Realfoodology - 36: This is a WAP (Wet A** Podcast) with Alisa Vitti PT 2

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Alisa Vitti is back for another episode and this time we dive into the female orgasm! There was so much amazing information that we decided to release it in two episodes.  Both are out now!  We chat about the G spot, health benefits of the orgasm & how to maximize them, using a vibrator, what lubes she loves, what she thinks about porn and so much more! Link to my first interview with Alisa: https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/learning-how-to-live-in-your-flo-with-alisa-vitti/id1529008803?i=1000514224842 Alisa https://www.floliving.com https://www.instagram.com/alisa.vitti/ Sex for One https://www.amazon.com/Sex-One-Selfloving-Betty-Dodson-ebook/dp/B0064127LE Kimberly Johnson https://www.magamama.com Lubes https://www.grove.co/catalog/product/unscented-personal-lubricant/ https://aloecadabra.com/ https://coconu.com/ What is the G Spot? https://www.healthline.com/health/g-spot-in-women#What-is-the-G-spot? Sponsor: www.paragonvitamins.com Code REALFOOD15 gets you 15% off your assessment 

On today's episode of The Real Foodology Podcast. The best sex and any sexual encounter that you're having with yourself or the partner is one that is very much based in all the same tenets of meditation, which is like be here in this moment only and fully give yourself to that one moment. Hi, welcome back to another episode of the Real Foodology Podcast. This is part two of my two-part series with Elisa Vitti talking all about the female orgasm. So if you have not listened to part one, go back and listen to part one first because this will not make sense. And then you can come back and finish part two. Enjoy. Imagine having a metabolic coach in your

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That is l-u-m-e-n dot m-e and use real foodology at checkout for $100 off. Thank you so much to for sponsoring this episode. This is really exciting. Organifi now has kid stuff. They just released two kid products. One is called easy Greens, and it's a refreshing green apple juice where kids will never know that it's packed with veggies. And the other one is called Protect. It's a delicious wild berry punch, like the Kool-Aid that we used to have as a kid, but without any sugar.

This is really exciting, and if you've listened to the podcast for a while, you know that I'm a huge fan of Organifi, and most specifically because every single product that they make is glyphosate residue-free. So you know that you're gonna be able to give these powders to your kids and know that they make is glyphosate residue free. So you know that you're going to be able to give these powders to your kids and know that they will be able to consume them safely without any glyphosate in it. So let's break down each one. The Easy Greens is a

nourishing and delicious blend of superfoods and veggies that provides essential nutrients, probiotics, and digestive enzymes to bring balance to kids' growing bodies without fillers, additives, or junk. It helps to fill in nutritional gaps, aids in growth and development, supports digestive health, has a rich micronutrient profile, and includes digestive enzymes. This would be a great way to sneak in greens for your little one without them actually knowing that it's healthy for them. And the second one, which is the wild berry punch similar to Kool-Aid, is called Protect, and it is to support your child's daily immune health with food-derived nutrients that is to support your child's daily immune health with food-derived nutrients that work to strengthen their body's first line of defense. I know just

through girlfriends of mine that have children that when your kids are going to school, going to daycare, they're coming home sick a lot more often just because they're getting exposed to different kids and different viruses when they're out in the world playing with kids. So this would be a great way to help to support your little one's immune health. It's organic and it's also made with real whole food ingredients. It has a delicious berry taste and it's low sugar and it's gentle enough for kids to take every single day. And I really love the ingredients in this one. It's orange and acerol cherry, which is a powerful source of vitamin C and antioxidants, astragalus, elderberry, and propolis. These are all really great for overall immune

health. If you want to try the products that I talked about today or any of the Organifi products, go to Organifi.com slash RealFoodology and use code RealFoodology for 20% off. Again, that's Organifi. It's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com slash RealFoodology. Then there's also the G spot, the U spot, and the A spot, and the cervix. I know, you just said the G spot. I'm like, but there are a couple other spots. Okay, let's dive into those. I've never even heard of the other two. So the G spot, although, I mean, I really don't like calling it that because it was

named after some dude. And that's just creepy. Of course it was named after some dude and that's just creepy. Of course it was. But what it is, it's, you know, think of the clitoris like the flower, you know, to be cheesy. And then think of the fact that the flower is connected to a stem and the stem has roots. So the roots of the clitoris that anchor into the vaginal canal, that the base of where those nerve endings are anchored to the vaginal canal, that's the quote unquote G spot. That can be sensitive. It cannot be sensitive. It can be irritating.

