Sleep Deprived Podcast - WE WON THE MEGA MILLIONS - Sleep Deprived Podcast #67

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

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Hey everybody, welcome back to the Sleep Deprived Podcast episode 67. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Alright! Yeah! Guys, the Mega Millions is over a billion dollars. That doesn't make sense anymore.

It's the Mega Millions, not the Mega Billions. It doesn't... Billions? That's too many. What would you do if you won a billion dollars uh i'd be scared because i hear about people who win the lottery like nine times out of ten like die within a year what wait what yeah are you talking about that like people come and hunt them try to steal from them that's why that's why you need to get a trust if you win the lottery if you win a lottery from them. That's why you need to get a trust if you win the lottery. If you win the lottery, you need to tell nobody,

and you need to immediately invest a bunch of it and move to Cancun. Yeah, but imagine the crushing weight of carrying a secret that you won a billion dollars. That's not that bad. You wouldn't tell. No, no. I heard about the thing you're talking about. I don't know if it's like nine and 10 dying. I don't know what that is, but like, uh, there is like, uh, like lottery syndrome where people

win and then they just become super depressed. I'm like, they have a terrible quality of life after winning. Yeah. Cause everybody that knew and loved them is only trying to get shit out of them after yeah yeah that's why you tell nobody and then they just wonder why you're driving into your car and you're wearing fancy clothing yeah you don't think they're gonna notice your new like 30 000 square foot mansion on a private island that's the thing though like i actually don't know what I would do with that money. I guess a house. I guess a house. That's about it.

Yeah, I'll just get more food. Would you take the annuity or the lump sum? I don't even know the difference. So the lump sum is they'll pay you all of it and it all gets taxed immediately? Or the annuity is you get monthly installments like a stipend? Probably all at once. But you'd want to immediately invest it, right? Yeah, you would. You would.

Immediately put it in something. What? A billion dollars? I wouldn't invest a billion dollars. That's a billion dollars. A guy, his name's Dan Giesling or something. He won Big Brother. You get a couple million or something.

I don't know. He just invested almost all of it immediately and then you know basically made back the tax yeah man and you can and you can so true so that the way the way when you have that much money it's it's like a little cheat code because you can put it in anything that it can be as secure as possible. You could put it in like the lowest yielding bond ever that will guarantee it grows at like 1% year over year. And that will still give you millions of dollars a year with taking nothing out of the original investment. Like that money will just be yours forever. That's what i would probably do i'd put it like in a in a bond or something and then yeah infinite money glitch and then

you just live off the like six million per year you get from like the yep you get from the interest so if it's a billion you're probably losing half to taxes and shit yeah Yeah. 500 million, and then you have income tax on top of that, right? So you probably have 300 million left with. Only a measly 300 million. Oh, man. 300 million times.01. Wouldn't that be 10% return? That would be 10% flat. You got to do times.01 1% return

that would be 10% oh my bad yeah you're right that is literally $300,000 a year that's honestly that's pretty nice that's 1%

that's the lowest isn't.00101% no that would be 1001. Isn't.001 0.1 percent? No, that would be 1 percent. Wait, isn't 0.1 0.1 1. .001. No, no, no. Mika, I think you might be wrong. No, no, no.

You're wrong, Mika. You might have fucked me. No, 1.1 0.1 1. .1 is 10 percent. Yeah. .01 is 1. Yeah, no, no. So that's what I'm saying.

Schlatt was doing.1. That's 10 percent. No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. No, he was doing.01. No, no, no. He was doing.0001. M 10 no i wasn't no no he was doing 0.01 no no no no no you fucked up you fucked up you fucked up no i did it man you would live on three million dollars yeah that's more right that's right that's more right wait that's more right hold on let me the

math does not the data is not in the math does not check out the datum is in you should be living off three million dollars but you should also be multiplying by 0.01 i don't know how you yeah that's what he was doing originally and then you told him to give you ted said no i'm pretty sure he said 0.1 no he didn't roll the tape moist roll the tape 300 million times 0.01 whatever dude just just take the l 300 million times 0.01 yeah gives me a million one two. It gives me three million. That's what I said. Oh my god. I'm done with you. You are so... You are bro. What?

