Sleep Deprived Podcast - JSCHLATT TRAIL CAM - Sleep Deprived Podcast #60

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

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Everybody, welcome back to Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 60, it's our Diamond Jubilee. Yeah. We just learned about what that is from Mika. Yeah, and it was like, yeah, it's apparently like an age milestone when you hit 60. Yeah, and when you hit 65, you get your Sapphire Jubilee. Really? And when you get, yeah, when you get to 70- Is this like astrology, Mika?

Yeah, this is astrology stuff, man. No, this is real then when you get to your 70th year alive you get your platinum jubilee and when you turn 72 you die after only four years of retirement yep that's the machine man you work until you die but at least you're a diamond jubilee yeah at least you hit the diamond jilee. It's like spending 50 years of your life at a company, and then on your 50th year there, they're just like, you did so well for us, here is a stapler that has your name on it. Thanks, buddy. And then you're just like, here's an 11 cent raise.

You get a little pink eraser and then a Chinese finger trap for hitting your quotas have you guys seen Severance? yeah that show is amazing it's so good what show? Severance man I don't know if that is it's on Apple TV

I don't know how much we've talked about Severance on this podcast before but I feel like it would have been a phenomenon if it was on Netflix. Oh, yeah. Well, no one knows. I don't even know if Apple TV exists. Yeah. I didn't know what Apple TV was.

There's nothing else on there. There really isn't. There's nothing else on there. Do you guys have it? Do you guys have Apple TV? No. I got it just to watch Severance. I didn't get Apple TV, and I found a way to watch Severance. Oh didn't get Apple TV and I found a way to watch Severance.

Oh, I see. Whoa. Wow. Okay, dude. What the hell? Mika, there's some mouths that need to be fed. How could you? I'm not saying...

And Stiller needs to eat. Think about the millionaires, Mika. Listen, all I'm saying is I found a way to watch it. Wow. Severance is about people going to work a panda and then their mind is like cut in two and then they're only conscious they're only like conscious inside the work walls it's their second persona so like the the other half of their mind is alive in the work building, but then when they leave, they switch back onto the regular person, and then it's like you don't even remember. Yeah.

It's really, really cool. Everywhere all at once. Yeah. We're announcing here first. We're the first severed podcast. We are. We are. I actually don't know who the people are after I stop recording.

Yeah. I actually don't know who the people are after I stop recording. And every time I stop the recording, I try to hang myself. I stop, right when I save the recording, I wake up in a noose. As someone who has no idea what this show's about that sounds fucking crazy so so to tell you in like in as spoiler of a freeway as possible uh there's this one character who ends up working for this company and her severed self she absolutely hates working and um herself on the outside she wants her to keep working for this severed company so the severed person she she ties a noose and hangs herself in the elevator and the elevator is where they get like demagnetized or whatever so when the elevator doors open the unsevered person just wakes up in a noose and is like freaking out and uh yeah because it's like it's

like you literally leave the workplace you you go to sleep if that makes sense it would be like uh imagine every time you stopped recording this podcast you just woke up and you were recording the podcast again yeah um it's pretty rough can i be honest yeah man why didn't she just shit her pants every day at the end of the day just like squeeze one out every day and then and then the person on the outside has to wake up to shit in her pants every day of her life why are they hanging yourself like what why did you not just shit your pants yeah it's the same person why would you do that to yourself well if you if if the severed self hates working but the regular person is like no we're gonna keep doing this the only thing you can do as protests is shit your pants poopy in your pants every day

yeah that's it is movies kind of like about society and stuff. Yeah, man. We live in a society. Jamie, pull it up. We need a Jamie. We are looking for Jamies. We are looking for Jamies. Preferably, you have to be comfortable being severed, as we are the world's first severed podcast. Would you do it?

