Realfoodology - 35: This is a WAP (Wet A** Podcast) with Alisa Vitti PT 1

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Alisa Vitti is back for another episode and this time we dive into the female orgasm! There was so much amazing information that we decided to release it in two episodes both of which are out now!  We chat about the G spot, health benefits of the orgasm & how to maximize them, using a vibrator, what lubes she loves, what she thinks about porn and so much more! Show Links: Link to my first interview with Alisa https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/learning-how-to-live-in-your-flo-with-alisa-vitti/id1529008803?i=1000514224842 Alisa https://www.floliving.comhttps://www.instagram.com/alisa.vitti/ Sex for One https://www.amazon.com/Sex-One-Selfloving-Betty-Dodson-ebook/dp/B0064127LE Kimberly Johnson https://www.magamama.com Lubes https://www.grove.co/catalog/product/unscented-personal-lubricant/https://aloecadabra.com/https://coconu.com/ What is the G Spot? https://www.healthline.com/health/g-spot-in-women#What-is-the-G-spot?

On today's episode of The Real Foodology Podcast. It's your body, like, you know, it's your playground, enjoy it, you know. We're just coming up against this statistic of 67% of women are sexually unsatisfied. There are real practical reasons why, and we're trying to break those all down today. Hi, welcome back to another episode of The Real Foodology Podcast, where we talk all things health and wellness, as well as mental health, basically anything that will help you improve your life and feel good in your body, because that is the ultimate goal. I am your host, Courtney Swan, and today I am joined by Elisa Vitti.

If you guys remember, I had her on the podcast recently. We talked all about female hormones and the cycle. It was such a wildly popular episode that I wanted to bring her back to talk all about the female orgasm. If you're a man listening right now and you're like, nope, all right, nevermind. I'm going to skip this. Stop right now. If you have a woman partner, you're going to want to listen to this.

It is just as important for you to listen to this information as it is for women. So guys take notes. Also, if you're listening and you have little ones in the car or near you, I would put in headphones or listen to it later, or, you know, expose them to this because someday they're going to want this information. So just wanted to give you a little heads up. Did you know that most cookware and appliances are made with forever chemicals? Yes. That means your nonstick pans, your air fryers, your waffle makers, your blender could possibly have PFAS, and yes, even our beloved crockpots and pressure cookers. I have actually been talking about this

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We dive into the female orgasm. We talk all about sex. We talk about pleasure for her, lubes that Elisa loves, what she thinks about porn, what she thinks about using a vibrator, the G-spot, multiple orgasms, the health benefits of the orgasm, how to maximize those, and so much more. With that, let's just get into the episode. This is a great one. I hope you guys enjoy it. One thing I forgot to add in, this episode is so jam-packed with information that we decided to make it a two-part series. We're releasing them both on the same day, so you can

binge them both if you would like. And this is part one. Part two will be following right after. Elisa, thank you so much for coming back on. I'm so excited to have you back for another episode. I am thrilled to be back with you, Courtney. We had so much fun last time, so I feel like this is especially a fun topic. I know. I've been looking forward to this all week and I've been gathering so many questions of my own and also like a collection of questions from my girlfriends. And I'm just excited to dive into this topic. I mean, I think it's also really important, right? Because, and here's why, 67% of women are sexually unsatisfied.

Wow. Do you think that that's because we're not talking about it enough? We don't like normalize the conversation? No, I think, I think the conversation has been, I mean, from where I sit for the past 20 years, like these, just the past five years has been a tremendous, like huge leap forward in normalizing conversation around menstruation, female sexuality, female sexual pleasure, gender identity. I feel like we're really moving quickly now. And I love that. I actually think that it comes down to the fact, like I think around hormonal issues of the same problem is that we don't understand the system that we have. And so when you don't understand it, that what happens is sometimes your sexual experience will feel like fireworks and other

times it's going to feel flat. And you, without understanding what could have happened, think to yourself, gee, I wonder why that is. I wonder, is it me? Is something wrong with my libido? You know, usually it's like, I wonder why I have no control and it's probably my fault. And this is the place where I like to dig in because none of that is true. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not your fault.

And there's nothing wrong with your libido. It's that we lack the perspective on how the infradian rhythm affects our sexual response and desire throughout the cycle. And we don't know how to biohack our sexual response, our orgasm. And there's that. So that's the sort of first thing. And then the second piece of it is that we don't even understand our arousal process and our sexual response process. So we can't work it properly. So I want to dive into both of these things to just sort of like give us a framework. And then I want to go into all your fun questions because I mean, I think whenever I talk about this with women, it's just, uh, um, everybody feels so

excited. It's very exciting to like ask those questions and get your answers because, you know, even though we've made a lot of strides, there still isn't, um, always your best, you know, forums to, to really get, to roll up your sleeves and get your, your questions really answered in a technical way. So I always love doing that. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I found like a lot of people are scared to ask these questions to their doctor or to girlfriends, because like you said, for that fear of maybe something's wrong with me, maybe I'm struggling and other people aren't. So that's why I love having these conversations because then people can hear that they're not alone in their struggles or, you know, trying to achieve orgasm.

