Sleep Deprived Podcast - GORILLA VS GRIZZLY BEAR - Sleep Deprived Podcast #72

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

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Mr. Squidward, hello and welcome to Sleep Deprived Podcast Episode 72, everybody. Yeah. What's up, everybody? What's up, everybody? It's me, Schlatt. I'm back to clean up the big-ass mess that we left. Stop talking about it, dude. I thought we cleaned that up last time.

Oh, well, I mean, after the mess Mika left, I'm not sure. We hit it all. It's all underground now. I'm pretty sure every cleaning crew in the world would need to be called in to clean that disaster up. You're never letting this go. You're never letting this go. It would just move past it. I mean, it's a pretty...

Mika, Mika, Mika. It's a pretty big thing to let go. What you did. Yeah. Like, you guys have solely put it on me now, but you guys were... You have just as much fault in it. We're fine. They won't find it.

Okay, guys. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Welcome back. We've got some crazy topics today on the Sleep Deprived podcast. Favorite colors. Let's go. This one's... This Favorite colors. Let's go. This one's...

This is hard. It's so difficult. Who wants to go first? Blue or maybe green or maybe a mixture of them. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't... Blue is just kind of...

It's kind of mid for me. Okay. It depends on the blue, though. Blue's kind of mid. It's like 10 billion shades of blue. Yeah. There's a lot mid for me. Oh, it depends on the blue, though. Blue's kind of mid? It's like 10 billion shades of blue. Yeah, there's a lot of different types. There's like dark blue, which is disgusting. Light blue.

Maybe a pale light blue. Or cyan. That really bright one. Those are top tier blues. How dare you say blue is mid, to be honest? No, I agree. There's some blues that are mid. I think dark blue is mid i think not you

guys have just not seen like dark blue in the right context because in the right context any color in the right context is good a yankees navy blue almost you know oh man so good mika what's yours um it's either blue or orange one of the. Jeez, I would have thought it would be red after the walls you painted. But it was art. It was art. It was art. It was paint. It was paint.

It was red paint. Red paint. Red paint, acrylic. I love how he gets all silent when we start talking about this. Mika. Yeah, he's right there being silent, though. Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, Mika. Yours are just a little more fresh.

My favorite color, honestly, I don't know what this color is. It's like magenta, but it's bright. It's almost like it's red, but it's like pink. Wait, like your profile picture. Yeah, that color. I think that's hot pink now. No, if you Google hot pink, it's way more pink than it is red. It's close to Barbie hot pink, I would say.

It's like the U2's color. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Now he doesn't like it as much. Yeah, I'm going to have to change the color now. It's like Barbie hot pink, but slightly more red. Astro, what would you say? Probably like a black.

A black? Actually, black is a shade, not a color. Yeah, I was just gonna say that. It's more of a shade. Purple. Purple. Purple? No, I get it. I don't like purple.

Okay, man. Purple for me is up there with dark blue. Why the purple hate, huh? I get it. I don't. I don't like purple. Okay, man. You know what? Purple for me is up there with dark blue. Why the purple hate, huh? Well, I mean light purple. I like light purple, but dark purple, no. Well, I'm more about the light purple anyway. So you know what? It's fine.

Okay, that's more understandable then. But I agree with the green and the orange picks by Schlatt and Mika. You know, I used to hate green and orange when I was a kid, but now as an adult, much more into the green and the orange picks by Schlatt and Mika. I used to hate green and orange when I was a kid, but now as an adult, much more into the green and the orange. I love all colors, honestly. Except dark blue. My uncle wanted to be a pilot

and he went through all the training and then he figured out he was colorblind so then he couldn't be a pilot. And then he became a firefighter instead and then became a first responder in 9-11 that blows yeah he couldn't fly the plane so what do you what do you guys think what do you guys think? True story, by the way. Really? That's not true, dude. No, it's true.

He wanted to be a pilot, but he figured out he was colorblind, so they kicked him out of the academy. Was he actually a first responder? Yes. Yeah. Wow. He was, man. He worked on the pile for months afterwards, too. That's why I can make these jokes.

