SmartLess - "Amy Schumer"

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

The talented and hilarious Amy Schumer joins us while color-coding her books. Some quick quests: peanut M&M’s, “the Process,” and a sad pile of stuffed animals. So take your growth hormone and start warming up… for another sizzling episode of SmartLess.See Privacy Policy at and California Privacy Notice at

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, listen, I'm getting the sense that the listener really wants to get into the episode. Jump right in. You have anything you'd like to say before we get into the matter? Get it out now for ever. Hold your peace. We're about to jump in. I'm good.
Starting point is 00:00:18 I'm good. We're going to put your pot on. Let's jump into it. Put the shit out of this. Put the shit out of this. Here we go. Welcome to SmartList. Smart. Yeah, well let's jump into it. Let's get out of this. Yeah, let's party. Here we go. Welcome to SmartList.
Starting point is 00:00:26 SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList.
Starting point is 00:00:34 SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList.
Starting point is 00:00:42 SmartList. SmartList. So, Sean was asking me before we came on, I decided to save it for- For the P-cast. Yeah, I was at the Emmys recently to present an award and didn't do the red carpet sort of sitting in the audience thing, just kind of drove there myself
Starting point is 00:01:01 and went through the back door, presented and then left right after that. So it was just, I said to Franny, Tracy, this is my 17 year old daughter. I said, I'm just gonna go, you know, in and out there, do you wanna come with me and kind of see what it was? I said, sure.
Starting point is 00:01:14 So we drove down there together and we went in there. I said, and then we were in the green room and then there's- You take the limbic. I said, limbic was part of the route. And then, and then while we were, I said, come with me to the wings there, because they said it's time to present.
Starting point is 00:01:27 And I said, Franny, come walk with me right to the edge of the stage. She goes, you can see how it all works. She walked over there. And the stage manager said to her, said, hey, you wanna walk the award out there? Yeah. And she's like, what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:01:40 Well, you know, instead of the awards gal walking it out there, the trophy gal, you do wanna walk the award out there? And she's like, sure. So Franny ended up walking out on stage with me, with the award in her hand and handed it to the winner there. And stole the show.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Cause she left gorgeous. She didn't steal the show, but you know, I mean, it was very cool that we were like on stage together at the Emmy, like when's that ever gonna happen? I know that's really cool. We were with your wife, Amanda. Yes, that is really cool. And Sean and I were, they were Scotty with some friends
Starting point is 00:02:13 and Amanda and I can, I think I can say it, Amanda and I are dating now. Wait, hang on. Yeah, we can say that. Yeah, you can say it, you don't have to follow that. No, but we said, I'd love it if you said it to me first privately. You walked out, you walked out with, and then you were there with Franny, we were like, oh my God you don't have to. No, but we said, I'd love it if you said it to me first, privately. You walked out, you walked out with,
Starting point is 00:02:25 and then you were there with Franny, we were like, oh my God, it's Franny. And we were like rewinding to see, like we kept sort of rewinding. Yeah, I remember, yeah. You captured too great, but we looked at it. The camera didn't capture great enough, but it was so sweet.
Starting point is 00:02:37 We looked out into the crowd and there's Kimmel and Molly sitting right on the aisle. Like you could see the shot, they were like, oh my God, that's Franny. They like pulled out their iPhones and took some pictures for us. Isn't that sweet? But it was wild.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Right when you walked out to present, I looked over to your other beautiful, gorgeous, amazing daughter, Maple. And I looked at her and she was like, staring at the screen with a big smile on her face. She's like, she didn't have to say anything. I was like, what's going on in her head? Like, oh my God, that's my dad.
Starting point is 00:03:04 So cool. So cute. I was like, what's going on in her head? Like, oh my God, that's my dad. So cool. So cute. It was really, really sweet. And I will say, MAPE has, I don't know what's happened. It's almost like since Christmas. And it's not been that long. Seemed so much older now. Yeah. Like in the last two weeks, I haven't seen her in two weeks before the other night. We bought her some growth hormone for Christmas. Oh, that's nice. How do you, how do you, how do you some growth hormone for Christmas. That's nice. How do you, how do you, how do you?
Starting point is 00:03:27 It's a cream. It's a cream. I remember you saying you were like, we're going to take her to this Institute in the Alps. You guys went to Switzerland. Yeah. Well, you got to do it outside of the country. It's just too experimental right now.
Starting point is 00:03:38 But yeah, she's really growing. Four inches since Christmas. No, it's really sweet. She is. She's really great. I love her. All right, well, thank you for the family indulgence there Do you want to get to our guest or do you guys have I do I just want to Can I just ask you a quick quest? Yeah, Capricorn. Does that do it? Yeah, well part of it
Starting point is 00:03:57 Do Capricorns where their headphones over their hoodie because that's what I want to know It's our chili in the house here, hold on. It's right. Oh, it's Shawn. Oh, look at that. There it is. By the way, Jason, your hair, so I will say this, the other thing I loved about, and I said it at the time when we were all watching,
Starting point is 00:04:14 and Shawn, you can back me up. You came out, you presented, you did your little bit, you referenced the photo, it was the perfect, I was like, that's how you present. You were the absolute example. Honestly, it was so good, it was tight, I was like, that's how you present. You were the absolute example. Honestly, it was so good. It was tight, it was great. You look great with the long hair.
Starting point is 00:04:30 I think I told you that Lewis, who had saw you then, I knew Lewis like, out of the other days, has to be unsolicited. Jason's hair looks amazing. I was like, okay, man. Yeah, Lewis put his hands on me earlier. And then it was not. Old Lewis K.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Yeah, I mean, like, come on, man. But you came out, you look great, and then you just did your bit, it was funny. And then you, I don't know, there was something really classy and simple. I know, I loved that. It was, it was great. You didn't try too hard, it was great.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Not just cause you're my friend. This is one of the best parts though. Our, one of our friends that you, that we all know that we were sitting next to, they start playing the theme to the Will and Grace program. And she leans over to me and she goes, what song is this? She's a funny one. She's she going to comedy.
Starting point is 00:05:09 I go, it's the theme to my show that I was on. Yeah. Listener, her name rhymes with Benifer Ganniston. But we're not gonna tell you. They're not gonna tell you. She goes, what song is that? I go, that's from my show. And she was like, you're an actor?
Starting point is 00:05:26 I remember hearing her just faintly. You're an actor. I love how, you know, cause Franny and Maple have grown up with Jensen. They were little kids. They thought that she just sold, that she was a water salesman and a shampoo salesman until about five or six years ago.
Starting point is 00:05:42 They just didn't know. Just remember Nash came over for like in the before Christmas and he thought that Jen's house was a really nice restaurant. How do we always have this restaurant rented out? He's like, I like that restaurant. We can always get a table. It's not a restaurant, but. Guys, today I've got for you a big brain.
