Silicon Valley Girl: AI, Tech and Career Growth - Mel Robbins: How to Get Ahead in 2026 When Everything Feels Uncertain

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

In this episode of Silicon Valley Girl, Marina Mogilko sits down with Mel Robbins — bestselling author ("Let Them," "The 5 Second Rule"), entrepreneur, and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the top podcasts in the world (recently nominated for a Golden Globe).Mel breaks down why anxiety happens, how to separate yourself from the alarm going off in your body, and why that restless feeling might actually be telling you something important about your life. She shares her journey from $800K in debt to building a media empire, and explains why your timeline doesn't have to match anyone else's.We also dive into dealing with FOMO, managing mom guilt, knowing when to say no, and why jealousy is just blocked ambition. Plus, Mel introduces her new protein company, Pure Genius, and explains why protein isn't just for the gym—it's for focus, energy, and life.Topics covered:How to stop nighttime anxiety and racing thoughtsWhy "I have anxiety" vs "I feel anxious" mattersThe friction exercise to figure out what you actually wantHow to use jealousy as a roadmap for your goalsSetting boundaries and protecting your time as an entrepreneurCheck out Mel Robbins' bestselling book "The Let Them Theory" here: https://www.melrobbins.com/book/the-let-them-theory/More from the Silicon Valley Girl: Newsletter:⁠⁠ https://siliconvalleygirl.beehiiv.com/⁠⁠Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/siliconvalleygirl/ ⁠⁠YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@SiliconValleyGirl⁠⁠LinkedIn: ⁠⁠linkedin.com/in/marinamogilko⁠⁠

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with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at Windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th, turns at AKA.m.m.S. You're lying there in bed at night. You're staring at the ceiling and you're running through scenarios. What if this? What if that? What if I lose my job? What if I can't pay my bills? What if AI takes over the world? But how do you stop? I want to attack it on three different levels. This is Mel Robbins, whose simple practical advice has changed millions of lives. But it didn't

start that way. I'm 57. I screwed things up for a long time. I did not achieve the success in my life that you see until my 50s. There were periods of my career that were driven by desperation and neat. I had liens on my house. We were $800,000 in debt, and I was the sole breadwinner. The truth is, desperation is an incredible motivator. Now, she's a best-selling author. Her book, Let Them, is on track to become the fastest-selling nonfiction book in history. She's a businesswoman running a global media company,

and her podcast has been nominated for a Golden Globe. And if you have that sense right now that you're like, I'm not where I want to be, great. You just woke the hell up. And what you're bumping into is your ambition. Lean into that. How do you realize that moment when you need to stop doing whatever you're doing and just shift towards something you?

Thank you so much, Mel, for being here. Well, thank you. Yeah, it's fascinating to talk to you because I know you inspired a lot of people who surround me. And we're in a weird age where a lot of people wake up in the middle of the night worried that AI is taking away their job, that the world is changing faster than they can understand the change. When something like this hits in the middle of the night, what should people be doing to stop this anxiety? Well, it's an

excellent question, and I want to attack it on three different levels. First of all, I want to acknowledge that being nervous about something that is out of your control is a normal and healthy reaction to a moment in history when there is so much that is changing. And I once heard somebody say at a big corporate conference that right now is the single slowest moment of change you'll experience for the rest of your life, which of course spiked everybody's anxiety levels in the audience. But so I want you to understand that's a normal response to an unprecedented amount of change. So there's nothing wrong with you. That's number one. Number two is I struggled with anxiety for decades, and I fundamentally did not understand what it was. And so I'm going to offer up a kind of

larger way to think about anxiety, and then we're going to talk about two tools that you can use. Okay? So I always thought about anxiety as this big thing that I was going to feel forever because I had it chronically. And I made a lot of mistakes that medical doctors and my psychotherapist and lots of people that specialize in anxiety have now taught me to be very helpful. So one big course correction I want you to make is I want you to stop saying I have anxiety, and I want you to say I feel anxious because. And the reason why is we're going to teach you today, and these are tools that have been extremely effective for me. They have been affected for all three of my adult children.

These are tools that are backed by research, not my research, research from medical doctors, research from people at Harvard Medical School that specialize in anxiety, and understanding that you can have an anxious feeling and you can feel this alarm going off in your body. That's what Dr. Russell Kennedy says anxiety is. You can feel this alarm, and you can learn how to slowly separate yourself from the alarm that you're feeling because that's what you're feeling if you're laying awake at 3 o'clock at night and you're worrying about AI and you're worrying about your bills and you're worrying about the state of the world and you're worrying about your kids and you're worrying about your parents that are getting older. All of these things are important things to worry about.

But let's help you put it all in a bigger context so that you cope with it better. Okay. So anxiety is an alarm in your body that goes off whenever there is something in the future that you feel uncertain about, which means you don't know how it's going to turn out and you feel like you can't control it. Okay? If you understand that it's an alarm, Dr. Russell Kennedy also says that all anxiety is separation anxiety. Now, when he first said that, I was like, what the hell are you talking?

Separate. I know it is not. I'm not separate from it. And he's like, no, no, no. You are separating from your capacity to handle. whatever's going to happen. Yeah. Because if you really think about it, you're lying there in bed at night, you're awake,

you're staring at the ceiling, and you're running through scenarios. What if this? What if that? What if I lose my job? What if I can't pay my bills? What if AI takes over the world and robots are like all that? So you've just gone up into your head and now you're in a what if loop and all the thinking makes the alarm worse. And what I want you to know is that you're going to feel these moments for the rest of your life because there's so much that's out of your control. There is a lot of uncertainty, but here's what I want you to be certain of.

