Sleep Deprived Podcast - Elon Ran For President - SDP #110

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

the boys talk about airplanes for 28 minutes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

hey guys welcome back to sleep deprived podcast episode i don't even know do what episode is 110 wow we've done 10 10 since the demise of our great hairy man viewers can you count to 10 or don't forget four five five six nine six six seven six six six six six six six six six six we sold our soul to the devil if you're five five five then i'm six six six speaking of us selling our souls what's the deal with? Yeah, we're late to the recording today because Mika had to pay off his credit card, so he made us sit here and wait while he paid it off. I did

have to... I did pay off my credit card. It only took maybe two minutes. You know, I got that... It felt like an eternity. Very unprofessional. I'm sorry. I have mobile banking, and it's it's like when i get into my head about paying off what bank do you have what bank do you have can i actually say no okay do it bank bank come bank come bank i'm with a bank oh i got a good question i'm with beep bank all right would you guys ever donate

your you know what to a sperm bank well if you said sperm at the end why wouldn't you just say sperm at the beginning your you know what to a you know what bank sperm like what i don't know sperm to a sperm bank yeah would you donate sperm to a sperm i'm gonna be honest dude i think my sperm there's only one of two options either my sperm is really powerful and it cannot be contained or it is just there's nothing in there like they are dead oh wait wait what if you had like all your sperm combined into one big sperm dude what the hell a really strong sperm

so like it's like the size of your balls I guess yeah that'd be kinda cool you could have it as a pet how do you feel about this Mika you could put it in a fish bowl and feed it like a little spermy I would name it spermy sea monkeys

oh my god like it grows bigger and bigger yeah wow dude sea monkeys are such a scam we're so we're so genius isn't that crazy how much of a scam sea monkeys are it's kind of genius though what is that shit that's where you like pour like just like specks of dirt into the water right right? Yeah. It's just fucking shrimp, right? It's just a little shrimp. Yeah, like shrimp eggs or something. They're not fucking monkeys. Why do they call them sea monkeys?

What is the whole story behind sea monkeys? It's a fucking scam. Yeah, I think it's just like a funny name. Sea monkey? They are kind of sad to look at when they fully grow. They're just these tiny little things you can shake them around I don't think I've actually seen a sea monkey

they're just like little bugs man this is just I'm looking at a picture of a sea tank with sea monkeys in it and it's just sad like I wouldn't want that in my room but imagine how fun it would be to shake them around like a maraca I think that would be like pretty inhum like a maraca i think that that would be

like pretty inhumane man but they'd hit the walls back and forth you know the game pong it'd be like pong and whoever lives last is the winner like a battle royale dude this is the ugliest thing i would shake this thing i just looked up some of the like uh packaging for sea monkeys and it's like humans but with like three crowns or like three prongs coming out of their head they look like spore creatures like from the game spore they do yeah they do actually do they are they like this might be a stupid question but do they naturally occur in the wild or like i think a scientist literally grew this in the lab yeah it was some scientist i i learned about it at some point he

made a lot of money off of it really yeah he i mean he just like created some little creature and then sold the packets and uh i don't even think he it might have been that he didn't even intend for it to be like a toy or whatever yeah but it just turned into one and then he he just went for it man he got the profit imagine well first of all like r.i.p to all the sea monkeys out there who have like found their way into the homes of like children who were clearly not ready for pets but also but also like imagine like there's like a biocontainment breach and just go into the ocean dude i'm gonna do that i'm gonna become even bigger and huge. I'm going to buy a whole fucking Walmart clearance aisle of sea monkeys, and I'm going to go to the ocean, and I'm going to dump them all in.

Actually, though, what would happen if we just introduced sea monkeys to the ocean? Would they be an invasive species? They're probably really terrible creatures that barely live. I think they need a very specific environment yeah because like especially if they are lab grown which maybe we could confirm that jamie pull that up but um jamie i'm gonna kill jamie hold on one second yeah yep mika you're just gonna let that happen all right, I snapped his neck. Okay.

