Podcast: The Ride - Unlocked: McGruff 4

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

Enjoy this sample of Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Everyone's favorite singing crime dog bursts back into PTR's lives without a warrant! "I GOT MORE SONGS FROM THE SMART KIDS ERA" he barks, "LISTEN OR ELSE!"*He's talking about a recent reissue of his first music album that now contains bonus tracks.We better listen to them! It seems urgent!"Marvin Sease (Scott's Birthday Shot) " Recap episode is up at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Carlson's Improv Show on 9/11: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/improv-land-tickets-1998116971650FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride⁠See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Forever. All right, McGruff 4, let's go. Let's do that. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's fucking go. I like the energy and I like diving right in, but, you know, we are going to be doing that voice a lot.

All right. I was going to suggest maybe just doing a little bit of vocal warm-ups. Oh, yeah. That would have been a good idea. Don't purchase counterfeit coins. Don't mess with black market bikes. Don't try to make your. on stamps.

Jason, you want to try? Sure. You want to do a warm-up? Don't buy soap on Amazon. Okay, I mean, there's probably some okay soap. There's some okay soap. I just mean as a rule of thumb.

That's good. Can you explain why you said that in McGruff's voice? Well, we were thinking, I feel like we were listening like common scam. And I feel like I've seen cosmetic products or salon quality products of Amazon art. That's not what my guest, though. My guest for an explanation from the big dog. I wanted McGruff to answer.

Why doesn't he want you to purchase counterfeit? Individual sellers on Amazon can trick you and sell you black market panty and provee. I was, you know what I was hoping? I was hoping that it was a personal story. So I was hoping it was like, I bought soap on Amazon. and it turned out to be a bopsicle. Like something weird. It's still in the warm up.

Yeah, yeah. So that's what I was hoping is that you had personal experience buying counterfeit soap on Amazon. I roll the dice sometimes and I've lucked out so far. Oh, so you have bought soap. Okay, explain the soap you bought with McGruff's voice. Well, we needed detergent and dryer sheets at home. Okay, okay.

Body wash. and dishwashing detergent. And did they turned out okay? They turned out okay this time. All right. The soap was not actually a way to smuggle methamene in the U.S. mail. There was not an endangered species scam

where a humpback whale showed up at my door. Now, did they have too many seed oils? My friend Robert has some things to say. Robert F. Kennedy, I assume. Yep. We both have similar voices. Very happy with that pick, yes. We speak similarly and we both dealt with the scourge of brain worms.

We both had a number of dead animals in our cars for many of the same reasons. Mine, we're asking for it. But if I see an animal at the side of the road, you know I'm stopping. To eat it or something else. I admire his restraint because I'm on the seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

We're going to lose our voices for this. Yeah, yeah, before we're done. Before we even start. Well, here's the question. Why McGruff for now? What brings McGuff? It's a Mcruffin. When it's not central to the plot and it could be

almost anything that's being chased. A rabbit's foot from Mission Impossible 3. It's a McGruffin. The best midruffin would be counterfeit soap. Robert F. Kennedy has been chasing after the rabbit's foot for years. He wants to eat it and take a bite. Take a bite and eat it is really what the order should have been. Sorry.

But why here in November 2025 is McGruff back on the table? I mean, I don't think anyone will be unhappy. that he is, but what are the recent happenings of McGruff to bring us here? Well, McGruff, they have, I'll say this. We've done three episodes, McGruff's musical career, whatever we call that, I remember. We did leave some songs on the table. There still was some songs by the end of the third one that we hadn't played. And we said, I'll get to that another day.

But the reason today is happening is because something very exciting was released in the last couple weeks. It is a reissue of Smart Kids, the original album we covered, which I think by far the best of McGruff's music. No question. Yeah. It's been worth delving into the others, and I think we've had fun. Yeah. But he, look, you know, some artists come out strongest on the debut. And, you know, you got to call McGruff one of them. Yes. So they have put out some vinyl that is, I don't have yet. I think I'm going to get it if it's still available. But there's a disc with bonus tracks. Lots of bonus tracks.

An entire, if you're buying the vinyl, then the second vinyl is entirely songs that we didn't know before. Right. From original classic era. Right. And it's like, and I'm not, I'm a big Prince fan. I don't, like, I don't know everything, thing that exists. So sometimes they put out a collection and there'll be B sides and maybe it's been out for 10 years. I don't know.

but like the purple rain arrow when they reissued purple rain with bonus tracks. I had not heard some of the extra tracks. So like hearing Prince and his prime like that sound, that orchestration or whatever for the songs with like songs like roadhouse garden or something. That's incredible. That was a hell of a fine. So good. Moon beam levels. Moon beam levels.

Right. They finally put. I knew about that, but they finally put it out in like good quality. Mm-hmm. So like hearing the artists with some other stuff they did in their prime. Yeah. It rules. In the absolute classic era.

No, it feels like we have unlocked unreleased unknown material from the thriller era as opposed to 2010 Michael posthumous album, which was patted out with a bunch of songs that weren't him. Right. Yes, right. Which you were recently telling me this controversy? Yeah, yeah, because I discovered that there's a podcast about it. I just hadn't meditated on it. It's the funniest scam that they didn't really get away with. Like, you think we could just maybe get another guy and maybe it'd be fine,

especially because it was like, you know what I think would help is if in the lyrics of one of the songs, he sings his own name. I think that'll, because you wouldn't be singing your own name unless you were you, right? Right. That's the ultimate way to cover. So one of these songs, the first lyric is like, everybody wants a piece of Michael Jackson. And it doesn't. sound like him from the give even as if we have a casual fan would go no no and everyone immediately

identified the guy who it was who was like a white guy like the simpsons episode was it the guy who physically resembles no different guy from the simpson it's not that guy no no it's it no that was kind of a michael approved impersonator but this was some other guy who just had put out a song called mamacita that really resembled michael but i but now if you look up the album on spotify those tracks are gone so many guys gotten a lot of trouble. Wow. Really?

Don't listen to counterfeit Michael Jackson's songs. Wow, that's wild. Just because, in fact, if I die and any music has ever put out and it's really desperate and it's like, McGruff says,

hey, it's me, McGruff, I am McGruff. I am alive still as I record this. Don't believe it. They're overcompensating for something. It's going to be tough because the voice changes a lot for McGruff. So it's going to be hard to tell who is the real McGruff. And maybe it's

just McGruff sounded different that day. Because even on the bonus track, there's two tracks where he does introductions and he sounds wildly different from his normal, whatever. There's this era voice. Yeah. I had to go back and listen to some of the original smart kids just to make sure it was about on the same level. Quality wise or his voice? Quality. The voice. Oh, okay. And now there's a new. introduction to smart kids that they've played that's almost acts like the Warner Brothers cartoon like warning this was made a long time ago.

Oh, I see. It's not quite, we can play it. It's not quite that. Look, I want to get ahead of my song, do do blackface. Fun for everyone. That is the vibe of it. I've been so negative.

I want to throw my weight behind something I like. This will really make your grandmother smile. Or gets back to her childhood. It was a different time. Both the 20s and the 80s. In hindsight, cigarettes for babies was a bad song. I don't think that's right anymore. And it's because their weak lips can't hold the cigarettes for long,

so the parents have to hold them in the mouth. That's the only reason I no longer endorse cigarettes for babies. Now, if Johnson and Johnson can come up with a cigarette holder for. a baby's mouth. That's a different story. If the technology is there. Pretty good shark tank idea, I'd say pacifier with little hole for a cigarette. Make it long like Cruellaville's

long cigarette. And now we're talking. That's style. The carcinogens get dispersed. That's class. And it's clean when it hits to you. That's class, baby. Telly Savala's style. We can play the introduction a little bit here. So anyway, all the

that to say, yeah, there are more tracks. Yeah. They are certainly better than all the Burger King Kids tapes. Okay. I just want to warn. Have you heard you've listened or no? I have it because with these episodes lately, I'm like, I just want to hear it fresh while we're recording. I've delved in just the tiniest bit.

But that's always, that is the bar. And it's our best chance that we've had for sure to like go. Do we have anything close to the classics? We love to inhalants to alcohol. Right. To cocaine and crack. Yes. So, and I re-listen to smart kids this morning, and smart kids still is awesome.

Smart kids is so good. The fact of you were just sincerely comparing it to Purple Rings. Yes, yes. Smart Kids still rules because like every year I kind of was like, it's had a fever dream that that album I like that so much and it's not. It's real. I will say the new, the bonus track, you understand maybe why they've been left off. Okay. Whether it's just maybe the grooves aren't quite as good or perhaps the subject matter is horrible.

And alarming. No, I know what's coming here. Yeah. But I think we got to be brave. We'll have to address it. But grace and artists, even their darkest work. I listened to the bonus tracks yesterday. Yeah.

And then as I was getting ready this morning, I listened to the ones. I re-listened to a couple of them where I was like, I think these are the ones I like the most. Okay. So you landed on favorites potentially. Okay, okay. And before we start, I want to just, because usually I'll have the puppy. it with. Today I decided to bring this custom figure that was made for

me by a friend of the show Trevor Zammett. Wow. Oh my God. Custom McGruff that was given to me on my birthday, one of the finest gifts I've ever received. Wow. Rendered very much in the living cartoon style of some of the turtles action figures that you like. Anyway, so McGruff will be

here watching over us if you need some inspiration as you're doing the voice. He's going to fall immediately, Mike. I know, in this wire. Okay, that works. Yeah, yeah. Tangled wire method. on the table. I don't want to delay us too long,

but you have to, I think we have to reflect a little bit on the fact that these tracks that are new to me, that I might be are being opened fresh for me here on the air. But the, I mean, to some extent,

we caused this, right? I mean, because they do say that this thing being released and getting a vinyl. You're right. There has been general reference to, like, the podcast sphere has shined a light on these things.

