Realfoodology - Decoding Masculine-Feminine Energies in Modern Society | Monica Yates

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

153: I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with the remarkable Monica Yates, a trauma healer, feminine masculine embodiment coach and period whisper. We dove into an enlightening conversation about femininity, masculinity, and how modern movements have unintentionally devalued the inherent aspects of our biological identity. Monica shed light on her personal journey of growing up in a society where femininity was seen as a weakness, leading her to suppress her inherent feminine energy. Through our discussions, we explored the complex dynamics of feminine and masculine energies and how they influence our relationships, self-perception, and overall wellbeing. We delved into the importance of women's communities, the ramifications of toxic femininity, and how the fight for women's rights has changed our perception of domestic roles and tasks. Monica shed light on the importance of understanding the differences between men and women and how this understanding is crucial for nurturing healthier relationships. Topics Discussed: 0:02:15 - Embracing Hormonal Differences and Femininity 0:12:17 - Exploring Masculine and Feminine Dynamics 0:18:28 - Learning Emotional Healing From Fathers 0:34:34 - Freedom of Being a Woman 0:40:09 - Understanding the Opposite Sex and Dating 0:46:39 - Healing Relationships With Men for Femininity 0:52:28 - Navigating Gender Expectations and Relationships 0:57:56 - The Impact of Work on Relationships 1:04:09 - Confusion and Concern Over Toxic Masculinity 1:08:07 - Appreciating Small Acts of Kindness Check Out Monica: Instagram Online Sponsored By: Honed Supplements livehoned.com  Use code REALFOODOLOGY for 15% off Organifi www.organifi.com/realfoodology Code REALFOODOLOGY gets you 20% Off Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic seed.com/realfoodology Use code REALFOODOLOGY for 30% off your first month's supply of Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic LMNT Get 8 FREE packs with any order at drinkLMNT.com/realfoodology Check Out Courtney: Courtney's Instagram: @realfoodology www.realfoodology.com My Immune Supplement by 2x4 Air Dr Air Purifier AquaTru Water Filter EWG Tap Water Database

on today's episode of The Real Foodology Podcast. With all of the modern movements and the good side that's brought, it's also meant that we've devalued a lot of quote-unquote traditional biological parts of ourselves because we've tried to go so far to the other extreme. What it's meant is that a lot of us don't have that community of women that we could go to. We don't have what we used to have as women. Women have never in the history of women been so alone. Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the Real Foodology Podcast. I am currently sitting in Telluride, Colorado, speaking to you through my travel podcast

microphone. So it may not sound as good as my setup at home, but we're doing the best we can here. And I am so freaking excited about today's episode. What an amazing episode this was. I sat down with Monica Yates. She is a trauma healer, feminine masculine embodiment coach, and period whisperer. She's helped hundreds of women get their periods back, heal their chronic hormonal and gut issues, and become pregnant. She's also the host of Feminine as Fuck podcast, and she runs a seven-figure

business helping people from all walks of life around the world to get into their magnetic feminine energy, feel safe letting men lead, heal their cycle, and be free of the trauma and energetic blocks that hold them back from living their dream life. Wow, what an amazing conversation this was. I'm truly in awe of Monica and just how eloquently she can speak to this conversation of the masculine and the feminine. We dive into how it feels as though instead of embracing the uniqueness and the amazingness that makes women women, we seem to be really shitting on femininity as a whole. It's almost as if we're trying to make women more like men instead of actually just embracing what makes us unique as women. And this can be so detrimental to our health. And we're seeing this right now in our modern society

where women are experiencing major burnout and all these health issues. And it's because we're expected to perform like men, men who are on a consistent 24-hour hormonal cycle, whereas women, we have a 30-day cycle that consists of four different hormonal phases over the course of that month. And these phases impact our physical, mental, and emotional abilities. I mean, I think all women listening to this can relate to some weeks,

we feel like we have so much energy, we can take on the world, we have so much creativity. And then there are other times where all we wanna do is just nest and rest and really take care of our bodies and it feels like our brains don't work as well as they normally do and that's just that's our hormones and we are just different than men and we need to learn to work with that and embrace that and let that empower us it doesn't make us weaker and as women we can still hustle and work hard and go after our goals and achieve all the things that we want to achieve while still being soft and in our feminine.

So we talk about that. And we talk about the girl boss movement. We also talk about what it means to be in your feminine and what it means to be in your masculine. And how about this? This doesn't necessarily have to do with your sex because both men and women have both masculine and feminine in them. And it's so funny, Monica and I both shared similar experiences growing up where I really, for the longest time, thought that being feminine or being vulnerable, soft, emotional was bad. I thought I saw this as almost like a curse, like something that I wanted to suppress and tried to be more like the boys. I had a lot of guy friends growing up and, you know, tried to be the cool girl. And it really didn't serve me. You know, it served me for a part of my life. But then ultimately, I realized that it was hindering me from being the full expression of myself because I was dimming my light and I was hiding

parts of myself that I deemed were not worthy. And I thought they were weak. I thought it was weak to be vulnerable and to be soft and to be feminine. But all I was doing was doing myself a disservice. And I want to say that this is my experience and Monica shares her experience. And both of us are in heterosexual relationships. So when we talk about the romantic part of things, we are speaking to the heterosexual romantic partnership, but the overall message of this can be applied to everyone because it's about embracing our true essence and whether that be your true essence is more masculine or more feminine, that is for you to decide. And we're

not trying to put anyone here in a box. We were just sharing our own personal experiences and what really helped us to become better versions of ourselves. I share a little bit about my dating experience. And I also talk a little bit about my new boyfriend. If you guys follow me on Instagram, I have been talking about it a little bit there, but I realized from the messages I was getting from you guys on Instagram that I have not shared here on the podcast yet. So this is my official hard launch, I guess, if you will. And I know this is not your typical Real Foodology food and nutrition based content, but I find this conversation so incredibly fascinating. And our mental and emotional well-being is

just as important as our physical and nutritional status so I thought this was a really really important conversation to be having and it's a conversation that I've been having for a long time with my girlfriends I just have not really publicly had it too much and I thought it was a really interesting conversation for you guys to hear so I hope you guys love it and as if you are loving the podcast, if you could take a moment to rate and review it, it means so much to me. And also, if you're loving the podcast, if you could share it on social media, tag me at Real Foodology. It means so much to me and it really helps this show.

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S E E D.com slash real foodology and make sure to use code REALFOODOLOGY. I'm so excited to have you on, Monica, because I really want to talk about what is happening right now between the masculine and the feminine. And I can share a little bit about my story like throughout the episode is what I've been dealing with personally. And I've heard a little bit about your story

and how you, for the longest time, were really in your masculine. And I very much relate to that because I always felt like being interfeminine was weak and that I was never going to achieve anything in my life. And then I just, yeah, I considered it to be really weak. And then I woke up one day and realized I was like, I'm single. I'm unhappy. Okay, I've built this amazing business, but I am burnt the fuck out. I could not function. And actually, very recently, I want to share this on the podcast with my listeners

because you and I were emailing about you coming on the podcast. And I said, you know what? I kind of need a moment because I'm taking a little bit of time off work because I'm trying to find my man right now because I was so in my masses. And hey, guess what?

