Podcast: The Ride - UNLOCKED-Cars Road Trip

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

Enjoy this sample of PTR: The Second Gate. Find more episodes at Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide We take a look at the Walt Disney Studios Park attraction that takes you to the best wooded spots on Route 66. It used to be a studio tour even though the park was never actually a working studio. Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

five four three two one welcome to podcast the ride the second gate, we're going on a road trip to Route 66, to a barren Route 66 in France. I'm Scott Gairdner. Mike Carlson's along for the ride. I'm here. Parlez-vous Francais, of course, as usual. We've done a little French lately, I feel like, and I'm excited about it. I guess really what I'm saying is we did an episode about armageddon uh and that's what i'm remembering uh and i as you know i actually have

another french episode to pitch you guys and i should have done it off mic but anyway jason sure does it first and then do the pitch yeah hey yeah what's going on because baron uh right that's baron in a weird way a baron in an incorrect to like route 66 kind of way uh sure yes so no i don't think accuracy is yeah in the picture here some might say uh like the french say an attraction so mall it's bone now that's right that's the right that is a lot of top-notch french lately what's what's your yeah so what's your pitch french street at universal hollywood whatever it's called that little oh little french street where it says moulin rouge on it international street it's got the little car with the like uh side car in it you can take a picture and i think isn't that that's on the street sure yeah i i really like that street

honestly i've been up there alone a few times in the last couple months and i go you know this street is a nice little thing here it doesn't i think it's going to be gone soon i think it'll be replaced by more minions or something but well there's yeah there was a whole rationale of what those were and why like supposedly those were backlot style sets like you can film here and i doubt much of anything ever there's filmed there there's um some like event spaces all over there as well vip lounge i believe is over that area yeah but it is funny that there's just this little themed like country street there with no attractions right yeah it's a confusing zone it's a confusing zone and there's there's other countries represented as well i forget

there's an official name isn't it international yeah something like that something like that we'll say it on the episode but i'm just saying we'll lock it down we'll lock it down i was like we should really do this i think this is good this is good content no attractions we're in yeah no somehow that's became our wheel i want to be the champion of that hidden gem in Universal Hollywood. It feels untouched to me. It feels like one of the last untouched places. Yeah, I like it. And then there's a Mel's Diner right 20 feet away.

Right. And there's a little bar also by the... It's right across from the Minions ride. We've talked about that. Yeah. You just get shots. Yeah, you could get hammered right across from the Minions ride. You can get hammered.

Yeah, the bar in Universal Florida is like a full sit-down restaurant with like fish and chips and you know uh meat pies or whatever and uh this one is just like plastic shot glasses to go yeah so before we ever do the world showcase in epcot we're gonna do this mini world showcase little one that you wouldn't there's no way you've spent time there unless you're an annual pass holder exactly milling around depressed because every wave is 50 minutes somehow despite there being not much to do in that there's like four rides in that park because that's why everybody just uh yeah i just i do feel like it ramped up you go and just

they're only transformers last time i was there was manageable transformers i got right on but everything else was which works out for you your uh your favorite ride is superior ride to rise of the resistance the better ride between the two transformers are you fully sticking with that now is that has that become the story i'd love to completely pick that as my new identity, but I'm just saying there's aspects of it. That's all I'm saying. But I do really like Transformers. I still really like it. I think it's really good. And it does what I wanted as like a kid with a IP that I liked. That's all I'm saying. So I'm not, I'd love to fully say all the prequels are the best movies ever i'd love to fully say avatar is going to be the best movie of all time and i'd love to say rise

the resistance is not as good as transformers but i'm not want to have these edgy opinions yes i want to be an edge lord like you are but i can't be the show hey this show's already got an edge lord back off back off the edge only one for only root for one on this yeah back off with your edgy opinions like avatar the most successful movie of all time is good yes that's true uh we do i i did see dr strange and the avatar trailer got a big cheer in the audience well now hey that seems odd to me because vice magazine a writer for vice said oh they heard that somebody laughed at it in the theater and that was enough that was good enough for them to report and print it right right um excellent journalism well my report is that people cheered and somebody yelled jake sully in the theater wow yeah being you no

unless i had an out-of-body experience which is possible i suppose like i doctor strange in the moment you know how like when he like hits spider-man with his whatever magic and like his soul leaves his body that's possible where i was like kind of floating above myself and i went look at that guy he just yelled jake sully and it was me and I didn't realize that you were avataring into a different yeah yeah yeah watching yourself imagine watching yourself getting to experience the emotion that would

be really if I could if it could be a three camera shoot while I was watching avatar so I could watch avatar to then watch a movie about me watching avatar and seeing all the times I like was elated all the times I would cry. All of that, I think, would be nice. Well, you know, like you mentioned Vice, Variety, you know,

the big trade magazine pointed out adults are going gaga for multiverse movies. Oh, well, that's true. Well, that's another we can't talk about. That's going to open up a whole multiverse of conversation. Some might say they're going goo-goo-ga-ga. These are grown adults, you have to understand. They have many complicated words at their disposal. And yet, you talk to them after they see a multiverse movie, and they're all saying goo-goo-ga-ga.

They're all saying goo-goo-ga-ga. But look, Jason and I are comic fans. We've lived with multiverses our whole lives. So this is no unique thing. This is a normal Sunday for us. Yeah. You know, dealing with multiverses. You were way ahead of the...

Yeah. Yeah, it's a bunch of posers now showing up at the multiverse club. Right. There was a cartoon 20 years ago or 15 years ago already called Turtles Forever where it was a multiverse of Ninja Turtles. So, come on. Come on. imagine the idea that's why is it that suddenly studios are excited about a mechanism where you can throw a bunch of casts together yeah no i don't know it's no it's not about that it's about multi i just the studios just earnestly believe that multiverses are fascinating they said

this is a new interest of theirs yeah they're into quantum physics they're into multiverse sure yeah i just love how again everyone talks about it with like politics and world events and stuff that like in america everyone has like a three month memory where it's just like okay yeah mult yeah, multiverse, like some sort of universe. Maybe all the characters are in one universe or multiple universes, and they come, like imagine a dark universe, okay? You know, what would that be like?