And you know, we're part of that. I don't want to take full and soul credit, but we're one of the podcasts that got fascinated by this. And I think we should be happy and embrace it in a chance where we can because, look, I'm with apologies to both of you. I had

my questions about whether Mike's love of intimacy in rides is what caused a shift in the way Disney is approaching the attractions, but then they're of different approaches to storytelling, which Jason gave you full credit for. But I need a little more

evidence on that, but I think in this case, I think we completely, I think you're correct. Yeah, and they just said general podcast is very much like when Scott was quoted in a book about the history of malls and they said, Scott cared. I thought accurately quoting said, said on a podcast like went out of their way to not name the podcast. I had no memory of this. Jason's thought about it ever since. How dare you.

only in terms of accuracy and properly He's just in a corporate sense He is just making sure that sources are cited. Right. Yeah. And if those and if Googling the sources happens to lead to money in our Patreon, then so be it.

But it's about accuracy. It's not about it. It is. And maybe it's in the notes, you know. Maybe it's in the back. You know, I mean, we've, is this too much inside baseball? We had a little correspondence with

the McGruff people person at a certain point. And then at a certain point, it went radio silent. Now, I don't know if ultimately we are the cause and then they started listening to some of the content and perhaps some of it was a bit too buddy. I don't know. I'm speculating here. But definitely it feels like we got this ball at least rolling.

And then the organization, I mean, they were going to send us some stuff that never materialized. I'm not like mad at them. I'm just wondering. It's confusing. The whole McGruff organization is a little confusing because they are still active online. McGruff seems to be upset with the Trump administration because they posted a photo of McGruff. Oh yeah. When did he get mad? And for what reason? They were pulling some funding.

Funding for something that the, whatever, the crime prevention council, which is another thing we don't really know what it is and where the funding comes from. And if maybe it's just one person, we're not sure. But they posted McGruff like flicking the White House off, I'm pretty sure, on the official McGruff Twitter account. So I'm still a bit confused by what's going on in McGruff World. And now we don't have sort of any communication with McGruff World. So I do think we are, I mean, I'll step.

You were being a little bit like hedging a bit, but it's probably us. It was the reason this came out. Because I don't know who else was really devoting so much time to it. And other podcasts did mention it. Sure. But, but yeah, we definitely. And I, as always credit the Beyond Yacht Rock podcast for making me aware of it. Sure, sure.

alcohol and officially sanctioned designated yacht rock song. But I said that less out of any sort of like, I want credit and more. We're about to open a treasure chest. And I think we're reaping the benefits of what we sowed. But like we wouldn't be hearing this and the audience wouldn't be hearing it if we didn't yammer on about this album. So I feel very lucky right now.

Sure. I'm not mad at the McGruff people. No, I still have this. same affection for McGruff that I always did. Not upset at all. It sounds like I'm lying, but I'm not. This is a problem with me in general. I know.

There's a, well, this is, yeah, the, the, yeah, I guess, I think we both have an issue with sincere tone. Yeah. Oh, sure. Jason, too. You ever hear him try to be sincere? Yeah, it's the weirdest shit. That's right.

Apparently. We can all do it as McGruff, I bet, though. Suddenly, yeah, we're so much more able. My children have changed my life. It's open rooms of my heart. I didn't know where there. I'm grateful for every day. When I look upon those eyes, the innocence.

I say that to my child. I love you. I think you do communicate through the puppets. Yeah, it's true. I do. There's a lot of shows going on. My love. That's right.

So, yeah, all that is important context for where we are today. McGruff for, could there be more McGruff? that's hidden. Maybe. I think it's possible. We didn't even get through everything right in the previous. So there's still probably McGruff 5 somewhere with odds and ends.

And then, oh, and then TV stuff we've never really even gotten into. Oh, sure. Those are weird and there's music in those. Drew Barrymore. Right. Kind of, I think, adding to the weirdness. So the reissue,

I was saying before we started, the reissue was coming out on this two LPs, one with a bite mark out of it. Yeah, that's fun, that's fun. Which is fun on a label called Black Screen Records, which describes itself as your specialist for game and anime soundtracks and Japanese pop music or record label an online store from Germany.

Sure. So. You're just saying that? Do you have a thought about that or? I just. What's the problem? If they want to put my album out as well, what's stopping them? Anime.

They can expand the brand. The Germans is now a little. lot about the anti-drug campaigns of America from the late 1980s, early 1990s. Separate McGruff here, that reference was too deep for me. I didn't follow that reference, but okay. It's a record label from Germany, and I'm like, so it's a German label putting out American anti-drug songs. I don't know.

Taking a risk, I say. Yeah, sure. Putting themselves on the line, being brave. Maybe they listen to podcast the ride, and they heard about those fun songs I made. I bet that's what it is. Mike Scott and Jason are at it again. What have they uncovered?

What treasure from the archives? We got to get involved in this. That's probably what happened. Probably, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's start digging in. So this is the introduction. I just want to give this the warrant.

This is from like the smart kids. You can find this on Spotify and Apple Music. Okay. Hey there, it's McGruff the Crime Dog. You ask, I listen. That's why I am re-releasing the Smart Kids album. You can now get it on vinyl or stream it right on your phone. A lot has changed since I first signed these tunes.

I know we're dealing with different issues today, and now we even have the internet. Sound like McGruff. You can visit atgruff.org to learn more. So that's the new introduction. This is the Michael. Jackson situation. Yeah. Here it is me, McGrath. Don't ask further questions, but it's me. Don't worry. Everyone wants a piece of McGrath, the crime dog. So he doesn't fully give like an apology or anything, but he's definitely alluding to like maybe these, these aren't the ways we

address some of these issues in the year 2025. That's what the reading I get from it. Yeah. And in his head, he's like, and that's why the country is the best that it is today. That's a subtext. Songs used to fix everything. You got to look at it. You got to look hard. I'm all in favor of paying down the national debt. But I can't help but feel like the Trump administration pulling my funding was an attack. I want to take a bite out of the debt.

So, okay, let's go track one. Take a bite out of crime. Now, all these McGruff albums will always have like one or two songs that you go, well, that's what I would think a McGruff song sounds. like. Yeah. It sounds kind of like the commercials you remember. It sounds kind of like kids music.

Well, and you're saying, like, because we were shocked and pulled in by the surprising catchiness and pop dexterity of, of the music that we're the most passionate about. So then there's other things we found that are like, well, see,

that seems more right. That seems like what you expect. Right. The smart kids stuff we like are like, lo-fi indie pop dance songs and with a lot of different influences. but this is a little more standard for McGruff in my mind. Take a bite. You can make your life a slave for one whenever you take the time.

So take a bite. Punch. Out of crime. You can really make a difference if you try. Take a bite. A circusy song. Yeah. It's like simple children's beautiful children's movie.

I like all kinds of things. I like Devo and I like. John Philip Susan. My Karen Nelson Tributing a lot of ways. When you're alone, when you're at home, both night and day,

preventing crime has got to be, it's a most important job for you and me. Take a bite. So that's the gist of take a bite out of crime. He's like, he's saying basically devote, you know, you're nine,

devote your entire life to preventing crime. Yeah, yeah, whether at work, When you're at work, as you should be by nine years old. Yeah. Plenty of jobs you can do. When you're at home, don't play or anything. You have to focus on how can I be preventing crime.

I'm nine, by the way. Well, or, see, I like the movie home alone because he's playing. He's using little cars and jacks and as children like to play with, but he's using them to stop criminals for getting crime in the house. So, you know, he's like, haste makes waste. So should always, you could do both. You can't be doing both. Any crime that could possibly happen, you need to be prepared for it at nine.

Set up traps in case there are burglars. First things first, boobies. Lay boobies all around. I like that shortening of that. Yeah. For a second, I lost, I didn't know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Now I get it.

I think about him so much. Lay boobies. I would not, I mean, in that context, it's okay for me to say that, but in a different context. And any other, yes, it's not all. It's grotes. Desk and infantile. Front parts. I would call them.

The fronts. Boobie inspector. It's not a real job. Don't wear a hat that says it. Don't call them the fronts. That's what I say. Front parts of women. Front parts.

So, you know, take a bite of crime. I don't think I'm going to be repeating it. Is that one of Jason's favorites? No. Okay. That would have been funny if that was. Just a good old march. No one makes marches anymore.

I'm wondering which is Jason's fear. I should take a little guess of what I think it is. Okay, now two is called respect for authority. And there's a little bit of an intro. And this is still a little closer to like what you would expect children's McGruff music to be, I think. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like they're. Sorry.

No, no, it doesn't matter. I was going to say if there was like a, did he have like a producer of the early tracks who wasn't pushing far enough? And then somebody else came in. It was like, I think you can go further. You think you could look inside yourself. You could be more melodic and get your message across. Yeah. I mean, you hear those stories of like producers pushing the artist to be better.

And they didn't get along. They did not. They fought and fought. XTC hated Todd Rungren, but they got skylarking out of it. So. Yeah. I mean, that's tale's old as time, you know. People are too like, oh, it's Paul McCartney.

He can do whatever he wants. I'm the producer, but really, and the last time, you know, Nigel Godrich, the last time he was ever pushed was that session for chaos and creation in the backyard. It's probably the best one in the last 20 years. I like memory almost full more. Oh, really?

There's some good stuff on that too, though. But it's tough in this case because I feel like when you look up producers, it's just like the National Crime Council. Yes. So who was producing? Officer Dan Miller. Yeah.

Those are music notes. You're a pitch of, wait, I'm doing McGruff. You're pitching McGruff. I don't care. The track was good enough. We've done it ten times. Get the hell out of here. I'm not afraid of you.

I've been here longer than you. I've been on the four since the 50s. And you're the new kid on the block. I'll give you a guff. I'll give it back to you. I'm an artist. I'll sink my teeth into you, you son of a bitch.

