Sleep Deprived Podcast - SLAY QUEEN! - Sleep Deprived Podcast #74

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

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Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 74. We're here everybody, we've all assembled today on this glorious Saturday. Nothing bad happened the day before and nothing bad will happen the day after. Well... What? I mean... What? I don't want to say it outright, but...

What do you mean? What? I don't want to say it outright, but. What do you mean? Something kind of big happened. Oh, man. All right. So we're recording. Let me set the calendar straight for you all. We're recording this episode on September 10th, 2022, which is my birthday. Happy birthday, by the way.

Thank you. Happy birthday, babe. Today is my birthday. Happy birthday. I drove all the way to work so I can record the podcast. That's how sad my life is and how devoted I am to this outfit. Think of it this way.

You're spending your birthday with your pals. Yeah, good one. Two days prior. Two days prior. September 8th. Guess what happens? A national tragedy for the British folk. What happens?

Mika. McDonald's discontinues the beans on toast burger. No, man. They had to brush their teeth. Did that... Every British person was mandated to brush their teeth and shower and install air conditioning in their homes. No, the queen died, man.

She was killed on September 8th. She was killed? Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What did she do? man she was killed on the on september 8th and then on september 11th which is a day from when we record this today guess what else happened another national tragedy so what am i to do that my birthday is nestled in between two tragedies now everything there was fine it's just yeah one of the words you said you said that said that you killed? What are you talking about? She was killed?

Yeah, you said she was killed. I'm not following. So when you were talking about the queen, you said she was killed. You didn't say she died, you said she was killed. That's a very specific word to use. Yeah, it kind of implies a lot there. You know?

Like, what are you saying? The silence is deafening. Was she, like, speared? Like, it went... Speared? That would be fucking awesome. Can I just say that? If the way she was killed

is a spear went through her heart, thrown from, like, 100 meters away. So, I mean, she was killed on the 8th and then we have 9-11 on the 11th. Okay, we're gonna have to clear this up Schleier. What? You keep saying she was killed. Who killed her? I'm not really following, guys. Okay, well listen. So all of

the official reports say she died. You're the only one saying she was killed. That kind of implies that. Isn't that the same shit? No. She was killed by old age. She was killed that kind of like isn't that the same shit no she was killed by old age she was killed by a bunch of different different factors man she was killed by uh by ricin poisoning

she was killed effectively and quickly and by skill by someone skilled in the field that's a really uh that's a really like specific one to bring up in those examples you were giving me. Like, you had me until you mentioned ricin poisoning. What's ricin?

What is that? It's like a really lethal poison. And I'm pretty sure in Breaking Bad, it's how Walter White is. Oh. Yeah. I'm not going to spoil it for anyone. Dude, that scene was crazy. I've been watching Breaking Bad.

Don't spoil it, man. Don't spoil it. I'm not going to spoil it. I just watched the first season. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm a season in.

And then he stopped watching. Well, there was a scene I didn't really, I don't know. I don't even remember that scene. It's fine. I'm going to keep watching. I'm going to power through it. What scene did you not like? Nothing, man.

No, no. We're not talking about this scene i'm not comfortable talking about this scene oh my god okay so she was killed on the 8th and we got 9-11 a day from now and guys it's just unfortunate is it not unfortunate that that that now we september is like this pariah month where we can't enjoy anything and I can't enjoy my birthday anymore because the day before it it's tragedy and the day after it's tragedy yeah I mean it does kind of suck like September was

already kind of stacked with like I don't know like first day of school was whack yeah now we got this stuff my birthday's on the 29th of September wow god so like she was killed though My birthday's on the 29th of September. Jeez. Wow. God.

So, like, she was killed, though? I don't want to make any comment that will incriminate myself. Okay. I was in the UK. Listen, it just so happens I flew back from the UK on that day. Yeah, so that's what I was going to ask. Mere hours before it was announced. It was right around the time. That's a weird coincidence.

It was about two hours. I was on a plane ride home from the UK. It was about two hours before they announced that she kicked the bucket. Bit? Bit the bucket. Bit? It was about two hours. Bit the bullet. Bit your... It was about two hours. Bit the bullet?

What? Bit the bullet. It was about two hours before they announced that she got speared. Oh. Can you imagine that? The queen has been speared. Can you imagine that shit? Yeah, that's really fucking cool.

She gets speared and she goes like, oh! Oh! What sound do you think she'd make? Oh! A Michael Jackson ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Simone!

