SmartLess - "Mel Robbins"

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

Mel Robbins joins our friend group as we count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A Gabor latte, what’s really under the soda can in the green room trash bin, and did they pick up incidentals? This is you motivated, on... an all-new SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 All right, listener, we're going to start with a little brain tease for us just to get us up on our feet and get nice and sharp for the chatter and the banter. What we're going to do, we're going to try a quick little podcast exercise. Here we go, ready, I'm going to start it out. Ready, S. We're going to start one more time. Still rolling? Here I go, I'm going to start.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Ready? S. M. A. R. T. L Well, we're going to go again
Starting point is 00:00:32 We're not really up to podcast It was your turn It was my turn No, but why were you pausing? I was scared I was going to get the wrong letter You want to write it out Write it out in front of you
Starting point is 00:00:43 You don't know how to spell smartless In this point we're like a thousand episodes Here we go, I'm going to start again Here we go in three two one ready S M A R
Starting point is 00:00:51 T L E S I almost made it Welcome to smartless I mean We limp across a finish line.
Starting point is 00:01:00 No wonder that's the title. You know, Will, it's really, Will, it's odd to see you this morning. Maple for the un-initiated listener. That's my youngest daughter. She's 13. She's got some friends that were talking about Arrested Development, so she said to me, well, I'd like to see Arrested Development. She hasn't really seen it.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Oh, wow. Shut up, Sean. I should watch it with her. Yeah, no. So I was watching Arrested last night, season one, episode 3, 4, and 5. I mean, there he is. Look at him. Look at this.
Starting point is 00:01:56 There's Job right there. I'm a little star-struck. Boy, we were such little kitties. It was 25 years ago. I know, dude. It's crazy. Isn't that amazing? We look very different.
Starting point is 00:02:08 We all look very different. I know. And it's, Sean, has no point of reference, but it's other than his memory. By the way, Jason, he also knew us at the time we were on the show, too. So we were watching then. I know. This was during the time we were watching Will and Grace. Sure.
Starting point is 00:02:24 One of us was actually on Will and Grace. I went on. I went on. No, I know. We loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how about that? Wait, what does it feel like, you guys, 25 years ago?
Starting point is 00:02:34 Doesn't it feel like just a week ago? It does. Yes and no. 25 years is pretty short at this age. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty weird. So, Shawnee, you're still in London. Sean, what's the elevator update?
Starting point is 00:02:48 Sorry, I haven't asked in a while, so how are we doing? We okay? Well, when Jason came, it was broken the day before he came, and then they fixed it. And I'll have you know during. the, what is it, what was they there, four days? Yeah. Four days? Didn't ride the elevator once on purpose.
Starting point is 00:03:03 I got through. Because of that. No, no, no. I just, I was like, no, I can do these stairs. I'm going to, I'm going to pretend that I'm back in the olden days. That's right. That's right. Yeah, this thing was built, this townhouse was built in 1770.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Crikey. Wow, that's Ozzy. Elevator, too. No. And Willie, you're still in, you're just slogging it out there and blue collar long. island you know yeah yeah yeah this put in the air is it no air conditioning and uh sweeping the steps i mean you know i mean this is this is such a for me it's such a i'm getting whiplash because like i'm normally i'd be in the in the ocean right now i'm playing golf with beerman tomorrow right why why
Starting point is 00:03:50 what do you mean what do you mean just because i'm having to do because i'm doing this no because i I had to come downstairs to do this. Oh, sorry about that. So sorry to interrupt. Hey, how has golf been? I'm going to actually hit balls today for the first time in over eight months, probably. Wow.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I just want to say this. One of my favorite things about J.B., one of the many, many things that I love about him, is, A, his, when he's playing golf, he's playing golf. And when he's not, he's really not playing. Like, he won't go to all. But, Jason, what's funny is the number of people who are aware of it, and I get so much,
Starting point is 00:04:25 On the fringes of like, hey, I get taxed, like, is Jason playing again? Is he started yet? Like, everybody knows that when it starts, it's going to be an avalanche. So I can tell you. You know what else it is? It's people, people miss me, Will. They miss, there's a big hole in their lives. And they want it on, it can be filled again.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Yeah, you're right. They want that, you're right, they want that hole. They want that asshole, that hole back. It's a hole. It's a hole that they want back. Has your game, your game must be good enough where you haven't, you haven't given up the game. No, it's actually, I didn't play for a little bit
Starting point is 00:05:04 and it's actually been pretty good recently, to be honest. Oh, God bless. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if our audience wants to hear I'm hitting irons, but, you know. No, of course. You're hitting irons, no woods? I'm hitting irons well.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Are you? Yeah, it's been good. Yeah, it's been good. Sorry about that. I said, I preemptively said sorry. I haven't seen you guys for a couple of. We got a classy guess I can tell by Sean's embarrassment. No, not at all.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Is this your guest, Sean? No, I wanted to share with Will what Jason was kind of blown away when I went for a walk with me, Jason Franny, and we walked past Buckingham Palace and I asked a genuine question if the family actually lived in the palace. And I was, I'm, but the point is... He wanted to know if it was just a tourist stuff.
