SmartLess - "Andrew Garfield"

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Get on the boat; it’s Andrew Garfield. Shrinking bears, tigers being tigers, not-enough-ness, and a Canadian Fincher. “You’re gonna wear sweatpants, you’re gonna lose ‘em,” on an all-new PantsLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I think I'm just going to talk. How long do they actually fucking talk for? Hey, everybody. This is Andrew Garfield, and I am this week's guest on a podcast that we can all debate whether it needs to exist. But I'm waiting here as most guests have to do, and I didn't realize how long you have to fucking wait.

But at some point in the near future, I will be talking to the guys who, Do small list. Welcome to small this. Jay, how was the boat ride? Yeah. Do you have to paddle? The world wants to know.

Respond publicly. How is the boat ride? There were so many. And then I guess I was saying, I think Schumer posted like a bunch of photos, Amy Schumer, not Chuck. Although Chuck Schumer's threatening to post some photos of you, too. I don't know what that's regarding. Yeah, there were many.

Many, many, many, many pictures being taken. It was, it was nice. What do you mean? I mean, it was like incredibly. It was nice. You're in the middle of directing. You got a little time off. And it was nice to get a time time off.

Yeah, but it was, these are all high class problems. You know, I just, you can't really relax because I'm not, I'm not done. I got to leave and frickin' 48 hours to go back to Iceland for a week of shooting and another 11-hour flight and another. nine-hour time change or more. My body's like, dude, what are you doing? Right. Chill.

Well, listen, again, I hate to go back to it, but according to the shots, off the back of the boat, your body looks like it can handle just about anything. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of which, Willie, I saw some nice shots of you.

You had your own little European boating vacation, eating grapes with a hard body of yours. Christ. Shani, I saw you posted a picture of you and Scotty. On the beach? Just keeping it real.

Up the north coast of California. Yeah, in the Malibu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, Will calls, will FaceTime me working out with no shirt on. Just regular conversation. Hey, what's going on? Doing dumbbells.

I'm like, what can you, do you want to wait? Or do you want to talk now? No, I got to get it in. I got to get it in. And then you went, no, no, no, no, the phone called. You want to wait on that? No, because I thought about it. As soon as I lifted a dumbbell, I was like, oh, Sean.

You know what I mean? I got to call Sean. A good, I was going to say it's victimless, but it's not entirely victimless. But, you know, I got this. So, by the way, I went a couple of weeks ago, because it's been a minute since we've all been together. I went and did this thing with our pal, Dave Letterman, who we all adore up in Montreal.

Oh, yeah, I saw the pictures of that. That looked rad. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. It's super fun. And we all adore him and revere him. The best. Yeah, the best.

And Sean, he started, we spent, I told you this, but we spent maybe 12 minutes talking about Sean. Jay, you got like 30 seconds, like a passing glance. What? Yeah. But Sean got, and he's like. That's when you lost the audience. He's like, what about the thing that you gave, that you, Sean takes a lot of hits on the podcast. Yeah.

Which we've discussed before. And I'm like. I said, Dave, Sean and I have had this conversation. If I didn't make fun of Sean, he'd think that I was mad at him. Totally. We had this conversation a million times here. And then I told him the story, J.B., of when we went to see Sean opening night of Hello Oscar at the Tabasco Theater,

and he said, talk about a show! Hello Oscar. And how, you know, we joke around and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Sean gives us his performance, and Jason turns around. I'm sitting right behind Jason. and he's got tears in his eyes, and he says he's ruined the podcast. Because he's so talented.

We disrespect him too much now we can't make fun of him. We can't make fun of him. He's too good. And I told that story to sort of whatever, a couple thousand people in this theater with Dave. And I said, so just so you know, we all are in awe of what Sean does. That's very nice.

Don't blow it off, Sean. Take it. We've talked about this ad nauseum, but I appreciate it. I appreciate it. We talked about with Dave, and Dave has your back. Dave loves you. I love Dave too.

He walked in. He saw a Goodnight Oscar in London. You walked in and I go, do you want a sandwich? Something? And he goes, he goes, I have diabetes. So I was like, oh, shit. I had no idea and I'm making fun of his weight. Wait, truly?

He does or no? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no way. Yeah. And then Scotty and him were like, look, I got the pot on my shoulder. He's like, me too. And they were like, you know.

Speaking of Scotty, what about that article I sent you yesterday? The crisis going on in the, the gay community now with people who love bears. Like the problem with GLP-1s now that the bears are shaking. Yeah. Skinny bears now. They're going extinct.

Yeah. We've got to protect the bears. The skinny bears are called otters. You know, now they're turning on otters. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, now they're turning into otters. If you see a bear, don't shoot, you know.

I mean, we got to keep. Unless it's going well. We got to keep. Unless he asks for it. All right, anyway. Well, so much other stuff to talk about, but we should probably get to it. Is this yours today, Shawnee?

This is mine. You guys are going to be so excited. Jay, what if we were like, no, it's yours? No, that's happened before, I think. I know it has. You fumble through your notes. Guys, my guest today was born in Los Angeles and raised outside of London. Oh, I've got it.

Who? No. He was a competitive gymnast. How about that? No. And a swimmer as a kid, but quit gymnastic after his 200-pound Russian coach sat on his back during the splits, and he thought, quote, this is not a childhood. He worked at Starbucks until they fired him for sitting down too much. His mom made him a Spider-Man costume for Halloween when he was three.

Years later, he got paid to wear one in three movies. It's the Uber-talented and very charming Andrew Garfield. Andrew Garfield, Maloney. Andrew Garfield, I was just talking about you. the other day we've never met nice to meet you. Were you saying nice things about him? I was.

I was showing off. There's a photo of you that came up on Instagram or something and you were wearing because I find myself defending some of the stuff that I wear and you were wearing a phenomenal zip-up from Alessay

which I own a different one and I get a lot of shit for it and I was like, look at Andrew Garfield. This dude is cool. He looks so good and he's wearing an Lesse's zip-up so shut it. Was it like a vintage one?

Yeah, it looks so good. You know the one I'm talking about. It's so good. Yes, I do, yeah. Are you wearing the high shorts too? No, I wasn't wearing the high shorts. I can't pull off shorts generally, but particularly not high shorts. You got to be careful on us.

