Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #40

Episode Date: October 24, 2021

the boys talk about airplanes for 27 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 40! Yeah! Let's fucking go! Mika, you're gonna do the rest of the intro. We're 40 now, getting a little old, entering our middle ages, definitely getting a lot more tired, cynical, jaded. I love jaded animations. I love Jaden Smithith hating life um i'm buying a mustang nice with a big white stripe on it yeah and i'm gonna drive it with the top down and get 20 year old girls in the passenger seat because i'm never mind no why why are you getting the girls in the passenger seat seat? Because I'm... Never mind.

No, why? Why are you getting the girls in the passenger seat? No. It's like in GTA, dude. I think it's... Okay, Panda. No. You guys ever purchased a hooker before? No? Okay. Just me? Okay.

Okay, Panda. What? I have an icebreaker for you. Okay. If someone came up to you and said Oh my god. If someone came up to you and said, hey, do that thing you do. What thing would pop into your head first?

I'd probably say I did a thing. You are so quirky and random. That's really bad. No, I like that. I think it's really creative. I think that's a pretty terrible answer. It shows that he's creative. What would you do? Mika, I'd jump on a big piece of bacon and fly around with a rainbow behind it.

Then you'd start talking about narwhals. Narwhals dancing in the ocean causing a commotion. Do you like potato? Or my gird? I'm a potato. I'm a gird. I'm a gird. That pussy stinks. Love that meme. Sorry. I'm a potato I'm a girl that pussy Stinks

Love that meme Sorry Can we just talk And lay random Can we just be lay random for the rest Of this episode Lay Mika I have a

I have an Icebreaker for you okay can i has no no besides war and diplomacy what would be the best way for countries to settle international disputes um just giving you a layup you know panda's icebreaker was so much cooler what is this garbage well i'll answer that question by saying sometimes i get into my bathtub and i cover myself in oil and pretend i'm a potato that's gross dude do you uh pretend like you're a slug sometimes and drag yourself across the floor? Oh, my God.

All the time, bro. Yeah. All the time. Do you play Nyan Cat? Of course I do. I play the... What was that one back in the day where all those guys made a song with a hundred memes in it?

Oh, yes. The gag quartet. Yes, the gag quartet. That's a classic. I want to sing that. I want to be in the gag quartet. Can you hum a little bit of it? The guitar part is so insane.

Okay, Shalad, I have an icebreaker for you. Okay. Has there ever been a crazy time when something so amazing or unexpected happened that it literally left you speechless for a long time? No. Okay, I got one. Okay.

What breed would you be? Breed of what? Dog breed. Uh... I want to be that... What's the one... The mountain dogs. The Burmese mountain dogs. I want to be that. I want to carry brandy around my neck.

Wait, do they save people? Yeah. Yeah, because the brandy keeps you warm. The dogs go out and rescue people who are freezing to death, and then they give them some brandy so that they drink it and stay warm because brandy keeps you warm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I actually had no idea that that was true.

Yeah. No, I learned this in Tom and Jerry. Huh. So, like, okay, let's say someone was, like, stuck in an avalanche right they just got buried by oh well they're dead they're probably dead no no let's say they're alive so like the dog brings them brandy and it's all okay and then they get smashed in the snow and they die drunk yeah it's better than dying sober look at the the brandy barrel. What the fuck? You guys have never seen this before?

No. That's actually so cute. I know, right? Yeah. That's so cute. It looks like a Pokemon design. It's just this dog chilling with an oak barrel around its neck. I think I would be a... I think you're the English Toy Spaniel.

Toy Sp spaniel? What the hell is that? I just made something up That sounded kind of legit I actually kind of hate I hate these dogs It looks like Jabba the Hutt Wow That's just kind of mean

I mean look look at it. It's like drooping. What the heck is wrong with you? I mean, it's cute. Like, all dogs are good, but it's, you know. I take it back. No, all dog breeds are good, but some of them are better than others. Maybe you're like a...

A pit bull biting a child. No. I think he's more of a greater Swiss mountain dog. Ooh. Pipples are the ones that eat babies, right? Yeah. No, pit bulls don't. Pit bulls are violent.

Pit bulls are not violent. They are sweethearts. Pit bulls are violent. They are not. We should kill all of them. No. No, no, no. You're so wrong, dude. You're so Pitbulls are violent. They are not. We should kill all of them. No. No, no, no. You're so wrong, dude.

