Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #28

Episode Date: June 6, 2021

the boys talk about airplanes for 23 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast, Episode 28. How you guys doing? I am so happy. Wow. Now that Matt is gone, it is the best ever. Yeah, Matt Watson actually died horribly and tragically last week, which is why we couldn't have him on again. I thought we were going to reveal it in a more respectful way, but I guess, yeah.

Just no. Okay. Matt is dead. He fell off the bridge he fell off the bridge yeah and then i flipped my driver's license down on his corpse yep and we took an instagram photo yep group selfie yeah he took us for those of you who don't know he took us to the bridge he showed us in north or south dakota i don't remember and i can't legally disclose that location please do not go there and search for Matt Watson's body. But he fell off the bridge. Actually, no, no. I want people to search for that. He was by himself.

People need to search for that. He was not anywhere near us. Find his body. We found out because we later went there on a field trip. We did not murder Matt Watson. We did not murder Matt Watson. We did not murder Matt Watson. I killed him. I'll admit it. I killed him.

I stabbed him. I helped Astro too. I'm sorry. I can't hold it in anymore. I was just so excited. Guys, Dream is on the podcast. Dream joins us today. What's up, Dream? Welcome back. Welcome back, Dream. I hate this guy.

Hey, Dream. What's going on, big guy? Did you admit to cheating in Minecraft? Yeah. Wow. There it is. Dream, do you love me?

Maybe. I don't know. Please love me. I'm your biggest fan. Am I your little kitten? All my friends are my little kids, yeah. Do you love fan. Am I your little kitten? All my fans are my little kids, yeah. Do you love me? Am I your little kitten? Can I meow for you, Dream? Unlike other YouTubers, I love you. Not other YouTubers will say this, but I love you.

Can I send you photos of my feet? Yes. Yes. Please, yes. Meow. Oh. Meow. Oh. Meow. Oh. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Dream, why did you do it? Why did you cheat? Uh, because I'm evil. Why did you do it? Why did you cheat? Uh, cause I'm evil? Why did his voice change? Why is it higher pitched now?

Dream, are you okay? I don't know what you're talking about. Dream, are you alright? Leave me alone! I think Dream took Moderna. Get me off this podcast! Whoa. Dream got that Johnson & Johnson.

Oh. I got Pfizer. He bounced the right off. I got Pfizer and my butt's really big now. Can you send me a picture? Are you more of a Pfizer or Moderna? Pfizer. How about you, a panda?

I mean, Dream. Oh, well. I don't believe in that. I believe in putting rocks on my chest and singing to the sky. You smoke rocks, Dream? No, I put them on my chest and I sing a lullaby

and I'm cured. Yeah, you smoke rocks and then it goes into your lungs. No, I don't smoke rocks! This is gonna be big on Twitter. Especially after all that controversy you've been getting into. You cheated in Minecraft? You really did?

What the hell, man? You really did, man? I know why he did it. Why? Dream wanted that Alex Minecraft pussy. What? Who's Alex? He wanted that block block gawk gawk. That's what he wanted She's hot Is that the

Character that Like the, you know, the other Steve Well, everybody cheats He's slowly turning into Mickey Mouse Everybody cheats You cheat, I cheat, we all cheat I don't cheat i yeah i yeah i've never you've never cheated no oh that's a load of bullshit

oh i i don't know what to tell you i've never cheated ever dream okay dream yeah shout out to dream get him the fuck out of here I don't like him thanks thanks for thanks dream thanks for coming on dream

the only sdp podcast member to be on here twice because they didn't die after the first time not yet we can change that hmm for legal reasons we will not be changing anything regarding

dreams current living status do not look further into anything regarding dreams current living status do not look further into anything regarding dreams living status is just H is just a is a coincidence and a tragedy moist is gonna put coordinates on the screen right now and I do not want you to look them up don't go to those coordinates don't bring up those coordinates don't bring it to bring a shovel don Don't look up those coordinates. Don't bring a shovel. Don't bring a key.