We're recording this now because I guess this is my podcast out of I have a. And hey, guess what? We're recording this now because I guess this is my podcast out of I have a boyfriend now. Congratulations. Thank you. And he's absolutely amazing. And something he said to me recently really was pretty profound to me

because I'd never heard a guy say this before. He goes, you know what I love so much about you is just how feminine and soft you are. And I was like, oh my God. I have goosebumps again. I'm like, we're going to be wet after this episode. I'm just telling you and everyone listening. Love that so much. Yeah. So well, how about we start out first of all, Monica, with you telling people a little bit about how did you come into this world of speaking to the

feminine and the masculine? What's kind of your story? I mean, I'll keep to try and keep it like brief so we can get into the good bits, very similar to you. I mean, I grew up in a household where my mom was a stay-at-home mom. She did some work on the side as well. And then my dad was the breadwinner, etc. I actually spent the first seven years of my life in New York City. And I really just idolized my dad. That was the whole issue. I had a lot of things that stemmed from daddy issues. And it was this very weird dichotomy of I wanted men's validation, but I equally hated men at the same time. So it was this constant kind of push and pull that just kept me stuck in almost like

a state of paralysis in a way where I was living for everybody else and I was trying to get validation from everybody else and whatnot, but I wasn't actually making myself happy. And exactly what you said, I thought the feminine was so weak. I thought being a woman was weak. I was Miss Independent. I want to be a girl boss. I want to do everything myself. I don't need no man. That was my fucking mantra. And I lived my life based on that. But at the same time, I just wanted to be saved by a man. But I felt like that desire was so wrong. And it was this inherent desire that was in me all the time. And I couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard I tried. And I remember... So one of my... I had a boyfriend at the time that was super into

masculine feminine. Now, granted, it wasn't super healthy, but in terms of like, it got me on this path. And I would remember feeling so wrong for being so turned on when he would just like slam me up against a wall, like in a sexy way, not in a bad way. And I remember it just feeling so wrong that I loved that and that I wanted more of that and that I wanted him to put me in my place and all these kinds of things. And it wasn't until he called me a cold bitch that I had this essentially awakening of, wait, you don't want this cool, emotionless, cold, I can do it all myself kind of woman. I thought that was what you wanted. And that's

basically what got me into really being obsessed with the difference between men and women. Because a lot of women, they're competing against women. So it's like you're wanting to be this cool girl because you're competing against all the girls from school that made you feel like you weren't. But a guy doesn't want a cool girl that's emotionless. A guy wants an emotional experience with you. If he wanted another man, he'd be dating a man, but he's dating a woman. So that kind of is what got me into all of it, along with a bunch of other stuff with my period and whatnot. But in terms of the masculine feminine, that's what was the crux for me. And really just growing up with a beautiful mom that was really emotional. And I saw that as weak. And my dad was super unemotional, very closed off, grew up British. So what do you expect? And I had polar opposites and I thought that dad was cool and mom wasn't.

We would make fun as kids of mom crying, watching TV shows. We would make fun of how soft she was. So of course, I demonized being soft and emotional. And I idolized harboring everything in, being unemotional and being cool, making money, going to work. Just doing that hustle culture was what I thought was cool and would make me feel enough. So I spent the first years of my working life just trying to essentially get my dad's validation without knowing that's what I was doing by living out that hustle culture. I want to be a girl boss, etc. But it didn't even get me the validation that I was wanting anyway, which is like a whole other kind of topic, right?

A lot of us, we live out these stories to try and get validation from somebody that isn't ever going to actually give you that validation. Even if they do, it's not going to feel whole and complete because you have to give it to yourself. But that was kind of my story and what got me here. Wow. Okay. I love that story so much because I can really relate to that as well. I had a similar experience where I thought it was really cool to not cry growing up. And anytime my mom would show me sort of like soft feminine qualities, me and my dad would kind of laugh about it. And it was a very similar thing. And I had always kind of idolized my dad in the sense that he had created his own business. He started a business when I was a kid and ran it. And so I wanted to do the same thing and really idolize

that. And really for most of my life would always say, oh, I'm independent. I don't need anyone until I realized that that's kind of a trauma response. It's really saying like, right? Like I don't trust anyone enough to like fully be myself and let my guard down. So I'm going to put up this huge guard and pretend like I'm cool and nothing bothers me and I'm emotionless. Yeah. I mean, it is a trauma response, like similar to what you were just saying. My favorite color when I was little was pink. And I was actually jealous of my sister, my younger sister, because she was more of a tomboy. And I wanted to be a tomboy because that was cooler, right? And a lot of us have grown up in an environment where it's cool to have this working mom and both your parents are working.

And it's the extreme opposite of how moms used to be of stay-at-home mom. So it's now cool to be this working woman. And it's not to say that you can't be a working woman. It's just like we've gone one extreme to the other and we've completely devalued the feminine role. And so a lot of us grow up valuing our dad more than our mom because of like the idolization, right? Of we don't want, you know, we don't want to have a stay-at-home mom. Like I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom. Like look at all the other girls at school, like their moms work. That's so cool. You know, but it is a trauma response being the mis-independent. A lot of it stems from daddy issues. Most girls crave more love from their dad than their mom

because there's already a biological barrier of we're different. Dads don't get daughters. One of the number one things that my clients, what comes through for them in sessions is their dads weren't ready, quote unquote, for a daughter. They didn't know how to be a dad to a daughter. And a lot of us experienced that where it's like, dad could be a great dad to our brother, but he wasn't the dad that we wanted. And it's like, yeah, because most men don't grow up knowing how to be around emotional women because a lot of women like harbor it you know and

a lot of dads a lot of our dads at least grew up in an environment where you know the mom was at home looking after them the dad was out like it's a different dynamic these days where the dad's expected to be around a lot and to father a lot so we have these like different expectations of our dads of being around and giving us a certain amount of love and blah, blah, blah. And that's the new normal. But our biology and emotional intelligence hasn't really caught up to that, if that makes sense for a lot of men. So it's this trauma response of, I didn't get the love that I got from dad. So I'm going to protect myself and basically prove to him that I'm enough to now get his love and also to prove that I'm enough. And then hopefully a man will come and choose me because I don't want to be seen as anything less than it because I think that my

dad's enough and he does X, Y, Z, A, B, C. I'm going to go copy that and replicate that because then other people will see that I'm enough. Yeah. Well, and I think a lot of it, well, I can only speak to my experience, but I wonder if this resonates with other people listening, was that my dad, he had only so much of an emotional capacity and range because that's how he was brought up. And so when I was extra emotional, he would completely shut down. And this is not to shit on my dad. He was literally doing the best he could. But it was like he would emotionally shut down. And this is not to shit on my dad. He was literally doing the best he could. But you know, it's right. But it was like he would emotionally shut down.

So then also in turn, I learned that when I'm emotional or upset, the man shuts down and closes off for me. You know, and I had to learn and heal that part of myself to realize that not every man is that way. Also, my dad has done a lot of healing in our relationship. You know, throughout the years, I brought my dad into therapy with me and we've healed a lot of that in therapy, but it was, you know, it was a learning experience for the both of us. And it was also for me, I really felt like these last couple of years, I was on a journey to heal that hyper-masculine

independent side of myself in order to open myself up to love. Because similar to what you were saying earlier, where it's, you know, because I, it's so funny because I simultaneously had this, this one guy I follow on Instagram, Jake Woodward, he calls it the masculine shield, where, you know, I was hyper independent, wouldn't allow a man to be there for me. It was kind of like, I can do it all myself

kind of thing and close off to a man. Meanwhile, deeply yearning for a connection with a male. And I could not figure out how to like, you know, figure that I couldn't figure out how to heal that. And it wasn't until I found people like you online and so many women are speaking out about this now where we need to heal that trauma and that side of ourselves and not feel like we have to be in our masculine in order to get what we want. Right. And I think that kind of what I was saying before,

