Sleep Deprived Podcast - SCHLATT HAD A KID - Sleep Deprived Podcast #64

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

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Hey everybody, welcome back to Sleep Deprived P- Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, it hurts to clap, it hurts. Are you okay? Are you okay? No, I tore my rotator cuff. Do you need mouth-to-mouth? Yeah.

Do you need a kiss? I need really hot mouth-to-mouth. I'm gonna all three of you tonight. Oh my god. I'm busy tonight, so. Well, hey, look, I mean, you're the only one I wanted it from. Okay. Well, so, that's why your mic sounds like that, right?

You're recording from the hospital? Yeah, I'm actually recording on my deathbed. And also, this is episode 64 of the Sleep Deprived podcast, and I can't move my arms. I'm like Squidward when they tried to take him jellyfishing after he got stung by that big jellyfish. And then he couldn't move his arms anymore. You're like the d***. We're rolling through these topics already. Holy s***.

Took 30 seconds to talk about the first topic we had written down. All I'm saying is... Bro. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. It wasn't even me

who said that shit. That sounds like something I would say dude you guys think i'm not edgy anymore you know i got a little left in the tank holy damn that kind of reminds me of fortnight really mika does it really? Every week with you two. Well, no, you know, because just I like a good Fortnite and you know, Panda, I heard

you got Fortnite to do something. Yes, everybody. Yes, everybody. I got Fortnite to delete a tweet. I did it. Not a lot of YouTubers can say that. Not a lot of YouTubers can say that. Not a lot of people can say that. Alright, so,

basically, Drake made this tweet, right? It was about his new album, and then I responded to his tweet with that one image of Drake sucking a d***. So, Drake is involved in this whole Fortnite thing? Drake is involved, yes. So, Drake is aware in this whole Fortnite thing? Drake is involved, yes.

So Drake is aware of you now. I love that photo, by the way, of Drake sucking that d***. Okay, so basically I responded to Drake with this absolutely funny image. It was honestly a great reply. Like, I did really good there. This one random guy, right? This one random guy tags Fortnite for no reason and does hashtag Team Itachi. And then Fortnite replies with, even the strongest of opponents always has a weakness. You're Team Itachi.

So it was an automated response, right? Yeah. I hope it was. And I brought it. I made a tweet about it. And it got 27,000 likes. Because, you know, kind of a crazy thing. And then Fortnite ended up brought it. I made a tweet about it. And it got 27,000 likes. Because, you know, kind of a crazy thing. And then Fortnite ended up deleting it.

Because I gave it clout. You know what's funny about that? Is like the initial Fortnite tweet was like a bot. But you just know that like a person. A person went out of their way to delete it. A Fortnite employee saw the Drake tick way to delete it. A Fortnite employee saw the Drake tick image and deleted it because of that.

I had to look at that shit. I did that. I did this. I'm so proud. I love the tweet you made after they replied to you. You'll never guess what this is a reply to. And then you click in and scroll up and it's fucking Drake's big fat dick.

No one does it like me, bro. then you click it and scroll up and it's fucking Drake sucking big fat dick. Oh man. No one does it like me, bro. You probably got hundreds of thousands of people to see Drake sucking dick. If you think about it, Panda, you should be in jail. I don't know if that has to do with anything. Do you think Drake saw it? Probably. I think Drake has already seen it.

Drake was in the photo. I don't know what you're talking about. Drake was the has already seen it. Drake was in the photo. I don't know what you're talking about. Drake was the one sucking the... Okay, so you'll never guess what this replies tweet got. Two million impressions. So Fortnite, that's kind of fucked. Two million people saw that.

I wouldn't think highly of Fortnite after that if I was just some concerned mom. Yeah, maybe you should stop playing the game. Oh, I don't know what that is i kind of like what i i will never stop playing fortnite wow i just i went on so the the tweet in question is drake's like album announcement and um yep i scroll down you replied to that with that? Yeah. It's like the fifth reply down. I could understand why you got banned. You couldn't, though.

No one can. I think the thing is, Panda, if you keep going down this route, if you keep soliciting this image... Mika, I am so much more tame than what I used to be. That's true. That doesn't really say much considering

this photo. Mika, I'm sure you found this photo funny. You saw this reply and you giggled. You were like, I actually never saw the reply, unfortunately. I haven't been on Twitter lately.

