr. Doyle, determined to make it a right. Are you saying they flayed you because of our actions, Walton? Oh, no, I got flayed way before that. For infidelity. And not even mine. You know Pythagorean? Warlock?

Yeah, his wife is whose infidelity it was. Well, why would they ever save you for us? Oh, my punishment was to be a punishment. I... Honestly, I'm supposed to drain your souls. I'm what's called a... Oh, man, I can never remember. But it's bad.

It's a word that means a patch of cursed skin that drains out souls. God, yeah, I don't remember. You guys know? No. Wally, have you been draining our souls? Please be honest. I would never. No, I mean, I was supposed to.

I was gonna. But then I couldn't do it because I loved you guys right away. We are touched, Walton. But if we send you as a coat to Mr. Vickers, are you going to drain his soul? If he's not as charming as you, maybe. I suppose we can't send him to Mr. Vickers then, can we, Frank? No, Vickers is more eccentric than charming. That wouldn't do. Shall we send you to that warlock who flayed you and then tried to destroy us? Is he still kicking? Oh, Pythagorean?

Yeah, let me see. What are you seeing exactly? I'm expanding my consciousness outward. All, um, whatever I'm called can do this. Ah, yep. consciousness outward. All, um, whatever I'm called can do this. Mmm. Ah, yep.

Got him. He's alive. Barely. He and his wife are in a nursing home in Queens. Would you enjoy to take his soul before it slips out of him? Oh, boy, would I. And it would be nice to see Angela again. Then we shall visit a nursing home. A nursing home in Queens.

You'd do that for me? It's Christmas, apparently. And you're like family. Family, we do not want to stay with us, which is just exactly who you deliver to a nursing home. In Queens. Then it seems like we've got this Triangle Club situation squared away. I'll roll you right up now, Walton. Oh, Frank, with Walton off to Queens, we're without a gift for the trillionaire.

What do you get for the man who has everything? Oh! You have it? I believe I have. For the man who has everything, you get him the one thing he doesn't have. Nothing? Nothing. It's perfect.

Just like your eyes, my love. My eyes? Have you seen your nose? You want to talk about perfection? Look in a mirror. Your nose. Your ears. Your lips.

Your lips. What about them? Put them right here. But darling, I'd get them all over your lips. Yes, you would, wouldn't you? Yes. But they're perfect. Hey, guys.

They can take it. Guys, you're on me. Guys. Guys. Hey, guys, could you move me to the east side of the room? I always kind of want to see what it's like over there. Mwah. Oh, God. If I could... Don't want to interrupt, but...

Mwah. Guys. guys and so Frank and Sadie find themselves walking tall in the face of a talking war revenge is a dish best left unserved to those married mediums lest they find out about it

get it drunk and send it back one fold join the Doyles next time when they once again walk beyond belief in a horrifying Hanukkah episode titled The Lady of the Latkes, colon, deedle-deidel, deedle-deidel, doom. This next clip comes from a new podcast that premiered appropriately the day after the midterm elections this year. It's called This Is What Democracy Pods Like, and it's hosted by comedians and progressive firebrands Billy Domino, Oscar Montoya, and Kate Friedman. Each week, Billy, Oscar, and Kate trade hot takes on the week in politics, take the temperature of the resistance, and interview unforgettable guests like young Al Gore, death-obsessed Dan Rather, sexy Wyoming politician Ross Denison, and the head of non-practicing lesbians for Ted Cruz, Cheyenne Dykes.

In the following clip, Billy and Kate read selections from their post-midterms congressional erotic fan fiction. Enjoy. We've got that Democratic House coming up in January. That will be sworn in and Pelosi is likely going to take back that gavel. We'll see Marsha Fudge coming forward. Who knows? But we've been waiting for this for not even just two years since Trump was elected. We've been waiting for this for eight years now since 2010.

That's right. And we've had some ideas in mind of what might happen when that House is taken back. Absolutely. Ideas that excite us. Yeah. Ideas that make us whisper. Ideas that make us scream. But Kate and I have written up some stuff. Oscar didn't because Oscar was busy last night.

