Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #16

Episode Date: February 6, 2021

the boys talk about airplanes for 33 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast. This is the 16th episode. We're 16 in. Woo! My name is Schlatt. Yes, yes. Big, big day for all of us. Yeah!

We're 16. This is, this is, we're the birthday of the podcast. We're having our quinceañera. I'm going out and getting drunk. Hey, guys. How are all you doing today? I am so excited to get my photos for this. I really like your dress, Mika.

Thanks. You look really pretty. You do look dashing. You have such an hourglass figure to you in that dress. I mean, it just really compliments those childbearing hips of yours i just like the color but yeah i agree i think sleep deprived merch would look really good yeah we should have a we should have a dress but in the meantime maybe there's something else we have yeah perhaps we perhaps we have something else i mean astro would you you like to give us a little

introduction here? Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to rock through each of these four shirts. It's going to be like ShamWow. You ready? Isn't that the thing from SeaWorld? I think you're thinking of Shamu. Oh. I actually saw Shamu live, but don't let me distract you. Did you really? I did, yeah. Did you really see Shamu live before she died? Oh. Yeah. I heard Shamu got real upset and started swimming real fast into the side of her enclosure and then killed herself. Sheesh.

Anyways. There's like that scene from video game high school where Shotbot's taking hits at the goddamn dunk tank that the law's in. Boy meets girl! Boom! Boy falls for girl! Boom! Anyways, let's do t-shirts, why don't we? Huh? This design features a 2x2 display of your cast, the favorite airplane podcast.

But don't let these sleeping faces on the shirt lull you into a sense of security because this shirt is sure to make your day pop. Look at this one, guys. Wow. I like this one. So one of us made this. We're not going to tell you who it is. We all made one.

And we're basically just going to see whose shirt sells the most, and then whoever sells the most gets all the money. I did not agree to this. I mean, we could split it. No, no, no. It was actually in the fine print. Whoever wins is going to get all the money. Wait, you guys got a contract? Because Peter MSNBC just gave me a slip of paper and told me to write my name oh yeah peter peter gave us a contract well i mean

it was a slip of paper you you might have had to turn it over to see all the terms oh shoot it was printed in like 0.1 size font oh god, God. Sorry, dude. Whoever sells the most t-shirts is going to get all the money. But I mean, this one looks okay. It's kind of like the Gorillaz, Dog Days album cover vibes, right? Yeah. I'd wear this shirt. I like it.

I'd wear this shirt. I'd definitely wear this shirt. I'm wearing it right now. You are? Wow. Yeah. I'm not wearing a shirt. I like it. I'd wear this shirt. I'd definitely wear this shirt. I'm wearing it right now. You are? Wow. Yeah. I'm not wearing a shirt. Really?

Maybe. It's kind of hot. Maybe one of our other shirts would interest you. Absolutely. Let's see the next shirt. This design opts for simplicity over complexity with a nostalgic cute design that harkens back to your cartooned past. The mascot on the shirt is having a good time. Why can't you?

Dude, you're so good at this. What the heck? I know. Because I work at a 9 to 5 in a fucking coal mine. That's why I'm not enjoying myself. It's all at the top of the dome piece, too. It's all at the top of the dome piece. Not prepared.

I'll tell you why the the why the clientele aren't enjoying themselves why because we live in a world of fear mongering where politicians try and tell us what what the best thing to do is and you know what i'm not standing for it anymore i won't listen to these politicians going down to the their favorite bodegas and tell them tell me that they gotta get a new york slice fuck you andrew yang he's just walking man he's just walking no he's just walking there's something much more sinister going on andrew yang walks into his favorite new york bodega pets the pets the bodega cat that he that he sees a little sees a little cup on the counter and And oh my God, what is in that?

What is that dark liquid in the cup? He places his hand over the cup. Ah, that's an awfully hot coffee pot. Should I drop it on Donald Trump? Probably not. Exactly, exactly. Isn't it called bodega juice? Yeah, it's bodega juice.

I don't know if you saw the recent pump of the game bodega stock. I did. I did see the pump of the recent game bodega stock, but it did not have good bodega juice. Probably not. But it was awfully hot. Dude, that was pretty good. That's an awfully hot Fortune 500 stock. Should I put a dollar into it?

Probably not. Probably not. But this shirt is cool. This is a little simple drawing. I would wear this shirt. It's cute. Nice simple drawing. I would wear this shirt. It's cute. Nice little mascot. I would wear this shirt.

