Sleep Deprived Podcast - SCHOOL STORIES - SDP #86

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

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hey everybody welcome to sleep deprived podcast episode 86 yeah everybody yeah yeah keep making noise i'm gonna get jealous because my voice doesn't work anymore i've been smoking a pack of camels a day he has a little hole in his throat you want me to go ahead yeah please no please no no what were you gonna say i to say, so I can't keep making... I just can't keep talking like this? Yeah, be raspy. I would feel a little better. I smoke too much, so now I have a hole.

Sure, I can be raspy, but... Do you remember those commercials that they put on to scare you out of smoking? They worked. I'm not going to lie. They worked for me. New York had some scary fucking commercials ny quits they'd have they'd like they'd show parents like dying in front of their kids yeah do you guys uh remember the one where it's like this woman or maybe a man who's just like

uh who just looks kind of like a corpse but is alive and is like in a hospital bed and is like oh i shouldn't have smoked yeah i mean it worked i don't think i'm ever gonna smoke a cigarette in my entire life yeah yeah i mean the newer generations don't smoke a lot it's crazy it's crazy what people used to say about cigarettes back in the day like the advertisements for them like yeah they were fucked up but It's like a fun thing. Nine out of ten doctors recommend Camel for the smoothest draw. Trust the science. Trust the science. Your dentist thinks the cigarettes will help your teeth. Yeah.

Lucky strikes help you fuck better. Even kids would smoke them at one point. That might be true to an extent, though. They might make you fuck better. Because it gets in your head because you think you're so fucking cool with your cigarette. And then you go in confident. I think there's something there. Well, I changed my mind.

Dude, you know, no one smokes anymore, at least in our generation, except for the little vapors. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I I've said it before. I'd say it again. If smoking didn't cause cancer and like a whole bunch of horrible side effects, I probably would smoke. Yeah, I think I would too. I would look, if nothing bad would happen, if it's just as bad as like eating a chocolate bar,

then I would look cool as fuck. But then no one would do it, because the whole point is people get addicted to it. It's kind of like a cigar. The problem is that the new wave of jewels and shit, you're sucking on a little rectangle with a light on it that turns rainbow when you puff on it. Like, that is the most lame, unclear shit ever. Yeah, I think vapes and Jules look kind of dumb.

I don't know. They do. They do look dumb. And people think that, you know, the whole thing was like, oh, it's going to be, like, better than cigarettes. But I don't know. I've seen people that use their Jule. Like, there's no way they smoked that much if they were using a cigarette you know what i mean like they're just like popping the thing in their mouth constantly they always look so dumb when they do it too like at least

cigarettes i don't know i feel like cigarettes they look cooler when you do them but a jewel like you're just sucking on a rectangle dude you're just you're sucking on like a rectangle that's not cool what is that yeah and i don't know you're getting like way too much nicotine or whatever you're getting like just way too much of it you're doing it like all day like what's the right amount well i don't think there is a right amount of nicotine but it's like you know you can't like overdose on it but if you jewel and stuff you're probably getting too high of a dose you know yeah i agree you know instead of buying instead of buying a jewel people people should buy the Patreon.

That's so true. That's a good point. Patreon.com slash sleep deprived. We're upsetting a lot of middle schoolers right now. And to anyone upset, I'd say, you have a geometry quiz tomorrow. So study up a little bit, you know? Yeah. And you know what else I'd say?

Instead of buying that jewel capsule, that jewel pod, why don't you throw that to our Patreon, huh? Yeah, $5. We're doing you a favor. That's true. You get access to so much. That would be like a $15 tier, too. You'd be able to access the call-ins on the show and all that. Oh my god.

Think about it. One less cart. I have a pretty funny story about geometry. Really? Go for it. Shoot it. Yeah, so funnily enough, I was homeschooled for one year. Oh, really?