What? Why were you busy with Oscar? He has no answer for that. He's just touching his coffee as if it's going to save him somehow. Kate, do you want to read your little story? Show us what's in your brain, what you're hoping for when we get politically out of this house. Thank you for the invitation, Billy. I'm really excited to have an outlet for my excitement about the house and my own sexual energy. The air was heavily perfumed by fresh glistening sampler baskets. Abby was so excited she could barely take a bite as Nancy Pelosi kept talking to her on and on and on. No one told me Congress was going to be this fun, Abby said as she took

an ill-informed drag, shooting her straight to the moon. I'm with all that, Nance, but I'm going to be all up in that probe giving my best oh face, oh, oh, oh, Adam adam shift said as a few people laughed not my best sorry guys adam said as he asked for the bill adam 1992 might have been year of the woman but this is 2018 and it's year of the woman telling you to shut the fuck up nancy said as all the ladies laughed together in a glorious way abby couldn't believe the night was already over. Or was it? All of a sudden, it was February and the house was in full swing. New and extremely strict gun background checks were in play and community policing totally took a turn for the best and across the country was totally responsible behind the peaceful burnings of excess guns around the country.

Maroon 5 had even played at a recent gun burning event in Austin, and it was dope as fuck. Everything was coming up Democrat. As they were about to break for lunch, Nancy Pelosi let everyone know that Trump was stepping down as president because Greg Pence got a message from God that it was the right thing to do. The White House was about to install the House of Reps as one really big new president. Hear, hear, everyone shouted.

Abby squealed in delight. She couldn't believe that she was part of an even bigger moment in history that happened in record time. Just as she was about to call her dad and tell him the good news, she felt another naked, unsocked foot fall upon hers. When she looked up, she was shocked at who was on the other end of the leg, grazing hers. Oh my gosh. Oh. Yeah, that sounds like a walk around the block after that one.

Thank you for letting me get some of those thoughts and feelings out. I mean, everyone knows that the Keto-Eronic is specifics and Chili's, Alexandria, Hampton Inn. Maroon 5. These are all things that

make parts of my body shout. That's so nice. Thank you. It's so nice to have a warm reception to something that you write and it's such a piece of you and it's so vulnerable. You're questioning, did I put too many time jumps in there? Is it making sense? And it's just – it just feels really nice, guys.

Thank you. We are not about kink shaming. We are about kink celebration. That's right. No matter the kink, no matter if it's dangerous to others, you need to do what you need to do in order to express yourself and your body. Wow, Kate. Well, thank you so much for sharing this work of art.

Billy, let's hear yours. Please. I'll admit mine doesn't have as many time jumps. Mine takes place in sort of more in real time, but- That's interesting. In its own way. That's really interesting. Maybe that's equally erotic.

After a grueling eight weeks of auditions and experimental workshopping where several Congress people lost their lives due to trust falls. Today, everyone will learn the committee appointments. Quickly, the shouts start to rise above the din. As excitement fills the room with sexy feelings, Mitch tepidly walks towards the corkboard. What committee will he be on? Energy and Commerce? Yearbook? Everyone sees Mitch walking close, his neck glistening in the indoor breeze. The crowd parts and a hush falls over. A hush like that time Mr. Boehner cried during the Earth Day assembly. No one wants to be near Mitch when he finds out the news.

Mitch scrolls the list with his sexy, hot finger. Commerce? No. Veterans Affairs? No. Pep Squad and Agriculture? Not even that one. Mitch is sad. A tear starts to trickle down his cheek as Ted Lieu and Elijah Cummings make out by the junior lockers. Get a room, shouts Jody Ernst through her headgear covered in 4-H stickers. Adam and Elijah do not get a room. They just keep sucking neck, their lips glistening in the indoor breeze. Mitch is about to give up and go home, thinking this new Congress is one he won't be a part of.

He'll just have to go home and kill himself like he always does. But just then, he sees one tiny list at the very bottom of the corkboard. It has his name on it, but it's the only name? Oh my god, more. Give us more, Billy. That was far too short. Holy crap. If you want more, go to your local library. And write this there on a public computer.