Don't help us bury any corpses. Speaking of corpse, Go on. Corpse is really cool. I like him. I saw a video of corpse playing with a butterfly knife with him and his big, big, big, succulent, juicy, succulent, big, succulent hands. Oh, yeah? They're veiny, his big, big, big, succulent, juicy, succulent, big, succulent hands.

Oh, yeah? They're veiny, veiny, thick, thick, succulent. Oh, yeah? If I was a vampire, I would suck his hands. I mean, it would be really easy for a vampire to know where to bite. Let's just... I would be like,

mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Vampire sucking corpse's hands. Mmm. Hey, Asher, wanna join in? Asher, join in. Join in. Come on. There's so much blood.

Mmm. Yeah, but then I'm gonna be the vampire who doesn't know how to suck so it's just gonna be did you just I had a no that was a raspberry because like a vampire who doesn't

know how to suck blood that was disgusting I know how to suck blood, they just... That was disgusting. I know how to suck... Yeah? Dick. Well, it is Pride Month. So he was playing with his butterfly knife?

Yeah, I think so. Was he good at it, or... I don't know. You told me about this. I did not tell you about this. Yeah, I think so. Was he good at it? I don't know. You told me about this. I did not tell you about this. Yeah, Mika. Mika, why did you? James was playing with his butterfly knife earlier, and we wrote it down as a topic of a podcast.

Yeah, why'd you write that down? And then you just asked me, wait. I did not. Wait, that happened? I did no such thing. Wow. Astro sent me the video. That was Astro's list, okay?

Why did you suggest that topic for us now now now astro in fairness in fairness you sent that video to me astro randomly just randomly it was a coincidence i sent that video to a panda earlier today but i did not i did not bring it up as a topic and i had no idea i had no idea that it was even a thing i I had no idea. So who's more likely to bring it up? Someone who had no idea it was a thing or someone who sent it to someone else? I'll be honest. The reason I sent it to a panda was because I got it from Mika 20 minutes earlier. No way.

Yep. You are lying. Mika, I'm sorry. I was on your side, but I can't be on that shit anymore. Cancel. Prove it. Cancel. Prove it. Prove it right now. Oh, I was on your side, but I can't be on that shit anymore. Cancel. Prove it. Cancel. Prove it.

Prove it right now. Oh, I should prove it. My computer's... My dog ate my homework. Uh-huh. Mika, you're fucked. You're so fucked. I don't think you realize what's happening.

Kind of sounds like what we did to Dream That sounds like a clipping song No but when uh When Corpse had that That's me getting head from a vampire Dude that's his next song That would actually be his next song Think about it Who? Corpse's next song?

Yeah getting head from a vampire No he's gonna get head from a vampire. No, he's going to get head from a vampire. Okay, that is pretty edgy. It's hard to get edgier. He's got to go edgier. How do you go edgier? And the song name in all caps? VAMPIRES ARE SUCKING MY COCK!

With an exclamation mark at the end. You can't forget the exclamation point. No, but in all fairness to Corpse, shout out to him for going gold on his single. Shout out to Corpse, man. Yes. Shout out to Corpse. Listen, we make fun of these guys a lot, but really, we have some respect for him sometimes.

All the time. We love him so much no i actually do respect corpse he's really cool yeah he's so cool spit in my mouth so uh which uh vaccine you guys get? None. Yeah, didn't you hear him talking about rocks? I think you should start since you asked the question. I should start smoking rocks? No.

No. I got Gwyneth Paltrow's pussy egg. Wait, she makes eggs? I thought she made candles. That's all I made. I got her pussy egg. I put it in my pussy. Okay. Then what?

I call that shit you just call it shit it makes sense i guess it kind of looks like shit are you talking about the goop products that she makes have you seen those alien eggs you can like put them inside you and then shit them out and it's like you're having alien babies are you serious yeah who would do that not me i just came up with a new product you know those little pills that you put in cups of water and then they turn into dinosaurs oh that was the shit yeah we make a we make a toy that you shove up your anal cavity. Love it.

