SmartLess - “Conan O’Brien: LIVE in Boston”

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

We had a wicked pissah with "the opposite of Tom Brady" a.k.a. Conan O'Brien.(Recorded on February 04, 2022)Listen to “SmartLess Live” episodes four weeks early and ad-free on Wondery+See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, listener, and welcome to Smart List. Before we get into this incredible episode, I want just a moment of your time to set the stage a little bit. Sean and Jason and I went on a smart list tour last year where we recorded 10 episodes live in front of thousands of our biggest fans from Brooklyn to Los Angeles. And guess what? Right now there are more live episodes from our tour on Wondry Plus that you can listen to. You can listen to these episodes four weeks early and add free on Wondry Plus,

after which you can hear them for free wherever you get your podcast. Find Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. All right. Welcome to SmartLess. Welcome, everyone. Please remember to turn off your cell phones. This is a reminder there is no photography or recording permitted. Now please enjoy the show. Go Sox!

Oh man. Wow. What's the baby announcement? Yeah. Oh, they did the announcement. They did the announcement. Yeah. The guy already did the announcement. He told them to turn off their phones.

Oh, OK. Yeah. All right. Well, do you think everybody turned their phones off? Wait a second. Why are they applauding? Can they hear us? I guess we're also doing a brand new episode of smartless welcome to smart

Okay, good rehearsal. Let's go back. We should have done that before this show, I guess. We have a fourth member that we're announcing tonight. He's shy, he's got a loose bow, so he's gonna go. He's shy, he's very shy. We're so excited to be in Boston. Boston! What? And there are people up there too.

I think so. Wow. This is really, really, really weird. You guys are so nice to come out and see us tonight. Thank you. I know, and the weather is so crappy out there. Thank you for raving the elements. Yeah.

You know, we're really excited to be here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we turn the house lights. I want to see like just for a second just for a second Or do we not want to see all these people? We might get just a little bit. We just want to see everybody Hi everybody Yeah, so nice. Thank you for coming. Wow All right, let's sit yeah, let's sit let you for coming. So nice to see you. Wow. Oh, that's it. You wanna say it? Yeah, let's sit down.

Let's sit down. Wow. This is really, no, no. We're going to switch. Oh, yeah, we're going to switch. We did a show. We did a show in these. We're so well rehearsed.

Well, Jay, you just turned your chair. You got to leave it out a little bit. We've got to leave it out a little bit. Yeah. And sitting on a mic pack. All right, so this is where we, this is where Pasacold opened. Now we do, oh, this is just us, folks

shooting before the get- About our day. I'm new. I'm brand new. About our day, well, today, well, first of all, will always make fun of my emails. I just heard you mention it downstairs before he came out because he thinks I email too much.

I think I don't, because I'm always on emails. He's like, hey, cool it with the emails, because the, you know, came out because he thinks I email too much I think I don't because I'm always on emails He's like hey cool it with the emails cuz the light we did it's not about the you email too much is that you you you hat You feel a need to respond immediately and you don't think through your answer well It's true, and then you get in a lot of trouble. I do by the way good note good note I do I do get in a little bit of trouble But I like to respond quickly because I like when people respond quickly to me. Here's what I don't like. How difficult is it to proofread your text, your email, check your punctuation? Like if you send me something that's not well-spelt or well-punctuated, I don't feel

like you really mean it. You didn't really check through it. You feel disrespected. That's how I want to communicate my thought and now I hit send. If somebody doesn't do that, then I kind of half-read it. So you're saying that's what I do? I don't think I've ever gotten an email from you before. No, no, no. What are you talking about?

It's mostly text, but you're right. Sean's our adult. When we have to do what you said. When we have to do a three-headed email back to the people who are nice enough to fund something like this, he's the one that puts it together, and it's always very... Who answers first? Who do you think of everybody who answers first to every email that we get business-wise?

Sean. Sean. Yeah. I'm a tight second. But you hate that. I do hate that. I like taking a second. All right. By the way, that's so much more than a second. You don't even respond at all because Will is conflict averse and so he doesn't want to be a part of anything that can be slightly problematic. It's true. Well, first of all, I'm not conflict-averse.

I like conflict in the immediate, right? So I like interpersonal conflict, like when we're having a conversation, that I enjoy. I don't like real conflict that has to do with greater big world implications. No, sure. You know what I mean? He's the king of the people that go,

hey, sorry, just seeing this. You know, he's the king of, you know, the people that go, hey, sorry, just seeing this, you know. Just getting to this. That's so true. Thanks, everybody. I'm on board with all. Yeah. That's so true. And, you know, but, but, but, I said this to you earlier today, that sometimes I'll be falling asleep

at night, and I'll start laughing so hard, because if something Jason Erwell said the previous, like, that day, right? And so, I'm like, I'm going to be like, I'm start laughing so hard because if something Jason or Will said, the previous, like, that day, right? And so- I did that day brushing my teeth. I spit all over the mirror from the idiot.

But last night, Will made us all cry so hard because we were eating sushi and- Oh, he- And I kept saying- It's so dumb. It's so dumb. It's the greatest guy joke ever. And I kept saying I didn't so dumb. It's so dumb. It's the greatest guy joke ever. And I kept saying I didn't...

I didn't have time to make dinner tonight. So I ordered Japanese sashimi. Not a great delivery. It's not a great delivery. What's that? Delivery for... You know, sushi and a dish. So shimi.

By the way, and know that we're laughing, not only because the punch is kind of dumb, but it's so stupid. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. It's so dumb. You know what? You're gonna find a better delivery somewhere in this interview with your guest. You just work it back in, and they'll see.

I imagine that our guest is gonna try to work it in because our guests can sometimes they like it. I just provide a segue. Yeah, you do. You guys ready for the guest? Oh, yeah. Our guest really likes to work in sweaty bits.

Let me just say that. Oh, whoa. Yeah. Like, and sweaty bits of clothes. No, no, no, no, I don't mean like specialists. I don't mean like, their meats and cheeses are sweaty. I mean, that they like to do bits, and that they, that sometimes the bits get pretty sweaty.

This is somebody that we know quite well. This is somebody, and when I say we, I mean that we all know quite well. Is this person specific to Boston? This person is specific to Boston in that this person is from Boston. Is it a sports person? Is it a male or female?

This person is a not a sports person. Are you unsure on the gender? I'll let you decide. By the way, the world just kind of, my question is just opened a little more now that it's not a sports person. Now that I don't love sports, I just don't know a lot of them.

But, well, hang on a second. Just, but we'll get back to this. You, I know your whole thing, you don't like sports. But recently, you've started to enjoy football. Oh my god, I love football. There we go. Yeah. That's a great sound bite.

