Sara & Cariad's Weirdos Book Club - Chapters by Tim Key with Tim Key (Live from the British Library)

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

This week's book guest is Chapters by Tim Key.In a special live recording of the podcast from the British Library, Sara and Cariad are joined by comedian and poet Tim Key to discuss Fat Face, Trains, Pret A Manger, Sylvia Plath, John Kearns and more!Chapters is published by "Utter" & Press and is available to buy now. The audiobook is also available to listen to here.You can find Tim Key on Instagram: @timkeypoet Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you!Sara’s debut novel Weirdo is published by Faber & Faber and is available to buy here or on Apple Books here.Cariad’s book You Are Not Alone is published by Bloomsbury and is available to buy here.Follow Sara & Cariad’s Weirdos Book Club on Instagram @saraandcariadsweirdosbookclub and Twitter @weirdosbookclub Recorded live as part of the Chortle Book Festival at the British Library by Aniya Das and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Artwork by Welcome Studio.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sarah Pasco. Hello, I'm Carriad Lloyd. And we're weird about books. We love to read. We read too much. We talk too much. About the too much that we've read. Which is why we've created the Weirdos Book Club.

Join us. A space for the lonely outsider to feel accepted and appreciated. A place for the person who'd love to be in a real book club, but doesn't like wine or nibbles. Or being around other people. Is that you? Join us. Check out our Instagram at Sarah and Carriad's Weirdo's Book Club for the upcoming books we're going to be discussing. You can read along and share your opinions.

Or just skulk around in your raincoat like the weirdo you are. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you. This week's book guest is Chapters by Tim Key. And this episode was recorded live at the British Library as part of the Chortle Book Festival. What's it about? Well, it's a very, very amusing book of poetry that's sort of be the reflection of our time. What qualifies it for the Weirdo's Book Club?

Well, they are short, brilliant poems, but I'll be honest, they are a bit odd. In this episode we talked about gin and peppermint. Fat face. Pink pies. Trains. Pretomanja. Sylvia Plath. And John Cairns.

And joining us this week is Tim Kee himself. Tim is a multi-award winning comedian, a writer, poet, actor, villain Taskmaster. And he will tell you quite a lot. He was also a contestant on House of Games. Chapters is published by Utter and Press and the audiobook is available to listen now with Tim and past guest Katie Wicks. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. to Carriad and thank you to Sarah for

taking the trouble to give up some of their Sunday. Thank you to Kings Cross for cleaning things up. Thank you, the Houston Road. It's essential. Thank you to the UK. We forgot to thank the king. It makes it all possible. Tim, thank you so much for being here to talk to us

about your book. A real pleasure. Oh, there it is. You've had a book tour already, and this is the end of it. I've done a few in conversations, yeah. around the UK. Yeah, very enjoyable, thank you. Until now. This is also enjoyable, but it's early days. So far. You like talking about your work, do you? You're comfortable with it? I am, actually. Are you comfortable talking about your work? You don't like it? Why? Makes me feel shy. And almost anything, I can hear criticism. I think it really empowers me talking about mine.

Oh, really? Yeah. Do you not bother? Do you never have a question that you're like, oh, I can't believe I have to talk about this. I'm starting to think you've got some pretty mean stuff you're planning on saying. My first question, actually, because it's a live recording of a podcast, I'm worried we're going to be too flippant. So first of all, I want to check, is it art? Is what art? The book? Your work.

Is my work art? Yes. To you. Oh, that's easy. Yeah, for work's art. Let's get, let's press on. I want to talk. Is your work not art?

No. I don't think comedy is an art form, but we can talk about that later. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. These leather and swinging chairs have made us late night with Parkinson. As if we were like, you'll have an arts debate about it. Pleather. Pleather, I would guess.

We talk on the podcast a lot about the weight of a book. I knew you were going to start. I knew I was going to start with this. It's so light. Guys, it doesn't matter what's in it. Doesn't matter about the quality. What we're talking about is a book that's light. In your bag, it's not annoying you.

You know, every time you pick up your bag, you're not thinking, oh, I can't take that. I don't want to read that one. You know that saying, don't judge a book by its cover. No, judge it by its weight. That's what I think. Have you weighed it? I haven't weighed it, but I can just tell.

Yeah. I can just tell the... Have you weighed it? No. Why would I weigh my book? It's 120 grand. 120? Without the cover.

That's very light. That's all you need for... Oh, it's beautiful. Well, it's very carefully selected paper stock. Oh, the paper stock is lovely. Yeah, it's beautiful. Oh, the yellow quality girls. Oh, my goodness.

I haven't read the poems, I don't know, but the quality of this, lovely. Oh, you could eat it. So what comes first? The paper stock. Oh, the words. Do you want the serious answer? Paperstock. What came first was the size?

Really? Yeah. Our idea was this size. That was the idea. And then we sort of decided what to put in it after that. Beautiful. I wanted a book that could fit

in your back pocket of your jeans. Yes. Oh, here we go. I don't know if it can, though. Well, you've got to stand up. Okay, hang on, but I'm embarrassed. Let me go over here.

Don't be embarrassed. Okay, okay, ready? What will I choose? I'm addicted. go to my phone first, but then when I feel sick of Instagram, I'll come to your book. Actually, you know, you make a flippant point there.

