Sara & Cariad's Weirdos Book Club - BONUS: Weirdo by Sara Pascoe - Q&A, Reading and Character Quiz (Live at 21Soho)

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

In this special bonus episode, we share all the extra book chat from the Weirdos Book Club live show at 21Soho!Hear a Q&A with Sara on writing her debut novel, readings from the book by friend of the podcast Vanessa Hammick, and a quiz to find out which character from Weirdo you are! Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you! Sara’s debut novel Weirdo is published by Faber & Faber and is available to buy here.Cariad’s book You Are Not Alone is published by Bloomsbury and is available to buy here.Follow Sara & Cariad’s Weirdos Book Club on Instagram @saraandcariadsweirdosbookclub and Twitter @weirdosbookclub Recorded by Aniya Das and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, weirdos, I'm Sarah Pasco. And I'm Carriead Lloyd. Thank you so much for tuning in to our first ever bonus episode. We had so much fun and book chat at our live app that we couldn't fit it all into the regular show, so we've got an extra chapter for you to enjoy. Sarah's book Weirdo is already out now, so go, go and get it, and you can enjoy reading it and listening to this bonus episode. In this episode, there will be a quiz to find out which character from the book weirdo you are

and some exclusive reading from the book and general weirdo book club joy. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you. Carrie Ad and I met doing an English degree at the University of Sussex. Woo! No one. No one from Sussex. Over 20 years ago.

Oh my God. And now finally, all of the strands of our lives have come together and we get to read books every week and talk about books. Yeah, because that's what we do in private. And the Alumni Society of Sussex has retweeted us. Because they're really proud. Doing well. Basically, this is what we're doing in private is we sit and talk about books in depth

and finish each other sentences and really get into it. And then we thought, well, maybe other people want to hear this. And they do, this is very nice. So thank you so much for coming, making us feel less weirdos. That's very nice.

Thank you. So tonight's book guest is my book, embarrassing, and their character in weirdo thinks that she's weird. And it was a big reason and we called this the Weirdo's Book Club. Now, character herself, Sophie, was inspired by a character called Sophie from Sophie's World by Justine Garda, which had a huge impact on me when I was a teenager. And one of the things that really resonated with me was that there was the idea of seeing your life like a story. So my starting point was a woman who makes her life more bearable kind of by narrativising? Is that a word narrativising? Making it into sometimes she's pretending she's in a film, sometimes she's presenting she's in a soap opera, but she's always making it a story because it seems more bearable. And also, despite not being a voracious reader, characters in literature do make her feel a bit better about herself,

whether that's Alice in Wonderland, sort of being curious about who she meets, or she's a bit obsessed with Camus the Stranger and not crying at your mother's funeral and those kind of things. And also Matilda, because she'd really like to be able to move stuff with her eyes. So that was the starting point for coming at books that make us all feel better about our own idiosyncrasies. So rather than it just being an author reading from a book, or being interviewed by someone, which is what tends to be. to happen at book events and I find it excruciating. Really, really boring for everyone.

So we're going to do an interview where I've picked my own questions and Cara just has to ask them to me. No control issues here, guys. Written them out for me. A reading where my friend is going to read it and I'm going to heckle her. And there's a quiz for you to find out which character in the book you're most like. So it's more interactive. Okay, so welcome to the Sarah Pascoe interview.

you show. The questions were provided very kindly by our sponsor, Sarah Pasco. And we're delighted that the person is going to be answering them today is Sarah Pasco. Please give her a round of applause. Sarah Pasco, thank you for coming on to Sarah Pascoe. And welcome for writing the book, Sarah Pasco, Weirdo. I'm just going to start by saying, I love the book. Really enjoyed it. None of this is on the cards. Not the card. Sorry, should I just card it? Okay. Number one, Is writing book like having a baby? Is writing book? Well, writing a book is put in words into a story, into your computer.