But, yeah. I, I, I watch it. There we go. Yeah. I watch it. That's a great sound bite. Yeah. I watch it, and I'm like blown away by the science of the guy throwing the ball and timing it, and the guy catching it, it's like, who can do that? It's not called science. I mean, who can do that? Lots of people can do that. I know.

But not like, like, who is the guy I was watching in the game? Oh, the Rams. The guy from the Rams. He's amazing. Matt Stafford. Matt Stafford. Yeah. Do you know, hang on, check this out.

Do you know the really famous quarterback that played for the Patriots? Okay, well, now you're making me like, no, no, no. Do you have this? Watch this. Well, clue. Wait a minute, who is it again?

No, no, I'm asking you to get that. No, no, no, no, no, what, but he used to play for the Patriots for the bulk of his career. And then he just finished up his career in Tampa Bay. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Give me the first name, Tom.

Brady. Whoo. Oh. Oh, what? Is that our guest? Is that our guest? It's not Tom Brady. Well, it can't be.

He retired. Our guest is like the opposite of Tom Brady. Wait, who would the opposite of Tom Brady? Our guest is just, is from Boston is so angry that they can't be Tom Brady. This person is, this person is a clown. A clown? This person is, clown. A clown? This person has lived in many cities after Boston.

This person lived in Chicago. This person was roommate with Bob Odin Kirk and worked with Bob Odin Kirk very closely. Is this cross? This person worked in California, wrote on the Simpsons, right on Saturday night,ons, Rotterdam, Saturday, at my going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm please, please, please, please. I gotta tell you, you know, we did a show last night,

and it was Will's guest then, too. He brought on Will Fairline, thought he couldn't top that. Yeah. And he didn't. You notice it, right? What kind of show business are you running where you tellboston crowd? It may be, Tom Brady. LAUGHTER

And I'm backstage, and my dick goes up inside my body. Even further? Further. Further, they did already once. I'm backstage, and they you're like, yes! The greatest busted sports hero of all time. You guys are like, no. Not him.

Kind of the opposite. I didn't say kind of. You know what? I did not say kind of, but I said, shitty show business is this. But you're unbelievable. You excel in the sport of comedy. Yeah. Oh, Sean. Yeah.

Oh, I don't know who it was, but I was listening backstage as best I could. And someone's, you said, time of the day, is it a sports person? You went, no, not a, kind of the opposite of a sports person. I swear I got one person way in the back, I was like, Conan. Oh. Oh.

Well, when did I become the dictionary definition of all that is not excellence in sport? What's the opposite of the most in my account? Oh. Oh. I would like to. Wow. I would like to... Wow.

I would like to know, as we spoke during the last few years, during the pandemic, you chose to do something a little different with your hair, and now you're going back to the original. It's a great place to start. It's a great place to start. You're like, it's a place. You usually want to soften up the guests. No, it's good for you to start messing them up.

No, I just... I don't know what it looks like, because... I can tell you this. It is raining ice outside. Yeah. And this podcast doesn't spend a lot of time. Oh, wow. We got you an umbrella, didn't we? By the way, no, you sent me half an umbrella. It should be noted, it should be noted.

So before the show, Jason Sean didn't know that Conan came all the way from California to see you guys. Yes, thank you. And all right. You need to walk. And he wrote his razor. So I go into his dressing room and somebody on our team has laid out a ton of smart-less swag, like hats and stuff.

And he's got his own podcast, and he is seething. Oh, I see this stuff, and I take a picture of it, and I send it his own podcast and he is seething. I see this stuff and I take a picture of it and I send it to my podcast people. We have a shower cap. There's a Colonel Brian, he's a friend, shower cap. And if you use it in the shower and it gets wet, you see that it used to be for Alf, the TV show Alf. Oh no. Old reference.

But anyway, I'll just lift this and put it over here. Yeah, you give me shit for old reference. Oh no. Old reference. But anyway, I'll just lift this and put it over here. Yeah, you give me shit for old references. Hey, come on. What was the hair strategy before you came back? I wanted to look like a puppet. A man puppet that you've parted out of wood. What did that look like?

Well, when I was a kid, true story, and I love I cracked this. I cracked this, by the way, because. I'm fucking hair, though. Right now, it's just kicking. story and I love I crack this I crack this by the way I can hear though right now is just a kick it is an audio medium and you know you've got to use everything you can to boost so anyway what happened was it I got it wet and then I was like I'll be fine and I just ran a hair dryer through it and it looks like I've been electrocuted my apologies but, but this will be good, you know? No, this is really good.

It looks great. It's good for your brand. Thank you. Yeah, listen, the first thing I want to get to, and this is a bit of a touch of you subject, not for you, but for Jason. So we're not going to talk about his incredible guest appearance on Will's new show, Murderville.

Well, let's get that out of the way. That is. That's incredible. You were... Conan was unbelievable. murder bill. Well, let's get that out of the way. That out. Because it's incredible. You were... Conan was unbelievable. All improvisation. Jason, your resting stance is to have your hand on your dick.

It's incredible. No, I swear to God, he's looking at me if I was on the subway and you were sitting opposite me and doing that, I would call the police. And I would- Is anyone else noticing this? He's like this. Hey, what's going on with your hair? I know. What's with your hair, buddy?

What did you put up with that? I said, I don't mind that. Here we go. I'm going to point it at Sean. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for murder, Villal.

Conan came on and had no idea what we were doing. I didn't see you until we started rolling. And you were thrown into this bizarre situation. You never tell you what's going on. Well, for Tracy, tell them what murder, Villal is. And by the way murder Ville's got an amazing reviews everywhere. Yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, well I think my favorite headlines so far is O'Brien saves our net with murder Ville

I didn't Is that is that one of them? Yeah, I wrote that in yeah in the O'Brien Gazette Who said the or not is that today? It's a really fun show to do, and what happens is you know nothing, and they just tell you basically all you know is you're the trainee, and you're gonna be paired up with a detective will. It's an improv show. It's an improv show, but we never talked about how scary that is,

because quite literally, we, you're sequestered, and then you're just brought to the edge of a set, and they go and action. Right, that's the exact answer. Yes, the guest star is the only person that has to improvise. It has no script. The person who is most fearful gets no script, which is nice to be.

I actually find that liberating because you don't learn lines. You don't learn lines and people come in the room and say things like, Brian, you're just like, yes, chief. Let me ask you something. It's fun. You get salutingoting, everybody. Absolutely. Everybody.

But when is the last time you had to learn lines? Because I was in all your stuff on Promptr. Don't hit me. It's not all on Promptr. Yes, I've never conquered the movie realm as all of you have. But one day I will, these cheekbones will not go to waste. No, but I mean like, is that something, like have you always wanted to do

like a regular scripted show? No, no, I never have. I've never wanted anything. I like to say things the minute I think of them, and I'm very happy in this, like this. That this silly world works, because I used to work. My job was to try and think of what's the cleverest thing and I loved it slash also found it to be incredibly difficult.