You should buy it. You guys should buy it. Let's go to the next shirt. This design features a clean, sleek vibe that lets your friends know you enjoy the sophisticated walk of life. Fly into the abyss of intellectualism with this minimalist, sparkled shirt. I'm stroking my mustache yeah i like the little sparkles i hear the little twinkle twinkle little star yeah you can almost like hear the twinkle twinkles of the stars outside of the cabin of this jet blue flight you can almost kind of hear like hamburgers being made in the back yeah yeah like

the the patty on the grill yeah getting ready to be shot searing the searing of the wagyu inside the inside the cockpit oh my god open up that cockpit is somebody coughing up a clem in the front that nice cockpit and then and you know all the meats that are being cooked up in there oh my god and then drink it down with a slurpee from 7-eleven available on all your local jet blue flights hillary's a nice piece of meat i found four four bitcoin miners on my computer and it's so slow i'm even lucky to hear everyone right now why did you get viruses it's really easy to not get them in this current day okay so what i did was i went on because my video downloader it just disappeared it just disappeared and i went to reddit because you think reddit would be the best place to tell me where to get a new one and i download 4k video downloader it was a dot exe

i i thought it'd be okay but here i am mining bitcoin for someone else yeah there are just a bunch of little steves mining diamonds in your cpu what's it doing honestly is your computer even good like how can they even mine that many bitcoin on your like dell i got a little hamster running in my computer next shirt okay this design will have you rocking out all night long featuring the four members of the newest and hottest internet gang the shirt will leave you questioning, is this the real life or is this just fantasy? That's a reference. A little Queen Bohemian Rhapsody reference right there. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't like, I don't know about you guys, but.

Is this just fantasy? Cut an awfully hard coffee pot. Escape from reality. Should I drop it or Donald Trump open your eyes look up to the skies and see so wake up the members

of my nation it's your turn to be there's no chance unless you take one every time you see the better side of every situation I just cut you off, Schlatt. What were you trying to say? I was saying that I didn't like this design very much of the T-shirt. Something about this one just didn't really sit well with my bones, and I don't like this design very much of the t-shirt. I was just, I don't, something about this one just didn't really sit well with my bones, and I don't like it, and I don't think anyone should buy it. Well, that's awesome of you to say.

Yeah, yeah, I just figured I'd say that. I mean, we're not going to tell you whose design it is, but I mean, holy shit, what a terrible one. Yeah, wow. What a bad, what bad work by a terrible one. Yeah. Wow. What bad work by whoever did this. I actually really like this design. I think it's great. I don't like it.

I like the shading. It might be the best one here. It might be. No, no, I don't think it is. I don't think you should buy this one. Yeah, he's right. This one sucks. I would wipe my ass with it.

Yeah, you'd wipe your ass standing up. We've got 50% standards in this podcast i mean it's kind of disgusting shout out wait hold on hold on how do you know mika stands or sits oh i asked we had a long discussion about this what are you guys talking about like eating food like at the table or like oh oh god okay when you bake when you take a big stinky shit all right a big a big a big a big doo-doo you know what's that when you drop a uh what is that when you drop a big steamy a big steamy coffee pot right in the right in the porcelain throne well i want to answer your question the thing is i just i literally don't know what you're talking about right now okay so how what's the best

way to put this into easy words for you uh can you do it as a metaphor but make it make it about make it a bug snacks metaphor boom boom boom boom boom boom no that's a simile boom that's a simile that's a simile I wasn't using like or as I was just using bunker bunker bunker that was a slur is what that was so I think slurs right now little do you know boom. Bunger, bunger, bunger. Oh, God. Now that I know. Now that I know that that's a slur. Don't censor it, Moist. The world needs to hear this.

Censor that. Exactly. I'm going to need some clarification on, because all I have so far is just bunger. Do I sit or stand when bunger? When you wipe your asshole, you know your asshole? When you shit and you have to wipe it? Do you not wipe? Do you not wipe? I...

Oh my god. Oh my god. He doesn't... He's a no-wiper. You don't wipe? Very few people on this planet have ever been so confident in their shit after a big ol' shit that they've just stood up and walked away.

Maybe you just have ghost poops, right? Like, they come out, you don't need a wipe. Like, the thing is, like, I still don't know what you're talking about. Like, I... Ghost poop. Thanks, guys. Thanks, man.

I'll be here all night. I mean, the night the thing is like I don't really eat you don't eat? no I don't comedy special coming out soon I'll be on Netflix I don't have to eat cause i am a ghost you're a ghost yeah you want to hear me speak ghost right now yeah

is that really heavy oh my god i thought that was just in the movies no this is this is like a pretty big pretty like, when a ghost learns to speak ghost, it's a pretty big deal for us. It's like. Oh, really? Ooh. Ah. Yeah.

