Sleep Deprived Podcast - SCHLATT'S REPLACEMENT (NothinButLag) - SDP #106

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

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Hey everybody, welcome back. Oh my god, Justin. Justin! Sit down! You can't say fuck you in the first few seconds, we're gonna get demonetized! Alright, so put a quack over it, man. Have you ever made a YouTube video in your life? Put epic mealtime quack. Epic mealtime quack. Alright?

Yeah, alright. Let me bring it in, man. You wanna- I gotta do the- Okay, you know what? You do the intro. Guests have to do the intro. You know it, right? You gotta memorize, you gotta script. Yeah, I got it right here. Hey, everybody. It's the Sleepy Time Podcast. Yeah, you know the vibes.

What episode is it? 104. It's 6. It's 106. but you know what tomato tomato we have justin here a lot of people ask us for guests on the pod but i only talk to the sleep deprived guys and justin so here's my one guest just well you only you hey guys i just i got something i want to just say to Astro really quick. What's up, man? You say you talk to me, but I've called you three nights in a row now, and you have not answered.

I've been working on stuff. Working on what? I was working on a game last night. I'm making a video game. I got to write this essay on these nuts. Dude, I would never hang up on you for a Know Your Meme script.

I don't trust you, man. No, that's like my least favorite thing to do. Fuck, I'm going to be friends with these guys in here now. Go for it. You know what? I'm tired of you. Hey, Justin. What's your favorite color, man? Oh, my favorite color is light blue, man. It's light blue in my profile picture here.

Love that color, man. That's pretty nice. I got some Converse that are the same color. Limited edition. That's pretty sick. Yeah, man. That's pretty sick. Love those shoes.

I could see myself being your friend. I could see myself being your friend, too. Hey, Big Pooh. Big Pooh. Hey, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? what's up okay i gotta ask you this ass or tits like be 100 honest no shits and giggles like straight up dude i'm gonna ask man yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah obviously if i'm on this podcast i mean come on yeah if you were a tits guy, we would have banned you immediately. Yeah.

Well, I was just saying because the podcast is ass, but. Oh, okay. Let's get a clap in here. Yeah. A little bit of a burn for you. Really cool, man. Really funny. We invite you on our podcast.

I'm a burn victim. That's how you treat us. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to burn you alive. I just said i could see myself being friends with you but you just called our podcast poop and now we're gonna kill you well i kind of figured that was happening after the podcast anyways that's why i'm just

getting my my little my little shots in here wherever i can yeah is there anything you want to like say before you go because we will like roast you alive rip out your limbs sacrifice yeah uh well time to schlack it here that one's good fuck man who's gonna who's gonna do the weekly smack what dude we should do a roast well hold on for for our listeners and for people who aren't familiar justin do you can you like introduce yourself who are you how the fuck are you tell us a bit about you what the fuck is this like a is this like first grade man i gotta like i gotta like introduce myself to the class let's go around yeah pretty much give us a classroom level introduction do you want us to go first uh sure man go ahead okay hey i'm astro um i'm 37 really into crocheting um and my best friend is

mika thanks panda your turn hey guys my name is bartholomew i know you guys want to laugh at that name because it's kind of silly but it's really like i'm used to it no no no really like i don't need i don't need that right now thank you but yeah i love starcraft it's the worst guy ever bartholomew he likes starcraft excuse me my mother gave me this name my mother gave me the name bartholomew all right mcraft? Excuse me. My mother gave me this name. My mother gave me the name Bartholomew. Alright, Mika, who are you? Where are you from? Hey, my name is... I'm kind of drawing a blank on my name right now.

Yeah! Yeah! Fucking go! Alright. I woke up in the sewer didn't know what happened but uh i live in antarctica it's pretty cold here yeah i'm actually one of the first people to uh settle in antarctica and uh no fucking way yeah just trying to think about one of my hobbies um do you do you do you knit man do you crochet i i i knit i knit dude no you can't that's my thing that's my thing okay i'm

sorry i can't copy that sorry i sew that's my thing i sew but yeah and how about justin tell us about yourself man it's not as cool as knitting or crocheting. True. Sewing. Hey, what's up? My name's Stuart. Oh, my fucking... What?

