Sleep Deprived Podcast - Schlatt is leaving the podcast. - Sleep Deprived Podcast #68

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

the boys talk about airplanes for 30 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Everybody welcome back to Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 68. We're one episode away, everybody. One away. Remind us, man. One from the big moment. Woo. Yep. Guys, I am leaving the podcast.

This is my last episode. Yeah. We could have just had a normal, good pod without all that talk. What are you talking about? Remind us. You want me to just leave unexpectedly next time? Is that what you want? I wanted to forget about it for a week.

You want to forget about it. Sometimes you need to actually face your problems, Astro. And this is a fucking problem. Yeah, I have depression. You do? Yeah. I feel that.

I don't. I think we should stop blaming depression for everything and suck it up that's what i truly believe you hear that depressed people out there suck it up so guys bob odenkirk is a fucking weird pervert what do you mean man why who is that like so it isn't that the guy who runs Better Call Saul he's like the show yeah he's the Saul guy he's Jimmy McGill he followed an Instagram page

called prettiest feet on main on main he does not give a shit anymore yeah yeah I think he unfollowed it or something once he realized that people could see that he was following perfect feet pics on Instagram. I love that shit. Wow.

Remember when Ted Cruz liked porn on his public account? Yeah. I remember that. Dude, but it's weird, yeah, but also the amount of feet pics i'm sure he got in his dms like holy fuck the dude is the dude i mean he's on cloud nine i'm gonna call saw empire of all the things this one isn't so bad it's more funny than it is like bad or perverted you know yeah you're in defeat mika what you're in defeat no not really astro uh no i think it's one of the worst parts of the human really in terms of the track i think mika would like to argue with you on that

right now there's no argument like we're in complete agreement astro mika i can show you a picture of my feet if you want i will we can get your feet picks we can do that i would rather stab my eyes out with a knife and support your friends only fans wow dude this is my livelihood i would support i would support astros so you'd makes his cash. I would support Astro's only chance. So you'd buy his feet pics? I'd have to pass on the feet pics. Dude, that's your best

freaking friend, man. What the hell? You've known each other for five years. I'm going to be honest with you. I feel like I'm being backed into a corner here, and I feel like you guys want me to say that I like something. I'm gonna show you my feet.

I would really, you'd rather not. Mika, if you don't, I'm leaving, I'm not even gonna finish this podcast. I'm gone before this one even ends. Okay, okay, show me, show me, so we can keep Schlatt here. So we can keep Schlatt here.

But, I mean, keep slack here but I mean keep in mind I'm gone next episode anyways I mean you know one last one last ride one last rodeo one last ride Panda why did you just DM me saying you want me to send you

those pictures huh huh huh you sent that man mika mika's making up bs which stands for bullshit sounds like someone who's uh kind of deflecting here man mika mika you're coping really hard you like feet bro he is on thin fucking ice before we started this podcast man before we started this oh my god you know what he said i was like i went on a trip recently and he fucking i was like guess what i

did guys for the first guess what i tried for the first time uh on my trip and the first thing i am starting to say what it is and the first thing Mika said, he just shouts it. D**k. Moe, censor that. What the hell? We're not censoring that. Okay, the people need to know. Moe, censor that right now, man. You censor d**k every time. Hey, everybody, guess what I did for the first time on my vacation and I really loved it.

D**k. It wasn't even that loud. I actually wanted to know. He went, literally, this is a smear job, man. In a real Italian accent, he went,

why don't you go ahead and tell us what you tried for the first time down there in LA? Now that thing is fucking italian imagine he was like actually it is actually rode on a fat you actually got it you actually got it make it like 100 yeah like you were right i was just offended that that's the first thing you thought why why man it's it's not even It's not a big deal. It felt almost like, you know, I don't know. Okay, well, listen, I'm sorry that I offended you.

If it makes you feel better, I genuinely am curious to hear what you tried for the first time in LA. Now that we went on this whole conversation, this is going to be really not as big as... This is not hyped at all you know like this is just this is gonna be lame that's okay it's gonna be a failure to launch here you guys are gonna be like oh okay the schlatt schlatt don't worry about it man we care we're here for you man we care man all right all right it was I knew it I knew it I put a little in the wall suction to the wall

and I backed into it anything interesting about it like was it an ovipositor or whatever a what did it plant alien inside of your ass I'm sorry what was that first thing you said? Avipositor.

