Sleep Deprived Podcast - WE CLONED SCHLATT - Sleep Deprived Podcast #65

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

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Hey everybody, welcome back to Sleep Deprived Podcast episode 65. Yeah! Yeah, am I the only one who claps now? I was clapping! I was clapping! Okay, I was clapping. I was clapping. I used to clap.

Give it a clap. Why didn't you clap? Please clap. My hands hurt. Guys, I'm taking a COVID test right now. Right now? I'm actually, yeah. I have it right in front of me.

I'm putting a swab over my nose. Oh my god, I hope you're okay. Can we get a live feed of... Can you scream the inside of your nose? Oh! That's in my nose. Uh-oh. Touch his brain. Their nostril.

Oh, are you okay? I'm giving myself a lobotomy, dude. Now I know how that Kennedy daughter felt. I thought you were going to say, now I know how Kennedy felt. Yeah. I thought you were going to say, now I know what Ketamizer is like. Ketamizer? Ketamizer? Ketamizer?

Wait. Dude, are you busting i think no dude i'm fucking i'm fucking sick you're jerking off my bad man something's wrong with me well if there was something wrong with you we couldn't lobotomize you through your nose there's no like that's where the that's where the ice pick goes i don't know i thought the lobotomy would happen through the eye through the eye i actually think that's so true yeah i think it is through the eye yeah because they lobotomize you through your eye i think so here's a great image yeah damn there it is so so yeah confirmed the lobotomy goes through the eye so schlatt if you could do us a favor and take that little COVID test swab thing and aim a little higher. Yeah, right up the eye, buddy.

You know, Schlatt, you could probably sell that swab for a lot of money. This is really funny, guys, but I'm actually suffering over here. I'm sorry, man. Also, I want to actually suffering over here. I'm sorry, man. Also, I want to make a sincere announcement. On episode 69, I will not be returning to the podcast after that. What?

Yep. Actually, none of you will. What? Wait, hold on. Wait, this is news to us. We didn't hear about this. You didn't know? Are we going to have to start another podcast?

No. No. So this is the end of Peas in a Pod? That's just it. So we're just out of work. Yeah, Peas in a Pod is... Yeah. Oh.

All right, well, I guess I'm getting a lobotomy. Yeah, that's one way to deal with it. Well, Schlatt, do you do you think like you could hold on to that swab and like maybe they could clone you in the future clone me yeah cause honestly there's enough of me in the world you could use one of them for what

the podcast you're gonna leave you realize it wouldn't spawn as a 20 something year old dude it would be a baby first we will raise it for the podcast you'd have toold dude, it would be a baby first. Close enough, dude. We will raise it for the pod. You'd have to raise it like a child and a baby and a toddler. We will raise it in a confined environment to only be good at the Sleep Deprived podcast. That's not that hard, he says.

Not that hard. Three podcasters raising a child. You guys can make content out of that. I could raise a child. We could just do a pod every week raising baby Shlet. I'd make that kid shoot a gun. That should protect me. It would not shoot a gun. That should protect me. It would not shoot a gun.

Was that just innate when you came out of the womb? Yes. You just were carrying a Glock as a baby. So, Shalott, why episode 69? Because it's funny. It's funny. Yeah, it's just funny. I don't know.

I'm kind of sad to hear this news, man. Yeah, but it is what it is. But can you like explain why? Because you're all pussies. Wow. I'm a pussy. Oh, come on, bro. Yep. Sorry. You're all pussies. I feel like that's pretty rich coming from you.

You were just like gagging. Oh, coming from me? Yeah, you were just having a hard time with your COVID swab. With my COVID test? That's because I put the stick as far up as it'll go. I don't listen to the guidelines. Oh, put it up half an inch from your nose. No.

I jam that shit up. He hit his frontal lobe. I jam that shit up. I'm trying to hit my brain. I'm trying to become that Kennedy daughter who everyone in the family refused to acknowledge. And in ten minutes, I'll know if I have COVID. It takes that long?

I don't know. Are you doing a rapid test? Yeah, I'm doing a rapid test. Oh, cool. So we're going to learn on the podcast. Yeah, we'll know on the podcast. That's pretty awesome. And then you'll know on the podcast. That's pretty awesome.

