SmartLess - "Dana Carvey"

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

We go on a hike with the incredible Dana Carvey. This week we’re plonkin’, we’re chuggin’ vitamins, and we’re explorin’ free market capitalism, a.k.a. 900 types of cereal. Come ti...ckle your ribs with us; it’s SmartLess.Please support us by supporting our sponsors.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SMARTLESS and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, I'm Will Onnet from Spotless, I'm 31 years of age. I'm Jason. Hear me out. You know, when you were on the show, were the nerves- These are the questions, come on. I mean, were you happy or were you sad? Because you could get on the show. Hey guys, come on, let's not fight.
Starting point is 00:00:22 I'm Sean. I didn't know where I- I don't understand what you guys are coming for. Hi, I'm Dana Carvey and I'm on Smartless. Smart. Lies. Smart. Lies. Smart.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Lies. Smart. Lies. Smart. Lies. Sean, what was your meal last night? My meal last night was I had chicken salad sandwich and mac and cheese. Box mac and cheese.
Starting point is 00:00:56 You ended up at an 11-year-old's birthday party? What happened? Did the camp counselor just bring that over to you or was it set up at a- No, but you know, Scotty and I, we actually watched the Chargers Buffalo Bills game. And whenever the Buffalo Bills play, whenever they come on the screen, one of us will always go, Buffalo bell, I'll help you try to catch them, Carries. Oh man, that sounds like a fun house. What a fun house.
Starting point is 00:01:24 You guys have a lot of fun. Buffalo bell. The Wonder Truck, the Wonder Bread, they just come to your house, they just fuck the supermarket, they go straight to the house and just- They slow down, they throw the back open. They don't even stop. No, they don't even stop. Like the ice cream truck.
Starting point is 00:01:39 So the chicken salad sandwich, did you make the chicken salad? It was made, it was pre-made. Okay. From where? When you say it was made by what? The heavens? No, I bought it pre-made. Oh, I see, I see.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Like a tub of it. Yeah. I didn't know that CVS made chicken salad. Did you spoon it out on your Wonder Bread? CVS. CVS is like a pharmacy. Yeah. Oh, you think people don't know what CVS is?
Starting point is 00:02:06 The mac and cheese, did that also- That came from a box. That came from a box. But I also had, what else did I have? I had brownies. When was the last time you put something in your face that didn't have preservatives in it? And let's keep it clean. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:21 Oh, I had a salad. I had a little tiny Caesar salad with bread crumbs in it. You fucking stopped the presses. CVS has a salad, bro. Who's guest is it today? It's my guest. You know what? Let's get to our guest.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Because our guest is way too funny to not be heard from at this point. Our guest, we often run into this problem. We start listing off their credits and then it's like just, it's too quick. I love how Will always freestyles these intros. Well, because I just try to keep it organic. I just want to be as freestyle and organic as this person is very funny. You have bullet points there that you'd like to hit? I do.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Okay. You might remember him from his role in Halloween 2. Sure. You might remember him from the film Tough Guys. Is this Jack O' Lantern? Do you remember Tough Guys? Tough Guys. Kirk Douglas.
Starting point is 00:03:13 No. Do you remember back in the 80s? Yeah. It's a big film. This guy, Sean, in that film. He then went on to, he's not religious, but he's been known to maybe keep track of people going when and where they go to church. He's trying to underplay this.
Starting point is 00:03:30 He was never elected to office, but you might remember his George Bush. He's got a hilarious podcast with our hilarious friend, David Spade now. I love Dana Carvey. He's one of the funniest dudes of all time. I've never met him before. He's Mr. Dana Carvey. I love Dana Carvey. I'm Dana Carvey.
Starting point is 00:03:47 Whoa. Welcome. He's going to reveal himself. Oh my gosh. There he is. Oh, there he is. What are you doing, boys? What are you doing in Bennett's house?
Starting point is 00:03:58 Because I demanded it. What is it? Did you guys do a house swap today? Yeah. We did a house swap. I demanded to be upstairs. This is the first time we've ever done this. Dana is joining us from Bennett's place, which is amazing.
Starting point is 00:04:09 This is crazy. You've got an incoming. I don't understand. Are you guys having a sleepover? There was a slumber party last night. I've never seen Jason this perplexed, even in Ozarks. I know. I have.
Starting point is 00:04:21 Dana, just put a book in front of him. You'll see the same look. Dana. Anyway, here they are. They're the spotless guys. They just woke up. They're a little bit sleepy. Can you believe it?
Starting point is 00:04:31 Sean Hayes, Mr. Fun. You know, you got the voice over there. Will on that. And of course, Jason Bateman on the brains of the operation. That's right. You can tell by the glasses. I like that it's almost a regis. It almost sounded like reges.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Old school reges. It was reges. You know, one time I remember you said something about, when you used to do reges years ago and you said, I remember this. I don't know why it stuck. You said, he's so uncool. He's cool.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Do you remember saying that? Totally. Like 30 years ago. It's always stuck with me. I always thought that was such a funny comment. And true. Well, it's Carson at it too. It's earnestness.
Starting point is 00:05:03 You know, that's, that's. Reges? My God. I remember when he was on AMLA out here in Los Angeles. This was like what, late 70s, early 80s. You know, I used to think it was the thing. So he, he was the, the father-in-law of, of a good friend of ours, Mike Shore. Mike Shore.
Starting point is 00:05:20 And so I went over one time, Mike and his wife, J.J. were in New York. So they were staying with the, the Philbens and we went over to the apartment. Philbens. And we went in and it was like for, for coffee. And Regis came and he said, can I get you a coffee will? And he was, I was like, wow, this is real. He's this old fashioned show business.
Starting point is 00:05:37 He was, he was so positive. So I do it. I get to visit him. We actually interviewed William Shatner and I signed him off as Regis just spontaneously and he laughs so hard. Who doesn't like Bill Shatner? He's done it all. He's been everywhere.
Starting point is 00:05:56 But now I do creep into Trump because that's how I started Trump with Regis. Robert Smigel and I talked about that. It's really Regis. Trump and Regis have a little bit of an overlap. But then you add in this, but we're going to a lot of places. We do it a lot of things and they go back and forth and Regis is here and Trump is there, but they're definitely overlapped. So it's just New York stuff, you know, it's, I want to entertain you guys.
Starting point is 00:06:21 I've been listening to your podcasts. You need to be entertained. You guys work hard. You are the person to do it. I love you used to do. I mentioned George Bush. So the first George Bush in, in you, you kind of deposited a virus into the vernacular of not going to do it, which has become a thing that like sometimes I'll almost
Starting point is 00:06:44 like, dramatically. I can't stop saying it. Well, I don't know if that's what you guys have all your kind of inside jokes and catch phrases. And I love Sean's Hannibal Hector. Was it? Yeah. What do you have to ask?
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yeah. I did a movie with Anthony Hopkins once and we would entertain the crew. Cause he's like Sammy Davis Jr. He was an impressionist who became the world's greatest actor. Wow. And so he would do different, you know, I do James Cagney and I do Jimmy Stewart and then eventually to entertain the crew, you do Hannibal Hector and I would do Garth. I can smell Wayne on you.