Yeah. Are you explaining it for me? For everyone. Having a baby is, well, your uterus stretches, your skeleton disintegrates, you waddle, then you erupt somehow, either genitally or someone, cuts your abdomen. Then you have no life for months and months, but you will have a lot of hormones that make you hate yourself, but that's still not as painful as writing a book. Agreed. Question number two. Now it feels a bit mastermind you. What made you want to write a book?

Arrogance. Firstly, also, I was inspired by the richest man I know, Richard Osmond. Very successful writer And he has so much money He's actually not even that tall He is tall No, his trousers I just full of rolled up 50 pound notes That's a lot of money

He puts his legs up here Yeah, because he's six foot seven Yeah So that must be Seven foot of it No 17 inches of it 50 pound notes

Rolled up to look like legs Number three What is your writing routine like. Virginia Woolf famously said that all women, if they wanted to write, should have a room of one's own, she said, that's what you needed, a little bit of space. But Virginia Woolf lived in the olden days when you could get a house in London for a pound. And so, you know, novelists could live in Bloomsbury. So having, you know, rooms to yourself was realistic then, which isn't now. I didn't have a room. I had a local Costa coffee or I taught myself to write in cars on my computer. I don't drive.

in the back, but I taught myself to stop feeling sick so that I could type when I was in cars, because that was usually when I... How did you teach yourself not to feel sick? Oh, you feel sick, and then you go, push on through, your book won't get done. And the third edit of this book, I presented a show called Sowing Bee, and what happens on Sowing B is that they start off of like 45 sowers, and each one of them, every time they make something, which is a lot, the judges go forward and they go, oh, and they look at it in great,

detail for 10 or 15 minutes and all I have to say in between is next up's Tony and in between I had my computer out of shot and I was doing my book finishing my book your tip would be get a driver and become the host of sewing bee I just want to be accessible it could be any any any driver show DIY show yeah yeah number four why write this book I meant to write a different book oh yes you did didn't I meant to write a murder book like Richard Osman. This is the one that came out. Richard Osmond, by coincidence, perhaps because he's jealous of me,

is releasing his new book on the exact same day as mine next week. And if more people don't buy my book than his, more fictional OAPs will die. Because he'll just carry on, making them up and then killing him. Thank you. It was a really good interview. Thank you. Did you enjoy it?

Yeah. Let's do some readings. Let's do some readings. Please, would you welcome to the stage? the wonderful, brilliant friend who's going to help us with the reading tonight. She is an actor, comedian, a mime artist and a genius. It's Vanessa Hammack, everybody. So Sarah is going to interject as if it's a DVD,

but it's a book that she wanted to give context to what we're reading. But now I'm getting ready to go and see Chris again. Chris, the character, is someone that Sophie used to be a little bit obsessed with when they worked together, and then she might have followed him to Australia and embarrassed herself. I've come to the customer toilets to put makeup on, even though we're not allowed in here. I've been granted a second chance. Another chapter.

A different ending. Or beginning? No, ending, ending, ending. Make it all better. I only have mascara and blusher with me, but I do what I can. A bit of blush for eye shadow and on my lips. Smudge mascara like eyeliner or my bottom lashes to accentuate that I've got eyes. I'm considering going for a wee, but I don't want to disturb the equilibrium

down there. The Sambuca has taken the edge off. I think the problem with haemorrhoids. Okay, so I said the inspiration for this book was Sophie's Well by Justine Garda. It was also that I was kept reading books and none of the characters had hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are actually really, really common. And if you have them, they need to be in the story because they affect your life, they affect a lot of your thoughts. I did toy with the idea of telling the whole story from Sophie's Bums' point of view. but my agent didn't like it. And she thought people would stop reading quite early on

if I was too much about the hemorrhoids. So now it's barely in there at all. I think the problem of hemorrhoids is that they're too much of a reminder of what I am, a skeleton with meat on it, a grisly tube, a winding, meaty tube from mouth to bumhole. Inside we're all basically a worm, and that's why it's so hard to be confident or feel pretty.