Should I, like, do something with him? Or should I just, like, keep him here? No, you're good. He's dead. Yeah, that's cool. Like, you're not gonna call the cops. I mean, I'm not... This is awesome! So I can just get away with murder? This has been my number one pet peeve

in, like, in almost all thrillers and stuff. It's like, uh, it's like the protagonist is like confronted by like a psycho serial killer. And then they, they're like egging the serial killer on, like, I'm going to call the cops.

You're never going to get away with this. Like, yeah, I know what you did. I saw you do this. And they like, never go to the cops beforehand. And then the serial killer is just like, okay, so I'm going to I saw you do this. And they never go to the cops beforehand.

And then the serial killer is just like, okay, so I'm going to murder you right now. You know? Yeah, I think I'm going to kill one of you now. Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. All right, I'm going to kill Panda now, Mika. A big pet peeve of mine, which is similar,

are the villains that have huge monologues. And it's like, I don't know, if you really wanted to kill someone, you would just do it. But whenever they do monologues, it always sets it up for failure, because they're wasting time talking. Hey, so I'm like behind you now.

Well, thank you for telling me that. Now I can go behind myself and I snap your wrist. Oh, damn. Holy shit. You shouldn't have monologued. You should have just stabbed me. Okay, you're right. I'm done. I'm done with this whole murdering thing.

It's like in James Bond movies, the main villain is like... Or like in superhero movies, the villain is like, oh yeah, this is why I chose to resurrect a bunch of sea monkeys from the dead and make an army of sea monkeys to take over the aquatic life and now i'm gonna like i i did this because humanity sucks and then the whole time it's like what yeah like wait you said panda

someone could just go up behind them and just like hit, hit them on the head or something. Mika, my wrist hurts really bad. Like, you snapped it. Can you snap it back into place? Yeah. Mika, if you do, I'll snap your wrist, too. Please, dude, it hurts so bad. I don't want my wrist to get snapped, man. Can we call 911?

No, dude. Why? You're not going to help me? What the hell? I'm not going to stop you if you want to call 9-1-1 i'm gonna kill you now listen you can't do that oh you're right okay i'm sorry have you have you ever considered like uh telling like someone who's about to kill you that it's wrong to do that i think that might be one of the best plays you could do yeah i think you have to go like and no don't do that and then they're like oh okay yeah like what else do you have to lose

yeah it's like did you know what you're about to do to me is illegal did you know what you're about to do to me is morally wrong you pull out like the fucking like your fucking phone you like search up the law and like read it out. Yeah. Go ahead, Panda. If you guys could kill anyone, who would you kill? You. Me? No, I'm just kidding, man. Anyone? Anyone.

I feel like I can't say. Well, can you rhyme it with someone? Or can you rhyme it? Okay, um... Bebon Boosk okay i wait i don't think that rhymes though no no no that's good because then it's more secret who would you kill mika i haven't thought about it it didn't rhyme but you knew who i was talking about i knew who you were talking about bebon boos yeah right panda yeah panda who would who would you um you know i didn't think about it either it's bebon no i mean think about it you could kill anyone in the world oh you know what you know here's what i'd do i probably try to make a billionaire adopt me

okay i think we've literally talked about this panel this is just a fantasy think about it if i was adopted by a billionaire all the money would be inherited it's genius it's so foolproof i'm pretty sure i actually like just edited this episode you don't understand how smart this is i think you this is the third time you've talked about i'm gonna keep bringing it up it's i have a i have a great anecdote about foreskin okay oh my god okay so you know this youtuber uh xiaoma nyc do you guys know that guy he's like the guy with the videos where it's like white man speaks perfect chinese and you know

what i mean yeah like that fucking guy well he released these videos recently where he like basically goes out into the amazon rainforest and like hangs out with this like tribe uh i think it's in like i don't remember it might have been like ecuador or something but i don't even know and uh so their their thing is like when they go hunting they like strip completely naked and then they take like this um this like little string and they like wrap the string in like around their foreskin in their dick so that like the foreskin gets closed up and the reason is because there's like dick ticks in the amazon forest and anyway so the white the white