Dude, Justin has been DMing me on the back end that his name is fucking Stuart. Oh, you saw those? You saw those? Sorry. I thought you were too busy making music, man. You saw those? Your name is not Stuart.

You can't spread this lie. Because it's just not. Nobody's name. The only thing that's named Stuart is like an 80-year-old man or the fucking rat from the movie. Yo, Stuart heads in the comments are going to be punching the fucking air after you say that. There are no Stuarts in the comments. We have a big Stuart overlap. I don't know if you knew that.

If you guys look at the analytics on this page, you're going to see it's 90% Stuart. Stuart! If your name is Stuart, can you let us know so we can settle this? There ain't no Stuart. Sorry, go ahead, Justin. Yeah, no, sorry. So anyways, my name's Stuart. A lot of people call me Justin. I am 42 years old. Really enjoy a nice glass of apple juice in the morning.

What the fuck? No, apple juice is great. I'm a thank you. Bartholomew, I appreciate that. What was your name again? Asshole? It's Astro. Astro.

Astro. Okay, sorry. Yeah. You kind gotta sound like the know your meme guy the guy on snapchat you gotta sound like him man you kind of sound like that super mega editor dude how's uh resident evil episode seven going is that one fun nah man i canceled it oh you canceled it yeah we are we canceled resident evil man or at least for now a bit of a sleeper yeah man people weren't watching it people weren't watching it man what is it about resident evil do you think that made no one want to watch it i think uh you know what i actually don't know yeah i'm not even gonna lie do you think that

do you think that people would want to watch like instead of resident evil they would want to watch like uh like uh neighbor good because like resident evil like neighbor good like the total opposite of resident evil resident evil so i heard you have a key to a city justin is this you have a key to a city man i'm i'm i am unironically no jokes i'm i'm a key to the city holder for the city of kent washington that is just insane see justin is kind of of crazy because things happen to him for no reason. I feel like you're going to win a Nobel Prize by the end of the year. What do you mean no reason, man?

You won a key to the city. You've been on a German TV show. What is the lore here? I was on Ellen. Yeah, you were on Ellen. No, you were not on Ellen. He was on Ellen. No, he's not.

You were actually on Ellen. I was on Ellen. He was actually on Ellen. Why? Why were you on Ellen? I got punked. I got punked on Ellen. No, he's not. You actually on Ellen. I was on Ellen. He was actually on Ellen. Why? Why were you on Ellen? I got punked. I got punked on Ellen. I was in an Ikea with some friends.

We were setting up our office, the Super Megaplex. We were getting stuff at Ikea for it. And we were just in, I think we were looking at spoons or some shit, man. I was having a good time, man, looking at these Ikea spoons. This was before I moved out to L.A. I was just here visiting for like a week. And yeah, man, this lady comes up to me and she just starts saying crazy shit. And I was very confused.

So I very awkwardly like tried walking away and stuff. And they got it all on camera and I got punked on Ellen. And then they showed it on national TV. Ellen laughed. She went, hee! Yeah, is she as evil as they say she is? He didn't meet Ellen. Oh, she's a bitch.

Well, yeah, I mean, she is, but... No, yeah, she's a bitch. He didn't meet Ellen, right? No, I met Ellen. What are you... You met Ellen? What did she do to you? Did she do anything to you?

She poked me a couple times with a stick. What? Ooh. Dude, she's evil, man. Yeah, she's evil. She smelled like shit, man. I'm not even going to lie. She's fucking stunk, man.

She smelled awful, man. She looks like, and correct me if I'm wrong, like she smells like a fart. She smelled kind of like del like deli meat oh dude like turkey you know i could see that actually i did actually meet ellen really uh i actually got her i i technically have her phone number can you call her how did how did you get her phone number can we get ellen can you call her for the pod yeah can we call ellen i can call her i can call her yeah hold on please call ellen i'll call her hold on you're not gonna be able to hear the ringing i don't i don't think because i have crisp on but uh it'll if if she picks up you might

hold on dude no shot let me find her number there's no way it's gonna be a troll guys no i got it we're being punked that's what's happening that's what you're punking us now you're punking us now. Let's let him cook. Let him cook. Let him cook. So, did you guys have anything cool to eat today? Yeah.