I hope it is haemorrhoids and not itchy cancer because I'm too humiliated to go to the doctor. Just a quick interjection. If this does sound like you, please go to the doctor. Yes, it might be awful, but it's better than worrying all the time that you've got colon cancer. What I'm really looking forward to

is some DMs in about two months people saying I saved their life. Like an angel. Yeah, carry on. Nadia comes in and says, These ones are for customers only. But in a nice way, like she's acknowledging how silly the rules are, and that sometimes even staff deserve a toilet with mirrors and a hand dryer.

Nadia glances over at the open cubicles, but doesn't go in, probably because she doesn't want me to hear her piss. She's standing by the sink right next to me, and I'm embarrassed to look in the mirror in case it seems like I love myself. I was planning to take my hair down and fluff it around a bit, but I don't want to look like I reckon I'm in a hair advert, something. I want to leave, but I don't know how, so we're both trapped. I root through my bag as if I'm searching for something, find some broken headphones and put them in my coat pocket.

Thanks for drinking my drink for me. Did I not thank her enough? Why bring it up again? I tell her cheers very much and I'm going out, so it's much appreciated. Then I ask if she's got any chewing gum, because we're both still in here and I don't have anything else to say. Nadia shakes her head, no. I can't drink at the moment. I take my hair out of my ponytail. I didn't decide to. My hands did it of their own accord while I was thinking, one of us needs to leave or we'll both be trapped in the toilets forever.

I've noticed this happening more and more ever since Ian told me there is no free will. I argued with him, of course. I said there definitely is free will. People decide stuff every day and have opinions and make choices between things. Ian's highly intelligent, which used to be attractive. He smirked as I was getting worked up and said that they know the scientists from watching on machines

that the brain gives instructions to do things first and then thinks up the reason why afterwards. They watched which parts of the brain were lighting up and the first stage was like the muscles and physical instructions for something, e.g. moves on. Then the second stage was the explanation. You moved on because you are itchy and need a scratch or because you were dancing or whatever. It's due first, make a reality. and afterwards. I don't agree with this, by the way, but Ian says no one is really making their own decisions. We just think we are. That really is bacteria. They live inside us in every nook and cranny, and all our lives are for them and what they need and want. And now my hair is

hanging down limply in a ponytail shape, so I hope they're happy. So just quickly about bacteria. So this is not a science book. So the character can only know what she knows, which is via her boyfriend Ian. But just some little facts for the rest of you. The human body is made of roughly 30 trillion human cells, but your microbiome is 39 trillion cells, which means that you've got a quarter more anew of bacteria, viruses and fungi.

We have 20 to 25,000 genes in each of our human cells, but the human microbiome holds about 500 times more. So all of the time you've been thinking that you're a person, that's a conspiracy. You're mostly an ecosystem for bacteria. And is it really that much of a jump that they're controlling you? Because, you know, you're their home. Imagine this is what I think. They make you fancy people because they want you to make other people for them to live in,

which is why when you fancy people you act crazy. Also, three quarters of your microbiome is probably from your mum's vagina. from when you're born, if you were born in that way. But I wrote that in pencil, because I didn't know if I was going to say it or not. You can't tell anyone. I look at Nadia, but not in real life, in the mirror. Like how hairdressers talk to your reflection and you talk to theirs. I think this makes it easier for them to criticise people's faces.

I got pregnant. Oh, congratulations. No, it's shit. It's so shit. I feel sick. I tell Nadia how sorry I am, and I am so sorry, but I also want to run away and take big gults of air and maybe even leap while crossing the road or waiting at the traffic lights because I am so glad I'm not her. She says she has to wait three weeks

until she can get the operation on the NHS and all she can eat is crisps because she's so nauseous. But the worst thing is the not drinking? It occurs to me that if there really wasn't any free will, then biographies would all just say they went over there because bacteria made them. They did this and that because of bacteria. and no one would read them.