We might put a little more emphasis on it. Like, ooh. Oh. Stop. Holy shit. You need to chill. Chill. We might put a little more emphasis on it.

I'm definitely. It's listening. Oh, my God. Stop. I'm definitely afraid of ghosts, man. Dude. Chill out. You know how Astro gets. You know how that guy gets. He'll start shivering.

His bones can't take it. Whenever I get ejected. He's already lost his body. Whenever I get ejected in Among Us, I can't take it. I have to leave the room. You do slash table flip in Discord. And then you're like, yeah, I showed them. Oh, well, little Grumpus wumpus has a little update for you

so wumpus bit the wumpus bit our cables internet whoopsie whoopsie i'm just gonna speak fluent discord for the rest of this podcast no please don't uh-oh that seems like a big table flip moment. Come on, Astro. Join us for speaking in Discord language. Oh, hey, kittens. Oh, god. Oh, honey.

How old are you? I'm a Discord mod. Give me some respect. How long have you modded for? I've modded the sleep-deprived Discord for 14 years. The day we have aded for? I've modded the sleep-deprived Discord for 14 years. The day we have a fucking Discord. I've been running one in the underground. Have you been?

There's 2,000 people in there. It's a cult. What's it like in there? That sounds like it'd be bedlam. We have rituals. What's bedlam? Motherfucker just said bedlam i have never heard anybody use unironically use the word bedlam before dude that's some biblical shit i feel like moses was the last person to ever say that. Holy fuck. Right before he parted

the Red Sea, Moses said, Moses uttered bedlam for the last time. And here's Mika saying it again. He parted the Red Sea and he's like, It's pure bedlam over there. Pure bedlam! The way this water

is apart from one another now. I love all these little fishies. Juice cross. Cross the river now. No memes in general. Kitten. Can you please describe the rituals? Like like i'm really curious to know basically we just kind of like get together in a big vc um and we well there's no better way to describe it we start

using internet speak with each other and um we exchange in memes because you know the the regular folk on the discord can't so we like to express our power so what are some of these memes and what do you exchange i don't think we can get into that is this an nsfw server it it might be an nsfw sleep oh my god yeah what the What the hell? Yeah. Look, the Hillary Clinton ones are pretty good. No! What? She's a real piece of meat.

You guys were talking about it earlier. That's what you meant, right? Is she a piece of meat? Yeah, there we go. No, definitely not. I don't want in on that. This reminds me a lot, like like we're talking a lot about eating just reminds me about like cookies i will pay you five dollars to try that again i thought you did good all this all this talking about eating just really makes me think about cookies.

I don't know about you guys. All this talking double-crossing is making me hungry for a slice of blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Hey, guys. What's your favorite Girl Scout cookies? I got a sleeve of Trefoils right here.

And, oh, my God, do I really not want to continue eating these things? But I have to. Why do you have to? It's like Pop-Tarts almost, you know? Oh, I hate Pop-Tarts. Pop-Tarts come in twos. They come in twos. If you open a sleeve of Pop-Tarts, you're not getting away from it without eating both of them, right?

Yeah. Yeah. You can't even name the ingredients in a Pop-Tart. No, you can't. And that's what's scary. That's what's scary. You can't even name all the ingredients in a Pop-Tart. I say we storm the Capitol because of that.

Wouldn't that be... No. Wouldn't that be funny? No, it wouldn't be. No, that's not what I was going to say i was just wow i can't believe you're gonna say that you are racist and bad i bet you like samoas i bet you like samoas a panda you look like you would really like toffee tastic cookies what the fuck is that what does that mean is Actually, no. Yeah, you look like a rah-rah raisins kind of person.

Oh my god. These are archaic flavors. What the fuck did you just say to me? I've never heard of these before. Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah. Rah-rah-ooh-la-la. Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah. You guys want to hear my anime impression?

Yeah. Hi, guys. I didn't see you there on the sleep deprived podcast but how are you guys doing oh am i being so weird right now that sucked do the do the do the girly one do the really girly one you you're so good at that you do sometimes i am not doing that i retired that a long time do the. I am not doing that. I retired that a long time ago. Do the really girl. Why not? We're never going to be graced by that. Well, maybe if.

Silky voice again. You know, maybe if the Slip to Pride podcast gets number one on the leisurely charts, then maybe I'll think about it. We are. We are getting up there. We're number 22 now. And you listeners at home can contribute by to listening on Spotify. That's true.