What's an avipositor? What the fuck is that, and how do you know what it is? Don't worry about it. Astro, wait, time out. Wait, this is a whole new thing we're uncovering. You've never heard of the avipositor? I don't think anybody's heard of the avipositor. Mika, you've heard of the ovipositor. Dude, I don't know what that is.

I'm googling it now. Ovipositor? Ovipositor. I said it a little wrong at first with an I. Like egg, you know, like egg. Ovi, like ovi, you know. Basically, it's a giant dildo that plants alien eggs inside of your ass and then you you lay the eggs uh-huh dude um now now is that um is that paywalled content

on your only fans or how do you know what that is yeah, like tier four content. Right. Now, I think the big question here, Astro, and forgive me if it is a bit frank. Yeah. Have you used... Now, hold on, guys. This is a real question. Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, no.

I would never. Have you used this of the positive? We're recording on a Sunday, and on, hold on. No, no, no, I would never. Have you used this of view positive? We're recording on a Sunday, and it's really not the right time for it. Okay, so you're deflecting instead of saying no. Wait a minute, so that's a yes. So I'm going to ask one more time, because I don't care that it's a Sunday. This is actually a good time for you to get in God's good graces. God isn't here, Astro.

Have you used this thing to shoot eggs up your asshole and then pretended to lay them? This is going to get demonetized, man. I will not speak until my lawyer is present. We're having a real fun time with YouTube age restricting and demonetizing all of our content. And we're like, why does it keep happening? It's because we're godless. So anyway, I sent Mika the feet pics.

Yeah, that was not you. And it was disgusting. I don't like that. Mika, you know I have a wart on my foot? Ew. It's a planter wart. It's pretty big. It's fucking disgusting.

I've been trying to get rid of it for years, but it won't go away. Okay. Jeez, alright. Yeah, the planter's warts are kind of rough, aren't they? They are. It's white. It's, um... It's white. It's calloused. It's hard. Alright.

Keep going. When you dig your fingernail in it... You dig your fingernail in it? Oh, God, bro. It's like you're mining in Minecraft. Mining? It is not like Minecraft. It is like...

Do you have a planter wart no no you don't you're right i i don't i don't so let the planter war expert talk on this so it's like it's like minecraft just digging it and like there's dot there's black dots everywhere this is the crustiest thing i've ever heard so So guys, I had bubble tea for the first time. I love bubble tea. Yeah, I had bubble tea. Little boba boba boba boba boba boba balls in my mouth. Nice, nice.

How did you like it? It was good. I got the purple one. Oh, yeah. That's my favorite. Taro? Is that what it's called? Yeah, it's Taro.

Yeah, the purple one with the boba balls. Tapioca balls. It was good. It was very sweet i was uh i was pleasantly surprised yeah dude bubble tea is uh it bangs i i think i have bubble tea probably twice a week really is it uh is it good for you like that felt unhealthy no no it's it's really bad it's like not great for your sugar It's pure sugar. Yeah. I mean, I only get like 25% sugar because like, you know, I be drinking a lot of water right now.

So like, I'm kind of worried I have undiagnosed diabetes. So I'm trying to like keep it on the down low. Oh my God. Do you feel me? I get that. Yeah. Like I'm ravenous. I could drink a lake right now, to be honest.

Jesus. Yeah. But no, bubble tea is awesome man i think it's crazy like we'll just call something tea and then it's like immediately we're just like oh it's got to be healthy green tea is green tea healthy like i only have drank the lipton ones with like 50 grams of sugar in it i've been drinking green tea recently and it's disgusting i don't like it at all i even right now right here i have a honey green tea and it just tastes like worse apple juice is it arizona tea no oh the arizona green tea is really fucking good not tea but it's not tea well green tea is like an acquired taste like there's there's um it's so bitter it's just so it it feels so bitter i don't think many people like green tea on their first

try you got to kind of like work up to it and like you have to force yourself to like it it's like drugs maybe a little but then you know you start developing a taste for it and you're like oh this is a good green tea this is a it's like you know something to have fun with like there's different variants like you could get green tea with brown rice in the like tea packet what yeah dude it's so good and then um there's like sencha like you gotta you gotta like you know shop around get all the get all the night you got you gotta try it well yeah well i'm excited it's like i've opened up this whole new avenue it was like when uh when i went to la like about a year ago and then ted took me to sugarfish which is this like crazy