And maybe they haven't been able to figure out how to do that without a vibrator, which is another thing I want to dive into. So let's, let's talk about what you just said. So where, how do the hormones play a role in libido and how does that counteract with or how does that interact with our cycle? So, you know, in your cycle, you have these four phases, the follicular, the ovulatory, the luteal, and the menstrual phase. And because of the fluctuations with estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone, that really is

going to impact your sexual desire in different ways and your sexual response. It also affects your, let's say, mechanics in the sense that you have some phases of the cycle that are considered wet phases and other phases that are dry phases. So even just that, even just knowing, which you likely don't know, that you have some phases that are naturally more self-lubricating and others that are not, if you just knew when those were, right? Instead of thinking, oh gosh, I'm not getting lubricated, what's wrong with me? And having a whole internal negative spiral while you're trying to also have an orgasm about what's wrong with you that you're so dry, right? You wouldn't even, you could just skip that. You could just not ever have those negative thoughts. You could just use the lube because you need the lube at that time because it's a dry

phase, right? So under, so it affects everything. And I think it's really exciting to just have this broken down. And in the book, In the Flow, there's a whole chart in chapter, I think it's chapter eight. That's this, or maybe it's chapter nine. That's the sex chapter. And there's a chart that breaks down each of these phases, what's happening, what you should do to optimize your sexual responsible kind of foreplay. Should you use a vibrator? Should you not? So, you know, don't feel like you have to take all these extensive notes. It's in the chart, in the book, in the flow. I love a good chart. It's so helpful. I love a good chart. I like everything to be organized, you know? Exactly. I mean, especially me. I have to keep so much information in my head

about women's hormones that I like to write it into charts. Okay. So in the ovulatory phase, let's start there. You have this surge of estrogen, okay, that's going to make you, you know, very interested from a sexual point of view, your desire factor is going to be elevated from this estrogen surge. But compared to the luteal phase, where we see a different kind of estrogen surging, but we have something else here happening. We have the introduction of progesterone, which has this like relaxation effect on the body. And we have the introduction of testosterone, which also drives desire. So we have like a different type of desire. Like the ovulation phase is this very intense biological drive to reproduce, right? Like, so you're going to feel your most libidinous for like a day or two during ovulation because the egg is dropping. And if you are supposed to,

you know, like from a, from nature's point of view, this is the time to be in the mood, right? So you're going to be interested. You're going to be, um, from an arousal point of view, it's going to be your fastest arousal process time of the month. And it's a natural wet phase of the cycle, right? Everything to ease that sort of biological situation. I've also found I feel my most confident and magnetic in that phase. Well, that's because the estrogen is also affecting your brain chemistry in terms of the verbal and social centers of your brain. So you feel so, you know, sort of outgoing and magnetic, right? In the luteal phase, we're driven again from a different point of view, from that testosterone point of view and from the

progesterone point of view. So we're like relaxed, we're more in our bodies, we feel comfortable. And the testosterone is like, hmm, sex. That would be interesting, right? But it's not the same intensity as ovulation where it's like, sex. Like, let's do this. And what's fun about the luteal phase is that unlike the ovulatory phase where you can find that things happen more quickly there in terms of sensation. In the luteal phase, your body's going to want more foreplay, right? Because you are like more relaxed and you know, you have this testosterone helping you out, but you, you kind of need a little bit more stimulation. So that's an important, we're going to, I'm

actually going to give you how much time it actually takes to go through your whole arousal process. So you don't have to worry anymore about, am I somebody who gets off quickly or too long? Am I taking too? I think a lot of us are in our head about how long it's supposed to take to achieve an orgasm, right? I'm going to give you the number, the magic number. So in the luteal phase, it's also a wet phase. So you'll have natural self-lubricating abilities at this time. But again, you need to be taking enough time for foreplay here. So there's that. The menstrual phase, we have our lowest levels of all of our hormones. And we're not necessarily driven by anything from a hormonal point of view. We're not driven by a surge of estrogen. There's no egg dropping to procreate with, and there's no testosterone at this phase. So it's not a naturally high libido time. So if you're not finding that you're interested in sex during

this time, that is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with you. And if you're not finding that you're interested in sex during this time, that is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with you. And I really can't stress that enough because a lot of women feel like they should be just like you have been convinced that you should eat the same calorie amount every day, but not anymore because we had that other podcast together. Yes. So you know not to do that. But just like you used to think that, you also have likely thought that you're supposed to be the same interest level in sex on a day-to-day basis. And you have the same response time. That couldn't be further from the truth. It's totally impacted by this infrading effect on your cycle. So it's a dry phase. Ironically,