Get out of here. You are bro. You are bro. Oh yeah? Well, what would you do with the lottery mega millions jackpot? I would make fucking videos on that shit that would be hilarious i'd be like i'd have like a daily vlog over over like here's what i'm doing with the money here's

the stupid shit i spent it on oh yeah and also here are the new people in my life that turned out to be snakes and everyone would just be falling or falling along i'd be like a little crew yeah my my dad asked me for five million dollars fucking pussy i said i said no i'm not buying you that house my mom asked me for money for her medical bills is she kidding what what a snake bro giving all that money away to amaranth on onlyfans dude i could she deserves that i can save my friend's business from defaulting and it's a genuinely good business he just fell on hard times freaking snake man fucking pussy asshole help from me i never help people they should know that damn that's pretty cold man yeah i do that one uh

call of duty youtuber that like lives in the woods and just vlogs there now what i'm talking about the one who had a dog or something i don't know it's like some call to the commentator like doesn't actually live in the woods but he like kind of does like he's like a house like in the forest kind of away from everything and he just like vlogs there he just like retired on his call of duty money that i want to do that i want to live in the woods like dead mouse you know where you like built that he built his own cell tower in his backyard nice if i had that much money i would uh i would buy a lot of magic cards at mint condition. And I would buy some Borbet type A rims. Borbet type A?

Yeah. What the fuck did you say? Borbet? Yeah. Bro, what? Why would you buy those? They're so fat. Dude, they look really good on German. On German? They look really good on German. On German? They look really

good on Euro cars. Trust me. They don't hate... On your little shitbox old BMW. I don't have that. They look really good. I don't have that. You don't have that? I have an old Volkswagen. Dude, they're so fat. Why are they so fat?

Dude. They're funny looking. They're awesome. Or I would get KW Turbos. KW Turbo. KW Turbo. Sounds like a radio station. I'd get really expensive Pokemon cards. KW Turbo.

It actually does. I'd get that one Charizard Pokemon card. The one hanging from logan paul's neck yeah honestly that's pretty fucking hard that's one of the coolest things ever done dude you'd have to uh if you want it you'd have to like walk up to him and like rip it from his neck dude he'd kill me probably he'd snap my neck i mean his neck snapping would probably be justice right oh he'd snap my neck for what he did he would snap my neck i would be the one who's getting snapped well then that would just be ironic considering oh yeah if he snapped your neck panda he'd have to give an apology you know who else gave an apology recently that one was smooth come on

that one was pretty good that's why it was but uh yeah Will Smith apologized for what for uh you know for giving Chris Rock the old slap oh the slap well I haven't seen the apology, to be honest.

I don't know what he apologized for. I think you should slap him again. I think so, too. Schlatt, did you see the apology? What apology? Will Smith apologized. He did?

I'm sorry. I'm just totally preparing for the 69th episode of this podcast where i leave hey man come on what what just let us have a couple good episodes without you mentioning it fine okay i am gonna be gone in two episodes we're two episodes away you guys gonna have to figure out what to do without me. True. I don't want to think about it, okay? I don't want to either.

It's kind of hard because like, what are we going to do without you? I don't know. That's not my problem, is it? Is that my problem? Why are you leaving? Why are you leaving? It's because it's funny oh yeah i mean astro mika do you guys think it's funny um like i i could understand no you're not supposed to say it's funny it's kind of funny

it's kind of funny that i'm leaving. Yeah, the sleep deprived. It started on my channel, man. It started on my YouTube channel. And then Mika. Remember that first episode when me and Mika were doing it? And then Mika left after six minutes. I love how you always hammer that point. Legitimately actually said, I'm done with this podcast that you are really happy

about, Schlatt, I'm gonna crush your hopes and dreams. Hold on a second. Well, guess what? Now I'm crushing yours. And revenge feels so sweet. This is like Homelander-esque. Honestly? Yeah. Pretty psyched. I fuck with that, Schlatt.

