Sleep Deprived Podcast - You Are Being Watched. - SDP #85

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

the boys talk about airplanes for 29 minutes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to Ear Biscuit, uh, the Colin and Samir show, no, um, what? He's in a pod. The journal, no. He's in a pod. That was awkward. No. He's in a pod. No, no, no.

He's in a pod. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's come to my attention, you're not measurable. You'll have to work late. Again. He's in a pod. With no overtime. Your project has to be completely redone.

You just can't seem to do anything right. He's in a pod. Yeah, we're sleep deprived 85. Sleep deprived 85. How you doing, everybody? Yeah. He's in a pod. 85.

You know, guys, let's count to 85. One, two, three, four. Wait, wait, you guys are going a little too fast. You know guys, let's count to 85 1 2 3 4 You were going really slow 5 6 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

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41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 41 This is headache simulator. Great. Now that we've lost 95% of everything, everyone watching, let's start the podcast. Mika, shut up. Mika. Mika, calm down.

Here's an injection. Great. Well, thank you, listener, for sticking around. The one person who decided to stick around after that. I'm sure there's some people out there that need to learn how to count, so we're helping them. Yeah. Yeah, the average IQ is probably pretty low.

Pretty high, Asher. Come on. Everyone, welcome back to Peas in a Pod podcast. No. This is a sleep-deprived podcast, Mika. All right. All right? This tomfoolery has to stop.

You're not taking it seriously. We are just a bunch of peas in a pod. Wow, this is funky. I am not a pea. Sorry, it turns out I deceived. Alright, guys. Mika left the podcast. We're looking for replacements,

and honestly, anyone will do. Sorry. We're actually in the works with Nopifyify right now i'm messaging him right now yeah damn he's really gone it's been like a solid 30 seconds now yeah i'm starting to get a little sad i'm not come on we had some good memories we had a couple of them i'm kind kind of excited now. We can be really edgy. There's nothing stopping us. We can do whatever we want now. There's nothing stopping us.

There's no one to rein us in. Oh, my God. And you know what? A panda, you're going to get us kicked off. Oh, does that mean I'm kicked off? Does that mean I have to get off now? Mika, you're not going to like what we talked about for the 45 seconds that you were gone. Just don't watch the cut before

Moist puts it up. Just don't watch it. It'll be fine. I don't know what happened to my internet. I'm talking to you guys on the phone now. Wait, your internet actually died? I thought that was just a funny leave call moment. So, do you think they cut your internet after

how annoying you were at the intro it's kind of like the cia was listening yeah like ready to cut you out because you know we have their interests in mind with all the landlord talk and all those things i mean we on it we're sponsored by the cia i mean i hope that's okay you guys think we have any fed fans any cia fans watching us i think we're all on a list and we have an agent for each of us oh shit we've got a dedicated guy i feel like my guy would be tight i feel like you'd fuck with me he'd be like no i think you have the most like the biggest guy they might have multiple guys on you they might have a whole division on just you yeah and then what they do is they all sit around and watch my videos with

beers in their hands they're like i love this guy he's my favorite they stay up there are live like around the clock 24 7 in an office they have a whole team a whole hierarchy a manager like they report right to the president honestly about, about your activity. My CIA agent, I think, would just see me, like, sitting at my desk with my head in my hands for, like, hours at a time not moving and would be like, wow, this guy needs some help. Holy shit. Mine would see me jerk off all day.

Whoa! What do you jerk off to? Porn. Oh, okay, okay cool what would your guys CIA agents be doing the same thing jerking off as well yeah uh how about your CIA

agent he'd be jerking off wait the CIA agent would be jerking off yeah yeah he'd be jerking off and I would be spying on him oh shit and I'd be jerking off and I would be spying on him. Oh, shit. And I'd be jerking off. You'd be jerking off back?

Yeah, we'd all be jerking off. And then I'd be watching both of you guys do it and I would also be jerking off. I'd be looking at the whole thing, like documentary stuff, jerking off at that. So let's give some tips to aspiring podcasters who want to start their own podcast and they're looking for some help. Oh, okay. That's what we're talking about? Just hit record and say the stupidest shit that comes out because that's literally what we do every time. It's probably the most low effort podcast on the market. Yeah, I try very little.

Yeah. Honestly. I thought you were going to say I try very little. Yeah, we're honestly... I thought you were going to say I try very hard. We're kind of the bottom of the barrel in terms of podcasts. No, you know who's the bottom of the barrel? H3. Who? Okay, I guess I'm gone again.