The fucking Steve sound effect? The Roblox sound? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! That would be so, like, that would be, like, pretty Game of Thrones-esque, don't you think?

Like, if a monarch just, like, had that happen to them. It would be pretty sick. It would be. It would be pretty sick. It would be. It would be pretty sick. And now King Charles III is, I mean, he's the new monarch, you know? Nobody likes that guy. Yeah, what does, like, what does he do?

Like, what's his... Oh, Mika, he was the guy in the Charlie bit my finger video. Remember that? Like, when he was a kid? What? Yeah. He was the kid in the video? Yeah.

Wow. So why would we trust someone who bites other people's fingers to be the symbol of an entire country? Guys, I want to be serious here. What does the queen actually do? I don't really know what she does. Nothing. Nothing. Does she really do nothing?

She really does do nothing. I don't think she's lifted a finger in years. How come old people say she's lifted a finger in years. How come old people say she's so important? Like she's one of the most important people ever. She doesn't do anything. Well, I mean, everyone knows who the fucking queen is, dude. But why though?

She collects dust. She doesn't do anything. Recently, she's been even better at collecting dust. Now she's really not doing anything. Now she's really not doing anything. Now she's really collecting it. A lot of people would probably say that she was symbolic of their nation. I don't know. They got on the news and they're like, Oh, it feels like my grandmother has died. Comments.

Can we get an F in the chat? Can you guys comment F? Okay, so listen to this one. I'm on insider.com slash what does the royal family do? Yeah. The queen had to be neutral in all political matters and couldn't vote. I thought you were going to say neutral. No, no, man.

She didn't have to be neutralized. She had to be neutral in all political matters and couldn't vote. But she did have a ceremonial role in the uk government so she opened the sessions of parliament and uh couldn't actually vote on anything so so basically she's like um you know they they bring up like kids and celebrities to do the first pitch at like a baseball game right yeah it's kind of like that yeah i'm understanding and then and then it also says any legislation passed by parliament had to get the queen's stamp of approval before becoming law uh however no monarch has ever refused to give

the stamp of approval for what looks like 300 plus years. So, basically she does absolutely fuck all. Well, she married her cousin. She did that. She married her cousin? Yeah, Prince Philip was her cousin. Jesus fucking Christ. Wait, how many times removed were they? I don't know. Does it matter? Were they like first cousins?

Sweet home Alabama. He was related by like 40 degrees it's true it's true we could never fuck each other yeah apparently they were distant cousins is what i'm reading oh that makes it all better yeah i mean i'm not condoning it yeah kind of you know you're kind of a simp for the queen, Mika. Yeah, that's weird. Why are you defending the queen? Oh my God, guys, he's Canadian. That's right.

Oh my God. Wait, Canada is a nation state of the UK. The last remaining piece of their empire. No, you guys got this all wrong. You're sad, aren't you? You're sad. Time out. Time out. Time out. Time out. You guys got this all wrong. You're sad, aren't you? You're sad. Time out. Time out.

Time out. Time out. Okay. Oh my God. Look at Canadian money. No way. Look at Canadian money. Is she on there?

What? Holy shit. She's on the $20 bill. What the fuck? She's on the Canadian $20 bill? The queen's on the $20 bill. You know how there's like heads and tails on a coin? Uh-huh.

All the heads are Queen Elizabeth. Oh my God. It's all her mika you've been subconsciously you subconsciously love the queen it's tied us all the way down no i don't love the queen i listen real talk like i can like empathize with like her family because they lost a family member but in terms of like what she represented like colonial power and like uh britain's like brutal form of colonialism like i can't really get behind that so you know and anti-lgbtq yeah strictly for her whole life yeah i mean she also did much worse messed up but let's not get into it and she also yeah we don't want to talk about that

i could get dr umar to go on a full-on rant about it who who is that my goat you have a goat named dr umar how dare you mika who's dr umar surely you you've definitely seen him around. I've never seen him around. I don't know who this is. Yeah. He's a legend. He's epic. He's epic. Can you, like, tell us about your goat, Dr. Umar?

No. No, no, no, no. Is he in the room with us now? No. Did the queen take out Dr. Umar? Is that why you're mad? No. I'm mad?

Did Dr. Umar spear the queen take out Dr. Umar and that way you're mad? No. I'm mad? Did Dr. Umar spear the queen? No. Who is Dr. Umar? It's really random. No one knows who Dr. Umar is. Oh, shit. I just Googled him.