You fuck with that? You fuck with me? Is that kind of base? I think it's kind of do, yeah. Is that kind of base? I think it's kind of base, yeah. Is that kind of base? Everyone can thank Mika for me departing. Oh my god. Damn. You're mad.

Mika would get like death threats. Yeah. Yeah. Or he could be praised. People would start being ironic about it and they'd be like me because they're go yeah but i know that that they were being ironic so well sometimes on the internet people get so ironic they just aren't anymore you know they're just serious like post irony i don't know it like... I think it's post-post-irony. It's like... It's become you. You know the impact font, right? Like, that's just unironic now. People just

do it like it used to be. Isn't that crazy? I think that's awesome. I think it is awesome. Yeah, impact font actually, um, it provides... it, like, gives good impact. Nice. So you guys want to go to Trump Burger?

What the fuck is Trump Burger? It's Trump Burger, man. I love how we're not even trying to do these segues anymore. You guys see Vin Diesel recently? You guys hear about the Choco Taco? Yo, wait, why are you... Here's everything we're going to talk about today, guys. Did we talk about Will Smith's apology?

Yes, we mentioned the apology. Taylor Swift has emitted more CO2 than the average U.S. American does in 550 years. Damn, dude, she's stinky. In one year, right? Yeah, I think so. how do you fuck that much which one which one do you want to talk about first let's let's hit all these okay um i really want to talk about um the panda one where it says you got a vasectomy we forgot that one oh you got you got your tubes tied no't. Oh, sorry, I wrote that one down. Oh.

I figured you wanted to talk about it. A panda. It wasn't you putting down, um, putting down, uh, I, uh, cut my own ears off? You know what I did watch? I ended up watching American Psycho. Oh, nice. Did you like it? Honestly, honestly, not really.

What the fuck? Fuck you. Why didn't you like it? Um, I don't... You know what I like? I like the part where Patrick Bateman started dancing, but before he killed someone, he was, like, wiggling around. I thought that was really... I think he's really funny.

Yeah. I think he's unintentionally funny as fuck. Would you still love Patrick Bateman if he was a worm? Mika, would you love me if I was a worm? I mean, like, I guess I would, like, protect you.

You'd protect him? Yeah, like, the other day I was walking, and I saw this, like, half-burnt the on the pavement i felt really bad for it burnt yeah like you know how you know how worms like when it gets really hot they start like turning into a crisp right what you've never seen this no yeah i've seen that no a panda is so right this worm bro he looked like anakin skywalker after like after like getting like in the lava yeah so i felt so bad for the little guy that i

picked him up and i just like put him in the shade in the in the dirt and grass i was like i hope i hope you have a second chance buddy well have fun because that worm is going to turn into Darth Vader and ruin the world. Wow. Thanks a lot. See, the thing is, Anakin Skywalker turned into Darth Vader because he had very bad influence from Emperor Palpatine, who was actually a Sith Lord, Lord Sidious. And perhaps if the Jedi had actually listened to his concerns and not taught him to detach all his feelings from everything. Similar to the way that Luke now teaches the Jedi to actually indulge in their attachments and love. Perhaps Anakin Skywalker would have done much better.

They discontinued the Choco Taco. What is a Choco Taco? I've never had one. What? Oh my god, man. You fucking... I hope Canada gets duped. What? Yeah, I've never had one oh my god man you fucking i hope canada gets what yeah i've never had a taco taco i saw pictures like it looks like a banger to be honest but uh it's really you know what mika i've never had either i don't even know if that is oh my god i haven't either i've never

what you haven't either no no what the? I was better at Klondike bars. What is this? I don't know. It's so much better than a Klondike. The drumsticks are my favorite. Well, it's a lot like a drumstick. Okay. But it's got the...

But it's a taco? Honestly, this is kind of cool looking. This looks really cool. This is the number one thing to get at the pool. But Astro, how could you have had a Choco Taco? I thought you were vegan. True. It wasn't when I was a kid.

Oh, so you're missing that kind of food, aren't you? No, not really. Oh. Because I mean... Oh. You really wish you could have some ice cream right now, right? No. Honestly, I wish I could have like a pizza. Pizza is good.