I must remember to say this to Ian later. Nadia is looking at herself in the mirror now, into her own eyes, all miserable. I wonder if she is thinking, so this is what I look like when I'm pregnant and wish I could have a Pino Grigio. She's very pretty with her shiny blonde hair, a little round face and straight white teeth like an albino piano.

She looks like a baby herself, a sexy grown-up one. I want to ask who got her pregnant, but that feels rude. It's like asking, who put their penis in you? I wonder if it was Kermit, and that's why she doesn't want the baby. I accidentally start imagining Kermit and Nadia having sex on the floor by the glass wash, with all the steam rolling out above them. Then I remember I'm in a conversation. I pat Nadia on the shoulder and she grips my hand.

I explained that she can drink if she wants, that it doesn't matter, but she interrupts. You're not allowed when you're pregnant, but that's only if you're keeping it. Nadia doesn't believe me. She's being super dumb. She's absorbed this piece of information and cannot let it go. All the propaganda about women not drinking in pregnancy has gone too far. This is ridiculous. Radia can't compute that you don't need to preserve the health of a baby who will never exist. I fluff my hair a bit now, meet my own eye in the mirror and a zap of nerves hits my belly. I'm going to see Chris. I carry on the conversation because I know what I'm going to do with it. So what she does is she goes across the road to meet Chris and his friends Ella and Steve

and she tells them straight away this secret she's been told not to tell anyone about her work colleague being pregnant. And we find them a few moments later in a pub across the road. I've never been here on a Friday night before. I've walked past after work and looked through the window. Some people find being alive effortless. That's what I think. especially people viewed through windows, eating meals or drinking drinks, or even watching TV if you're looking into a house.

They don't mean to make you feel like an outsider. You just do, because you're outside. Okay, I'm just going to interject quickly. When I wrote this down yesterday, I thought this was incredibly wise. I now don't know if it makes any sense. Sometimes we think other people make us feel bad about ourselves, but actually we're making ourselves feel bad because of the horrible things we say to ourselves

and the assumptions we make about other people and that they're happier and not doing that. I think that is too long for a T-shirt. Carry on. But tonight I'm an inside person. I try to look out the window, but it's too dark. I can only see inside reflected. I see me leaning on a pillar holding a wine glass.

I can see the back of Chris and Ella and Steve's grinning face between their shoulders. I wish I could walk past and envy me. I look down at my feet and my flat sensible work shoes. A wave of shame wriggles through my guts. Then I see my right foot is tapping to the music, which doesn't make sense. I hate Christmas songs. I've never had an opportunity to brag about this before, but over 10 years ago,

when never mind the Buzzcocks used to be on the BBC rather than Sky, I did a Christmas episode of it. And in the guest the music round, I got all of my team's three Christmas songs and then all three of the other team's Christmas songs. It was like the weirdest superpower and I've never been able to use it ever again. What a traitor my right foot is. Christmas is a lie and the catchy songs are propaganda. Yes, we promised life is magical and cold weather is magical and you are treasured and reindeer fly. My parents did the decent thing and refused to gaslight me. At school they told us about Jesus and Father Christmas and we came home and mum and dad said, no, absolutely not. That's all bullshit. I wonder if society would execute a woman who said she hated Christmas.

So I'm just going to interject. I am not the character, Sophie. It's not about me, but there are some similarities between us accidentally. My dad did refuse to lie to us about Christmas because he thought that lying to children made them grow up adults who weren't trusting. So when we came home and told him the Christmas story, he told us that Mary had had underage sex and she would have been stoned to death under the rules of her land.

so instead she'd pretended her baby was magic. Steve is staring at me. I'm Jewish, he says, like it's an explanation. Was I talking out loud? I'm surprised he could hear me over the rocking around the deck tools. The only good thing about seasonal music is that it's so loud we have to shout, which makes what we're saying seem really important,

like it's triple underlined. Chris and Ella are shouting about their job. Is that the golf club? I've never been there, and Ella shouts, Oh, you should come down sometimes. I imagine myself turning up with all the kit and checked pantaloons like a lonely businessman. They laugh when I laugh. Ella isn't with Chris, by the way.

