SmartLess - “John Mayer LIVE”

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

Open up your fortune cookie, it’s John Mayer- LIVE from Los Angeles. Give ‘em the pickle, UTI jokes, and giving Yes-And a run for its money. Welcome to our marriage, it’s an all-new SmartLess… LIVE! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This episode of Smartless and our live show was made possible by Ashley, the brand that is supporting real change where it is needed most. Did you know that more than 7 million children are affected by the welfare system and over 368,000 are currently in foster care? So when we heard those numbers, we were shocked. That's why we partnered with Ashley and Sirius XM to make a donation to four others, an organization working to end the child welfare crisis in America. And I got to tell you, it feels really good to be working with a brand that is making a positive impact.

Not only are they generous over at Ashley, they also hooked us up with some incredibly comfy furniture, which is nice as well. And they provided a lot of furniture for our onstage live show. That was also very great because we figured sitting on the floor would have looked very awkward and been very uncomfortable. It was actually like podcasting in a living room, but just nicer than mine. I'm not saying that I fell asleep mid-show, but I might have, you know, listen to Sean and, you know, Jason. Being on an Ashley couch, boy, that'll put you out. Anyway, Ashley offers timeless well-crafted furniture with white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by Skinny Popcorn. We had snacks at the live show, thanks to Skinny Pop Original, and which, if you haven't had it, it's deliciously popped. It's perfectly salted. And somehow, it's always the first thing gone in the green room. When I say somehow, I mean Sean and Jason, because as soon as we got there, we had this green room that had all this skinny pop, because like I mentioned, Skinny Pop was one of the sponsors. Those guys, you would have thought that they'd never tried it before. or that they hadn't eaten in years because they just started, they literally, it was embarrassing.

And them talking to the skinny pop, people and Sean going like, we really love skinny pop. We're like, yeah, they know, man. They know. Anyway, it was awesome to have them as one of our sponsors. And then I gave those guys so much crap about eating all the skinny pop. And then when I was on stage during the show, I ended up opening a bag and eating it myself.

So, you know, it's a lot of glass houses on this show. It's a recurring theme. And it's one of those snacks where you eat it, and you're like, yeah, I get why it's popular. It's just really good. So Skittipop, it's deliciously pop, perfectly salted, popular for a reason. Learn more at Hersheyland.com slash skinny pop. This special episode of SmartLis was recorded live at the Avalon Theater,

thanks to our friends at Starbucks. And really, what's better than a cold beverage during a live show? We're talking about the ultimate summer sips from Starbucks, whether it's the unofficial drink of the summer, the summer berry refresher, or the new Strato-Frappuccino blended beverage. These beverages are handcrafted to help savor the season. When I was doing the show, I had an iced chai latte. The iced chai lattes at Starbucks are the best.

I love them. I drink them like in one gulp. They're so delicious. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. Good evening. Welcome to Smartless Live. Are you ready to get going? Oh, God.

I don't know. I don't know if I want to. How is this guy still? No, you have to do it. Please welcome the guys from Smartless. This Angeles. I think we should start with a little crowd work. Sure, sure.

We've never done a little crowd work. Do the wave? Yeah. Fell right off the stage. Last time I was here, I was right about where you were, sir, with belly full of booze watching Smashem Cumpkins play up here. Oh, yeah. That was about 25 years ago when it was the palace.

Anybody? Anybody? And it was just... Just booze, right? Just the booze. Yeah. The last time I was here was for some gay bullshit. No.

Well, happy bride. And also happy bride. Yeah, let's sit. So... Look at this nice Ashley furniture here. Yeah, it's beautiful. Wow, it makes me want to go right to sleep. How many microphones do we get?

I don't know. I don't know. Guys, I'm so thirsty. I need a little pick-me-up. Yeah. Under room. Me too. Oh.

It's empty. There we go. What if they were all empty? I was just like, yeah, yeah. And I guess if you're hungry, just... Sure. Sean, what's the prop?

This is, this was so, the people that really make us look good are... That's not your personal? It's what? No, it's not my personal. You don't need to eat while we're doing this. So Rob, Bennett, and Michael, the people that make this show,

they made this for me because Chin Chin, went out of business. And, you know, I love chin chin, as much sodium as I can get. And so they just gave it to me backstage, and I walked out with it, and I opened it. This is true, they just gave it to me as a gift. And guess what's inside? Oh, I want one of those. Cookies.

Wait, I won't want that. Yeah. Isn't it when you pick a fortune cookie, you've got to pick the cookie that's smiling at you, right? You know, one of the things, I love that you guys, so who, who, You guys know about Chin Chin and Sean's right affinity for Chin Chin. You guys know about that? You guys are, you guys listen to the show from time to time? You're familiar with some of the characters in the show?

You guys, you guys familiar with him? We talk about our friend Dan D's. You hear about Dan? Oh, boy. Dan, stick your hand up. Come on, Dan. There he is. I didn't know you're here, Danny. We got Dawn right next to him.

John. I'm John. Josh is here somewhere. Josh, where are you at? He's maybe on the side. Yeah, there he is. And where's my dad? Josh. Where's my dad?

It's my dad here? Oh, yeah. It's just, that's a block away on the 101. No, he's sharing his location. He's sharing his location with me right now. So this says seize the opportunities that will define your future's course. Oh. What does that mean?

Anyway, I have an opening story. I think it means do something. Do you have an opening story? I do. It's really good. You've worked on some bits? I did. I worked.

Well, that was the first. But that just was, right? All right, so listen. All right, so this is, I don't know if you guys are going to give a shit. But a couple days ago. By the way, thank you for coming, you guys. We're always amazed that you guys listen to us talk about nothing. But I guess the part that makes it understandable is that you're doing something that is sort of brainless.

And it's like, well, why not augment it with something that's brain? you're jogging or whatever the hell is. You're riding a, you know, a subway or whatever. But here, you've left your house. I just spit Fortune Cookie on the mic. You've left a house and you're out. Which is new for you. Which is a big deal.

And we're sitting on stage and just talking. And so thank you for doing that. Because there's no music, you know. Yeah, there's nothing. Thank you. Yeah, appreciate it. There's music and... Well, there is a piano.

So you guys are in luck, I think. On the stage. That might be for the... Is that for the mystery guess? It might be for me. It might be for you. Sean does play. We might get, are we going to get a visit from Oscar Levin?

Can he visit with us? By the way, you guys should be so lucky. Truly, we've talked about it before. He's a classically trained pianist and, like, to see this guy plays. You better get on there just a little bit today. If you want to be put to sleep, I'll run over there and play. All right, so because it's like... Get to your story.

Yeah, I can't. People aren't like, I can't wait for classical music. So Scottie and I are unloading the dishwasher this a couple days ago. And we're putting the things away, and we put the tongs in the drawer, the opposite way. Have anybody ever done that? Sounds incredible. Right. Keep going.

God. You can't top the start. Do you know how much traffic they had to drive through to get here? I get Hollywood on a Thursday night. Okay. You need cards? Sorry, so the tongs. So you're putting the tongs in the dishwasher.

Yeah. We put the tongs in the dishwasher. This is incredible. And we couldn't open the door. What? No way. Hang on, I need another sip from my starboard. Then what, Sean?

So we couldn't open the door. Uh-huh. We couldn't open the door. Wait, he's checking his cards to keep himself on the store. No, no. Is this a long lie? No, no, no. I'm thinking.