Well, when you started to go and you started to perform, obviously you maybe didn't have to learn a lot, but you did so many great classic sketches on all your shows that were unbelievable and you had the incredible you know sketch comedians working with you, the great stuff, but when you were writing sketches and things for other people, was that frustrating? No, I have to say, because I was writing,

I mean, this is a very, I'm sure a very young crowd, but so the... Our demo is very young. Yes, and for you. I know that's not true, but it's good for advertising. Where's that? Where's that? And by the way, thank you for your service in the Korean conflict.

I saw them loading in the crowd and you're like, I can do it myself. It better not be going in a bribe tonight. Oh, if it's calling! How did you shoot me? Um, but again, I'm getting incredible character work. You know, my character is, well, whatever. We won't get into it. There's Streep and Conan and what else is there? But, but writing sketches for other people. I was writing for, you know, Dana Carvey and Mike Myers

and, you know, Adam Sandler and all these people. And I never looked at what they were doing and thought, that should be me. I knew that they could do these things that I couldn't really do. That wasn't what I was interested in. I knew that I had to be cone in myself to be funny. So I never envied them.

I envied them the attention and all that. But those moments when you write something and you think like, oh, the joke would have been 15% better if they hit this. Like, did that ever happen? Those guys are so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

They've got your old stories. And that's the thing is, I was working with people that were so great. I think if I have been working on some show that I didn't really respect, I might be thinking, why not me? Why not me? But I was never in that situation. When you say that you're really excited to do something

where you can say what you're thinking of right when you're thinking of it, like you can on your show. Or this medium. What we're trying to be disciplined about on this and on the podcast is not to get canceled by just saying the first thing that, like because like that happens. Yeah. How did you I would imagine how did you avoid it because honestly you're so right.

I you're so right to be canceled. I have a lot of I have a lot of controversial views that my friends know about and I'd like to air them out right here. Good idea. But when you're dealing with I believe science has yet to prove. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, go to no. Don't do it. Does anyone see the virus? I have it. I'm going to say the same thing.

I have to think to believe in something you can't see. Sounds like a religion to me. I'm just saying. What I was going to bring up was the touchy thing was that your Christmas party and that you didn't invite Bateman. Oh yeah, let's get it. And plus, not plus. So, wait a second.

So this is true, so I after... And of course. After I came to your, so Jimmy and I were there at your party and then we went over to our other friends after her and Jason was there and Bateman's like, where are you guys so late? And I said, oh well, we were at Conan's. Oh, you were at Conan's Christmas party?

What, my phone number doesn't work? Yeah. Everybody at this other party was either fresh from your party, or set to leave for your party. Next plane, everybody. I can explain to you in one way or four hundred people. Yeah. There is one thing.

This is all so real. One, this is, there is a very simple reason why you have not been invited to my Christmas party and why you will never be invited to my Christmas party. And that's that you came to my house one time and you sat down, yes you did and you planted yourself in the corner. And on cock.

And I have kids. I have little kids. And they got really uncomfortable. And I said, she's a nice guy. And he was like, yeah, I get on back here. No, I had like a legendary Bob Newhart comes to my party every year. One of the great comic icons of all time. And you people know, because you're all in your late 70s. And I can't have you sitting across from him rubbing up against him.

I'm playing his son in a television series, you dick. Yeah, I know, I know. And guess what? You were doing it then, and he didn't like it then either. I was invited to that party. Yeah, that's all I have to say. But you didn't come. You didn. I was invited to that party. Yeah. That's all I have to say. But you didn't come.

You didn't come. I couldn't come. Couldn't come or wouldn't come. The last one. No. I couldn't make it. But I... You can't make it to a Conan O'Brien party.

If I sit in this crowd right now, we're all going back to Conan's place. Look at that! But this guy over here. I had previous engagements. I see. I don't know, you're pretty engaging. What are you doing?

This is Sean with his dog. What's that dog's name? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get into it. Dickie, Ricky, Ricky. And he brings the dog, whatever he goes. I have a lot of anxiety, it's like a child because he's still a puppy. So I don't want to leave it alone for more than two hours

or say, freak out. But next year I will go. Also, we have a tradition at our Christmas party, which is called Catch the Puppy. Yeah, yeah. We toss it around and Sean knows about it. And I'm not going to let him. Like, they're going to do it.

And it was so. And we will be right back. Thank you to True Classic for supporting the show. Now this is my favorite time of the year, right? We've got summer here. So it's beach parties, barbecues hanging out of the beach. You name it. And while I love the warmer weather, boy can be hard to dress for the heat, right guys?

Listen, huh? Don't we all have those little clothes fits in the summer? Men, you know what I'm talking about, right? Especially for us guys, right? We want to be comfortable in a t-shirt that fits great, right? Because listen, there's only a couple of Bradpits in the world. The rest of us, you know, it's not great under the T-shirts. You want the T-shirt to help make things great.

And this is why I love true classic. Because they make it easy to look and feel great all summer along with their perfect fitting shirts, shorts, and pants, all the prices that your wallet will also love. All right, so let's talk about these true classic teas for one second. I've been blown away by how perfectly this thing fits me. I mean, the draping on it, right?

The cut of it. The hang on it and everything. It's like my new secret weapon. It makes me look super fit because I'm not. With the way that it hugs my arms and my chest. Now, these arms, my forearms are bigger than my biceps. I need to lift weight and I don't have the discipline to do that.

The way that the T-shirt falls on me, I need the help. True classic helps me, right? It's just the right amount of room through the body on this shirt. Even better, they got this new summer ready color. You know, lots of them. All these different summer colors, they come in packs.

So you can have a shirt for every day of the week. You don't even have to do any laundry, the lazy bump. So if you're ready to upgrade your look and your wardrobe shop now at TrueClassic.com and save 25% off with the code, smartness. Look your best, feel your best, be your best with TrueClassic. Are you the warrior of your friend group? Doom scrolling late into the night, researching all the survival scenarios you may find yourself in, stop scrolling, grab your weighted blanket and your headphones because we have a new podcast to help you cope.