Starting point is 00:06:04 I know you like it when we have folks on the show that can fill us in on all the things we have trouble figuring out, people that can make us smarter, right? After all, it's called smart list. Well, we have a long way to go in that. We don't buy anything. Now, they might not be our most entertaining guests
Starting point is 00:06:18 or the funniest, but they are important to hear and sometimes you just have to take in the medicine. So today we've got just that person, so settle in, All right, so she's been studying human beings and society in general for decades. What? She's been sharing her findings with audiences all over the world. She delivers her lectures live or on podcasts or television and books. Often her lectures cover issues ranging from equality, religion, politics, relationships, and even procreation. For her work, she has been recognized with numerous awards and admiration, including a Peabody Award.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Lately, she has shocked the world to try to hand in the entertainment world too. She's found herself on the receiving end of one nomination from the Golden Globes, two from the Grammys, one from the Tonys, 13 Emmy nominations and ended up winning one of those. She has also hosted the Oscars. Guys, it's the girl with the lower back tattoo. It's America's own Amy Schumer. Oh, Amy Schumer. Guys, thought it was some academic stiff.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Hi. Hi, Amy. Hi, guys. See you guys. Hi. Guys, I could just feel you see them going, oh, fucking Bateman's got himself another academic guy. I gotta say.
Starting point is 00:07:31 You look so sad. That's his resting sad face. Can I just say I'm a little disappointed in Amy, because you were going to be my guest a long time ago. Yeah. And then Bateman stole you from out under. That's it. It often happens on the show. I actually just texted our producer the other day
Starting point is 00:07:47 a couple of names and he's like, in process. And I was like, oh, okay, somebody else got. Can I just say this is my first, actual first time that two men have ever fought over me and I just want to relish it for just a second. Really? Yeah. Okay, two and a half. Two and a half.
Starting point is 00:08:05 I'm a half. Amy, I'm such a huge fan. I've never met you before. I've always felt like, God, I just love you. I just love you. I just met you right now. I've never met you. What is your problem?
Starting point is 00:08:17 What's your problem? Nothing. I can hear all of you. I'm walking in front of you. I'm thrilled to be here to promote my lectures. My lectures. Oh, I thought you were going to write it to a plug for your new here to promote my lectures. My lectures. Oh, I thought you were going to write it to a plug for your new project.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Oh my gosh. No, I'm done. Did I tell you? I just left the business, so. You're doing, we're making news. This is it, yeah. What are you gonna do? I'm just gonna be like a fit model, I guess.
Starting point is 00:08:41 You might as well. Hello? You, no, no, we're still here. Oh, okay. What about, explain that incredibly gorgeous background you've got there. Now, look at that. Is that a house?
Starting point is 00:08:54 This is honestly my first time anybody's ever like, seen the back of my thing, you would think, but. I'd say that better. You got another chance to say that. Okay, okay. Still rolling. I haven't podcasted from this room ever. Oh, you're not.
Starting point is 00:09:07 So this is my first exposure and I didn't think it through. And this is my office. This is my office. That looks real tasteful. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good. No, it's good.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Is it a home office? Are we talking to you from a home office? Yes, this is my home office according to my taxes. And... Sorry, I don't wanna get you in trouble with the IRS. But no. office according to my taxes. And... Sorry, I don't wanna get you in trouble with the IRS. But now? That's not my goal. Yeah, no, this is my little home office.
Starting point is 00:09:32 It's not big, but it's mine. And as you can see, I started color coding my books and then I stopped. Yeah, I get it. It's exhausting about it. My book, I'm sorry. Sean color coded his books, right? And it took like better part of 15 seconds.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Yeah, well it's not worse than my book. Well, audio books are, you know, they're tough. But a lot of people have home offices. Do you actually sit there and work from your home office? I haven't much. That's why, I mean, this is truly my first podcast from here. How's it feel? So I feel exposed, I feel humiliated.
Starting point is 00:10:07 I just, I'm realizing I left this door open and you can see a sad pile of stuffed animals. No, I can see your tasteful windows and couch and rugs and like, Amy's stuffed animals. I will say that Amy, that pile of stuffed animals, it does look like it's from a horror film. I will just say. If you saw these things up close, you would really question the rest of this interview. It's really, really terrifying. Should I grab them? I mean, and I wanted to say of all regrets,
Starting point is 00:10:36 which is of course doing this podcast at all, but mostly not wearing a bra. Okay. And I'm, so I'm gonna just kind of. I've got one on. Okay, good.'m, so I'm gonna just kind of. Find me. I've got one on. Okay, good. Now, Amy, what about working from home? What does work look like for you?
Starting point is 00:10:52 And I'm not being a shitty. How does a stand up, or, well, you're beyond that. You're more than that. But when you're doing stand up work, this is the part that interests me. You're not just walking around town with a little pad of paper and like jotting down shit you think might be funny, right?
Starting point is 00:11:09 It's harder than that. You're sitting down, you're trying to craft actual, you know, word sequencing on a joke set up, but like, does that happen in an office for you staring at a wall or is it more collaborative? I don't do, I don't really write. I think I used to write. I now just will say something to a friend
Starting point is 00:11:29 or my husband or my son. I'll go, is that funny? And then I write it down. And then I, yeah, I've never had the discipline to sit and write. I sit and write scripts in bed. Like I sit up in bed and I mostly write in bed. I don't know what I'm doing in here.
Starting point is 00:11:46 I don't feel comfortable in here and thank you for pointing that out. But you're not, When you say in here, do you mean this planet or are you talking about your audience? But when you're up on stage, you're not riffing off of the points, are you? No, no, that's from like, you know, try,
Starting point is 00:12:01 I'll have a premise and I'll kind of just say the premise on stage at the comedy cellar or something and then just work it out and you know, yeah. So let me ask you about that about the comedy cellar and all that kind of stuff. So for you now, you're an established comedy star, but you'd still have to do You still go and you work stuff out. I mean just talk to tell you know Tracy what that process is like for you. Tracy's Sean sister.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan. Okay. He's a listener. Cause he's not doing that. But what do you, what is that like for you? So you're talking to your husband,
Starting point is 00:12:34 your friends or whatever, and then you end up having some material. You're like, all right, I've got like a bunch of stuff. And then you go, what? You're like, it's a Thursday night. Like tonight you go like, I'm gonna put the kids to bed
Starting point is 00:12:44 and I'm gonna go to the comedy cellar at 10 o'clock and just show them. I only have one kid, but you're one of my best friends. One kid, sorry. So you know that. I know, I mean, I say kids, because I'm trying to shame you. Do you,
Starting point is 00:12:55 Because I know you've been trying. Do you, Actually, I have. No, but totally have, which makes it real big, and that's what makes it funnier. But do you, do you think? Wait, actually, wait, can I show you something? Cause Jason asked me one time like very rudely about,
Starting point is 00:13:09 cause I actually had my uterus removed and- Is that true? And he was like, did you save it? And I was like, I actually did save it. I like had it bronzed, you know, because of how difficult my pregnancy was. And I can't believe I, I didn't even think of this, but I get the chance to show this to you.