I'm thinking. So we put it to the thing. And then we couldn't open it. We're like jingling. So then I said, Scotty, get the hot poker from the fireplace, right? Because it's really long. And the drawer had only opened that wide. So we couldn't put our hand there.

So we got the hot poker in there. And for two hours, he's trying to get the tongs out. Look, and this is when I have a picture of Scotty after the tongs. Wait, you have pictures to aid the shit story? That's Scotty. And he couldn't get the thing. So then I was like, I was like, wait, I'll, I'll get a wire hanger.

So then I got a wire hanger. We took out the second door drawer, and I put the wire hanger underneath, and I'm inside the thing, and I couldn't get it out for like two hours. I'm almost done, I'm almost done. And then, and so, like, free hope this pays off. You need staff.

So then we had to hire a handyman because we just couldn't do it. And so, no, no, no, wait, I'm almost done. And then he comes over and he goes, oh, this happens all the time, which may be fairly good. And then he says, by any chance, you have a wire hanger,

and it's like, yeah, but good luck, it doesn't work. 10 seconds, you just got it out. That's the end of the story. Wow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Honestly. Don't applaud that.

Our deepest apologies. You'll get more. Our deepest. And you give me shit for long-winded questions. You have a long-winded story that at least mine ends with a question mark. But I brought a picture. But that picture wasn't, I mean, I wanted to see a picture of you jackasses with the poker. That would have been good to see that.

Yeah, that, like a video. Yeah, or video or something, and it was just the picture of Scotty with dirty hands? Yeah, because of the poker from the fireplace. Did you run this by anybody before? No, I did. You should. You should have. Look at Scotty up there giggling, like the story worked.

There's Scotty. Didn't. It didn't, Scotty. Scotty, is that how it happened? Hey, what's next on the cards? I have another story or I could intro the guest. No, I want to hear the other story. You do? Yes.

It's really, this is much faster. So Scottie and I have, I already told you guys. Why am I all the way over here? Oh, come over here. Bring the fucking thing. This thing's all wired. It's a thing bag on it. So Scottie and I both snore

and we have like, we sleep in separate rooms because otherwise we wouldn't sleep because like every five seconds. And we had, we went through the whole sleep program and we got CPAPs, you know, the thing, the CPAP machine.

And it goes in your nose. Let's not drift over two big, big stories right there. Separate bedrooms. That's not something we all do. Well, you should. You should. You sleep better. And oxygen tanks. Yes. While they sleep. Well, it's hooked here and it pushes... Well, we get it. We've seen it.

Okay. And it goes over your head and it's not very attractive. So anyway, so I'm lying there in bed and I turn the machine on and once it's on, it's hard to get it. But you can't really open your mouth to speak because the air is pushing to anything. Anyway, so he's stepping over my bed. Getting a hard on. God, how do you guys keep it alive? I mean, this is technically now not show business. What we're doing is not show business.

Scott, do you want to come down and cry a little bit? So anyway, so he's standing over me and he's just saying good night. And I said, he's like, all right, you're good? And I'm like, yeah, I'm just nod because I can't talk. And he goes, he goes, okay, good night, I love you. And I go, I love you too. Oh, God. Come on, I told you that.

And no children, right? What? No what? No children. No children. No children. A dog. A dog named Ricky.

All right, let's get to our guest. Ready? Do you want to add something? Do you want to add something? No, I just love just your day-to-day. It's interesting, isn't it? There's such a whole wide world out there. And anyway.

Anyway, next time you come over, I'll show you. I do want to come over and see that. So my guest today, our guest, today. It's your guest. I won't claim the guest yet. Yeah. Writes the kind of songs. Okay. That make you want to text your wife or husband or ex or mistress or hookup or best friend. Or CPAP partner.

There are also songs that you'll love and never forget for the rest of your life. He once tried stand-up comedy, collects rare watches like it's a competitive sport. Oh, what... And swears, he's not as intense as he looks mid-gatar solo. He's the reason you bought a guitar or learned how to play the piano. And he's someone I'm proud to call Our Serious X-M Brother. Please welcome one of the most absurdly talented, relentlessly curious, deeply thoughtful, and consistently brilliant artists of all time, John Mayer.

You can see you. How are you? This is fantastic. What do you got on tonight? It's AP. What's AP? Autumn R. P.G.A. Oh, you got a nice glacier blue.

Platinum. I'm going to show you for my 50th birthday. So there's an email going. Welcome to the show, first of all. John Mary. John Mary. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. Thank you. And it should be noted that we wanted to have you on the show for a long time, which is going to get, going to Jason's story. And I know where you're going to start.

Well, yeah, you know, the mystery guest thing is a real thing unless it's, you know, like a president or something. We've got to, like, be together and no stuff. No offense. I understand. That sounded shitty. No, no, it's fine.

So there's an email. that goes out the other day about about this. And it says somewhere in the email something about John Mayer. And so I'm like, I'm already here, by the way. She started clapping. But I already him here. It's like with our whole group of us.

It's like an admin thing about this is the thing. And then with John Mayer, the guest, the photo or something like that. And you know, I mean, I like a little snark. So I email back and go, huh, John Mayer sounds like a great guest. Hope we can get him on the show. He doesn't reply all, right?

Meaning like, somebody screwed up and put John Mayer on this email, now I know who the guest is. So then, and then I answer. Go ahead and finish, Will. Well, hang on. No, do the punchline. You guys. Do it, you guys.

Do it. What else happened? Well, the part that you're forgetting is that I say, yeah, John Mayer would be great, because I realize that they've tipped that it's John Mayer. Right. But Jason doesn't really realize that they've tipped it. You didn't know that.

You didn't know that it was done. I figured it was for a later episode. God. This is what I'm getting at. But this genius, oh, I hope one day we can get him. That's a great idea. That didn't help. My wife, for the last six or seven days says, you know, it's like, well, what should I

wear a baby? Oh, don't worry. Wear something funky, because she's really funky. And she goes, oh, I said, well, you know, telling me the sex of the guest doesn't really give away. So it's a female, huh? She goes, yeah, I'm sorry. I said, baby, don't worry about it.

So for five, six days, it's she, she, she, she. and then, of course, here comes John, and she's giggling up there in the corner. Great work. It said in the email that it was John Mayer, man. But not for this one. I don't think it was for this one. Of course it did. It said what we're doing tonight.

Oh, I'm a skimmer. I'm going to skim. John, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me on the show. Great to be here, John. Great to be here. Yeah. Do you have, do you own a pair of tongs? I'm kidding.

So, yes. Do you remember the first time you and I met? We have made. I think the only place we meet are at a certain somebody's Christmas parties. Okay, but we met before then and we have a picture of me and you meeting. Uh-oh.

Hey, what, more picture aids? All right, let me try to figure out where this is. That is the bucket list premiere. That's the bucket list premiere. Yes, what you wrote, say what you want to say. Say what you need to say. And did you know, I'm glad you remember. The irony being that it was not on your bucket list

to go to that. So, so I, so you, wrote the song Say What You Want to Say, which was a massive hit. I love that song so much. But I don't know that people know, this is just sidebar. The bucket list, the term the bucket list

was invented by the writer of the movie, the bucket list. Really? Really? Yes. So people believe that that has been around for decades and it really was written for that movie. And I believe it's one of those things. It's a little bit like the crying game. People will reference the title.

Right. And I think that the name if I may, we both were involved, tangentially, that's one of those films where the title of the film has gone on to live on a little more than the film itself. Yeah, it's not wild. Wait, come on. The term the bucket list did not exist before that film.