But that is the reason. I wanted a book where you can take it on a bus. Reach for it instead of your phone? And instead of going and looking at your phone, you can look at my beautiful book. Beautiful. Yep, and read a poem and then put it back in your pocket.

It's a dipper, isn't it? It's a dipper. And I think that's why it's worth mentioning it, because it's not, it is... I think we want to get beyond it at some point. No, no, no. No, because she's always on it me about the weight of the books, but actually this feels like there's a design happening here.

There's a design happening. This wasn't a mistake. No, that's one. We didn't try to go for the usual size of book, I couldn't quite get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just sticking with it, so. I'm happy to stick with it.

So, was it Keats who died on a boat with a book of poetry? Was Percy Shelley in his pocket or the other way around? Yes, definitely. No, Keats died. Keats is the one who died really young, And so then I think, what's it shame? Someone died on a boat, and they had a book of poetry in their pocket. And what I'm trying to say is, that could happen to you.

Yeah. And you're... I got lost by the end. But the time you said, actually, what would happen? I can die on the Greenwich Ferry. Yes, exactly. And all they find is, oh, look, all these folded over pages. This is what she was reading.

Exactly. This is great. It's not why I wrote it, but that's nice, that's comforting to know that that could happen. So it's very clear. Yeah. The form is very important to you. Yes. Now can we discuss.

Juniper. Emily Juniper. Yes. Do you want to know who she is? Yes. I know who she is already. Do you? Yeah.

What can you tell me about Emily Juniper? Well, anyone who really likes comedy may recognize her because she's on Brendan Burns's Edinburgh poster circa 2007. The reason I remember is about the time I was starting comedy. Yeah, I remember that show. Is anyone involved, especially at a much more successful level to me, seemed really famous.

Right. And Brendan Burns had a poster with two gorgeous women on it, one of whom was Emily Juniper. Oh, I didn't know. That was her. Yeah. Well, and also that was her. I mean, amazingly,

well, she's won a Perrier Award. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. If you're on the poster. Well, I think, to be fair to her, I think she was on the poster because she was in the show. Oh, she was in the show? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I only saw the poster. Yeah, yeah. She didn't really get under the skin of that show, did you? I just thought, I just thought, oh God, male comedians. I'll never be friends with them. No.

They need women on their posters just to sell their shows, but actually she was an important part of the, she's a Perrier-winning comedian. She's a peri-winning comedian. And she's a designer. But then she started a new life, yeah. So I think I knew her roughly around then

because we have a mutual friend who's also your mutual friend. Yeah. Katie Wakes. Oh yeah. Yeah. So they went to university together. Anyway, after a bit,

Emily Juniper decided to do the classic, leave London and go and live in Falmouth. Also known as being happy. Yeah. Being the happy choice. She's happy. Yeah. I've seen her in a natural environment.

Yeah. She's happy. Yeah. That's what she is. And then I just, it's mad. You see someone, they're happy, then you get back on the train and come back to London. You don't want to be as happy.

That's the choice, sweet I do want to be happy. Not as happy as her. Not as happy as that. Yeah, exactly. She's so happy she's quite sad. Yeah. It goes around, it goes right around to the other side. So she's a beautiful, brilliant designer, is what we're saying.

But she's present in your book. As your designer, there's a running commentary. Yeah. She's your first audience or receptive audience. Yeah. And her response matters to you. She's in every, most of the poems have a separate conversation with you and Emily.

Beautifully designed. Which is lovely because sometimes when you're reading poetry, for instance, Sylvia Plath, Oh, Sarah, what's he got there? You finish it and you're on your own. You are on your own. With my one, there's a sort of, I always feel... In a moment, for this beautifully designed copy of Ariel

by Sylvia Plath that Sarah's got. It's so stunning. I've got an idea for a game later. Okay. There's a slight duty of care after each poem where I talk to Emily Juniper. But Emily Juniper is, yeah, she's sort of in my life. Yeah.

And I think you've accurately described her. She's my first audience, yeah. And I don't have a editor. She won't mind me saying this. She's not my editor. She's my first audience. Because I don't think it's editing when someone comes back and goes, I love that.

That made me howl. Yeah. The not editor decision, is that a fear of authority? That's a great question. No, it's not. it's why is it why have you got an editor

I wonder because you said you're comfortable talking about your work and an editor really is talking to you about your work and possible changes or possible solutions or confusions no thank you. And you can't put their funny conversations in the book

they wouldn't like that exactly with Emily Juniper Look I think when I did when I've done live shows as we all have done them I had a director for one of them And then my second one, I couldn't really organise a director. And then I asked another director, and they didn't want to get involved.

And then out of, I guess it's like necessity is the mother of invention. I then start really stressing out, but also making all the decisions myself. And then by the end of that show, I really loved the show. And although it's really useful to have a director for your own sanity and for having another third party to look at things, I kind of liked working that way, so then the second time I did the same without one. So then when I wrote my first book with Emily,

I think, I also think she was doing so much. We don't have anyone else involved. We just have me and Emily. So I thought if she's doing all of that, then I'll just sort of organise all the words. And I think probably it would have been quite useful to have an editor, but I'm way beyond that now. I'm in too deep.

You don't like a director for your shows. No. Why not? You're you scared of authority? Again, it's the criticism thing. It's hurtful, isn't it? I like it. I like having someone say it's bad. Do you? You don't like someone saying it's bad? No, but if it's somebody that you trust.