Starting point is 00:05:52 That's what I thought it was. That size place. all the infrastructure in and around it and everything just for people to walk by and look through the gates right because I thought it like the Mona Lisa like I don't think the Mona Lisa's the real Mona Lisa is hanging I think that's gotta be like it sure is ding dong and also like why would they
Starting point is 00:06:10 if it was for tourists then they'd let them in if nobody's true and I looked at him like he was you know the kind of the kind of doorknob that would say hey boy beetles is spelled B-E-A-T I never did. I had a lot of people backing me up on that.
Starting point is 00:06:27 They still live there. Of course, they've got other castles that they live in sometimes too, but that's home for them. He's like, oh, really? I go, yeah, you dumb ass. Two hours later, he pulls me aside in privacy and goes, hey, no, seriously,
Starting point is 00:06:40 do they still live there? I'm like, yeah, you fucking dumbass. I didn't want anybody else to hear me. Been thinking about it. Yeah, for two hours. Like, wow, they really lived there. You know what? Next time,
Starting point is 00:06:54 yourself the embarrassment of us chewing you out and just look it out. Turn on the Google machine. I know I was got, I know, I had it in my brain that I needed to Google it later. But is there most of the memory on your phone taken up by a candy crush? Is that the problem that Google that they throttled your Google down? What's my data?
Starting point is 00:07:14 No, all right. We haven't done a record for a couple weeks. I know, it's so fun to see you guys. I know, it's really fun to see you. You look great. I miss you guys so much. I miss you, too. And then you guys texted me a really nice text and said that we're here, Jason was very sweet and squished and said, we're here and we're thinking about you, we're talking about you,
Starting point is 00:07:29 we miss you. Yes. No response. And I know. Well, I was like, I almost cried. It was so moving. And then what else? Then I sent you another. I sent you a little link to a fun pair of shoes that we all thought that you'd actually really look good at. About three days later. Well, you know, I'm on
Starting point is 00:07:46 you're not that busy and I know that phone is attached to your little holster right next to your side arm. You're always on the phone. Why do I take three days to get a response? I don't text you enough. No, Will's not a super fast text her back.
Starting point is 00:08:01 I'm not. Because he's busy doing... No, when I'm out here, I do try to leave my phone, put my phone down as much as I can. Riley? Oh, dude. Oh, Riley. I haven't heard Riley in a while.
Starting point is 00:08:18 All right, guys, before we get to the guests, can I just... Oh, no. Yeah, let's remind everybody our, we're very excited about this. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. We are bringing SmartList to one of the most iconic spots in the world. And no, we're not talking about Sean Serial Bowl. We're talking about the Hollywood Bowl.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Jason, Jason. So if you're in that Hollywood area, when is it? When is it? This fall, you know when it is. You're so helpful the way you toss to me. This fall, Saturday, November 15th, here in Los Angeles, if you're in the area, Saturday, November 15th. And when did tickets go on sale then?
Starting point is 00:08:55 The tickets, God, again, really will. Friday, September 12th, 10 a.m. Pacific time. Tickets go on sale. Friday, September 12th. Come to get live. Yeah, before Jason's bedtime, okay. Yeah, before I go to bed. Before I can sleep on stage.
Starting point is 00:09:11 It's fun to see me sleep. What are some of the things you think we can see? I think that we're going to have some guests. We're going to have a guest. I'm going to have a guest. Sean does not get a guest. No, but I'll bring a bowl of cereal Just to mess, Sean, close the loop on the little...
