Realfoodology - Burnout, Hustle Culture + People Pleasing | Solo Episode

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

142: On this weeks episode, I am going solo to talk about burnout, hustle culture and people pleasing.   Sponsored By: Healthyr www.behealthyr.com Code REALFOODOLOGY gets you 15% off Organifi www.organifi.com/realfoodology SALE 4/21 - 4/25: code REALFOODOLOGY will be increased from 20% off to 25% off + FREE SHIPPING on orders over $125 Cured Nutrition www.curednutrition.com/realfoodology REALFOODOLOGY gets you 20% off Check Out Courtney: Courtney's Instagram: @realfoodology www.realfoodology.com My Immune Supplement by 2x4 Air Dr Air Purifier AquaTru Water Filter EWG Tap Water Database Further Listening: Psychedelic Therapy with Ronan Levy

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slash realfoodology and use code realfoodology and you're going to save 20%. That is cured, C-U-R-E-D nutrition.com slash realfoodology. Hi friends, welcome back to another episode of the Real Foodology Podcast. Today is another solo episode, so you are just going to have me today. I'm burnt out. And that's really what I wanted to talk about today, because I said in my last solo episode that I wanted to start sharing with you guys things that I have been learning on this path of really trying to get to know myself better. It really started for me on this path of really learning how to love myself. I started going to therapy. I mean, I've been off and on in therapy my whole life.

And if you want to dive more into that and know more about the reason why I went through a super traumatic thing as a kid, I have a couple episodes where I talk about that. One of them being the psychedelics episode with Ronan Levy, but that's not why I'm here to talk to you today. I went back to therapy, I would say about like six years ago, I really started to realize that I struggled a lot with self-love. Don't we all, right? I mean, we all have varying degrees of this and it was manifesting in a way for me where I've been a massive people pleaser my whole life. And I'm not super stoked about admitting this. I'm coming around to releasing a lot of like the shame that I feel around it,

hence why I feel okay talking about it now, but I don't love this realization that I had about myself because I'm a seeker of truth and authenticity. When I think about the core traits that I strive to have in myself, and that I also try to find in others that I surround myself with, the people that I keep closest to me, one of the most important things to me is someone who is honest and authentic. And I always strive to really show up to be honest and authentic. And when I realized that I had this pattern of people pleasing, it rocked my world because people pleasing is not authentic. People pleasing is, we override our own personal needs and desires and wants,

and we put those aside. And instead we do what we think that whoever we're trying to please would please them. Growing up, I always had this mentality of like, as long as everyone else around me is taken care of, I'm good. Like, I don't need to worry about me. Like, I'll worry about that later. You know, when I'm alone, I'm just gonna pretend like I'm super chill

and cool with everything. I go with the flow. I'm super flowy. I have no opinion. Whatever you wanna do, like I didn't chill and cool with everything. I go with the flow. I'm super flowy. I have no opinion, whatever you want to do. Like I didn't want to rock the boat. And for the longest time, that was really my identity. And I mean, I will say that I think there is a certain element to my personality that I am pretty, I do like to go with the flow and I like to be flexible in the way that if there's a group of people, I never want to be like my way or the highway. And that's not at all how I am.

But I've realized as I've gotten older that I got in this horrible pattern of wanting to please people so badly that I would completely override my own needs and my own desires in order to please them. And as a result, I found myself in some pretty toxic relationships where my needs were not being met at all. And all I was doing was bending over backwards to meet other people's needs. And this, in a way, is a trauma response from childhood because we learn that if we don't do what someone else wants us to do, then we will not be loved and not be taken care of. And so that trickled into my adult life and manifested in a way that I woke up one day and I was like, I am so exhausted. I have been putting everyone else's needs and everyone else in my life's needs

before my own. I was filling up everyone else's cups. And as a result, I was filling from like an empty cup because I was not even filling. I wasn't even taking the time to fill up my own cup. Now taking a step back and rewiring all of that and changing that in my life was really hard. And to be honest, I can tell you sitting here right now that I still fall back into that patterning sometimes, but I'm working really, really hard on shifting that. And it's been really uncomfortable because I have had to sit with people being upset with me. I have lost a couple of friendships as a result. And that's okay. I think they were beautiful, amazing relationships that served me for that time in my life. But as I grew into this new version of myself and started realizing like, oh, I actually do have an opinion about things that