I didn't ask, but twice she's mentioned her fiancé, so she must have a fiancé. Steve, I know nothing about except that he has a goatee. He's Jewish, and he's not particularly good at conversation. He stares for ages and shouts a question like, Do you like dogs? Or, what are you all laughing about? I am going slowly on the wine, pacing myself because I don't want to say anything stupid. and I don't want to need the loo in case they leave without me.

Also, I can't afford another one because I don't get paid until New Year's Eve. I know I should text Ian, but I worry if I get my phone out. He'll have already texted saying, Where are you? Or do you want pasta? And then I'll have to deal with that and feel bad. It's only 12-ish. We could have had a police incident at the pub and had to give statements. I do like dogs, I shout at Steve, keeping it simple.

But it's more complicated than that. I have a long history of dogs, and it's love, not like. Or not love, but deep, deep guilt. I don't know how much to tell them. I can't say the full story as I know how Ella and Chris will look at me like, whoa, this woman is fucked up. Then they'll always remember and make fun of me down the golf club whenever a dog comes in. I think about a dog in Czech pantaloons for a second and then change the conversation,

keeping it light. I used to think my mum could see me through the cat. Steve smiles while Chris and Ella laugh again and I'm encouraged. I know this is a funny story, so that's all right. This is fine. Chris laughing is magnificent. He throws his head back like a pony and his nostrils tremble and it feels like we're friends who exist and everything embarrassing is undone. I must have imagined how awkward it was in Australia. I have been carrying that cringe around in my stomach for three years. I make myself remember it now and nothing happens. I don't shudder and want to die because Chris is here. Right here. His face flushed and crinkled as he listens to my story. We had a cat called

Sitti and whenever he was with me, I would behave and not steal or light fires because I thought he was a robot with cameras in his eyes that my mum was using to spy on me. Ellis says she's worried about where this story is going. You didn't cut your cat open, did you? I laugh to reassure her. No, no, it's funny because Sitti was always looking at me when I was on the toilet or getting changed. Why would my mum want to see those things? Chris says something to Ella, but I can't hear because he's forgotten to shout. And then I noticed Abbas in my class had exactly the same eyes as City. Chris thinks he's guessed what's going on.

Abbas was a robot too? I tell him he's wrong. Then Ella's worrying again. You didn't cut Abbas open, did you? No, I just got changed in the bathroom and didn't let City come in so Abbas couldn't purve on me. I knew the story was funny, but not this funny. It's because I've taken up the sad bits. like when my mum struck city

and said if she'd known cats were so affectionate she never would have had us. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for reading it. Thank you so much. Because I'm aware that you won't have read the book. This is a little way for you to have an insight into the book. So it's like one of those BuzzFeed quizzes,

like which character are you? It's going to look like, you know, mostly A's, mostly B's. So just keep a tab of what you've got. And it'll tell you which of the characters might most resonate with you in the novel. Okay, so favour. Favorite food, and you have to choose one of these, you can't say none.

Your favorite food, is it A, diet Coke? Is it B, corn sausages? Oh, violent reaction to corn sausages. Is it C, spaghetti hoops? Yeah. Or is it D, champagne. We peaked too early with spaghetti hoops in here. There we go.

You have a secret fear, is it? A, your mum is what she? you at all times. B, you are dressed head to toe in clothes from Debenhams. C, the Women's Equality Party win a general election. So your fear, not your hope, your fear. D, you are forced to pay the child support you owe. Your favourite character from literature is A, Matilda, she's accomplished so much despite being from a shit family. B, Mayor Angelou.