because you're bleeding, you think, oh, there's blood. It's not, you ever think about like, if you get a cut right on your, anywhere else on your body, what happens to the blood when it hits the air? I mean, it dries pretty quickly. It gets sticky. It gets tacky and it dries pretty quickly. Right. Yeah. So the same thing is going to happen with your menstrual blood. It's not the same as blood coming out of your veins, but it's similar in the fact that when it hits oxygen, it's going to create, it'll dry. And that's going to create friction. And friction equals pain. And pain is not going to get you to any sort of orgasmic potential location. Okay. So you need lubricant if you're going to engage in any sort of penetrative intercourse. Imagine having a metabolic coach in your pocket that you could access at any point,

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During the bleeding phase. Now, there is an interesting phenomenon that does drive desire during the menstrual phase that we don't talk about at all, which I think we should all be like knowing about, which is your uterus. Your uterus increases dramatically in volume and size. It goes from like a little tiny thing during the month. And then as it fills with your endometrium, you know, the lining thickens during luteal phase, it grows, it gets heavier.

And the weight of the uterus, as it is at most heavy at the beginning of your bleed, can actually press on the nerve endings that are connected to sensitive spots on your vaginal canal or even your clitoris, right? So you can feel like an internal pressure coming from your uterus that kind of brings your attention to your clitoris, to your vagina. And you're like, I'm thinking about that part of my body. Maybe I'd like to do something with that part of my body. Right. So that's what can happen during the

menstrual phase. And a lot of women also love to use, um, orgasm, whether that be clitoral or penetrative, um, to relieve cramps. Although that's not my preferred method of cramp relief, because you can do something that's much more effective with nutraceuticals and food. But it's a good technique if you want to use it, right? Exactly. In the moment, if you find yourself with them, it's a great... I mean, it works. Yeah, it can work.

Now, I want to just address the... There seems to be like two sides of the fence when it comes to, you know, intercourse or sexual play during the bleed. Some people really like don't like it and other people really love it. And I just am here to say it is all good and it's all okay. Now, if you have a belief that it's gross and it's not going to feel good and you've never tried it, that I would challenge you to do an experiment and have some sort of sexual experience with yourself, with a partner while you're bleeding, and just go at it with curiosity and exploration, both so that you can see what your body prefers, but also so that you can unhook from any conditioning that has led

you to think negatively about that phase of your cycle, which of course is completely unnecessary to be thinking negatively about your bleed. It is magical what happens to the female body throughout the month. So we should feel great about any phase of the cycle. So it's good to do it once. If you still don't like it afterwards because you're just in a lower libido place and it's not something that is generating a lot of pleasure for you, then that's fine. But to not engage that phase because you have a taboo around it, that's worth pushing your own boundaries on and exploring. I agree. It's great to release that shame, you know, and that social conditioning.

It's your body, like, you know, it's your playground. Enjoy it, you know. And then the follicular phase, I want to just not forget to leave her out. So this is the phase right after the bleed has ended. This is also a dry phase. So again, do not pass go without the lube. I can't stress that enough. Don't even start touching yourself or letting a partner touch your clitoris without lubricant first. Because if you have the thought, well, gee, if I do the stimulation, then the lubricant will follow. Not necessarily in these dry phases. And if there is lubrication that is produced, it's very small amounts compared to what you'd produce in the wet phases. So again, you're going to really create friction. Friction on those 8,000 magical nerve endings in your clitoris is not a good thing to

do because it's going to shut off your pleasure response and turn on your pain response. So do not approach the clitoris without lube in the dry phase. It's really, really important because, you know, again, we're just coming up against this statistic of 67% of women are sexually unsatisfied. There are real practical reasons why, and we're trying to break those all down today. So in the follicular phase, that's one of the key things. But also, again, there isn't much stimulating your libido, your interest in sex during this phase. So you want to work with what is going to help you create that. And that's going to be novelty and nitric oxide and oxytocin. So how does that happen?

Like this is the time of the month. This is in the MyFlow app too. This is the time of the month where, you know, go on a hike with your partner. Go take a dance class with your partner. Go, I don't know, rock climbing. Do something that boosts oxygenation, creates oxytocin, the bonding hormone, nitric oxide production in a non-sexual way, right? And it's something new and fun and gets you out of your routine and puts you in your body. So something that's a little physical, right?