fancy uh sushi restaurant and i had sushi for the first time and i was like holy shit this is really good it was it was phenomenal dude it was like the uh the omakase style where the chef just gives you whatever he's making hell and uh and yeah since then i just i've been on a big sushi kick uh i love sushi hell yeah i like boba boba boba balls in my mouth now what's everyone's favorite sushi order go to when you go to the sushi oh god spicy tuna roll okay yeah or maybe a philly roll how about you mika um like my my usual order or like a go-to man like the one you want um probably either a salmon or tuna aburi and then i'll have a side of takoyaki guess what i get a yam roll a cucumber roll cucumber roll

and a sweet potato roll do the sweet potato rolls or boston sweet potato you don't even get any fish no i don't yeah sweet potato roll baby what about what's that fake food shit uh the cube shit um tofu tofu why why not tofu sushi yeah there's also you can get yeah you can get you can get you can get an inari roll yeah i get that sometimes too i i go to like the conveyor belt places where it's on like the conveyor of plates and you just take what you want nice yeah that's like the cheaper stuff though right i don't know i think it's good oh no doubt it's good well it could be super high quality it just really depends on the place you know yeah the best sushi meal i ever had honestly, contender for the best meal full stop I've ever had, was with a buddy of mine in New York City by Bryant Park, a place called Sushi Ginza Onodera.

Ooh. Omakase style. You sit there. The chef makes it right in front of you. Oh, yeah. And it was ridiculously expensive and probably not worth it, but it was some of the best fucking food I've ever eaten. Sounds fancy.

It's like a two-hour long thing. And they just made all the food in front of you. It's very spaced out, right? So there's like minutes of just talking and drinking sake. Which, by the way, oh my god. All sake tastes the same. I don't understand it me and my buddy were like should we splurge should we splurge on a really expensive sake and we spent like way too

much on a on a cup of sake and like we had the cheap one right next to us and we're like oh the cheap one's better that's crazy and we got sloshed though so it worked it worked out anyways how much was the uh the sake if you don't mind me asking oh god um so we got a tiny like a glass tiny bottle of it and uh i think it was it was a couple hundred dollars oh my god yeah and then the seven dollar cups were uh were better but you know hey i mean we we already booked this fancy ass dinner and we were like well why not get the full experience and it turns out the full experience is uh just as good as the don't pay insane amounts on sake experience yeah sometimes you got to live a little you know know? Yeah. Honestly, the cheap soju is my favorite. There's like a Fuji apple soju.

And oh my God, it's just, it tastes so good. It gets you so fucked. Dude, this one time, I can't remember what it's called, but I had this, I think it was like a banana soju. And everyone who I was at the table with, they were like, banana. That's not banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. and uh everyone who i was at the table with they were like banana that's no it was it was like they they came around on it if i'm remembering but um no the banana one actually went kind of hard i i was expecting it to taste like those little um banana candies Banana candies? Bananas. Banana! Banana! But no, it was hard. Banana! Dude, it was so good.

All the fucking tapioca going into my mouth. I felt all the balls. You love squishing those balls in your mouth. They're honestly so fun to squish. I thought, bro, I thought they'd be like, they'd have like a filling in something. I was scared of them, but then I bit into them and I was like, oh, this is awesome. No, they're so fun to just chew. It's fun.

It is fun. It's like rubber. I'm getting some boba right now. I'm ordering boba. Do it, man. It's like rubber bands. I'm addicted. I went to Offline TV's place one time, and there was just so many things of boba that

everyone was drinking, and they just had it out. I was like yeah try something i was too scared wow yeah nah man once you get into the the bubble tea culture it's like a different way of life damn what is lychee lychee really sweet fruit right it's like yeah it's kind of a sweet and sour um fruit it's like the red spiky shell, and then you take it apart, and then it's got white gelatinous fruit meat in it. Huh. Interesting.

They talk about Mario Kart. You mean Lakitu? Lakitu banana. Pero. Who plans a key ledgy? All that who say like honey. I really love what you your singing, but Kim and Pete broke up.

So, like, what the fuck? What are you singing for? Why are you happy? Can we have a moment of silence? Sure, man. Yeah, let's have a moment of silence, everybody. Everybody listening, stop whatever you're doing and just sit in silence and think about what you've done. If you're driving

hands off the wheel, okay? Close your eyes. He didn't die. This is more important. They have a broken heart. Pull over and share with us a 30-second long awkward silence. Go. And look down.

