Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #24

Episode Date: April 25, 2021

the boys talk about airplanes for 33 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 24. We've done it, everybody. We've made it to 24. I'm so excited. You want to know what's funnier than 24, though? What? 25. 21?

21. No, it's 25. No, it's not. It's 21. No, it's 25. It's 21. 21 is objectively funnier. It's 25.

21 is funnier, Mika. It is 25. 21's 21. 21 is objectively funnier. It's 25. 21 is funnier, Mika. It is 25. 21. 21. It's 25. I can't. What's 9 plus 10? 21.

25. No, it's not, Mika. Yes, it is. Panda, say 21. 21. 21. I know something funnier than 24

25 Jesus Christ we got the Joker on the podcast we got the Joker on the podcast no that's the new podcast character what the Joker no that's just some new person.

Well, you have to give him a name. 25. It's Dream. Dream's on the podcast this week. Hey, Dream. Welcome to the podcast. Now we're going to get a good title. Yeah, we're going to have a really good clickbait this time.

Okay, Dream, you can go away now. Okay, bye. He time. Okay, Dream, you can go away now. Okay, bye. He left. Thanks, Dream. Thanks, man. Good to have you on the podcast. This was really nice. I enjoy your presence a whole lot.

I didn't like his presence at all. Pana, can you stop DMing me? What? Stop saying that. No. That's disgusting. What are you DMing him? I don't even think I can say that.

What is it? Say it anyways. I don't... Nothing. Okay, should I say it? You know, Astro, if you're gonna make it public, at least respond to the DM. Look, I need to put these out into the public, and I'm gonna do it a little bit longer if I have to. No, you don't.

Tell us what he DMed you. A panda just said asterisk dry humps you oh god really dude look this is funny to you this is funny to you it is not funny it reminds me of one of the dream s&p x readers iers I read recently. Excuse me? What? Did you guys watch that Jake Paul fight? Yeah! Boom! Boom! Down in two blows.

Jake Paul blew him away. So the fight started. He was fighting this MMA guy, or UFC guy. And it took like... Ben Affleck? Ben Affleck jeff caplan ben aspirin he was fighting ben aspirin and then they get round one he just hits him in the face and he falls down and that was it fucking names like aspirin we had to fucking listen to dixie D'Amelio get up on stage and sing about sometimes and then we had a

goddamn 30 second fight if you think about it though he's kind of genius cause he took one punch to the face pretended to get knocked out got up 30 seconds later and walked away with a million dollars that's true he didn't even have to do anything he just got

punched in the face would you get punched in the face for a million dollars that's true damn he didn't even have to do anything he just got punched in the face would you like would you get punched in the face for a million dollars definitely yeah i'd who's punching me in the face i'd do it for 20 bucks well who's punching you in the face jake paul is punching you in the face oh yeah you can't hurt that bad. It's a feather. Jake Paul puts his meaty claws on you. Oh. Do you think there's a sleep-deprived fanfic? Yeah, probably. Well, we could find out right now.

And if not, we can make one. Plays Patty Cake with Schlatt very intensely. There's no sleep-deprived fanfiction. Damn, really deprived fan fiction damn really yeah well we should make one then there's zero i'm gonna be on top no uh who's gonna be is it like a sandwich like one to four it's a human centipede oh yeah i want to be um in back oh so you get all the shit yeah I want the sloppy fourths wow I'm going to keep it all for myself

I'm going to be in the front then actually you're going to be like I'd like to be nowhere near this. Here comes the choo-choo train. I would like to be moving to a separate country while this is happening. Hey, you guys want McDonald's? I can still taste a piece of corn.

Look at that. I want it to go slat. Just like eating shit. And he's like, is that a Wendy's Frosty? A hint of McDonald's fries. There's a tinge of... Very earthy aftertaste. Oh, that sounds...

So rumptious. Sounds delightful. I put my bib on. I get the fork and knife out. What do you think, Mika? About this? What you're describing? Well, like I said,

I'm going to be moving to a different country while this is happening. I can bring you the McDonald's, but I don't want to participate in this. It's vile. Fucking vile. where are you in the in the human centipede that you this enthusiasm i really want him to be that's where the fan fixed it aside i wanted to be third mika i'd really prefer if you were second can you be second mika

uh can you be second please noika? Mika, can you be second, please? No, I'm not going to be anywhere near this. Why? I could provide the housing. It's not going to taste as good without you. I could bring you food. I could bring you water. Get some good dressing. Tonight.

