Sleep Deprived Podcast - Our New Year's Resolutions - SDP #90

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

the boys talk about airplanes for 31 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to Sleep Deprived Podcast. I'm so yondy. Yeah. Big hype. 90 weeks in a row of us doing this show. It is 2018 by now. Yeah. This is nuts.

That's crazy. Is this the year, is 90 the year the queen died? Dude, way too soon, man. Way too soon. Are you kidding me? We don't joke about that. Sorry, I was just asking like also she's alive right now in our timeline yeah mika are you a psychic or something yeah what are you well no

anyone can tell she's on her last legs currently she might be the first person to live forever though we don't know yet she could be she yeah and i mean prince philip's still alive yeah oh shoot you're so right yeah dude if someone made a video making fun of prince philip that'd be so messed up that would be well uh hey guys uh chances are you're listening to this after the new year so happy yeah happy new year 2018 got any new Year's resolutions for bringing in the new year, 2018? I think I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to drunk drive more. Oh.

That is awesome. Thank you. Wow. Thanks. I think you should not do that. No, no. If you intend on drunk driving, you should do it as much as you can. Yeah.

Because you'll get better at it. Exactly. It's like practice. You know, practice makes perfect. You know that saying? Of course. It's like a fallout skill. The more you drink and drive, the more experience you'll have.

Well, I understand that train of thought and like, okay, fine. But surely the risk is not worth the reward. And like, can you really ever truly get good at something? It's fun. It's fun you really ever truly get that? It's fun. It's fun if you ever consider that. It's fun. It is fun. That's the problem with you liberals Mika. You don't want to have fun anymore. Finally Astro has joined our side. The right side.

Of history. Thank you. Pussy dude. I'm getting in a car. I'm so proud of you Astro. I'm getting in a car. I'm revving it. Exactly. Astro has joined the drunk drivers, everybody. He's joined the club. He's seen the light. Everybody clap it up. All my drunk drivers in the chat represent.

Everybody send a comment if you're a drunk driver. Let me know how it is, what you guys are up to these days. Thank you, Fart Drinker34 for the 500 bits. Dude, New Year's Eve is a great time to learn because there's so many other people who will be on the road to teach you What to do and what not to do

While drunk driving It's the greatest test of survival Driving out on New Year's I mean, I don't know guys I don't think we can condone drunk driving You're a stuttering communist No one cares You're a stuttering communist

It's funny you just called me a stuttering communist because you just stuttered. Oh, yeah? Well, you're stupid. Oh, yeah? Well, no, I'm not, actually. You are so hot right now. I just have to say it. And actually, you're stupid because you think drunk driving is cool.

No, you're stupid. No, actually, you're stupid. No, you got you there. Why are the power invested in me and this giant bald bird? Anyways. The shiniest of two turds. You! You!

I'm gonna like you! Don't talk about changes, do it! it's culture moneybags it's a country not a company yo speaking of don't something change what was the lyric don't something about change just do it don't talk about change just do it yeah so

new year's resolutions don't talk about it just do it and it doesn't have to be a new year's resolution like you can just do it that's actually a good point mika i read something recently that said that talking about what you intend to do gives you the same amount of dopamine as you actually doing it oh so we can get yeah so we we get real happy about planning stuff like that's why we like planning vacations because we're thinking about the vacation it's very nice it's very nice and then i'm gonna get ripped doing it is yeah i'm gonna get ripped wait no dude that's the opposite that's the opposite of what you should be doing what yeah it's like i'm gonna

get laid a bunch of you no no no no no you have to just go out and do it man you have to go out and do it no i actually i actually really believe that yeah yeah because if you say all your plans then it's like your body thinks it's like the same thing as you actually doing it and it releases all the all that dopamine and serotonin and it's just like what's the motivation actually do it because you feel real good now anyways yeah that's pretty interesting i i saw a study that said that uh if you set a set a new year's resolution you're more likely to fail what you set out to do rather than if you had just like set out to do it at any time of the year so there's something about like calling it a resolution that just like makes it almost doomed to fail it's not like doomed to fail but it's like harder to stick to for some

reason yeah it's true i mean it takes a lot of time to develop habits. And I think people make a lot of resolutions that involve starting better habits. Right. And then they'll try to do too many at the same time as well. They'll be like, okay, not only am I going to eat better, I'm going to go to the gym

and I'm going to walk the dog twice or three. Raise the circumference of my asshole. Yeah, raise the circumference of my asshole. Yeah, raise the circumference of my asshole. Right, yeah. And become rather rotund in the ass department and jelk for 30 minutes every day in the shower. Exactly. And mew.