guy the xiaoma or whatever they were like trying to uh strap it around his dick but his dick was too small so they were all making fun of his dick and he kept it all in it was like five minutes long they're like as you're are you cold like why is your dick so small and then they were like making fun of their like his dick looks like a tapir's dick yeah and he kept it all in i respect i respect that you have to give him credit for leaving that in he could have cut it out but he kept it in he kept it in i i do have like uh i feel like that is a pretty like i don't know very confident thing to do yeah spiritually has a big dick i mean maybe maybe he's a he's a grower not a shower you know maybe but it was great it was just three minutes of them making

fun of his dick it was awesome wait wait Wait, so they have penis tics? Yeah, like tics that jump on the head of the cock and start biting. Oh, the tics of no. Well, I guess it makes sense. If you're a wreck, there's probably a lot of blood. Yeah, that's true. They might just be regular tics.

I don't think there's a Wikipedia entry for penis tic. Viewers, can you make an entry on just something about penis tics? I don't think we should ask people to do that. Viewers, what do we do? What is the request for that anyway? You're asking them to make a Wikipedia page? It would just get denied.

That's not true. There are some crazy Wikipedia pages. Like what, man? i feel like that's been overblown you know teachers used to say like oh don't use fucking wikipedia anyone can edit it like yeah anyone can edit it but it just gets it gets taken down like very quickly because if you just like update ronald reagan's page to say he liked drinking piss like they would see it yeah people on wikipedia take it very very seriously i think i edited it once as a joke like i added in like a little like a little meme line about something and then they

came to your house and drone strike you yeah dude they uh they busted my door down put me in handcuffs and then uh like 10 minutes later after all that after they already put me in handcuffs they changed the wikipedia page back to how it was. Censorship, man. Yeah. Ridiculous. So there's actually something I wanted to share with you guys on the podcast. I want you to imagine this. I'm chilling, right?

It's a Saturday night or Sunday night. I'm just relaxing all by my lonesome. And I start getting a bunch of notifications of people tagging me in something oh no and um it turns out someone on tumblr has been using my username what yeah and has been posting about yaoi which is uh for those yeah for those who are not familiar, Is it good, Yowie? I don't know. I didn't look into it, but Okay. For those who aren't familiar, Yowie refers to gay hentai.

Hell yeah. That is the most non-Mika thing ever spoken. I did not think you would say that out loud. I mean, I'm just, I'm presenting the facts. This is the facts, right? So there's someone using my name on tumblr talking about that and uh what if that's you what if yeah wait hold on what if it is you and this is like a cry for help like you really want to talk about yaoi and this is like the only yeah

we're going musk mode now no no no it's not it's not me i also don't want to like put that energy out there in the world because it it does make me like slightly feel weird that someone is doing it yeah but um yeah the plot thickens because like a bunch of people started posting about how the poster um literally tried to kill one of their mutuals what 2019 by drowning them in a pool oh my god at like maybe i have this wrong but they tried to drown them at some kind of like homestuck convention holy shit dude you've all been there yeah never trust the pools or the ball pits at those conventions man or yeah yeah people get people get into some crazy shit out there yeah so um yeah it uh it turns out that it was all like a big joke and it was people like posting between each other as like a joke and it

just blew out of proportion so like some of these tweets have like 35 000 likes on twitter and like people kept tagging me asking me if it was me yeah so yeah it is not i think you should just claim it is i think yeah you should own up to it, man. That's a cool lore. The thing is, though, I don't know if I want to be associated with an attempted murder in 2019. I don't know. Mika, to me,

that makes you seem like a badass. That makes you seem really cool and tough. Think about it. Asherher would you want to fuck with the guy that had an attempted murder no definitely not no mika you should own that shit so nobody would ever fuck with you i wouldn't want to be anywhere near you see that's kind of the problem but that's so badass right like you'd be on an island of your own you know like no one would want to interact with you. I don't know if that makes you powerful.

I don't know if I like that, though. If you walked into a room, you would own it. But see, I don't want to. People would scream and run away. Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to rule through fear. I want to lead through love. Has anyone posed as you guys online before?