No, you did. You just did now. Honestly, I do not use Twitter at all anymore. Man, it is just not... It's fallen out of my routine. Like, how has it fallen out of your routine, Schlatt? I just don't open it anymore. Like, I used to open it a shit ton to see what my friends were tweeting,

and now I don't care, and I don't do it anymore. It's pretty based. I did learn that the Prime Minister was assassinated via Twitter though. Yeah, like the right bar. Why are you laughing? You're just chuckling and muttering to yourself.

Like a Clash Royale card just like chuckling in the back like you just got deployed do you guys see that clip actually I found something on Twitter last night it was another Joe Biden gaffe oh

where he repeats that shit Joe Biden accidentally reads the part on the teleprompter that says repeat the line when they just wanted him to say the line again I was gonna send that to you guys I was like you guys are gonna love this but I was gonna say it for the podcast

end of quote repeat the line he says that's insane wow I love how we're becoming the official Joe Biden podcast, basically. Like, no one does it quite like us. We are up to date on the latest Joe Biden moments. That's so true.

You know what? He should stop having so many of them. Joe Biden moments? He should stop having moments. At all. What is up with you and wanting politicians gone man hey no no no no no no just take a vacation i will say it's crazy that there are no guns in japan and they managed to kill a politician it's crazy yeah in 2021 there was 45 000 gun deaths in America. There's only one in Japan. There's been like 330

mass shootings in America so far. Yeah, America... Wow, this took a turn. So, Schlatt. Yeah. I heard you had a child. Yeah, I heard you had a son.

Wait, we're dredging this up? Well, I mean... Yeah, I heard you... Speaking of tragic loss... I didn't have a... Oh my god. It was a dream. I literally said I dreamt I had a son.

And you people turned into Schlatt had a kid and it died. Schlatt, tell us about your son. Well, I just had a baby in my dream. I was looking after a baby. I didn't know if it was mine or not because I wasn't like...

Wait, wait, wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Were you the one who, like, gave birth to the baby? No, no, no. What? The baby? It's just you said you had a baby. What are you talking about, man? What are you talking about? No, I had him, like, around.

Oh, okay. So it's not like you had him, like, you gave birth to this child. Were you helping him? Like, did you care for him? Was he just kind of roaming around? He was in a car seat, I think. Okay, so you were driving him around. No, I wasn't driving him.

He was just in the car seat. Okay. Did it look like you? Gotcha. Honestly, I did not get a good look at its face. Wow. I imagine it's having button chops. It's like Schlatt's face, but just smaller.

I'm imagining, like, uh... Like, kind of a lizard-y looking fellow. What the fuck? You're saying Schlatt's a lizard? No, no, I'm just imagining, imagining like you know how some people look like you know are you sound like you're implying schlatt looks like a lizard no schlatt doesn't look like lizard at all why would his baby be lizard looking really i don't know because like maybe like it got crib swapped with like a little gremlin so someone else has Schlatt's baby.

Can we find out what happened with your baby first? I don't know what happened. I woke up. I woke up from the dream, man. You lost your child. You lost your baby. I didn't have a... Very irresponsible.

That's a very bad parenting. Really bad. I mean, it's bad enough you don't know what he looked like, because you didn't look at him enough. It's like Drake with Adonis. I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to say. Did I do something wrong? Did I fuck up?

Did I fuck up? You need to find the baby. It's your responsibility. I don't know where he went. I don't know where he went. I don't know where he went. Is he still in the car? He was never in the car. Okay, he was on a shelf. You lied!

He was on a shelf? He was in a car seat on a shelf. What? That's where I last saw him. Why is there a shelf in the car? We're not in a fucking car! We're not in a fucking car! What are you in?

We were in a room I was kicking him You were kicking him? Taking him somewhere You were hurting him? Oh my god I'm gonna bust You put that shit bro

I'm gonna lash out at you Wow I would never hurt my son some people say that uh dreams are like a window into a parallel universe it's kind of a lot about you man well i mean in a parallel universe like we're all pretty awful people right it's bound to happen but uh no i'm just saying like allegedly dreams can be a window into these parallel universes so maybe schlatt you just saw like a glimpse of like your life in another universe i really hope i don't have a son right now i really don't want a son right now. I have so many things to do.