And mew. And mew. And you have to actually, with jelking, it's actually funny because you have to get semi-hard. And then sometimes it's hard for guys to stay like in that state well for that long it's certainly not for me no it's really easy for me yeah it's really easy none of us have problems with that right the listeners might and that's true probably a lot of them everybody everybody listens to sleep deprived podcast has erectile dysfunction our audience is like 90 years old that'd be really weird oh i saw a comment that said someone's mom

loves to listen to this there's no shot there's no i feel like if an old person listening to this they would just like have a stroke. No, I think someone's mom is listening to this right now. If you're someone's mom, shout out to you. Thanks for being a cool mom. Dude, I don't think it's anything. I don't think it's like a old people thing. I think it's just rather common these days.

What? Stroke? No. I mean, yeah, a lot of people get strokes. Erectile dysfunction dysfunction is it common yeah look this study found that around 52 of men experience some form of ed and that total ed increases from about 5 to 15 between ages 40 and 70 it just almost seems like you're kind of trying to like justify 26 percent of men under the age of 40 like you don't have to defend it like that's you get hard that's

like a quarter that's like a quarter yeah people have it at my age and your age and it would be completely normal if i did but i can totally get hard and maintain an erection yeah so you talk about it so much it makes me think maybe you might be no no, no. Flat is always hard as a rock. I'm hard right now. Wait, what? Have you guys ever been hard in public? What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait. I got a bad one.

Have you guys ever been hard during a presentation? Like while you're giving it? That'd be pretty awkward. Yeah, it would be, yeah. Panda, it sounds like you might be speaking from experience here. A few experiences, yeah, Mika. Do you get hard during our Jackbox videos? Multiple.

What? What? While you're giving a presentation. You have to give a presentation, yeah. Well, you see, when I'm with my buddy, my... Compatriots. No, no. Comrades?

What was that thing I was talking about? My buddy, my... Your goochers? My buddy. You have one specific buddy. My God, we're back on this. Moist, please censor it every time he says that. Yeah.

R slash... Okay, censor that one. So, that. Yeah. R slash ****. Okay, censor that one. So what other resolutions do you guys have? We heard Astro's, which I personally think, Astro, that that is a disgusting resolution and you should be ashamed. Astro, I'm proud of you. Whatever, Lib. You know, my resolution is to get this channel to a million subs. Okay.

How about two million? What? What do you? What? We're not to a million subs. Okay. How about two million? What? We're not putting a million subs. Come on, two million. Two million. We're getting four million. We're getting four million. No, that's a total lie.

Total lie. But it does feel good saying it. Realistically, you want me to be realistic here? Yes. Ten million. Tenistically, you want me to be realistic here? Yes. 10 million, right? I think this channel can have... Aim high.

It would be disappointing if this channel didn't have half a million subscribers by the end of the year. Like, very, very disappointing. Alright. Like, we'll kill ourselves. Yeah, like, we'll kill ourselves. We will end our lives we'll record our suicides

that would be grounds for suicide viewers viewers hey no no we're joking we're joking in Minecraft I mean in Grand Theft Auto 5

I think for some of us here I don't know about you guys In Minecraft. Yeah, we jump off in Grand Theft Auto 5. I think for some of us here, I don't know about you guys, but it wouldn't even need to come to not hitting 500,000. Oh. What? That's another drab thing to say. Sorry, I'm just joking, man. It's humor.

Is everything okay? Yeah, no, it's good. We're good. We're good. You good? Okay. Yeah. man it's humor yeah okay yeah no it's good we're good we're good you good okay you yeah i just feel like you keep making very morbid like almost suggestions at this point no man i just want to make sure you're doing okay because we care about you dude that's none of my business yeah you know what how about this i'll take you drunk driving with me. Hot in here. What? That's a great idea, Astro.

Yeah, you can come in my truck. I don't know. I don't want to be complicit in drunk driving. Okay. Then I'll abduct you. I think if you have drunk driven, you should be ashamed. Astro, listen. If you want to have real fun, you drive a smart car drunk.

Because the trucks are too easy to survive. Your life is practically guaranteed in all scenarios but the smart car you know it seats one it's not very well padded you're gonna get stuck in someone's wheel well what about like someone someone else is gonna like run over your smart car and like gets you're gonna get stuck well that's part of the thrill man and that's what you don't get hymns gives access to simple and affordable ed treatment what eat oh no a panda panda what's your new year's resolution man your sex life your way to get the channel to a million subs so let us know what you're looking for that's cool what is your

sexual concern it's always medication, Schlatt. Don't worry. I'm going to be rolling in cash, guys. I'm not getting hard when I want to. Not staying hard throughout sex. I'll check both of those. You know something? Okay, guys, this is a little in a pro-pro, but I'm going to say it anyways.