Is it a published work? I don't know. What do you call WordPress? Is WordPress publishing or not? I don't know. Oh, Billy,press is wordpress publishing or not i don't know i'm never really i'm i'm fully steamed up i really am is it legally published i don't know is this in the library of congress yes but i don't know what i don't know what weight you want to give that guess what forever dog has a baseball podcast and it's about more than baseball and it's really, really good.

It's called Three Swings, and on each episode, long-suffering baseball fan Rhea Butcher reinvents America's pastime with radically sensible thoughts on baseball, history, culture, gender, race, politics, and more. John Lingen over at Deadspin hit the nail on the head when he described three swings like this for butcher. As for everyone else that cares about the game, baseball is an escape, a beautifully pointless hobby that nevertheless connects us to our friends, family, city, and youth. But three swings is a baseball show for an anxious age,

one where everything feels connected and ambiently doomed. As such, it has become a journey of a host's self-reflection and self-reinvention. The ragged optimism of that evolution is always visible. Well put. Couldn't agree more. Please enjoy the following clip from Three Swings. We've got a big trade, which is Daniel Murphy to the Cubs. Daniel Murphy's outspoken homophobia began when he was with the Mets in 2015.

Billy Bean, former MLB player and current inclusion ambassador, And just to put a pin in this there, Billy Bean has since said that he retired from baseball because he did not feel he could come out and continue to play baseball. And he needed to come out. So I think that's an important thing to keep in mind when discussing Billy Bean. I think it's always important to keep a timeline of these things, regardless of what it is, in mind, which you could also consider to be context, that he retired early from not just the sport that he loved and something he was, you know,

blessed, I guess, to be able to do. He also had to retire from work, quit his job, essentially, so that he could be his true self. and i don't think we think about that often you know we think about we look at you know the internet and everybody's so pro lgbtq plus ia like everybody's so pro everything and everybody thinks everything's fine now but like you gotta think about these things where yeah he's all over the place and they made this position for him, but he, that's because he had to retire so that he could be who he is. And that's a big deal. You know, that's kind of a big problem. And, um, you know, I, I'm more concerned about that, that people don't have to quit their jobs or be fired from their jobs than I am about,

you know, whether or not a team sells a rainbow flag shirt in their pro shop. You know, it's, one thing is making money and then the other thing is preventing a human being from doing a job. You know, so I think that both things are important, but one might be a little bit more important for me. So in response to Billy Beane's visit, Murphy first called the idea forward thinking before proceeding to say that because of his Christian beliefs, he disagreed with Beane's lifestyle. The full quote is this,

I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual. Something very specific about Christians using the word homosexual, but whatever. Anyway, that doesn't mean I can't still invest in him and get to know him. I don't think the fact that someone is a homosexual should completely shut the door on investing in them in a relational aspect. I would say you can still accept them, but I do disagree with the lifestyle 100% maybe as a Christian. Oh, sorry, new sentence. 100%. Maybe as a Christian, we haven't been articulate enough in describing what our actual stance is on homosexuality. We love the people. We disagree

with the lifestyle. That's the way I would describe it for me. It's the same way that there are aspects of my life that I'm trying to surrender to Christ. That's a great deal of many things, like my pride, which I think is such an interesting choice of words, and I'll get back to that. I just think that as a believer trying to articulate it in a way that says, just because I disagree with the lifestyle doesn't mean I'm not going to speak to Billy Bean every time he walks through the door. That's not love. That's not love at all. Now, I have to admit that in 2015, when this happened happened i had just started getting back into baseball in 2013 2014 2015 was the first world series that i watched since probably 2006 um because i really was uh out of sports for a long time men's professional sports for a long time. And I found out about this stuff mostly via

like TV clips and then maybe the internet, but I don't really know. It was a combination. And I didn't read the whole quote and I didn't hear the whole quote. And I'll be honest, I just kind of saw homophobic baseball player and went, fuck that and that's on me number one i have in the past like i don't know year of this year really tried to slow down and not just like i'm gonna say retweet but i it's a metaphor for everything which is everything has turned into such like clickbait where it's boiled down to this essential nature that is an attempt to get your attention and also inspire either rage, panic, or happiness. And so I have tried really hard to, if there's something that I see and it inspires any of those things in me and it is on a website that is a real thing, I try to take a moment to read it and see if that's what they're actually saying.