It's really nice to be with you guys. I really love you guys. I love this show so much. And yeah, Will, we haven't met. I know Jason a bit. Sean, I don't think we've met ever either, but I feel like we should have because we're of the theater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We will.

We'll do something. Thanks for having. I feel like my intro is a bit ominous. I felt like you guys got so sad at the Russian guy sitting on my back. And like this... You just go to the list of things. Oh, painful. The list of losses of my life as the kind of intro.

I mean, when I read that, that made me laugh so hard when you're like... When you, as a child, you go, this is not a childhood. I have to leave. I was 13 with a very large Russian guy, you know, on me. And Will, I'm such a huge fan of yours as well. I'm just a fan of all of you. and I'm sorry, I'm a little overwhelmed to be like. Well, right back at you.

Right back. Where are you? You're in a hotel room somewhere. What are you doing? You assume this is a hotel room, but I designed my house to feel like as familiar as a hotel room would. Oops. That was a little bit of a faux part early on there, Jason.

But I know, this is, it's the Crosby Street Hotel Room 601, if anyone's interested. Wow, this is live. Wow, doors unlocked, ass up, doors open. By the way, I really, like, I hope you guys keep in all of the very platonic, homoerotic intro that you guys... It was like the most homoerotic you guys have gone in a while, I feel like... It's been a minute. It's been a minute. It's coming. There's more coming. Yeah.

But it's a service you guys are providing, I think, for men around the world. Sean, you just have reminded me of my buddy, speaking of homoeroticism, my buddy who was on one of these dating sites. the not a grinder, but a different one that's even more just immediate hookup thing. Yeah, yeah.

And he got on and the guy sent him a picture of himself with his butt in the air winking, winking, and he just wrote, howdy.

And my buddy's like, no. Howdy? Swipe. Swipe. All right, so if you're in New York, you are promoting something. What are you promoting? Right now,

I'm promoting. a family film called The Magic Fire Away Tree, which is an Enid Blyton book that was made into a film by Simon Farnaby, who wrote the Paddington movies. But I'm also, something very different I'm promoting, is a Paul Greengrass movie called The Uprising, which is about the Peasants Revolt in the 1800s

and has a slightly different tone to it. Holy shit. Yeah. I read a few Enid Blighton books, and as a kid, I don't remember any peasant uprisings. Wait, that sounds like a very uncomfortable shoot. A peasant war film. I'm not imagining a lot of luxury on that one.

Walk us through the pain. Jason's just thinking, at the end, when you wrap, are you going to shower in the trailer? You don't want to use the water in the trailer. So now you've got to do the ride back to the hotel with the guy with this. Heavy fabrics. Oh, this fuck. Yeah, stinky, stinky fabrics.

Chuck Schumer is definitely not waiting for me on a yard. in any kind of court at the end of a shoot day. Where did you shoot that? We were in Munich. We were in Munich. We were shooting, because there's a lot of medieval architecture

still in Germany, weirdly. So we were shooting around. We were mostly in one field in Munich that was being doubled for a lot of different peasants fields in Munich. It was miserable. But in that way of the best possible misery.

And you guys love Paul's movies. Yeah, of course. Captain Phillips and the Bourne movies and News of the World. He's just like an incredible filmmaker. Yeah. And he's one of those team captains that kind of makes you want to suffer for him. You know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, no, I want to suffer as much as possible for this man

because he's going to... Because he's driving, yeah? Yeah. I was going to say, Jason, would you say that Woody and Sam are saying that they're suffering for you right now? Is that a fair assessment of what they're going through? Yeah. They're just trying to keep me awake. No, no.

But he's, yeah, Paul Greengrass is, does seem like one of those guys who, it's an all-in venture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an amazing, it's a really good group of actors as well. It's Tom Hollander, who's incredible, and Jamie Bell and Cosmo Jarvis, Catherine Waterston, Stephen Delane,

like a kind of murderers row of great British actors, and it's like a proper ensemble. And it's like this historical drama, but he's shooting it like he shoots, which is all handheld. You're in the action. You're kind of viscerally with the characters. And it's powerful. And it goes like a freight train. It's like a very like fast-paced historical drama.

Can I just say another sort of aside? Can I just, you mentioned Stephen Delane. And I've said this before. This is one of the most underrated actors of our time, Stephen Delaide. 100%. He's an incredible. where would I know him from? I mean, a million things.

I'd know his face if I saw him. 100%. 100%. He's breathtakingly incredible, right? Andrew, am I right about that? No, he is one of the greats. And it's one of those careers where you're like, oh man, that's kind of the dream

where Jason Bateman doesn't exactly know who I am. Yeah. Do you know? Where it's like, he knows that I'm great, but he doesn't know anything about me or my personal life. But he would definitely cost me in a rude-r-r-ranging. How is spelling it? Stephen D-E-E-L-L-L-L-A-N-E.

Jay, you know, your wife loves him, lay breaking. And he was in the English version of, when they did the bridge that Swedish-D-N-S-S-S-O-N-S-O-N-S-O, and they made it called The Tunnel. It was a UK-French cop-pro. I like saying, cop-pro, it makes me sound like I know what I'm talking about. For sure. And I remember talking about him with Amanda

and just both of us just going like, this guy is incredible. I mean, he's amazing. Do you find him, Jay? The tunnel, the TV series? Yeah, because your spelling on Delane was terrible. How much more time do we have? No, it's like Dill Pickle.

Guys, welcome Stephen Delane. Here he is. Andrew, how good your Stephen Delane impression? There he is. Oh, no, I'm not much of a fan of this. guy. No. Could you imagine after all that?

See, guys, I had to make it worth it. No, he's a rock star. I see. I see what you're saying, yes. This is a guy. You see him in any project. You're like, oh, we're in good hands here. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's amazing. Well, but, you know, I was going to wait to the end to talk about this, Andrew, but since we're talking about projects. We are at the end now after all. of that Stephen Delay in Google search. Exactly. No, but two projects I thought are really, really cool. One is by a friend of mine you called Wild Things.

Will you play Roy of Sigfried and Roy? John Hoffman. Are you friends with John? Yeah, John Hoffman, yep. Love John Hoffman. Yeah, he's the best. Oh, wow, yeah, you just finished working with Jude. Yeah, we just did.