The dark universe. You're saying, how are we supposed to be so excited, and yet we spit on the dark universe. If it just circles back around, like, I know there's ones I'm forgetting where it's like they were trying to make, like, shared universe sorts of stuff. Shared universe is different than multiple.

But eventually it's just going to tick back around. Well, deepfake like Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi would have met Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp, the Dark Universe stars. Oh, you think the old mummies would have met the new mummy? I think there would have been a mummy multiverse movie. Yeah. People crying, people in tears because they brought Boris back from the dead.

Boris, Brendan, and Tom all together in a movie, I think would have happened. It still might happen honestly i was trying to think what is what is deep fake carrie fisher say in rope what does she say like rebellions are built on hope she's a vampire they fly now blah easy vampire uh yeah so i think yeah any of that's possible uh how many minutes has it been without talking about well i may you know maybe we're are we avoiding it that's the question well much like people used to run from their lives to their second family across the notable highway route 66 wait what i said much like you're saying that this was a highway to cheating to uh no no point of route 66 to fleeing your responsibilities and starting life

anew just driving east on that beautiful road the mother road they yours route 66 existed to get people away from their families i think it was a convenient byproduct. Wait a minute. You said secret family, though. So that actually, to me, indicates that people were going back and forth on Route 66 to go to their two separate families. Yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot of configurations.

Maybe I'm just combining two possible ones. You hate this road. This road led only to the death of the American family. Yeah. And the Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood. Yes. That's what? you hate this road this road led only to the death of the american family uh yeah and the barney's beanery in west hollywood yes that's right that's route 66 end of route 66 the fur furthest west is like where the barney's beanery in west hollywood is it's that spot yeah yeah that's strange oh okay you knew this fact already i did know this fact life is a highway i would say uh okay so uh let's talk about today's bad ride this is called cars road trip and no this is not something in cars land in california adventure that you have missed uh

no we haven't done any of those and who knows when we will we had to make it a priority to talk about the weird jammed in cars attraction in the worst disney park walt disney studios paris uh i got excited about this when talking about another horrible attraction from that park armageddon it's it's it's so insane i can't underline how insane and weird this park is oh yeah and this one that this is a essentially a new attraction though a redress of something they had and it's weird it's just like i don't want to just hey we're shitting on it to shit on it i find it fascinating yeah this is a place that tourists pay to go thousands of people maybe maybe maybe less according to some of the videos i've watched technically in theory thousands of people could go on this attraction every day and then you watch a video of it why

how is that like how is this what it came to yeah i mean i i have a lot of stuff i'm fascinated by about this my initial fascination when they announced it was the concept art that features an oil tanker uh greeting an impending fiery death like it's an old friend that's the greatest part of the whole thing it's for sure it was the greatest part and then what it actually the execution is even weirder yeah uh it's what else uh just the walt disney studios park is one of those weird phrases where it's just like this is not this doesn't make sense it's like we meant i think we mentioned when you you brought us back couple lip shirts and the back of mine says proud america not proud american proud america so it's just like a little off no one has said this walt disney studios park you find odd i find it odd because like walt disney studios

it would kind of make sense but also that's not really what they've called it in years or if ever so it's just kind of weird because it's not a studio it's it's a simulation of a functioning movie studio it never was a studio it's not the only one of these in the world where it's called studios and then there never was a studio but what you'll find is i think a new universal studios location just doesn't have that premise of sound stages and we film things here. Right. They've bailed on that.

But this was a park that was opened in 2002, kind of predicated on, and you're going to see the magic of the movies and the magic of big sound stages, but nothing ever was filmed there. Nothing will be filmed there. I guess besides that weird special, I found that ends with a big go a giant ghost of cuba gooding jr some things for that special were filmed on the route of this

attraction but that count that does not count you can't say we're going to take you to a back lot and then film things only at the opening of the back lot and then never again that doesn't work right yeah you found the one thing filmed there outside of a handful of commercials yeah this ride people when uh pixar pier opened we remember the discourse people were like oh come on this is like obviously like 50 done it's not fully themed they took the uh california scream and made it in credit coaster this is not even like they did an okay job but they obviously didn't have the biggest budget there's the this the incredible coaster makes like this look like it's rise the resistance is like as far as or transformers the first transform is the best ride of all time uh the most emotional ride of all time you're speaking

in emotions yeah yeah emotion wise um but yeah like it's so yeah imagine if like they had what feels like like like what's minus like 50 of the budget 75 of the budget 90 percent less budget like it feels like the cheapest version like imagine california screaming and they didn't even put any like static pictures or they didn't change the mute. Like it's just a truly like feels like a crazy, like, like we had a week to do this. We can build four things, pick four things that we can get in here. That's about all you see. It is essentially a trip through an empty forest. Yeah.

Right. Where like every, I don't want to guess on uh the amount of uh miles but let's say it was a four mile journey you see one thing every mile yeah i and can i just say i i can't put my finger on it this forest doesn't sit right with me there's something about this woods i know it's artificial i mean i know it's created out of a dirt field well or but it's but is it is it but i think what maybe i don't know what the landscape was like around disney studios or around in the disneyland paris area in general but i think what's unsettling to me is the possibility that this that just how it came. Because it doesn't feel like a magical Rivers of America kind of forest.

It feels like just this is the natural wilderness of this plot that they got. Okay, I kind of see that. I think it's just some of the trees are pretty grown in and some of them are pretty low uh route 66 is very long and i'm sure there's some sections with woods are you suspicious of low trees is that what you're saying i don't know it just feels weird i'm sorry you're saying like these i'm just trying to figure out exactly you're talking about like kind of these lower trees here is that what you're saying yeah i think it's just the i think it's the lack of like fake desert.