Oh, is it coming? It's coming down. It's going down for real. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, now that we're done talking about Jake Paul's fight, we can start talking about Dogecoin, the next topic of today's podcast. What's going on about Dogecoin, the next topic of today's podcast. What's going on with Dogecoin?

Mika said to us, I'm based and I'm Dogepilled. We'll just have to censor some of the words. Yeah, we'll just censor some of them. Beep. Invested in beep. Let me make a case for Dogecoin, okay? Okay. beep invested in me let me make a case for dogecoin okay okay so as you know the american dollar it prints a lot of money every year and right now they're printing a whole lot of money

because of something happening in the world and what's happening in the world there's uh not good things happening tell me more about those um it starts with a p penis povid the pope the pope povid 19 it's uh povid 19 so the american government is printing a lot of money. Dogecoin has billions of coins in circulation. But after the cap is reached, they're only printing 5 billion more coins per year. So by the mid 21st century, the American dollar will out inflate Dogecoin. And Dogecoin will retain more value than the american dollar so i'm just saying you're in it for the long run is what you're saying you invested for the future i am not gonna say whether or not i invested in dogecoin yeah i entered at 20 22 cents I would have liked to enter it at 16 cents. But I want to exit at 70 cents

because I think that's a reasonable target for my investment. You know what? I respect this. I respect you, Mika, for liking Dogecoin. Even if it sucks you dry now. I don't like Dogecoin. I think it's a bad investment. I think it's just silly. I think it's just silly.

I want to be Dogepilled too. I want to's just silly. No, it's not. I want to be doge-pilled, too. I want to be doge-pilled. Can I be doge-pilled? Anyone who wants to be doge-pilled can be doge-pilled. Is it like a cult? It's not a cult. Oh, are we setting some more down?

Finally, I'm so... Chicken tenders. That's going to taste so good. I'm shoveling it in like Wally in his chest with a piece of trash see it's this but instead it's Mika and a bunch of other redditors in a human centipede eating each other's shit and also talking about dogecoin

the human dollar will out inflate dogecoin I'm gonna partake in that centipede too because I respect Mika and his decision here. Thank you. I'll do a human centipede with you, Mika. I'll do it. I am not saying I am invested.

That's how much I respect you. And then one Redditor's like, it's okay, I'm keto. I'm actually doing keto right now and I hate it. Really? Vegan human centipede. Yeah. All of you making fun of Dogecoin are going to eat your words and... I'm going to eat something.

Yeah, but you're going to eat my shit. No, I'm not. You're going to eat my fucking U slash Unidan shit. I'm not a part of your dumb centipede. And he's going to start talking about birds. He's going to upvote his own comments. Who? Unidan.

Who? You don't remember that epic Reddit drama? No. You're uncultured, man. Wait, are you a Redditor, Schlatt? Yeah, it sounds like you're a bit of a Redditor, Schlatt. I was a Redditor back in the day. Sounds like a bit more than back in the day.

No, it was back in the day. I don't do it anymore. Don't worry. What was your favorite subreddit? Ask Reddit. That's the worst one. I'd watch the ones like dear redditors what uh how much epic sex have you had and then all the redditors were like oh dude uh here's

all the stories of my sex just like 900 people larping about yeah sex as if they've had it before. They're all lying. And he gets gifted Reddit. What are some Reddit awards that you'd gift? It used to just be Reddit gold, but now you can get gifted a million different emotes. You can get wholesome. You can get the

law award. Can you be gifted Dogecoin? No, I don't know. Brooklyn. Mika, you're addicted. What? So, I got gifted the... Oh, I have that one too.

Shut up. No, you don't. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I always hated the pink frosted donut. I'm going to shove pink frosted donut down your throat. Okay, well, can you send it through somebody else's throat and then I'll get it at the end?

Ooh, me, me, me, peek, peek. Ooh, peek, peek, peek. Yeah, put it through his throat and then I'll get it through his ass. I'm not going to do that. What I'm going to do is- Why don't you want to be involved, Mika? Because it's disgusting. So I'm going to separate you into... I'm going to separate you. I'm going to put a pink frosted donut

in the middle of a room and I'm going to... Pink frosted sprinkled donut. Pink frosted sprinkled donut. Thank you in the middle of a room. And I'm going to handcuff you guys to a pipe. Oh my God. And the only way out to get out of the handcuffs is to. You have to.