I don't trust anyone. I can come on board. You can't have I trust you. But do you... But do you... But it's collaborating. I like feeling like it's not all on me. Yeah, that's true. With a live show. Yeah, share the blame.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely. So it's like, well, they said that was a good idea. I think there's wisdom to it. I just really struggle with it. And I think lots of people who want to be stand-up comedians, they do want to be a one-man band. Yeah, I think it's a very stand-up versus improviser thing.

There is something about it if you do a live show and you're on your own. And I don't think it's always a very healthy thing, but you do then live and die on everything being you. And so it can be, to be fair, extremely bleak. And also, that's the thing. really badly. There's no one to turn to and you're on the night bus and you've lost your trousers and it's horrible. And then if it goes really well you go well I'm not going to get ahead of myself it could go wrong the next time but that was okay. So I actually

think although I'm not doing it I would advocate that you have a director. I really really loved the interaction between you and Emily. Yeah it was great. You are quite the double at and I love her take on your poems and what I loved because sometimes especially with poetry if they're short you can rush on scrolling through you know

and the little conversations allow me more time I know it's not art but to process what you've written. It was like being in a English lesson that's what I liked because then you had people that were discussing things and you were like yes I thought that or that was good or yes what is he talking

about but she is quite loopy Yeah, but it's nice. The character, Emily Juniper. You can have loopy people in your English lesson. Yeah, you can do, yeah. And make it some time, yeah. I also, we should say, it's not just her conversations. Her incredible design and beautiful illustrations.

Also, she hadn't really done much illustri- We should have got Emily on. I was just thinking that. Well, you still can. She'd enjoy that, actually. She's been on a podcast. When we did a book, me and Emily, our first one together was called, he used thought as a wife, and it was set in the lockdown.

I asked Emily if she could do an illustration and it was right at the end of the book. And I don't think I knew at that point how Emily would illustrate or whether she could illustrate. I assume she could. But you don't want it to be embarrassing and she illustrates something

and it comes back and you go, oh, well done, did a five-year-old do that? So when it came back, that's one of my favourite things that I've ever seen her do, which was in that book, there's a running, there's a story about me

and a person called the Colonel who are just desperate to meet up during this lockdown and can't and we're waiting for the pub waiting for the pub and at the end the book ends with us getting to the pub in the bit where they would sell you like a four pint carton of

beer through a window and then we walk out of the pub and turn left and then turn right onto Hampstead Heath and we walk off into the distance and Emily illustrated that and it's just me and the colonel just walking towards the sunset and we look a bit like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet

is that The Colonel John Kerns? That's the Colonel John Kearns. Can I tell everyone about your prank on John Kearns in Melbourne? Yeah, I don't know what it is. Oh, great, okay, I really love pranks

and I really love comedians doing pranks. It's great. Melbourne have a festival, it's about a month long, it's about Edinburgh, but nice, would you say? Sunny, you get a day off, everyone makes money. Oh, yeah, you go to the zoo. You go on a tram, it's wonderful.

But they still have awards at the end, but no one even minds, do they? Nominate it four times. And everyone's having a lovely tournament. So it must have been you and John both nominated for the main prize. Oh, it was. And they'd been enjoying these little pies from the pie shop called Pinkletons. Pinkletons, yeah.

They're like a small pink, kind of like a French fancy. Carry on. Yeah. Nice. And so everyone's sort of standing. All the comedians are together. All of your friends are around. You know, who's going to win?

Oh, one detail on his birthday, which he celebrated in Melbourne. I think it was his 27th birthday. I bought him 27 Pinkletons. Carry on. So the Pinkleton thing had been running all, my God. The Pinkleton's a mess. It got out of control. And as the winner is called out, and it's not John Kearns and it's not Tim Key,

you handed him a bag of Pinkleton's straight away. But that's not the prank. The next year you weren't in Melbourne. John was also nominated for the main prize again, so you got another comedian to go out and get Pinkleton's. So that John has completely forgotten. This is 12 months later. He's not been eating any pies at all that year,

and exactly the same thing happens. The windows and then a pink cake. It's not John Gers. Pinkleton. Pinkleton, yeah. I actually tried to do it the following year. Oh, huh. And I reached out to a comedian, my mole, and they didn't get the Pinkleton

into the hands of the English comedian. I think they stopped doing them. I think they stopped doing Pinkletons. I think that whole pie shop is closed. The whole pie shop. Because that year, you'd have skewed their marketing. They were like, we've got this hot round Pinkletons. We should only make those.

Let's not make any other pie. I brought down Pie face. They couldn't compete. I used to love Pyeface. Imagine the person who sold 27 to one customer. It's like they're going crazy. Great day. I didn't really know John at the time.

Now you're such good friends. We're good friends now. Anyway, that illustration was fantastic. And so with this one, when we started writing this one, I did encourage Emily to, once we'd sort of worked out where the book would be, how it had all pieced together. I think she might have done a little couple of illustrations. but I was in the same way as she's not my editor,

I'm not her editor either. So really we just leave it to one another's, but I'm sort of on the sidelines going, I hope she writes some more illustrations. Do you write them? I don't know how you... Draw them, I think. Draw them, yeah, that's what she does.

So anyway, but she's judged it very nicely where there's probably, I don't know, maybe 10 throughout the whole book. Yeah, I liked it. And it's nice. They just sometimes crop up, but they're always beautiful. Yeah.

