SmartLess - "Colin Jost"

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

Sleep in the upright position: it’s Colin Jost. The mesh is separating… talking, walking. Swedish fish in a blender, and a midnight bowl of bolognese. Welcome to the newest/freshest/cleanest ep of SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Willie, what kind of shirt you have on? What is that? It's cotton. It's cotton. Are you familiar? Are you familiar? It's a thing. It's a rooster.

It's a, well, no, it's a Liverpool football club. Oh, what is mine saying? Yeah. And yours says, out of office. Yeah. Where did you get that particular freebie? I used to work at that. Listen, I can't wait to hear this, but let's do it all those Smartless first.

Welcome to Smartless. Sweet, Sweet Willie is over on the pond. Across the pond. Across the pond, I'm in Liverpool. Wait, why are you there? My home away from home. I'm doing a little thing with the club. Oh, I didn't know that.

With our friends at Tommy Hilfiger. Shout out Tommy Hilfiger. There it is. We've got it. Was it ever Thomas? When did he go shorter with it? Have you asked him? I haven't asked him.

I'm going to have dinner with him later. Well, sounds like a perfect opportunity. Which is what it's going to be. And yeah. So, Shawnee, you're back in Los Angeles. Oh, God, yeah. After an incredible, successful run. What a run.

What a run. He's got himself an Olivier Award already from this thing. We will see what our friends over at the Tony Academy. No, no, no, no, no, no, Jay. The Olivier's from Good Night Oscar. Oh, the Olivier was for a good night Oscar. Did you win an Olivia? Yeah, he sure did.

No way. Yeah, is that crazy? But, Shawnee, yeah, so we haven't started the award circuit yet for... No, the unknown. It's called the unknown. But you can't because it's off-Broadway. So, I mean... Off-Broadway has no awards?

It does. And I got nominated for the one that they do. It's called the... I forget what it's called, but... Is it called off Tony? It was very nice. It's off-tony, yeah. Are they called the Tinnies?

The Tannies. And let me ask you a question. If you're off Broadway, do you need to go backstage and say hi to people? No, you do not. You do not have to do that. But Sam Rockwell, your ears must have been burning.

Sam came backstage. I know you're working with him. He's so nice. He's the best. He's so sweet, yeah. And, yeah, I just got back two nights ago. It was great. And by the way, you know, the adrenaline dump, right?

Don't you guys feel that after you do a movie or a TV show or play or anything like that? When you're done, you're just like, oh, man. And usually you get sick because the body knows it's now I can be ill. Right. But you came back and did you, what was your illness? Just basic nausea from all the saturated fats that you. I ate so much.

On the plane back, I had ordered everything that I could. I had. You order food on the plane? Yeah, all the time. Yeah. This is it like a menu? Yes. Yes.

I'll have that. I had the chicken, the beef, I had a hot-fetched sundae. You can't order two entrees on a flight. You did. And I had like three pretzel roll. I was so hungry because I hadn't eaten in three months because of the play.

I lost all that weight. Anyway, who cares? Wait, why didn't you eat during the play? Because it's the whole thing I told you. You have to watch what you eat, when you eat, and you can't eat before a show because of acid reflux and then you can't talk because then you're constantly clearing your throat.

It's just something like the whole thing. Well, where does spaghetti bolognets with the side of, Swedish fish fit in. So that came, that comes after. Got it. After when I get home, after like, I texted you guys, a two-show day. I'm like, oh, we know. No, we saw the pigs, man.

You don't think the acid reflux would come from a midnight bowl of Bolognese? No, because I stay up long enough for it to not happen. Six or seven hours. No. Stay up. It's not like you're going for a walk. When you say stay up, you're just sitting on the couch and just letting it sit. This is correct.

This is correct. Why don't you sleep? in an upright position. That way you can just eat, eat, eat until the last possible moment. I do sometimes. You ought to get like a, you ought to get like a sleepable turlet,

you know what I mean? That has, like, thing and that you could be. Yeah, remember how like in Clockwork Orange, he had his eyelids taped open? Yeah, maybe you do that with your valve, you know? Just a tube right in there with Polonaise. And just go right to sleep.

Guys, my guest today. What are you just throwing? Throw it in the toilet and cut out the middleman. Throw it in the toilet. I hope your guest understands your dark, dark, offensive humor. He loves it, actually, which is good. My guest couldn't speak until he was almost four years old. We're going to learn about that.

When he finally did, he says he sounded like a member of the soprano family. His mom was chief medical officer at the New York City Fire Department. She survived the collapse of the South Tower on September 11th. Oh, my God. He once went through 12 dumpsters looking for his wife. lost engagement ring. They named their son Cosmo. He co-owns a decommissioned

Staten Island Ferry, which he has called the single dumbest person of his life. Please welcome the longest-serving weekend update anchor in Saturday Night Live history. It's the hilarious and charming Colin Jones. I think I got it first. Colin Joseph for a few of yourself. Michael Chee, what's up? Michael Chee here.

Hey, how's it going, guys? What is up? What is up? Guys, that was really, I loved hearing that you guys. Run down? That can't be true. That can't be true.

I learned a lot about you guys. Oh, you're, by the way, all of it's unsurprising. You're in your office right now, I can tell by the ceiling. Yeah. Is that true? Yes, these definitely asbestos ceilings

that are still here. Those are the kind of ceilings that you can stand on a chair, lift up one of them, and hide stuff up there, put the square right back down. Definitely. You could have, that's no country for old men.

This one you see has a large stain of some kind that's been here since before I moved in. Yeah, something up there is leaking that was hidden. They came to the SNL offices like five years ago, and they said, listen, over the summer, you got to clear stuff out. We're removing asbestos from all the offices.

And I was like, I've been in this office for 15 years. No way. Too late. Really? Yeah. They just found that out of it. You ought to call one of the, you know, those commercials that come on late at night with those doctor.

You should join a class action. I mean, well, I have that, and I've got my vaginal mesh that I've got. got to haul about too. No, no. Yeah, what's the progress on that? Good.

The mesh is separating? Yeah, the mesh is it sounded great at the time, you know? He's like, you want to do this vaginal mess. It sounds so cool, but then. Right, of course. Yeah. Tell me, what is,

just by the way, what is vaginal mesh? Yeah, by the way, I wanted to ask too, but I was afraid I didn't know. By the way, just get more serious. Get more serious on the question. Well, I did want to get back to the asbestos. and I wanted to pitch Colin, because I think I've pitched you guys before,

and I don't remember your response, but Colin, could you please, let me know if you think this. I'm thinking about getting into a mold removal business based on just the company name that I've got nailed down. It's called adjacent abatement. And I think I could just go into that business. I'll do pretty well just based on the title and just fans.