It was in the email. This is why it gets a big bucks. Yeah, that was a great night, though. That was a great night at the paper. Isn't that amazing? I'm glad you remember it. Yeah, I do. I'm kidding. So, wait, so Sirius Brother to Serious XM Brother.

Yes. You have your own channel. What is it, 14? Channel 14. Life with John Mayer. Channel 14. I don't know if you know it. Wait, what happens on Channel 14? What happens?

What's going down on Channel 14? Yeah, what happens? I was very high one night. And I had this idea for a radio channel where the music changes throughout the day so that wherever you are in the day, you turn it on, and there's like a playlist for that hour. Yeah.

And some of a bitch, it worked. Wait, so there's a playlist that's more appropriate for 2 p.m. as opposed to 10 p.m. And you pick it all? That does sound like a very high idea. But it worked. I was tired of having Spotify. Like, Spotify was always to me like,

Pandora, yeah. But Spotify to me was always like your grandmother. Like your grandmother would learn one thing about you when you were five and continually give you gifts based on that thing for the next 10 years. That's right. And I remember Spotify, I'd be like, oh, you like George Benson, don't you?

And I was like, I told you I wanted to hear bring on the night one time. Right, right. You know? Right. Or give me the night, it's called. And so I was like, what if there was, we broke out of the algorithm?

Because what ends up happening is you go to the gym, and all you want to do is just hear something while you're working out. And you go, I don't know, just give me the war on drugs. Give me war on drugs. And then you get the same first song and the same second song and the same third song and the same fourth song.

And so I really feel like it met a need, and I like making stuff that meets a need. I like that. I get a kick out of it. Like smartless mobile. Yes. What's that, Sean? Wow, Sean, what's smartless mobile? Sorry, sorry.

What is smartless mobile? We just launched it two days ago. It's a mobile service that we're doing. Why would somebody want smartless mobile? Because 90% of the time you spend it on your cell phone, you're using Wi-Fi so you're overpaying with an unlimited plan where you can save half of your bill. I can save money right now by going to Smartless Mobile?

Absolutely. Tell me more. Go to SmartlessMobile. Did you really do that? We did. Yeah, two days ago. We're gonna switch your phone before you're out of here. All right, so listen.

It seriously takes 90 seconds. Great. Wait, here's what I want to know. Can I get in? Yeah. So we're up here on stage. This is not comfortable for me. I'm a shy person.

I don't like the spotlight. I don't like having, I don't like being myself. And I see all the faces. This is something you're very comfortable with. Yeah. You've been on stage since how old? 22, right? Yeah.

And you're now 60? 62 now. But like, just hearing your voice on that microphone and I can tell how comfortable you are. Like, that's, I wish I had that. That's like... But I wish I had a gig where I was getting nervous to sit on a couch.

You know, I'm looking at this going, this is the greatest gig ever. To come sit on the couch. Do you're getting nervous to come out and sit on the couch? No, it's just not super comfy for me, but you're freaking rock star. Okay, let me tell you something. That'll help.

Looking out at people. and singing and strumming, that's like, that's your... Jason, every one of these people, if you needed a place to stay tonight, would let you sleep in their guest train. That's a great point. Is that what you...

That's what you tell yourself would you get nervous on stage? Why would you be nervous when every single one of these people would put you up in their house? That's a nice window into John's brain right there. That's what I ended up doing at one point. I went, every one of these people

would let you sleep on the futon if you needed to, so why do you nervous about? Fuck the futon. I bet it would be like, come to our marriage. Probably. Have you guys ever to get over nerves done the Brady Bunch

trick? We just imagine somebody in the underwear? No, that doesn't work. Does it? Does it work? Have you guys ever done that? It kind of works. I just imagine myself taking a quarter milligram of Xanax and then I do that. A quarter milligram. And then I manifest. Yeah, I just need a little chip. Just a touch. No, you don't do that.

Yeah, every once in a while. All right. I mean, okay. So this is an unknown thing. It's a little different. I'm not high right now. But if I'm coming out to do my show and there's muscle memory, then I don't get nervous. But if it's the unknown, it can be a little... You know what ends up happening a lot of the times?

When I'm a surprise, I start getting amped up and nervous because I know I'm a surprise. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I get nervous every day. I get nervous coming out here. Yeah. Because it's you. Do you have any pre-show OCD-ish things you do?

Okay. We did Kimmel the other night. Tell the story about the dishwasher. He's got a great one for you, John. And sweet, sweet, sweet Sean took the seat furthest away from Jimmy because he said, I don't want to sit next to you, Jimmy, because I get nervous to these things. I get nervous on talk shows, big time.

Yeah, but if I prepare like I did today, I get less nervous. Sure. And you may not even go to those cars. if you don't have to. No, watch me. Okay. So you did stand up, which I love. I didn't know.

You did stand up comedy. Yes. I did not know that about you that you did stand up comedy one point. This guy was nominated. I gave it singularly as best host. Best host. Best host of a podcast.

No. By himself. I say that because I did too. I actually have a joke that I read on the internet today. It's the FDA just approved a medication for lesseys. Asbians with depression, it's called tri-cox again.

It's not bad. It's not bad. Do you have one that you like? I mean... The worst, the worst... You read the punchline. I did, because I was nervous. I was nervous that I wouldn't get it right.

Wait, wait, wait. Maple, my incredible daughter, 13, right up there, told me a great joke today. Knock, knock, who's there? Who? Oh, right, right. Yeah, wait, knock, knock. Who's there?

Jason, you can do it with them. Are you guys starting to get it? This is why he gets a big bucks. He's a moron and I'm worse. Do it with them, do it with them. Oh, hey, knock knock. Brittany Spears. Knock, knock.

Britney Spears. Oops, I did it again. Oh, God. Johnny, I can play you, Jamie. That's Maple. Do you have like a go-to joke that you used to? I didn't do it long enough to have a go-to joke. What was your style as a stand-up?

I didn't even, I mean, I would, I wanted to be observational. I wasn't, the thing is, and I'm glad I did stand-up because I'll do shows with Dave Chappelle now, and I'm not front and center, but I understand him. I've seen so much stand-up, like, at, I used to go to the comedy cellar every single night in New York City. I'd go to the comedy cellar. And I was just enamored with it. When I was younger, I didn't have this thing in my head that would say,

that's not for you. And so I would look at it and I'd go, I'm going to do that too. I'm going to do that too. And I didn't quite put the time in that it would have taken. I mean, what you're supposed to do, if you really want to do it, get your tapes, watch your tapes. Yeah. And I didn't want to watch the tapes.

I didn't. I just, I wanted to drink just. enough to watch someone do stand up and go, I can do it. And it didn't quite and it was a different experience once you get up there, I bet it's just like I liked it. I actually liked

the uphill battle of it. The problem was poor, sweet, beautiful Esty who books the comedy seller in New York would get calls from People magazine the next night saying, did he go up? I heard he said this and that and that. And if you think about it, here's why I can't do stand-up. Because if I

one of the many reasons. If I got on stage and I said so my girlfriend has another UTI that ceases to be about a joke about a UTI and everyone would go who's the girlfriend who's he dating?

And so it didn't work. It didn't work. Even the setup didn't work because people would get stuck in who's who and what's going on but it taught me stage time. It taught me And most of your jokes were about UTIs they were all UTIs pretty much. Yes.

You never bothered to develop any other material. I never really did. I did this thing where I would just smash cranberries with a big mallet at the end. Yeah, and then you just taught yourself guitar. Which is weird because they're actually really good for curing UTIs. Yes.