So I wanted to ask you a few things thematically. and I think we will ask you to read. We will be asking you to read some. Well, I've also got some thoughts as well. Okay. I wanted to talk to... I won't be directing you to...

Shall I tell you what my thoughts is, quickly? Yeah. It would be quite good to read one of the dialogues with me talking to Emily Juniper, wouldn't it? Oh, yes. So you two... But people who haven't bought the book yet, who are sort of wondering.

That would be great. It would be great, but also it would be awkward, right? Because one of you's going to have to do it and the other one will feel sad. Oh, no. The other one, I'd be Tim Key and you could be Emily Juniper. Yeah. Then I'll feel sad.

That's all right. So we don't mind. Oh, we don't mind that. It's important to be okay to be sad. It's a normal feeling. I'm so happy, I'm sad. And it's really important to also, everything will pass.

That's true. It's all a phase. It's all a phase. I wanted to ask you about fat face. Sure. I wanted to tell us about fat face. Right, okay. Yes, great.

But I have an added reason because... Oh, okay. I'm just interested. No, no. Fat face comes up a lot in the poems. A lot. It's a large theme. If you were A-level essaying, you'd be talking about... Late motif.

I would say. And I found that quite shocking because I'm writing a play about the apocalypse. And Fat Face features in it quite heavily. Oh, does it? Because it's the only shop that hasn't been looted. And I've had this sort of low-level fascination with Fat-Face. Well, so does Tim quite clearly. Oh, exactly.

We need to talk. We need to talk about it. Have you thought about how you're casting the play yet? We'll talk after. We'll talk after. I'd love you to be in my play. I'd love to be the owner of Fat-Face. I was born to play it.

Oh my God. There is a section in the book called the Canterbury ones. Yes. All about Canterbury. Well, I've had to play to Canterbury. They could be called the Fat Face. And you're right, having been to Canterbury for family reasons, the large part of Canterbury is Fat Face and the white stuff.

So my theory is, I think I'm the same as you. It's just there, isn't it? It's just a low-level, okay. Not even, it's a very subconscious shop. and you're sort of just occasionally you'll be like, okay, another fat face. And you don't do anything about it. You don't go in. You certainly don't go in.

No, you don't go in. But you let it exist. Yeah. If Fat Face is one of the great shops that you just let exist. It's nice. It's another white stuff. It's good to have it about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually disagree. Okay. You don't like it? No, I go in. Always. Right. To research your play. They used to be one in Houston station next to the Marks and Spencers.

So quite often they're in places where you are waiting. I'd rather go to M&S and Fat Face Why are you going into Fat Face? On hour, 45 minutes. Oh, fair play, yeah. I'd go in all of the shots. And they took away the paper chases, what we're supposed to do? What, from which station?

Houston? Houston, yeah. Oh, okay. And so it was a small, it was a sliver of a fat face. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They don't need much to sort of, you know, open one. But I do think about them, Tim.

I think about the number one, the pricing. Pretty price. So expensive. So expensive. Pretty pricing. Reassuringly expensive. £100 for a swimming costume. Keep talking.

Does that come with a hat? 80 pounds. 80 pounds for a t-shirt. Well, it's like 25 to 30 for one of the aforementioned's wooden necklaces. Really? But my problem is the things that they write on there. Yeah, awful.

Well, I'll tell you one thing that they're not afraid to write on there. Fat face. They are obsessed. Yeah. I think they're getting high on their own supply in there. They believe their own hype. Anything, if you want to go, that's the thing about, I mean, this is not an advert for Uniglo, but if you want to go to,

Uniglo, you go, fantastic. I'm going to get a sweatshirt that's got a faint bit of sort of neck area and you're away. And it's reasonably priced. Reasonably priced. And actually, I'll tell you what else you can do in Uniglo and they won't mind me saying this is you can throw it into the basket and it scans it as it falls. Yes, yeah. Okay. They do that as a Zara now. Well, they do Sarah. They do it as well, yeah. Right, there we are. Do Fat Face do that? None of us have ever bought anything there. We wouldn't know. From Fat Face? No. No, but my tech in Edinburgh from 2009 wore a fat face. He was basically sponsored with.

I think they're really big in the South West fat face. Wouldn't surprise me. And I feel like they get here and they're like, but this sells out in Turkey. No, it's not the fat face thing. It's they do like these, you wouldn't call them poems to him, but they do like verses. Oh yeah, yeah.

Oh, do they? Yeah, and it makes live laugh, love. Yeah. Look good, look like this. Look like fucking Ariel. That's what makes me like. It's like, they do their own version of like, stuff, like nobody's drowning, like all of these things

that's supposed to break your feet. Surf like nobody's driving. Yeah, kind of stuff. It does it. There's lots of like ride the wave. Yeah, ride the wave, be yourself. But I also wanted to ask you about, because there's another late motif,

is your House of Games. Yeah, you go on about House of Games. So to the extent I thought you hadn't been on House of Games. Oh, no, I knew he had. It's a bragging. It's a bragging. It's not a bragging. Right, in that's a good way.

No, it's very shamed. It's not ashamed. Oh, yeah. What is it then, Tim? It's confident. It's split the diff. I don't know. Hang on. Have we got to the bottom of Fat Face? We've done that. Maybe let's have a poem. You know, we've mentioned. Yeah. That mentions them both. Can to be two. Yeah. Canter be two. You're right. We can't run from Fat Face that quickly, sir. I'm worried they're going to send us free stuff. I don't think any of us have said anything bad about Fat Face. I think all three of us have just talked for seven minutes about Fat Face. And although we've got contempt for it, I don't think any of us has anything bad. You haven't really slagged it off. Not really. We haven't slagged it on, I wouldn't say. Okay, this is a poem called Canterbury 2.