Starting point is 00:07:22 You know, that kind of thing. Get away big scary man. But as far as extenuating rhythms, I mean everyone does it. That's what I would do in high school. You know, so George Bush Sr. on the cue card, it would say not going to do it. Like four years before not going to do it. By your four it was like not any guy. And they went with it. I used to do, I used to do an impression of what it was not.
Starting point is 00:08:00 It was you doing George W Bush, but it was, it was a Jimmy. What's his name? Oh, you know, not gonna do it. You know, Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart doing an impression of you doing George Bush. That's all right. With my friend Giles. I used to do it all the time.
Starting point is 00:08:17 I got, nah, I got to do it. I don't know why. And I used to call it, this is Jimmy Stewart doing Dana doing things. I smuggled a cassette tape recorder in the mid seventies into the Circle Star Theater near San Francisco so I could tape Rich Little's act because there was no YouTube. And from taping that and listening, I just took his Jimmy Stewart. And it's somebody that you just, you just, you just sort of want to sneak up on. And the thing I like about Jimmy Stewart is then I get mad.
Starting point is 00:08:48 I like the angry Jimmy Stewart. Well, you know what you were doing, didn't you? Well, you know, I'm not going to play this game anymore. And so that became the reason I'm a comedian because I sucked so bad. But Jimmy Stewart as a waiter never failed in a biker bar. It occurs to me that Jimmy Stewart kind of sounds like Mason Adams. He used to do smockers. When you get smockers, you get so much smockers.
Starting point is 00:09:14 Are you a secret impressionist? I'm not at all. I'm not at all, but that's just a fun voice to do. I don't even know who it is, but I'm your guest today. Hey, hey, it's almost Owen Wilson, isn't it? We could go to Argentina and go surfing if you want, you know, that'd be fun. I told Owen I would never do his impression on TV, but I'm on a podcast. Sorry, Sean, you're next.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Oh, no, I was just going to say. As I say, Jason and Will actually do like really great accents. And like I can't do as good of accents as those because so I bet you guys do impressions. I've just never heard. Well, I don't know. I do some accents good. How are you? What's your favorite easiest accent to do?
Starting point is 00:09:56 Me? Any of you guys. Jason whips out a British one like nobody can do it. And also like, and also. There's so many flavors of British ones. You want to be like, yeah, you can go like, I found myself talking. I'm not joking this morning going because I was watching Tottenham Arsenal in the North London Derby. And I was going, not today, my son, not today.
Starting point is 00:10:18 And I'm like, there's nobody here but my dog. The kids are up at their moms. I was like, what am I doing? We've been watching Gary Oldman. We mean me and my wife on slow horses. Oh, yeah. And then by the end of it, I'm like, you're a bunch of lazy losers. And you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Starting point is 00:10:34 It's kind of a, it's sort of a, it's a light version of Michael Cain. Yeah. But I want to say before, which is, if you want to do hip, you go down to stairs. You stop bloody up here and then you walk it right down to stage. Oh God. Would Steve Coogan and Rob Briden do that in the, what was the name of the film that they do? Oh, those guys. The trip.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Yeah, the trip. Yeah, the trip. I learned that impression. I rarely try and actively go, I got to do that guy. It was from Steve Coogan's impression and I actually practice it. Then I did a prank phone call to JJ Abrams. Oh yeah. Really?
Starting point is 00:11:14 This is my cocaine here. I heard you make it. I want to do spaceship shows. And I'd like to put my hat in the ring. I know I'm a bit longer than two, but maybe this old dinosaur's got one lap left to run. What's that process like with you? You want to take on a new impression. You want to see how close you are to something that you would like.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Where are you? Are you in the bathroom in front of a mirror or are you just in the car because you just need to hear it. You don't need to see it. If I'm alone at home or in a car or many times I'll be practicing when I'm hiking. Oh really? Sure. And I'm like, oh dad, now what?
Starting point is 00:11:53 Yeah, bloody saying. Then I see a hiker and I have to go. Yes, honey. I'm really, I'll be home in a minute. I have to actually cover for my voices. I like the idea that there's somebody in West LA who went for a hike and they didn't see anybody. They were like, I think I heard Michael Cain on the hike today.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Or the church lay. I want to say, connect six degrees separation. So I was on vacation. They told me to send an email to Paul McCartney in case you would go on. And I ended up interviewing Paul McCartney from the four seasons in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, because I was there with my family. And I listened to you guys talking to Paul because I was looking at where is he on a podcast.
Starting point is 00:12:29 So I listened to your podcast to try to get a sense of how to navigate that because it's Paul McCartney. And what you found was there couldn't be a nicer, more approachable fella. Right? I mean, like, I was so blown away by how kind he was. Here is like, you guys have to be Beetle fans in your age group, right? Oh, Sean, to the podcast. I didn't think he wanted to talk about the Beatles, especially, you know, but then after
Starting point is 00:12:56 a while of going around and around, I just brought up, get back the documentary. Right. Then he lit up. And then for all of us, the last forensic part of the Beatles is who did what? Because you know, it's kind of like no reply is John Lennon's song, but did Paul write the middle eight, you know? So at one point I took a chance. I said, did John ever thank you for your bass lines?
Starting point is 00:13:21 Right. And that lit him up, you know? Yeah. Well, I was the bass player. You know, normally the bass player is like the fat guy. He's the fat guy. You know, and I was the plonk, plonk, plonk, plonk, plonk. And I go, I go, you got a lot better.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Was she so heavy and dear prunes? Well, I go, I just got up the keyboard. There's never been a more humble genius in his vernacular ever. You got for a plonk, me and John, eyeball to eyeball. I was just plonking, we're plonking. Next thing you know, we had the white album. Did you do, did you do him to him at all too or no? I did.
Starting point is 00:13:57 I did a little bit, but I was so insimidated. You know, you just remind me, I think that the accent that you were asking before and not to go back, but it just, you know, I love accents, which was, which is, I used to always go Jackie Stewart and I used to get into it. It's an absolutely brutal day for multi car racing. That's great. That would get me into it. So this past fall, these guys know I've been doing a lot of stuff with Formula One
Starting point is 00:14:21 and I'm in Singapore at the Formula One race. And I see, and this guy goes, do you want to meet Jackie Stewart? I go, yeah. And we go up where I meet him and he's walking and he looks fantastic. And I go, you know, you're using saying my, you know, my name is Jackie Stewart. It's a brutal day. I go, that's how I would get into doing my Scottish accent. And he goes, Oh, is that right?
Starting point is 00:14:41 And that was it. And he kept walking. He was like, why are you stopping me? I'm Scottish, but that wouldn't kind of, I tilt away from that a lot. I can do Irish pretty good, but probably too grandiose. I've got a lot of Irish relatives. Wait, wait, what's the difference between Scottish and Irish? If you were to say, a tough day for racing.
Starting point is 00:15:01 No, I'm just, what would be the sound difference between Scottish and Irish? Tough day for racing. Well, an Irish might say, well, it's a tough, a tough day for racing. Yeah, it's a little more little tea. It's a little more little tea and not as hard on that. Paul has a lot of Irish relatives because of the, the little teen Liverpool accent, which always sounds like you're asking a question. Did you go to the store?