Would you get severed if you had the choice? No. Yeah, I'd do it. I'd do it. would you do it would you get severed if you had the choice no yeah i'd do it i'd do it you would do it i totally would i could separate the cringe part of me that reacts to tiktoks for a living and i don't have to think about what i'm doing anymore but then imagine like i'm home and one of my videos shows up on the recommended and i'm like fuck what am i up to what am i up to in there would be kind of hard to be severed in your situation yeah yeah i kind of thought about it the other day like um i usually make fun of like podcasters because like it's a meme right you're a podcaster come. Oh, we can make fun of it. This is like one of the laziest, easiest jobs ever. Yeah, but then... But then I realize, wait,

I'm a podcaster, and then I like immediately hate myself. We're just a sea. We're just one YouTuber podcast and a sea of YouTuber podcasts. Yeah, I guess we can get severed for the pod. Yeah, but, you know, Shlatt, you make a good point. Like, if you get severed for this but then you have to

like you have to like see yourself on the internet i feel like that would be almost even more depressing because then it would just be like watching videos of yourself after a night where you get blackout drunk and you're like oh god i only have part of the story yeah would you rather watch your favorite no don't don't even read it don't don't even read it man yo schlatt i uh i hear you eating a nice little nice little sandwich oh yeah i got a nice little sandwich i doordashed it yeah do you have any like awful DoorDash or Uber Eats experiences? Yeah, how'd you know? I just love how casual it is. It's right to it. God, I hear you munching on a big old sandwich you ordered off of DoorDash.

Do you have any awful DoorDash experiences? So natural. No, I do, I do. They get the delivery address wrong half the time because there's no way to put in the address in the doordash it always defaults to a building that i'm not in what the hell so i have to go on a little walk half the time because most of the people don't read the delivery notes where i say in all caps uh please deliver to this place instead for the love of god you know they never read delivery notes they never look at them yeah i don't even try it anymore yeah no so they would not read that

the worst thing that happened recently was uh i i had ordered like wings for dinner and um i went out and got them and there was nothing at the front door so i was like okay i gotta go on my little walk she got it wrong it's a good walk too it's like a couple minute walk and it's very hot outside which is like I don't know I hate my life you know podcasting is hard I get to the I get to the other office

that they usually deliver it to and then it's fucking ice cream so not only did she get the address wrong she got the food wrong. Did you eat it? No, I called her and I was like, hello, you delivered it to the wrong place. And also you delivered me ice cream. And she goes, oh, shit.

And she drives back like she's already 10 minutes away. So she drives back and then I swap out minutes away. So she drives back, and then I give her the melted ice cream that's been sitting on the Texas sun. And then she gives me the wings. And they didn't even give me a drink. The drink was just not there.

One episode of Spongebob, the pizza episode, where he's like, where's my drink? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you did do that. You know, one time... The Krabby Patty was the first... The Krusty Krab was the first place on DoorDash. Dude, I feel like Mr. Beast would make a real-life Krusty Krab.

Oh, he won. Give it time, he 100% will. Yeah, that's coming out in quarter four for sure. I mean, the thing is, I actually would eat at a crusty crab just to try it. Like, Beast Burger, I haven't tried it because, like, it looks pretty bad. But, um... Wow. Like, I would eat at a crusty crab if it was, like, Spongebob themed.

And, like, if they did the paint job, like, how they do the Spongebob painting, like, how the cartoon looks, like, that'd be so cool. Can I get the Carl Krabby Patty? I have a... Go ahead, Panda. I didn't say anything. How dare you? I'm sorry. Fuck you, dude.

I'm sorry. No, you go. Whatever, man. Oh, Astro, sorry sorry I thought you were a panda for a second you know what were you saying a panda Chris the meme God this whole thing is such a see crap crab yeah they grow up mr. crabs that's like the business is getting really bad so yes to like strip off flesh that's like the business is getting really bad so he has to like strip off flesh that's the most popular theory about what the crabby petty formula is it's just crab crab meat are you

serious yeah what the hell does he take it from himself or like his brethren i know that that's a thing like you barely like see any like crab relatives anywhere holy shit oh my god the genocider you know and you know like how greedy he is like he's the type of person to do that remember he sold spongebob for like 62 cents remember that what he did yeah so the flying dutchman he did he did sell spongebob for like 60 cents he sold spongebob as a slate so he'd probably sell his own kind. He probably would. I could see it. I thought the secret formula was inside Spongebob's holes. Wait, what?

They all reach into his holes, his pores, his holes. Who? And pull out some goopy goo. Oh, Spongebob, um, Mr. Krabs, Squidward. Me boy. All of them know. I'm sorry. Oh, SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Squidward. All of them, no.