What you can be certain of is that you are capable of figuring it out. You are capable through your attitude, through your actions over time. You are capable of navigating the challenges in your life. And I want you to start to understand that all moments of anxiety are a moment where you doubt your capacity to handle it. that's what it is. But how do you tell yourself, like how do you prove to yourself that you're able to go through challenges? Because sometimes when I think about like my path and my journey, I'm like, oh, I got lucky here. I got very lucky here. And I also got lucky here. Yes. What if I'm not lucky

the next thing? Well, you might not be. But even if you're not lucky, even if life isn't fair, even if a lot of unlucky things happen, even if horrible things that you don't deserve happen to you, you're capable of figuring it out. You're capable of surviving it. You are capable of navigating the challenges that life throws at you. You do not have to have it all figured out if you can stand in this moment and say, I trust in my ability to be okay. I trust in my ability to learn and grow through this.

I trust in my ability to figure it out as life comes at me. And so it's important to understand that what Dr. Russell Kennedy meant when he said at separation anxieties, you're separating from the truth. And the truth is you can figure it out. It may not be easy. It may be challenging, but you can double down on the belief that no matter what, you are capable of navigating life's challenges, not by avoiding them, but by having your own back as they come to you and at you. So understanding the larger context is really important. Now let's talk about some that you can use. So there's some really interesting research that you should do before bedtime. And this is so fascinating. We just covered this on the Mel Robbins podcast. They did this research

where that was about ruminating, where you lay in bed at night and you worry about all this stuff that is coming and that you didn't do and the texts that you didn't respond to. Oh, yeah. What happened today's meeting? A lot of people like do a gratitude practice. That's wonderful at night. But I want you to keep a little piece of paper next to your bed and write down a to do list of all the things that you're worried about, it sounds crazy, and all of the things you didn't do today. And here's what they found in research. It's as effective as a prescription sleep aid, that you'll fall asleep between 8 to 10 minutes faster if you do this. And here's why, based on the research. Again, not my research. This is super cool research. Your brain runs on these open loops, and it really

wants to remind you of things that it thinks are important. And if you've been worrying about stuff, whether it's out in the future or all the things you didn't get to, it keeps the open loops open and the tabs open. When you write it down on a list, you're basically signaling to your mind. Okay, it's right here. You can stop. You can close all the tabs. It's kind of done. Yes. It's not done, but it's done. Yes. But then, and if you're somebody that's like type A or you worry a lot, you don't need to worry also because you got the list. Yeah. And it's going to remind you in the morning. So that's a tactic to help you. And you can use this in the middle of the night. If you really can't let go. In the moment, also in the middle of the night, what I do in those times where life

is terrifying, like maybe you have somebody that's waiting on a diagnosis. Maybe you know layoffs are coming next week. Maybe you have to break up with somebody and you've been avoiding it and avoiding it and avoiding it. And it's something that you think about a lot when you wake up at three o'clock in the morning. I just want you to put your hand on your chest. I want you to just take a deep breath and just say, I'm okay, and I'm capable of figuring this out. This isn't going to be easy, but I know that I will be okay. And sometimes in life things aren't supposed to be easy. It shouldn't be easy to break up with somebody because you care about them. It shouldn't be easy to navigate health challenges. It shouldn't be easy to face a job where you might get a layoff.

These are very difficult things. Yeah. And so it is a very healthy response to life challenges to feel the weight of them. But that doesn't mean you're not capable of handling it. I love that. So basically talking to yourself about being able to go to things. And here's one final thing. Use your name.

So there's interesting research about the importance of words. And when I say, Mel, you are capable of figuring this out versus I'm capable of figuring this out. And I even didn't use the research when I was coaching. You just made to go, Mel, you're capable of figuring this else. Mel, you're going to be okay. Mel, like, no wonder you're stress. It's a lot and you're doing enough and you're going to be okay.

I think Chad GPD uses that research because when I ask for advice from Chad GPD, it was Marina, you're amazing. Yes. You're doing everything right. It's just this, this and this. Yes. And, you know, that's an interesting way to use AI is to basically have it talk to you that way. I'm going through X, Y, and Z.

Please validate how difficult this is and encourage and remind me that I am capable of figuring this out. And please tell me, based on, research, three things that are within my ability that I can focus on that I'm capable on that will help me navigate this. I love this. This is how I started using AI a lot. And the magical thing is then when you have a typical query, like, oh, I'm planning this trip or I want to book this hotel, it actually knows what you're going through. So it will give advice based on that. So it's no longer just a recommendation. It's basically a coach that's trying to navigate your life with you.

And, you know, I think for somebody, like if you're watching or you're listening and you're going through something very difficult, like maybe you're a caregiver, whether it's of little kids and or. it's of aging parents or you are navigating a period in your life where maybe all your friends have met somebody and you have just gone through a breakup and you're the only single one in your friend group and you feel very lonely about it. One of the things that I think can be very helpful is helping you figure out how to have an assistant that's helping you navigate these things in a positive way. Yeah, absolutely. So we talked a lot about. anxiety, but for a lot of people, especially like me, who are like middle-aged women with kids, a lot of anxiety comes from a feeling that, you know, I'm not where I'm supposed to be

in my life. I think I was meant for more. How do you realize that moment when you need to stop doing whatever you're doing and just shift towards something you? How do you do that? So one of the things I want to validate is that if you're having a feeling that you're not where you thought you would be. I want to have you. you first ask, based on what? Like your childhood dreams. I don't know. Make sure you pay it for yourself.

You need to be very clear, is it based on what you want, or is it based on everybody else's timelines? Because there's a big difference between feeling like you're not where you personally wanted to be based on your personal goals versus comparing your timeline to everybody else's. Yeah. And everybody, especially when you graduate from university or high school, you know, you've been in this kind of lockstep with everybody moving through life, especially university, right? And then you get to your 20s, and I call this the Great Scattering, everybody moves in completely different directions. They follow different careers.

And so one of the dangerous things that I think happened to people in their 20s and their 30s is you start to look around and you see people achieving things. that you really want, but they're achieving them on a timeline that's completely different than the timeline that's meant for you. Yeah. And so there's a difference, and you've got to separate that from what is it that you actually want in life deeply versus when is it happening? Because there are very few things.