I think I would go for a pizza, yeah. Yeah. Ice cream. Pizza is good. I think I would go for a pizza, yeah. Yeah. Ice cream. Mmm, delicious. Are you happy with going vegan, though, generally? Yeah, I feel a lot like healthier. Like I feel less lazy, more energy. Yeah, that's a big upside.

Yeah, I just relied on antidepressants. What? What? Sorry, go ahead,latt yeah uh anyone have prozac no i was i was more of a lexa pro kind of guy oh word yeah yeah no like i i tried going vegan well i i tried going vegetarian and it worked for like a year but um at a certain point like i just i became like unhealthy because i think i was doing it wrong and my my diet was like mainly like bread and carbs yeah that's really bad yeah so so um i think i think I messed up there.

That's what happens, man. You eat too much bread, they put you on SSRIs. They're like, you need some Serafem right now, dude. We got to get some fluoxetine into you. Dude, these have to be fake words. That's not a real word. Fluoxetine? That's literally what the drug is.

Fluoxetine. Yes. That's not a real word. That's literally what the drug is. That's what Prozac is. Yes. Isn't it? I know the Lexapro is escitalopram or some shit. Escitalopram. Yeah. No, that's not real, man. It sounds like a Pokemon.

What? It's a less than legendary Pokemon. Xanax is Alprazolam or some Or some shit Just say Xanax What are you talking about I'm one of those fuckers who like Doesn't say the name of the animal I say the genus and species too

You're like Jimmy Neutron When instead of saying salt he was like N-A-C-L This is my pet it's a Canis eruptus. At the restaurant, I'm like, can I have some H2O? Excuse me, fine server. May I please have some NACL? Good gentle, sir.

Dude, that's like the most red-headed thing ever. They just overcomplicate things to sound smart. Thanks for the NACL, kind stranger. Look up synonyms and use the biggest one. Damn, I used to sound smart. Thanks for the NACL, kind stranger. Look up synonyms and use the biggest one. Yeah. Damn, I used to do that. And like use it wrong in a sentence. Yeah. I used to do that in school,

actually. Yeah, me too. For papers. So, the western lowland gorilla, does anyone know what those are scientifically called? Lowland? Did you just say Loh-wan? That's not fucking real, dude. What are you talking about?

Loh-wan? Loh? Loh? Loh-wan? You must have misheard me. He didn't say Loh. He didn't say Loh, man. He said Loh-wan.

He said Loh-wan. You must have misheard me. The Western Lowland Gorilla. Do you know the scientific name, the name that scientists call this species? Gorilla, gorilla, gorilla, gorilla. Gorilla, gorilla, gorilla. Three gorillas. Three gorillas, that's what it's called.

Three gorillas? Yes, gorilla, gorilla, gorilla. Scientific name. What the hell? Dude, that reminds me of that V that reminds me of that v sauce episode where he's like oh yeah the longest sentence with one word is buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo and then there's like more buffaloes or something yeah because because buffalo is a verb buffalo in the city and then yeah so buffalo's from buffalo buffalo and then some shit i don't know realize

realize realize no realize oh what holy shit yeah what yeah real eyes real eyes god yep jesus wow wow dude that's i'm hard really yeah would you go to lawland what is lawland what are you talking about man like what are you actually

what's the thing would you go what what i i'm i'm not understanding a single word that's coming out of your mouth right now. Some zoomer opens up a rage face amusement park. That'd be hard. Have you guys heard about Travis the monkey? No, what is Travis the monkey?

I think that's the ape that ripped off someone's face. Yeah, that's the danger. It's all cute when it's a little baby monkey and then it hits age three and gets puberty. and then it hits you know age three gets puberty and then yeah one day it has it's like oh i can't eat my food right now goodbye face so guys exciting news uh there's a new gta6 coming out really uh? It's been kind of announced from what I'm understanding. It's confirmed.

There's going to be a GTA 6. I heard there's going to be a fucking woman in it. Oh my god, the liberal agenda again. I don't know. I think gamers are more so sexist than they are racist, maybe. Maybe.

I think they're both, to be honest. They are both, but which one is more? I don't know about that. Vote in the comments. Like, seriously? I can't tell. Type sexist or racist in the comments for which one you think is better.