You have to align yourselves in human centipede formation. No, you have to ask me. Human millipede i'll just uncuff you okay can i be uncuffed can i be uncuffed yes now here's what happens here's what happens the teleporting fat guy comes and he uh unlocks your handcuffs for you and he teleports away oh teleports behind you maybe even if you want to get uncuffed you have to get a top post on ask reddit that's easy you just say hey reddit you just control c like something from a week ago and exactly like doctors of reddit what was the craziest thing that's ever happened and the top comment is always, I'm not a doctor, I'm just a computer scientist,

but I know a doctor. And one time he had this crazy thing happen. He had epic sex during surgery. Then you get the wholesome award. All this talking about Reddit has made me think, what if we had a catchphrase or slogan thanks for the podcast kind strangers yeah we could make a mascot maybe like a little kind of like alien little antenna a little antenna what's reddit guy called snoobop? Snoop? Snoop. We already have a mascot.

Bro. Wumpus and Snoop. Wumpus and Snoop need to do the fusion dance to become the most awesome fucking terrible thing ever. Wumpus x Snoop. Fan fiction. Yes. Wumpus.

Snoop. Snumpus. Whatump, Snoop, Snumpus. What would Snoop sound like? Hey, guys. No, it would sound... Wait, what would Snoop sound like? Yeah. It would be a bit like, hey, everyone. How are you doing?

No. It sounds too nice. It would sound like... And then all the Discord employees would be behind him. All the Discord employees would be in there like... Wait, Snoo and Discord employees are going to do the human centipede? I thought this was Wumpus. Oh, okay.

So Wumpus and Snoo and all the discord employees are gonna do the human centipede and the discord admins will be taking they'll be taking mouthfuls of shit man you must really hate discord uh you know what are we about to get into this story for another time it's a story maybe classic well everybody always asks about it so maybe we should talk about it well I mean perfect segue after comment let it out

let it out let me not talk about it okay alright maybe you can eat another Big Mac but I mean okay let's not talk about it Alright. Maybe you can get another Big Mac. But I mean... Okay, let's not talk about it.

I think our slogan should be sleep deprived pilled. What? It's really kind of clunky. It doesn't really work. I was going to say it doesn't really work. How about SDP pilled?

SDP pilled. SDP pilled sdp pilled sdp pilled isn't a sleep deprived pill just melatonin yeah yeah that's true we could sell melatonin we could i i think that would be illegal we could call the sell it at a profit let's call the fan base that let's call the fan base melatonins that's melatonins that's my little melatonin what's up melatonin we're back with a new podcast hello sleepy heads sleepy heads oh that's cute and wholesome okay what about kittens about kittens? Hey, kittens. No. I love that. I love that even more.

What? No. I love that. I don't like that. What? That's not good. That's not good. Everybody who listens to our podcast is... Oh, shit.

More? I don't know if I can handle any more right now. Stop. Stop. Please. Stop. Why are we vomiting? Are you vomiting back onto Slack's ass? We just sent it back and forth over and over.

It's like when you plug an electrical outlet to itself. This is foul. I just took this quiz and it said answer your penis curves to the right. Why would they think that? Do you have something to say? No.

Just say it, man. We don't talk about vagina enough on this podcast. It's always about dicks. We've never had anybody on the podcast that has a pussy. We can make you character. Oh, hello. That's the most Reddit thing to do ever, create a girl.

You're creating an imaginary girl for our podcast. Hello! Hey there. Oh, you like what you see? What's your name? Oh, my name is uh, Barth. Barth?

Barth? Barth! Yes, it is. Bars Bars? Bars Yes it is Shalette use your pick up line Use your pick up line on her I'm not an object Hey girl Uh I'm in the

That's just fucked up That's just fucked up Why did your voice suddenly change No no I'm She told me to say that Oh you're talking for her okay That's just fucked up. That's just fucked up. What? Why did your voice suddenly change? No, no, no. She told me to say that. Oh, you're talking for her. Okay. No, I'm not talking for her. She told me.