Do you guys have... Oh, God! Oh, dude! What? I actually couldn't hear you. Like, you know pre-cum, right? Oh! You know pre-! What? I actually couldn't hear you. You know pre-cum, right? You know pre-cum. Stop!

Oh, my... Dude, Miki, you don't want to hear what he just said. No, I'm serious. I never hear about after-cum. God! Jesus! That's normal, right? Am I a freak of nature? My New Year's resolution is I would like to order less food on Uber Eats.

That's honestly a really good resolution. Thank you. YouTubers don't know how to cook, man. I spent some time learning how to cook and I feel like pretty competent in my skills now. You must be a YouTuber. You cannot cook. Do not cook. I've learned how to cook like curries and like different recipes

and like how to prepare like vegetables and meats and stir fries and like soups. Like a cheese quesadilla? No, dude. Like actual like food food. The problem is though that i'm really lazy okay so next time you see yourself opening up the uber eats app how about this yeah slap your balls a little bit

and then it'll hurt and then your body will be like oh now i associate opening uber eats with with pain of my balls it's like pav loves dog you want me to train myself like a dog yeah yeah if you want i can do it for you mika i'll slap your nuts as hard as you can as hard as i think about it like this remember when you were in middle school and you were thinking about guys and you'd have like a rubber band around your wrist and you'd pull it really hard and then you'd release it and it'd slap your wrist every time you thought about them so that you kind of associate that as something that you um hey man why are there sirens

sorry guys that's just what is going on my new year's resolution is to commit less murder sorry about that what are you. You guys can hear that? They found you, man. They found you. Oh, no. Episode 69. I didn't do anything. Do you think it's time to drop the veil

on what happened in that episode? I don't think you should, man. I don't think your lawyers advise you to do that. I'm going to do it. No, no. I'm going to talk about it. Moist cut it out. Moist cut it out.

I'm going to talk about it. Moist cut it out. Moist cut it out. I'm going to talk about it. Don't you dare. Oh, boy. Okay. So I was building a Warhammer, right? Like a model. I was building like a Warhammer 40K, like Tau. What the fuck are you saying?

And I dropped one of the finished models on the ground and it was a big expensive one and um that's what happened so that's why everyone was mad at me got paint everywhere that wasn't paint yeah that wasn't paint there was a where they found that figure like that I don't know what you are twisting this story into you know like this is

this is murder I was just building a war hammer and that's what happened I'm just I'm coming clean so Mika there was more to it than that a warhammer and that's what happened. I'm just I'm coming clean. Mika, there was more to it than that. There was really not. The guy's

f***ed. Moist, can you censor all of that because that just did not happen. Random f***. Yeah, it was senseless. I literally did not. I literally did not do that. No gang affiliation.

No mob justice. The worst thing that happened is that I like, I, I start, I like messed up building a Gundam. That's it. Oh, it's a Gundam. After I dropped the Warhammer model, I started building a Gundam and I messed up and I'm sorry. Those weren't, That wasn't like plastic. Those were That

just, I don't. That's just not true. I just that is not true. It was really grotesque. Like, honestly, Astro, look, don't tell me, but I thought it was pretty cool. What? So what are you guys going to do for New Year's, huh?

What's the plan? Jack, I'm going to come write one of the ball drops. That's so smart. I'm going to do that, too. You want to do it together? Dude, you can be my buddy. No, censor it. Censor it again.

Jesus Christ. Schlatt, what are you doing for New Year's, man? Probably drinking. But that's not funny or a joke. Are you gonna be like at a party? This is like when Rick and Rick and Morty's really serious. He's like, I'm serious now, Morty. I'm serious now.

Morty, I'm being serious. Do you guys remember that one scene where Rick almost kills himself? Like, he gets, like, an alien device and he almost shoots himself? Does he say, I'm being serious before he does it? He's like, I'm being serious. I'm being serious, Morty. I'm gonna kill myself. I mean, you know it, surely,

because you like Rick and Morty, right? Yeah. Morty, my suicidal ideation is real. He kills another creature, and he's like, okay, I'm gonna do it to me now, and he doesn't. Right. That was really serious. That was a pretty serious moment.