Because I've seen so many news headlines or tweet headlines that literally do not line up with what the actual article is saying and it's it's so uh disparaging and so frustrating and so toxic for everything that um you really owe it to literally yourself to pay more full attention to the things that you want to comment on you know like i i both bristle and completely agree with the idea that there is outrage culture, because I think that for a lot of people, outrage has become the new PC culture, and, like, all of these things are, like, a toss-away, just a way of diminishing someone saying, hey, stop treating us badly. But at the same time, there is also people who just jump on board with a thing

and act like it's the craziest, worst thing that ever happened let's all burn everything down and so there's got to be a middle ground here of going wait a minute what is this actually about what is this person actually trying to say and so i'm actually grateful to the fact that this guy was traded somewhere that we're all going back and looking at this again. Because I think that there's a lot here. Because I haven't even gotten to the fan reaction to the fact that Daniel Murphy is playing in Chicago. Just to go back to his quote,

I actually think that what he is trying to get at, while I disagree, because I don't think you can disagree with a human being's existence, because he is able to, as a non-LGBTQ person, and as a his type of Christian person with his belief system, is able to see his lifestyle as a norm or an acceptable one or following Christ or whatever or neutral. He is in the sort of neutral position to be able to say, you know, essentially hate the sin, not the sinner. And it's a sort of evolved position from hate the sin, not the sinner, to say, I disagree with your lifestyle, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to engage

with you as a human being. And the reason I'm even saying this, and I hope that all of you who probably disagree with me right now understand that I am a 36-year-old queer person who has lived their life as a gender non-conforming person and also a butch lesbian and also all of the things that I've been in my life. I have not been accepted.

I have been treated like shit simply for the way I exist on this planet. So please keep that in mind when I say all this stuff. I am somebody that has, I don't like Daniel Murphy as a player. I don't even like his, I don't like his style of play. But I have to be very honest about the way this guy is talking. That I actually think that someone speaking this way about that is someone that you could have a conversation with and say, I get what you're saying, but this is why I think it's wrong. Can we have a conversation about this? Do you realize that as a human being, you cannot

separate my existence from my humanness? And the fact that I am queer is not a lifestyle. It is an existence. It is not something that I put on because I feel like it. feminist sci-fi comedy, plus soundboard sound effects, original songs, and amazing guests like Paul F. Tompkins, Amanda Seals, John Lovett, Ira Madison III, Jolkin Booster, and many, many more. For Star Trek diehards and novices alike, Treks in the City has an absolute treasure chest of a back catalog. So subscribe and get caught up now before Alice and Veronica jump into season four in 2019. And in the meantime, enjoy this clip of Alice, Veronica, and guest Whitmer Thomas singing an improvised pop punk song about the android Data and his android offspring, Lol, from season three, episode 16, The Offspring.

I have something queued up. Oh, yeah. There you go. What am I singing about? Say goodbye to Lol. Okay. Law was a really nice little robot. She felt a little too much. She liked her daddy and she liked his touch.

She had emotion. She knew about paintings. She would spit a drink on her shirt. And one day she got too smart. And her little heart was torn apart. So she had to

be repaired. But no matter how fast that a daddy's hands could move, she had to die because they couldn't improve her. Oh, Dada Daddy. Dada Daddy could have given her a deep ticket. Dada Daddy.

Dada Daddy could have given her a deep ticket Long past a big fuckable ass Okay. Oh my God. What a delight. That's the best. I wish you would just record an album talking about... Well, we are going to record an album, so maybe we can...

We can have that song be on it. Be on it. I'll always do little choruses if you need. Thanks. Y'all are really good. You'll be there. Thank you. The Unofficial Expert with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a podcast that we have always listened to with absolute awe at how funny it is, how fast it is.

