SmartLess - "Howard Stern"

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

Our white whale Mr. Howard Stern joins us LIVE in The Hamptons. An amuse-bouche, a sit-down-Jimmy, two glass eyes, and the loss of all inhibition. Howard you doing? It’s an all-new SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Mark Zito and on behalf of SiriusXM, I want to thank you so much for coming out to Stephen Talkhouse for a very special, very intimate episode of Smartless. Here we go, here we go, here we go, that's us. LAS Smart LAS Smart LAS You guys! Hi everybody!

Welcome! Thank you for being here. You guys aren't really fans, you're friends of ours. So that's very nice of you to show up. Thank you for being here. You guys aren't really fans. You're friends of ours. Yeah. So that's very nice of you to show up. Thank you everybody. Drive all the way out here to Long Island. Pay nothing. Really nice.

Pay nothing. Right? Sit here and be like, all right, entertain us. We're very excited to be doing like so we're gonna do four live shows every year every year You know we're gonna do the open the less Scott But that's fine do the regular sort of podcast on the on the on the computer thing right the what do you watch it? You're listening to it on whatever it is. Yeah, and then we're gonna do four lives

This is our first one very excited on top of that And then we're gonna do four lives. This is our first one. Very excited about it. On top of that, we've got our white whale. This is the, people would ask me, like who have you not interviewed that you want it? Howard Stern, because he doesn't do this and he's the man.

He is the man. No, we feel very, very blessed that he, and we'll get into that in a second. Is that your intro? No. I don't have an intro. Sean's got an intro. Look at the cards. I wrote a bunch of stuff.

Hang on, I do want to say something. I'm like Fanning. Who's the little Dakota Fanning when she was a little girl? She was really over-prepared in the best way. I did Cat in the Hat with her. Go on. Well, you got something to trim already. The audience is riveted by that story. Fucking what? Dakota Fanning? Well, she's really smart and prepared.

I love that about her. But everybody here knows who our guest is going to be, so there are not a lot of surprises. So, there is one surprise that we do have today. Just to kind of get everybody warmed up, to get us warmed up a little bit.

Yeah. Somebody Sean you don't know about. Oh yeah. Don't worry it's not your dad. This is still can't find him. It's so fun because he left. Yeah. Top speed. You know he came to her still wet. He came back. I would tell you he came. He came to the last show of Good Night Oscar in Chicago. Did I ever tell you that? Yeah, would you want to walk us through that? This is kind of a sad story. I don't know if this we want to... Anyway, we can get back to that again.

Keep going. That's a true story. He did, right? He came to the last show. I didn't even know he was there. Did he go backstage? No. No.

It was wild. Go ahead. Did he have notes? Yes. Yes, he emailed them to me. That is pretty weird. Wait, did you see him? I didn't. My sister, he e- Tracy?

Yes. That's correct. He emailed my s- or sorry, he posted on Facebook that he went to the last show. And that's all he wrote. And my sister, to bait him, like, don't you want to say something about your son that you haven't seen in 75 years, he said-

You look great. You look great. Yeah, I'm over 75. And he just wrote back, Oscar Levant, just like I remembered him. That was it. Isn't that wild? Anyway. How long have you not seen him? 40 years.

And he's in the theater with you. You just started something. He didn't stick around and say... No. What a treat. And then, wait. And then't stick around and say, No. What a treat. And then, wait. And then, and then, check this out. Two gay guys came up to Scotty in the audience, because Scotty was there. And they go, are you Scotty?

That's not the whole story? No. Ha ha ha. Okay. Ha ha ha. They came up to Scotty and they said, they said, oh, I just want to let you know, we live next door to Sean's dad. And I understand they don't see eye to eye.

Ha ha ha. Was that a shot at your mom? I just want to let you know we live next door to Sean's dad and I understand they don't see eye to eye Was that a shot at your mom For those of you don't know Sean's mom famously has one fake eye yes hat hat hat hat cuz hilariously she died So Sean should be an axe murderer, right I mean Let's see how this goes. He's the nicest guy, he's the kindest, we love him. Well, we all have skeletons. Go ahead. We all have one-eyed parents. One-eyed parents.

So we do have one surprise tonight, just to try to bring us out of the hole of Sean's upbringing. So I've asked the guy to come here tonight just to do a little something before we get going. Are you serious? I swear to God, yeah, he's an Emmy winner. He's a finalist on America's Got Talent. He's been on the Jimmy Fallon program, amongst others. Is that what it's called, the program? It's called the Jimmy Fallon program. That's what the producers tell me. I don't know.

There he is. Jimmy, thank you, Jimmy. Please don't stand up. No, please don't stand. Please sit down. Mr. Fallon. I beg you to sit down. Thank you to sit down. Fucking... Love it.

God, we saw the Olympics. It wasn't an intro, Jimmy. We get it. You're on NBC. Yeah. And you own Wayfarers. Yeah. By the way, Jimmy, on all seriousness, you were great in Jurassic World. I thought that was great. Down again. Again, down. But he is, he's done so many things.

No, she's not here, man. She didn't make it. She's working on her stuff. He's one of the world's most sought after mentalists. He's worked with clients ranging from A-list celebrities, heads of state, Fortune 500 companies. Guys, please welcome the amazing Oz Perlman. Just to kick us off, you're gonna do a little something special for us. What? I didn't know.

Not Dakota Fanning, unfortunately. I know. This is a surprise to Sean. Sean knows nothing about this. He was waiting for me to be his dad. I'm sorry, Sean. Wait, can I tell you something? Tell me. He sends me clips of you all the time.

That's what Will told me. I'm obsessed. I think this is amazing. Sean legit doesn't know anything about this. Sean has no idea. This is wild. Will, you have my phone number, right? Yeah. And my email address?

Yeah, I got it all. I don't like clips of things. Do you know who this is? You're too grouchy. He sort of clued me into it. It's our smart list on Moose Boosh today, right? Yeah, I got it all. I don't like clips of things. Do you know who this is? Do you know who this is? You're too grouchy. He sort of clued me into it. It's our smartless on Moose Boosh today, right? Yes, yes.

Wait, this is so cool. This is so cool. Here's what I do, Jason. Supposedly I read minds, but if I'm going to know how people think, right? And you know what they're thinking at the same time. Here's Will's skill. Everybody, where are my smartless fans in the room? Come on.

Where? Will notoriously knows dates years behind. Everything. You can tell him. June 2006, he knows what he's wearing. Jason can't remember what he had for breakfast today. Am I right? Sean Webby Award winner, best host. I thought you were gonna say Sean ate Jason's breakfast. Yes, that might have been. Here's what I want you to do. I'm putting tasks.

Putting tasks out there. You're going back in time thinking of somebody that these guys would not know. Somebody from your past that they would not... You know what? Jason, go back in time think of the first girl you ever had a big crush on. Think to how old you were at the time. I got it. And tell them, because if I'm listening to this on my podcast right now, I'm saying this is set up, this is fake. Before today and me asking you to think of her, has it been days, months, or years since this person popped in your mind? Years.

Years? They didn't even know it was gonna be on the show. Count the number of letters in her first name just to yourself. No, don't use your fingers. Jason, I can see your fingers. Okay, you're yelling at me. I'm fucking nervous that you're gonna guess it

and I'm gonna be all freaked out. This is coming out at your time, Howard. Five letters, was it five letters? Yes. I watched your eyes. Okay. He has not thought of this person in years. This is not set up because if it was it'd be going better. Tell us all for everybody listening I have written down everybody in the room don't say the name but if you can see what I wrote down clear as, everybody in the room, don't say the name, but if you can see what I wrote down, clear as day, everybody in the room say, yeah. Yeah! Close your eyes for me, Jason, close your eyes.