Starting point is 00:15:21 Like Canadians. I did go to the store. Well, did you go? So many Irish moved across to Liverpool and if you'll even Manchester, if you look at the Gallagher brothers from, from Oasis, and then north of that is a town called Blackpool, which is a, this is a good interesting place. It's a seaside town and resort town, Blackpool.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Next to the water, huh? Great. Dublin in Irish means Blackpool. It's the same thing. How about that? A lot of Irish people. I can trim all this. I thought you guys might want to read some,
Starting point is 00:15:54 you don't need to read shit because you've got me as a friend. Thanks for that, Will. I love the Irish, my wife's Irish relatives are mothers from Dublin. She's 91 and the relatives came over and they're so humble. As you know, there's just like, you go to a grocery store and it's like bread. Hey, there's like three items. I took them to a supermarket for the first time. My wife's aunt and uncle and they go, look at all the yogurt.
Starting point is 00:16:16 They go, why do you need so many cereals? I didn't have any response to that. It's free market capitalism. I have no idea why we need 900 times. Wait. So Dana, walk me through you. So you do all this. You mentioned that you go in and you recorded Rich Little.
Starting point is 00:16:34 What was the thing? How did you go and make? I always like to understand when people go and make the jump from being a super fan or somebody who's interested, who has the talent for listening to it, to actually getting paid for what they do. What was that jump for you? Was it doing impressions or is it doing standup or was it a combo?
Starting point is 00:16:51 Both. I didn't lean on the impressions. I did them, but I did a lot of other stuff too. But I was so, it really seemed like trying to be Neil Armstrong for someone from my household, five kids. Dad was a high school teacher, 1,500 square feet, one bathroom that I would be on television. And so that upended me a little bit.
Starting point is 00:17:15 I did a lot of things. I was probably a waste of time, but Hollywood started hiring me just as a cute, nice guy. You had roles in movies and you were doing stuff before you got an SNL. They didn't care for me to be funny. I was doing standup in the side, but they offered me one of the boys with Mickey Rooney. And so I did it.
Starting point is 00:17:34 It was $7,500 a week. I was like pennies from heaven. Was it Meg Ryan in that? Meg Ryan was in six episodes, played my girlfriend, I believe, Scatman and of course. Was it Megan back then? Yeah, so you caught that. Was it?
Starting point is 00:17:53 It was Megan. Well, Megsy by the end. It's kind of like Anthony Hopkins. It was Anthony Tony and then it was Hoppy by the time we ended. You go Meg Ryan, you go Megan, you go Mickey Rooney. He's like Michael Rooney. Yeah, sure. They were all in it.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Mickey's macaroni. Mickey's everything. Mickey was the craziest person I ever met and had a 35 revolver in his jacket. Wait, what? A 38 and he would wave it around. They're not going to get me. Yes, he had a loaded gun.
Starting point is 00:18:23 He goes, this script is kaka. And then he would throw it across. No, you've heard stories about Mickey Rooney, haven't you? No. I mean, not really. You're outing him right now. I'm young. You know who he was, right?
Starting point is 00:18:36 Yeah, of course. So if he said this once, he said it a thousand times, literally every day. I was just like this. We did it on SNL and I was writing it with Bonnie and Terry Turner and I just said what Mickey said in that incredible laughs. I didn't write it. I said, I was the number one star in the world.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Hear me? Bang. The world. And that's exactly the way he said it a thousand times. Number one star in the world. Bang. Hear me? The world.
Starting point is 00:19:10 What is that sound supposed to be? What's he doing? I don't know. But he was just, he had a gun, Scatman on stone. He thought I was gay. Sure. And I was there with Nathan Lane. So we had to do a three's company thing.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Oh, there you go. Where he had his arm around Nathan. He looked at me and said, I'm just glad we like girls. What? I was so huge. Wait, what a fucking cast. So it was you, Nathan Lane, Meg Ryan and Mickey Rooney. And Scatman Carruthers.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Who just was stoned. The nicest guy I've ever met. But he was just high all day. And my brother came to visit me and he gave us some pot. And it was terrible. So the next trip, I brought him a lid of Santa Cruz, Colombian pot. Can you believe this?
Starting point is 00:20:01 This is like 1981. Classic blend. Next morning in the elevator, he says, the music was good. How'd I get a pound? So after the show was, yeah. Didn't want to mess around with an ounce. No. It was called music.
Starting point is 00:20:22 It was a little bit. And he had a clear bottle full of vitamins. And he would walk back and forth across the sound stage, chugging them going, I'm going to a hundred. I'm going to a hundred. And he would chug the vitamins. After the show, my brother and I got him a whole bag. We didn't smoke much weed after this.
Starting point is 00:20:40 But anyway, a bag of Santa Cruz pot. Giant and brought it to Van Nuys, brought it to his house. And he played the ukulele for us for hours. No way. What's this project called? I got to see this. One of the boys. One of the boys.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Looking up online. One of the boys. The craziest. I wore a sweater. I was the straight man. Literally. Mickey. We would do impressions together too.
Starting point is 00:21:05 He was an impressionist, but he did have a 38 revolver. And he said, before I got this big break, I was going to go to Sacramento to the prison there. There's a serial killer, Juan Corona. I was going to come in as a visitor. I was going to bring my 38. I was going to say, you know, I am, I'm Mickey Rooney. And I was going to plug him full of holes.
Starting point is 00:21:28 These are verbatim quotes. I'm going to play in his favorite thing I've ever told him. These are verbatim quotes from Mickey Rooney. And he's one of those old guys who would talk till he ran out of breath. And everything was a non sequitur. Julie Garland never owned a car. Pumped her so full of drugs, it killed her. How long has Robert Redford been in the business?
Starting point is 00:21:55 Ten years? I've been in the business. It's like three weeks before his birth. I've been in the business 61 years. He's the greatest character I've ever met. By far. Really, really holding on to his past. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:10 He was like, I called up Warner Brothers in 1955. I said, this is Mickey Rooney. I need a job. They hung up on me. And then he would wander off. And he had a new show, a new thing every day. Yeah. And we will be right back.
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Starting point is 00:27:07 and I said the same thing to him. I said, when I was in high school, you were God to me and God to everybody who was into comedy and sketch and just everything. I remember going to school on a Monday and everybody in high school would imitate the church lady and every single character you guys ever did in Wayne's World, whatever the characters were.
Starting point is 00:27:32 And I always wondered after your incredible stint on SNL, I missed you. I missed seeing those. What happened to me? No, no, no. I mean, I've seen you. I saw you pop up in a bunch of stuff. But just as far as being a king of sketch comedy,
Starting point is 00:27:46 it's almost like, and I know you had a couple other spin-off kind of sketch comedy shows, but do you miss it at all still today? Because you're really one of the all-time greats. Thank you. Yeah, without a doubt. I mean, you got me to vote for Ross Perot. This is the first vote I ever cast.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Ross Perot was a gift from heaven. That was my Sarah Palin for Tina Fey. Lord Michael said, there's someone running to Texas Billionaries running for president. We have some tape. Why don't you go down the hall and see if there's anything there? I turn it on. The ears are sticking out.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Can I finish? James Brown is already there. Can I finish one time? Or are you going to talk over me? Can I finish one time? Here's the deal. You can't put a porcupine in a barn, light it on fire, and expect to make licorice.