And so when Sydney and Marie brought the Unofficial Expert to Forever Dog this year, we were ecstatic. Each episode, Sydney and Marie invite on a guest who claims to be an expert in a very specific field, flirting, porn, daddy issues, online dating, cookouts, stalking, sex toys, runaway brides. And they interview the guest to test their expertise, deciding by the end of the episode whether or not to crown them an unofficial expert please enjoy the following clip from the episode sex date expert with guest molly austin so i show up to the date and well first of all wow threesomes are a uh weird group of people to break into i will say as because like well i just want to let you know people who are openly looking for threesomes are fucking weird like any threesome i've had it just fucking, any threesome I've had, it just fucking happens. Any threesome you've had?

How many threesomes have you had, sis? I just, you know. Give us a number. I need a hard number. Yes, hard like her spine brace. I need like a one, two, three, four. Give me it, man. In the teens, where am I with this? No, bitch, it's less than five. So four?

No, bitch. It's less than five. So four? No. So five. She's had at least five threesomes. Whatever, hoe. This is about you. This ain't about me. But let's talk about your threesomes. I didn't know you had five threesomes.

Isn't that crazy that she's had six threesomes? I mean, seven is a lucky number. Eight threesomes is crazy, dude. I can't believe you had that many. Let the listeners think whatever they want to. Y'all know damn well I haven't been with you. What are you doing with your boobs right now i'm just massaging she's missing the threesome because it was more hands on her boobs before i feel like i'm at the gyno with you wait what i'm not touching myself checking for lumps i don't i don't check anyway

go ahead yes you gotta check i know but i feel like they look smooth you know that's true you're a fool anyway so you're you meet up with these people so weird so i meet up with these people and did you have a preference you wanted i mean i guess it was gonna be a girl and a guy well no i was open no i was like open to discussing all options guy and guy i'm like oh that's a porno feels well i don't know something about two dicks feels very violent to me like swords like swords right like and like you get a cut somewhere right but i'm like also like not shut down to the idea but i'm also not like molly you would take two dicks that's what i mean mean. At the same time. I feel like I'm not judging you, but I'm judging you.

Sounds like you're judging sis. I think it would have to be like a very, I don't know. I just like, I don't, I don't think I could handle two dicks. I had a friend who took two dicks. You think you could handle two dicks? No, I feel like you could handle two dicks is what I said. Why do you feel like I, why, what about me? What about me if there's two dicks?

You'd have one like getting snacks set up and then you would bang one and then like he would rest and then you would eat you know little little break then bang the other one well Molly you got a new back so you definitely could take two dicks that's what I'm talking about I do have a new back maybe not two big dicks but like a medium sized dick and then like a

I'm not fucking around with two dicks for below average dick I mean I feel like people who have threesomes don't have great dicks in my mind I'm not fucking around with two dicks for below average dick. I mean, I feel like people who have threesomes don't have great dicks. In my mind, I'm assuming. I want to say, yeah. You're right. Right. That's why they need help.

As a threesome expert? I'm going to tell you, no. Here I'm on her nine threesomes. Anyway. So I get there. I get there. He's there already. What did he look like? I mean. Here I'm on her nine threesomes. Anyway, so I get there. I get there. He's there already.

And what do you look like? I mean, like, like Clark Kent, like six, three real broad, real like tall, dark and handsome. Just like a knight, like a like a retired Chippendale. He's like fucking buff. And he's like hot. You are painting the photo here. I mean, this man is just like his hands like fit across my entire back. Like he's huge. Wow.

He's a huge. Like a giant. Beautiful man who like, yeah, he's like a giant. And I'm just like. His hands. So you are a dork yeah but if he's that big and that fine I would assume that means

he either doesn't speak English or he's very dumb right yes no I definitely once I dated a male model so I was like perfect they're right up my alley they don't like no words I mean I've seen a picture of him.

He's good looking, but he don't look dumb. No, he's actually not. He's actually very smart. He looks smart. I can see the way he part his fucking hair. He has a hair. He has a part. He has a part.

Yes. He parts his hair. It's smooth. He's like slick. He's like very. Molly, you should have led with the fact that he parts his hair. I said Clark Kent. I didn't know that Superman was part of it.