You're going to get a fleece in the post. I'd love a fleece in the post. I went up Canterbury Cathedral for a giggle. I'd been on House of Games, so they gave me a good reception and let me ring the bell. I gave it a good old whack on the rim, and the mayor and some of the choristers applauded. They fed me some weird, thin, Kentish mead in the courtyard,

and the priest guy presented me with vouchers for fat-faced. I bought some plain swim shorts. a webbing belt and a khaki bucket hat. The chap on the till had Herbie ringing the bell earlier and he threw in a free strand bead bracelet and scratched my knuckle when he handed over the bag. And at the bottom, Juniper says... Are we carrying on?

Canterbury. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's not one of the most scintillated pieces of dialogue. I really love that one. Yeah, I went to Canterbury to write a sitcom and I got the train home and I'd written five poems about Canterbury. No sitcom, bye-bye.

Now I feel we can move on to House of Games. Perfect. You both been on? You mentioned House of Games. Oh yeah, come on. Can we talk about Tim before we're talking about how great you are at House of Games? I brought my round, and then I came back for Champion and Champions.

And I thought I'd be with all four who'd won their week. No, people who just won a day. Did I win that one as well? Yes, I did. Continue. It's a story as old as I. So what's your House of Games story? I went on House of Games, some pretty decent brains against me. Win that series, easy.

Get invited back for House of Games, Champion and Champions. I thought all of them would have had to have win their series. They only have to have won a day. Anyway, go head to head with Gabby Logan, and yeah, I show her what's what. There's no shame in there at all. None. So sometimes comedians will do a thing referencing, I guess, their TV success, but they'll do it in a sort of disparaging way.

So they pick a... Ironic, ironic way. Yeah, they'll pick one of their... Give me an example. Have you done this? I have. So if on Stage Day ever sort of need to tell an audience that they might not know me from television, but I have been on television, I use Mock the Week.

Right. It's not something I'm proud of. Is it not? No. I mean, Mock the Week's not my show. I was never very good on it. It feels very edgy, you're saying you don't like Mock the Week. Yeah, no, doesn't it?

I feel a bit scared. Do you don't think they'll book me again? I outlasted them. As will fat face for all of us. Did you bring them now? Is that like me buying all those pinkles? And the other point is that it's... Mock the Week for me has so many connotations.

So one, one, it's old. I was on there over a decade ago. Yet it probably is the only thing I'm recognised for in real life, which my husband finds hilarious, is that once every five weeks, someone will come and go, oh, you're very good on Mock the Week. Did I do that you?

It must be repeated on Dave or something. This is the problem. These things, yeah, these things. They don't keep going out. They does. But rather than using quite, you know, a cool credit,

I would only ever say on stage, I've been on the week. Yeah. So you're wondering whether that's the same thing that's happening here. Your House of Games, yes.

Because you could say, I mean, you've been... I got the vibe he was pleat. He was chuffed. Yeah. Like me. If you really want to know,

I find those shows really hard to do. Ah. And House of Games, I find really enjoyable to do. Yeah. Because, you just got to answer the questions.

You just go on there. And, you know, he's very friendly, isn't he? Lovely. And it's just a bunch of nice people and you sort of get miced up, sit down and really it's just a case of trying to make the cameraman laugh and then go home. Yes, so there's no audience.

No, that's not how I play. I'm playing to win. I had a meltdown. I only did it once because I was on with that TV presenter called Rick. Very nice man. Rick Edwitz. Right, yeah. Breakfast with him this morning. Did you? Yeah.

How is he? He's back. I'm reversing this anecdote. Do you an anecdote? We haven't, though. Yes, yes, they've had a baby. The baby was good. Yeah, the baby was vaping.

It's very grown up. So, Rick Edwards is very, very bright. Right. And he's competitive. Sure. And it? He cooked me, wild mushrooms, scrambled eggs on toast, vine tomatoes and a sausage.

Delightful. And they've got a, like, under one baby. They've got under one babies and, yeah, no babies. You know the rules that you're supposed to take food around to other people? Yeah, you're not supposed to get the baby. I offered. I said, do you need me to... He's so competitive. He's so competitive.

Do you need me to pick anything up? Mm. He said no. He said no, I arrived there, no orange juice. Anyway, carry on. It just brought out... Rick brought out a bad side of me. Yeah.

And I didn't like showing it publicly. And when it went on, I got messages from people. And this is what happens with people. Oh, I got messages from people. People think they've sent you a compliment. Yeah. But it wasn't a compliment. People saying, well done for your performance on House of Games.

I always think that my daughter has no examples of women being bossy and unlikable in the public eye. It's important for young women to see that they can just be awful. And it was that kind of thing. And then he won, he won, he won. That would annoy me. He won. He won.

He was like, day for day. He served as scrambled eggs on one of the trophies. So, yeah, that was the end of mine. Yeah, I wasn't in control, though. Honestly, I was shaking at one point because I was so adrenalineized. I was so stressed. And I think they want you. They've booked through the comic to be chatty and funny, but...

