SmartLess - "Maya Rudolph"

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

Superhero Maya Rudolph skydives in for some cork-popping fun on another juicy episode of the pod. Songs are sung, stories are told, and Maya educates us all, by example, on how to be the coolest cucumber around. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, welcome to Smart List. I am Jason Bateman, one of the less smart hosts. Even less smart is Will Arnett and truly dumb is Sean Hayes. We each have invited, well, one of us invites a guest per week. The other two don't know who that person is. Some of it's going to be funny. Hopefully you won't cry and hopefully you learn a little something. So let's get started. Well, here's the sad part. You have Chumba Wamba on your thing ready to go and it's not a joke. No, it's a ringtone. He's getting a call, I think. I've been going so Chumba Wamba heavy lately on the, I keep going like mid conversation all of a sudden, we'll say something and I'll just go, you know, the thing about me is I

get knocked out, but I get up again and she's like, but between that and my 10 year love affair with figuring out who let the dogs out. Right. Oh, but what about that? What's that crap ass band? Well, actually, I've never heard their music, but they're God damn name, uh, bony bear, bony bear. Yeah. It's bony bear. First of all, bony bear is a great band. So is it what? Hang on. B-O-N-E-Y and then, and then V-A-R or something like that. Yeah, that's what it is. You fucking idiot. What's a bony bear? Like what? There'll be like a bat there. Wait, what song are they singing? Why? It's B-O-N and then, uh, space, I-V-E-R. Oh, he likes it because it's French

and he's like, I can speak French. It's not French. He's from fucking Wisconsin and it's this guy, uh, Justin Vernon and my friend, Chris Messina, who works the band and like it. Oh, then they're great. I don't know where a guest is, but I, but I guarantee you that they like bony bear. I have this feeling. How much do you want to bet? How much do you want to bet? Do you want to do a real bet? Wait, I what? 100 Canadian dollars. Sean, do you know who this is? So you can't chime in. 100 Canadian dollars right now. Great. So it's a $5 bet. Is that what you're saying? You know what, dude, that's so insulting. That's so insulting to me and to all my Canadian brethren who I'm going to publish. I'm going to put

your address online. Oh, right on. Right on. Well, just give her. Wait, can I tell you guys something that I was, Scotty and I were watching. Hey, were you just changing your diaper? What did you just pull out from your pants? Why do you wear a Pashbina as a diaper? Cause it was, it was cold. Now it's hot. I was watching field of dreams last night. I've never seen a movie. Okay. Hold for applause. What are you doing? Okay. No, it was really good, but I mean, it's kind of a long way to go to tell a story about playing catch with your dad, but I get it. It was sweet. You know, Scott, he's like, you know, all these people wanted an Academy Awards. I don't know. They were nominated or something.

And then we started having this conversation about who would we conjure up from the past that like, if you could, who would that be for you guys? Who would be, who would it be if, Hey, listen, Jason played catch with his dad at home. And by his dad, I mean the security guy at Fox and by cat, I mean smoking butts behind stage five. But look, yeah. Oh God. All right. Well, we'll get to that later. Sean, who are you so rudely keeping waiting? Yeah. On our little podcast today, we have a gorgeous woman inside and out who we all know we're all friends with. Really? And we all love. She is a light guys. Her lineage is filled with all kinds of famous people. I'm trying

to build even the slightest bit of anticipation because you're going to know who it is. Let me try it with this one, this random thing. She graduated college with a degree in photography. Can you guess who that is? Annie Liebowitz. That's it. She's a staple in the history of American comedy. We'll be remembered forever for her many contributions in film and television. She's trending so goddamn hard on social media right now because of her impression of Kamala Harris. It's Maya Rudolph. No way. Come on. Look at this. Oh, pop the cork. Pop the cork.

Oh my God. I was trying to sing Bonny Bear. I'm a stalker. I know something. I'm a stalker. Okay, so wait. Right? How good is Bonny Bear? It's great. I listened to the whole thing and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old. I know, identity. And now you look at him. He looks old. That's fucked up. So they're less gross than the name.

They're a person, I think, right? Isn't it a person? It's Justin Vernon pretty much. And he has other guys who are in the band as well. Sean Carey who plays, but they're good friends of mine. They're great guys and they make great music. Hi, Maya Rudolph. Hi, Maya Rudolph. Hi, guys. Thanks for being here.

Sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave. It's the only quiet place at my house. No, I was going to say thank you for the mood lighting. I'm going to join you. It's a wank fest here. Welcome to my jack shack. Yeah, he was talking about that the other day, how you bounce that name off of you. Oh my God. Do you remember I used to say that to you? Did you finally build your jack shack?

He's in it right now. Look at him. I can see it. He's got a smile on his face. And no pantalones. Now, Maya, the reason you're looking for quiet is because there are six, 17 kids. 18 kids over there, right? 18.

Good for you. I like to pop them out. There is nothing elastic about my lower region. Nothing. It's basically like when you get a grocery bag and something has spilled and then everything just falls out of the bottom. So the bottom got too saturated and now it's useless to you. So kids are falling out daily.

Falling out daily. Do your kids love that description of how they came into the world? My son, well, my son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw like a birth video. So we like to keep it that way. My son said the other day, a little Abel said the other day, he was in the back seat. Archie and I were arguing about the genesis of, this is a terrible parenting, of Grand Theft Auto games and one came first in GTA 5. And Abel's in the back seat going, hey, real quick, could you Wikipedia?

And he cuts me off and he goes, how babies are made? You got it. He's got them in his favorites. It's just a one button. You know, Maya, your husband did describe having a bunch of kids running around the house. He says it's so great. He's a better word. It's like having a fire burning in each room.

It's all warm and cozy. He said that. He said that? Well, he's a bit of a poet. I thought he was going to tell the Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like, because Jim Gaffigan has five, right? And I think his joke was having a fifth kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby. It's a bit overwhelming. I have to say that being in quarantine with four kids is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very busy.

It would be a lot more quiet and depressing. Look at Sean. Yeah, look at Sean. I just got up. Sean is so low right now. He'd have to rally to die. That's how low. How many books is your computer on right now?

Is your computer on it? My computer is actually on a stand right now. But I like to say the books behind me on the shelf. I've read every single one of those jackets. Nice. Oh boy. Nice. Can you say that to Scottie?

I'd say to anybody who'll listen. He says it to all the living members of Chumbo Womba. Maya, are those kids old enough to help out around the house or are they just asking you to help them find things to do? Because that is the only reason Jason had children. Right. I can't keep them entertained. Teenagers, yeah. I've got a 13-year-old and an eight-year-old.

The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they want to be social. But then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long. But then you've got to talk to them. If they're off the device, then you have to talk to them. It's killing me. And I also feel like... Lesser the two evils is just a thicker data plan, right? Yeah.

I thought you meant dad plan, yeah. Let's let Bateman keep talking and let him hang himself. Keep going, dude, what is it? So one teenager or two teenagers? I have one teenager. She's 14. The others are? I have no idea.

No, 10, 9, and 7. Almost 11, 9, and 7. Is the 14-year-old a nightmare? Has she found her sass yet at 14? No, she's not a nightmare. She's the opposite. So I feel really bad because she's a nice person. That's Pearl, right?

Yeah. I love her. Don't show off, Shawn. You know, we all have Google. Shawn is godparent to all of my children. Is that true? No. Yeah, and like my dad, I've never shown up for them.

Are you guys godparents to anybody? No. I am. I don't even... I don't know what that means. What does it mean? Yeah, I don't know either because I think I failed. Well, we are.

We're actually very active godparents, me and Scotty to Jonah and Sammy. Carrie Aisley's children. You are? Yeah. And so... And we're very active and legally, just somebody in the highly unlikely and hopeful never

happened in case where something happens to them, we are the legal guardians. Right. I don't think that's always the case. It's not a religious thing? No. It used to be a religious thing. And I think now it's much more of a just sort of a custom thing

that you do. And, babe, and listen, should we be godparents to each other's kids just out of safety? No, no, no. We're all set. He's good. So I want to send over the paperwork. He's good.

Yeah, yeah, no. Amanda's got it handled, bro. We're all good. I've got a question for Maya. You don't even know what's for dinner. Maya is actually the godparent to Scotty. I am. Does she powder and swaddle him?

Yes. I do. Maya, I have to say a couple of things. One is... I love you too. I do. I really do love you and I miss you. And I feel like I never see you.