One of them for women, obviously, is whether or not you're going to have children naturally. There is a very real timeline for that. But for everything else, I mean, for God's sakes, like I, I'm 57. I did not achieve the success in my life that you see until my 50s, which is extraordinary. Did I want it in my 30s? You better believe I did. And did I get jealous of people that were achieving things that I wanted then? Yes, absolutely. But what that is, if you extract the timeline, is there's a difference between when something happens and what is happening. And if you have that sense right now that you're like, I'm not where I want to be great. You just woke the hell up and what you're bumping into is your ambition. There are things that you want.

Yeah. And lean into that. If you're dissatisfied with some aspect of your life, that is incredible data. I think the points of friction in your life tell you more about what you want than the things that are going well. Yeah. Love it. But how do you stop? What do you mean? How do you stop? I don't know. You're in a job that kind of pays the bills, right? And, and, and, and, and, and, and, And if you quit, it stops paying the bills. Yes. And you're onto this. Who said you should quit?

But how do you start and you venture if you have kids in the evening and job during the day? Well, I guarantee you you have time. You're wasting it on stupid things. Like, look how much time you spend online. Is that advancing the things that you want? Look at how you waste time on the weekends. Look at how much time you spend watching everybody else's life versus investing that same time in building something toward the future. I don't think you should quit your job. I think you

should use your job as a way to pay your bills and then get very serious with yourself. What is it that I actually want? And one of the coolest things about life right now is, you know, when I was your age, we didn't have the internet. I didn't have social. I didn't have AI. I couldn't do research. people were not writing memoirs or writing blogs or sharing information the way that you do. Everything was kind of this giant mystery as to how people got successful or how people built things. And so you live at a moment of time where if you get serious about protecting your time, if you get clear about what you want, see, I think the reason why a lot of people are unhappy is they don't even know what they want. They just know they are not happy where they are.

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because we're built for what you're building. Fit for your ambition for Citizens Bank. I think most people don't have what they want because they haven't even stopped to define what they want. And if you're somebody who is like, well, I don't know what I want, here's a couple pieces of advice. You can do this exercise, and this is really good for business too, take out a blank piece of paper, draw a line down the center. And on the left-hand side of the page, you're going to write down absolutely everything where you feel friction in your body, everything where there is tension. What is not working about your life? And you will be surprised because you know what's not working. You know that you feel terrible because you have not seen the inside of a gym in a year.

you know that you hate going to your job because you feel like you're dying a slow death right now and you don't know what you want to do you just know you don't want to do this yeah you know that you're feeling uninspired around the folks that you're hanging out with and it's probably largely because you're not that inspiring right now or inspired by your life you know that you're sick of wasting three to six hours every day online you know it and you have a lot of you have a a lot of internal friction about it. Same thing is true about your business. Every part of your business that you hate that drives you crazy that makes you frustrated, that's a point of friction. Put it down. Now on the right side, put down the things that are going well. And you may have a

period of your life right now where nothing is. And if you can't even think about what's going well, then you can ask yourself, okay, when was I the happiest? When did I feel like myself? It might have been high school. And then ask yourself, well, what was it? What did my day-to-day life look like? And you'll see this pattern emerge. And the pattern is always the same. When life is going well and you don't have friction, you're getting up, you're going

somewhere, you are surrounded by your friends, you have something to do afterwards, whether it's sports or it's a project that you're interested in, you have something in the future that you're looking forward to. and you're taking care of your body. It is so standard to everybody. It's universal, and yet it feels deeply personal when you're the one stuck. And so look at the friction. Those are the things you need to change.

Look at things that are going well or remember a period in your life where you really enjoyed your life. Your life holds the data. Find it. And then do the things that you used to be doing that made you feel good. when you felt good in your life. And you will realize, my God, I have not prioritized friendship. Wow, I've been so busy watching fitness influencer videos. I don't actually do anything with my body. I beat myself up because all I do is watch people at 40 hours to do meal prep. But then I eat like

crap because I'm so stressed out. And now I'm in this cycle with myself. So the friction side are all the things you need to think about how could I make small gains and improve that area. The positive side are things you need to add in or continue doing. So that's one way you can attack this. Second way you can attack this is notice who you're jealous of. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion because jealousy, one, is very personal. It is impossible for you to be jealous of something you don't want. Like, I'm not jealous of somebody who drives a purple Lamborghini.

I don't want one. I really don't. I don't even think it's an interesting looking car. It has no relevance to my life. But if I see someone who is, like right now a person that I'm jealous of, it's almost the wrong word, but I really admire Stephen Bartlett, Diary, the CEO. Same here. Very, very close friend of mine.

I love him. He is one of the most generous people in the world and love seeing him win. He is world class when it comes to video production. And every time I see his work, there's a part of me that's like, like, oh, it's so good. I want to be that good. You know what I mean? And so it's this mix of like, ah, and oh. And so anybody that you're jealous of, there's something about the way they're moving through life. There's something about how they take care of themselves. There's something about their energy. There's something about their relationship. There's something about the way they do

business that you're drawn toward. And the reason why it comes across as jealousy instead of inspiration is because deep down you know you want this thing, but you are through your self-doubt and anxiety blocking yourself from moving toward it. See, jealousy is blocked ambition. Jealousy is blocked desire. And the interesting thing is, is the second you start working toward the thing that you want, you don't feel jealous of people anymore because you're giving yourself permission to pursue something that you really want. All the influencers that people are jealous of, all of the people online that you see making money that you're jealous of, you roll your eyes, you're annoyed by them, I guarantee you you wish you've learned to take, you've learned how

to make money online. That's why you feel that way. And so pay attention to jealousy. It is a roadmap toward the things that you're interested in. And so that's another way that you can start to identify and find the courage to say, actually, I really do want to do this thing. And nobody is going to come and do this for me. It's up to me. Like, it's not about finding a partner who's going to pay for your life. It's about you recognizing what are your ambitions and what are the things that you want because you have through your brain and through your actions, the ability over time to create incredible things. But you will not create them if you sit there and, and I don't know anyone. Bullshit. You know exactly what you want.

