Sleep Deprived Podcast - OUR HOTTEST TAKES - Sleep Deprived Podcast #77

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

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Hey everybody, welcome back to Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 77. Audio listeners, hear it first. I'm not even sure anybody listens to this thing anymore. No one's gonna even hear this, bro. This is just gonna be indefinite hell. Welcome back. Three weeks from now, you're probably hearing this like a month or a year after we've recorded it. Yeah.

This is gonna get funnier every time we record. Dude, we don't know because know because so we started pushing the audio version two podcasts ago but the video hasn't uploaded yet it's been sitting demonetized for 11 days youtube has not reviewed it so we cannot post it uh and those episodes the podcast are what push people to the audio one so like no one's heard the podcast on youtube that push people to listen to the podcast where it's actually being uploaded right now because we haven't uploaded it so everything we say may never make the air so i think we should say the most controversial opinions we have right now okay everyone at once okay wait

wait i need to think of a country everyone at going to have to dumb some of mine down, though. I need to think of one. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm ready, yeah. Give me, like, a sec. I gave a hot take, like, a couple days ago to someone.

Okay. It probably wasn't that hot, dude. It probably wasn't that hot. Okay, I have one. Three. Oh, I got one. Two. One. Adventure time sucks dick.

Let's dissect this. Okay. Mika, what did you say? I think I said violence is bad, but I'm kind of like going back on that. You fucking asshole. That is not a haunting. You suck. Really?

I put my life on the line. Yeah, I said a really bad thing, and you just the line with why I'm straight for that. I said a really bad thing and you just said that? You're very brave for that, Mika. Thanks. He's not brave for that. He's brave. Don't applaud him. This is some lib shit. Violence is sometimes justified

because sometimes you need to use violence in order to defend people. Yeah, like right now against you for that fucking pussy take. Mika, if someone breaks into your house, are you prepared to kill them? Gosh, I don't know. What's the scenario?

Someone is in your house and he has bad intentions. A giant fat Redditor is running at you at Mach 10. He's got his grubby hands out he's about to choke you down he's holding a master sword and he's gonna slice you i'd probably just try to run away but like if there were like people who i cared about in the house with me at the time i would

try to like defend them probably what would you do like would you grab a lamp i always think about this i have a lot of nightmares about this i so i have like a i don't know what it's called but it's like a small staff because like when i was doing a lot of martial arts i had well i thought you were gonna say like role play shit no no when i was doing martial arts i had weapons training i don't remember what this thing is called but it's like a stick that you can use to like beat people yeah the training wasn't very good so you used a stick well it's like a stick that you can use to beat people. The training wasn't very good. So you used a stick? Well, it's like quite a deadly stick in the right hands.

Is it sharpened? No, it's blunt. It's a blunt stick? Blunt weed? So it will defeat a gun? You can kill somebody if they have a gun with that stick If they have a gun I'd have to be a bit Like craftier like I'd have to hide What do you mean crafty

He just shoots you you can't dodge a bullet This is a fucking matrix I know the hiding spots in my house Oh yeah So like I would wait for the time to be right And then I would like hit The guy with the gun Honestly I've seen

your bedroom it's like eight by eight it's like so small there's no hiding spots dude okay where are you gonna hide well the rest of my house okay the point i think we're getting inside the point the point is i would disarm him take the gun and then i'd empty i've had like vision i've i've like thought about this a lot i would remove the clip from the gun and throw it another direction and then i I'd empty the one in the chamber, and then I'd throw the gun away, and then I would, like, use my stick. No. Here's how it would happen. You'd be shot seven times. All of them would come into contact with a vital organ, and you would die.

No, I think I would actually, like, do a pretty good job. Like, I've thought about this a lot. I think I would actually do, like, a good like i i've thought about this a lot i think i would actually do like a good job of disarming someone like i saw that guy's videos on youtube so oh true no he does make good videos did you guys uh ever think about when you were in school like what if a gunman walked in what would your game plan be yeah yeah i would take a large object i would throw it at the window and and I would jump out and run. Exactly.

They want you to stay all cluttered together. They want you to all be huddled together like penguins. I mean, honestly, if that's what the professionals say, I don't think we should get into that topic. They're probably right, but just hear me out. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it. But I'm not in school. Yeah, I think it's the right thing for most people to do but not me yeah

we're built to what were some of your other opinions that i because everyone like talked over you you know my hot take my hot take was i mean think about it. Like, when, when, when, when, when, when, it's like, oh, but when you're a, you're just get told, put on a shirt, just put on a shirt. I'm not going to lie. You kind of sound like an incel right now. Oh my God. Honestly. Put on a shirt.