Just the joke. The joke alone. The paint on the side of the vans, the bus benches, stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I'll get some nice traffic. Oh, when people have extensive mold in their house, they just want to laugh. They want to know they can laugh. They're looking for a pun. Honey, I hope we find some mold because I just want to call it Jason abatement.

That's good. By the way, I've never heard that. It's pretty good, right? Colin, thanks so much for doing this. You're being here. Thanks for having me. Colin, they're busy. What is it?

This is a busy time for you. We're off. We're off this week. I just came here because I was doing something nearby, and it seemed like a good place to... It's so quiet here. Well, that doesn't sound shady, doing something nearby. I was doing something nearby.

Edit that out. Are you bugging Lauren's office again? Not in a way he would suspect. Have you seen the new Lauren documentary? I did. We went to the, I guess, premiere of it that was at Lincoln Center last week. And have you guys seen it yet?

No, I want to. It was funny. There's a lot of people in it are really funny. And I found it kind of moving. I don't know that I even necessarily learned anything about him. In fact, in some ways, he seems less known having seen it. But it was, I found it kind of moving because he is very much him. And it felt like it was in his voice weirdly.

I don't know. Yeah. I love that he finally allowed someone. to like kind of dig in right yeah i don't i think the thing that people don't know about loren and you can attest to this uh colin is that uh lauren's really funny yeah he's he's he's very dry really really funny yeah yeah and he is he is funny in it like he's funny in it but but he'll you know someone will be talking about an idea on a whatever friday night and pitch something and he'll just look at them and be like idiot

He'll do things that are very out of character And always very surprising and funny But it is, he's funny in it And he lets them go to Like his house in Amaganza His house in Maine And you see like, not like all the inside of the house But like you see where why he goes to those places

To kind of escape and be in the woods and be in age It's I didn't I was surprised at that Yeah he seems very kind of When I worked there, when I did the show, I think 83 years ago, he was always a little, he's scary if you don't know him, you know, because he's a little off-putting. Like, he doesn't speak much, so you don't know where you stand with him. At least that was my.

Yeah, he's kind of, yeah, he's kind of reserved until. What if Colin's just like, what are you talking about? He talks to everybody. He's not. Did he not talk to him? He's like the most outgoing guy. Huh, he's like one of those ton of jokes and that's happening. You got to slow him down.

Colin, I think the first time we ever met was only last year at Robert Downey's birthday party, right? I think. Yeah, I think so. And you were so kind enough if you remember this. You mailed me the form that you have to fill out to get a face mold on Saturday Night Live. You mailed it. Do you remember mailing that to me? For Louie to get it to do with Louis?

I don't know, but it was like a format with my Polaroid on it and all my measurements and my head measurements. to get like a mold. And you just sent it to me. I was like, oh, that's so nice. I happened to, yeah, like, see, you know, I think Jody, who does all the wigs and Louie does, I think they had all these things and they were kind of getting rid of them.

And I was like, wait, some of these are, they'd be cool. Like, they're also, some of them are historic and everything. It would be cool. Yeah, it's cool. It's like a cool memento to have. Did you, did you go ahead and get the face mold measurement, Sean? Yeah.

And did you have a couple of spares made up? Of my face? Uh-huh. Just walking through why... Could we... Let me ask you this. Could Jason and I make masks and go as you for Halloween? Or if you wanted to scare the shit out of...

We're just target practice and stuff like that. Why were you excited about pursuing a face mold? Well, you have to. You did it. You supposed to stand out there. Didn't you get a face mold? I don't remember. And I don't think that I would track down the information on how to get one.

myself. It's a horrible process. It's so indignant. It's unbelievable. I don't know what goes. I'll go there with you and Scotty. You probably did it and you probably blocked it out because you get, you can't breathe, you know, you're breathing through just straws in your nose because your mouth has to stay

steady. Yeah, yeah. And it's very claustrophobic. But did Sean, did you get, did you got information from Colin about how you can go ahead and get another face mold of yourself or? Yeah, well, all that information is on the form that. that they make for you. Yeah.

Right. So now I have it. Anyway, let's move on. No, we're not going to. Now you have it, and that's a great thing? Yeah. Yeah, why not? Just in case you might want to make a face mold of yourself.

Unless my head is shrunk or grown or something. It should be the same, right, Colin? Oh, man. You've got to get a new model every five years. By the way, by the way, right, Colin? Like, as if Colin fucking knows Andrew gives a shit about how this process. He keeps dabs out. He just found a piece of paper

and he was like, here's the person that you should talk to. He's not invested. No, no. Then I went back to the files. I compared, I was like, well, these measurements are a little off from the last time. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. All right.

You know the famous thing about Jeff Daniels got it done, right? When he was hosting. No, well. And they set the mold in the wrong way. So it stuck fully to his face. And he was stuck with just the straws and his nose for like hours and they had to chisel it off of him and he had like all this sort of scarring,

not scarring but like almost burns from it and then had to host the show. No way. Yeah. That's a night, that's a fucking nightmare, man. You could still, you could still sip Coca-Cola through, like he could still drink something. Oh yeah, so he was fine.

But yeah, don't worry, Sean. You can still have your sugar sodas, Sean. Yeah. Does anybody ever put Swedish fish in a blender? What's your go-to tackiest awful snack, Colin? What do you, what are you ashamed that you still eat? You look like you keep it pretty tight. I'm fine.

I don't eat great. Like I don't have any discipline to eating and drinking, but I'll eat Swedish fish actually at SNL because there's like a pot. Every Tuesday when there was a writing night, they used to come in when you're up all night and just pour a pile of candy, like cover the entire writer's room in candy.

And so I would have all Tuesdays I used to, you know, eat candy all the time. And then being up all night, there was one time in Lauren's office Wednesday after the table read where I was having like heart palpitations. I have that in my notes. And I thought I was having a heart attack. Yeah, I thought that was from stress or something. It was a combination of stress, not sleeping,

and also having all the sugar. And I thought I was having a heart attack. and like called the doctor in Lauren's office. Was it, was it a-fib, do you know? Paddles wants to know what it was. Well, Jimmy Kimmel calls me paddles because I've had so much a-fib so many times. It was not, it was not a, it was just a, yeah,

it was like probably a panic attack, essentially, that was brought on by. Okay. But you haven't had one since. No, and the doctor I went to is like, you gotta try to sleep a little, and you got to, you can't have. have sugar all night like that or, you know, I was like, whatever.