Starting point is 00:28:37 What? That was the gift. George Bush was worked. That was like... But still Hartman did Stockdale, right? Oh, yeah. When he tried to ditch him in the woods, you know, we were...
Starting point is 00:28:48 Stockdale was... I was driving as Ross, and I wanted to ditch him after his debate performance. Where are we going? Where am I? Phil could do anything. God rest his soul. I remember Phil used to do in that same election cycle,
Starting point is 00:29:01 92, Phil was doing Clinton, and he would do the thing, and he'd come in, and he'd come into a McDonald's on a jog, and he starts making analogies and stealing people's food to make his analogy. Like, if I take a bite of this, and he's... And the whole thing was, he just wanted to eat everybody's McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Yes. Phil could do anything. I mean, I swear to God. I mean, you guys... I echo what Sean says. You guys were up there for me, too. I looked at... You guys were at such heights that I thought, I could never get anywhere near that.
Starting point is 00:29:27 You guys are so incredible at what you do. I still look up to what you guys do, because you guys did it in this way. This is way before YouTube, and you could have control over it and do all this kind of shit. Like, you guys were doing it live on SNL in a way, and stuff that nobody else was doing.
Starting point is 00:29:43 There's so much derivative shit that came out of that kind of era. Well, it might be. I mean, you guys have had all these weird things happen. Like, I had auditioned for the show twice. It just didn't get it. Al Franken saw me in San Francisco. I followed Kenison at the comedy store at midnight,
Starting point is 00:30:01 Sam Kenison. I bombed. I was shocked. I got on it. You know, Jim Carrey was auditioning. You know, I'm going, okay, I'm not on this show. Got on it.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Then I was told we only had an eight-show pickup for the first time in the history of Saturday Night Live. It wasn't a full 20. Wow. Hit the ground running, or we're out of here. Right. And then the church lay was just a fluke. Is something I did in my stand-up, or we'll try it.
Starting point is 00:30:24 So the week I did the church lay, the first week I, and I'd never done sketch comedy. I'd only done stand-up. Wow. Incredible. So Neil Young calls. Sure. I do.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Of course he does. And I got to go down to... At least long messages, doesn't he, Daniel? Oh, man. Look, one of my first impressions. I actually, I was at a Neil Young concert once. I go, Dana Carvey backstage. Dana Carvey, come back stage.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Concert. And so I went back and Neil was in his bus making pasta. Yeah. This is going to kick in a little while. Could you do a little bit of time? So I had this old bit, hacky bit I used to do of Neil Young doing a commercial for McDonald's. I'm not proud of it.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Well, I dreamed I saw the golden arches in the yellow haze of the sun. I do the whole thing, 10 years later, my kids are in junior high and a dad comes up to me and goes, hey, man, I got this Neil Young bootleg album. You're the first track. No way. Anyway, way. Wow.
Starting point is 00:31:28 But anyway, so church lady, I put it in the read-through. It did so, so Neil Young had called the next day. So I had to go down to Madison Square Garden. He was doing a garage band motif. He told Lauren, I need some kind of angry woman. So I went down there and did it that night on Wednesday when they picked the show. I came back and found out that church lady just barely got on.
Starting point is 00:31:50 That my buddy, Phil Hartman said, I think we should give it a chance. So it was the last sketch in the first show thinking this isn't going to fly. And I'd never done it with the dress. So the minute I said Victoria Jackson was going off and Jesus, that's this and that. And then I just said, well, isn't that special? Boom. Boom.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Mic drop. Then all the nerves went away. And that last slot on SNL, as you know, and you guys know, because you've hosted. The death spot. That's where they kind of either bury stuff or try stuff that's kind of new. Yeah. Or they don't think it has a chance.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Right. Yeah. But it's kind of freeing, right, Dana? You must have felt kind of like, fuck it. I was so nervous before I went out there because I was, I literally played a pizza parlor in Martinez, California in July. Right. I played to four people.
Starting point is 00:32:47 Half the audience hated me. These are the jokes. Then this is October 10th. I go out to Lawrence house. I hang out with Paul McCartney and Chevy Chase. I go to Yankees games with Lauren. I live there for like a month. I go on the show.
Starting point is 00:33:01 I'm shy. I'm terrified. I was swearing at myself in the mirror before the show. You know, you motherfucker. Yeah. Just to get rid of that. So then church lady moves up first. I'm in the, I didn't know I was in the cold opening with, so I'm in that.
Starting point is 00:33:18 I'm doing a alien sketch. And then I do Chopin Broccoli at the end. I mean, one of my all time favorites, Chopin Broccoli. Why that stuck so hard. I don't know, Sean. It's so funny. It's so bizarre. I don't know that one.
Starting point is 00:33:31 How do I not know that one? Chopin Broccoli. I didn't do it that much. It's the songs called Chopin Broccoli. And he sits at the piano and it's just chords. Like a, like a ballad, like a rock ballad. And it's Chopin Broccoli. I used to do George Bush doing Chopin Broccoli too.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Can I hear that? You know, Chopin Broccoli. You know, it's so bad. But the premise of it, Jason, was that he, which Lauren liked a guy who had to play his new songs for the record company executives. It was Gornie Weaver and Phil Hartman. And it was like, well, I don't know if I've got anything. I'll try it.
Starting point is 00:34:07 And he says, he's cold as ice. It's like a foreigner thing. And then he's riffing paradise. He's making it up. And then finally, and she's a, she's Chopin Broccoli. And that became Chopin Broccoli. She chops. So that was just that.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Like what, like Jay, whatever the idea was, it would always come back to, he's just chopping broccoli. He's just chopping broccoli. Now I do 10 minute renditions when I do stand up. Oh, you do? Riff. Oh yeah. I do it with a guitar.
Starting point is 00:34:34 I do all. I would love to see that. But that was the most nervous I'd ever been was before that. The first, the, the, because I don't, when you audition for stand up live, don't you have to have a couple of impressions? And if so, do you, do you still do the ones that you did originally for your first audition? Yeah. I mean, I probably did Jimmy Stewart.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I think I did Chopin Broccoli a little bit. Well, what happened was I auditioned in different, I didn't want to audition at the comedy store or the improv cause I always bomb in those two places. So Lorne Michaels comes around with the show. They need four new cast members. So I was playing a little club on the West side called Igby's, which is a hundred Cedar low ceiling hot club. And I played there a lot.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Rosie O'Donnell was headlining the week that Lorne Michaels was in town. I didn't know her, but I knew the owner and I said, ask Rosie if she'll give me a spot on her set. And I'm going to bring Lorne Michaels. And Rosie said, yes. So then I, there that night, Lorne Michaels is going to see me do stand up. Wow. And I met Rosie and she seemed, she seemed like an old soul.