No, I was remotely chatty. And when, you know, when they pick teams and someone who's losing pictures, I was like, why is they fucking pick me? I was not gracious. It was awful. Who was on yours? Gabriela Logan. Jamie Lang.

Oh, yeah. Jeff Stelling. I feel like I played Jeff Stelling. I think Jeff Stelling is always there. He's like Alan Davis on QI. That's not another poem. That's another poem. So now we know you're feeling on House of Games,

which is, I mean, pride, isn't it? Yep. I really like that show. Actually, it's really easy, and I tend to win it. Is there one you want to read before we, is? No. One of my way we laughs was pre-tocks.

Is there a little chat afterwards we can do it? Yeah, there really is. Yeah, there is on the other side. Okay, lovely. Are you two going to do the chance? Yes, yeah. I hate that. Oh, okay.

No, it's okay. Jeff Stelling's coming later. If the chat is performed by Jeff Stelling and Gabriela Logan, I think I'm leaving. You know, you can do the chat, then I don't want you to hate it. This is pre-tox. I bought a whole load of pretz, as in shit tons,

as in basically a disgrace. Almond cuisons, chocolate quassons, pano raisins, the mango stuff, the cheese and tomato thing, a love bar, fuck loads of crisps, several Swedish meatball wraps, chocolate mousse,

people taking photos of, me, me leaving disgusted with myself. My bag was bulging as I staggered across the concourse and boarded the 904 to Newky. I was so sad looking at my bag. I poured in my coffee and my mango smoothie and I let it ferment if that's the word I'm after. I let my head fall into the bag.

I could feel my mouth opening and closing and my stomach filling. I could hear the train announcer talking about how he would reach Reading soon. He sounded appalled. As if he was looking at me in one of his cameras. Hat, is this when you came and visited me? Yeah, it could be.

I'm Falmouth, not Newkey. Oh, I sometimes change destinations. Keep my whereabouts under my hat, you know? Under your hat from who? I don't know, just rather say Newkey, avoid the hassle. What hassle? Well, anyway, yeah, that's from my trip to Falmouth. You think you're going to have a thousand of your Instagram followers

waiting on the platform at Falmouth? Not if I'm putting Newkey, I won't. There's PrEP. Pret features a lot as well. Yes. There's a lot of Pratt. And Juniper pulls you up on it quite early. Yeah, she does, doesn't she? Yeah, she does.

She knows which way the direction of travel is. I think that one's really true. Some of them, they come from my head. Others, I'm like established on the train to Falmouth with seven items from Pratt, just going, that is insane that I'm doing this. Do you get a Pratt on the train? Yes.

Yeah, I've got a safe order that I do. Medians, I think, probably. Yeah. What's your safe order? Here we go. I would over order as well. What's your go-to? Oh, I don't have a go-to.

I do. I've got a go-to. What's your go-to? Let me tell you. Okay. Please do. I go to the train station. Yeah.

I live myself plenty of time. Mm-hmm. And then I am Pratt. Mm-hmm. Tuna, mayonnaise and cucumber. Again. Yeah. Oh, controversial, I think.

W.R.X. Smith. Oh, yeah. It's pole. It's pole. Pole court. Okay. I've read all this. the sandwiches. It's not hand-cought.

I don't think that it leapt out of the scenes of the sandwich. This isn't new-key. It's, yeah, poisoned tuna. Then I'm W.H. Smith's. A grab bag, ready-salted crisps. Oh. You don't get pre-crisps. Were you there? No. I prefer walkers.

Most of their crisps are actually chickpeas and stuff now. Aren't they? Yeah, a load of crap. The salt and vinegar ones are so salty. They will cut you. It really does. If you've got cracked lips, That's stinging. Yeah. You're better off in W.O.X.

Mears. Yeah, I see that. I haven't thought to do that. I also get a paper there and maybe some sparkling water. Okay. And then, actually, weirdly, I think I'm back to Pratt. You've left a quite a long time. You've left a long time.

Yeah, we don't have this about time. So anything hot? Are you going for the soup? No. Macaroni cheese? No, no, no. The meatball sub. I've got too much respect for my fellow travellers.

The reason I can't have a regular is because they quite often change what is vegan. vegetarian options. So you can't get attached. You just have to go with what's available. And if it's afterchokes and olives, that's what you're having. I'm sorry that they do that. That's okay. There's an option.

There's always an option. Sometimes there's always a vegan soup as well. Yeah. It's a vegan sandwich. But sometimes there's just really great things. And then you feel like I'm glad it's not good all the time. So you think, do you wish that the music would stop? And it's just settled on one, if you could settle it on one thing for you.

One vegan thing they did. Yeah, what would you... They said, this is going to stay. Thank you for asking me. Well, also, you can speak to them now. They do a Thai coconut-based soup. Brilliant. A red curry soup, but very, very rarely.

But it's a happy day when it happens. Such a vegan, when it happens. But I would over buy also, so if it was that day, I would buy three. I'd never heard of anyone freezing soups from fare. I don't know. I'm not freezing them. I eat them later. I eat the soup for every meal.

Are you quite soupy? There's a soup for breakfast, yeah. I said not okay, and she said, you can have it for these two meals. I said, yeah, lunch and dinner, not for breakfast. Soup for breakfast. That soup poured onto cereal, or soup just... Soup with toast.

