Sleep Deprived Podcast - We Grew Tails - SDP #149

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

the fellas talk about airplanes for 30 minutes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to Sleep Deprived Podcast episode 149! John, where did you find this? No clean every day. whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa bass why do no no no oh yeah bang a rang bass we're a little loopy today we're a little loopy we're a little off our rockers we're tired we're exhausted we tried a new recording schedule isn't that right yeah we are now recording every day 13 hours a day So please subscribe to our Patreon because we are working really hard. We work harder than the average American. When you guys say streaming and YouTube isn't hard, look at us because we put in the work.

We do it every single day. Adderall. Adderall. I'm hooked now. I'm a drug user and I'm addicted now because of you guys. So think about that. I would strongly consider Adderall. Yeah, I mean, honestly honestly it's good for anxiety

i'm considering adderall have you guys ever done adderall no i mean yes i was i was on a trial of uh of adderall someone just gave me me money and they left a donation message. You know what they said? Buy Adderall. No, but they said it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV. That's a lot to think about. That is real. Was Family Guy spitting?

Were they spitting when they came up with that bar? Some of the family is spitting would you family fuck chris would you like do you guys share food with your family like do i take strings of pasta out of my out of my folks mouth yeah like tom brady like lip to lip transfer the food i mean i wasn't thinking like that per se, but do you like, you know, do you like share food? Like, for example, let's say you're chilling with your family. You have a sip of your Diet Coke and your parents or your sibling is like, hey, can have a sip of that and then you're like okay like what do you my whole family died in the war which war the call of duty war um that's not true

because your mom sent me a pokemon go gift today well your mom is so i'm sorry no i spoke the truth did i did we talk about how i have your mom on pokemon go yeah you're flirting with my mom i wouldn't yo i would not call it that let's not call it that to be real though she actually loves it it. Whenever I go talk to my mom, she's like, Mika sent me another postcard. That's actually very sweet. And she always makes fun of it because you always send her ones from the I'm gonna

I'm going to That's pretty funny. I'm gonna censor that just because I don't know how many There's one in like every city ever really but yeah you can censor it if you want okay i'm gonna double check and if if if there truly is let's say for the purposes of this podcast it's a really funny and unexpected place you would not expect to get a Pokemon card from. I actually,

the other day, your mom sent me, um, a gift from like, from bleep from bleep. And I actually know, and now I know when your mom is visiting you because she'll send me a Pokemon go from prison. Yeah.

From prison. And it'll, it'll, oh, like, what city are you from again? Atlanta State Prison. And I'm like, oh, okay. Atlanta State. She's, wait, shit. Atlanta City Prison, my bad. Georgia State Prison in Atlanta City. Atlanta City in Atlantis. state she's Atlanta city prison my bad Georgia state prison

in Atlanta city city in Atlantis I live in Atlantis Panda and I live in Atlantis we are actually a sperm you guys yeah I think it's crazy how like humans have just so many living things in them

but we're just a human like there's a every cell is alive there's a nut in there like those are swimming creatures that's essentially fish if you could change your cells would you change in what way like alter them oh change my cell, I thought you said change myself. Yeah, or that. Hmm. Yeah, my cells should be bulletproof. Yeah, like would you like make us like your cells are like invisible or like? I would mess around with my cells to have superpowers.

For sure, I would do that. As for changing myself, I don't know. Because then I don't know because then i i don't know if i would be me anymore damn yeah damn would you change yourselves or yourself i would change myself yeah i would turn them all into like radioactive bombs that i could control at will to uh send out at different people like as weaponry. Like a Jujutsu Kaisen sorcery type thing. You could do like a flick and flick one single cell

but it's actually a bomb. Or it's just like a piercing bullet that cuts through anything. That's gnarly. What about you, Panda? Cellulose. Yeah, cellulose. You would give yourself cellulite?

Cetaphil. I'd probably give myself radiation so I could see like if I grow extra limbs and shit that would be cool for a little bit. Yeah, just for a little bit just for a little bit. You know, I heard somewhere that some people are born of tails. Yeah

and extra head crazy. Yeah, I like actually heard about that too. If you minutes said tails those would be disgusting like they'd probably be like naked i think it'll be so fucking cool gross dude if humans had tails it would be the biggest fetish there would be so much porn oh 100 tails would be like a whole category it'd be like one of the top categories on pornhub tail porn yeah imagine getting jumped by a tail or having like a throbbing, girthy tail like me too.

Oh my god, did you move it up? If humans had tails, would they be covered by clothes? Or would they be just like... For example, would you have a hole in the back of your pants to let your tail out? Or would it be included in the pants? Do you know what I mean? A tail hole. Yeah.