if you take the time to really be honest with yourself. You get one life. Like, why waste it watching everybody else do the things that you've always wanted to do? You can figure stuff out. You can. I'm really glad you brought up Stephen, and I'm really glad how you're talking about this. Because when I look at him, and I absolutely love what he's doing, but then I look at his lifestyle, like he's constantly on the go. My kids are six and four. They will not forgive if I do this, do that. Like, constantly being on the flight. Okay, this is great. This is great, because here's what you're going to do. You use these things, these tools that I'm giving you to remove the biggest obstacle that you have, which is you're the biggest no when it comes to the things that you want. Your job is not to say no

to yourself. Your job is to be the loudest yes. I can figure that out. So when you start to notice, okay, jealousy gives you a beacon. It's like something out in the future that helps you pivot a couple degrees and start prioritizing something that helps you move in a different direction. You, You will then pull it back to yourself and you have to then go, okay, well, what do I value? I have two young kids. I do not want to be on a plane. And so I can move toward that, but I've got to do it in a way that's me. I got to do it in a way that works for my timeline because one of my core values is I'm not a

single dude that is just like gunning and ambitious and just wanting to work, work, work, work, work, I want to make room for being a mom. And so that's how you make it personal. Because one of the other things that really got in my way for a long time, and I know gets in the way of so many people, I don't want to copy anybody. It's already been done. You cannot copy anybody else. Because first of all, everybody is copying everybody else because we are drawing inspiration from other people. Absolutely. And you won't ever copy them because it's impossible to do exactly what somebody else is doing. You will always put your own spin on it. You will always do it on your own timeline. You will always, always do it in a way that is unique to you because you have different values. You have a different

singular purpose here. And other people are not blocking you from doing it. Other people are helping you lead yourself in a particular direction. And that's what jealousy helps you identify. It helps you flip jealousy into inspiration. It helps you see other people as not competitors, but people that can lead you toward things, that can teach you things. And also, you have to be awake enough and clear enough that if you want kids, if you want a family life, if there are things that are more important to you or as important to you as your ambition and as making money and launching something that's your own, then you will have to figure out a way to have all of it be part of one big pie that you call life. That's why you're never going to copy

anybody else because you can't. You get inspiration. You can even hire somebody's exact team and it will never be the same. Absolutely. As what somebody else is doing. But then the timeline is super helpful because if you're comparing yourself to seem like, oh, how old is he on him already? Yeah. But then you're like, he's on a different timeline. Yeah. You have a different timeline. I love that. I am so grateful that everything happened to me late in life. And in my 30s and my 40s, you know, I was like, when is it going to happen? Like, why can't I be successful? You know, I'm happy for my girlfriends and my male friends that are like getting career advances and buying bigger houses and woe is me. When is it going to be my turn? And I have come to believe, I really believe this. If you are a good

person, if you have character, if you're clear about what you want, and if you can throw your timeline out the window, I refuse to believe you will not be successful. I refuse. I am convinced that success is about not quitting and that there is something meant for you in the future. And if you just keep putting your head down and you keep defining your head down and you keep defining what you want and you keep inching yourself forward and you really work on being a good person too, that it will work out for you. It will. It's a matter of not quitting, not saying no to yourself and understanding that there is a moment for you in the future when all of this hard work pays off and you will never be able to predict how magical, how different it's going to be than you thought

it was when you got started or when you're in the trenches or when your first business fails or when the 17th investment person says, no, I'm not going to invest in your thing or when kids come and now you have to slow down and the timeline has to expand because there's more important priorities. 100%. And that's the cool thing about life. Yeah. That's awesome. So when you realize, okay, I won this. This is like I'm not going to push myself. How do you deal with FOMO? Because when you look at someone you admire or you're jealous of. They're doing this, this, and that. And you're like, oh, did I have to be there too? How many things should I fit in my calendar? How do you deal with this? How do I deal with this? With FOMO, yeah. Well, I don't, I don't experience it that much.

How? What do you mean how? I don't know, because with social media, like, we're flooded by all the opportunities and, like, seeing people do this and that. Yeah, but here's what I want you to understand. See, social media is for you. Social media. Social media. you are either using it as a tool or you become the tool. And I'm not saying that in a positive way. Social media is the most extraordinary tool in the world to do research, to market yourself, to get your message out, to connect with like-minded people. And if you are maniacal about using it as a tool to achieve something, you will be wildly successful,

and you will manage your time and your attention. If you don't do it that way, because think about your social media accounts. They're for you. They're not for your high school and college friends. They're not for your family. They're for you and your self-expression and your business. So there is the output on social media. But then the thing that most of us don't pay attention to is the value of your attention.

And what are you allowing as input? And the more time you spend on that, the more money everybody else makes. And you have to be really, really careful. Because what you allow in is what programs your mind, is what changes your energy. And if you are currently experiencing FOMO, it's because you don't use social media correctly, in my opinion. It's very normal to feel FOMO. But the second you start feeling like you're going down that tunnel, you have to develop habits to be able to go, this is not helping me right now. How do you decide when it's not something for you?

How do you say no? What do you mean? Do you have like criteria? For example, okay, I've heard, I think Tim Ferriss mentioned it, how he makes decisions these days. Is the person that's suggesting this, is he going to uplift me? Like, does he have skills that I want to learn? Second, is this project, like, take me towards the goal? Do you have, like, a list of questions you ask yourself to determine whether the opportunity is for you or not?

Well, it's a great question. I think that every opportunity that you get, you have to ask yourself, is this advancing something that's important to me? What am I, how will I measure that this opportunity was a successful use of my time? See, I'm the kind of person that reverse engineers everything. So let's say that you get an invitation to attend some sort of business thing, right? ask yourself what would have to happen in order for this to have been a good use of my time because if you don't know the answer to that then you don't value your time you're just like a fish swimming around hoping somebody catches you yeah your mind see if everything's important nothing is

and the single most important commodity that you have is your time and the second one is your attention and the third is your energy and so what is the value of your time time. And there are going to be plenty of events or meetings or whatever where it is important and worth your time to go to the meeting simply so that a person that you are going to meet with will talk about you in rooms you won't be in in a very positive way. There are certain moments where it's important to go to an event that you have no desire to go to. Simply so, you can get a photo at the event that then you can use on your website that helps build the perception that you're doing something. So do you see how you know going in what you want to get out of it? Yeah.