Yep. No, that's cool. Mika, can you hear us? Mika? Oh, no. What is going on? Can you hear us? Mika? Hey guys I don't know Oh my god you were talking in a tin can

Mika we can hear you still You can? Yeah Yeah man The CIA is really out to get you Did you do anything weird recently? Like out of the ordinary? Did you DM me?

No Yeah you don't want to associate with a panda I didn't really do anything weird. I just, I don't know. I just, I don't know, man. Is this perhaps, like, are we on a list because of the black hole shit you were talking about the other podcast, Panda? No, no.

Speaking of the black hole shit, let's talk about that. Remember when you guys were making fun of me for saying that, how come, like, a billionaire hasn't made a black hole yet? Right? Do you guys remember that? Yeah, you guys were making fun of me and saying that's stupid. But scientists actually did that. They fucking did that. And I have the article to prove it.

I have the article to prove it. Watch it be an Onion article. It's not Onion. Black hole made in lab. Well, okay. It's probably an internationally small black hole. Look at this. Put this on the screen

Show these fools how wrong they are And how right I am Scientists simulated a black hole in lab And then it started to glow Stimulated? No, that's not what I said You guys are wrong, I was right What do you mean they stimulated a black hole? I would love to stimulate a black hole

If you know what I mean I had my black hole stimulated last night hole i would love to stimulate a black hole if you know what i mean i had my black hole stimulated last night i believe it says uh upon closer inspection i i believe it says if i'm not mistaken further inspecting it upon a closer investigation i uh have come to the conclusion that it potentially may say simulated yeah i simulate my black hole every night no no at seven o'clock at seven o'clock my alarm rings and i go simulate myself yeah i put the meta quest on and i start simulating a black hole forever yeah it doesn't come off did we ever talk about how uh getting sucked into a black hole is like you you get like turned into spaghetti did ever talk about how getting sucked into a black hole is like you get like turned into spaghetti?

Did we talk about that? I don't know. But I don't know if it's really like, does it, does it, oh. Oh. Uh oh. Slat? Sorry, my alarm is gone. I gotta, I gotta simulate myself.

Okay, just take a moment. I'll be back, guys. You guys are gaslighting me. I did not say stimulate. I said simulate. You actually did say science. No, I didn't. I'm pretty sure you said stimulate. It was a Freudian slip because we know

what you've been doing in your downtime. Stimulating many black holes. Can you play back the clip, Moist? Scientists stimulated a black hole. Moist, if you play it back, you're fired. Now play... Moist, we will protect you. Now play a gasp sound effect as he says stimulate a black hole.

Dude, I know exactly which one you're talking about. It sounds so bullshit. And now we're like, yeah, he said stimulated. Okay, audience clapping. Now play Family Guy. Holy fuck. This is gonna sound so fucking stupid

when Moist does none of that shit. So, about the stimulation of the black hole. Okay. It's on a computer. This is like literally just a... It's a simulator. Like, have you ever played the universe simulator on Steam? That's what this is.

It's not... They didn't actually make a black hole. They're just playing The Sims, dude. That can't be true because why would scientists do that on a computer? They have the ability to do it in real life. Did you read the article? I lightly skimmed through it.

Well, line four, it says they were using a software. Bullshit. You're right, it's paragraph six, line four. This way he won't even double check it. Bullshit. That one's talking about, it says Stephen Hawking proposed that interruptions of quantum fluctuations

caused by the event horizon resolve radiation is very similar to thermo-radiation. There's nothing about... I think you should read the entire article. Yeah, that'd be good content. I'm gonna sit back. That'd be plagiarism, wouldn't it? No, no, it'll be fine.

Just specifically you should do it and not us. We're not a part of it you just you you're doing it no i don't want to i think schlatt should do it sorry i'm simulating myself okay he's stimulating right now just give him you want me to read the article from sciencealert.com yeah see guys look how reputable that is. Science Alert. I've never heard of that in my life.

Science Alert. It's called Science Alert. All right. Yeah, the site that just published an article called Superstition Over Sexual Pleasure Is Putting Panama Sea Turtles at Risk. Hey, man. How are you going to judge science like that? Smoking weed could harm your lungs more than tobacco.