I know. I love you too. I don't ever see you. I know. It's wrong. But the... First of all, I have to say the thing that we all know, but not everybody knows, which is that your mom is

Minnie Ripperton, who sang Love in You. I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing. These dudes are like, who? What? Yeah, I don't even know Bonnie Varys. Come on. Your grandfather owned all the Wendy's in like Florida or something? Yes.

Isn't that crazy? Hang on. Sidney Rudolph. Free burgers for life? So supposedly my grandfather and his brother were these big time business boys back in the day. And he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge, where you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip.

This was before the credit card was invented. And it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diners Club. Way to go, Sid Rudolph. Is Diners Club still around? I don't know. But I guess he straight up gave him the idea for the credit card. So Diners Club was just for restaurants? Is that what it was?

That's a great question. I don't know if it was like a traveler's check situation for going on. I remember those. Travelers checks. Cart Blanche. Remember Cart Blanche was a thing? What was Cart Blanche? It was similar to Diners Club.

I thought it was like, oh, Cart Blanche. And you just say it. Yeah, I liked it. Speaking of the Rudolphs, how was your dad? He's good. Are you asking me about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best? He's so sweet.

He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about. I just got another one today. I met, look at Bateman. I don't know your dad. Why don't I get to meet your dad? Her dad is such a cool guy and you would be well-served. This is like the bunny of everything. You'd be well-served to take that scowl off your face.

That's my rest face now. I have a heavy brow. I need a lift. But I am talking a lot about this. I constantly look like I've just said, what did you say? Yeah. That's my rest face. Yeah, mine too.

Wait, are you just coming to terms with this? Just to get to regular, I have to pretend I've just said, oh, I see. Right. That's what I had. That lifts things up to where center is. I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting and now your skin is relaxing into itself.

I have developed really gnarly eye bags and I think it's from years of rubber face. Me too, Maya. Maybe you and I can find a doctor that can just cinch us up in all the places. Those eyes and vaginas. Yeah. There's probably somebody in the valley somewhere.

They're kind of similar. They're similar areas. Picture eyes and vaginas done here. That's like sham coach and sham poach. Sham poach and sham coach. Sham pooch and sham. Sham pooch and in the back, you get sham pooch. Here's a very dark, dark story.

Before you get into this, I do want to say this. I went on a date with Ali. You went on a date with Ali? Wait, this is. What do you mean? I went on a date with Ali in New York and he took me to see puppetry of the penis. Do you remember that show?

Wait, yes, I saw it in England. It was terrible. Wait, Ali, who's Ali? Ali Farnakian. Ali Farnakian is a funny guy. He's the guy who came up with sham pooch and sham pooch. No, married with a couple of kids. And we used to pass.

And both named sham pooch and sham pooch. And we used to pass puppetry of the penis all the time on the way home on Seventh Avenue. And then we used to also, Amy and I used to always pass and we'd always say to each other that my favorite title for a play of yours, I love you. You're perfect. Now change.

Oh my God. I saw puppetry of the penis. I thought it was going to be like this brilliant thing. It was just guys playing with the dicks on stage. It was so painful and awful looking. A lot of stretching of skin. Yeah. Wait, so there was actual frontal nudity all the way through it?

Yeah. Really? Are they cut or uncut? They were. Well, they're Australian, so. Yeah. So uncut. Uncut.

So snudders. Wait, what? It's a snutter, right? It's called a snutter. I believe so. I've never. If it still has its little turtleneck. I'm a disgusting foul person and I've never heard that term.

What about aardvark? We used to call them aardvark. Yeah, sure. Aardvark is standard. I love the idea that Bateman goes in to get a facelift and the doctor says, no, just do the surprise face more. Yeah. And could you take care of my snuts?

How many snudders do you have? I've got three penises. Sean, I cut you off 10 minutes ago. You cut me off 10 years ago, but that's okay. Hello. No, no, I was just going to tell a story about my mom who passed away like two or three years ago. God rest her soul.

Best mom in the whole wide world. Darkest sense of humor. That's why it's okay to tell this story. She would even laugh at this. And so when she was two years old, she had cancer and they removed her eye, the entire eye out of her socket. I knew that. And it wasn't until she passed away that I found her old medical records

from when she was a kid and realized and learned that they took skin from around her vagina to reshape her eye socket, which was kind of astonishing back then. But, you know, I'd share the story with a friend of mine and he said, wait a minute, you're just telling me this now? The whole time I knew her, I could have fucked her in the eye. I thought you were going to say, I thought you were going to say to her, everybody looked like a cunt.