Starting point is 00:09:24 That's, what a loop closer you are. You've been closing loops since 1970. Not just fruit loops, okay? All right, so listen, so once again, that's this fall at the Hollywood Bowl, November 15th, you can start getting tickets on September 12th. And our listeners have a chance to get tickets first, right? Our presale begins Tuesday, September 9th.
Starting point is 00:09:45 September 9th. Yeah, at 10 a.m. Pacific time, visit smartlist.com slash live and enter our code, and you guessed it. It's Tracy, T-R-A-C-E-Y for First Access. That's our listeners with a pre-sale chance. September 9th, 10 a.m., smartlist.com slash live. Guys, this is exciting.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Friday 12th. And you can't, can you tell me who your guests are? No. No, it's supposed to be a surprise, ding-dong. It's a surprise. It's going to be surprise to the audience, too, for the first time, right? Well, I guess these live shows, it's not the first time. But, Jay, B, you were just at the bowl, too, right?
Starting point is 00:10:18 I was just at the bowl watching some classical music. with Amanda and the girls, and they hated me for, yeah, they got some nice eye rest. But Granddad was really enjoying it. I had a good time. Anyway, but we're going to liven things up there on Saturday, November 15th.
Starting point is 00:10:39 So get your tickets starting on the 12th of September or pre-sale on the 9th. It's going to be brilliant. It's going to be brilliant. Okay, let's get to our guests. I'm glad on coming over to see. To see it. All right, here comes our guest.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Guests, our guest. By the way, circling back to Google, here's somebody you don't have to Google. Because you know what? She's the CEO of Google? Could you imagine? No, she's better than that. She's bigger than that.
Starting point is 00:11:10 She's amazing. Bigger than Google? Yeah. Jesus Christ. She's, yeah, I'm a little intimidated by her. Buckle up. She's one of those people who makes you wake up, quit complaining, get your shit together.
Starting point is 00:11:20 No? Back in college, she proposed to her boyfriend, they got married, they're still together, behind her signature black-rimmed glasses. She's a podcast powerhouse, a full-blown mogul, and the number one best-selling author in the world right now. Please welcome to five-second queen. That's it. Five-second queen herself, Mel Let's us.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Oh, my God. You said my name. Oh, my God. I lose. Like, these fucking losers are going to spend 50 minutes figuring out who this is, and they never guess it's me. I would just shrink. Can you believe these fucking losers? I was thinking the same thing about these fucking losers.
Starting point is 00:11:55 We're on the same. I'm not in that. I'm separate from that. But thank you. You're welcome. And you know, I got news for you guys. Sean called me. He's sick of your bullshit.
Starting point is 00:12:05 He can't change you. Are you leaving the show, Sean? Yes, this is an intervention. This is the transition. Mel, you're taking over for Sean Robbins. She's adopted me. I'm Sean Robbins. Oh, good luck.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Good luck having them. Me and Robin. What an honor to have you on the show, Mel. Well, this is very, very nice if you're slumming it with us, you know? I know, I honestly was blown away because I know one of the criteria is you have to guess who the guest is. And I thought, oh, well, unless Sean says she's constantly ahead of us on the rankings in the podcast charts, you probably will. That is true. Who's looking?
Starting point is 00:12:41 Who's looking? That came up. I was just discussing you last week with some fancy folks. And they were singing your praises. and they were telling me about the whole let-them thing. And so I'm very eager to hear about... Yes, I can't wait for you guys to hear about it. Yeah, come on.
Starting point is 00:12:57 I like the let-them thing, too. Oh, there is behind you. Well, do this first, Mel. If you don't mind jumping in, first of all, thanks for being on here. A huge fan. I love how you speak, what you speak about, how you motivate me, how you motivate everybody.
Starting point is 00:13:11 Like, it's, I can't get enough of it. I really kind of thrive off of it. This is you motivated. No shower. I look fantastic. But Mel, can you first talk before we get to let them, which I love, and I can't wait for you to tell Jason what that is and Will. What about the five-second rule?
Starting point is 00:13:27 Can you just go over the five-second rule? Because for people who don't know, it sounds like obviously what you do when you drop the food on the floor and blah-blah. Well, it is kind of like that. So, you know, I think the first thing to understand is that everything that I talk about, I learned the hard way by screwing up my own life. And I don't think any of us wake up in the morning. Well, Will might.