Yeah, I was like, wow. Yeah. Where were you going with that panda i don't know i i have no idea i couldn't i could not tell you but you know what is in rick and morty justin no no we're not doing that again i'm good i'm good talking about that actually is no one here like like going to a New Year's Eve party or something? Like, we're not... Who the hell do you think we are? Mika, we don't have friends, dude.

That's why we're YouTubers, man. Wow. Do you have friends? Oof. Um, yeah. They just go to a different school you don't know them what's their name then

exactly Tom no you're lying no it's not no show me a picture show me Tom what's the other one Mika I'll show you Tom I have a picture.

Give me five. I'm Tom, buddy. Tom and Jerry. I have a picture on my phone, okay? I have a picture on my phone. I'm going to send it to the Discord right now. I would love to step on Jerry. And then you lift up your shoe, and he's like a piece of gum, like stretching.

I was thinking he'd be like a pancake. yeah he's got two little eyes he's just like a big circle with two eyes what do you think i'm what do you think of my friend tom who's that let's take a look oh that is you don't that you're not friends with him yeah i am no that's a very what is that what is that that's the late epic reddit spider-man guy he plays spider oh yeah guys so for for xmas as you gen zers call it i got a i got a flat screen television and i i'm becoming an annoying movie buff now where all i talk about is movies and how they all suck because you Do you have a letterbox? What's that? Oh, I thought... Sorry, go on. Go ahead.

I watched the original Spider-Man and I saw so many Reddit memes in there and I was like, this is epic. You can't say you're a movie aficionado and then the first movie you talk about is Spider-Man. Dude, Spider-Man was such a good movie. You were hyping yourself up.

You could have talked about The Godfather or Interstellar or some fucking cool foreign film. You're just like, oh, I saw Spider-Man. Dude. The movie was awesome. Whatever, man. You need to watch a real film.

Yeah, like what? um like spirited what you need to watch avatar the way the water yeah you need to watch avatar oh has everyone here seen avatar way of water no no it's apparently made a billion dollars and i heard that just like last time no one's fucking talking about it like it's apparently made a billion dollars. I heard that. Just like last time, no one's fucking talking about it. There's not even fucking memes or anything. What's going on there? It's because it leaves you speechless, bro. Because it's so fucking good. People just walk, a billion people walked out of the movie theater and were just like,

okay. Yeah, Avatar is a psyop, dude. I think it's just bots. Fucking Morbius had more of a cultural impact than this movie does and it's this has made a fucking billion dollars already it's good you know what it is you know what i think the reason for that is i think the reason for that is because it's just a bunch of like regular families like your average mom and pop bringing their kids to the movies on christmas and whatnot and like they're just like

they're they watch it and then they don't go online because they don't use like twitter they don't use things like that it's for the normies yeah well i don't even have anything else to say about avatar i'm not gonna lie i think the conversation ends there I saw it and I thought the whales were cool yeah there's some whales in it yeah heard there's water

yeah they're blue sort of a way about that water blue people that's terrible I hated that about that water. Blue people. Well, they've been blue. That's terrible. I hated that. That's like a Peter Griffin joke.

They're blue. I like them because they're blue. Tell me that's like not, that's a joke you would make. I don't see it, honestly. Can you explain more? Because Peter Griffin makes such shit jokes. Like, he's just self-aware about all of them. He's like, I like

this because it's this. That's a really roundabout way to say that Hester's joke was not fucking funny. You remind me, dude, that's totally something Peter Griffin would say when Peter Griffin makes shit jokes that don't make sense. No, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

This was about me calling them blue, and then I said that's something Peter Griffin would say. This reminds me of that one time where you said that you were talking about Peter Griffin. I'm looking at a photo of my grandma on my desk.

She's dead. I got it on my desk. It's great that you bring up family because Avatar the Way of the Water was a great story about a very familial look at oppression and colonialism from a greater power. And I just think that blue thing was my sister. I'd fuck it. I don't care. I actually had a really funny experience in the theater seeing Avatar the Way of Water. You watched it?

