Sleep Deprived Podcast - We Read Your Hate Comments - SDP #89

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

the boys talk about airplanes for 29 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You guys remember Sawdude? You guys remember that? Sawdude? What's up, dude? Sawdude. I feel like Astro is most like that archetype. What the Sawdude? You're one standard deviation away from being a Sawdude. Does that mean I'm chill? Yeah, you are chill.

I feel like Mika is as well. You think I'm a Sawdude? I feel like Mika is just the Sawdude. Is Mika a Sawdude? Sawdude. Sawdude. What a sod, dude? Sod, dude. Sod, dude. What's up, dude? Welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast, episode 89.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Holy moly. Oh, yeah. Guys, I want to address something. Oh, yeah. I want to address something head on. Okay. Head on?

My head's ready. I was disgusted by the comments on episode 87 when I was not present for the podcast and everyone was commenting, good riddance. I hope he died. I really enjoyed Schlatt's silence this episode. I'm really going to miss the three seconds of content he contributed to the podcast. What was that all about? What's up? What's that all about? Yeah.

What's up? What's up with that? They're just saying how they see it. Panda, they were really excited that you got a word in this time. Oh, yeah. And maybe that's what you need to be doing from now on. Maybe you need to get some more words in, huh? I was rubbing my nipples.

Dude, there was one comment. What? There was one armchair comment that was like a penny you don't need to talk so much because you feel insecure and to be funny what the fuck man fuck you yeah they were why can't i talk people were kind of like digging into each of all of it i didn't see anyone digging into astro but like a couple people were like, Common Mika L for being so boring. Mika is so boring. Dude, I'm not boring.

I'm just depressed, okay? Chill. I'm going to search Astro and see if I see anything bad. Are you okay, man? Yeah. You all right? Yeah, thanks, man. You know how it is.

I do know how it is. I really do. To be honest with you, what really made me depressed was just seeing everyone, like, trashing you in the comments. It made me feel really sad. Yeah. I was super sad about that. I was super sad when I read those mean comments.

And you know what? Our podcast is good. I really think it's a good podcast, no matter what the comments say. And I know the top comment of this video and the only comment that's posted now that I'm mentioning this is going to be like, wow, haven't watched for three months. Glad to see the pod is as trash as it ever was. You know what? That is going to get what they want.

You're going to get what you want. You're going to get what you want. Remember this. Remember, I'm saying this clip it. You guys are making your bed. It's time to lay up up it's time to lay in it you're gonna regret it remember your fault this is your fault you buy a nice little tempur-pedic mattress topper and you're gonna lay on it real soon yeah little do you know there's gonna be a little pee in the bed there's gonna be like a little frozen pee yep and you're not gonna know where it is you're

gonna roll around and be so uncomfortable trying to find it and you're just not gonna find it and we're planting the seeds that you're gonna sow and you know what there's also gonna be fiberglass in it guys the top comment for episode 88 is i'm not gonna watch this podcast and it has 400 likes. What the fuck? What's wrong with you guys? It is kind of funny. I mean, you know he clicked on it, so we got the view. We got your money, bitch.

We got your money. Yeah, you hear that? Who? 5067? Yeah. That's a horrible username. Fuck you, buddy. He's got a profile picture of a penguin

yeah I want more negative comments about me we can just fill this with the absolute vitriol towards me I just want to see what you guys can come up with yeah let's go yeah I mean usually the comments we get where it's like this is the worst podcast I've ever seen can't wait for next week like those kind of give me a laugh

I'm not gonna lie they give me a laugh Astro gets the least Astro does get the least hate out of all of us people really liked my justin roiland rant i keep saying so many people saying they loved it and i was speaking the truth dude you're speaking you're speaking facts like there's nothing else to it you you you spit back there yeah you you were spitting yeah you do speak for real for power it was just yeah it was just a little upsetting because i could tell you were trying to compensate for something what do you mean what was i trying to compensate for it's fine man i enjoyed the rant but you were very clearly just insecure the whole time and trying to assert some

form of dominance over the pod, which you don't have. I was trying to be funny, and I also was trying to not be insecure. Wait, wait, Panda. You should try a little harder. Panda, before you go into another insecure tirade, can someone go through... Fuck you, Mika. Can someone go

through all of our thumbnails and do the thing where, you know, they do the line analysis where you see like who's leaning episode you were leaning yeah actually in a lot of the thumbnails you have like these wiggly arms that's like four or five right there hey that's pure insecurity man should psychoanalyze god you're so right even my tongue even my tongue in the ohio one is oh my god yep you want to know something crazy look through all mine i am stiff as a door like i'm just i'm i am i'm a fucking two by four