You know what people would do? You know how there's that thing where, like, you stick your fingers, like, finger gun, like, them together and then you stick them up someone's butt? Like Kakashi from Naruto? Like Kakashi, yeah. Like, people would just pull people's tails and their buttholes would stick up. It'd be really fucking weird. It'd be like pulling your hair during, like, a school grounds fight, you know? Like, pulling your tail would just be kind of a dirty play.

How big would the tail be? I'm imagining a huge tail. I was thinking pretty big too, like near length of body. I was thinking it would go down to the floor. Yeah. But it would stick up. I mean, it would move around like a cat. But then think about the mechanics of this

like the mechanically like we would have to completely redesign chairs and seated areas to account for our tails like it might be pretty annoying yeah like um you would no longer like ride a ride a bike in an upright position you would probably like be like no word like you know darling in the franks those mechs or whatever people would have to sit like that for like i feel like that's not true though because have you ever seen like a cat sit they like they like wrap the tail around them and it's above the ass so it's like you still sit on your butt and the tail's right above it so you would probably just maybe sit forward a little more but the tail would wrap around you you know you'd have to like lift your tail before you sit down you know it'd be like making sure you're you know i don't know your pants are pulled up

but wouldn't it like get in people's way and whatnot well if everyone had one it'd be fine yeah yeah right but like but like we might have to change some infrastructure yeah like you couldn't sit on the bus the way you sit on the bus now you know because the the chairs on the bus they face the bus walls but now you need a place to put your tail so like maybe people would sit on their knees like people would just be kneeling all the time yeah i feel like people would cut off their tails like foreskin like as a baby they probably just cut off the tail to make it easier i could i could see people like styling their tails yeah like getting docked like getting docked like a dog yeah yeah i could see people like uh oh like tail tattoos and i was just gonna say that actually yeah tattoos would go crazy

which you or you know what i do i would tie my tail like in a knot make a little bow yeah there's a lot of styling you could do you could just make a tail yeah what if tails become like the hot new thing i think there could be a chance if you could wait no actually we're just describing furries no i'm not imagining like a fluffy furry tail i'm imagining like a youtube worm like tail i'm imagining like basically a tail of like a sphinx cat okay well uh uh what you might call it furry for furry for rats rat furry rat tail i think some people would have hair on it though it would just depend on your you know your dna i feel like it'd be like scattered though it'd be like pubic hair yeah it'd be really nasty you'd have to shave your tail it'd be like another annoying thing to do yeah i don't want another thing in my routine

though yeah that's a lot that's a bit much huh and you know what i feel it could be like like if humans had wings we still wouldn't be able to fly because we're just so big i feel like a tail like we couldn't even do anything with it like we couldn't hang from it like it would just hurt too much i mean monkeys can hang from their tails that's true maybe they'd be like really jacked or something yeah i might have big ass tails like you said me too yeah well consider this um i forgot what i was gonna say but what if it was like a pom-pom like a ball that would suck i feel like you're just sitting on a rock like at the tail is just like a ball like a bunny yeah yeah like a bunny that would suck that'd be really ugly and when you wear pants, it looks like you just shit yourself.

But I guess that'd be normal. It'd be normal, so I think people would know. But then you could start shitting yourself and no one would know. Yeah, nobody would know. They would think it's your tail. I think at that point, you would definitely need to have a tail hole in your pants. Yeah, that's too big to fit in there. That'd be so gross, though.

Your asshole would be right there. I remember what I was going to say. i remember what i was gonna say if we had hair on our tails and we had to like shave it and stuff yeah we could invent like tail pencil sharpeners where it's like specifically just like that would hurt dude it's like a random thing you put it's like a thing you put your tail in but it doesn't hurt it's like they don't dude it's like a random thing you put it's like a thing you put your tail in but it doesn't hurt it's like they don't make it hurt it doesn't hurt would you sharpen your dick no like yeah that's what it's not actually a sharpener it's just like a like a shaver but it it's like a pencil sharpener design like where you put the pencil in but it just shaves your hair

so it's like it's like uh just a big device you put your pencil in but it just shaves your hair so it's like it's like uh just a big device you put your tail in and it just immediately chops it all off yeah i mean they should just do that for the human body there should just be like a giant pod you get in and boop hair gone yeah or something or like now that i'm thinking about it wouldn't it just be easier to to just invest in like good laser hair removal yeah if you don't want to ever grow hair again maybe people would style it though like you could have some cool stuff like mohawk tail shave the sides but keep this stuff on top gel it up you'd kind of look like a dinosaur you could put like a little hat on it yeah that could be pretty cute. Jewelry to look like spines? That would be cute too.