Stimulating that can be, feel like nothing. And it's a really, it's a size of like a small, you know, quarter when you're fully engorged from a vaginal point of view. So it's not like it's this huge area in the vaginal canal, you know, you really got to go looking for it. Then there's the U spot. I have a question about the G spot really fast. Cause we hear it often that the G spot for males is in their, up their butthole. Is that the same for women? I love how you're like, oh, you know, just up their butt. Just going for it. It's their prostate area, right?

You know, I figured it'd be a little fun to throw that in there. But it's not their G spot. It's their, it's their prostate. So, you know, they, they don't have a body part. Um, the G spot is like, I forget the guy's name. It's like some, some odd name. Like it's a German name. I can't think of the name, not that German names are odd, but I just can't think of the name because I can't think of somebody's last name. Maybe you can Google it really quickly anyway. Um, Oh, I don't know that I can pronounce this. It's a really hard name to pronounce. It's like a very specific last name. Yeah. Groffenberg, I think is what it is. There you go. That sounds about right. So, you know,

we should call it the clitoral base spot, something like that, or the clitoral root spot. That would be sort of a better way to think of it. Men can have a lot of pleasure from stimulating the sort of the base of the prostate as well. But women also have a U spot, which is sort of near the urethra, sort of nerve endings that are there that can be pleasurable, can also be irritating and make you feel like you have to pee. Right. So it just depends how full your bladder is. Um, and then there's the A spot, which are nerve endings in sort of better, uh, connected to your rectum that sort of, again, are, you know, can be stimulated in a sort of, because it's geographically close by through the vaginal canal, right?

So you can have these sensations in different places. And then there's this cervix, which can feel really good, but it's typically not something that feels good when you sort of bang into it. It feels better somehow when you sort of rubbing on it. So it's a different kind of sensation. So those are the different spots that everything is made better, even, and most of you already know this intuitively, like if you are being penetrated and you're self-stimulating the clitoris at the same time, you will feel more pleasure because all the nerve endings from the clitoris are supplying 90% of your sensation during that experience. So again, I just don't want us to be hung up on climax being the most important thing or penetration being something that you should experience a lot of pleasure from

when that's not how nature designed you, right? It can happen, but nature is a bell curve, right? So the vast majority of women will experience the vast majority of their pleasure from clitoral stimulation. And the vast majority of women will not experience like really getting like a full climax from penetration. You can feel nice, but it's not like the climax you can get from clitoral stimulation. But because it's a bell curve, there are outliers on either side where someone can feel nice, but it's not like the climax you can get from clitoral stimulation. But because it's a bell curve, there are outliers on either side where someone didn't feel nothing or someone didn't feel a lot. And every, you know, that's, it's just good to have that reference so that you can figure out for you, what is your normal? Because you it's, everything's every, it's all

good. I love that. Well, this is why it's so important to normalize this, you know, just to encourage people to explore, figure out what you like. And, and I don't really know any other place where exploration is that much fun. I know. I agree. I love that. Um, let's see. Oh, I have a question for you. I'm curious to know how you feel about porn. And the only reason that I ask this is because I saw something interesting recently. This woman was talking about how porn can make it harder for us to get off in real life because scenarios in real life, you're most likely not going to be with this perfectly manicured person who's performing like you would see in porn and so it creates kind of this like unrealistic expectation of what real