Oh my God. It's brilliant. That's better than everything I was working on. I had tear duct stuff. It was a lesson. Oh my God. Okay. Okay.

This is- Maya, I'm so sorry. Maya, I'm so- This is an X rated show, right? Yeah, no, we're going to cut that out. So listen- God, that's really funny. So I want to ask you seriously, back to Mini, your mom,

your dad produced that record from your mom, right? Yeah. They wrote a bunch of songs together and stuff. Another common question. I'm sorry, but I think you and your did I get laid. Yes, I did But did you because you have a great singing voice too Did you ever want to do albums and all that and sing and perform like I think the performing part? Yes, but the singing part I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range of my mother Well, because you were surrounded by music the whole yeah musical, but I don't but I don't have that kind of a voice

I mean when the standard is like a seven octave range. You're sort of like I'm good, but I like I like making music I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50. I'll probably start Publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be How does one start is it like you start with jingles or yeah, you know like you write songs about lettuce You're like, huh here. We come light and free holding Chris. That's the way it should be Crispy, too. That's right. Bateman Swallow it down From yourself and let us the crispier

My do any of your kids want to do like open their mouths and make sounds that sound like they're very They all seem to want to be filmmakers So that's definitely happening because your husband or your partner is Paul Thomas all of the above He's all of those things and you know and they have iMovie So they make a lot of movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute all four of them. That's great truly when my when Archie was born the night he was born it was a Saturday night and Of course, Amy didn't make the show that night and we were supposed to do a Bronx beat that night You're supposed to do you talk about Amy polar from Saturday Night Live as your ex-wife. Oh, don't forget. Well, your OB died

Our OB died the day before so the day that yeah, wait, what so it was the first time ham was hosting SNL Do you remember so ham was hosting and I was gonna pick up a baby. They were shooting at John ham I shot. Thanks. Sean is like a is like an audio chiropractor Here's the thing by the way, I have to jump in so my sister and all her friends live in Wisconsin and they listen to these Podcasts and she's like, I don't know what they're talking about half the time They're thrown about names. So that's why I'm plugging in all these names because they don't my advice to your sister is move. Oh, yeah Anyway, that's fair enough. That's fair enough. So John ham first time he's hosting so we go and we're gonna we supposed to go to this doctor's appointment and

The OB dies he dies that day. Are you being serious? That's crazy. That's what yeah, so he was old He was very old. Well, why was she seeing a guy on his death's doorstep, but she got a deal on him or something like that You get an OBGYN that that's got a few more years. We're vibrant So anyway, so we go sometimes you want sometimes you want the best you go you go you go to the quality This guy had deliverance. This is not a bit the whole the big thing was he delivered. So feel Lorenz, baby Oh my god, hey, whatever and wow, that was great in like 1950 beautiful, baby. That was a beautiful What a baby, but then apparently he forgot about it, but anyway Look

So so anyway, we go in and Archie is born and we turn on the show that night And he's a couple hours old and Maya sang a song Oh, yeah, Keenan and I Keenan and I sang a song for a little baby Archie. Really live. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's so nice I'm nice sometimes John. I really am. Well, that's not coming through Oh, sorry. You are the nicest. I love you to death. You know, I love you too. I want to ask you some more stuff But I can I go to SNL, which I know you're probably sick of talking about but or maybe you're not but I I'm cool. I hosted your first year of SNL I was a host during your first year

Well, I remember and even then I was like as I was hosting I was like who is this Master of comedy this girl. I just I'm who I'm falling in love with So quickly without as much as a date. I remember the facts of life sketch So well that you put up and it was Mrs. Garrett stuck a carrot But and that's why her head so red keeps singing these are the facts of life I can't believe you remember that. That is insane because I couldn't stop singing it afterwards. Missing carrot stuck a carrot up her butt And that's why he also red keeps singing

But it's got it's got it's got it's got it's got a bunch of birth These are the facts of life. It was it was Um wrote that lyric me and Raina got super stoned and rain is a friend of mine and wrote this entire song called the facts of life And it went through rain is a friend of Sean's who's a cook and who's a very good friend of Sean. Sorry keep going That's for Wisconsin All right, so wait so back to SNL so when you were there and I know everybody asked this But for anybody who's not who's never been part of the institution of comedy You know that creates legends like you are now and yes, you are. Thank you Sean. You're welcome. Maya