Would you fuck? What? Keep going. No, what were you going to say? Would you fuck? Like, would you have sex? Like, would you? Like tail jerking off? Yeah, would you do that?

I would I mean I'm just imagining like I'm speechless if you did shove a tail up your ass it might not feel that bad that's a good point I'm actually speechless

it could go really far would you shove a tail up your ass wait a second it's an auto butt plug you already have a butt plug equipped you just put your tail in there yeah and then you become like a little bag so it can carry you from

yeah you put some glue in there then put the tail in now you can carry by the tail like a handle. That'd be so gross. It'd be all shitty. Why would you do that, though? You wouldn't. But look, you could use your tail at the same time you use your hands.

It'd basically be like another hand. But what? One left hand balls, right hand shaft tail ass i feel like that would just be so challenging and you don't get it you don't have a tail do you have a tail i'm not telling okay what if you know go ahead i just want to say something that something could be true like people could have tails up there and they just hide it. There's probably somebody that has a tail. Like, actually.

It's the same thing with also... There could be someone that could theoretically live forever. But they're still alive right now, so we don't know if they'll die. Or they die by getting hit by a car. They could just naturally live forever. There could be that one guy. What if we're all going to live forever it could be that one guy what if we're all

gonna live forever everyone left i would actually unless i could unless my my friends and loved ones were choosing to live forever i don't think i would live forever it's a really interesting debacle right like if everyone actually did live forever but but you could choose when you want to go, how long do you think people would go? Forever? I don't know. I would probably be here for a while. I think there would be a lot I would want to learn, and there would be a lot I would want to do and try.

But I'm definitely not staying forever. Imagine you've been alive for 300 years. You fought in the civil war but like you're still like you're on the internet that'd be that'd be crazy yeah what kind of opinions do you think you would have i guess it matters what side you fought for damn well i mean how long would you want to live for like what would you want to do if you could i think it depends i think it what would you want to do if you could? I think it depends. I think it depends on like if you get if you get stopped at like a certain like if you stop aging, because if you like continually age, you know, or even if you're aging at like a slower rate.

You're forever 30. Yeah, I mean, if you're like forever 30, I think it would get old. I think it would be there would be all these new conundrums. I think it would get old i think it would be there would be all these new conundrums i think it would get really depressing you know i could to be honest what was it i decided i just decided right now i'm gonna live forever i think i would go like like i think i would go over a hundred over a hundred yeah but i i don't think i'd want i'd want to see like uh there i'd probably be like over a hundred you know hundred. Yeah. But I, I don't think I'd want, I'd want to see like, uh, there I'd probably be like over a hundred,

you know? And they're just, it would be like a really cool day. Like something really cool would happen. Like maybe they like re-release like Naruto, but like it's a, it's redone like really professionally. So every episode is like the tuning exam,

Rockley versus Gara. It's like, it's like really high quality. Like the new one piece thing they're doing. Once they released the final episode of that, like I would just clock i'd be like okay i got everything i needed but how long would you have to live to make it to see that happen i might be a while but if that one piece thing does well that we could see more of that shit they'll redo a bunch because that's the new trend now is like doing things like like small little seasons of high quality i'm sorry i'm nerding out no no keep going it's nice to hear well you know like they did like

a new season of bleach and like it used to be like bleach was like 500 episodes and like every episode sucked because like the workers like they had no time to make the episodes so you get like hundreds of episodes of filler like it's the same with naruto or like even like one piece to some extent but like uh now they do like bleach and seasons you know so there's like they released just like 12 episodes of bleach and it's like really high quality because they worked on it for a long time it's like the new way they're doing it and so they're doing a one piece where they're starting from the beginning but every episode's like really high quality i think that's cool is now a good time to watch

bleach because i've never watched bleach i don't don't know. I don't think Bleach is very good. Well, they said the new one's good. But I would use a tail as a butt plug. Guys, I'm playing Plants vs. Zombies. I've been addicted to it for a while. That game is fucking awesome. I love the little nugget and the redneck. Oh, yeah. The redneck?

You mean the guy in the thing that throws the basketballs? The guy with the pot on his head. He goes, and he says something. Oh, the fucking Dave. Yeah, he says something racist and then he tells you how to play the game. I've actually never played Plants vs. Zombies. It's actually goaded.

It's actually goaded. Yeah, the second one, though, has so many ads and everything's pay-to-play. It's so fucking lame. But that original one by PopCap. It's by PopCap, right? Yeah. That shit is fucking awesome. You gotta pop a cap and dem titty dem zombies.