life sex is like and I loved that perspective and this is not to like porn shame I think porn plays an amazing role in all of this but I'm curious to know what your thoughts are so I mean I here's what we know. Women are very visually stimulated. You know, they did studies, like, if we're watching any type of sexual activity, we are going to find that, you know, stimulating. Yeah. So it really just depends on what you respond to, what you like, and what doesn't feel offensive, right? Because if it feels offensive, if it feels like if it's grossing you out, then like then by all means, don't look at that. But if it's something that, for example, let's say you're in a phase of your cycle where

it's a dry phase. You're not necessarily in the mood. Let's say it's your menstrual phase. If you wanted to have some self-pleasuring, we're not even talking about partner play here, just some solo play, but you want to help yourself get in the mood. You can't give yourself a massage, but you could read some erotic literature. Like reading a sexy story can make you start thinking about things that make you feel, you know, sexually interested, right? And that can also get the juices flowing, so to speak, and literally.

And so anything that can help you focus your mind on pleasure is a good thing. Do I think that we should have a dependence on pornography or erotic literature to help us focus our attention on our sexual energy? No, I think that that's unbalanced. I mean, simply just, like if you can meditate, if you know how to meditate, right, you can use that same technique to start focusing your thoughts on things that, you know, memories that you have found that are particularly arousing for you, things that have happened in your sexual past, things that you would like to happen. You could just focus on your breathing. You can focus all your attention as you're breathing on your clitoris. Have you ever sat in meditation and focused your energy and awareness and attention on your clitoris?

I bet you have not. I have not, but I love this idea. If you just were to do, sit on your cute little meditation pillow, sit, you know, crisscross applesauce and like do your breathing, close your eyes and just focus on your clitoris and see what happens. See if you need to take a break, get the lube and self-pleasure after that, after 20 minutes of focusing on your clitoris, see, see what got, you know, that's a really worthwhile experiment. So that's a, it's a, it's, I think we haven't really explored all the ways in which we can focus our attention

on our sexual energy so that we can really get ourselves in the mood. Pornography, it is what it is. I think what's wonderful now is that there are women who are creating porn that is more female oriented, but it's all still porn. And so you're right in the sense that it has its limitations and it can be very triggering for women, much in the same way that looking at fashion magazines can be triggering for women around body image issues. yourself to what you're seeing, then I would say pornography is not the best outlet for you. And maybe erotic literature where there are no visuals, but you're just imagining the story and you're getting swept up in the romance of it. I mean, you know, that's all great. Look at the success of Bridgerton, the Shonda Rhimes thing that happened on Netflix recently. I mean, that was like bananas hot and sexy, like TV all told through the female gaze, which was super empowering.

You know, I'd rather you watch that. That is definitely going to do for you what, you know, what porn does, but without all the triggers, I would say. Right. Yeah. And, and then erotic literature. And then like, try just focusing on yourself and your sexual energy and see what happens. I mean, I just think there's so many other fun ways.

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You very briefly talked about this, but any tips for achieving multiple orgasms? Oh, that really comes down to your breath work and how long you spend in orgasmic plateau, right? Yeah. And if you can really dial in your breathing, that's really what does the trick. So practice. Do not focus on this end goal of being. So when you say multiply orgasmic, that can mean two things.

That can mean that you have orgasms in immediate succession, which is extremely rare. Or you can have orgasms with a, you know, in sequence with a very short refractory period, which is much more common for women, right? And again, both of them come down to how much time you spend in orgasmic plateau and how much you're working with your breath. Right. Yeah. And if you take the time, then, you know, you really will find that you can fly, so to speak. So just, but don't have that be the goal. Climax and the number of orgasms should never be your goal because that's instantly going to create pressure and stress. And stress is not like this amorphous thing.