I know that Clark Kent had glasses. Clark Kent flies through the air and never loses his part. Never loses that curl. So what does the girl look like? So she's late. And we are like, and I was like, which is a terrible move for her. Because if I bring in my man and meet another bitch

oh I'm getting there early pulling up together no no no I'm getting there early I'm together is the move right it was weird where was she that he got there first meet me early I'm gonna get there early talk to the waiter listen another bitch is coming in yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be messy so well she get oh my god

today is really why is it so violent for you and it was like I'm under the well I'm told that it's her idea the whole thing is her idea that means he's about to break up with her and she's panicking right right that's what that is wow you just ruined the end of the story

Sydney well that's what happened no I'm saying that's a fact like if you were like yo I'll do whatever you want so you could stay it would be a threesome well yeah see this is why I don't care about how men feel I'm not a desperate

Hail Mary pass to keep my man is to bring another chicken to the situation no no no no no no I'd be like if you want to go go and also I'm never going to bring someone into my situation I'm going I'm going out I'm going out I'm going out for food you want to go, go. And also, I'm never going to bring someone into my situation. I'm going out. I'm going out. I'm going out for food.

You know what I'm talking about? Because I want to go home. I don't want these people in my home. I don't want them in my space. I don't want like, no. No. No. I don't want to never see these people again.

I don't even want them to be from this coast. Yeah. Boom. And they're not. Look at God. Look at God. In addition to the Thrilling Adventure Hour, we also had the privilege this year of working with Ben Blacker on another one of his podcasts, The Writer's Panel, which celebrated its 400th episode this year with an amazing live show at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Thank you. of writers and showrunners, including Caroline Dries, Latoya Morgan, Alexander Cunningham, Monica Breen, Christine Boylan, Chernold Edwards, Angela Kang, and Jennifer Hutchinson.

Well, it seems to me that a lot of the requests for free work come from a place of fear on the buyer's side. We need to feel secure in paying you to do this thing, so do all the free stuff first. But what's hard is when you go into pitch and I would love to hear from every, everybody here who's like sold all this stuff, because I've sold certain things and some things go and some things don't, but they want a, uh, this is such a Tony Robbins thing of like a need for a need for a need for like certainty and a need for adventure at the same time. And that's what they want.

They want certainty. They want to know you have all the secrets of the universe in your iPad or in your cards or in your head, however you pitch. But they also want to be enticed. So they want you to tell them everything, but they don't want you to tell them everything because they want to be seduced.

And that's important too. So like the last, I've been back and forth working on a couple of pitches the last couple of months and trying to find that level of, I'm the kind of person who I will like arrest you for eight hours and tell you every single detail of this whole world. And nobody wants that, obviously, right? But at the same time, the 10 minute pitch is like, I haven't even gotten into the part where the angels come down.

Just give me five more minutes. So I mean, the balance of what do you keep and what what do you not keep and walking into a room where if you're pitching on a book you have to assume no one's read that book even though the people you're bringing with you the producers will have read it and they know it and you know maybe you know the author maybe that's going great podcast they probably heard it right? Because they're not readers. And to be fair, they have to read a lot. Sure. Absolutely.

I don't get it. I want them to have read more, but I never expect it. That's the thing. So, yeah, what's the balance for you guys of seduction and enticement versus listen here is a chart of five to seven seasons and here are the points we're going to hit and it's going to spike on twitter season four because of this just trust me like what how do we do that well in the details that you think are important versus the ones that are important for telling that story i mean mean, well, first of all,

sometimes it doesn't help if they've listened to the podcast. I found that I had better pitches on Night Vale when maybe they weren't as familiar with it, because they have expectations if they've listened to it. They think, this is going to be who you're following, this is going to be what the show is, and then if you don't meet those, then you're not selling to that place.