Starting point is 00:35:41 She never seemed, she just was like kind of to have that Rosie confidence, you know? Yeah. So I said, maybe I should go on first. So, you know, I call him first. So I'm standing in the wings. Lorne Michaels come to see me. I've been at this 10 years. I failed at everything I'd done had been canceled or bombed.
Starting point is 00:35:58 And then Lorne Michaels walks in. Holy shit. After him, Brandon Tardik off the head of NBC at the time. Then I'm like, oh God, he brought the head of the network. Then share. They came in. And so, but I was nervous, but I had 40 minutes instead of five. And I think that's what helped 40.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Yeah, because Rosie cleared the decks. You know, I just did the night with her and then she got a sitcom out of it. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. That's incredible. So just to jump back and forth a little bit, Dana. So you, you leave SNL, you go and you do a sitcom as we mentioned.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Oh, no, sorry. Not sitcom. Comedy show. I did the Dana Carvey show in 1996 with Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Louis C.K., Dino Steppinopoulos, Robert Carlock, John Glazer, John Glazer, my good friend, John Glazer. Oh, we had Louis C.K. was my head writer. I gave the first John.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Louis C.K. was your head writer. Steve Carell was a writer, as we mentioned. Performer. Yeah. Performer. And Carell, I mean. I call him the two steves. Smigal, of course Smigal.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Smigal, yeah, was my co-creator. Was your co-creator, right? Yeah. So, I mean, this is an unbelievable all-star team. Yeah. And just, of course, because Showbiz is bats a thousand, they cancel it. Well, there's a story behind that. First of all.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Well, let's hear it. I had two weeks to think about it because I miss sketch comedy. And Smigal and I had a great connection on there. You know, we did Carson and a lot of different McLaughlin group things together. So. Oh, God, I love that. Issue one. Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason and the all-get-oughts.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Sean Connery. No, that was just rhythmically riding up things. Smigal, we just connected rhythmically. So, I decided I wanted to do it on HBO. I go, you could do 10. You could still have a life, you know. So then, I think Bob Iger was in the room. I don't want to blame him.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I like Bob, but they go, come on, do it at ABC. You want to do it at ABC. We could do it at ABC. It would be great. You know, the great Brad Gray. So then, and then Louie and Robert at that point kind of wanted the budget and the money of ABC. And the idea was, oh, you have a Disney face.
Starting point is 00:38:29 You're kind of like Carol Burnett. You can work in prime time. Okay, terrific. Let's do it. And then they gave me an extra million. You know, okay. People like numbers. That'll do it.
Starting point is 00:38:38 I never cared about the money that much, but like you guys. But my point is, you know, but the first show, we were banking shows in New York. We moved to New York because my wife and I didn't want to raise our kids in the valley, which probably would have been fine. So then we bank a sketch that Louie wrote, which was Bill Clinton. I didn't have a good Bill Clinton, but it's like, he's giving his speech to the nation and we can do better and all that. And then he opens his shirt and he's got teats like a dog and he's going to breastfeed puppies.
Starting point is 00:39:06 So actual live puppies and I will feed the nation. So I got the chart of the, we were at 16 million when Bill appeared and it goes like a ball. We were like at two million hanging in. Viewers, you mean? Once you exposed the row of teats. Yeah, the deets. And then we were just the critics lambasted us. And so we made it through eight shows.
Starting point is 00:39:30 And then it became a cult classic. So had you been on something that wasn't a mass audience broadcast platform, perhaps it would have been a little bit more embraced. Did you find that you were more of a populist audience than? Yeah, there was no Netflix. There was no anything. There was just maybe, I guess, Comedy Central or HBO. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I remember that coming out. I remember the Dana Carvey show. And I was like in my head, I was like, oh, finally somebody gave the guy a shot. It just seemed like natural that you would have that shot. It hasn't worked. You know, Martin Short tried. I mean, people have tried in prime time. It's tough.
Starting point is 00:40:07 It's tough, isn't it? Yeah. It's got to be the right platform. Didn't Marty do it? Didn't Marty do it with? Well, he did one recently. With Maya. With Maya.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Yeah, he did with Maya. Yeah. So, but there was some brilliant stuff in that, some great stuff. The A team of writers we had. And so Josh Greenbaum did a documentary that came out a couple of years ago. Yeah. I heard about that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Too funny to fail. Yeah. I'm just going to go on a limb and say it. There's just, we've reached peak content. I always do. People talk about content creators. This is a kind of, I don't know if I brought it up. It kind of makes me mad because I feel like content is what I put between the walls of
Starting point is 00:40:42 my house to insulate, you know, from the cold or the heat. That's, that's content. Right. If you call what you do content, just, you're just making filler. Like, okay. Thanks. Hey man. I don't make content.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Something to stuff the pipe with. Right. But I'm also not making art. It should be noted. No, yeah. The audience is the entertainer now. It was like you'd have Frank Sinatra on stage or whatever in the audience to be out there. Now the audience is entertainers as well with social media and Instagram.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Yeah. We're all posting. We're all entertaining now. Or I'll say we'd all be famous for 15 minutes. Right. Yeah. Now it's like, we'll all be stars. Well, speaking of which, I mean, your longevity and relevance has been so sustained for so
Starting point is 00:41:26 long. You, I mean, you can't, you can't attribute all that to luck and talent. Right. I mean, is there, is there a third magic component that you're working with? Cause, you know, I, I'm with, I'm with Sean. I prefer a weekly dose of you, but you are, you are around and fantastic still. And I mean, what's your secret? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:51 I'm a little bit like you, Jason, I think from what I've heard is I, I really kind of am a homebody a little bit. You know, I've got my keyboards and my guitar, my lovely wife and all the cool shows I could watch. Right. So, you know, I never, I just do the, I mean, what, what do you guys say to yourself? It's cognitive behavioral therapy. Right.
Starting point is 00:42:13 No one's thinking of you. Never feel sorry for yourself. When I had those few things bomb and the bomb, the botch bypass, that's a whole other story in the 90s. In your heart. Yeah. That thing. I was a freshman and I was really, really small.
Starting point is 00:42:27 Like you had, you had like an operation on the wrong. I remember you talking about this on the wrong artery or something. Right. Well, yeah. As, as quick as I can. Yeah. I had familial hypoclestremia. I didn't know it.
Starting point is 00:42:39 My cholesterol was 400. My LDL was 300. Oh my God. And I didn't know it. So at 42, I started having symptoms. They found out I had a blocked LAD, but I never had a heart attack. Big distinction. Cause I was so fit at the time.
Starting point is 00:42:51 And so then I had someone throw in some stents and I didn't know that sometimes your body doesn't know how to react to a little metal sheath in the artery. Surprise. So it'll, it'll scar tissue up, therefore blocking you again. So I had like six of those. They had to keep rotor, rudering and putting new stents in. It was all in this one area of the LAD. Usually people get squeamish and leave the room at this point.
Starting point is 00:43:15 No. I'm used to the first diagonal. This is a crossover episode of hypochondriac. I'm a heart attack doctor, right? Well, I love, I love menopause stuff. We'll do a public service after this where I say this thing, this thing is arrested now. In essence, if you follow the protocol, heart disease, you should never be surprised when you're having a heart attack.
