SmartLess - "Bill Maher"

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Welcome to a large-scale diorama at the Museum of Natural SmartLess. This week Bill Maher teaches us about the finer details in life, like bottle service, gambling, and hosting 30 years of television. Please exit through the gift shop.Please support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Quickest intro ever. Go. Hey, this is Jason. Hey, this is Sean Hayes. Hey, it's Will. And this is... ...Smarlas. Let's try that again.

Okay. Hey, Jason here. Hey, Sean here. Hey, it's Will here. And this is... And producers... Sorry, we're going quick because of producers. They wanted to know what...

They wanted to be... You should get on to it. Yeah, go, go, go, go, go. Go. Smarlas. Quicker, please. Hey, listener. You are listening to the quickest intro for Smarlas yet.

Hi, listener. It's Sean. Jason. Hey, it's Will. Hey, it's Will. And it's Sean. This is a show we do. It's called Smarlas.

It's a podcast that we talk... Wait, Sean. That was already too long. That was already too long. Here we go. Hey, ready? Here we go. Hey, listener.

My name is Sean. Jason here. Will. And this is a podcast that we do where we talk to people about stuff. Ready? It's called Smarlas. And here we go. Oh, my God.

Unbelievable. We're about to hear the quickest intro for Smarlas yet. It's Smarlas. It's Smarlas. And I'm... No. Almost. Hey, listener.

You're about to hear the quickest intro for Smarlas yet. I'm Jason. Sean. Will. Smarlas. Nice. I just want to use that whole take. Hey, guys, it's been a while.

We haven't seen each other in like a week. No. How have you been? I think it was just a day or so ago, wasn't it? Oh. Wasn't it? Was it really? Was it?

No. It was at the weekend, I'm pretty sure. Oh, so maybe that was like four or five days ago. What's today? Today's Tuesday. Today's Tuesday. Well, you know, my day off, my days off are Mondays. And Scottie and I went to the Field Museum here in Chicago.

Yeah. Which is, you know, you go see... Oh, that's where all the old fields are. Yeah. No. No. Jason's being funny. Fields of Dream.

No, you go... There's like the dinosaur stuff you learn about. And you see how the earth started, like it's from the very beginning. And it was like, it's really cool to see the dinosaur bones up close. You don't believe the evolution garbage, do you? No. Okay. Good.

No, that's... So you're looking at... So the dinosaur stuff. And I was like... And I always wonder like, are those the actual bones? They can't be, right? Right. So then they have those guys with the picture...

With the cameras that come up to you like at amusement parks, right? Where they take your picture and they're like, well, we're gonna charge you. And I was like, I just called up my phone. I was like, I'll just take my own photo. Rude. Right. You know, these guys got to make a living too, Sean.

I know. Jason just turned 53. Three. Yeah. Three. Not just. And Amanda said that they still get... You're still...

They still get frisky, but she refers to him as dinosaur bone. So... Yeah. Meaning... You know. Yeah. I don't know. You know, that's a...

It's not a bad question or observation, Sean. Thank you. I'm gonna go with it for a minute here. About the real bones, I mean? Yeah, because so they do go through... The archaeologists, they go through there and they pick and they sweep and they brush and they pull them out. And then what do they do with them?

They probably have to encase them and complete them in some form. Right. And so the real stuff is probably underneath some sort of sheath of plastic that is meant to look like a bone, right? Right, but here's my thing. Why rope the area off if it's not the real bones? Because it makes it feel like it's real and a little bit more of an ooh and an ah effect. I don't know.

I don't know. Will? Anything? No, you find that stuff interesting? Will doesn't even want to play with this nonsense. Okay? He's... It's so...

To be honest... You don't like museums. You don't like museums. Please don't lie. Just listening... Please don't lie. And no more. It's like it's the conjecture junction.

It's just like, I think that. Maybe that. Just look it up for fuck's sake. I know. I gotta look it up. Hey, you know what, Elshon? The folks behind the glass in the... What do you call it?

The... What do you call it? Behind the glass where they have the sort of the pictures of the animals. It's a real setting. Oh, like a diorama? Right. They're not real either. Wait, what?