Yeah. And then if you have the desire to engage, then go about starting that process, right? Do a little making out, get the lube and go, go have your fun. Right. So it's almost like emotional foreplay. Sorry. Exactly. A little emotional foreplay using the body to get into the body. And then, you know, the two phases, the ovulatory phase and the luteal phase are much easier game because you have a lot of hormones working in your brain, in your body. And, you know, from a vaginal point of view with lubrication to just make the process easier for you, because these are times where, you know, biologically speaking, we want to support quote unquote procreation. Right. So that's really what it comes down to, to understand this, these four phases. And, and I, I really love sharing this with women because

it takes a lot of stress off and pressure off. Like I understand that most of our understanding of what our sexual response looks like, even if we don't agree with it, we do, it does influence us sort of like the pornographic standard of like, you're always in the mood, you're always wet and ready and you, and you're achieving orgasm, like in zero to 60 seconds flat. Okay. Yeah. That's just not how the body works. Yeah. I love that. Also, I love this normalizing of using lube because like you keep talking about, there's so many things that can be happening throughout the phases of our menstrual cycle or our cycle in general, um, that can cause one to think that something is wrong with them. And so I love normalizing this and just helping us understand what is actually going on in the body so that then we can just release that shame and just have fun. And also this is good for men to understand too,

for themselves. I mean, like men, if, if you're, for the men who are in a partnership with a woman, I think this is essential. Um, you know, if you want to be like an optimal sexual partner for your female partner, you got to understand which phase of the cycle she's in. That's why I built PartnerSync for everybody to have this understanding, whether you're in a same sex or opposite sex relationship, you need to know where your partner is so that you can deliver to her the type of foreplay that will help her achieve her optimal pleasure, right? That's your job, right? Just like it's her job to help you do that, right? If you love each other, I think that's like the least we can do, right? I agree. But I also think it's important for men to understand that they have a cycle

that operates on a 24-hour pattern that also impacts their sexual response and desire, keeping in mind that men make all their testosterone while they sleep. So they wake up in the morning, 5 or 6 a.m. in the morning with a surge, their peak concentration of testosterone in their body in the morning hours. And then it starts to fade after about 2 o'clock. So the best time for a guy to be engaging in sexual activity where he's going to have the easiest time achieving erection. And you know, all of that is going to be earlier in the day. Yeah, the later in the evening, it gets the harder it will be for him to generate that erection as

as powerfully as he could earlier in the day. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong. It's just a function of what's happening with your hormones. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong. It's just a function of what's happening with your hormones. And I think understanding that can create so much inclusivity and compassion in partnerships. So if you're in an opposite sex partnership, knowing that, like I know, for example, with my husband, right. I, you know, if I want to have like the best sexual encounter with him, I'm not going to approach him at midnight because he should be asleep making his testosterone. Right. You know, I want to approach him like, you know, for like the middle of the day. Right. That that's really great because he's woken up. He's had a

workout. He's had his morning coffee, like perfect time. Okay. Or the morning too, right? Because you know, the classic like morning boner. Yeah, but that's not good for me. Like I'm not like awake or interested, you know, like I need to like also wake up and move around. Like I think that's that early morning time is really hard, especially depending on where I'm in my cycle. Like if it's ovulation phase, maybe still not my favorite time of day. I like to get up and like, take care of myself first. I'm not like everybody's different. And so, but you know, but you know, I, I think it's, it's, it's been really, um, he has, he has shared with me that he feels like so supported knowing that I understand that about him and that I have no judgment or like frustration about the fact that like, that's just not his

optimal time, like middle of the night, right? That has relieved so much of his pressure. So if he can feel that way, if he can feel relieved by my understanding his hormonal pattern, how do you think a woman's going to feel when she understands her own and her partner understands her pattern too? It's like, wow, I can be included. My pleasure, what I need can be included in the process and in the scheduling process here. And I think when we're talking about same-sex relationships with women, I mean, this is just so exciting to think about. okay, where are you in your cycle? Where am I in my cycle? And what do we each need, um, you know, to, to have our optimal experience? You know what I mean? Cause we might need different things.

You're not always going to be in the same phase at the same time. And that makes life much more fun, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, so can we go into, into, I've read a little bit about this, but I want to hear all about it from you, the science behind the stages of arousal. What's the process of that buildup to arousal? Yes. So I explained this in both books, because it's so important, Woman Code and In The Flow. And I think that when we don't appreciate this, we're really shortchanging our orgasmic potential. So first and foremost, there are four stages. And the whole process, really, to go through it properly, on average, is anywhere from 25 to 45 minutes. For women. For men, obviously obviously this is a very different number.