I don't care. I'm a dog. I'm rabid. But I said I wasn't afraid of you. but I did chain you to the wall of the studio. I'm foaming. I was just practical. I'm foaming at the mouth.

I will kill you. I don't want you to see me like this. Okay. Don't document this. Usually, I thought that recording studio glass was just to prevent sound bleed. I didn't know it was to prevent me bleed. Yeah.

Get a new producer in here. You're fired. I don't care if you're always armed, always on duty. I can change. jump through a gun. This is the rare, you know, people, like, everybody freaks out because Phil Specter would pull a gun on his artist, but the McGruff sessions would, it was gunfire every day.

From McGruff, from the producers, from crooks who interrupted the sessions because they didn't lay proper boobies at the studio door. That's what I'm saying right there. Now, it worked out. I killed all three of them, but it slowed us down. We were wasted tape. Surprise, cop her. America, dogs can buy guns too.

McRough, we need to record. You're spending too much time of your day thinking about how to prevent crime at the music studio. You need to focus on singing. I don't care. I need to make sure a hundred criminals don't break in here and start recording their own albums. We're trapped like rats in here.

Crime on the streets, there's plenty of ways you can escape. But us, people burst in with guns. We got nowhere to go. in with an acoustic guitar and recording album, some hippie bullshit. We need to prevent that. Without properly paying the studio. Recording studio hijackings are an unspoken of crime. They're out of control now in 1978.

It's happening everywhere. I believe James Taylor hijacked a bunch of Procal harem sessions. He had no right to be in there. And the public rewarded him and I'm furious about it. Everyone from the Laurel Canyon scene came down the road and they did not properly pay their studios. It's ridiculous. Not like what should be using those spaces, the Brady Bunch and stuff. Yeah, wholesome.

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Again, more, a little more standard, McGruff. I want to talk to you today about respect, especially respect. for authority. If someone has authority, that just means they're in charge of something. They are in charge because they have a lot of experience, know what they are doing, and are reliable people. That's always true. For example, your teacher is in charge of helping you to learn things. A police officer is in charge of enforcing the law and helping to keep you safe. You can show that you have respect for authority by listening to the people who are in charge and doing what they tell you to do. all need to have respect at all times

for the people who are in charge of us. Okay, a lot of repetition in 25 seconds, I feel like. Yeah, yeah. Now, I've said stuff that you shouldn't do with strangers, but if an authority figure tells you to do it, you do it. You do whatever it. No questions asked. Anyone who's been in charge has never been

wrong. Remember that kid. That'll come back around later. Later, yeah. Oh, girl, look what you've done to me. You've got to listen to who's in charge, no matter if they are small or large. This is like skylarking, actually. When he holds a note, it's really great.

He's being electrocued. Yeah, cattle prong. Just like you should. You underrated this. I kind of like it. Sorry. You want to listen. Now that bass is really good.

Listen to who's in charge. Listen. It's the grown-up thing. It's the thing you should do. So if you're thinking that you should do, this is exactly what I've been telling you. You've got respect for, for authority. All right.

We got a soul over here. break. I need say no more. He's playing it. He's playing the solo. I invented this sound. Listen. It's the thing you should do. You've got to listen to who's in charge. No matter if they are small

or large, you need respect for more authority. Yeah. Key change. So if you're thinking that you're just showing off now. That's the gist. Respect for authority.

It is bad. It's obviously got more of the elements we like. It's still like a gentle kid's song. It's mostly very sing-songy, but I think that that instrumentation is very nice, night. It's very like 60s by way of 80s. It's like Paisley Underground. Sure, yeah.

I think they're on to something with that. It's not perfect, but we're getting there. Yeah, so that's, it's a nice gentle little song. And there's a, yeah, there's a really like farty kind of bass that I like, that pops in there or just like bass notes. I don't even know. Somebody else is playing the bass. And he's like, no, no, no.

Put it on the tuba setting. Whatever like a Cassio in the late 70s could do. So yeah, that's pretty simple. He's telling you just if someone's in charge to listen to them no matter what. I got a question. What happened to the smart kids? They're all over.

There's a bunch of kids all over the other ones. That's a good question. These have all been solo joints. I wonder if this was going to be a sequel or something and they've just combined it into the. Oh, maybe. Because yeah, you're right. And he's like,

I ended up having to pay for those kids out of my pocket. And their parents and a studio teacher and then you can only have so many hours to record. But if I pocket the money and play all the instruments myself, which I'm good at doing. I'll clean up. Maybe I'm cooking up a little scheme here.

I was briefly with Yoko Ono, and she taught me to experiment and learn lots of instruments. John wasn't the only one who had a lost year. Lost weekend, I think. Lost weekend. I lost year. Mine went so long as a year.

I was with Yoko and he was with May paying on that lost weekend. Yoko needed a shoulder to cry on. And mine was... And a big strong dog to get a lap, lapper up with his big tongues. Wasn't it longer than a weekend? Wasn't at least months long? I don't remember exactly the days, but it's called the long weekend. Okay.

Yeah. I'm right. I think so. I'm pretty sure. Lost weekend. Lost weekend. Sounds as a ring to it. When he was doing the walk, he was doing the crazy walk.

Yeah. The crazy walk. The crazy like, the picture with the walk you're saying. Keep on truck and walk. Yeah. Anyway. So I think once we get to track three, then you go. Oh, wait, hold on.

Let me, let me, I have a theory now that you've said this is that maybe the actual smart kids tracks are cooked a little more. There's a little more instrumentation on them and there's the kids. So I wonder if because these weren't going to be used, they didn't add an extra layer of kids on top of it. Maybe they like, yeah, they like half recorded demos and then like fully.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Because it does feel like the smart kids songs have like more instruments on them. So like maybe another round of like adding hooks happen maybe. I don't know. I'm just guessing here. But we've kind of only heard like keyboardy stuff. Whereas I feel like there are other instruments on.

They definitely are, right? Because you have very Walter Becker guitar on alcohol. Yes. And there's other stuff on here that'll happen. But I just feel like those are more fully formed even. And then without the kids, I bet that is the element. They added kids on the ones they were going to actually. I think you're right.

But it's like you bring in an orchestra and you only, you know, you know what you want with them. Right. But you, yeah. So the kids only went on the aid material. That's what I'm guessing. So, okay. here we go. Track three.

John Lennon's lost weekend. Anyway, I looked it up. I looked it up. Okay. This is called drug abuse. Now this is classic McGruff topic. He'll...

Speaking of Lenin. Rown the Beatles for me. He could learn if he'd only... If he'd listened to this song that was recorded after he died, he might have kept him from dying. I didn't hear what happened. I know he didn't die from drugs.

I didn't hear what happened. I haven't kept up. John Lennon dead, I assume drugs. I will not look fully into this any further. George dead too, huh? Drugs again. Must have been drugs. Guy sadly attacked him in his home,

probably after the drugs that they shared and bought together. David Bowie, too, huh? Drugs gotta be. Ringo making weird requests about not getting pictures with him. Probably because he looks so strung out on drugs. Tom Petty, natural causes probably. Anyway, drug abuse. I've had something on my mind that I want to talk to you about.

Using drugs. Now I know that most people think that drug use is something that only older kids or adults do. I'm sorry to say that's just not true. Every year, boys and girls your age and some even younger get hurt by using drugs. But I'm too. Shut out with you. Someone might tell you that it's a way to have a part. But take it from me, it's a way to become addicted to them or a way to end up in a hospital.

So use your good sense and say no to anyone who offers you drugs. You'll be doing yourself a favor. Here we go. Yeah, yeah, he's back. He's back. He's back. Here we go. Drugs will do you wrong.

Now everybody join in a singing the song. Everybody's bopping to this. Well, do you wrong. So use your head and never do drugs. This is my favorite one since the original. Yeah. That's the magic. There's the magic.

Well, do you wrong. So use your head and never do drugs. Now you don't need them. And it is not. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. You didn't know where that was going. Now we're in a whole other world.

And don't you act like a fool. The life you save may be your own. We are in prime material again. Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. You're going to get them.

Yeah. That's a lot of good little. So do some thinking. And don't you act like a fool. The life you save. Maybe your own. Yeah. Good.

Drum machines. Yeah. Oh, we're back. Yeah. Let's fucking go. Up! That's basically it. That's the gist.

Great. Great. What else do you want? I got no snark even. That was a really great song. Next. Next. There is a lot going on in there.

Yeah, a lot going on. Just another one of the things where you're like, am I like, especially with smart kids, you're like, am I really dancing to this? I really want to like get up and move. It tries me crazy because with all these I've like tried to think of like what is kind of a turn. It's fun to guess what was maybe the comp or they're like trying to aim for it. And it's not like this melodically at all, but I think in its cool lo-fi production, it kind of

reminds me of electric avenue. Oh, wow. Not the song at all, not the songwriting. But the sound of it. Yeah, yeah. This is a conversation about the sound of something we had a week or so ago about Youngblood's Aerosmith collaboration where I think you were responding to the sound of that. versus the actual like melody of it.

Yes. Okay. So, well, let's break a little K-Fave here. Mike has heard a little bit of Youngblood's music. And after we did an episode, but we discussed it, I was like, you know, I should save this for the show. But just so you know, I listened to a little bit of a song. He's, it's so bad.

It's so bad, Mike. It's horrible. And then you revealed that you had listened to one. Well, clip of that aerosmith, yeah, collaboration. Of the aerosmith song. And after, but we didn't realize that we were, because I was like, dude, it's this like, vocal grindy awful robot like it sounds like fucking imagine dragons it's so bad and then you were like well see what i heard wasn't like that at all and then we realized we were talking about the same piece of

music yeah yeah and then we kept arguing on text about you said well i know i think it's a different kind of bad yeah i thought it was different kind of bad and then i said you a clip of imagine dragons which back to back seemed the same to me and you're like no i don't think so it's like classic i think The melody of Stephen's vocal sounds more like Aerosmith to me, but I see what you're saying, the very echo-y, the echo-y, like, boom-stomp, even though that's not what's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. About Imagine Dragons. The production does sound similar to that.