Starting point is 00:13:23 No way. It's pretty good. It's not my sun whites on my pants when I get up. Okay. This is my uterus. Oh, really? My God. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:13:32 Can you hold it closer to the camera? That's crazy. Wow. Okay. So I take my joke back. I take my joke back because I literally had zero idea. I thought I wanted to do it. No, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:13:42 It's fine. Time's up. Honestly, time's up for you. Well, no, I'm I was gonna- No, it's fine. It's fine. Time's up. Honestly, time's up for you. Well, no, obviously- Check your email, Will. Yeah. You're done. How are you tweeting?
Starting point is 00:13:52 I didn't even see you leave the screen. How are you? I am, I do apologize. I had zero idea, obviously, but- It's all good. What I wanna know is, so you write down your joke ideas. It's a Thursday night,
Starting point is 00:14:03 you put your son to bed, and then you go, honey, I'm gonna go to the Comedy Central at 10 p.m. I'm just gonna walk over there or you show up or how does that work? Like how do you go and just work stuff out? So I would usually, I really haven't been, I've been doing other stuff, but I would, I would,
Starting point is 00:14:20 yeah, I would say like, I would actually say, I'm gonna do a like surprise show at the seller and I would go and do like, you know, however much time I have 45 minutes or something and just try new stuff and it's like I do like day shows so the audience doesn't feel too bad It's like 4 p.m. They pay like five. That's a great idea. Yeah, it's a great idea And it's like Seriously, you know you have a comedians like Joan Rivers or Rickles and they would be doing like some casino show at like 11 a.m. And you're like, and now that's like me.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Yeah, that's like my dream is just to give up. Yeah, that's perfect. Because everybody wants to be. This seems stupid, but like you call them in advance and go, hey, take me to Shimmer, I'm showing up at 4 p.m. And I'm gonna do an hour or no, you just show up. Well, no, I just like text Liz, the manager, SD the booker and I say,
Starting point is 00:15:06 it's today a good day for me to come and do. And they would write like secret girl show and Liz would post a picture of her pug and that really means it's me and some people know that. So like, you know, 60 people would come at, you know, four PM on a Tuesday. I'd be right there. I can't imagine.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Lunchtime comedy. Look after that pug. Yeah, but that's how you know. And then I work it out and I take out the stuff that's bombing like everything on this podcast so far. No, no, no, it's fine. What about, what about? I'm just vulnerable.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Whoa, whoa. You just shut the fuck up. Squeeze me. Will, your son, Will mentioned your son reminded me of, okay, so guys. I have a daughter. No, her son, Will mentioned your son, it reminded me of, okay, so guys. I have a daughter. No, her son's name is Jean. Oh, come on. And she named his middle name Attel, right?
Starting point is 00:15:54 After David Attel. And then she realized, well, say the first and middle name quickly together. Sean, go ahead. Jean Attel. Yeah. Jean-Ata. Yeah. Jean-Ata. So she changed it because she thought it might sound
Starting point is 00:16:08 like genital. See, she, Sean didn't put it together like me as a new mom until it was a month in. And then I realized, and my husband's last name was Fisher, so I named him Genital Fisher. Genital Fisher. Like that, to be funny. So she did a little switcheroo on that.
Starting point is 00:16:23 We had the same thing with Maple. We, Maple Sylvie Bateman. And she, and one of her friends, older sisters said, wait, Maple Sir at Bacon? And we're like, oh shit, we gotta go downtown and we gotta change that. Is that the same as Amy your kid after like, cock and balls?
Starting point is 00:16:42 Yeah, well, what about that? What about Amy? What about his middle name, Nattay? That would have been perfect. It would have been fun. We changed it to David. We played it safe. He sounds like a lawyer.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Smart. Yeah. All right, now Amy. Yes. What was your first introduction to stand up? Why did you get started in that world? Is mom or dad funny? Did they take you to comedy shops?
Starting point is 00:17:07 Like, why that? What happened? Actually, we did watch a lot of comedy. I grew up watching you, just kidding. Don't you hate when people say that? Cause I'm like your age. Okay. I just remember being like one years old
Starting point is 00:17:23 watching you in your prime. I just remember being like one years old watching you in your prime. I loved Gilda and Lucy and Whoopi Goldberg and Comic Relief and SNL, which wasn't branded SNL then. But you know, and then, and I did plays and yeah, my parents were both really funny. But then I did improv after college. Were they show, were your parents in entertainment?
Starting point is 00:17:48 No, my mom's a speech and hearing therapist for the deaf and my dad sold baby furniture. Really? Yeah, yeah. Did he make the baby furniture? No, he just, he imported it from Europe, from Italy. So parents who wanted fancy baby furniture for some reason. The furniture, not the babies.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Yeah, we did not import the babies. Yeah. And we will be right back. Thank you to Viori for supporting the show. Hey guys, if you're sick and tired of rock and the same old workout gear, Viori has you covered. They've got a new perspective on performance apparel. Here's the thing.
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Starting point is 00:21:23 when you shop Better Hydration today using promo code smartLIS at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop Better Hydration today using promo code smartLIS at And now back to the show. What was that first time, Amy, that first time you were on stage? I just, I'm asking just because I've never had the balls to do any sort of stand up or monologue type of thing. I mean, I did once with Willie at UCB,
Starting point is 00:21:51 but it was, I have total blackout because I was so nervous, but I can't imagine. He can't even do a toast. Come on. Is this true? He can't do a toast. I really lock up. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:22:01 When you're on stage there, the first time you decided to, okay, I'm gonna do this set or this series of jokes I think are funny, what was that like and how old were you? I was 23, which means I've been doing stand-up for 20 years. No, I'm 42, never mind. And where were you? Where was it? Was it like at college?
Starting point is 00:22:20 It was at Gotham, the old Gotham comedy club. I had done, and I was like, I did one of those improv groups that you like pay to be in, like just a straight up hustle from backstage, you know, the paper. And yeah, it was like, you know, $50 to like go to a freezing theater and meet like other mentally ill people. And one of the women in it was like, I'm doing a show, I mean, you just had to bring four people.
Starting point is 00:22:52 And I watched her and I just thought like, I could maybe do this. That's how you get up on stage is if you brought four people to pick up. It's still like that, yeah. Really? So it's like amateur night, but you gotta have four people to, okay.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Yes, you can get, you can actually get in front of real audience, it's not amateur night, but you gotta have four people to, okay. Yes, you can get, you can actually get in front of real audience. It's not just like right to open mics because, you know, and generally a real audience will laugh at some point because they feel bad for you. Did you trust that the stuff that you worked on was working? I mean.
Starting point is 00:23:19 No, I decided that day that I was gonna do it. Wow. And I- She had no material. No, I wrote out a set, like I just came up with like, what would, you know- Fuck me, what was your first joke? This is fascinating.