I want to do, or I do have needs in this relationship that are not being met. And when I was asking for those needs to be met, the person could not meet me there that are not being met. And when I was asking for those needs to be met, the person could not meet me there and that's okay. And what I've learned is what an amazing act of self-love when you are able to walk away from relationships, no matter how painful it is, when you realize that your needs are not being met in the way that you need, like they're not being reciprocated. Letting go of this people pleasing is absolutely a journey. And sometimes I slide really far backwards and then other times I'm feeling super empowered. So it really is a work in progress. And I still am pretty uncomfortable in certain scenarios saying no to things,

not doing certain things that I don't really want to do or voicing my opinion on something. But I will say that this podcast has actually really helped me a lot in the last couple of years of just finding my voice in all of this, which has been such an amazing portal for me and my own personal growth. Because I've been learning so much from other people. It's also been forcing me to really voice my opinions no matter how scary it might be because it's scary to put yourself out on a limb there and say no to someone that you know that you're going to disappoint. It's really hard, especially when you're dealing with someone that you really love and you don't want to disappoint them or have them be upset with you. But let me tell you that it is so empowering

when you really start to have your back and you say no to the things that you don't want to do, even when you know that someone's going to be upset with you and it may ruffle some feathers or it may put a dent in your friendship. But as long as it's authentic to you and you are taking care of yourself first, it is so amazing and so empowering. And also you really see the true colors and the true nature of some of your friendships. And the friends that really respect those boundaries that you put up and that you express, you realize are your ride or dies. It's also been another really beautiful thing about this journey that I've been on is that

I've really been able to see the friendships that have longevity versus the friendships that I'm like, oh, okay, so you really don't care that I am doing what's best for me right now. You just want to do what's best for you. It's really empowering. And it's such a great way to build up that self-confidence in yourself and also self-love, which is, like I said in the beginning of this episode, something that I've really been working on.

Okay, I want to pivot a little bit. And I want to talk about something else that I know is also contributing to my burnout. This freaking hustle culture. You guys, I am so over it. I am so done with this boss bitch hustle, grinding yourself into the ground, trying to compete with men in the workforce mentality. I'm so over this. I first started to realize that there was a glitch in the matrix when I started bringing on some doctors and various hormone specialists that were talking about how there is a huge difference between the way that women work and men work.

And this is solely because we have different, we have biological differences and different hormone schedules. Men operate on a 24 hour clock. Their testosterone rises and falls based on a 24-hour clock. Whereas women, we are based on our menstrual cycle. We have four different phases of our menstrual cycle. And depending on where we are in that cycle, we either have a lot of energy or we are really low in energy. And when we're in that time, we are low energy for a reason. First of all,

our body is doing a lot of work and we're meant to rest. We're meant to not work and grind and work ourselves to the ground, basically. It's meant to be a time for rest and reflection. And also, if you guys have noticed, I've started taking note of this. When I'm in that space, I don't have a lot of energy and also my brain power is different. I'm not able to speak in the way that I normally can when I'm just coming out of my period. I have a little bit more brain fog. I'm just not on as much, right? And then when I come out of my period, I feel like I have so much energy. I'm ready to take on the world. I'm super creative. I have all these amazing ideas and I'm like ready to go and I'm ready to hustle. But that's after I have finished my period and I'm in a different

phase of my period. And that is all because of hormones. And I think, not even I think in the past, and there's this trend in society right now that we are trying to get, it's almost, it feels as if we are trying to turn women into men. Like we're supposed to be competing with them in the workforce to become the boss, to become the boss bitch, to hustle and grind. And look, I'm not here to shame any woman for any individual path. And let me tell you, I've been on that path for a long time. And I'm waking up and realizing that for me personally, it was a bit of a sham. I'm exhausted.

And we're not meant to operate like men because we are biologically different than men. And we have been told that this is shameful, that we need to be more like men. And I think as a result, women have become ashamed and we're pushing aside all of the attributes of femininity that make us unique and that make us amazing and that allow us to bring really amazing gifts to the world. When we embrace this, we are able to lean into our strengths and not compare ourselves to men and try to compete in the same way because we just weren't designed biologically to be that way. And when I started waking up to this and I was listening to these doctors on my podcast, and it was just like blowing my mind that I had never thought about it like this before. I've really started to take note. And it's so funny. I will, if you guys follow me on Instagram,

you know, I post these videos all the time of me going to the grocery store and I laugh all the time with my producer because there are days when we go to the grocery store, we go to film something and I'm just like, I'm like, I can't even like form normal sentences. Things are just not flowing out of me like normal. And then of course I'll go and check my natural cycles app. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to start my period in like a week. Of course, like this is why I feel a little bit more like flighty, but the neurons aren't firing. I feel like my brain is just not on in the same way. And that's okay. That's literally biological. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just the way that our bodies work and it's a result of different hormones.

And so I've gotten to this place where I'm like, okay, so maybe I don't schedule filming days when I know I'm about to start my period because I'm not going to be as on. And look, I say all of this not to say like, okay, well, you know, just quit your job and move to the woods. We got to be realistic here, okay? I know not everyone can work for themselves and create their own hours. So what is the workaround here? Cycle tracking and really getting to know your body and knowing those times that you are going to be in your power and in your strengths and more creative and have more energy. And in those times that you're not in that space, having kindness and compassion for yourself, and maybe if you can, saving projects

for when you're in your more creative state. And that's okay. There is nothing shameful about leaning in to your strengths. And that's how I see this. We've painted this picture, I think, in society that it's almost shameful to be a woman and to have a period and to lean into the fact that, yeah, we have hormonal changes. And that is just part of human biology. I find it all really empowering. The more we know about our bodies and the way they work, the better we are able to show up in the world and lean into our strengths. And like I said, use them as superpowers. So I find it super empowering. I also want to say one more thing before I go.