Everyone always asked I just want to cut him off again because I feel like he might land the plane at some point during the fucking podcast But I did want to say my you are Comedy royalty. Yes to me if anyone was listening to anything. I've said over the last 20 years, I reference you all the time. We'll talk about everybody does a certain level of sophistication and comedy I will say like Maya Rudolph and people go. Oh, I get it. Yes. I swear to God If you're only saying this for me being here today, I do appreciate it. It's so true Maya You know how I feel I you are you are one of the comedy legends of history for true people get it It's a very

Efficient economical way to say. Oh, you would like some smart laughs. Got it. Wow. That's a pretty Large compliment. Thank you my friend. It is absolutely, but I think that what Jason's getting to not only are you known for that? But I will say that as somebody who has worked with you a bunch over the years and and Sean can attest to this too And the three of us did work together as well There is nobody who's quicker or faster or better in the moment and and can eke out Make anything funny even if the scene is terrible and you want to throw it out and then find it in the trash and throw it out again Because it's so bad. Yeah, you have the ability to make every you bring just You always bring the element and this is I think the real the sort of the trademark of somebody's really funny

You always bring in the element of surprise. Yeah, I never know what you're gonna do and it's so every time it's so awesome I always feel yeah, it's exciting doing a scene with you. This is why getting old is great Because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened So your memories all of your memories of our time together are so Part of the intelligence it's night, but honestly, it is nice to appreciate I will I will get honest from it It's nice to appreciate each other as we as we age It's nice to have like it's nice to have had fun together because like my my thing once they started Having kids and having to go to work. I realized like oh, I have to actually like what I'm doing today

Or I'm gonna want to kill myself because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you're you've left your beautiful babies at home so all the time that I've spent with with you guys and In out in the world and doing things I I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my so hard I remember I remember there's this one scene that you and I were in and the show called up all night That will was also in with Christina Applegate and and those are my reference points will and So what network was it on just people don't know this was about the the coke addicts, right? So and Maya you there's this scene where it wasn't quite there yet with just the rehearsal and the writing and us acting And we just were trying I kept saying is it in yeah, right?

And I said I said I said if you can't feel it by now It's never gonna be and you and we crafted the scene in such a way that we finally got it there And then when we shot it you made like to Will's point you made it so funny I couldn't breathe laughing and it wasn't a Halloween thing where we were supposed to be dead or something We're pretending to laugh sorry, but okay, so here's the thing, but now you've accomplished something that you've really did your homework Sean, what's happening? This is the obligation of the host of the person who invites the guests They need to be the adult they need to have the question and the other two idiots get to just throw bombs from the sidelines Well, it's it's it's comforting isn't it it's it's well, but like to your point if you tighten it up it is so

Okay, listen listen to me Now you've accomplished something and I'm now I'm gonna compliment these other two jerks You've accomplished something that even Jason will have accomplished and I wanted to talk about this You all came out of the scene as actors who excel in comedy and and that's kind of what you made made you famous in the world And you all have expanded your repertoire and kind of like crushing the dramatic work as well like I even told Jason on Ozark It's it's the best work. I've ever seen him do it's he's incredible on the show and when he cries I cry very nice of you Thank you because face hasn't changed But you both you both excelled at the drama work too, and I know that's hard to accomplish

But what's really hard to accomplish and you guys have all done it which is to hold on to a sense of where you came from and Acknowledging your comedic roots because I feel that a lot of people who are famous because of comedy Immediately take themselves too seriously and then lose themselves in the journey to prove that they're more than that and in doing so Sometimes they fail. I mean sure you do you know what I mean? I think so. I was guilty of that first season of Ozark I had the the head writer showrunner cut out all the comedy that he'd put wasn't a ton of comedy But there were some things that were and I was like I was so like people have to know that this is this is a this is a drama You know and they're gonna think that there's a it's a comedy because I'm in it. It is a drama Exactly, but like a great writer does throws in moments of levity to you know