I mean, you get it at the one point. You get it at the adapted thing. But I think the most unnerving thing is the very last set of characters you see appear to be in the killing field from Miller's Crossing, where the gangsters take everyone they need off. You know what it looks like and i'll we'll talk about the miller's cross thing in a second um but it looks like something like somebody just planted some christmas trees to sort of fill in the trees like right around here so maybe some of

the trees were planted like this feels like maybe these were planted to just make it not feel like there was a gap yeah between the but the gravel trees. I'm saying, like, why else would it just be running around a forest unless that's just what they naturally had? I don't think a lot of this forest is artificial. Yeah, I think it'd be more magical if it wasn't just like... Yeah, if they were Imagineered trees, they would look like immaculate and cool or something. This just looks like whatever. Yeah. Which makes it all the stranger that this started.

Basically, this ride we're talking about is a recent redress of a backlot tour and it made it really weird in that backlot tour that well then if it's a backlot why are we just driving through empty featureless forest for so long with sometimes props sitting next to it that's not what a backlot is like no uh so yeah that's the whole thing we really we should have maybe we shouldn't have done both things because there's too much the original tour and this but it is there's so much confusing stuff about just the initial version yes that then compounds into this even more baffling version my my argument for addressing any of it now would be, are we really going to want to come back? I mean, you would do the-

Well, I actually haven't looked at the original version, so I'm kind of in the dark. So we're doing like, yeah, we're, this is the, we'll do a prequel later, maybe. Okay. Yeah. Do we really? I don't know.

I'm not sure. Do we really want to do a- Let's back up and talk about this awful studio tour. Your best hope, Scott, is that we just forget. Because Jason and I forget, which is very possible. I forget everything these days as I get older. Yeah, or it's like a Tuesday and you missed a flight and you're stuck. And Mike and I have to do a second gate because it's like the next day is last Wednesday of the month.

And we're just cheering like French studio tour, French studio tour. As you know on the show, the longer, the more you protest, then the more it grows in my brain. Oh God. That's the problem. Okay, so separate. Well, I'm just saying,

I think the way to handle me and Jason with this type of thing from now on is when we go, maybe we should have done another topic. And you go, yeah, for sure. And then I think that won't even register. If I challenge or go, ugh. i think that's probably what it is yeah okay so yeah because an elephant never forgets and neither do i

unless you were casually agreed with unless you were casually agreed with oh well yeah it just backs up my greatness yeah then the elephant goes yeah it's great yeah terrific that's okay okay well then where are we what do you want to talk about we're talking about the cars we're talking about cars yeah back lot tour okay it was an unpleasant tram tour attraction yes will be its own unpleasant episode now seemingly i don't want to actually but i don't i don't want to do it see that's what i'm saying i think we can do it in five minutes here's what i'm okay it's kind of a mystery to me i don't know how i feel about it you know uh okay they built this studio park we gotta do all right

none of these have ever not had a tram tour we have to do a tram tour there's no other option they could not because also like that's just going to flesh out the acreage if we like make everybody get on a tram and we take them somewhere now we put that on the map and it looks like we've got way more park than we actually have because this was the smallest park ever like truly underway you in like a 10 minute walk you could go from one end to the other right go all the way to aerosmith alley and back but so tram tour is great that that's going to increase the acreage by a lot. So there was this strange backlot tour open from 2002 to 2020. And the main feature of it is that you saw some sets from the movie Rain of Fire.

Thing number one, Rain of Fire not filmed there. Filmed in Englandland but they moved some sets over and rearranged them like they might have looked okay now thing number two anyone tell me just off of what you know right now any facts about rain of fire uh sure starring matthew mcconaughey and christian bale a post-apocalyptic future where dragons are real and they've destroyed much of uh cities and humankind and uh you know conventional weapons don't really work i think against them so it's a lot of harpoons and like edged weapons that sort of thing you know you are an expert in reign of fire yeah i've never

seen it either uh it was just a a slow part of that summer. And Reign of Fire was on. Trailers played a lot before movies, before TV shows. A lot of Access Hollywood extra coverage, you know. Could you have done any of that? I think I knew McConaughey, but I didn't get to buy. You knew McConaughey? Dragon, McConaughey. It's a rare movie where Bale talks like Bale.

It's that really thick. Oh thick oh right what are you talking about yeah for his natural accent is right um i'm just the briefest clip of the trailer of rain of fire which might be lodged in your brain but it kind of like spells out the rules of frame of fire uh it makes me i kind of this movie sounds like such bullshit nonsense i almost want to watch it there's nothing magical about it they're made of flesh and blood you take out their heart you bring down the beast swinging a massive axe As that line is said He of course

Matthew McConaughey of course Plays Denton Van Zand Who is a sworn enemy of the Dragons because he watched His mother Mama Van Zand Van Zand not Van Zand Like little Steven no not related to Steven Van Zand no

Van Zand So dear Mama van zand he watched get killed by one of the first dragons he also from what i could tell from clips he takes time to see he explains they live on ash they eat ash they eat ash they eat ash this is the rules of dragons in this movie that you don't uh you they don't shoot fire at you because they're mad at you they shoot fire at you to make you into ash and then eat the app they don't want to eat you they have no interest in meat or muscles or skin they want to eat ash well this sounds like it's really filling out the studio tour episode if we combine it with a full Reign of Fire

viewing. Yeah, you flesh it out with a Reign of Fire watch down. Is that in any dragon canon for any dragon story that they eat the ash? Yeah, Reign of Fire. The main dragon canon. The first, yeah, or the most important one. Eat? Wow.

I almost like it. I agree with your wow i know i almost like it i agree with your question but i almost like it the most because it's they made up a dragon rule they eat ash i mean i look i like the idea of it i am i comfortable with it sounding a little bawdy because we keep saying it so much if we think about it oh you're the one with the dirty mind i never that wouldn't have occurred to me did that occur to you so it sounds like somebody with a lisp saying we don't want to eat some ash look i'm on twitter i'm gonna eat me some perverts right about this type of thing i see that and so that's what it sounded like to me i'm so sorry for Eating pushy and eating ash.