Well, I had thought about that before I said it. That's actually true, right? Why are you laughing, sir? Yeah. Willie, you just did some time at the comedy seller. Will's got a film coming out where he's going to play a stand-up, and he went up there and threw himself into the deep end.

Bradley Cooper directed. We shot at the comedy seller. Sean's in the movie with me as well. If you blink, but yeah. And our friend Bradley directed it, and we shot at the comedy seller for eight days. I play a guy who's just starting to become a stand-up because he's going through some life changes.

And so, yeah, so I did the same. It's called, is this thing on and it comes out later this year. Yeah. And it was scary, yes, or not scary? Yeah, the first time I went on, yeah, but I was going on, well, in the same. same way. I was going on as they introduced me as this character as the guy

who's going up doing stand-up at the first time. Then people were very confused. A guy looks a lot like well-armed. And I'm like, hey, I'm going through a divorce. I'm getting divorced. And people are like, didn't he get divorced like 10 years ago? Amy Polar? Like, you know? And it was very confusing for people.

But we made the leap anyway, yeah. But did you see anyone you loved when you were there? Did you get a ton. Yeah. So many good. And they're so good and it's so hard what they do. You have so much, you end up having so much respect for stand-ups and what they do. It's amazing. And writing jokes all day.

So we would go back and we'd write jokes all day and then go at like 9 o'clock and meet up there and go up three or four times at all the different stages. It was pretty crazy. There's really nothing like it. And everyone has a friend that's told them you should do stand-up or the other way around. And when you get up there,

you realize the water is choppy. And what's crazy is, it's true. And what's crazy is, As Jason pointed out, you've been performing in front of huge audiences for a long time. And I've been doing this for a long time. I look really young, but I'm older than... And they're laughing because it's so true. And...

And yet, when you actually go do stand-up, it is just such a different thing. It's completely different. We did one night when we were prepping for the movie. John, we're going to get to you in a sec. This is great. No, this is great. I was laughing just thinking as I was drifting as he was talking. I was thinking to my...

Because I drifted far. I thought, this is actually the most fun I've had on a podcast so far. I like where we're going. I like where we're going. You're lucky to get a word in. It's a conversation. I like where we're going. My point was, the line between succeeding, killing, and bombing is very thin.

So the first guy who brought me on stage... Quickly, please, yeah. We have to get to these guys. I'll have you know was the dearly departed Bob Sagitt. How bad do you feel now? now. And Bob brought me on stage, which meant he went up for just probably

four or five minutes, which was impossible for Bob to do, to do four or five minutes. Even more impossible now. That is true. That is, that is true. Bob would appreciate it. Well, you ask me how he would appreciate that job. Which is why you can do it. And he brought me up on

stage, and I immediately felt how difficult it was and this is the real problem. This is the real. I'm trying to put you in my shoes if you were to do stand-up. You might absolutely suck, but all you want to do when you get off stage is do it again.

And again, there's something about it. It's a little kind of million-dollar baby where you're all beat up and you're all, see you tomorrow morning. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. Now, Sean tried, and you guys have probably heard a little bit if you listen to the podcast, but Sean tried to stand-up once and he had a great opening. You remember his great opening show?

It's the best. Let's hear it, Sean. It's not the quiet, the level of the tongue story, You love it, John. They say doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could ever do. So I say just don't do it. End of joke. That's it.

That's the kind of logic I like. I like that kind of tail-eating logic. You can use it. John, you grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut. Yes, I grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut. Yeah. You grew up in Fairfiel. Your mom was an English teaching your dad

a high school principal. So, I mean, what? Did you feel like you had to be on your toes all the time with your grades and learning and all that? I had a very nice kind of hybrid of right brain, left brain growing up because there would be like, if you had a question about a word, the dictionary would come out at the dinner table. Oh, really? And you would break down what that word was. But then I would also go in my room and kind of escape from all of it and just play guitar. And if you put both those things together, it's very good for being a singer-songwriter.

because you've got the left brain, right brain thing going. So I hear things when people are talking to me. I know what's wrong with all of the grammar they're using, and I just let it go now. Does it drive you crazy? Do you still drive me crazy a little bit? There's a couple ones that drive me crazy, and it's number and amount. Do you know about number and amount?

No, tell me. I'm going to change your life forever, and you're going to annoy all your friends. It is a number of people. It is an amount of butter. So number refers to a quantifiable substance. A bunch of singular things. Yes. And amount is the opposite of that.

So when you hear amount of people, it is technically wrong. Number of people. And when you hear someone say number of people, to me, it's like music to my ears. What about punctuation with texting, emails, things like that? Periods go inside of the quotes. Right? You know? Exactly.

Commas go inside the quotes. Exactly. I believe question marks go outside the quotes. There's a book called Eats, Shoots and Leaves. You said, no, it they don't? It depends. It depends. If you're relaying what somebody else said, right?

Then it would go in, but if you're asking, did she say this, then it would go outside. Right. But then it's not a double dash for the quotes. It's a single dash because it's somebody else's... Right. If I'm writing, I will actually do several layers of quotes, so I'll use the single apostrophe for the quotes inside of the double apostrophe for what it was saying. I think it's beautiful.

It's a beautiful thing. Well, not all heroes wear capes. But are you one of those cool texters that, like, uses acronyms and, like, how, the kids' text? No, you'll write a goddamn sentence, right? And you'll punctuate it. You'll spell check it, and then you'll send it. I have one pet peeve. Yeah.

Which is when people use hung for when someone was hanged. It's hanged, not hung. That comes in handy a lot. Yeah. Because he searches it on Google all the time. Do you have that, John, where you feel like the urge to correct people? I will tell you, I have a rule. I have a rule.

If I feel like it will help them and they will appreciate that help, I'll do it. And I'll have a way of saying, there's nothing wrong with you saying it to me. I think you'd want to know, and I want you to, so you can judge it. Here's one that's just a real dude. When I'm looking at an Instagram caption, and someone says they were honored to be a part of something, but apart is one word apart, which is the exact opposite of what they're saying. That one is bonkers.

Or what about when you're sending a text? The send button is not a period. You know, create your paragraph. Send that. Don't just keep hitting send at the end of every sentence. Because then my phone goes, I feel like someone died. This has been about a year and a half to two years now.

I promise we're going to get back to the show. This became, listen, we're on a hot streak. This became a kind of vernacular where people would say, I mean, not for nothing, but we should. And it's cool if you have that text open. And if you're watching something and it keeps coming down, or if he's trying to show a video of people getting hunged. There aren't alerts.

Then you would just see it coming down and stuff. And so now just write it all. I put paragraph breaks in now. Take your time. Right. Get it together and then alert me to what you want to talk. At the same time, it does make it more conversation. I'm not here defending that and I'm not guilty of it.

But I will say there's also nothing worse. You're the absolute worst. There's nothing worse than getting six inches of text from somebody. Glad you finished the sentence. Here's this story. You know what I mean? You would love my texts. I bet.

Can you text? I'm important to texting with you. Try me. Try me. I'm ready to start a friendship with you. I'm saying it officially right now in front of everybody. I'll never be uninteresting. No, I saw you at the Mets game the other day.

I'm like, we can go to baseball games. You can teach me how to play guitar. You and I... I know, this is sort of like the We Never Hang Out Dave thing you're doing, but I would hang out with you. I'll get you on Smartless Mobile. That's great.

We'd love to get you on. Yeah, listen, I would love to have a Samsung phone. That sounds very exciting. He's kidding. You can get it on any phone. I can't wait to have red bubbles. I'm John Why are your bubbles red?