And so I got less precious about that in the second season and people really like that about his writing and the third season as well So I got and that was the second season is when they stopped calling you precious on set, right? Yep. Yeah Figured out what was causing it and put an end to it. I was gonna say I mean you guys all know I mean Comedy is just infinitely more difficult than drama over time can to be consistently, you know Funny, it's much harder than well dying is easy comedy is hard. I mean I have to teach them Oh, I did that's why I just read it off my page the truth is that yeah, what I mean what you're saying? Well is what I feel is like it You know at a certain point you realize how They also look comedy and the drama is few and far between and you realize how serious and

depressed you really are as a comedian Internally and then like it it's all kind of part and parcel the same thing So the all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real and it's all kind of I like that movie You did with Krasinski where you guys were it was funny dramatic moments John Krasinski from the office. Jesus. He was on the office he was on the office was God's and Sam and is directed. Yeah You guys that was a great and I I said this when we made our little show flake that not a lot of people saw that was on

Netflix, but I used to say people say is that a comedy drama? I'm like, I don't know when I wake up in the morning. You don't go like today's gonna be a comedy Today's gonna be a drama day. I wanted it to feel like a representation of what a life experience is I mean other than like Mel Brooks's house. I don't know that most comedy households are always funny, right? No, they're probably real quiet. They're probably really dark. Yeah, for sure Now Maya with all the years of experience that you have in the clear understanding obviously of the nuance of comedy as well as drama Do you have any desire to write anything long-form or direct anything long-form and kind of be the person that that Navigates all that stuff directing. No directing

I absolutely don't ever want to do and I think it's the the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me Feel like itchy and hot The like knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered It's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy like I don't think that's in my nature And I'm and I'm okay with that. That's why I live with the director I don't want to be one but I honestly enjoy the produce cereal side of Giving my opinion putting my time in I mean I I feel like I'm all I'm gonna be a forever writer in the way that I Sort of just like haphazardly became a writer at SNL because they just make you right

You don't have a choice and no one really says hey, you're a writer now. You're just like I'm writing my sketches I don't have a choice and it's really the only way to survive. So I think create can I'll continue to Create what I do, but the directing part. I like to I like to sit down and eat my lunch, you know, I don't Like to be a guest at the party not So stressful and I love When people love doing it and I love to be a part of that But I feel like there was a point in my life where I thought like I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that And then once I started realizing I don't I'm not good at everything and that's okay

I'm sort of like yeah, there's no there's no shame in that game My recollection of Maya on a boat night is this like we'd be shooting shooting all day Me like lunch and then her dressing room is next to mine and then like the knock on the door I'd be like, are we still shooting that scene after lunch? I Be feeling the same way. I'd be like, I don't know we bought that little kids. I don't know I was nursing Remember, I was nursing at that like right like the baby was in the room. I was pumping It was

Jack was just born Jack. Yeah, he's just turned nine. I want to ask you a serious question I don't know if I'm gonna get through it with my co-host, but here we go. Okay, and you hang on Let me get the stopwatch and go Your mom so sadly passed away when you were younger I think you were six seven eight years old something like that in the wheelhouse. Yes Yeah, and that way house and so and you're an exception incredible mom and it as I've seen firsthand It always seems like your children comes first, which is the correct thing to do and before anything else And you're always present and it's whatever kid wants

but there's any part of you when you were starting to have kids like and It's it's did you have a one of those real human fears of oh my god What if what happened to me happens to my children and I'm not around is that gonna happen and oh? I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly and I get weirded out all the time that I'm 48 and my mom was only 31 when she died and like now what how did I get to be older than my mother? It's so crazy like yeah, I don't I don't know how the hell we're all Adults to begin with let alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families. It's crazy But I what's your perfect ratio?

Your perfect ratio of work to parenting like like like like what are you doing today aside from this like do you do? That's a great question. I appreciate that question I'm gonna do a little voiceover work later on this afternoon for you working for I'm working for a wonderful production called bless the hearts by our friend Emily Spivey Oh bless the night with and looking for any new characters or Really good damn it was sexy, but also a little bit scary Do with this guy and a little a little bit sad like a little bit like well You know I cuz cuz he's had a few even though it's Wednesday

And he said he wouldn't but he did I thought he was constipated I see sounds a little he had a few sounds like he needs water when ain't no what he was looking He had a few or he's a self-asphyxiated there in the jackshack. Oh boy You know, what's funny? I did write in the time that we've been on this I did write a song for the jackshack and it's called jackshack shagging it up Jackshack you can shake it jackshack Jackshack shagging it up jackshack shagging it up jack get your jack on Shagging it up I wish we had an animated portion of this show. It'd be so good