Yeah, the guy with the heavy brow. Not breathing. But they did have these animals behind the glass. And when I walked in, I said to Scott, I'm like, is that like the real thing that they just stuffed it from like, you know, 200 BC? Also, also a decent question. Well, why are you cranky today? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm hungry. Uh-oh. You want to pause and go grab a bar? It's dinner time. It's not dinner time. Oh, now, now Sean's going to start getting it. You know, listener, Sean's making us jump through impossible hoops.

Yeah, impossible hoops. To continue bringing you the joy and the ear candy that is smart less. We're recording this at 5 p.m. Okay? Yeah, but when do we do it? Who works at 5 p.m.? Not me. Everybody.

Oh. Usually it's a nice morning thing when we've got our attitude, our energy, our rest. By the way, we can do mornings riddled with guilt about it. Ready? Here we go. No, don't. You're an easy target. Let's get to the guest, yes?

I'm so excited too that you guys are going to be... Nothing more about museums? Frithful, I've never heard somebody describe themselves as so excited with less excitement. Oh my God. Oh my God. What about our guest? No, about yourself. About yourself.

I'm so excited too. No, I'm so excited. No, this guy, I can't wait to just get his... Is it somebody with more intelligence than us that can shine a light on the whole thing? That's the other thing too. I got to say that that's the other thing too. I sometimes get nervous about we go down these holes about info before we know who the guest is. And I'm like, this person thinks we're a fucking idiot.

Yeah, that's why they're here. Well, that ship has sailed. That's why they're here because there's no threat coming on you. So listen, I'm super excited. I've been a fan of this guy for a very, very, very long time. He's had two very popular shows back to back where the first one ran from 1993 to 2002. That's nine years. And then the next one, which ran from 2003 to present day, which is almost 20 years.

Kelsey Grammer? No. He's asked me on his show a couple of times, but like a tiny, tiny coward. I was too scared because news flash, I'm not the brightest bulb. And I feared people might just start to pick up on that. He started his career as a standup and an actor, but thank God he tossed out the actor part. Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to get my news of the week from. Guys, it's the super funny, super smart Bill Maher.

Hello. Oh, Bill Maher. Christ, Bill can tell us about bones and stuff. Yes. Bill's super smart. Yeah, but not about bones. Come on. Bill, are the folks in the diorama real?

They're not real, are they? No, but I have fond memories of my childhood making dioramas. That was the whole thing. I wonder if kids even know what that word is or do they do that anymore? Can you do it on your phone? I needed help. I used to make them. I used to make those little things all the time.

Yeah. With the little people inside and you hang them on a string. I wish I saved them. I could have sold them on eBay now for great money. Bill, I want to say to you, first of all, thank you for coming on. And as you know, I've emailed you through the years. We've chatted through the years. I'm just, I hold you in the highest regard.

I have never, ever missed one episode of Real Time with Bill Maher. And I appreciate that. And I love you too, by the way. That's pretty close to my record. Yeah. I am truly a fan of all you guys. You're a nice man. But I like Shawn the best.

Yeah. I don't blame you a lot. And we also had dinner once. Yes, we did. Yeah, it was great. We had a date. I loved it. Was it at Koi?

Was it at Koi? Was it at Koi? No, it was not at Koi. It was at Chin Chin. No, it was at Piccolino. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Ready?

Oh, there's a little place on Robertson. On Robertson, yeah. You were green. I wore red. Oh, yes. I remember it well. Now, come on, Shawn. You can sing that when you're a master of the musical theater.

Come on, Shawn. No, now this show, Smart List, is the opposite of real time in that we asked the most mundane, dumbest questions you possibly think of. And here's one now. I've always wanted to ask you this, but as someone who's as bright as you are, as incredibly quick-witted as you are, how did you end up in the world of political commentary

when you could have pursued other political avenues? What drew you to politics and build a life around your career around politics? Well, yeah, I was drawn to a career in the show business, not a career in politics. And of course, I don't have a career in politics, but politics as the fodder, you know, the clay I was working with, I think, comes from my childhood.

My father was a newsman on radio news. Oh. So, yeah, my father was in news. So we talked about that. It was in my household. It was just part of what seeped into me, you know? That was my household. I don't think that was the typical household. So I always knew what was going on politically.

I always read the newspaper, even as a teenager. Oh, wow. What part of the world was that, Bill? Where did you grow up? That was the part called New Jersey. OK. So then it was always an interest for you, and then to just sort of naturally find its way into your comedy?