in those thumbnails i have never failed the green line test before the red line test whatever it's called yeah that is embarrassing a panda it's it's actually kind of true even in the thumbnail for the video called we beat schlatt up we're all leaning but schlatt is like the most and what does that say that just says a panda specifically is just a little insecure about things it's okay to feel like you're not funny and that you're and it's okay to feel worthless so i'll have you know the comments were eating me up on that one episode on on episode 87 they thought i was a shit yeah okay and you know what i feel big and tough now oh guys this caffeine is fucking me up dude you had like one monster i had two monsters

panda joined the call and he's like dude i got the jitters i got the jitters i'm jittering and i'm like how many what are you drinking and he's like my body is shake right now my body is the s shake plug-in you're fucking vegas pro plug-in dude we looked up how much caffeine is in a monster it's 80 milligrams but i'm still jittering this dude had not like 150 milligrams of caffeine in him and he is he is absolutely losing it and i said to him i start my day with 200 and i'm i still don't feel awake listen man i feel like you're very i'll drink 200 i'll take a nap you are a big guy i am not all of us are a big guy i'm a very small guy i need i need four shots i need four shots of alcohol just to feel anything okay Okay, so that makes sense then. It's the volume. You got a big body to spread it throughout. Yeah.

It's like, you know. Big body. Yeah, thank you. Big body. Ripped. Ripped. Jacked. No, I mean big. I got my blood test results back. I have way too many platelets. Wait, really? Oh, wow. Yeah. What does that mean? I have way too many platelets.

That could mean a lot of things actually If your platelet count is too high blood clots can form in your blood vessels. Oh wow It's making your blood more secure, you know, it's tightening it up Yeah anything you should have more alcohol to like thin out your blood. You are so right, Mika. No, no, I like my platelets. I feel tight at all times. Yeah. I feel constricted on the inside and I like that

feeling. It's a warm, fuzzy feeling. It's comforting. Can you take it again? Can you imagine if someone had like so many platelets that it's like the doctor's like, okay, if you have like one chicken nugget, you will have a stroke. Like, right there. I feel like I'm gonna have a stroke, man.

Why? Are you genuinely okay, dude? I need to pee again. Are you fucking kidding me? Why did you chug two entire monsters right before the pot? You're gonna pee, like, five times. I gotta fix my sleep schedule. It's all effed up.

They also tested me for cocaine metabolite. What? And it came back positive. What? So, like, you do cocaine? I drink Coca-Cola sometimes, and I explained that to them. Okay, that doesn't have cocaine in it anymore. It doesn't have cocaine in it anymore, does it?

Well, didn't Elon Musk buy it and put the cocaine back? Oh, my God. He tweeted that funny thing one time, and I thought that's just what happened. There was also ethanol in there. In the Coca-Cola or in the cocaine? No, no, in the piss. Ethanol? The drug abuse screen.

So basically what I'm gathering is, like like your body consists of alcohol drugs and like gasoline yeah yeah you're a hard-oiled machine i am i keep chugging i'm like a little honda accord that's been beat up and thrown to the dogs but it still fucking starts dude i'm a little i'm a little machine you're a bit like if someone ran out of like gas at the gas station and they were like well i i gotta make it two like two kilometers home so they just put like a bottle of scotch in their gas tank does that work does that work i think you have to convert the engine but i think if the alcohol that's an easy

thing to do at the gas station i mean i think i'll just convert my engine real quick correct me if i'm wrong you might know more about this but i think you can get a bit of juice out of like a bottle of alcohol right yeah yeah you can do it from purell too when i was at the hospital they would ask i would always ask for like you know oh my hands feel sticky. I need hand sanitizer. And then they'd always give me some. And I was so annoying that they just gave me the bottle. And that's exactly what I wanted.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was your car. Right down the hatch. Right down the hatch. Oh, wow. That's why there's ethanol in me.

That's really deadly. I could see why you would need a blood test at this point you need more than a blood test man yeah maybe like a ct scan or like an mri you know yo but for real why did you get a blood test i know that's only like one of the most personal things you can reveal to someone but like it was demanded of me oh no yeah guys i gotta pee again it turns out um i have it turns out that it's mainly okay uh they said i need a little more vitamins um like you need some greens you like spinach i could see no i don't broccoli i don't like that actually carrot no um i i'll eat lettuce if i have to it's like the worst one why honestly you're so valid for that you're so valid though that's okay that's good it's good i was talking to astro earlier

i do honestly really like lettuce for some reason like it's not good for you at all like it's like like i mean it has fiber in it but there's nothing else in it you know it's just like nothing it's not kind of a useless vegetable in my opinion but like when i was a kid i would just like eat like a head of lettuce like raw like just chomp on it like as a snack. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, you're valid for that. Thanks.