Hello? I just had a hot dog. Yeah, when I got home oh shit ellen hi hey yeah this is ellen hi who is this hey this is uh this is a sleuth pride podcast we just uh we were hoping you could come on to uh you know say a few words about our great show hey i feel like i recognize your voice are Are you the Know Your Meme guy? I am the Know Your Meme guy. Yeah, I am. Pretty cool.

Wow. That's really cool. Hey, I'm starting a new show. I was wondering if we could get you on. The Know Your Meme guys. Are you a panda? Oh. Oh.

What's up tonight? Oh. So this is such an honor to such an honor to be on the this like the private uh podcast uh so i i i my my friend justin was saying he had some questions for me yeah we were wondering like uh are you single are you single i well uh i would rather not talk about my uh my love life on a podcast like this but yes i am single and i really like a good meme oh a good meme a great meme i love memes for you panda why don't you give them one of your memes ellen ellen let's ignore all the memes i want to slide okay okay okay i want to take you okay okay I want to show you things you've never seen before I like where this is going really Ellen calm down okay this is a

family-friendly don't fucking tell me to calm down motherfucker don't tell me to calm down don't tell me to calm down Ellen Ellen Ellen fuck you go go and might also another thing why don't you respond to Justin, another thing, why don't you respond to Justin's calls on Discord? Why don't you respond to Justin's calls on Discord? Why don't you let Justin... You're a bum. You're a fucking bum. You're a bum. No, you're a bum. I'm leaving. I'm getting off this call.

You're a fucking bum. I'm getting off this call. Fuck you, Ellen. You know what? Yeah, fuck you. Get off the fucking... Get off, asshole. Oh, man. I want to? Yeah, fuck you. Get off the fucking... Get off, asshole. Oh, man. I want to do the ice bucket challenge on her. What the hell did you guys say to Ellen? Dude, she fucking sucks, man. I just raced her up, dude.

Justin, I think it's pretty cool that you have Ellen on speed dial. How did this happen? An old flame. Okay. Back in summer 2020 man uh i've had a couple uh i've had a couple tweets pop off in my day all right i've i've i've been uh i've been around the block on twitter and i'd had a tweet pop off forget what it was i could if i look really quick i could probably find it but uh posted a little tweet thank you and uh i got this push notification that said uh all right whoever's doing that man no no i'll stop i'll stop just keep going keep going i would really like to hear this story yeah no seriously it's really important

this podcast sucks man it doesn't dude this sucks. We're just as good as when Schlatt left, dude. This sucks. I'm gonna go watch the fucking, I'm gonna go watch the weekly smack, man. Fuck no. Justin, I would really, here, I'm sorry, Stuart, I would really love to hear about how y'all think he's the city.

Don't call him Stuart. I'm gonna show our guests some respect. Anyways, as I was saying before, I was so rudely interrupted. Fuck, I forgot what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. You're such a fucking bitch, dude. How do I kick this guy?

Ban this guy, man. Get this guy off the fucking server, dude. You came out here yelling at me, then you get fucking Elvin on here. Fucking kick this guy out of the podcast hey that one's beautiful this guy sucks that would be sick this guy's a fucking bum dude you're a bum i reached my work you're a fucking bum you're a bum can i talk now yeah man please please do stewart i'm so sorry for my co it's it's fine man it's Anyways, I got a notification that said, uh, the city

of Kent liked my tweet. And I... I'm sorry. That one slipped, man. That was just... A little slip and slide for me. I'm sorry. Can you let Stuart finish? His name is not fucking Stuart. It's not Stuart. It's... What the fuck do you mean it?

What do you mean it? What are you fucking saying it? You're saying it? That thing's name is not Stuart. Stuart, is it little or is it big? It's Johnson. Okay, Stuart Johnson, I would really love to hear how you got the keys to the city. I would love to finish it.

I'd love to finish it. I'd love to finish it. We would too. Fuck, man. Let's hear it. God damn. Come on. You scared? May I?

You scared? No, I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm annoyed. All right, let's hear it. All right. I'm going to go ahead and talk now okay anyone got any more silliest they want to get out wait one more okay i'm good i'm good dude this podcast sucks

this is the best podcast you've ever been on weekly smack um let's uh let's get back on let's get back on topic yeah let's get back on kent okay so i i got a notification and said city can't like my tweet so i was like what the fuck is this so took a screenshot posted on twitter and then i tagged them with just a single question mark and then i said hello and then they responded and we had a little back and forth. And they said that if I got them, I think, 4,000 followers in the next day or two, they'd give me the key to the city. Dude, okay. Sorry, go ahead. Not done.