That's how you actually value your time. You anchor it to an outcome that's worthy of your time. Yeah, that's important for you right now. Because too many, too many people show up at things going, oh, I'm just supposed to be at this thing. Yeah. What if? I mean, this verse and you might, but what if you were to go to the next networking event and say, I'm going and I'm not allowed to leave until I get seven people's contact information. Do you see how different that is? Yeah. And so now you're going with a purpose.

Now you're going in because you value your time. You could do a little research and go, oh, I think so-and-so is going to be there. I'm not allowed to leave until I walk up and introduce myself and I ask this question. That's the purpose of going. Yeah. One ask, right? One purpose. Love it. Yeah, because that focuses you.

Let's talk about money and anxiety. Okay. And this is a personal question. For me, like, I don't know what it's coming from. I feel like the immigrant mindset. But basically my self-worth is really dependent on my productivity and how much money I'm making. Okay. What is wrong with this and how do you work with this?

Well, I don't know that there's anything wrong with it. Like, see, for me, I can't climb up into your brain and tell you what's right or wrong for you. I can just tell you based on the research and based on things that I've tried for myself. Yeah. What's been helpful to me. Have you ever had this problem? The problem of like the views define your worth or like the achievements to find you worth money. Of course. So here's the thing to ask yourself because, you know, I am really focused on what's in my control and what's not in my control. And you are never in control of the views on your videos or the downloads on your podcast or how many people. You kind of are. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Absolutely not. Why not? Why not?

Yeah, hire a strategist who is understanding. I'll tell you why not, because I don't control whether or not another human being is going to wake up tomorrow and make time to hit play on something that I do. Don't ever take that for granted. I have to wake up every day and say, how do I make the next episode worthy of someone's time? So you can't guarantee the result. The only thing you can control is the process, the mission, and the intention, and the systems that create the desired result. and too many people focus on the result instead of focusing on the systems that create the result. So, you know, James Clear, who wrote The Atomic Habits, has this great thing where he does, I think, with the four things that people make wrong about goals. People who win and people who lose have the exact same goals.

The best team in the NBA and the worst team all have the goal to win the championship. Think about the difference between a person who is in business. who says, I want to build a business that has a whatever. I want to build a business that does a million dollars in revenues this year. That's a goal. Yeah. Do you focus on the million dollars? Or do you focus day to day on the systems and the process and the habits and the things

that create that outcome? Yeah. You're a rich. Too many people are actually focused on the outcome. The likes, the money, the car, the purse, the friend group. Instead of thinking about what's in your control, which is who is the kind of person that has great friendships? Who is the kind of person that has an incredible, vibrant energy and takes great care of themselves? What are the systems? What are the habits? What are the process that creates that over time?

I am obsessive, not about—I don't even have the back end to our metrics on the podcast because I'd become a nutcase obsessed with the data, because I'm a very data-driven person. And my team does that intentionally so that I don't take my eye off the ball of what's actually important, which is, is the work that we're putting out today worthy of somebody's time? And if it's not, then we shouldn't be putting it out.

So it's basically your own filter. Because for me, views basically, they're like a reflection of the systems that I've felt, right? Correct. Because if the views are up, then the system is good. The viewers are down, I'm like, okay, I need to change something. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they're a function of the algorithm changing. Maybe they're a function of, like, to me, everybody has become so vanity obsessed with data and with views. You can have a massive business. You can make a global impact with 10,000 followers. That's true. If you are yourself, if you are providing value to people. And this is a very important thing about what's in your control and what's not. One reason why I think people get so anxious.

and depressed and, oh my God, and concerned about other people's opinions is you think your value is in the number of followers, the amount of money that you make, what people are saying about you, all of that stuff is out of your control. You could never, ever, ever control what another person does. You can't control whether or not they like or dislike your content. You cannot control whether or not they buy your stuff. You can't. You got to let them. And you've got to pull all the the energy that you're wasting, trying to micromanage everything so that other people like it and pull it back and go, wait a minute, I got to focus on do I like what I'm doing? Am I proud of what I'm putting out there? Because if you like what you're doing and you're proud of what you're putting

out there, that's what you can control. And over time, if you keep doing it, there's eight billion people on this planet, you will find the people that really resonate with what you're doing. you will start to listen to the people that are showing up and that will help you change whatever service or product or thing that you're doing. I think people that are trying to engineer for virality and success because they want the success actually are engineering for failure. So when you stumble upon a negative comment about yourself, what goes on in your brain? I don't. And I'll tell you why. Why would I take advice or why would I give a shit about what some stranger on the internet is doing? Because for me, like as an entrepreneur, I see them as consumers of my product. And they're like...

They're not consuming your product if they're spending time saying negative things about you. I only take criticism from people that are doing what I'm doing or people who I respect. And somebody who's wasting time, spreading negativity online is not somebody I respect. So I do not give it a single ounce of thought, period. And by the way, a quarter of the interactions you have online are with bots. And so do not discount the unbelievable barrage of negative bullshit that is coming from bots aimed at anybody that is putting themselves out there in a way that attracts attention. And so value your time and ask yourself, like, why would you care?

Like there's a difference between negative constructive criticism that has the intention of providing feedback that is meant to have you do better. Do you see that? Yeah. Versus the mindless stupidity and I think violence that we've allowed to happen online. Yeah. Do not even let them, let these idiots say whatever the hell they want. Who cares? I love this theory of yours. Well, I'm serious. Like, let me remind myself, I know what my goals are.