From Wondry, don't panic! Leans into our most absurd anxieties and diffuses them with humor and actual advice for how to deal should you find yourself facing your fears. Hosted by anxious and overly informed comedian Anthony Ataminik, each week explores a worst-case scenario, like what do you do if you encounter a bear or a swarmah killer bee, or find yourself stuck in quicksand. Each episode's panic of the week will make you laugh, learn, and sure, possibly sweat profusely. Enjoy Don't Panic on the

Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Don't Panic early and add free on Wondry Plus. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. I'm Rex Chapman and these days most people know me for trolling weirdos on the internet, which is fun. But believe it or not, I had a whole career before that, playing basketball in the NBA. Chapman 3 pointer outside! I played for four teams over 12 years in the league, alongside so many incredible players. But no matter where

I went, there was one guy on every team who was totally untouchable. That was the owner. Plenty of fans don't even know who owns their team, who's making the backroom deals and moving players around like pieces on a game board. But every week on OND, we're going to take the fancy elevator sneak pass security and find out what it means to be a power player in the big leagues of pro sports. You know, I said I keep giving the money, but they keep getting the same result. The family is like the wealthy but un-sixie Kardashians.

Follow OND wherever you get your podcast. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon Music or One Dread app. And now back to the show. Wait, I want to ask you something because you've been so successful at being a host and a talk show host for all of those years. You're always at the top of your game. One of the funniest, if not the funniest, toast of all time. And I think. And, not-and- no. Yeah. Even the best audio editor in the world can't fix that gap. LAUGHTER Between what Sean said and entire Wang Center

filled with bus juniors going, yeah! I'll try it again. One of the funniest... One of the nine best. If not the funniest toast of all time. Please. Please keep in the original. But then take me through it.

But then take me through it because you did late night with Conan. That was the first one, right? Yeah. Then you did the tonight show. Yeah. You're picturing it. No, no, because I don't want to miss one. And then you did your own show on TBS, right? Yeah, called Conan.

That's right. And then, thank God, how did you guys come up with that? Yeah, I was a bit of a bit. But now you have this incredibly successful podcast. What is it about hosting and interviewing people? Have you ever gotten tired of just like, But now you have this incredibly successful podcast. What is it about hosting and interviewing people? Have you ever gotten tired of just like, the forum interviewing? Yeah.

I find this to be really fun. This is just, and I will say the first thing I think to myself, when I leave a stage like this, I'll think this tonight, the first thing I'll leave. A, I'll think I was not paid. Um... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I got a smart-less beer cozy, because...

LAUGHTER We all know how much I love me a beer cozy. Yeah. And then... I will... The thing I will think about when I leave is, this is not a job. I said this to you when I was on your podcast, you find three people, any one of whom I'd be delighted to hang out with and screw around with.

This is handed by two to a party. Well, hang out with and screw around with this is how you buy two to a party well He's hand off cop and maybe Yeah, the invitation start to flow But was there ever a point was there a point where it did feel laborious and you're like yeah, yeah Little bit right there Well, you're no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And it doesn't mean you have to yell, but yeah. OK, it's called a volume business. And so I did four or five shows a week for 28 years. And what happens sometimes is that you're waiting for the blog.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. People are 28 years. 28 years. Yeah, we did 4,600 shows. And you know what, I'm told, seven are quite good. But that's so impressive. Yeah, the thing is, of course, there's a part where it's a night where, I mean,

one of my favorite stories ever is the hilarious. One of the funniest people that you will all attest is one of the funniest people ever is mr. Martin short. Yeah, I'm sure is just a best a treasure. He is one of maybe all of us I think when he's around we all like we like okay, okay, it's Martin short So there was a night many years ago where I'm and I've been doing this for years and years and I'm slogging through and unlike tonight, you know doing this for years and years and I'm slogging through. And unlike tonight, let's say, because you're doing so

many shows and you're doing three guests tonight, sometimes there's a guest on who maybe you don't want to talk to, but you have to. And it's 120 in the morning, and they're here, and you might as well deal with it. And that's definitely pointed to you. I definitely was appointed to you. No, no, no.

But what happened? What happened? Where it is, see? So Martin Short was the first guest just destroys, hilarious. Then he moves down the couch and he's right where you are. And I'm sitting here and the next guest comes and I'm not being meaner and I think I honestly don't remember who it was. It was an actress who had been modeling, but now she was transitioning into acting.

And her, oh, what a story. Yeah. And her publicists had said, like, make sure you get that in that she's transitioning now into acting, because we're moving to the next phase. I love that you don't want to say it is, but yet we can Google Conan O'Brien Marty Shor. There's probably three choices.

But this means I have it both ways. I'm a nice guy. Right. But fuck whoever that is. No, anyway. So, no. So anyway, I'm sitting in the chair. This person comes out.

They sit next to me and Martin Schwartz write where you are. And I'm getting through the interview, and then I see that question. And it's just an awkward lame question. But I got to do my job. And I'm like, that's a moment where I thought, I really wish I wasn't here. So I went.

So anyway, yeah, this'm like, that's a moment where I thought, I really wish I wasn't here. So I went, so anyway, yeah, that's great. That's a funny story. You know, I'm curious. You were a model, and you modeled for a long time. And now you're transitioning to acting. Which one do you prefer? Do you prefer the modeling or the acting? And she paused before she answered, and Marty's right where will is, and leans forward

so that only I can see him, not the audience, and goes. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that., I can't wait to hear. I'm hanging on every way. Oh. So I start, it sounds like what am I going to say. I start to laugh, but I'm biting on the start of my mouth,

you start my mouth going, and she's saying, well, you know, it's tricky, I love modeling, but also acting, but then there's acting within smartling, and then, and he's going, woohoo! Woo! The whole time! And I'm losing it, and I, and he's going, oh, the whole time. And I'm losing it, and I'm biting so hard,

I'm bleeding in my mouth. And then I go like, anyway, no, she's talking to you, she's really good to talk to you. Thank you very, we take a break, we'll do it right back. Band plays, and I get up, and I walk around the couch, and Marty's sitting there acting like he had done nothing. And I leaned in and sit into his ear while the band's playing. I'm just trying to make a living, you fucking asshole. like he had done nothing, and I leaned in and sit into his ear while the band's playing.

I'm just trying to make a living, you fucking asshole. Yeah. He and I talk about that all the time. Like, you know, he took a moment that was like, oh shit, this is a job, too. That's one of the favorite things that's ever happened. What was somebody like Martin Short, you don't have to stick to the pre sort of deter,

cause for Tracy, when, when, when, when, when something, and let's hear it for Tracy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We are, just, this is a quick sideline. We are going to see Tracy soon, aren't we?

Yeah, we're gonna see Tracy. We're really excited. We're going to mess it. And for those who don't know, Tracy is Sean Sister, who doesn't know a lot about the business, and so we always have to do an aside. Wait, we're now doing for people who don't know who Tracy is. Yeah.

It's got so fucking matter. Wow. So, anyway. So there's so you usually, you don't predetermine how the interview is going to go, but you talk with somebody who works for the talk show host, and you kinda say, well, what subjects are you comfortable talking about? And you kinda work out where an interview could go. What the questions might be, what the answers might be.