I'm on smartless mobile It's not true It's all blue It's 5G and you're on the T-Mobile network Anyway John Smartless mobile alerts Sounds like you don't want a free fucking phone I just love the idea of being on

Hit me up on Like you guys have to start integrating it into your casual conversation You hit me up on my smartless mobile We didn't have to We didn't know that Sean was going to drop to be honest. It's fun.

And we will be right back. This episode of SmartList is sponsored by our friends at Ashley. The brand actually made our live event stage feel kind of like a home, while also supporting incredible organizations like Four Others. Earlier in the episode, we mentioned

their donation to Four Others, a nonprofit doing very, very, very important work to end the child welfare crisis in America. The crisis may go overlooked at times, But it has serious consequences. And through working with Ashley and for others, we learned that 90% of children in the welfare system will experience severe trauma.

And children that age out of the foster care system have a 40% chance of being homeless within 18 months, with 97% immediately entering chronic poverty. And these stats are hard to hear, but that's exactly why this work is so important. So through Ashley's donation, the next generation can find a loving and secure home, strengthening our communities and opening doors to new possibilities.

And we're just thrilled to celebrate the powerful work being done by four others with Ashley's support. We were sitting on Ashley pieces during the live taping of our show, which was comfy and they looked great. It made it look like a living room and kind of at times forgot we were on stage. But sitting on Ashley's furniture knowing the work that they did, do that goes and does good in the world felt even better. And just being associated with that brand for us went a long way. Ashley's all about style that's made for real life with white glove delivery right to your

door. So visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style. To learn more about For Others mission or to donate, visit For Others.com. This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by Skinny Popcorn. And yes, it's exactly what you heard, crunching. backstage at our live event at the Avalon. I will say there's something kind of really classic about the original skinny pop. No fluff.

It's just got the good stuff. It's deliciously popped, perfectly salted, light and airy. Kind of like me. I feel like I'm kind of light and airy. I'm like a human skinny pop. But I'm not as good. We did. We had so much skinny pop.

They were a sponsor of the show. And we had so much of it everywhere. were kind of silly with Skinny Pop, and the guys went a little bit crazy with it. Every time I buy Skinny Pop, in my mind, I'm always like, oh, I'm getting it for the kids because I have two teenagers and a little guy. And I'm like, so I'm getting Skinny Pop for the kids. It's a good snack, and it's a snack that I sort of feel comfortable having in the house. And then, invariably, I'm the one who eats it all.

Skinny Pop, deliciously pop, perfectly salted, popular for a reason. Find out more at Hersheyland.com slash Skinny Pop. You're listening to a very special episode of SmartList recorded at the Avalon Theater, and we've partnered with Starbucks to help make this summer even more memorable. This season, Starbucks is delivering handcrafted beverages made to inspire you to enjoy the summer season to the fullest. We're talking bold, refreshers, iced beverages, and a new Frappuccino that all tastes like summer with each sip. I've been sipping between takes, and let's just say, none of us are sharing. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. Stop by your local store and enjoy your favorite tastes of summer.

And now back to the show. So you're from Connecticut, and I remember I was in Atlanta once. J.B. and I spent a couple of years there, not together. And I was listening to a radio station driving to work, and then you were talking to the people, and you knew these people on the radio. And I guess I missed the first. You had a real connection to Atlanta at the start of your career. Is that true?

Yeah, I moved down to Atlanta when I was... Pariat. Go ahead. Like a real connection. Yeah, I went down to Atlanta, moved away. I left Berkeley College. of music after a year, moved down there with a friend

and just started writing songs and plugging away and going for it. I had a friend who was from there down in Snellville, Georgia, where everyone is someone is what they say down there. Which is really nice now when you look at it that way.

And so I moved down there and we started writing songs and I just... How old were you? 21? But didn't you start writing in high school? Yeah, I started writing songs. And you were like a gas station person?

I worked at a gas station. I was writing songs. I was writing songs in math class. I mean, see, that blows my mind that, I mean, it's so rare to have that gift at such a young age to be able to use the English language, then put it to music, and you just happened to be an incredible songwriter. And you knew this at such a young age. Did you know why you were pumping gas at the gas station?

Did you have enough belief in yourself to know that, oh, this is just temporary? I'm probably going to make it someday. Everything, yeah. I mean, everything that I was looking at was in my way. And there are kids out there who feel this way, and my heart goes out to them. They're not being punks. They're acting out in class,

but they're not being punks. They already know. It would be like going to a restaurant, and the waiter is reading the specials, and you go, I know what I want. I don't want that. I just want the burger. And they're telling you about,

we take the lobster out, we cook it, we put it back in the show. You're like, I know what I want. And it was very, it was, That was actually one of the hardest times in my life, was to have to be 15. When I knew that I wasn't 15, I wanted to go do this thing. Wow.

I love that. I love the way you put that, yeah. So then when did the damn break? When was it like, yes, finally I'm getting some traction. They're playing my music. Well, I went to Berkeley College of Music when I was 19. I took a couple years off to hone my chops at the mobile station. But by the way, let me also say,

whatever job you have, be the best at it on your way to where you're going. Be the best at. I became assistant manager at the mobile station. I remember seeing the interview. Did you go there with like Diane Sawyer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like 25 years ago. 30 years ago, I remember that. I got a pager. Just be great at whatever job they give you because it's more fun to be great than to like suck at it and say you don't want to do it. Just ace it for fun, you know? Right. And I would go to like mobile management meetings. And I remember, I'm going to tell a story. It's very similar to your style.

I was sitting at a meeting in a convention room with all of these mobile managers and there was a woman who was giving a speech to all the mobile managers and it was called Give Him the Pickle. And it was all based on if you're working at a deli and someone comes up and says,

can I have an extra pickle? Don't charge them for another pickle. Give them the pickle. That's a cool lesson to learn from pumping gas and makes up for how stupid you get from inhaling the fuse. Give him the extra pickle. Give him the pickle. Yep. And if they like it, give them the second one for free.

So, how old were you? Wait, how old were you actually picked up a guitar and what made, was it really back to the future? You're like, I want to be Marty McFly. Yeah, I saw it back to the future and whatever that thing was, which was that moment of like, comeuppance, you know? Like, that always meant something to me. And then I would like go to tag sales. We called them tag sales in the northeast or garage sales. and I'd buy a guitar

My mom buy me guitar for like $2 and like the first four guitars never had all six strings on them but then I'll never forget the day I had a guitar with all six strings because that was all of the strings and then I could really go off and running and I just saw the

I saw the geometry of the thing and I went got it and it wasn't that I knew how to play the guitar but I knew how I was going to and I just so quickly went and took things like rocks from the don't know it pile

and put it into the know it pile. But it wasn't because I worked harder. I just looked at that thing and I went, I got it. Did you self-teach, did you just like start making noises? Yeah, I was lucky. If you're ever, anyone out there, if you're going to give your kid a guitar, don't give them lessons for like a couple weeks.

Yeah. Just go looking. Go looking around. Play around. Just see, because I still see the guitar neck the way I did when I first looked at it. And then I started taking it. I started taking lessons. And then the guitar instructor,

they used to cut it in half, 30 minutes, it would be 15 and 15. The first 15 minutes would be learning from the book and the second 15 minutes was like, bring in a song, and the guitar teacher will show you that song. And before long, it was just all bring in a song. And it was all show me everything.

