Sleep Deprived Podcast - WHAT THE %#&@? - SDP #107

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

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hey everybody welcome back to the sleep deprived podcast episode 107 i'm your host i almost said a swear word what i can't we can't swear in the first 45 seconds i gotta be really careful be careful man you're really teetering the line yeah you can't flip and do that anymore dude our worms video got age restricted because we said a naughty word yeah dude we were we were all so sad about that um love worms so much you just swore oh wait okay mika get out the editing song i'll get out i'll boot up the old audacity trucker mouth oh what the shoot, man? What the scallop?

What the frickin' shrimp, dude? What the shrimp, bro? What the poop, bro? We should come up with swear words for each swear word to substitute, if that makes sense. Okay, I think skillet instead of S-H-I-T. I don't want to say it.

Skillet? Yeah, like, ah think skillet instead of S-H-I-T. I don't want to say it. Skillet? Yeah, like, ah, skillet. That's a pretty good one. I think it's pretty interesting you went with, like, a two-syllable direction instead of a one-syllable direction. You got to get creative with it, you know? Yeah, that's fair. I was being pretty narrow-minded.

Like, sometimes I can have pretty rigid thinking, so thanks for, like for expanding my mind. What do you guys think of the word crap? You sound so sarcastic when you say it. Sorry. Do you hate it? How do you feel about the word crap? Crap?

I think it's having a comeback. It's in. I think it's a bit of a crap shoot. Yeah, I kind of agree. It's funny ironically, but hearing someone actually say crap it's like just say a swear just swear it would be really cool if joe biden said crap though yeah i guess crap you know you would definitely say that yeah i can see uh joe biden pulling up with the he double hockey sticks oh yeah no actually honestly joe biden just swears

like there's clips of him where he's just so it's like they'll just be like shut the fuck up that's probably honestly that's probably like his best trait you ever seen the one where he like uh he's like talking in front front of a bunch of military veterans and he's just like insulting them like that's probably his one cool trait is that he swears yeah that he's just like he'd be the type of person like flip people off well he probably doesn't have like the frontal lobe strength anymore to hold it in he's probably like letting them fly left and right there's no brain so dry yeah there's no layer of consciousness there it's just like one layer just like yes or no like a thought comes into his brain and he just it's like it's a binary number

you know like older people when when they get like really old they just like lose that inhibition yeah that's gonna be crazy because i already have none of that so i feel like i'm gonna be really unhinged yeah you're gonna be like you're gonna be interesting for sure i'm gonna be an asshole i kind of wonder what sort of things like joe biden is saying behind the scenes you know or like if he's at political meetings with like big political leaders like he meets up with putin he's like your shoes look ugly man and then putin's like this is why like trump way more than you yeah i don't think he's been meeting up with Putin very often. That's a brilliant vote.

Trump calls Putin. He's like, yeah, this guy, I don't really like this guy. Yeah. There's another swear word. I don't like the cut of your jib. I am not saying that. Joe Biden would definitely say that. He would say that.

Yeah. That's in fact, there's probably clips of him saying it. I don't like the cut of your jib, Jack. That does sound like something he would say that yeah that's i in fact there's probably clips of him saying it i don't like the cut of your jib jack that does sound like something he'd say yeah what what what happened to hit the road jack like calling people jack what happened to that well he's bringing it back dude he's ushering in a new wave of jackia jack back in jack you think joe biden jack's off that's a good question once the last time he's ever like not really something i want to think about can we just sometimes you have to think about things that you don't want to think about yeah i mean sure but if i have some say in the matter art is about pushing boundaries when's the last time you think you got hard? That like at least 20 years.

Can we rewind a second? I just want to apologize for sounding so sarcastic. I can say it again. No, that's not what I'm saying. No, I'm saying. When's the last time you think Biden was hard? When he was stiff as. So rewind to when I asked the question again.