Dem zombies. Dem titties. Dem titties. Dem titties, though. You gotta bring that back. Bring it back. Bring it back. I think, you know what I see online is I see more

like XD humor coming back it's making a return really I haven't I don't use social media anymore it's amazing you're very strong I'm definitely using less yeah like you can't you can't look at that shit

yeah but unfortunately I do and um i want to stop but it's like i start getting like uh i'm like homo yeah well almost like fomo i'm like damn what if i like miss some really important news or something or we got to learn to be fomo fomophobic f yeah that FOMO shit that's how they get you that's how they get you to buy the the new everything yeah well also you know what it is like I'll be completely honest with you I have friends that I want to hear from and I want to know what they're up to and I want to know what they're doing because yeah not everyone like shares things

all the time and it's because of that like i want to keep up with them because i'm curious about like what they're what they're up to and like you know if they're accomplishing things and like i want to cheer them on and stuff if my friends didn't post i would not be on social media to be honest with you do you like uh do you think that farting could ever have like a resurgence and people would start doing it like just like for fun casually with each other i could foresee a world where that becomes a reality is it the same world with the tails or is it a different one i think probably a different one? I think probably a different one. Yeah.

I think we've made several Rick and Morty episodes here. Justin Roiland, he's rolling around. He's really happy. That's actually episodes. They don't even try. They just think of a Reddit thought. What if bacon? What if Morty was bacon? That's literally how they make episodes.

What if the narwhal baconed at midnight? Pretty much. And you know, they're like, we're not like other TV shows because we don't take ourselves seriously. Rick and Morty. Fuck. Rick and Mortimer. You know what, though? This tale thing, I think, has serious potential.

I think we might have started like the new hot young adult fiction trend it's called tale world and it's the hot new anime graphic novel comic manga video game tv show movie social media craze you sound like elon like Elon Musk pitching new things for Twitter. It's going to be a video platform. It's going to be a streaming service. It's going to be a bank. It's going to be everything. It's going to be everything. You know what, though? We came up with a better idea

than Elon Musk has ever had in his entire life. Really, if you think about it, was PayPal a good idea? No, because someone else would have come up with it eventually. Derp. Elon. Elon Burger.

Elon Derp. Would you guys eat an Elon Burger? Actually, yeah, probably just once, like, for the bit. What's an Elon Burger? What do you think you would sell? What do you think you would sell? Like, do you think you'd have to pay in Dogecoin to, like, get the burger? Yeah. What is an elon burger um szechuan sauce um like gold flakes but it's reddit is this oh that's good dude i'm actually not joking like i think we could become millionaires

if we open like uh an ironic uh restaurant like in new york well maybe la new york city somewhere where like people are like you know they would buy into this shit and we we name it like uh like you know swag burger or something we have like a fucking oh yeah you're right like we have like a literal like you pick from the sauces it's like derp sauce you know and it's like or like the fart burger people would tweet about that like i just had the fart burger people like i need the fart yeah and it would it would probably only be big for like a couple months like on tiktok so we'd have to sell everything for like really high prices so that we could really milk money in the short term and then just close the

business or or the food is actually good and people are like you know i know people make like frequent posts like i know fart burgers a joke at all but it actually tastes amazing we are essentially we sound like the people in the boardroom for like the mr beast chocolate bars you know oh yeah that's literally just what they do well also consider this it doesn't just have to be burgers it could also be for example um like like niche items so like oh dat boy frog legs that's the worst no never never again daniel vanilla ice cream in the shape of shoes damn daniel dessert damn daniel vanilla would be pretty good like okay imagine you have a serve like you know like those soft serve machines at like um at all you can eat buffets or they're like really shitty and like the ice cream tastes like old steel from the 1910s you press that and like every time you press it

it plays like a meme sound effect you know what i mean like you press and it's like you know like it's all fucking old and then you get you know you turn little fucking thing, you get some vanilla ice cream, put little sprinkles on it. It should be like when you press the button, it's like the hydraulic press guy screaming. Oh my god. Dude, imagine you press the patties with a hydraulic

press and people watch that while they're waiting for their food. It's like a hibachi kitchen. Yeah. Here's what we should do. There's the kitchen, but the kitchen's visible to the customers. There's a speaker playing screaming. Dude, if people would actually go there,

I'd be like, this is so silly. You know how certain places will have uniforms, right? The uniform here is you wear a Wojack mask oh my god you can choose your favorite wojack face and you have to wear it as a mask hear me out have you ever seen those cat robots that serve you food at restaurants they're like popular in japan yeah it's like a yeah

imagine you replace the cat with like an ai version Vsauce, and it's just Vsauce explaining to you what you got to eat. He brings you your food, you know? That'd be pretty crazy. Hey, Vsauce, Michael here. You have chosen the Damn Daniel Vanilla Ice Cream Dessert with Dat Boy Frog Legs and a Keck Burger. What is the Keck Burger? That'd be awesome.

