Podcast: The Ride - The Mark Twain LIVE

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

We discuss Jason's beloved Mark Twain riverboat, learn the origin of "sugar daddy", and wrap it up with an exciting grand finale! Recorded live at Dynasty Typewriter, 5/6/23 50's Prime Time Café episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! not a reservation. Get the hell out of the theater! Tonight's show will mostly consist of the hosts on their phones silently checking for $4 off CBS coupons. Please be

aware, the ever-present PTR curse. Any celebrities over 75 mentioned in tonight's show should expect to die almost immediately. And now, live, just seven and a half miles away from Toothsome Chocolate Emporium and Savory Feast Kitchen, it's Podcast The Ride! The Ride! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, folks. Oh, my gosh. I tried to fill that space with dancing, and I felt kind of uncomfortable with it.

I shan't be doing that again. How'd you feel about what you did during the theme? I was doing like an interpretive dance almost, like, hello there, welcome to the, like I was in a parade or something. And I feel okay about it, but I don't feel great about it. Jason, rank your thing. I did some waves and some respectful bows,

and I'm feeling great. Wow. You nailed it. With confidence, you nailed it. And now I can officially say, welcome to Podcast the Ride Live, or as we are calling it, due to the writer's strike, the only way we can do comedy without being scabs. Yeah!

This is loud. I wrote the joke down, but I think this is not in under the guild purview. So I think I'm okay. Please don't write me out. We respect the code. We are union strong. I am striking right now from everything but this. And my name is Scott Gairdner. Hi.

I am also doing this. My name is Mike Carlson. And I don't have a lot going on besides this. And I'm Jason Sheridan. Thank you. Well, then it's a good thing you do have this going on, and it's a good thing you folks came. We're so happy to see you. It's been a while.

We have not done this anywhere for over a year. I know. Somehow this happened. It might have something to do with that mike has been preoccupied with the miracle of life a little bit somebody here i'll say this i'll say this somebody sat up on her own for the first time today yeah my baby did. Phew, phew.

People just like the idea of someone sitting up regardless of who it was. We're feeling great. We're happy to be doing the live stream. This is a first time for us. Hi, live stream. That's an awkward... We're like, do you guys cheer? You're not watching the live stream.

Well, cheer for them for watching. Give them some support for this this new endeavor for for everyone um look we're all really excited to be here and i it means a lot that you guys are here um because it's been like this is a little crazy it's been like kind of a tough time for me and I don't want to bring anybody down, but I experienced a loss recently, and it's been a little rough, and it's a little tough to talk about. And it might be better if I... This just seems like maybe a good venue to kind of vent some of what I've been going through. And it may be easier to do with this little presentation. Mike, do you mind? We should have music on this too

he's dancing again feel good about this way this is a wonderful dance this is a dance I have to do. Seems like yesterday I was hanging there. Downtown Disney open air. Reasonably priced beer and Merlot. Uwe Bahr, you've got to know that. Life ain't always what it seemed to be. Best place to get drunk at Disney, even though you're gone. We're still a team.

Corner rapers are in my dreams. I know you're up there looking down, yellow umbrellas all around, watching us while we pray for you and your owner, Patina Group. I once made fun of your ugly font, but now that font is all I want. Give anything to take half a sip. And I can still almost taste your pita dip.

Every step I take Every fried corn cake Every fried corn cake And I can still almost taste your pita dip. Every step I take. Every fried corn cake. Every fried corn cake. Your rosé tastes great. Plus you validate. I'll be missing uva. Thinking of the days.

Thinking of the days. Drinking Chardonnay. days drinking Chardonnay drinking Chardonnay what a bar to take what a lease to break I'll be missing ooooh alright

now folks if you're like me and you're upset that downtown Disney closed their casual outdoor restaurant Uva Bar and you are not looking forward to the new location which is called upset the downtown Disney closed their casual outdoor restaurant Uva bar and you are not looking forward to the new location which is called Centrico then say something with me okay fuck Centrico fuck Centrico fuck Centrico fuck Fuck Centric Go! Fuck Centric Go! You guys keep doing it! Fuck Centric Go! Fuck Centric Go! Fuck Centric Go! Fuck Centric Go!

Fuck Centric Go! It feels so good. Thank you. Alright, we're good. That's what I needed. Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow. Wow. I'm so sorry about what happened. Yeah, thanks. So, I mean, what have they taken from us?

Yeah. A place that has basic wine and food that has to be awkwardly carted out from a separate kitchen and into kind of the middle zone. Of course, you all know it. Everybody's an Uwe fan. Who isn't an Uwe fan, right?

Sure. The answer an Uwe fan. Who isn't an Uwe fan, right? Sure. The answer technically might be me. All right, now that that part is over, let me admit this. I had the idea for the song. I went down there to say goodbye and to film a little video, and then they didn't have any of the drinks

that I wanted. They didn't take my Disney gift card. What? And the... It's just dead in the center of something with Disney in the name. Wait, you're saying... Wait, am I wrong for wanting the discount? No, no, they are.

It's just... Yes, that's what I... Yeah, this discount? No, no, they are. It's just like... Yes, that's what I... Yeah, this isn't the uva I knew. And also, the food made me very sick. So, I wanted to do this song, but I also wanted to be honest with you. And I might look...

I'm not happy to say this, but maybe fuck uva bar? Oh, wow. It could be uvabar i was wondering is there any other comedy room in los angeles where that would have played listen up comedy store laugh factory joe rogan's woke free comedy club in texas oh man all the ghosts that haunt that wretched, cursed place would love that. Do you think, Scott, if you were to host the Oscars, would you do an Oprah-oo-va joke?

Ooh. Do you think? I think so. I think the letterman had it right except for one letter. That's right. Yeah. I'm going to do it. I'm going to crush it.

It's proven. It's proven here. It'll work anywhere, obviously. Yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm going to crush it. It's proven. It's proven here. It'll work anywhere, obviously. Yes, of course. So that's one thing that we needed to take care of. Yeah. And unless I'm mistaken, well, Mike, do you feel comfortable talking about the thing that's going on, the legal thing? Oh, yeah, I guess.

Yeah. I mean, it's tough. We're in a bind, but again, transparency. Basically, Mike and I have been served a legal injunction from Jason. Yeah. Oh, look. Hey, it's called show business, not show friends. Okay? It's true.

I have a copy of it right here just to make sure I get everything correct. Basically what, I mean, I think Jason saw some writing on the wall about how things have been going for the last six years. And basically what was determined is that the next time that Mike or I made fun of Jason for a Pennsylvania-specific term, pronunciation, or food, that Jason would be entitled to pick the topic

of the next live show. Seems fair, seems fair. And you were just kind of waiting for this to rear its head. And then, sure enough, we were recording last week, an episode you haven't heard yet. And there was this whole thing about, it was a sandwich, what was the deal with the... Well, it's a sandwich meat.

Oh, it's not a sandwich, it's a sandwich, okay. It's a sandwich meat. What is it again? It's called Lebanon bologna. Yeah, we got some. Yeah, there it is. So it's kind of packaged like you would buy a package of bologna, but it's kind of a smoky, like a summer sausage almost.