No, that's not. Do you think that Joe Biden jacks off? I'm sorry. No, I'm saying. I'm sorry. Okay. It probably has. I mean, old people just shrink.

Like they shrink in their height. I don't know if that applies to the... Okay, yeah, go ahead, Mika. Let Mika do his piece here. I just wanted to apologize that I sounded sarcastic when I was talking to you. I really did think what you said kind of like expanded my mind like it was cool thanks penis

no about skillet instead of shit so do we have any more like panda do you have like what's one we could do for like the f word fudge that that's too like it has to be something new avant-garde you know like something that we haven't heard before i feel like the f-word is so concise yeah like it's just such a good release that it's i don't know if fudge really cuts the mustard for it you know what about just cuck like what the cuck i don't know about that one either would you i feel just cuck? Like what the cuck? I don't know about that one either. I feel like cuck is a bad word, but it's not, I guess. Yeah, I wonder how many times we could say it before getting flagged by YouTube. Cuck, cuck, cuck.

Let's not find out. Let's not find out. I mean, honestly, there's something very Shakespearean about cuck. You know, like it's a very like Shakespearean word. Imagine a play. It's like The Whale, but it's called The Cuck. And then he says, I'm the whale. It all takes place in one room.

You know, there's like a cuck chair that the cuck is always sitting on. I mean, how many cucks do you think we have in our audience? Lots, dude. I think they're all getting cucked right now watching this shit. Well, actually, I want you to give me a number. How many cucks do we have? Well, there's one in the call right now. Oh, Mika is calling you out. Not Mika.

Dude, why are you talking about yourself in third person? That's weird. Well, let's just say it might be the other person. Craig? Craig isn't a person. That's weird. Let's just say it might be the other person. Craig? Craig isn't a person. That's rude. There's no context for the audio listeners who Craig is.

Have we never talked about Craig? Craig is my made-up figment of my imagination. Every time we call, I just put him in the call. I think in the episode that just came out, we mentioned Craig, but there was zero context for who Craig was or what we just sound insane yeah this guy Craig in our call oh yeah is this a good

time to talk about last week's episode oh yeah yeah especially for the people on the patreon segment you might have heard a part where everyone was just losing their minds astro was saying enemy ac 130 above going completely bonkers um we had a soundboard that we were playing and absolutely nothing picked up so we just sound completely deranged in that episode. The best part is he didn't explain it. So people are going to be really confused. Yeah, I didn't explain it at the start of the episode. I thought it would just be really funny to just let it be deranged. Yeah, so we'll see how many, you know, viewers call, I don't know, hospitals for us or whatever. Yeah, or how many people decide to call in this time around anyways i think a good

substitute for f for the f word i honestly do think flip is just so good my problem is i want us to invent a new one you know like i want it to be i want it to be so fresh because fudge flip i mean even cuck it's just it's not fresh enough we should just invent an entire like are you saying like an entirely new word wait what if we just made a new language and then we did all the podcast episodes in our own proprietary language sure that sounds pretty good do you want to like start okay uh glorp gleap glorp dot do do you love it gigan boop yeah Warp-dop-doo-doo-sh-doo-bop-lee-la-ba. Geegan Boop. Yeah. Geegan Michael Kell.

It's Key. Geegan Michael Key. I feel like a good substitute for the F word would, and it's not a real word, would be Fid. Fid? Yeah, Fid. That doesn't have the oomph. That doesn't have the oomph.

What about what the Fid? Fid. Yeah. Yeah, what about what the Fid? Yeah, Fid. That doesn't have the oomph. What about what the Fid? Fid, yeah. Yeah, what about what the Fid? See, my reasoning is, if we want to break it down, the F sound is a continuous release of air, right? So you can really lean into it

and just really let her rip. And you release this pent-up energy with like a sudden stop like the consonant at the end is just a stop like the sound it's so satisfying so it's it's honestly like hard to even like compete with fuck because i feel like everything is just so i don't know like it's already perfected the swear you know what it might actually be the perfect swear word i've been just trying to think mean? It might actually be the perfect swear word. I've been just trying to think of a swear word. There's, like, any swear word.