we've just, with all of the modern movements and the good side that's brought, it's also meant that we've devalued a lot of the more traditional, like quote unquote, traditional biological parts of ourselves because we've tried to go so far to the other extreme. And what it's meant is that a lot of us don't have that community of women that we could go to. We

don't have what we used to have as women. Women have never in the history of women been so alone as what we are now. And we are made for community. That's literally how we are wired. And so it's really stressful for our bodies to feel like we don't have anybody that we can share our hearts with, right? That we're so afraid that someone's going to think that we're less than because that's how we now perceive each other versus back in the day, women didn't even raise children. They didn't even only breastfeed their own child. When you gave birth, you were recovering and the other women in the community were breastfeeding your

child for you. There was so much help and support. There was never even the option of being misindependent. That wasn't even a reality versus now that's the reality that people look up to. And so it's seen as less than to ask for help. And so it's just like a whole new world that us women are trying to navigate with no fucking direction. And it's really jarring on our nervous systems because we've never had to do this before. Yeah. It's such an interesting point that you bring up. And I'm curious to know what your take is on this. Why does it feel like being feminine is shit on so much these days? It really does feel like there's this movement of the hyper-masculine, I'm the girl boss and it's not cool or aspiring to be feminine. It's almost

as if we're trying to make women more like men instead of embracing what makes us unique. And we're trying to make men more like women because we're also hating on the masculine at the same time of like toxic masculinity. Could you imagine if we said toxic femininity all the time? Like, I mean, women would like, there would be a fucking riots about that, but apparently we're allowed to say toxic masculinity. Like the whole thing is just fucked. But I mean, why, from the way that I see it of like how this has all happened is first wave second wave feminism important but what's happened is that you know women had to fight for their rights so a lot of our grandmothers and our great-grandmothers were in that kind of caliber of people of fighting

to just be seen as equal but the fighting hasn't stopped so what happened is like it's been basically carried down where you know our great-grandmother fought for anything. So she had to go into her masculine to fight for that, but then didn't soften back into her feminine. That was then passed down to our grandmother. Our grandmother't have to get too into that, but anyway. And so through that, there's been the devaluing of the feminine because we are fighting to be treated the same as men, but we've misinterpreted what true feminism is. And true feminism is just having the same rights that men have. It's not to be the same as men. It's just to have the same rights. Well, we achieved that. In most Western countries, that's been achieved, right? But now it's this fight for, I want to be the same as men, but you will never be the same as a man. So that's where it's like in all of that fighting, there has been a complete disregard for our individuality as women because it's essentially this trauma response of I wasn't treated well

back in history. So now I want to be seen, but you're going to be seen through anger and rage and whatnot, which is valid. Us women are allowed to be angry. We're allowed to have rage. But what that's meant is that we have internalized to be a woman is to be weak. And to be more like a man or to be angry and to be loud all the time in a bad way, then I'm going to be seen. And so in all of that confusion and that multi-layered situation, there's just been

the complete devaluing of mothers at home. We've devalued that folding the laundry is really important. We've devalued playing with your children is adding value. We now value work more than home because we fought for so long to be able to work that it's disconnected us from our womanhood and our femininity because it's like for so long we had the carrot dangled in front of us. Now we have it. We're never letting it go again. It's kind of like through all of that, it's been lost essentially. Well, and you know what I find really interesting about that? I read this maybe a couple of years ago

and my mind was blown. So there's a theory that the more modern feminist movement was created in order to put women in the workforce in order to have more heads to tax as a form of capitalism. Because the more people in the workforce, the more heads you can tax. And so now I have a totally different mentality of that, especially when you're talking about how we devalue things like being with your children, folding the laundry.

In my mind, what is possibly a more important job than raising humans on this planet? Literally, what is more important? It's like teachers get paid the least, but they are literally raising the future generation, like goosebumps. That makes my blood boil that they are looking after our kids. They are mothering our children every day and raising them to be the children they become. And they get paid somewhat like the worst out of majority of the workforce in majority of countries. And it just doesn't make any sense. It's like we, feminism and capitalism is very heavily linked, right? Feminism, a lot of it, like the modern feminism at least, it's all marketing. It's all trying to like fit a narrative, right? And capitalism is the same thing. It's funny, these things that I see happening these days, I'm like,

that's not actually feminism, but these women are thinking that doing that or fighting that is actually feminism. But it's like, no, no, no. Feminism was never created to make women not become women. That's not what it was for. But now it's like women are trying not become women. And I'm like, if you actually thought about it, what you're doing is not being a feminist, but you think that you're a feminist. So it's this whole narrative that a lot of people are just playing into because they're being not brainwashed, but they're just not critically thinking. So we've lost our ability to critically think. And part of that is also just so many women, like we were saying at the beginning, we just feel like it's weak to be

a woman. So we immediately are just trying to work harder, be more like a man, achieve some kind of status. But then we realize once we achieve the status, oh, it's empty. Because as women, we do not get that sense of deep fulfillment off status. We get it off connection. Men get it off status. That's why majority of women want to date a man that makes more money, that looks better, that is older, more emotional maturity. That is research beyond belief. And so there's all this research that basically shows that there's something like 60% or whatever of men are unmarried, unmarriable or something. They phrased it like that, where basically they are not good enough to marry because all these women

are now having such high status. Not that's a bad thing, but biologically speaking, women are going to go after men with more status. So if he does not have more status, he's not an eligible bachelor for her. So it's just like we're putting ourselves in a fucking twist. And it's not to say that we can't work and achieve. It's that the lack of awareness around how to do it in a feminine way means that it's causing problems. It's not that women can't work or shouldn't work. It's working like a man is causing that lack of polarity in our society, in our relationships. That's the issue, like at hand. So we're not doing it in the right way because it's so new. No one's talking about it. Like we need to be educated on how to do it.

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gold. It's their low sugar, hot chocolate mix. And it's loaded with ingredients like lemon balm, turkey tail, magnesium chloride, and reishi. Oh, there's also turmeric in there as well. So it really helps to calm down your nervous system before bed. And it really makes me sleepy. It also helps the digestion because you have the turmeric in there, you have cinnamon, you have ginger, black pepper. So it's helping with digestion and inflammation. I'm a really big fan of this. You can also put it in your coffee in the morning and it kind of helps to balance out the jitters that you might get from your morning coffee. And then another product that I'm really loving and taking every single day is their liver reset.

Modern living is incredibly taxing on our liver. Like just existing is hard on our liver because we are constantly being inundated with pesticides, heavy metals, environmental toxins, not to mention if we drink alcohol, that's also going to put a strain on our liver. So I think it's incredibly important that we take something every single day to support our liver health. This product has triphala in it. It also has dandelion, milk thistle, and artichoke extract, which all have been scientifically backed and proven to provide protection for the liver. And then of course, the most important part about Organifi products is that they are all organic and they go a step further by guaranteeing

that they are glyphosate residue free. Glyphosate is a known herbicide that is sprayed on a lot of our crops these days. It's also sneaking into organic foods and it is a known carcinogen. So it's incredibly important to make sure that we limit our exposure as much as possible to glyphosate. If you guys want to try any of the Organifi products and get 20% off, go to Organifi.com slash Real Foodology. You're going to see all of my favorite products in that store, and you're also going to get 20% off. That's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com slash Real Foodology. Well, exactly. And I want to go more into that, but I want to bring up a point that I think is pertinent to this conversation right now.

So, you know, coming back to women trying to be more like men, I think something that a lot of us did not even connect the dots for the longest time is that our entire work schedule, at least, you know, here in the US, is based around a 24-hour cycle of the man's hormones, which is testosterone. 24 hours, they are consistent with their hormones and that is it.