And it comes in slices. That feels like the description for all these weird meats you bring up. It's like a summer sausage. Yeah. What of it? You have 50 varieties. They will all be addressed on the show by the time it comes to an end. It's like a fall sausage.

Or a winter sausage. It's a year-round sausage, really. Okay. So it seems like any sausage is a year-round sausage for you. For me, yeah, of course. All of Pennsylvania, really. Anyway, we got caught on this for about 20 minutes. Completely ruined a Space Mountain episode.

We didn't even get to the ride. So it's mostly about this. We'll get to it. Yeah, we'll give it a second try, maybe. Way down the road. Anyway, long story short, what that has led us to, what the baloney has led us to is, Jason, what is the topic of tonight's show?

Folks, it's the Mark Twain. Yeah! Yeah! That's right. Wow. Yeah. Is that a graphic? Okay.

Oh yeah, yeah, let's see it. The, look at that. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah, yeah, let's see it. Look at that. Yeah. We made the life preserver, whatever you call it. Also a reaction you get in any comedy room, I think. For sure. Any of them. That much love for the old riverboat. So let's get into it.

Okay, so this was an opening day attraction in 1955. Well, a few days before because they did an event where they were celebrating Walt and his wife's anniversary. The wedding anniversary. Admiral Joe Fowler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's something that Walt loved

very much. They actually were running out of money and he paid for it himself. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Wait a minute. I feel like even you forgot about the Yeah There's a sub clause in that Legal document Alright

Do we even see this To properly compensate for his emotional distress Upon commencement Of the Mark Twain show, Mr. Sheridan shall be declared captain of the episode. Yeah. It's in there.

Yeah. Oh. In accordance. Oh, yeah. In accordance. Oh, I can't see anything. In accordance. Yeah, thanks. We're in the... There we go. I gotta turn it. It's a weird angle. There was like a black light hitting it. We don't know our way around here.

In accordance, Captain Sheridan shall be granted a little hat, a little whistle, and a little steering wheel. Now, come on. Where are we gonna get that stuff? Up. I was wondering.

I didn't think that was like a stripper waiting for a while or anything. All right, get your little hat. Get your... Okay. Fair enough. Let baby have his bottle. Let me say this.

Oh, wait, let's give him some spit. Let's hear it. Let's hear it for... Man, I'll say this. If it weren't for that legal... Man, I would hate this. I hate this. Yeah, you'd hate this shit.

You'd love to see this shit go down in flames, but the law is the law. Captains are like lawyers of the sea. All right, well, have a seat. Let's get into the Mark Twain here, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Wow. All right.

Can you get that little wheel a little closer? Oh, fine. Tut, tut. I'll get the wheel. Tut, tut, boys. Yeah, will you handle this? Oh, I hate this.

Oh. I hate Jason wearing a little hat. This is your worst nightmare happening in front of all these people. I don't have a decade's worth of photos of him with different little hats on in my phone. Oh, I hate it. All right. Yeah, well, here, give it a spin.

Here we go. Captain of the show. Yay. And just in case anyone's concerned about my, you know, Admiral authority. Uh, this is not my first rodeo when it comes to, uh, captaining. I have the,

uh, I have the, sealed up tight, sealed up tight pilot certificate for Captain Jason. Wow. Yes. Uh, from November 10th,

2011. When I got to pilot the Mark Twain, from November 10th, 2011 when I got to pilot the Mark Twain. 11, 12 years ago. Yeah, and I also saw a YouTube video where they gave one of these to a three-year-old. So I guess I just had a, you know, having a pair of mouse ears with my name stitching in the back like you can get down there and just a giant shit-eating grin on my face. They're like, oh, there's no kids on this voyage.

Let's go with this dipshit. So they asked you to be the pilot. You didn't demand it at gunpoint? No, you don't get the gun until after you're made in charge of the vessel. No, I was walking up the stairs because second deck is my preferred

way to stand. I'll cross that question off my list. We can circle back around. We gotta do broad and then deck at a time. Deck at a time. So, and then,

you know, there's a big steering wheel much like this up there and I was kind of death gripping it and it wasn't until we got to Pirates of the Caribbean

it dawned on me that I was doing nothing and that it would be foolish of them to give a random guest control of a vessel with hundreds of people on it and that this was merely decorative uh i had recently turned 26 years old so you know uh that said as we were going by, uh, the, the, uh,

haunted mansion, I did like jerk it the other direction just to see, like, does it do something? If you would collide with the haunted mansion? Well, I just wanted to say like, is there a track?

Well, I, cause I, I think there was, there was a track, which then I learned there is a track. You're right. And I was like,

well, maybe it's like Autopia and we'll like learned there is a track. And I was like, well, maybe it's Autopia, and we'll bang the track a little. Just shake a bunch of people loose. Yeah, just shake a bunch of people. You know, they talk about Autopia as that formative ride where kids get to drive for the first time, and it would be

nice if this was a formative ride, the Mark Twain, where kids would get to pilot a riverboat for the first time in their lives. Yeah. So I see what he's saying. What child is not fascinated with 1800s Mississippi? That's right. They could go on to any number of careers

of like riverboat gambler, riverboat con man, riverboat coal shoveler, steam wrangler. Well, and just the literal... Steam wrangler. Steam wrangler. Somebody's got to wrangle it. Okay, fair. And just the literal wheel turning.

I mean, if you've piloted the Mark Twain, then you're set on Wheel of Fortune. Oh, yeah. Other people struggle. They go right to bankrupt because they can barely turn the thing. Sure. So, I mean, this is like...

All my thoughts about the Mark Twain, you know, there's the history of it and everything, but I'm completely curious about you, about your... This is a personal one for you, I think. This is a personal performance we're gonna put on here. And I, if I could get sort of

inside the actor's studio, why the Mark Twain, what is it about, oh, and don't forget when you can to steer the wheel. I don't mean to make you like struggle and podcast at the same time, but keep in mind the wheel is there. I will remind you at various times through the show okay and i will also be uh blowing the whistle at various times

during the share show maybe if there is a tangent going too long uh tangent not going long enough or just i'm getting teased in a way I don't like. Something tells me you're going to keep this. The wheel will factor into all future episodes. Oh, the wheel and the whistle. But yes, Captain Jason, do you have any idea

why, I mean, and of course it's wonderful and we it's wonderful, and we all like the Mark Twain. Wonderful part of the Disneyland experience. But yeah, what can you speak to about, what appeals to you about this? Well, you know I love my modes of transit. And this is like a very... It's exciting. I realize I'm saying that about something that goes 2.5 miles per hour, but it's just how often do you get on a riverboat?

The only other time I remember being on a riverboat... It's true. He's right. He's right. In this day and age, because this riverboat was the first one built in America in 50 years when it was built in 55. It's unique. It's a unique mode of transit.

Yeah. The only other time I remember is a friend and I were driving across country to move here, and we stopped in St. Louis, and you could buy a ticket to go up in the arch or you could buy a combo ticket to go up

in the arch and take a riverboat ride and you better believe I pushed hard and got my way for that combo ticket. Because it was a discount for both? That was partially, yeah, that helped.