Yeah. I mean, when you're first doing stand-up, of course, you will say anything to get a laugh. You know, laughter is oxygen when you're on stage and you're like a fish flopping on the dock, you know, gasping for air. So anything that will get a laugh, you will say, and I did, and we all did.

But I slowly gravitated. I mean, my act now, I have a special coming out. HBO, my 13th, if you can believe it, and I'm only 40. Wow. Congratulations. That's awesome. Do you have a date on that yet? I think that's April 15th.

That drops, as the kids say. Sure. But, you know, there's a good amount of politics in it, and there's a lot of stuff in it that's not political, because I mean, I'm a stand-up first. I'm always drawn to that, and I'm always drawn, as you can see from this conversation, I'm always going to try to wheel it into something a little

more substantive. That's just my nature. Yeah, I'm so glad you do. So I feel like I'm fucking up your show. No, no, no. No, no, no. But that's okay. Like, I guess that explains a lot, because what, you know,

what you've done in sort of, dare I say, the late night space, if you will, and just indulge me for a second, is that you've kind of taken what a lot of people did. You know, you had these guys and a lot of amazing, you know, funny guys that we all looked up to, whether it's Letterman or Carson or whatever, and they would have moments where they'd touch on the news

and what was going on. You took that slice and you grew it. Yeah. And that became, as you said, the fodder for all your, you know, all your stuff. And that certainly struck a chord with people, because people were like, yeah, I want to talk more about that show.

I want to make fun of it. I want to talk about the absurdity of it. I want to talk about it in serious ways. And I want to engage these people on either side of the aisle in ways that is not confrontational, but certainly stripped down and feels like, fuck the bullshit. Just talk to me for real for one.

Give me a fucking... What I love is the give me a fucking break aspect of your show. Well, yeah, I mean, I was... When I was in the clubs and starting out, I wanted to be more Johnny Carson. We all did. We wanted to host that kind of, you know, broad vaudevillian variety show.

But as I got older, I was like, no, I don't want to talk to, you know, fucking sitcom players. No offense to the people here. Hi. No, I mean, my show is not a celebrity-driven show unless you think Andrew Sullivan, you know, and the governor of Montana are celebrities. You know, it's a political...

It's mostly... I mean, we do have celebrities on quite often. But informed ones. Yeah, informed ones. Or, you know, just ones... You know, Steve Martin and Martin Short did it last year. Howard Stern has done it at the top as a one-on-one interview. Any of you guys could do it if you wanted to,

but I know you don't. Yes, please. That's fine, too. But, you know, it's mostly for people who want to understand what happened during the last week and have someone explain to them with their perspective, you know? It's great. Hey, Bill, how do you stay educated?

You're so courageous that you have, you know, you could have these idiots on if you wanted dummies like us. But you don't, you have people that are incredibly well-informed and you go up against them at times if you don't agree with them. And to do that in an intelligent way, which you have done for God knows how many years, you need to be incredibly well-informed. Where do you find the time to do that?

Yeah, I'm always one of that, too. Oh, yeah, Bill, please tell these two guys about the marvels of reading. Yeah, first of all, you guys, stop with the false modesty. Oh, we're just stupid guys. You're not, you're very bright guys. You have to be very successful, very successful. We'd like to be brighter in some other areas. I certainly would love to be brighter in politics like you are.

But where do you, how do you do it? I'm not buying your I'm so stupid act. You're not stupid and no one thinks you're stupid. But as far as keeping up, you know, it is a bit of, what's a challenge nowadays is to read anything where you think, oh, okay, that's the full story. My problem with media is that everybody's in their own little silo now. If I see something on MSNBC, and I'm a Fox, I don't really ever watch Fox,

but if I do, I know it's only half the story. It's like, oh, okay, there's something I know you're not telling me because it doesn't feed into your narrative. Because the media is about, it's not about truth anymore. It's about, this is our narrative. So is what you're telling me true? Well, it's probably partly true, but I'd have to really work hard to find out the full story.

That's what pisses me off about the media. So then you got to read two or three articles to make sure it's fully vetted or I'm sure you're fully staffed and all that. Right, you cannot trust anybody to give you the full story. Very few anyway. You know, there's, I just, by the way, just recently, not even before I knew you were doing this, I rewatched your first appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

And it was fantastic. Wow. And even then you didn't shy away from everything that we started talking about, politics, sex, religion, whatever it is. And I love that joke that you said. Did you say sexy religion? Because what's your sexy religion? What's your sex?