You play Sigreed and Roy, which is awesome. Yeah, it's, I'm excited about it. It's, as you imagine and more, It's like more is more is more is more with those two. You know, the gay German magicians in the desert and with the tigers and the lions. That old story. That old classic tale, that old myth.

They've been told of time and again. But fucking hell, these guys were truly not. Well, the guy I play was truly insane. Roy Horn. He was the tiger magician, but literally believed and was convinced and maybe truly did have some spiritual connection to his tigers, to animals generally.

Did you use real animals? No, no, no, we're not legally allowed to do that. I did feed a tiger with my hand. Yeah, I don't know. That's like people I've got. Wait, did you, was one of them mauled? Forgive me. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, no, you're forgiven. You're forgiven. We don't say mold. We don't say mold, though. Well, we say there was an incident. there was a thing that happened. There was an event. Was it your character that had the event?

Yeah, Roy, yeah. The guy who had the magical connection to. Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. Jason. He ate his face off or something, didn't he? Oh, Sean. Oh, sorry. I just read, I just read that he ate his face off.

Creating new myths. No, there was an incident. So what's remarkable about it is, I know, of course I'm defending him because I feel like I am his representative on this earth. So 40 years he worked with these animals, and there was no incident with him ever. And there was one night in 2003 where the tiger went tiger and decided, for whatever reason that night, that he was going to bite down on his master's neck and drag him to his cage.

And there's lots of different kind of theories about why the tiger, how do you, a tiger is a tiger, how can you, you know, you have no idea. But there are lots of theories, and one of the things that the show explores is why, on this particular night, did things go wild? But he survived it. His face is intact.

But then he died during COVID. He, like, recovered. He did lots of rehab. They kind of, they got back on stage with the tigers. They were savages. They were, like, just these incredible kind of, like, gay German warrior magicians. They were, like,

Some of the strongest. Roy particularly was this kind of, I don't know, monster. He was an amazing, amazing man. Wow. Oh, I can't wait to see that. Wait, but Andrew, you're also playing. And then, by the way, then we'll be done because you have 18 other projects, which is really exciting.

But you're playing artificial. You play Sam Altman in a movie. Was he on the yacht with you, Jason? Was Sam on the yacht? He was on a boat nearby. Yeah. So for Tracy, Sam Altman created Chat Chip-T. He created Open AI.

And so... at GPT. That's really cool, man. I mean, that's going to be a really great story. That's the Luca Guadagnino. You got it, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm nervous about that one. I'm really scared about that one.

What about the backlash? Well, yeah, I mean, like, you're playing one of arguably... You guys take a point of view on it? I mean, one, I hope we've taken a point of view on it, and it will be, you know, seen, and people will have their own opinions about it, but yeah, I mean, like, playing one of the, arguably the most... powerful people on this planet right now or interpretation of whoever this person.

I have no idea. I've never met Sam Multman. I don't know anything about the interior of his soul. I just had to do something. I had to interpret what I understood, what I saw, what I read, what I, you know, I don't know what my imagination gave me, what the script gave me, but it's like he could definitely, he probably has hacked my phone and he probably is observing every move I make. Does the film take a position that this is something either ominous

or something that is positive or what position? I think it focuses on him getting kind of ousted from the company and then back into the company, right? Yeah, that's part of it. I think I would hesitate to kind of preamble to be. I kind of want people to watch it and to find their position. I hope we're not villainizing anyone

or making anyone into a hero. I hope it's what Lucas films do. He gets into the gray area of what it is to be human, obviously. Don't you think it's wild? You're going to be part of that, and you're part of the other kind of big, you know, tech movement with social network, which you were great in. Do you want to tell Will and Jason,

or do you want me to tell Will and Jason what a woman once... Don't tell Jason. What a woman once tweeted about... your laptop smashing scene. I'm happy for you to share this. Okay. I mean, it's something like she wanted you to, she wanted you to smash your laptop on her tits or something.

Oh, yeah. Because she, wow, I got to rewatch that. Yeah, yeah. Is that it? Hang on, let me pull that up real quick. I mean, that is insane. We know how fast you are at Google, so. My dial-up service is not what it was.

Wait, she, she's, she's, She tweeted that she wanted to smash her. Then she was serious, and then you met her. No way. Yeah, that's crazy. She showed up at a Q&A. And she was holding a sign saying, I'm the one that wants you to smash a laptop on my tits.

Wow, did she ask you a question at this T&A, Q&A? Nice, nice, nice. Guys, it's low hanging fruit, still fruit. Low hanging fruit is still fruit. We will be right back. And now, back to the show. So wait, so that is a particularly... Now, Social Network is one of my favorite movies.

I don't recall a particularly memorable level of hotness while you're destroying a laptop. Was there? Did you do it in, like, a hot way? I guess it's subjective, and I guess it's not something that you're into, Jason, and that's okay. Was your top off or something when you did it? No, it was just full of the power. powerful, like, justice seeking. Fincher didn't say,

Fincher wasn't like, hey, you're going to smash the left of. Hey, let's go tarps off on this one, huh? Hey, Garfield, you're going to go tarps off on this, eh? Can you get your nips hard real quick? Let's roll, let's roll, eh? Can we get some ice for Andrew? Well, let's roll, eh? Let's get this fired up here.

Let's go tarps off on Garfield on one. It's tarps off. There's no way that David Fincher would have been as successfully as he is if he was Canadian. There's no way. There's no way. I'm realizing that in real time. Wait, what about...

But Jason, have you not seen the outtake of Andrew doing... And I'm not even kidding. How many takes and how many laptops did you smash? No, I haven't seen that. I think it was... I don't know. 30, 40... I don't know. 30 laptops.

Smashed. 30 laptops, yeah. Yeah, you haven't been to those rage rooms. You ever done like a rage room where you get like a baseball bat and you get given a bunch of shit to smash up. No. Yeah.

Where are those? You have some? No, I mean, I know of it. I have never. I want to smash stuff? It's a, yeah, it's a great. It's a place that you can go. Sean, would you like Andrew to come over and,

you have a couple laptops that need smashing up, don't you? And I have tips, so I'm all in. Hard drives need to be erased. All right, but you did a family film that you're promoting now. And what, do you, do you got, do you got any little, oh, well, wait, I've gotten into trouble asking this before. I was going to ask you if you have any kids. Am I allowed to ask that?