Yeah, and then 19 hours ago, this insane video will make you believe there's a serpent inside the sun. The arrival of tree roots may have triggered mass extinction in the ocean. What happened to trusting the science? One day ago, hybrid broiler bears could spread through the Arctic as the planet warms. That's true. This one is crazy. Samsung M8 32-inch

4K Ultra HD 60Hz 4MS GTG VA LED Smart Monitor Ellipses $849.99 This entire country is uploading itself to the metaverse. Smart Monitor Ellipses $849.99. This entire country is uploading itself to the metaverse. Yeah, this is the worst website.

If you own a mouse, you have to try this game. No install. Play for free. If this is real, this article is actually insane. The Pacific Nation of Tuvalu, which makes all their money off of the dot tv website domain by the way is planning to create a version of itself in the metaverse as a response to the existential threat of rising sea levels he said the plan involves creating a

digital twin of tuvalu in the metaverse in order to replicate its beautiful islands and preserve its rich culture. Wow. That's kind of cool, actually. Prince Charles says he wants to become part human, part machine upon death. Is that a real one? No, you guys are just reading. Is Prince Charles a cyborg now?

You guys are just reading random garbage. This is your website. You gave us this as your reputable source. If they made a real black hole at Panda, you wouldn't be here to talk about the real black hole. That's all I'm saying. It doesn't make any sense.

Have you ever talked to a black hole? Have you ever seen a black hole? What do you mean talk to a black hole? You seem to think you know so much about black holes but i've never seen you in the same room as one same with you oh shit where's your black hole pass oh man you got you got me there you got me there yeah have you guys ever seen a panda and prince charles in the same room that's a good point maybe prince charles upon death was inserted into a panda's

body and now we are seeing the living embodiment of prince charles undead so schlatt your alarm went off this episode huh yeah like your car alarm or house alarm no i don't know if you heard it, but it was a bunch of bongos as the ringtone. I don't think any car does that. Was it banging on the bongos? Banging on the bongos? It wasn't banging on the bongos, but

it was not a car alarm or a house alarm. It was my phone. That's really suspicious. Why would a phone alarm go off in your house, Slatt? What are you talking about, man? I'm just saying, for what reason did a phone alarm go off in your house? That is kind of scary.

It's giving me the heebie-jeebies. It's kind of nuts. I don't understand this line of questioning. I think you should answer the question and ignore what I just dropped. What did you drop? You're not going to play with this. What did you just drop? I think Schlatt should answer the question first.

Why? Because I have a phone and the phone had an alarm. Okay. Pretty interesting. You know, normally people... What is interesting about that? You know, normally people only have alarms when they are expecting something to, you know, they need to set an alarm in order to, like, do something, you know? Yeah.

Or, like, remind them of something. Yeah, I was stimulating my black hole. That was my alarm for that. Hmm. I find it very unlikely that you have a black hole in your house to stimulate. Stimulate. Just want to put that. It was stimulate.

He's stimulating the black hole. Schlatt, I need you to be honest with us. Uh-huh. Why did your phone alarm go off, man? Because you guys were making that joke and i was like it'd be funny if the alarm went off and and that was the stimulating time this is uh this is real great man that was that was really funny thanks for doing that yeah yeah yeah that was that was pretty funny now it was explained, it's actually funny.

Yeah. Yeah, isn't it so funny now? Yeah, because I didn't get it, and now I get it. Now I get it, too. Wow. Now the viewers get it. Pretty funny now. The humor on that is very experimental.

It's off the charts. That is, wow. Wow. The setup for that, too, that was like a five-minute jerk setup just for that. That's wow. Yeah, I actually put the timer on three seconds, so it rang three seconds after I started it. That's... Oh.

Wow, that's... And why was that? Because I just set it up, and we were just talking about it, so I was like, this should happen. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Guys, do you hear that?

That also has a funny implicate... What? Do you hear that? What? Do you hear that? What? Stop. See, I can command my phone with my voice. Did you know that about me? I actually am special.

You're special? You are. I have powers to command technology with my voice. So, hey, so why'd your phone go off, man? Yeah, really interesting. Because I said stop. Wow, that's so interesting. Yeah. command technology with my voice so hey so why'd your phone go off man yeah really because i said stop and it wow that's so interesting yeah i mean the alarm why did the alarm start why did it start ringing because you were doing a you were explaining a joke and i thought it might be

funny if another alarm went off like i thought that that would be kind of funny I'm glad you explained it so now we know why it happened it was a lot funnier it was pretty funny it was funny but it's a lot funnier now do you guys want to see my super power of being able to control my phone with my voice

yes ok google that's you have to say the wake phrase my voice? Yes. Okay, Google? You have to say the wake phrase. What are you talking about? Wake? Okay, Google? That didn't work. What are you talking about? Oh my god, you suck. You suck.