If you're listening and you resonate more with the boss bitch, the hustler, more power to you. And I don't ever want anyone leaving feeling ashamed. I just really wanted to speak to what I've been finding in my own life. And after having a lot of conversations with a lot of different women in similar spaces that I work to that are also feeling incredibly burnt out from this like go, go, go hamster wheel of just constant like hustling and grinding and killing yourself over your work basically. So if you're feeling that way, know that you're not alone. And I really think that this is going to be a more important part of the conversation as we move forward in society, as women start realizing that we don't have the same energy

to keep up with this kind of work lifestyle as men do. And I feel like the more we realize that and accept it and learn to lean into our own strengths, the better we're all going to feel. And I think the better society is going to work. And look, at the end of the day, we're also bio-individual. So also if you're a woman listening to this and you're like, I actually don't resonate with this at all. I have endless amounts of energy. I am like going up in my career right now and I'm hustling and I'm grinding and it feels so good. I love that for you. I am such a supporter. Truly, I'm such a supporter of anyone doing what is best for them, what feels good in their body, because we are also bio-individual. I say this all the time. We are also bio-individual that what works for me is not necessarily going

to work for you and vice versa. But if you are feeling as though maybe there's quote unquote something wrong with you because you are hustling so hard and you are burnt out, know that there's nothing wrong with you, that this is a biological difference between men and women and that is also okay. We are finding glyphosate in so many things now, it's actually frightening. So I really like supporting brands that get a glyphosate residue-free certification on their products, which is the reason why I am obsessed with Organifi. Glyphosate residue-free certification on their products, which is the reason why I am obsessed with Organifi. Glyphosate is unfortunately popping up everywhere. It's in our food. There was a recent study done that showed that up to 80% of Americans have glyphosate in their urine,

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the morning. And I try to drink that every single day because it's a really easy way to get all of your phytonutrients and antioxidants in daily. They have so many amazing products. Everything's organic. Everything is glyphosate residue free, and they have a massive sale going on. If you spend $125 or more, you're going to save 25% off for five days. So make sure that you go to Organifi.com slash realfoodology and you are going to save 25 percent. But make sure you get on it because it's only going to be for five days and then it's going to go back down to 20 percent. I feel like this is a great place to end on of just really taking the time to learn more about yourself and diving into that authenticity of what it truly means to be you. And if you're grinding super hard and realizing that you are

freaking tired, then maybe it's time to pivot. So, oh, actually, I guess I do want to say a little bit more on this note. So as I've started learning that I no longer resonate with this hustle culture, I am taking steps to alleviate my burnout and I'm doing a lot of things differently now as I move forward because I got to a really bad place of burnout, y'all. I'm still kind of there. I'm slowly coming out of it. I have actually hired a couple of people for Real Foodology, snaps all around. This is a huge accomplishment for me because as a Virgo with a Capricorn moon, I am a control freak when it comes to my work. I want my hands in everything. And I have a really hard time giving up control, especially in my workplace.

And I also have a really hard time designating things to people. So I'm really proud of myself because I hired some people to alleviate some of the work for me because I hit a breaking point and I got to burn out and it was affecting my business. So that is what I'm doing about that. And then on top of hiring people to alleviate some things off of my plate, I also have been practicing my no saying. I have really been practicing saying no to things. Saying no to things that don't feel aligned, no to things that don't feel nourishing or give me energy, or sometimes just saying no, even if I really want to go simply because I'm like, you know what? I'm so tired that all I have the energy for right now is staying home and laying on the couch and

hanging out with my dog. And this just came full circle guys, because this goes back to my unlearning my people-pleasing tendencies. So that's where I'm at as far as my self-love and my people-pleasing journey stands at this very moment. Talking more about self-love, I feel like eventually I will do an episode about my self-love journey alongside psychedelics. Taking mushrooms and therapy-assisted ketamine has also really helped me on this journey of self-love. So write me on Instagram and let me know if you guys want to hear about that journey, because I'll probably share it at some point. Thank you guys so much for listening to this solo episode. I'm really having fun recording these. Please, if you guys

enjoyed this episode, leave a rating and review. And also, if you could send me a little DM on Instagram, I would love that. From the last solo episode, a lot of you guys reached out and sent me DMs and it meant so much to me. I really appreciated it. I love to hear the feedback. So let me know what you guys thought about the episode and I hope you loved it. I love you so much. Thanks for listening. I hope you guys have a great day. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the Real Foodology Podcast. If you liked the episode, please leave a review in your podcast app to let me know. This is a resonant media production produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Mike Fry. The theme

song is called Heaven by the amazing singer Georgie. Georgie is spelled with a J. For more amazing podcasts produced by my team, go to resonantmediagroup.com. I love you guys so much. See you next week. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and doesn't constitute a provider patient relationship. I am a nutritionist, but I am not your nutritionist. As always, talk to your doctor or your health team first. Looking to build a more robust foundation in your health and well-being?

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