Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #13

Episode Date: January 16, 2021

the boys talk about airplanes for 28 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast. We're on episode 13 now, lucky number 13, and I'm joined by all these guys. How are you? I want to sneeze. Do it. I can't. Panda, how are you? I'm doing good.

Yeah? Only time I feel alive when I taste dick. Only time I feel alive when I taste dick. Only time I feel alive when I taste dick. Only time I feel alive when i taste dick we're on spotify again as always you can check us out on spotify uh only time i feel alive uh when i taste dick panda just showed us a very cool clip before we hit the record button and now it's stuck in my head and i can't get it out i got dick stuck in my head all right

please just tell why why did you post that? Why did you show it to us? We didn't need to hear that. I want to see the world burn, dude. Look, I get you want to hurt people. I get that this is your shtick. But you don't have to send this to us. And now it's fresh in our minds.

I'm evil. I'm evil. You sound possessed. My father was a bit of a drinker. My father was an ANCAP. And'm evil. You sound possessed. My father was a bit of a drinker. My father was an ancap. And a gamer. Beautiful. Like you.

Hey there, baby darling. I don't know about you, but I'm extremely disturbed. What does that mean? Oh, Lord Jesus, Joseph, and all the other saints. How we doing, fellas? We're on episode 13 of the podcast. We welcome back to the sleep-deprived podcast. We've become British.

We now worship the queen. I forgot to call you all. Sorry. He just had a nightmare. You just triggered him. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I feel spooky. It's the 13th episode and I just feel frightened.

I don't know. Maybe I'm a little superstitious, but something feels off about this one. Only time I feel alive when I taste dick. Hey, Mika's even on it. Hey. I've come over to the other side. Slap. Only time I feel alive when I taste it.

I don't know what it is about it. It's just so infectious. It really is. Only time I feel alive when I taste it. Oh, jeez. when netflix and chill the corpse is trending on twitter right now guys take a guess why is it because is he... Is he dead? Nope. Is he switching games? Is he playing Minecraft?

Nope. He showed his face. Nope. He showed his feet. Nope. He joined Dream SMP. He did not. Well, I think he has, but either way, the dude breathed into the microphone. He posted a video of him going like this into the microphone.

Well, no wonder that's trending. That's a big event. And it's trending. Hashtag only breath. And it had like 20,000 retweets in the first minute. Because he... Because he breathed into the microphone. You dumb idiot.

What did you expect? Was it like an ASMR thing? Like did people... Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Here, let me try to simulate it. Was it like an ASMR thing? Like, did people... Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Here, let me try to simulate it. Was it like... Try it, try it.

Right, see that, but much slower and deeper because he's corpse. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. That just sounded like my grandpa having an aneurysm. That just dredged up some memories. I don't want to talk. Can we all do a corpse impression? Hey, what's going on, guys? It's me, Corpse.

I'm going to play Among Us. I've never watched Corpse. I don't know what's happening. Only time I feel alive when I suck. Oh, man. Go eat up. Panda, you're a bit of a rapper, aren't you? You're a bit of a rapper.

You got an album coming out, don't you? Yeah, guys, I got an album coming out. Well, actually, Lil Panda, my alias does. It's called The Lil... It is out. It's called The Lil Panda Tape. It's on Spotify. It's on Apple Music. It's called the Lil... It is out. It's called the Lil Panda tape. It's on Spotify. It's on Apple Music. It's all streaming

services. This shit goes hard. I even got a song with Astro. Hey! Tell me about that. Where was I? Where was Lil Schlatt? Where was Slatt? Slatt? Yeah! Hey! Mika, we can do a song right now. Yeah!

I'm gonna add a little Astro make a beat maybe Okay ready Oh this goes hard Damn okay Okay Yeah Me and Mika Are holding hands

We like it a lot Not in a weird way just in a caring way you know that's how we be on a street hey mika say something right now yeah i don't want to hold hands with you you kind of disturb me especially after admitting you want to hurt people and i just i don't want to be on a song with you at this point oh rude okay can i can i start the song this time thank you okay i'm feeling this one i'm feeling this one i got a slat uh a panda making me feel weird. Don't touch my hand.

I don't want you near me. Get away. You said you want to hurt people. That kind of scares me. I want to go away. And not be near me. That didn't make sense. The song is over.