It's cortisol. And cortisol is going to clamp down the whole process of the arousal journey, right? So you're going to have less tumescence, less engorgement, less sensation in the clitoris. So you should never have any goal, any destination in mind, except to it's in fact, the best sex and any sexual encounter that you're having with yourself or the partner is one that is very much based in all the same tenants of meditation, which is like be here in this moment only and fully give yourself to that one moment. Right. And if you're fully in

that moment, it becomes maximally pleasurable because you're not thinking about the next moment and you're not worrying about what just happened. You're just like, you know, you, you know, you've like lost yourself in a makeout session. Yes. And like, like an hour later, you're like, wait, where are we? Where have we been? We've been kissing for an hour. Like you just, you know, time evaporates. Yep. That kind of where you are so focused and yet like not thinking about like anything that, that is a meditative state, right? So it's breath work, it's staying present. And I mean, that's really, that's what makes you really get into deeper states of pleasure. Um, and it never is about the destination. I mean, kissing for an hour,

where are you going with that? Like, you know, if you were in a hurry, you would stop after five minutes. You know what I mean? Yep. You know what I'm saying? But like by an hour after an hour of kissing, you probably feel so fantastic, but you didn't have any goal in mind. Right. So it's really about the journey and not the destination. I love that. It's so important to remember that. And yeah. And in my experience, those have always been the best experiences for me when I can really like drop into my body, not be concerned about anything else that's going on, except for the present task, for lack of a better word. Yeah, like whether you're giving or receiving or together, like whatever it is, like be focused on what you're doing or what you're receiving. And like, just fully be with that

experience so for everyone listening is there anything else that we didn't cover that you wanted to touch on and let people know I think we really I mean I I just we we talked about a lot yeah we did um I think that um you know if you if you're feeling excited but you're feeling like okay where am i supposed to start now i've like you got the we got so much information i would say um try to start with first understanding where you are in your cycle right you can download the my flow app that's going to help because there's a in the cycle syncing feature it'll tell you what's happening sexually and what what you can do to optimize your sexual pleasure each phase so so you can it'll be like having me reminding you once a

week what you should be doing so you can have that you can also sign up your lover for the partner sync feature and they can get a little dossier about which phase you're in and what they can do to optimize your pleasure, which is super convenient. You're welcome. Um, cause no partner is, is, uh, wired to be psychic last time I checked. And, um, and so really, and then you can start to use the correct practices, right? Lubrication, the amount of foreplay, all of that, whether it be, you know, foreplay that's, you know, bedroom specific or outside of the home specific. And then, you know, see what you can kind of do with that, right?

And see how it just makes you feel better to work with what's going on. That would be sort of the first place. And then the second place would be to really pay attention to those four stages of your arousal journey. Right. And just notice like, oh, I am in my two, like just even naming and claiming what's happening to you. Like, oh, I'm in my tumescence phase. Right. Yeah.

Even just sharing that with your partner. Most people have never heard that word before. We all know about erection, erection, erection. We don't know about tumescence, tumescence, tumescence. It's a beautiful word. I mean, I think we should have like t-shirts. Anyway, I like saying things to my partner like, oh, I'm fully tumesced. Like that should be a normal thing. Like, cause they say, oh, I'm fully erect. You know what I mean? Right. So, okay. I'm fully tumesced. Taking that space. Take up my space. Announce

myself, you know? Exactly. And then spend and then notice how much sensation you can create in the orgasmic plateau. Have your climax. Keep your focus on your breath. I mean, just explore. And I think if you can go in it with curiosity, compassion, and with like a sense of fun and adventure and exploration, I mean, you will 1 million percent make sure that you're not part of that statistic of 67% of women being sexually unsatisfied, which I know you don't want to be part of that statistic. No, we got to change that. We got to prioritize our sexual health. Take matters into your own hands, ladies. Literally. With the lube. With the lube. I love that so much. And if you're listening and you haven't listened to our first episode that I did with Elisa, go back and listen to that because she explains everything that she's been talking about today as far as your cycle and learning how

to know what part of your cycle that you're in so that you can optimize your health. Yeah, we break down all the juicy bits from the new book, In the Flow, and it was a really fun episode. Oh, it was so good. It was so good, so informative, and just so important. I mean, this is what I love so much about these conversations is that these are conversations that I wish that were had with me when I was younger so that I really could have understood what was going on in my body, what to expect, how to optimize my health, how to optimize my pleasure based on what's going on in