I have so many places to go. What about a daughter? That's kind of responsible. No. Definitely not a daughter. Would you rather have... I know what you're going to ask. I know what you're going to ask am i gonna ask i'm not i'm not gonna say it but i know i know what am i gonna ask

speaking of sons and daughters you know like um our well not not our because i'm not a part of this but uh your guy's uh president joe biden has a son no no no i thought he doesn't i thought he had a son he had two bro wait no he has a son right no he has he has a son this is awful this this episode is awful we've uh you know we've gone play we've gone into uncharted territory i don't like the energy is yeah no i I heard some news about Hunter Biden. Really? What'd you hear? Just that you guys told me there was news about Hunter Biden. I didn't hear anything about him.

Yeah, he's just a normal guy. He's just the son of the president. What's wrong? Is he actually dead? I don't know. Hunter Biden? I don't know. That's what Biden would say. I don't know hunter biden i don't know that's what biden would say i don't know is he alive hi i'm joe biden's husband so so there isn't news about hunter hunter biden i i really i i you know let's talk about like

something happy okay um sure um i had a bagel for breakfast you had a bagel that's good thanks man it was good i had a had a had some vegan sausage on it. Oh, yeah. Never mind, dude. Vegan sausage? Some vegan cheese. What is vegan sausage? Oh, vegan cheese? Yep. Can you imagine being vegan and being like,

no, I'm not going to partake in all the atrocities of eating meat and shit, and then you eat fake meat and eat fake dairy, and you eat fake versions of everything we eat? Yeah. It's cool. How do you feel about that? I feel really good, actually. Eating your fake shit? Well, I mean, like, it feels good. Like, my body

feels good. Yeah. But do you realize that, like, as long as you're buying fake sausage and fake cheese like people are still gonna be eating sausage and eating cheese i think because it's like the real version and they're all getting slaughtered yeah good for you guys okay wait asher why that's fair why are you vegan i don't know i just don't like eating animals yeah so it's like a selfish thing for you, and not like a selfless thing. How is it selfish?

Yeah, because you don't care for anybody. I thought the vegan thing was to make sure no one else tortures and kills animals. What about all the grass and plants and trees, dude? I think that ultimately it's a personal decision. Dude, what about all the bugs? Dude, can we talk about that shit for a second? The grass? Grass cries!

Grass fucking cries! I got to a TikTok the other day that I was dumbfounded at. The hashtag was anti-grass talk on TikTok. Oh, wait, no, no, no. Oh, dude, dude, no, no, no. It's actually... Okay, sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. No, no no no oh dude dude no no no it's actually okay sorry go ahead go ahead no no no you seem heated yeah uh i i heard that keeping lawns is like a total waste of water

and like and like maintaining the grass on a lawn is uh it just takes up a lot of water and there's like really no reason to because like grass doesn't really add much to the environment you know i don't doubt it my my my lawn is uh not not well kept at all it's all my landlord's fault it's all my landshed's fault you guys rather yards just be replaced with concrete well that's the thing i see i see i saw this tiktok of someone who ripped out all the grass in his house, and he's like, fuck you, neighbors, you can't tell me what to do. Then he replaced it with a bunch of big rocks and ferns and shit.

Rock lawns. And I looked at it, and I was like, this would depress me if this was my lawn. Not a single version of these lawns these like alternative lawns but rock lawns have been around forever though like in the south yeah but they're it's a pile of rocks brother so rocks are cool i'm gonna look at alternative lawns it's like you can do moss and ferns i would really like to do ferns like a fern lawn would be sick because see the thing is like with oh sorry go ahead panda what about a trench like a moat to keep people out of yeah that's actually fucking awesome i love a moat a lava moat yeah that'd be that's pretty sick i would have a lava moat or i'd have

like a fern lawn fern fern lawns look really cool i i was in new york and uh there's like no grass at all and like two trees for the whole city and like you go to central park sure but that's like i don't know depending how far away you are that's where all the grass is they're hogging all the grass they're hogging all the trees but the point is like walking the streets of new york looking outside your apartment in the streets of new york is just the most depressing thing because there's not a single shred of green like ever need nature well like new york city yeah it's actually i got it i gotta disagree i like it i think it's cool here look at this tiktok found. It's got 1.2 million likes. And the dude just threw a bunch of plants and rocks on his lawn, and people are, like, sucking him off over it. That looks awesome, though.