I did not know that it was the silliest year of my life because uh i basically just didn't do school like my parents were like oh yeah like we have the time for this like we'll homeschool you yeah that's awesome but by like by like week four all i was doing was playing cool math games oh man like actually and the funny thing is so the next year i was was, like, begging my parents, like, I gotta go back to school. Like, this just sucks. Like, I would rather be learning.

And so we went in, and I had a meeting with the counselor, and he was like, okay, so you guys were homeschooled. He didn't really understand it because I live in the middle

of bumfuck nowhere. So he was like, okay, so, like, what courses did you take? And my mom, the whole time, just lied about what I took. She was like, yeah, he took chemistry.

Yeah, he took geometry. So I ended up uh going into classes like uh a year ahead i like skipped like two classes oh fuck because your mom lied about what you did take and surprisingly it was fine for almost every class except for one uh chemistry was like hell on earth for me like i think part of it was like every every person in my class was like a year ahead for me like i think part of it was like every every person in my class was like a year ahead of me and like when you're a year ahead in high school like they're like gorillas and you're like chimpanzee yeah it was like extremely stressful chemistry was fine but yeah chemistry chemistry was hard as fuck regardless so that i think that's what i did the worst at in high school that same yeah chemistry was i think my second

worst because i don't know just like something about mole calculations and like yeah like memorizing the periodic table was fine but but like mole calculations and like all that other stuff because i wasn't i wasn't too good at math the only math i was ever good at was uh trigonometry that for for some unknown reason i got like a 96 in my trigonometry at was trigonometry that for some unknown reason I got like a 96% in my trigonometry unit yeah trigonometry that's the weird thing I didn't ever take geometry but then I took trig later and it was like the easiest one but trig is like working off of geometry but I know it makes no sense yeah so I never took government so like that fucked me up for a while I didn't understand a lot about government until I was older and I didn't take uh biology i love biology dude yeah that's what sucks that's

probably my favorite one i took a biology class in college and i was like wait this shit is awesome it is that's what a penis is that's what the gonads are it's also animals like dissecting frogs and shit i fucking love that i yeah oh i have this one video that will never see light a day where i had i had this frog it was limbless and i was pretending to play cs go with it and i was laughing it's head and my friend was making my friend was making noises and that's not even a bit it was so funny but fuck jesus christ it was dead it was dead it was dead it was dead though like it's not like it was alive I have a vivid memory of dissecting frogs in biology class because it was

that week that flappy bird was fucking so like half the class was dissecting the frog and the other half was like playing flappy bird under the desk literally like multiple people playing flappy bird and going dude don't delete the app don't delete the app you'll never get it back oh my god i'd rather be playing flappy bird though yeah save the frogs for real save the frogs i actually uh i think biology was was pretty good for me too i actually like that course a lot it's good i thought I thought it was interesting. I thought it was actually interesting. Other subjects like math I would never actually use.

I wouldn't use chemistry. But I would like to know how the inside of a body works. I would like to know that. True. That's the only bit of helpful knowledge. And can I just say something brave? Sure. Who the fuck cares about chemistry? Nobody. How is this like... How are we pretending like chemistry is like the most important thing to learn in science for upcoming kids?

The only people who go into chemistry either like work on research or become a chemistry teacher. It's like a fucking revolving door. Like, you just learn chemistry to teach chemistry. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Or, you know, you develop, like, pharmaceuticals. I don't care what a noble gas is. I'm not trying to, like, develop Adderall and shit.

Like, it's not something that's interesting to me. Or useful to 99.9% of people. It did work well for Walter. It did work well for him. him yeah i liked physics and math more because they were just more logical like it just made sense like it brought meaning to life i guess dude i still think i still think one of the most useful classes i ever took was in middle school home ec yeah they just taught you how to be a human and i would rather have that every year than fucking chemistry and like theology and psychology and all this stupid shit that I have. I actually think psychology is interesting. I like psychology.

