Sleep Deprived Podcast - Sleep Deprived Podcast #8

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

the boys talk about airplanes for 21 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast. This is the eighth podcast we've done. My name is Schlatt, I'm joined by the usual cast. How you guys doing? You know, how come we don't get to say our names? You know, you get to say, oh, my name's Schlatt, and we don't get to say our names. It's bullshit. It's because I have the most subscribers now.

My name's Schlatt. No, your name isn't Schlatt. My name is Schlatt. Handy, your name isn't Schlatt. We gotta circle back around to this because I'm kind of upset that you're saying that your name is Schlatt. It's not. I'm going to rename myself to Schlatt now.

Do you ever just like look at your hands and kind of just zone out and just think about things you've done? Yeah, I do. Who you are? Yes. I think about how there's a bunch of bones in there, you know? I don't have any hands. You don't have any hands? I lost all of you are. Yes. I think about how there's a bunch of bones in there, you know? I don't have any hands. You don't have any hands?

I lost all of them in the war. What war? Just, like, all of them. I lost all of them. Have you guys played Call of Duty World of War? Yeah. That's really offensive to me. I played that one.

I lost all of my hands in the Call of Duty war. So what's your favorite like bone in your hand? I don't have any bones in my hand. Yeah well let's let's not let's not keep going on this topic with Astra who doesn't have hands. I feel really bad right now. I'm sorry. Can we talk about feet instead? Yes. What's your favorite bone in your foot? God, I love all of them. I need to Google this. Feet make me happy, you know?

Like, they have everything my hands don't. Because I don't have hands. Why do... Like, what does it have that your hands don't? Well, I have to grip things with my feet because i don't have hands anymore so like i actually grab things with my feet no way i'm serious dude i think i can make a lot of money on only fans we can cut that out i think if you have a cam on your foot if you have a cam on your foot like yeah you get what you get a webcam you put it on your feet and

You just get donations. I like the Fangless on the foot as I say it. I think you just spoke in another language. No look at this I like this part of the foot like these bones fan the phalanges Is that how you say it? I'm more of a metatarsal guy.

I think the metatarsals are much more visually appealing than the phalanges. So I am being ganged up on. We should just cut the phalanges off. I don't want to be that guy, but I think I'm more of a Calcaneus guy. It just really is the backbone of the foot. Without that Calcaneus, you would be nothing. And I should know because I don't have my hands anymore. I only have feet.

If I was a politician, I'd have no backbone. Why do you always make things political? Why do you always do this? What happened to your presidential run, Schlatt? Oh, well, I called it off. Oh, you did? Yeah. You didn't want to take all those votes from Kanye West.

No, I didn't want to take away the votes. Also, I wanted to just transfer everything over to 2024 so that I could keep selling more merch. Wait, what year is it? Well, it's 2020 right now. So there's a ways to go. It's 2018 right now. Man, I love being in the year 2018, guys.

Fortnite is so popular right now. I love Fortnite. You guys like Chug Chugs? Can we play a Chug Chug sound effect right now? Can we play a chug jug sound effect right now? Can we play a chug jug sound? I've heard a lot of good things about that PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds game. I'm sure it's gonna last a long time. Yo, I just put everything I own into Bitcoin.

You know what I'm really happy about right now, guys? What? Minecraft's finally dying down. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Thank God for that. I really hope nobody brings that back in 2019. That would really suck.

I hope nobody speedruns it or makes weird challenges. That would be bad. Dead game? No way. No way. Dead game. I hope I don't get a girlfriend. Like, weird challenges. That would be bad. That dead game? No way. No way, dead game. I hope I don't get a girlfriend.

Wait. Do you have a girlfriend? No. I was hoping that would work, though. I'll be your girlfriend, Schlatt. What? I'll be your girlfriend, man. Are you a girl?

Yeah, I'm a real girl. I'm an e-girl. That's real. But you don't have hands. Well... So how could you a girl? Yeah, I'm a real girl. I'm an e-girl. That's real. But you don't have hands. So how could you pleasure me? You don't want to know what these feet can do, man. You don't want to know. I'm going to die alone, dude. Why are you laughing?

Same, probably. That was funny. So, real story time. I had to uh cancel a flight i had this week because of some covid scares thankfully blue thank you what is what is what is covid oh yeah you're right i can't talk about that i can't that doesn't make sense wait i have a solution now we can just we can just hit the time travel button okay okay okay hit it all right so uh thankfully jet blue has a really good cancellation policy amongst all this COVID pandemic bullshit.

And I was able to move the flight forward. Oh, to when? To where? So it's going to be later this year. Where are you going? I'm not going to tell you where I'm going. Okay. Can you tell us where you're going?

No. You know... How about now? No. Can you tell me? Yeah. Yes! Or I'll DM you.

That's fucked up, man. Man, what the... How come a panda always gets the special privileges, man? Can you tell them about how we have a lower wage? How Mika and I have a lower wage than you two? Yeah, I take 75% of all the money the podcast makes. A panda, have you ever flown JetBlue? Yes.