Can I make one? Yeah. Can I have the 9-11 joke pass? Do you want the pass? I'll give you the pass. Okay, cool. I'm gonna go to Twitter now. I heard that for years, decades now, post

9-11, a lot of the first responders in Fireman are getting lung cancer. Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Yeah, I just was wondering if if you're does he have lung cancer no yeah not yet at least man that was awkward um i really shouldn't have brought that up i apologize no that's fine that's okay he probably will get it thanks maybe we'll get it you know maybe we'll get it yeah maybe know? Maybe we'll get it. Yeah, maybe I'll get cancer.

There's like a Vsauce video. I think it's kind of like, why don't we all have cancer? It's kind of facts, though. Like, everything can give you cancer. So what is cancer, anyway? Dude, Vsauce always hits, man. I was watching his videos. He still hits.

Yeah. It's just enjoyable. It's just fun. It's just fun. He makes learning fun. It's too bad there's a million tiny little bugs under his skin. Millions of tiny little bugs. Little cephalopods under his skin.

Oh, man. Stop. Tiny little plankton cephalopods under his skin. Stop, man. He's got to tear his skin. He's got to tear his skin. Did you guys know that at any given time, there's lots of little mites living on your eyelashes? Oh, that's gross. I don't like it.

I give them food. I let them thrive. It shits on your eyebrows. Ew, does shitty on your eyebrows? Yeah, they poop. Oh, God, that's gross. Have you guys seen that video of someone using

a blow dryer or an air dryer in a public restroom? I mean, I've done that before. Yeah. Maybe just stop doing that. I'm not going to say more, but I'm not really going to use those anymore, to be honest. But a lot of places

only have them. They won't even have the paper anymore. Oh, you're talking about the things you stick your hands in. Like the dice and air blade? Well, those and also the square ones with the little nozzle on them. The ones you put your hands under. Oh, yeah. Let's just say you're going to want you put your hands under oh yeah uh-huh yeah well let's just say you're gonna want to keep your hands wet after uh after what you find out what's going on there

does it just blow a bunch of shitty poopy molecules onto your hands uh something like that kind of yeah yeah that sucks that's like the reality of life though i feel like anywhere you go you're getting poop molecules on you true can i just say there's no escape at this point can i just say life is so frustrating and annoying you spend months years cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and getting rid of all the bacteria and dirt and filth and then a week later it doesn't matter it just it comes back it's dirty dirty. I can't take it anymore, man. We should give up. We should stop showering. You've got s*** in you right now.

That's crazy. You've got hot s*** in you, coursing through your b***h. Millions of sperm. There's hot s*** piping in your n***a right now. How does that make you feel? Pretty terrible. Pretty terrible? I feel like a man. I feel like a. Pretty terrible? I feel like a man.

I feel like a man, yeah. I feel like a fucking... I feel like a top dude. I have millions of potential children just walking around with me. I'm gonna cook them. Dude, if I exploded... Could you imagine the potential? If you exploded?

Yeah. All the children? Like, dude, alright. Riddle me this. If I exploded above Earth and then all... What? It's just ridiculous already.

That's why I said riddle me this. If I exploded above Earth and then all the s*** spread out, how many babies would form? How many babies would form? How many babies would form? Probably zero. Not very many. Not very many?

Literally zero. They would all burn up in the atmosphere. You know, we have, like, trillions or bedillions of sperm. One of them could be Albert Einstein. There's so much hot s**t. Or LeBron James or Stephen Hawking or just someone like... But no, we'll never know. Nah, you're sterile, man.

I could have the next Kanye West sperm right now. Yeah, man. But instead, the one that makes it to the egg is like fucking William. It's a Jim. Yeah. Oh, Jim. God. Jim.

Speaking of Jim, how many monkeys do you guys think you could beat in a fight? Are they named Jim? Yeah. Depends on the monkey. I'm going to be dead honest. Zero. No, hold on.