Why don't you guys all put on shirts? I, I've, I don't even. Put on a shirt, Astro. Okay, I'm wearing one. Mika, put on a shirt. I have a shirt on. Take it off. Yeah, take it off, actually.

Take off your pants and your panties. Yeah, and your socks. I'm not wearing any socks right now. Are you barefoot? Yeah, I'm barefoot.'m not wearing any socks right now. Are you barefoot? Yeah. I'm barefoot. Wait, you're wearing panties? Yeah, you didn't confirm or deny that part.

Oh, no. Well, yeah. Are you not barefoot in your house? I'm barefoot. Oh, you gotta wear socks in the house, man. That's how I have a planner worn on my foot, because I'm always barefoot. Ew. What?

I'm always barefoot in my home. I've never had one of those. Panda, do you shower? No, because everyone always tells him to put on a shirt. He can't take off the shirt to shower. I always put on a shirt, Panda.

Do you actually have a planter's work? I do. I always thought that a shirt, Panda. Do you actually have a planner's work? I do. I always thought that was a bit. You really do. Yeah, it's like really deep into my foot. It's got roots. Like, I've tried ripping it out. Oh, yeah. No, it sucks. It just keeps coming back. I hate going to the dermatologist to get that

shit froze. They freeze it, and then they scrape it off you with the fucking knife. It's terrible. When they tried freezing it, they didn't even remove it. It came back. It grew back. Yeah, that's what happened. They got to scrape deeper into the hole in your foot. They have to scrape deeper.

You have to say, go deeper. Now what? Now you have a big chunk in your foot. Are you missing part of your foot? I'm going to be missing a big chunk in my foot. You could store things there maybe. Or you could just put like a piece of Play-Doh there. I could, and that would smooth it out and make it look natural.

You put ramen in there and then glue. You know how during World War II, the SS operatives would have cyanide tooth capsules in case they got captured, like the spies? You could keep something in your foot in case you ever get captured. Yeah, keep a cyanide capsule. You should do what the Nazis did.

Imagine if you had a cyanide tooth in your mouth and you won the war or some shit and you just swallowed it by accident. You're like, finally, I can see my kids and you swallowed it. That's so fucking stupid, dude. Dude, that could happen. Like, you're like, woo-hoo!

Dude, imagine you're, like, on vacation with your girlfriend and having the most wonderful weekend, and then you just shoot yourself in the head. Wait, what? Wait a minute, what does that have to do with this? Didn't mean to do that. You just swallow your cyanide tooth by accident. Maybe you chip it. Yeah, and your gun discharges and hits your head by accident. And you die.

You finally win the lottery, but then you just fall off of the Empire State Building. And then you fall into punji sticks that are smeared with shit and feces and vomit. What are punungy sticks? It's just really sharp sticks. You fall on them. Oh. It's like you think you're walking on dirt, but uh-oh, it's a pungy stick trap. Oh.

And the floor gives way and you fall onto a bunch of sharpened wooden pikes that have shit on them. Yeah, it's like Looney Tunes. Like you're walking midair and then you pull up a sign saying uh-oh and then you fall down. It literally is Looney Tunes, like you're walking midair and then you pull up a sign saying, uh-oh, and then you fall down. It literally is Looney Tunes shit. Yeah, you step on the trap and then it gives way, but then you like hover there for like five seconds, enough for you to look down and then look at the rest of your soldiers and go like... You pull your collar and your sweater or sweatshirt and go like... The Vietnam War is fucking awesome because like a bunch of like... No, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out

No, let me finish. Like the most sophisticated army in the world went to war and lost to Looney Tunes traps. It's the best shit ever. It is kind of funny. Actually Looney Tunes shit. I think anyone who like looks at it now is like pretty strongly like

on the side of Vietnam in that situation I mean yeah good morning dude my fucking grandpa was in the Vietnam War he died in the Vietnam War oh yeah did he die to a pungi stick or whatever no he drove into the side of a cliff because they painted a tunnel onto it. Dude. That happens more than you think. Very common. They painted a tunnel onto the side of a cliff and he drove right into it thinking it was a tunnel.