Yes. But I can't just, it cuts through, I just cut through right to Stephen's vocal. But now here's the thing. Admittedly, I did not, in the spirit of not finishing full pieces of music, as both of us do, I did not make it to the chorus of the song because I didn't want to be listening to the song. song anymore. Sure. I was referring to the very beginning of the track, which is all I could make it through,

which was four seconds. Here, maybe just to, all right, you know, we can all debate. Anyone can be the judge. Fuck, I can't finish the word. There's like that extra echoey, that extra echoey. Jason thoughts, thoughts on that. Don't really have anything. Oh, that's a valid.

I, classic Tyler. Classic Tyler. I didn't have all that fucking shit going to. No, they never. There's not as much reverb or echo on. No, that's what I'm saying. I didn't realize they had a song to you. I thought they just played that Aussie tribute.

They are such good friends, Jason. And also, did you know, they have a... Wait, are they using his young blood? I should hope so. They need to stay alive. That's why they were gravitated to him. Yes. They should stay alive forever.

Young blood. We can get another 20 years. out of this. They look like vampires. That's the secret. They are. Who's telling us about this. Mr. Thiel said this might be good for us. There's also a remix of that song, a country

bluegrass style remix. Have you seen this? No. No. You think I looked into more? Well, now you've got my attention. Hold on. It sounds like they hadn't changed a single thing other than just adding a banjo to it. It doesn't seem to work very well. Playing the banjo on the track,

Steve Martin. What are you talking about? Aerospace's official account. This was sent to me by Kevin Tully, sent a picture of the text between Stephen Tyler and Steve Martin. Oh, I did see this. I saw that there was a text exchange between Steve's Tyler and Martin. That's right. And Steve Martin apparently just recorded a banjo part for the remix of this song.

Erasmith X. I didn't realize that's what it was for. Erasmith X Youngblood X Steve Martin. Yes, that's right. And I listened to it and I went, they couldn't even redo the vocal to me. make it sound a little more country, but apparently they couldn't. There was no, they just added this banjo in a little like beat or something. Damn it. Youngblood's going to be on every episode for a little while.

I'm still not into the, I'm still listening to the music. I'm glad you're saying this. Yeah. But I just think it was so funny that we were like, see, I listened to a little bit and I thought this, no, I don't think that at all. Same thing. That's funny. But we've landed on this so many times as we did with Rhinstone Trucker.

We're both looking at the same thing and feeling very different emotions. And isn't that a beautiful thing about art, you know? Yeah, it's true. Isn't that a beautiful thing about art? That's better. It's more sincere. It feels better. I'm more comfortable with a sincere thought.

Oh, okay. Yeah, we can all, yeah, we can all, like, tap into art for yourselves. All right, so McGruff on track four is tackling something that might have been more of a problem 50 years ago. This is one of my favorites. This song is called hitchhiking. Unpermitted break dancing. Hitch. I don't care for permanent.

Causing a spectacle. Dragulis, I think, had the best beat and groove. But hitchhawking and the next one, I think, might be the ones that caught my attention. Hitchhiking. So he is addressing hitchhiking. A lot of you have been for a ride in a car and have seen people along the road with their thumb stuck out or holding a sign, find a hitcher ride. I see them all that. used to happen a lot more but to me it reads especially obviously in this year it's like you

probably see a lot of hobos with bindles out on the street don't you like just like this comic version of what that was I know it existed anyway yeah yeah you probably see a lot of people in hats with holes and half gloves are you driving downtown and a bunch of people wearing barrel a barrel with a strap you see that everywhere I do it just feels antiquing patches all over right one on their butt that pops off Revealing one cheek. And it makes me wonder, do they know the chance they're taking? It's sad but true that there are some dangerous people out driving around,

looking for hitchhikers to pick up. Some of these hitchhikers are never seen or heard from again. Never. Hitchhikers aren't the only ones taking a chance. Lots of people stop to give someone a ride and then find themselves face to face with robbers, escaped convicts, or worse. You should know that it's dangerous to get rise to hit hiking strangers.

Demon. Large Marge is real. Riding with the stranger. I'm laying out that tuba base again. Let me on there. It's the motif for the side two. Once you get inside, here's a little beetles.

Corn there. Never hitch a ride. Don't think that is unfair. I've just seen a fade. I like the bus or ride your bike. I like the core change. Nothing's on with walking. But never hitcher ride.

Maybe you already tried hitchhiking and nothing happened. Well, that doesn't mean that nothing ever will. Oh, my God. You get into a car with somebody you don't know. You're asking for trouble. It's too late to change your mind. Once you get inside, here's a hint for safety. Never hitch a ride.

It may seem like an easy way to get from one place to another, but it's just not worth the risk. There are lots of other ways to travel more safely than hitchhiking. Don't set yourself up for danger by trying to thumb or catch a ride. remind your parents not to give rides to hitchhikers. That's another... Mom, please. Not another hitchhiker.

Please, you're picking them up every day. But we're helping. I'm a good person. I'm not an escape convict. I listen to the B-sides from McGruff. He said, don't do this. We're picking up hitchhikers every day. There are kinds of people thumbing on the side of the street.

We can't do this. We're going to end up with the worst thing than a murderer. I don't even know what that is. I'm turning the tide. If the more good people are helping those thumbers out there. Thumbers. Not thummer from the fair. No.

Thumbar. Thumbar. Thumbar. Thumbar. Dumbers. If it's, uh, so yeah, this is, I've never, have you ever seen someone hitchhiking? When did this go away? I don't think I've ever seen a true hitchhiker in my life.

I think it was gone by the time. I feel like I might have. But like, yeah. Like the early 2000s. Where on the freeway? I don't know. Like on a road trip or something. I was actually just saying it feels like not in California.

Oh, really? I think when I drove across country, I don't think I saw anyone with their thumb out, but I saw maybe people with signs that said need a ride or. Really? Maybe. Maybe I've seen that. So there are still people hitchhiking these days.

But it doesn't seem. Maybe that's, I mean, maybe it wasn't as big of a deal because this was left off. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Bigger issues to tackle. Bigger fish to fry. I know it's tempting because that hitchhiker might be Mr. Beast in disguise,

and he's ready to give you $100,000 for picking him up. He's now he's pro hitchhiker because it could be a content creator. If they need to make content, pick them up. Content fuels the economy. That's how everyone's getting laid off except content creators. So if you see someone... These industrious heroes are. picking up the slack for our giant corporations that can't stop merging.

I'm trying to get more eyes on my stuff. I'm trying to get on the to be creator section. And said Steve Allen won't answer, I'm sorry, Steve Martin won't answer my calls about banjo playing. Steve Allen didn't answer because he's been dead for years. Nobody told me. Make sure you, before you call an estate, you know what state the person is in. Boop, boop, bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo I like that. That's a good song.

Before you call it a state. Find out what state they're in. There's a little like skid. I don't mean California or Oregon. I mean state of living. Are they dead? Hello, is this the estate of Steve Allen? I'd like to talk to Steve, please.

Oh, Steve's passed away. Oh, no. Sorry. What happened? Drugs was it drugs I knew it Of course Me thinks he doth protest too much

About rock and roll musicians It was a cover up Because he loved the drugs they use so much Even more than them Hey, Oco I had John there I need to talk to John What?

I'm sorry I got my face again That should be a song So you can remember to check Jason, you do that McGruff song. I've made four McGruff songs. You should write that McGruff song. I think it's time for Jason's self-recorded and self-played.

That's right. Good luck. The public's waiting for it. Everybody demanded it. Everyone started demanding it. Good luck, Jason. Okay. Track five, arson.

Oh, boy. This is a big one of it. It's called arson. And this is, I assume, you said you, this is probably one of your favorites, right? This and hitchhiking and what was someone with... Number three, you're saying drug abuse? Yeah, drug abuse. Uh-huh, okay.

These names, too, were so... Well, they're so blunt. Yeah, they're so blunt. Yeah, blunt is the right word. And when we get to number six, you'll see with a bluntness, you go, oh, Jesus Christ. So here's five. Do you know what one of the most destructive and senseless crimes is? Arson.

An arsonist is someone who sets fires on purpose. Fires that destroy millions of dollars in property each year. year. Worse than that is the fact that many people die each year in fire set by arsonists, and that's murder. Now, you may think that all arsonists are adults, but the fact is the average arsonist is only 17 years old. He's constantly, is that true? What are the stats? Where are those stats from? There's enough child arsonists to level it out. It's 17. 25% of them are nine. The nine block.

They outgrow it. Once you get interested in the opposite sex, as you go through puberty, you may notice hair on your chest you didn't have before and a decreasing interest in arson. But until then, until they invent a drug that makes kids want to do arson less, you're going to have to listen to this song. Sorry, our scientists are working on it. You have a sip of beer. You're going to want to burn your school to the ground. Just hold out to your 18 that you won't want to commit arson. And at many states, you'll be able to drink sweet, wonderful alcohol.

I snorted, which I rarely do when I'm laughing. 17. Also, is it considered, I mean, I guess it's arson if it's an accidental fire. But I don't know that you call like most nine-year-olds or 10-year-olds arsonists. It might just have been like a kid screwing around with matches and they burn something down. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think there's got to be intent.

I would think. Anyway, I don't know. He doesn't explain. If there's fire, doesn't matter. Where else are I came from? I'm fudging the numbers for the song. Sorry. I learned the truth that 17, that starting fires was really keen.

He was just 17, and he burned down his screen door. He burned all the other teens. You're 16, you're beautiful, and you burn down your house. Let's see, arson. Okay, so arson, if you're sitting down, stand up and prepare to dance. Yeah, and keep your ears open for this one. Are your age, no matter what the age, an arsonist is a dangerous criminal that needs to be stopped. And that takes help from everybody, including you.