Toast is breakfasty. Yeah, toast is breakfasty, so there's a link there at least. But soup at night? I've started having curry. Oh, gosh. For breakfast? Carrey on toast, yeah. Which is like thick soup.

As in delivery or you've already got some in? I've made it. It's leftovers. This is too much now about what I've been eating. Oh, sorry, same. It's way too much. I mean, I'm trying to sell a book here. There's a Tom Yum soup that I made you have from Wasabi,

which again, I mean, next time you're travelling. Yeah, you ordered three when we ordered that. I was like, I don't want one. What's the nicest thing you've had? Tom Yum soup from Wasabi. Oh, mine was goose curry from a thermos flask on a mountain. I'm serious. We've had very different lives.

Yeah. Do you think? How long do you take you? We don't discuss the questions beforehand. Say it together at once. How long does it take you to write? I couldn't see your mouth. It's in front of my.

I see your mouth. Poem, I'd say, three to four minutes, book maybe sort of five weeks. So I'd put a bit of thought in. No, I'd say most of the poems are actually pretty, what's the night? What's the kind of nice way of saying shout out? No, no. Inspired. Yeah, inspired.

Inspiration comes and they shoot out of you, electorate. Yeah, the genie visits me. and so I'd say that it's very rare that I'd try and I remember once trying to write a poem about my dad and that's not easy yeah that was like that was I would say pretty much a ploy to try and sort of you know lift elevate my show so it had this like something more in it and uh I just couldn't that's not easy that stuff I don't find that stuff that's quite so easy but if I'm writing some stuff about chap eating a soda stream then that's That doesn't take too long.

So lots of people make jokes in order to distance themselves from things that they have a lot of feelings about. Yeah. And that might be why it's more difficult to write a poem about your dad. No, totally. I can see why. I probably have written poems about him. Actually, there is a poem, oh, not in here,

but I have written a poem about him. But it's not really about, you know, the feel of his mittens on my ears at Fireworks Night. Yeah. It's more sort of about me carrying him on my shoulders around Bristol, which didn't happen. Yeah. But there's some warmth in the poem, I think.

Yeah. I don't the Simon Mittens one. I do too. That's not a poem though. Oh, but it could be. You've still got time. Yeah, somewhere in my head, isn't it? Goosecurrie.

If you just break it halfway through the sentence. Yeah. Becomes a poem. Careful, say. It books of poetry everywhere, if you let them know. Can you read, can I ask you to read Clacker? Oh, yeah, sure. short, delightful one.

It was so sunny. When Ray Wells staggered back inside, he was read as a lobster. Also, he had developed pincers. His wife reeled backwards on seeing this abomination. She screamed as he clacked and mewed. She spat at him

and started bringing up other instances where he had in some way let her down or be an asshole. And that's one of my favorite drawings. Emily's drawn a little... It's the first one she drew. I'm a man with lobster arms. This is so beautiful.

Look, we can read a longer bit of Kean Juniper. This chapter is all set in the summertime. Yes. And if you look at page 80, this is the long one. Is this me and Sarah Pasco? Yeah. Yeah, because I did it also. Fantastic. So I'll read the poem

and then we'll go into it. The poem I wrote in in Kuala Lumpur. Did you? You were filming that sitcom? Yeah. And there was a guy called Sunny who was a really big guy who wore a bandana. And I was watching him waiting to be filming.

I mean, he was plodding around and it was so hot. Anyway, this is a poem all right about him. Sunny trudged across the yard. His bandana hardened under the sun. As he walked, so his skin calcified. He slowed to a stop and his flesh darkened as the sun dried him like a nut.

He stood stock still under the basketball hoop. Then he teetered and fell, shattered into a thousand pieces on the concrete. One of the fishermen's feet ignited. Pardon me? It's too hot. How do you mean ignited? You know the bit I like?

When it cools down a bit around 8pm,m, fix myself a gin and peppermint, drape myself over my trellis, bliss. The fisherman, Em, what are you talking about? His feet caught fire, are we saying? Pat Cloud. And his feet caught fire? His left foot. He'd lost his sandal.

Out at sea? God, no, Pat can't swim. This is at the harbour. The sun was bouncing off the maritime museum. His foot started smoking. Okay, I get the picture, Em. Had to hot foot it to the hospital. Yeah.

It's not funny. They couldn't extinguish it sent him back down to the ocean and told him not to come back until it was completely out. The hospital sent the fishermen back to the ocean. Pat Cloud. Yes, I get that he's called Pat Cloud.

They wouldn't dress it, said it stopped glowing, basically. What were the other fishermen doing? Sheltering from the sun. They'd seen what happened to Pat. Did they save his foot? Yes. Thank God. I mean, as in, he's had it mounted.

Like in a glass box thing, it's all charred and they've put moss around it. Moss? The green furry thing. No, I know what moss is there. I bet his child foot looks lush on the moss. You haven't seen it? He's ever so cheerful, considering what he's been through?

So he's... What's he got instead of a foot then? What do you mean instead of a foot? I mean, I don't know what I mean. He hasn't put something different on there. Has he not got a plastic foot? I don't know. You don't know.

He wears long boots. Ah. So I haven't seen what he's got there now. Ah, okay. I couldn't believe it when he told me about it. No, it's a mad story. It's worse if you know, Pat. You've not seen his knee.

foot or the mounted burnt one. Is the nicest guy Pat is. Yep, that's set in Emily's Falmouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strong Falmouth fives. Yep, I've been there. Do you make up the Emily Juniper bits as well? Yes.