Like, has that happened to you? Yeah, I mean, probably like on, on, like, Fortnite or something. Does it freak you out? Um, no. No, if you believe that shit on the internet, you're stupid. Yeah, if you're, like, playing, you know, Overwatch 2, and, like, on the enemy team, it says Markiplier is playing Genji, like, you gotta know that it's

not markiplier dude markiplier is not playing genji with the new discord feature if someone has the stolen username because that's just gonna happen all the good usernames are gonna get stolen just know that's not actually the person true i feel like there's gonna be a bunch of drama like week one uh people like posting shit under people's usernames dude there's gonna be a bunch of drama like week one uh people like posting shit under people's usernames there's someone with the apana minecraft username that has my skin so it's not even someone that just took the username like they're trying to be me yeah someone has mine too man my username it's fucked up yeah i got a another person tagged me in a tweet saying they played Overwatch with me.

And it was not me. It was someone else. There was one time, though, actually, where Mika and I were playing Overwatch. And someone posted about it on Twitter. And it was actually us. Yeah, that was surreal. That did actually happen once. Yeah, that was nobody plays that game anymore.

So don't worry. Do you want to talk about Overwatch for a second? Is that shit? Yeah, no. A watch fell off. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, that shit. That shit is sad.

And I just want to express like how disappointed and sad I am. Because I was actually one of the people who was pretty excited for the PVE thing. And like I wanted. One of the three people. One of the three the three yeah i wanted it to be good like i wanted things to turn around um but honestly like i don't know blizzard is just such a terrible company i don't know what i was expecting and they're terrible for multiple reasons i'm gonna get on a tangent here but like i will say though like the cotton candy flavor is pretty good what or like the brownie extreme what the blizzard oh

fuck you dude go on your fucking let's hear it about fucking blizzard yeah no they suck they yeah they treat their employees horribly um the whole like uh sexual harassment and like all the allegations that came out about them they're just a terrible company and i'm tired so true yeah dude speaking of blizzards uh did you know apparently legally if the dairy queen employee doesn't serve it to you upside down, you get the blizzard for free? Really? You know, the same thing happens if you point a gun at their skull. Wait, what?

Have you ever seen the gif of Joe Biden taking the blizzard and flipping it over? No, what happened? Okay, I'm going to post that. Yeah, it fell out and then he fired the whole restaurant he was like where's my free uh i forget what it's called blizzard look at this if the blizzard falls out you're supposed to get it for free you know put this gif of joe biden on the screen he he is i don't know where you posted it. An attendance chat, man. He is literally on his last leg. Dude, that's a pure red-blooded American.

I don't understand what you're talking about. Honestly, his best trait is that he loves ice cream. That's very based. He's like a total ice cream guy. Do you know that? He's obsessed with it. He's an ice cream head. He's an ice cream cell.

No, he actually is. He's ice cream filled. He's literally ice cream core, straight up i like ice cream you know i i like yeah but like he like loves it like he's addicted to ice cream yeah like he he's talked a lot about it extensively he's got ice cream tier lists he's got ice cream paraphernalia i mean can we we have never done an ice cream tier list on this podcast okay let's do candy s oreo s are we talking about blizzards or like like brands of any dude cotton candy a coffee s coffee s for sure. Pistachio S. Yeah, I agree.

Pistachio F. Vanilla S. Vanilla S, I don't care what anyone says. Vanilla A, but... Vanilla Bean S. Vanilla Bean S, but French Vanilla S. No, French Vanilla is not as good as Vanilla Bean. No, no, no, no, no. Even Joe Biden would agree on this.