Yeah. You're valid. Appreciate that, man. Yeah, man. Appreciate that, man. Is there any other like weird stuff that you do? No. weird stuff that you do um no uh i i actually found out that i have more testosterone in me than all of the try guys combined i actually couldn't do that they tested you against the

try guys yeah well here's the thing here's the thing you know ned from the try guy formerly of the try guys they did a video where they tested his testosterone with a little blood test and he scored 212 really is that a lot or is that low no it's dangerously low okay gotcha wow dangerously like his balls are gonna explode or something yeah and then he decided to fix his testosterone by cheating on his wife which might have worked I don't know

maybe we should ask him for another blood test hey Ned let's get your test checked I feel like cavemen would have definitely thought he was in the balls I don't even think they would have known about that at all. They wouldn't even know what the balls are. They probably would see the proximity of where the pee came out of

and then look at the balls and be like, yeah, that might be in there. That's got to be it, right? I wouldn't blame it. Because when you are peeing and you do, and like, you know, when it's almost done and you punch your, like, never mind. Wait, what? To get the last little bit out. Yeah, you can. you are peeing and you do and like you know when it's almost done and you punch your like never mind wait what to get the last little bit out yeah yeah yeah what you don't do that i've never i mean i wiggle it i go like yeah i remember someone told me that when i was young like oh

if you like press like under your balls like you get the last little bit it doesn't work for me though really it totally works i gotta try it really maybe you gotta be a little rougher yeah well no you can actually what you do is you actually put your fingers entirely up your ass and then there's this thing called the prostate if you like tilt them at the right angle that's what gets all the pee out uh yeah i'm gonna try that next time if you're trying to empty your bladder and your balls you gotta your balls yeah that makes sense yeah i'm studying for my prostate exam yeah so i'm not um i'm doing okay generally right but in the ethanol there's ethanol in me yeah and there is i have a lot of platelets

which just means that if I get cut open, that... What a weird way to say that. If I get cut open, I will heal quicker than the average male. That's good. Oh, really? Like if someone comes up behind you and like slits your throat. Slices, yeah, like fillets me like a chicken mcnugget i'll be i'll be all right i mean so it's good actually the platelets yeah the platelets are what

they're what get scabs they make scabs and like cover up all the blood and shit like that's what it's kind of uh it's kind of like a good self-defense mechanism you know you're like a superhero basically i feel like this is uh kind of an excuse for you to live more recklessly and like more dangerously because you can get away with more you gotta do you take a lot of damage parkour youtube videos you gotta jump around you guys are like a jackass series did you guys watch parkour youtube videos i was big into parkour for like one year hell yeah i was never into parkour we were like i'd run around with my friends around our town we would like just vault over things and like

jump off of things and roll same roll around same to be honest it felt really sick but it probably looks so stupid from far away i mean it depends like if you do the big tricks and the cool stuff then it looks cool but if you're just like running and then like just vaulting over the mcdonald's railing just being yeah or if you're just vaulting over stuff that doesn't need to be vaulted over you can just walk around that's the funny thing about it it's like not a logical way of going about things it's like just purely to show off you know or just get exercise it takes so much more energy to vault over the railing instead of just like walk through the sidewalk pretty much right panda you were talking about having the jitters right oh yeah how are your jitters jitterbug oh man i don't know my my blood

pressure my my pumping is crazy bro jitterbug you're pumping tell me more about that oh yeah tell us about the pumping i'm bro i'm just pumping like i feel my blood pumping yeah do you pump fast or slow right now i'm pumping fast as fuck oh i'm fast as fuck boy you're probably almost done then really dude yeah what do you mean what do you mean you're pumping fast yeah yeah true did i ever tell you when you pump fast you you come yeah that's yeah did i ever tell you guys the the story of why i don't drink caffeine sure uh pretty much when i was in high school we had a free coffee day for whatever reason and um i brought a thermos and i had like three thermoses of coffee and um i was in math class and we were getting a test back and i was really nervous to see the result oh did you shit yourself? No, that didn't happen.