Starting point is 00:23:34 It was about how skywriting is a stupid way to get engaged, cause it- You know, it gets so sad, it's like, I had, and I talked about taking the crosstown bus in Manhattan and like, it's so sad, it's like I had, and I talked about taking the Crosstown bus in Manhattan and like it was just like. You trusted your ability to just kind of riff on stuff and that there would be a shared sort of experience with something like that.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Yeah, and it went well enough. I think this is a lot of comedians experience that your first time you do really well and then the second time you die on stage. Yeah. What if it hadn't gone well? Do you think you would have said, okay, screw this, and if so, where do you think you would have gone career wise?
Starting point is 00:24:15 What are you drawn to? My gosh, I was always gonna just perform. Like I never had a thing. Like I went to college for theater and had no goals, had no backup. I waited in tables and bartended for a long time. I get that. But you can see that, right?
Starting point is 00:24:31 Me being like a rude waitress. Do you miss theater? I got to do a Broadway show. Oh, what'd you do? I did a Steve Martin play called Meteor Shower. Oh, yeah. Oh, much on the week. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Is that what you got the Tony nomination for? Yes. Yes. Wow. That's so cool, Amy. Oh, Sean's wig. Yeah. Is that the Tony nomination for? Yes. Yes. That's so cool, Amy. Thank you. I've seen now twice prayer for the French Republic on Broadway. It's so good. You guys have to see it.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Oh, yeah. I've heard that's great. Yeah. I used to wait tables and my one joke was I would bring the food to the—I was a runner. I was in a waiter. I ran the food to the people. Oh, the story's falling apart already. Anytime I would have to play Anytime I would have to play.
Starting point is 00:25:05 I would have to play. You just come in hissing, hot shit, hot shit, hot shit. I would come in and right before I put the food down, somebody would inevitably say, oh, that looks fantastic. And I'd point to my shirt and I'd go, thanks, I just got it. Come on. Yeah, I just got it. And I'm like, okay.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Come on. Yeah, I worked every time. Oh, my gosh. You get any repeat customers who are like, you fucking, you did that like the last three times. Sean, I- It's the fucking sweatiest joke. Please fucking stop.
Starting point is 00:25:38 I feel like I didn't gush to you, Sean, for how funny and how much I love you. But that's okay. My jokes that I do at nauseam, and I cannot stop myself, is whenever somebody, I'll order a drink, a cocktail, and when the waiter rings it over, I go, who sent this?
Starting point is 00:25:54 I do it all the time. Damn it, okay, that's it, okay. I do it when he'll drink. Who sent this? What, like a bar restaurant anywhere? I do that all the time. Sean also does something that never doesn't work. He'll grab whatever clutch or purse he sees around
Starting point is 00:26:09 and he'll throw it over his shoulder and distractedly kind of look up from rifling through and going, guys, does anybody need anything from CVS? Right back. Or anytime there's a candle, he holds it up and then guards the flame and goes, guys, right this way, I think. Yeah, does anybody know the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:26:25 Another, a favorite one that we do, a lot of comics I'm friends with, we'll just like, this is probably another bit everyone does, but we try to, we all act like we're gonna pay the bill. We go like, no, no, I got this, and then we'll put like a Metro card or like just something that makes no sense, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Yeah, or our favorite, this is my favorite bit we would do is we would go, maybe you've heard this too. I don't know if this is like a bit, but it's like comic school, like, oh, my God, did you guys see me last night? Like I was I was amazing. Have you heard this before? Yeah, I was amazing.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Like I don't know what happened. Everything was just firing. And then one of us would go like Keith. We were there and they goes, well, they were mostly from out of town. Yeah. Yeah. They were barked in, they didn't know where they were. Sean, did we already talk about this in the past?
Starting point is 00:27:12 Sean had this really funny bit where he and his friend went on a trip once and they had to borrow a fan because Sean needs a fan in order to fall asleep. Oh, gosh. And cause he loves a fan. Yeah, so let's just grab anybody. Anybody who's seen Will and Grace or whatever,
Starting point is 00:27:23 but he just needs a fan. Oh, a fan. No, no, no, sorry, I'm kidding. But a fan. Yeah, so let's just grab anybody. Anybody who's seen Will and Grace or whatever, but he just needs a fan. Oh, a fan, no. No, no, no, sorry, I'm kidding. But a fan, so he goes, he's at this hotel and they bring in a fan. They go, of course, because he's Sean Hayes of Will and Grace and they love him, their big fan. And they put the thing, they give him a fan,
Starting point is 00:27:36 it says, do not take out of the office, it says on the fan. So he and his friend, they were on this and they spent the whole night doing bits about the person who comes back to the office. And the fan's missing. And notices the fan is missing. Right, he's like, hold on. So then, like a month ago, we were at dinner,
Starting point is 00:27:53 maybe two months ago, and we started doing, and everybody had to do their version of the boss coming back and- And you had to say, where's my fan? And where's my fan? And the line was, you couldn't change anything, you could do whatever you want, but you had to say, where's my fan? And where's my fan? And the line was, you couldn't change anything. You could do whatever you want, but you had to say, where's my fan?
Starting point is 00:28:08 Yeah, you can come in super happy and come up super mad. Fuck me, we did an hour on it. Where was this and where was I? It was fun. You had already gone home. It was after 7.30 PM. So you'd already gone to bed. I don't know where you were, JB,
Starting point is 00:28:21 because Amanda was there. So you come in. So Amy, you come in and you do this. You go, so you come in and you do this You go so you come in you go Hey guys, so we're gonna start the day Four through six has a real big issue with their sheets. We have to change their sheets Where's my fan? So fucking and then Sean and I started doing this bit we go, where we go? Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:28:45 Of course I know where that is. Hello, hello? And then you answer yourself, you surprise yourself. Oh, why is it so fun? We're dumb, we're very dumb. Speaking of dumb, what happens when you get some real dumb ass, lippy audience member that wants to just start talking to you or commenting on your joke,
Starting point is 00:29:08 or at worst, heckling or something like that. You got any like, anything ever go really sideways? This is sort of a Sean Hayes question. You ever punch anybody from stage? Get down, walk down into the stands and... I have never physically assaulted anybody in the audience. We're not lawyers. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 00:29:27 It was, look, one time, fucking. Yeah, no, I have like some YouTube videos showing me with hecklers over the years. Really? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I, you know, it's like every comic I think is because they had like a bad, you know,
Starting point is 00:29:45 labored childhood experience. Yeah, just trauma trauma. So, um, so, and, you know, I think people get into stand up because of the control of it. They like that it's a one sided conversation. So when it goes wrong, you're already you're pretty defensive. So I'm ready. You're ready. And,, and you know, the goal is to get like a big laugh. And, and, but some comics, you know, will take it too far. And you just see that they're,
Starting point is 00:30:12 and it ruins the show. Cause you just see that they're, yeah, they're really sad and angry. They're too affected by it. That's the thing you've got to avoid. I'm, I'm, I'm guessing right. You can't, can't, don't make the audience tight or tense or. The best thing I have seen is just to diffuse it.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Honestly, like I think that's the pro move. They go like, you suck. You go like, thanks dad or you know, like whatever. Just try to keep the show moving. Cause it's like, you know, it's a fun little, that's the best. I think that's the pro move. Sean, are you crying? I'm a little bit. like, you know, it's a fun little, that's the, I think that's the, that's the pro. Sean, are you crying? A little bit.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Sean, why? When you're not doing it, Aimee, do you, I cut everybody's fingers short. I love it. I love it. When you're not doing it, do you miss it? Do you crave it? Do you crave going back on when you're not like on tour
Starting point is 00:30:59 and not doing it? Yeah, I do. I really miss it. I mean, it's, it's hard because it's like, you know, within your family, like no one like is interested in your career. Right, or your jokes. No, and so it's like to go on stage,
Starting point is 00:31:18 like if I went to the cellar right now, I would go up and I would get a long applause and people would be excited to see me and I just can't really get used to that because Then you know you start thinking that they're right and like why is it you know? Am I important in my in my household and you know as you all know you're not yeah Nothing the last person to give it up anything for me is inside my house of course, so it's like yeah Same yeah to give up anything for me is inside my house. Of course. So it's like, yeah. You know.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Same. Yeah, so it's a. No, it's not the same. But what about, so you might be listening to that. I'm a real hit at home to be honest. Is that true? I don't see that for you. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:31:56 He does pretty well. Why not? No, I don't know. Let's just keep the conversation moving. Okay, but I just, but I do say, you know what's funny is, I totally hear that in, because it's not real and it's outsized for, you know, from your real life, meaning that we all have a relationship with our family
Starting point is 00:32:14 and so on and then you go on stage or you interact with fans and that kind of adulation is not normal. But I will also say that people, you know, people say like, oh, you like people who like you. And I go, yeah. What's wrong with that? Of course I do.