I know the kind of person I am. I know my intention. in putting this out. So let them, let them, let them misunderstand, let them take out their anxiety and their, you know, desire to blame the world for the way their life is. Let them, let them, let them. When you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed sponsored jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications, and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's Indeed.com

slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. How do you apply this theory when someone is very close to you? Uh-huh. And saying negative things about things you want to start doing or you are doing. Stop looking at your family and your friends for the support you need when it comes to business and change. Your family, and your friends have not done the thing you want to do. It is a normal reaction for people who know you as you are to question and misunderstand your dreams and goals because your dreams and goals are not meant for them. That's why they don't understand them. And they will always and forever be concerned

about whether or not you're going to be okay and whether or not it's going to work because they love you. There's this famous saying that David Kessler, this incredible expert on grief says, which is, stop looking for milk in a hardware store. If you want support in some change you're making, do not waste time hoping and wishing people who have not made that change are going to be able to support you. People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. And your goals and dreams are meant for you. There are people in this world who have done what you want to do. They have made the changes that you want to make. Find them online. Find them in groups in the city you live in, read books about these people, follow videos, those are the

people are going to support you because they know what you're going to be going through. They know how difficult it is. And so I want you to see like people like, I'll give you an example for my life where I was the bad guy. So my daughter Sawyer, who I wrote the Let Them Theory book with, she had worked in cybersecurity at a massive international cybersecurity firm in marketing for three years. She had worked there during college as well. And she'd saved a bunch of money. and she came to me and my husband and said, you know, guys, I'm going to quit my job, and I've decided I'm going to fulfill a lifelong dream, and I am going to go to Asia and solo backpack as a 25-year-old woman for the next five months.

This is her dream. Do you know what that sounded like to me? That's a mother's worst nightmare, right? So I'm like, no, you're not. What do you mean? How's this going to work? Oh, my God. So I was not supportive because I'm scared.

Yeah. And I'm scared not because I want to derail her dreams, but because, you know, her decision is now triggering this fear in me. And I don't mean to block her dreams. I just love her and I want her to be okay. That's a beautiful thing. But I'm not being helpful and supportive. And so that's an example of how somebody who loves you and who wants the best for you can say things that feel very defeatist or not supportive. And that's why you've got to let them.

her dream is not meant for me. That's why I don't understand it. I have no desire to do that. That's why I question it. And it's not your job to question your dreams. Your job is to follow them. I love it. And do not look at your mom and dad as the people who should support you in being sober if they drink.

Do not look at your partner to support you in running a marathon if they have not been off the couch or seen the inside of a gym in two years because they don't understand it. It's not meant for them. Let them. Wow. How do you, you mentioned your daughter several times. Have you ever experienced mom guilt, especially when you were building your career, right? You have to be away from the kids. Yes, it's the worst.

You know, the way that I wrestled it, because when I started building my career, it was around 2014 where I started to travel. And the truth is desperation is an incredible motivator. And I had liens on my house. We were $800,000 in debt. My husband had left the restaurant business that was going under. And I was the sole breadwinner. And so I said yes to everything because my highest value was safety. I was going to do everything I could to pay off our debt, to put groceries on the table,

to get my kids into town soccer, to be able to provide them what I wanted to provide them as a parent, to make the ends meet. I said, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I was lucky enough to work so hard and to be so talented as a speaker, giving keynotes at corporate conferences. This would have been 2014 to about 2019, that I was on the road 150 days a year. old were your kids? My kids were, oh God, you're going to ask me to do math right now. My kids were probably 13 and under, 13, 11, and it was painful. It was so painful to miss so much.

Do you regret it now? No. Absolutely not. Because it was a necessity. I wasn't doing it to make millions of dollars. I was doing it to pay my bills. Like, it's a joke that people are. people think you can't work or that it's like something you should regret. If you want to take responsibility for your life, there are things you're going to have to do that you don't want to do. That's what it means to be an adult. And it was a fantasy to think that I could be home. Because we were so in debt and my husband was so beaten down and a shell of himself, it was on me. If I wanted to keep the house, if I wanted to pay the bills, if I wanted my kids to, be able to do the things at school that cost extra money, then it was on me. And so I had this

experience where I desperately missed them. I missed most of what happened in middle school and high school with my daughters because I was on the road all the time. And the way that I started to wrestle with the guilt, because there's two forms of guilt, there's productive guilt, which is the kind of guilt that comes up that's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, the reason you feel guilty for not making an effort to see your aging parents or to spend more time with families, because family matters to you. And so that kind of guilt's really good because it organizes your sense of character and your values to get you to pay attention to the things you're neglecting. But then there's the second form of guilt, which is very destructive, which is you're like, I'm a bad mom, I'm a bad person, I can't

do anything right. See, I'm failing everywhere. I feel so guilty. You aim it here versus aiming it out there at what I need to change. And it helped to know that I was doing this because as a mom, safety and security were my number one priority. And I also focused on the fact that while I didn't have quantity of time in person, I had quality on the weekends when I was home. And the truth is traveling for work. Like, lots of people do that. Yeah. I mean, it's not like I was deployed

and I didn't see my family for a year, which is a completely different type of sacrifice that people make. It's not like there are lots of other things that happen, and so I also did a little perspective checking. The other thing that helped me a lot, and this is a small tweak, is that your guilt as a mom serves no one.

In fact, when you feel guilty for having ambition, you're actually blaming your family. Like when I say to my kid, I feel so guilty. It's like, it's their fault. So here's what switched it for me. I started saying, thank you. Thank you for being so supportive of my career. Thank you for always cheering me on. I miss you when I'm gone, but I so appreciate the level of support you guys give me. And I said the same thing to my husband. I could not do this without you being a stay-at-home dad. Thank you guys. And here's what I want you to know. When you grow up and you go out in the world and you go chase down some dream of yours, I'm going to be the loudest cheerleader. I'm going to be there to support you because you supported

me. Thank you. And so that brings them into what you're doing versus, you separating yourself. I feel so bad. I'm sorry. I'm Gill. I'm terrible mother. That makes your kids feel bad. Do you feel like you've slowed down from that time? No. In terms of no? Okay. No. So you're still like 180 days on the road? I'm not on the road that much. I run a very big business. It's a very complicated business. I have 55 employees. Wow. We reach between 9 and 11 million listeners a week with the Mel Robbins podcast. We are the first. third largest podcast in the world. And you were just nominated for Golden Globe. Yes. Amazing. It's amazing. And what a lot of people don't know is that we put more than a hundred

hours into every episode. We do different episodes on YouTube than we do for audio because the audiences are different. I have invested heavily in tech. And so I'm not a podcast host. I'm a tech entrepreneur. I'm a businesswoman. And I feel like a lot of things that people do when it comes to building something is you think being good at something is what makes you successful. That's not what makes you successful. Being good at something is the price of entry. If you're not good at something, then get good. Because that's the baseline.