And then you'll know on the 69th episode that I'm gone. What can we do to get you to stay, Schlatt? How can we make you comfortable? Okay. Uh... Can I be honest? Can I be honest?

Be honest. I want to stop talking about politics. can I be honest? can I be honest? be honest I want to stop talking about politics I think you guys have gone off the deep end and you're sharing some opinions that are really egregious and I just wanted to stop

talking about well that was well i believed i believed in that yeah and and most people believe in that well i think most first of all call them by what they really are land chads uh-huh and rentoids dude we're not. Dude, we're not doing this again. We're not doing this again. Let's do another 60-minute episode on landsheds. It's funny that you guys don't think that rentoids are the actual scum of the earth, living off of landshed property that they graciously provide.

I saw an article the other day of a 96-year-old man in Brooklyn who hasn't been able to evict his tenant in three years, and he's like, he hasn't paid in three years and I can't get out. That's awesome. Good for him. No, and I was like, how dare he? This is the sad... There were tears streaming down my face.

This was the saddest thing I had read in years. And I mean, some sad shit has happened in years if you can't evict your rentoid though are you really a land chad because i feel like a land chad would have no problem yeah i think you're a land pussy that's true mika well that's what happens when you try and become a land chad in brooklyn and in the surrounding New York City area just doesn't work. The city is basically run by rentoids. Anyways, this is beyond the point. You guys talk too much politics.

What awful political things do we talk about? Oh, oh, God. Do I have to go through the laundry list? Yes, yes, yes. You want me to go through the laundry list? Well, honestly, you guys... You're just fucking lame. I'm lame!

You're just... And I don't want to do it anymore. Alright. I mean, like... Alright, man. If we talk less about political stuff, will you stay past episode 69? Yeah.

Okay, you know what? I love landsheds. That's awesome. I've always been based! Why me? Wait, what? I've always been based! Yeah, Shlott, you're gonna have to answer to Panda. No, dude.

You've never been based. No, I've never been? You've never been based. Oh, okay. Well, fair been based. No, I've never been? You've never been based. Oh, okay. Okay, well, fair enough. We'll be less political. This seems like the perfect time to introduce our new segment, The Biden Alert. Can we get some air horns? What's The Biden Alert?

So, The Biden Alert is, we just thought since joe biden does so many goofy adorable things every week we thought we would uh you know keep keep tabs on the little fella he does so many adorkable things he's so goofy ah he's so he's so nyanya he's so uwu okay i'm leaving the podcast again okay i will never say nyanya again okay thank you i'm back i'm back hell yeah um so yeah this week uh schlatt i think i think you messaged us at like 3 a.m two nights ago and you told us that joe biden got off a plane and he did something wrong. In a drunken stupor, I saw this clip of Joe Biden and I had to message the boys. I was like, hey, did you see this? And you never sent the clip.

I had to send it I just described it because I didn't remember how to link it Dude, you had a Joe Biden I had a Joe Biden moment Yeah, I did He was landed in Israel and he comes down a plane and he comes down the steps

He stops when he gets to the bottom of the steps There's a red carpet rolled out. And he goes, what am I doing now? He says that to the person next to him. And they point at the ground. And he begins walking forward. Oh, man. What a lovable little fella.

He's got nothing in there. What a loaf. I mean, did you see the shit where he was trying to get into the White House? No, wait. And they're, like, pointing at, like, go right, turn right, the sidewalk turns right. And he just, like, walks to the left. He walks past onto the grass and, like, walks behind the White House. When did this happen?

He knows what he's doing. This is recent. He knows what he's doing. It's gonna be okay. He does not. He knows what he's doing. It's going to be okay. He does not. I don't think he does, though. I think the best content that they could air on TV would just be dropping him, like, in a random location and just kind of seeing what he does.