How dare you? Honestly, how could you? What are you going to ask next? My age? What is this? I didn't think I was coming on the patriarchy podcast. Maybe some people don't. The handmaid's tail fucking.

It's my bad. I apologize. I'm 42 and I'm childless. And I'm not entirely proud of that. Like I would love to have kids. I would love to start a family. It's just not. You offered that.

I didn't ask that. Well, you kind of did. You kind of did. But so, because usually you hear about folks doing a family film because, well, you know, I do stuff my kids can't see. And so I want to finally do a movie that my kids can see. That's usually the story you hear. Sounds just like him, yeah. Right?

Yeah. This, you just, you love this book. Well, no, you know what? I love Simon Farnaby. I love those Paddington movies so much. And I've been like an advocate for the, I love those films. And Simon is just a great, heartfelt comedy writer. And I had been wanting to do something a little easier in a way, to be honest.

Is that okay to say? Yes, I just kind of wanted to have a nice time. Instead of throwing potatoes at peasants and stuff. You want to do something on a soundstage, right? I needed a break from throwing potatoes in peasants. Thank you, so. It's the first one I feel really understood, Jason. Yeah, no, it was really lovely.

It was just a lovely time. And it's heartfelt. And it's about, you know, getting kids back in touch with themselves, with each other, with nature, with their own nature, with the family unit, with community. And, you know, it's not anti-technology, but there's a kind of like a kind of an awareness around how technology may or may not be screwing things up for us. And it's just lovely. And I have nephews and I have Godkids. And there was something very sweet about making this film and having my friends. friends who have young kids come and see it.

And it was like the best reviews I've ever had in my life. It was like, yeah, honestly, well, like it was like voice note after voice note after voice note of just raves from the seven, eight, nine, ten-year-olds that I have a connection. It was honestly like, why have I done anything other than this up until now? Because this is so much more pleasurable. I have had that experience.

You guys have, too, when you do stuff that is more sort of family-oriented and whatever, the response is pretty rat. And when you meet a kid who's, like, super into something that you did, it's so much more gratifying. We're just watching their minds get blown when they're introduced. Like, Will, I bet a million times you've done, like, Lego Batman voice for a young kid, and they're like, wait, what?

I don't understand. Their mind kind of breaks a little bit. Yeah, and sometimes people, you know, come up to you, and you're with your kids, and you're getting ice cream out here with my kids or whatever, and somebody comes up and, want to say how you're like hey but when it's a kid who comes up in that way and is and is like a big fan of like as you say like lego batman or something it is very gratifying really in a different way or like when a kid comes up and says i don't know i have no idea who you are yeah i don't know

what you are when you when you did um you were a kid who do you think they thought you were right jason yes jason one time burned me the greatest burn that i'm super jealous of i told this huge story about, we were with on stage with Matt, Damon, and I told this story about Brad Pitt, you know, complimenting this thing and how I psyched I was, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I was like gushing like a little kid. And Jason paused, Jason goes,

who do you think he thought you were? After getting a compliment from Brad Pitt? Yeah, which was so good. I was so jealous of that burn. So, Andrew, tell me about growing up. You were born in Los Angeles, but how did you then grow up in England? Because you were born here? Yeah.

Yeah, my mom. My mom is from Essex, from England. She met my dad in London, and then, my dad's from L.A. It's a longer story. But we don't have time. We don't have time. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We, yeah, so they met in London. My dad was from L.A. He moved back to L.A. with her, had me and my brother. And we were living in Marina del Rey in the 80s, which. was not Marina del Rey now. And my mother was a kind of small town girl from the outskirts of London now suddenly in the middle of gang warfare and Marina Del Rey. And the Cheesecake Factory, let's not forget about that.

Is the Cheesecake Factory been there since 83? And there was a Jerry's Deli too. There was a nice Jerry's Deli there. Oh, wait. She painted a much more kind of brutal picture of Marinee Del Rey. You're calling my mother a liar? Is that way of calling my mother a liar? We've heard.

Jason, you pants me once in the parking lot of that Jerry's telling. Well, you're going to wear sweatpants, you're going to lose them. And I was wearing sweatpants. We were going to work. We paused outside the restaurant, and then he pantsed me in the middle.

Your luck I didn't tip you over afterwards, either. What year was this? When was, how old are you guys? This was 2004. We were 34, 35. We were all hopped up from cake from the cheesecake factory. And you weren't losers. You were like, cool guys.

I don't know, cool guys. And then you did, when you got into gymnastics, I was in gymnastics, too, I did the, I was good at the pommel horse and like the floor events and stuff. Yeah, but I didn't stick with it. But, Sean, in a pinch, could you do like a backward handspring, like a flip right now? I can do like a roundoff of cartwheels now at this stage, but I could do all that stuff when I was younger, yeah, just for a little bit.

Andrew, gun to your head right now. Would you be able to do like a half-ass floor exercise? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. No way. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd throw my back out.

My knees would be fucked and I'd be ruined. Just pay me a picture. Why is the gun to the head to do this? What is this? Some oligarch is like, I have Andrew Gaffield. You, boy. Do something else. Do it.

Fucking what? Should I end up in this scenario? I would lose my head. I would not be able to do much of anything. I don't think I'd be able to do a somersault. Yeah. Yeah, well, you could try. Yeah.

And then you left gymnastics. Your father became a swimming trick because then you were swimming. I mean, and then... But just, I'll finish the thing about... So my mom basically was like, I'm out. I'm not. I don't want to be here anymore in L.A. Sorry to go back to that.

I felt like there was a weird thing where there's a thread undone. She got tired of the 90 freeway and she wanted to get out of that. She got tired of the 90. And she said, are you coming? not don't worry kind of thing and my dad was like okay I guess we'll we'll go back we'll go back to England so I was raising England and then yeah gymnastics and I love gymnastics I really did like the first time I did like a back handspring or a back somersault yeah I felt like I had unlocked some weird secret code to my body and to like fly it felt like flying it was very very cool

yeah and then it became something you know you know what happens when you're a kid and you're like good at something and you have a father who you know is a quite a competitive animal. Yeah. It starts to become less fun because suddenly, you know, it's either a gold medal or you, you know, you don't get love. No, not literally, but like in some people. Yeah, for sure.