What do you think is the sexiest religion? No, but wait. Let's go around. Let's go around the horn. No, that's a good one. Let's go around the horn. We'll go around the horn. What do you think is the sexiest religion?

And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Hey, Bill, if you're going to do a show that wasn't about politics, what other subject captures your fancy? Say show tunes, say show tunes. Well, I started a podcast. I don't know when this is airing. It may have started airing.

Oh, yeah. It's called Club Random. Club Random. Tell us about what it is. Well, it's funny because what you just said, the last, I would say, I don't know, four or five years, people have been saying to me like we're out to dinner or something. And they'd be like, you should do a podcast.

And I'd say, what are you talking about? I have a show. Why would I do a podcast? And they're like, because we just had this dinner. And, you know, you were so interesting on all these topics. And they're not things that you talk about on your show. You know, we were talking about sex and romance and bliss and that and health and all these other things.

And I'd like to hear you talk about that. So I was like, yeah, sure. And then it got to be kind of a drum beat. So I finally went, oh, maybe I am being thick about this. And I have this place here. Right. And there's a property. There's a little funky old clubhouse on it.

I shot there when we were doing the show real time, when we were doing it during the pandemic. That's where we shot the interviews. And it's kind of a pool table in a bar. It's really kind of cool. And we kind of, at some point, it became club random and kind of into a club. And we get your no bullshit approach to many, many subjects and topics. Yeah, good.

Yeah. So I can just sit down and talk with people one on one. I mean, my show is mostly a panel show. It's either me straight to camera or it's a panel. There's not a lot. There's one at the top, but it's brief. And it's very often somebody like a governor or somebody, you know, a little more formal.

You do great with those, though. Those are awesome. You guys would be good on this. Yeah. Come over to club random. Will, it's across the fucking street. I know, I know. It's so close.

And it would be less political than this is, because this is not political. Let me ask you, speaking of club random in your podcast, where does Jimmy Valley fit? The great Jimmy Valley fit into all of this. You know, we all love Jimmy Valley. Well, you know, he's my best friend for 40 years. Yeah.

Is that true? Yeah. We go to Hawaii every year together. No, I didn't know that. Yeah. That's great. Oh, yeah. And I know he is the axis of wonderful as far as arrested

development goes, which one of my favorite shows of all time. And of course, I'm sure that's why you two guys are so close as big as all those years. It's certainly not why Sean hangs out with us. You know, I've never seen an episode. No. Right. But I mean, that show was genius.

And you guys were genius on it. I mean, really, that's one of my faves. I can watch them over and over. They're so dense. They're so dense. Have you met Mitchell? Have you? You must have met Mitchell.

Yes, of course he knows me. Because Jimmy has these salons in his backyard, especially when the pandemic was going on and we could only sit outside. And I gave him that name. I said, you should call it a salon and that we would have people. Mitch was always there.

Those two guys, two of the greatest guys in the world. I don't know. Like I always picture you just reading constantly. I can't picture you sitting watch. Like do you watch a lot of shows and movies and stuff for you? Like, I'd rather read something. Yeah. Watching TV, first of all, TV, the kids today don't understand

how wonderful and amazing and vital TV is. Some of them don't even have them. They watch the thing, whatever they watch on their phone. I have a big ass, nice, gorgeous TV at the end of my bed. The end of my day is always watching TV. That's good. I must watch TV at the end of the day for at least an hour, at least.

Mindless stuff? No. Yes. Well, not disturbing. I once watched an episode of the Sopranos, where Jones hands beat the shit out of a hooker and I couldn't sleep that whole night. It was terrible.

So nothing like that. So you watch like reality TV? Well, I have a very bad attention span. So I'll watch 20 minutes of five different things. But that's what I'm saying. But that's what I'm saying. If we were to hang out at your house from five, because it's not late, to 10 o'clock at night,

and your attention span, where does it go to if it's not watching something like that? Do you go read then? Let me give you my schedule. During the week when real time is in production, I work every night. I never go out during the week. I'm working on the show every night.