I feel like it would just be equal. Dude, it's pretty funny how like no no it's not funny it's funny how they announce like something extremely simple like yeah we're gonna have playable women characters because that's something our game hasn't had before and that's gonna be super cool right Mika you've fallen for the liberal woke and then and then like like you scold millions of people have a mental breakdown because they can't I don't get it like make it make sense grant auto warrior man they will sell zero copies because of this change do you know one will buy them yeah Yeah. Yes. Company's going under. Sales will go down. They should never have done this.

They should have thought before they did this. Think the fuck with a gamer. Don't fuck with gamers. Don't fuck with us. That's what we say. Don't fuck with gamers. We look Take-Two Interactive right in the eyes, and we say, don't fuck with us. Don't fuck.

And then we let them remove all workshop content and don't do a single thing about it. I'm a gamer. I've lived countless lives slaying dragons and finding the master emeralds. My shirt says I paused my game to be here. Dude, I used to wear shirts like that when I was younger. Oh, God. Like, I had the sarcastic comment loading shirt. I had that.

Eat, sleep, game, repeat. I don't think I had that one. To be honest, those shirts go hard. I had the silly, stupid shirts. Those shirts go hard. Yeah, they might have a comeback. You'll see, like, people walking down fashion shows wearing them in a couple years. I can see that.

I can see it. Yeah. Guys, we have a Patreon, patreon.com slash sleepdeprived, and one of our tiers, which is kind of embarrassing if you can't afford, right? True. The lowest tier is $5, and you get access to the extended episode of the podcast. And it goes on for so much longer. And we are honestly way funnier over there.

Yeah, pretty sweet deal, to be honest. There's also a lot of people who pay more money to tell us to say shit at the end of each episode. And you can join them, too. You can be like BaxG, who says, Listen here, last time I asked one simple thing. I wanted you to call me a bad boy but you scammed me by saying I had to subscribe to Astro's OnlyFans but I had already done that so now will you call me a bad boy Astro Bax G you're a bad boy wow damn Jesus

felt kind of mean Hayden Rivers says about a year ago elon musk was sitting in traffic in los angeles and thought about how cool it would be if he built a tunnel under the city so he built the tunnel under the city and then he started selling hats for his tunnel 50 000 hats later he got bored with hats and he switched the hats out for flamethrowers he sold 20 000 of those and then five days, he tied his car up to the most powerful rocket ever made and he fucking launched it into space. And then the rocket fucking landed itself. Oh my god. You should be doing that

in a video. Moist, put my address on screen. Someone hire a hitman and come murder me. screen someone hire a hitman and come murder me um a buster block says i want astro to do a baby laugh but not just any baby laugh i want him to laugh as demonstrated in this video and then you guys laughed at me when i did it why don't you guys do it together there's nothing together there's nothing stopping you okay That would help me a lot. 3, 2, 1, go.

That sucked. That did suck. Quail said, Hi, Quail here. I like having Mika say embarrassing things, so here's my new one for this month. Anyone but Mika. Come here, Mika- my new one for this month. Oh, God. Anyone but Mika. Come here, Mika-chew.

Mika starts purring mixed with eating. No, Mika's got to do that part. Mika, you have to do it. You have to purr mixed in with eating noises. I don't know how to do that. Mika! Mika! People pay money for this shit.

Purring mixed with eating. Like, do you guys want me to get food? Yes! Now! Make the noise. I'll go get a banana. No, no, no, no, no. Right now. Pretend. This is pretend. Okay, I'm not a good actor, though.

Come here, Mikachu. It's time for your poke snack Poke snack Hey man and shlogi start fighting. Uh, hey, man. Uh. Wait, why are you humping him? Whoa! What the hell? Shekel, the tail rotor

of a UH-60 Blackhawk produces 500 pounds of lift. That's awesome, man. That's pretty interesting. Shlogi. Anyways, guys, man. That's pretty interesting. Shlogi. Anyways, guys, we're going to continue the podcast on Patreon. Go subscribe or else it's kind of lame if you can't afford it. Bye.

Baba booey.