And then in a follow-up tweet, they also said they'd sweeten the deal by also giving me a legal day in my honor. What? No way. You have a holiday? Did you not know that I have a holiday, too? No, I knew you had the key. I didn't know you had a holiday. Yeah, no.

Is it called Steward Day? No, actually, it's called... Steward. It's called... Well, actually, again's called uh well actually again i interrupted again on this part look i'm sorry i'm asking you a fucking question i'm engaging with you yeah you're engaging no that's what it is you suck how about you engage with some bitches astro i am right man he just keeps going after you astro I know I'm like in the clear

I can say anything I invited him I invited him on discord I wanted to call him and hang out with him But instead he was going On his fucking guitar Stairway to heaven I don't know how to play that

You don't even know me Fuck you. What's my favorite color? What's my favorite color? Probably something stupid like orange. Better than fucking baby blue. Oh, actually, orange is one of my favorite colors. Well, you get a pass.

Let's hear about fucking Stuart Day, dude. Anyways, Stuart Day is on August 23rd every year in the city of Kent, Washington. Really? Anyways, I got them the followers, right every year in the city of Kent, Washington. Really? Anyways, I got them the followers, right? And then they sent me a key. They gave me the day in my honor. And I got a bunch of fucking stuff. I got some cups.

They had Kent on it. I got some gifts. Nice, man. I got a little flag that says Kent, Washington. Yeah. A flag? They have a flag? Yeah.

How many people live there? Like 1,000? They designed their own fucking flag? Kent have a flag? How many people live there? Like a thousand? They designed their own fucking flag? Kent Washington flag. How about you... What is this? What the fuck is this? Holy shit.

Can you describe it for our audio listeners? This is like... This looks like a graphic design logo you'd give to a company that sells insurance. Can we put this on the screen? How is this a flag? Yeah, that's what that looks like. So, Stuart, so if you can get like a public holiday and the keys to the city for 4,000 followers of Kent Washington, what will they give you for like 20,00020,000? Can you just become mayor if you give them... Yeah, can we start like a campaign? Well, you see, the issue with that is the person

that gave me the key to the city was fired about three weeks later. Because they, I believe, got into a fight at a bar and started saying... and started making misogynistic comments. Oh, man. is that is public

knowledge so i'm not spilling any tea there but uh yeah the drama i don't i i i do think it's funny they kind of like they i think like after they fired the guy they were kind of like well fuck he said he'd give this fucking nerd the key to a city in like a day we have to stick to it but we really don't want to i i don't know they were a little hard to get a hold of after that but they followed through on everything and then i ended up going to kent a year later uh to try to meet the mayor for some reason they wouldn't let me go to city hall because she was re-election i don't know why but uh i bumped into her at some kind of event in Kent, and it's on my channel, youtube.com slash nothing but lag, subscribe.

This fucking guy, dude. Trying to get to 100,000, man. Getting there. Real close now. A couple thousand away, like 3,000 away, man. You're going to get that little plaque. I'm going to put it up on my toilet. Disgusting. that little plaque i'm gonna put it above my toilet disgusting so basically what you're saying

is that kent is no longer like a very corrupt town like you can't just buy the keys to the city with twitter followers anymore well i i wouldn't say bought i would say earned hard earned damn like couldn't we get like a bigger key right now? Could we be like, hey, we'll get you 8,000 followers and then we get a bigger key? Well, you would actually have to be funny. But the other two, probably. What the fuck? It sounds pretty easy.

I'd be like Sora with my big chrome heart key. So do you get any special access with that key? Can it open a secret door at the Kent White House? What does this key do? Is it just commemoratory? It looks cool.