That's sort of like a failsafe if somebody doesn't know how to have a conversation. What do you say the ratio is between guests that stick to the questions because of their comfort level or lack of conversation skills? And those you can just kind of freestyle like Marty. People that freestyle are very rare. Super rare. And you know what's interesting, absolutely true, I've noticed this over all these years of doing this, which is that there's something about the United Kingdom.

There's something about guests that have come from that environment. They are racontours. They tell a story. And I swear to God, years and years and years of talking to just terrific, great story British actors. And they almost need a pre-interview. You can just talk to them and they're funny and lovely and they're finishing your sentence and there's this. What's it? I've got to say in the British accent. Would you say?

I said in Susanne. No, but when I was when I was younger just starting in the business they all talk to us they instilled the fear of God and you about sticking to the question. But that's a mistake. I would always say, I would always say, I would sometimes go on other talk shows and they would sort of start in the early days

to promote my talk show and they would drill me on the story, like say it again, say it again and I think that's not how human beings interact and people at home can tell this is kind of phony. If you had a time machine, was that the thing you would go and change? We never did that. We didn't do that.

There's other things I would change. I would change a lot of things. When you go and seek out a young shone, and say, this is a mistake. Well, there's so many people I would go to and say, this is a mistake. I want to get back to the time machine. Yes, where would you take it?

What would you do? Okay, fascinating question. Yeah, it's right off the top of it. By the way, you're not using it right now or are you didn't come from the future? I did. What the fuck? This piebass you can never have a year to go.

No. Yeah, shoot, I'm sorry. It's hugely successful. Who does drops off? Who dies, Conan? Who dies? No, no, no one dies. Wait, that's just hidden.

Conan. Where is that? Oh, shit. Let's just say one of you gets canceled because you decide to take public transportation. And you start a little crotch fire. No, no, no, I am coming from the future to tell you, enjoy this while it lasts. Oh, God.

You spent way too much money on very dangerous merchandise. What would you do with the time machine? Oh, my favorite question. It's a terrible question. No one's question. Well, what about a raw concert? You got to go back in time to see one band that no longer is together.

I would go back and see me. I'd see Holland Oates just before they broke up for the last time, two years ago. They reunited like 15 times. I'd go back and see him one last. No. Just kidding. Two, two, two.

Or like, I love the idea that it's a group that broke up like a year ago and that's the group I want to see again. I want to go see the temptations not the one with the original guy. No, like they're two original guys suck. I saw them two years ago in Atlantic City. I want to go back in time and relive that. I lost my parking validation. You want to go to the set you want to go back in time and relive that. Because I lost my parking validation. You want to go to the set, you want to go to the set of the music video of the Beach Boys co-comal. LAUGHTER

Do you have any questions for Conan? Did you do knowing that he is a racon tour? Did you think that you did? You're the great. Maybe. Yeah. Did you think you didn't need any questions? I did.

I do have some questions. But now that we're in a conversation, what am I going to ask in one of Sean's questions? Right, right, right. That's color. Well, we already covered time machines. Yeah. Can I ask a question?

You guys famously, and it's a brilliant idea and a big fan of the show, two of you never know who the guest is. You're not prepared. One of you does know of the guest is, so you're not prepared. One of you does know. Of the people who are unprepared, who's just the worst at just coming up with something? Come on, Will, come on. I'm probably the worst.

I'm the worst. Have you ever been talking to someone and you just didn't even know who they were? Yes. Who? Well, I don't want to say. Well, there he is. Grandma doesn't really know a lot. Well, my favorite thing is on this show project runway,

which my wife and kids, OK, whenever they bring out, they say, guess what? We got a special. And they bring out these amazing people sometimes. I guess I don't know a lot about fashion, but sometimes they clearly couldn't get someone. OK, that's nice. No, that's an ice storm to get here.

And so I'm watching it, and every now and then they'll be like, guess who are our special judges this week? And they'll say, you know, it's Heinrich Liebman. And you can tell that they've told the contestants you have to act like Jesus has come in. Yeah. And they're like, ah! And then they cut to the interview right part where they go,

I can't believe what's going on. It's Heinrich Liebman. It's Heinrich Liebman. But I don't know who the person is. And I know that that would be, for example, and I'm not name dropping, though maybe I might be. I recently, the last person I interviewed for my podcast was Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. Now, I'm live.

Thank you. That's a nice booking. Yeah. Oh, wait, Supreme Court Justice don't do interviews. Exactly. Wow. So, anyway, achieving the impossible, I think, is our goal in this industry.

So, what I did is I studied because you've got to know your shit when you're talking to Supreme Court Justice and I was thinking, what if I had just been on this show and Supreme Court Justice sort of my or came out and sat down and then, yeah, and well, no, you're doing that. Bateman's rubbing himself in the corner. And he's like, would you want a cheese doodle?

Or like a nacho cheese. Do you want some puffy cheese? But see, by the way, do you remember the name of the show is Smart List? Yes, yes. Listen, when you guys, true story, these guys were drift, came to me a couple of years ago. Oh my god.

And they knew that I was had a huge podcast, and they were like, what do we do? And I was like, guys, you're each individually funny. I said, two of you really have the goods. And I said, and I said, you'll be great together. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. And I mean, it was embarrassing. My daughter was there and said, where are those grown men

crying? And I said, I'll handle this. And I said, guys, just relax. You're going to be great. And the format should be. And I remember, you guys were like, what's going on? And I said, just how about two of you don't know who the guest is and call it, dumb brain or something.

And you guys were like, maybe not a work. And you ran away. And you got on lot of crying. You got on small little, little child's bicycles and drove away. And you were banging into each other as you went over the hill. Go on.

No, you got to worry of how smartless was Chris. You guys have heard Conan's podcast before, right? A lot of you. It's a great podcast. Thank you. And I've done it a couple of times. You ought to get Bateman on there. Yeah. Yeah. And we're good. And it's you and in people who work for you and who feel who have to who are obligated to laugh. So because

their jobs depend on it, right? Is that true? It's not just that their jobs depend on it. If they don't laugh, pain, there's physical pain. I'm not above hitting someone who works for me. Do you like? And there I got canceled. Oh, no. You were wondering when it would happen. Did you see how close you are? I know it was.

Always on the edge. Let me ask you, forget it, because this is the question. It's so boring. Everybody's like, how hard is it to be a comedian right now? It's not that hard. You just fucking, right? It's not hard at all. But there is that thing you have moments.

Yeah, no. Back to Jason's questions. Like, what do you do to edit your stuff? Is there stuff you want to say? And then, but you have to edit yourself right away. Oh, Jason's questions. Like, what do you do to edit your stuff? Is there stuff you want to say, but you have to edit yourself right away? Well, here's the thing I will say that's absolutely true. There's a way all of us, I know you guys are planning some whatever big surprise meal for me after this is payment.