I'm sorry, I'm like not understanding. Sometimes they just reach in and pull out some goo for themselves. They don't even put it on the patty. Like, Squidward takes all his tentacles and just squeezes them through all of SpongeBob's holes. Oh yeah, SpongeBob. SpongeBob. SpongeBob, me boy. So I have a pretty terrible Uber experience. Oh yeah?

Yeah. I've been itching to tell you guys this story for the better part of a week. Go ahead, Mika. So I was having, like, a rough week, right? And, uh, you know, I'm ashamed to say it, but, you know, McDonald's

is my go-to comfort food, right? I fuck with that. I actually fuck with that, yeah. Yeah, so, um, I placed a particularly large order. It was a particularly large order. It was a particularly big order on this fine evening. Bubble bass order? I can't say it was a bubble bass order, but it was up there, you know. Did you get pickles?

I did. I did get pickles in what I ordered. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that I ordered this two nights in a row because I needed some extra help, you know? But the thing is, I had the exact same delivery driver for two nights in a row delivering this big, giant order. Basically, I felt really ashamed of myself. Two times in a row, man. Two nights in a row.

He's like, oh, it's that same fucking fat ass yeah that's that's kind of how i felt and like the worst part was i was like kind of opening the door a little because like usually i i like to get it fresh um but this time when i when i opened the door he uh he wasn't done putting it down so oh and then he started recording you he didn't record me but he got this guy posted on tiktok he starts pointing got the same meal two nights in a row believe that and this is how mika went tiktok viral this week yeah you ever see like trail cam footage that that was dude the best the new like dolly 2 mini or whatever like the fucking trail cam

things people put oh yeah i saw discord moderator yeah wait what if what if we just put in in Jay Schlatt trail cam footage right now? What is, okay, so what is DALI 2? Okay, so DALI 2 is like this original thing by OpenAI that generates these really high quality images. Like, it's even better than DALI Mini. It's like insane. Yeah, like, it's crazy. Like, it looks like a photograph.

Yeah. And you can get really detailed. And then some dude was just like, yeah, I'm just going to rip this off of GitHub and put it up for free. And that's what he did. And that's Dali Mini, which is what everyone's been using on Twitter and whatnot to generate Ronald McDonald eating children, stuff like that.

And Dali 2 isn't open to everyone yet, which is why most people can't or won't use it yet. Yeah. I signed up for the beta invitation like a while ago and I still haven't heard back from them because I guess I'm not that important. Don't they know you're a podcaster?

Yeah, man. If they knew I was a podcaster... What's the fucking meme in the corner? They don't know I'm a sleep deprived podcaster. Just gripping my drink with, like, resentment. Donald's meal. My Coke Zero. My medium Coke Zero, no ice.

You open the door a crack, and the dude is still putting the food down. You share a moment through, like, the fucking crack of the door. You meet, your eyes meet, and he goes like, Still working the cash register squiddy yeah this shit is so slow this dolly mini thing is so slow it's yeah it's been taken it's been about 83 seconds for me to generate this jschlatt trail cam footage. Wow. You know. Dolly 2 is actually kind of scary. How like good. And how realistic the images can be. Like it makes me wonder.

If like this could replace jobs. Like you know that sounds like kind of crazy. But someone should be really good. Yeah. What jobs would it replace? Like Memer? Why would Imer why would I pay an artist to make me a drawing if I could get

this robot to do it for free Jay Shlatt eating a hamburger oh god it's like a 60 year old Sam Hines most of them are fucking like artistic interpretations for whatever reason this is like an oil capitalism in 1910.

That's most of them. Can we describe what we're looking at for our office? What the fuck? These are just oil barons. It basically looks like a 70-year-old... Dude, you're a monopoly man. A 70-year-old balding monopoly man with a giant mustache.

I don't know why it gave us that. Dude, I got Jay Schlatt trail cam footage. Most of them are kind of a miss, but there's one that actually freaks me out. Okay, let's see it. This is Jay Schlatt. Oh, my God. Wow. What is it?