My used to do this character. She we were gonna do a video and I was gonna be the pop the cork pop the cork And I was DJ Metro. It's just a French rapper And it's just Maya and she's in just like she's in Centro pay and she's in you know, Italy. I like to celebrate We would just say like London Pop the cork Dubai Pop the cork Israel. I want to see you doing all these characters every week again. Damn it I know I should answer your question because you bring something up, which is that I I do Every once in a while go God, I should do that show or I should when we were asking about creating and stuff like oh, yeah

I should create this and then I'm like, what am I saying? Then I'll never be home. I can't do that But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends and I'll do like a little bit here and a little bit there and a little bit and that And that's plenty for you. That's plenty Sometimes I spread myself too thin and then everyone so I'll say no now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it But I also like to go home sometimes Have you been courageous enough to play with the idea of an empty nest at some point sometime? Deep deep in the future. I say that cuz because I have and it just as much as I am I Love to be out and working. I love my kids

I love that they are here and I think I'm gonna be a mess when they go to college for sure that times too Right cuz I got two kids you got four Yeah, I'm like when what you know that like when one of the kids isn't home and they're at a friend's house or something You feel like there's no one here. The house is a quiet and it's just strange Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do But maybe that's a good time to you know move back to New York and start all over again Yeah, there you go see puppetry of the penis with Ali and yeah I just do some sort of a sequel to puppetry of the penis. What would that be called? I?

Want to go back to the question. I had about come back on that 30 minutes ago What Sean definitely definitely up another real What's number two I want to know because I want to know these things like I know you do and you know it by the way Yeah, good for you. Thanks guys. I know it's very responsible I feel like you brought me in and you're like I have to ask her real questions or she's yeah Otherwise, it's like there's just bits which I love. I don't care. You don't have to ask me anything real Listen, you can ask me anything you want. I love it. And so I want to know how you feel about me No, I want to know so I

Want to know like because way back of 30 minutes ago and I talked about Saturday night live And how you've you've you've helped create that institution that it is Everybody wants to know what was it like getting the gig that you always dreamed of getting like what was it like the first week? Is it like the first week of school and were you nervous and like how did you navigate around that? that was crazy because I came in at the end of the 25th season and I Had this really lame situation where I listened to like a bad manager I was so young and she said don't audition the come the new contracts are really binding and I went, oh, okay I got fucking idiot

And so I didn't audition and then long story short. I was lucky enough They asked me to come and do the last three shows so I did it was more like trial by fire But it was the end of the season so everyone knew each other already It was like it was like joining a school year with three weeks left So like I didn't know anybody and everybody knew where to sit and the cafeteria kind of feeling like it just felt really bad and Scary I didn't know that you did not audition No, so you were you a part of the writing staff and they wanted to put you out then on camera No, it was really confusing. It wasn't clear. They brought me and Zach Galifianakis

And I think it was Jerry Minor I think we were the three people That they brought out for these this three week trial period, but Zach and I Didn't know what was going on Zach said they brought he had auditioned and they said like they brought me out But they were just how dishing was a writer and he was really like I don't know what's happening It we were a little bit confused. Did Zach do the show he wrote for three weeks He and I shared an office and we were both like scratching our heads like I didn't know that either What are we doing? Yeah, see you assholes. It's good. I asked questions like that. It is good. You know what Sean?

Great question Sean can you string two together? Well that seems like it's very difficult I can't believe we've gotten to 30 minutes in and we haven't asked you whether you're excited or dreading the whole Kamala Harris for the next probably 12 years Can I just say wouldn't that be a nice problem to have? Oh, God? fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're living in we just we just had her on the show You did yeah the day before it was announced that she was on the ticket with pretty fantastic. She's awesome

She's amazing. There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's like hey, do you want to play a cool superhero like? Yeah, sure. I'm good like You know this, you know, you get to be Batman. It's fun. It's fun to like be a cool person It's what am I gonna know what I'm known for Batman. Oh, you're talking about will yeah But once the that's will calls it the hoax virus goes away You're gonna have to fly back and forth to To New York all the time. Are you going to be happy about that? That's that that could get burdensome I don't know. I really am. I think I'm a little bit in denial of