I suspected. It was also exciting. But I had already been in LA. I had been to Disneyland, and I had ridden the Mark Twain. I think the first time I was here with college friends, we were passing by, and I was like, we got to do that. And you had ridden in Disney World you had already been on

did you see it for the first time and you fell in love or did you know of your love before and then going to Disneyland you saw it and then it was exciting. He just heard like an oral history of it is what you're saying. I've heard whispers of a boat out there

that's the queen of them all. Well, let's just get it straight. Let's just get our boat straight. Yes, that's pretty important. The Disneyland Mark Twain is not Disney World's Admiral Joe Fowler, which of course was destroyed in the 90s when it was dropped from a crane onto its dry dock.

However, you know, you know how you're just dropping boats when you got a crane. The guts of that, the steam engine, did end up in Tokyo Disney's Mark Twain, which is so big, it needed to be registered as a nautical vessel.

The Mark Twain is also not the Liberty Bell, Disney World's current steamship, which used to be named, and this sounds like a thing we would make up.

I just want to get it right. It used to be called the Richard F. Irvine. Which absolutely sounds like something I would say as a child. Mother, father, we must ride the Richard F. Irvine first thing.

Post haste, first thing when we get in the park F. Irvine first thing. Post haste, first thing when we get in the park today. Jason, teacups or Peter Pan? What are we thinking? I'm thinking we're doing the Richard F. Irvine. Then your mom misses something. Okay, so what was that you wanted to do? The Richard Irvine?

That was it? No, Richard F. Irvine. Mother. Mother. Get the middle initial right. Or don't speak at all for the rest of the day. You've ruined our vacation. May as well just go back to Philadelphia at this point. Load up on Lebanon?

Lebanon bologna. Lebanon bologna. Sounded like lemon and to us. You could see why we got caught on it for so long. Yeah. Richard F. Irvine, I mean, that's an Imagineer, and I'm sure a good person who did good work, but that is the worst name of a theme park attraction in history.

We complain about all of our mission breakouts and our dots and dashes, but just a man's name. Like, if, all right, let's get ready to ride the Norman H. Littmeyer. I'll say this about it. With the middle initial, it makes it better. If it was just the first and last name, I think it would really suck.

But with the middle initial, it makes it sound official, at least. It makes it sound formal in the way that the Admiral Joe Fowler, the Admiral part makes that sound formal. Like, my name is Michael Carlson, but if you say Michael R. Carlson, it, like, makes me sound better.

You add another R, and then you sound like one of the greatest authors of all time. Michael R.R. Carlson. You might want to consider that. Maybe if I, when I, I'm not a WGA member, but if I do join, can you have a different WGA name than a SAG name?

I hear a yes, I hear a yes. Yeah. So if I don't join. You cut off a lot of hemming and hawing. Thank you. Thank you for helping. Yeah, I probably was looking up. You were about to watch 10 minutes of us all on our phones trying to find...

Hold on one second here. So maybe that's what I'll do, yeah. Yeah, unless he's taken it for all... He's claimed RR? Only he can be RR, yeah, yeah. It's like Paris Hilton trademarking it's hot or something, where it seems like it would be impossible to do it. But he's done it somehow.

Yeah, yeah. Good thing George RR Martin didn't trademark that first. That's something when somebody gets burned by a dragon. That was a famous phrase they said in the Game of Thrones books. A little less flowery than some of the... Ah, it's hot. Ah, it's hot. Ah, it's hot! If you haven't read the books,

you won't know. Yeah. Big Lord of the Rings head. They didn't do it on the show. They just did it in the books. The funny thing is, as you said that, it's now the Liberty Bell today,

correct? And also today, and I mean today, the boat got stuck for the first time in the history of Disney World. It happened today as we're getting ready for this. And they had to rescue people with the Tom Sawyer rafts. Wow!

The second most efficient mode of transport rescuing people from the first most efficient mode of transport, rescuing people from the first most efficient form of transport. So, I mean, you know, all I can say is, all right, so now it had gone 50 years without an accident. Now that record is blemished. Mark Twain's been good for a long time. Sure got me pumped to come here and talk about Mark Twain. The fucking baller Mark Twain.

No accidents this month, that's for sure. got me pumped to come here and talk about Mark Twain. The fucking baller Mark Twain. Yeah. No accidents this month, that's for sure. Until the DeSantis board takes over the inspections for it. Caught on fire. Why are they doing this? Until DeSantis renames it the J.K. Rowling. Well, let's call it the J.K. Rowling boat from now on. No, hold on, Mike.

You got to do the head. Yeah, do the head. I'm rechristening this boat. The J.K. Rowling. One of our finest patriots from England. Oh, my God. From England. Yeah, look, Liberty Bell sucks. I feel pity for the audience that eventually comes to the Liberty Bell show.

Those sad sacks. That's not you. We're cheering a champion tonight, the Mark Twain. Yeah. And one that, of course, is, you know, is very associated with you, Jason, and the lore of our show.

There is the, if I could conjure, a five-timer. There is the tail. Well, Scott, we're saying a different thing now than five-timer. We're saying the story strikes back. Kind of empowers the story, doesn't it? Yeah, so this story is rising from the grave.

It's fist is shot up. The story, I mean, feel free to tell it in your own. I think you should grab the wheel and tell it like, it was a dark and stormy night. We were in rocky waters. There was a dark and stormy night. We were in rocky waters. There was no phantasmic that night. Look at that steering.

So you could... Should it be... Do you need it closer? Do you need it closer? No, then the wonderful live stream audience won't be able to see my pretty face. Oh, you're right. Or the wonderful in-person audience.

We were on a nighttime Mark Twain ride, which I love. I was just gripping one of the handles in like a sensual manner. It's making me anxious. Reliving the story is making me anxious. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Listeners at home home he snapped it off

he snapped off all bar you're calling this dessert fear we uh we were on a nighttime ride which it's awesome at night it's really fun at night it's all lit up you get to see all the show scenes at night and such and that doesn't happen a lot because it's used in phantasmic and so very excited to ride it at night but i also really wanted to try this limited time sunday that was at the golden horse show that i really used to be better at tracking the limited time food and then i don't know if i just started eating at better restaurants or the food got worse um or was it or was it keep an eye on it fog yeah or covid fog um you're the biggest victim in a way i really wanted to uh have my cake and eat it too

so we got on the mark twain like one of the last go-arounds of the night. As we could see, they were like packing up at the Golden Horseshoe. And I quickly made my way from the whatever deck we were on. We were definitely upstairs. To the river. Second or third.

You jumped off the boat into the river. I jumped off the boat. There's no time. I drop off the boat into the river. I jumped off the boat. There's no time. I drop kicked an animatronic duck. And so we're pulling very slowly docks. And so like, I am like making my way down the stairs. I know you're not supposed to run.

I'm a good boy. I don't want to run on a boat. I don't want to run through frontier land. But they are, they have not joined me. Like, I think Mike and Lindsay and Anthony Geo were there and they were just paying witness.