Thanks. I'm disassociating why? I don't know where I am I don't know what's happening right now I'm not joking hi how can we ground you?

how can we I'll tell you what they did last time I was on a flight they fucking grounded it cause some motherfucker was talking about goddamn fucking bombs on the plane what are you gonna do if they get a bomb on the plane and you're in the air you jump out man

you're gonna jump out of the goddamn plane if there's a bomb it's like among us you go out and it goes then you vote the guy who put the you vote the sus guy out then if it's like among us I vote the sus guy out then. If it's like Among Us. I'm the sus guy. Game of the Summer, I hear, by the way.

It's 2018. Astro'sist is sus! Okay, if you could design a plane, but the purpose of the plane was to make hamburgers as it flies and shoot out the hamburgers and put it into people's hands so that they what the catch the hamburger so that they catch the hamburger as the plane fly stop what do you mean this is the result of our change.org for world hunger okay i i listen break it with you but i do not

give a shit about what you were just saying that was the stupidest shit i've ever heard in my entire life i can do a wacky hypothetical okay so you're at an airport you're at a starbucks and you see obama walk up to you and say nice tits what do you do well i fucking squish them together what would you do astrosist i would say well obama that's quite a weird thing to say i bring my arms together and i i kind of hold them out at the 44th and then he goes that's some good shit do you think obama would have nice tits well i mean look who he married i don't know what that means i don't know what that's supposed to mean i'm sorry you got you got the hots for michelle obama sorry michelle dude we just fucked our chances of getting michelle on the uh on the podcast that was schlatt's only goal when he started this in 2017 that was that was you know what pisses me off about michelle obama she ruined school lunches

she ruined them she did no here's the thing absolutely here here's the thing it kids are still fat and if her aim was to make them not fat and unhealthy they still are because they just eat a lot of food but they made it taste worse they made it taste worse why i don't know preach so true this is fake activism if i if i was her i'd make all the food really yummy yeah i think we should put msg in the food and fluoride fluoride too it's good for the fluoride well what what's your like ideal lunch panda let's talk about this for a second a cup of fluoride with a dash of... What's that pink fluffy stuff that's on the roofs and stuff? Insulation.

Yeah, like an insulation sandwich. I love asbestos for breakfast. Oh my God. Wow. I was gonna say shit like chocolate milk and a bagel or some shit. Maybe like mac and cheese. Astro, what is your ideal meal? Just mozzarella sticks. I would trade people. I would give people my cold lunch for mozzarella sticks, and I would just eat those. It was an economy. Can you tell us more about this economy? That sounds pretty interesting.

It was pretty simple, honestly. I would get a cold lunch. I'd have about four or five items. I'd put them on the table. I'd say, who wants what? It's four mozzarella sticks apiece. And I'd gather the mozzarella sticks, and then I would eat them. See, did any kid at the table ever sit you down and say, you know, you're not saying moots, right? Moots?

Yeah, so moots. No. No? Because they're saying mozzarella, and and i mean that's just kind of offensive oh yeah is that offensive yeah how about this uh i mean usually usually you say like mooch or mozzarella you know you know he's like you're just saying it spaghetti spaghetti oh my god get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here this kid doesn't even know where he's from shout out my boy hamburger helper though they doesn't even know where he's from. Shout out my boy Hamburger Helper, though.

They don't even got hamburger in that shit. That fucked with me. I'm not going to lie. That fucked with me. The first time I got Hamburger Helper out of the same aisle as like ramen and shit, I thought I'd have a full meal there, but I poured out and it's just the fucking helper. I still don't completely understand what Hamburger Helper is. It's to help the hamburger.

It's in the name. You're helping the hamburger. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Every time I've had Hamburger Helper as a kid, it always had help the hamburger it's in the name you're helping yeah well that's the thing like every time i've had hamburger helper as a kid it always had the hamburger with it but i guess this is just some some lie from the capitalist machine that tells us that the hamburger helper comes with the hamburger when in reality all the box gotten it fucking helper well if you really wanted to help the hamburgers you would like my plain idea to shoot hamburgers at everyone. No, no, no.

Yes. No. What do you mean no? You got to get the hamburger somewhere, man. And it's not coming from 15,000 miles in the fucking stratosphere. By the time it gets to the surface, it's going to be frozen again, man. But then shouldn't it be frozen when it's flying down so that it doesn't get soiled

in transit and so that it stays together? You tell me you get the plane to cook the shmeet and then you send it down to the fucking surface and it's frozen again? You freeze the cooked meat?