Um, imagine it's all been set up. And I hope you're like, California pizza kitchen. We'll be slamming them back, but no, in all seriousness, there is a way that people who work in comedy, we riff, and we talk about, and we get going on things, and some of the fun is saying things that would, that are totally outrageous. And it's funny because, I mean,

the most moral, ethical people I've met I've worked in comedy, and they'll go on a long riff about something completely immoral and unethical, but it's really funny because you know them and you know that they're doing a joke about how wrong that would be if they were to do that. Just to make you laugh.

Just to make me laugh. And the rooms, I mean, that's what I've always felt like. It has to be a safe space. A room where comedy's being invented has to be a safe space. A room where comedy's being invented has to be a safe space where everyone feels comfortable and to be completely, completely, politically incorrect. But the problem is that you have to make sure that when you go out in the world, you're not.

And you and also like connecting with people who actually hold those views, which are a born to us, that's not the purpose of it. The purpose is to find funny things. And, you know, I always think about like, there are characters that, Joe from the rest of the development, he's a pretty despicable guy.

Yeah. Cool. But like, he's a despicable guy, but I understood how completely off the rails he was. Right. And I'm not endorsing that kind of behavior. What I'm saying is, it's absurdly ridiculous how he is and thinks. Yes, and I think the fun in all the great classic comedy of all time

is someone being completely inappropriate in a situation. And so, I- But it's not a come from the actor playing that character as ignorant, as opposed to intolerant. And therein lies your skill with Job. You always looked a little dumb, as opposed to intolerant. And there, therein lies your skill with Job. You always looked a little dumb as opposed to... As opposed to that. I don't know how much it was intentional or talent or what,

but there was also... Look, look right there. Look at that look right there. Yeah. They did a thing. I didn't even know this that they spent, I mean hundreds of thousands of dollars in editing, adding a light of intelligence to Will's eyes.

Right. Like a presence, just a presence, that they had, adding a light of intelligence to Will's eyes. Right. Like a presence, just a presence, that they had to go frame by frame, and that's how video works. Well, the key is to also try to make the joke on you. So it was always about making the joke. I'm the asshole, I'm the idiot,

and it's not mean-spirited. And also, motive is a huge contributing factor, too. What are your motives when you're saying the thing? Is it too injure somebody? Because then that's wrong. If the motive is to be funny and to have a laugh and hopefully not injure somebody, but to make light, then...

And you were always so generous with that on your show. I continued to do your whole brand of comedy. Is it, you're never trying to post you, you're never trying to be the cool kid. There are some... I was trying very hard. I of comedy. You're never trying to post you. You're never trying to be the cool kid. There are some folks. I was trying very hard. I was trying. You were trying.

I was trying so hard to be the cool kid. This is me being the cool. No, I. That's what. That's why. But that. No, I realized very early in my life, like, oh, I'm not cool. I'm not a good athlete.

Thank you, audience, for recognizing that immediately. I'm not all these things, but then taking store of what I did have and saying, I'm going to be honest about that, which is. Yeah, and it was clear at the very start. Like, remember when he first came on, nobody, by design, nobody knew who you were. You were a newcomer to camera, but you were obviously with your background and your education

and then working on this. And now on all stuff. I remember watching your very first monologue and I went, oh, I get it. Because you were so human and so winning and so us. I get it. That's why you did it for two years. Well, we almost got, I mean, it was two years on the air of constantly being this close to getting cancer.

Yeah, we were worried every day you were going to get a call. Every, no, seriously, we did, the first, after we got through a year and then they said we're breaking your contract down, which is completely unheard of in our business to, I think it was three months at a time. So we'll renew you three months at a time. And people don't know that because people just, you know, a lot of people here,

and I meet so many people now, I said, well, I started watching you, you know, when I was 15 and now I'm 75. And so they have no idea that it's so interesting how people have a different perspective. They look at everyone on this stage and they just think, well, you've always been at this place and they don't understand, no, no, we'll take, you know, we've all been everybody here who might even be interested in doing this or want to try it and you come here and you see the people that you like on a stage or some of them and

then, no, but you see us and you think, oh, you have, they just got to be that and it's not the case. Like, I'm very, I think the thing, like it just happened to them. Yeah, I think I'm very much constantly in touch and I think the people that I like in this business, which includes everyone here, I think we're really in touch with the fact that we know what it's like to have people look right through us. We know what it's like to not have any of that status. And I'm still connected to that.

We'll be right back. And now back to the show. You had to go through all that stuff too, especially going through the three months at a time, whatever, you had to do it all in front of America. So you had all that stress every day showing up, and you had people saying, we're not sure of this component like writing stuff

because they write me. How were you able to stay loose and be funny on the show knowing that your head was on the... What now is on the... For me is the work. So the magic for me was, if we had done, let's say my show had been kind of a Saturday night life show knowing that your head was on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor.

But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor.

But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor.

But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But hell is on the floor. But'd come out, I'd come to work in the morning and then say to just see this thing in the paper. And it's like literally like a three page spread. 75 reasons why it would be great if Conan just died. You know? I mean, I'm really not exaggerating that much because what we were doing just looked so wrong to people

and I looked weird and what's this with his name and the hair. And you see. You also had Richter there holding your hand the whole time. Well, what a gap. That's the other gap. You can't take that gap. That's that one. I don't know.

You just mentioned a name that's never mentioned in my house. I wanted to say, like, is this that been sponsored by Previgen? Go ahead. No, sir. Oh, oh, can I say one thing though, really quickly. Like, we had to do the show that day. And there were terrible things.

But you said something that absolutely is true. Talk about a time machine. If I went back into a time machine and had to try and do that show without Andy, I wouldn't have lasted three days. I'm serious. I am serious. He's one of the funniest guys we all know.

But also, he was right there. He was right there by me next to me. And there were times when I didn't have it, and he would just say something. He was right there, he was right there, by me next to me, and there were times when I didn't have it, and he would just say something. And he was in the early days, he was just money in the bank. And also, I remember, he's just like this big warm presence, big guy, and like this with, no, no, he's this like

big warm presence. And so literally, he was comforting. He was comforting to me. Like, he's the physically strongest person in combat. He is so strong. He is so crazy strong. I mean, physically, like, we used to just laugh. I think we went to Yankee Stadium once to play softball,

and I think Andy had a home run with his softball. And everyone was like, shit, he was like, eh, let's go. I'm tired of this. It was all over. I saw him at your Christmas party. And everyone was like, shit, he was like, eh, let's go. I'm tired of this. I saw him at your Christmas party with a plate full of heave and I both got a plate full of him. You would have loved it. It was great.

And, but I do want to, I do want to, remember the toast I gave at the party at the end when I said this room is filled with everyone, everyone that means something to me. You did. Remember that? Wow. Do I remember it?