Have you heard about that one guy who was in a desert, and, like, he was on a hike, and then he got lost, and he had to had to like eat bats and just travel drink his urine imagine if joe biden had to do that he'd be so fuck no no there's this guy he was like drinking uh bat blood because he had no water he had no food he started covid yeah holy shit dude i had uh i had beef jerky the other day and um that's it that's all i wanted to say dude beef jerky is good i love a good jerky i feel like it's the perfect road trip food you know you're stopping by the gas station you uh you know fill up you're like man i'm tired i'm hungry you walk in and then there it is a nice pack of beef jerky teriyaki flavor you get the teriyaki okay i see you now what what kind of jerky are you into are you into the harder stuff or the softer stuff

like how rough do you want in your mouth do you want to chew it a lot or what i want to be eating bricks dude i literally feel the exact same way the more i have to chew to get into some jerky and like the more you start chewing it and then all those juices build up in your mouth and it just tastes so goddamn good dude this is like uh monkey brain stuff because you know how dogs when they chew they they get like dopamine and like a bunch of like half yeah man so like i have a theory that that humans chewing a lot it uh makes you happier it also like you know develops your your jaw muscles your masseters your pterygoids you're probably like what's a pterigoid that's an alien race in a sci-fi pterigoid who are you making fun of what's up what's a terra what the fuck is a pterigoid

walker it's a no no it's person it's pt pt pterigoid we got the lateral pterigoid and the medial pterigoid. Oh, my God, dude. What the fuck, man? They're responsible for mastication, man. What the fuck? Mastication? Yeah, mastication. I love masticating. I masticated last night.

I mean, you probably... Did you eat last night? Yeah. Then you masticated. Damn. Fuck me. Wait, so we'd be masticating, like, every day,asticating every day. I love masticating, man. Yes, we

genuinely masticate several times per day. I can't believe that's the term. I cannot believe. Now, if you're getting your dick sucked,

never mind yeah i mean do you want to finish the thought no do you want to finish i'm actually leaving the podcast no dude what we didn't even say anything political yeah man this is bunk man yeah, I just found out I don't have COVID, by the way. Oh, hey, congrats. So you're good for another at least 20 episodes. No, no, no. No, no, if we don't stop with this mastication talk, I'm leaving the podcast on the 69th episode. All right, we can stop with the mastication. If you could have dinner with two people, dead or alive, what?

That was the cleanest segue ever. Would you like to have dinner with Jay-Z or a billion dollars? Having dinner with a billion dollars? I'd be talking to my money Imagine just eating dinner with a billion dollars Holding the band up to your ear The whole time In a like giant public restaurant Because everyone's looking at you

It's just stacks and stacks And stacks of money So make it Is this is looking at you on it. It's just stacks and stacks and stacks of money. So make it. Is this the million dollar alternative? It has a plate and a fork. You got a bib on made of money.

The money's got a bib. It's got a bib. It's got juices all over its face it starts like touching your foot under the table it gets up to go to the bathroom and never comes back oh man that's too real i i think the guy who who who made that who did that thing where he's like oh would you rather have dinner with jay-z or a million dollars i think he's the same guy who was like would you rather have a million dollars right now or uh i think 500 per or like 2 000 per month or 500 per 2,000 per month,

or 500 per month, 1,000 per month for the rest of your life, I don't know, something like that. And then he's like, I'd take the 500 easy, because passive income will change your life, bro. That's true, though. But the thing is, right? Dude, invest a million dollars,

and then you will get passive income more so than $500 a month. In this economy? In general, though, yeah. I think the million is just more. Like, the amount he proposed, yeah, it was like significantly less. That's the type of dude that's like, he's like, I'm raising my own rent. Just so I grind harder.

Oh, yeah. I got to learn how to get my funds up. I need to know what struggling is. Isn't that a good thing, though? If you're like a Chad? Yeah, if you're a land Chad. I thought you were a land Chad. I thought you'd like that. That's a good thing.

That is a good thing. They should think that way. People should think that way. What two people would I go to dinner with? Yeah. Oh, shit. Ivana Trump? Oh, shit. We can't do that do that anymore well it says dead or alive oh dead or alive

thank god that'd be an interesting night it would be wait can we pair two people up? Yeah. Like for a dinner? Yeah. I'd probably want to get Jeffrey Epstein. And Maxwell?

Just anyone. Why? Just take a random guy off the street. I don't know. It'd be funny to watch. Jeffrey and Bill Gates. They'd have a good time Dude he had an AMA He did a Reddit AMA and the first question

He got asked was Why were you on the fucking plane And Bill he literally was like I regret it And all the Redditors were like Oh thank you for inventing Microsoft, Bill. You beautiful, beautiful man. Dude, that's wholesome 1,000,000.