An enemy ran off the cliff and just fine and then he tried to run off it and then he started kicking his legs back and forth and then just fell down. It sounds like the Elon RUK video. They painted a... They painted a they painted a good one you're supposed to take over you're supposed to do it for me i didn't know how it went but it went like that about a year ago elon musk was sitting in traffic yeah i don't even remember it then he uh drove into a a tunnel that was painted on the side of a cliff.

Dude, that's what the fucking boring company should do. The Tesla tunnels under Los Angeles, you should drive your car into it. It should take your Tesla and accelerate it by itself, full speed into a fucking wall. Just create a pile of scrap metal that gets recycled afterwards. And then it plays like a, while you're in the tunnel about to smash into the wall, it plays like a custom audio recording recorded by Elon Musk himself. And he's like, Hey,

thanks for, thanks for doing my, thanks for doing my tunnel. We're changing the world. Imagine like instead of digging tunnels imagine how much he could do with that money like it's actually so sad to think about it it's like you have a imagine there's like a kid at school at recess who has like the most sophisticated like expensive thing ever that would be awesome to share with the school and he's like now i'm just gonna play

in the sandbox and dig some tunnels i'm gonna take all that money you can have a lot of kids because elon has a lot of children elon's got a breeding kink yeah and he actually does he's justifying it by saying that uh population death is like the most important matter in human mankind right now he's Population is the most fucking boring shit ever. There is so much land. It doesn't fucking matter. We can have a bunch of babies or we could not. Who cares? Well, he's like, well, yeah.

He's like, oh, the first world countries, you know, our birth rate is declining. This is the biggest issue. And so that's what he kind of convinced himself that so he could pipe as many people as he wanted to. Yeah, so he can just, like, have sex with his coworkers. Yeah. Pungy sticks.

But anyway, my opinion was mandatory cannibalism. Oh. Do I still stand by that? You know, I said it on the pod before. No, no, dude. I swear to keck, bro. I swear to keck. You did not say that.

At one point, you said that, like, I said I want to do cannibalism, and you were like, no. No. Yeah. I am all for it. I swear, dude. I'm all for it. I think it should be a thing. I'm serious about it, too.

Like, it's not even a bit, like, you actually want. No, it's not a bit. I think, like, you know how we pick organ donor on our driver's license? I think we should give some of those organs to people in need, and they should eat us. Why? Because it's free food. We're just wasting bodies. So, Asher, I could, like, you could

consent, like, chopping off the finger and then giving it to me and let me eat it. Well, I wouldn't give it to you. Who would you give it to? Somebody who needs it. Oh, I'm so hungry, Asher. I'm so hungry, I who needs it Oh I'm so hungry I'm so hungry I'm so hungry dude

I'll give you pinky toe That's the best I can do though Okay that's like Those hard bits of chicken And like KFC Yeah the tough ones Yeah fuck that So Schlatt

You're the only one who hasn't shared the controversial opinion adventure time is the worst show on carter network you're actually so wrong for that you're actually okay all right mr violence is bad go suck a big fat cock go curl yourself go go go go lay on your bed go push your bed up against the fucking wall. Walk your legs up the side of the wall and scrunch yourself up and come on your face. Violence is not bad all the time. You're just wrong. Justify yourself.

He's going to walk up the wall? Yeah, wait, you didn't suck your dick like that as a kid? You can scrunch yourself up. You put your back against the wall. You walk your legs all the way up the wall. It'll scrunch your body up so your dick is in as a kid? You can scrunch yourself up, you put your back against the wall, you walk your legs all the way up the wall, it'll scrunch your body up so your dick is in range of your mouth, and so you can suck yourself off and cum all in

your throat. This is too specific for this to be a bit. No, no, I've actually heard of that. The wall walk method. Yeah. I've never done that. You can't bend normally, or at least most people can, but when you have the forces of gravity helping you it makes it a lot easier from what i've heard i've never done yeah from what i've heard too yeah you guys have never done that

astro have you tried to suck your own dick maybe when i was like 12 i have i've tried a few times do you still try no no i give up every once in a while just to see maybe it works now actually no i can do it because it's so big sorry i lied so schlatt why do you hate adventure time because it's a shit show how why see how upset they get this is just gonna be so fun this is gonna be so fun and then watch watch how mika who is a huge adventure time stand watch how mika will just like cognitively uh declined through this conversation i'm not i'm not even an adventure time stand i just think it's a good show it's not though and that's where you're why no no but you need to explain yourself you can't just say something as

i mean like you could see he's not even finding words already. It's just, like, it's beginning. You could say something is bad and, like, leave it at that. But I'm curious to hear why you think it's bad. Because I don't like it. So, but if you don't like it, why does that mean it's bad? Because, like, you could, like, not like the new Bjork album, but then other people will like it. So, I don't like war. Is war good?