Are you getting me? Tom Hanks was crying on my shoulder. Oh. But was it originally the plan to have Andy on the show? Was it? Andy was hired as a writer, but I knew right away. I want to get him. I think it would be good if you guys did a little research.

Listen, I know I was going to say that you, amen. Let's be on a subway, the four of us. Did you... But talking about those years, Jason, we were talking about it today or the other day, we were talking about... You were talking about those moments where you were in your 20s, you already had your first show, and then you were doing maybe a pilot every couple of years and going through those years and everybody sort of thinks,

oh, no, you're doing... Like what you were saying, you're fine. You're Jason, baby, you're doing fine a pilot every couple of years and going through those years and everybody sort of thinks, oh no, you're doing like what you were saying. You're fine. You're Jason, baby, you're doing fine. You're like, man, I'm just trying to be the fucking world. No, that is a at the risk of being overly sincere. It's like something that's really important to me is that people hear this message because I am, I remember with great clarity, looking at people that whatever have the position

that I have now and thinking, well that's them, but I could never get to do that. And being as sure of that as I am, like the sun comes up in the east and goes down on the west, which is actually how it works. Look at Sean's face, just be wilder. But yeah, you know, I, actually, I was just thinking, my friends, my friend Dave McLaughlin and his wife,

Beth are here tonight, and they're good old friends of mine. And I used to sleep with Beth. Once you guys stand up, Beth. And I used to, I don't know where there are, and they're two of my oldest friends, and I used to sleep on their floor in their house, in their apartment, in LA. I'd go out for auditions or whatever,

and just trying and starving and couldn't pay the rent, and it was the kindness of people like that, and I just so appreciate it. I love that, you know, I love talking about this stuff, because people don't know, I think. Are you trying to cut off David Beth? Sorry.

No, because when we first started hanging out decades ago, I would go over to your apartment, and your next-door neighbor in the apartment, next to you, like on the same thing, was Bradley Cooper. Yeah. And it was like... Yeah, but he was really fat then. Yeah. I always saw the fat Bradley Cooper was. I always... Bradley...

He was one of those people that they had to take a wall out of the house. He had to cut out. He had to cut him to the hospital. He was a cut out. He was a cut out. And Sean's from Illinois, you don't have to explain that to him. Yeah. But. But. Catsult.

Stayed by state. It's a joke. We're going to Chicago. I'll admit to it when we get there. But yeah, Bradley, remember, Bradley would come over and be like, I'm never going to be like, I was just like the first time I went to the Golden Globes. Thanks.

Uh, the. The first time. Yeah to the Golden Globes. Thanks. Uh, the- The first time. Yeah. Did you ever win? No. No, no, he just- No, he just got- He scored a ticket.

Oh, no. I was like, wow, I had my autograph book and my Sharpie. No, he went to the line. But to that point, the first time I went- I swear to God, this is what I thought. The first time I went- We were in the television tier, which is, you know. The first time I went, we were in the television tier, which is way in the back.

Movie people are in the front. And so I looked around and literally, there's Tom Cruise and Merle, she put all these people and I was like, how did I get, how did this happen? How did I get here? I know so many of my friends that could do my job in Winland Grace or whatever it was,

that could be in this position. And I looked around and just go, God, we're all lucky. That's just, yeah. Every single person here is lucky. Yeah, yeah. There's some more than you. We all do.

Do you? But I, you know, Sean. Sean? No, I mean, you really just fell. I mean, you were honestly lucky magazine posted, you know, a front cover, 50 covers in a row. But I think everybody, Lucky magazine poster, you know, front cover, 50 covers in a row. But I think everybody, but I think, I sure it takes a little bit of talent and hard work,

but so many people have that. That's the other thing too, is, yeah, I get crazy, and it's not just in show business. I hate it, and finance, I hate it. We've all, you know, in a city like this in Boston, you'll see people that clearly have a ton of money they've made it in tech. They live out in some fancy suburb and they're hanging out at the four seasons.

And they're just, sometimes there's this air they have of, I'm here because I deserve it. And I want to say, I don't know what your story is, but all of us are lucky. We're just lucky. And so that's something that gets like... Yeah. It's weird when...

It's weird because actually, by the way, finance is the thing that's kind of taken over. There are probably a lot of finance people. And the only person we apologize to is Dandese. Dandese is the best. Is the best, but it's a, yeah, it's created a whole lot. No, when someone is, you know,

whatever, Betwell on crypto or something. And then they're kind of acting to me like, well, you know, some of us know what we're doing. And I think, fuck you, no. You know what I mean? But wait, don't you think that to all of what we're talking about, that you can, like, I'm not going back in my word, but it takes a little bit of luck,

but you can manifest a little bit of it by creating goals and writing them down and achieving certain milestones as you go away, as you go along. I don't think there's a better analogy in the world than the one-armed bandit in. That's the way I always... I don't know if you've gambling's a problem for you, but you were coiled when I did that.

From this angle, it wasn't a real jackpot poll you were doing. You know when you got up, it's unreal. You are so on one track. But you know when you got a Las Vegas and those machines and you pull the lever, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. You don't need more than knobs. Well, there's the knobs, but then you're pulling that lever

and you've got to really pull. And it breaks off, and you're like, and it breaks off. Yeah, it's the worst. But then the coins come shooting out. Sure. And then you just feel this sense of satisfaction and relief. But then your anus hurts, wait a minute. My point is this, we're going to clean this up.

Or they won't. They don't spend that kind of money. Well, let me ask you this. Wait, I got one thing to say was my, what I wanted to finish with, your point was that it is, yes, luck is important, luck is a crucial thing, and I wanna give it up to luck, but persistence, man. Yes, I think, I think actually persistence is,

there's just a tiny persistence group here. Oh. That's the name of their Bitcoin company now. I'll pay him in one bus. But like, my thing is just like, if you just keep going at it from different angles and keep pulling the lever, what there's also a dual.

There's a plan and there's work ethic and studying hard at school and stuff. I know that you were educating here too. What were the school years like for you here? Were you a good student or were you a little health cat around town? Yeah, yeah. I, you know, you funny, you asked me the time machine question.

And I'm not kidding for my, I mean, obviously, the time machine question is tricky because. It's a classic question. Yeah, it's a question of someone, it's a question someone has in their back pocket when they don't research. Uh. Uh.

Thank you. Oh. Time is seen, so do my art. Public card out. I don't know. I was just telling you, my views on Roe v. Wade. Time machine! Time machine desert island discs.

Oh. Oh, brother didn't know. I had to talk Jason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I did go off. I'm gonna talk Jason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I would go back and have people not know where I went to college because I do think early in my career especially people had preconceived notions of that. And so sometimes people would act like, oh, this show you're gonna do is gonna be some like smart number.