Everyone in the book club thinks she's amazing and now you do too. Also moonface from the magic faraway tree. Is it C? Hannibal Lecter or D, Braveheart. It was a book as well actually after the film. You like it when.

A, you get a free drink after work. B, your fiancé gets you a present. C, your Reddit posts. lots of traction, or D, you sell a car for your choice. I bet it is a massive dopamine hit. Oh, yeah, God, sell my car. Cars are massive and people like use them all the time. You relax by, A, imagining a relative dies

and leaves you enough money to pay off your debts. B, by getting a couples massage with your fiancé. You like it when they scratch your head and he likes it when there's a two for one voucher. C, you relax by listening to some jazz while cooking or D, going on the sunbed, although you're trying to cut down since the skin cancer. Your biggest turn-on is A...

This is sexy, all of turn-ons, I mean, not this particularly. This isn't. Spaghetti, no. A, someone fancying you. B, getting married. C, someone being in awe of your penis. Not faking. it because they think you need to hear it, but genuine awe. D. Selling a car.

Your 10-year plan involves a slipping over at work and using the payout to have plastic surgery. B. Happily married life, a promotion at work or maybe getting head hunted by a cooler shop like TK Max giving up smoking but right at the end of the 10 years. Is it C? Your 10 year plan involved. the end of capitalism, or D, winning the lottery and retiring, or just be dead. The TV character you most identify with is, A, Sharon from EastEnders. B, killing Eve, but without the killing, just the clothes and shiny hair. C, you don't have a TV, it rots the brain, you only watch Game of Thrones on your iPad. Or D, Del Boy.

If a genie granted you one wish, you would, A. Be rich. B, have boobs that were 36D or double D, whatever look nicer. C, have a podcast or D, sell every Merck on the forecourt. You often forget to A, text when you're out. B, wash off fake tan. C, tell people you went to Durham, uni. D, stay in contact with your kids.

Or last one, the last one now. Your nightmare is A, marrying your current boyfriend. B, not getting Harry Stiles tickets. C, someone presuming you're homosexual because you're so sensitive and good at listening. Or D, HMRC, catching up with you. Okay, mostly A's.

So raise your hand if you're an A maybe if you want to. We've got a few A's, yeah. Okay, oh, well, this is fitting because you are Sophie, the main character of the book. The main character. Main character energy is what you've got. You are not where you want to be right now. Working in a pub with a boyfriend you despise.

And you don't know how you would change anything when you're so stuck and in debt. But you do cry a lot when imagining your own funeral. So you must have something still worth living for. Congratulations. A's. Well done. Well done. Main character energy. Mostly B's.

Do you want to give me a wave? We've got some bees. Nice. We have some bees, some lovely bees. Okay. You are Dana, Sophie's little sister. You work in Debenhams and are engaged to the love of your life. You are full of plans and opinions and you have a general positive outlook.

Like, sure, mum's boyfriend already has a wife, but they're so cute together. And, okay, you can't afford your wedding, but you'll crowd fund it. and everyone will feel more invested because they've literally invested. Congratulations. Do you have any C's? Oh, yeah, if you are, okay. Mostly C's.

You are Ian, Sophie's boyfriend. You're an intelligent free thinker who believes feminism has gone too far. You don't watch the news or anything else that tries to brainwash you and you believe free will is an illusion. Sometimes you worry that you are undermined by your penis. So mostly D's.

Yes. Oh, spaghetti hoops. We've got some mostly D's. You are Sophie's dad. You believe that children should be independent from their parents. And that's how you grow up into your own man. Australia has a much better quality of life than the UK and a better class of politician. Live fast, die young is your motto, even though you're about to turn 70.

Thank you. Congratulations, everybody. Well, done, everyone. Thank you for playing. Thank you so much for listening to our bonus episode. Sarah's book Weirdo is available to buy now. This episode was recorded live at 21 Soho and featured myself, Carad Lloyd, Sarah Pascoe,

and the very brilliant Vanessa Hammock, who was doing the readings. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you.