I think we just designed the worst thing anyone's heard on this podcast um and it'll probably make a million dollars so what are we calling this restaurant uh we're calling it hell permanently on order online oh that's kind of good it's like a ghost kitchen you just get it on doordash yeah terminally ghost kitchen terminally order online or what if like it's a restaurant and there's like a like a super hot spicy thing we call it like the bomb and then the guy delivers it to you in like a suicide vest or it's a sean evans hot ones dude we can actually open a ghost kitchen called terminally online and make money yeah i think uh terminally online is a good name i was about to suggest something like very meta and self-referential like like if it was called like like a meme

restaurant or something people would absolutely hate it like people would fucking hate it so many normies would fucking buy it that's the thing yeah and also those people probably hate it so much they have to try to see like hate watching but hate eating it'd be like bamboozled you know i think it's smart i think we uh i think we work on this one do we we should sell food we should sell like cookies for ten dollars we should we should have our own feastable bar it's just chocolate he's making millions it's like the biggest thing we can make chocolate can't we we just call up like a chocolate company i'm not gonna lie i'm kind of curious to try a feastables we should try one on the pod i don't like the sound of a feastables because that doesn't think when i hear feast i think of like turkey yeah and potatoes umami yeah i don't imagine something sweet it's kind of you should have called it like

i don't know anything but feast mr i just think it's giving why didn't they call it beast why didn't they call it beastables oh beastables that could have been good mr chocolate beast mr beast chocolate mr chocolate Mr. Beast Chocolate. Mr. Chocolate. Mr. Chocolate is really better than Feast. Honestly. It's a bad name. When you hear Feast, after you're done pillaging

as caveman, you feel the mammoth and you eat it. That's like a feast. Not a fucking chocolate bar. Mr. Chocolate actually sounds like something that's already real. That sounds like something that existed in the 1800s sounds like something that existed in like the 1800s and like went out of style in like 1930 yeah if it was like cartoonish like a chocolate mascot

with like a top hat or something Mr. Chocolate Mr. Chocolate 5 cents for Mr. Chocolate's chocolate oh my god I'm actually light headed Mr. Beast you know what's crazy? He has so many people in marketing, but I can't be the only one

that thinks Feastables is just a shitty name. Maybe it is shitty and that's why it works. Because it's so stupid. You start thinking about it. You're like, what the fuck does that mean? What the hell is a Feastable? Why don't they just call it, you know, Mr. Chocolate? Whatever, man.

To Feastable as a name makes sense like grammatically but i just think it's a it's it doesn't sound good in my opinion you think of turkey right like you think of a feast i think yeah i get you on that i get you on that like the name already is underselling it like when i think of feasts i think oh wow it's like a full course meal i get a nice chicken i get gravy i get jam but it's just a chocolate bar. You just get Carl's Deez Nut Bar. Oh my god. Carl's Carl Nut.

Carl's Deez. Carl's Big Chungus Grilled Cheese. I feel like Carl would have loved Big Chungus. I think he's still done. He probably has a Big Chungus body pillow in his fucking room. Oh, I love me some Big Chungus. Dude, I think he's still done. He probably has a Big Chungus body pillow in his fucking room. Oh, I love me some Big Chungus. I love Big Chungus. I'm going to say something.

I mean it endearingly. Okay. I think you're the Carl of the pod. Thanks. I know Panda hates me for that. Oh. I don't like Carl, but Mika, you're different. You're not like Carl.

I don't think any of them really suck more than the other ones. Honestly, Chandler just doesn't do anything. That's why I get a little upset at Chandler. That's why I like him. He's so chill. That's nice, but I just feel like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe that's the right way to go.

Maybe you want to be the guy that's just chilling, not really doing anything. Just Chandler-ing out. Just chilling Chandler-ing. know maybe you're right maybe that's the right way to go maybe you want to be the guy that's just chilling not really doing anything just chandlerin out just chilling chandlerin he is the most chill panda maybe you're the chandler i don't know who i am that's very deep well if you want to help us figure out who we are hop on over to the patreon section of the podcast. Join our Patreon. You get extended episodes, bonus shows, a Minecraft server, discord server, Baba Bowie.

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