Honestly, it doesn't look that bad. I'm in awe that someone would want this in their front lawn. Really? Yeah. This one's way better than I thought it would be. It looks better than you thought? I thought it was just going to be like gravel. That's really what I thought.

But no, it's like landscaped. It's got like some bushes, some low water maintenance bushes. I don't get it. Am I a boomer for not understanding it? Well, you know, you like the grass. Listen, listen. If I was a landshad and my rentoid did this, I would...

Rentoid? I just like how commonly you said that sentence. Landshad, rentoid. What? Dude, I love when people add toy to the end of anything. It's the funniest fucking thing ever. I'm just saying, if they did this, if my rentoid was like, I want to replace the grass,

no, I'm actually going to raise rent because of that. I'm going to raise rent and expect a 700% tip. But it would be cheaper for them to... But wouldn't it be cheaper for them to like... But wouldn't it be cheaper for them to like have a rock? To rip the grass out and to hire a bunch of landscapers? No, no, no. I mean, if they do it themselves, if they put in a rock lawn with

like some bushes... They're gonna rip out the grass themselves? But wouldn't that... Like, don't you get taxed on water usage in Texas? Is that a thing? Yeah, you pay for water usage. Do you actually? So my... Yeah, yeah. Yeah a thing yeah you pay for water usage do you actually my yeah my yeah do you not pay for water no you don't pay for water wait are you serious that's kind of are you guys serious discovering that other countries have socialized you don't you don't

you don't have free you have free water water? Dude, yeah. The water is, like, completely free here. Shit. Damn. Well, I guess it's tough for me, because I live in a desert. It's very, like, you know, it's hard to find. But still, I will not put gravel in my lawn. The way my landshed gets around it is he doesn't... Stop saying landshed!

What? Dude, that's gonna get so many people mad. The way he does it is that he... Landon! What? I know so many people are gonna get mad

at that. That makes me really happy. Because you know exactly the type of going to get mad at that. That makes me really happy. Because you know exactly the type of people who get mad at that. Well, it's the type of people who put fucking little rocks outside of their lawn. The way he does it for me is that he turned the sprinklers off so now the grass doesn't get watered. And it's just a win-win. I have dead grass outside and I don't need stupid rocks. And I still pay rent

on time with a 700% tip. You tip your land, Chad? What do you mean? Don't say land, Chad. Don't say it. Yes, I tip my landshed. Sorry, if you hear beeping, it's just the garbage collectors are here.

Oh, the free garbage. Yeah. I have to pay for that, too. Do you actually? Yeah. Dude, I'm genuinely shocked. yeah so i have to pay for that too do you actually yeah dude i'm i'm like genuinely shocked like imagine paying for like for like basic necessities basic necessities what yeah that would suck do you pay for power yeah we pay for power i mean there's i feel like there's no way getting around paying for power, unfortunately.

Not yet, not yet. Well, it's a basic human necessity. Wait, like electricity? So it should be free. I agree. It should be free, and the internet should be free, too. True. I mean, if that Tesla coil idea actually worked out, you know that one where the guy got killed by the government for free electricity? Yeah, if that actually happened

we'd probably be paying for electricity. Yeah, instead he had to go make electric shitty little cars. Wait, what is the Tesla coil? I don't know if it's called that, but some guy I think this is how it was some guy made electricity thing is how it was like some guy made like

electricity thing Like Nikola Tesla? I don't know, I don't know Yeah, some guy made electricity thing It was like free electricity, it could power shit Basically like, how did they get the bricks up the pyramid, it doesn't make any sense Basically like, ancient aliens did it well hey everybody uh we've got a patreon on uh

patreon.com sleep deprived and if you subscribe you'll get more podcasts you'll get more content and it's awesome and uh baby and our most our high payingest patrons always send us a message at the end of the episode for us to read out to you all and so uh and so we're gonna do that and so uh Jake chimes in with I want Shalette to say Obama did nothing wrong I wish he

handled more hospitals William J. Reed the fourth says Jesus loves you Thanks William And you know what he does He does love you Bill Clinton says

Bill Clinton did something wrong A bit of a change of heart I remember last time he wanted us to cover that up Didn't he Yeah he did It seems like he's a little wishy-washy. I have sexual relations with that woman.