You just play it on Spotify. We're going to get up to number one. We passed Marques Brownlee the other day. And I said, I said, see you later, dumbass. I tweeted at him. I tweeted, see you later, dumbass. Did you really? Did you?

Yeah. Oh, you didn't. No, I didn't. I would be too scared of doing that. That man is like the second coming of Jesus Christ. Yeah, he wouldn't hear you from his Tesla. he didn't. No, I didn't. I would be too scared of doing that. That man is like the second coming of Jesus Christ. Yeah, he wouldn't hear you from his Tesla. He wouldn't. He has a Tesla?

Of course he has a Tesla. I want a Tesla so bad. He's Elon Musk's biggest simp. Is he really? Yeah. I want a Tesla. You guys want a Tesla? You can play Minecraft in them too, can't you?

Yeah. Oh, actually? Yeah, you can pull it up on the screen start playing i i'm just like really curious how do you control the minecraft steve do you like use the steering wheel and then you like yeah that's just like you're like your mom coming in like, oh, what's that? You playing the Minecraft? Talking on the Twitter with your friends? No, my mom, if she barged into my room, she wouldn't go, oh, you're on the Minecraft?

She would go, get off the fucking game. I cooked you some chicken! Baked! Again! Yo, that's really how it'd be, though. Does she cut the chicken horizontally or vertically? What the fuck

does that mean? You guys don't cut your chicken horizontally or vertically? What's wrong with you, man? What the fuck? What kind of question is this? I'm still learning how to eat, okay? I'm a ghost.

I'm new to this planet. Oh, that's true. That's true. Eating, eating, eating. Oh, eating. Cutting food. This is how you say I hate chicken and ghost. Are you sure you have a shit stomach? No, sir.

But yeah, no, Astro, you look like you would like thin mint cookies. I gotta be honest, I'm kind of a Lemon Ups guy. Oh! What? Oh, jeez. I like it lemony. Lemon Ups? That's your favorite Girl Scout cookie?

A little sour twist. Raw, raw raisins? Don't say that, Don't say that. And then we got fucking... Mika's a Samoa guy. Samoas are good, okay? They're the best ones. Okay, what's yours?

What's your favorite? I like trefoils. I don't know what that is. Call me a basic bitch, but I mean trefoils, they're a nice shortbread cookie, and they're easy to eat. You just keep popping them in, they're like Pringles almost. Delicious tasting shortbread that is delightfully simple and satisfying. You guys know Shuga and Jimin?

I know Jimin. I know Jimin. I think Jimin's pretty cute. I'd pin Jimin up against the wall and kiss him. You know, I'm more of a Luna kind of guy. Stan Luna, you know? I thought Luna was just one lady named Luna. It was. It's mitosis. Oh, she mitosised? They grew her in a lab?

I mean, that's not far off from how the industry is. Yeah, honestly, that's kind of true and sad. Honestly, I do stan Luna, though. You should give us a rendition of your favorite Luna song. Okay, hold on. I'll provide the backing

melody. Okay, hold on. Let me get the lyrics up. I'm freaking out. I want to leave so selfishly. I want you and nobody else. I can't deny it. I lose it.

I lose my head. Fight it. I do. I do. I can't deny it. I lose. I lose my mind. So there was a declassified government document.

Starlight. Starlight. With the shadow in my mind. That basically said that if you're in pain you have to think about the body part that's in pain and repeat the number

55515 over and over again in your head and it will stop. Brain! 15515! Brain! 15515! No, no, no-1-5. It will stop hurting. Brain! 1-5-5-1-5. No, no, no. 5-5-5-1-5.

Are you serious? Yes. 5-5-5-1-5. Brain! 5-5-5-1-5. Brain! Brain! 5-5-5-1-5.

The government declassified the government declassified a program that came to the conclusion that one of the ways to heal yourself was to think about the body part in pain and then repeat the sequence 55515 all over again.

It hurts! Brain, 55515. See, the problem with that is you guys are falling for government. This is what the government tells you to be a slave. You guys are slaves to the government. You fall for it. You fall for it. I'm a free thinker.

People call me the free thinker. That's actually my nickname. They always call me that. 55515. Oh, it's awkward now. I feel so much better. I actually do. Like, I had a low-grade headache, and it's gone.