It's a hard balance, and this is something I consistently struggle with. I am the person where I go in and I'm like, it's never the right amount of detail. Like, if I overdo it, my agent's like, oh, wow, you really, apparently you gave a lot of detail. And then if I underdo it, it's like, oh, they want you to come back. And it's a hard balance. And so I think the thing that I have found is, because you're right, they want to know everything, but they don't want to know anything. What they really want to know is, do you know everything? And if you can communicate

that to them, then I think that's when you have a more sort of successful moment. And so when it comes to details, I try to do a thing where there are specific details that I highlight that are important to me that I feel like I can pitch really well because they're meaningful for me. And then they're like, oh, she has details. There must be more details. It's not always successful, but I think that's the thing. It's like, do you have a point of view that's really strong? Can we, can we invest in you even if we don't have it all in our heads? Yeah. Monica, you were nodding your head during this. I mean, I have no answer to this because I struggle with it all the time. And the one, the most successful pitch I had, which was Midnight Texas,

I walk in and give them 30 minutes of a small town story, and it was based on a book that no one had read. And they looked at me and said, turn around, Monica. And I turn around, and there's a picture of Jamie Alexander's back with all the tattoos on it. And they're like, make it that and you got a deal. And they walk out. I'm getting high fives from the producer. I'm like, what just happened?

I didn't pitch that though. At all. Like it's a small town soap opera. What is this? And then before they picked up the show, cause I was like, they're never making the show. The show, I got the pilot made. It was delightful. I had a really lovely time. I was in New Mexico. It was really pretty. And, um, I was like, no one's ever doing the show. There's a talking cat. There's angels. I don't even, it's crazy town. But it was a small town soap with Supernaturals. And I get called in. It's like, can you make it a demon of the week?

Because if you can, you've got to sell. And I'm like, what did I pitch? Why did I pitch? Just tell me what you want. This is a make your own adventure. So like, I don't 100% have answers because it was successful. It worked. And the show, as wackadoo as it was, got a

second season. So in a strange way, I'm just like, alright, let me just go into this little rabbit hole and just figure out what's happening because no one knows. That's what's amazing to me. That no one knows. This was NBC, right? And what year

is this? Two years ago. This was right after we fucked up on Constantine and did a serialized show with demons. And yeah, and they were like, can't you just make it like grim? Can't you just do an exorcism of the week? I was like, but all exorcisms are kind of going to look the same if we do that. But you nailed so i mean yeah i mean it was just it was you work very hard on your pitches and you work very hard on creating a world in your mind that you understand and you know how to break the story you know what the emotional arcs are and then you just get thrown these things wow make it this and you're like all right and i mean you know part of it for me is i always think of this job And you're like, all right. And I mean, you know, part of it for me

is I always think of this job a little bit like a project runway challenge. Like, it's like, go to the 99 cent store and make a gown. And like, and I feel like that keeps me sane because otherwise I will go crazy when they tell me to make a gown out of construction debris. But that's, you know, part of the fun of the job is like, all right, well, let's make a gown out of construction debris. But that's part of the fun of the job is like, all right, well, let's make a gown, I guess.

From A to Z, we have finally arrived at the end of the Forever Dog roster with Alexis G. Zoll's innovative interview podcast, Zoll Good. On each episode of Zoll Good, Alexis interviews a fellow comedian, entertainer, or influencer about their life and career. And she also interviews one of their parents or siblings or best friends or colleagues to get the real story behind their public persona. The interviews are then cut together in a point-counterpoint fashion that makes Zolgud really unlike any other interview podcast you've ever heard. In the following clip, our last clip, Alexis talks to comedian and director Bo Burnham and his sister, Sam enjoy. I was always incredibly,

incredibly competitive and I still am competitive and I have to unlearn that stuff, but I feel like a deeply, deeply competitive person and I've only, yeah. Yeah. So did you always see him kind of going into entertainment or what was that prediction on your end as to where he would end up career wise?