But if you get this, like, I'm, you're gonna be in my life the rest of my life. That's, that is what I do. I'm never gonna let you go. Like a splinter that doesn't leave. Well, clearly you let her go, but go ahead. You haven't thought of her in years. I wrote it down, everybody in the room has seen it.

How old were you at the time, Jason? 14. Ooh, 14. at the time, Jason? 14. Ooh, 14. And tell us, what was this young lady's name? Paula. And I wrote down Paula, 14! For those who can't see Jason's face, he is in shock?

Yeah, but why aren't you a trillionaire on Wall Street? That's my former job. Will, Will, you thought or something? You're wasting this at Stephen Talkhouse. I'm monetizing. We're in the Hamptons, Jason. Trust me, I'm monetizing. Will, Will, you're back in time. You're thinking of somebody.

Jason's shook up, by the way. I wish they could see his face and not just hear the text from his voice. That's the most surprised his face gets, by the way. Yes. You know, what do you think your face is doing right now? Smiling. No. It's very good when you smile.

Sean, how about this? All right. You read his mind. You were so confident with Jason and then you had no idea. He just sees cookies. Is there any way in the world, Will, that Sean knows who popped in your head when I asked you to think of somebody from your past? No.

Okay. Take a pad of paper. Yep. Sean, here's the game plan. Oh god, I'm so scared. I need you to act. Good luck. Sean, look at my hands. Yeah.

And can you tell everybody listening in, I'm gonna pretend in a moment I have a crystal ball in my hand. Do I actually have anything in my hands? Zero, nothing. Everyone in the audience, is there anything in my hands? No. I have a crystal ball in my hand do I actually have anything in my hands zero not everyone the audience Is there anything my hands no Sean will swear up and down that he saw a crystal ball appear in my hands and in it the name of Your friend as a kid or whoever this person is have you written down a name? I have can anybody see it right now other than you. I don't think so Shawn

Look into Will's soul And tell him what name did you Ha ha ha! And tell him. Good luck. What name did you see in that crystal ball? Tell him what, before I walked in here, we spoke in a word in our life, Sean. Never. Tell him who's he thinking of. Say it.

Scott. You fucking what? Turn around, show the audience! Fucking what? I can't hear you in this room. Are we seeing the same show? How is that possible? How is that possible?

Holy shit, that is unbelievable. Thank you very much for having me, guys. I can't hear you in this room. I'm seeing the same show How is that possible? How is that possible? Holy shit that is unbelievable. Thank you very much for having me guys. Huge fan. Huge fan Incredible So guys how do you introduce a man who needs no introduction because he's one of the most famous people on the planet plus He's on the poster outside. He's the king of all media the interviewer of all interviewers the winner of best hair in America Four years in a row. He's a great artist a great Painter more sincere. Yeah, no what I lost my thing and he is

Incredible he's the most amazing person. And now his home for 20 years has been Sirius XM, which is now ours, which makes us roomies. It's the most incredible icon of all time, Howard Stern. Ever. Yes! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, man. You know, all my years on radio, nothing works better on radio than magic. Yeah, sure. You guys are on to something. That's a great note. I told you, Arnett, not a good idea. I don't want to come off like an expert.

You know, I've only been doing this for like 50 years. You've also made Howard the second guest. I remember. When's the last time you weren't the lead guest? I know, and I remember having Amazing Kresgen on. And the audience was amazed as I described everything that was going on in the room. The play by play-play was unbelievable.

Yeah, he made a table lift and I go, if you were here now, you'd see a table lifting off the ground. And people are like, no wonder this is such a great radio show. First of all, welcome to Sirius XM, the glorious world of Sirius XM. I'm a huge fan of the company, so welcome. You know, I don't even know how long I've been with SiriusXM. I'm a huge fan of the company, so welcome. You know, I don't even know how long I've been with SiriusXM. Since it started, you started it.

When I started, we had 200,000 subscribers. And I remember walking around in, I don't even know where I was, somewhere in Manhattan, handing out radios for free, hoping that someone would take one. And it was a harrowing experience leaving Terrestrial Radio and coming to Sirius, but it was the best decision I ever made. And you weren't allowed to talk about it too, right?

When you were at the very end there when you were on Terrestrial Radio, I remember that. Yeah, it was a very strange time in my career. I was on regular radio, and I somehow convinced them that it would be okay if I talked about the fact that I was leaving regular radio and going somehow convinced them that it would be okay if I talked about the fact that I was leaving regular radio and going to satellite radio and then they told me okay they said don't mention Sirius radio just call it something else so we called it

for it though because because we had all sort of heard the satellite radio was coming and I was a little circumspect and Which one are you? You're Jason. I'm Jason It's like well, I don't know if I want those satellite I got to get a different radio for that when you went to satellite was like, oh, it's okay now I'm right. It was like when Fincher went to Netflix It was like oh you do forget because things move rather rapidly but it was a very strange time because there was an effort by regular radio to say what a failure I would be right and they were putting out that anyone who went to

satellite radio your career would be over you would disappear forever and then you know so there was this big campaign to you know discredit satellite radio yeah but I knew deep in my heart that satellite radio would be successful. And now I look around, everybody's got a fucking microphone in their house. Everybody's on the radio. You three! You want to hear the most aggravating things. But, Howard, I do love you guys. But, a couple things.

Jason and I, the only person I didn't know was Sean. Right, it's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And I do want to ask you about your classical piano. Oh, my. All right. And I want to ask you about your guitar playing. Yes, I'm most impressed with your classical piano.

Well, you guys will get some time after the interview. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. No, but here's the thing I want to tell you that annoyed me. Can I tell you this? Yeah. So Jason was over my house. and I have mad respect for Jason. I think he's a fabulous actor.

Incredible, one of the best. Wonderful guy, he's overcome a million of the great times for you to come and just have him. Oh, he's had a lot of problems. A lot of fucking problems. A lot, and he still has a bunch. Yeah, he's got a lot of problems. Look at him.

We could go on all day. But you know, I'm talking to Jason, and I'm feeling very good about my own career and everything, and Jason goes, you know man, it's crazy. We like started this thing out of our basement, like a radio show. And I'm like, oh, here we go.

Yeah, cool. And he goes, so yeah, we started a thing, and like it was just the three of us sitting around, and we talk, and we just crack each other up and everything. I don't know what's going gonna happen with it, man, but they're telling me it's like the biggest thing ever. Oh shit, I didn't say that. Oh yeah.

No way. Oh yeah, you did. So I go, oh this is great. Again, I spent my life, like begging people to put me on the radio. It was rarefied air if you even were allowed on there. Had to work on your voice, this and that. You had to work on the content.

You had to make sure you get people. He's clowning around. Yeah, yeah, so listen, it's over. What can I say? I know, but you talk about perfecting your craft. You hide your bitterness really well. Oh, I'm so bitter. So bitter.

You talk about perfecting your craft. So how did you first meet the Wack Pack? Oh, that's an excellent question. It is. I want to know because you did. you found like the craziest group of people available and put them together. How did that come together? The whack?

Listen, when I was on the radio and it was brutal, in order to get an audience and to maintain an audience, every 15 minutes they take the ratings in radio. It isn't like this, like where you go, you know what, we have a lot of people listening, you know, it could be three people listening to this, nobody knows, nobody cares, but you're on the radio and every 15 minutes they take ratings. And what are you gonna do to hold people's attention? But you found all these people like this, like kind of... But look, I found people that I was interested in. I'll never forget people that I was interested in right

I'll never forget the day I was on the radio and I took a little bathroom break and I walked by my green room The lights went up. I'm looking at the room and there he is beetle juice Beetle juice yeah, you know Jason, you ever hear my show? In high school I listened to it a lot. There was a guy named Beetlejuice who's very popular even to this day on the internet. It's insanely popular. Right, right.