You have no business doing something and charging people for something if you're not good at it. And there are ways to focus on the skills. of being better at something by doing it. But the way you become excellent is you become obsessive about the details that nobody else is thinking about. The way that you become obsessive and excellent is you think about who is it for,

what's it for? That comes from Seth Godin, the godfather of marketing. And you think about how is what you're doing valuable to another human being? What are the levers and the nuances of the ecosystem of the business that I'm in that I need to understand?

And in my business of podcasting, Apple is very different than Spotify. Spotify is very different than YouTube. Yeah. And not understanding the difference between the actual tech platforms and the way that they're monetized means you're just good and you're talented, but you're not actually in the business because you don't understand the larger ecosystem, which makes you a sitting duck. But doesn't that make you feel that you're doing too much and do you ever want to slow down or you're in your rhythm and you're okay with it?

I had a big conversation with my buddy Jay Shetty two years ago, and we were just talking about time. And one of the things that I think is very important is to really think about in the next 12 months, what is the highest priority that you have? What do you value? And for me, I don't want to do more. I want to figure out how to continue to be excellent, how to deliver something that really moves and empowers and inspires people, and how to do that in less time and with more fun. Like for me, it's about kind of optimizing what we're already doing so we can be more effective and more efficient.

And seeing around the corners, like we were investing heavily in AI tools two years ago. Because my podcast is Evergreen, and that means that unlike most shows, where things have a week-long cycle because you're interviewing a celebrity or you're talking about breaking news or smack-talking something that's going down. Our entire catalog will be relevant for the next 100 years. Amazing. Because we talk about life. The question is like, do you ever allow yourself to slow down? Yes. Or you feel like you can't.

I have incredibly great boundaries with work. Can you give me some rules? Yes, I have very big rules. And also understand that I'm in a phase of my career where I understand the seat on the bus I'm supposed to be in. One of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur is as you start to grow, you will start hoarding all the things when you need to start to hire people that are better than you in those roles. Here are some really big goals. I never have my phone on my person. So if I'm at work, it's on my desk.

everyone that works for me will tell you I'm constantly like, does anyone know where my phone is? When I am at home, it goes either at my desk at home or it goes in this particular corner in the kitchen where it's plugged in, but it's not on my person. And the reason why is the further away it is for me, the less distracted I am by it.

And that's a huge thing. I set out rules. I never accept a speech on a Monday or a Friday because it requires me to travel. I never, I block. out my weekends. I do not do work on the weekends, period. We are scheduled all the way through next year so that I know what five days every month I am in our studios in Boston. That's where we do 10 expert interviews in five days. And then the other ones I do wherever. I obsessively block my

time so that I'm only traveling during certain window of a month and I get two or three weeks at my home in southern Vermont. I live in a tiny town. When did you introduce those rules? What was the period of time when you're like, okay, I'm successful enough to be able to do this? 2018, I started saying, I don't want to travel like I am. I've paid off the lien on the house. I've restored our savings. I don't need to keep saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, because I've achieved the goal. You will become more successful the more you say no.

Because when you say no, something interesting happens, people are like, wait a minute. Well, what's it going to take? because when you say no, you've initiated this really weird thing that happens, so people want you more. Yeah, I noticed that. Suddenly budgets come up. Suddenly things start shifting. And you also want to understand if everything's important, nothing is important.

I'm going to say that again, if everything's important, nothing's important. And I think one of the biggest problems a lot of people have right now, I had this for sure, is you don't even know what's important. Do you know the number one priority that you need to achieve this week, related to either your personal goal or related to your business. And if the answer is no, you're fucked. If you don't know the number one strategic objective that you need to make progress on this week, you do not have a business plan.

I love it. You have a reaction plan because you are going to allow everybody else's emergencies to become your priority. Do you know how easy it is for your partners or other people to email you or text you or slack you or do whatever? and now you think that has to go to the top of your list. You think you got to respond to every email right away. When you do that, you teach people that you're not actually busy. It starts with you.

You have to learn to respect your own time. You have to get back to being strategic and identifying every week. What's the single most important thing that I am doing this week, that I need to make meaningful progress on? If you have a team, what is the single most important thing for every single? person on the team to achieve this week in their lane. If they don't know it, you're not running your company. You're running in circles. Wow.

You're a genius. I love that. We're the Hartford. With decades of experience ensuring millions of unique small businesses, when it comes to your small business insurance. Thank you. One size, absolutely, does not fit all. Get a quote or find an agent today at thehartford.com slash small business.

I'm 57. I screwed things up for a long time. There were periods of my career that were driven by desperation and need. And once I handled the bills, then I could go into, okay, well, what is it that? What's the dream? What's the strategy? How do you turn this into a business? I've made so many mistakes.