Whoa, money. Hey, everybody doesn't what I say. Yeah. That's it. Arts inside a game that you want to play because a lot of people end up dead. There's an awful lot of people really got to get. People are ready to play. But I'm here to say the kind of guy who's really sick.

He's in a ton of trouble when he's found because you know that. It's a terrible crime. Yeah. People die in their prime. People die in their prime. People die. Their prize. This is really insane.

Aerson's bad for your brain. I love this part Insane Bad brain It's like It's a criminal trail And it gets you in jail It's like sweet or something

Little, there's a lot going It also sounds like can you picture that By the five Yeah, yes It's like all of that This song There's a picture Good thing

She's the passionate one It's really hip, watching villains going up in smoke. I know that soon the fellow's brain is going out slip. Because I'm telling you a lot of stature. Now, where if you see somebody starting to start. A guitar thing. Yeah, this is the best instrumentation. My buddy Joe Walsh.

Turned out and clean up. It took him a while. People time. The crime is insane. Arson's really insane. That's insane. It takes a dangerous brain It takes a dangerous brain

Bad brain Bad brain I think he said That's a great lyric You stop having a bad brain And I get you in jail Also picture Okay I'm gonna resume it back here

Again picture McGruff the dog As he's singing and dancing to this And I'll start playing it again Now imagine that again Yeah yeah good guitar or drums Okay imagine this and I get you in jail Listen, arson is wrong

I'm sick baby That's a name of this song Farson With some kids in the No fun If you should see anyone setting a Arson, no fun After the most fun song you've ever heard

The most his most fun song of his career Yeah That's the most wild Because the majority of that song was Walk this way. Very walk this way. McGruff doing Aerosmith. Yeah, wow.

Yeah, that was much closer to classic Gerasmith than Youngblood was. You're right about that. Despite having the real guys. That's true, yes. McGruff should collaborate with Youngblood. Maybe he could get the sound into something more that we like. I think like, just to make, he's a young artist and McGruff has sort of been around forever, and I think that should be the next thing.

He does. But yes, this is the rockinous song of all the McGruff tracks. Yeah, wow. And there's even like that little do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-that's kind of a like medley little part for 70s and 80s like metal. And it's not full like Iron Maiden, but it's similar, I guess. You know what it reminded me of too is the, do you remember the old Sesame Street classic, the Healthy Foods rap, the Cookie Monster? I believe so. I can't hit off.

Yeah, put it. Pull up a random snippet of it. Well, me answer you straight when you feel like a. Oh, yeah. Taking only cookies or wrong Because you also got to eat fruit or veggies or meat If you want to be healthy and strong Two great raspy artists

Delving into the rock rap crossover Right That's wow And that's very much more That's more DMC-ish Yeah yeah I'm impressed by the That was much slower than I thought

The speed of That was just something I didn't know McGruff will do Oh yeah You can go back to like one of the Yeah yeah Yeah yeah What's in that first verse again This is the first time I want to go backwards.

And that makes you up from everybody. Listen to the guitar too. There's like a nice and little subtle things there. Including you. Hey everybody listen to what I say You better get this message in your head He does some of that kind of like Hey there's a lot of people really get on

That's all right To the ground Into the ground A guy who's really sick He's in a ton of trouble when he's found Because you know that It's a terrible crime Wow

Terrible crime People die in their prime. We got to discuss this a little bit. People die in their prime. It's so insane. It's a dangerous brain. Insane. Bad brain.

Bad brain. Wow, there's a lot going on there. People die in their prime. Yeah. It's like the whole idea of just like songs for kids that are trying to make them remember a lesson is interesting. because, like, you know, you have kids, I have a kid, and you are trying to teach some general things in their young age. And it's usually like books, I feel like at least make some impact where you just like explain to the child what's going on. And here's what to look out for.

I don't know that this song is going to read. I don't think it would really cut through, no. I think the kids going to be dancing too much. Yeah, yeah. To notice. I almost think the songs are too good and the kids are going to be. going to be like, arson is fun. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I don't know. I heard a song I liked. I was dancing. I heard the word arson. I guess I should do arson. I heard something about the kids do arson now. It's cool things. Shout it out the band Bad Brains.

And it's like, you know, it's like kind of like early 2000 strokes production. The vocals are a little low in the mix, so you can't quite hear them so well. It's a good artistic choice, but I don't know if it's good for making things stand out to a child. for what they should or shouldn't do. It's hard to explain. Aerson's bed for your bedroom. Right. But yeah.

Last night, I said to start some fires. I don't know. People got burned down. What's McCroth saying? What's McClough's saying? I love that he mixed it down. I love that. That sounds interesting.

I can't hear it. People die in their prime. Now, sorry, kids. Averages show that your prime occurs probably sometime between 29 and 42. If you die, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but it wasn't your prime. You aren't, you don't count in that. What kid is at their prime?

Let's be honest. Yeah. You should aspire to a prime. Statistics from the National Crime Prevention Council Data Center, which is mostly just me. The National Prime Council weighed in on this one. When Americans have been hitting their prime older and older lately. It's a trend in America.

Look at the graphs. They don't lie. That's why I don't like confident kids. They think they can hit their prime early. Your prime could and should come when you're 65. 50 is the new 30. But the group's, the song is all over. There's so much going on in the song.

Yeah. How could you listen even to the lyrics? Yeah. Those guitar weaving in and out and the beat and McGruff's excite. Like there's so much distraction there. Yeah. How would the message land? That might be why it wasn't included.

It was just like, I think we took it. I think we distracted. It's ultimately it's got to be about the message. Yes. I think that's, yes. So really it should have been all a spoken word album, probably. Because, like, I was listening back to the original smart kids and the song, Make Your Body Last. I think is my favorite one now.

I think I liked inhalants at the time we recorded the first episode. And I love inhalants still, but make your body last is so. Kind of going to make your body last era. Yes. But it is such a, like, sexy dance song. Yeah. It doesn't make me feel. Well, make your body less seem sexual to me, the phrase.

Yeah. And he says, like, make sure what you put in your body. Like, there's just a lot of language surrounding it. And the beat is like, they's got that saxophone to start of it. And the saxophone reads it's sexy to me. Forgive me for that, but that's just the way I am. Maybe not in all the Clarence, Bruce Springsteen solos, doesn't feel sexy, but a lot of sex. It's not the word I would use, no.

But, yeah, I love the sax on Springsteen, but I don't know that's so sexy. But anyway, you belong to the city sex. But it makes. Sure. But it makes, yeah, make your, like, I'm like, this, I want to put something in my body. Wow. I'm not, I mean, so drug way. I'm not being, I'm just saying like listening to that song, I like it so much.

I'm not, it's not necessarily doing what it wants to do. Okay, yeah. It's moving me too much. And I'm moving. You drive something you can put in your body. Right. Whether it just be marijuana and edible or something else. It just felt to me that from this content, it feels like a body part is what you're saying.

No, no. I'm not saying that. It's about bodies. You want to put somebody's body in your body? Right. So I, you know, I don't, I think there's probably a reason. I mean, we haven't been like teaching our child about stuff like this through music. I think that music is different.

Like you want some, you would want something very depressing, I think, to leave an impact. But then they're not going to want to listen to it. Well, right. That's the thing. I don't know. I'll see. I'll put it on for my boy. I'll see if he, uh.

He's going to dance. But he might, he might get the message. I don't know. He's going to dance. I'll just, I'll grill him the next day. Do you want to start fires or not? I'll wake him up in the middle of the night. Are you, kid?

In a dog mask. Give me that dog mask. Yeah. Yes or no. I want to start fires. I got confused the way you phrased it. What's the right answer? No.

That seems like the crime prevention countess. That's the way they would gauge of this worked. If they woke up a kid in the middle of the night, do you want a shoplift? Do you want to do it? No, no. Well, it's working. The song worked. Case closed.

Do you not want to... Not. You're phrasing it confusingly. Go back to sleep. You need eight or nine hours. You better fall off quickly. That should be another song on your McGruff LP is eight or nine hours. Everyone needs different levels of sleep.

Eight or nine hours. Yeah, it's more of a ballad probably. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a slower one. So, okay, write that down. What was the other one? It's the state... Yeah, you're building the...

Counterfeit so. Mike's going to give you all the ideas, and then it's just a matter of recording them and doing all the instruments. A state, and then eight or nine hours. Eight or nine hours is a good. It's going to be fine. Sure.

Plug it into the AI. Oh, geez. Don't say, I was no. You think McGruff would be happy with that? No, he wouldn't. He got some of the greatest guitar players in the biz. No, you're right. Jason, don't do the AI.

Can you hear it? The winking I'm doing it. Don't wink during podcasts. Audiences can't see it. Winking is confusing. they leave you it makes you wonder what their true intentions are. Do they mean, it's not cute.

It always makes you think the opposite or whatever they're saying. Some people are doing it and I don't like it. They're bribing me and they're winking. Sometimes they don't think the bribe is real. I need to know if the bribe is real. Sometimes they just take the crusty manila envelope so they'll stop winking at me.

When you go to Las Vegas and you try to do that $20 trick, don't wink at them on top of the $20. It's too confusing, Jason. That's probably where you ran into trouble. I heard in the Haunted Mansion episode, you talked about the $20 trick, a trick that didn't work.

Is it a trick if it doesn't work? Yeah, that's the trick part. That used to be. It's a trick on you. It used to work. I'd have to do 50 now. What with this inflation? I think you probably had to do 50 then, too.

What? Don't wink, though. All right, number six. We don't want to. Okay. this is the one that's shocking, like crazy. Everybody, everyone in the audience. This is the only one that I did preview and that I know.

And everyone, let's all of us just be brave and listeners be brave. This is going to be a little tough, but we're going to get through it. Getting on a list for playing this one. Yeah, yeah. We're trying to find this one on YouTube. Yeah, well, that's true. On YouTube, there's one of the letters taken out of it. Yeah.