So, you know, I said this guy's a star. He's going to be fantastic. Be quiet so they don't hear it. This guy's going to be a star. This guy's going to be a star. This guy's gonna be a star and sure enough he was. No, I mean I was always looking for interesting people. I have a question about that. Early on, where did you get the balls to not give a shit about the consequences of what you were saying and what you were doing on air?

Where do you get that from? Because do you think you would have that now if you start your career now with the same personality since we live in cancel culture? Go ahead. I believe I was technically insane. What's that? I mean, I don't, I can't even. Like self-sabotage, like you had like this level

of indifference. No, not self-sabotage. Well, here's the truth. In my family, words meant nothing. My mother would say actions only mean anything. And I guess I took her literally. Howard, what would you consider would be the turning point in your career? Where you kind of broke through. Because again, you started, you had all these...

You keyed into this kind of thing with odd characters on your show. But what was the turning point where you felt like you broke through to a bigger audience? I had a miserable failure in Detroit. I got hired to be the morning man at WWW WWW in Detroit, which are the worst call letters for a radio station. I get on there and go WWW, Detroit's WWW. I don't know what I'm doing.

So I was hired to be the morning man. I had had some success in Hartford, not a huge success, but success. And I got hired in Detroit. And there was a radio consultant who said to me, do not go to Detroit. There are four rock stations. And out of the four,

the one that they want to hire you at, dead last. Nobody even, I would go to parties and people would say, what do you do for a living? I'd say, oh, I'm the morning guy in W-4. They'd go, oh, is that station still on the air? Nobody listened to this thing. W-4 was a short version of WWW? W-4, Detroit's W-4. The worst station.

So yeah, I went on the radio in Detroit. It was a tremendous failure and I said, what am I doing wrong? And I sat with it and I thought I've got to really just I Guessed lose all inhibition and admit to everything and just see where that goes and when I went to Washington DC I get it was like you it was not going great And he was like might as well throw it all against the wall But I have to give the credit to also Robin Quivers I met her in Washington, and she was phenomenal.

Yay, Robin. The chemistry was great. And a program director put us together, and I went on the air with her, and I started to become very confessional. And people respond. We shot up to number one in a record amount of time. Because it was real and honest.

So that was the moment when you started getting really real about your own life, that started to change it did you did you notice being real about your life because so much? You know anybody's listen the show knows that you talk about what's going on in your life what you did on the weekend You knew haircut new clothes. Let's like wait a second talk about I was masturbating at least three times again talking I was trying to like my kids kids are here so. Oh sorry. And I'm not sure there's been a new hair cut. How many do you have exactly? I mean we're looking into it but the point is.

We gotta find out. The point is. Here's Jimmy Fountain. You talked about so much about your personal life. Was there a point where talking about your personal life hurt your relationship? I don't mean necessarily even romantic. I mean, hurt relationships because people were nervous

about talking to you, like at a party, or I know you do. Well, it hurt everything. It hurt my, but I didn't care. All I cared about was my job, keeping that job, and getting audience and ratings. And that is a disaster to your personal life. But you wave at somebody on the street and go like, hey, and they're like, fuck man,

I don't want to say hi to them because it's going to, I'm going to end up on the show tomorrow. Yes, I mean, people, not only that, I went through a very strange period in time. I don't want to get all heavy about this because everyone knows the show is not heavy. But I don't want to get heavy. We're going to make you cry before you're out of here.

Okay, well, I'll do that. What it was is that I was very insecure to get happy. We're going to make you cry before you're out of here. Okay, well I'll do that. What it was is that I was very insecure about my career. I wanted this thing to take off in the worst way. And so I even had a policy about, I stayed in my home after I did my show. I never went out. I was insane. So I didn't want to meet anyone in show business because I was talking on the air about a lot of people and I didn't want, so I just stayed in my house,

I planned the radio show, did it and went home. And the stuff I was doing was so outrageous and so entertaining to the audience that it blew up. I mean, in New York we had 25 million listeners and one out of every four cars on the Long Island Express who was listening to me. And it was pretty phenomenal. But you have no, you have.

But I had no life. Don't applaud, I had no life. But Howard. Where's Bradley Cooper, he's so good looking. But Howard, that shifted. If I looked like that, I wouldn't have to go on the radio and say shit. And we will be right back. I wouldn't have to go on the radio and say shit.

And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. Howard, that shifted though because, and it was about, I'm going to say almost 10 years ago, maybe a little bit more, where you started hanging out with a lot of people and your life changed. And you became kind of one of the people that you used to talk in a certain way, right? Not one of the people, but you became friends

with a lot of people. I did. And you allowed celebrities into your life. You became friends with people like Jason Bateman from TV and film who we all love. Well, my dream was to be friends with Jason Bateman. Sure. There's only one way I'm going to get this far. It's our dream too.

But it shifted. Like I remember back in the, I mean years ago, you remember you used to call Chevy Chase's house all the time. He used to drive him crazy. I'm glad, I hope he's not. I told you I was insane. I know, but then it changes it, because you have to meet those people, right,

out in the world. Well, Chevy ended up coming to my wedding, which is even more important. Come on, is that true? Yes, and got up to make a beautiful speech to myself and my bride, and then stated to the audience that I had given him herpes. Wow. Which was really weird.

Wow. But I loved it. But your audience is bigger today than it's ever been, and you're not doing all of those sort of shocking things. You're doing measured, deep conversations, long form interviews with very sophisticated people. And like, so. Well, because I think any good performer, and you guys are great performers, and you know this,

you must evolve. The show, you know, I used to say this. Now Rush Limbaugh, forget the politics, you know, he had a very big following. But it was the same thing every day. I used to say this, now Rush Limbaugh, forget the politics, he had a very big following, but it was the same thing every day. You could predict what he was going to say. Some people like that because it's like comfort and whatever. It comfort to them.

But for me, as a performer, I felt I want the show to be funny, I also want to be able to interview people, I want it to be broader, and I made a conscious decision to shift the show and change it around. And to me it was way more exciting because the common thought was, well, Howard will go to satellite and now the show is going to be so fucking filthy and everyone's going to be out of their mind and the strippers are going to be able to fuck on the air.

Did you miss those constraints? No, no, the constraints by having the constraints off I said well then it's no longer funny. Exactly. You know, if regular radio was funny the government was trying to shut me down. That was drama. That's fun, that's tension, right? But then I got to satellite, the tension wasn't there so what do you do now that you have the ultimate freedom? Right. And I decided to shift the show and I ultimately am more interested in the show now than I've ever been. I would say that it would, in a compliment to you,

that it was less deliberate or contrived or strategic for you to, oh, let's switch it up now and give the audience something they're not gonna expect. I think it's, and I haven't known you for, you know, a thousand years, but it does seem pretty obvious that you have naturally just evolved into a more curious, serious, not as a pejorative person who's interested in different kinds of questions and with different kinds of people. Let's make it simpler.

Let's make it simpler. It wasn't like a ratings ploy. It would be really creepy to be my age and still doing a show the way I did it when I was 30. When I was 30. When I was 30 I was part time. But you were doing it as a ratings ploy. You were being sincere and genuine. I thought I was funny.

And I always had this idea that we could be really funny on the radio. That radio didn't have to be a bastardized medium. But I mean now. Now it was not a ratings ploy. Now you are hands down the best interviewer in all of media. I mean, without a doubt. Take the compliment, Howard. I'm taking the compliment.