Here's something that is disappointing. I have a video of you doing this that's not in the presentation. What? What? I have a, I mean, I guess I could try to put it in there. It might completely ruin the rest of the show,

but we could try it. So you have this, you're saying? I have this video, but the video is not that satisfying. Oh. Yeah, you gotta edit it, right? You have to get ins and outs. Because there's no resolution to it. I just have a video of you walking from Mark Twain to the golden horseshoe and it's not like oh you come out with a big

sunday at the end so i think in my mind i was like well this doesn't have a great resolution so we'll tell the story but now you're saying it i guess i should have put it in wait a minute and it wasn't like this wasn't a sprint this wasn't a tom cruise no he didn't sprint he walked at a reasonable pace i wanted to be respectful you know and so And so I got in, and I got it. I got the sundae, and once again... I think I made the right choice. I think I made the right choice not to put it in. Uh-huh.

Because that's the story. Yeah, that's the story. You can imagine Jason shuffling in the dark. If you came out with a golden horseshoe with it over your head, like cheering and throwing ice cream at people or something. Yeah, for sure. Of course that didn't happen.

I came out already eating it. But I don't have it on video. I came out with a very similar shit-eating grin on my face as when we boarded the Mark Twain. Because now every time I try to board it, I try to look very excited to see if they'll let me pilot it again. And I signed that captain's log.

I signed the guest book that they have up there, which are supposedly all archived, but also they could just be lying about that. They just throw it in the incinerator of the boat at the end of the day. Yeah, Jason, I did not clear this with you, but I have photos from a different time when we were on the Mark Twain of you looking very happy and pleased. And it looks like we're alone on the boat, but I'm sure we weren't. But I'm also not a hundred percent sure you mean alone as in we were

we were not it was just you and i were with other people or we had the boat to ourselves yeah that's it that's the grin that's it why is it it looks like they like emptied the boat for us. Which I don't think they did. Wow. And then, was this the one with the closed eyes? Closed eyes.

Wish and a wish. Yes. Make this moment last forever. So yeah, that's the proof. This is pre-podcast, I think. I think it's pre-podcast, but this is a thing you've done for many years. You have a very thorough iCloud photo library.

Very thorough. Very thorough, Very well organized. So every now and then, Mike will just send me or me and Gio, like he will just send like pictures where we look foolish from years and years ago. That's true. Not me, I guess.

Somebody didn't make the iCloud, I suppose. You're in there. You had to, you had the album make the iCloud, I suppose. You're in there. You had to... You had the album within the iCloud labeled The Light of My Life, and you had to switch it to your daughter from Jason. You were getting errors because you had a new Light of My Life album,

and it was, like, conflicting. It kept adding jpeg.jpeg. Sub albums being like he sat up on his own for the first time today. On the boat, on the Mark Twain. He sat up in a river boat for the first time. Yeah. Yes, that's all true. There's photos of Jason on the boat, but there's also artwork.

Let me set it up first. We did a call at some point due to some episode. We asked for artwork of Jason holding a turkey leg, piloting a Mark Twain made of cake. And I believe the person who came through is Zachariah Durr. Zachariah gave us this. What? What else do you want?

Wow. And if you're wondering what happened to that original art, I have it. He sent it, I have it. Wow. Didn't bring that one? Framed? No, it's not framed.

It's like in a protective sleeve because I was too nervous to get it framed. I'll get it framed one of these days. You don't trust those framers. I think there's another cake one. What kind of a sleeve? Just like a... Like a padded sleeve. Like one you would put in a three-ring binder?

No, because it's big. That's like nine by twelve you have a custom sleeve no i just used the sleeve like the mailing sleeve he sent it in i left it in there so it wouldn't get damaged i see can somebody i guess normal people would say an envelope scott you are not allowed to blow the whistle do not blow the whistle on us i was curious if there if you might allow other people access just for fun, just to see how it feels to let somebody else grab the wheel or blow the whistle.

Jason, blow the whistle, and let's talk about sleeves more. What kind of whistle is that? Does that mean more sleeves or less sleeves? What's up? Less sleeves, more... What does the whistle mean? Jason's so peaceful, he's not paying attention to us.

It appears we've gotten to that point in most shows where I'm just like, I've gotten myself into a hole and I don't know how to get out of it. But Jason, you have something you can do this time. You can steer out of a hole. Steer us out. Steer us out. All right.

And Jason is now steering us to the next point. And this is the point which is that we had this idea a mark twain made of cake and in my research for this episode i discovered this idea was had many years ago by madison avenue there were in an old disney magazine of some kind there was a yeah it's their next one mike Mike. Look at that! That is, courtesy Disney History 101, that is a sugar ad that actually gives you the recipe

for a riverboat cake inspired by the Mark Twain. There's candle smokestacks. It says, such sweet things happen with Spreckle Sugar. I'm not gonna add an H, I guess. Spreckle Sugar. So there not going to add an H, I guess. Spreckle Sugar.

So there you go. So somebody thought of this. It looks like wafers as the stern wheel, right? That's smart. Yeah, it looks like wafers and icing. Good way to incorporate it, if we were doing this in a chopped manner or a bake-off manner. Yeah.

Anyway, I thought this was nice. I wanted to know, and that's it. That's the end of that? It is nice, yeah. I did not... Anyway, yes. Applause for niceness. Wow, I didn't see the handwriting either.

The Westerners are sweet on Spreckles sugar. I didn't know. I think, oh, it says in all caps, no wonder Spreckles... I choose to do it angrily. No wonder Spreckles sugar. I didn't know. I think it says in all caps, no wonder Spreckles. I choose to do it angrily. No wonder Spreckles is the sugar used exclusively at Disneyland. They're going to keep it that way or else.

Wow. You guys ever heard of Spreckles sugar? I think I've heard of Spreckles. I don't know if it's around anymore It may have gotten absorbed by a domino Or you know Yeah you know what this is a good time Jason what's your sugar brand

Oh Oh We walked right into it You a domino guy I like a Domino. I like, you know, the store brand is fine. Sugar in the raw. I like sugar in the raw.

Sugar in the raw is good. If I'm feeling a little fancy, you know? Yeah. How often you... Sorry, I'm so sorry. Well, I was going to ask him to, if you could just triumphantly say store brand and blow the whistle.

Oh, yeah. Store brand. Oh, yeah. Store brand. Yeah. Wow. What an ad for store brands. Love it. Did you have to follow up? I forgot.

Okay. I bring up Spreckles to say I was curious what is up with Spreckles Sugar and any other history with them in Disneyland. I found different history about Spreckles. Spreckles was owned... Somebody went, oh. They're correct.

Yeah, it has to be. The investigative journalist who took down the Spreckers cabal. Spreckers? That's right. I'm going to shine my investigative light on actions from 120 years ago. At least it's a family, and it was run by Adolf Spreckles.

That's not the bad thing. It was a common name. Nice people could have been named Spreckles. This is not. Spreckles was a common name. We've all had one major brain fart. We'll see how many there are for the rest of this Nice people can be named Adolf I was saying Let me get that on the record

I need that on the record Yeah clip that Post it Adolf Spreckles married a woman This is a quote from somewhere Not my words A working class girl turned nude model who never hid her ambition to marry a wealthy older man.

So far, so good. Nice. The thing is, marrying a wealthy older man, we know what that syndrome is. This is literally where the phrase sugar daddy came from. Wow. This is what it is. She, Alma, the wife, called Adolph Spreckles her sugar daddy.