Starting point is 00:32:30 What the fuck are you talking about? Will on Sunday was making me pee my pant, my stomach hurts so bad from laughing. And I turned to Alessandra, his baby mama, and I turned to Alessandra and I go, God, it never, I'm crying, laughing. I go, it just doesn't stop. And she goes from 6 a.m. to bedtime.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Yeah, this is while she was cleaning her gun or was she loading it? I love it. While you love the immediate gratification and feedback of a standup stage, you're doing way more sort of like on-camera stuff now than you ever were before, almost more so than stand-up work, right?
Starting point is 00:33:14 So how are you able to get the same amount of gratification with it just being in front of a crew and hoping that later the editor and the marketing and all that stuff comes like, how do you, what's the gratification of doing the on-camera stuff? Is it equal to it? Is it more? I love the process.
Starting point is 00:33:34 I like, you know, I know. This interview is over. No, I know, I know, I know. We don't find that word. That word's okay. Okay, I'm allowed to say process, okay. Don't say storyteller. I will not, I will not.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Okay, contact the snipersers if you have a shot. Take the shot. Just to be so honored to be part of telling, we're storytellers. Oh, that's fucking it. Take the shot. No, I love a writer's room. Like I love collaborating, I love like, you know.
Starting point is 00:34:05 How do you like directing? You've been doing that too. Do you like that sort of collaborative process? I love it. I was, you know, I was doing it before I was credited to do it. So, you know, it's like, that's the truth. So yeah, and I love doing it with like my crew, you know?
Starting point is 00:34:22 Like with, like I always work with Dan Palkev and Kay and then Ryan McFall and we kind of all do it together. And but directing, I love it. Yeah, as opposed to that sort of that solo thing of being on stage, it's a completely different thing, right, but you love it just as much, huh? Yeah, it's isolating. And then what about the writing process
Starting point is 00:34:40 of scripts versus stand-up stuff? So you're in your bed, like writing train reference, which by the way is one of my favorite books of all time. Love, crazy. Thank you. Love, nice. It's so really good. Jud just crushed that. Did you, was that a fantastic experience or was it a lot more work than you had anticipated
Starting point is 00:34:58 and if so, was it worth it? It was totally fun. Yeah. And it was completely worth it and amazing. And I was like afraid of becoming famous, but it's been okay. What do you guys think about it? Do you?
Starting point is 00:35:14 I loved it. And I also think- No, I mean being famous. I think you're a great famous person by the way. Really? Yeah, I like the way you, no, I do like the way you treat fame. You're very un-precious about it.
Starting point is 00:35:27 You're very humble about it. You're hilarious about it. You don't take it too seriously, yet you're very serious about what it is you're doing. You seem to have an incredible role. Well, you're very honest. Thank you. You're very sort of open and transparent
Starting point is 00:35:42 and very honest about how you feel about stuff. And so you're not held captive by it. Sometimes people can be so nervous about losing it or presenting the right way or whatever. You seem to be very honest. I don't, again, don't know you that well. I didn't even know you had your uterus removed. But I do, I do get this. That's not my uterus. That's a prop uterus, by the way. That's not a conical uterus. That means a lot. I can't believe I just back myself into these compliments. No, but it's true.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Sean, did you want to add anything? I actually had a question about that. It's not really time for questions. Sean's been very vocal about that. He does not like fame on you. Yeah. Well, you said Sean is famously quoted women aren't funny, you know, famously. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:36:23 By the way, he pre made his gravestone to say that. That's all, and he had it made years ago. It's waiting for him to die. You already sleep under it, which I think was his dream choice. I just try to get acclimated. To each, you know, that's what they say. Do you think, Amy, will women ever be funny?
Starting point is 00:36:39 No, no, it's just that. It's Sean's question. It's Sean's question. Okay, Sean, thank you for that question. I just checked and wrote that question. No, Amy, my question was about that though. Sean's question. It's Sean's question. Okay, Sean, thank you for that question. I just texted Will that question. No, Amy, my question was about that though. I was just starting to write down a question about how open you are,
Starting point is 00:36:51 how about being body positive, you seem to always be on the right side of every issue. At least I follow you on Instagram. And I'm like, yes, yes, like every time you post something. And thank you for your support. Yes, about every time you post something. And thank you for your support. Yes, about every time you post something about an opinion, or I agree with it, and I love your voice basically. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:37:11 So when did you ever, were you ever not like that? And was there a defining moment when you're like, you know what, I gotta get out of my shell and start, you know, life is bigger than just me and my career, my family. I have to actually start expressing myself about bigger issues that include everybody. Was there something that pushed you that way?
Starting point is 00:37:29 Or was there like, wait a minute, I gotta get off the couch and do something? No, I'm on the couch as you know, like that's for me. I'm in the bed, but no, I was always like this. I was always open in my app and couldn't really, yeah, I didn't know what it meant to be a feminist like Will. It just means like thinking of women equally. Finally.