Sugar doesn't make you, sugar makes me so tired that, that sugar peak and then the crash, I go right to sleep. Doesn't affect me. I can run or sleep. It doesn't matter. Here we go. But it was just in an age where I was like, it didn't matter. And then it caught up with me at some point.

I was like, oh. Colin, wait, talk to me about this. I found this fascinating. What do you mean you didn't talk to you were four years old? What does that mean? And then I read that it wasn't Tony Soprano that you sounded like. Like, because I was like, oh, he must have compared himself to Tony Sopranon when he opened up his mouth. But what do you mean you didn't talk?

No, I said Carmela, Sabrina. Oh, Carmela. That's right. Caramella. Like, I was, there's videos in me like trying to, like, sell a bike that I had. It's like, yeah, it's pretty good. It's got two wheels. You know, you can get on. It's got brakes.

But I'm genuinely talking like that, and I'm six. Really? Seven. Yeah. When does a kid usually talk? I forget with my kids. It was like, like, one or like 18 months, something like that? I think it's typically like, yeah, 18 months around that.

And I think it's almost always before two or usually. Girls before guys, I think. Yes, yeah. And there's people are a little later, but I think it was just getting to a little bit of a more extreme place where they didn't know what was going on, my parents. What were your first words? Will.

No shit. Yeah, I'm not just saying that. I mean, I know. Of course, I believe, I'm looking at your face and I know that you're not. You're saying that. That's incredible. And that's it. And then I didn't say anything else for five more years.

Why bother? Why bother? You said it all. And then it was Jason. Jason abatement. Jason abatement. Because there had been so much mold in my brain. So I needed.

And there was nothing. They didn't pursue any sort of reason. There was no diagnosis. It was just you just weren't ready. Something. And yeah, my mom said she wasn't worried. because it seemed like I was comprehending everything that they were saying.

I just wasn't saying anything. And then I went to like a speech specialist at Staten Island University Hospital, which maybe sounds like a setup for a joke. I mean, you do your own? Everybody could do their own math on that one. I like the idea you were just nodding along, you were nodding on and doing a lot of winking.

He was winking a lot of people. So he knew he was cool. We knew he was cool. Oh, Doctor, no, he's following. He was winking and doing the hands where he makes the curve hourglass of a woman's figure. But he's so, I think he's fine. And then walking, there was no pausing in the walking. The walking was on time?

I was walking so much. Walking was on time. Couldn't stop walking. Okay. All night, all through the night. It was basically they based, they based, uh, they based, uh, that, horror movie this year weapons on me because I would just walk out

through the woods right the arms out like you're flying you know I remember I remember when my my middle son Abel was you know he wasn't walking he was like 13 months he was a little bit later and you know his older brother had walked before a year

so I know so we were nervous not really but we're and I remember my I remember Amy being like when she's like he's not walking he's not walking and I go she goes he's never going to look out on the street. Do you see people dragging themselves by their hands,

pulling themselves along the sidewalk? He's going to get it. He's going to pick it up, yeah. And you'd ask people like, what are you doing? Like, I never picked up walking. It wasn't for me. I never picked it up. I never got it.

I mean, in New York, there might be like 20 to 40 of those people. Well, that was just not for them. Yeah, it's just not for them. We'll be right back. and now back to the show. All right, so I want to talk about something you're probably so sick of talking about but I don't know anything about it,

which is the Staten Island Fair you bought with Pete Davidson because I've seen you tell jokes about it on the show on Saturday Night Live. And I always laughed because I kind of know the gist of it, but why and what was the plan and what's the goal and all of that? Because you paid, like, you still have to pay like a dot, like don't you,

are you still paying for it? These are like exact questions of financial advisor asking me. What is the plan? And what is the... Is it just fun? But was it because of your... Because these guys don't...

Jason and Willard... No, but when I was doing my research about your reading, is the journey you took an hour and a half every single day to go to school from Staten Island to Manhattan and you took the Staten Island ferry? I took this... I actually this one. Oh, you did.

Usually it was this one. Which is, again, I explained to my friends and they're like, yeah, but you also took the subway. You didn't want to buy one of them. or a bus. It's named after J.F.K., it was commissioned for John F. Kennedy when he, after he died. And it was, it was usually the 7 a.m. ferry that I took, got, because I went up to this high school called Regis High School that's up on the Upper East Side,

and it's free if you get in. It's a really great school. And so most people that go don't live in Manhattan. Most people come from Brooklyn, Queen. Staten Island, Jersey, even upstate. And it was about an hour and a half every day? Yeah, I took the bus. There and back? Come on.

Each way. Yeah, bus, ferry, subway. How old were you? 6th. 14. I did it 14 to 18. Oh, my God. It's just high school.

They don't have it. But it was so, I mean, now it seems like a lot, but now everything seems like less of a trip. You know, it's like so, you know, and I was never, you know, you, and once you're there, you're like in Manhattan with your friends. So it was very fun. You'd use the time.

time for homework and whatnot? Like you wouldn't really feel the, yeah? Yeah, I never, I really never, rarely did homework at home because it was such a, you know, trip. Jason went to school on an actual bus. The school was on a bus. Which is true. On a bus.

Which is true. On a bus. Is that true? Yeah, that is true. How does that work? Not well. A lot of massaging. That's also true.

It's also true. Ask him, please call and follow up. What is the nature? Why does massaging get involved? No bus I'm ever on is like, and should we do a massage. This is one of my favorite areas. This is second only to Ernest Borgne jerking up all over his house.

Keep going, Jason, go. This was an experimental school, Colin. A friend of my father's started one of these things in his home out in Calabasas. And it was called Heart Light, one word. Heart Light, like L-I-G-H-T-L-H-T-L-L-E-H-T-L-L-T? That's right. And there were,

Because Calabasasas, as you know, you're familiar with the city here. It's a great deal of traffic, about another hour and a half, just like yours, from Calabasas into the city. And so there were city days and country days. The city days, we'd go in and see the museums. Oh, my God. And so they thought a good way to take advantage of that traffic time is to run classes in the back of this bus. You know? Because they were an incredibly progressive group.

And so we did that. There'd be some motion sickness. And then on the country days, that's when we'd get into all the fun electives like massage. It's true. It's true. Building. It wasn't an accredited school. Yeah.

Colin, I don't want to paint a... I am fucking dying. In an accurate picture here. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen Will laugh harder. It's funny. It was fun. I love Jakey Bates so much.

And I paid for. Out of my own pocket, I was forced to pay for the school. And not like regular bus fare, like school fare. No. No. Did you have to pay? Do the massages extra? And did you tip?