Hear me out. You know what? You know how I would rewrite the curriculum? I would have physics because I feel like physics is important. And you got to like develop that part of your brain to like work through problems rationally and like dude just play hill climb racing you'll get a good you'll get a good feel for how physics okay listen listen if we're if we're like talking about the courses offered in schools here's what i would like 100 include i would include geography um yeah to like learn about the world and learn about populations and stuff home ec um

uh shop i guess whatever it's called like to learn how to like build things yeah um yeah pe i would keep math because i feel like math actually does have a lot of useful applications i just suck at it i hate to say but i kind of agree yeah and like uh language arts like i think people should learn how to you know what uh language arts like i think people should learn how to you know what i would add though i think they need to have mandatory like financial literacy yeah yeah 100 especially in the yeah i would add a computer class that teaches how to operate things like i i had someone ask me the other day hey can you help me install gaiazo can you guess that bro that's gifts first of all i'm not gonna install gaiazo for you second of all just hit windows shift s on the computer it's a built-in screenshotter it's incredible to

me that everybody i talked to like i've been doing this shortcut like like for for the past decade how does nobody know that if you want to take a screenshot of something you don't need to download spyware on your computer just do the windows key hit shift and s and then you can you can do a box you can literally make a box of what you want to take a screenshot of and it copies it directly to the clipboard and And you just hit control V. I have light shot. Yeah. I have light shot. Yeah. Is light shot spyware, dude? Probably.

No, dude. Is it a free? Is it a free application? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. They're either selling ads or selling you. Oh, my God.

Light shot spot. Dude, just like uninstall it this is the easiest thing ever and it removes multiple steps windows key shift s just draw the box it immediately copies it to your clipboard it is like in all fairness god sent in all fairness we are extremely online dude but like anybody like it doesn't have to be that it can be control c control v no one knows how to do that i i hate that that one is wild it's it's it's insane how people just don't get how to use computers these top level executives like the people running my it office some of them did not understand it. Computer science!

Computer science professors are struggling to get the computer on. I was a software engineer for a bit and you're in a room full of computer people and that's supposed to be their specialty and there's just basic shit that they don't understand. It's really, really bad. There needs to be a

computer course that would just teach basic computer literacy because that is what the world is transitioning to we're going to be interfacing with these devices way more uh going forward and then also i i totally agree with the astro we need financial literacy as well yeah we need financial literacy like how the fuck millions of people that don't know how to how the fuck can you spend dude how the fuck can you go fifty thousand dollars in debt or more without even being taught what debt is or how interest works or what a mortgage is or what any of these things even mean. We expect a 17 year old to be like, yeah, I'll go into debt to the government. I'll owe tens of

thousands of dollars that I'll, that it'll take decades to pay. You don't even know what that means. Like how the fuck, first of all, this is just another gripe with with like mortgages and shit how am i supposed to wrap my head around what the fuck a 30-year mortgage is i don't know what 30 years looks like yeah that's a very good point people don't use credit cards the right way people don't build credit and it's it's it's crazy to me that this is not taught because we'd rather teach kids what the fuck a noble gas is it's absurd it's absurd i think about and it makes me think like is are they trying to set us up to fail if we don't even know these things that matter more than yes yes because that's how debt works that's how debt works that is literally how they control you

that's how they make money off you and i feel like anyone with like a brain cell would realize that and realize how much well no not even to be honest like there are a lot of really smart people who just like it like a lot of things um you need to be explicitly instructed how to do something it seems obvious when you know how to do it but you would be surprised like how many things like no one thinks of until you are like explicitly given something even if it feels like oh that was obvious you didn't need to tell me it's like actually yeah you kind of did because you wouldn't have thought of it yourself until you heard it if that makes sense i'm even like skeptical of this is this sounds like such dave ramsey shit but i i like i'm even skeptical of like building credit and like using credit cards in general because they wouldn't exist if they

didn't fuck most people over yeah i mean that's like if if the entire business wasn't built on fucking people and keeping them chained down their entire life like that's what happened man i mean before it before the the turn of the of the 80s like credit cards were just a thing that rich people had it was like oh this is like a thing that i use to get uh perks on my airplanes that i take and then it turned into you know a way to just collect people's debt and now it's like one of the biggest money making machines in the world we should make our own credit card company why not man let's do it sleep deprived let's become a lender yeah honestly no you got to use a credit card as if it is a debit card so yeah you buy something you pay it off immediately and then that way you start building good credit which