You're so wrong. They're violent. You don't even know what you're talking about. Don't they bite? You don't know what you're saying. I like them. I like them. They're good.

Pitbulls do not bite. They are very cute. No, they do not kill. They're very cute. They kill babies, Mika. They are sweet little dogs. No, no, no, no, no. In 2019, pit bulls accounted for 91% of all reported fatal attacks.

Just in general? Yeah. Okay, well, I'm not going to lie. There are people who get pit bulls because they are strong and big and they train them to harm people. But in general... It's the trainer's fault. It is the people's fault. Pitbulls are very nice

sweet dogs. So you're pro-gun. And guns are really sweet too. Schlatt, we are on the same wavelength right now. Dude, we're vibing. Why use a pitbull? But... Buy a little chihuahua yeah i had chihuahuas i have had more worse experiences with chihuahuas than i have with pitbulls now you're making me mad have you had a fatal experience with one that's impossible i wouldn't

say it's impossible because you could be like i think the chihuahuas I had would die to like a squirrel a squirrel would maul them I Don't think they could do any harm. I don't know I chihuahuas kind of like I Vows for you with the pitbull thing man. Now you're going off on the chihuahua You don't even know what you don't even know what I say you don't even know what i was gonna say fuck pitbulls i like chihuahuas you don't even know what i was gonna say okay i love people finish okay finish i don't i don't i was gonna say chihuahuas or i can't remember what i was gonna say all dogs rock all dogs rule All dogs go to heaven. Imagine four chihuahuas on each limb are ripping your body. To become like a nugget.

You like chihuahuas better? That is not okay. So, uh, Panda, Schlatt, why are you a pro-knife? I'm more pro-gun, Meek. I'm more pro-gun, yeah. I'm gonna be honest. If somebody robs my house, I'm not calling the police. I'd rather get shot than stabbed.

Like, 100%. Um... What do you mean, um? I don't wanna bleed out. Just shoot me right in the head. No, no, no. Like, what if it shoots, like, your foot? Okay, yeah, I guess you're right. There's a lot of variance involved. Stewie and Brian did that in Family Guy.

With the deuce. Brian cook it. Okay, here's an actual question. Would you rather be shot in the foot, or would you rather be shot in the foot or would you rather be stabbed through the palm? I'd rather be shot in the foot.

Shot in the foot. Okay, okay. That was a pretty immediate response. We gotta tweak this a little. Yeah, that was really one-sided. Would you rather be shot in the shin or stabbed? Or killed by a pit bull. Would you rather be shot in the shin or stabbed through the palm? I'd rather listen to Pitbull, Mika.

Mr. Wu-Wu! Mr. Wu-Wu! He's got a SiriusXM channel. Did you guys know that? And it's fucking channel 13. There were only 12 channels more important than the Pitbull globalization network on sirius xm no way what kind of music does he play on it's like house music and edm and shit what is your favorite type of sandwich hot dog bun i like a good schloge schloge

how about you a panda how about a nice grilled cheese though that could be good sometimes yeah depends who's making it though yeah because i i feel like grilled cheese sandwiches that come from like your parents are the best kind of grilled cheese sandwiches but also you might have parents who don't know how to cook my mom burns pasta she's terrible at cooking burns yeah she's just awful at it i don't why. How do you burn it in water, though? I don't even know. She started fires.

Okay, well, I'm sure she's trying. She's awesome, just terrible at cooking. Oh, shoot. That kind of reminds me... Of Manscaped? No. No, we'll get into that, but, like, you know, the elephant in the room. Just make the worst thing ever.

Speaking of burnt pasta, today's episode is sponsored by Manscaped. No, no, because hear me out. Because burnt pasta and pyrocynical. He's died. He died. Oh, yeah. We burnt him. We made pasta and we put him in it and then it burnt.

And he's dead now. Yeah. Sorry to announce to all the dedicated listeners and followers of the Sleep Deprived podcast. We made a big giant stew. We threw Pyrocynical in it. We made one of those infinite soups or whatever they're called. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. His broth. Oh, my God. I'll do that infinite broth shit. Oh, my God. we made one of those infinite soups or whatever they're called oh yeah oh dude his broth oh my

god that infinite broth shit oh my god that sounds delicious people will be eating pyrocynical you're guaranteed a flake of his skin in every bite. Anyways, guys, Halloween's coming up, and you know what that means. Do you know what's spookier than seeing a black cat on Halloween? What?