But the teacher was like, yeah, so the marking is a little late. You're not going to get the results today. So I had like a full on like mental breakdown and like panic attack. I didn't like scream or anything. I just started like shaking and like breathing heavily. And I guess everyone noticed how loud I was breathing. So I was just like, I just like the teacher was like are you okay i was like i'm just gonna like walk outside for a bit so then i just like walked out and like laid down in a fetal position in front of my guys yeah that didn't say it doesn't sound so fun yeah that's so

me right anxiety coupled with the jitters probably not a fun time yeah yeah, that is rough. Yeah, so I don't drink caffeine. It's way too powerful for me. I get that completely. Yeah, man. Yeah, a panda feels you right now. Everything in a little bit of moderation, though. You could become a superhuman if you had 500 milligrams of caffeine pumping through your blood right now. Maybe you'll get more platelets in your body.

Maybe that's the secret to success. You get ethanol, you find it. I'm still confused about the ethanol. Dude, me too. Why the fuck do you get ethanol? Listen, right next to like methamphetamine, opiate, cannabinoid, ethanol. You have that in your blood too?

No, no, no. None of that. Ethanol only. And then the cocaine thing. I'm a pure... I run on gasoline, I suppose. Yeah. There was cocaine as well. Do you do cocaine?

Not to my knowledge. Maybe just someone slips something there. Is that what's in gamer slips? No, no, no. If that is, I would like to know. That's natural caffeine. Would you guys like a sponsorship if it wasn't?

If there's a little cocaine in there, I might want to take a look. Yeah. No, it's not. It's not. I don't really know how that happens. It's a little weird that it just shows up in every blood test I do because I test monthly. Maybe you're that one guy that eats bread and it would be it's a little weird that it just shows up in every blood test i do because i test monthly maybe you're that one guy that eats bread and it turns to alcohol you guys know about that guy i do know about that that is a condition yeah there's a guy that eats bread and

it just turns to alcohol and he gets wasted off bread that could be that could be happening to you no he has wasted it's actually really sad he gets wasted off of everything pretty much like oh man yeah it's it's rough that sucks yeah that actually sucks that's not my problem dude that's like the people that are like allergic to water oh well you don't you're i'm sorry. You failed. You failed if that is what you're allergic to. I'm sorry. Maybe you don't deserve to be around.

You know what's cool? That's just like people that are allergic to peanuts. Like, how do you die to a nut? I've said this before. I'll say it a thousand times. If you're allergic to peanuts, you were meant to die. You're weak. You're weak.

I don't understand the allergic to water, though. Like, if you're allergic to water, you're not even much of a person. On behalf of sleep-deprived diet. You're allergic to carbon. I am so, so sorry. It's a building block of society. I'm confused. Mika, why are you apologizing?

You're apologizing to a three-year-old? Wouldn't they just die? Or a three-day-year-old? Wouldn't they just die right away? If you're allergic to water, you just die, right? No. Immediately? I think there are people who are

around you should be you should be consider becoming allergic to something a little more manly like tiny cute kitty cats or grass on behalf of sleep deprived we sincerely apologize for you

I don't apologize I'm standing I see what water means now we sincerely apologize for you. No, no, I don't. I don't apologize. I'm standing. I see what allergic to water means now. I'm standing by my guns. How are you allergic to water? What does that mean? It seems like it's like a rare condition where skin contact with water is a problem.

Wait, what about drinking water? I thought it was drinking. Yeah, I thought it was drinking water. Yeah, you're getting it. It wouldn't last very long. Everything is water. But okay, so I feel bad for drinking water. Yeah, you're going to die. It wouldn't last very long. Everything is water. But, okay, so I feel bad for the allergic to water people. Shout out to you.

That does suck. I apologize. We were not filled in at what that meant. We made a severe lapse in judgment. You know what? You know about me? I don't give a fuck. I don't care, man.

Yeah, we're allergic to haters. Yeah, that's really insecure of you, Panda. Yeah! That is really insecure. Are you commencing for something? That's my hawk inside of me. Yeah! I can tell you're leaning right now.