my body. So I just, I love this so much because women need to know this. It's interesting that you say that too. It just made me think of a new thought, which is it's so, when you learn all these different things about your body, it just, it, I mean, I would hope that there's a part of you, there may be a part of you that's feeling a little overwhelmed. There may be a part of you that's excited, but there may be a part of you that's feeling like, wow, I didn't realize how special this, I am in this way. And this is, and I think, you know, this people, we as women should really feel like our sexuality is a special, beautiful thing. And oftentimes because of the culture and commodification and all sorts of things that are a little unbalanced, we don't know how to feel about it. And I hope that through the bridge of science that we can, you know, in facts,

we can walk back over to a place, a relationship with ourselves where we feel reconnected to the special aspect of ourselves. Yes, women are magic. We're magic. We need to tap back into that. Yeah, I think part of that is tapping into our sexuality and not allowing the social conditioning and kind of the shame that we were brought up with to control the show for us. You know, we again, you know, this is a conversation that's in full acknowledgement of the fact

that there is so much sexual trauma that has taken place in the world. And I think that, you know, if that's happened for you, you really want to address that. And again, it's also about reclaiming your power, whatever, wherever you're at, it's still there for you to reclaim. And I think that that's just like the body when there's a hormonal imbalance, no matter how, how extreme it is, the body always wants to see homeostasis. There's always an opportunity for recovery. I think also too, with our sexual, the relationship we have to our

sexuality, there's, there's, there's always hope and opportunity for recovery and reclamation. Yeah. I love that so much. And just the reminder to know that you're not alone. You know, so many of us as women, whenever I speak, it's always the same in the, in the room, whether that be virtual or in person, is everybody just looks around and realizes that everybody's going through this with their hormones, with their sex life. I mean, 80% of women, I mean, the statistics are there. 80% of women are suffering from hormonal imbalances and 70% of women are not sexually satisfied. One in four women is sexually traumatized. I mean, these are huge

numbers. So, I mean, to say that you're not alone as a figure of speech is one thing, but to look at the statistics and really see numerically that is just statistically you are not, I think is also really empowering too. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for that reminder. I think this is really important for every woman to hear. It's my pleasure. Thank you for having me back. I love talking about sex. Me too. I love this. Who doesn't? It's so much fun. All this sex talk is like, it's like, oh, I think we might all be in the mood after listening to this podcast. I was thinking about earlier. I was like, I wonder how many people are going to go have some fun with themselves after

they listen to this. I have to say it's often I will get, I will hear when I run into people on the street, they're like, oh my God, you know, they'll either tell me like something like, oh, my, about their period or about how they had a baby or how often my name comes up in bed because they're like, oh, but Lisa said we should do this. And I'm like, you know what? That is all really good energy. I appreciate it.

I love that so much. You know what? I'm so sorry. Before we end, I actually had one more question that I'm hoping that you might be able to address for moms listening. What about postpartum orgasms? After that such like a massive hormonal and physical change,

does that affect? I mean, that's like a whole show. But like the quick and dirty on that is, um, postpartum, you were having, like you said, a major shift in your hormones. Um, if you are breastfeeding, especially, so let's, the immediate postpartum, you just, you just ran a marathon and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, AKA you delivered a baby vaginally, or you had a cesarean section. But let's just talk about vaginal delivery first, okay? So the whole labor process is extremely intense and empowering. And you are like a majestic creature giving birth. Like it's pretty

remarkable. And you need to recover. Like if somebody ran a marathon, they'd be like, you know, I'm going to take a few days. I'm going to eat a bunch of pasta. I'm going to be okay. Right? So I think we have to have the perspective as women that we are not just like, oh, I just need to bounce back. No, you need to rest. The thing you should think about is not how can I bounce back? It's how can I rest and recover? I'd like to rephrase the thinking from how do I bounce back to how do I rest and recover properly? And then also you have to address the physical situation of having pushed out a small person out of your vaginal canal. there can be tearing, there can be small surgical procedures that take place. You need to recover physically fully before anything