means you have a history of paying off your debts. Yeah. Because that's what a credit card is. You're not buying something with money you have. You're putting yourself in debt with money you don't have. And then you find a way to pay that after. There are credit cards that help you build credit that function exactly like debit cards,

meaning that if there is not money in the account it will decline which i think is a great way to start figuring out how what it means and uh and and like doing it in a way less dangerous way because i think a lot of people who aren't taught that that that this is how they make money like they'll just be like oh fuck yeah i'll pay that pay for that later yeah and you know what really sucks? What really sucks is like credit card companies and like banks, they need people to use credit cards to make their money. Like how we were discussing. So they start throwing in incentives where it would be just dumb to not use

your credit card. Cause like if you get cash back on a credit card, why would you ever use your debit card? If you can just credit card and then pay it off immediately. And then you're getting bonuses. That's how they trap you. Yeah. They give you a little crumbs debit card if you can just credit card and then pay it off immediately? And then you're getting bonuses. That's how it works. But then that's how they trap you. Yeah, they give you little crumbs.

They give you a little, dude, oh my God, 3% back? 3% cash back? You mean if I spend $1,000, I get 30 bucks? No. Really? Like, come on. Come on. Sleep deprived listeners if if you use a credit card pay pay that shit off immediately get good credit please do here's what you do you get your first uh credit

card and you put the patreon on it yeah pay it immediately pay it immediately that's the only it's the only thing you put on it there's yeah that is embarrassing if you can't afford that uh but then yeah we'll help you grow your credit Only pay the minimum amount That's our pitch Then pay 25% interest on that $5 Every month Guys that's our pitch

We're helping them get credit When they donate to the Patreon If you donate to the Sleep Deprived Patreon You will get a house in the future Student loans? Don't take those out. Take a loan out for us. That is not legal advice. I agree with that. I'm making a joke.

I actually walk back everything I said, and I am endorsing paying for the top tier of this Patreon, even if you can't afford it. Disclaimer, nothing we're saying is financial advice, so yeah, you can't sue us now. Yeah, this is not financial advice. This is not financial advice. In Minecraft or whatever. Yeah is financial advice so yeah you can't sue us now this is not financial advice in Minecraft or whatever

financial advice in Minecraft there's actually a finance channel in our discord and it's locked you can't even talk to it and there's one message in it and it says you made a mistake that's pretty much finances though yeah

I would love to at some point like either make a Discord server or something where we can just get YouTubers in here and teach them how to not be stupid with their money. Because every YouTuber seems to really love crypto. Sorry, Panda. But when you're doing things like this, when you have like only a couple of years to make your finances happen, because like you're not going to, most of us aren't going to be doing this for that long. Like you better be really responsible with that shit. Yeah.

True. Very true. Dude, most people zone it. They don't even invest their money. They don't even do anything with it. Yeah. Cause they weren't taught. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta learn how to do you gotta be taught man gotta be taught you gotta be topped i i was i've been trying to segue into this i just i don't know

how i'm gonna segue into this anymore but uh astro you got your dna tested huh? Oh, your DNA test came back. It turns out you're 100% that white man. Hold on. I have 1% Iranian. But also, there was an interesting tidbit. Apparently, I have more Neanderthal DNA than most people.

I have like more than 80% of people on Earth. I have over 2% Neanderthal DNA. That's pretty cool. So, you know, I have the Neanderthal representation on the pod.

Another thing Asher told me is that he found out me and Asher are actually related too. Yeah, we're first cousins. Yeah. Congrats. Yeah, our're first cousins. Wow. Congrats. Yeah, our great-grandparents were Neanderthal. Yep. And that's how we link up.