Did they pay you? Yeah. It depends if I'm giving or receiving on that. On Tuesdays and Thursdays was the massaging. So, Colin. What a great, it sounds like such a great idea of concept. Like, well, might as well, might as well, might as well, Well, use the journey for the school.

Sure. By the way, that part makes kind of sense in that way, right? Like that, yeah, it's a long way. You'll have to applaud them for the idea. Yeah. And then you're sitting so long on the bus, you've got to provide massages. It starts getting away from it pretty quick. The donut they had to give each kid to sit on.

You know, there's so much class time on the bus. It's not great. Anyway, Carl, Lynn. Well, so anyway, we bought it. So I texted Pete, which is a, is a, wrong person to text when you have an idea like this and I was like, should we buy this? Right, because he's going to say yes. The city was

auctioning it and he was, yeah, he was immediately like, fuck yeah, we got to do this. And I texted my dad who's a teacher on Staten Island and he literally was like, did you do your homework, which is such a teacher thing to say. And I was like, Dad, I'm just sort of texting you as a formality. I already bought the boat. And then

I texted Scarlett like guess what, we own a ferry now and she was like, we. Did it stay in operation? It was in operation until there was a new boat that came in. And the new boat cost like $300 million to build. So I was like, I'm getting an old one for only $280,000. Right.

This is a deal. That's all the ferry cost was $280,000? Yeah, and I thought as a real, I was thinking in a real estate way, if you put it somewhere, it's 70,000 square feet. Oh, my gosh. If you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you've suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront. And on that square footage to Scarlet.

That could be a school. That could be like three schools. Kindergarten and elementary school and a high school. Did you ever explore that opportunity? Like you could actually park it there on the East River and kind of have yourself a little, a little, not a little, a house right there. Yes, we are in the, we are in the,

in the process of doing that. And it's just, it's a long process because all the waterfront stuff is just, there's environmental, there's, so we're in that process. And I think we're actually getting close to that process having a dedicated spot. Oh, wow. Yes, which I joke about it a lot, but it is, and we've done some events on it where we really have already made back the money we've invested and, and the money we've spent on stuff to dock it and all that.

So it's very missed reported that it is some. sort of crazy money pit. Hey man, I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad. You don't have to prove it. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. Wait, wait.

Is this a good financial sign where you're like, it's fine? What's going to be, what's a home run? What's the goal with it? What's its partner? I think the goal, a home run for me is like it's a thing that could be used for an event space, but also has like a normal, like an everyday purpose of, like, two versions of it to me are like it could be an operating entertainment like club like a place where you can go like you could have parties or there's regular parties on it and then like I grew up growing up in Stadano and I went to

this place so that it was called the Great Hill swim club that was like a swim club where people would just go and the kids could all hang out the adults could hang out and I could imagine creating a place like that that's not like a weird fancy members club but it's actually more right like middle class in Manhattan swim club. You can go pay to use it. Yeah, and you play it, and like there's a pool on the top and a diving board off the top. And you have these crazy views.

Sure, you can just dive into the East River and enjoy yourself. You really enjoy yourself. Really swept down the end of the sea. Are you really pitching a swim club on the East River? Yes, like, but a pool on the roof deck. Diving board into the pool, not into the river. It's like a cruise ship that doesn't leave. A cruise ship that doesn't leave, but for families and it would be actually a great, like,

people would spend summers there. And then it's also movable. So then half the year would be Miami, and it would be, you'd have that in the winter when it's cold here, and you'd have summer there, and I think it could be a great thing. And then you're moving to Miami. Now I'm seeing that Carmella Seprano in you.

This is a picture. Then we go to Miami, we take over the High Lie racket. Oh, my God. I got to say I'm kind of sold on this, Colin. You kind of got me a little bit. And then you'd have weddings and, like, people already want to rent it out, which we will do, we've done it a couple times,

but we'll do it when we have a permanent spot, it just makes the economics way better. Yeah. And this is all about economics ultimately. Sure. Obviously. And then you registered in Liberia? What's the...

Yes, we're very open to pirates, if anyone wants to know it. I can't wait. I'm going to approach it on a zodiac with a mouthful of cat, QAT. Are we... I feel like the cat usage is falling.

Have you been doing any recently? I feel like we've not... What is cat? What is cat? Well? It's like a plant you chew that has like a crate, almost a combo of cocaine and hallucinogenic. QAT? Yeah.

The thing I read about it, that it makes you, it's the phrase I read was it makes you immune to atrocities, which is such a great description. I think they use it a lot. There was a lot of usage of it sort of in the horn of Africa, right? Am I right about that? And so, and a lot of, they accused a lot of these pirates of, who would go and commit piracy of chewing on it and it makes yeah it makes you just do crazy shit it's an appetite suppressant as well

it could give you it's like a you know Jason you know this sounds like a fucking silver bullet where does one do you need to be in the on the southern tip of Africa to find it no up in like up near sort of Somalia Ethiopia up in there

eritria closer yeah eritria yeah like right on the it's very private company you see these huge bushels of it. It's terrific. I got a guy. I'll get you a number. Are you on WhatsApp?

All right. Colin, first question for our guest today. Wait, Colin, let me take it. So Colin, you go to this school. You go to this grade school because you're really smart, clearly. Well, no. Well, say the school is Harvard. No, I'm talking about the school.

Oh, that one. Oh, sorry. For Regis. Yeah, yeah. From there, you get into Harvard, evidently, based on your academic merit. I'm guessing. As opposed to...

What do you mean? I'm not a traditional athlete. Yeah, like in your mind. I'm not a D1 athlete in your money. Well, you don't have your... A name on a building is what I'm saying. That's true. Yeah.

Not even on my own ferry. Right. So at a heart... Go ahead, Will. No, no, I was going to say, you go take it over Harvard. Oh, no, no, no. I was just going to say, you know, you got involved with Lampoon, right? Yeah.

Yeah. And then you wrote 80 pieces. before you got one accepted. What's the funny? Yeah, trying out for it. Tell me. I mean, there was a time, Colin, five years ago, where Sean was nominated for Best Interviewer.

On, in any podcast anywhere, you think the fallout from a cat was deep. The fallout for him and his questions has been. And since that nomination, he's gotten tight, and he can't spit it out. No. You can go. No, you'll be quiet.

No, because I wrote down a bunch of stuff that I actually want to know. Give them your best one. Take some time. Find the best one in there and you give it to him. Well, 80 sketches, none of them picked up, right? I would stop it. 80 failures. But I would stop it too.