Starting point is 00:37:56 But at some point you didn't care what people, was there a shift? No, everyone always, I care what people think. It's like, what kind of an actual sociopath doesn't care. Right, well, that's kind of my point. It's not that you don't care what people think. It's that you're willing to risk saying what you believe in and be honest
Starting point is 00:38:16 and no matter what people think. And of course, as human beings, we all take that shit on and I don't care who you are. You can read a comment, you can read a review, you can read a thing and it'll hurt your feelings because we are human beings. But the ability to continue to be honest and true to your what you believe,
Starting point is 00:38:32 I think is very admirable. Considering that it's much more, you're in a high profile position. So there you go. I will thank you. Sean doesn't say fuck all, I wish he would. But he doesn't take a position on fucking anything. You know what Sean's big, you know what Sean's big causes?
Starting point is 00:38:46 You know what he made a big position last year? He said that a G550 was way better than a G5. Yeah, that was you, right, that was you. No, I think that was a good sort to fall in, Sean. That was brave, that was brave. We'll be right back. So, Martin, let's get support from Audible. Audible lets you enjoy all your audio entertainment We'll be right back. motivation, wellness, business, and so much more. Audible is your destination for thrilling audio entertainment with highly anticipated new releases
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Starting point is 00:39:44 I loved the first one. I loved the sequel. It was so, so good, but I never read the book. So what I did was I went back on Audible and I started listening to Dune by Frank Herbert. It's narrated by a ton of super talented people doing lots of different voices. And it's like, it's a thrill to listen to.
Starting point is 00:40:01 And if you don't know Dune, or you might be interested in listening to it on Audible, it's like, it's's a awesome sci-fi adventure that has mysticism and binomialism and politics and all these great themes. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit slash smartlist or text smartlist to 500-500. That's slash smartless or text smartless to 500 500 to try audible free for 30 days slash smartless This show is sponsored by better help So what's the first thing you do if you had an extra hour in your day for me?
Starting point is 00:40:38 I feel like if there's an hour that I'm not creating something or doing something or you know pushing myself forward is an hour wasted But through therapy I had to learn how to balance my life from too much ambition and filling every single hour and taking time for myself, which was kind of a new concept for me. And it's a good thing I'm still working on it, but I only learned it through therapy. The question is, for you guys,
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Starting point is 00:44:05 The great senator Chuck Schumer was- Fuck, I got a Wikipedia U. My baby boy. I've got to Google you right now. Is he helpful at all in sort of navigating that place of like, you know, you can care what people think, but it's okay to bake in the fact that some people are not going to like what you think, and that shouldn't prevent you from, you know, in his case, enacting legislation
Starting point is 00:44:25 that serves, you know, a lot more than some and- We've never talked about it actually. No. He very much is with me like, how like, you know, calls on like Jean's birthday and whatever we have like talked about, you know, things over the years, but there, we've never talked about the hate that comes with it.
Starting point is 00:44:43 I think, I think the way he feels, I'm just projecting, is how I feel where it feels like more of an opportunity to help than the responsibility to use my voice. Yeah, utilizing the platform. It is like, I would be so tempted. It's like, Will, you're buddies with with Shanahan runs the Toronto Maple Leafs. I don't know how you're able to avoid calling him every day with an idea for a new player. Like I would be calling Senator Chuck Schumer every day
Starting point is 00:45:14 with an idea for how we can make this world better. They'd be dumb ideas, because I'm not bright, but I would just like, I got a bat line to somebody who's- I tell him about the Maple Leafs actually, I call him. You do? That's the- I tell him about the Maple Leafs actually, I call him. You do? That's the advice I give him. You fucking, you just, oh my God,
Starting point is 00:45:29 I can't even stand up. I can't stand up right now. Did you just ejaculate without a wrap? You, is it apparent? Wait, is it true that his name is Chuck? It was never Charles. He was born, it's just Chuck, sure. No, his name is Charles.
Starting point is 00:45:42 Okay. Well, I'm gonna cross that out. Yeah, his name is Charles. What websites are you gonna cross that out. Yeah, his name is Charles. What websites are you on? Yeah, wait a minute. Did you just- Well, during the pandemic, I fucks, I'm sorry guys.
Starting point is 00:45:50 Oh wow. He used to play stick ball with my dad. Like he's just like a sweet, like Brooklyn dude. Is that true? Yeah. So what is that? Is your whole family very sort of involved? I mean, obviously he's, but is your whole family very sort of involved? I mean, obviously he's,
Starting point is 00:46:05 but is your whole family very much involved in, I don't know, or have they always been involved in politics or was he an outlier? Yeah, he's the only one. My family, but it's cool. I did that show of finding your roots. Did you guys ever do that? Haven't, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:21 I did, who do you think you are? Which is part of the same thing. I found out my family, like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that.
Starting point is 00:46:29 I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that.
Starting point is 00:46:35 I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that.
Starting point is 00:46:42 I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. I've never seen a person like that. in that way political, but nobody else is sort of in office. How far back did your research go? Yeah, where did it go to? It went 1500s. Really? Wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:46:56 I guess that's not, is that that? I mean, for Europe, they're like, oh, great. But for us, it's like, wow. Anything super interesting or stuff you didn't want to hear? Where were they? Where did they go back to? We were in what would now be considered Ukraine. Viznits is the town for the Jewish side.
Starting point is 00:47:19 And then the other side was London. Came over settled pretty early in Massachusetts. That side of my family, back then, a couple of them were stolen and brought into slavery with these. This sounds like so problematic, but this is really what happened. They were stolen and brought into slavery up in Canada for a couple of these different tribes. And yeah, and- Are they from the Arnett tribe? Yeah, yeah, no, this is really true.
Starting point is 00:47:54 And then, and my, so like 30 years later, they like, my family made enough to like go and try and rescue them. Wow. And when they got up there, this is so, I'm serious, they were, they were, when they got up there to rescue his two brothers and his sister who'd been stolen and sold into slavery,
Starting point is 00:48:13 they were running the tribe. They didn't want to leave because now they were in charge of the tribe. They became Colonel Kurtz. Yeah. So that's kind of wild. That's, that is fucking crazy. No way.
Starting point is 00:48:31 So did they stay in Canada running the tribe or whatever? Yeah. And I reached after that show and I reached out and I'm in touch with some distant cousins now. Oh, that's wild. Because of that show. Yeah. And then I do have a-
Starting point is 00:48:46 You're like, fucking never call here again, eh? Fucking hell. Fuck it. We're good. I mean, seriously, like, wasn't that Danny McBride's thing in some movie? Like, that's really what happened with my family, which, you know, I do come from a long line
Starting point is 00:48:59 of people who are, you know, fighters and, you know, just, you know, my, I have like, for Holocaust survivors in my family so Unbelievable I did my I did Lisa Kudrow Produces a show called who do you think you are and so I did it and I it was you know I had to go to Ireland and learn about our ancestors and for the most part they were all drunk disorderly and in jail Really? Yeah, it's pretty well. You're saying your whole family. They were, they were all drunk and disorderly and in jail. Really? Yeah. It was pretty wild.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Wait, so you're saying your whole family, they were all in jail and they were all what? Like drunk and disorderly and got arrested over and over again. They were drinking in Ireland? Yeah. That's fun. I can't believe that. Did you get to read any of the charges? Like was it, were there specific charges in the paper?