I know what you mean. The guys are just kind of like laughing at me. Like, like, like twice. No, I know. Wait, so then, so then you stopped doing that because it got a bit too stressful. Yeah. How soon after that did you find acting and was he supportive of that? Well, yeah, this is what's kind of beautiful, is that we, so I was swimming for, he was my swimming coach for a while, and again, that became another thing.

And I kind of just let everything go when I was a teenager, because, yeah, it's like one of my favorite movies. It's like the Truman Show. It felt like the Truman Show. I was like, if this is all there is, there has to be more. And I was being raised in a kind of small town in the south of England, and I didn't have any kind of idea that a life in the arts was a life to be had. I thought it would leave you destitute because kind of on heroin. That was the kind of like the horror stories that were being kind of given to me. And then I, it was my mom.

My mom saw how kind of lost I was. And thankfully, I was that loss because without being lost, I wouldn't have found the thing that really set me up for the rest of my life, hopefully, which was, I tried painting, I tried music, I tried sculpting, and I was fine at them and I enjoyed them. But then when I did my first acting class, I did my first play, which was, I played Fat Sam and Bugsie Malone at my local community theater. And it was one of my favorite movies, the Alan Parker movie is one of my favorite movies of all time.

Yeah. And I felt a kind of close, I felt close to myself in a way that I maybe hadn't felt. I felt a sense of purpose. And then I had a drama teacher that came into high school that kind of mentored me and saw me and said, I think you have something to give here. And that was kind of all I needed. And then, yeah, I had to, weirdly, my dad was very resistant at first. because he was just scared, like any good boomer father

would be of me not surviving as an actor. He was very, very concerned with me just having a roof over my head and living. And also, I thought that was interesting when I read to that point, that you grew up with no money and then your family started this business, then went bankrupt, and then, you know, from there,

it was just like, God, what am I... I'm sure that feeling that your dad had for you was partly because of that. Well, he's been trying to forget it, but thanks for bringing it up. Talk about the dark. darkest time in your family's life, Andrew, real quick. So then was he really like a hard ass about, well, yeah, fine, you can do the acting stuff,

but you're going to go to college, you're going to study a backup career? Yeah, business. He wanted me to go into business, whatever that means. And did you? No, no, I did, like, at A-level, which is like an SAT in business in England, and it was, I got a B, he was fine. But I'll tell you a cool story. So I go to drama school for three years, and he kind of backs me.

He's like, okay, if this is what you want to do, I'm going to help you do it. So I did three years. After high school. After high school, three years university course in acting at a great drama school called Central, which I loved. And then I started working in theater, but I was still having to, like, do a bunch of odd jobs and Starbucks. I was a cricket coach for a while. I did a lot of, you know, waiting tables, the usual thing. But then, you know, there was a couple of moments on the journey on the way that he, that me and him really started to connect.

One was getting Spider-Man, obviously, and I kind of, I think I called him straight away. I was like, fuck that business degree motherfucker. Your boy made it kind of thing. And he was like, you don't have to worry anymore. And then I did Death of a Salesman, which is a great play that I did. Philip Seymour Hoffman. And yeah, Mike Nichols directing. And he came and saw that opening night.

and it was like a lot of whatever dynamics we had to heal father and son dynamics we kind of started to really heal through me doing that play and him seeing me do that play and realizing that we had we had some wounds that we shared that it is generational that it is handed handed down generation to generation these this not enoughness wound or whatever that I think a lot of men have I certainly do that I work with all the time but and then the kind of The third, and it kind of was revealed in my discussions with him that he had this unmet dream of wanting to be a writer. He's a very charming, charismatic, storytelling guy. He's very, he's into art and culture. He's just, it's just been a buried dream of his for a long time. So it was super interesting. And he would tell the story of driving past Fox Studios when he was, he had a shipping company in L.A. And a moving company in L.A.

He would drive past Fox Studios and just imagine, dream and wonder what was happening behind those gates. And there was a night where he was out with my mum to visit me in L.A. It was the night before the Oscars where I was nominated for the first time I was nominated for an Academy Award. And I said, hey, there's a party tonight. I want to take you guys to. And yeah, he's like, where is it? Where we go? I'm like, oh, no, you'll find out. And we're driving. And he's like telling stories about L.A. and his memories of L.A. And we start pulling up to Fox. And he's like, oh, Fox. This is where I used to dream and wonder.

And we start pulling in to the Fox lot, which is where that night before party is held. And he looked at me and he just started bawling his eyes out. And I was like, well, you're going to find out that it's actually not that interesting what happens on the other side of these cases. But at least you'll know. And we had a really beautiful breakfast the next morning, the day of the Oscars, because we are competitive people

and we like winning stuff, but it's also been very tied in with our sense of identity, our sense of selves as kind of Garfield men. And we kind of healed a lot of that, but still it was a beautiful thing to be able to share, like, a big achievement of like an Oscar nomination with my dad in that way. Incredible. It's amazing.

What a great story. As a Garfield man, as you said, as you said, do you hate Mondays? No. Do you love lasagna? Yeah. Very good. You have a dog, me notice. Yeah.

Do you, I love that you had that moment with your dad and that he was able to express, like, in a really sort of real, emotional, unguarded way, how he felt. And what a great lesson to learn from your dad. Even, you know, you weren't a kid anymore. But even just to see, to get that kind of example of that, I think is really, really important

and so meaningful, man. Is he still with us, Andrew? Oh, very much so, yeah. He's in England, yeah, yeah. He's writing, and now he's writing. Like, he's just writing for pleasure, and he's really talented, and he's, yeah, we have the, like, I think the proudest thing of my life

is my relationship with my dad. And to see, as you say, Will, it's like to see someone allow themselves to evolve in that later stage of life through their kid as their kid is trying to bring, break free and evolve and individuate and free themselves of something that's holding them back from feeling fully joyful in their life. It's so, I tip my hat to him.

And you being old enough to see your father as a co-adult, you know, somebody, like, as we get older, our parents become so human to us. It can be off-putting at times, but also just, you know, obviously really enlightening. It's amazing how we all become sort of equal as we get older. Yeah, yeah, I think, and I've seen you, I've seen you speak on, and I've seen sort of quotes of yours over the years talk about, one of the things that I love about you is the way that you talk about your, how open you are about various things.