Wow. And that's why we all use the term with our various sugar daddies wow this is nice because you've given everyone a topic of conversation when they talk to their sugar daddy later it's hard to bridge that gap sometimes sometimes the age difference is so great but you have trouble finding things to talk, especially if they're on death's door. Yeah. Which they are. Because they're sugar daddies.

Wow. That's interesting. They could have, the time has passed for this, but certain women could have said, you know, Sumner Redstone, you're the best sugar daddy, but do you know about the first? And Scott, what would he have said back?

Grr. back suck my toes sorry one more thing about if you're if you will keep us in the spreckles waters the other story about this guy yeah rub the wheel a little bit just be ready if you don't like where it's going. The San Francisco Chronicle wrote an article about this guy and suggested that Spreckles Sugar defrauded its shareholders, and Adolph Spreckles responded by shooting the editor-in-chief twice. Two whistles for two bullets flag on the field you're not supposed to shoot the editor-in-chief of a newspaper there then was a trial he said temporary insanity and they said sure you're fine so the guy didn't die also but he did everyone knew he

did shoot him that wasn't up for uh um he also all right sure uh uh he also had syphilis and didn't tell uh didn't tell his wife until she was delivering their third child. Oh, Jesus. At that moment. Getting out. Getting out of this. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, really quick. And still, he didn't tell her because, hey, I got to tell you, I have syphilis.

He went into a syphilis seizure. And he had to be wheeled out of the room. And like, oh, what happened there? Oh, I guess he must be, he must have syphilis. Okay, let's get to delivering that baby then. It sounds like he had it for a while. I think so, yes.

His whole life? I don't know when syphilis came about. He could have been the first. Patient zero. So Adolf Spreckles wasn't a great guy. No, no. I did not bring him up to say, Patient zero. So Adolf Spreckles wasn't a great guy. No. No.

If you can imagine, I did not bring him up to say, let's learn about a good sugar man. Anyway, seriously, you might have been right about that stirring before. Yeah. You prefer the more benevolent sugar barons, like Heimlich von Domino or something. Mussolini Domino. Vladimir's store brand.

Yeah. All right. Steer us out, Jason. All right. Well, let's take a... Back onto the rivers of America. Let's take a slight detour towards the other insane man associated with this boat, Walt Disney. When this was being built, when Disneyland was being built and they were building the riverboat,

the riverboat was in the plans for the unbuilt mickey mouse park they were going to put in burbank next to the studios that never happened and it stayed in the plans when they started working on disneyland um admiral joe fowler what was consulting he had been in the navy and he was consulting on construction and stuff. He was a man, not just a boat. He was not just a boat. He was not just a hyper intelligent boat. If Chris Evans were to have tweeted about him, he is a man. The boat was based

on the man. The man was not a boat before, and he copied the boat man. Just for clarity's sake. But Admiral Joe Fowler really pushed, like, we need a dry dock. We have to have a dry dock that you can pull the boats into when they need to be built and worked on and all this stuff.

And Walt apparently hated that. He hated how much room it took up and that it cost money and stuff so it just seems like there's all these stories of Walt discovering stuff when they were building Disneyland. You need a place to work

on the boat. People can't just jump on whenever they want. We can't just build it in the driveway. We have to build it elsewhere. We gotta slow down for these slowpokes? I guess. Doesn't seem exciting to me.

So Walt was the one who would call the dry dock Fowler's Harbor as like an own on Joe Fowler. And that is still what it's called to to this day it wasn't oh he was owning he was like he was like teasing him like he had a uh he was just like hated it this tribute oh my god this will show everybody he didn't name like the toilet after him

yeah like that would feel like more of us i guess it feels good natured is what I'm saying. It doesn't feel like he was that upset. When you enter Disneyland, any shit that you take will be called a fowler. Yeah. Now that's, that's a res.

That's a res. Makes sense. Fowls up the room. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I just thought that was, the stories of Walt like going, you know, I'm sure he was... The stories of Walt going...

I'm sure he was pissed because the story about the rivers of America, they tried to fill it up the first time and the water just sank in the ground. So once again, Admiral Joe Fowler had to come to the rescue, found a bunch of clay. I don't know where he found a giant deposit of clay

or a riverbed's worth of clay. This is just the apocryphal story and they lined it with clay. There's clay in the mills. And that worked. That worked. The river did get filled. Boyle may also just have been mad

that they're like, we're out of money. I have to pay to build a boat out of my own pocket. He did this himself. Yeah. When you go on that boat, especially you, Jason, when you go on that boat, I hope that

when you close your eyes in a photo like that one, just think about Walt. Little Walt reflection. Yeah. I'm thinking about it. Yeah, yeah. He loved the thing, and he, Joe Fowler, who you mentioned,

when he was especially stressed when they were putting the park together, when he was feeling like this is not going to come together, this might even be very stressful still once it is open, he said to Joe Fowler, you know, when things get hectic, we can always get the Mark Twain and just ride around the rivers of America.

So it was always his kind of peaceful place. Much like you, you have that in common. And he also loved to get drunk there. And it's something you might just assume or wish to be true but luckily there is a witness to this and a fellow participant in this and that person is Art Linkletter CPO's Art Linkletter uh okay uh from the Disney History Institute Linkletter recalled a few evenings that he spent with Walt at Disneyland sipping cocktails in the firehouse and riding

the riverboat with a couple glasses of scotch under his belt. Once, Walt climbed up into the rigging of the Mark Twain ship. I thought he was going to dive off. We've all considered it. You know, I think that Walt quote, like, a big selling point, I think, for this attraction, for me, is just the vibes are immaculate. Like, it's so chill. Like, the narration is very chill.

Except here, I just want to do the one line. This line is not very chill, but I do love it. When the... Because there's a narrator on the ride, and then there's also, like, crew members yelling things. So when you're first pulling out, and they yell, by the mark, mark one,

mark twain. I love that shit. And then like They kind of They do some other marks Later on But the Was that the not chill line?

That is the not chill line Yeah he's kind of Yelling it at you It's not the captain It's one of the crew guys So you love this man yelling I love the man yelling Mark Twain

That's kind of like The like DJ Khaled of it's day It is Mark Twain. That's kind of like DJ Khaled of its day. It is? Mark Twain. And another one. And another one. Mark Twain.

Here we go. So the vibe of it, you're talking about Walt's, First of all, Walt was drunk on the boat, but obviously you can only drink at Club 33 in Disneyland. Well, he had his private stash up in the firehouse. Right. So this is really, he should have abided by the rules that he set forth because so many people, we talk about this all the time, are very much like, well, on Walt's sacred land,

a drink must not be consumed. An adult's libation must not be consumed on Walt's favorite park. The way you said that made it sound like you had sprinkled a circle of salt and were trying to summon him. Wouldn't that be sad? I think we'd be the guys to do it.

You'd come back for anybody. Yeah, he'd do an interview with us. I'm a drunk. Yeah, no, you got that. His special light. And during the pandemic, the special light in the firehouse always stayed burning.

Right in the spot on this table where he spilled glasses all the time and cut his hands on the shards. He tripped and hit his head on this table when he was drunk once, and we'll never forget it. It's by the big stain where they couldn't get the Denison's chili out.