Starting point is 00:49:39 Yeah. There was one in the paper in like the eight, like middle 1800s or late 1800s. And there's a little article in the paper that he had some, my great-great grandfather, grandfather, great-great-great grandfather, I remember, had some like sarcastic quip to the courtroom. Like I don't remember what it was, but it was funny. Oh, and you know what I wanted to say?
Starting point is 00:49:58 And just to piggyback off that, my great- died a couple years ago. She was a bootlegger and her liquor store is still on 54th Street. Schumer's Lickers. No way. Yeah. No freaking way. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:17 That's wild. Yeah, so, but she, I mean, it's crazy. She sold, Tennessee Williams was a regular customer. I hate to do this, but I love to do this too. Do you have any funny theater stories from Media Shower? Oh my God. Like anything that went wrong, or just like, oh my God, one night this horrible thing.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Okay, this lets you know about my behavior a little bit. Yeah. You know, they film one of the nights of the Broadway show for the Forming Arts Library up in Lincoln Center. Yes, and so the night they were filming us, I had like a speed, like a monologue in the middle of the show. And someone in the front row took out
Starting point is 00:50:56 as they sell in the most Broadway shows, Peanut M&Ms. And they're sitting five feet away from me and they open up the M&Ms and they start eating them and I'm trying to get through my mouth. You know, you're like saying the words, but you're, and then finally I just like looked at them and I was like peanut M&Ms like right now.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Wow. Did they just freeze chewing? They, it was this young guy and he gave me a look like, like you're right. You know, like this wasn't a good timing. We just, you know, carried on. It wasn't a very serious play. Yeah, that's really funny.
Starting point is 00:51:35 I had the same thing. I mean, I was doing a one man show called an act of God where I was playing God long story. But anyway, in the front row swear to God, same thing. Peanut M&M's. Peanut M&M's, yep. And I looked at them because in my head, I was like, I can't keep going. I have to, and watch this guy.
Starting point is 00:51:50 So I just said, you know, I stopped and I looked at him. I said, you know, this isn't a movie. This is a live. No, they really don't. They really don't know that. This is a live show and there's the fourth wall that is not there. Well, seeing Prayer for the French Republic, it's like this amazing play. And a lot of the audience for Broadway shows are 90 and above.
Starting point is 00:52:13 And you can hear the play, but you can also hear it through the hearing aids. They go, it's not working, so Broadway. What about hosting the Oscars? Anything that we didn't see that went no good? I think you saw it. I think you saw the sort of headline on that night. Well, I apologize.
Starting point is 00:52:38 I'm not remembering anything specific. Are you referencing something else? Oh, okay. There was like a little bit of a disagreement between, have you heard of Will Smith? Oh, yes, yes. Okay, he's an actor and yeah. And so he got into like a little thing
Starting point is 00:52:56 with another comedian, I can't remember something. Yeah, I remember us all being really knocked out by that, no pun intended. Mm, yeah, yeah. Can I just say, this is kind of out there, but I'm just gonna by that, no pun intended. Yeah, yeah. That was some. Can I just say, this is kind of out there, but I'm just gonna say it, I was surprised. Yeah, I think everyone except one was. I can't believe you went out on that lift.
Starting point is 00:53:15 No, I don't wanna be like, you know, this will be the pull quote, but I was taken aback. Fuck. Dude, you and your controversial positions, that never stops. I'll say it. Was it a fun experience? Aside from that, it was the whole thing
Starting point is 00:53:29 just kind of drowned out by it. No, it was totally fun. It was totally fun. It was like, I just wanted to do it, you know? And doing it with Regina and Wanda was so fun. Like I'd love preparing jokes when somebody else is gonna host something. I love helping them with jokes and putting on a show.
Starting point is 00:53:48 It felt like we were putting on a show and it was so fun. And I got to fly. I was like, I wanna go up on flies and I did like a sort of very stupid thing. But I feel like we did a really good job, honestly. Like I think if that hadn't happened, thanks. I think a takeaway would have been that we did a good job.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Yeah, I hope they do that again. Have they done three before? No, but. I don't think so, right? Yeah, but when it's women, they paid us all together the same as one man. No. No, I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:54:23 No, but what do you get for hosting that? Like, who knows? You're gonna have to tell us. Yeah. You should do it again. Would you, you would never do that? That's pretty. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:35 I don't, I mean, like earlier we were saying, I just don't know if I would be able to survive that. I just not great in front of a live audience being myself. Really? Don't you guys do this show in front of live audiences alone? No, this is just us. No, we have. No, you have.
Starting point is 00:54:52 We have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, it wasn't comfortable. I mean, I had a good time, but that's very nerve-wracking for me. Well, and when you asked me to do the show, the timing just didn't work out with the road, but I was so honored.
Starting point is 00:55:04 You guys are all the funniest people ever. Everyone I know loves this. No, they all do the show. The timing just didn't work out with the road, but I was so honored. You guys are all the funniest people ever. Everyone I know loves this. No, they all love the show. I know nobody likes compliments, but I love the show. They love the show. I saw you at our mutual friend, Jane's house. Yes. And sweet Jane Buffett.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Sweet sweet Jane. And we talked about it, and then I inquired, and then it didn't work out timing-wise and then I see you pop up today and it's taken me most of the show to recover from that. It's the equivalent of being slapped in the face with an empty glove. Is it?
Starting point is 00:55:35 Yeah. Wow. An empty glove. Yeah, and you know what I mean? And I always, I know I have very sort of old fashioned, you know, images, but anyway, I'm now over it. And I'm just glad you're here. Very royal metaphors.
Starting point is 00:55:50 I am, I am very regal. You didn't ask me about my lineage and I didn't want to do it because I don't want to sit here and fucking make everybody feel bad. Oh my God, are you okay? Canadian royalty. No, what's going on? Are you descended from somebody?
Starting point is 00:56:04 Wow. Yeah, maybe. Wayne G? Are you descended from somebody? Wow. Yeah, maybe. Wayne Gretzky? Wayne Gretzky. Amy, all the accomplishments you've had and everything that you've succeeded in all of these years, is there something you haven't reached yet? Is there something you'd like to bury right now
Starting point is 00:56:20 from your high position? My uterus. Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm sorry, I'm having fun. I swear to you that it never offended me for one second, but the idea that you think that maybe it offended me is like, you know, it makes me feel good. Well, I don't, you know, we play around,
Starting point is 00:56:37 but you never ever really want to actually hurt anybody's feelings. I can really barely manage having one, and I cannot imagine if it had worked out to have another one. And I don't miss my uterus, and I cannot imagine if it had worked out to have another one. And I don't miss my uterus, and I still have my ovaries, so I'm not in menopause. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Huh. Well, hang on, they're going my next five. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I tapped out, I'm tapped. Speaking of tapped out, we are past the one hour mark, and that's our commitment to you, our guest. You only have to give us an hour
Starting point is 00:57:07 and we love you and already miss you. Amy? Yes. Am I canceled after this bad guest? No, I am. Again. Did you get canceled once before? Many times. I've been canceled many times.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Truly? Of course. You've said some controversial things. I don't even think. What was the first time we met, Amy? Do you remember? The very first time? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Was it at James? This is where feelings get hard. Oh no, we met at Kimmel's. No, and that's why I'm asking you this. Cause we'd met before and at Kimmel's, this is why I'm burning you, cause you burned me back then. We had met before and you and I were talking to Conan
Starting point is 00:57:44 and I said, hey, blah, blah, blah, and you go, we fucking met like six months ago and I go, sorry, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now you think- I hate when people do that. And now you think that that was the first time you met. I did not. No, did I really do that?