Starting point is 00:43:33 There's so many things they do. But anyway, so then they said, well, we'll do a simple bypass. You keep restinocene. These were these old fashioned stents. So they swung over my mammary arteries, which never block up. Right. So the surgeon I picked in Northern California was considered the greatest in the world. I had a private jet in the air to take me to Cedar Sinai, but I was convinced by well
Starting point is 00:43:56 meaning people to go with this surgeon. He ended up, instead of attaching a hose to a big trunk of a tree, he attached it to a healthy diagonal off the other side. So the blockage was still there. So when they found it, I was like, holy shit. At that point, I'd had so many angioplasties, I was kind of awake. So they wrote or rooted it, and he goes, you want me to push it a little harder? And I go, yeah, let's go for it.
Starting point is 00:44:22 So now it's never blocked up again. And no one knows why except my Hindu cardiologist, PK Shaw, director of cardiology at Cedar Sinai, said a prayer for me at Mother Teresa's tomb. And my 91 year old mother-in-law, she was probably 60 then, said a prayer for me at a wishing well outside of Dublin. Just put it out there. Sure. And so that happened.
Starting point is 00:44:45 And then I won on the protocol. My cholesterol now, my LDL, which is the real dangerous one, is 45 and it was 300. Amazing. So here I am. No changes to your diet at all? Oh, complete shift on the diet. I know you guys teach Sean about his diet. I was like that in my 30s.
Starting point is 00:45:04 You know, I'd have a big giant turkey sandwich with mayonnaise or macaroni and cheese. I was eating kind of like a kid from the 60s or 70s. So anyway, I did change the diet and I just paid more attention to everything and stress. Are you vegan now or anything like that? No. Metatranian diet has the best results. Look at you. So I do a lot of Sam.
Starting point is 00:45:24 What part of the Mediterranean diet? Metatranian diet. I love the Mediterranean. I like the Mediterranean diet. I like the Greek islands. I like the salmon. You know, all of it. No.
Starting point is 00:45:32 Croatia is the place to go. Sorry. Do you have to watch your heart rate? Like can you exercise vigorously and all that stuff? Yeah, because I never had any heart damage or heart attack, which is usually people kind of glaze over at this point as well. Like I don't, I really, really have a high V2O max for my age. I mean, I hike up mountains.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Yeah. Yeah. I don't have any, any, any governor on that. I feel like bionic now. That's great. I'd love to go for a hike for you guys because you go, damn, you weren't lying. You know what I want? You know what I say yesterday?
Starting point is 00:46:04 Kevin Nielen's got a hiking show. Yeah. It's a little, a little, a little chat for a while. I was on that. For a while. Yeah. Pay attention. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:13 I was on that show with him. Yeah. And I just kept accelerating just a little bit on the hill, just more and more. And I was like, so let me, let me understand this. Yeah. Kevin was another one of my partners in crime on SNL. Hans and Franz. Hans and Franz.
Starting point is 00:46:24 You guys were, I love that maybe more than anything else. As far as what makes me laugh. Two, two wounded idiots who are paranoid and delusional and keep challenging an invisible audience. Yeah. Yeah. And if you think we're not properly pumped, I could take your flab and stretch it into the shape of a rope ladder so you could crawl down back in the sewer.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Cause that's where Lewis lives. Lewis lives. It's just that, that, because I became very fey with that character. Right. And that's glorious. Right. Which made it more fun for me. It's really funny.
Starting point is 00:46:59 It's so great. And now a word from our sponsor. This episode is brought to you in part by visible. You usually pay more for one line of wireless than if you're on a shared plan, right? Why is that? Cause your phone is your phone. Wouldn't it be great if you could get the same deal on your own line? Meet visible.
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Starting point is 00:47:51 For data management practices, learn more at visible.com. Additional terms apply. Smartless is brought to you in part by Macy's Valentine's Day is around the corner. And guess what? Outside of doing the kind of chocolates or the flowers or whatever, which are, I just got to say pretty lame. It's tough to know what to get that special someone for Valentine's Day. You don't know what to do. You're like, I don't want it to be too much.
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Starting point is 00:49:15 You know, why not? This is what Macy's is going to do. I'm going to do the gift finder for myself elf elf. Again, that's Macy's.com slash gift finder to find the best gifts this Valentine's Day. All right. Back to the show. Now, you know, I want to talk about ask about you being a dad because I'm like, I have a bunch of your friends are your friends because they make you laugh. Right. Jason will make me laugh so hard.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Another friend of mine, Kerry, makes me laugh. Oh, you guys have a great thing going on. Oh, thanks. But, you know, and I'm always kind of amazed like being around Jason in front of his kids or Will in front of his kids. Sometimes their kids will laugh at something to say. And most of the time they'll kind of like roll their eyes. Oh, yeah. And from the outside, I'm like, no, wait, your dad is fucking hysterical. Like I can't imagine being one of your kids.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Like I'm always blown away when kids don't find their famous funny parents. They're just so tired of the material. I'm just, you know, aren't you guys, you're most of the time just regular, right? Most of the time. Yeah. And then if you get around someone to make you laugh like me, David Spade, hysterical, then that ping pong effect starts to happen. Right. But, you know, I'm mostly just just regular and they try to make me laugh, you know.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Oh, really? Yeah. I love watching my kids sense of humor develop. Oh, yeah. Like it's really interesting to see, to see a human being discover sarcasm and irony, you know, like it's just, you know, obviously it's after they learn the language and then, then they learn like how to like twist and bend stuff and not break it. I mean, it's just like, Maple's got it down.
Starting point is 00:50:55 His daughter, Maple. Yeah. I'm in love with both of his daughters. But Maple said to me the other day when we were out together, all of us, we were saying goodbye and she, she didn't even get up off the couch. Say goodbye. She turns to me and she goes, I love you, sweetheart. You have a great evening. I mean, and she's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:51:12 Eleven. And it was so sarcastic because we were all saying I love you. Goodbye. They make, they make such leaps all of a sudden. And I hope you guys wrote them down. I wish I had, but one night I was putting my son to bed and he's like four. And I said, Tom, do you know that I love you? And he goes, it's pretty obvious.
Starting point is 00:51:29 He's four. How did, how did you start doing the podcast with Spade? I love the combo of you and Spade. Yeah. Cause you're both fucking naturally. Well, Spade is a hilarious dude. Seeing him up close and it's so lo-fi, but he'll, he'll create a little mini movie in like 30 seconds. So it's like, Hey, I saw that as a boozy.
Starting point is 00:51:56 And he's like, I'm like, you know, hey, you know, and I don't know what I was doing. I got, yeah, wasn't he, it's just so fun to watch and riff around with him. And I met him before SNL, just at this house in Beechwood Canyon. So I met him. He was like 21. What's up, dude? Hey buddy. And everyone always immediately likes David.
Starting point is 00:52:21 And I did. And then I interacted with, he came to SNL. We were there as band mates for three, four years. And then, you know, I was up North race and my kids, but every time we see each other, it's like you guys being one second. So when I moved back down here and I live at a place that's a walkable to Koi, I started having dinner with David a lot. And that's where we would go.