That's him looking for his door to hatch down the street. For our audio listeners. Wait, that's a goat. That's actually like a ram. For our audio listeners, one of the images looks like imagine like a

compressed hunched over man who's very wide with like T-Rex arms and with a small head. And he's kind of standing like that little green man from Smiling Friends. And he's like off to the distance and you just see pitch black behind him and then like the white light of a trail cam. I'm not going to lie. It kind of looks like Among Us. It does look like it. But it actually really does though like it does look like an amogus dude white is sus i'm sorry red is so

you guys know they added among us the fortnight yeah i missed it i missed it i'm so mad i bought you did but you can see it right, it's not in the store. How do you get it? Tell me. I'll get it right now. You have to buy Among Us. You have to buy Among Us through Epic Games. Are you serious? Honestly, though, it was so fucking worth it.

Bullshit. Well, it's not even a skin. It's just like a shitty backpack. It's so good, though. Wow, they really just put a PNG on the back. Yeah, it's not even a skin. It's just like a shitty backpack. It's so good, though. Wow, they really just, like, put a PNG on the back. Yeah, it's not that. No, dude. It's so terrible. It's so good.

It does look pretty cool, not gonna lie, man. Thank you, Mekas. That ass, she really fills out those pants. Yeah, wow. Anyways. I have another Uber story. Go for it. I was going to the airport recently and uh it was a very very early flight um still dark out outside and so it was like five in the morning i had to get an uber to the airport and uh so i get in the car it's an suv i get in the car

um the dude helps me put my uh my suitcase in the back, and he goes, just so you know, there's a guy in the front. And I'm like, what? What do you mean? And he's like, I'm training him. Wait. Training him to be an Uber driver? This is not even as weird as it gets like it gets so

much worse all right i'm ready so i'm like okay there's a man in the front and he's being trained so i get in the back and this it's like a very old man driving the car and it is a young kid probably like in his 20s and he's wearing like a button-up suit or a button-up shirt like he's very well dressed for whatever reason and um they're not related they're not related i looked at them there's no way that we we get in and we start driving for a little bit um and it's been like five minutes uh he's driving very slowly um he's braking at green lights he'll he'll brake he won't fully come to a stop but like he won't he will take them very cautiously as if as if there's someone on the other side of the intersection who's going to ram into him every time. So he slows down like five miles per hour at every green light and then continues to go.

He's hardly keeping in his lane. And I'm sitting there just kind of nervous because there's an hour left in the drive. And his trainee goes, have you seen the moon recently? That is so bad. Is he a werewolf? I don't know.

That's the best conversation. We should do that. I pretend to look at the moon and I go, yeah, look at that. There's the moon. Nervous sweat.

There's the moon, man. There's the moon, yeah. It's like 20. He doesn't try to make conversation after that. And it's like 20 or 30 minutes into the ride. And the estimated drop off time keeps going up because he's driving so slowly. And then I started to realize why he was driving so slowly and why he was driving so erratically and not well at all. Why was that his trainee starts slumping over in the seat like like trying to sleep but also you know like when you're when you're dozing off in class and you you keep you like like you

you bolt awake like he kept doing that right and uh and there was no music playing in the car there was like it was completely silent and there and and the driver i look at the rearview mirror and the driver's eyes are like barely open man oh my god yeah and he goes and and and we're on the highway to the airport oh and um it's not too crowded but you know this this dude is slowing down uh he slows down to like 20 miles per hour on the highway oh my god in the left lane on the highway and the speed limit is like not the left lane the speed limit fast lane the speed limit is literally like 70 oh and he slows down to 20 miles per hour i was i was i was fucking terrified you could have died

no and i go and i go are you okay like dude dude what is the problem i said are you okay or like are you guys okay because there's fucking two of them yeah and and and the kid goes oh yeah we're fine just a little bit tired what i i was so close i was so close to to like saying all right stop dude stop and let me find another fucking uber but i was already late because the guy had taken twice as long to fucking get to where we were that's pretty terrifying he drops me off and the last second before we i get dropped off the kid is like you know this airport used to be used for the military there's like there's like radiation and chemicals buried under this airport and i'm like why do you know that he drops me off and i and dude i'm like guys got to like get some sleep or some shit.

I walk away, they drive off and I file a fucking report in the Uber app. Like this is the first, I don't think I've ever given any driver less than five stars. Right. I legitimately gave him one star and I filed a safety report. First of all, you're not supposed to, if you're an Uber driver, you're not supposed to have someone else in the car. Like you don't get to take a buddy. This is so strange, man. I have not booked an Uber since.