I know who the fuck this guy is. Exactly. I've seen him around. How do you spell it? How do you spell it? U-M-A-R. Oh my god, dude. I was drinking Monster. I'm drinking Monster right now and it just boiled the back of my fucking throat.

Monster just blew your back out? No. No, it didn't. Guys, do you know the Monster logo is like 666? I remember that, yeah. Oh my god, I'm drinking like Satan's penis. That shit is disgusting, man. You're smoking on that Satan peck.

All my friends drank that and I tried to force myself to like it. It's just bad. Yeah, most monsters are bad. That's all I need. If you need caffeine, why not drink some delicious gamersups.gg? Go to gamersups.gg and use code SHALAT and you'll get like 10 plus percent off. 10. It's 10.

Is there like a British sort of like queen flavor? No, but I do own the company. So maybe we could honor her. What would it taste like? Like what would the flavor? Dust. Dust and decay. Peach.

And gunpowder. Gunpowder I think you should make one that's like super metallic tasting like it tastes like you just put a bunch of like dollars no no no and then you should call it the queen's jewels like

the queen's juice they squeezed her oh my goodness they put her in a little fruit press that's so messed up damn it's not this is the biggest like form of punch-up humor we've ever done like there's no man also let's be real. It's funny when British people... Oh, yeah. Die. Have bad things happen. Just say die. Why is it funny when British people die?

This is the one W America has. It's a ubiquitous W. It's crazy. All the Americans unite together. They look over everything. And they just... All sides. This is what we need more of.

This is what we need more of more British people need to die so the Americans can unite because we've been a divided country for so long and if this is what gets us all together we need more of it I saw a TikTok last night that was like one of those image slideshows

and the first one was like oh yeah you Americans think you're so awesome dunk it on the queen. And then the next 10 slides are like, well, how's your schooling system, mate? Where's your free health care? And the entire comment section. Like, there were more comments than likes on this TikTok. And they were all just making fun of how she fucking died, dude.

That's what the Brits have to do. have to resort to like the the shootings that's that's what they have to go to like you make fun of teeth they make it about shooting yeah i mean i'll be honest like every time a like a tragedy happens in america um as a canadian starts trending here and it's the most annoying thing in the world because it's like you know why is this the time to like self promo your country you know just stop being annoying you know

kind of situation I don't know it's really obnoxious to me it's like no one cares we have our own problems like this is not anyways rant over thanks for listening to my Canada's got a really big problem though you got a dead person on all your money oh my god yeah they're gonna have to replace it they're gonna have to replace all of it I don't know what they're gonna do like who they could even replace our money with because I'm gonna be honest if they start using like Prince Charles

I'm I'm like you're gonna boycott the 20 I'm gonna boycott the 20 I'm gonna, you're going to boycott the 20. I'm going to boycott the 20. I'm going to boycott the coins. Oh, actually on the back of all the bills. I think it's also the queen. Jesus Christ, man. Or maybe not all the back of all the bills,

but like the old $5 bill, if I'm not mistaken, you know, Tyler, the creator's wolf album where it's like his head is like floating and like, yeah. So we had the queen kind of like on our Like that like yeah, it was like 50% opacity. That's kind of hard just floating in the back

Next to the guy So I put put like Obama on it or like George Washington Dr. Fauci! Put Dr. Fauci! Why would Canada put Dr. Fauci on the dollar? Dr. Fauci is also the GOAT. Can you guys please put Dr. Fauci on the dollar? Please put Dr. Fauci on the dollar.

That would be fucking hilarious. I could try to petition it it but like you know let's go mika he'd have to be like the head of the dollar because on the uh on the tail side we have a loon like a little duck a loon yeah it's called the loon it's a little duck oh those things are fucking weird they got big red eyes yeah dude uh sometimes you'll hear hear rap songs will have loon sound effects. It's like the one that's like... Sounds like a demon. No, it's... You know, Mika, we have the Illuminati on our dollar bill.

It's like evil. We do. Dude, that's pretty hard. Honestly, I kind of fuck the the evil branding that this country is taken on recently that fucking speech photo with the red lights behind joe like that's hard as fuck that's that's actually hard no one's gonna fuck with us if we keep doing shit like that next thing you know they're gonna update like the dollar bill so i'll have bloodshot eyes and they're bleeding from their eyes what if they they made it so that the dollar bill...