But then it thaws. You freeze the cooked meat? What is this, Purdue chicken nuggets? Suck my ass. What is that? I don't know. Oh, okay.

I just see them in the fridge sometimes, and I'm like, oh, mommy bought that. Aw. Shout out to Schlatt's mom. Shout out to Schlatt's mom. Yeah, shout out to Schlatt's mom. Let's shout out to Schlatt's mom. Yeah. God, I love Schlatt's mom.

She's a good woman. She's a good woman. She's a good woman. She tries her best. She fucks up a lot, but she tries her best. Does she cut the sandwich diagonally or horizontally? Horizontally. Canceler. Canceler.

Now she's done. My mom is a bad person. Anyways. All right, quick shout out to Schlatt's mom. Shout out to Schlatt's mom, everybody. We like bad people over here. This is why we got a panda and Schlatt on mom yeah that's mom everybody people over here this is why we got this is why we got a panda and schlatt on the podcast we like bad people i love these type of people yes yes the amp from in me the amp from in me is fueling up what is anum? It means when you want to return to a civilization before technology.

Cowboy mode. Even monkey mode, really. Cowboy mode. Let's all, let's RP monkeys, everybody. I'm Mr. Pregnant. Cowboy mode. No, you're a monkey. Let's be monkeys, guys.

I'm having a baby. Who's the father? God. What? What? What? Yo, shout out to God. Shout out to God. Shout out God.

Shout out Naka. Shout out Darwinism. Yo, shout out to Charles Darwin. Shout out Charles Darwin. Yeah, Galapagos. Galapagos Finch Experiment, baby. Love those fuckers. Alright, can we get a shout out to JetBlue?

Oh, shout out my homie JetBlue. Corporate overlords. I'm actually in mosaic status with JetBlue. I get to board the plane first. I've been boarding planes recently. Only a panda knows where they were heading, but

I've been boarding them recently. Still won't tell us. Nah, well, I'm not boarding planes recently. Only a panda knows where they were heading, but... Still won't tell us. No, well, I'm not going to tell you. I've been boarding them recently, and I just look. All the hardworking families who work 12 hours a day trying to raise a family right, and I'm just over here saying dick and balls and making millions a year, and I'm just over here like, yeah, I get to board the plane first. That's right. That's right.

That's right. But then I said coach anyway, so it doesn't really matter. I think you should be the last person to board a plane. Maybe I should be. Maybe I should be. They should put you in the back. I don't think you should be able to board a plane until you acknowledge my hamburger. It just keeps coming back. Oh my. Why are we going back to this again? Okay. How about we modify it? Let's modify it. Let's take the hamburger plan, but instead of it being on a plane,

let's put it on a train. Baby, the world's fastest. Okay, okay, all right. I see you. I see you. Tell us more. Stocks are starting at 100. Who's in?

Stocks are starting at 100. Dude, I call the caboose. I think we put it in the caboose i i think we put it in the caboose i think you want them to be uh like right up top where the steam's coming out you know like a steamed burger why is that huh why is that because you steam your burgers pre-cook them pre-cook them yeah you don't even have to cook them just cook them through the steam and then you're cooking them dude you know how that's you know where the steam comes from bro comes from the coal that the train's burning i'm sorry but that is the most genius idea I've ever heard.

Can you tell me more about this? You're cooking your burgers over fumes? So here's what we got. We got people lined up on top of the train, and they're passing burgers to each other, and then they put it on top of the little steam vent, and then the steam vent cooks it up. And then you got a cooked burger.

And then when you go to the store, you don't have to to cook it yourself and then the hamburger helper mixed with that is gonna be delicious i hate this i hate this so much oh every time every time that that like jay-z only time i feel alive when i taste it get get get get got got got asher they really like the the death grips yeah i know i'm doing every episode it's i'm trying to get followers on twitter there's always a lot of comments i mean you guys should all be following us on twitter um we we do have a lot of funny moments in the podcast and uh please just comment uh your funniest moment i mean the more the more comments that the podcast gets the more youtube actually recommends it is that true so if you're listening to this point oh yeah absolutely