No. Well, war is a complicated... I don't like Adventure Time. He has a point. It's bad. Yeah. That was a good analogy. Mika, put on a shirt. Not even remotely in the same category.

You can't just compare it. It's a war against my attention span. It just does not hold me. I don't like the show. Not a good show. So Adventure Time doesn't hold you. It doesn't hold your attention span. No.

The plot is bad. The characters are bad. The show's bad. Bro, how could you literally say that when Jake from Adventure Time is like... I agree. Jake's a pretty good character. He's actually such an amazing character. Dude, Jake is the fucking embodiment of the geek from Rhett and Link's Geek vs. Nerd music video.

No, he is not. Yes, he is. You are so wrong. Dude, you just pulled shit out of your ass. You're just thinking of random things. No, I didn't. You're just pulling it out of your box of random shit. That is so not him.

That is not true. That's so not true, dude. Jake would say some stupid shit like, I landed the first rocket copter. He doesn't say stupid things. They would all say that. That's all the characters. Really insightful, meaningful, life lessons.

Well, Mika, Mika, Mika, Mika, Mika. They do say like a mathematical and like shit like that. They say some derp terms for sure. He's so derpy. He's so derpy. That's not really. He's chill though. He chill. He's chill like that. He wears like he he wears a t-shirt. He probably

wears a t-shirt that says I hate t-shirts bro. Like this is not Jake is not a good character. Listen, there's also better stretchy characters. Mrs. Fantastic, for one. Yeah, remember Elastigirl? Yeah. She's pretty. She's got...

It's our mom hips. You know what? I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna follow Jake's advice. He said a quote. There's no point letting them get to you Especially when you have so much to offer the world Do as the Ice King does And shut out those naysayers

You wanna know what's sad? You had to google it because Jake has never said anything Memorable in his entire life You read that shit You googled Brother Miki you just googled Jake meaningful quote in his entire life. Yes, he has. He said bacon pancakes. You read that shit. Bacon pancakes. Bacon pancakes. Bacon pancakes. Miki, you just Googled Jake meaningful quote.

If bacon pancakes is the only thing you can remember Jake ever saying, then that is sad. Hey, bro, that's better than nothing. I can remember Jake saying a lot of things. Like what? Tier 15. I remember that one. What meaningful thing that speaks to how good the show is has jake ever said that you can remember right now off the top of your head okay well i'm not good at remembering

things but let me let me try uh when he said bite my shiny middle ass oh yeah that's a good one when he said freaking sweet, I actually have one. Wait, wait, wait. Sucking at something is the first step to being good at something. What? Sucking at something? He would not say that. Sucking at what? He said sucking at something is the first step to being good at something. All right, dude.

Yeah, of course your one quote's about sucking something. Yeah, that's a lot. Come on, bro. Listen, here's my real justification for why Adventure Time never interested me. Because there are 10 seasons and 300 fucking episodes, and I watch Cartoon Network at random times of the day. I put shit on, and I enjoy episodes where I don't need to know the previous 300 fucking episodes. Do you still watch Cartoon Network? Yes. Okay, so you must enjoy Teen Titans Go.

I love Teen Titans Go. It's a good show. Wait, wait, wait. What do you think of The Amazing World of Gumball? Gumball was good. But again, Gumball is one-offs. Courage the Cowardly Dog is one-offs. Chowall is one-offs. Courage the Cowardly Dog is one-offs. Chowder is one-offs.

All my favorite cartoons from back in the day are one-offs. You can just pop that shit on, and it's a plot that stands on its own. The only exception to this is Total Drama Island. Avatar. You don't like Avatar? I cannot legally comment on Avatar right now, as I'm currently selling a plushie. Oh, okay. Wait, really?

Well, you know the answer then. Guys, we all know the answer then. I love Avatar. It's really good. And it's one of those shows where, yeah, it's a story that continues throughout every episode, but it's worth it. They're not 300 episodes of Avatar, though. How many seasons are there?

Three? It's got to be like 60 episodes. Yeah, it's more bite-sized. It's consumable. I can agree with you on this. Honestly, Adventure Time, it didn't capture me past the first season. I think the first, I probably really enjoyed the first couple episodes. I'm not going to lie to you.