People would draw mustaches and devil horns on faces. What if they just did that for all the money in America? I feel like a lot of the dollar bills are just outdated at this point. Some of those people I don't even fucking know. Who the fuck's on the $2 bill?

I don't even know. $50? Who's that? I'm looking at it right now. I don't know who that is. Who's on the penny? Nobody'm looking at it right now. I don't know who that is. You're talking about the $2 bill. Who's on the penny? Nobody knows who's on the penny. Who's on the penny? We gotta get rid of the penny, dude.

We actually do. Doesn't the penny cost more than it's worth? Yeah. That's just so dumb. Why is Andrew Jackson on the $20? Nobody likes Andrew Jackson. I was gonna say Andrew Taylor. That'd be funnier. Let's figure out who should go on the money. Number one, $1 bill.

Andrew, Dr. Fauci. Dr. Fauci on the $1 bill. Dr. Fauci should be on all the money. You don't think his contribution is worth more than $1? $5 bill. Dr. Fauci. Dr. Fauci again? Fauci on the $1 bill.

$5 bill. $10 bill. I think Oprah's? Fauci on the one and five? Yeah, even one and five. Dr. Fauci won a $5 bill. $10 bill. I think Oprah's got to be on the $10. We should put the monkey NFT on the $50 bill. The $2 bill is just... The whole back of it is just a bunch of bored ape yacht clubs. I can see that.

I'm down for Oprah on the $10 bill. Drake on the $20? Drake on the $20? I just don't know. Drake is Canadian. That's even funnier. No, we can replace the queen with him. Yeah, Drake photoshopped with the queen's haircut.

Okay, I'm down for that. Can one of our lovely fans make that edit for us and send it to the the twitter i think it should be drake on the front and then on the back it's drake smiling but no teeth you know we should destroy mount rushmore and put four drakes or four fauci's four fauci's dude we should get every mountain in america just put Dr. Fauci's face in a grave. We are a nation of Fauci. You know how you can see the Great Wall of China from space?

Dr. Fauci's face into the earth. Dude, we could do that in Wyoming. There's nothing in there. Just a giant Fauci face, you see it from space. It's like Minecraft pixel art, but in real life There's nothing in there. Just a giant Fauci face. You see it from space. Yeah, like Minecraft pixel art, but in real life it's just Dr. Fauci. We'd just pay a bunch of Minecrafters to build it. Wow. That would actually be pretty awesome. You know, Minecraft's probably

made a lot of architects. Just by people playing, they're like, you know, I want to be an architect when I grow up. Honestly, you're probably right. It's made a lot of blockheads, too. Some miners, maybe? Some miners, yeah. Some

hunters? Some hunter-gatherers? Some hunter-gatherers, yeah. Some potioners? Some alchemists? Some meth manufacturers? Some murderers?

Oh, a lot of murderers, probably. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, did you know that... I don't know why I'm prefacing this with, like, did you know? There's no way you could possibly know. But when I was a kid and I played a lot of RuneScape, I literally wanted to become a miner and, like, mine for ore. Like, I thought all I had to do was just buy a pickaxe and then i could

just find rocks and then mine it and sell it yeah yeah runescape was fucking intense dude runescape was the best game ever i never played runescape i just know like the text it's like buying gf yeah yeah i have never played either. I think I've kind of escaped all the games that people waste their entire lives on. I missed out on WoW. I missed out on League. I've never played any of these games. Never played WoW or League, which is something I'm very proud of. Me neither.

Yeah. Mika. Mika was a League player. LOL. Mika, LOL. No, just an L. Just both the Ls. 20 hours, man. 20 LOL. Mika, LOL. No, just an L. Just both the L's. How many hours, man?

Just an LL. How many hours on League? Yeah. I don't know. Gosh, like, because I was playing probably before the hour tracker even came out. Oh, God. Did you like League? I hear a lot of people that play League don't like League.

It was fun at first, and then later it became a little toxic because I was so... I cared most about my rank. I spent a lot of time playing ranked, and every time I lost, it would just be a crushing blow to my self-esteem. It made me spiral for the rest of the night made me like cry in bed holy shit cry in bed yeah you would cry in bed like a little baby well I mean like you don't have to put it that way but like yeah would you suck your thumb no I wouldn't suck my thumb have you guys guys ever sucked your thumb? You poop in your diaper?