Okay, hold on. Why did Schlatt's alarm go off? Did it respond? or didn't wow it's an amazing superpower yeah imagine if superman was like okay i'm gonna use my my laser vision now and then nothing came out and the city was destroyed because of that because he wasn't able to defeat the villain that's what you just did you just ruined the entire it's like uh it's like those pistols for home defense that have biometrics on it so like you'll wake up someone's

robbing your house but you are having like a nightmare so you're a little bit sweaty and you can't unlock the gun to shoot it at the person because your fingers is sweaty and it's not reading your fingerprints it's like that guy that you get the thing you put your cock in and it locks it in and then you couldn't unopen it. The what? You know what, Astro? I know exactly what you're talking about. There was a guy that got some sort of

sexual thing. I don't know what you call it. You lock your cock in it with a smart password or whatever. With a smart password? Yeah, a smart lock. There's a cock lock connected to the Internet of Things? Yeah, and then he couldn't get out of it.

Can't that shit just get hacked? Yeah, imagine that. Imagine your cock gets hacked. That's sad. And now it's just locked in there yeah i mean like you can't get hard i mean yeah probably not damn that that whole thing kind of sounds like the concept for like a frank ocean song somehow you know boy toy lock me like a hoover he i don't know. He'd probably be like, I'm stuck in my technology. Somebody let

me out like they let the dogs out in Houston. What? What happened in Houston? I was sleeping on a mattress while you love me. I put your love on me. Put your love on it. There, put your love on it.

Yeah, yeah. There's no love there anymore. It's locked up in this scenario. There's no more love. It's locked up in Houston. Boy, toy took me over to Houston like a Uber. Locked my love in houston so mika hey man so for the hundredth episode we're gonna put you in one of those

yeah i think that's what we're gonna do i think for the hundredth episode i think we should we should meet up somehow and have sex and then then kill you. Yeah, yeah, kill you. And then have sex after we kill you. Wow. How do you feel about that? You know, not too great, but... Would you rather it be the other way around? We fuck and then we kill you? No, not really. Okay, yeah, that's what I thought.

Never mind. No, go for it, Panda. No, I don't want to. Hail Mary, Hail Mary, come on, let it out. Say what's on your mind. Say what's on your mind. Mika, close your ears. Close your ears, Mika, say it.

We're all a little sleep deprived. Just say what's on your mind. Say it, baby! Hello? Panda? What? Say it. what say it no i i completely forgot i i can't even remember it anymore i'm really trying astro you gotta believe me i'm really trying to remember what i was gonna say but i i can't remember so uh listen guys um i'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone, but we're actually a 4.9 star rated podcast on various platforms. Out of 10, right?

No, out of 5, actually. What? Yeah, and I thought it might be cool if we read some 5 star reviews. How do you guys feel about that? Okay. Yeah, that sounds good. Alright. star reviews how do you guys feel about that okay yeah it sounds good all right uh used to be a pretty great podcast that was consistently very funny and really good until episode 72

then changes and all the new episodes are kind of unbearable there's a there's a remarkable point where the podcast immediately goes from good to bad episode 72 i gotta know what we did what do we do i don't know i don't know i thought it was way too i thought it was shit before that to be honest with you i think it was shit up in uh episode one hey 72 gorilla that was like our best episode. That was our best episode. So Booty Liquor gives us five stars. And says, hello, this is very good. It is a cool podcast.

Sorry if I sound kind of mad or something. My fish died because there was a tornado and I got outside to walk my fish. He was the best fish in the entire planet. He could even play basketball. He had a job at Wendy's.

He always complained about his customers being mean. Dude, do you have Klaus from American Dad? Is there Roger living in your attic, and he's got multiple different personas? What is going on here? I've got a good review. This one's a five-star review it's called some of this generation's most intriguing minds the sleep deprived podcast is less of a

podcast and more of a belief the topics that are discussed such as burger plane give insight to the members concern about world poverty and hunger, all of this podcast's income is donated to charity. It's great to see that there's still good in the world. That's very true. We do donate all of our proceeds to charity. Yeah. I've never taken a dime. Every Patreon dollar, right to charity.