No, I, like, just trying to make my own. Like, when I think of the word fuck, like, it has, like, like, the U is so enunciated. So it's just so strong. I'm trying to think of something just strong. Dude, fuck is hot. I would fuck fuck fuck i'm honestly uh i'm pretty into nuts like nuts yeah dude what the nuts you're into nuts

well cashews pistachios almonds oh okay like list. In my opinion, pistachio is 100% S tier. That's, like, the best nut. Pistachio? Pistachio. The only reason you could lower it is because it's, like, very expensive. But at this point, like, cashews are expensive, too. So, like, pistachios. I love cashews.

Cashews are good, but, like, pistachios just, like, slay. If cashews were a vagina. Cachu. That kind of sounds like a swear. Cachu. Cachu. What the cachu? That one's got some zest to it.

I kind of like that one a little. Zest sounds like an old-timey bad word that's not said anymore. Zest? But it was. I think it might actually be. No,'t think so genius i think zest is just like it like isn't it doesn't it mean like the the lemon peel shavings that you put onto something to add flavor and like bite isn't that where it came from but you could also say like zesty like everybody in episode 100 was

calling me zesty right i don't really know exactly what it means but i think i have an idea well i think zesty would mean that would indicate that you have the zest like i like have lemon zest all over me it's like i don't think it has to be lemon zest but i like lemon zest you have zest yeah i like zest hey yo i got a bone to pick with the subreddit okay what happened man someone put this fucking uh you know thread out there they were like hey i'm writing a chat gpt through a script you know because they all do this they like try to like uh into a chat GPT and create their own podcast script. It's never going to be as good as ours. Never.

Anyway, they were like, I got Schlatt, Mika's, and Panda's personalities down, but I don't have any information on Astro. Except that he likes shoving avapositors up his ass, which isn't even true. And so they're asking everybody, what do you know about Aststerisk we could feed something in

and some guy responded and this is what he said let's hear it his first this is my first personality trait he's vegan and you know what they ended it with you know what they ended it with? He's also a streamer. That's not what I want to be defined by. I don't think that's the worst thing you can be defined by, though. Pick up this chicken wing. We can change that. I don't want to be the vegan streamer. I don't think... Stores!

Dude, can you change your name to the vegan streamer? That'd be fucking awesome. The vegan streamer. Just sign on awesome a vegan streamer just sign on to every stream with like hey guys what's up guys it's the vegan streamer here hope you're remembering to substitute that milk that's the worst guy what did they say about me they didn't say because they said they already knew about all of you they just didn't know say about me? They didn't say because they said they already knew about all of you. They just didn't know anything about me. They also said I have a cynical view of the world. Is that wrong, though?

Like, in the nicest way possible. I guess it is true. But it just paints me as an interesting person. Vegan streamer who hates life. Well, I don't know if you hate life. Is that true? I love life. Panda, does Astro hate life?

Yes. Panda, describe me in three words. So this guy can read his chat. Vegan, vegan, and vegan. Fuck. I'm just going to embrace it. it listen if it makes you feel any better my friend path has put me on uh this the plant

based diet like I was inspired by them to try yeah and honestly like the days that I do eat plant-based I just feel so much better yo the days where I eat juicy steak I feel amazing I can feel the blood of the cow go inside of me i think that's awesome i think that's sleigh plants fuck plants i love eating meat i'm a

fucking raw dogger meat eater i think that has a different meaning what you intended dude uh yeah no but panda you can you can eat how you want to eat yeah you can raw dog as much as you want man you don't have to subscribe to i want to i would get a narrow i would get a little arrow man and i would kill every plant i see raw dog them with you 100 accuracy with a bow and arrow with a bow and arrow? With a bow and arrow Pierce every vegetable Every lime You'll be half your way through Pulling that bow back

And then you'll get constipated and get a stomach ache Dude I love being constipated You're a freak I've never heard that in my entire life No one has ever heard that So you guys like shitting all the time? Couldn't be me I hold it in and when it comes out it's like a boulder, and it's impressive.