It's shaving your balls. With anything other than man skin. No, it's just not there. When I see other razors, I just shriek. Guys, when it comes to below the waist grooming, there's no need to carve your pumpkins this Halloween. Carve your pumpkins. Because Manscaped is here to upgrade your grooming experience.

Go from a bite-sized candy bar to a king-sized candy bar. That's how it works, man. That's what my dick does every night, I think. Enjoy the two million men worldwide by going to Manscaped.com for 20% off, plus

free shipping with the code SLEEPDEPRIVED. One word. A panda. for 20% off plus free shipping with the code sleep deprived a panda i heard that you were carving your pumpkins the other day so what happened why don't you explain that funny ball trimming story to us all is that part of the script yeah no it's perfectly genuine we don't read scripts. So I was carving my pup in. You were using a bite-sized candy bar to carve your pup in. And then in comes Manscaped and gives you a king-sized

candy bar. I'm crying. Are you crying because you hurt yourself? You're crying with joy because of the performance package 4.0. Have you ever tried to trim your balls and it turned into a Freddy Krueger

thing? All the time. All the time. Every goddamn day. I'm going to Manscaped this year to save the day and make sure you're smelling fresh with their new refined body wash ladies i'm sorry fellas the ladies love their signature scent and it will scare away those vampires that's not it is that in there yeah that's the second sentence. Oh, no. If you're looking like Wolverine and haven't cut your nails recently, be sure to look into the Shears 2.0 nail kit. Oh, geez. It's a full moon out and the werewolf in your pants is falling.

It's time to tackle that problem with the Lawn Mower 4.0. They're finely tuned pube products oh my god listen you know all about the lawnmower 4.0 we all kind of use it now yep i use the 4.0 it's got a light it's wireless charging it's waterproof it's good it's a good product um these scripts that they tell us to read or not i love it and we forgot the last greatest line say trick or treat to your beautiful new halloween oh my god they actually put that they actually put that are you gonna be giving out tricks or treats this Halloween I'm gonna be giving out king-size candy bars I just imagine anyone tried to do that script deadpan like like they actually like the press talking to their audience fully serious hey guys are you looking at

your pumpkins with a bite-sized snicker bar? No, it's not happening. It's not going to happen. You got to imagine the person writing this is just like in a dimly lit room and their nine to five office just, God. All right, here it is. And then they send it off to the presses. They're just like, they're seeing how far they can go without being fired. This is the one fucking bite-sized bite-sized candy bar king-sized candy bar ah whatever anyways uh

thank you manscaped thanks manscaped yeah they pay us they pay us money guys so i mean don't go too hard on them i have more for the boards they'll stop. And their product is good. They do make good products. But yeah, what kind of things are you guys going to get up to for Halloween? I was going to go as a Gillette Razor. No, no you weren't. You can't do that. You can't do that.

It's the scariest costume. Oh, oh. It is. It is the scariest thing i was actually gonna go as the uh lawnmower 4.0 i was gonna go as a blunt pair of scissors i was gonna go as a blunt dream rotation man 4.0 razor and crop preserver who in this podcast would

hog all the weed what? who in this podcast would hog all the weed I think you would honestly I think it would be a panda I think you would hog it you guys are overcompensating.

I mean, I'd try to steal some, but you would just grab it like a little gremlin. I would do that. I think you would drop it. No, I would never do that. You gotta be, you gotta care for it like it's your baby. Gourds look like they have herpes. They look like they have something on them They do look fucked up

They look really fucked up Yeah it looks like an STD Gross I'm gonna puke Absolutely look at this I would rather not Ew Yeah that's gross That's fucking gross

What are the patches What's that even supposed to be? Patches is Dream's cat. The only funny cat I don't like. I think we can agree that. Dude, are you sipping like Kermit the Frog in that one meme? Yeah, I think he's sipping like Kermit the Frog. In that one meme, yeah.

That's not my business. Yeah, that's not my business yeah that's not my business dude yeah i was gonna say um speaking of messed up we asked some people uh on our twitter account at sleep deprived uh for if they needed advice and there are people in some pretty messed up situations so i was wondering if we could help these people out. What do you guys think? I think we can. How do I reignite my passions again? They've all died out and I feel

lost. Rip. L. L. Next. Find new passions. Find new passions. Find new things. Grow up.