Right. Because it's crazy. So luckily I don't like this song, much. So that's good. So we're not have to spend too much time on it. We'd be in a pretty awkward place. It would,

like the biggest bop on the record. It would be crazy if you were like, this is crazy topic to have on a song, but the dance, the dance, like, ability of it is off the chart. So at least it's something we don't read like. I put it on a party.

And for the first 10 seconds, everybody's going nuts. And then like, oh, wait, what are these lyrics? Hey, what's this song? Anyway,

it's called child molestation. Yes, Jason is correct. That is the name of the, song. Oh, no. On YouTube, it's child M. Asterisk.

Yes. Yes. Tipper gower gave me tips. It's another one where like, again, you're like, okay, yes, this is something you got to talk to your kids about. In kid terms, you're supposed to be just like, you know, like don't let another, like a stranger do something touch, tell your parents, don't keep a secret between you and another adult, whatever.

This is just the most blunt title. There's no book we have that says blunt as this. To be fair that we've been discussing this whole episode how getting out, you know, things that are difficult to express in McGruff's voice makes it easier. It's making me think that when the day comes that I need to discuss this topic, maybe doing it as McGruff is the way. The only way I'll get through it. You would probably have to like be doing some McGruff beforehand before you introduced a heavy topic. Yeah. Out of nowhere, he's just like, you know, he's sitting and eating crackers and then I go, hey, there's people want to.

touch you. Can I ask a parenting question real quick? How often are you doing voices and putting on little shows? I'm working my ass off. No, it sounds like it. Every day. No, I don't think I'm going as far as you. Okay. There's voices are definitely in the mix and it's fun to have

that in your arsenal as a parent. It's wonderful. And the baby's loving it too. The baby notices the difference. Yeah, it's fun. But like my daughter puts me to work, basically. We'll say like you be poo bear, be Tigger. She'll give me like three assignments sometimes. Wow. You're these three and I'm this. Daddy, be Frank Nelson. She has

not done that but she will do McGruff she will do Alf. So we'll get some of those but I haven't made her well sometimes made her. I haven't made her aware of like some of the great actors. Yeah. No, that's not that's for that's a thing for next year. Right. Yes. So all right let's just get through this

one. Let's hold hands. The preamble The preamble is what you might expect. Many crimes are never reported, even when somebody suffers because of them. One of these crimes is child molestation. A child molester is someone who touches children in a way that makes them very uncomfortable, nervous, and guilty. The molester wants to keep it as comfortable as you feel currently. Yeah.

So this was left off, the other one. I have not, McGruff has not maybe tackled this I've seen in any other media, so this is perhaps why this was left off. I also think it's interesting they just put this on the bonus tracks. Yes, in 2020. Very well could have left this off. Yes, because no one knew about it. Right. It's not like, well, it's not complete.

Elephant in the room. It's time to release child molestation to the public. Well, no, you didn't, we didn't know. And here, also the thing, no one in 2025 is listening to this album for the actual content. So it's not like, well, we're putting it into the world because it's an important lesson. which of course it is something important, you have to teach your kids. But who's buying this record album in 2025?

For these purposes. For these purposes. It's older people who like weird stuff. Yes. Some, some kitschy interests. So I think it's a little interest. I cannot fathom.

It's an odd choice. Despite some parents or some people with kitsy interests being parents, there is no way that this song will be the way that my children are educated. They were ordering some anime soundtracks. And they're like, well, I need to do something to get free shipping. I guess I'll get this McGruff thing. But I guess, I don't know if was there like a, the Freedom of Information Act,

you have to publish all the unreleased tracks. Is there some sort of law? I don't know. Let me get to the actual music. Remember that your body is your own in every way. Remember that your body is your own in every way. That's the gist of the song. That's like a circusy song.

And it's not, it does. It could be about the ingredients of a pizza pie. Yes. But instead, it's about something a little darker. Just for the sake of moving along. Yeah. That's the gist. If you want to listen to it, it's on YouTube.

Is there any change, though? There's a little change. You want to hear the cheap? Yeah, yeah. Let's be brave. It is your own in every way. So you can say just who can touch and who should stay away. They may say it's a secret and nobody else should know.

Oh, he's right. That's a good lesson to teach your kid. They may say it's a secret. and nobody else should know but listen it's really not so Here's the change Run and tell Don't you wait a minute

Run and tell A grown up you trust Run and tell Never try to hide it Telling someone is a must But it's really It's just it is funny It should be

This music should be the music For a local pizzeria Yeah And just turn less on brand. Two for one on Sundays. I also, this would have stressed me out as a kid because a few tracks before it had been

Respect their authority. And then there's another track where it's like, wait, any of the authority people can molest me? Ah, what do I do? What do I do? I think perhaps there was some nuance lacking from some of these lessons, yes, which, you know,

depending on how old the kid is, there's going to be nuance lacking from certain broad lessons you're trying to teach them. I understand that. But yes, this would be a little bit of a contradiction. Or even just familial dynamics, especially back then, where it's like, give your great aunt a hug. I don't want you. Do it. Well, yes, that is true.

That was always like, yes, as a kid, it would be like, you had to hug all your family members. I don't want to do that necessarily. But that's, yes, there's no, this is the 70s. We're big sweeping broad generalizations. I think it's 1970. Oh, yeah. Oh, 82. 80.

Oh, 82. 80 later even? Why did I have 78 in my head? I don't know. I don't know. Did you notice, though, from YouTube searches that there's another one that's not on the reissue. A different song about this topic? There is a different song.

What album is called child abuse? It's credited to the same. It's just the same picture of. him in front of the blue background on the brick wall. Have we, wait, did I miss some other B-sides? Because these are the ones on- It's on YouTube. It's not on the reissue.

And I think we're in good, it's for the best, because it's a tad darker than it's cousin's song. Oh, you've looked up the lyrics. I know I listen to the song. Oh, okay. Have I heard this? I don't know, but the scenarios of child abuse that it lays out are so specific and creative and strange that it's really, I think it's beyond the pale of what we could.

Yeah, dissect. Yeah. Yeah. It's not this, it's not this silly, but it almost feels akin to like, if your dad makes you sit on the top of the car instead of inside,

don't do it. He's constructed a number of elaborate scenarios. Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, if your mom makes you sit on razor blades, let's put it in, the other song pile for now. Yeah. I don't think the McGruff other song pile.

Just, I don't know. Trust me. I think I listened. So the audience, if after this, you are still hankering for more catchy music sung by a dog about the abuse of children. Yeah. It's there. It exists. It's there for you.

But we're going to get. Okay. Let's do something fun like vandalism. You know? Track seven, vandalism. Here we go. Here we go. All right.

Who cares? It's vandalism. tear the part of the White House down. Who cares? I don't care. Build a big dog house in the East Wing. Bunch of dog holes in the side. Let's do it.

Let's fucking go. Big bone-shaped pillars. Donald Trump doesn't have a dog or cat, and I don't trust that. That's weird, yeah. That's weird. Pet ownership is a sign of good. No bad person's ever owned a dog. Yeah, always listen to a pet owner.

You can trust any pet owner. Vandalism. Here we go. This is your old pal McGruff. Now, why at track 7 he's reintroducing himself? I do not know. For the same reason as everybody, they're saying that I am Michael Jackson. And walking down the street, people say, aren't you Michael Jackson?

I'm McGruff, I swear. It's me, McGruff. I swear. It's me definitely McGruff. Don't look into it. You're today about vandalism. You know what vandalism is? Vandalism is a senseless destruction of someone else's property,

like spray painting on a wall, breaking windows, or just throwing trash around. People who vandalize may think it's a lot of fun. But it isn't fun for the people who have to pay for repairing the damage they cause. Vandals aren't just playing harmless tricks. They're hurting other people, wasting time and money, and they're breaking the law. Vandal is nowhere 70s game show No, vandalism isn't cool

You shouldn't vandalize your school Because vandalism's not the way And when you vandalize everybody Pays, oh vandalism's really wrong And that's why I sing this song Stick with the good guys Use your head, don't vandalize Now listen here

I'm telling you, we know the things that vandals do. Like you know the spray paint on the walls and dumping trash cans up and down the halls. They're breaking windows carelessly. It really makes me want to do it. Yeah, I know. But if you're real wise, you will never vandalize. No vandalism isn't cool.

It's kind of a grease, lightning. Yeah. Because vandalism. Not the way And when you vandalize, everybody pays Oh, vandalism's really wrong And that is why I sing this song Stick with the good guys, use your head, don't vandalize

You know what, kids, Vandalism in schools are really costly It can cost up to $300 just to replace a window For 500 to fix a basketball hoop and fact board Probably specific money to clean up after a cleanup after Vandalism in schools takes it away from other things like sports equipment, field trips, or other special activities. You don't get to go to Disneyland because of what you did. Now vandalism isn't cool.

You shouldn't vandalize your school because vandalism's not the way. And when you vandalize everybody pays, oh, vandalism is really wrong. I just want to hear that gourd part again. I sing this song. Stick with the good guys. Use your head. Don't vandalism. lies.

There's a lot of key changes on this. Yeah, geez. He always wants to go up a key. And then this feels like it would have like a big... Let's bring it home. A vandalism. Let me see how it is. I'm telling you, we know the things that vandals do

like use of spray paint on the walls and dumping trash cans up and down the halls. They're breaking windows carelessly. Are carving things into a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you're real wise, you will never vandalize. Now vandalism is a cool. You should just spend it up a little.

A little repetitive. But I do, I like, when he gets specific, that is some of the, like, like, magic when he goes, backboard, it costs $500. Yeah. Make sure you don't do that. Here's an itemized list of everything that's in a school if you break it. The school sharpeners that are on top of the cabinet, if you put something like a big rod in it,

that it can't grind up like a pencil. We're talking, I mean, they don't make those as much these days. So, you know, I would say, you know, you might have to eBay that. So you're talking like 600, I'd say. If you go up and take a pen and pop a roll of volleyball in the locker room, that's like $40 a ball, 1980s money. You got to be careful there.