It depends on the monkey. Have you seen those fucking stories of the chimpanzees ripping the face off of women in Florida, man? Oh, yeah. Travis. Travis. You'd be fucked. Chimpanzee, no chance. But like a spider monkey, maybe.

Yeah, I could snap one of those like a twig. But I mean like, I don't want to be in that position. You got to ask yourself what the fuck happened when you have to fight a monkey to death. They made a couple movies about that. Oh my god, they did. And guess who won? And guess who the fuck won? It's so funny.

Humanity had guns and bombs and communications and stuff and the monkeys still won. Yeah, that makes no sense. We would just bomb them. They don't know how to make a bomb. They're still figuring out how to do the ABCs. We'd just bomb them.

Honestly, yeah, we could just go to a bunker and then just spray the entire world with like just just some secret asian poison yeah monkey poison it's like easy we won because they're not smart like us humans but panda i got it you got it okay so you know humans are kind of like just just basically monkeys, so what about the humans who can't get into the bunkers to avoid the monkey poison? Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!

Boo-hoo! Womp-womp. Sad violin. Little tiny violin. Survival of the fittest. It's just like f the balls man first one there makes it in it's actually not true i read recently usually like the first sperm that makes it to the egg just dies trying to get in so actually we're all losers well that means like

there's a lot of teamwork with sperm they work together wow and only one of them makes it that's the fucked up part dude well can't two of them make it? In, like, rare cases, I think. Maybe. Yes. Mika, you tell us. You're the doctor. I don't...

This isn't my, like, area of expertise, so, like, I don't know too much about it. What, you're not a c*** doctor? No, I'm not. Come on, man. I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I just... I don't know too much about this. Can you take a guess? Like, how many sperm can make it in there. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know too much about this.

Could you take a guess? How many sperm can make it in there? I don't know. I don't know. How many soldiers, Mika? How many fallen astronauts? Mika? So how many monkeys

do you think you... Zero. I don't want to fight one and I feel like I would underestimate even a spider monkey. Those things could probably go fucking nuts. Yeah, I'm a little scared. Is it with our bare hands? Can we have like a gun?

Oh, well a gun, I take that fight every day. Both you and the monkey have a gun i think there's no way that monkey's gonna know how to shoot a gun it won't there's a chance actually no there is a chance because they use tools yeah they use tools what like a stick yeah they got that tool on them it's like the same thing. I just don't know. I feel like he'd shoot himself before he shot me. And then I'd just go into my bunker.

Yep. Yeah, I don't want to take that fight, dude. I feel like even a spider monkey would just run circles around you and flay you. Yeah, but they're small. You could just kind of kick them, though. You'd turn into a fucking McChicken, dude. You'd be fucking... You'd turn into a pile McChicken, dude. You'd be fucking... You'd turn into a pile of McNuggets.

Yeah, have you guys... I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, either. Have you guys seen those naked chimpanzees where they're super, like, you can see all their muscles and veins? Oh, yeah. That shit's fucking... That's terrifying.

They're buff men. Like, without the hair covering their body... And they don't even lift, bro. That's just what're buff men like without the without the hair covering their body and they don't even lift bro that's just what they fucking look like dude imagine if they lifted imagine if they did like you imagine you get a chimpanzee on like on like tren or sarms or something like you get them on some trt and you just bring them to the gym every day and have them pump oh my god man you imagine like the little the little every day and have him pump. Oh, my God, man. You imagine the little routine he gets into when he gets on the bench. He just starts. Every set, every rep is like.

He benches like 450 on warm up. One hand. Yeah. I would not want to see it. Yeah. And they have tails too right pills no they have tails tails tails monkeys have tails yeah some of them do like they might have a really strong tail they could punch us too oh shit they have an extra limb they do a 360 nose go tail slap you imagine a monkop-sh. Whoop-sh.