Starting point is 00:13:45 But most of us don't wake up in the morning and go, you know what I'm going to do today. Today I'm going to fuck up my life. I think I'm going to drink too much and lie to people and lose my job. What ends up happening to most of us is over time, you spend too much time thinking about what you need to do and not doing what you need to do. And I found myself in a situation when I was 41 years old, three kids under the age of 10 where my husband had gone into the restaurant business. Right. Lost almost a million bucks. Oh yeah. Like complete idiots. We secured it with our life savings. And the restaurant business was great until 2008 hit. And like everybody else, the world turns upside down, and we found ourselves 800 grand in debt. The liens hit the house. I lose my job.
Starting point is 00:14:30 And I couldn't get myself out of bed. And let's be honest, getting out of bed is a relatively easy thing to do when you think about the mechanics. I mean, by the time you're 41 years old, you've done it for 41 years. Right. But the simplest things in life can seem impossible when you're overwhelmed or stressed out or anxious or you have so many problems. Or depressed or whatever.
Starting point is 00:14:56 And so I just found myself in the situation where I would literally wake up every morning and stare at the ceiling and basically be like, I hate my life, I hate my husband, I don't know how I got here, we're fucked. and the more I thought about the problems, the more I felt like a human pot roast marinating in bed. And it became harder and harder to get out of bed. And, you know, honestly, I was literally, I knew what to do. And I think this is one of the biggest things about life. That life is simple. We just seem to make it very complicated.
Starting point is 00:15:29 Yeah. You can know what to do in any situation. And you guys talk about the Google. Just go to Google or that chat, GTP thing, and put in whatever it is that you want, and it'll spit out what you need to do, making yourself do it is what feels impossible. And so one night, I was watching TV.
Starting point is 00:15:46 It was Monday night in February 2008. And you literally are one decision away from a different life. That is the heart of what I talk about, the power of your decisions. And I was giving myself that pep talk. You know, when you, I don't know if you guys have ever, you can give each other pep talks. When you're giving one to yourself, you're kind of screwed. Where you're like, all right, that's it.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Tomorrow, it's the new you woman. You've got to pull your shit. together. You got to stop being an asshole to Chris. You got to put down the alcohol. You got to get those kids on the bus. By God, you got to get a job. You got to open the bills that have been piling up for six months. And when that alarm rings,
Starting point is 00:16:20 you can't lay there and marinate in your fears and hit the snooze button six times. You woman have got to get out of bed. And honest to God, a rocket ship launched across the television screen. It was probably like at the end of a smartless mobile commercial. You know, like launch right in there.
Starting point is 00:16:36 No, but it's not a bad idea, though. Right? I steal it. Take it. Just write that down. Take it. I steal it is my idea. It is when you claim it like that. So I literally thought, oh my God, it's a sign from God.
Starting point is 00:16:50 That's it, tomorrow morning. What, just a rocket on the TV? On the TV? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, well, it was probably the four bourbon Manhattan's I had that gave me that idea because I was kind of stupid, but I was drinking a lot back then. And so the next morning, Tuesday morning, the alarm rings. and here's the fatal mistake everybody makes.
Starting point is 00:17:11 There is this moment where you know what you should do. You should speak up, you should start the damn thing, you should quit the job, you should end the relationship, you should go to the gym. But instead of doing it, you stop and think about how you feel about doing it. And within five seconds flat in that hesitation, you literally switch gears in your brain.
Starting point is 00:17:33 I didn't know this at the time I do now. But the longer you think about it, the less likely you're going to do it. And in about five seconds, you lose all motivation. And your whole life plays out in this five-second window. And isn't there science to this, too, right? Tons of science. I mean, now I know the science. I didn't know it then.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Then I was just hung over, waking up to a life that was a nightmare and habits of avoidance. What was the thing you saw at night on TV? It wasn't literally a rocket being launched. It was a rocket ship, but at the end of a commercial, it was like launched, and I was so drunk. I was like, oh my God, it's God. Okay, I'll get out of bed. I'll launch myself out of bed so fast. I'll move like a rocket.