How did you get involved in Lampoon? Oh, that's so much better. I didn't know about it. Did you guys have any awareness? Like, had you ever heard of it? I mean, I had heard of the National Lampoon. Yeah, I mean, but I didn't know what it meant. I didn't understand what it was until I started knowing some of those S&L guys who'd come out of it, right?

So for Tracy, it is literally a magazine there at the school. Yeah, it's just a magazine that has been there. It's actually the 150th anniversary is coming up in like a week. So we're going back. back like Conan and a bunch of people are all going to go back for this thing but it just was like a student magazine and then

called like a precursor to like kind of like something like the onion or even like mad magazine right something like that yeah yeah and they started people from there started like spy magazine back in the day which I never remember that but that was and they started they did like lampoon magazines and yearbooks and stuff and then spy magazine was I remember it in New York and the night

Spy magazine was phenomenal. Yeah, I loved it. It was so good. And there were so many people, you mentioned Conan, so many incredible comedy minds, sort of big sort of icons of comedy, you included have come out of the Lampoon. A lot of people, a lot of, it was like back in the day,

it was a lot of writers, like literary writers, you know, like John Updike and George Plympton and George Santayana and all these, like, people. And also business people, like William Randolph Hurst, was a member. There's a business board. So he, a lot of, he helped fund the building that's there, like this Lampoon Castle. And he and Isabel are Stuart Gardner, who has the museum, who had the museum in Boston, she collected a lot of stuff that went to that museum on the same trip with him. And he, a lot of the stuff he got went to the Lampoon, which is pretty cool. And it's a bit of a feeder

for S&L, too, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like around the 70s, a lot of it was this guy, Jim Downey, who I'm sure you guys have met through these, but he, He went to SNL. He was a writer the first year at SNL of SNL. And then after that, people kind of saw that you could write in comedy instead of necessarily only writing novels. And then people started getting into it there. But I didn't know, so I didn't know, have any awareness of it when I went, like, I went to school for economics, weirdly, and I didn't have any idea that there was, like a humor magazine or anything like that. And I had always done comedy things.

you didn't know it was really a job. You just did it with your friends. It wasn't a destination for you to get into comedy necessarily. Yeah, I didn't know you could really. Like it didn't seem like a real thing. And so that was the first place where I went and people just were really funny and I wanted to hang out there.

And then I started learning that people would graduate and go apply and work at different shows. And so did you just apply for SNL? How did that happen? Yeah, you just cold submitted. That's a packet. I actually submitted a packet. Yeah.

And then it was just the wrong. time of year. I submitted it and so no one read it. No, no agent, no nothing. You just did it yourself. No. No. No agent, nothing. And, and, uh, I submitted it and no one looked at it because it was the wrong time of year. And then the next time, you know, it was like the next, uh, summer. And then I ran into someone who was, uh, who had been in the lampoon, who was like, I heard it's, you have to submit in the summer in like June or July, whatever the deadline was. And so I put together another packet and submitted it then. And I was, you know, I was just lucky there was a ton of turnover.

I wrote like six sketches. And there was a bunch of writers that left. And then I got, like Tina was one of the headwriters, Harper Steel. And they liked some, you know, something that was in there and brought me in an interview. And then I interviewed with Lorne, which was insane. And then just was very lucky that there was an extra spot. And I was probably the last person hired. and I got hired with Samberg and Samburg and Sadecas and Bill Hader and Kristen Wig

and then the Lonely Island guys, Yorma and Akeva and a guy Brian Tucker who came from... Yeah, Tucker, and Sadegis was just hired as a writer first for that first year. Yeah, yeah, that was, he just started, he had just got hired into the cast when I started. So that was the eight of us that all started. That's amazing. And how old were you when you started? 22. That's amazing.

So, well, so you go into school to study economics. Was there ever a thought that there would be a career in economics? Or was it just, I got to declare a major and let's have it be this? I think it was a, I thought I could maybe work. I mean, I interned at like Merrill Lynch when I was in high school. Wow. I just thought that was, in Staten Island, like there were certain jobs. All my family was firefighters, like my whole mom, like my mom was in the fire department, my grandpa, my great grandpa.

So that was like a clear path I knew. And then from Staten Island, like people would go take the ferry to Wall Street. There were people that worked in finance. And then obviously I knew about being a doctor or being a lawyer. Like those were the kind of jobs that I understood. And so I sort of thought I would do something in that range.

Like I would do work in finance or I would try to be a doctor someday or try to be a lawyer. And then so then you start to get kind of this being your bonnet for comedy. Did you like talk to? to me about the calculation you were making at, so you're sitting at

Harvard where you really, whatever field you decide to study and get your diploma in, get your degree in, you've got a pretty good sort of base salary to assume there. And so like picking

what you're going to get your degree in is kind of, you're declaring what your life is going to be, and it's going to be pretty good. And so you're thinking, comedy, economics, or I can study this, at what point were you kind of like all in? It's going to be, I'm going to go into comedy writing,

or did you mitigate that risk by minoring in something else? Like, just walk me through that. I, you know, my parents definitely were worried, you know, just once I was going down a comedy path. I mean, when I was there, I switched, so I switched from economics to when I declare, I declare I was going to be in economics, but then when you actually had to declare,

I studied Russian literature. Like I went, that's lucrative. I was reading a bunch of books in Russia, and so I was like, and then at some point I had to learn Russian, I had to live in St. Petersburg for a summer, and I was going down that path. But not, I didn't. Let's pause there for one second.

Yeah. Why Russian literature? What was super interesting? Are you a Russian asset? I wish. I'm open to it. Are they asking? I just,

I just liked the books. I just liked reading, I read in high school, I read some Nabokov and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky books and senior year. I liked them, so I wanted to read more. And then it just kept going down that line. Like, I didn't have a plan for it. I certainly wasn't assuming it was going to be a career. Right. Can you speak Russian? I was, yeah, fluent in Russian. Wow. That's crazy. Wow, that's awesome. Okay. All right. So then, so then I, sorry, then I, I, I, I, I, I, really, I realized, I guess, when I was at the Lampoon that most of the things I did in my life leading up to that were kind of comedy versions of what I did. Like I ran the school newspaper, but I did the comedy, you know, wrote comedy for it rather than like regular news.

I was working at a newspaper, but I mostly wanted to write comedy there. I performed in plays and musicals, but I really only cared about the comedy part of it, not the serious part of it. I did speech and debate, but I only did. funny like oratories that I wrote that were kind of versions of comedy or performed funny things and didn't do any, you know. So I just, I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was even if I was doing any of these other ways and that there's not really a funny version of finance.