Can you imagine a monkey, like, a really ripped monkey, just absolutely shredded, just walking along with someone wrapped, like, his tail is just wrapped around the neck of some dude and he's dragging him along, like, cargo. Holy shit. Just with his tail, too. He's just got, like, tools in his hands. Dude, I learned the other day that apparently like gorillas i don't know if this is true but i think they might be vegan they are really yeah yeah yeah gorillas are vegan and they don't eat their like kin they're not cannibals because apparently

chimps are cannibals yeah so so so gorillas are kind of the chads of the monkey world and i think that chimpanzees used to be vegetarian or like vegan but then i fixed them then they started watching joe rogan and then they just switched up i fixed them but but gorillas are so terrifying just by the fact that they're actually like pretty chill like unless you like go up and fuck with them they're just sitting there eating grass can you walk up to a gorilla and he'd just like vibe with you or like would he get territorial and like or would she get territorial and like beat the shit out of you i don't know but i'd be i'd be scared of even being like bumped by it like even just it touching you you'd go flying if he was friendly like if they were a friendly gorilla i would love to have

a friend gorilla. That'd be dope. I don't know, because it would, like, try to do friendly shit and just, like, accidentally hurt you. Yeah, yeah. If it shook your hand, like, it would just crush it. It's not aware of its own strength. You don't think I'm as strong as a gorilla? No.

What I love is the debate that's been going on recently about a gorilla versus a brown bear or, like, azzly bear the gorilla oh damn you think the gorilla would win wait wait wait you think the bear what are you serious you think a gorilla could beat a bear a grizzly bear yes i don't know that i i guess it gets closer than we both think. No, you're insane. You're insane. If you think a silverback gorilla could beat a grizzly bear in a fight. Bears have like foot-long claws. Dude, it doesn't matter. If a gorilla gets a good hook on a bear, it's over. The claws don't matter.

No, no, no. What do you mean no? You are so wrong. No, no, no. What do you mean no? Yes. One roundhouse kick, man. One roundhouse kick. I hate to say it, but I think the bear would win. Listen to me right now when I say this to you, Astro and a Panda, who have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. Have you seen videos of cars trying to drive through raging river rapids?

And then they just get fucking swallowed up these thousand pound vehicles have you seen like nature documentaries of just bears standing in the roughest fucking river rapids you've ever seen just hunting fish as they slide down the river just completely unmoving un unaffected by the thousands of pounds of water that are barraging them. I think a gorilla could do that. Yeah, a gorilla could do that. You think a gorilla could do that? I don't know if a gorilla could do that.

I don't think a gorilla could. I think they could. These things are fucking killers. These things are fucking murderers, dude. A grizzly bear could fuck five gorillas up at once. I guarantee you. Now it's like a fucking thing. I don't know when it turns into a fucking thing.

He would bend over those silverbacks and be so goddamn good. Hold on. I definitely think a bear, like a grizzly bear, you also gotta think they got giant

claws and fangs, right? They could kind of sink that into a gorilla versus a gorilla what does it have it's got like fingernails like nope i just googled it a silverback gorilla can lift up 4 000 pounds on a bench press wow that could beat the fuck out of a bear wait is that true it says the gorilla maximum 1,300 pounds, so that means it could bench four grizzly bears. Dude, a grizzly bear is like twice the fucking

size. It's got double the reach. But it could bench it, dude. And then the grizzly bear is just like, well, man, I'm done. Like, it'd be terrified. Imagine getting benched. I don't know, man. I'm looking at this on uh on google because like

i'm curious right like i'm curious of the stats like what we're dealing with and uh just from gonzaga bulletin.com uh there's this actual source but yeah people have made like spreadsheets i'm looking at a spreadsheet right now it's with the bears massive body superior muscle surprising speed and evolutionary armory there isn't really any way a gorilla wins the fight every attempt by at least one of these facts yes dude all right bro one source one look at this silverback gorilla max size six, 485 pounds. Grizzly bear, max size, 8 feet, 800 pounds. Twice the fucking weight.