Walt's magic chili stain. It has stayed burning all over his bedspread. We refresh the chili on the stain every night. We have a new bag. Pouring one out for Walt Disney involves a full can of Gebhardt's chili. That is, it's chili. And then a bottle of black and white scotch

right on top of it. And you have to pour out every bean or he cries in heaven. That's right. Here's my quote. This is what I started fantasizing about. And just go with me on this. Okay, we all know how Walt Disney died.

Or we think we know how Walt Disney died. What if, what if it was a cover-up? What if, one unfortunate night, a few scotches too many with Art Linkletter, he did a dive. And he ended up in the big thing on the back?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yes. What's that called again? The stern wheel. The stern wheel. Yes, he got caught in the stern wheel and ground up into little chunks. I'll say this. Much like chili.

I'll say this, though. Falling into the stern wheel, it seems like it could be a really interesting cartoon presentation. Like over and over again. Of course. I'm a fool. I'm imagining you getting ground up, but that would be in like the propeller of a plane. This would be that you get stretched every which way.

Like who's a beaker, like the Muppet beaker. Yes, yes. That happened to Walt. And Art didn't hear him yelling. So they did the entire 20 minute journey. And so you got bent up like so much loose dough. And that's how Walt Disney passed away. God rest his soul.

You heard it here first. Now you know the real story. The truth. Yeah. Okay. Let's just, it's a little late, but let's just get our vocabulary right. Front of the ship, bow, rear stern,

port is the left when you're looking at the bow, and starboard is the right. I think that's correct. Thank you. I heard a little clap, so that sounds, somebody knows. But how does it work when you're on a stage? Everything's flipped. Oh, stage left.

What's stage stern? Stage left, stage right, downstage, upstage. What's stage port? We need to know where stage port is. You, the captain, especially. I went on a, my family did go on a cruise when I was younger. And they did tell us about port in Starboard and would refer to it when you would ask questions. And I was never right.

I was very nervous that I would get lost on that boat. So were they calling? Were they asking you questions? This is to tell you where to go if there's a problem? Yeah, Port side, Starboard side. Okay. But you just never could keep it straight. Yeah. Okay, but you just never could keep it straight. Yeah, I still am bad at,

my middle school theater director would be very mad because I still have to look up stage left and stage left and stage right sometimes. I fucked it up in that moment. So is this being told to you like, okay, in the event of an emergency, get to the starboard side or else your parents are toast. Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit. It's like your nightmare. I think they were a little more chill, probably. I think the Norwegian Cruise Line people would cave at the first sign of a child looking confused and upset. How many big boats have you been on in your life? Are we talking tall ships? are we talking big boats?

Because I've been on a fair amount of tall ships. When you grow up in the northeast of America, there's a lot of fucking day trips to tall ships. The curse before that. Let me first... east of America. There's a lot of fucking day trips to tall ships. All right. The curse before that. Let me first... Mother effing tall ships.

The cockiest I've ever seen him. Philadelphia, Baltimore, Mystic, Connecticut. You want to talk about tall ships, motherfucker? I've been on some tall ships. Tall ass ships. When you say tall ships, does that mean two stories or more?

I know, like have the big sails, have the big. Oh, so sails is part of a tall ship. Yeah. It's not just decks. Like old ships, old, old ships. So how tall does a sail have to be for the ship to be tall? I don't know. I can barely tell you about a riverboat.

It's by the grace of God I'm even here tonight because I spent a lot of time trying to I spent a good amount of time trying to find that captain's certificate boat it was buried in a box

would you not have shown up if you didn't find that they'll know I'm a fraud they'll know it'd be bad show in a box. Would you not have shown up if you didn't find that? They'll know I'm a fraud. They'll know. It'd be bad show. And then you're driving and you're like, wait, which one's the port side of the car? And he just turned

starboard on Wilshire. Jason driving his car. That guy cut me off. Now that is a vessel that if you jerk the wheel of a Honda Civic, it does do something. It's not like the Autopia. Well, the Autopia does something, too. That's true, but it's, yeah.

Not like the Mark Twain. Not like the Mark Twain. Nothing's like the Mark Twain. Just to go back to you piloting for a second, it is funny that, like, this is another true fact about the Mark Twain, that it is on a track and the wheel doesn't do anything it's so funny that you in particular are obsessed with this like that's the ride that's the one i want to do and i want to be

a captain on it even there even just in addition to that cast members have called it the floating break room oh boy that's a little too on game for me honestly due to how little has to be done to pilot it and i just flashed to like i know there was one episode where we were talking about some show where mickey mouse is down on a stage by the castle and then there's a magic trick and suddenly mickey mouse is up uh in the castle and then another magic trick and then he's back down on the ground again and you were like like, hey, wait a minute. That second Mickey does barely anything. It's to hang out in that castle

and maybe gets paid the same as the Mickey who's hoofing it all day. Yeah, that's called a sweet gig, folks. Like, that's the one you want. This has come up more than once on the podcast is that Jason notices there's two costume performers for some sort of a magic trick that happens in a show, and he makes sure to point out that that second performer

has the sweetest gig imaginable. He's daydreaming about that second character gig. Just during a performance of Fantastic or something, that second Mickey's just sitting like this for the whole show, thinking of all the money they're making without putting in any effort. And then like, oh, it's my time. Okay, hey. And then lights down.

Clocked out. Back to your club sandwich. Jason taking a nap in a Mickey head. Mickey, time of the show. Mickey, Mickey, he's not moving. What? Did he die? Jason?

What? Here, just wheel me out. Just push the desk chair out. Somebody wave my arms for me. But that's what we're saying. It's an easygoing attraction, and I think it's the sign of an easygoing day in the park. Like, if you're on the Mark Twain,

it is not a rush to get the time to get in the virtual. It's the epitome of we got time, we're relaxing, and I think that's something that's great about it. It's one of the only, like, because everyone knows that Carousel of Progress, there's these great slower moving attractions that have air conditioning. That's primarily why a lot of the dads like to go on them.

Not daddies like me. I like the show part of it, but the Mark Twain is like that version for like if if if a dad doesn't need the air conditioning and he just wants the relaxed vibe the mark twain is perfect for him is what i'm saying oh yeah well it's also a good lifesaver of like we have to do something everything's broken down or it's backed up let's go in the Mark Twain. That'll chill everyone out. The music, the narration, the show scenes, all the animals, you know.

Except, Mike, can you bring up the beaver image? Oh, hey, hey, hey. Hey, that's the 10 o'clock show. Listeners, you wouldn't believe. This was meant for the late ones. You can take it off the screen, Mike. So this, you can see,

this is one of my favorite, probably one of the darker jokes in Disneyland. This is a beaver that you can see from the Mark Twain. It is chewing

on a railroad beam, like post. This beaver is Jason's favorite character in fiction. It is chewing on a railroad beam, like post. This beaver is Jason's favorite character in fiction. Because this beaver is like a stone cold killer. Like, he could really kill people on that train.

And it's funny that, I don't know, I just think it's funny they got it in, they got it approved, he moves a little, you know. I also like the dog that's looking at the little fish that are jumping out of the water. We don't have a photo of that. We don't have a photo.