For women, we have four different hormonal phases that course over a month. And these phases impact physical, mental, emotional abilities and requirements differently for each phase. And so some phases of our menstrual cycle will have a lot of energy and we'll feel really creative and on and really be able to do amazing things with our work. And then there are other times where our body is screaming for us to rest and slow down. And we may not feel as creative. We may not be as on with our work. And so imagine now we get thrown into this workforce where men are on all the time. And then these women are now coming out of this like, you know, girl boss movement. I can't

tell you how many women I see online going, I am so burnt out. I can't even function anymore. Well, no wonder because we're working on a man cycle, not in a woman cycle. I know. I mean, that's a whole other kettle of fish in and of itself. But I mean, yes, it's like one of the best, I believe, and have experienced and then clients, whatever, and you as well, Courtney, I'm sure, there is nothing more freeing than just embracing yourself as a woman. When I actually accepted the fact that I am different to a man and that that is okay, it doesn't make me less than to be different. It just makes me fucking different. The example I always use is like,

okay, an apple and a cauliflower. They're both from the fruit and vegetable family, but they are so different that you cannot compare them. It's like the same thing as men. We're both humans, right? Women and men, both humans, but we are so different that you literally cannot compare us. And you keep yourself in this fucking act 22 hamster wheel when you are trying to live like a man because you will never be able to. You will never achieve it. You will never feel like you've succeeded. You'll actually always feel like you're failing. But as soon as you realize, you know what? Fuck that. I'm not going to live like a man anymore. I'm going to live like a woman. And you embrace yourself. The freedom and just the relaxation that comes with that is the best because you allow yourself, the freedom and just the relaxation that comes with that

is the best because you allow yourself to admit like, yeah, I'm fucking tired this week. Or I need to sleep more this week. And you don't... Most women will demonize that about themselves. Like, why am I tired this week? Why am I hungry this week? And we make ourselves wrong for it instead of accepting ourselves for it. God, I love that so much because I very much relate to this. When I finally truly was like, fuck yeah, I'm a woman. I'm going to lean into and embrace it is when my whole life changed. Oh my God. I love that so much. And it's so important for women to hear. So, okay. I love being, I just want to say to everyone, I fucking love being a woman. I don't want to be a man. Like if you actually understand the stress that men have and like, they have to

deal with us. Like, I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with, like, I'm sorry. I'm just so glad that I don't. My poor fiance, it's like one minute I'm like this, but next week I'm like this. Like the other day he literally said to me, God, I need to remind myself of this. Like you're in the, you're in your follicular phase. I got to remember that in follicular, you just need to get fucked. Like when you're being sassy, I just need to fuck you. Whereas like that's different in luteal phase. It's like the poor men are just in this like fucking twist all the time. Like I just wouldn't, besides that though, like I would not want to be a man and I I love being a woman. I truly do. And it's a really freeing thing when you actually realize that being a woman is just fucking incredible. We are walking

art and beauty. I'm sorry, love men, but they're not that. We just have this... But it's just like, they look at us in just complete awe. They just think that we are the most beautiful thing on the planet. And it's so sad that we don't see that about ourselves. They're just like, you bleed every month. You make a baby. You grow a human. They are literally in awe of how beautiful we are. The whole thing of your smile lights up the room. They feel that. Our feminine essence is so healing to them, but we don't see that about each other or about ourselves. And so yeah, I'm just like, being a woman is amazing. You know what is so funny about you saying that? So recently I went on a trip with my boyfriend

and one of my girlfriends was there as well. And we were sitting at lunch and I'm always like, I'm very touchy feeling. I was like touching the back of his neck and like scratching his head kind of. And later my friend, when we were alone, she goes, it is so cute to watch you with him because she goes, every time you touch to watch you with him because she goes,

every time you touch him, he literally like melts. She's like, I can like see it in his face. And I'd never heard someone say that before like that. I had never thought about that before. We're like, you know, for the longest time being stuck in that masculine shield and that place of, you know, not being fully healed around the masculine, I kind of had this mentality of like, you know, men are shitty and they just want to, you know, they ghost me and dating sucks and men suck. And, you know, like there is that kind of mentality, I feel like in society where we're just shitting on the masculine. And it's so nice to be in this space now of what you just said, of recognizing like, no, men like love us. They're in all of us. They want to worship us.

They truly want to give us everything we want in life if we allow them to be there for us. And I love everything that you just said. And we just don't understand them. Like even on the dating front, classic example, men just fucking ghost. Well, if you ask a man and like, I literally asked my brother about this because he literally essentially kind of ghosted somebody. And men often do it because they don't want to hurt us. They're scared. They're scared. And although I get like, okay, we'll have some self-respect, just message and call it quits. I really see that side. But we also have to realize that they're not doing it because they're trying to be mean or disrespectful. They're actually doing it because they don't want to hurt us. And for a lot of the time also, it's like, they're so logical. They're like, well, I've only been on like two dates with

her. So we're not in a relationship. So why do I even need to tell her? I don't want to see her anymore. Like, why is she expecting that we would, they're so logical. Whereas we're like, after the first date, I'm going to marry him because we're driven by our emotions. And so for a lot of us, we do ourselves a disservice, especially when it comes to dating, by not understanding the opposite sex. We make it 10 times harder for ourselves. We put ourselves in gray areas, but we want black and white. We want it to be crystal clear, but we don't make it crystal clear for ourselves because we're like being half a man, right? Like we're being masculine and like we're sometimes taking a lead on things or like when we're reading things,

like a woman would read things, but he's a man. And it's just like, when you can understand the opposite sex and you realize like when you both are in alignment with your feminine, your masculine, it creates harmony. It's like the yin yang symbol, right? It's like the two are meshed together and it's one. Yeah. Oh, I love that so much. Yeah. So for women listening right now that maybe are in that state, either they're like, how do I get more into my feminine? Or how do I heal that side of me that does have that kind of like, fuck men, dating sucks. What would your advice be to women in that space? So let's do dating first because that's a really common one that I hear. Number one is with dating. If you are chronically on dating apps, I am not anti-dating apps, but they do not help the dating sucks. We have to remember that when you're on a dating app and a guy hasn't responded

or you've had a little bit back and forth and maybe one date and then it hasn't gone anywhere, you're immediately like, dating fucking sucks. He's a dick. But if you met him in person and there wasn't a vibe, you wouldn't then think he's a fucking dick. You would think, oh, there wasn't a vibe, right? Or back in the day, this is all very new for us, right? You were only really meeting people most of the time in person or maybe through like a mutual friend on the phone kind of thing. But in doing that, you weren't having a line of 100 guys, constant dopamine, then with dopamine withdrawal.

You know what I mean? It's this constant push and pull with dating apps where we get really addicted to the dopamine and the oxytocin and the serotonin that we get from talking to somebody essentially, that we then put all this pressure and expectation into the date and into going on the date with him that when it doesn't work out or when he cancels, we immediately are like, he's a dick versus maybe he's canceling because he doesn't feel like there's a vibe or he's realized that he's not going out with you for the right reasons or he's realized... You know what I mean? There's so many other factors to play.

But when we're taking things point blank through a screen, we forget all those things. And they actually aren't even there because we're talking to 10 guys at once. You would not be talking to 10 guys at once at a bar. You'd be talking to one. And if he was talking back at you, you would be feeling the vibe. He'd be feeling the vibe because you guys are interacting. And there'd be this immediate sense of security because you feel the vibe. On dating apps, there is no sense of security because you haven't met them before. So the anxiety that is there and that insecurity ramps up. He's a dick. We go straight into reactivity. We are emotionally driven.