Right. Again, along with the statements, it's not, yeah. Unless you buy a Staten Island fair. Yes, then it is. There's certainly some more predictable financial security in the, lane of economics as opposed to the world of comedy. You're talking about it. You're talking about it like taking

making the bet on it and going all in. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I just did. I didn't have another plan and I didn't, I honestly don't know that I could have imagined then going to law school or after that. I think I just decided that whatever version of it it was going to end up being, I was going to enjoy being around people that were funny and doing things that I'd tried things that were funny and regardless of it's lifestyle didn't necessarily matter it's so great i mean i'm

sorry a reason i keep hammering on this because you know i've got a daughter that's in her first year of college and and and even my youngest the 14 year old she's you know they're both sort of like you know as kids do wondering about you know am i doing the things that i should be doing to set myself up for the best possible you know life am i making the right decisions um and i keep saying well as long as you're pointed at something, a lot of opportunity comes your way. And so you're going to see some forks in the road that might not necessarily be, you know, the lane you're on right now. And that's, that's good. That's okay. But you're not going to find those forks unless you're driven in, in some direction on something. It doesn't matter what that is. And so I guess you're sort of a great

example of that. You're driving towards economics and you found comedy. Yeah. And for her, too, like, I mean, I think the peer element of it is so important to me. You know, you find, you find, people that are serious about something, even if it's comedy, and are really driven or really, you know, and then you learn from them, you're competitive in a healthy way with them, you're, you know, you're hearing about opportunities from them eventually, you know, like when you're trying to do things, or I think that's so important too. And so that you have a, you're not doing it in a vacuum. Right.

We'll be right back. All right. Back to the show. So you go to Estinnell that year that you mentioned with all those dudes. How long was it before you got the update chair? Yeah, did you go with the intention of wanting to do update? Or did you go? Or did it just happen?

No, no, no. I wouldn't even, I wouldn't have conceived of that. I think I... You know, Colin, I called you in here because I think you're ready. What? Was it kind of like that? He did call him. Yes, he came.

I didn't even know why he was calling. me in and he's like so you think you could do update like asking me yeah and I was like meanwhile you'd only been a writer on the show for a year or two or three no no I'd been there for a long so I mean I'd been there

for a long time I was there I was probably there eight years or something seven or eight years that's what I was getting it yeah and because I not on camera so I got as and all I would I would have been happy to have any job in comedy right like I applied everywhere that had a job

I wrote a I I wrote a arrested development spec script when I was going out. I feel like you told me this once. Maybe I did. Maybe I did tell you. Yeah. And it sounds familiar. Oh my God, I want to read that.

What was Job's story? Sorry, sorry. It doesn't matter. It was Joe Bay Story or B story. It doesn't matter. I'm not sure he was in it. Yeah, Joe, I want to have a real Joe that episode. So even though you had done?

Maybe the one, can I tell you the one thing I remember about it, which is that now, which is that it was for for George Michael was self-conscious and wanted to lose weight. And so he tried joining a, what he saw was a recreation society, but it was a recreation society. And he got cast as Ben Franklin,

and so ended up gaining a bunch of weight. That's really funny. That's a great bit. So dumb. Oh, my God, Mitch Hurwitz would have loved that. That's a great bit. So I wrote applied all these places, and I was very, you know, very lucky to get hired

SNL and I felt like then I just wanted to be good at that and figure it out and enjoy it. I loved, I loved it. No, on-camera aspirations. No, not, I mean, but I did, I had performing aspirations. I just didn't think of it always as SNL-related. Like I did stand-up. Right. So while that time, I'm doing stand-up in New York.

Oh, you are? Okay. Yeah, while I'm writing, I would go after, when there's nights that you can get out and I would go do stand-up, like three or four times. or whatever. Did you, did you ever, were there ever any summer, like, end of seasons of S&L, and you can be as honest as you want to be, where you were like, you know what, I'm going to move, I'm going to leave, I want to do something else.

Like, did you ever have one of those moments in those eight years before you got the update chair? Yes. Not, like, not, because there was sort of a little bit of a, like, you know, I had a journey as a writer there where I got promoted to, like, a writing supervisor, and then I got promoted to be head writer. and that was like a real honor that I loved the idea of getting to do that someday. So that was really important to me, and I felt excited about that. It was, I found it to be a really nightmarish job in a lot of ways

because you're suddenly doing the same job you're doing, but you're also having to manage everyone you're working with. And that was a very weird period of time for me because it also coincided with getting update, like it almost exactly coincided. No, oh, really? Yeah, it was like maybe a year or half a year that I was a head writer and then got update.

But I had my only, as I was there for a little longer, I did like performing, I did like doing stand-up. And honestly, I wanted to do some version of acting, not necessarily acting like in a serious way, but performing in some way in a comedy way. Yeah. And I thought I've done this as a writer now. I thought maybe after a few years, of being head writer, maybe there would just be something else I'd want to do

or create a show as a writer or do something different. And then got this opportunity to do update. And then it kind of went so badly at first for a while that I then thought I was going to lose both jobs, that I was going to be so bad at update that I was also not going to be a writer. Why did it go bad? What do you mean? It just was, I mean, I think Seth was leaving.

Seth was leaving. He was, you know, very loved doing the job. You know, I came in, I started with Cecily Strong. We did like six episodes together. That's it at the end of the year. Yeah. And, you know, I think I just wasn't very good at it. It's a hard thing to come in and do.

And I don't, I think I was like really nervous. And I probably that, I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it. When I actually felt very much at sea and panicking. People were giving me all kinds of advice that was kind of. contradictory and I didn't know how to do it. And then basically in the summer, I got told, after those six episodes, I got told, like, you might get to audition for it. And I was like, which seems like a bad job, it's signed to audition for the job you currently have.

And then they tried me with different combinations of people also. So, like, I did an audition with Leslie Jones. I did an audition with Vanessa Bear. I did an audition with Chris Kelly, who's a really funny writer at our show. and I did and I auditioned with Che, who I knew from stand-up from before he came to Asin-L as a writer, and I loved the idea of getting to do with him

because he's really funny, but I had no idea what they were going to go with. And they also brought in Anthony Jesselnick just to audition on his own, just to go in a totally different direction, bring someone else in. And I'm sure he would have been very funny at it. And then they did these audits,

auditions and then I didn't even know what was happening. And suddenly, so I was involved in all these processes of cast and hiring. And then suddenly I was completely cut off really from like all my friends for, for periods of time where everyone was probably nervous for me or didn't know whether I should do the job genuinely. Like not that they were being bad friends. Just probably were like, I don't know if he's right for it. And then they picked me and Che. And then for like the first two years at least, we think,

thought we were going to get fired every summer. Like we were put on suspension, kind of, or put on extension, and we didn't know whether we were going to get it or not, and we, and then something sort of just started clicking, really just we gave, Lauren was, we were lucky that he gave us enough time to start figuring it out, and then, and then it started feeling okay, and then it started feeling better and not like a huge existential crisis. It's so fun to watch you guys, yeah, you guys have such a great dynamic. You're so good at it.