Yeah, they posted the screenshot to iBleach. How about you, Astro? Who would you have dinner with? Who are the two people you'd have dinner with? I think I would have dinner with an ancient man from 10,000 years ago. That's sick.

I just want to see what he would do. What he'd be like. Yeah, show him an iPhone. Watch me break the fuck out. Fuck, even someone from 100 years ago, you'd show them an iPhone. They'll have a seizure and die. Yeah, their brain will explode.

Dude, I'd bring a i bring a little flashlight to the dinner to feel like a fucking caveman you love that shit you figure that shit out quick he figured it out he would you guys check out this uh this eye bleach post for audio, it's like a really cute cat wearing a harness that says security dog and it's got like a Snapchat

caption that says he lied on the resume but got the job anyway. That's a cute cat. I like that. I think the two people I would have dinner with, I would pair together Gilgamesh from ancient Mesopotamia

and anyone? Yeah. You know who I the two people I would have dinner with yeah the tate brothers oh wait panda two fucking weeks ago you were like i don't know who they are i just found out about them bro i told you you'd know well now i know i didn't know them oh yeah after you talked about the Tate guy on my

TikTok feed, he came up. It's a plague, dude. They don't even have accounts. I don't get it. They just, well, they have a $50 a month Discord server, which is honestly very genius,

and we should up our Patreon rates. you can get commission very genius, and we should up our Patreon rates. But, uh, you can get commission if you start a TikTok account, and then in your bio you include your referral link to sign up. So these people are making money by posting take clips, getting people to sign up.

Oh, wow. We should do that! That sounds kind of cult-y. That sounds kind of smart. If there was a way to get, you know, give people kickback for getting others to sign up to our Patreon,

I think we'd consider it. I'd consider it. Did you guys hear that inflation is up 9%? Yeah, the euro went under a dollar. Yeah. Dumbass Europeans. Why is it there?

All right, that one was good. That one was good. I'm not leaving the podcast anymore. You did it, Astro. You saved us. I love communism. Genuinely great question. Alright, are you ready for this?

Yep. Yeah. What specific food brings back an unpleasant memory? Cosmic brownies. Thank you, Ashley Arce, for the question. Yeah, cosmic brownies are pretty bad. I had a cosmic brownie on the way home from school. I started almost choking on it,

and then I could not swallow for like a good 20 minutes. It was the most terrifying experience of my life as like a five-year-old. Oh, my God. I sat in front of the sink and just started spitting. That's scary. Yeah, I thought I was going to die. Oh Oh my god, a little birdie got out of my window. Aww. That's cute.

Damn. Okay, well, I could understand why that is, like, really unpleasant for you. If you were gonna die to a brownie. Yeah. I, uh, I don't like cinnamon buns. Because when I was a kid I asked every year

to get a mini fridge. I wanted my own mini fridge for some reason. And I got one when I was like nine or something. And I put a cinnamon bun in there to eat it for later. But I forgot about it. And it was in there for like months and the

refrigerator just smelled like a rotten cinnamon bun forever and there was nothing I could do. And so now when I just smell a cinnamon bun, it's over. That's rough. My body shuts down. That's such unique trauma. Yeah. Yeah, dude, trauma is stored in the body. Your body remembers your trauma, man.

Yeah, I need a lobotomy. I had this really unpleasant experience with, I think they're called all dressed. It's like a chip. Yeah, it's like a kind of chip we have here where it's like you throw a bunch of flavors on the chip, right? And I ate so many of those all-dressed chips, like the whole bag, that I just started throwing up uncontrollably. Man, ooh. Yeah. And when I woke up the next morning and I smelled all-dressed chips,

I just wanted to throw up. And now whenever I smell all-dressed chips, my gag reflex just triggers. That sucks, man. Yeah. And they're good chips, which sucks. It seems kind of gross, all-dressed. Even looking at the bag, there's like 40 different flavors. That's a Canadian thing, for sure.