And expand? And then give yourself an enema. And then it... Yo. And then what happens? Then you shit it out. I like that. And you experience all the pleasure.

It could be a laxative, too. Yeah. This is a great idea. Rapid expanse. It's like a... You remember the flat ball? Flat? What was that shit called?

It's like a normal ball, and you can flatten it down to like a frisbee. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Those were cool. Those were cool. So you shove it in in flat form form and then it expands into a ball.

Oh man. It also releases a lot of laxatives. And eggs. Alien eggs. Inside the ball is Hillary Clinton running around like a hamster. Hmm. What a throwback, huh? Wow.

She's still alive? Hillary Clinton? Yeah. No. Not for long, yeah. You know, I really hope this isn't another Prince Charles moment. I hope it is. Hillary Clinton! Yeah, Hillary Clinton!

Hillary Clinton! Yes. Hillary! Stay alive, girl. She's gonna kick the lady lady Hey, Hillary, good luck Good luck out there Hope you last a long time Keep an eye out Check your corners, check behind you

Hey, six o'clock. Make sure to use your turn signals, Hillary. Buckle up. Don't check your mailbox tomorrow. I think you just put us on an FBI watch list. We've been on one. On a side note, I'm collecting them. Let's be real.

We've all been on one. Yeah! How have you... Why, like, go on? I do drugs. How have you been on an... Okay. He smokes a lot.

That makes sense. Illegal drugs that the government hates. Well, what kind of drugs do you do? Crack rocks. Crack rocks. Smoking rocks real shit. Cocaine. Smoking rocks real shit.

Okay. I'm on that Wolf of Wall Street. Would you rather do cocaine or meth? Meth No, cocaine What scenario Would you rather do meth? I don't know

I feel like cocaine would be more fun You know, I've heard I've heard from a lot of people That cocaine is a girly drug What? Everybody does cocaine Everybody does cocaine. Everybody does cocaine. I'm doing it right now.

I go on TikTok and all of them are about cocaine. And I'm like, how common is this? Okay, cocaine or heroin? Cocaine. Yeah, cocaine. Heroin could be fun once. I mean, it's either a choice. It's a choice between

doing what Mr. Sigmund Freud did all the time and all those other people. Ligma. Did you say Ligma? Ligma Freud. What a terrible fucking name.

Sorry, I didn't mean to Ligma Freud Ligma Freud Oh my god He would say that you're into penis I would so disown him if that was my child You would disown Freud if Freud was your child Dude it's literally Ligma

What do you mean the phallic stage. What do you mean the phallic stage? Yeah, my son started talking that stupid-ass shit. He'd be out on the street. And I'd be... And I'd be doing coke. Mika, as you were saying, though, I didn't mean to interrupt. Actually, I did, but...

Actually, I didn't. Oh, well. Ligma! I was just saying that uh you could do that cocaine and become yeah you could become a world class psychologist who was associated with people

who were like oh yeah everyone's brain is connected in like the web bro and like everyone has is like connected the collective conscience bro yeah and like everybody wants to fuck their mom bro or you could

or you could or you could be like like a 90s grunge band member those are basically your options Ludwig brought me a bidet yesterday. You hung out with Ludwig and he brought you a bidet?

Yeah. Why did he do that? It just seems like a weird logical job. Because I made a video about how I bought a $30 bidet and it was really shitty and it sucked. And Ludwig was like, let me get you a real bidet. And I'm like, okay. What kind of bidet are you going to get me?

And he's like, I don't know yet. Let me talk to my bidet guy. Bidet guy? Broke gay. He's a fucking bidet guy. So he has like a bidet dealer. He has a bidet dealer. Evidently, yeah.

Because one showed up to my house. Wait, the dealer showed up? It was like $700. This bidet was like $700. Did they pull it out of a trench coat? No, here's the thing. This bidet was not just like the water attachment, right? It was a full-on toilet seat.

We took the toilet seat out, and we replaced this new one with the seat, right? Heated seat. Cooled seat. Wait, cooled? Cooled seat. If you want a cold-ass seat, you can have it ventilated. All right. Like in the summer.