And I could just, I'd go home and I'd come back and I'd do it and I'd go, give me more, give me more. And I just loved it. And I loved it. And then, I know, you're trying to get me to taper down with this story. and I'm almost there. No, no, no.

I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm truly... Sean, you loved it past tense. Were you like that? Sean, were you like that with the piano? Honestly, would you? I went through the face. I started at five years old, literally came home from kindergarten.

My mom was like, do you want to take piano lessons? I literally said, I'm not doing anything else. Why not? And she lived across the street and I started taking piano lessons. And then as I got older, all the adults in my life

kept saying, gosh, you know, you're taking piano lessons? I wish I would have stayed with that. I wish, or violin lessons, or whatever lessons they took. Over and over again, all the adults would say, I wish I stuck with it. And so I turned that messaging. I turned all those regrets into motivation.

And so I was like, there must be something to that. I wonder if I just stick with it, like everybody's saying they wish they did, it might pay off. And I might get respect for it because they gave up on it. So I don't know why it's stuck in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have the door building.

Connecting with an instrument is like flying. Every time I've tried to teach myself how to play guitar, I can't get past how much it hurts my fingers. I know. So I stop every time. It hurts, man. Yet you'll watch a series for nine episodes because someone says it gets good on the 10th.

The things we'll stick with and the things we won't. I know. But also you have to get a guitar that's set up right. sometimes people's first guitars have been in attics and stuff. Do they make soft strings? They make soft strings. My 14-year-olds here, he's up there and he started playing bass a couple years ago.

Now he taught himself to play guitar, and he's making music in his room. You knew that, I told you that. Abel, where are you at, Abe? He's up there somewhere. Base strings, that's easier on the fingers. Those are bigger strings. It's like a gateway drug to guitars in a way, right?

Yeah, I mean, sometimes it's whatever the band needs. Sorry, buddy, I don't mean that. But it's all about whether the guitar is set up. You're going to pay for that later. It's only four strings, too, right? Yes. When did you start having panic attacks? Oh, my God.

Boy. Nice, smooth. Because I have, I had them too. The worst host in the history podcast. No, listen to me. Because I had them too. Like 20 seconds ago. Yeah.

Because I had them too, and then I get aphib, which is cardiac aerhythmia with me, which you have. I have as well. And do you know when you're in it or no? Okay, is there a doctor in the house just in case? They both seem like they're ready to pop. Yeah, because I had to go to the emergency room a lot to get cardiovert. Is that what you had to do? I didn't have to do cardioversion.

So let's just get super esoteric here. When I was 17, I had aphib, paracismal loan, aphib. Sure, sure. And I got out of it with a digitalist. It's an antirthmic. Yeah, I tried that. It doesn't work. Got out of there for me.

And it's not, it's not fatal for most people. It is a slight risk of stroke. Right. But it's just a nuisance. Right. And it keeps me honest because I'm on a daily, I'm on Fleckinide 50 million. I was a day. You talk to the TV at home. This is, you have...

I wait goodbye to the ladies in the view. I'm like, goodbye. Yeah. As they say goodbye. Wait a minute. Me too. I tried Fleckonide, but then I just take it as needed. Yeah. Okay. I take it because I have lots of PACs or premature atrial complexes and hundreds a day

if I'm not on fleckonide. And sometimes I'll take a metoprolol, which is a beta block. I'll take 50 milligrams of metopalal. Same metropelal, yeah. This reminds me of a TV show idea I have. And it's about a doctor who's a vampire, but he never went to medical school. He just lived so long that everything under the sun happened to him.

So he just knows everything because he's lived like 800 years. And he's always trying to break in to drink the blood. I mean, we have that. We have the blood thing. We have these always sneaking around the different floors. And I really think I hit it out of the park with the name just Dr. Vampire MD. And like just come out with it. And I think if you're driving down sunset to go back to wherever you guys are, you know, on the west side,

and you see a lit up sign over the saddle ranch, this is Dr. Vampire MD, that you'd be like, I would check that out. Absolutely. I would totally check that out. Will you write the theme song? Yes. Wait, why don't you have hair on your arms? Simply the worst.

This is the worst. This is the worst. Simply worse than all the worst. Terrible. All the worst. Sean and I have both lost the hair on our shins from socks. I don't have hair here. I used to make fun of Jeffrey Tambor for that.

But he was like, oh, you wait, you'll get old enough, you lose it. So you're saying you lose hair on the legs? Yeah, from socks. Like on the inside I got hair. Outside, like a biker. Yeah, I'm not a very, I don't, I can't grow a beef. I'm not very... Same.

Alabaster all the way. Yeah. You and I are smooth. Yeah. We're smooth. We're smooth. We're smooth jazz. Yeah.

John, whose body was a Wonderland? Oh. I had that. I can tell you, and I think I've told people this much. It was your first girlfriend. Yeah, it was my first girlfriend. Oh my God, he's mocking my answer. The worst host.

...mocking my answer. I've never had anybody mock an answer. I would have sweetened it up and put something in you hadn't heard. No, okay, sorry, go ahead. My first girlfriend. Get to it, mayor. Get to this question.

The first of this total setup because you asked me the question. Actually, what you're doing is making fun of him for asking. That's right, that's right. That's right. But I did have on here, you have a high profile dating history.

Do we talk about it or not talk about it? Here, here's why I don't... And that had to do with it. I would talk about me if it related to me. Sure. But I am older now. It's been a very long time since I mean, I have my own

situation from that. I stay inside the house. Aren't I a good boy, America? I'm not dating anybody. Aren't I good? Are you single right now? I'm a single person. I'm a catch. Would you, would you, would you like, do you do you have dreams

of being a husband, a father? Absolutely. Yeah? Absolutely. It's not easy. It's not easy for John Mayer to date. In all seriousness, like, what are you going to do? Like, it's tough to meet people. No, but I'll tell you, it's a very good, it's a very good filtration

system of selecting who's right. So if, if it's not easy, then that means when the right person comes along, well, then that's easy because of how not easy it is until you meet the right. But let me ask you about what's right and what's wrong for a girlfriend versus a wife,

versus somebody that you might have a child with. Are you looking for something different now than you were, say, 10 years ago. Because they're one and the same. I would not date someone if it didn't have the upward mobility of becoming a marriage. Right, so don't marry a girlfriend, perhaps, said differently. But I don't understand.

Wouldn't you always marry your girlfriend? Well, I do. I think there's a difference. Explain it. Well, I think... You know what they say? Never marry your girlfriend. Well, but...

It feels like... They never said it. This is going to be... Hi Amanda You know what they say They say be friends with your best friend No no John let him keep digging please Babe, should I put the shovel down?

Oh no I do think that You guys come in separate cars? No damn it But you know You might make a choice To date somebody That you think Oh well this should be a fun girlfriend

that it doesn't really have legs to go at distance, but... All my girlfriends have had legs. It's something, I mean, I... Good for you. Good for you, dude. Yeah. So far, I don't disagree. You gotta have standards, you know? It just happens to be.

I'm not looking on... But, Jay, keep going, though. Laugh it up, giggles. You're on a... You want a dating site right now? I'm not. Every girlfriend would be a potential wife at this point. I am 47, which...

Oh, you're young. So at this point... Same. Same. Do you think... You're older than 47. Do you still think 47 is young? Is there something about 47 compared to 63?

Yeah. No. Yeah. It is young. Yeah, so... 45. But... So, however difficult it is, is how easy it will be to identify someone who's right.