Starting point is 00:52:45 And one time we went to some other restaurant. Let's just go over there. Cause I like to have a conversation. I don't like to, it's like when I met you, Jason, it's like, oh, Jason Bateman, this is cool. And then we were at the Laker game and we're up in the Tester andus box. And it's literally, okay, what? Well, how are you? Yeah, I'm fine.
Starting point is 00:53:04 What are you doing? You know, so Koi is like, you can talk. But David and I did that. I did a little off the radar podcast. This is a try it out called fantastic. It's online where I had a female sidekick and I had relatives on it, like my sister and stuff. And then I would riff and do long form. Like Obama was a running part of the podcast.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Dana, can I come on today? No, my sister's coming on. Michelle, I'm not coming on. So the sister's coming on. No, leave the egg salad out. So I could just riff stuff like that long form. And then I had David on as a guest, our manager heard it, our mutual manager, Mark Gervis and said, you guys got to do a podcast. You got to do a podcast.
Starting point is 00:53:49 You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. So then we decided to try it. I will try it. And I'm still not used to this idea. It was kind of fun and I consciously, because I listened to your podcast and I was listening to, I thought it'd be fun to try to do voices and entertain you guys a little bit today. You have. But I, this idea of me is like either I kill or I'm fired, you know, or I'm dismissed for most of my career.
Starting point is 00:54:16 Like I've got to destroy it stand up and I've got to kill. It's a lot of pressure and now being authentic and real funny if it comes up and just be yourself. Yeah. I take the headphone. I go, is that was good? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:32 It's brand new art form. I mean, everyone would have had these, all those sketch actors that, you know, Shecky Green would have had a podcast or since Caesar or so it's an incredible new art form. Well, but you've just got such a way about you where, I mean, you're so easy to be with and enjoy being around, whether it's in person or watching on TV. Or just hearing your voice. I mean, don't discount that. I know it doesn't feel like you're doing anything. You're so naturally appealing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:04 This goes back to like what Jason was saying, what's the missing ingredient? I really think you're so naturally funny. You have no choice in the matter. There are certain people have no choice. You and Farrell and Spade and whomever the list is long, but you have no choice in it. And that's the reason that you have the longevity. I think Jason to answer your question is just you're in it. It's a good dude, but naturally funny, naturally talented.
Starting point is 00:55:25 And I think the podcast reveals that to a wider audience of like, you know, you can, you don't, you can just kind of do it and you can do it in conversation. And it's not easy to do. It's a lot harder than people think. And there are a lot of people who are funny or present funny or present really good, but that's somebody else doing a lot of work for them. And then they present to actually be that yourself. It's been very interesting. I'm sure it is for you three, this, this, this art of conversation, what Johnny Carson could do or anybody we admired interviewing in this sort of low five form where it's a conversation as opposed to a straight interview. Yeah, we're bad at interviews.
Starting point is 00:56:01 Wanting it to have energy needing to overlap like you would at dinner. Spade and ITZ. I said I was practicing overlapping you during Christmas break. My wife would talk and I would interrupt her just to stay in shape. But I listened to the podcast. Would you have your wife ask really long questions just so you could get ready for Jason? Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes you don't know if you're giving your partner an assist that they literally have started an opus.
Starting point is 00:56:26 And then you can tell the steam is out of it. I'm not sure they know are going to land this. So you can interrupt them or not. I'd like to give you half the answer. I'd like to hear from you and then turn you loose. All right. Wait, Dana, do you have, are you, are you other than this, the great podcast with you? You got another podcast.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Another, yeah. Like an album basically. It's called The Weird Place. I did it with my sons. Really? Oh, that's great. They're very sensitive about the whole Nepo movement. So they're thinking of changing their last name, Nepotism.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Yeah, it's so, I mean, it's a new concept. I mean, what the fuck are we talking about? Hey, I'm a plumber. Joey, my son's a plumber. He plums too. Capiche, rub a chicken. What do you got? Yeah, it's what you do after your foot is in the door.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Like, you know, I mean, if you can stay in there, that's like, then you got something, but nobody's going to apologize for having the door jar. They're going to start saying, well, you know what? You're too funny for comedy. It's unfair. All the funny people are taking over comedy and that's not fair. You're not leaving any room for the unfunny people. Yeah, you're not leaving room for the unfunny people to be in comedy.
Starting point is 00:57:35 The AI can write songs. It could write a screenplay. Can the AI be funny? We actually, for The Weird Place. Yesterday. By the way, it can. I was actually literally this morning just screwing around with chat. GPT.
Starting point is 00:57:48 GPT. Yeah, that's like incredible. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. That's the next crazy thing. Yeah, but is it funny? Yeah, it actually is. I said, I said, I said, write a thank you note for my friend's party last night.
Starting point is 00:58:02 And they wrote it out and said, now make it a little bit funny and make it about movies. And it was making this jokes about, well, the food should probably only deserve a nomination, but certainly not a win. And I mean, it was just like in a second. It's amazing. Make fun of a president and George Bush senior. What if it came out? Not got to do it.
Starting point is 00:58:24 An appropriate laugh because he was kind of a robot too. Dana, you need to sue AI. Yeah, no, it sends you. And you're going to ask, but in a weird twist, you're going to say AI, write up a lawsuit against yourself. Well, the weird place is like a very loose takeoff on the Twilight Zone where it's anthology, Twilight Zone. We had one.
Starting point is 00:58:47 We didn't record where it was the, the J 1000. So it was a robot, an AI robot of Jay Leno. And he's like, yeah, okay, let's go out there. I'm doing a set. And his handler, his computer guy goes, kill him tonight. So he actually ends up killing the audience. He actually, he stands trial. Yeah, you know, I'm, you know, I'm, he said to kill him.
Starting point is 00:59:11 So I'm dead. My compassion chip was, was that defunct, you know, I got to get changed out. I didn't have any empathy. So I just took them all out, you know, so that's a programming error. It's a, yeah, it was a whole futuristic thing, but that's, that's where we're all going. That is hysterical. We, we, we, you never answered the first, we'll end with this cause the, you never answered the first question, which was how do you,
Starting point is 00:59:35 how, why are you and Bennett are one of our producers houses? Why are you sitting in his house? I'll give these guys. I think I know why. Can I just say the first part is we tried to have you on the show a while ago and we had a technical difficulty. Dana was the guest that we had who at the last minute, we had to bail. But you do a podcast. This was, I'd gotten a new laptop and I, I have a technical thing I do with,
Starting point is 00:59:57 with fly or we call it the wall. Do you guys ever call it smart? Yeah, we're going, we got a smart coming up. But anyway, so we went through the torturous thing and they, the patients of the guy, during the whole pandemic. Okay. Let's see a red dot on the left. It should be blinking.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Yeah. Okay. What do you see? I see a blank screen. All right. Let's refresh out of that. Do you see settings? You see the wheel for settings.
Starting point is 01:00:24 It's been the biggest part of our lives. And so they did that with me for 45 minutes. And I told him it was like a movie. It was like, ha, ha, ha, we'll get him on. And then it was like, okay, let's, let's, I was like Apollo 13. Let's, let's see what's going on here. We're going to get it. Don't worry.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Press that, do this. I did it around and round and round. The robot said, no, can't do it. And then there was despair and sadness and nervousness toward the end. That's why I said, I'll come over. I lived near here. I said, I'll just come to his house. No way.