No, I wouldn't do that. I would shed a few tears and then I would move on. And then I would be done with it. And then guess what? I got free of the League Clutch and then started playing it again. And now I'm free of it again and I haven't played

in like a few months. Well my god, it's really recent. I thought this was like five years ago. Free of alcohol coin. Like a couple years ago I like started playing it again like semi-regularly and I hadn't played it for like probably

five, four years at that point but then like now I haven't played it for a few months for sure. Maybe more even. That'd be awesome if there were League of legends anonymous sessions just like 10 league players sitting around in chairs crying about they're addicted to league okay but actually like league lore is like pretty sick oh my god oh my god dude no no i'm serious i'm so serious lord of the rings no no no i'm so serious dude like arcane is such a good show like i'm like it's actually an amazing show i'm not just saying why look i like arcanine too

but there's other pokemon out there bro no dude even people who haven't like played league ever have watched arcane and we're like oh yeah this is like a really cool show i'm excited for the next season this was a great watch so it feels almost like a gateway drug, like when kids smoke marijuana and then they wind up doing meth or crack. And it all started with the marijuana. You know? Arcane is kind of like that in that it'll

hook people on something that will absolutely, positively ruin their lives, Mika. And the fact that you're here promoting that is kind of fucked up. Actually, the concept of gateway drugs has been disproven. There's no scientific evidence to believe

that there is such a thing. I can tell you that everyone I know who has smoked weed eventually graduates to cocaine, meth, and strike. Don't do it. Remember that other week? Don't do it, Astro.

I just did heroin last night. No, they got him. Rip me. That's awkward. That's awkward. That's a little awkward. Damn. Well, I mean, you know, honestly, like, there's nothing wrong with heroin there's nothing wrong

with that i just totally valid well no like like you shouldn't feel ashamed or like bad for for like trying it i just hope that heroin i feel like i just hope you can like understand the potential like very dangerous and harmful side effects and can seek professional help. Yeah, he's talking about heroin because Astro just did some. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe we save it. Maybe we save it, guys.

Maybe we save it for the Patreon part of the show. Guys, we revamped our Patreon recently, patreon.com slash sleepdeprived. You'll get extra access to these episodes. But also, the Discord server is now online for everybody meaning that if you're a patron at the five dollar tier or the 15 or whatever you're allowed to talk and have a good time in there also the audio podcast is now out a day earlier than this youtube podcast so uh yeah guys big changes uh also yeah we one more thing we have some more comments to read the last of the comments i hope to god because we've removed the 25 tier honestly thank god yeah i hope mika will have a fun time reading this one especially after what he did on episode 69

hey mika remember when we did that human centipede during episode 24 Mika you never joined in oh Mika you never joined in scarfing noises here comes down a McFlurry Mika

here comes down a McFlurry. Scarfing louder. Yummy. Can we get a raw? That's from Heidi. Mika, give us a good one. Raw. You are so...

You love these messages, don't you? You love these messages. I think the scarfing noise has been like... Let's... All right. Kohai Carmen says, Hi, a panda. Hi, Kohai.

Ripley Live says, You can a panda. Hi, kawaii. Ripley Live says, you can't be a Kanye dick rider and an Android user at the same time. Too true. Daryl says, opinions on all religions, please have detail. Mika? Mika? Carly says, all the different kinds of bears getting into a fight with each other, which type of bear is winning? Grizzly.

Grizzly. Grizzly. Yeah, Grizzly. Probably Grizzly. Grizzly. Grizzly. Yeah, Grizzly. Probably Grizzly. Polars are pussies. Oh, second best. They've never had a fight. They've never had a fight for anything.

They'll eat humans. I've seen the Golden Compass, so I know that polar bears can go pretty hard when they need Dude, it's called adapting to the climate, and they're not doing it. They just keep dying off. So, you know, I think the grizzlies are going to do it. I think some of them are actually. I think some of them are actually breeding with the brown bears and then making their own bears.

What? What are you talking about? What, the polar bears? No, the polar bears. The polar bears breeding with the brown bears? Why is he sailing? Why is he sailing with the brown bears? Read the last message, Japan. Free Young King said,

it was me. I ruined episode 69. All right. Come back to the Patreon section. Give us $5. We're going to go to the Patreon section, everybody. Patreon.com slash sleep deprived. Mika, before we go,

opinion on Christianity. Like, you know, if you practice it and it makes you fulfilled, I'm happy for you. Shano Islam. It's not a bit. Baba Booey. Baba Booey. Baba Booey.