Yeah, it's a great film. And I was sitting in the back. Five minutes into the theater, or into the movie, the guy to our left just falls asleep. And he fucking snores for three hours. Like, for three hours straight. And it's towards the end of the movie, where the climactic part part he wakes up and the first thing he does is he opens his phone

it's on like max brightness and he's just browsing facebook and it's just glaring in our faces and to our right was this like group of like teenagers who were just laughing every time one of like the navi died it was really bad yeah i feel like uh usually the movie going crowd is like pretty respectful but there's something about christmas time where it's just like all the all the disrespectful people come out of the woodwork for whatever reason like i had a similar experience astra i was watching this other movie with my mom and uh there was this lady like a seat two seats away from me and she was like talking out loud narrating the movie as it happened like so like uh there it was a movie about santa in a hostage situation um so like for example this like santa like i don't know he like does something cool with like a hammer and then this lady at full volume is like oh he

really knows how to use that hammer bro like just watch a movie at home you can't make any noise in the movie theater it's just fucked up don't clap i don't get don't don. It's just fucked up. Don't clap. Don't even laugh. Just shut up. What are you talking about? No laughing. Nothing. Those people that just go to a movie theater just to sleep. You pay money to sleep in front of a screen. That's true.

It's like, why even go? Yeah. I guess I kind of get it if you're a dad and you don't give a fuck. You're like, fuck this. But some people just do it by themselves. Or they'll say, I love this movie. I really want to see this movie and they just fall asleep the whole time.

So, uh... Go ahead. Go ahead, man. No, man. You first. My New Year's resolution is to stop talking over you, man. My New Year's resolution is to stop interrupting you, so you can go ahead. Well, my New Year's resolution is to hit a pan in the face. Boom!

Oh, fuck me, man! Oh! It must have hurt, huh? No. No, it didn't. Fuck you. You're bleeding, dude. Yo, uh, what did you guys get for Christmas gifts?

Nothing. Wow. That's not true. I literally gave you something. It's only because I gave you something first. That is not true, dude. Yeah, yeah, it is. I lit- You said-

You felt bad. You said- You felt bad. I literally did not feel bad you sent me something on the 24th and i was gonna give you something on the 25th but since you sent it to me i had to send it early i had to send it early what'd you get for christmas dude another pair of socks i can't believe it dude for the millionth time in a row, I get another pair of socks for Christmas. Don't my parents understand that I'm a teenager now and don't want practical gifts like this anymore?

I mean, I guess they're useful and all, but come on, can't they at least put a little more thought into it? Wow. I'm so over getting boring gifs like this. Yeah, man. My mom got me a fucking sweater. I hate her. She's such a bitch. I wanted a PS5.

What a fucking asshole. I hate my mom. What's that Lego one? I gotta find it. Lego Death Star? No. Well, I mean, my wife's boyfriend got me a Nintendo Switch, so that was pretty cool. That's pretty sick. Is it like an OLED Switch?

No, you couldn't opt for that. Oh. It was a used one. That's a shame. Yeah, but it's cool. I really like him. He treats my wife well. Nice.

I was disappointed with another Christmas gift, too. Oh, man. Which one? I can't believe it. I'm a grown adult living with my parents, and I still got stuck with an Xbox for Christmas. Oh, man. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the gift at all, but come on. and I still got stuck with an Xbox for Christmas. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the gift at all, but come on.

I've been wanting a PlayStation for years now. And it feels like every time I bring it up, my parents just brush it off like it's not a big deal. I know money is tight, but I've been saving up for a while now. I was really hoping to finally get my hands on a PlayStation. It's not like I'm asking for a brand new car or anything. And now here I am with an Xbox I'm not even excited about. Don't get me wrong. The Xbox is a great console and all, but it's not what I wanted.

I feel like I'm being punished or something. Damn. I know I'm not a kid anymore, but it still sucks to feel my desires and interests are being completely disregarded. It's not like I'm asking for the moon here. All I want is a simple little gaming console I've been wanting for years. Is that too much to ask for? Hashtag Christmas disappointment. Did you get an Xbox One or an Xbox 360?

It was an Xbox One. Oh, wow. Yeah, I actually was really upset at my gift as well. You guys tell me, am I the asshole for being an ungrateful, spoiled brat for the Christmas gift my husband got me? I'm 35 female. Baba Booey. Wait, what was the gift? Oh, it was a dildo.

Oh. It's just... Yeah. It's a fucking delivery on that. YTA, dude. Fuck you. Yeah, I got... What? What did you get? What?

I got a... I got a penis pump. Bababooey. Bababooey. Penis pump booey. I thought you got to say bababooey. Penis pump booey. I can't believe it. I'm so excited to see what my family got me for Christmas.

When I opened the present, I was met with a pump. A pump for my bike tires. I mean, don't get. A pump. A hand pump for my bike tires. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a useful gift and all, but seriously? Is this what my family thinks of me? That I'm some sort of cycling enthusiast who needs a new pump? Alright.

Baba Booey.