Watch me play saxophone. Free Young Kank says, Australia is an open minefield full of poisonous insects and snakes in a Pringles can. Do not come here. You will die. That's what I say. Do you want to. You will die. Alright, so is this a deprived meetup, Australia? Yeah, we'll do that.

I think that's a great idea. I like the you will die bit at the end. That's actually what I say to people from California, New York who are trying to move to Texas. I say, it is a desert. You will die. It's actually 110 degrees today.

Is it actually? Yeah. Damn. is it actually yeah damn aka too hot too hot for you celsius betas um i feel like celsius is kind of the chad no oh my god you are so stupid no you are so dumb brother you have less digits you have less ways to tell 30 30 degrees could is like the range of multiple degrees in our system no but listen to this right yeah listen listen to how easy this is freezing point of water zero zero uh-huh boiling point of water 100 yeah and you'll never get anywhere close. And where does it stop for you? Where does it stop making any sense for you?

In the 30s? 40 maybe? Because if it is 100 degrees Celsius outside, you are toast. You're dead. Yeah, that's true. Here's why Fahrenheit is the ultimate Chad way of telling the temperature. And I'm not even going to – I'm not making a comment on the imperial system as a whole or anything like that about feet, miles, and shit, which just seems like some random shit that we came up with. But Fahrenheit makes so much sense because on a day-to-day basis, it does not fucking matter what level water boils at i don't

need to have 212 degrees in my fucking head at all times and for that reason it doesn't matter fahrenheit is so perfect because it is a literally a 0 to 100 scale on how hot it is wait what that is what it correlates to my brother what if it's like if it is 100 degrees hot it is. Wait, what? That is what it correlates to, my brother. If it is 100 degrees, it is 100% too hot. You should not go outside. You will live, but you

should not do it. If it's 70 degrees, that means it is extremely comfortable. It is just warmer than normal. If it's 30 degrees, if it's 30 degrees, that means it's fucking cold.

It's 30% hot. You're just used to it. You could do that in Celsius, too. You could be like, okay, it's 24 out. I guess it's warm. No, no. It's a scale.

It's a scale. It's a percentage. What if it's negative 10? It is 100% too hot if it's a scale. It's a scale. It's a percentage. What if it's negative 10 now? It is 100% too hot if it's 100 degrees. Then it's... If it goes off the scale, you should not be outside. Alright.

Well, I mean, I kind of see your point, but what temperature Fahrenheit does water freeze at? 32. Did you Google that? No! What? I know it! it honestly that's something even i know yeah it's just 32 what temperature fahrenheit does water boil at 212 all right well i i don't have to like keep track of that dumb information because like it's just easy i feel like that's not a hard thing to keep track of, Mika. Well, you would be mistaken. It doesn't fucking matter what you guys say.

Every day, every day, Mika wakes up and he's like, hmm. And he moves like a little cosplaying TikToker. Hmm, what temperature does water boil at? And he has to answer it unless one of the royal Canadian horse police comes and fucking murders him and his entire family if he doesn't remember they trample people here America is best get owned

last comment from Becca Doll Mika you do it do your best Scottish accent hold on I gotta I need a reference one sec pull up Shrek or whatever. That's exactly what I was gonna do. Donkey!

What are you doing in my swamp? Uh, oh yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, Shrek, what are you doing in my swamp? What are you doing? Alright, uh... You got it you doing? Alright. You got it, man. Alright. What are you doing in my swamp?

Alright, here we go. What are you doing in my swamp? That was pretty terrible. No, dude. That start was definitely good. What are you doing? Like that part. Terrible. No, dude. That start was definitely good. Yeah. What are you... Like, that part.

No, not that meat, bro. No, I was just saying what Mika was doing was good. Not me. Yours was a little worse. Okay, you do it, Astro. You do it. Well, hey, listen. Guys, if you want to hear our Scottish impressions and the rest of the podcast,

you can go to patreon.com slash sleepdeprived. It is almost embarrassing if you can't afford it. True. And just that little amount helps us out so much. And we will continue the podcast if you keep giving us money. Anyways, see ya.

Bye, Bababooey.