It's like under 10 minutes on average, but for women it's twice or four times as long. I mean, it makes sense. I can speak from personal experience. Now what's exciting about this is the more you accept that reality, the better health benefits you will get from going through these stages of arousal. So let me get into them. So first there's sort of the tumescence phase, which is the female equivalent of an erection. So this is where blood is flowing to the tissues of the labia and the clitoris and the vaginal canal and engorging those tissues and exposing all the nerve endings to their maximum exposure so that everything can feel as good as possible, right? And that's a really important process. How do we

get that to happen? It's not by direct stimulation, right? Like the cold start is not a good way to optimize your tumescence phase, right? So it's other erogenous zones of the body will help with the tumescence process. So whatever turns you on, if it's kissing, if it's holding hands, if it's massages, I mean, it can be anything that floats your boat. But the cold start, like just going right over to the clitoris when there's been no two messes, it's not going to feel as good because you haven't had the full engorgement, the nerve endings are not fully unfurled, if you will, and it's just going to be a little less fun. So that's the first stage. The second stage is the orgasmic plateau. This, in my opinion, is the most important stage.

It's the most health beneficial stage. It's also the one that everybody rushes through and thinks is not important because, again, probably because of pornography and what we think, we all focus on the third stage, which is the climax, which is really just like the sneeze at the end of the inhalation. And then there's the final stage, which is called the refractory period where the nerve endings recover and you can start the process over again. Now let's go into this orgasmic plateau stage. This is the stage where you should spend the most amount of time. The more time you spend stimulating the clitoris and the legs of the clitoris, which extend down into the labia, the inner labia, the more you will generate nitric oxide and oxytocin. But nitric oxide

especially is health beneficial to you. I mean, the more orgasmic energy you produce from clitoral stimulation and the orgasmic plateau, the more nitric oxide, and this is going to do things like de-age you on a cellular level, boost your collagen production, regulate ovulation, optimize your fertility, boost your immune function. I mean, it is ridiculous. People ask me all the time, Alisa, what is the supplement you would take to a deserted island? I would say I would take my clitoris and some lubricant. I would take my orgasms with me. Because I mean, you can get so much bang for your buck, so to speak, from clitoral stimulation if you know what you're doing in the orgasmic plateau. So what do you do? How do you maximize this? How do you not rush through it and then sort of get to the climax? The climax is the moment where the nerve, the 8,000 nerve endings have had all the stimulation they can take.

And you have that big denouement, as they say in French, like you have this sort of, you're done and then you're coming down into the refractory period, right? Yeah. So what you want to do in the orgasmic plateau stage and Betty Dodson, who you should all know about because she was a pioneer in masturbation for women back in the seventies. She had a book, has a book called Sex for One. It should be in everybody's library. Ordering it now on Amazon. That and Dr. Sherry Winston's The Anatomy of Arousal. I mean, I just think these two books is, we're talking about pictures, we're talking about techniques, we're talking about things that are going to really help you achieve your optimal potential for pleasure, which is your, you know, you should have that.

Yes. Life is short. You got to like enjoy your clitoris. You got to enjoy it. Yes. No shame. Right. So, um, in the orgasmic plateau phase, you want to use the technique that Betty Dotson, um, introduced, which is called the edging technique, the edging technique. You want to think about your orgasmic plateau as a stage that has 10 steps from one to 10, 10 is your climax. 10 is when the nerve endings have had enough and it's game over. But you want to stay, and like tumescence is like, let's say one to four, right? You're warming up, things are happening, but you don't want to start touching anything, right? You want to stay between a four and an

eight. And you do that by, again, you're using your hand, you're using some lube or your own self-lubrication, and you are stimulating the clitoris in a way that is speeding up to get to an eight or slowing down to get back down to a four. It's not just what's happening with your hand and your clitoris. It's also what's happening with your breath. A lot of women do not experience their full potential during the orgasmic plateau because they stop breathing. Literally. I was going to ask about this. We stop breathing and we wait, like we're waiting. Pass out because you can't breathe. So you want to do the runners, like you want to like,

like whatever you can think of, like proper breathing. You can look up what James Nestor is doing. You can look up tantric breathing. I don't really care what you do, but it's really about when you inhale, your lower abdomen extends like you're going to push a book up off your belly. And when you exhale, the belly collapses in and the book would come down.

This is how you breathe. If you're somebody who sings, you're like, yeah, I do that all the time. But you might not do it when you're self-pleasuring. So make sure you're breathing properly and you're slowing down your breath, right? And even imagine circulating the energy that is being generated from all that clitoral stimulation up your body cavity. As you breathe in, bring that energy up. And as you breathe out, let that energy go or move down your body, right? And you're really circulating all of this, whatever

you want to call it, your kundalini energy or your chi or just your nitric oxide. All of that is moving through your body because you're using your breath to circulate these things through the oxygenation of your blood, which then circulates the chemicals that are being produced, right? So it's not just like this woo-woo thing. It's an actual, it's functional. So you keep the edging process going for as long as possible. I recommend at least 20 minutes here for maximum health benefits.