What do you mean? What make up what she says? Yeah. There's sometimes bits, there will be bits in there where she said exactly that. Yes. Maybe about 10 things. Yeah. across the whole book.

But mainly, we talk a lot on the phone. And sometimes she says, hmm, she'll say something and then she'll go, hmm, that's going in the book, isn't it? Yeah, that will go in the book. So sometimes she sort of meets me halfway and says something, you know, funny. And then other times it will just come from my head

and then other times she'll look at the Emily Juniper in the book and sometimes say some stuff where she realizes she's accidentally turned into the Emily Juniper from the book. You've created a monster and she is it. Does she really drink gin and peppermint? No. I don't think anyone does. Yeah. I was really like, what is gin and peppermint?

Do you know what? I think someone drank, you two might know this. Yeah. I think someone drank gin and peppermint in a book I read. Yeah. And I think it might have been a book by Patrick Hamilton maybe. Okay, that'll be. That's why I was so impressive. by it. I was like, oh my God.

Well, she's actually drinking that. Yeah. No, no one's drinking. There was, I read a Ben Elton book years and years ago, and their character in it put, had a Baileys and Coke. And I couldn't believe. I kept thinking, surely not, surely not. I'd know, I'd know. But I did it, and you can't.

You get, it kills. When I heard about it, and then when I sort of decided this would be what Emily drinks, I just found it like the perfect drink for her. It feels so sophisticated. So sophisticated. And because it's just so, I mean, it makes me... But also with an edge of light, it's going to get you really pissed.

Yeah, it sounds like hard. Yeah. I think I'd fall in love with someone if they went to the bar and ordered the gin and peppermint. It's just so they know their mind. They're out of their... They're out of their mind. Completely insane.

I wanted to ask one question, if that's okay. About the difference between performing your poems and having someone else read them in their... their head. Do you trust your readers to read them? Great question. But you have such a distinctive style that even when I was reading them, I had your voice in there. I didn't perform it myself. I let my imaginary

Tim Kee perform them. But you're another performer. Yeah, that's true. So my imaginary Tim Kee is pretty good. Whereas mine was being read like a news reader. The news at 10. The Queen announced a short run at the Soho Theatre. Wow. That would be news. She both it was her moment.

So fuck it. Book the place. See who salutes. works for the... Yeah, that does actually. This does feel like a news report. They all work. They're good poems. What I'm saying is the people can read them in whatever their inner voice is, but how do you find it? Sometimes people feed back and say, I can hear it in your voice.

I think maybe that does help the fact that I've done it as a live thing for so long. It's interesting though, isn't it? Comparing it to Sylvia Plath as the sort of thing that we would do. Yeah, I don't think we've compared it to Sylvia Plath enough. Because I've never heard her reading them. No, and if you do, you wouldn't like it. Really? She's American.

Oh. Right. Well, does she sound like Shaggy from Scooby-Dill? This was my gain I had, because I was reading your book alongside Sylvia Plath. I thought maybe I could read you a few lines of Sylvia Plath and then you could just do like a Tim Key closer. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So I'm finishing the poem? Yeah, or just Tim Keefying it because she doesn't have many jokes, timkifying. Okay. So here's what I imagined. Yeah, yeah, sure. I read a few lines and then, suddenly there's a mention of Pratt or Fat Face.

Right. That's what we're hoping. Okay. Even the sun clouds this morning cannot manage such skirts, nor the woman in the ambulance whose red heart blooms through her coat so astoundingly.

She munched down on her Swedish meatball wrap. That's the kind of thing. I thought you were going to finish it with the next slide. Oh, I thought I'd just carry on. I tuck mine in.

Well, let's. Well, let's. If the moon smiled, She would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful but annihilating. Your khaki fat-faced hoodie falls lazily from your shoulders. Both of you are great light borrowers. That's so good.

Yeah, it's not rocket science, isn't it? Tim, how wonderful. Where can we buy this book? Tell us where they can buy it. You can buy it in the shops now. Great. Yeah. Let me tell you this.

this book you can get in, I think, any shop in the world. That face stocking in? Ideally. That would be great. What's that thing called when you collaborate with someone? It's a collaboration, isn't it? It's a collaboration. It's got to be.

So yeah, you can get it in, even like something like Waterstones. Yeah, great. And then it's also an audio book. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. Audio book? So then you can't, if you have a bad imagination, they can't imagine you. Then, they listen to you.

I'm so who is Juniper and the audio. It is you. You've done it. Does Katie Wicks do it? She does. Oh, yes. Yeah, good guess. So that, you can get that.

I think you go to my Instagram and then everything sort of falls into place. And then if you really want to know what else I'm doing, I'm doing my radio show, there's a new series of my radio show which comes out on the 19th of March. Nice. Yeah, when does this come out of interest?

Well, my radio show came out on the 19th of March. Okay, okay. 2024. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much to talk to us. Please give a huge round of words. amazing Tim Key, everybody.

Thank you for listening to the Weirdo's Book Club. Chapters is available to buy now and the audiobook featuring Katie Wicks is available to listen to now as well. You can find out about all the upcoming books we're going to be discussing on our Instagram. That's at Sarah and Carriads Weirdo's Book Club, all one word. My novel Weirdo and Carriad's book, You're Not Alone, are both available in the shops now. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you.