I don't even know what to say. Mika, if you put an apple on your head, I would get that apple off your head with my crossbow. Thank you, like William Tell or something. I'm gonna kill every vegetable.

I think it would be kind of hard for you to like work through every single vegetable on the planet it would be really tough tell me about a pumpkin how could I not kill a pumpkin no you could but all of them if I had

enough time I could get the biggest hammer smashed through every pumpkin I don't know if you could, dude. There's got to be at least like... I could kill every single pumpkin. Mika, if every pumpkin was in a room, I could kill them all. Okay, but that's... It's not going to make it that easy for you.

You're not going to... Yeah, and not to mention... Well, hypothetically, if there was a pumpkin convention and all the pumpkins came together to get cards, I could carve them all with this bow and arrow and kill them all. Hannah, it's just not going to happen. And there's got to be at least like 200 000 pumpkins in the world like minimum i guarantee minimum 200 000 on planet earth right now all right so if i spent a second killing each single one i get that done in like a month uh this doesn't seem the math doesn't really yeah but

you you gotta add in you gotta factor in travel time right you gotta like travel between countries like i promise you there's a pumpkin somewhere in japan are you defending plants so bad i just want to kill them and here you are number one court defender of i eat dead plants every day we all do see that's fucked up because plants cry. Good. All right, so if you... Astro, if you saw a green bean crying right in front of your face... Yeah? You wouldn't feel any remorse?

Well, I'd be really confused. What if that green bean has... What if that green bean has a mother? Children? Honestly, I would think that I'm on some sort of LSD, like I've been spiked with a drug, because I don't think green beans cry. Okay okay can i share something really trippy with you okay uh so like someone needs to fact check me because i heard this like a month ago when i was

half asleep on tiktok but um apparently plants like make noise hell yeah like clicking noise that we just can't hear and apparently they communicate with each other with those clicking noises that is so cute yeah so like maybe there's more to plants than meets the eye you know what i'm saying transformers i think it's cool to eat meat man i think it rocks. All right, so if I got you a burger, would you eat it? I would eat it, but I would love if you did. Asher, what do I have to do to get you to eat this big, juicy, fat, thick burger?

Money. How much? I don't know. Like, how much are you offering? A hundred bucks. I mean, think about it. A hundred bucks? A hundred and a half. No, no, you could buy so many green beans with a hundred bucks.

That's not what I want to do with $100. Why do you think that's what I want to do? Buy $100 of green beans? Bro, I'm probably a streamer. You can stream these. I'm not the vegan streamer. He's not the vegan streamer panda. He's the cynical vegan streamer.

Mika, you're the defender of vegetables. No, he's. If I need a lawyer for vegetables, I know who to call, Mika, but're the defender of vegetables. If I need a lawyer for vegetables, I know who to call, Mika, but I'm not calling. Okay, I will gladly go to bat for vegetables. I'm not the vegan streamer. I'm the vegan streamer.

The cynical vegan streamer. Dude, that is the worst gamer tag ever. Holy shit. C-V-S for short. Imagine dying to a guy by a nuke in MW2 and his name pops up and it's like the cynical vegan streamer. T-T-V at the end.