I've got a really important question for you. We like to ask this to all of our guests who come on here on the Sleep Reprived podcast. Being an airplane podcast and everything i i want to ask you something are you ready yeah okay so you know world hunger yeah so we kind of like one idea i had is what if we had a plane and on the plane there's like an in-house kitchen and it also has cannons on it like a pirate ship that i like this go out of the you'd like this i like what we do is we no one has ever liked this fresh fresh burgers right we just make them on the make them on the grill you know we got now we have the impossible burger option right for people who are vegan you know dietary restrictions we got to be

respectful um and then we shoot it out of the plane and like we just let it land to the people below and they just eat it yeah what do you think it's called the burger plane burger plane i do yeah no let's get a round of applause for that for sure no no nobody applaud that thank you stop dude you you wonder why i'm i'm i'm attacking you it's because you won't dude what is what is america if not the marketplace of ideas you nobody likes that idea we've been talking about this burger i feel like we're third for 100 episodes anyways i like the idea of burger plane. Can we just fuck? Ew. I like the idea of burger plane, man, but I do have a question.

Yeah, let's hear it. Let's hear it from Justin. Okay, yeah. Would the burgers... What's that guy's problem? Would we be able to put bacon on there? Justin, let's hear it. And would they have cheese? Yeah, we can put bacon and cheese on the non-vegan burgers.

Okay. And then people can just pick it off if they don't want it. Okay. My final question is, could we make the bacon epic? Yeah, the bacon can be epic style. It can be epically. It can be epic super meal time, omega epic. Yeah.

Okay. Then, no, I'm ready to fund this, man. I don't understand. I mean, what's holding us back from getting this made? Yeah, so you're the only person who's ever liked it. We've talked about this for 100 episodes. That's not true. No one's ever jazzed.

That's not true. It's just you. No, we have had a few people like it. It's logistically impossible. The burgers are going to fall. They're going to fall apart before they get to the ground. No, that's not true. Have you ever heard of a plastic bag?

It's going to fucking rip apart or get too hot. It's going to burn up in the atmosphere. No, no, no. How high do you think planes fly, dude? What are you talking about? Logistically, this shit is going to suck. No, it's going to be fine. And each burger is going to be deployed with a biodegradable bag. The burger itself is biodegradable in case no one finds it.

And it's also going to have a biodegradable parachute. It's just a waste of time. You're wasting all this jet fuel. Why don't you just deliver them in a truck or go to McDonald's? Because that doesn't use the burger plane dumb exactly and the the jet fuel itself it the plane is going to be hydrogen powered really oh this is great who's designing that great i really like this thank you i mean yeah i mean so what what is uh what is the biggest thing holding us back from getting this in production i mean um honestly honestly there is nothing holding us back from getting this in production? Honestly, there is nothing holding us back. This is ready to go tomorrow.

I just like to pick your brain on it, you know? I love this, honestly. Where should we deploy it? Where are you guys planning on deploying it first? I don't know.

Probably like... Like America. I have an idea. Hold on. Stuart was about to say something. He said, um, and then it was silent for two seconds. I was about to say something. Everyone knows that um is something you say when you're about to say something.

Stop attacking me. Stuart. Stop attacking me, Astro to say something. Stop attacking me. Stop attacking me, Astro. No, you're attacking me. I'm trying to talk to Panda. Panda. What's your favorite meme of 2022, man? 2022? Yeah, 2022, man.

I can't name one. However, there is one in 2016. Yeah, that would be SpongeGar. I love that shit. Oh, SpongeGar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classic one. Classic meme. Mika. Yeah, man. What's your favorite meme of 2016?

2016? 2016. Hmm. Alright, let me dig through the old uh brain the old brain archives here it's a long time ago i was just thinking about this yesterday man yeah it is pretty it is pretty far um honestly i kind of i kind of like um uh mr crabs with like the blur effect. And he's like looking to the side. Yeah. And he's like in a crowd of people. Yeah.

That is a good one. That's a really good one. Thank you. Spongebob memes. I'm noticing two Spongebob memes so far. I mean, I think that really shows how big Spongebob memes were in 2016. And that's just like.

It was a defining year. That was a defining year. For Spongebob memes. And it's interesting to see how after 2016, the show really took a turn and they started to make the faces a lot more pronounced on Spongebob to try to get more memes made of it.