One of the funniest things I'd ever seen was, and I couldn't believe I was watching it, and I can't believe it happened, which is Michael told the audience before you showed up to not laugh at one joke you said. And that was the joke. And I'm watching it going, oh, my God, this is horrible to what?

Like, did you, what was going through your head? Oh, I was like, it's all over. It's all truly. Because it was so perfect It was so perfect Because I changed a joke between dress and air early on And so he had told He met, by the way, this is the most proactive

Che has ever been about anything He went and met with the audience Before they loaded in Like looked them in the eyes And we're like, listen, you're not laughing I don't care, you do not laugh at anything Colin says This is while they're still downstairs?

This is while I'm waiting Yeah, they're still waiting downstairs to get loaded in, and he goes down, meets them, tells them this. I remember watching it, I couldn't believe it. And then, so I changed one joke early on between dress and air, and so at air, it bombs. And in my head, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have taken that swing. But it's perfect because I don't, I could still believe it's, you know.

Then he goes and he crushes. He kills. She does two jokes, crushes. Then it comes back to me, and I, tell the next one, which worked really well at dress, and it bombs. And I'm like, oh, my God. At first I was like, oh, maybe it's a bad crowd.

Then he crushes. So I'm like, oh, no. Meanwhile, he keeps looking at you like, oh, boy. Yeah, just not leading. And then the fourth joke bombs, and I'm truly thinking, like, my career's over. Like, it's a turn, I'm never getting it back, it's over. And someone

in that he had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, you stink after. So simple. So simple. So dumb. John Higgins and he just goes,

you stink! Like old-timey heckling. Not you suck. You're a bum! And I heard that and I was like in full, you can tell if you look at it, in shock. And then Shay's like,

dude, I got to tell you. I told them not to laugh at anything. And I was like, you motherfucker. Yeah, it's so angry. So, Such a good thing. So angry. Is this live?

Is this on an episode? Yes, live. What a great bit. You can YouTube it. It is so horrifying. Now you know, and you'll look at it, you know, and it's. Your face is. I was genuinely traumatized for like two more shows.

Because then the next show back. I didn't know what to, I didn't know what was coming. Did you immediately start thinking about payback? Are you a, are you a prankster? Of course. By the way, did Chey run it by Lauren? No, he just did it. He went rogue.

He did. and I think basically Lorne talked him into eventually telling me versus never telling me. Right, right, right, right. And which was, which made it much better, actually, that he did tell me

and otherwise would have been perhaps... No, it's better to get your reaction on camera and see it dawn on you. I mean, that's, but it's amazing. And then, and now what I love Colin is you're appearing more and more as Pete Hig Seth, which is so brilliant. It's so good.

It's such a gift. But does any part of you get nervous about, you know, doing that at all? Well, on a couple levels. I mean, first of all, I still, I get nervous even within an S&L world because it's suddenly a new thing and a new rhythm. Like, even though I've been there for so long, coming out in the cold open is its own weird feeling.

And after all these years, it's nerve-wracking. You've got to private, you don't have to admit to this, but you've got to privately just be like so excited to go out there and show off. a little bit because you're so goddamn good at what you do. Whether you're doing the update or doing Hegset, I mean, it's just, you gotta be, I'd love to see more doing your thing. I think it's one of my,

I think it's one of my favorite politician impressions. Yeah, yeah, it's really funny. That I can remember in the long, and I'm not just saying that because you're here, it's so good. Yeah. But there is also the added, because I mean, obviously he's the secretary of war. And officially, right?

That's official that was passed by. It's the only country in the world where we call that department, the Department of War as opposed to Department of Defense. I think it's fun that we've now let, they're obviously letting school kids just name departments. Is that what's going on? They're just taking letters. Yeah, war.

You can tell the generals are just like, oh, God. Yeah. But is there, to Sean's question, like, is there another layer? of trepidation as you've been as much as you're comfortable telling us has there been pushback in a weird way? I don't know. I mean, I'm definitely like a little nervous about, I kind of just think it's not,

it's such in the scheme of things like probably, I hope, barely on his radar. Like it really does feel like there should be bigger issues. But there's so much satire on SNL politically always has been. So like, how is this going to make any big huge wave? people are conditioned to look for satire politically. I don't know. This guy could end up having a big night. He's got a couple of cocktails under his belt.

And he might start calling you. There could be some vindictiveness. Guess what? I'll bet he loves it. I mean, the first time I did it, my brother, I have a younger brother, my younger brother was like, it's just so great that America finally gets to see the real you. Well, that's what I was going to ask.

So, like, you know, what would you like, would you like to do more, I would love to see you do more acting, whether it be on SNL or not. Is it, is there, do you think you'd ever carve out some time to do more of that? Well, you've got a movie coming up. I would love it. Yeah, this, I'm doing,

I did this movie with Nate, with Nate Bergetse who I love. Called the breadwinner. Breadwinner that's coming out, May 29th. Yay. Yay. All right. And I have, I think I have a fun party. Like, Nate's basically forced to be

a stay-at-home dad because his wife goes on Shark Tank and hits, gets a lot of traction. And the sharks, the shark tank scene is so funny. And it's so, so funny. And the sharks basically make Nate agree

to be a stay-at-home dad, so is why on camera. And I'm the only other stay-at-home dad in the neighborhood, and I'm really, I'm really scared he's taking over my territory. And he's like a really funny dad that comes in. And it was so,

and I loved the script, and he sent it to, you know, I was, people, people really think of me for things so i was very grateful they that they thought of me for it and it was really fun to do and i got to say getting to perform not live is even more liberating because you can just take swings and you know it's i never get a second chance that thing it's so if you could if you could if you could if you could if you could wiggle your nose and have uh full success come uh as a writer or as an actor

let's say in the next five or 10 years. Like, let's say go the route of like, you know, let's say Will Ferrell or go the route of like Mike Scher. It's tough, right? Yeah, good options. I mean, I would really love to do, to get to perform in something outside, you know, a thing that's my own voice and get to create.

I mean, you know it well. Like it's, you know, it's, that would be really satisfying. I think that would be really, really, really, in the same project? Yeah, maybe. I mean, I don't need to be, I don't need to be, I would rather be, get to perform. Yeah. But I would like, I would obviously be involved in some way.