It gives me the same energy as people who have the mustached gentleman. That's like an Elon Musk musk reply guy the mustache gentleman aside from elon's replies it's like a product of its time like elon's kind of a time capsule for like early internet with like he has become this like hey my fellow kids guy pretty much it's insane like if you look at his replies they're actually awesome in like a horrific way like i just saw i just saw this one today where he he posts a tweet that says i'm a little teapot dot dot dot and there's like music emojis around it and so like

some blue check replies and it's like uh darth vader like doing yoga that was like generated by chat gpt or something it's just like like people will reply to him be like this is epic sauce dude you know like his replies are a time capsule you'll see like impact unironic impact font memes doge everywhere like old lingo they will say the phrase dink meme yeah it's like a product of its time it's actually insane it's pretty crazy yeah yeah i i'm i just want to say before we move on to this next topic of internet talking i'm really grateful we had a very fresh conversation about vegetables all right i'm gonna get a sniper oh yeah guys i've been gambling and guess who what one what do you mean you've been gambling you've been playing csgo i've been playing csgo and i've been gambling dude have you

been playing with slat no dude slats been playing csgo too and then i've been playing csgo we all playing csgo but somehow not playing with each other i haven't been playing csgo lately that's true you haven't been playing anything you never game with me well I want to try near oh my god automata 1,2,3

near automata I want to play near automata you're telling me we could be playing CSGO like all the time and you're not playing it with me it's only it's only gambling wait you just booted up to do the cases and guess who fucking won no did you get a knife nope okay what'd you get guess who won oh that probably valve yeah not me how do you think how do you think cs go 2 is gonna do the the whole case thing and also for

our listeners who aren't familiar with cs go or loot boxes if you're not a gamer basically you buy it's like a it's like buying a mystery box from like the internet that has you have no clue what's inside of it you just know you're gonna get something it could be like pretty nice but it could also just be total garbage and these mystery boxes for digital gun skins cost five dollars isn't that crazy i mean there's like a lot of countries in the world that just ban it like it it's insane that it just exists it feels like just wrong you know like it feels wrong right but also it's fun dude one time i won a knife straight up i've actually yeah i remember you told me that that's insane because then i gambled it oh my god you gambled it away yep it would hey to be fair it was shit it was a shitty knife and so like did you lose money i lost money but at one

point it was i remember it was 63 bucks when i when i unwrapped it and then i got like 400 gambling and then i lost it all wow yes so for our listeners who are confused the knife gamble always gamble you will win the knife for the gloves are like the most uh rare and valuable item you can get from the boxes and also uh no you should not gamble guys you must continue gambling because the next time you will win you will win at some point you will win exactly at some point you will win see people always say you can't win with gambling eventually if you pour in a million dollars you gotta win at least once well maybe not but maybe it's on the second million that you win exactly that's why viewers if there's one takeaway from this podcast you just got to keep doing it

no i i can't no what you should not keep doing it you should not gamble please please please don't gamble have you gambled have i gambled have you ever gambled i mean sure i've like gotten loot boxes on overwatch have i won yeah yeah but the thing about that is i feel like what i won like i don't feel good about it if that makes sense it's like i felt good for five seconds and i was like wait i just spent 40 on like loot boxes. And now I don't even remember what they look like and I don't play that game anymore. So it's like I don't like I don't care.

If you give me $100, I will double it for you. How are you going to do that, man? Gambling. What can I hear your your game plan for... Wait, I'll double your $100. Oh, that's my $100, dude. If you give me $100, I will double it.

I don't know how scams work. I was trying to scam you, but I double it and give it to the next person. Dude, those fucking YouTube shorts are so annoying. Every month, one day a month, I just lay down on my bed and I pull up the YouTube shorts and I waste five hours of my time

scrolling through them. And it's the worst shit the family guy yeah sometimes family guy pops up man does it pop off i mean dude okay i actually saw a family guy clip the other day that yeah that actually so it's it should be known that i'm not a family guy fan right but now you are but i saw a gif and you loved it that that i thought was funny what was it i'm gonna post it right now on the craig bot channel can you also i'll explain it it's this gif of peter griffin running around with a horse but he's like in his house and he has meg tied to a lasso and he's dragging her around.