Like, I'm not even kidding. Really? Is this actually real? Like, seriously, is this actually real like seriously is this 55515 i feel robotic unclassified government intel i feel great i'd google it but i have bitcoin mining my computer so i can't wow it's like i'm a line of code being executed we should report like 50 of these tech tip my mind feels kind of expanded dude i feel like i could like just like come up with bitcoin code

with my brain now do it really okay so this is my code but it's gonna be in go so you have to translate oh jeffrey epstein didn't kill himself let's talk about that for a couple minutes, eh? Yeah, I think they killed him. His cellmate was moved into a different cell the day of. All the night security men were told not to go into that area, huh? Or were told to, like, leave early. You know?

NEC 55515. NEC 55515. That's what he did. I'm sorry. Jeffrey Epstein was rocking back and forth in his cell just saying 55515. 55515. 55515. Didn't work.

Do you see what they did to Mr. Pringle? What'd they do to him? They fucked him up. They fucked him up. how so they refreshed the logo of mr pringle not mr pringle fucked him up here take a look old logo oh that one's good that's good new logo ah fucked it up they fucked him up dude my, they took away his whole face. He has no more facial structure. Wait, Mika, does that look like a ghost to you? You know what?

This actually looks like my long lost uncle. Your uncle was Mr. Pringle? I'm waiting for the Joker impression. Bedlam. My uncle was a... There we go. That's what I was waiting for. Do you think the Pringles guy is related to Mr. Monopoly? They look very similar.

I see the resemblance, actually. I'm pretty sure neither mascot have Mr. in front front of their name but we've just put it there mr pringles and mr monopoly what do you think mr pringles and mr monopoly would sound like if they were like in an argument mr pringle would sound like the fucking Sebastian Toot motherfucker from Wii Music. Oh, I don't know, Mr. Pringle. Oh. What do you guys think? Was that the anime impression? No, no, that was like the Monopoly man. He was like, oh, I'm so much better than everyone else. I'm from England.

Let me try, let me try. Okay. I'm the face of the board game Monopoly that's not bad at all dude oh thank you you know back in Buckingham Palace where I'm from we actually play

Monopoly every night but with actual countries you sound kind of like Pops from regular show oh jolly good show oh jolly good show you know who else has a jolly good show

whoa what oh my god. Was that really good or precious? I don't know about that last one. I mean, I don't even know about that last one, but. Yeah, I don't even know about the last one.

Throw Marge in there. Throw Marge. I don't even know about the last one. We're just falling back on the proven funny methods The formula we're going back to the formula I would pull out Yoda but we found him Dead in our bakery so Yeah we did he did die

Found What is that supposed to mean We didn't murder him Everybody knows Astro killed him No that would That wasn't any of us none of us did that any of us we found it like that he just died by a bullet random bullet a stray bullet okay he he shot himself and then he put the gun somewhere else and then he took your fingerprints and

slabbered them on it for some reason. So weird. Yeah. Wait, you know Ghost Yoda? We found him like that, we did. Wait, Mika, you can talk to Ghost. You know Ghost Yoda, right? I can talk to Ghost. I can channel him if you'd like.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We could solve this mystery once and for all. Goku! ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

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it be your own the world safe message my final wait this isn't even how he would speak message my final message final my This isn't even how he would speak. Message my final. That doesn't make any sense. Message final, mate.

No, that's worse. No, no. Look, okay, we all know Schlatt shot him. We can go back and look at it in the last episode. We just found him like that, we did. We just fucking found him right there. You Americans don't even have free healthcare. Oh, fuck.

I think my Discord crashed. Deal with it. Oh, Panda left. Kitten, I noticed you left the voice channel. I sent you 15 TikToks and you only reacted to one of them. Let's put a little grumpish on that face.

It's not about the lumpish. It's about sending a message in the general chat. You want to know how I got these roles? Why do you sound like Nicholas Cage? Oh my. My father why do you sound like nicholas i don't know oh my my father owned this discord yeah if you do anything wrong in the discord the mods will be like i'm telling my dad on you

my dad could beat up your dad uh my dad was a spy my dad killed spies for a living uh my dad was a spy killer hunter well my dad sought out those spy killer hunters and killed them too yeah uh well my dad was a spy killer hunter killer hunter my dad was a Discord admin? Oh, God. Yeah. Back then. Oh, no. Oh, geez.

That's not what you like to hear. My dad owns Discord. You got me. Your dad would win. I admit it. Oh, my God. I could go on such a rant about discord i hate this app me too do it do it now do it now do it now no i'm not going to i'm too tired fair we'll save it we'll save

it for next time baba buoy baba buoy leaving him on a cliffhanger baba buoy