If you want to get the collagen boost, the fertility boost, the ovulation boost, the immune boost, the anti-aging boost, 20 minutes. Now you're thinking, but gee, I always use a vibrator and it takes way less time, Elisa. Why would I spend 20 minutes? Well, if you use a vibrator, you're going to bypass the edging capability. You're going to hyper-stimulate those 8,000 nerve endings, and you're going to get to climax really quickly, which, by the way, that's super cool if you don't have a lot of time and you want to have a climax, more power to you, you want to use your vibrator, super great. And I'm sure, and I hope with all these amazing women in sex tech, that they're going to develop some awesome vibrator that doesn't hyper-stimulate the clitoral nerve

endings and you can use it for edging technique. That may be coming. I don't know. I hope that somebody figures that out. But in the meantime, I would recommend that you develop a self-pleasuring practice with your own hand so that you can learn how much sensation you need, how much you can handle when you have to breathe and slow down and all of that. And then you go and have your climax when, you climax when you've had enough time building up all those great chemicals in your body through that self-pleasure. And from the refractory period point of view too, women have a big advantage compared to men. Most men will tell you, once they've ejaculated, their refractory period can be very long, like eight hours, 12 hours. It would be very, very long. Women need less time.

In fact, if you're worried about, are you going to be multiply orgasmic? You just are because your refractory period is shorter. You might need five or 10 minutes, maybe a half an hour, but it's really not long that you could start over again and have another whole journey through your arousal process and result in another beautiful climax. This is the thing. If you spend enough time in the arousal, in the orgasmic plateau stage, you're going to optimize your climax, right? That's another reason to do it, right? If you feel like you're not having big enough orgasms or the ones that you think you should be having, spend more time in that orgasm plateau, sister, because you don't know what you're capable of until you do that, right?

You don't know how much sensation you can feel. In fact, I would like us all to do a little, if you're listening and you can, do a little exercise with me right now. I want you to know what nitric oxide feels like in the body. And I do this when I teach live workshops, everybody just take their hands and you're going to shake them out really vigorously as fast as you can. We're just do this for like 60 seconds. Keep going. We're going to build up some nitric oxide. You're going to feel it in your hands. When we stop, we're not going to stop yet. It's really fun because this is going to give you a point of reference of what your whole body can feel like when you're in your orgasmic plateau stage. Your whole body can have the sensation you're about to feel when we stop, which we're going to do right now.

Breathe. You feel that lovely, juicy, humming kind of sensation in your hands? Yep. Yeah. That is nice for the hands. Yep. Yeah. That is nitric oxide. Wow. This is the sensation you can have in your entire body. If you spend enough time in your orgasmic plateau stage and you can help circulate that with your breath. And then of course you can put like an exclamation point on that with your climax, right? So it's a whole, you can have the best possible sexual experience if you know how your, your body works. And I hope that you have some new things to try.

Yeah. Okay. Everyone listening, try that. That was wild. That felt really cool. So for women listening, um, you talked a lot about manual stimulation. What about women? I've heard a lot of women talk about this, um, who cannot get off without a vibrator. Well, what advice would you give them? Oh, sorry. I also have one more question. Would you say that this might be maybe for more physical reasons, or is this really more like mental or desensitization possibly? I, I think it can be really complex. Yeah. Um, I am by no means saying that you can never use a vibrator. What I'm saying is that there is a huge value in you taking the time to explore the, what sensations you, and you can create without an additional device. There's health benefits, but there's also a whole process

that can happen for you from a psychological point of view and an emotional release point of view. I think whenever we talk about sex and pleasure for women, unfortunately, because it's still such a huge problem around the world, we also have to talk about the fact that one in four women have been sexually assaulted. And that that is something that can dramatically impact your relationship to your sexual response, your desire, your ability to have climax. And so, you know, I think there are people like my dear friend Kimberly Johnson, who has a new book coming out actually that I'm super excited about because she's a sexological body story and you want to support your body that has been holding onto some trauma and work with a practitioner like Kimberly, who is just so skilled at helping you reconnect your mind, your heart, and your sex organs so that you can have a more positive interaction, um, as well. And I think that's really important. I don't think that we've normalized that conversation enough. Um, so I think she's really, she's really a pioneer with that and, and, and that's her, her zone of genius. So I would definitely, if that's

something that has happened to you, um, I would check out her work and, and, and learn about what's possible for you there. And then for, for those of you who, um those of you who just feel like it has nothing to do with, you haven't had a sexual trauma, but you just feel like you cannot achieve orgasm without a climax. Sorry, you cannot achieve orgasm without a vibrator. I would just say, be experimental. First of all, we put way too much focus on the climax. The orgasmic plateau stage is extremely pleasurable without the climax. I mean, you're not just there like, you know, stimulating for 20 minutes and like it doesn't feel like anything. You know, it feels really fantastic.