Spraying cold air on your buddy. It has an option to spray water in your ass. I'm sorry, did you just do a line of cocaine? That sounded like coke. It has an option if you want to spray water up your ass. I'm sorry, did you just do a line of cocaine? That sounded like coke. It has an option if you want to spray water up your pussy. It has a fan afterwards. You guys like fans?

You don't even have to use toilet paper. The thing we were talking about, that was a hypothetical shalot. We weren't actually going to try cocaine. It was a fan. It had a fan that blew cold, cool, nice, refreshing, sweet, savory air right up there to dry you off. Did the dealer also have bags of powder in his trench coat? Does it for 30 seconds?

I think so, Astro. I think so. You're all clean. You can control the width of the nozzle, the temperature of the water. I did hot water, hot, steamy, sexy water, blown right into my asshole. And then

when you're even more finished, when the bidet finishes, when the bidet finishes you off, when the bidet finishes you off Are you sick, Schlatt? Schlatt, please tell me you're sick When the bidet finishes you off, finally You can use the remote It comes with a TV remote

And then It freshens the air around it It dispenses chemicals Yeah, to make it smell better Oh, wait What kind of chemicals? I don't know. Schlatt?

Schlatt? Can you see these chemicals in the air? You sure can smell them. What chemicals are on your desk right now, Schlatt? You sure can smell the chemicals. Okay, so do you inhale the chemicals intentionally? Yeah, you can if you want. They smell really good.

So what you're saying is... It just freshens up the air around you. What is the color of the chemical? Well, I get that, but so what you're saying is... It's aerosols. I don't know. It's not... Oh, you guys think I'm talking about cocaine.

Oh, we thought you were doing cocaine, man. No, I'm not talking about cocaine. I'm not doing cocaine, man. I'm not talking about cocaine. I'm not doing cocaine, man. I'm not doing cocaine. You were playing us like a fiddle. Oh, you're not doing cocaine. I'm not doing cocaine. We thought you were doing cocaine the whole time.

Oh, my God. No, you're just recording from the toilet. You're just recording while you're on the toilet, and that's why you were snorting. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Okay. Wow. All right. This bidet has changed my life.

I cried the first time I used it. I feel like if I'm stressed out, I'll just go upstairs to the bidet and turn it on. I searched up symptoms of cocaine. At number two, it says crying. Schlatt? Let me look that up. There are tears in my eyes right now.

So what you're saying is you're developing a very oh a very uh close relationship with your bidet i am i really am a parasol you love your bidet i love my bidet even though my bidet will never or care about me i know everything about my bidet and my bidet knows nothing about me if my bidet, even though my bidet will never know me or care about me. I know everything about my bidet and my bidet knows nothing about me. If my bidet dropped merch, I would buy everything. Listen, in the eyes of my bidet, I'm just an ass to squirt water at. You know? I'm

nothing else, but I love my bidet so and it's unrequited. Requited. Required. Guys, I gotta go. Alright, Baba Booey. Okay, bye. Baba Booey. Okay, me too, bye.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Alright, so yeah, I'm just alright. Now I see how it is now i see how it is i see how it is people gotta do their uh bidet chemicals and whatnot and that's fine that's fine it is what it is it is what it is. It is what it is.

Pull yourself together. Get it together all right um all right uh youtube.com slash all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right a panda says hi a panda says bye uh spotify alex unknown new single just dropped new new single just dropped alex unknown blue shell uh subscribe to me on youtube m-i-k-a-s-a-c-u-z astro says subscribe to astro uh at twitch twitch.tv slash astro assist um uh uh uh thanks for thanks for listening to the podcast every apandas is hi apandas says bye again he's he says hello astro says hi as well guys i'm gonna sound insane this needs to stop this is stop I'm gonna sound crazy at appearing voices in my room where oh my god someone's gonna listen to this with no context just hear me have a mental breakdown okay anyways thanks for listening

i'm going now baba booey thanks for listening baba booey