Purse and salad. Pushy. That may be the worst thing I've ever heard, actually. Eating pushy. Just pushy in general. Well, keep in mind, I'm doing... This is not... This is Makane saying it.

So in the world of Reign of Fire pushy is its own I'm going to say this because of the Patreon wet ass pushy wet ash pushy wet ash pushy oh right wet ash pushy yeah you can do it to that too

we're really letting it all hang out so that's what so it was a tour that uh taught you about eating ash um you went to a french field to learn about eating how to eat ash um like every every adolescent does there's a time in your life um basically what this was so there were two major tent poles on this tour one was that you go to the sets of reign of fire you see the ash and you wonder how it was eaten or will be eaten and then uh and there's like a fireball that shoots out at you not from a drag they didn't even set up like a fake dragon to do it just a fireball comes at you you kind kind of go, whoa. That is the finale of the tour, is a brief fireball.

In the middle of it is the thing that they kept. So Rain of Fire sets are gone. They are ash now. They're all ash. That's all going to be the land used for the redevelopment of this place that hopefully will be good in this Frozen, and there's Rise of the Resistance and all that stuff. What they kept was Catastrophe catastrophe canyon which is a thing that's

been in florida or was in florida for a long time it was like they're invented from the ground up earthquake kind of thing where that whole tram shakes there's a bunch of fire controlled fire effects and then a big flooding i always liked that in florida impressive fun in florida i think they probably did the math well that is red rocks that's fake rocks that are in the realm of radiator springs a little bit kind of the only thing in the realm of radiator springs besides the cast member besides the characters yes yeah yeah um but i like all right that's good we don't have to rebuild that so maybe from that starting point we can make up a whole new cars thing on the backs of this attraction which by the way the previous the tram tour you like ride out you pass by some props

you go through catastrophe canyon you come back you see the same props you saw then you pass by the line you watch the p you watch the people in the line where you just were then you go watch then you go look at the ash and then you come back so this is a tour where you see the same things twice including the line and you you have to imagine there was a lot of like the misery of the people trapped on this tour staring down the people in the line who was looking for like is this line worth it and the people on the tram going i'm afraid not i cannot this is this is like uh johnny gargano's nightmare of the being on the carousel of progress repeating the first few scenes and then doing the whole show again backing up i have to

see the 102 dalmatians car again two 102 dalmatians imagine like a space mounted disneyland it's so fun when the cars come back in because like the line and the unloading area is same place so you see everyone clapping and excited how fun that ride was oh i can't wait to get on and imagine everyone was just dour after every like well we did it it was accomplished the the jet or whatever it is the spaceship rockets back in everyone's just like i got to sit for a while okay being on a bench that moves uh is a novelty people in the why 200 years ago this wouldn't have been possible if the the rocket jet or whatever it is flies back in and everyone there's just like a big like a big exhale from all the riders now have they changed this effect is there anything other than a group sigh from this new

attraction i am not sure let's talk about what happens on this new what do you see on cars road trip well first of all it was supposed to be i think they were going to call it route 66 but that trademark is taken in france so they couldn't call it that yes specifically taken by a group called tempting brands who owns uh the brands for route 66, a company called General Magic, and then a luxury high-end clothing company called Marie Antoinette, which seems questionable that your high-end sleepwear and lingerie

is named after Marie Antoinette. What happened at the end for her? Well, they're grabbing appealing parts of all of our history of american and european history yeah just a phrase tempting brands that it's got a certain odd it's not boring enough as king feature syndicate no it's got a weirdness to it for sure it's uneasy yeah it's interesting it's more interesting than king feature syndicate yeah name's got a weirdness to it for sure it's uneasy yeah it's interesting it's more interesting than king feature syndicate yeah there's a name a soul yeah not the not the actual idea of it king feature syndicate's so exciting they have beetle bailey but i'm saying tempting it sounds more interesting it sounds more intriguing you have to almost have to say you

can't just say tempting brands like you have to say tempting brands tempting tempting is a word you have to say interest i guess i just said it boring tempting tempting so uh tempting brands struck so they this had to be called cars road trip and they thus they laid out a bunch of big letters that say road trip um and that is what you're greeted by when you get on the the trend now you're thinking okay i'm entering the world of cars so i'm is this going to be a uh a race am i going to climb aboard a car and experience life from a car's point of view and then a slow moving tram pulls up without a face that is the way you are on is not an alive car which i don't understand maybe you're i guess we are starting in the human world right and making our way into the cars where like this is we're entering the alternate cars dimension

yeah thing with wheels that has a face and eyes is there a train uh is there sky you've watched the cars movies recently right yeah they're on a little less these days mercifully okay yeah there's been a are there trams in the cars universe i don't know if i've seen a tram there's there's logistics there where um who's the character uh mac the truck that um uh lightning mcqueen sleeps in yeah he goes into his butt see that's what you you're tempted to say that however from watching him many times over i've learned that his trailer oh is it is not yes the truck a truck is only its head so anything that removes from the body so yeah and for it is not his butt his butt would just

be like a tailpipe i guess oh i actually didn that. I didn't realize that because I had the note, their ass catches on fire at one point in this ride. Oh, so the tanker is not its body. Well, we just explained something about, you know what? Yes, I had the exact same thought because at the height of the now Cars-Tastrophe Canyon segment. Cars-Tastrophe Canyon, which I kind of like. That's okay.