So our emotions drive the fact of men are X. And dating apps don't really help that. So I would say the number, like the first thing is, is getting really honest with yourself of your experience on dating apps. If you find that you get really attached, you get a bit nervous, like you definitely tend to go on them more so when you've like had a shitty day, you need to get off them because they're not doing anything supportive for you. You're honestly probably just repelling yourself in a way because you're getting into this low vibe, I hate men, blah, blah, blah. And then that bitterness and that anger, then that turns

into emasculation. Well, the man that you dream of that just claims you and wants you and pushes you up against the wall to kiss you, he's not going to stand for emasculation. He isn't going to be attracted to a woman that is in her masculine and taking the lead and putting him down. So you're immediately repelling him. Often we as women, we don't realize the flow on effects that certain situations can have. But if you're having this negative emotional experience all the time with men, what about the experience is then causing it to be negative, which is then turning into you essentially repelling masculine men because you're now bitter, angry, and masculine towards men. So I would say that for dating apps, like number one, because they're beautiful, but they're also like, they can also be just not the most helpful thing for a lot of people.

And then the second thing around like just getting more into your feminine. One, I would say essentially what we were talking about can be really helpful because most women don't see this. They don't see the, like people don't, women don't see the beauty of being a woman. Like if you can actually see like woman-ness,, so our bodies, our period, our emotions, if you can see all of that as art, as just raw, authentic art, that can be a really nice starting point of realizing like, yeah, there is something so beautiful about this that men don't have, right? Kids don't have, it's women that have it. And you have that and we have that. So if you can start to firstly just see the beauty of the feminine, that would be one thing. And you can even just do it by seeing the beauty of other women's femininity, because that can just help to reprogram the belief of like,

to be feminine is to be weak. So let's use Instagram positively, right? And like following some people that really embody that feminine energy that you actually can see as beauty. Now I want to say, there is a range of feminine energy, right? I don't want people to think they have to follow this like certain earthy feminine and that's how they have to be, because that's very much pigeonholing what it means to be feminine. Feminine isn't a look, it's an energy. So it's not about that you need to follow necessarily these women that are like gallivanting naked in the jungle. You can just follow any woman that is exuding this feminine essence that you want to be exuding. She doesn't have to talk about

femininity, but it can help you to start to see like, if you can see in other women, I want that, you're immediately making it safe to have that. A lot of women just don't feel safe to be in their feminine. So that would be one thing. And then the second thing that is the most underrated thing for being in your feminine is healing your relationship with men. Because if you do not... The feminine can only be there if there's masculine. Without the masculine, there is no feminine. She needs his safety in order to be feminine. Otherwise, she's going to go into the masculine because somebody has to protect. So healing your relationship with men means that you actually then

feel safe to be in your feminine. And like you were speaking about, it makes you realize like, oh, they want a feminine woman. They're obsessed with it. They're weak at their knees for it. And I want him to be weak at my knees for me. Okay, this is hot. Let me be in my feminine. That was a turning point for me, like I said in the beginning, where when I realized that men are attracted to feminine women and I wanted a masculine man, I didn't want a feminine man. And I was like, oh, so the more feminine a woman is, the more masculine he's going to be. Like, all right, I better stop being, I better start doing some shit so that I can be more feminine. And again, it does not mean frilly dresses. You don't have to

wear certain makeup or wear... It's not about a look. Often it will end up being expressed in your look. But as a starting point, it's internal, right? So you don't pigeonhole yourself thinking that you have to change who you are. It's actually about coming home to who you truly are. Like she can be in there. Like, so those, those deep desires that you have that you feel like a naughty or wrong, that's like, those desires are you, like you need to actually bring them out and realize that they're really safe to express. And for most women, the desires, they start with like, that I just want to let go. I want to be saved. I want to be like pushed up against the wall. Like I want to be, I want to have sex in this kind of way. Like we, like those fantasies around like subdom that a lot of women have, that is a telltale sign that you are craving

to be more submissive. Wow. What you just said was so powerful. And all I kept thinking as you're saying that was that there requires a lot of healing around the masculine and learning how to trust men. Because part of being feminine is learning to be more vulnerable. Like women are just inherently more vulnerable. We spend a lot of our lives more vulnerable because not only are we, our muscles don't get as big as men. We're not physically as strong. Also when we're carrying children, we're more vulnerable. And again, oh my God, I think five years ago,

me even saying that would be like, ooh, no, we're not weak. Like, but I'm sorry, if you're a woman, that is the truth of who we are. And honestly, I think that's so beautiful. Because let me tell you, like, as I've learned to trust more, as I've learned to put my guard down

and be more vulnerable, let me tell you, my relationships have become better. The sex has become a thousand times better. Oh my God. When I finally learned to just like allow myself to be more vulnerable and allow the man to step up and lead

and be masculine and be the protector that I like truly really wanted, but I was denying that for myself for so long. And again, it's so important to really note what you said to women, like if you have these really deep desires that you're pushing down, that's the true essence of who you are and learning how to fully embrace them and be okay with it

is when you unlock the full entirety of who you are as a human. And let's just anchor in. If you want good sex, get feminine. Because these sex will blow you to the fucking cosmos when you have sex with a masculine man. Like, the whole like, when people say like, time stops and you're like, no, I'm fully aware of the time when I'm having sex. If you are fully aware of the time, you are not having the best sex of your life. Yeah, you're not surrendering. You're not. You need to be able to be in the shower for four hours and have no fucking idea

because you've been in a vortex the whole time. That is what we're talking about. God, I mean, it's incredible. And look, to what you said, I also want to point this out because I don't ever want anyone to feel like, oh, are you shaming me because I don't feel the same way and I don't fully resonate? That's okay. We're all bio-individual. And like you said before, what resonates for some feminine women may not resonate for others. And that's totally okay. Sometimes it might be a guard that you're pushing down and you're not being honest with yourself. It could also just be that that's who you are and that's totally okay. This is all about just fully embracing who you are and your true desires and not just going by what society tells us like we should and shouldn't want.

That's the key thing. Because like every woman, whether you're like, I want to be like, fuck to the cosmos or not. Every woman these days is in some way, shape or form, not letting herself admit something about what she's wanting. You know, it's like with the empowerments come suppression in the same way. And it's like suppression of our true desires. And so exactly what you said, like we're all, we're all different. But the key thing is, is that for a lot of women, they'll, you know, like on my podcast, majority of people, not majority, let's say half people will say,

when I first started listening to you, I was like, what the fuck? This is bullshit, blah, blah, blah. And then I realized like, wait, this is like kind of true, but like, I don't want to admit that this is true. If you're in that, like, I don't want to admit this is true. Like, I don't want to admit that I feel this because like, this is so wrong.

Like, it'll take some time, but just allowing yourself to even know that's there is the starting point because like, that was me. If I heard myself talking like this, this bitch in the green, I'd be like, fuck her. Like, she has no idea. Like, who is this chick? Well, she's me, but you know, like we, we all have to go on our own journey. Exactly. Exactly. I can very much resonate. I was, I was a tomboy growing up and then I worked in music for 10 years, which is a very male driven workforce. And I always was so, I was so proud of how not female I was, of how not feminine I was, and how masculine I was until I finally woke up one day and I was like, wait, no, this is just what I was told that I should be like, and what I was told that is cooler,

and what society wants, and what guys want. And in reality, it was the exact opposite, and it was fully pushing me away from everything that I truly desired. Like the cool girl thing is so unhealthy that a lot of us have, if it's not the girl boss, you want to be the cool girl, but it's like, you're trying to fit yourself into another box that is just minimizing your true self. Yes. Okay. Let's talk about the cool girl a little bit because I played the cool girl for a really long time and all it did was push men away.