You do not have a photo of the dog. I thought the murder beaver was better to illustrate. Yeah. How old is this now at this point, this beaver? I think this was added back in when they closed it for over a year. So we have four or five years at this point? They closed it for over a year

for Galaxy's Edge constructions. And trust me, they sent letters. I got letters. What? What? I have no idea where this is going. Oh, I sent letters complaining.

And I know they got them because I clearly, Kathleen Kennedy, did not like them because my tires were clearly slashed. You sent Kathleen Kennedy letters about the Beaver? Complaining about the closure. Oh, I see, I see.

That it's going to make the route shorter. You get like 10 minutes less of Precious Mark. You get a little less time, but the rock work is immaculate. It is immaculate. Let's hear it for the rocks. Let's hear it for the rocks. But we should talk about that because they drain the river and they shorten the length of of the ride which there was a lot people i remember you and i at least speaking

about the concern that perhaps the mark twain was going to go away because we knew that they were going to have to bring out some of the they were going to have to sort of encroach on the land and there was a i remember message boards and there was a lot of panic happening that the Mark Twain was maybe going to go away or it was going to be maybe just docked somewhere and there would be no trip around. But thank goodness. You were reading about this and ignoring the rise of Trump.

I'm not a political person, okay? I'm like Pitbull. I call politics politics well we all know that old Pitbull Bob mom look I've heard him say it twice so in interviews or in interviews interviews interviews okay wait so you've watched more than one pitbull in her I like Pitbull interview. I do. I love Pitbull.

I like Pitbull, too. I never thought to, like, check out the behind-the-scenes features. Yeah. It's not so much about the music.

That's one text. The other, the interview, that's where you get the real Pitbull. Jason, blow the whistle before I start talking about Three to Tango,

the video with Pitbull and John Travolta. Blow the whistle so we get out of here. And the wheel. Our wheel, yay! Here we go. Nudging us. Faintly, you can hear Mike in the background.

Mr. Bull, where do you get your gloves? Where do you get those cool leather gloves? Mr. Bull. You know what we got? We cannot leave here without talking about decks. What's your deck, Jason? Let's get back to that.

How do you twain? Okay. The bottom deck... Is that your deck? uh the bottom deck oh is that your deck uh i think that's the one i like yeah that's i think the second deck uh i like the middle deck i like the second deck the bottom deck has those fun old metal chairs but it's right in the sun and you don't necessarily have the best view. The very top deck is just

all sunlight. It's kind of brutal on hot days. But that second deck, you kind of go in and out. You get a little shade, you step out, you see it, you get a good view of all the animals and the animatronics and such. And you can really...

Look, I'm a second deck guy um it's pretty obvious i think yeah yeah no we could all say just by looking but you really can get the i feel you get the most as far as like theming in addition to yeah you have a lot of options on the second deck because you can do that like this is a little room makes you feel like you're back in time or something like in a different different place. But then it's just a couple steps away where you can just lean out on the balcony, whatever the hell that's called. Sure. Bannister? Do they call it a bannister? Railing? Railing! Hey!

I'm tired. That was an odd falsetto. We were almost falling into a one-fathom area and we saved it. Getting railing got us back into two fathoms. So yeah, if you want to have, all of the things that make Mark Twain great are on the second level.

Yeah. That's what I think. I don't think I prefer any of the, I think I wander. I think I plant in the front enough to say... I try to get up in the front, jack and rose it if I can. You gotta jack and rose it.

And then you wander. You try to see it from all angles. So you're not committal as far as your favorite deck? Yeah, I think a must is a little bit on the bottom. Just a bit. But then you're right about the sun, and then I like to explore. But I think you get to split the difference.

It's like half relax and then half wander. You can steer split the difference. You know, you have your, it's like half relax and then half wander and see. You can steer if you want. I'm asking for my own steer. You did caution us ahead of time that the steering wheel was very fragile. And I think I've been a little anxious about steering. But it's holding up very well. Here, give it a big old spin. I it's holding up very well. Here, give it a big old spin.

I think we'll see what happens. And apologies, my parents. People in the front rows, get your Gallagher tarps ready. I'm gonna spin the wheel. Oh, it went 70 miles an hour. Yay, look at it go. Yay! Spin, spin, spin, spin.

Mark Twain. Wait, why'd you stop? Right, I'm gonna do it the other way. Okay. Yay! Mark Twain. Wow, why'd you stop? All right. I'm going to do it the other way. Okay. Whoa! Mark Twain. Wow! That's pretty sturdy.

All right. The stakes were high because my parents are watching the live stream, and this is my dad's item. So if I had destroyed it. That's sad. I don't like it. Their decoration, our mic stand. So we actually record the shows. But my dad's watching. I'm like, okay, our mic stand. So we actually record the shows.

But my dad's watching, like, okay, I liked it. I don't know how I felt about that part about Walt getting ground up into little bits. But I liked a lot of it. Wait, no, he broke my precious wheel. And we never spoke again. You'd have to go replace it. You'd have to find a 24-hour Long John Silvers to find a new one. Jason knows where those are, though.

I just found out there's a Quiznos just south of Los Feliz. You spotted a... Wait, where's the Quiznos? Huh? Where is it? Just south of Los Feliz, Dightown. Yeah, there's a Quiznos.

He's blowing mines in the front row. Is it new? No. It's hanging on. Quiznos has the oven, right? Yeah, they have the oven, but they expanded way too fast. Tale as old as time.

I'm worried Dave's Hot Chicken is going to do the same thing. Oh, there is one coming to Burbank, though. Yeah, the Empire Center. Of course. Hey, hey. No. Hey, get lost. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, look at me. Look at me.

Yeah. I am the captain now. Oh, no. We're going into 80s Beach Boys territory. All right. Oh, no. Okay.

We're going to talk about Get Your Back. The pressure was on. Dennis was dead, and how were they going to do the drums? And they used a drum machine. It's actually a pretty good song. It holds up. Oh, he's talking about everything but John Stamos, the thing people might know.

No, no, no. Obscure session musicians. That's what I'm after. Okay, no, no. I'll relieve you. I'll relieve you. Oh, thank goodness. I'm a little fascinated by the Quiznos, to be honest.

More in a way of like, I'm not going to go, but it's like, what's the mountain lion that died? P23. Hold on, hold on. I i i don't bring it up that used to be like oh a sighting like an rip it's uh but you know like now without it he's passed all we have is spotting quiz like you're saying it's like a rare white elk. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Better. It's more nature boring. The beloved Quiznos has been taken from us. That'll be the big article that'll be written.

About when the aliens write about humanity? Yeah. They had everything. And they destroyed it. They had a tiny oven for sandwiches. That's kind of a robot voice. Did you guys come across the voice actors on this ride? Yeah.

So the navigational commands are done by two people Jim Etchinson and Peter Renaday who comes up seemingly every episode he's worked a lot in the theme parks but the thing that struck me the captain is voiced by a guy named Stephen Stanton and this

is just from Wikipedia Stanton is well known as a voice double for Tim Allen, Nicholas Cage, John Cusack, Peter Cushing, Robert Downey Jr., Roger Ebert, Jeff Goldblum, Alec Guinness, Clive Owen, Vincent

Scavelli, and Bruce Willis among others. So this guy fucking works. Pull it back. What needs a Roger Ebert voice example? Alive or dead, what would need a Roger Ebert?