My psychiatrist said you should be able to take a compliment. This is what I'm doing. Yeah, like, not, doesn't matter whether it's comics or athletes or musicians or actors or whatever it is, you question them for us. As us. And it's a layman's point of view. And it's very curious and you're listening. You have a bunch of fucking cards with questions on it.

You're engaged in a conversation. And it was a true inspiration for us. It really was. Sean is holding up all his cards. By the way, let's let Sean get a question. He wrote a thousand. I have pages of them because I don't know. Sean and I don't really know each other.

That's why I wrote all this stuff down. In my research of you, because I am a big fan, I found all these things that we actually do have in common growing up. Issues with our dad. You don't like Italy, which you just went with Jimmy Kimmel. I didn't want to go either. We're going to get on one of those Italy to be with you. Wait, boy, wait. Wait, bullying, like as a kid, I was bullied too,

not for being Jewish, but for being gay. He's going to get to the question. Oddly, I was bullied for being gay, and I wasn't. Yeah. That's crazy. I got bullied for everything. Well, we're sorry to see you leave. Leave that side.

You seem very gay. But the thing that I thought was fascinating, my mom had a glass eye, your dad had a glass eye, and neither one of us was allowed to talk about it. Can I ask you a question? Can you wait one second? Is your mom still alive? Is your mom still alive? No, she's dead.

Okay. My father died two years ago. I know, I'm sorry about that. But I want to ask you a question. Yes, he has it. This is a what would you do. Forget these other two guys. I'm asking you.

Because you had a mother with a glass eye. Yeah. So my father had this glass eye. And I could go into that for three hours. Same. Same. There's so many things. It's so fucking heavy.

It's so great. But it's also funny. But when he died, I was given a box of his stuff. Yes. What do you mean? Oh, well. I told you, you shouldn't have an audience with this guy. By the way, this is...

I open up the box. Of course. It's my father's glass eye. Wait a minute. The same thing. When my mom died, my sister passed it around and repackaged it to each one of us. We open it up, oh, we got something for my sister. It's my mom's fucking eye.

Here comes the question. Here comes the question. Yeah. So I go to my wife. I said I got this eye great Beth my beautiful Where is she honey? Where's Beth? Oh, there's you there's you I love you. Hi Beth. Nice to meet you. I've heard such great things So anyway, here's the thing so I turn to my wife and I say to my wife. Yeah So I turn to my wife and I say to my wife, Yeah. You know, I don't know, I go and I open it up

and my father's eye was such a taboo subject. My father never talked to me about anything. That's right. And one time I asked my mother, does dad have a glass? And she said, listen to me. You, that's your father's story, don't ask me. And I'm like what the fuck.

I was a kid. How old? Okay, here's the deal. How old were you when you still didn't know whether your dad's eye was glass? No, they wouldn't talk. And did it blink shut? Did it blink shut or did it stay open?

Did it blink shut or stay open? It stayed mostly open and also things would form a. You needed to confirm? My mom. Yes. Were it kind of shades, like a tinted glasses. It wasn't the confirmation of the glass. I wanted to know what happened with my father. But I wasn't allowed to ask.

My father would blow up if everyone was afraid he'd get really angry. He could throw that eye at you. He could. But here's my question. So now I have the eye. And I said to my wife, I need to find that.

I can't just take my father's eye and throw it in the garbage. There might be laws against that. I don't know. Are there? I don't know. Wouldn't you want to save it as a keepsake? No. Beth, where is it? It's a cat toy now. She's got it in a locket around her neck. She brought it here for you guys.

So she says to me, throw it in the ocean. What? I go, I'm not going to throw it. That's beautiful. I'm not going to throw it. I'm just going to imagine my father's eye watching. Your dad's never seen the ocean. He loved the ocean.

So what did you do with the eyes, my question? What did you do? Well, I got it sitting in a box. Yeah, of course you do. You got a whole lot of tossing in the fucking ocean. No, you're right. No, my mom. You brought yours on stage my mom So it was same we weren't allowed to ask about it. I wish Catholic same as Jewish

You just don't talk you stuff it all down. There's our headline. I was Catholic same as Jewish That's our like we got we got a title of this episode And so my mom there are a few difference between Irish and Catholic. Just a couple. But not gays and chutes. Right. So my mom, we weren't allowed to, so my whole life I was like, I'd be at the store and this checkout girl at the counter would be like, staring at my mom's eye. I'm like, mom, they're staring at your eye.

Just shut up, right? So then 10 years old, 20 years old, 30 years old, 35 years old, finally I'm like, mom, what happened to your eye? And she still didn't wanna talk about it. I found out after she died she had cancer in the eye. They took it out two years old. And then as she grew older, this gets really gross and funny, as she gets older she gets, my sister and I read the medical reports, they took skin from her vagina to reshape her eye

as she grew older. And then my oldest brother goes, I knew when I got upset with her, I wanted to fuck her in the eye. No! God. Wow. It's true. It's dark.

This show has to be canceled. That is very offensive. I made a terrible joke about that once, a long time ago, but I'm not going to repeat it here. By the way, we're all talking about being honest. That's an honest story. That's true story. And that's us making jokes about painful things.

Yes. Her complaint after that, she thought that everybody looked like a cunt, right? Isn't that what she said? Ha ha ha ha. Didn't she famously say that? When I was a little kid, I was five years old. Sorry, yeah, correct.

There was a kid on my block, five year old kid, said to me, he came up to me, he said, my parents told me your father has a glass eye. I was so freaked out. We got into a fist fight. It's probably the only fight I ever won. I beat him up. It was crazy.

But I could never ask. My father wasn't approachable like that. That's why it was so much mystery. Did you ever get the story? Yes, I did. It was a crazy story. What happened was I was so curious about the eye and everything about my father

because I didn't know him, I would sneak into his room and they would leave the house, which was infrequent. Nobody ever left my house. And you would, you know, so. No one could figure out the lock. My father kept his eye with his porno. So the eye. My father had porno, you know so no one could figure out the law my father kept his eye with his porno so the eye What my father had porno? You know like he had some erotic books and things you know my If you met my mother she's not exactly putting out my mother my mother once said to me

You know I prefer to be celibate, but your father has needs Really that's gross oh knees. Really? That's gross. Oh, fucking somebody in the eye. Yeah. It was books, no movies, no tapes. It was books back then and the books were the books were wacky but the eye was staring at me. I wanted to read the erotic books so I was all freaked out about it. The eye. But then finally... She pops it out to go to sleep. I don't know what went on but in all seriousness I finally talked to my mother about it. She wouldn't tell me, but I broke her down.

And it was a terrible accident when my father was young. He put some film in a bottle and the bottle exploded. He lit it and it exploded in his eye when he was a little kid. Yeah. So, and my father had a fabulous attitude about his eye in the sense that he, I didn't see any evidence that he saw himself as handicapped, you know, he did his thing. Was he just proud, or was that the thing he just didn't want to? I think it was a big pain, you know, for him in his life.

Seriously, a seriously big pain, you know. Wow. Yeah, it was a big issue. My mom would sleep, you know, her eye was constantly open, so when she slept she'd be like, you know, her eye was constantly open, so when she slept she'd be like, you know, like this, and I would approach the bed, and I'd be like, Mom, oh, she's sleeping. Oh, no, she's not sleeping.

Oh, she's awake. Like, I didn't know whether. I'm like, can I get a glass of water? Oh, I don't know, oh, you're sleeping. Like, it was, just like that. It was crazy. And then we would, we would. Where is the eye now?