Cause I was, you know, I put myself in this like, okay, well, I can't rock the boat and I can't show too much emotion and I can't, it was like, I was like very much tethering myself to a very small person of who I wasn't at all and what I thought would attract men. And it was doing the opposite. So question for you, did you find that you had a lot of guy friends, but like they wouldn't be in like a romantic relationship with you? Yes. Okay. This is great. I've never even talked about this on a podcast. I'm like, Ooh, love this. Okay. So yeah. So when you become one of the guys, we think like we are then cool, right? And we become one of the guys, cause it's often a daddy issue. We want love from men. So we think that by becoming one of the guys, then he'll love me

more because I'll watch the game with him and I don't know, go do guy shit. I mean, look, obviously in the rare occasion, that's going to happen. Let's just point that out. But for the majority of people and the majority of guys, he then sees you as one of the guys. There is no polarity. What creates romantic tension and sexual tension is polarity. Even in same-sex couples, there is a feminine and there is a masculine. And whilst they will often dance between the two a little bit more, so they'll swap, there is still a feminine and a masculine. When you're with your girlfriends, you're not sexually attracted to each other. There is still a feminine and a masculine. When you're with your girlfriends, you're not sexually attracted to each other. There isn't any romantic vibe because there isn't a feminine and a masculine. You're both being feminine, right? So yeah, when you have

this goal of being one of the guys and being that cool girl, you think that it's going to get you what you want, which is the male love, attention, like being cherished, et cetera. But what it does is it depolarizes you with them. So they do not see you as a woman. They do not see you as sexy and alluring and magnetic and radiant, all those feminine things. They don't see you as a woman. They see you as one of the men. So when they're walking into a room, let's just say, and you're one of them too, they don't see you. They see the other girls in dresses and you're like confused about it because you're like, but I'm fucking cool. Like she cries. And it's like, it's the clearest day what's happening, right? It's like he wants an emotional experience.

He wants to date the opposite. Okay. Women, this will help. Do you want a man that when you say, honey, can you fix the light? He goes, oh, but like my nails might break. Gross. Like fucking disgusting. Exactly. Literally makes my stomach churn. Me too. You want a guy that when you're carrying a bag, he's like, what are you doing? And takes the bags away from you. Oh, which is what my man does. It's so hot. I know, it's the best. My fiance will carry every fucking suitcase so I don't have to carry a thing. And he will break an arm so that I don't have to carry something. And it's amazing. But anyway, point is, is that he does not

want someone that's like, I can fix the light bulb. I can fix the light bulb. He wants a woman that is like, babe, can you carry this? Because I just got my nails painted. And that doesn't mean that you... I don't get my nails painted very often. That doesn't mean you have to get nails painted. But all I'm saying is men want the opposite, just like we women. If you're heterosexual, just like you as a woman, you want the opposite. You want a women, if you're heterosexual, just like you as a woman, you want the opposite. You want a man that's going to fix things and lift things and protect you and provide for you. He does not want a woman that's going to fix things and lift things that is him. And you take his role out from under him. And on that note, a lot of men these days

feel like, what the fuck's my role? What's my purpose? If you're doing everything as a woman, there's no purpose for him. And we have an inherent purpose because we give life. There isn't an inherent purpose for him. His purpose is to provide and protect. But as soon as that's taken away from him, he doesn't have a purpose. So when we are providing and protecting ourselves and don't need a man, he's lost his role in society, which is also why so many men feel lost these days. You know, and hence like during lockdown and COVID and everything, I was so worried about all the men because I'm like, if a man's lost his job, he's lost his purpose. He's lost what he's doing every day.

You know, at least as women, like it was fucking shit for us to lose our jobs, but we had connection and community and we would do, you know, those things that still make us feel full. But it doesn't matter how many friends a guy hangs out with, he feels alive when he's achieving at work. We all know if you're in a relationship

that when your man is having a good week at work, you're having a good week in the bedroom. But if he's having a shit week at work, nothing's happening. It doesn't matter whether he sees all his friends. He doesn't want to see his friends. He wants to be alone. So yeah, that's the whole cool girl thing. Yeah. And it's so interesting that for so long, I couldn't understand why I kept attracting very feminine men. And, you know, I want to be careful and say again, that, you know, this is not to shit on maybe a man that's a little bit more feminine or also like,

we were obviously talking about this in a heterosexual way. Wait, can I want to quickly say something? Because my fiance made me really aware of this. So he's like the most masculine man I've ever been with. And I told him that on our first like date or weekend together or whatever. And he laughed. He had no idea what feminine and masculine was. And he thought because he wasn't six foot a hundred, the biggest muscles in the world. And like this macho dude, he didn't think he was masculine. He laughed about it. So I actually want to say as well, for any men listening and any women listening, because he said this to me,

a lot of men think masculinity is aggression. He's now learned that's not masculinity. That's unhealed. That's a wounded man. Right. And men are more aggressive because they're testosterone, right? So there is a component of men are going to get more aggressive, like just don't project it onto somebody, obviously, because then that's unhealthy. Men are allowed to be aggressive and that doesn't make him inherently just toxic, right? It depends so much on the context of the situation. But more importantly, masculine is leadership. It's direction. It's discernment. It's protecting. It's providing. It's saying, I'm carrying the bags. We're going here tonight. This is the decision that I've made. It's basically taking the weight off the feminine. And so even if you aren't six foot 100 with huge

muscles, that does not make you a feminine man. A feminine man would be you don't want to lead, you don't want to provide, you don't want to protect, you don't want to be more dominant in the relationship. If you don't have that inherent desire, then okay, you'd be more of a feminine man. But if you have that inherent desire, you're a masculine man. Maybe you're not expressing it because you don't feel safe to because society makes it unsafe to express it. But you are a masculine man.

Okay, I'm so glad that you clarified that. I mentioned this guy earlier, Jake Woodward, who I follow and he talks a lot about this. And if you guys don't follow him, I highly recommend following him if you're at all interested in this conversation. And he talks about this a lot too, where he's like, you know,

we see a lot more feminine men these days or like feminine acting. And what it looks like is, you know, asking to split the bill, like the first date, you know, or yeah, not leading, not making the plans. The guy, oh God, we all know the guy that texts, you know, the night of, and it's like, he's like, so what do you want to do? Oh my God, I can't. I'm like, I'm not coming. Same. I'm like, I'm done. I don't want to date with you. You know, like what a masculine man looks like is someone that says, hey, I'd love to take you out on Friday to 630 work. How is this spot? You know, like that actually makes a plan and leads instead of the man that's like, I don't know, what do you want to do? Like to me that I can't, it's just, but that's not what I want to date.

Right. But on that note as well, I like to also, when it comes to like the whole feminine men thing, I also like to say that men have been allowed and given the right of passage to be lazy because we've taken over their role. So a lot of men that are also like, what do you want to do tomorrow? We have to remember that like, yeah, maybe that's like, ew, but also it could be that he thinks that that's the right thing to do. He thinks that's what we want.