What do you think of it? You know, I think my friends at JetBlue should really take the opportunity to sponsor us because we could give them a lot of promotion that they would really need. Do you have a gun to your head? No. We should sponsor people for, like, no reason. Like, we should sponsor the Ridge Wallet with no compensation. That'd be funny.

We just talk about how good their product is. Yeah, for no reason. For no pay. You know, it be funny. We just talk about how good their product is. Yeah, for no reason. For no pay. You know, it's funny. The sleep-deprived code is actually ridge.com slash astrosis. It's real. No, no. No, I'm serious.

It's weird that they gave us that name. But yeah, if you put astrosis in, you save 50%. That is strange how they did that. Yeah. But it does work. It does, yeah. Try it out for yourself. Do you guys write poetry?

No. What if we wrote a poem right now? All right. Can we do a haiku? How does that work again? It's 5-7-5. Oh, okay. A panda, you start.

That was five syllables. Is that the first line? A panda, you start. I am going to go next. And then it, Mika. Hell yeah, is that the whole haiku? Yeah, no, we got that one. That one was really good.

Send that one right to the printing press. Can we do one about JetBlue? Yeah. Yo, a yo panda you start uh i love jet blue so much i always fly in first class that was six syllables you motherfucker no no no pandas was six syllables oh that's true okay okay wait wait let me try again I I love JetBlue so much wait was there two eyes you said I I like you stuttered yes that was seven syllables seven then oh my god is it five yeah okay love JetBlue that's three that's three no love Jet oh Okay, I love JetBlue! That's four buddy. That's four! But when I said I-I love JetBlue, that's six?

You said I-I love JetBlue so much. Oh! You can't do this right! I just love JetBlue dude. Wait. That works! That's six. That's six.Blue, dude. Wait. That works! That's six. You said dude.

That's six. Let's make another haiku. Mika, what's something you want to do poetry about? I love animals. I want to kill animals. You are so evil.

What if we sold the book of poetry? We could. Each poem came with its own illustration. Dude, we'd make a lot of money off of that. We'd just sell it. That'd be awesome. You guys ever take an English class? Of course.

So there was like this English class I took. And we had this essay. And I submitted the essay. And that was it. That was my story. That sounds made up. I think he made that up just now. Oh, God.

Sounds very far-fetched. Yeah. That sounds made up. I think he made that up just now. Oh, God. Sounds very far-fetched. Yeah. Yeah, you can't go lying on us like that, man. It kind of pisses me off, too, because we wrote a whole script for this, and you're going off script doing your own thing. Yeah, you're capping right now.

I'm holding the script right here of what we're supposed to say, and it doesn't say it right there. Yeah, I got the script.'t say it right there yeah I got the script I got it right here dude yeah yeah doesn't say it right here fucking oh yeah I have mine too yeah Mika you want to say your line now come on say your say your line. All right, okay. All I have here is my credit card information. Do I read that?

Yeah, could you read that out loud for us? All right. We got seven. One. That's cap. That's cap bro can you repeat that alright yeah thank you alright seven

one one now available in all jet blue planes slurpees hot dogs pizza pizza Slurpees Hot dogs Pizza All your 7-Eleven needs

On your next JetBlue flight Guys I'm gonna say it I think we should address the elephant in the room I got a whoopee cushion I can do it again I think we should address the elephant in the room. I got a whoopee cushion. I can do it again. You're a prankster, man. You're like the Sam Pepper of the podcast. Why do you have all these things?

Are you carrot top? What is happening if anyone can hear me right now I need help somebody say he's like Dora No, shh, shh, shh, shh. Can you hear it? It's a Peppa Pig watch. Are you four years old? My drawers have so many stories in them. Dude, we can make a band! Wait, Schlatt, do that again? Hey, it's me, Astro Zips, here with my friend Schlatt, Mika, and Panda, bitch, sleep for pride.

We're here to stay. So let's do this the groovy way. Am I right? Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. Guillotine. Got, got, got, got blowers to my head. I'm not like popping off the fucking block. Yo, Hot Cross Buns is so good.

You know when the beat drops? Everyone just goes so crazy in the mosh. Yeah. God, I love dubstep. It's 2018. And I love dubstep and Skrillex. I actually have one more thing in my bag of tricks. I don't like your bag of tricks.

It's a rap mic from Radio Shack, and it puts down a nice beat that you can change the tempo of. This is from the 90s. I got to turn it on. And now... Jack Blue, you don't even got... Lay down a beat. Nah, you take it. A panda, lay down a... lay down some bars, bro.

Yeah. TeeSpring slash aher Panda just made two new shirts. You should buy them. Oh, come on. Come on now. What? We can't put that one in. Oh, yes, we can. We're trying to get JetBlue.