I don't think I would not be able to, but I would like to figure out an idea, maybe ideally both, where it's a world that's my own in my, from my own mind, too. I would love that. And to think we almost lost you to Bear Stearns or something like that. Yeah. We're doing so much better. I could be long retired, really. Exactly. But what about you also?

If you got a Bear Stearns, it would have been a disaster list. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. You could have become, you could, you could have become D's, you know. Oh, the great Danesies. It's the great Danubey.

It's the best. Colin, you also do pop culture Jeopardy, which is fantastic. Wait, is that the one that's on Netflix? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's coming out on Netflix in May 11th.

Season 2, right? Yeah, season two, yeah. It's, it's, it's really fun. Like, I cannot believe. the level of knowledge that these teams have about pop culture. It's very, it's really scary. Well, I have a surprise for these guys,

which is a clip if Bennett can play it or Rob can play it. Really? We don't think we've never run a clip before. We've never done a clip. Let's go to the clip. Oh, my God. In a category of So Help Me Pod, the smartless podcast is hosted by this trio

of funny guys. Anna Marie. Who is Sean Hayes? That is one, Alex. Who is Eric McCormick? Oh, Jesus Christ. Steve. Who is Will Arnett? That is the second and Ashley.

Who's Fred Armisen? That is a person, but no. Justin? Who is Hayes? I'm sorry. The one we were missing? Jason Bateman, but the other two are going to be very happy to throw it in Jason's face.

Got it. It's going to hurt in the renegotiations, but thanks for running the clip. So, let's go forward. I have reactions. Let's go around the horn. We'll start with you, Jason. I thought that was so great. You know what?

That Jason abatement started to look pretty good, huh? Nice. Bold doesn't sound so bad. I don't know. So this was not tournament of champions, I guess. You know, these weren't the world beaters. No, these were the most knowledgeable.

Come on. Wow. I think I was the only answer wrong in that whole a game. Jesus, that cuts deep. Which you never see. The point is, But the point is breadwinner, celebrity, SNL, like all of it. You have so much going on, and you have kids, and you have scarlet,

and you have, like, just a whole, I mean, you have a ton of stuff going on. Yeah, yeah, you're really, you're kicking into high gear right now, and it's fun to watch, man. It's really fun to watch. It's fun. I love watching a golf club on top of it all. I know. We've threatened to play.

We got to, let's do it. Maybe this summer you'll be out a little bit and we'll do it. Yeah, I love it. We're going to be on Long Island. Do you guys, do you ever do, go to do the Tahoe event or anything like that? I'm not into the fucking rock and roll with the boats on the fairway and fucking what?

Well, now he's never going, but... What's happening? Unplugged the speakers and what's place. And he's filthy people in Tahoe. I just, I don't understand how it's just... We did, we've done a couple of them before. We did the, we did the Pebble Beach back in the day. Now that's a tournament.

That must have been fun, right? We did that, and we did. We've done Genesis a few times. Oh, yeah, because in LA, that's fun. Yeah, it's in Illinois. But I started our own golf tournament, you guys. Yeah, let's do that, you know. What do you say, Colin?

Yeah, just the three of us. Yeah, we'll play nine. Out of Long Island? You know? I'm in. Keep it real. I'm in. We've taken up so much of your time.

So much, too much. We can talk forever to this guy. This is unbelievable. Yeah. I can stay. I have, like, a lot of time. Oh, no problem. Don't even feel like you got to wrap it up.

I got to go. I'm going to have dinner with Tommy Hill. right now that's a true story talk to him he did in a Tommy Hilfiger did an event on our Staten Island ferry I got to hang out with him there I'm going to talk to right now what I'm going to say is we drag it out to Sag Harbor

for the summer right let's start talking about that that's what every neighbor wants to look up and see an large orange all those billionaires they're not going to be mad at that it's fun it's kitsy Colin thank you for being here your pleasure thank you thank you for bringing

Sean. I'm sorry that we were abusive towards you and your question asking talents. Oh, please. Did you get to, were you able to ask our guests the things you wanted to ask? There was some other thing. There's many other things, but that's okay.

We'll get it next time. I'm sorry, Sean. That's all right. Will brings out the worst in me. It's Will's fault. Okay. Well, get back to work, Colin. I know you have a lot of work there with it,

especially cleaning up that asbestos above your head. Yeah. Because I can still see it. That's amazing. I'll know what I find. Thank you, my friend. Thank you guys very much. And I would love to play this summer

if you guys want to play anytime. I'm going to hit you up. We're going to finally do it. Yes, please. Okay. We're going to finally do it. Bye, guys. Bye, Colin Joost.

Good to see you. I'm waving like that's going to register. Audio wave. Audio wave. Audio wave. Thanks, dude. Sean, what a great guest. What a lovely man and a funny, funny talent.

I really like Colin. He's such a funny guy. I really, every time I'm with him, he's just like easy. Well, but isn't it amazing? He's the longest, I don't know if you heard in the intro, the longest, what am I saying, of weekend update, the guy who's been there the longest of anybody. Longest tenured? Yeah, a host or something.

Did you not sleep last night? What happened? I'm still catching up. Is your CPAP hose clogged? Just purge your. your hose. Isn't that wild though to just be to know, like he just submitted to SNL. He's so good. He's so good N-J too and Michael D. Who might don't know? Yeah, Michael-Jane is hilarious.

Hilarious. Those guys are so funny. Yeah. Wait, what was the joke somebody reminded me of that they did this last weekend? They played like a clip of Trump saying, you know, look, we're holding all the cards. And then they come back to colonies like, they're literally holding a straight. Yes, I saw that. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that's a good joke.

It was a pun. It's a pun. You know, guys, there's a lot of purchases we've all made in our life. You know, what started out is this. Good buys and some are bad buys? Is that what? Mine. Okay, so, okay, but you're going to back and do it.

Well, why don't you give it a little bit of a head, like talk about the fairy? Yeah, it's a town. Yeah, it's a bad thing. Sometimes there's good, you know, purchase. I mean, yeah, the staten. What an interesting thing to learn about that he, what drew him to buy that Staten Island Fair when he was a kid. You spent it right there.

You can't say buy until the end. Okay, so still rolling. Okay. It was an interesting thing that he purchased that Staten Island Ferry with Pete Davidson because it brought, you know, because he took it when he was a kid to go to school. Yeah. So, you know, we've all kind of made interesting purchases.

Some are good, some are bad. But that started out as a seemingly, bad purchase but in the end it was a good I know what he's good bye I like this goodbye I like this goodbye I like this goodbye I got to take a leak so fucking bad okay love you think of me when you hold it

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