And they might have gotten them as like a batch. And now they don't, that deal doesn't exist. anymore. So now we're talking to individual balls. Schools buy balls and bulk. Remember that? That's true. So you would get a discount, but if you break it, you know, they can't just buy half of them again. So I guess it would make sense to do all the balls. But you can get them all back at a discount.

So if you're going to vandalize, do all the balls. But don't. Don't. Make sure you get quotes for basketball backboard replacements because there's some shady people out there. Ask around. Yeah. Backboard replacement. guys are a shady lot.

Make sure you're talking about authorized backboard repairman. Yes, they didn't shatter. This wasn't a shack situation. Basketball. It just fell out. It just heard. Replacement might actually be worse than

vandalism. Lyndon Johnson should have passed a law where they have to be certified backboard repairmen. Vandalism is a gateway drug that will lead you to the bigger scourge, having to deal with backboard replacers on the phone. And also, be careful. if you do sick dunks

because a sick dunk could also break the backboard. To become an act of vandalism, whether intended or not, but unintended as with arson, doesn't matter why you did it, but you did it. Be a gentle dunker. That's what I say. You're going to

slam dunk, do it gently. Nobody likes ducks more than me. You see these slam dunk competitions, they get so creative. They had the mascots doing them even. And I like that, because that's my kind. That looks fun. My knees Sorry, I blew it

I was just trying to drag something And I accidentally played it I can't wait to be singing the next tune Yeah And let me Something it doesn't get talked about enough is Child Vandalism Don't go up to a child and spray paint

Into their face Don't tag kids That's a scourge Sweep in the nation Uh Okay Don't don't in a kid's face

break their neck neck. Neck replacements aren't as easy as calling the shady guy which I also don't like. But a kid neck repair men are also

a problem. Oh, a kid neck, that'll be $20,000, they'll say. I'm like, I've found better prices. Go to Mexico for you.

Yeah. I got a guy. Let me know and I'll give him the name. Give you the name. Hello, below, platinum.

Platinum Child Neck Repair Company. Can I help you? What's the neck I can replace today? Well, I sure hope you can. Okay, more fun. Track 8 shoplifting. Wow. This one's jaunty.

This one, yes. This will, okay, I won't, well, okay, I'll just play it. Let's talk about shoplifting. Shoplifting is taking things from a store without paying. He needs to tell us. All, yeah. Voice all over the price too. I don't know who to trust.

It seems that everybody thinks shoplifting is a joke or a game. Everybody thinks shoplifting is a joke. It's like, let's see how many things we can steal from this store without getting caught. Is that what everyone thought at the time? Some boys and girls think that just taking that one little candy bar or toy won't hurt anybody. Yeah, just popping all the rolloes in your mouth at once. You can be arrested for it. Shoplifting them through your throat.

Store owners can't afford to have things stolen from their stores. So, to pay for shoplifting, they have to raise the prices on everything they sell. That means everybody pays. Baseball cards, records, tapes, sneakers, all cost more because of shoplifting. Yes, shoplifting hurts everyone, including you and me. Not tiny arson is out there. It makes arson harder.

You don't like that? Lifting. It is stealing shoplifting. There's some, like, great, like, things. Some, like, great, like, Mario Paint style, like, or just some, like, old 16-bit, eight-bit music going on. Absolutely. Yeah.

I really, like, listen to that. You're in a little cloud world. It's also kind of, I think, this is, I think, the closest he comes to sounding like a Sunny Eclipse song. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's Angelie. Yeah, yeah.

Paul Schaefer, uncredited on the track. From a store is such a crime. you'll see shoplifting The drums are very eight-bit It's revealing Because stealing things from a store It's such a crime Because when you are swiping

Things that you ought to be for Yeah, that's good, that's good And this is haunting menu music Yes And listen, you're heading for jail You see shoplifting It's revealing Shottlifting

It's revealing cause stealing things from a store It's such a crime You see shoplifting It is stealing shoplifting It's revealing Because stealing things from a store It's such a crime I'll just do one more of this part

You are swiping things that you ought to pay for. The owners just can't afford it. And so they raise a price so we all must pay more. And listen, you're heading for jail. Lack of a rhyme is the best. No one rhyme there at the end is really good. Are headed for jail. And buddy, it's time to kiss bars.

That is just so pleasant. Yeah. Those like songs, like that like, like, what? keyboard part. It's just so pleasant to me. It's lovely. And I just like, oh, I'm like, oh, shoplifting sounds wonderful. I want to shoplift.

Yeah, what does he make? What does he make, thank God, the song wasn't good enough to make child molestation sound good. Right. It's bad. On purpose, good. Yes. But our sin, we want to do it. Vandalism, we want to do it.

Right. Shoplifting, we want to do it. And it's just like you want to live. That is really those tones. I want to like live in those tones. I'm saving my best beats for those topics. Right. Not one's people really shouldn't do.

Right. So shoplifting is a highlight for me. Yeah. That's up there. The melody is fine. But yeah, that tone, keyboard toner. You're headed for jail. So much of it's like lo-fi indie pop.

And then like a guy who's never sung in his life who doesn't know what he's doing and has like two takes. And he sounds like McGruff. That's like, sometimes you can forget it's McGruff singing. Yeah. It just sounds like a strange like first time. artist that for whatever reason is very musically talented at putting like weird little songs together.

Yeah, yeah. Why is this angry old guy doing postal service at karaoke? Uh-huh. Come down now. I'll see. That's a good idea too. Jason, if you could cover such great heights

as you grew up, I would appreciate that. They will see us. saving from such great Don't go up to such great heights You might slip and fall And if you're doing it Because you're thinking about ending your life

Especially don't go up high Don't go to regular heights I'd recommend no heights of any kind The dance trick sleeps alone Until nights All right He next song is gangs And he really

Okay. Again, I'll play it. I'll play it. Pressure. Hey, fuck you, gangs. Crime. All these words are associated with gangs because gangs cause many of these things. They cause fear among the people in their territories. They pressure others to either

join them or stay out of their way. And of course, once they do join, the gang pressures them to give up the right to make their own decisions. They fight with other gangs. And often, they commit crimes such as burglary car theft, even armed robbery and killings.

In short, in front of a gang is a quick way to get into a lot of trouble. Oh boy. Oh, boy. Wait, wait, wait. Place it. Be the same. Knock on your door. Rapture a little bit.

When you join in a gang. A little P-Fung man on Mars and cars. Don't know which way to go. You're going to take the rap Silly games Langer is a must Stay out of gang Oh is it

I'm sorry I think oh you remember You're out of games That's disappointing I thought it was silly games Silly games Yeah you're right Yeah

Yeah You're right Stay on games That's yeah That makes me like it As a hook more than Stay out of games Yeah it is better that way

you join in a gang you got to just pay your dues You can't just do what you want You're gonna haze you You're gonna haze you You don't know who's You think you're quite a hunk Yeah

You think you're quite a hunk Look at yourself You're nothing but a punk That's the sound of being a punk That's the sound of being a punk There is a must Stay I guess You won't know who to trust

That bass line is great I love that Yes Yeah, this would fit on like soul and funk mixes earlier. Yeah. A lot of kids think it's cool to be hanging around with a gang. Some are just plain afraid not to be in one. But the fact of the matter is, a bunch of people get real messed up by the things gangs do.

And your chances of getting hurt by a gang are much worse if you're in one yourself. Whoa. I can listen to like eight minutes of this basically. This is good. Yeah, this one begs for like the 12-inch remix. Yes. Yeah. Let it go.

This one, I hate to say it. I would really like to get McGroth out of this. If you get the instrumental. Well, the melody, like, it's interesting because the music is really good, legitimately good. And then, like, his melody is, like, kind of just repeating some of the element. Like, he's not playing off of it as much. Yeah.

Like, he's just sort of repeating one of the, I forget, it's like the bass line or something, as opposed to like a melody that bounces off of the music. Good point. Well, this is a good tip for when Jason makes the songs. Right. Counter melodies is what will make it really catchy. Because that's what really like takes something up. But he's just like singing on it.

Like he's singing on with the one and three. He's not like kind of leaning back and playing off of it as much. Very good note. So I don't know if I don't know if it's like the same person. We still are not clear like same person make all of this. Because on some level you're like, well this is pretty well put together. If the same person produced all of this music. He at this point, I haven't heard all of this.

He's covered so many genres pretty dexterously. Yeah. It's true. They aren't all, some of them are just like, like, dunka, dunk, a dunk, don't. But then like the fact that, yeah, now we're in like early cool hip hop. And then we had something that was, that felt like walk this way. And then there's the, there's the Steeley Dan one. And there's, like, he really, it's, it truly, if this is one person, this is a, I know.

Yeah. A tremendous talent. I know. Truly. But it's not, what did we figure out? It's not, whoever wrote him is not the guy who wrote, it's not McGruff. Spoiler, sorry. It's a burst of the bubble.

That it's not actually, but it's not the guy singing. Yeah. It's right. That's unclear though, because the voice is so different in different media. So I don't know. I think we maybe thought we found a guy. So I thought I found a guy years ago. He wrote some other McGruff stuff, but not this stuff.

Maybe the record album has credit. Or it just says McGruth. Does the new one, yeah, maybe. Maybe the new one has the credits. And then I think you think you found the guy who did smart kids and maybe there was some weirdness or something. But we're not sure still. Okay, I think according to Discogs.com, a great tool for looking up liner note stuff,

it says from the re-release, music by Mike Hawes, lyrics by Robin Nelson and Tim Sloan. Oh, okay. So that's the first time we've ever seen. I don't think I've heard those names before. They don't sound familiar to me. Yeah, Mike and there are no other credits for Mike Hawes. So I don't know. And with no disrespect to the lyricists, but certainly the one I'm the most interested in figuring out is who did the music.