No, I like a masturbating bear. I like the silliest things in the world. And I kind of wish that people didn't know where I went to school. I was very, I worked really hard to go there. I was a grind. And I worked even all those years. I was writing comedy in college and performing it. I was still a really hard worker. What do you do you think now? So we get sort of this is on top of what we were talking about. How does it feel? Is it when you come back to Boston specifically after those years of grinding in high school and going to college here and now you're in front of this crowd

who clearly adores you for some reason. Why is that, is that satisfying, is that bizarre? Does that register for you? Can you acknowledge that? Go like, hey, that's good. I'm getting better at it. For a long time, I didn't, people would write nice things, or nice things would happen.

And I go like, mm-hmm. And I would just push it aside. But you used to go down these same streets, you'd come into town, I imagine, with your folks and do stuff and maybe come to this very theater and see shows and whatever. I don't think this was here. It was the Wang even here.

I think the Wang was built. Yeah, no, the Wang's been here. The Wang's been here for 300 years. Oh. I think. When the first, no, the Wang's been here. The Wang's been here for 300 years. Oh. I think when the first settlers arrived, the Wang theater was here. This is the first thing they built. And they're like, the acoustics are OK.

You could have a podcast. But I mean, you walked around this. No, no, I very much in touch with the fact that I've been extremely fortunate. The thing I think about all the time is that my grandfather, my grandparents on my mother's side, grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts, and a, yeah.

And my grandfather directed traffic in downtown Worcester. That was his career and he got paid. I love that movie. He were amazing. He got paid $55 a week. And whenever anything happens in show business where someone tells me, well, if you just did a year of talk shows, and so this is how much we're gonna,

I'm very humbled by shit. This is unbelievable, and I think about my grandfather, who I refused to acknowledge in his lifetime. Wow. By the way, for no reason at all. I just was very, you know. Just a quick, Harvard little story. Jason was honored with the...

He's putting... Yes. Yeah. And he accepted it. He accepted it because he thought... He thought they were offering him a tasty pudding at first. But Jay, why don't you share with everybody about the wonderful article that came out today?

Oh, the article. Beautiful, beautiful article today. And in the daily news, you know, it's sort of like the zenith of journalism, they said that I received this, that Ozark's star got the, gets, no, gets the, gets the, gets the hazy putting it away,

and then in the body of the thing, Ozark's Patrick Bateman received the American Psycho. How tough is that to just the smallest amount of research when you're writing this article? Can I tell you my favorite thing is I will get a letter. This has happened to me at least once a year. A letter from a pretty well known organization that's saying, you're our favorite entertainer.

Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo, could you please come and speak at our esteemed institution? It would mean so much and we followed your career with Bated Brass and it's gonna be the biggest thing ever. And I floored at you that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But I'll say the letter will go on and on

and it will say, dear Conan, and then the last name is terribly misspelled. And I'll think, you didn't, you don't fucking care about me at all. You know, like, you're even kicked from the sample. This is getting back to our email conversation. It's like, motherfucker, can you just put a comma in there

or something like, or, or, they knew what they were doing and they wanted this reaction from you. Right. In fairness, when I walked out here in Sawyer, I was like, Patrick, you know, I was excited to see Patrick Bateman. Well, I tell you, I tell you, we've been excited to see you.

Yes. Hey, that's a great transition for a guy who has to get out. Yeah, we're going to commercial. Well, no, I mean, you know. No, that's, I have to say, this is, I will repeat my mantra. This is not work. This is, and it's been a long two years for all of us. And a lot of us have been missing being together and having

an audience. And so, seriously, yeah, and when I got, when I got, when Will said, would you wanna come out and be on a smart list in Boston? And I was, I was just like, this is like, I want to contest, so thank you guys. Oh, I love it. Seriously.

No, really, this is nice. It's really nice. This is, by the way, I echo that we do, too. This is such a thrill for us to do this, to do this tour, to come here to Boston, to see you guys, to do with such a good buddy who we all love and you are so hilarious and you've always been the best.

You've always been so kind to all of us over the years. We're gonna work on that. We're gonna work on that. We're gonna work on that. And let me broker the Christmas. I'll just park cars at the party. Okay, great. I just want to be on the grounds.

You want to be on the grounds. Yeah, okay. And get some pretty heavy hitters, some big A-listers at this party. And you might get a little giddy. By the way, he's not kidding. Yeah, no. It is filled with A-listers.

Well, what are you gonna do? Listen. Oh, no. I gotta go. I'm meeting Tom Brady. You guys, how great is it? Big foul. Hey, guys. I love you. That's the fun.

How you all been? Get in here. Bye, buddy. That was great. Wow. That was great. I had no idea how short he is. I know. Those are lips.

It's all lips. We should come back out here and admit to the lips. So what didn't you ask him? I mean, you didn't go to your 100 questions. There's no one. I didn't want to. We were having a conversation. You got SNL, the stuff about Simpsons, Late Night.

You didn't know all that. You have his name, Miss Pelt. Yeah. You didn't even need him. You're a great interviewer. Oh! Oh! I love you.

That's a silly... How about Will though, huh? Sean. Steve, what about Steve? No, but that, that, that, that Conan is one of my favorite, favorite guests we've had on the, on the past. Absolutely, but I wonder like, I, because I don't know this, I wonder if he is like the,

is he the longest hosting talk show host? Like did he have the most years? I bet your Johnny Carson went longer. Yeah. But 28 years. 28 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with various shows. I mean, it has to be, yeah, with all the shows.

Yeah, that's crazy. I don't know, but you got but when I was a young actor, oh, here we go. No, it's just gonna be a few minutes. It's more of a monologue than anything. Oh, so is. No, but I remember watching Conan on late night and just watching all those sketches

and watching his had to watch his monologue. Had to watch the sketches. Always. I didn't care who the guest was. I just wanted to see those sketches, and as a young actor, it was so inspiring. Yes, and when I loved about him too, like I started watching when I was in college, and I was like, oh, that guy has the same sense of humor

as me, it's like a little wacky. And it's not like, I'm doing a stilted monologue now, and I'm gonna talk to a guest. It was different. It was so different. And it's still different. I love that girl. Don't tell me you're just doing. Thanks. What was that? This is my talk show, it's still different. I love that girl. Don't you just do what was that?

What? This is my talk show. This is my talk show. Host who doesn't know how he's doing. Incredible. Thank you. You're looking at me and all I'm doing is trying to think up a buy. I'm trying to think about it.

Oh, yeah. Maybe something about him being bicostle with... Well, don't do it out loud. I think... Well, if you just repeat the name and the guest that we just had, there's something in there, maybe. Oh, no, no. Oh, bye!

Bye! Goodbye, thank you, Boston! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart.

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