Starting point is 01:00:55 I mean, you came over to Bennett's house to do this. I know. You are such a love. It was very close by. I could have practically walked. How about that? But you didn't. We'll be right back.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Anyway, so I should say you guys have been so, so nice to me. That's what Paul said. Thanks for all the compliments, which I think he said to you guys. Cause you can't help but gush a little bit with Paul McCartney. Well, that's how we feel about you, man. Honestly. That's right. You have been such a hilarious dude for so long.
Starting point is 01:01:25 I've been such a massive fan and admirer. I never knew this. I would have felt so good all these years. I feel like I've bitten off your shit so many times. I feel like I've made people laugh because of you. Yeah. And I just honestly, it's such an honor to. You guys are, you're a universe.
Starting point is 01:01:42 You're a, you know, the smart list guys has become a meme. What does the smart list guys do? Where are the smart list guys going? Well, with you and spade, by the way, I texted spade the other day about something and, and, and he didn't text me back. He just sent me a voice note back. I'm like, motherfucker, take the time to write it out.
Starting point is 01:02:00 That's all he does is the walkie talkie thing. Hey, buddy. Yeah. I was like, oh, cause you can't type that. You know, no space, space, the great, I'm having fun doing it, but this has been a blast.
Starting point is 01:02:17 I know it's hard. I know what it is to wrap it up and like, do we go longer? I know where you guys are at right now. No. So all we have to go along with people that aren't any good. You've given a, this might be a two-parter. What are we going to do? Finish with Dennis Miller.
Starting point is 01:02:30 Christ sakes. Okay. What are these cats? What are they doing? Tucking into a microphone. It's called smart less. Okay. That's an app title from what I've heard over here.
Starting point is 01:02:41 All right. You got the guy in the middle with the fluffy hair. So thick. It looks like a hair piece. The perennial 10 year old on the right side of my screen. Baseball camps for everybody. Okay. Anybody wear a suit.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Okay. I like it. Dennis. Just before I let you go. Did you not used to do Dennis to him on update? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's what I regularly used to go on and do.
Starting point is 01:03:06 I go up on it and have the wig and do it. I love his rhythm. I can't. It's the best. I give me a, give me a topic and I'll do Dennis is talking about any time. A podcast and there's too many of them. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Podcast. Okay. What are we up to? 109 million now. Okay. Every kid in the basement with a microphone and a cheap laptop can just start yapping out there looking at the, looking at those counts.
Starting point is 01:03:33 What's he got? Three 29 people listening to this problem. All right. Okay. What happened to Edward R. Murrow? One guy with talent with a mic. I got six million people without a clue. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:47 I haven't seen this much dysfunction since the dysfunctional convention in Utah. All right. It doesn't even have to make sense. It's so good. It's so good. Well, you're great. You're great.
Starting point is 01:04:02 That's crazy that you can do that. God, thank you so much for coming on and entertaining us. You're such a consumer. All right. Well, okay. I'll say this, this was because it'll never happen. We'll all have dinner at Koi with spade. And we'll blow people's minds.
Starting point is 01:04:16 Let's do it. Let's do it. I'll just leave you with this. I use George Bush senior for anxiety. I make lists with him and this is not a joke. Coming over here. Went to the producer's house. Producer Bennett.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Will. Will. Sean over there. Jason. Talent. Full modicum. Every area. Game shows, movies, television.
Starting point is 01:04:41 Sit comms. American treasures. Coming at ya. Talking over. Not a subject. Long rambles. Number one. Oh, so good.
Starting point is 01:04:51 That is unbelievable. Calm me. Calm me down. Calm now. All right. I love you, Dana Carvey. I love you, Dana Carvey. I love you, Dana Carvey.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Bye, Dana. Bye. Well, that could be all time. All time. Could be all time. What a hilarious dude. Yeah. And just like this.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Like this. Like this. Like what's the subject? Give me a thing. Give me a suggestion. Like in a constant, you know, unbelievable talent. And like, and again, you can't fake that. He's back.
Starting point is 01:05:31 He keeps leaving the room and coming back. You can't. You can't. You know, it's what we were talking about. You can't fake it, right? It's genuine. And it's just pure. And I don't think I, I wasn't that energetic when I was 12.
Starting point is 01:05:42 I was going to ask him that. He's got like these sketch comedy people like Marty Short or him or whoever it is. They have so much energy all the time. It's great engines. Like they just all, they can run. But you know what I thought was interesting about him was the, I was going to ask about this is that when he did all those
Starting point is 01:05:58 roles as a kid, you know, as when he was younger and he was an actor first and then he was in sketch comedy. And I bet you that's why he was such a star in comedy. He never done sketch comedy. He never done sketch comedy before. Yeah. I know, but he was an actor. He's one of the, he's one of the all time great sketch comics.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Yeah. Incredible. I love him. I love that idea. Like, yeah, you want to bring up all this stuff. And he was talking about like with McCartney, like, can I bring up the Beatles and can I bring up the songs? And with a guy like him, like, can I, I want to bring up church
Starting point is 01:06:27 and talk about all the great things and be like, talking to Sean and not bringing up Candy Crush. You know what I mean? Yeah. The things you're good at. Right. Exactly. You're going to talk that you're known for.
Starting point is 01:06:37 Yeah. You're going to bring up Skittles and Candy Crush. I have to believe that a show like the Dana Carvey show would work today because there are stations that would, you know, you throw it on HBO today or Netflix today. And you know, I, why not? We're on broadcast. You'd think that broadcast would want something like that.
Starting point is 01:06:55 No, but they have, as you said, they've tried that variety show thing. Maya had her own, right? I think it was the latest one. With Marty. With Marty. Yeah. Over at NBC.
Starting point is 01:07:06 Right. It's just, I don't know why they don't take, why SNL is the only one that has sustained is a tribute to Lauren certainly, but I could do with a couple of more. I can't believe he has all this energy at his age after having gone through, which you don't know about Jason. You didn't, you didn't remember that he had,
Starting point is 01:07:28 what kind of surgery on his heart? It's a bypass surgery. What kind of surgery was that? It was a bypass surgery. It was a bypass surgery. It was a bypass surgery. Bye Pat. Bye.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Wow Sean. Bye. Very good. Sounds good. That was good. Smart. What? Smart.
Starting point is 01:07:44 What? Smart. What? Smart. What? Smart. What? Smartless is 100% organic and artisanly handcrafted by
Starting point is 01:07:57 Bennett BBQ, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarth. Smart. Large. Our next episode will be out in a week, wherever you listen to podcasts or you can listen to it right now, early on Amazon music or early and add free by subscribing to or the Wondery app.
Starting point is 01:08:50 More and more bears are venturing into the town of Haines, Alaska in search of food, putting residents on edge. Then, everyone's worst fears are realized. Three experienced backcountry skiers unknowingly ski over a den and awaken a mother bear and her cub. She attacks, and one of the men is left fighting for his life while his friends desperately wait for help to arrive. Follow against the odds wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

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