So Mike Hawes. I'll try to discover something while we're listening to other stuff for talking or whatever. But we got one more in this batch of songs. So, yeah. It looks like seeing this on eBay. There's somebody's selling the reissue, and it says, this limited edition album by Mike Hawes is a must-have for any rock music fan.

Well, I like to, I like rock music. Generally, if you like rock. Yeah. Okay, the last song is called robbery and burglary. I don't know why they both have to be in the title, but that's the decision. It's McGruff. You know.

He says he's McGruff again. Make sure you know. Times on television or in the movies, the hero is a thief. Now that seems kind of silly to me. After all, a thief is someone who goes around taking things that don't belong to him. So movies where there's a thief as the lead is the hero he hates. He doesn't like, I don't like nuanced characters.

I don't like the James Conn Michael Mann film. I don't know. Taxi driver is abhorrent to me because it's about a bad guy. I can't watch it. I don't like to see the humanity in people who do bad things. That's confusing. This show Breaking Bad is really getting stuck in my craw. They were right with the title, but.

I like that Hank. I like that Hank guy. He never heard of Jesus. I like the cop guy. He's on, he's on a mission. He's on the toilet. He should have figured things out on the toilet and season one. Should have been smarter.

The first episode, he should have locked up Walter White. And then it should have been about him. Gotten down to business making delicious ribs. Yeah. Go to Temecula. Enjoy those. Barbecue. So robbery, burglary.

Stealing. Robbers are even worse because they take things directly from people. And that means putting their victims in danger. These aren't the kind of people to admire as heroes. Burglars and robbers are criminals. Excuse me, listen to me now because I got something to say about the way we all should act. Maybe you have heard before the crime doesn't pay. I tell you that's a fact

Because on the day that he's caught in his crime Every crook should know that he'll be doing some time Incarceration Name one example Sticking people up for wallets watches and rings Is his unfurately parked Sneaking in a neighbor's house and stealing his things That's not very smart

Earn your money and buy what you own Go and get a job and leave your name I mean, earn your money and buy what you own is the lyric. I hear what he's saying. I understand what he means, but it's not quite bought. Yeah, but there's a strange moment there where you're about to buy it and you don't own it. And then you don't want to shoplift it. We've learned that.

Maybe it's like buy to own or something. Like buy and then own. Buy and then own. Yeah. That would make sense more maybe. But I get that that's a cleaner way. Then you give him that note and then he's, I'll try one. I'll try one.

Yeah. You're buying dinner. I can't do it. I can't do it. You have to do it. Do it live. So, yes, he's, you know, stick. He's doing like an old, it also feels like very much, like stick him up, like a very old school, like robbery.

Watchers and rings. Right. Classic stuff that a burglar or a robber would do on the side of the street. Yeah. Whatever. He's thinking of a classic scenario. Don't go out to Bruce Wayne's mom and try to steal or steal. You will create a superhero.

It's going to come around and bite you in 20 years. The pearls are going everywhere. And then the viewers will have to watch pearls for the rest of the recorded history. Slow motion pearls will become the dominant shot in our media. Every year, there'll be a new movie with the pearls. There's only so many ways to shoot slow motion pearls. learning in a puddle or two America needs to see the pearls

James Gunn, if you still have the job By the time you make the Batman movie Let's not see the pearls anymore We don't need to see the pearls The radical thing would be to no longer see the pearls Yes the yellow scenes let you keep your job Or what if every seen had pearls Pearls for all movies

Maybe I like the pearls now No your old thing is that Superman was punk Well you know what would be punk No pearls Pearls, pearls, pearls, pearls, pearls. Dick Pearls solo. He's playing him like glasses with water in them. I mean, okay, there's a little, I mean, that's the gist.

It's not ending on the highest of high notes, but it's still, it's fine. You're right. Go back to Child Moistation. Someday it'll bust you back. It's a gloomy outlook. I like that. Living life as a crook. Cause they finish up all.

Always on the line unless they're sitting in the slammer. Sorry for the path that they took. Because on the day that he's caught in his crime, every crook should know that he'll be doing some time. Incarceration without vacation. Just something that he deserves. Sticking people up for wallet's watches and rings isn't such a friendly art. I mean, that's the gist of it.

You know, the biggest crime in America is wage theft from employees by employers. Well, you know what? Maybe that is more modern McGruff. We know McGruff isn't necessarily a comical right-wing character from some of the postings. So maybe McGruff has, you know, been woked up. So my EP is wage theft. Wage theft. Oh, yeah, yeah, I added to your EP, yes. Okay.

Where are we at? Wage theft. Wage theft. Such great heights cover. Such great heights cover. With warnings about getting going to grade of heights. Drop a state. You got a state.

Yeah, check with the. Check the state of a state of a state. State of a state. Drop shipping, is that an easier than just counterfeit soap or is counterfeit soap cleaner? Call the counterfeit soap. Beware of drop shippers and counterfeiters. Just explore yourself and figure it out. Yeah.

And then eight or nine hours about getting good sleep. Oh, yeah. It's actually the understanding has evolved over the years and different people need different types of sleep. CEOs need four hours, four to six hours, but you probably need eight or nine. Yeah. They have to be more productive. They have more to do. They do everything at their companies.

They might be a two-shower day for them. So did you find any more information or no? No. Yeah, nothing. There's literally nothing. No. Huh. Yeah.

And not on the writer. I think one lyricist has like gospel credits. And I think the other one maybe I found some faint. results that maybe indicate, but I think it's a different guy with the same name. Yeah. But I feel like I've heard that before that it's people who have like otherwise done church music or something. Right. So maybe that's the path.

I don't know. Gosh. I mean, yeah. If you grew up with a musician named Mike Haw is playing in your church. Please write. Podcast the ride at what's the address? Where 1.02. What's the Scruff?

Oh, Scruff McGough, Chicago, Illinois. 606.5.2. There is. Yeah. Scruff, and it is Scruff. His name is not Scruff McGruff. Yeah. I see it all the time.

People still incorrectly. I was incorrect about it early on. I know, and it made me furious. Yeah. I'm so upset. No, instead it's just McGruff the crime dog outsourcing his mail processing to his little nephew. Yeah. See, I don't have kids.

I have nephews. The only thing on the pros list of why should I procreate is, well, I'd have somebody to start through my mail, but I realized I have a nephew. Yeah, he'll do the grunt work. Yeah, I don't know. It's the same Donald Duck choice where Donald doesn't have kids. He just has nephews. So same thing with McGruff.

The more nephews you have, the more viable it becomes to not have children. I'm married to my work. I'm married to preventing things and stopping stuff. That's what I, I kiss the, I, I kissed a pillow every night. because I don't have a cherished lover. My children are each unthrown about trash can. That's why I can have hundreds more children than regular moms can have. I'm superior to moms.

Yeah. Instead of having a nice meal, I just tour the jail and I get inspired by all the arsonists and all the shoplifters in there. Yeah. What's your tale, buddy? Probably in there because shoplifted? Camemberfeit batteries. It must be you look like a counterfeit battery guy to me. The average counterfeit battery guy is nine years old, believe it or not.

It means there's three-year-olds selling counterfeit batteries out there. You didn't think that, huh? You thought they were older? Nope. They're oftentimes three years old. I've been to the jails. I see them. Three-year-old.

It's sad because they're just, it's like a playpen to them. But they don't know it's a playpen. They'll never escape. They don't know. They'll be in here for life. They're trying to sell batteries to other kids. Median age, a better battery salesman six years old.

So again, every year I feel like, every year I've almost felt like, oh, yeah, we're not going to do another, I mean, other than the first one, when I said there's more McGruff stuff, but I always am like, well, maybe that's the last, like, meaty McGruff episode

and we're going to have to do odds and ends. but then more always appears. But what if they do, vinyl re-releases of the Burger King material with bonus material? What if the bonus material is wilder and more experimental, then the stiff shirts Burger King would let them be? It's possible. So, yeah, I don't know. I'm always going to be surprised by the amount of McGruff stuff is out there. And this was a surprise, a recent surprise.

And who knows what else? Who knows when McGruff 5 will happen? and we have other, you know, TV stuff, but who knows? There could be other full albums that are not out there. Yeah, we hope. Yeah, and I hope it's not just more creepy child-related songs. Hopefully not. Yes, hopefully more.

I had a dark period. Yeah, 12 tracks about it. The music wasn't dark. The music was like, bump, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. Italian songs mostly. Yeah. We make sure. It's hard to ask trans songs.

Hopefully, yes. Hopefully, it's more just about, like, getting good sleep. Hopefully it's more along those lines. But, you know, Jason's got this album coming out. Sure. Well, a couple months from now, two months, he says. So there will be new McGruff music and it will be from the gentleman at the end of the temple. That's right.

Yes. Yeah, well, get cracking. Don't do it on stolen microphones. No, buy them. Don't do like a thing where you get the code, the authorization code for some music software from some kid. Make sure you buy it and you own the code. Don't do a college thing where you're sharing software. And buy a full-sized microphone.

Don't use one of those silly tiny ones. Novelty ones. Her vocal heft. It's all the grasp of a good singer's voice. Right. You survive podcast, The Ride. Thanks for subscribing to the second gate. If you want to dig even deeper, join us in our VIP, Patreon Tier Club 3,

where you get one more bonus episode every month and our regular episodes ad free. Don't share the codes for the, you know, the RSSs. Yeah. And don't even if you want to share an episode, don't even let like somebody listen to a clip. Make them pay. If you say, hey, listen to this clip from podcasts or ride, you take a dollar from them. Send it in an envelope to Jason Sheridan in Burbank. Jason Sheridan, Burbank, California, 9-1-60.

Just write his name. That's the way to get to it. And the next time you write a book that mentions the podcast, put the fucking name. Name us. Name us, you coward. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gerdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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