Grow up. Next. Get better at guess. That's so mean, dude. Get a life. What the heck? Next. You'll make it

you fell off fell on stop I'm just doing my part how about this one how do I stop my nicotine wait wait wait before you go on to that question Colin feel free

to take some rest rest up um find things that interest you and let them inspire you okay thanks colin what were you gonna say panda how do i stop my nicotine addiction stop buying cigarettes next oh my god you're so good at this show dude what can i say i'm a man of advice you should work for the new york, you're so good at this, Estro. What can I say? I'm a man of advice. You should work for the New York Times. You're so good at giving advice, dude.

Thank you. Should I work at the Boba Place or the Steakhouse? I like both equally, and they're both good jobs that work out for my lifestyle just as well. Go to college next. Don't work. Live off food stamps. Oh my god.

What? Skizzle, when I'm feeling like I don't know what to do, I like to flip a coin, considering both the options are equal. So you should flip a coin. What?

What was the question there? Was that a question for us? Yeah, it was, should I work at the boba place or the steakhouse? I like both equally, and they're both good jobs that work out for my lifestyle just as well. Okay, okay, yeah. Next, L.

Okay, this one. My cat just had three baby cats. Do you have any suggestions on what I should name them? Schlatt, you're a cat guy. You want cat names? You want cat names? Patches. Ooh.

Name the cat Patches. Ooh. What about the other two cats? Kiwi and Jambo. Yeah. Actually, in reality, just go on Petfinder names. Do you vouch for Petfinder names? Yeah, look on

Petfinder and just see what people be naming those shits, and then just take one. That's what I did. That's how I got Jambo. But there are funnier options out there. Donald is asking, how should I invest my tremendous fortune? No fucking way, dude.

Uh, bricks. Buy bricks. I don't know if Trump followed us. That's crazy. Wait, what? You said Donald. Damn, dude. Check the notice. Donald Trump just followed us on Twitter.

Are you serious yeah on the sleep deprived pod he listens wow hate that guy school is fueling my mental health decline like a motherfucker what do I do drop out Astra you're on a roll dude

I gotta say I think there's a bit more nuance to that one right just do better in school oh my god dude just stop doing that i guess i don't know why are you asking us i mean i think uh it would be reasonable to maybe seek counseling and perhaps talk to your faculty advisor and see how they can help out and good luck to you i wish you the best why are we reading like the really real like yeah dude like like seriously like what hey i'm like super depressed and i don't know who to talk to what are you random for people that i don't know what to do about it

yeah that seems great for the podcast okay i have one that is not real well actually this is probably extremely real tips on hitting a good yoinky spoinky from troy luke now that's a question i would say you want to start simulating your prostate. Wait, yonky-spoinky means to jizz, right? I don't know what it means. And then you want to jelk for at least three months straight. You're really obsessed with jelking, Astro. No, I think it's just important.

It's important to get length on the penis. Maximize your penis. Maximize your penis's length. You have potential. Oh,'s length you have potential oh i know i have if you think about it all of us here are the ultimate cum you ever thought about that every single one of us are the best sperm i actually dad's dick you say have you thought about that and i actually have like that's crazy we beat all the other sperms so take that that's motivation for you you just. You are the ultimate sperm. So true.

Yeah, but have you ever thought about there's better sperm that died along the way that could have been you? No, because I ratioed them. I guess you could call it a real squid game. If they were better, they would have won. Come game. How do I find a better podcast?

Type Joe Rogan. Well, I think that's enough advice. What do you guys think? Yeah, I think this podcast is over. Forever. Yeah, I think this is the last one. What do you guys think? Yeah, I think we should just formally end it right now.

Yeah. I mean, I would have liked to see Peas in a Pod go further, but it seems like I'm in the minority. Well, should I give the parting words? This is going to be the last time you ever talk to the audience. Yeah. This has been awesome, guys. As the creator of the Sleep Deprived podcast with Mika and then Astro came on and then a panda.

You know, this has been such a fun experience. And how long has it been going on for? Co-creator. Three years. Four years. Fucking A. Three years. Four years.

Four years. Wowza. That's a lot. I'm tearing up. A lot of years. Fucking A. Three years. Four years? Four years. Wowza. That's a lot. I'm tearing up. A lot of years. I'm choking up right now. Yeah. Well, you know, that's it.

Wow. Bye, everyone. Just like that. Yeah, that's it. Thanks, everyone. Hey, and hey, what's the deal with airline food? Oh. hey and hey what's the deal with airline food oh oh

oh man oh man wait we forgot to talk about airplanes oh shit we'll have to do that next episode alright see you guys next time buh-bye

buh-bye