You took the one that gives you all the health predictions, too? Yeah, I guess I have an illness I should look out for. When I'm above 80, I guess I might just lose my vision. Oh. Like with glaucoma or what i i you know let me look it up again it was some long word you don't need vision for a podcast so you're good it's so true yeah i don't think i'm gonna make it that far can you can you just imagine astro and all of us on the sleep deprived podcast 80 years from now just oh dude we should do a reunion like when we're at 90 i uh i got my favorite yogurt today i'll be dead you have to guide me i'll be dead my diaper again i i think it's very reasonable to say and this is no offense to you panna because

i'm i feel like i've shit on you twice now but no, go for it. You and me will not live to 90. Wait, why? Why me? Out of the four of us in this call right now, if half of us had to not live to 90, it would be us two. Honestly, I'm fine with living... I don't want to live until 90.

I'm fine with living a short, but good life. Same. Yeah, I don't want to make it to 90. I would take myself past you. What if you were in perfect health? but good life same yeah i don't want to make it to 90 i would like yeah 90 bro what are you doing what if you were in perfect health if i was in perfect health it would be different but if i'm like falling apart like you know i have glass bones and paper skin and uh i have to every every night you break your arms every yeah if i break my arms every night like i would just it's not worth it yeah you lie asleep at night

uh lie awake at night waiting for the heart attacks to put you to sleep i feel like we've had this conversation like three times we have i don't want to die really badly i guess i don't remember what my uh answer was last time i probably said i'd rather die early yeah 27 perfect age to go yeah 27 also horrible horrible outcome um i'm very british oh oh wow that's sort of the worst worst news i've heard what percent british are you i thought you were like mainly italian so i i have a lot of british and irish so it's honestly it's mostly like northern irish but there's a lot of british in there and then the second highest one is italian so i can start saying like uh you know gabagool and stuff oh and i think it'll be okay go prosciutto

it's not offensive you know mozzarella you can be that guy on tiktok that like makes sandwiches that are like complete shit and uneven throughout the whole thing but their ingredients look really good so you don't you don't care have you seen that guy he like uses fresh everything he like cuts the bread and it's like it's like like steaming hot i uh i haven't seen that guy but i saw this tiktok of this this woman making a sandwich and being like okay now we're gonna add the prosciutto or whatever she said and then this guy from new jersey came on and was like it's pronounced brush whatever and then like so and then a pair of like actual italian people came on italian guys all italian food is good i like pizza way more than I like other Italian food.

I'm not going to lie to you. What about pasta? I'm not really a pasta guy. Oh, really? I'll eat pasta if it's in a nice sauce and stuff. But I have the stereotypical New York, like Italian-American accent. I don't have a lick of Italy in me, man.

There is not a lick Not a single lick Are you just pure German? I'm German and Austrian And I think there's a little bit of Ireland in me But I went to that country once And I fell into a bush of nettles And I will never be the same

I've denounced my Irish heritage And I'm just German and Austrian From now on And I'm actually going into art Wow That's a little scary yeah i'm actually i think i'm pure martian you and i are we represent like the two greatest dictators in fascism that's awesome man anyways uh in in four minutes we should date this podcast extremely.

How so? So Thanksgiving is only a week away. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. We're stacking recordings, everybody, everyone listening, so that we can spend some time away from each other because we're actually not friends and we don't like each other.

I'm going to Ohio. Yeah, I was going to say that that's one of the main reasons we hate each other, but Panda, yeah, do you want to talk about going to Ohio? Yeah. I want to explore the flora and flora. You hear a lot on... Dude, it's all dead.

You hear a lot of people on tiktok talk about how beautiful ohio is and i thought yeah fuck it let's actually like yeah all the comments are the worst comments it's like every joke is just the punchlines ohio so i want to see what ohio is actually like i feel like tiktok a lot of time they're really witty in the replies but these ohio jokes are garbage they're bad every joke is just ohio it's the same thing over and over like you see a really like mangy mangled looking dog and it's like uh average pet yeah it's so like bro you're so creative ingenious and brilliant for that i'm just gonna say though they're right like ohio

fucking sucks but it's like my parents have been to every state and they say the worst one the one they would never go to again was ohio what is the reason they're not they say the worst one, the one they would never go to was Ohio. What is the reason? And they're not in on the joke. What is the reason? Because Ohio is like one of the most populous states for absolutely no reason. Because you can look at the whole list of them. Ohio's got 12 million people living in it.