That's really interesting. You know, I've actually noticed that. That's so true. Yeah, it is actually like a fact. They've really leaned into it because they're trying to spread the brand and kind of just like uh embrace the memes and i think that's always uh i think that's always an interesting thing to see they move

do that in spongebob their faces move around so much there's so many sound effects it's it's just obnoxious now how do you feel they look uh you know the thing is like i grew up with spongebob yes uh spongeb is, I would say, SpongeBob is probably my favorite show of all time next to maybe, like, Avatar The Last Airbender. You know, like, it's a great show. Nice. But where SpongeBob is right now,

I gotta say, I don't really think I can stand watching that many episodes, man. The pacing is just so fast. The humor's a lot more obnoxious than it used to be it's not a it's not very subtle or nuanced you know yeah exactly there's so much nuance to the original spongebob that i just don't have anymore exactly and i mean that was such a that was such a good quality that the original episodes had was that it was like anyone could watch it and digest the humor of it not just uh 11 year old children and you know it was charming like it was very charming

have you noticed patrick changed from being like a like a fun stupid idiot and i was just an asshole and he's mean all the time he's just so unlikable that pisses me off and uh you know i i mean they really just uh they really have just turned squidward into kind of a punching bag a lot of the time instead of like oh i mean he's always been a punching bag but it's a lot that's a lot worse now it was a little bit more uh subtle and nuanced have you have you heard of the phrase squidward torture porn before yes i have it's so true it's so i always think of that uh that that spike machine and that one meme when twitter's like why does this exist and then squidward gets sucked into it um torture porn anyways that shit astro i was actually just about to i was just about to i'm watching some uh squidward torture porn right now

well that's good back into the bring you back into the podcast man no hold on wait hold on I was actually just about to, I was just about to, I'm watching some, uh, squirt word torture porn right now. Well, bring me back into the, bring me back into the podcast, man. No, hold on. Wait, hold on. Almost done. Okay. Oh. And I, uh, maybe while he's taking a moment, I also want to share, I really,

I really like if a dog wore pants, would it wear it like this or like this? That is a good meme. Uh, I like that one one i like the one with the horse a lot too i think the horses are not the horse the giraffe yeah the giraffe is funny oh i'm not i'm not big on the horse i i don't like horses honestly really not what do you guys think about horses do you guys like horses i see the appeal of horses like i think they're kind of cool to I think it would be cool to ride a horse but there is something uncanny about horses at the same time but I respect them like they are kind of majestic

they're terrifying Astro's watching that one video of Squidward getting his toenail ripped off and you see the stem on the toenail you know what I'm talking about what the fuck was up with some of those fucking jokes with Squidward you can see the stem the fucking with some of those fucking jokes with Squidward? You can see the stem. The fucking skin stem of the nail.

Rip off. I feel like the next joke they're going to do is like Squidward gets abducted by ISIS and it's going to open with him like... He gets beheaded. Yeah, like on one of those fucking like webcam videos, dude. He's like... Well, anyway, we're going to the Patreon. No, shut the fuck up.

We're going to the Patreon. No, no, no, Astro, you do have to say your favorite Patreon. No, shut the fuck up. We're going to the Patreon. Astro, you do have to say your favorite meme of 2016, Astro. Okay. I really liked that boy. I like Uganda Knuckles. I fucking love that one. Let's go!

Hey, do you know the way? Do you know the way? Dude, you're asking the only person that would know. Dude. Yeah, man. Do you know the way? Hey, man. Do you know the way? Hey, listeners, do you know the way? To the Patreon? Yo!

Justin, tell them what they get if they go to the Patreon section with us. Oh, man, you get so much shit, man. You get a... 30 more minutes of this. Baba Booey. 30 more minutes? Hey, I like that. You have to say Baba Booey. You minutes you have to say Baba Booey hold on you got 30

extra minutes you got extra shows viewer call-ins a Minecraft server nobody goes on a Minecraft server that is actually really dope panda look I'm just saying the facts I guess you need to get on that shit

also uncut uncensored game videos when we do have to cut things. On the Patreon. Anyways, Bababooey. Bababooey. Does it really end with Bababooey? Yeah, you have to say Bababooey. No, you guys are fucking with me.

Please say Bababooey. It doesn't end until you fucking say it. What the fuck, man? that was too short man no we got another 30 minutes say baba no man come on man dude it doubles in your hostage it doubles in length you're doing some squidward shit to us right now this is sleep deprived torture porn i was baba booey yeah thank you