That's okay. It has to be very convoluted. It has an aftershock. It's like a freak of nature. It's a canyon that is an aftershock every minute is the justification for what's going on. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, crazy. It's a nightmare though it's a play on it's a it's a pun of catastrophe canyon a name that disney made up yes yeah why so it's not like doing the grand carsion or something right or it's something that exists right it's a parody of or not i guess it's kind of a parody it's like doing walt drives knee studios which is pretty good too that's okay yeah yeah i wasn't that wasn't that was a not a bad thing to produce quickly uh so anyway what we're saying was things build to a torrent in cars catastrophe canyon to where this tanker truck who is not mac because he's painted blue he is a dynaco fuel truck which is the consistent pixar gas going all the way back to toy story yes right right it's the gas station where woody and buzz

get lost and used in the cars the cars averse uh a dynaco truck gets lit on fire he is on fire but i guess we explained it it isn't his ass i get a anything that attaches to a truck so he feels no pain in that moment when he gets right on fire yeah he's not him he's kind of amused he's speaking in french i i couldn't really catch what he was saying yeah i couldn't really catch what he was saying i couldn't really find a translation yeah well if he's french though he's always lighting himself accidentally on fire with his cigarettes yeah so he seems amused though again the fire doesn't the fire like starts on his ass it's not like the concept he's non-ass excuse me um it's it's not like the concept art. He's non-ass, excuse me.

It's not like he's kind of looking at, in the concept art, he's looking at the fire and smiling. The fire kind of happens all around him, but he seems kind of amused, and then the water rushes in and puts everything out. Because he knows that that's going to happen? Is this him doing an illusion is this a like lighting yourself on fire on stage in a magic show oh right yeah i guess so is he like he's

like an american expat sitting at a french like cafe and he doesn't even have to order anymore they just know him so they just bring him his espresso and he has his cigarette and they light a cigarette and he doesn't even need to, he just leads the money when he's done and they just, they just keep bringing it, you know, maybe. So he's,

he's out in this French field. Like this is how he gets his jollies for the day. This is his routine. He likes a lot of everything around him to light on fire. Maybe because when it's all said and done, he wants to eat some ash. Yeah. That's why he's smiling so big being around that fire.

It's possible. Like a car dragon. It's a nod to the Ernest Hemingway's book. I think it's The Sun Also Rises. It's about a World War I American veteran, I think, just bumming around Paris and it's it's often alluded to in the book but they can't come out and say it because of the time period that like his dick don't work from the war so like he's very depressed so maybe this is the version this is a nod to that he's just just sitting in the Catastrophic Canyon waiting to eat ash because his car's dick

don't work no more. The Sun Also Rises. That's the movie that Robert Evans is in? That's right. Yeah. It's the kid stays in the picture. Kid stays in the picture. So I always think of when I hear the sun, I hear the sun also rises.

That's how I think of it. So why wasn't this, like when they made it as a movie then america it should have been called his dick don't work no more imagine the box office yeah or did he produce it i'm sorry he's not in it the the he might have just produced it but i know he's involved enough to have to yeah that's maybe that's the one where he goes like ava goddard i had a fling that's like the like he was producing, Ava Gardner and I had a fling. That's like he was producing Sun Also Rises. I forget. No, I think he's in it.

I think the producer says. No, no, that's a different movie. That's when he's like the matador or something. I think he's the matador. Sun Also Rises. I think there's bullfighting in Sun Also Rises. There's bullfighting. I will look it up.

I don't want to be wrong. Okay, you look it up. I'll read some of the things that happen on this ride. You's not all surprises. It's bullfighting. I will look it up. I don't want to be wrong. Okay. You look it up. I'll read some of the things that happen on this ride. You get in a tram. It says road trip in big letters. Then you start moving. And then there's a video that stars Sally, the blue car from cars and Cruz Ramirez, who is in cars three.

She speaks English. Sally speaks French uh it's very confusing i don't understand that's the thing i don't understand in the parks in general is when is the call made about what should be english and what uh should not be um i am always getting confused in all the different foreign parks sometimes you go well that doesn't seem like they did both language like something yeah sometimes it's just one language and you're not sure why. Like, why do they elect that, yes, Cruiser and Mures will speak English, but Lightning McQueen is French.

Right. And Mater is French. Right. That's very strange. Mater French. That's very anachronistic. Yeah, but also funnier. That is good. Yeah yeah i do like french mater

yes that's funny i think i wrote i think he in his little tableau at the end says am i making this up i think you might say significant i have significant and maybe someone just says significant is there a mater short where he's also french or it's larry the cable guy doing like french words just not sure my son is the arbitrary opinions of my son cars short maters tall tales no oh really yeah no interest and then i might have said before first act of cars gets scared of the tractors there is no second act of cars as far as he knows uh straight to the race um often it is only race that's all we do is the big race at the end uh no cars two or three zero interest really how does that i don't understand kids having these opinions already from the first frame he goes no no no but it's the same characters I'm as bored by this as I am by the first one.

Well, but he knows Paul Newman had passed by that point. So you put on the color of money or like Road to Perdition or The Sting, he's like clapping along. I am not trying any of the Newmans. Nor am I taking him down the South. I want Jason to have a child Just so I can see what movies He forces the child to watch At like one and a half

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid It's a kids movie Do you want to watch The Sun Also Rises? Which Jason you were correct And I was initially correct Robert Evans is in The Sun Also Rises As Pedro Romero. Oh, yeah.

I'm worried about what that entails. That's like the touch of evil. A touch of evil where Charlton Heston is like a Mexican police officer. Yes. Oh, yeah. This is a very common thing up through what five years ago uh yeah uh 2019 i uh the weird yeah i i think i brought this up ages ago but i watched that russell crowe leonardo dicaprio spy movie body of lies uh and uh oscar a younger oscar isaac is an Iraqi CIA asset.

And then Mark Strong from, you know, the Kingsman movies. And I think he's the Junker Dodd in one of the X-Men movies. Is he? He's the head of the Jordanian intelligence agency. Like, you know, the country of Jordan. Right. Is Mark Strong Juggernaut? Isn't it Mark Strong? No, it's Vinnie Jones. Oh, it's Vinnie Jones. I always mix those two up. Vinnie Jones, because he says, I'm strong juggernaut is it isn't it mark strong no it's vinnie jones oh it's

vinnie jones i always mix those two up vinnie jones because he says i'm the juggernaut bitch that's for x-men the last stand um yeah anyway stop the conversation dead okay so sorry x-men the last stand kind of underrated yeah honestly uh there you go you got a little more kelsey grammar yes yeah of course, that's that one. Okay. Oh, that's the one. Wait, I saw that one and have zero memory. If we're talking multiverse and characters coming back.