I don't care what joe biden thinks vanilla he's the expert on ice cream and he says vanilla bean is the best his taste buds probably don't even work anymore you're gonna listen to him yeah you could probably actually you could give him shit and he'd be like i love this think of it like this his pronouns his pronouns his taste buds are so weak now like you only need the most powerful flavors which must be vanilla therefore it must be one of the most sensual flavors yeah sensual like his mouth must be so weak right now like vanilla must be the most powerful thing that actually gets through all the the slime and and gunk in his mouth dude you're describing his mouth like it's like a decrepit cave dude you know you would get

some of that sloppy biden i yeah but i don't think he's got like a new disease cooking up in there i'm sure he brushes nah bro that's where you put the the sea monkeys chocolate flavor it's how covid was made joe biden falls asleep when you pour sea monkeys in his mouth he's the first person to fall asleep at the sleepover and that's what happens i bet trump would do that this is fucking hilarious

this is fucking hilarious obama look pour the sea monkeys in his mouth this is fucking epic look at his stupid face what would you guys think about a sea monkey's ice cream flavor come on hold him down i know we have our differences but put the sea monkeys in his mouth i'm gonna put my sea monkey in his mouth oh got him oh man sea monkey ice cream that sounds

fucking gross yeah yeah you know I don't like chocolate ice cream either. I'm actually the same. Chocolate is F for me. It's not good. Pandit, do you like chocolate ice cream? Not that much, but I don't feel so passionate. I say I don't like it.

I don't know. It's just like not good. It's kind of bad you guys this is disgusting dude you know what you know what else is good what like really what uh mango ice cream i actually had uh mango ice cream like within the past year oh yeah i thought it was kind of mid okay you're wrong once again you know what else is good um matcha ice cream what huh huh are you enjoying the goon sesh no i just want to remind everyone that i was the one who started the goon bit i just got everyone has to know everyone just has to know okay but like it to know. It's gone so far.

I'm so proud of what I've done. And everyone's got to know. You got to know. You weren't the first Gooner, though. You weren't the OG Gooner. I'm not moaning. You know, Panda, I actually was thinking about that the other day. I was thinking about how you started this whole bit.

And it was with rage and fury. No so with rage and fury I wasn't feeling rage or fury but like after we recorded he had a big smile on his face after we recorded the last Jackbox video I was like a panda has taken us far like he kind of birthed a new subgenre of meme it's true

he's an OG gooner yep can we react to the panda is he's an OG gooner yep can we react to on the react show can we react to r slash goon caves yeah I think we should I don't think we should Mika re-harden your cock I don't think

this next hour will be amazing I don't think we should I don't think we should dude you know what other... He liked raspberry ice cream, man. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What? Dude, I'm...

Did you hear about today? No. Ron DeSantis, man. What? What did he do, man? Well, he's going to run or whatever. I don't know. He's going like host a

twitter space elon's gonna ask him epic questions about doge or something but when i read the article i thought it said that elon musk was running with him like he was gonna be his vice president oh my god and i i nearly like like walked out of my building to the nearest highway screamed and then i gooned and then i jerked off i was so happy i just started yeah i just started jerking off everywhere oh my god elon should run for president i would i mean it would be funny it would be funny dude uh i never thought of that just elon running for president i i think he's would be very unpopular i don't really understand uh why he must have paid ron de santis like a lot of money to yeah because like he's he's uh ron de santis is like announcing his

uh run on twitter like exclusively must have like pocketed a billion or something do you want to hear the uh nightmare republican primaries rotation okay yeah we got elon musk that's a dream donald trump dream kanye west dream ron desantis this be a nightmare, but it would be a hilarious nightmare. Oh. Wait, wait, wait. What if the president's made it so there's four people that can be president at once? Yeah, I guess they could. I mean, I guess that's what it is now with Biden.

Singer! Because he's a puppet. Yeah. singer he's a puppet yeah i think that there are actually like 100 small little gnomes inside his body controlling each of his organs and limbs i believe that me too i've uh yeah yeah yeah man i'm under your desk no you're not man because i'm looking at i'm chewing on your wires i'm chewing on your wires right now no once i chew through this dude your computer is gonna shut off no i need that stop anyway enjoying the goon sesh reharden your cock at sleep deprived on patreon patreon.com sleep deprived tell them what they get, man.

They get a goon sesh. They get an extended goon sesh. A goon sesh Minecraft server. A goonette. They get a goonette. They get us reacting to goon caves. They get a gooning therapy. But it's actually a trick.

We don't actually stop the gooning. We make the goning even more extreme through the therapy and then there's a gunning community on discord check it out they're pretty passionate baba buoy baba buoy but mika are you okay baba buoy baba buoy