She left, and she told me to say that. Hey, girl. I know bad boy Halo. Barth's not here anymore, Schlatt. She's gone. Where's Barth? She left the bar. Barth left?

Yeah. Oh, man. Wait. She's not here anymore, Schlatt. She's gone. Where's Barth? She left the bar. Barth left? Yeah. Oh, man. Wait, she's not at the... Yeah. I guess it's just... Get another drink. Get it? Left the bar?

No one... I got it. Because... Barth? What's the most disgusting girl name ever? Barth. That's a terrible fucking name. It's bad.

It's bad. It's really bad. My penis curves to the left. Mine doesn't. Well, I hope you're ready for that to go into a Schlatt quiz. Question one. Which way does Schlatt's penis curve? How well do you know Schlatt?

Too well. Hello? Jambo? He's grabbing the mic. Jambo! Let down a rap. Let down a rap, Jambo. Jambo. Let down a rap. Let down a rap, Jambo. Jambo.

Put a rap down. It's got to be a really big dick to body ratio. Wait, he's really not rapping. Bam, bam, bam, ba-bam, dum, dum, ba-bam, dum, ba-bam. Bam, bam, bam. Wait, he's really not rapping. He's nervous, okay? He's just a little nervous. He'll start when he's ready.

You know, every time you've brought Jambo on, he's been really quiet. He's nervous. He's looking at the microphone, thinking about what he wants to say. Okay? A panda's sc really quiet. He's nervous. He's looking at the microphone thinking about what he wants to say. Okay? A panda's scaring him. A panda, you gotta sit down. Cats like to be above you. You're scaring him. Get off the cat tree, a panda. Stop standing on the cat tree. Sorry! I'm just trying to be

normal. It's okay, Kevin. Stop scaring him. Get down onto the floor. Daddy. Okay, no. No, no, me. Get down onto the floor. Daddy. No. Okay, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

I'm going to have to ask you to never say that again. Can you guys do a Bart impression? Like Bart Simpson? Yeah. Really? There we go. It is. That a boy. That was a pretty Bart impression.

That was a great impression. Spot on Bart. Sounds just like Bart. Anything else before you go? Give us a homer. Give us a homer. Come on, Jambo. Come on, Jambo. Come on. Give us a homer give us a homer come on jambo come on jambo come on give us a homer buddy give us a homer homer no that that was just a panda meowing you know no i actually have a talent

to make cats meow really every i there's this there's a couple of cats that occasionally I cross paths with in my neighborhood, and I talk to them. So if you put me out loud, I might be able to make Jambo meow. Okay. Oh. Holy shit. How'd you do that? Oh, my God. He just looked at him.

Mm-hmm. What the hell? Mm-hmm. You have a superpower. You should put this on r slash today I learned. Today I learned I have a superpower for cats. Well, he just ran away. He did like 10,000.

He just ran away. Yeah, I told him. I told him to go. Oh. Oh my. Wow, okay. That fucking sucks. So you can control Schlatt's cat at any moment?

Yeah. How does that make you feel schlatt all of your memories and feelings with this cat have been controlled by mika well i'm feeling like a member of the dream smp that's exactly why i told jambo to leave because we were going to talk about this and i didn't want his ears to bleed so i took this quiz and uh i would be george not found if i was a member of the dream smp server really i could kind of see that yeah do you know true i got vikstar i got vikstar123 what does it say for you i got jay schlatt and the caption is you get bitches you interact with minecraft content less than two hours per week and actually have a life

outside of Twitter. You are ride or die for your homies, and you're not gay, but $20 is $20. I probably wouldn't be embarrassed to sit next to you on the metro, but I am afraid you'll cause a scene in public. This podcast

would really benefit from Eric Andre clap sound effects. effects okay one right now do it while we're talking so you can't hear what we're saying yeah let's have a conversation but then cover it with claps mika how was your day today um it was okay i kind of was just no way me too i'm going to say these really important things that no one's going to be able to hear because they're going to be covered by glass. So this is why Schlatt dislikes this book.