is happening from a penetration point of view. I think the best place to start before penetration takes place, of course, is with clitoral stimulation. Because again, all the wonderful chemicals that are released during this orgasmic plateau are really helpful in your resting and recovering process, right? So you can do that with your partner. If you have a male partner, and they would like to participate in an orgasm themselves, you know, you can do that without penetration for a period of time, right? And level set their expectations before you give birth to say, listen, friend, partner, lover, you know, I'm going to want to, again, rest and recover for three months postpartum. There may be times when I'm interested, but let's just take the

average, which is that it'll be 12 weeks before I feel like I want to engage in that more sexual way. You know, we can maybe try some other things, some light foreplay if I'm in the mood. But in addition to just the physical hormonal piece and what's happening vaginally, you are also then caretaking an infant. Exhausted. And if you're breastfeeding, you not only are like waking up every two hours to nurse, which is exhausting, and sleeping throughout the day with the baby. But then also breastfeeding suppresses your estrogen production. So you are dry, vaginally dry during this sort of breastfeeding phase.

So it's just not, it's not your like juicy time. Like, you know, and anybody who's been pregnant knows all the estrogen during pregnancy. Like it literally changes the, the, the, the feel of your vagina, your labia, your clitoris. It's, it's, it's different. And then postpartum, it feels a little different, right? And so thinner, like you will be more plump with your estrogen during your pregnancy and a little less plump postpartum. And that has sensation ramifications, right? So there's that. Then if you have a C-section, first of all, I mean, you can't even lift up anything over five pounds

for a few weeks after you have a C-section because your abdominal muscles are cut in half. And so, you know, you also don't want to like mess with the sutures and you, you know, like you got to like, again, rest and it's major surgery. C-sections are major surgery. It's like, people think of it like this little thing, but it's like really major situation. So, you know, you want to rest and recover and you want to set expectations for your partner that until, you know, you and the baby are feeling like you're in a routine and recovered, that the last thing you want to do is feel pressured. So I always like to err on the side of giving you a lot

of information so that you can really take the pressure off of yourself. And listen, if you're feeling good, you're recovered, you're in the mood and everything is clear and ready to go, do whatever you want. There's no hard and fast rule that says you have to wait 12 weeks. But if you can just say, this is my postpartum fourth trimester and I need to rest and recover and there's no guarantees that I'm going to engage in anything, then there's no pressure. And if it does happen, it's like a bonus. And if it doesn't happen, you're not feeling upset that the other person might be upset. And it's like a bonus. And if it doesn't happen, you're not feeling upset that the other person might be upset. And it's like, you just do not need that on top of everything

else that's going on. Yeah, I love that. And it's just a great reminder to rest and in a different way, give yourself that space and time to recover, to rest. And then do treat anytime you, if you're still breastfeeding, do treat any encounter as if you're in a dry phase, right? So like you're dry, kind of like you're, I mean, sort of follicular, you're not really in any specific phase until your cycle comes back, but you're in a dry phase. So take your time, get some massage. I mean, that's the best thing that a partner can do to help you get in the mood is to help you relax because you're taking care of the baby. You're not sleeping.

It's sleep deprivation affects your serotonin production. Your mood is off. These are all real things that none of which are your fault or things that you can, you know, somehow magically fix. But if your partner wants to support you, a little massage or drawing you a bath or putting a foot soak together, or just bringing you some hot food that you didn't have to get up and make like all these things, you're gonna be like, Oh, that's so lovely. You know, like, right. And that's foreplay, right? Or they're like vacuum

the floor. Like the, these are like little gag gifts that women give each other at like baby showers. Like they call it like mom porn, right? Where it's like a guy vacuuming the floor or doing the dishes. Because like what you need is hands-on help. Yeah. That takes your stress levels down. When your stress levels go down and cortisol levels go down, again, you're open to receiving pleasure. When your stress levels are up, the last thing you want to do is be like, okay, I also now