I mean, that is either reading or writing. Monday is a heavy writing night. Thursday, the night before the show, it takes a lot of hours to put that show together. It takes like 20 hours just to put the final editorial together, which is about six to eight minutes. But, you know, so I like that. I like working.

Now we do the podcast Wednesday, like at six to eight, because I like a dark and club random. Sure. This is a night film. Nobody likes to go to a daytime club. That's the only thing about it. Absolutely. When they try Saint Tropez, it's like a daytime club.

Now fuck off with the daytime champagne. Unless you've stayed up all night. I guess that's different. Of course that's the exception. Have you ever been to a Las Vegas, you know, pool party in the day? No. No? No.

You do have a lot of kids. So, okay, it's like they have these pool parties, all the hotels where the people, and you can tell it's like noon. They haven't been to sleep yet. They're standing in the pool. It's 110 degrees, no sunscreen. The guys have been on steroids, you know, because they're big, muscly men.

I mean, they're drunk, a boatload of liquor. They probably, you know, snorted Coke off somebody's ass through a dirty $20 bill, and they're fine. Stop worrying about COVID, okay? Now, I got out of the party game right before bottle service started. Can you walk me through bottle service and how that caught on? And tell me if I have this right. The only way to book a table at a club is if you commit to bottle service,

which is a bottle of really nice vodka. Can I just say, I'm so fucking glad we're recording this. Five grand gets you the bottle of vodka, four glasses, and a bucket of ice, and you can have the booth. Is that, is that, is that about right? Well, Jason, I also have not been in clubs except my own club random for many, many years. And that's April 15th? Is that April 15th?

No, that's the special. That's my HBO standup special. Oh God, sorry. I get so confused. The podcast may already be on by the time. Sorry, you still, Bill, you still have to walk Jason through what a club, what a club is. No, bottle service in particular. I know what bottle service is, yes. It's a big number. I mean, it's not that, it's not that complicated.

It's, they're trying to get you to spend a lot of money to buy a good table. Who would ever say yes to spend $5,000 on a bottle of vodka and a booth? Tons of people in clubs who want to impress girls with their daddy's money. How is it five grand? You'd think 500 would be about the ceiling. They went to five grand at a minimum. No, it's guys who have fleeced sovereign wealth funds and they're living over here going to college. There's that many of them? There's so many trust fund babies out here in California, in Los Angeles.

If you ever go out, and again, I don't go out to places like that and happen for many, many years, but it's all that. It's all these kids who could not possibly have that kind of money at that age, except it's their daddy's money and they're spending it for you. Do you like Vegas, Bill? Do you like playing there? Do you like clubs? Do you gamble when you go? I do not gamble, but I play it. I've been at the Mirage for about the last five years, about six times a year. I love that. It's a great room. It's a great hotel. I went from hating the audience because when I first played Las Vegas, I was an opening actor.

I opened for Diana Ross in 1982, and it was painful. First of all, that was like the dead ball era in Vegas. Like the end of the rat pack, like Sinatra was there, but he was 80. There was no nightclubs. It was just not fun, and they didn't know who I was. There was a Porsch muck standing in front of the crowd for 20 minutes while they filed in for Diana Ross. Now, it's like the hippest crowd in the country. Really? Yes.

Wow. Part of it is it's a city in itself now, Las Vegas. It's a fairly big city. You can draw a good percentage of the crowd from locals, but also just like, that's who's going to go see me. I mean, there's plenty of other options. They could see fucking magic or a dolphin or some shit if they wanted to. But if they're coming to my show, they want that. And I would play it twice as much if I could. How come you don't gamble? Was there a bad situation? That's why I don't do it anymore, but was never attracted to it or did you get hurt?

It's stupid. They call it gambling. They should just call it losing money slowly. I hate losing money. Again, I need you to walk me through this. How is it so hard? It's basically a 50-50 proposition on most bets. No, of course it's not. You could sit in the sports book. It's 50-50. It's not. Nothing is 50-50. Come on. That's why the house is making money. Here's why I think the house makes money. The reason the house makes money is because everybody leaves to go to Vegas with a committed amount of money they're willing to lose and they don't leave the table until they lose that money.