I am revealing the details to my bank account yeah logging in right now cool took you all your money now i'm gonna invest in dogecoin yeah well I'm tired now have you had any good dreams recently you said you're tired you know just thinking it makes me think about dreams any dreams recently any good dreams none that I remember to be honest

I mean sometimes I dream but most of the time no well I mean there was this one time that I had this dream about kittens what happened in the dream i was just telling them how much i loved them sounds like a really nice i was like you're my kittens and i love you okay and they were actual kittens right yeah okay yeah then this is good yeah i remind my cat jambo

that all the time i i hold him real close to my body and i squish him and he looks at me like and i say you are my cat you are my cat you're a cat i say to him you are my cat don't forget that jambo and then he goes can i can i replay jambo in this situation yeah sure okay i'm squishing you up to my body right now hey oh stop you're supposed to be subservient to me! You're my cat! I might have to call PETA. Wait, does this mean that Mika is your kitten, Shalette?

You're my kitten and I love you. You're all my kittens. That's getting a reddit gold. You're all my kittens. That's getting a reddit gold. You're all my kittens. That's getting a wholesome award. Do you guys ever have those dreams where you're out running something, but then you end up just like moon jumping? Or like, you're trying to run away, but then you're really slow and you jump really high? Oh, yeah.

I have this one dream where I can jump, but then I can like levitate by flickering my legs back and forth really fast. Like a mermaid. It feels so real that when I wake up, I'm like really excited because I'm like, I can finally fly. And then I realize I can't. And it's like some of the most depressing moments of my life. Wow. Then that's just the way the cookie crumbles i guess sometimes i want to fly so badly i make a wingsuit and jump off the eiffel tower does it work no oh i sure would have liked it to though are we talking to ghost slot right now is this a callback to what i oh man i'm here all night

oh my god that's funny i am laughing right now i have a channel i am having a laugh wow oh man that's so funny you're not yeah i you need to put a little more effort into that oh i'm laughing that's how i laugh asshole dickhead fuck i don't. That's how I laugh, asshole. Dickhead. Fuck you. I don't think that's how you laugh. Asshole.

I don't think you're taking this podcast seriously. I am taking this very seriously. Good mythical morning. My name is Rhett, and today I'm getting my balls chopped off with my buddy Link. Hey, Rhett. Get in the back of this human centipede. I've got something cooking up for you. $50 human centipede versus $500 human centipede.

This is quite the mythical morning indeed. Buzzfeed worth it. Get back here. I have to say out of all of They're just like and then the staff in the back behind the camera is like laughing.

Because he's eating shit. He's eating feces. He's eating poop. Out of all of the podcasts we've recorded, this has to be by far the worst. What do you mean? By far the yummiest and most scrumptious. Why is this the worst one?

What's the problem? I think you just don't like poopy. He was afraid of a little poopy. Poopy. You said poop and pee at the same time. Poop cock. Pee cock. Yo.

Poop. Oh, dude. Dude. Dude. Okay, okay, hear me out. No, no, no, hear me out, hear me out. Or surf's up, dude. No, instead of Good Mythical Morning, they go like, good mythical memes. Oh my god.

$1 Big Chungus versus $100 Big Chungus. They do a blind shit eating test. They try and guess if it's from the right employee. Wait, they're shit? They're gonna eat shit? Isn't that Stacy? Yeah, man. Yeah, man.

Oh, poopy. Mmm. Jambo's giving me the weirdest look right now. Yo, shout out Jambo! Woo! Jambo! How do you feel knowing that Mika's making him do that look, and it's not actually

his own will? I feel fine. I have no will. That means Mika's my kitty. Shout out Bubba Gump. Shout out Morgan Freeman. Bubba Gump, dude. Bubba Gump. Shout out Bubba Gump.

Shout out to Bubba Shrimp. Bubba Shrimp. From Fish Hooks? From Fish Hooks? Shout out to the great big shrimp, the episode of Drake and Josh, one of the last episodes. Shout that out. Shout out to the episode where they put their feet in lizard pee.

Yes, in the game sphere. It's spherical! Megan! Megan! Put up your eyes and see what's inside. It's gonna take some time

to reach your eyes. I wish I could see Mindy's feet. what's inside it's gonna take some time to realize I wish I could see Mindy's feet bam bam bam bam but if you know you're not you're not bam bam bam bam but if you know

you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not so just turn around No, don't take it. I'm way down. So just turn around. And get in the back of the human centipede.

Seconds, please. Yeah, Baba Booey, that's it. Fuck this podcast. Baba Booey.