What got me about it, you know, first of all, the absurdity of riding a house or a horse around the house. But also when Meg is being dragged down the stairs, she first smacks against the wall. And then she like stays there for like a good second before being pulled by Peter's lasso. And that's like some Looney Tunes shit, man. That's like some smart animation. It is. Look, I have to give my hats off to Seth MacFarlane.

He really pulled through on this one. Nika, I know you love Family Guy. Well, I used to. I used to be a huge Family Guy head. You used to? Wait, wait, huge family guy had used to wait wait wait wait well no we've talked about this before i told you i had the fifth season on on dvd yeah so what happened

why don't you like it yeah yeah what happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. What happened? Is that what you're asking? Yeah, why don't you like it anymore? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you ask me again? Yeah. I'm trying to have the most insightful. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm being rude. I'm sorry. I just it's I'm watching this loop of this gift. It's really good. Can we put it on the screen? Sure. Yeah, we'll put it on the screen sure yeah we'll put it on the screen uh describe it for people yeah i remember in the last recording one of us had to put something on

the screen and you freaking didn't do it what the heck i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm what the what was it what the what the what the what the what the what the the FID? What the FID? What the FID? Listen, I'm really sorry. It was a genuine accident. You know, what can I say? Sometimes I'm not all there. I need you guys to understand that and to accept me regardless.

Like, I have learned to accept myself. Really? Yeah, man. There's like, you know, I can accept you most of the time, but, you know, there's sometimes where I can't. Like what? Like what, man? I don't know.

Like every once in a while it happens, you know, like you do something that just crosses the line. Can you tell me what? There was that one time where you spit on my shoes. That did not happen. Okay, you're just lying. I'm not lying. Well, there was that one time where you spit on my shoes. That did not happen. Okay, you're just lying. I'm not lying. Well, there was that one time you licked my ear.

That did happen. That didn't... No, that didn't happen. You guys are making things up. It was like a skating rink, Mika. You were like slowly swirling it towards the center. Yeah, like that... You know when SpongeBob like takes his tongue out and goes...

Like that was like... That was what you were doing in there. Yeah, that didn't happen panda you were doing a muck bang in his ear okay panda you know what happened why i stopped liking family guy why because i just didn't feel like i was part of the family anymore oh you felt like brian when he died yeah did you die did your love for family guy die when brian died and it died before that man so you're like wow yeah you're a pre-brian death family guy hater yep wow i mean i think the brian death might be like the peak of the series i think it sucked really i felt like here's what i feel here's my fan theory i feel like seth mcfarland knew people didn't care about the show as much so he's like all right let me kill this character nobody likes and that that's what it felt like to

me like there was no reason he had to die there was zero reason brian griffin brian griffin had to die do you know his middle name too i was just trying to get more punch i was yeah i was trying to find a letter like i was gonna say h brian dog griffin brian d griffin brian a griffin i would kill him again i think they should do it every season. Oh, don't get me wrong. Brian is an awful character, but at least, like, given the actual reason as to why he dies, like, he just got ran over. Why? I don't know.

It's funny. I mean, why does Kenny die in every South Park episode? You know, it's just funny. They should kill him more. They should kill him more. They should just, like, just randomly, like, Peter Griffin falls out a gun, shoots him in the head, and just walks away.

They don't even fucking reference it it just happens for no reason that'd be sick it happens all the time like they'll die and then like they'll just appear later that's kind of cool about being a cartoon character like you die but you never really die wow we're kind of like cartoon characters right in a way yeah so if like i kill panda right now like he'll come back to life i mean if you like kill him fictionally sure but if you like kill well who's to say if it's fictional or not but like we speaking of death we forgot to mention we want to give our sincerest condolences to the nothing but lag oh god we shouldn't even talk dude the way that he died was just i I mean, that was brutal.

Do you really want... No one could have foreseen that an ice cream cone could have gotten stuck in his throat like that. Dude, he died in a barrel. Baba Booey. Baba Booey. If Super Mega became conservatives, they'd be called Super Maga.

Baba Booey. Baba Booey.