If you think about what you're willing to win and leave when you hit that number, then you'd make money. The reason they make money is because the odds are slightly in their favor. If you have millions and millions of bets, even if it's 50-149, over time you're going to make a fortune and other people are going to lose their house. That's why I think it's depressing. You say you love playing Vegas. I'm so depressing to go there. I see people losing everything they have. Wait a second. Sean, I've been to Vegas with you before and you're like fucking splitting aces and again and again and all of a sudden you get $3,500 on a hand. You're like, hit it! Hit it all!

This is true. This is true. I'm fucking depressing. If you've been to Atlantic City and you see people just go and they win at the Roulette. Roulette in Vegas, everybody's having a blast and they're all hugging each other. It's like a commercial, right? And everybody's hooting, hollering, high-fiving. In Atlantic City, they win and they're like, I can't take another week. Bill, you mentioned you said dead ball. That was a reference to baseball.

Yes, you're a big baseball fan. I feel like yes. I was a minority owner of the Mets up until last year. Yeah, I heard that. That's cool. Yeah, but it's much nicer now because I don't have to worry about the finances. It was horrible during the pandemic because we didn't play the first 100 games of 2020. And then when we did play the last 60, there was no one in the stands buying hot dogs. How did that come about you getting an opportunity to get a piece of it

and then how did it come about you divesting? Well, I read about it in the paper. It was a front page story in the New York Times in 2011. The Mets were in great financial trouble and they were selling, it said 40% of the team. They were looking for about eight or 10 investors and it said how much it might cost. And I was like, huh, I don't have alimony or kids or stupid hobbies. I don't collect cars or motorcycles or paintings or jewelry or hookers or cocaine. I've actually saved my pennies and I could actually buy.

I could actually do this, but I was like sure that there were going to be a thousand people richer than me who'd be online first. No. Just a month later, the Mets had such a stink on them at the time and I was like, well, you know what? Sports teams never go down in value, especially the baseball franchise in New York. Did you just sell it last year? Well, Steve Cohen, now the richest owner in baseball, he came in and bought the whole team. So he bought it from the majority owners, the Wilpons, and then he bought out all the minority owners. We didn't have a choice and I didn't want a choice.

I was so glad to be out of it because again, now I can just be a fan. I don't have to worry about their labor problems or the Mets having a losing year and losing money. Did you make a little bit or did you lose a little bit? Oh, I made a lot. Oh, great. But even with what I lost during the pandemic, because again, I knew that a team, this is the National League franchise in New York. They're not making anymore and baseball is so woven into people's... My father and I went to the first game and that you're never going to be able to put a value on that,

but teams just always go up. So I think what the Mets were valued at when I bought in was like 750 million, which was way low. And then they sold for like 2.4 billion or something. After how many years? Like 10. Wow. And did Seinfeld buy a piece of it too? No, he didn't want it.

No, he should have. He's way richer than me. Yeah. Now, did you have voting rights? Could you email the GM and say, draft this guy? No, but I was invited to the owner's meetings. I went to one. It was so boring.

It was a lot about parking and hot dogs. It's like, oh, God, I wish I had... Parking hot dogs. Yeah, it was really boring. Did you ever just for a goof try to recommend some shitty idea about a mascot or something just to see if you get a reaction? No, I didn't want to piss them off. It was great. I had a parking spot.

You know, you'd go in the special entrance, you know, you had a box. This is my dream. And now a word from our sponsor. All right. Back to the show. Hey, Bill. Now speaking of parking hot dogs, do you have a lady in your life? What's going on?

Mom, I told you I didn't want to talk about that. Did you? Okay. No, but I was going to ask the same thing and you don't have to answer it if you don't want. But just as we all are getting older, is any of that changing at all in your brain? We're just like, maybe there is something to settling down or something or absolutely not. I'll certainly be happy to answer that in the abstract. There's nothing to settling down.

For me, it's a very personal thing. Of course. I like to be settled and some people like to be married and some people don't. And I'm one of those people who don't. And, you know, I feel like that's just personal. Whatever concessions that you make for being married, I assume what people keep doing it, there must be some compensating reasons that make it all worthwhile not to have sex. When you talk about...

I can't fucking think of what it is, but I'm sure there must be one. Yeah. When you talk, though, about how it doesn't get easier and stuff, what are the things that you think about now that are like bummed you out about getting older? I agree with you, by the way. I am feeling that thing of I care less and less what people think. Honestly, these guys know I could give up shit about a lot of stuff and I have a bad attitude a lot of the time. Boy.