Honestly, I just always knew he was going to be great. Like I still tell him to this day, which he laughs in my face, that like if this doesn't work out, he can just go be a brain surgeon. And I truly believe he could. Like, I really think he's just like that smart and great and everything. He's kind of just he's kind of just awesome at everything he does. Again, it sounds, that sounds like I'm being weird. I really think that. That's very, yeah, that's, that's the, that's untrue. And yeah, that's part of the, her, her and my mother's want to tell me that all the time

is actually a burden that I'm, I've been trying to shake since I was three years old, which is like, you guys have to stop telling me I'm the smartest, greatest boy that's ever lived from the time I'm two. Or then I try to seek that from the world and anything less than that is obliteration to me. So now I just nod and smile when they tell me that, but it's very sweet.

And I know they, I know she actually does believe that, which is very sweet. Yeah. But it's very sweet. And I know they, I know she actually does believe that, which is very sweet. Yeah. Um, but it's very not true. Um, but once you started doing the plays, it was like, Oh my God, you have to keep doing this. You just have to, I mean,

he was so good at acting and so creative. And then once he started performing, um, and doing the comedy stuff, just everything that he writes just feels. Yeah. I mean, right when he got started, it felt like, Oh, of course this is what you need to be doing.

Uh, she also mentioned that you at one point got really into magic. Sure. So what sort of sparked that? Probably just being a loser and thinking, why not just complete the vision of myself? You know what I mean? I'm already down here.

So unappealing to women and my peers. I might as well start doing magic. No, I don't know. I just liked it. It was probably performative. There's also something fun about it. I also like math and tricky, puzzly things. And there's like magic sort of blent the world of like theater and performance and puzzles.

And again, just repulsion to everyone around you you know it also yeah i don't know i still love magic do you feel like you were repulsed or people were repulsed by you no no i i think it was no and you know i i was somewhere where it's like you know probably the coolest kid in class was doing magic um but yeah, I felt uncool. Not uncool. Yeah, I mean a dork. Nah, that word has become something else. I was just like a passionate little

dork. Okay, so you had your specific interests that you were very into. Yeah, just like theater and magic. I have friends where I look back and I'm like, man, you were cool. You were cool at 12. Um, it's not,

not about being cool. Like you were cool necessarily to those around you. Um, yeah, I would, I would just always, uh, yeah,

just had eccentric interests. Yeah. I think there is something cool about being a young person and liking what you like and not being, you know, concerned if that's necessarily like the coolest thing. I think that gets cooler and cooler in hindsight as you get older, you're and not being, you know, concerned if that's necessarily like the coolest thing. I think that gets cooler and cooler in hindsight as you get older.

You're like, oh, I was confident. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. You know, in hindsight, I wish hindsight did, did, did worked on magic. It just isn't working for me. It's immune.

Spengali decks and, and foam rabbits are not really helping. You know, they're not getting any better in the rear view. But, no, I had a lot of fun. And it's like. I guess I sort of understand where you're coming from as well. Because I am an only child. And both of my parents just think I am the bee's knees. They just love it.

They think I'm great. And then so when I go into things, I'm like, so that was great. It was great. and it's like i want everyone to think that i'm as good as the world's not your parents yeah yeah brutal yeah no but it really is no but i'm not even saying that like yeah that's realization for me and like it's it's it's a realization for a lot of people in i think we're vaguely the same generation like on either side of it and like yeah we we we do need a lot of it's it's it's not necessarily that the love and the and the affirmation is the issue it's that

the lack of the other like there's some value in having like a psychological thing to overcome to look at your parents and go i'll show you and like run out into the world to prove something wrong and to not have anything to push back against and to feel like it is hard. It's not, it's not more difficult, but it has another type of problem. And yeah, it's, it's, it's a strange thing to have the privilege that sounds like we did of, of, of of being supported that concludes the best of forever dog 2018 you can find all the podcasts mentioned in this episode at foreverdogpodcasts.com you can also subscribe to them on apple podcasts stitcher spotify or your favorite podcast app

and if you have a chance please leave your favorite shows a rating and review and let them know you like what they're doing it not only helps more people find out about our podcast it's also very appreciated by our podcasters and our production team speaking of which you can follow us forever dog on twitter and instagram at forever dog team for the latest news and updates we have a lot of exciting new shows coming your way in 2019 so stay tuned for that as well as amazing new episodes by all of your favorites from this episode so thank you very much for your support for listening and we'll see you in 2019