I have been the victim of wire fraud. I have had a person that I trusted steal a database of 700,000 email names and destroy and present fake data. during a book launch, and then as we started to catch them, they re-uploaded things into the email database and started spamming people. So our URL got tagged by Gmail. I have had people steal from me. I have been an idiot about things. And that will happen to you as you build a business. It just happens. And you will learn from it and you will be okay. And, you know, when I say, them. You're not allowing people to do anything. You're forcing yourself to recognize who people are, what the situation is, and to understand that the one thing in life you can never control is what other

people think, what they do, what they believe, how they act. So do not give your time and energy to it. Let them. And then say the second part, let me remind myself, what's in my control is my attitude, what's in my control is what I choose to do and what I choose not to do. And what's in my control is how I respond to emotions. Do I let them run me over, which I used to? I used to be probably the worst person to work for because my energy was so all over the place and I was constantly stressed out and I was constantly barking at myself and other people and negative attitude. Like manage your energy. I believe that leaders bring the weather. What does that mean. You get to choose every day whether you're the sun and you're warm and you're capable and it shifts

everything if you believe that you're going to figure it out and you're kind and you manage that energy or you can be the storm. And we've all worked for a storm and we hate those people. And that's a really valuable currency that you have that I want you to take seriously. Figure out what you want. really be the kind of bluebird sunny sky that doesn't mean you're nice or pushover. It means you're kind and clear and firm. Know what you want. Reverse engineer it. Put your head down throughout your timeline because you have no idea what extraordinary path

you're about to walk down. You can figure it out. You're going to surprise yourself by what you're capable of creating. thing about having kids is how are they going to learn to pursue their dreams? How do they learn to build something that's their own? How do they learn? You show them. You show them. And you learn how to trust yourself. Yeah. Whatever happens. Love it. Let's wrap up this with trying your new drink. Oh my God. Okay. Can we try it? Yes. So I am so excited because thank you for this. Everything that I do is I'm so intellectually curious.

I'm constantly interested in what are some things I can use based on science that are simple that help me create a better life. I just love finding innovative new ways to think about things, to do things. And two years ago, Dr. Amy Shaw, episode 77, came on the podcast and just dropped like unbelievable wisdom, one after the other. She was the first person on the podcast to come on and talk about the importance of protein, not just for muscles, but also for dopamine and serotonin and focus. And she was the first person that made me realize, wait a minute, protein isn't just something you need for the gym. Protein is critical for your life. And once she told me that you need to get a certain amount of protein for energy, for vitality, for focus, for your hormone balance, I started

focusing on protein. And it's really a very important. hard to get the amount of protein that the medical experts recommend. And I was eating the chicken and the salmon and the beef and the bars and the smoothies and all. And I was always coming up short. And about a year ago, somebody sent me this product and it was a protein shot where there were 23 grams of protein in a TSA approved three ounce bottle. And I, you know, drank the product. And I was like, well, this is incredible, but I hate the taste and I don't like the ingreact. And I don't like the ingredients, and I reached out to the founders. And I said, I think you are marketing something for people that care about macros in the gym, and you're not recognizing that everybody needs protein.

Like, kids that are in school that are neurodivergent need protein because they can't focus. You're being fed pizza in a plastic. Yes, and people recovering from surgery and cancer can't get enough protein. I can't get enough protein. High school students can't get enough protein. You know, on the days that you can meal prep and do it all, maybe you can get enough protein, but it's very hard to get enough protein in the right calorie count with all the amino acids. And I said, I think that I should get involved and I should build the scientific advisory board of world renowned medical experts and I should go to the factory and I should meet the scientists and I should drive the flavor and we should work with renowned

doctors to create the single best complete protein on the go that's clinical grade that anybody can use that's a high impact protein and here's a quick trick for everybody the way that you know high impact protein is if you look at the protein count which is 23 grams at a zero so what is that june at 30 yep now now compare that to calories oh to 100 yeah so if it's a lot bigger than the calorie count that's a high impact protein so all of the things right now that have protein the chips the this the that, you'll notice it's five grams to like 200 calories. So if you add a zero, 50 to two, so now you know. Okay. Ninety-two percent of the calories, it's 100 calories, gluten-free, zero sugar. It's got stevia, monk fruit. Ninety-two percent of the calories are coming from

a complete protein in that. Okay. Let's try. I'm excited. You don't have to refrigerate. It's better refrigerates. Just like this? Yes, that's it. Do you mix it with water? You don't have to. Go ahead. You can taste it plain and then I'll pour a little in your water. Oh, wow. it tastes like candy it doesn't taste like a protein shake or something wow and look you can mix it with water or iced tea or margarita or candy that i used to eat as a kid hichu everyone's like this nice like hichu yes and we worked with all these medical doctors a lot of protein products have sucralose in it which counteracts chemotherapy and so this has no artificial colors no artificial.

So good. Right? We figured it out. There is no other protein shot in the market. Please send it to me when you launch it because this is going to be in my kids' bottles when they go to school. And let me show you something. Wow. The name, pure genius.

I drove all the branding. I recruited a world-class medical board. I am a full co-founder. I refuse to put my name on something. I will not. I did not drive and I don't trust. And that's why I changed the formulation. That's why I went to the labs.

That's why I've met all the researchers and scientists. That's why I've drove every decision and check this out. The brand was very important to me because I want you to feel like a genius for using this. And the universal symbol for a great idea. Ding, a light bulb. And so I want you to feel it's all inspired by vintage light bulbs. And I want you to feel like a genius for choosing to prioritize your health. and for choosing something that's simple and that's backed by science.

And that's pure genius. I love the message you're sending with this because as an immigrant, a lot of my followers know food was a big problem for me in the U.S., and I'm still trying to figure out, especially with my kids at school. And I'm glad that creators are now paying attention to this and, yeah, that you're building something that's healthy. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

And thank you for this conversation. Thank you. I'm taking so much. I'm taking so much with me. I'm going to. And you know, look, this was, we had a little bit of time, so I'm normally not this like, boom, boom, boom, but it's important for you to understand you have so much more power than you're giving yourself credit for, that you can figure it out, that the tools are out there,

that you're capable of it. And the first step is just giving yourself permission to admit that there are certain aspects of your life that don't feel the way you want them to feel. Yeah. And you can change it when you do that. The most important thing is trusting myself as well. Well, you gain trust by watching yourself do what you want to do. You trust yourself by proving it to yourself, one action at a time.

If you align your life with your values and if you make decisions based on the things that will make you proud of yourself, based on who you are right now and what your values are, that's how you build trust with yourself. You build it one decision at a time. Love it. Thank you so much, Mom. This was amazing. Enjoy more ways to save at Ralph's, like low prices in every aisle. And when you download the Ralph's app, you can clip and save more with digital coupons every week. Plus, you can earn fuel points to save up to $1 per gallon at the pump.

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