What is happening in the world and what's going to happen? I mean, I is there going to be a live show? Doesn't matter. You know what's gonna happen. My let's not play this game. We both I like to play hard to get. You don't have to start wiggling when you say that. I still have my exercise tank on. I haven't exercised yet. I need to take a shower. You don't want any of this. You guys want Chinese chicken salads for lunch everybody everybody Everybody's Chinese chicken salad. Let's get chinchin. I want chinchin. Is chinchin still around? Yes, I get it all the time and it's so fattening. I call it double chins. Chinchin is still the best Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything else. That's the best But you know that the conversation that's happening right now is so Maya will come and do this show

She'll come Saturday and then she'll come the next Saturday and so Maya will come That's Will's attempt at Lorne Michael's impression everybody. Wisconsin They don't need to know. Not everybody needs to know everything. Lorne Michael's is my forever boss I just decided the other day like he's my forever boss. He'll always be my boss I'll be my friend, but no matter whether I ever work there again. He'll always be my forever boss Mia, Mia Rudolph. Yes, sir. You've been incredible. It's Mia Randolph Question three. Get ready. No, this is no more questions I was gonna wrap it up because I know you have kids to take care of. Oh, you mean diapers to change?

Yeah, there's no more in diapers, right? You're done with diapers. I'm done with diapers. Yeah So I can't thank you enough for being here and we love you very very very much. I love you very much It was way too short. And even though we Don't get to speak that often. I think about you all the time really like all the time. Yeah Yeah, hey guys, that was so that was so convincing. That was so convincing. Yeah Oh, I do I really do I think about you all the time. You're always such a you're always such a sweet little cookie press Can you sing the Jack Shack Sean one more time? Is that is our sign off? Jack Shack singing it up Jack Shack, it's totally crispy Jack Shack 100% 100% Jack Shack and it's Jack

It's totally crispy Think about it. It could be box of you socks sold separately. I was gonna say this should be a sock sponsor to that Maya super super nice of you. That was really fun. You guys. It's nice to see you It makes this is one of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there Shriveled up and then I'll think about today and I'm gonna have a big smile on my face. Oh Like look at that. Love you Maya. You're the best. You're the best You're the best man You're the best. Thank you Maya. Bye guys. It's so nice to see you all. Bye. See you later. Bye

Bye tongues included She winged that song and it's gonna be my head for the rest of the day Jack Shack We were working on Up all night, whatever you ten years ago and she said what did you do this week? And I spent most of the weekend in my Jack Shack And she was so in there she loved that idea. She thought it was the grossest expression And she used to bring it up all the time. She's like, how's your Jack Shack? Hey, is your Jack Shack taking this weekend? I got it on Airbnb now

Anyway, I love her we love her. I'm so glad by the way She's the kind of guest that you that we have on that we can just completely be ourselves and fuck around and it's so fun And she could guest host the show with us at any time. Yeah, because she's so funny and so And we love her and know where she's got such an ease and comfort and she's just everything about her is the fucking best I love hanging out with my yes when I I hosted Kimmel a couple years ago and here we go. Yep, and the ratings spiked What is this? I don't even know if sweeps are a thing But I know it was a big deal to Jimmy and it got him a new contract

I don't even know why I started on this story, but the point is I Needed a guest and I said remember Jimmy Sun was was was in the hospital and stuff and last minute when they were in there And I needed a guest. I was like, who can you count on in a pinch to come in and be funny and available and available? And Maya happened to drive by at that moment. No, and my I called Maya Because yeah, because she's incredibly funny and quick and she saved my ass. She made me look good Yeah, she's always she's always that Jason. Have you ever worked with her? Yeah, she was on SNL The one time I hosted way back when but I would love to and I was serious I have talked about her a lot in anything that I have

Half a say in I've always wanted to more and more and more I don't I don't I don't like what the kids are doing to her life And my ability to see her on camera more often So I'd love to talk to her about that. Maybe finding another place for those kids to live would be sure That's for me start you should call Dave Becky and put a light of fire under his ass, you know Well, but maybe Dave could babysit the kids and book her on a couple more things. That'd be great Dave Becky is her manager. Oh, thank you Thanks, Sean. That's my that's my Wisconsin accent. Hey, thanks guys. Don't worry about it. I got it all sorted out

I just heard Sean said that Dave Becky's her manager. Okay. Yeah, no Sean. Just straightened it out He's straightened out for us out here. Okay, don't worry Dave. I guess he's some kind of Hollywood manager Anyway, great guess. I love her. I love you guys. Bye Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Sean. Bye