Exactly. He thinks that's what we want. And actually, so I did this big survey for my book and there's, it was always guys basically answer these questions anonymously. And one guy answered this question about like the whole bedroom thing and like subdom. And he was like, it's very confusing because I was brought up always to respect women, respect women, respect women. But in the bedroom, they want to be disrespected. They want to be spanked and like choked and they want to be dominated. Yeah. And he's like, it's very confusing because then when I'm not doing that, I'm labeled as I'm being like feminine and weak, but it's like against what I have been taught. And so like, it's very, very confusing because I want to do that, but I feel wrong to do that because I'm told to respect her. But then she's telling me,

stop fucking respecting me. Like, can you disrespect me a little bit? And so it's kind of like we also have to factor in. And I say this to women because if there's a guy that maybe you're interested in and there's a vibe, but he isn't really leading, maybe it's because he doesn't know that he can. Maybe it's because he doesn't know that you want that and that it's safe to do that. So many men, it's like they're afraid of being labeled a misogynist if they hold open a fucking door so they don't hold open a door. Meanwhile, I am insulted when a man does not hold open the door, right? So it's just remembering those kinds of things as well,

that if you've shared with him that you would like for him to lead and choose the date and it's basically safe for him to do that and he's not doing that, he doesn't want to, different story. Maybe he is just being lazy and he doesn't want to step up. But most men, it is within their biology to get off on being the provider and the protector and being the man. So it's this breath of fresh air when you say to them that you essentially want that and that turns you on. Yeah. And I do this and I did this all throughout dating and obviously do this with my now boyfriend Where i'll tell him like god It's so sexy when you open the door for me or it's so hot when you grab my bag

Or you know, whatever it is like you can encourage them by not like quote-unquote nagging You can just tell them I think it's so hot when you do this Because they already love to do it anyways, and then you just reaffirm that you like it. And then you never have to say anything again. It's great. You'll be like, can I have my bag? I need my lipstick. Stop taking it. It'll be the opposite issue. Yes. It's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love this conversation so much. Maybe what are some other ways that women can inspire men to be more in their masculine? And maybe we can even do this for, I think this is really important for even just with our guy friends right now. I recently had a conversation with a guy who told me, he goes, you know,

Courtney, he goes, I'm really struggling with just how to exist being a man right now in this society. Because he goes, I have some women that yell at me for opening the door for them. And then women yell at me for not opening the door. And I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. And I feel for them right now because I feel in a way masculinity is kind of under attack right now. It is. The whole phrase of like toxic masculinity, I'm like, that is toxic. Like imagine your very essence being labeled as toxic, you know? And like, the whole thing is, is like, men have to earn their masculinity. Women are just given their femininity, right? We are just feminine at birth, whereas men have to prove their masculinity through the

actions. Whereas we just lay back on the sofa and we're feminine. Like, we don't have to do anything to be feminine, right? And so it's hard for them because it's like, they feel like then they're inherently failing as a man because just society is like, you are guilty no matter what. It's that whole like, you are not innocent until proven guilty. You are guilty until proven innocent. You are inherently wrong as a man and your sex is dangerous, essentially.

So men already feel like they have to tiptoe around women because the key thing is, is like, men want to make us feel safe. That is literally their biological job is to protect us. And we immediately feel, quote unquote, unsafe around them, right? Because society is constantly spreading this message of like, men are dangerous. Could you imagine being a man and feeling like, I dangerous to women, but at the women at the same time, you're like, but I just want to protect them. Like I don't want to hurt them. So yeah, even for like guy friends, this is so important to do with your male friends. I do it with my male friends because it's like, it's the flow on effect. Right. And you, you just want to be this kind of woman. The number one thing for men also is you can tell somewhat if a woman is feminine by the way that she interacts on the first date. Obviously, there are some women that aren't obviously feminine, but they crave that.

So I honestly feel like the best way to do it, especially if you're a mature adult, is to just ask, to be like, hey, I really want a woman that will let me plan the date, hold open the door, carry her bags. Is that you or are you not really into that? Simple, casual question. You're going to get a pretty clear answer. And when a woman is like, oh my God, please, yes, yes, yes, yes, you have got immediate safety to go and be a man. And when a woman says like, no, I'm not really into that. Like, I just prefer for like us to be equal, run. Right. Because I don't want to be equal. I'm not equal. Like I do not want to be

the same as my, as my fiance. So I would say that is just honestly the easiest way to do it and the cleanest way to do it. And their response is going to give you such an indication at her body language and like her excitement is or her not excitement is going to give you such an indication of whether that is a turn on for her or not because even if she's like this high achieving ceo that isn't really like obviously feminine but she craves that she will she may still respond in the way of like oh oh my God, I would love that. And you'll almost feel like her body relaxes and she can breathe a little bit more easily because she already has so much weight on her shoulders from being the CEO. But to know that she just gets to be looked after, refreshing, right? Every woman just wants to be looked after. So that'd be the first thing.

And then the second thing for our... And for our guy friends as well, it's just doing the little things. When they hold open the door, it's saying, thank you. When he wants to pay for your lunch, it doesn't mean he wants to fuck you. He's just being a man. Thank you. Let him pay for the lunch. Simple as that. When he wants to walk on the side of the road closest to the street, amazing. It's literally the act of you just get to receive what he's doing. You don't have to do anything in return. You don't have to even always say thank you. You can literally just receive it. That's all you need to do. That is the compliment because most men are being insulted for doing it. So just for them to feel like I've just been received for doing that, that in and of itself, you're not making it a big deal

then. Especially when it's with guy friends and stuff, you don't want to be like always going, it's so hot because it's platonic. But literally just receiving it and accepting it is the most important thing. Yeah, I think that you made some really good points there. And you know what I kept thinking about is we're seeing this more and more now with really high achieving women. And we have this, you know, whole girl box,

oh my God, girl box movement. I'm like, well, we've been talking for too long. I know, seriously. We see a lot, you know, where women are the high achievers in the relationship where they're bringing more money, they're working more hours or whatever it is. How can you still find that polarity of the masculine and feminine? Let's say even though maybe the woman is the more high achiever, has the bigger job or whatever it is, how do you find that polarity still where you can maintain that masculine and feminine? I mean, the easiest way to do it is obviously at home and letting go of your work self when you come home.

There are a bunch of things that you can do as a woman to make your work life a bit more feminine. And it's not about like, oh, because I work a desk job, I am masculine. It's how you go about it. If you wear an outfit that makes you feel, keyword feel, if you wear an outfit that makes you feel good, you get some sunshine on your skin during the day. You make yourself cups of tea and you enjoy the cups of tea. You breathe between tasks. It's the way that you experience your job that makes it more masculine and feminine. Because the reality is that some women are like, well, it's quote unquote masculine to do logistics, but I fucking love doing logistics. And I'm like, if it fills your

heart and makes you feel good, then guess what? You get to make it feminine because you are happy of doing logistics, right? For other people, they actually could feel really masculine trying to go and be an artist because they're like, I cannot do art that is so stressful. And the fact that it becomes stressful makes it way more masculine because you go into your head. So it becomes a more masculine experience. So it's about the way in which you bring yourself into your work experience that makes it more masculine and feminine. And then it's really important, especially when you're working from home, to try and let go of the day. Okay. So for an example, we have to get on a plane

after we do your interview. And so I actually texted my fiance today when I was between clients, just being like, hey, babe, I'm really tired today. I'm like pushing through and I've got to like, you know, keep going, whatever. I really need you to just have me tonight. And he just like sends me the nicest message, like baby, I got you. And he like capitalized it, whatever. And so it's just, and it's not that you have to do that. It's just for me, what that did was like, I really need him to just like do everything tonight when we fly. And we have like a late flight, whatever. And so by sharing that with him, it just gave me this... It almost was factored into my calendar because he's now expecting it. But after we finish our interviews and I go pack,