Starting point is 00:57:59 I hate when people do that. I mean, you weren't shitty. You were in shitty. We were laughing, but- You and I met first time we met at, was it Kimmel's? I think it was Kimmel's. Yeah. It was that same time.
Starting point is 00:58:08 It was that same time at Kimmel's. Yeah, that was. Amy, do you remember the first time we met? Today. It was today. It was today. On this, on this pod. Okay, I know we're wrapping up,
Starting point is 00:58:17 but really can you just tell me, I don't, I really think. Oh no, we laugh. I don't, we now we both don't remember the actual first time. Maybe I was just messing with you. Oh, maybe you were. It's okay.'t remember the actual first time. Maybe I was just messing with you. Maybe you were. It's okay. The first time Will and I met, I don't remember. I told him one day after I'd stopped drinking for a while.
Starting point is 00:58:34 Or no, it was after you would stop drinking. Will stopped drinking before me. I think I said something until like, boy, our timing's terrible. I would've loved to just get slammed with you. You know, we're great if we'd parted together. And he said, oh no, we have. We did.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Oh. We had like eight years, six, seven, eight years before we had gone out one night. And I went ahead and got a little over-served. Oh my gosh. Didn't. Oh, you know who I have to say this before I forget is that I work with someone that you both work with.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Uh-oh. Do you remember Michael Sarah? Michael Sarah, that's right. And we have our second season of our TV show, Life and Beth on Hulu. Yes. That people should watch. On Hulu, with Michael Sarah that you can watch right now.
Starting point is 00:59:21 Just go to Hulu and watch it. Watch it, like what's your problem problem that you're not watching it? Michael, Sarah. Let's do a watch party. A little lover. Love it, Michael, Sarah. He's a little lover. Amy Schumer, so funny, so talented.
Starting point is 00:59:35 You're the greatest. Yeah, you're great. Oh, God, I'm very nice. In your handsome house back there. Yeah. Wait, I just want to show you the stuffed animal before it's over. OK, I want to see the haunted toys.
Starting point is 00:59:46 This is my real stuffed animal. This is my real stuffed animal. Oh, my God. Oh, listener. This is like a stuffed panda bear that looks like it got dragged behind a pickup truck. That is the scariest. It's not even a pig.
Starting point is 01:00:02 It's not a joke. Like, this is my actual stuffed animal from growing up. Does it look like that because when you're angry, that's where you take it out? Did your parents hate you? This was my mom's when she was a little girl. Yeah. And did she have claws?
Starting point is 01:00:19 It's like a hundred years, like filled with straw. I don't know, all my stuffed animals. I like like old antique stuff down. I don't know. It's something that I have. It's like show me on the doll where't know all my stuffed animals. I like like old antique stuff down. I don't know. It's something's out. It's like show me on the doll where he touched you and it's just like everywhere. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Feathers everywhere. Oh my God. My God. Amy, love you. Love you. Love you, Amy. See you soon, I think. I hope.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Amy Schumer. The one, the only. The only. Okay. All right. And also go on blue apron and get an apron, right? Wait, no, that's not what they sell at Blue Apron. Get, if you want an apron, make it blue.
Starting point is 01:00:56 Get the blue one, strap it on and cook. Don't strap anything on, nobody's, no. All right, bye. Bye, thank you, thank you, thank you. That's Amy Schumer, everybody. That's Amy Schumer, everybody. Wow, I've always wanted to meet her in there. She's the greatest.
Starting point is 01:01:14 I mean, you sit down and start talking to her like you've known her for 45 years. I've always been a fan of hers ever since she came on. She, I remember her, the first time I think I saw her was on Ellen and the Ellen DeGeneres show. And she, she just was naturally funny, would tell story. And everybody was dying, laughing like, who is this girl? How does she have the confidence?
Starting point is 01:01:36 She's really smart. She's smart and confident. Yeah, and the boss just kind of say whatever she thinks and feels. And you know, there was a, this is known, this is public. She was gonna be Barbie. There was gonna be a version, they were gonna be Barbie movie with her. That's right.
Starting point is 01:01:51 And I was so excited about that. I mean, obviously the Marco Robbie one is incredible and congratulations to all their success on that. But I will always be curious what her version would have been. Sequel. Yeah, just her sensibility and her approach and the irony of playing that sort of iconic,
Starting point is 01:02:12 glam part would have been pretty cool and smart, I'll bet. Yeah. Anyway. Well, I never say never. Never say never, right? I'm sure there'll probably be at least two or three more Barbies, you know? Yeah, for sure. she should get in there
Starting point is 01:02:26 Sure, she should be one of the Barbies. Yeah Any parts that you guys decided not to do that other people did and that you're like, oh, I could have done that or that people Might not know that you passed up. Oh Yeah, I mean the the famous one that you guys know that always bring up which is You know, it's not that big of a role, but it was Madagascar, the giraffe in Madagascar. You were gonna do it in the chronic role. I pass.
Starting point is 01:02:51 I know that the audience is. Who ended up doing that voice? David Schwimmer did a wonderful job at playing that. Did you just not see a way into that character, Sean? Is that one? No, it was, I don't know why. I was actually advised to pass because it was, they didn't have a script or anything. Who is that? So my manager at the time was like I don't know why. I was actually advised to pass because they didn't have a script or anything.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Who would pass you? My manager at the time was like, don't do it. I was like, really? Okay. So I didn't do it. And then they made like five of them or something. Yeah. Well, did you-
Starting point is 01:03:17 You would have made so much money from that. Well, it would have been fun. Did your agent pass- Oh, you would have made so much money. Oh, okay, fine. Did your agent pass on it for you or did you call the director personally and just say, yeah, you know what?
Starting point is 01:03:28 Bye. God. Bye. Does that work? Let's go. Smart. What? Smart.
Starting point is 01:03:36 What? Smart. What? Smart. What? Smart. What? What?
Starting point is 01:03:44 What? What? Smart. Lass. SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanly handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjalf, and Bennett Barbaco. Smart. Lass. If you like smart lists, you can listen early and add free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at slash survey. Hey, listener, it's Sean Hayes. Do you know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued or what was in Al Capone's vault?
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Starting point is 01:04:52 Starting out on one Wikipedia page, they go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until everyone wonders, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to Wicked Hole ad free by joining Wondery Plus
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