Hello, Schlagg. I bought a GamerSupps titty cup and my teacher... Why are you writing... That one is not on there. That one... You came up with that. I want to hear this one, actually. No, no, no.

They wrote a product review for another product on the Apple podcast site for sleep-deprived. Hello, Schalg, actually. Schalg. I bought a GamerSupps titty cup and my teacher confiscated it. I haven't received the fact this is why we don't bring nice things to British schools.

From Megan, age 15. Oh my god. You brought a titty, you brought the GamerSupps titty cup to school, you idiot? This guy is from Russia.

He says, I love the podcast, but all the episodes are just blocked in my country. So I've never watched one. Damn. Five stars. Wow. That's awesome. Yeah.

Pretty riveting stuff. I wish they would talk about airplanes more. True. Airplanes? You know, I'd really like to give a big congratulations to us as like a as like a collective and just you know pat ourselves on the back oh my god because we

just we just ranked as the number 130th podcast in new zealand right. No, this is pussy shit. We are making strides. We need to work harder. We're not going to pat ourselves on the back. We need to get back into the office. You know what, Asher, I completely agree. We need to stop working from home. I completely agree.

We need to get in the office 80 hours a week. Yeah. And start hammering this out. Yeah. No more gold stars, Mika. It's the problem with your generation, just not taking shit seriously. Okay. Well, I mean, you know, I think this is

a pretty big accomplishment. No. This is- Fuck New- Dude, dude, dude, fuck New Zealand. We're gonna- We're gonna take over America. They got dumb little birds there. New Zealand is awesome. How could you say that to our New Zealand listeners, dude?

All four of them. All four of them. Look, man, we're going to conquer America. We're going to conquer the whole world. We'll be the biggest podcast ever. And then Markiplier will join. He'll be like, hey, everybody. Why is he horny?

What do you mean he's horny? He just makes noises. That was a really horny Markiplier. Hey, why did he do that? He's not going to do that on the pod. Dude, I guarantee you Mark has gotten dumb while filming one of those gaming videos before. He's had someone under the

desk. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. The screams in the FNAF videos are just because he accidentally bites the ball he's so desensitized to the gaming he needs somebody under there just playing with him to

have any sort of output the next youtube original they they uh do with him the next like choose your adventure thing is just you under the desk while he's filming a gaming video. And it gives you two different options. All right, you could stroke the shaft or lick on the ball right now. I mean, hey, he's doing an Oliphant. Maybe that will work. Yeah.

And then Mark is like his zany self. He pops under the desk. He's like, hey, it's me, Mark. How are you doing down there? This is terrifying. And the Markiplier. Zero out of ten. Panda doesn't talk about hentai enough.

Panda, give us something. Do you still watch hentai? I love religion. All religions. There's a lot of none hentai? I love religion. All religions. There's a lot of none hentai. I think it's important to find faith. Everyone's faithless nowadays. Okay, there's some religious hentai that you've been...

Like, whether that be... The Bible. Okay. Or Patreon. But like the hentai. I'm a new man now. Okay. You've stopped watching. You're done.

I guarantee you that's not true. God always watches. It doesn't matter what religion you're part of. God will always watch you. And he watches you do that. So you can't do that. He watches you strike your shit the hentai. Yeah, he's

watched it a few times. You know, I bet he's liked it too, but... No, what am I saying? He wouldn't like it. Damn. Well, what a sad way to end the podcast. Wow, yeah. You know, normally our episodes are like... like funny. That's a good one. Wow, yeah. You know, normally our episodes are like... Like, funny?

That's a good one. This one just wasn't. Wait, wait, so who's to blame for that? Who's to blame for that? Well, I mean, that stupid Black Hole article. I mean, come on, man. Dude, that's because you guys were saying... That's because you guys were, guys were making fun of me for saying

a billionaire would never do that when these scientists did it. So I was right. But I don't... To be fair, I don't think the scientists are billionaires, you know? Like, no single billionaire. Dude, NASA's gotta be billionaires. Elon's a billionaire.

Yeah, but he doesn't know shit about making a black hole He's the smartest man We have Anyways follow us through to the Patreon Segment of the podcast so you can access For $5 a month It's free

Anyways I'm gonna go stimulate my black hole Now and the Patreon segment Bye everybody We're gonna go stimulate our black hole for 30 minutes Bob and Louie