And you think a gorilla could do anything to this thing? I mean, yeah, I think a gorilla that can lift up 10 times its own body weight. 20 claws. 20 claws on a grizzly bear. It doesn't matter if it can beat the shit out of it. This thing is eight feet tall. Its arms are probably four feet long. It's got 20 claws attached to it. And you think a gorilla is getting anywhere close?

The grizzly bear even runs faster. Look at this. I got the spreadsheet open right now. Speed, gorilla, 20 miles per hour. Speed, grizzly bear, 35 miles per hour. Good God. Imagine trying to run away from a grizzly bear in a car. Dude, it's a fucking murderer.

It's a killer. I think that the gorilla just does a fighting game uppercut exactly that's what I'm saying and the claws won't matter you're not even going to get close to him you're not even going to get close to him the only way the fucking

silverback gorilla wins is if he plays dead I swear to you and maybe he will do that maybe yeah he has the smart. Maybe he will do that. He has the smarts. That's the thing. He has the brain. He will figure out a solution. No. That's what's going through his brain.

He sounds like he's enjoying it. Maybe he is. Maybe the grizzly bear actually fucks him. That's the psychological factor. The gorilla can, you know shove its pecs all right look look at this one quora.com in a fight between anyone can type on no but listen listen very mark wilson studied at sheldon jackson college says i want to give a clear answer based on real world knowledge of both of these great animals.

The grizzly bear would completely dominate a mountain gorilla. And where is Sheldon Jackson University? Yeah, I've never heard of it. Sheldon Jackson. That's the name of the place. You know, I went to Poo Poo Peeoo peepee university and what i'm saying is correct so not you know panda there's obviously no such place but i could imagine just like some place in america just some guy named sheldon some guy named jackson hey you want to found a city here dude lastly bear this is still mark wilson who studied at sheldon jackson Lastly, bears have the highest adrenaline rush of any animal.

That is why they can take six shots to the skull and still kill a group of hunters. It may die later, but I would say that one dies last wins. There are amazing stories of people surviving bear attacks, but it is a fully mature grizzly bear. It is like surviving a plane crash into a mountain. I hate to say it, but I think the bears win. Now, listen to this one.

Adam Petten in Agricultural Labor and Sales from 97 to 98 who's answered 1.2 thousand questions on quora and has got amassed 1.1 million answer views on the site said a famous tracker found a grizzly but was outfoxed so he hid under his 7,000-pound off-road vehicle. The grizzly lifted one side of the vehicle with one paw while swiping under the vehicle with the other. It tore the roof off of the truck, unsuccessfully trying to roll the vehicle,

and tore the front fenders off. It shredded the tires and smashed the windshield before losing interest and wandering off. Oh my god. Wait, the grizzly bear? Wait, wait, wait. Did you say the grizzly bear lost interest? That could happen with the gorilla. Exactly. And then the gorilla

could just fuck him up. Twist his head. The dude is hiding. The dude is hiding. You think if the dude was coming after the gorilla it would lose interest? I think a gorilla is smart enough to make that happen. To make it somehow lose interest and then just snap its head. We need to, okay, well, let's look online and see which one is smarter, like a gorilla or a grizzly bear. Oh, the gorilla is probably much smarter. Exactly, bro.

The gorilla would probably have the understanding of the situation to run away. Okay, so a gorilla has an IQ between 75 and 95, so the average IQ for humans is 100. What? Their IQ is not too far from humans. That's crazy. Yeah, it kind of makes

me rethink a lot of things, actually. We should get a gorilla on the pod. I'm down. What was that one gorilla that did sign language? It was like Coco? Coco, yeah. Yeah, she died though. Oh, damn.

Yeah, RIP Coco. Yeah, no, apparently it says here that gorillas can learn up to 2,000 words. Yeah. Wow. So, okay, like... I know more than that. Yeah. Progress. So, okay, like... I know more than that. Yeah. I know.

Bear only needs five words. Kill. Eat. Sleep. Hibernate. Hunt. Shit. Shit.