And what the fuck do they have? No, seriously, let's go down the list. California is number one. Jake Paul. Where's the local poll? 39 million. They've got Los Angeles. They've got nothing really else of value.

Not that Los Angeles even has anything of value. You picked the worst city. Is it Markiplier from Ohio? No, Markiplier is from Hawaii. I don't even know where that that came from yeah yeah he's hawaiian i thought he lived in cincinnati maybe he lives there now but he doesn't live in cincinnati wait i thought markiplier was half half korean he's yeah he's 100 babe he's babelicious mark does not live in ohio i can tell you that like Like, there's no way the dude lives in Ohio.

He was born in Honolulu. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Texas is up next with 29 million people living in it. And Texas, obviously, has the Alamo. So that makes sense. A power grid, an interesting power grid.

Yeah, private power grid. High functioning. We've got the best government. I think that's safe to say. Florida with 21 mil. I mean, everyone knows what Florida is all about. New York, 19 mil. Honestly, South Florida is pretty dope.

Pennsylvania, 13 mil. Florida is where old people go to die. Illinois, 13 mil. Florida's where old people go to die. Illinois, 12 mil. Like, all these states in front of it have, like, you know why people live there. Yep. Then Ohio. Ohio is the seventh most populous state in the entire country. It's the seventh largest state.

And what is there? Wow, that's actually crazy wheat because you never hear shit about ohio ever i mean i i think the reason is just like that's where they like drilled oil and did all the industry but then once that all died you just have millions of people born from that it's absurd can't do anything what is there what what's the most interesting place in in ohio columbus what what cincinnati it's literally fallout the state my god dude it's such a useless place and uh and i and i understand why people make names of it but it's it's not it's not funny anymore well how about this one it Well, how about this one? It's not. How about this one? Ohio is the state of the birthplace of aviation, gas-powered automobiles, golf balls, and Superman. Oh, shit.

It was probably great to live there. It was probably great to live there 150 years ago. Isn't that like South Carolina or North Carolina had the first flight? Honestly, I'm not sure. You could just say place of aviation. Yeah, wait. There's an epic grapple history about it. It is in North Carolina had the first flight? Honestly, I'm not sure. You could just say place of aviation. Yeah, wait, there's an epic rap about this history about it. Is it North Carolina? Is it Kitty Hawk? It's like

Carolina something, I think. Yeah, it was North Carolina. Dude, that was in Lincoln. Oh, man. Hard shell, but you're soft in the middle. Wouldn't want to touch you with a six-foot chisel. Born in goop, raised in poop. Raised in poop. i sliced through a group of ninjas like group with like fruits oops that's the best part of the song he's like oh my god hello i fucking love that but you know what i

love more the The Patreon segment. I don't think you want to mess with my katana blades. Get back in your fucking helicopter and fly away. I can be something. I'm like a steady mic sucker. I'm a pristine, sustained nunchucker. Oh, hi. I'm a cool but rude guy.

Put your back in school with the tip of my two side. I can tell you who you are again, dude. Because I don't tell them a lot of pure what you do. That's because you mutants are too immature. You would know genius if it knocked in your sewer. We got the power in the mines. And the rhymes so sweet. Like NES games because we can't beat. Because we can't beat.

So go ahead and have your go-to-buy. And you get therapy time. You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride. We're the GM&T. Dude, that bar. Yeah. That bar's golden. Oh, man. Oh. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. The Patreon segment. Yeah. Goodbye, you. Bye, guys. $5 a month. Be financially literate, everybody. Pay it.

Baba booey. Baba booey. Baba booey.