Yeah. Take a chill pill, man. No, man. No. I refuse. No, I mean, look, thankfully I can do everything I always did pretty much the same. So that has not caught up with me yet. But I am under no illusion that that is next.

I can't be... I mean, I could still play basketball, right? Yeah. But will that be happening when I'm 80? I don't know. And of course, the other thing about aging that's tough is that you just... I mean, let's be honest, you just look worse. Yeah.

I mean, you can look good for your age, but it's just the corruption of the flesh is just going to happen. You look great, though. I would say you look better now than you did 20 years ago. Yeah, you look exactly the same. And then when you put your glasses on, which you were sort of cutely sheepish about the beginning of the season, you looked fantastic. You wear glasses. Yeah, well, those are good-looking glasses.

Well, I appreciate that because it was a... That speaking of aging, that's a great thing to bring up because even though I understand and a lot of people said, oh, I like the glasses, for me, there was something about it psychologically. I had been on TV for 28 years without glasses and somehow that fucked with my head in a giant way. It was like this concession that I... Because I'm telling you, for two years, I really couldn't see the prompter. If I hadn't written a lot of the material myself or at least rewrote it, I probably couldn't have gotten through it. And I would go into...

Would they just abuse big font? No, because then you can't get enough writing on the thing. So you have to deal with the normal-sized font. But I was just... In rehearsal, I'd be like... I'm sure they were laughing at me behind the cameras because I was just struggling and I finally had... And I've had three Lasics, so I couldn't go back to that. Three!

Wow! I had one and loved it. I've had two. So I had to break down and do the glasses. Were there a couple of years where you were like, just come closer and go wider. Come closer and just go wider. That's just like, we can't get any closer, Bill. Yeah, that was it.

I did everything I could to forestall it. And then when it happened, it just was something psychological with me. It was like the end of an era. You've passed this milestone, you are officially now. And of course it happened right when I was officially a senior citizen. 65. So, you know... You're 65?

You look fucking great, though. 66. Wow! Good for you, man. Yeah. Now tell me, these guys know I like to dig in about workout regiments and diet and stuff. I'll bet you're pretty disciplined about exercising and what you put in your face. Beyond disciplined.

That is one thing you have to do. If you want to live the kind of club random life I live. You know, you're not going to... Not to be confused with the special on April 15th. No, that's it. Exactly. Yes, but I've never been a foodie, so it's good because... Yeah, but you like to smoke and it gets real snacky late at night.

How do you get past that? Well, first of all, I think people think I smoke way more pot than I do. Yeah. I don't smoke every day. Never have. Never want to. That's too much. This is controversial already.

Yeah. No, I mean, when you smoke that much, it doesn't work. And I want it to work. I need pot. I'll admit that. I need pot for some very vital things that I do that I really don't want to do without it. So I save it for that. Cheech and Chong movies.

What? Cheech and Chong movies. Yeah, you can't watch those sober. I need it for that. I know. See, that's something I would never do is get on and watch a movie. No, a lot of people do. I know.

I use it for, like, more uplifting things, more important things. Like driving. Quickly. I always have people, Bill, I always have people who go like, oh, man, this, you see that movie? Blah, blah, blah. I go, no, yeah, this is fucking great. I go, were you high? They go, yeah.

I go, I don't want to hear your fucking opinion. I don't want to hear your opinion. Oh, Bill Maher, we don't want to take up any more of your time. I mean, we do. Come on, that's it. I feel like we're just getting juicy with him. Wow. I know.

You know, when it goes by fast, Bill, it means it was good. Yeah, it's true. I think. I mean, I would be crestfallen if I thought three guys who I admire as much as you, I let down in any way. Oh, you're the sweetest. I love you to death. I think you were amazing.

You overdelivered. All right. Well, I'll know that's true if you invite me back. Yes, for sure. Yeah, all right. We could do a two-parter. Yeah, that's how I'll know if that maybe we'll just come over to club rando. I would love that.

I could spend an hour talking about religion with you because I. Oh, yes. I sent you an email after this and it just kind of like totally enlightened me. And you've done great things on religion. And you've also played both Larry and Jerry Lewis. So, you know, all the juice. You can only play juice. And comics.

By the way, playing another one in this play. A piano playing. I'm playing Oscar Levant in a play out here in Chicago. Oscar Levant. No, refresh my memory. Exactly. I know the name. He will.