I think that's how I look at it. Well, yeah, with age comes, you know, the ability to reflect on your past and not repeat the same mistakes. So when you enter a new relationship, you are hopefully, wiser and all of those things. Can I tell you something? I'm going to be really honest. Just between us. Please just say it's all a fucking crapshoot.

I am very well behaved. I believe that being well behaved. Like I really care. I've developed really the best parts of me. I'm very well behaved. I treat people really well.

I'm honest. I'm sincere. I'm not sarcastic. And I don't know that people know this about me. And so I think that when people come into a dating situation with me. They think I'm going to be snappy and quick and sarcastic, but I'm not. Wait, is that bad?

Well, listen, you guys are really given yes and a run for its money out here. But I'm very well-behaved, and the thing is you have to be well-behaved. Was it always that way? No. Okay. Because you're a rock star, and if I'm a girl thinking about dating you, I think, well, this could be a

challenge. Yeah, I mean, see, hell have no fury or like, maybe not. Nothing is worse than someone who believes they're doing right and they're not. Like that's, most assholes in dating

are such assholes because if they would pass a lie detector test that they mean well. They're good at being assholes. You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved. And that's the kind of trap you get. This is call her daddy. right?

Yeah, yeah. This is where we are? So I am very well-behaved, and I've never articulated this before, so forgive me if it sounds strict. I expect good, like great behavior turns me on. I fixed, like high wattage,

and I'm not saying anything about just in general, high-wadage, Hollywood, zing it at you, kind of thing. That was interesting when I was young and now, like, fucking being well-being. behaved is the hottest shit in the world. What's your version of... Like good sleep hygiene, table manners?

If you... You know what I would say it is? Responding to insecurity in a sincere way. Yeah. Amen. That's good. But I do have... Well, the ability to be vulnerable, too, is a big thing. And that's what you get when you get older,

because you don't give a shit. You're like, hey, this is who I am. So what ended up happened... You're right. But I think that younger people need to get a head start on being more vulnerable. Being sarcastically invulnerable and apathetic is a really good healing mechanism

to get over the past breakup. It is a great way to get over somebody is to go out with your girls and take a couple pictures for your dating site where you're like licking a knife, you know, whatever. I get it. I get that.

But you can't carry that into your necks. I fear that there's a generation of people, men and women. who have decided to come into relationships in a very inflexible, sarcastic. Vulnerability is the shit. Yeah, it's the best. Leave yourself so vulnerable

that you could die if someone said the wrong thing to you. And just die a thousand times and drive home and do all those farts in the car and get home and go, well, we tried. I know that's the route to a quicker, better thing. Just be vulnerable. I want to get to your career because I have tremendous...

I do. I want to get back to my career too. Yeah. I did have something about the sleep that you take magnesium baths. I don't even know what that is. Where did you get... It's magnesium baths.

John, are you late for something? Are you in a rush? No, I don't want to... I don't want to overstay our welcome with our friends. I thought you got this in chat GPT and you would say, chat GPT, are you sure about the magnesium bath thing

with John? And it would say, you're right. I can't find exactly where I found there was a magnesium bath. I tried looking. I love what Chadji Pate is like, fuck, you got me. All right, we don't talk about it. No, so, but I do have,

speaking about being vulnerable, if I can be vulnerable with you right now, that I do have, from one musician to another, tremendous respect for you. Take it easy. I do. I just think, I know so many of your songs. The first one, you know,

The first one I think most people knew you from is, I want to run through the halls of my high school. I want to scream at the top of my loss. Yeah, I love that. I love that song. Anyway, but go back to me. You released. Isn't it funny that singers who also just talk,

but you know the whole time they're talking, they could be singing? Yeah. I always, when I was younger, I would watch people, I'd be like, that guy's talking, but he's also singing. And I feel like sometimes I want to show people, It's like, this is me talking, this is me talking, this is me talking. I'm kind of moving into singing now. I'm kind of moving into singing now.

I want to run through the halls of my... I'm coming back to, but now I'm coming back into talking, but now I'm talking again. Now I'm talking again. But at any moment I wanted to, I could go, what's to bring me down? But I can talk again. Yes.

But I can talk again. But here's the thing. Isn't that weird? Yeah, I'm going to ask you to sing at the end of the show here, and then you're going to feel really uncomfortable. Wait, are you in a question? Because I want to ask you about your musicianship.

So when you joined... Dead in company? Yeah, I'm making sure you didn't say Grateful Dead. So, I'm not a deadhead, but I've loved the Grateful Dead for many years. I've only gone to, like, I went to like 10 shows, but I'm not a deadhead. But I watched you in an interview talking about learning the songs and how quickly you learned all those songs. It is bananas.

Can you tell us a little bit about that process if you guys don't know? Yeah, so I was falling in love with the music of Grateful Dead. Like falling in love. If I hadn't joined the band or met Bob Weir and Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzman, I would have just fallen into that anyway. And it's actually funny,

the way I met them was through a mutual friend Don Was, producer extraordinaire Don Was. Who said, come up and I know how much you love Grateful Dead right now, come up and meet the guys. and I was just telling them how much their music meant to me. And they were like, what do you do in March 7th? And so I was like, wherever you need me because they were looking at putting a band together.

So it was really fascinating because as I was falling in love with the music, I would just learn how to play it on the guitar. And I made a binder. And the binder had a bunch of, you know, the tablature or she, you know, whatever the manuscript paper was and I would just write the song down and I would just do a song a day.

But I was in love with this song a day. So I would just, I took like six months off and learned how to play those songs in my house. But I mean, it's, how many songs is it? I mean, I think we played like 150 songs. It's fucking incredible. And you learn them, you learn them all like in a short amount of time. But you do this with lines, Will. Yeah, it's a little bit different, man.

How so? I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at a... I say that too. I say lines, it's like singing. Because if you do a play, or you have to do the same lines over and over again, you have to do the same lines over and over again, you have to do the same lines over. It's like a song.

The geometry is already there. It's not like I have to make a new map for every song. And I'm already like visualizing where the music goes anyway. So it's kind of, it's easier than you might think to just place the... Think of it like a cork board with like index cards or something. You go, okay, those are there. Or like dancers who can have like a two-minute thing and someone can go, take out that step in bar 12.

And they can just... It's like it's in innate language. and if I had to learn how to do it and it wasn't in me, I wouldn't be able to do it. Are you one of the positions that... Did you ever learn how to read music? No, but I could read a chord chart, but I can't read music.

That's amazing. Yeah. But if I had, I don't know that I would have even used that skill that much in pop music. You know, you've written... So many songs, there's... By the way, I love...

What is it called? All we ever do is say goodbye. I love that song so much. What's album was that on? That's on... That's on battle studies. And it's funny because as a writer, you can put a song out and then kind of get down about it.

Oh, I think it's kind of this. And then years later, you listen back to it as someone who wouldn't or couldn't write that song today. And so you hear it for the first time. And I heard it for the first time not long ago after years of not listening to it. And I was like, oh, this is very nice. But when you listen back to it, do you remember where you were? And I don't mean necessarily physically,

but where you were, what it meant to you in the moment, you're like, oh, like when you hear a lyric or you hear a certain note that you hit and you go like, oh, yeah, I remember why I did that. All of it. There's an emotional connection to it. All of it. It's very deep as I get older.