The climax is just a different sensation. So you could, for example, just be a little playful. You could do the orgasmic plateau edging process manually for 20 minutes. And then if you want to finish off with your vibrator, by all means, turn it on after your 20 minutes self-session has finished and go for the gold, right? If that's how you get there with your vibrator, then go for it. It's really just, I want every woman to start exploring this orgasmic plateau stage because that's where the magic is. And that you do, you just, you got

to give yourself some time. You got to breathe. You got to slow down. You got to be patient with yourself. You know, it's a whole, it's a whole thing. And we're, we're taught to just, you know, think that we should be achieving that, that finish line experience like really quickly. And so I think it's also just something about as women, we need to feel more comfortable taking up space. This is true. This is true of women with dieting and disordered eating and the fitness conversation. It's like, or, or even just boundaries and relationships, or the way that we interact at work, we need to, or just with our own creative desires, we need to just decide that we're going to take up all the space we need in our lives.

I love that so much. Right? Yes. You want to have a mind-blowing sex life. You need to take some space on your bed. Like, you know, if somebody wants to be standing you up against a wall and that is not relaxing for you, just be like, I'm sorry, person. I need to lay down. I need pillows. I need to be comfortable. Just take what you need so you can get what you want. Take up that space literally and figuratively.

Take enough calories into your body to support your metabolic reality. Take the right intensity of fitness to support your body. Take the time you need for your creative pursuits because it's your life. Take up the time in your corporate schedule to get your best work done because you deserve it. Like, just take up space. And it's amazing what happens when you start taking up space in your own sexual relationship because it has a huge ripple effect into these other areas of your life, right? It's really cool. And think about, you know, if we just compare like man versus woman in the context of taking up space, it's pretty clear that men feel really comfortable taking up space. Like, what was that mean? Like a couple of years ago, like this from, you know, I'm in New York. So it's like you sit on this guy, sit on the subway and they like straddle their legs apart. They're like taking up too much space on the subway car seats. And women are like, you know, they've like folded their legs over their bag.

But men feel like no shame. They just take up the space they need for their package, right? Because they need space for their situation, right? So they, but it's, it's, it's funny, but it also, this is what I mean, like the function of our behavior can often follow the form, right? So men need space. Their jeans are too tight. Their underwear is too tight. They need space. They spread their legs apart. They don't think anything about it, right? They also know that they need to take up whatever time they need to achieve erection and orgasm, right? And they take that time without question, right? And that has a ripple effect in their lives. If they need to take time at work to do something, they take that time. Like they just assume that that should be what they do. And I think that there is a really profound correlation between the relationship that we have to our sexual selves and the space that we take there to how we operate in our lives as a whole. So it isn't just that I'm interested in the 67% of women who are not sexually satisfied becoming sexually satisfied. Yes, I am interested in that. And I am interested in you learning how to biohack your orgasm with all the right tools

and techniques. But the thing I'm really interested in having happen for women kind everywhere is that you have, by building a positive, powerful relationship with your sexual response and your sexual pleasure, that that has this really profound ripple effect into other areas of your life where you become more powerful just by virtue of knowing how to get what you want whenever you want it. Wow. Yeah. I was just going to use the word empowering. It sounds really empowering because, you know, we talk about this a lot where women are, or I think that this is changing, but in the past, women have been kind of conditioned to just, it's like a race to get the man off. And then if, you know, we're lucky if we get off kind of thing, you know? Right. And I think this is so important

to teach women to prioritize their needs as well. And like you said earlier, also knowing that it takes us more time and we need more of these things in place beforehand. We can't just go in cold, you know, and just expect to have a great time. And, you know, and this is a really important thing as women. No one else can do this for you. It's we have to prioritize that for ourselves. And that's really empowering. You got to take up space. You've got to expect more.

And, you know, like if you just expect that like sometimes it's going to be good and sometimes it's not, and you have no agency or control over the outcome, then you are, you know, passive in terms of the relationship that you have to your sexual self. But that's just not, it's not true. You, you have total agency. You are the leader of your sexual self and it should go the way that you want it to go and yes that involves like asking for what you want being very specific all those things um picking really generous loving compassionate partners who want to understand your process and are curious to learn about you um and taking up time and space to get what you want. I mean, I don't think it's a small connection that like a man can see from a, you know, like, oh, I can create ejaculation whenever I want it. I can create an erection and ejaculation whenever I

want it. What else can I create whenever I want to, right? Similarly, if you can start to build a relationship with your own clitoris that is like, oh, I can create whatever sensation I want whenever I want. What else could you create whenever you want, right? And then I will also say I was on a really fun call with a well-known male biohacker. And we were being asked questions like, you know, what are some unknown or less discussed things around biohacking that, that we haven't been mainstreaming yet. And I said, for women, it's clitoral stimulation. And he said, you know, that's really funny because all the like super intense male biohackers are now really looking at ejaculation control as a way of optimizing their health,