You've talked about grief quite openly over the last few years in a way that I think is so, it's so admirable in the way that you're able to do that. It really sets such a great example. And certainly just for me, John Q. Public, to read that and see you talk about really touch me and allowed me to kind of go like, oh, I want to be that open. I want to be as in touch with my feelings about certain things.

I think it's pretty awesome. That means a lot. That's great. Well, you had now a famous quote, Andrew, about grief, which I love, which is, you said grief is all the unexpressed love. Yeah. And I thought, I was like, oh, I had to think about that. I was like, oh, yeah, because I try to tell people how I feel now,

even if it makes them uncomfortable or me uncomfortable. I don't want to save all that love and emotion for when they're dead or I'm dead. It's like now's the time, you know? But even with, and even with that, even with saying, my relationship is, you know, talking about my mother who passed away just before, in 2000, end of 2019. Even with, because I told her I loved her all the time, even with all that, there was still,

there still is this kind of chasm of grief that's never going to be fully, you know, the love is, that was the remarkable thing in that experience for me was like, oh shit, like, the love is truly never-ending. Like, it's like, it's infinite. It's like, it's infinite. And it doesn't stop just, it won't stop when I die.

I don't know. I found that quite, quite touching and quite beautiful. And yeah, I guess, like, I remember being a young actor and looking up to certain people and wanting them to be as real as possible in the world, not just in their films or in their plays

or in their music. I wanted to feel like it was okay for me to be as kind of fucked up as I was in the head and in the heart and in the body. And so I don't know. I find it interesting to kind of try to deconstruct the rules of our culture. It's like, why can't we talk about how fucking shitty it is to lose your mind?

Like, why is grief a taboo thing? It doesn't make any sense to me in our culture. So it was kind of fun to be able to have fun. It's kind of a light way of putting it. Like, I didn't expect so many people to feel a resonance or a kind of freedom because of that. But yeah, it was a very, it's a very, yeah, I find it very beautiful. Well, it's also we're a little bit, I think as actors, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we get the privilege, the opportunity to explore so many different parts of ourselves and emotions as well, that, you know, you have to because the script says, you know, you're going through a breakup or something like that.

And you have to sort of like explore all that stuff. And so maybe just the idea of dealing with that in your own personal life is not such a foreign and scary thing because we tend to be practiced at some of these kind of oddly shaped emotions and characters. right yeah no definitely it's it's a nice part of it and on that Andrew what it what you know you do you do so much great work and play so many different characters um in different genres and different formats um what is it that um what is it that you like most about what you do um to just ask you like the most base sort of simple question i mean there's so many different parts to it but yeah is Is there one thing that if you, the same guns to your head, you have to say, what is the thing that? I have this fucking Garfield at my disposal.

One more question, Mr. Garfield. Why does he have so much access to me? How does he like, how is he always in the room? This guy, I own this fucking guy. Because you told him your room number. That's what it was. Fuck. We'll be right back.

and back to the show. Is there one thing that gets you most excited when you open up your eyes to start your work each day? Oh man. Yeah, I mean, it's hard not to be oh God, overly sincere about these things, but it's like it's a life-saving job. I think this job will save my life

in the sense that like, I remember, do you guys read the Agassi autobiography? No, but I've heard I should. I hear that's great. It's so good. And it's about, an athlete and an athlete that hates the sport, he hates tennis. The first line is, I hate tennis.

And it's like him and his father and all this stuff. And he has this moment in the middle of the book where he's like, I played for the U.S. Olympic team and we won gold. And I'm stood there with my fellow USA players. And I thought to myself for the first time, maybe I love tennis. And I found that so deeply moving. because for me it's like if I can be a part of a team, if I can be a part of a community that's doing something

that is greater than each individual and it's somehow of service in some way and if I get to go to all these emotional places that we're not allowed to go to in other areas of our life, I feel just like so alive, so joyful to be alive and like the luckiest person in the world. So it really feels to me when it's about like if it's about some kind of service to something greater,

some spiritual kind of pursuit, then I'm like it's... And the team effort of it too, yeah? Yeah, there's a collective thing. And the majority of the things I do have that kind of quality. I think I do seek out a kind of that kind of quality. Certainly with like the uprising, it's about revolution and it's about what happens when the soul of a person or the soul of a group gets abused and kicked and beaten

to the point where it says, no more, I either die or we change everything. Like, that's an amazing journey to try to understand and go. And obviously, like, universal, like throughout history. And right now, there's people who are feeling that soul squeeze to the point of shit has to change, or today is a good day to die in the pursuit of that change. Right. the money. You know, no.

What about, what about, what about, what about, what about, what about like, location, like part of the world? Like, how much, do you, how much time do you take when you consider these jobs? Because imagine you've got a bunch of different choices that conflict. Do you consider where you're going to be on the planet? How long it's been since you've been home? That's a new thing for me. I'm thinking about that more as I get older, I think. I think, like, in my 20s and 30s, it was like, I'll go anywhere at any time and I'll devote myself

to this in a way that's probably a little unhealthy. But now I definitely feel, I don't know, man, like, shit, time is ticking. Like, it's not, like, that awareness that it's not forever. Where is home? Sorry, where, where, where is? London. I'm mostly in London, but I'm a little bit in L.A. as well

where you guys are, I think. Yeah, yeah. What is it when you consider taking something that's in a far away land and going to be gone for a while. What are the top three things that you think you're going to be missing and that you're going to be sacrificing? Is it certain relationships?

Is it certain creature comforts? No, it's all relationships, really. Like, it's all relationship. But it's also my home and my relationship to my home. Like I've created a little home for myself in London that it feels like an old friend at this point. So whenever I'm there, I feel like, oh, yeah, this is. this is where I can just be. And, yeah, and my family, I'm very close to my family.

I'm very close with my nephews and my brother and my dad still. And, yeah, my old friends are from high school. That's like my closest friends. Yeah, that's what I was going to say, yeah. Are you still, is that still your sort of friend group? All your friends from high school? Yeah, friends from, I have a core group of about five or six friends from high school. And like, that's like, I think that they've certainly saved me from myself.