Oh, we're not. We're talking. No, we were. We were. You remember? We bring. Go ahead. Make 70 year old Kelsey Grammer put the beast makeup back on.

That's what I say. I want him as beast. He's the perfect little casted beast. And I want it back. I want him back. Anyway. Sure. I've him as beast. He's the perfect little casted beast. Um, and I want it back. I want him back. Anyway. Sure.

I've said my piece. I have no support from the. All right, get out there. Get, if you're listening to this and you were working Hollywood, you heard, you heard what Kelsey grab her back at the beast to make up.

Um, so now, so with the premise here is that we're doing, it's like a kooky sightseeing trip so you see route 66 style oddities like a big wrench you pass by the big wrench and you go hmm and then and it says so big it's nuts on it okay all right we did one down yeah. Then you pass by a big lug nut. World's largest lug nut. World's largest lug nut. Our friend, Lightning McQueen, and our neighbors, Giuseppe and Guido. Or Luigi and Guido.

They're neighbors to you, not a friend. I'm just not that close with either of them. They're cool. I mean, I need tires every few years so i i see them and it makes my talk but they're not yeah lightning close you wouldn't have a party yeah um yeah and you're looking at this the world's largest lug nut that's gonna and it's like all right it's kind of yeah it's bigger than me yeah but it's not yeah couldn't fit it in my pocket not by a long shot but you're not it's not like the biggest ball of yarn like that's

impressive when you see the big ball of yarn. Have you done the big ball of yarn? No. I've seen a picture of it, though. It seems impressive from the picture? Yeah. Where is the, are there multiple big balls of yarn? Oh, I think at this point, there's like probably the most notable one.

Well, that's an episode. Anyway. I drove across country. I stopped at the, do you know the Continental Divide? That's where like, that's the dividing line. Oh, the four? The four states? What are we talking about?

No, I haven't been at the four corners. What is that called? The four corners? Yeah. The Continental Divide, I believe is where west of this water flows west. Oh, the directional. And east of this water flows east. I see.

It's the dividing line for the, for the way like water systems flow. Okay. And you've been? Yeah, it's just a, it's just a bunch of, it's a painting on a road and a souvenir shop.

Okay. Well, we'll do that one too. Yes. It's coming soon too. I bought a Roots, I have a Roots 66 t-shirt from there. It costs like $7 dollars it costs like an

obscenely low amount it feels like sandpaper but doesn't it well doesn't i mean it hurts you because it's like sandpaper it also reminds you of all the torrid affairs that this road affairs all those roadside motels god knows what was going on in there and destroy the road destroy all roads they lead only to ruin one family on one side another family on the other yeah so east of this line you see one family and west of this line you see the other family exact midpoint between all these people's two families and that midpoint is the only place you can get peace a cup of coffee some peace and quiet really uncomfortable t-shirt one family gets one water flow. The other family has the water flow the opposite way.

So much of this attraction is quiet. It's like sitting in silence. Yeah, that's right. Even though they made little videos for it, it's still kind of, maybe there's a little bit of music. Just dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Yeah, at least like Life is a Highway, Rascal Flatts should be playing at least the whole time to get the energy up.

I do. I can report that my son goes nuts when Life is a Highway. So you have one big thing in common with him. Yeah. You both go ape shit for Life is a Highway. For Rascal Flatts' version. The Rascal Flatts' version of Life is a Highway. But let me, all right, not to open up old wounds, but I've been obsessed ever since

it happened with you saying that the dueling piano bar should play Life is a Highway. Oh, yeah. At Howl at the Moon. Yeah, yeah. Now that I'm more familiar with this song, there's so many lyrics. No one knows. Do you know? Like, the people at the dueling piano bar are not going to know all of the verses of

Life is a Highway. Yeah, it's a lot. I don't know the lyrics to life as a highway how can we expect these piano players to life is a highway though is a pretty popular song so i don't know i don't think it's crazy i didn't ask uh the piano player to play uh the yankee hotel fox shot wilco song a magazine called sunset i i wasn't going that crazy i think there was a shot great song i know the lyrics to that song yeah i i probably know that too um so you're dueling piano yeah look i don't know i don't i you know i don't like to give people advice on parenting i

don't have children but uh at some point you're gonna have to introduce into the tom cochran version but i think you should wait expected tom cochran version but i think you should wait expected to go to school without i think you should wait tom cochran you should wait so we can appreciate it you know yeah because i think that's yeah it's a little more sophisticated so i think he needs to be a little older seven eight nine before you introduce him to the time he kicks off middle school by saying uh hello peers did you know that there is a different life as a highway besides the one we all grew up with in the Cars films? It's a little bit.

It's got more of a yelp to it, a growl, I'd say, but equally fun. Anyway, let's begin our educational experience anew. Look, everyone, my dad helped me put the lyrics on this song. In all these cities and all these towns in my blood and it's all around well there it is yeah great he knows the lyrics so it's not crazy that a piano player that plays hit songs would know life is a highway it's also not a piano song in the league there's no piano in the song yeah but that's okay you can do fun piano versions

but i'm saying i think you it's got to be such a slam dunk to change the genre of the song that you're asking for. Yeah. I did, unfortunately, clear out the bar because he did play my suggestion of Ben Folds V's boxing. The sad song. The piano song. It's just lyrics from Howard Cassell.

Boxing's been good to me, Howard. Yeah. Again, you're dueling Piano Bar. Yeah, we could do it. You've got a ton up in the knocking. Ben Folds B-sides, Wilco B-sides. What, what? Yeah, we would have a.

And Life is a Highway every 15 minutes. Yeah, but Jason has to sing it because he knows the lyrics. Yeah. But yeah, look, are we better than that guy who was playing piano? Yes. Both of them, right? Yeah, both of them.