It really is. I'll tell you why, like, I don't know how to deal with it sometimes because I'll listen back to things and be so... And this is not arrogance because I'm not the same person. I can't do that anymore. Like you're not the same person you were when you wrote letters to boyfriends

or when you wrote in your diary. So I can look at it preserved in amber as this thing and I, it's very deep, but profound because I appreciate it. I can't believe that I did that, but I'm not that anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't belong to me, even though everyone would say it does. I go, but those cells that made that thought

and the person I was when I was that vulnerable or I was in that particular way and I didn't understand the world and I want to be able to say hey that's my song but I listen back to it and there's a sadness to not having it. It's really hard to explain it.

But then John, they have a relationship with the song when they enjoy it or they say hey I really love that song it really spoke to me. I was going through I was going through a breakup or somebody in my family died or whatever and they have a different emotional response to it

How does that hit you? That's great. Whatever it is to someone else is great. And I'm at that age now where people have lost people they used to go to shows with or people they used to listen to the music with. And it makes you more, it's such a deeper connection for people. It makes up for the times people go like,

you were my high school crush. Does this happen to you guys? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you go, it's never happened. Oh, this is the one. This is the one. My 14-year-old self is freaking out right now. Yeah, right.

And I go, so you're not. not. And the version that did is no longer here, and you're here representing a former verb, but we're all in, I'm... Do you feel like you're in a better place

now than you were back then to write songs and music? Do you think you're better now? I bet you are. Great question. Thank you. I'm better... That's beautiful. Thank you. That's beautiful.

Thank you. This is actually, it's, yeah, I could help anyone with their song. I could help anyone make their song better because of the just pure experience of trying to write every song or every type of song that's ever existed. Right. It gets harder to write as you get older, but you're better when you do.

And the reason it's harder to write is because you begin to answer questions that you've had your whole life. And you should, you shouldn't live in a constant state of raw nerves, you know. And so when I was younger, everything hurt and I could write. And I wanted to know, why does this hurt? I got to get this out. And as you get older, you have wisdom and you understand why. And you help other people who don't understand why something's happening.

And you can tell them what's coming up the road. So music comes from wanting to understand what's going on. And the more you understand what's going on, the less is to write, but when you catch one, the more experienced you are at, like, putting spin on the ball, baby. Have you ever written a song though that's been like really emotional and then you've

had somebody important in your life and they hear it and they're like, hey, fuck, are we good? Like, is that about me? Is that about me? Like, what the hell? I thought everything was cool. We went on vacation last week and I was listening to the radio today. Yeah, it happened to me one time. Really?

Yeah. And were they right? Was it about them? It's actually, good questions will get the right answers because I can't, yeah, I had a song called Perfectly Lonely, and at the end of the bridge, it was like something about I have to thank the love so that went wrong to lead me to a love so strong, and she said, am I the love that went wrong? Am I the love that went wrong?

And I had to be like, no, you're not, it's just a song. That was the only time I think anyone ever said. But they were. But for the most part, I'm actually very... Yeah, I mean, that's what I thought. Now she knows. And it really was, it really was the love that went wrong. For the most part, my songs aren't bitter.

I don't write songs that are like, how dare you songs. What's that? What did you say? Oh. Heartbreak warfare, yeah. Yeah. Except that one. Latin's track inside my chest to keep me.

No computers. Isn't this amazing? It's so good. But I mean, I tell you, I'm freaking out that you're singing in front of me right now. It's really cool. Speaking weird. Speaking of which, what's that God damn piano. You're a 14-year-old self.

No, I had one last question before I asked. If you want me to play something, I'll play something. I know I said it would. I do. Obviously. Before that, before you get it, last question, let's say you could form a super group of musicians that are alive. Who's in it?

And what's the name? Alive. Okay. Great answer. That is good. So, to me, my hero, like, like, real. Okay, there's people you say they're your hero. but there's people that you just lose it around.

And to me, Eddie Vedder, to me, that's it. That's it. Love him, yeah. Like, you got to understand. Like, you can play any, people play so many different things on a guitar.

I should say, there's only so many things you could play on a guitar. His particular way of dropping in. Yeah, yeah. So I would just want to, it's a selfish thing. I'd want to be next to him making music. Yeah, yeah.

And luckily, I'd put people in the band that probably already played with it. Put Steve Jordan on the, drums, but Pino on the bass. Yeah, I love that. You know, I, because I obviously I knew you were coming on because you're my guest today, but I went bonkers with nerves because I was

practicing a couple of your songs because I wanted to play with you. But I can't because we didn't rehearse. No, no, no, I can't. You have to because I didn't rehearse. No, no. I don't know the chords and all that. But, I mean, I need sheet music. I can't read fake books and the court search. So, but if you weren't going to play, I was going

to bait you by playing something myself, but I'm glad you are, so I don't have to. So please, would you indulge us and play something. I just have to remember it. It's very nice of you, John. Yes, very nice of you. Very nice of you. Oh my God, there's so many. Can I play anything I want?

Yes, but I want to impress you. You're the one who brought me in. You're the one who sent the email. Well, I like... I wrote all those great questions. That one. I love all we ever do is say goodbye. I love all the hit...

I love the first one. I can't remember the name, but I know all the words. I want to run with my halls in high school. of such things? Yeah. I mean, you probably don't want to play that. I don't know. I mean, it's... Could you? Let him play what the hell he wants. Yeah, play whatever you want. I want you to play what you want. I'll tell you what. You call it out. I'll play a little bit of it.

No, no, you play it. You pick, you pick. See, gravity would be nice, too. Yeah, play all of it continued. Medley. Medley. I know, I'm at the age of doing a medley. I'll do a medley if you want. Yes. Hold on. Let me just load it up in my head.

Okay. All right. It's not a silly little moment It's not strong before the ground This is the deep and dying breath of It's love that we've been working on and on Can't seem to hold you like I want to So I can fear you in my arms

Nobody's gonna come to save you We put too many false alarms We go down You can see it too We go down And you know that with my dear We're slow dancing And a burning

Oh, too good Can I just keep going on this song? I was the one you always dreamed of You were the one I tried to draw How dare you say it's nothing to me Baby you're the only light I ever saw I made the most of all the sadness You'll be a bitch because you can

Or you try to hit me just to hurt me So you leave me feeling dirty Because you can understand We're going down We could see it too Ah We're going down And you know that when I dear

We're slow dancing In a burning room And now, Sean, in other words I guess what I was trying to say with this song was Was all we Goodbye All we ever do is say

Goodbye She would say Goodbye She said to me Condescendingly Take a scene Take your life And plighted out in black and white

Of the prime kings and the drama queens, I'd like to think the best of me. They love to tell you. Stay inside the song. You want to run through the hall of my high school. I want to scream at the top of my eyes. I can't see that. I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie, you got to rise above.

I just can't wait till my tin. your reunion, I'm gonna bust down the double doors. And when I stand on misdemean before you, you will know what all the time was for. Thank you. Now, Sean, I gotta say, great job, Sean. Great job, Sean. I mean, I think so.

Belize. He's up there. Scotty might be in trouble, huh? I mean, that... What, that I did this photo? Well, no, I mean, I did. I mean, you guys had a real connection. I know.

I love that guy. Isn't that amazing? You guys? And I saw a bunch of you guys mouthing the lyrics too. You didn't know he was coming out here and you're big John Mayer fan. I love that.

I like what he said about vulnerability. I think more men should be more vulnerable in the world. I must agree. We talk about that a lot. And I think he's a brainiac and a sweetheart and a good person and I hope he finds love because he deserves it.

That's right. There's a bucket out there with phone numbers for any single people out there. But I love that song, one of my favorite songs. I know. Great song. It sounded very good. Do you remember the name of it?

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