Yeah. We don't have those here. How many things are on it? All dressed? Well, I mean, it's not like actually everything. Like, it's worth a try if you can get your hands on some, I'm not going to lie. But, yeah, it was a rough experience. So, is it like the Airheads secret flavor where they just put all the flavors in one? Maybe a little, but it definitely has a distinct flavor you could pick out.

It's like halfway between a vinegar chip and a ketchup chip. Oh, that's another thing you guys do that we call a ketchup chip. And like a barbecue chip. No, you can't. Dude, ketchup chips are so good. You don't know what you're talking about, man. What? Ketchup chips? That's weird.

That's weird. No, they are good. They are good. Ketchup chips. I think the rest of us are going to leave the podcast now. Yeah, we're done now. Because. You need to stop talking about Canada.

Okay. I'll stop you know my unpleasant experience with the food are these I don't know what they're called you just unlocked a fucking memory in my head I'm sure I did nobody eats these anymore but I get paper in my mouth

and I eat like a whole stack of paper when I eat these shits oh my god wait how do you even describe the sheet of paper with the little circular candies on them? They're not good. They were never good. It feels like it's not food.

Like you shouldn't be allowed to eat it. That's how I feel about a lot of candy. Yeah, a lot of it does actually seem kind of like toxic. Yeah. It just doesn't even seem like food. Like, if you gave us a caveman, we'd be like, what the fuck is this? I want beef.

That's why I'm giving the caveman the pocket pussy. And on that lovely note... Sorry, what was that, Panda? I'd stick my club in that. Okay, and on that lovely note, I think we have some comments to read from patrons here. We do. We have a Patreon, patreon.com slash sleepdeprived, and it's $5 a month, and the podcast becomes longer, and then if you pay a little bit more, then you get to send us a message that we'll read at the end of each podcast.

Hell yeah. And honestly, guys, five bucks. Five bucks means less and less. I mean, 9% inflation. Yeah, the euro is down. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Dollar means nothing, though.

You can afford it. Max Trax 2001 says, hey, gang, was hoping you could read my cool message. Okay, here it is. Fart Drinker says, Laughing out loud. You got me laughing out loud. It's good. It's good.

Fart Drinker. Jackie underscore est says, Saturn is slowly losing its rings. Granted, the rings are like 100 million years old, but Saturn itself is over 4 billion years old. So pretty cool. We were around to see it. Okay, nerd.

Yeah, you fucking, you probably jerked off to the James Webb telescope the other day, didn't you? Oh, yeah. They gotta stop, man. They gotta stop. I didn't get it. I didn't, I, can I be honest? gotta i didn't get it i didn't i can i be honest i really didn't understand it they were taking photos of the same shit and they were like wow look at look at it's clearer now everyone's losing their mind every fucking month mass is like we have a big announcement guys and then it's you know like you're like oh shit like it's

gonna be fucking aliens this time yeah yeah yeah they always do that just drop and then it's gonna be fucking aliens this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they always do that. And then it's just a picture of space, like, okay, I can search space on Google Images. I get TikTok saying, like, this is gonna blow your fucking mind what NASA's gonna reveal next week, and it's like a star that is stupid and small. We'll never see it in our lifetime. This is the M.

dot four point twenty-one gigawatt cluster that we pointed the telescope to and took a photo of it, and wow, looks like there are more stars than we thought. Yeah. It's like, it's fucking space! Like, yes, of course there'll be more stars! Well, I think what's

cool about this photo is that it's, I think it's from some of the earliest moments of the Big Bang. Wow. Nerd. Yeah. Yeah, I saw Hank Green TikTok about that. He pulled his pants down and started jerking off to the photo. Dude, if he did that, that'd be funny as

shit. Daryl, I like Hank Green. That was just a friendly little jab at him. Daryl said, guys... He founded VidCon, everybody. I have to love him. Can we bring Hank Green on the podcast?

Yeah, we'll ask him about the fault in our stars. That'd be pretty awesome. Daryl Larrard said, guys, guess who made it on the podcast? A lot of meta suggestions here. Yeah, it's pretty Deadpool-esque.

Yeah. I like the meta suggestions. Keep them coming. I fucking hate Deadpool. Well, Baba Booey. Baba Booey. Baba Booey.