My sister has it. In a box. Is it like a time share? You get it. If you want it for the holidays... Sure, I could do it. She could pass it around. One really quick question. I've said this on the show before. But we used to take... My mom used to go bowling on Thursday nights. And we used to go upstairs... We used to invite friends over. And we'd had Shane on on the door and we'd go upstairs and get her extra I

shit too and she was in the box and we'd get her and they knock on the door knock knock knock and we'd open it just as much as the chain would go and we'd stick the eye out go who's there anyway I wouldn't have res that in my house. That's fun. Yeah, it is fun It's fun, but dangerous with you know, if you knew my dad tell me about Italy and Jimmy Kimmel. Did you like Italy? I know you didn't want to go I'll give you an exclusive Yeah, it was and this is the most boring answer ever. It was actually a bad question because I loved it I don't have anything to think about you were gonna love it. No, I don't like to travel

I'm perfectly happy sitting at home. And if I I wanna see Italy, I'll go on the internet and look at pictures. Or CNN. Yeah. I went to Paris once and I was like the Eiffel Tower and I saw it, I'm like, got it, ready to go home. It looks like the movies and the postcards got it. It looks the same.

Yeah, we had a great time. Jimmy and Molly somehow convinced you and Beth that this is gonna be great. No, I had said, you know, my wife wanted to travel and I wanted to be a human being for my wife. I mean, I can't be in a marriage and if my wife wants to travel, I can't say, well, go ahead. Once a year, she gets out.

So you go and we ended up having a very romantic time, honey, right? Romantic, romance was in the air. Romance happened. She's barely confirming that, listen. I know. Poor and... Barely confirming that, let's say. Poor woman. Imagine, you know, think about it. Imagine me crawling on top of you. In Florence.

I mean... It's like a praying mantis attacking you. So I felt for the woman. I did, but she's a good sportsman. Took her like a champ. I felt horrible. I felt horrible. But honey, it wasn't so bad, right? It was over quick. You're the king of the insects. You're like, woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, oh! Like the fly, like Brindle fly, you know.

Howard, do you have any, is there any one interview you have that you regret? Is there any one that you're like oh many many Yeah, what's the one you regret the most well because I was an asshole Many time, but you know when I was on regular radio terrestrial radio, whatever you want to call it I didn't have the faith that if I did an interview that my audience would hold We had something like a ten share number one in New York And I thought well if someone comes on the air and they're talking, I could hear the radios clicking off. That the only thing that might be compelling is if, you know, I was doing my thing. Which

means I was not trusting of other people, that other people might have talent. So there were people, and I've written about this, the fabulous, most wonderful Robin Williams, for example, came on my show. And I just was ridiculously insulting. And why? Because I was trying to be funny. Robin Williams is way funnier than I am. Let him be funny. But being the insecure child that I was, and somehow having some connection with an audience where I was intuitive and thinking I could hear when they're turning off the

radios. If somebody gave a long answer or it wasn't moving fast enough, the rhythm wasn't right, I could hear the radios clicking off and so I really had no business having guests on. You're really honest about that in your self-assessment of that time in your life now that you're older. Is that just a result of getting older or is this a result of doing a lot of work? No, it's a result of leaving terrestrial radio and going to satellite. It's suddenly dawned on me.

I work for a company now that has a hundred something channels. As long as the person who's paying for a subscription is happy with the product, and if they're listening to me, and I'm doing a long form interview, and if it's not their cup of tea, they can go to a different channel on our service. And that freed me, that liberated me,

because it wasn't about me necessarily holding the audience. If you enjoy listening to Robin Williams, great, then we have you as a listener. But if you don't, there's a million other choices on satellite. Don't you also find that your agenda is no longer to provide a show for your listener, but instead perhaps you hope that the people remaining listening to you on that particular day happen to be as interested in the person you're talking to as you are.

In other words, you're not... That's right. Yeah, and it's a more honest sort of... You're not pushing. You're not pressing. You're just sincere. Yes, but you couldn't have done that. If you guys started your radio...

Let's say you started a career in radio back in the day. This format would not have lasted. It would not be on the radio. It doesn't hold an audience en masse. Jimmy Fallon sitting in our audience, right? When he does an interview, he can't do an hour interview. He's got to sit there because he's dealing with televisions coming on and off and on and off. We're in a unique position. The period of time we're in right now has allowed us to sit here and have a real conversation and we can play to a niche audience. And so you know not to get too academic about it, radio, the

old format of radio is gone. And I recognized that when I came to satellite and I felt that was the innovation. I could sit and have a real conversation with someone like Robin Williams and I felt that was the innovation. I could sit and have a real conversation with someone like Robin Williams. And I have regrets that, yeah, the format helped me to evolve. Right. I have an actual question for Jimmy. You know, seriously, seriously, no, to that point. No offense, but I think I'm the interview subject.

You'd be great. We have the message. I guess I just haven't delivered the goods.. Why did you take over this always happens? Oh Why don't you get up and do a few Gilbert Godfrey impressions? Go ahead pal It has ever and it has everything to do with what you just said okay? Which is Johnny Carson used to have long long long interviews 20 minutes half hour And so Jimmy I was I was thinking about you because you're one of the best at what you do thank you for standing have you

ever had discussions about what Howard is saying about instead of the six seven minutes you do all right you don't have a mic oh he's coming up to stay here you go he's never gonna leave you know that once Jimmy got a mic for him now. The Fallon mic. I love this guy. Come on Jimmy. God bless you. Come on Jimmy. Can I leave now? No. Did you ever have the discussion about changing your format to do kind of where this feels like it's going which is long form interviews as opposed to six or seven minutes? You can't. No. You can't do it. I wish that I could do a longer interview with certain guests. But yeah, I do wish that I could do a longer interview with certain guests. But yeah, I do wish that I can get into it and talk for an hour.

I'm jealous when I, you know, can listen to you. When you hear a real conversation. Yeah, I love it. Because when it gets going, it's great. And even with an audience. Like you said, like this is, we're loving this. But here's the good news. When I'm in the mood for what you provide and what Kimmel provides, what Koberbert provide you guys do it better than anyone the other guys focus why I do but when I want when I'm in the mood for a long form thing it's like there's no one better you know thank you thank you how

much how much do you thank you Jimmy thank you Jimmy one Gilbert Godfrey impression thank you say my wife my beautiful wife Paula is in the audience Thank you, Jimmy Fallon. One Gilbert Gottfried impression, for Christ's sake. Thank you. I just want to say, my wife, my beautiful wife Paula, is in the audience. She dated you when you were 14. You haven't talked to her in a couple years. Give her a call. Paula Javonen.

I love Jimmy very much, by the way. I want to tell you. Jimmy. Who doesn't love Jimmy? Fallon. I'll let you in on his secret. And Nancy Javonen. Oh, Nancy's the best. Jimmy and I are going to go camping in on a secret. And Nancy Javonen. Oh, Nancy's the best.

Jimmy and I are going to go camping together on a beach. It's just going to be the two of us alone. Jimmy, right? We're going to be in a, what is that called? An RV? An Airstream. Wow. Yeah.

I'm not going. How much of your... He thinks I'm going to go. How many of you are guests? Because one of the other things that we get to do is we get to choose... We reach out to people that we're interested in talking to. How much of that do you do and how much of that comes in through? We reach out to some people, but mostly,

and this is probably to our detriment, but I don't want to have a lot of guests. We just, we keep a limited amount. I think some of our strongest shows are when we're just sitting and doing our own thing. Yeah. We'll be right back. And now back to the show. I have to say, I tried to be a guest on your show for so many years.

I kept asking my publicist every year just hoping like, are things good enough in my career? Or maybe I could be... It wasn't bad. No, no, how are you? And I remember I was in that. No, no, no. But I once got, my public said, listen, Jason, we got news back. It's good news, bad news. Good news is he says he's a fan.