You just lived through an episode of the Twilight Zone, man. The next thing you know, dude, he probably activated you like a sleep region. Next thing you know, you're just going to talk to us and be like, so did you know the moon is getting smaller every year? I just like how there's this fucking astrology guy constantly throughout the run. It's such a good character.

Have you seen the moon recently? This actually sounds like a show. 30 minutes of silence so you heard about you a sagittarius strange man it was so strange it's the only time i've been in an uber where i actually did not feel safe yeah that's terrifying yeah yeah i mean because you know with two people in the car i feel like that's kind of like human trafficking type beat. It could have been. Maybe it was.

Maybe. Well, I'm glad I reported it then. They gave me my money back. That's good. Yeah. I hope the Uber driver, like, got some sleep. I hope he went to bed, bro. For real.

You kind of have to think about, like, he had to drive all the way back to what really concerned me the scariest part of the ride was after i said are you okay because the dude knew that i was suspecting him of of like being not able to drive yeah and so he he starts going the speed limit. Oh, no. So the dude speeds up to 70 in the left lane, and I'm like, this is objective. This is somehow worse going the speed limit because I know he's not able to. Yeah.

He just doesn't answer. He just looks to the person in the seat beside him, gives him a little nod starts driving faster yeah it was really bad it was really bad i can show you something else that's really bad um while you were doing the liberty of giving us this wonderful story um i put schlatt getting hit by an uber car into dolly mini i wanted you to see the results can you imagine that it pulls up and it's literally just the dudes from the car in the... Dude!

With a big full moon! That would actually be a ghost story right there. The second one looks like 24 frames of Nick. Oh my god. Moise, can you throw that up on the screen? Look at the guy

in the middle bottom. That's terrifying. That's a... Get in! That's the guy that Scarlet Witch closed the mouth of. Wait, in the third one there's two people in the front.

Oh no! Oh my god, there's two people in the front. Oh, no. Oh, my God. There is. It's them. Dude, wait. No, no. In the window, you can actually kind of see the reflection of the moon. I'm not even joking.

Do you see that white light? Stop it. Stop it. Guys, we have a Patreon that you can go subscribe to. It's kind of embarrassing if you can't afford it.'s just a little bit it's a little bit and the podcast gets like twice as long yeah free content so what do we got doubles and blank free content william j reed the fourth says jesus is coming thank. He will at some point. Yeah, I guess so.

Emmett Games says Wow Astro, great moves. Keep it up. Proud of you. Thank you. I've been practicing. Plastic Bunny says A panda's VTuber could get it. Oh my god. Leave me alone, bro.

Milksock3 is asking us to perform the Pioneer Hitchhike from Spongebob. You think any of us go outside? Is she asking us to go on a fucking adventure together with Squiddy? Oh, so that's the rock episode. He's on the rock. Yeah. Okay. How do we perform that? We're kind of rock.

Leon Fairpul Gwyn Gilgogory Chwyn Drablalanty Cilio Ogogogach Real word, by the way. Real word, by the way. Wants me to say, but I'm a creep.

I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. Why did you read that? Why did you read that in a southern accent? That's a song from Radiohead. I noticed that. I wasn't going to say anything. I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? What the hell?

God damn hell am I doing here? What the hell? God damn hell am I doing here? I have to ask, like, it was weird that I read it in a southern accent, but like, are you doing laundry right now, man? Like, what am I doing? Sorry. It's fine.

It's really funny. I'm just like, I'm genuinely curious. What the gosh tarnation am I just like, I'm genuinely curious. What the gosh tarnation about doing here? I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. We got one more from Quail. It has to be anyone

but me. Mika Suss's little sussy wussy McDonald order had my small little vicious stomach acid growling like a little pussy. That was really humiliating, man. That took a lot out of me.

Yeah, that was a lot. And then, of course, Hayden Rivers chimes in with Schlatt. And you say Wade is a saucy paka. Fuck you, Wade. Fuck you, Wade. Really really your your buddy paid like five dollars just so he can hear me say this and i didn't even try like there was no effort that went into it i didn't even we don't even care dude yeah sorry dude fuck you but that boy what the hell am i doing here i love that. Follow us through to the end.

We got the extended podcast up on Patreon. Come check it out. I'm a weirdo. Baba Booey. Baba. Baba Booey. Baba. Baba Booey.

Baba Booey. Gosh darn Baba Booey.