He will. He shows a week. He'll be refreshing your memory at the Steppenwolf Theater. The Goodman. Goodman. The Goodman. He was a pianist, right? He was one of Jack Parr's favorite guests and also a pianist and a drug addict and everything else.

Sounds like we're saying penis. Yeah. And on that note, thank you, Billy. My pleasure. You're so sweet to show. Bill, thanks, man. Congratulations. Thanks so much, Bill.

We'll see you at Club Random. All right. Thank you. Bye, buddy. We'll see you, Bill. Okay. He's that Bill Maher, right? Yeah.

The guy is just, he's a big brain. He makes me think. He does make you think. Oh, we speak of the things. Speaking of things. Have you guys tried the new think bars? Not the new thing, but just think bars in general. They are incredible.

Wow. The kind that are, the 20 grams of protein and no sugar. Those are my favorite. Can I ask you a question before you go any further? Can I ask you a question? And I want you to be honest. Bill Maher is quite the brain. Jason, I want to ask you a question you need to be honest with me.

Okay. Did you just run out of think bars? I did. Well, I am, I'm definitely low on think bars because I have at least one think bar a day because when I think about it, you know, health is something you should think about. And then what the best thing to do is to package something that says the word think on it. Because then there's a link there. So when you think, do you think Bill, do you think Bill eats those?

Boy, he's, he looks like, I mean, his body, it looks like he's in great shape. He is in great shape. He is in great shape. For like, and he said he's what, 65, 60, he even said, but he looks like. Your memory, your memory is terrible. He just said it. You might need a think bar. I mean, I mean, he's probably having the peanut butter ones.

Oh my God. This is unbelievable. All right. But wait, but wait a minute. Here's what I love about Bill. And then, and then we can go back to the think bars. No, we cannot go back to it. Okay.

Then we don't think of it. I'd like to go. Maybe we can talk about cryptocurrency. I'd love some. I'm fresh out of crypto. So Jason, how am I going to get crypto on my net jets? Net jets, the best way to take your family. And listen, and jet edge also.

I love jet edge too. Actually, I gotta admit. And you know what they serve on those jets are chips ahoy. And chips ahoy are really, Hey, really reach for the stars, Sean. I do want to say jet edge is actually pretty great. I remember, I remember on Jason, I think we were on a jet edge flight. And it was first of all, it was just, you know, price per hour was amazing.

And it was great. The service is incredible. And I remember looking at things like this has gone so smoothly, so quickly. And I quickly look at my Rolex and it tells the time. And I think to myself, is it right? I've crossed how many time zones and the time is so precise. But it was so great when you, when we landed, I got right into my Porsche. Yeah.

And I drove so fast home. Yeah, you did. Unbelievable. Safely. You got safely home. All right. Sean goes, what have Sean said? And then I got home.

And I just, I remember just getting home and saying like, all these twizzlers for me. It's Christmas over. I do want to say this about Bill before we, before we leave is that I love that I mentioned it during the show. I love that he really is truly one of those guys who has his own show who explores both sides of any argument always. And to me is fair about both sides. Well, here's the thing.

He's not scared of, let me just say this. He is a guy who is, he has an opinion on a lot of stuff and he says it. And I think that, you know, part of it is, I don't know if sometimes he says it to instigate conversation, because that's kind of what he does. But also he, he's willing to at least engage on topics that a lot of people don't want to engage on. On both sides too. So I think that would officially make him by curious.

At the very least. By intelligent. By the way, Jed Edge, what a way to travel. To close the loop on Jed Edge. Honestly, take your choice. It does make you think about how do you want to travel. If you're going to go mid-hit, it's so much easier if you're bi-costal. Guys, I got to roll X.

Yeah. I should roll X too. Because I got to go to Daytona pretty soon. Yeah. Roll X Daytona. The best way. Yeah. All right.

Well, listen. Yeah. Listen, you can choose to do it the old fashioned way, or you can also think of, you know, you would the, we can be modern and buy crypto, buy crypto now. Buy crypto. Buy it for me. Smart. Nice.

Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice.

Smart. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart.

Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice.

Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice. Smart. Nice.

Smart. Thanks. Delicious. Nice. Thank you. Thanks. I'm going to go back to your stuff. Yeah, I got to roll X.