You forgot shit, dude. Pee. Fuck. I'm telling you, there's no way, there's no way a gorilla's winning this fight. Wait, what's the IQ? A gorilla would win, and then it would write a book about it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, what's the IQ? A gorilla would win, and then it would write a book about it. It doesn't matter! Yeah, a 2,000 word book. How I took down Robert H.

Grizzly. Mika, did you ever find out the IQ of a grizzly bear? I couldn't find a solid number, but the online sources say that they're quite intelligent. I don't know. It's just a grizzly bear. Maybe the gorilla

and the grizzly bear, they would shake hand, paws, whatever, and just be like, you know what, this is stupid. We can work together and achieve more. Honestly, there's no situation where this would actually happen and they'd fight to the death. But if they had to... Mr. Beast could get it to happen.

I gotta send him a message hold on Mr. Beast goes to jail for animal cruelty Jesus Christ just say it's for the name of science in this video I commit 7 felonies and force animals to fight to the death you know at the end of the video

he always leaves a blurb to try to justify what he was doing to the ten people that get mad about it? Yeah. So at the end he's just like, don't worry, we donated $1,000 to gorilla research. We donated ten bucks to a gorilla. We gave four bananas to a gorilla. We gave the gorilla's family seven burgers.

Mr. Beast Burgers. Available now. Mr. Beast Burgers. After this video, the dying gorilla chowed down on seven carl grill cheeses and chris the meme got burgers he had a great private island he died on a private island surrounded by delicious burgers with mr beast chocolate bars with feasible bars yeah yeah wow well

that was a fun conversation guys it sure was I enjoyed that a whole lot and guys the podcast isn't over but it is if you're not

a paying subscriber to our Patreon patreon.com slash sleep deprived five dollars a month and you will get double the podcast and a whole bunch of extra

content oh my god it's fantastic and honestly it's quite embarrassing if you can't afford it really embarrassing we actually have some oilers who pay us a lot of money for us to read messages at the end of each podcast and we're going to read some of them right now before we hop out so uh let's get started midas ow2 says any of you start meowing, I vote a panda. Mika. Or Mika. Joke's on you because there's a cat in my neighborhood that comes to visit me very often and I meow back to it all the time and we have conversations.

Really? Mm-hmm. And we hear it? Yeah. Meow. What does that mean i don't know but it meows back whenever i do that oh fair wow yeah it's pretty dope okay william j reed the fourth says i can't afford this anymore sorry william good luck hey you got on a podcast uh brangulus says have you guys watched stranger things season four my favorite part was when the subtitle said tentacles squelching

wetly that one time no i haven't watched i have no other they really say that i watched the um i watched the first two seasons but then i feel like it got a little too confusing for little old me. And also, I don't have a Netflix subscription anymore. Yeah, I watched season one. Yeah. Season one was great. Season one was great. Remember that girl who died?

Barb. Barb. Oh, man. Oh, man. Fucking Barb. Yeah. I miss her, man. RIP, Barb.

Yeah. Okay, Rectolacerator wants me to read this one. What? Just the name's kind of... Okay, whatever. The government learned from the MKUltra experiments in the 50s about how fear controls the masses and has since been

fabricating disastrous events in order to keep the general populace controlled. This is happening worldwide. Thank you. I don't know what that means, and I'm going to choose to not understand it. Quail said, it's Quail back at it again for Mika's

favorite time of the month. Hey, Mika, where's my cat? Uh, do I really have to read this? Oh my god, They pay money. People pay money for this. Okay.

Where's my cat? Woo woo. Daddy. Nya. Master. I am right here. Oh whoa. Blushes cutely.

You need to be put down. You need to be put down you need to be put down man you know what at least you did it mika at least you did it thank you for doing it actually and uh on that erotic note i love selling my my sense of shame and self-worth on that note um i'm gonna take a quick bathroom, go jerk off, and we'll see you in the Patreon segment of the podcast. Patreon.com slash sleep deprived. Five bucks. You can afford it.

I hope. Baba booey. Baba booey. Baba booey.