Look down. If you're operating heavy machinery, turn it off. If you're at work, stop. Take the egg ovipositor out of your ass. Yep. What? Begin. All work. Stop. Take the egg ovipositor out of your ass. Yep. What? Oh, okay. Alright, begin.

Really, dude? That's fucked up, man. Did you just laugh like that? Did you have to, like, I knew you were gonna pull some shit. I am so happy they're broken up. My boy Kanye gonna come in the swoop. He's not gonna come back in. Kanye's doing backflips right now. He's so happy.

He's so happy right now. I think Kanye should stay far away from Kim because I think he's Because she's evil? I agree, Mika. No, I wasn't. The Kim virus is real, dude. The Kim virus? The Kim virus. He Kim virus is real, dude. The Kim virus?

The Kim virus. Like, he did some weird stuff, man. Like, he freaked her out and like, I don't know. Dude, I thought we all agreed that the Pete Davidson music video was pretty cool. No, that was, maybe that was you guys. I was like, this is kind of unhinged. I thought it was kind of awesome. I thought it was pretty cool.

Originally, I was with you, Mika, but come on, bro. It's Pete Davidson. Hey, man. Pete Davidson, he might be this huge mega celebrity with millions upon millions of dollars and millions of adoring fans, but deep down inside, he's just like the rest of us, and he has... Hey, man. No, he isn't. how would you feel if have you seen his chest he looks like he looks like a detention table

with all the scribbles and drawings on it he's not a real person bro he's got like he looks like he belongs on suicide squad He's got chewed up pieces of gum that people just stick on his fucking back. Oh, man. I'm upset that I'm leaving the podcast. This is fun. But this is my last episode. This is the last time we're going to be here together. We almost made it like 20 minutes without you mentioning it.

Sorry. Well, you know. After all the fun times we had, Schl again. Sorry. After all the fun times we had, Schlatt... Yeah. What, was that a sentence? Was that the whole thing?

After all the fun times we've had, you're just gonna... Yep. We had a lot of them. Fun times. At least a few off the top of my head after all this time we still like occasionally interrupt each other all at once but that that's what makes us special though we all have large egos it's true it's true yeah we we all have we all are socially inept and don't know how to that's true that true. While you're still here, I always felt

like you were the Rick of the podcast when we were just a bunch of morties. Oh my fucking god. Really? I felt like we were the Rick. You felt like I was Rick? So you felt like I was Rick and all three of you were morties? Wait, we're all morties?

Like us three are all morty at the same time? We're like the council of Ricks. That is what we are. So we're all Rick. We're like the Illuminati in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Multiverse of Madness. And Astro's is John Krasinski, all stretchy.

What? Yeah. Dude, you've used a fucking avaposilator in your ass, dude. I have never used an avaposilator. I'm John Krasinski? Yeah, Mika is John Krasinski. Who's that? He's Jim from The Office.

No way. Mika's John Krasinski in a quiet place, because I wish he'd shut the fuck up. Wait, so is he stretchy? Is he like a loopy? He's all stretchy, yeah, he like he's all stretchy yeah he's like mrs incredible he's like monkey d luffy this is awesome do you think his dick is stretchy too it is it's canonically stretchy really yeah do they say it in the movie they stretch it what like he's he's all alone on this woman island and the woman stretch stretch it. He's definitely a grower.

What are you guys? Growers. I'm a grower. You answer for everybody? You answered for all the mornings? We're all growers. It's the Council of Rick. We have to know each other.

Wow. I sure as hell remember that. I'm not gonna lie man i i watched um in my hotel sipping on my boba boba boba balls in my mouth i uh i watched and i turned on a cartoon network and an episode of rick and morty was playing and i just realized like holy shit man when this show came out what when was it 2016 i was like i was like such a big fan the episodes were so good i'd post on my snap i was literally like a fucking imbecile like a redditor i'd post on my snapchat story at like 9 28 p.m when the show's about to come on i was like guys tune in the cartoon network you gotta watch this shit um there's that episode with like the memories and the little like the worms that

get in the memories and pretend like like the worms that get in the memories and pretend like they're they've been in your life the whole time oh mr poopy butthole yeah mr poopy butthole dude that's like pencil fester and uh and all those guys uh what was that abraham link abraham abraham linkler that was a different episode though i'm pretty sure you know what rick and morty thing really like fucked me up was um the the one where they're like going on a trip or something then morty gets into this like arcade where he puts on a helmet and the whole game is like you live an entire life and like when you're playing the game it feels like you're actually living the life and like

then he just takes it like dies and takes it off. Dude, he had a wife and kids, man, for literally 30 plus years. That would be pretty nuts. And then Rick was like, turn that shit off. That shit's stupid. I take it back. Mika is Pam. Who am I? Kevin.