Bad news is he says he just genuinely really has nothing he would like to know. No, no, no. But I'm paraphrasing. But it was absolutely true. You know what I was like? There's nothing fantastic about my life anymore. I've said this to Jason. I said, look, I could Google you and find out enough stuff.

I don't really need to sit and talk to you. There's nothing like that about anybody. What have you done? I'd rather talk to a- Stop it. No, no, no, but seriously, it's much more interesting talking to somebody who's got like a weird fucked up-

Here's the thing. If I did a show every day where I just interviewed one guest That would be fascinating me But there's also an audience in my in my my group that likes to hear us doing you know Bits and and stick and and like sitting and talking Robin and I'm just talking and I recognize that so I don't I don't overload the show with a lot of guests, but sometimes we do reach out like you know, I wanted Joe Biden on, so we had him on. And I wanted Bruce Springsteen, I begged him to come on. I just wanted to come on. Yeah, that's the White Whale. It was unbelievable to be

sitting in a room with Bruce, and he's doing a concert basically and talking about how he creates songs. Yeah, so you know, we do reach out and there are people I just love you Do you miss playing music at all like being a discharge? No, it never was about you. You know it's weird I play music and I talk over it. Yeah. Yeah, so you know it's like I can't Playing when I got into radio. I was a disc jockey, you know straight disc jockey My father would say first you must learn to be a straight disc jockey. All that nonsense you do. So I went on the radio and be like, hi, this is Howard Stern, WR&W, Progressive Music from the Woods, and this is Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. And so, you know, we would do that. And I hated it.

I hated it. I hated it. Even you had a segue, you had to play a record and make sure there was no dead air. It was no autonomy. You couldn't launch bands. You had to play whatever. Oh, no, no, I played whatever I wanted. But it was horrible. I mean, it was a lot of pressure.

You know, you had to get the commercials lined up. It was just you in a little room in a house somewhere up in the woods. It was, you know, these were these shitty radio stations, $96 a week, and you played records and you announced them. And this is what I did. And I was the worst at it. I was the worst. There were no performers in my family. I didn't understand performance. I was not in show business. My father even said, you cannot be an millennial. You have no elocution. You do not enunciate. You read nothing. You did have some sense that you had no sense. You had a sense that your personality might be halfway entertaining. That between that and the music.

When I'd walk around college, nobody seemed to pay attention to me. I think I had the worst person out you had no confidence that you were gonna be somewhat compelling I would write letters to my girlfriend saying I will be the no I will be the world's greatest radio Why did you think that I have no idea? But I don't know I just knew I just knew that there was something there. Well, you weren't always sorry No, you were so you weren't always You weren't always this charismatic. You weren't always this charismatic? You weren't always this comfortable in talking? No, it took me years.

That's why I resent this podcast. You guys are just on here talking. I had to spend years. I had to spend years. Four years. It took me 10 years just to get conversational. It was very slow. You guys are too talented.

No, no, no. That's right. But in all seriousness, it was... Playing records was horrible. Were you a fan of music, though? Oh, huge fan of music. Music meant more to me than religion. I never got a thing out of religion,

but man, when I'd hear The Beatles or The Stones or George Harrison, My Sweet Lord, that stuff, that spoke to me. That moved me. And I was happy to launch a lot of bands. I was a program director for a while. I didn't even understand, I didn't know anything. A guy from a record company would call me up

and he'd go, would you play our record? I'd go, sure. He goes, well, no, no, no, I'll play it for you. I'd say, you don't have to play it for me. I'll put it to Billboard. I didn't care. I was happy to help you. Do you get starstruck around musicians?

I admire musicians and I know how hard they work at it. But is that the group that would, if anyone was gonna get you starstruck, that or athletes or musicians? Yeah. Who? Who's the one that you haven't met, you'd be like, uh-oh, I can't talk?

Oh, geez. Is it a Beatle? Well, I've met Paul and Ringo and they were great on the show You want to take it you want to take a temperature over the room about the name the Beatles? Oh, yeah, do you guys know about this? Oh old captain brain brain? What happened? Well, let's take an honest Honest thing of the audience. I didn't know my whole life. I thought it was the insect of the Beatles I didn't know is people who make beats the BAT

He was like clap if you were with me Thank you Did not know that til right now Suck the air out of the room. I want to thank the guys for that story. Have you seen? Have you noticed the arrow in the FedEx logo? Yeah, I don't know what that means. All right, here's one you didn't know, Sean. Sean, here's one I guarantee you you didn't know.

Yeah. You know the place you go for roast beef, right? Arby's, right? Yeah. Why is it called Arby's? They got the meat or whatever they say. No, no. Think about it.

Why is it Arby's? Roast beef. R-B, roast beef. I didn't know that, but I put it together. Oh, Arby's. Ar? R. B. Roast beef. I didn't know that but I put it together Really glad I came on by the way, these guys treat it like it's a TV show I'm in a trailer. I'm waiting to come on. There's a warm-up back for the audience I don't know from this you just want the radio I don't think we've said it yet I can't thank you enough for doing this you don't do this you I see you do it for Letterman I've seen you do it for Kimmel I you don't do this and I can't thank

you enough happy to be here we we really do and just so you're not just hearing from Jason that you are the gold standard for us and you're the guy that we always wanted to get. We talk about you all the time. Thank you. And honestly, this is a big deal for us. Well, I'm really honored. And Will, much to your point, for many years I couldn't take a compliment, but I do appreciate

you guys. Oh, that's good. I got one. I got a new one for you. Okay. Everybody knows you're recently 70. It's unbelievable. It's so fucked up.

No, no, no. You have not changed. Oh God. Beth, back me up here. Like what are you guys doing? I know you're not out there like running 10 miles on the beach every day. Is it just jeans? I mean, you look exactly the same.

I look terrible. No, no, Howard. The only thing I will say. Do you not look exactly the same for the last 30 years? I can't even see a picture, but but I will tell you one thing I Do not color my hair no I know I can tell it I don't But this is it and I have a gray beard he doesn't either you don't you don't color your hair No, but you don't have you're supposed to have like a belly and you have a belly. I have a belly and tits

You're supposed to everything's got it. I Got a belly and tits right honey. You've seen me with my shirt off She's she's busy talking by the way Sam to go turps up But you don't look like you ache or you're sore I can't fucking no no no you're not seem like you're in great shape Are you doing anything that well first of all? Painting let's get into that do well. Yeah, I do, I paint, I like to paint. It's incredible, the painting here. I don't know if you guys, does people know?

Okay, and the photography, it's like, and the tiny sketching with the magnifying glass. I like it, I don't use a magnifying glass. No more? No, I never did. I never used a magnifying glass. I saw your drafting thing, there was something. Yeah, I have a big magnifying, but I don't use it for that.

Really, I'm just telling you. But it was there, I mean, I'm not fucking crazy, huh but I don't use it for that. Well, okay. You use it to read. I'm just telling you, I don't use it. But it was there, I mean, I'm not fucking crazy, you know? No, it was there, it was there. It was there. But yeah, I enjoy those things. I mean, it's really cool. When did you start playing guitar? Okay, so...

Short version. I'll tell you why I play guitar, and I'm going to blame Jimmy Fallon for this. You going to jam with Jelly Roll tonight? No, no, no. Was Jimmy here tonight? No. Jimmy, stand up, there we go. Jimmy Fallon for this. You going to jam with Jelly Roll tonight? No, no, no. Is Jimmy here tonight? No. Jimmy, stand up.

There we go. Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon says to me. You've got to be kidding me. Here's what happened. 10 years ago, I turned 60, and I said I either want to play the guitar, or I want to learn to paint.