need to add having an orgasm to my to-do list. I don't think so. So proceed with slow foreplay that addresses your stress first, then some making out, then lubrication, clitoris, and then evaluate if you want to proceed any further after clitoral stimulation you know what i mean i love that yeah and also um i apply this to a lot of areas of my life but i think too just reminding yourself that this is not forever you know you're going to get back to that place where you're in your sexual peak again and it's just going to take some time you know listen i mean i i always say to women, like,

everything about pregnancy is very temporary. Like, if you have pregnancy acne, it's temporary. You don't have to, it's not a crisis. It will pass. Like, yes, it's maybe not pleasant to deal with, but it's going to end, you know, after you give birth. Your hormonal fluctuations and, you know, re-regulating and getting your cycle back. That's a temporary period of time. But all of these things are opportunities for you with your partner to really get aligned on a bigger reality that we have to face as a couple. And this is to answer your question, did we leave anything out? We left this out, which is as a human, whether you have male hormones or female hormones, the fact of the matter is your sexual desire, response, engagement is going to fluctuate and change and pivot throughout your life, right? You feel certain intensities in your

teenage years and young adult years. You feel other ways during your reproductive years. It's a lot of fluctuation when you're reproducing because you have your estrogen surging during pregnancy, then you have your postpartum sort of coming down and reestablishing your hormones. And then you can have another pregnancy, you can have miscarriages. There's a lot of turbulence with what your sexuality can look like during the reproduction phase of your life. Then you have perimenopause, right? Which has its own estrogen changes and vaginal dryness, potential symptoms and libido, right? Desire changes. So if you can speak to this larger truth,

and that's just on the female side, on the male side, men start going through andropause at 25, which is their version of perimenopause. They make less and less testosterone overnight starting at 25, right? And so they're going to have that shift and then they have midlife shifts around their erection and all of that. So everybody's going to be going through these sexual pivots. And if we can step back as a couple and say, listen, if we're going to be together for a lifetime as a couple, we have to acknowledge together that what we have in our sexual experience in this stage of our lives is not one that we should hold as the standard for other stages. And if we can understand that these things are natural to change, just like we all as a woman have to acknowledge that it's natural for our libido to change phase over phase in one month.

And if our partner can get down with that, right, then you're practicing in a 30 day period of time based on your four phases, how to handle any of these hormonal pivots as you go through these big life changes, right? Like perimenopause can be a lot like the luteal phase, right? Postpartum can be a lot like the menstrual phase where you have like lower levels of hormones and vaginal dryness, right? Your young adult years before you have kids can be a lot like the ovulation phase. I write about this in In the Flow and kind of look at life stages and how practicing the cycle syncing method in your sex life while you have a cycle really sets you up as a couple

to navigate the natural and should be expected hormonal pivots that affect your sex life as a couple as you go throughout your lifespan. Oh, that was really, that's really profound. Yeah. You know, and it all comes down to understanding what's happening in real time. Accepting the reality that is and working with it to optimize the outcome as best as you can. Yeah. And not, and not forcing it to be something that it's not, you know, being realistic, be here now and work with what it is. Yeah.

Yeah. I love that so much. Well, I feel like we should end on that. And before we go, please tell everyone where they can find you. You can find me at flowliving.com, which is the hormonal health care platform that I built for women who have any sort of hormonal issue from her first period to her last. We have digital therapeutic courses, supplements, and telehealth coaching to help you navigate any hormonal problem that you're having. You can find the book where books are both books where books are sold, but also you can get some really fun goodies at intheflowbook.com. You can download

the app at myflowtracker.com and make sure it has the circle icon. And you can find me on Instagram at flowliving and at alisa.vidi. Amazing. Thank you so much. This was really great. My pleasure. This is a resident media production produced by Drake Peterson and mixed by Chris McCone. The song is by Georgie. As always, please don't forget to rate and review the podcast. It really helps me in this show a lot. See you next week. Isn't it better to be heartbroken than never ever even try? Can someone think of tomorrow?