Which one's Kevin? Now that's gotta be insulting. The way you said it. Look, you're laughing. That's gotta be insulting. Who is this? Kevin from... You kinda insulted me too by calling me Pam. Bro, Kevin! Kevin Independent.

Bro, Kevin! Oh my god. I thought you were gonna say like a Dwight or like the Michael. But Kevin? Bro. Come on, man. Wow.

Why? Why am I a Kevin Astro? Why am I a Kevin? Dude, you're sleepy gary you're like that's what you're sleepy joe wait who the fuck is sleepy gary um beth's beth's wife beth's husband and rick and morty uh in an episode that also had a side gay relationship with jerry like legitimately a duck yeah well that was a different episode astro i'd say you're kind of like creed i'll take it creed's awesome uh wow well guys we're about that time um hey look we've got some

messages from our patrons who will uh this is the this is the last time they'll ever hear me say a message and uh it's on patreon patreon.com sleep deprived we uh we have a extended show which you can hear my voice a little longer if you want and hours you'll hear it for about 30 minutes longer if you go to the Patreon. But until then, let's read these messages and get out of here. BaxG wants us. Oh, it's another conversation with me and Mika. Hey, Mika.

What's long and hard and has come in the middle? Go on, Mika. Come on. Mika. The P word. The P word? No. Say it. The P word, Mika.

Come on. They paid money. Say that shit. I'm not. This person pays $25 a month for this opportunity. Say penis What he said Say penis Wee wee

Nope Hey Mika What's long and hard and has come in the middle You guys spliced together a clip. There's an AI. Say it! Say it! Hmm.

What? Speak up! Anus. No! It's a cucumber! It's a cucumber it's a cucumber man you fucking idiot why did you say penis you fucking you wow that's disgusting

you're fucking vile this is funny parenthesis yeah that was in the message that was in the script we got this is funny at the end um Daryl Daryl Lerod bro you could pick any name on the face of the

internet and you pick Daryl like that could just be his name man he's staying as a Daryl you could be like fire truck man or something Daryl fire truck man is as a Daryl. You could be like Fire Truck Man or something. Daryl? Fire Truck Man is better than Daryl?

Who's that? He's the kid Fire Truck Man. No, but just as their username. Look, look, I'm sorry, Daryl. I'm sorry. Daryl says, can you say all of Ness Super Smash Bros. voices lines because I made Earthbound. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's all I know. I think that's it, yeah. He gave thunder! Oh, yeah. He gave fire! Avarichian says, I am Avarichian and I am the true king of

burgers. Awesome. Thanks. Free Young Kink says, check out this insane photo I got. Do I have to click it? It's just him with a cardboard cutout of somebody. Somebody?

Yeah. Wait, who is it? It's Ryan Reynolds. Oh, fuck. It's Ryan Reynolds. Is that the guy from that superhero movie with the raccoon? Yeah. Who is it? It's Ryan Reynolds. Oh, fuck. It's Ryan Reynolds. Is that the guy from that superhero movie with the raccoon? Yeah, I think. Nice.

That's sick. Cool, man. Cool photo. Is that all of them? Not so the ultimate says Adachi is wrong. This message was made by the investigation team. Great. No idea what that means.

And I don't want to know. But that's the end of the podcast, everybody. For all you regular listeners out there, this is the last time you're going to hear my voice on the podcast unless you go to the Patreon and pay $5 and hear the

other half of this podcast. It's kind of embarrassing if you can't afford it. I'm not going to lie. That's the last time you're going to say that. It is, it's the last time I'm going to say anything on this podcast last Baba Booey I'm actually legitimately leaving the podcast guys I'm sorry

wait it wasn't a joke? no, what? I thought it was a joke this whole time I thought the whole no, I'm not having this conversation. Baba Booey. Baba Booey?