No. Oh, you're totally leaning. Dude, I actually am leaning. You're slouching. You're slouching. Guys, I love young lean. You guys like young lean? Wow. Way to bring the podcast

to a screeching fucking halt. Really out of nowhere. Alright, so you guys don't like Young Lean. Cool. Cool. You always do this, Panda. Fuck all of you. Young Lean is awesome. So, Schlatt, what if this whole time someone who you didn't know

like a stranger just broke into your house every night while sleeping and like gave you a little bump of cocaine while you were sleeping and just to mess with you like they weren't going to do anything malicious i guess besides the breaking and entering but they just they just wanted to like make you puzzled as to why you had what if cocaine in your blood what if for eight hours a day you're you enter a different body and that body does cocaine and you don't know about it it's like severance like severance yeah yeah you go into work and you just become a cocaine monster that's a good point what if you

do cocaine in your sleep that could no you laugh but that could happen it's possible it is possible you know what there are so many plot holes with severance why didn't that lady just shit herself on the way down the elevator every day she'd come back she's like why am i shitting myself that's all she had to do she didn't have to she didn't have to do any other you know hindsight is 2020 i guess yeah what if um this whole time you like i think about this sometimes what if you're actually just alone in like a locked room in like a psychiatric hospital and you're imagining everything and you're just talking to yourself and there are like nurses who are like watching you right now just like peering

into the door window and being like that guy's doing it again he's just staring at a wall and talking to himself in that case i'm fucking awesome because i got a good imagination yeah i wouldn't even be upset at that because i'm i mean it's pretty fucking pretty fucking sick i'm a podcaster you know this is an awesome world what do you what do you guys think of the idea that everyone in the entire world isn't real and you're the only one that's real i don't think that's very true that is so narcissistic of you to say but what but like but like what what if what if that is like what if i'm not real what if i'm just a figment of your imagination wouldn't that make sense that probably would make sense right like so you're saying that

you're not real specifically you everyone yeah i agree with mika like if there's anyone here that's not real it's probably you there's this uh short story called the egg theory i think where the guy dies and and god is like all right you're going back in this time you're gonna be a little like a field worker in china in the 1300s and he's like what and god is like oh yeah you're everybody like you will live you will live the life of every single human until the end of time and everything you do everyone you interact with and every everyone you flip off and say fuck you do is just you from a different life so we're all god yeah yeah all the egg yeah and then once he and then once he's done with all the lives he ascends and he gains

this higher higher knowledge holy shit so like isn't this buddh? I don't know. I don't think so. I think Buddhism is a little different because in Buddhism there's no guarantee that you'll be reincarnated as a human depending on your karma. But don't you get reborn infinitely which means you can be reborn as everything? Up to a certain point

because I believe at a certain point if your karma is bad enough you are what? you get if your karma is low enough you get banned by the auto moderator no I think what happens

is you get reborn as what's called a hungry ghost at least in Tibetan Buddhism you get reborn as a hungry ghost so you basically ha tibetan buddhism you get reborn as a hungry ghost so you basically haunt people and you're like and you're a spirit sounds fun as fuck yeah it's actually like a very um like it's very depressing to think about because if you accrue negative karma and get banned by the mods you're kind of like uh you're in a downward spiral because let's say you get reborn like let's say your karma wasn't good enough to be to be reborn as a human you get reborn as a tiger

well now you're like killing other animals to survive but an act of killing is going to bring you bad karma oh it's sort of like an rng loot box kind of thing yeah except the worse you roll the worse it's gonna get right there was a tough yeah dude there was this story of this um this legend of this uh monk or i don't know what his rank was in in buddhism but he saw a family of tigers and he was so uh afraid that the tiger was going to kill its cubs because it was so hungry that this monk threw himself to the tiger in the hopes that it would give this tiger like it would not affect this tiger's karma at least a little bit yeah what an empath and then and then the tiger was like great

i guess the tiger did eat pretty well that and then And then poured milk on him and ate him out of a bowl with a spoon. You know, maybe I was thinking of Hinduism. I would love if some of the viewers could shed some light on the atrocities that we just pretended to know about. Yeah. I think we've spread like 15 minutes

worth of misinformation. And we're about to do it again for another 30 minutes. Well, i remember that mika was right mika's very very right about i might have been wrong i don't know someone should fact check me that's just what i learned in my buddhism class oh yeah oh you took buddhism class damn yeah i took it as an elective for my degree nice yeah let's let's let's not talk about religion let's talk about love okay um what what do you want to guys talk about man i love all of you oh well not to get too philosophical on you panda but one could argue if there is a religion and there is a creator

then wouldn't love and religion be synonymous? Absolutely. Let's talk about the main question of Christianity and how God can be omnipotent, omnibenevolent, and omnipresent at all three at once. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it is. I'm an atheist.

We will continue this conversation at the Patreon segment. Follow us through, everybody. God's son is God. Like, what? Well, a couple people would disagree with you. Baba Boo! Baba Boo!