I feel like there's only one that. Was it not a dueling? I feel like, yeah, they were on their last legs already and there was only one piano player at the dueling piano bar. One of them saw the slip that said life is highway,

rolled his eyes and quit. Yeah. Take this job and show it. i'm out of here all right we're doing free bird again it's like don't stop believing free bird i don't even remember what else he played that night i'm sure yeah that's gotta be probably yeah piano man there was a guitar player though that remember he jumped on the bar no you don't remember that no do you remember that uh no because the special was uh three dollars sky vodka and and i kept ordering doubles i was just i was i was probably concentrating on what is going to happen to my uh to my bodily functions wow really with all of this blue pumping through me

that was exciting i feel like there was all of a sudden like we i turned around there's a man playing guitar behind us and i feel like i was it sweet child of mine i'm sure we said it on the episode years ago but it was like something like that and he was playing he was he came from nowhere there might have been a saxophone player too he may not have worked there he just he was at carl strauss with his electric guitar and he's plugged in um okay we'll consult that episode i have zero memory uh listener not a listener will do it for me um okay let's keep plowing we go to cars cars test for canyon we've talked about this a little bit a car with a truck with a big smile on his face gets surrounded

by fire his expression never changed this is where i look i feel for the imagineers i would say i don't i don't put any blame. Yeah, absolutely. If you're given a budget, you're like, well, we got to try to do something with it. I blame whatever, at whatever higher up point, they were unwilling to release more money. Right. And at least something that allows the car's face to change from smiling to frowning. One function in that face to reflect the fact that he is surrounded on all sides by fire. Yes.

And his butt. It is correct. Not on his butt. It is correct. It is like the dog meme. This is fine, I guess. It's so much like this is fine. Yeah.

Maybe it's the French trying to comment on America by using our iconography, our central, our formerly main road, Route 66.'s a it's a it's a tableau of modern america it's actually a very poignant ride if you think of it that way i do think of it that way now um so yeah that makes a lot of sense uh so it's so funny i don't i obviously everybody who's on this ride is bored and doesn't care like no one's put two thoughts because this ride is so uninteresting but i i feel like there should be cars full of laughter like when you're watching these youtube videos but no one seems to give a shit no one cares they didn't like the little graphics of like other cars based roadside attractions which you don't actually say that it really like your graphics of things you don't get to see the painting there was kind of a cartoony painting of route 66 on the back of a building you go by

great yeah and you go back by it again the trees are starting to grow in front of the painting this is just this maybe we should do some episode like this where we try to put an IP overlay and we try to imagine if we had the budget, what appears to be this ride's budget for this overlay. It's like $10,000. You have $10,000 to overlay. What's the most, let's just say hypothetically living with the land, Scott. You have $10,000 to overlay IP on living with the land.

All right. 20 bucks. Get a CD player. Get speakers to put in the boat and start playing the song again. How many bucks they got? Maybe seven, eight. All right. So now I still have well upwards of $9,000.

Maybe just press play on the song that they actively chose to not use anymore in all these cities and all these now there now that's an idea living with the land is not a highway there's a man how about magazine called sunset the wilco overlay for living with the land just get a guy playing your songs on it on on every car. Oh, yeah. A little piano, a mini piano. Yeah, that's great. On every boat. Yeah, now we're talking. Yeah, and you give suggestions.

To the first dueling piano boat. Yeah. So, Cars Teastrophe Canyon happens. You see more slides of things you don't get to see. You don't get to see the great wall of china made of tires um and then there's a lot of build-up of that you're quickly informed oh mater's doing art now i haven't seen his art oh well maybe we're gonna see his art here's some pictures of his art and look what he made and he made a an eiffel tower out of car junk and it's called the i fuel tower yeah it's made out of garbage it uh the woods around it seem like they've been cleared or flattened again real miller's crossing

true detective crime scene pipes like deep forest crime yeah you're right it's not a pleasant lush forest yeah forest you go to handle business that you never speak of again. He made a fake billboard that says, let's go Buick. Like, I guess that's a slight, that's like a let's go Brandon thing in the car universe. Let's go Buick. Let's go Buick. Brandon becomes Buick. They all hate the president of cars, President Buick.

President Buick. There has not president of cars president there has not been yeah there's not been a working man's car there's not been a gm car there's not been a chevrolet car in a while president president maserati president buick president maybach like it's all these rich guys you know the the ifuel tower is not that tall. You're kind of like, okay, yeah. Well, it's impressive that a car did it because a car has no arms. I guess he did this all with his tongue, with his big fleshy tongue that we know all of the cars have

because lightning breaks a tie at the beginning of Cars 1 by sticking his giant flesh tongue out, which counts, which they make you watch in slow motion replays. That's so, like, if I walk into the family room and the tongue is on, I am never happy. Yeah, that's...

Oh, the tongue movie. The tongues, it should be called. If you know a better way to eat ash i'd like to hear it get her done uh so and then you're kind of heading back to home base and then cruz says route 66 was so much fun you're like are you telling are you telling us are you telling yourself who are you trying to convince here yeah that's kind of like the end of any long road trip where you're kind of wiped out and like a few days later it sets in of how good a time you had but you just want to get out of the car at the very end of it yeah very much so um this is weird what a strange how like so strange yeah and just like the the plight

of paris where you know there's great new attractions going up all around the globe even in this kind of embattled cutback bummer chapek disney times still all of the properties are getting great new attractions and then poor poor Paris gets Cars Road Trip. They get a tanker truck with an on-fire non-butt. And here you go. This is your new ride, guys. There's one big detail that we have not mentioned that I think adds to the absurdity of this attraction.

So this was announced a while ago was originally slated to open summer of 2020 obviously that did not happen instead it opens july of 2021 with the rest of the parks reopening so this is a brand new attraction the park's been closed for over a year finally it's open yay it's open we're all going back oh there's a new there's a new thing we gotta go see the new what are we seeing like just the weirdness of like already like those first few times back to theme parks after staying at home inside were so interesting and. And then to have this weirdo attraction on top of that, I can't imagine. Well, maybe it benefited from that.