They've got to be thrilled for you. did they have a comfortable time, a decent time sort of adjusting and adapting to them sharing you with the world? They fucking love it. They love it because not only can they ride the coattails, they can also rip the piss out of me. They have free rain. They have like green light to fuck with me.

What have you taken the most heat from? Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean, every week there's something. They took a good run at you on Spider-Man, right? Yeah. I think, I think. I think when they see me trying to be sexy in any way, in like an award show,

or if I'm like, let's see it. Let's see it. Give me the steamy look. You look at me in the eyes. Maintain eye contact. Andrew, I just have one Spider-Man question, and I won't go on and on. This I did not know that is it true

that you and Toby McGuire each have an actual species of spider named after you? and apparently Tom Holland does not. Is that right? Yeah, but Tom Holland has a gazillion dollars, so I think it's fine. Yeah, but that's cool. Is that true?

Yeah, I believe so. It's one of those things that you've kind of forget happened because it's just too abstract to be able to kind of... Was it a Garfield spider? I don't, I honestly don't know, Sean. Okay, well, our arachnologist named the Iranian species Pritha Garfielda. Garfieldi. No way.

And Felista Dada Maguirei in honor of you guys. That's pretty crazy. Now you know. Wow. And none of those words I probably... So it is customary for me with someone like you

who's done so much theater to ask if you have any crazy theater stories always start with one of my own just to make you feel like it's okay to share. Mine is I just did this one man's show called The Unknown and I played all 10 different characters. Wow!

Oh, that's one. It felt like... 20 men. Bring it to Broadway. He was insane. Now is the same actor. This Russian guy is everywhere. He's now made his way to the back of the theater.

Italian guy. No, but he's made his way into the back with the Italian guy. They still can't find him. He just runs around from aisle to aisle. Yeah. And every night I'll look at the back. Canadian David Fincher is somewhere in the mix here as well. I'd like to think of myself as the Canadian David Fincher.

Sorry, go ahead. Sean, what's your theater story? So my theater story is one night, one man's show, I played 10 characters. One night, one of my characters, asks another character question, and I stood there waiting for the answer for a really long time. And then I go, oh, shit, I'm that guy, too. I swear to the guy that, like, after 50 shows, your mind starts to go crazy. And I asked the question to the character, and I was literally waiting for the answer.

I was like, oh, I'm that guy, too. Oh, my God. It was the worst feeling. It was so scary. That's called like a mini mental breakdown That's like Coalcephosis I think Totally

But anything in Angels in America Or Death of a Salesman or anything Oh yeah I mean yeah definitely I think it was one of the first previews of Angels in America that we did in London And it's after a you know It's a nine hour show

And it's the first time we're doing You know all of it back to back on a Saturday And yeah Fuck And I can't I don't know how that I don't know how any of us survived it Truly like it's ridiculous

But there's a big climax at the end of the second part where I have to fight an angel on stage. And the angel is on a harness, and at one point she goes up on wires, and I'm like holding onto her, and I'm like pulled around the rafters, like off the ground during this very, very technical fight. And to get set, I have to put my hands through loopholes by her waist,

and I'm wearing like a hospital gown with my ass out, facing the audience. And I'm like, okay, it's our first time doing this in front of an audience. And I get set and I'm like right down at the front of the stage. My ass is towards the audience. And I'm like pretending to wrestle this angel. And I'm like set, set, set. And then nothing happens.

We just stay on the ground. We're meant to be lifted. So we're just like on the ground, on the ground. And as we all know, like just the awful feeling of having to pretend like everything is fine. And so I'm like continuing to wrestle. I'm just kind of like doing the worst continual wrestle movement with my ass facing the audience. And I think it's about a minute and a half

that I'm just doing this one impossibly awful movement. The guy backstage is trying to find the right rope to pull. And the stage manager, who is this very sweet, nerdy, northern guy, comes out. And like the dramatic music starts. and I'm still doing this awful wrestle that's the time makes the show. And the guy goes, I'm so sorry, everybody.

We've had some technical difficulties. We'll be right back with you. After like eight hours of a show, the curtain comes down, and my ass is still to the whatever, and the curtain comes down, and we fix it. And I get back in the position after like five minutes. I stick my ass at the audience again, and the curtain comes up, and I'm still doing the wrestle.

And, of course, like, it works, and the audience go fucking crazy. crazy because that's what they want. They want the worst shit that could possibly happen to happen and it to be recovered and they're part of like something that could never have happened otherwise if they'd come in the other night. But it was

I'm sweating talking about it. Do you actually just made a really good point about the sort of, they're part of something that can never happen again the exact same way or otherwise. Is that part of the allure to you of theater? I wonder what you guys think about this.

I feel like, I mean, maybe this is a very obvious thing to say, but I feel like that's where we're heading now. We're heading back towards live immersive experience. A hundred percent. It feels like one of the last commodities that is going to be valued. The one thing AI can't do. Well, yeah, in-person experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like an actual live... Whether it's comedy or music or theater or storytelling. It's going to be a huge, yeah. I think so. I don't know. And also, what about like orchestral music too, right? which is what it used to be. There was no recordings of anything.

You had to go to the opera house or whatever it was and watch Beethoven conduct his symphonies. You could buy an album and hear it. Gun to your head. What symphony are you going to listen to? Amher cocked. Compose something. Now, Andrew, you know, Jason and Will know

and people know I love every once in a while like having a gummy. Just because it's relaxing. A weed gummy. A weed gummy, yeah. And you once celebrated... Define every once in a while. Yeah, what's this every once in a while, Gary?

Did you run out? Garbage. Yeah, I did run out, actually. I need some more. You once celebrated turning 29 by eating pot brownies at Disneyland. Please tell me how that went. Yeah, it was one of the old-time...

Great days. Yeah, no, it was one of the all-time great days. Did you ride rides, though? I think I would puke. Yes. No, no, no, I did, and we didn't. One of us did. George did. George had to get off crew. Like, what's that California? Where you're kind of like...

Oh, yeah, California. California. Yeah, he couldn't... We wrote that a few times. He only... He could only manage two times. And, yeah, so George had a tough run of it for a moment. We all had tough moments. It was like a group of like eight or nine of us, and we all kind of got each other through those kind of trenches moments. And it was great. Each one of us dipped at a different moment, so it was like a little bit like whack-a-mole. There was like a corn dog moment that we had where I was really struggling Oh hang on

But there was one really I think the best moment The best moment was the simplest moment of the day weirdly Where we transitioned from Disneyland to the California Adventure Theme Park part of Disneyland And there's that song

California here we come right back Where we started from That was coming emanating from the speakers in the trees And one after the other We all looked around and realized that we were all doing the exact same jaunty little walk dance to that song.