i mean we did that did you know 90 of viewers are not subscribed exactly exactly gift card see the thing is the thing is yeah join our free gift card giveaway my name is uh derf card my name is fucking derf corbus oh my god yeah listen so look i mean the more you comment the more youtube uh shows this podcast around and then the more money we make so i mean if you want us to keep making this podcast just just leave a comment right now say anything i don't care just say say whatever comes to your mind first what's the first word that comes to your mind and if we don't get a thousand comments we're gonna stop doing the podcast we're actually gonna quit it doesn't get a thousand a thousand comments we're actually we're hanging it up podcast yeah we're hanging so you better comment it's gonna rest on your consciousness

listener right now your fault exactly exactly only time i feel alive when i taste it why does no one do it with me anymore i don't even know no no no the only time we now no one do it with me anymore the only time we now no one does it with me the only time we feel alive thank you Asher you haven't done it yet okay

only time I feel alive I When I taste dick. Only time I feel alive. Only time I feel alive. I can't say the last word. Why? Only time alive. When I feel alive. When I feel dick. Dick.

Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. There. God. If all of us were participating in the trolley experiment I would kill you a panda Finally

You do My body is just an imperial prison and when you open this shit up I'm gonna fucking have you ever watched Dragon Ball you know black Goku Goku black yeah what I said you know how he completely destroys the entire universe I will do that if I die oh he's loading up to start He's about to start spitting. When you realize the hamburger helper doesn't have hamburger in it. Lay a beat. Astro, lay a beat. Okay.

He's about to start spitting. I'm about to kill everybody right now. You're all about to die. I'm about to fuck everybody up. Got blubberished in my head. I'm like popping off the fucking block. Now, Rachu is spitting. I might feel alive. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

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blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah , A panda? Why not? Yeah, you're right. That's kind of good. It's a panda. Spoiler alert, I'm moving to Texas. What the hell? You didn't tell us that? Yep. That was it. Sorry. You didn't tell the Sleep Deprived Podcast viewers before us? Yep, I'm telling the Sleep Deprived Podcast viewers before you.

I'm moving to Texas, and the reason is not just because there is no state tax taxed on the people who live there, but also because there's a lot of guns. I can't believe we've been sleep deprived for four months. Because there is no state tax taxed on the people who live there. But also because there's a lot of guns. I can't believe we've been sleep deprived for four months and you didn't tell us this. I just didn't tell it to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe I should have.

Maybe I shouldn't have. But I mean, at the end of the day, I'm going there to save a lot of money. And then once I make all my money, I'm out. I'm out. I'm done. Podcast is over. Videos are over. What the heck?

Yeah, yeah. Look, I mean, I reckon it'll Podcast is over. Videos are over. What the heck? Yeah, yeah. Look, I mean, I reckon it'll take another year. So, I mean, look, it's... Does that mean we can sleep now? I mean, but I like being awake for four months. Yeah, now imagine what it's like to feel alive. But the only time I feel alive is... The only time I feel alive is when I connect with my friends and family. Oh my God.

Here he goes again. He's going to start monologuing again. And this is what I can't deal with anymore. Let him monologue. This is one of the reasons I'm going to quit. Come on. No, no, no. Let him talk.

Let him do the hamburger thing again. Fine, fine. Let him do it. You got the phone. Come on. All right. Thank you. All I wanted to do was to the only time i wanted i feel alive is when i taste dick

is that the joker or marge or is it like some... The only time I feel alive is when I taste dick. I'm fucking blasted right now. I'm fucking wasted. Get me out of this fresh hell. I need more Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels? Yeah, as you were saying, Mika. Damn, Daniel. Oh, man.

I'm done. I'm done. I'm donezo schmunzo. Can we talk about how Warren Buffett eats his hamburgers? This man has billions of dollars, and his main diet is he just goes to McDonald's. He gets a Big Mac with nothing on it. He takes off the bottom bun. He puts salt all over it and then puts the

bun back on and he doesn't trump literally do the same thing like he he takes off the buns he always gets mcdonald's i'm pretty sure he does i'm pretty sure trump goes and then goes excuse me give me a second i'll be right back continue with the cast dude continue with the what i think he said fast to continue the bits we're gonna continue the bits without him okay we were officially announcing jay schlatt is is gone from the podcast um it was a good run i'm back i'm back okay we were officially announcing schlatt is coming back to the podcast i know you had nostalgia for it well here you go i'm coming back popular demand return wait Popular demand. Return. Wait, I'm back? I can't believe you're already back from Texas.