I am in feminine, day is done. And I've really communicated that. Now, every day I don't do that. But most days what will happen is after I finished work, I do something that drops me back in, whether it's changing outfits, whether it's going just like chilling out in our bedroom for a little bit, whether it's taking the dogs for a walk. But I really allow myself to let go of the day and be his woman and let him look after me at the end of the day. And little things can even be like, you know, I don't want to clean up from dinner because I'm tired and I really want to go to bed, babe. Can you clean up from dinner? Yes, done. I'm cleaning up. Go to bed, go to bed, go to bed. And it's just those tiny things that make you feel looked after that often women won't

do because they don't want to ask for help. You help. But if I'm tired, I don't want to clean up from dinner. And he feels like more of a man knowing that he's protected me essentially because I get to go to bed. He's protected my energy and my body so he'll clean up. And he feels like he succeeded for me in the cleaning up. We've both won essentially. I don't feel resentment and like, ugh, as I'm cleaning out, like, fuck you. Why aren't you helping me? Blah, blah, blah. Which then doesn't help anybody. Doesn't help him. Doesn't help me. You both win when you're in that feminine masculine and when you're just expressing what you need from each other. Because even if he expresses like he's

had a hard day at work, he just needs space, this, that, whatever. And you get to then nurture that need from him. You get to be in your feminine. He gets to get what he needs as a man, which is probably space, right? In alone time. And again, you both win by doing that. And there's such a big lesson there in learning how to receive. And I recently had this the other night with my boyfriend. I was so tired. I was so tired that I cried and that doesn't happen like ever. That was me the other night nearly too. And I had to remove myself and go to bed because I was like, I'm not fucking ball. There must've been like something in the cosmos or whatever. I don't know, but I was that tired. I think there was. Oh, and I mean, this is like never happening before. I was

literally like crying. I was so tired. And before I could even express like, you know, but I was that tired. Oh, and I mean, this is like never happening before. I was literally like crying, I was so tired. And before I could even express like, you know, I need, like he looked at me, he was like, baby, what's wrong? And I was like, I'm so tired. And he goes, please, he's like, go to bed. He literally like made, he was like, go to bed, go to bed, go to bed. I love when he does that.

It was so cute. He was like, I've got the dogs, cause we have two dogs. He's like, I've got the dogs, I'll let the dogs out. I'm gonna walk around the neighborhood. I'm, you know, and there was something else he did for me. He was like, I've got the dogs. Cause we have two dogs. He's like, I've got the dogs. I'll let the dogs out. I'm going to walk around the neighborhood. You know, and there was something else he did for me. He was like, go to bed, go to bed. And like, literally just like made me do like drop everything.

Yes. He was like, I've got you. I'm going to do everything else tonight. Just get in bed. And it was just, oh, it was exactly what I needed. And look, that's not to say that we're always forcing that or like not forcing, but we're not always doing that to the men. There are nights where my, my boyfriend's like, babe, I'm exhausted. And like,

I just need to lay down for a little bit or whatever it is. And I'm like, I've got you, I'll make dinner. And then I love it. I get to be my feminine, I make him dinner and like rub his back. And so, you know, it's an equal partnership and we get to kind of lean on each other depending on where we're at. And like, that's where the equality comes in. You're leaning into your feminine strengths. He leans into his masculine strengths. I feel like for a lot of us, we've really just confused the word equality and that we have to be the same. And it's like, no, no, no. It becomes equal by you doing the things that you're amazing at. And he does the things that he's amazing at. And you do it in different ways. If he was making dinner, he'd probably make it differently to the way that you would make dinner, but it wouldn't be any less or better. It would just, you're

leaning into your strengths and there'd be equality in that because you got to rest or whatever it is. So you now feel rejuvenated. He feels like he's provided, like you both feel the same. The execution was just different. Exactly. Exactly. I love this conversation so much. I feel like I could talk about this all day. I want to be mindful of our time. I have two questions left for you. First of all, I want to know if there's anything else that we didn't cover that you feel like is really important for people to hear. I don't really, I don't, not off the top of my head, but what I will say off the top of my head is like we need to love men again and we need to stop making all men bad

because they're not, and we need to stop assuming the worst about men because that assumption is because you don't understand men. You know? Yeah. And we're not, I think we're not communicating effectively, which I think is a really important part of all this.

And what I think the kind of common thread that we were kept saying is that we need to be able to communicate our needs and inspire men to also communicate to us. And communicate it in a way that a man is going to understand. When you just like, when you just have verbal diarrhea of emotions, he just is so overwhelmed

by the emotions, his brain cannot process it. So we think he's been no help, but he's like, I don't know how to help. He's stressing himself out because he doesn't know how to help you. You know what I mean? And he's quite confused. Super confused. So it's also, yeah, we need to learn to communicate better and communicate in a way that the opposite sex will actually understand. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yes. I think we should end it on that. It's so good. My last question for you is a personal question that I ask all my guests. What are your, since this is more of a health podcast, what are your personal

health non-negotiables, things that you do on a daily basis to really nourish yourself? And it can be lifestyle, it can be food, diet, whatever it is. Okay. Well, I would actually say firstly, dressing up. I know it's not like physical health, but it's energetic health. Especially if you work from home, dress up. It makes you feel so much better, so much more productive. You walk past somewhere and you're like, damn, I look good. It's just, we all know that we feel better when we're dressed up. It makes you feel so much better, so much more productive. You walk past somewhere and you're like, damn, I look good. We all know that we feel better when we're dressed up. So I would say that one, number one. Number two, I am a Pilates whore. I love Pilates. I do it pretty much every day. And even if it's just a 10-minute class, it just drops me into my body. I feel good. I feel connected to myself. It isn't this stressful hit exercise that

throws your hormones out. Don't do that shit. So I would say Pilates. And the last thing I would say, I mean, besides obviously eating healthy supplements, whatever, those things are all obvious, do all those. I'm trying to think different ones. I would also probably say sunlight. When I'm feeling a bit, ugh, I really remind myself of how good I would also probably say sunlight. When I'm feeling a bit, ugh, I really remind myself of how good I would feel if I just went outside and sat in the sun for 10 minutes or just walked around the garden or literally just sat on the driveway. I think that can be underestimated for a lot of us, how just two minutes or 10 minutes of sunlight can really, really help us.

And we just don't prioritize it. We prioritize the healthy eating and the supplements and the water and I do all those things. But the dressing up, the workout in a way that actually is good for your hormones, not bad. And then the sunlight, I would say are my three top things. And I think it's so important for people to hear. I mean, right before we record it, I was like, why am I feeling a little down? And then I took my computer outside while I was prepping for this podcast and sat in the sun for 20 minutes and was like, oh, I just was sunlight deficient. Literally. Yeah. You know, it's like, I just need a little sun, you know? Yeah. Oh, this conversation has been so amazing. I'm so inspired right now. And I'm

just so happy that you came on and that my audience gets to hear your amazing perspective on all this. It's incredible. I have loved this conversation. We've talked about so many good, interesting things that I haven't spoken about very much on the podcast. So I'm excited for everyone to listen and thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of The Real Foodology Podcast. If you liked the episode, please leave a review in your podcast app to let me know. This is a resonant media production produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Mike Fry. The theme song is called Heaven by the amazing singer Georgie. Georgie is spelled with a J. For more amazing podcasts produced by my team, go to resonantmediagroup.com. I love you guys so much.

See you next week. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and doesn't constitute a provider patient relationship. I am a nutritionist, but I am not your nutritionist. As always, talk to your doctor or your health team first. Do you suffer from IBS or other digestive issues?

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