Like happy bears. Like we were doing the exact same and it was like... That's funny. It sounds like there could have been some caps and stems in these pop dionies. No! It was purely weed.

But we were so aligned. We were so aligned. We were aligned with the cosmos in that moment. Apart from, and we had, you know, it was fancy. It was like 29th birthday, so we pulled out all the stops. We got one of the guides to take us around, one of those lovely Disney guys. And her name was Chantal. And she may have been an AI robot because she did not betray any knowledge of what was moving through our system.

She was just so like, she was like Disney adult, joyful. I think they're pretty accustomed there now to folks just tripping balls when they go down. There's like there's two kinds of people. There's either like the wholesome family, you know, get the little kids and the strollers and all that stuff or the people above. There's the shaggy-haired actors, yeah, with their buddies. If you're 25 years and older,

you're probably on something. I can't do, I can't do roller coasters and stuff anymore. No, me neither. My equilibrium's gone after 50s. I'm shot. Yeah, I get nauseous. I think I might be the same. I think I might be the same.

I went to you, I was in Universal Studios recently with an old friend from high school, we went, just, I don't know, we just went, and we had a pot, a kind of little pot candy, and we had a guide as well, and I felt like she was cool enough because we did the Transformers ride, which is one of those, like, it's a screen, and it's 3D,

and it's like a fucking hell. It's just pure fucking hell. It's like, it's Dante's Inferno. It's just horrible. And we came out, and both of us, I was worse, I was like, I'm really fucked up now in a way that's not pleasant in any way. I would blow chunks everywhere.

And I was too high and I was too dizzy and I turned and I was like I trust this girl I'm gonna see I'm gonna see what she says I'm like hey I don't know if you're aware but I we did a little bit of we got a little bit high before the Transformers ride and now I'm regretting it and she was so fucking cool

she was like I got you we're gonna go to Hogwarts we're gonna go get a butter beer we're gonna go and we're just gonna sit on a bench and we're gonna have a place where there's a really nice breeze we're just gonna ride this out we're just gonna ride this out this ain't my first rode I'm high right now too. She's like, check out this ride.

It's called a bench. Now, Andrew, I believe we've kept you way too long. Jason said something to me a long time, which I love. He goes, when after he's worked his balls off on something like this movie or whatever, or Will's in the same boat, and I read that you're kind of similar, Jay said, I want to aggressively do nothing when this is over, just for a little bit, for a day or a week or whatever. and you recently said your perfect day off

would be a lot of lying down and looking out the window which sounds incredible how long can you do that for before you're like up and up and again up and around again? I can do it for a couple of months like I like oh god yeah I really can I've been working for like 11 months straight

and it was so schizophrenic like doing the I did like Sam Altman who's like an emperor and then I did the peasant movie where I play the opposite of an emperor, someone who's getting kind of abused by an emperor figure, and then doing Roy and like doing Roy Horn

from like 20 years old to 65 years old. Like we do the whole gamma. So I feel, you know, you get to the point sometimes where you're so deeply resentful of the work that you love to do so much. And that's kind of, that's kind of, of where I'm at. And then what is your version of looking out the window?

Is it watching dumb TV? Is it reading books? Is it hanging out with friends? I would like to say it's reading books, but it is more watching dumb TV. And literally looking out, I have a lovely window in my house. And there's a beautiful tree that I just stare at.

Again, it's like this kind of like the most valuable commodity outside of live performance is quiet and time and space and not having our attention snatch. by the things that were always snatching our attention. But no, yeah, friends, I did a trip to Devon, which is a little seaside town in England with my nephews and my brother. I did a trip with friends to Greece.

I did a little driving around Italy. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, tending to that part of the garden, being with my family, simple shit. I love that. One of the gifts of, like, being raised the way I was is it was made very, very clear to me by osmosis, I think that there was no way that I could ever allow myself

to drink my own Kool-Aid enough to lose myself. You know what I mean? That's why I keep my close friends close who will keep me accountable and keep me. I love that, pal. Well, thank you for being here. This is a great episode. I laughed so hard with you.

Thank you. I love you guys. I think you guys are so phenomenal. I'm such a huge fan of you guys and I'm grateful for this podcast and for everything you guys give to the world. I really, really truly am sincerely. Well, likewise.

Right back at you. Yeah, I'm sincerely right back at you. And if you don't, we'll put a gun to your head and we'll say keep going. Yeah. Have fun in New York, Andrew Garfield. Pleasure to meet you. Much love to you.

Yeah, it's so great. Love to you, pal. Great talking to you. See you around, I hope. All right. Yeah, cheers. Bye, pal. Thank you.

Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. That's, that's a, I like that guy. A lot. I do too, man. Me too, a lot, a lot. Yeah, what a easy, breezy conversation. I love it.

You'd ever consider being our friend? Yeah, let's ask him. He would be a good friend. Can we send him like, what do you, do you, how do you make friends nowadays? You just, like, send an offer. But we don't want to come on too strong, though. Send an offer.

Yeah, you know. Who would you rep by? This is just our starting point. Please feel free to counter. Is that how you started? I just. I'm always amazed that. Actors like that go from job to job to job to job.

When do you have time to create the character, like, and get and figure it all out? Do the research and all that stuff? Or how about this? How about when do you have the time to, like, not be an actor and hang out and, like, maybe, like, meet some nice guys like us and create new friendships and, you know. Or wait, you're still lobbying for him to be your friend. Yeah, I mean, Jesus, you know. You know what, Jay, you know what you do? He probably gets so many great opportunities.

He can't stop, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You know how you make a new friend. You meet somebody. Jesus. You go really slow. You get to know them.

So short. And you go, you just take it slow and you take it day. Bye. Bye time. Day time. Day by time. Oh, you didn't get it. Oh, you didn't get it.

Smartless. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanly handcrafted by Rob Armjarf, Bennett Barbicoe, and Michael Grant Terry. Smartless.