Oh, and you did paint? I never drew, I never, you know, did anything. For some reason, I wanted to paint in the worst way. So that's all in 10 years. And I began to, yeah, I began to study watercolor and I really focused on it. I mean, and you know as a pianist that you have to, you just have to focus on it.

It's not that people have some sort of natural ability. Correct. It's the work. You have to work at it. That's exactly right. People go, oh, I don't have that. Sean's been focused on the pianist his whole life. People go, oh, I don't have that. I've been focused on the penis his whole life. Yeah.

And I'm an expert. Just two laughs for that. I thought that was pretty good. That's a tough, pretty crowd. We'll sweeten that in the edit. It's okay to laugh. But, you know, anyway, I enjoy those. But I applaud you wanting to research and find other things. Not that you are older, like 70 is not old,

but that you pursue things that still challenge you. Somebody your age is willing to do new things is what you're saying. Well, it's true. By the way, that fucks my head up, because what I said to my wife, I want to learn guitar, but I feel foolish because of my age, like what am I trying to do here?

I don't want to be a rock star, what am I trying to do here? I don't want to be a rock star. I just want to understand music. Challenge yourself to a new hobby. Because I love musicians, and I love what they do, and I want to understand that language. Let's do a duet sometime, piano and guitar. Do you play minuet and G?

I do. All right, then we can do it. Are you playing classical guitar? No, but I don't play classical. Yeah, he's doing 12 string guitar, man. No, no, no, no. It hurts the fingers though, doesn't it? Well, look at the tips of my fingers.

Look at those calluses. How much do you play a day? Well, I'm on vacation now. From guitar? No, from work. I'm on vacation from work. So I can play some days five six hours Really? Yeah. Well, so you must be good now. I'm not good. Who's your favorite guitarist? Oh

Jesus so one just name one of them a few of them. Well, I mean you gotta say Hendrix You gotta say Jimmy Page. I mean Jimmy Page now I have even more appreciation for Jimmy Page Yeah, I was playing One of the most beautiful love songs. Thank You, by Zeppelin, and the intro to that. And you sit and you realize this guy wrote this. Yes, excellent, excellent. Thanks, guys.

Was that you singing or playing the guitar? Keep that applause up. But you realize how brilliant it is. And in order to get to that level you've got to play every day for hours and hours. And I'm mad at myself because when I was younger I didn't allow myself to practice music, which Sean did when he was smart about it. Well, when I was younger I had so many, I don't know why I reacted this way, but so many adults when they found out when I was like 5, seven eight years old playing piano practicing they'd go oh you know what I wish I

would have stuck with it over and over and over all these adults telling me that so I was like there must be something to that so that's what made me stick to it was there was there was there something was there a fork in the road where had you stuck with that instead of radio you know you radio it had to be radio for me so it was never like five years old I announced no I announced to my family I will be on the radio which was it was ridiculous it doesn't make any sense I don't understand it and your dad was a sound engineer yeah well he was a radio engineer radio yeah so I mean so that part of it made sense yeah but listen my

father didn't spend a lot of time paying attention to me or interacting with me and I used to sit mind it Well, I would watch him. Yeah, he was focused on you No, but I but he would he would when I would see him commuting to work and He put the radio on and Bob Grant was on who was this broad conservative broadcaster But the guy was mesmerizing on the radio and I saw the way my father listened and shushed me, told me to shut the fuck up so he could hear Bob Grant.

Shut up! I said, so that's how you get, that's how you get someone's attention. Shut up, shut up. You get on the radio. So wait, you did it to get your dad's attention. I think so, yeah. And did you get, sorry, just to follow up on that,

if you don't mind, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. Do you think, what was the moment where your dad, I mean, obviously had an incredible success in Radio was there a moment where he like was there an actual moment where he went? Holy shit Howard Yeah, I think my mother put him out. You know he just went he just said oh Yeah, he was not my father my father grew up in the depression Yeah, he had nothing when I say nothing nothing, it was like literally no shoes.

His father worked in a sweatshop as a pants presser. My father was a very deprived guy, and he didn't have a lot of room for emotion. I think he probably had a lot of bottled up emotion, but he couldn't express it, and he didn't know how. He didn't have the facility. But I would have loved to have known my father. I would have loved to have.

Why do you think you're so well Adjustment adjusted. I'm a mess I'm still with the psychiatrist wouldn't be with an idiot. No, it's not I didn't say I was an idiot I said I'm fucked up. You're not honey. Come up here and tell people I fucked up. Please come up Well, what do you do? She says I'm a lot honey, please you don't want to come up Do you think do you well but like I don't think that people know Like if there was a one misconception of you. Do you have any idea what that might be? I mean, I don't know but I will say that for me personally

Given your edge of humor. It was Really exciting to get to know you a little bit and see how incredibly soft and chewy you are on the inside. How incredibly sincere and genuine and attentive. But what I said was, you know, it was unfair. I just go around saying, Oh, well that's an act on the radio. It was who I was. I had a lot of anger. Obviously, but there's a choice to like not be fucked up and just know how to manage that. But my attitude about radio and I say this over and over again,

was I just want to make people laugh. I want people to have a great time in their car. Whether it's, if it's a compelling interview, great. But if I'm sitting there and I'm being really funny and I'm doing something good, well, you know, that's what I'm trying to do. So I never did anything out of malice. I did it because I thought I was genuinely funny.

Was I genuinely funny? Sometimes, sometimes not. You were speaking the truth. You know, your observations were spot on. I was speaking my truth. But it was sometimes painful for folks and that was the funny part. Part of that, being honest though,

I remember when you spoke about your health scare about having a little spot on your kidney, thank God it was nothing, and you revealed like, that was one of the first, one of the few things that you did not share with your audience because you've always been so open and honest with your audience. It's about everything. So what is where is that line and is there anything? I'll tell you why and you guys probably know this from from doing this now and having a popular show. You know if you go on a radio and you say listen I could

potentially I have this thing and they're telling me it could be cancer, 95% chance, you start to get letters from every know-it-all in the audience. Listen, my mother died, you're fucked, you're this, you're that, and I'm neurotic. I am neurotic about my health. I don't want to know, where's Bradley Cooper?

I just want to look at him, come on. You know what I mean? Come on, Bradley, sit up. There he is, there's Bradley. Hey, Bradley! Look at that, Son of a bitch. So good looking. He's gorgeous.

I love Bradley Cooper. I don't mind saying it. We all do. No, no. There are people. No, we do. Sean doesn't love him. I love him. Bradley, I love you. Another one of the most genuinely kind.

Can I tell you Bradley Cooper's story? We'd love to hear a Bradley story. Can I tell you Bradley Cooper's story? If it's positive. One of the greatest moments for me on the show, but personal, because you asked about people I interviewed. I was interviewing Bradley and at the time Bradley had just finished a run on Broadway. The Elephant Man. Brilliant. Brilliant job. Absolutely brilliant. And I am a fan of the

Elephant Man and I said you know and Bradley's so serious about the Elephant Man, he has serious Elephant Man hang up, he goes you know I don't I just want you to know I don't joke about the elephant man. I said, I'm not going to joke, but I would like to do the elephant man for you. And I would love if you would come back as your elephant man. And so I said, oh, oh, you're so kind. You're so kind. You're so beautiful.

And Bradley looked at me and I said, he's either gonna walk out and he goes, oh, thank you. And we had a moment where we were both the elephant men, immersed in our character, and it was one of the single biggest highlights. Radiomagic. Radiomagic.

That's right. You acted, you got to act with Bradley. I got to act with Bradley Cooper. Very few people, you know, listen, this guy's one of our best actors. He is. Rarified, and... Without a doubt. One of the greatest filmmakers we've got.