right? So like not ejaculating often in the male biohacker space is like the new thing. Meanwhile, it's an ancient thing, but anyway, it's the new thing to, you know, maintain your testosterone levels. And, you know, again, there's like no shame or taboo in the male conversation to be incorporating their sexual response as part of their wellness conversation. And I don't think that we should be – I mean, I think we should do the same. We should include our own sexual response as part of our overall wellness and self-empowerment conversation. Yes. Oh, I love this so much. And I just, I love that you're able to really show us, um, well, you know, the different phases and it can tell us like how, what's going to work for each phase and what actually gets me to another

question that I have. So let's say that you're in, I think you said it was like the menstruation phase where you're kind of at your lowest libido, but you still want to have sex, you know, you're, you're sexually active with a partner. How would you recommend a woman supporting herself in that time to kind of get out of her head and more into her body and, and into that phase? You've got to find a recipe that works for you, right? So I would say, um, relaxation and anything that's going to like get you into your body. So like massage is the, like asking to receive a massage on your shoulders, your legs, it's just going to immediately take you out of your, you know, Oh, I've got this and this and this to do. And it's just going to

be like, Hmm, my shoulders, my legs, you know, like that. And then, and then, then after you've relaxed enough, you know, then move into some foreplay with kissing and erogenous zone stimulation. And then get the lube. It's a dry face. Get the lube. Go straight for it. And my favorite lubricant that if you're with a male partner and you know you're going to have intercourse, my favorite lubricant to use that's safe for use with condoms is made by Sustain. I love them. Love that lubricant. I

think it is fantastic. If you're just doing solo play and there's not going to be any latex involved or there's just not going to be any latex involved because there's no penis involved or whatever it is, then you could use a number of things. I like two in particular. I like Coco New because it's a coconut oil-based lubricant. And I like Aloe Cadabra, which is aloe vera-based. So those are some really good ones to use, but you cannot use either of those with condoms or any latex. Oh, that's good. Um, so, you know, get the lube and then do some clitoral stimulation first, always first. Yep. She does not like it if you ignore her. No, she doesn't. Always first. And then you can proceed to some, you know, penetration,

you know, at your own speed and your own, um, you know, depth and, and, you know, penetration, you know, at your own speed and your own, you know, depth and, you know, be in control of that process. You know, different positions are going to give you different stimulation. And so just do what feels good to you. Your cervix also moves throughout the cycle. It's higher or lower depending on where you are in your cycle. So if your cervix is very sensitive and you don't like it being stimulated with penetration, then you want to be really controlling the depth of things. If you do like it, then, you know, know that about yourself and pick positions that work too. Yeah. Okay. So I'm curious to know about the G spot and having an orgasm from penetrative sex. Cause I know not a lot of

women or so I've read that most women have a hard time having an orgasm with penetrative sex. Can we talk about that? Yeah. It's not actually the place where you generate, you don't have as many nerve endings there as you do in the clitoris. Clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings solely dedicated to your pleasure. It's the only thing like that in both genders. Like the penis is like, I always sort of joke, I mean, listen, they're fabulous, wonderful, but they're kind of like multifunctional tool, like a clicker pen. Like you could get a green ink or red ink, like you just, you know, it could be peeing, it could be ejaculating, like it's really cool. Right. That's super cool that it can do that. But the clitoris is just, just for your pleasure. The vaginal canal is for a number of things. You know, it can be for penetration. It can be for pushing out a baby. It can be expelling the endometrium

once a month. I mean, it's like, it's, it's, again, it has many, many purposes, but the exclusive purpose of it is not for orgasm. And I think understanding that is also really relieving because if it's not something that you enjoy, you don't have to do it as often or for very long, or you can, you know, if your partner is male and you, and that penetration is part of what gets them to their, their climax, you can work on other techniques and have less, like more technique and less penetration, if that's something that you prefer. in the vaginal canal if you spend time going through tumescence and orgasmic plateau maximally, because the more you stimulate the clitoris, the more engorgement you have, the better engorgement you're going to have in the vaginal canal, which is going to make it more pleasurable and less painful. So there's that, but then there's also the G spot, the U spot and the A spot and the cervix. I know you just said the G spot. I'm like, but there are

a couple of other spots. Okay. Let's dive into those. I've never even heard of the other two. And that concludes part one of our two part series, all about the female orgasm. We already have part two up. So if you want to binge them, feel free to go on and listen to the second episode right now. Thanks for listening to today's episode of the real foodology podcast. If you liked this episode, please leave a review in your podcast app to let me know. This is a resident media production produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Chris McCone. The theme song is called heaven by the amazing singer Georgie spelled with a J. Love you guys so much. See you next week.