I can get JetBlue for us. All right. All right, listen. All right, hold on. Okay, check it. Check it. Jet blue. You don't even gotta fly a jet. Office flights 90 plus

destinations yet. All the comfort and convenience that you want. You can pick a seat. You can eat at a restaurant. Put peace of mind on the itinerary. Free face coverings for all. Filter all the air on board. Slap.

We're going physical distancing. Meet your new BFF. DJ Khaled. Skrt. Did you know JetBlue offers a JetBlue MasterCard? Yeah, I did know that. It's because they won't shut the fuck up about it. I didn't want to bring this up, but I know we've been doing a lot of podcasts.

We've been recording one every week. Every week. I'm actually scared of heights. I don't like planes. Really? Wow. Well, just don't like planes. Really? Wow. Well, just don't look down. Yeah, so if we could just kind of stop talking about planes in general, that'd be cool.

Yeah, no, we can do that. We can do that, man. Every time we record this, I'm just like totally on edge. Yeah, I understand. I understand. Oh, I didn't turn it off. Oops. Oh, I didn't turn it off Are you having trouble over there? Do you need a hand? Oh wait Shut the fuck up. Hey, is everything okay, big guy?

Will you shut the fuck up? I think we should take a moment of silence to remember Ken Smith, the flute player in the back of Schlatt's room who died today. Hey, guys, sorry about that. Hey, hey, you need to... No, it's okay, dude. No, he needs to be quiet. We're having a moment of silence. Oh, yeah, my bad.

Yeah, thank you. Hey, can you stop breathing? No, it's okay, dude. No, he needs to be quiet. We're having a moment of silence. Oh, yeah. My bad. Yeah. Thank you. Hey, can you stop breathing? I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks. All right. Put your heads down in silence. I wasn't breathing much when I last saw him.

Excuse me? What did you just say? Schlatt? Nothing. Would you like to say that to the front of the class? Nope. Can we make up our own language? Schluggeldorf?

No, no, no. We cut this part out. We just talk randomly and make people think we're talking a different language. Okay, Panda. How about you start? Schlippe schlappen, schlucke schlacken. I don't know who that's offensive to, but it's offensive to somebody.

Sorry, I just... Some German person was really upset by that. What did I miss? I left for a second. Nothing. Schlucke schlacken, schlucke schlacken. That is somehow more schlacker schlicker schlacker. That is somehow more offensive than the first one. It wasn't. No it wasn't.

Oh man. I actually uh, I think German food is pretty great. What, you, you a big fan of sausage, Mika? You like eating sausage every now and then? Not when you put it like that, but... Well, tell me. If it's not sausage, what is it?

No, I'll enjoy a good sausage here and there. Yeah, I bet. I bet you fucking like sausage. I like a good sausage here and there. I bet you eat like sausage. I like a good sausage in there. Bet you eat that shit. Mika, how long do you like your sausages? Do you like when they're girthy?

Do you like when they're thick? Am I being bullied? Is this bullying? Yeah, I bet you like that dick sausage. Oh, I get it. You're making fun of him. I'm not making fun of him, no. You're making fun of him because he's usually

a pepperoni kind of guy and now he's eating sausage. Well, look, there's nothing wrong with the fact that he wants to change up on us, but I mean, he can't be singing the praises of pepperoni one day and all of a sudden be talking talking up sausage the other day like stop making fun of him there's a vow on i mean it's 50 50 it's a very black and white thing if he wants the girthy sausage i got no problem with it but he can't be he can't be singing the praises of pepperoni like it's very it's very simple stop stop very simple miki you have to explain yourself

right now mika tell them why you like the sausage i mean like i think it goes well with everything um that's for sure i think uh it's a good breakfast lunch or dinner and i know you loved waking up to that yeah schlatt schlatt i'm just saying i'm just fucking saying are we talking about what a panda how dare what the hell oh i gotta be the guy who's who gotta fuck you sir get your mind out of the gutter. Oh, man. I'm going to hit the time machine button. Okay. Are we going back or forward?

What's the deal with airline food, huh? Oh, my God. Get the hell out of here, bro. Get the hell out of here. I literally mentioned like 10 minutes ago about how I'm scared of heights, and you're talking about it again. You know it makes him upset, and you just keep going on and on about dude. I'm sorry lack of self-respect I'm so sorry for other people. I am make any sense

I am so sorry. You know I had a friend recently tell me that Santa Claus isn't real. Can you believe that? He's lying. Your friend is lying. Santa Claus deniers are the worst. The worst. They just don't believe in science, man. They don't believe in science. It's like you give them facts. They don't listen. They just pull up conspiracies left them right. Unbelievable. Exactly. I think they're watching Fox News. I think that's what it is. Nah, don't listen to him. But I was gonna say I saw Santa Claus in New York. Oh! Did you? What did he say? He said, donate to the Salvation Army. Uh, what's your guy's

c*** size? Another question we got? I actually lost my c*** in the war. I didn't want to bring that up on the podcast, you know, because we already talked about how I lost my hands what's the next question?

holy shit are you giving throat to that water bottle homie? yeah that's the end of the show