All the way back from the good old Lone Star State. What do you know about Texas, man? I'll tell you what I know about Texas. I went there like a month ago, and I loved it. I absolutely loved it. There's so much Texan pride there. It really feels as though everyone who's there wants to secede from the united states and i think that's there's something so cool about that

i think they have a lot of juggalos in texas dude dude i love juggalos you've never seen them before oh i've never seen them actually clown posse they're the guys they wear like black and white clown makeup and they make like terrible rap music is that my my ex is my buddy we right the planet's wrongs suffocation is my last resort if you could make a country and we're not talking about like political systems like if you could just make a country, what would it be like? No Texans allowed. Wow. I'm offensive.

I'm offended. I'm offended. This man steps foot in Texas for one day. He's an official Texan. I'm offended. Offended on behalf of all Texans. I'd have an island called the drama alert nation next to the Frank, next to the Frank ocean.

If I had a country, it would be a single plane and the country would be on a plane. So we would always have a new place to be in. You know what your main source of exports could be? Don't fucking say it. What? Don't you fucking say it. Tacos. Oh.

Yeah, everybody likes tacos, right? I feel like actually shooting tacos out of a plane would make more sense because the shell would hold it in place. What about burritos? They're round, you know? Just everyone on the surface waiting with their mouth open, like, trying to catch the burrito.

With their mouth? Yeah. to get it trying to catch the burrito what with their mouth like yeah yang with the whipped cream no it's gonna be like in spongebob get a new york slice and then if it tastes bad it's gonna be like the hillary clinton globule and then when you're done eating it you have the donald trump fart excuse me excuse me the three stages of grief isn't there an episode of spongebob where he like makes burritos and he does a really bad job and he gets fired no he never makes burritos bro i i think i know which which one i really hope i really hope you do wasn't that when they turned the the crusty crab into the cool into whatever cool hip new place then they made salads crusty clan no it's not that no this is an episode what's the crud no anyways there's this one episode of spongebob

that like he gets fired from the crusty crab and he tries to uh chinese restaurant he tries to join that uh what uh you know burrito restaurant what um no i think there was an ice cream one too and he keeps making krabby patties but like out of burritos and chinese food oh oh i kind of do remember this i really hope someone in the comments gets what i'm talking about he was like forced to make burritos and then like the entire time he's making them he's's just like, all I know is how to make Krabby Patties. And then he just cries and he goes like deeper and deeper into his sadness. And then Mr. Krabs comes in. He's like, what are you doing, me boy?

And then he's like, yeah, exactly. And then he and then SpongeBob is like, I just don't want to do this anymore. Please. And then Squidward eats all the Krabby Patties in the vault and he just literally explodes. Oh, God.

We like to have fun here on the Sleep to Prep Podcast. We like to have fun. We like to have fun here on the Sleep Deprived Podcast. We like to have fun. We like to have fun around here on the Sleep Deprived Podcast, boys. That's fun. That's fun. I like that episode of SpongeBob. I think I remember what you're talking about. Good.

Good one. Good one, dude. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same, bro. Just like, awoo. Yo, same. Lid yeah, yeah. Same, bro. Awoo. Yo, same. Liddle, liddle, liddle. Awoo. Crusty cry, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. SpongeBob. Hey, yeah. Take off your nicotine patch, SpongeBob. It's a pizza. It's a pizza. For you and. For you and me

take off my nicotine patch spongebob it's funny when we do that it's funny isn't it i saw a comment on the last podcast that is apparently apparently this person might have been listening for a while. So shout out to you. Can we get a round of applause? Shout out to you. Remember, the longer you listen, the more we like you. True.

They pointed out that we started off with like a really chill energy and then it's just devolved into absolute chaos. That's what happens when you're sleep yeah i haven't slept in months schlatt won't let me sleep please let me free i haven't let these guys sleep at all and you know what that's how i like them i think they're funnier when they haven't slept that's the whole point of the podcast is it not fellas right i miss the feel of my bed. Yeah. I wish I could sleep so bad. I don't know. Baba Booey. Baba Booey.

Baba Booey. Oh! Hey! Someone has to end the podcast with Bababooey every time. We could all do it at the same time. All right, let's do it at the same time. Ready? Three, two, one.

Bababooey.