It's like, well, boy, that was not sitting inside. That's true. There was no opening of a Zoom window anywhere in there. No. One of the ride-throughs online I i was watching and it was very funny it was still when everyone was where it had to wear masks outdoors in the parks and you see like an employee like walking in front of the camera and they kind of like look and see all the cast members and they go like and they like pull the mask out of their pocket put it on because they realized, uh-oh, I forgot. I'm being photographed.

Yeah. Yeah. Did everyone see, this is another recent Paris thing, did everyone see Mickey dancing and lighting up the Eiffel Tower? I did see that, yeah. Oh, I did not know. You didn't see this? No. The actual Eiffel Tower I'm talking about.

Oh, okay. Not the iFuel. Not the iFuel Tower. No. The Eiffel. Mickey, for some reason, is doing a like phantasmic show in front of the actual eiffel tower and lighting it up but do you know why this was 30th anniversary oh okay there you go paris when they're a long way from people throwing tomatoes at michael eisner

mickey gets the keys to the eiffel tower lighting rig the keys to the rig yeah so yeah so uh there is that was that's a much more spectacular video than anything okay here all right so they're doing exciting things in paris then one-offs of mickey dancing mickey i think honestly mickey should do more of this dancing in front of like land world landmarks where he lights them up in front of mount rushmore or stonehenge you know so if you want to watch these video this i don't think those have light like lights well they will now natural okay so maybe we're gonna install lights yeah we're gonna install lights in some of the places it was a grand effect mickey and all the biggest celebrities in france jerry lew Lewis is there. The cast of Cuties.

Macron. Not Marie Le Pen. No, no. Wait, Jerry Lewis was at the Eiffel Tower? No, I'm just saying. Okay. Is he still with us? No, no.

He is dead. Okay. He died of heat. That's why I said his hair. Yeah. I was just wondering where you were going with that. He did like one last trip of telling everybody women aren't funny, and then he croaked. Oh, God.

Yeah. I'm going to get a few of these in before I wrap this up. He did a Comedians in Cars, then he croaked. Yeah. He was on Comedians in Cars, and then that was it. He croaked. We're just having coffee in a car, then he croaked. Mid-episode.

Jerry Lewis died on an episode of Comedians lewis died on jerry jerry took him to modern a coffee place it wasn't like a diner using the same machine for 50 years he served him a full strain starbucks coffee and it just killed him it's so too strong yeah what do we do with this thing is i mean, this is just a sitting duck. Do we burn it down for insurance money? It's already burning every day. Yeah, yeah. So just maybe let it loose one day. Yeah.

Let that bud fire get out of control and it's all ash. I think they should take out some of the trees. I think they should just make it worse somehow. Take out some of the trees. Take out some of the fun signs. They should make people do the forest clearing yeah and maybe suddenly you stop the gates open and like everybody's handed an axe go clear cut oh no tram no tram everyone has to walk it yeah yeah the tram breaks down maybe

you have to walk back you like you wait for a little while for the french equivalent of triple a doesn't show up you just start walking uh yeah and then they're at ed uh add some narrative about a secret family that you're going to visit when you get to the end of the destination that's the last no that's i mean everyone's got you mistress in France. Oh, yeah, that's true. They might like that. Yeah, no, that's not a big deal over there. That's the novelty of recreating Route 66. Imagine that there's a country where this had to be done.

You had to travel great distances between your secret families. We're uptight about secret. Do you have to pretend you don't have a mistress? This is a backwards country. Jason's uptight about secret families and mistresses here, but that's our United States upbringing. Yeah. It's's over there they don't give a shit we'd be looser yeah yeah a couple months in france and we'd all have them is there a podcast the right equivalent podcast um emanating from france do we have like oh maybe three french doppelgangers

who are not so like uptight about body body material they love body material you can hear them light up a real long gross cigarette yeah well you can hear the smoking and coughs you can hear the smoking on the mic in our french equivalent podcast um yeah they have sex with the mistresses during oh my gosh in gosh. In between talking about Disneyland Paris. You guys take it from here. Give me a moment. They all sound like Kenan's Pierre Escargot from all that. Pretend I am a dragon from Reign of Fire.

It's a different podcast, but we we should it's not this one we're a little more we're a little more buttoned up and we do we go explore the world whether you ask us to or not whether the attraction is good or not uh but we made it we survived podcast the ride the second gate um cars uh cars road trip we did it by maybe i think have you already forgotten yeah i don't care okay great all right i don't care about this ride at all okay so yeah maybe we don't need to do the tram tour again but there are a lot of uh great other topics that we need to jackal here on the second goes oh sorry i got those a little brain fart i feel like i'll edit that out okay okay yeah so i was saying podcast, Podcast the Ride, The Jackal Gate, there's a...

No, you did it again. Well, what am I... The Jackal Gate? I don't know. Why am I saying... Is it like a French thing? Like a whole French movie or something? I don't think so.

I think I'm being like... I feel like in that moment where I'm saying that word, I'm being possessed by some otherworldly demonic figure i don't know what's making me do it what i'm trying to say is if you keep it tuned here to podcast the ride the second gate for your three bonus episodes every month there's going to be a lot of great uh you know many great jackals in store what am i god that's weird uh it's entertaining the second gate it's like a video game come to real life you know that's yeah i think that's what we that's what we offer here yeah yeah yeah as exciting as if uh you know characters from the video game realm yeah stepped off the screen into your reality yeah i think you

just we just need to cool down listen to one one of our favorite musical artists, Jackal Moore, and then we'll be over. Wait, what am I saying? Jackal? I meant Macklemore. Did you mean Macklemore? I meant Macklemore. You obviously meant Macklemore. That's weird.

I said Jackalmore. Why did I say that? I don't know. Huh. I don't know what's going over us. Who knows what's coming down the road on Podcast The Ride The Second Gate? Only one way to find out uh stay subscribed stay jackled fuck