Maestro is incredible. That's right. And when he saw... He was so inspired. Tell him Bradley how good I was. He loved it. Never saw such acting. I've had no training, by the way, as an actor. What? No, that's right. That's right.

How many times did you audition for Private Parts? Yeah, because I was going to say... You want to know something about Private Parts, here's the funny thing. So, in developing... What a movie, by the way. Thank you. Howard, it's a great movie. It is. So good.

But I got to tell you a funny story about it, because this leads into it. It's insane. So, you know... Closer to the mic, please. Yeah, but... So, I wrote the book... But I got to tell you a funny story about you, because this leads into it. It's insane. So you know. Closer to the mic, please. So I wrote the book. I wrote the book, and I had no clue when they said they want to make a movie out of it.

How am I going to make a movie out of this thing? Betty Thomas. Before Betty, I was involved in writing some of the scripts. We had other writers and this and that. there were 25 full drafts of this thing And each one was worse than the next and my agent at the time who just passed away and don't buckle Love he's great, but he said to me these scripts are so bad. You'll be left out So the the movie studio said listen Paramount were at the time Reicher Entertainment put up the money and Paramount was Distributor and so they said listen, this is crazy the money, and Paramount was the distributor.

And so they said, listen, this is crazy. The money that we're spending on these writers, and you're not accepting any of these scripts, we're gonna hire Jeff Goldblum to play you, since you won't do that. Oh, wow. No way, is that true? Is that great? Yeah, no way. I looked him in the eye and I said, you know what?

I would pay to see that. I would love to see Jeff Goldblum as Howard Stern I I think you'd be terrific but anyway this time had you was there a plan for you to play the part and they wanted I don't know but they were so frustrated with me because I had written into the contract and again This was my agent's brilliance They couldn't make the movie unless I had full script approval and I wrote half the scripts and they suck That'd be so great to just shoot some scenes today with Jeff Goldblum Absolutely from right and just put it on the internet

There'll be a lot of fun. You want to know one of the most thrilling things in my career Speaking of that and then we got to go. Oh, you got to go. No, you gotta go I have a hard out. You have a hard out people People are really tough about that. I have a hard out. Yeah. No, I do. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm very busy. I have to go home and paint and play the guitar. I'm busy.

No, I sit at home and stare at the wall and Beth looks at me. She's not allowed to leave the house. Will you go home tonight and just turn on the TV? Oh yeah, I've got the advance copy of next week's Bachelorette. Oh, I cannot. Do you watch Traders? Do you watch Traders? No.

I'm Bachelor Nation all the way. Anybody else with me? Look, Jimmy Fallon's with me. Bradley? Sure. Well, these people have a life. I love it. Bradley, you do not watch that.

Amanda loves it. Bradley doesn't watch it. Bradley, you do not watch it. Amanda loves it. Bradley doesn't watch it. Bradley watches Bachelorette. That's the secret. He doesn't want anyone to know. All right. Yeah, he loves it. What time is it?

It's time for you to go. 6.30. Yeah, we're going to be over. Howard, we've taken up way too much of your time. Way too much of your time. You're very kind to drive. By the way, on a scale... Do you feel we were a success?

Yes. This is a great rehearsal, guys. Oh, my God. We're going to record. Honestly. Everybody take a nice break. We'll be right back. You're very kind of driving by the way, and I feel we were a success yes My god, we're gonna record Honestly everybody take a nice break. We'll record in about 20 minutes. What do you mean great rehearsal? What are you recording? Tell me are you gonna? Is the show actually over do I leave and then you keep talking we're gonna leave or we're gonna keep so we're gonna

Talk about you a little bit a wrap-up. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna talk about how great you are once you leave. Howard, maybe I should listen in. I'll sit here, I won't say a word. Go ahead, let me hear what you guys do. And I'll tell you what I'll do. But here's the thing, but you gotta be... Every once in a while, every once in a while, interrupt, and I'll just go, that's not good radio.

Or if that's really good radio. Do you mind if we cut your mic? Not at all. Here's what... You know, I was a judge on America's Got Talent. I know, fantastic. The only reason I watched it. By the way, the guy who did the warm-up today, they had a warm-up.

Oze. Yeah, Oze. I wanted him to win the entire season. He did not win that season. He should have. He's amazing. He's phenomenal. Oze Perlman.

You know what you can do? A name built for show business. Here's what you can do. That's better than that. While you're being quiet and pretending that you're not here when we're doing this. No, I'm not going to do it. If I have to be completely quiet, I'm not doing it. Alright, you can talk a little bit, but I want you to think about... We might embarrass you if you stayed and heard how much we were going to praise you.

Can I say something about you guys? Yeah. This is going to hurt. It's got to be kind. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I'm very excited that you're part of the Sirius XM fans. I wish you a lot of success. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I'm very excited that you're part of the Sirius XM family. I wish you a lot of success.

Thank you. Not too much success, but a lot of success. Sure. And no, seriously, it's great to have you guys in the family. Thank you for blessing us into it and by doing this. Yes. I understand the Sirius stock's going to go over $2.90. Now that you guys are here, God bless.

I can't wait. All that stock, I'm going to be so wealthy. You guys, please help us thank Howard Stern. Howard Stern. Thank you. I can't get out of my chair. Howard Stern, keep it going. Keep it going. The one and the only.

The king of all media. Brady, you're the king of all media radio podcast television film he is the king of all media they had to raise the ceilings of the talkhouse just for him all right that that that was surreal for me I've never met him I know you know I didn't ever get to see what you thought he was gonna be? Yeah, I was really, really nervous. I was really nervous. Was he what you thought he was gonna be?

Um, yes. I thought that... How was he different than you thought he was gonna be? I didn't know he was gonna be so relaxed and easy to talk to. It's so great, right? I thought he was gonna be like, so what do you guys got? Let's see what you guys got. And he wasn't like that at all, you know He's the king of all of it So but he was also he's incredibly generous and empathetic and probably knows that we're nervous and that's right We're dumb and and we have a new show and he's the king. That's why I have 75

Immediately he took he took the he took the the rains and and helped us and he started talking. And you wrote so many questions because you were so nervous, right? Seriously. Sean was upstairs and we're like, what the fuck, it's an hour. Yeah, just like writing. Any questions you didn't get to that we should listen to? Tons, tons. No, anything you're really pissed you didn't get to.

Let's see. I mean, we talked about a lot of... I want to talk about Italy a little bit more. Oh yeah. And like his vacation, like what's his ideal was his ideal vacation bring Jimmy on and talk about okay Anyway, so I love him though. I've been a huge fan and by the way, I didn't share with you guys the first What are you looking at? Nothing? I'm just working. Yeah, I am I am He starts to work on a buy his brain himself up for it. Right. So the first time. It's too early to do it now. We're still doing wrap up. We're wrapped up. Okay, we're

wrapped up. We're ready to go. And we got jelly roll coming up, which is so exciting. Oh yeah. Oh, so here's goodbye. So the first time I was ever here in the Hamptons was only like two, three years ago. And that was the first time ever. And I stayed with Will at his house, which is not very far from here. And this is going to be terrible. This is going to be horrible. Dude. And Will lived so close, so I was just going to ask Will,

today, did you drive yourself over here? Did you ride your bicycle? Bicycle! Bicycle. Jesus Christ. For the live show? Sorry about that, guys. Sorry about that. But the interview was fun, was it not?

It was really fun. Hey! Thank you guys for coming. Thank you so much for coming. We're going to stick around for Jelly Roll. Thank you guys. And let's go enjoy some Jelly Roll. Yeah, Jelly Roll.

Please stick around for Jelly Roll. After Jelly Roll is performing out there. We're so excited. Thank you guys. SmartList is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armgerve, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Granteri.