I think the world building is great. It is great but it is great like it's it's just i don't know it's 300 episodes dude and like i have time for that we are good like the ice king his backstory is like genuinely so like like emotional and like him him and marceline they got they got something yeah man i am so. I've been staring at this photoshopped image of Kermit with his penis hanging. You didn't even ask why I posted that. You didn't even ask why. I just posted it

and you said, on my way. Dude, I typed on W. I typed on W and it auto-corrected. Moist, you put this in the visual. This is how we summon Shlap. We just post that image. We post that image and she's like, I'm coming. It's like the bat signal.

Jesus Christ. No, but basically we were talking about baby Yoda. Or no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We were talking about normal Yoda. Normal Yoda. With normal Yoda. Okay, Shlap, before you join the call, a panda was going on lengths talking about how he wants to fuck Yoda.

I don't know where it came from. No, no, I think it was kill Yoda. No, you said, I wonder what it would be like to fuck Yoda. That's what you said. I swear that's not what I said. I said I wanted to kill Yoda, right? You would stretch him out, dude. He's all wrinkly. The one time I

understand you, I think you said kill. It was definitely fucking. He wanted to fuck Yoda. I would not enjoy killing or fucking Yoda. I said I would kill Baby Yoda. I don't even know why we're having this conversation right now. And then I think you thought I said I would fuck Baby Yoda. Why is there even, what are you asking?

Would you rather kill or fuck Yoda? When I would kill Baby Yoda. That was the conversation. I would rather walk away, bro. I don't want to kill Yoda. I don't want to fuck Yoda either. It's killer fuck. It's killer fuck. You can't back out. You'd rather walk away, bro. I don't want to kill Yoda. I don't want to fuck Yoda either. It's killer fuck. I want to marry him.

I want to marry him. That's not enough. You're killing him or you're fucking him. Alright, I'm going to fuck him. I'm going to fuck him. I'm going to fuck. Dude, imagine Yoda's like, I'm going to cum. Cum. I'm going to. I'm gonna come. Come! I'm going to.

I'm gonna come. Come, I will. That's a fucking crazy sex scene between Kermit and Yoda. New Pokemon designs, huh? What? Yeah, the Wiglet. You guys like Wiglet? I love Wiglet. What? Wiglet. You guys like Wiglet? I love Wiglet.

What's Wiglet? He's the new Pokemon designer. That's what I'm going to do. Yo, yo, chill. Dude, you know Diglett, right? You know Diglett? It's like that Pokemon that sticks its head out of the ground? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so they made a new one where it's white and it sticks out of the ocean and it's really long. A little skinnier, lengthy. Yeah, girthy. Oh, staggering beauty. It's not girthy, though. It's less girthy. Okay. Dude, it is more girthy. It's slightly more girthy. It's less girthy than David. Dude, its head is more girthy.

If you look at it from the side, it's way girthier. You guys gotta go with staggering beauty. That's what this shit reminds me of. I am not girthier. You guys gotta go to Staggering Beauty. That's what this shit reminds me of. I am not clicking that link. That is the most suspicious link. Staggeringbeauty.com Everybody listening right now, especially our audio listeners,

go to Staggeringbeauty.com Do we need to put out an epilepsy warning? This could actually cause someone to have a seizure. What? If you shake the mouse back and forth very quickly, it can cause someone... It actually is like... It's freaking me out.

If I had epilepsy, I don't know if I would even go on the internet because you never know if someone could just fuck with you. Just start spamming colors. You never know when staggering beauty is going to pop up Wait wait wait Cut this out but you need to say

The Patreon thing Tell people to do the Patreon Or whatever Dude everyone that's listening to this Is a Patreon subscriber Yeah Yeah but I guess I was just thinking

For the future when this gets monetized in three months. Hey, so Moist, don't cut this out, but I'm telling you right now, I just need you to do an edit real quick. I'm going to reintroduce the podcast as we're 28 minutes in, and I need you to take this audio. Don't cut this part out, though. I need you to take this audio and put it at the beginning for my intro hey everybody welcome back to sleep deprived podcast episode 77 audio listeners here at first okay now there it is pat are you happy there we go all right happy all you guys can follow us through to the uh patreon part of the show i guess you're already listening to that, though, because, well, YouTube fucked us, so

no one even listens to it anymore. YouTube said, I'm gonna cab. I'm gonna cab. Yeah. Baba Booey. Baba Booey.