Yes, I'm not sure. Was there ever a Siskel and Ebert video game? They were on The Critic, but they did their own voices on that. Yes, yes, of course. Yeah, you're for The Critic. So they did their own voices on that. Yes, yes, of course. Yeah, you're for The Critic. So I wonder, yeah, was there... The video game would have been throwing thumbs at movies that were of poor quality.

Film canisters are flying at them, and only their thumbs can slice them in half. I think that people were throwing VHSs at them. Or VHSs at them. Or VHSs, okay. VHSs sort of came to life, and they were anthropomorphic, and they had eyes, and they were flying at them. And then they would just kind of go like this. And then they would destroy the VHSs. Wow, wow.

The thumbs are made maybe bigger just to read in a video game. Yes, and then you would get a power-up that would make the thumb, like, giant. Damn. Wow. And Roger Ebert refused to do the voice for it. It's an unauthorized Siskel and Ebert video game. His laws. This game rules.

Is it like Mortal Kombat? Is it bloody? Yeah. Yeah, it is very bloody. Tapes bleed. Yes, vhs is bleed um what else why did that bring the room down by the way think about those tapes bleeding too sad it was too sad too sad you watched it happen in front of you yeah we all like look we all fell in love with the movies with the vhs tapes and the idea of, like,

the little, the shell case Little Mermaid tape bleeding makes me upset. Oh, no. Oh, you got me, too. You got me with that one, too. See, yeah. That's why they had

those shell cases so they didn't get caught and bleed. That was their armor. It was their armor. Yeah. Okay, so let's see what else. The shell cases of the VHS their armor. It was their armor. Yeah. Okay, so let's see what else. The shell cases of the VHS tapes armor.

What else about the Mark Twain? We do need to start bringing it back to dock and not to already. It feels crazy. Does anyone have the harmonica music cue that plays at the very end of the ride? That would have been on you to bring, Jason. Oh, yeah, okay.

Are you talking about them, the audience? Right before I left the house, I watched a ride through, and I was like, oh, I really like that harmonica at the end. It's very pleasant. Yeah, but you're not going to get to hear it. Oh, if you heard it. It's so good. It's so sweet.

You know, look, it's an important sternwheeler. It's an important... Look, here in Los Angeles, if we want to go on a sternwheeler, that's our option. It has to be preserved. There was another one. Can you pull up something, Tristan? Yeah, yeah. The closest one would have been in Long Beach.

It was a boat called the Newport Princess. And I say would have because this happened last year. Oh! Look at that. It's upsetting, yeah. Sorry, it's been a violent show. The tapes and now the Newport Princess. For the listener, it's just like...

See, it sunk. It's sinking. Yeah, yeah. Just the top deck is showing and probably not for long. And what you can't see is under the water, it's bleeding. And I'm drowning. But loving it. To experience that once in your life. Sure.

Amazing. I think maybe there's one more thing to talk about with the Mark Twain, and it's this. You know, it's done this pleasant journey for many years down the river, and that narration is pleasant, and you see the animals and everything, but it's only since the 90s has it been used in this elevated, exciting way,

which is as a big centerpiece of the finale of Fantasmic. Pull up a still of that, Mike, if you could. I mean, sincerely, how cool is it, this ending? You know, it's such a nice tribute to classic Disneyland, but then they're pulling it into this thing with

newer, cooler technology. And of course, there is an all-star lineup of characters, all waving ribbons. Characters who make no real sense together. I mean, the Toy Story gang's on the top, but then there's Cinderella mice, and maybe I see Pumbaa're all from they're all from different worlds but they all come together

uh you know in the shared goal of having a making a fun ending to a show um and it's sad that we're not gonna get to see this for a little bit because the dragon burn up yeah there's probably not going to be phantasmic for a little while and it makes me sad that there's no way that we could see a big character packed all-star finale to a big show unless unless um here's the deal. We don't have that exactly. What we have are a couple piles of masks and a number of dance ribbons. And the way that this all can become a finale, I feel, is with a little bit of help from you, the audience.

So, all right, let's direct everybody through this. Okay, if you wanna come up on stage and be part of the big finale, we need four people over here. You guys just pick yourselves, show initiative. Four in this, that sounded scolding. Show initiative. Four in this. That sounded scoldy. Everyone be good.

Be good. Four over here. Four over here. That's great. Okay, okay. That's perfect. And you can just wait on the sides for a second. Watch your step, please.

And you will see on either side. You guys can look there. You will find your masks and your dance ribbons. Pick them up. be mindful of the stage space don't trip on a wire don't fall off the stage I think you'll I think you'll have enough peripheral vision here to get this done so here we go all right now that you're getting a sense of who all right so ladies and gentlemen here to close out the show,

an all-star lineup of the references we make all the goddamn time! Yeah! All right, come on out. Just come on out, everybody, at once, wow! Guys, you have streamers, too, Mike and Jason, you keep piloting. Wow!

Oh my gosh. It's all your friends. Wait, wait, wait. Wow, look. Who do we have here? Oh, my gosh. I got to see him. Okay.

Wow. We got William Frawley from I Love Lucy. We got Jimmy Buffett. We got Jimmy Buffett's best friend, Frank Marshall. We all know what he looks like. We have Mike's favorite, Armin Shimmerman.

Wow. Wallace Shawn. They're part of the story that will never stop being told. Never, ever, we promise. Mike Love from the Beach Boys. Give it up, ladies and gentlemen. I missed one.

I think over here we got Michael Eisner. That's right. And right here, younger, hotter Michael Eisner. Yay. Bart weighs a little bit so we can see the screen. I think there's some more friends showing up. Dr. Chase Meridian! Arvin Shimmerman as Quark!

Wow, another Arvin! Paging Mr. Morrow! Yeah! Baby Aladar! Gargoylesville and David Xanatos! Daniel Roebuck as Grandpa Monster. Daniel Roebuck as Jay Leno. Johnny Depp and Brian Setzer.

No! No, start cheering. Mike Eliza wearing a John Cena hat. Yay! The new Toontown grass. The grass! The grass! The CVS $4 coupon.

Oh, my God! Jason Sheridan with the fake tuxedo. Whoa! He found it! I hope you're all happy. The grand finale is Steamboat John Taffer. Yay! We all love John Taffer.

All the listeners want an episode about him. But it'll have to wait until later because that is our show. You survived Podcast The Ride ride thank you all of you on the state you may keep these things you don't have to leave you can keep streaming for right now hey thanks to dax raven misty and everybody here at dynasty typewriter thanks to everybody live streaming at home thanks mom and dad i will return the wheel uh even unless jason going to have to take it out of his cold, dead hands.

Thank you so much. This was so much fun. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Try the rest of your night. Maybe see you at the next show. All right.

See you. With your mind And you will find In your imagination History's a magic Vision's fantastic Thanks again for coming out to Dynasty Typewriter. If you got any trash, please take it with you. It's a big belief How could they all come true? Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production.

Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.