Starting point is 00:18:11 I won't be in there when the anxiety and the depression hits. I'm going to move. You took it as a metaphor. You took it to heart and it stayed with you the next morning and up you went. Yep.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Well, I counted backwards and that's the person. What would have happened if you'd seen an image of a sinking ship? Oh, God. Right there. Done. We're out. We're just going to clock out right now.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Just for our listener. Or just the flaming Hindenburg. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, but the thing is, Jason, very astute point, you have to count backwards. Okay. Okay. It's not just moving in five seconds. The counting backwards is critical. What researchers call it. Like a launch. Yes. Five, four, three, two, one. You have to count backwards. It doesn't work if you count up. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:57 One, two, three, four, five doesn't work because you've been saying that ever since you learned how to count in whatever language you learned how to count. When you count backwards, you have to focus for a moment. And that brings your prefrontal cortex online, which is the part of the brain that helps you make decisions. It's the part of the brain that helps you learn new behavior. It's the part of the brain that you need to use if you're going to lock in new habits. And I had a habit of just hitting the snooze button
Starting point is 00:19:24 and avoiding everything. This new habit was about taking action, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, move before you feel ready. So the countdown is supposed to be, this is how many seconds I have before this thing I'm ruminating about, I have to get out of it. Is that, before it become complacent?
Starting point is 00:19:40 Right, so I have to set this up, so I do this countdown, this final countdown. Oh, sing it will. Go, let's see an illusion. I'll never do it. I'll never do it. Because I don't want to pay for it. Jason, they don't get the reference, which is great.
Starting point is 00:19:56 No, but I do. And I love you. And you were fantastic on that show. You should have gotten an Emmy every year, So, so you do, so you, so you're so skinny. So you do the, you do the countdown and the first day it works. Yeah, I get out of bed. I'm like five, fourth, for the first time in six months,
Starting point is 00:20:15 I was out of bed when the alarm rang. What'd you do? What was the first thing you knocked down? Did you put on, did you put on the Lulu Lemons and you got out there and you just did high, no, no, I walked into the kitchen. Walk. No, no motivation for that yet. I'm just like, I'm low bar here.
Starting point is 00:20:28 We're just talking like, get out of bed. I literally walk into the kitchen and my poor husband. husband standing there in front of the fridge. What are you doing? He lost all that fucking money and he's down there and he's probably making an egg McMuffin. Correct, motherfucker. And so you know how that thing happens
Starting point is 00:20:42 where you see somebody you love and you just want to kill them? Every day for me. Every day. No, I'm kidding. I love you, Amanda. No, no, no, no. The people that you love the most
Starting point is 00:20:54 are the most annoying. Sure. And so I just went five, four, three, two, one because I knew he was trying his best. It wasn't like he was trying to fail. And my anger wasn't helping. And so counting backwards interrupted that pattern of snapping and screaming and reacting and gave me this ability to be in charge of what I was doing instead of constantly letting my emotions dictate. See, this is what everybody gets wrong
Starting point is 00:21:26 about motivation. Motivation's garbage. It's never there when you need it. You got to learn how to make yourself do things that you don't feel like doing. And if you ever did that, you'd have everything you've ever wanted. And so I'm assuming you put one foot in front of the other, and I'm not asking for a TikTok of the day, but was there, for those out there that are having trouble making this crucial first step, what was the, what really what was the tangible thing that you did first and from that you built on that progress and exponentially put more and more, you know, know, inertia down the road.
Starting point is 00:22:02 It's a great question. Everybody hates the answer. Literally, changing your life isn't glamorous. It's grueling. And it does not happen overnight. It happens over time. And I always say, because people are really like, how did you do everything that you're doing?
Starting point is 00:22:16 Because that was 16 years ago. And so the person that everybody sees now and what I do out in the world is 16 years in the making. And I say that what you see now is a result of one thing. I taught myself how to get out of bed on days when I didn't fucking. and feel like it. That's the secret. That's it. Because if you can force yourself out of bed when you
Starting point is 00:22:36 don't feel like it because of the depression or the anxiety or the overwhelm or the hangover or whatever it may be. And the body feeds off that first progress, right? Yes. Yeah. We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. Now, Mel, let me ask you this. And I like it. I like this area a lot. And I like the way that you talk about it. I like that your passion for it and your excitement. And I understand and appreciate the way that you were able to do that that first day and see a result and feel a change in your body
Starting point is 00:23:12 and in your mind and your spirit, et cetera, all those things connected. And then so you do it again, I imagine. I'm sort of skipping for it. You do it a bunch and you really start to see results. And then you think to yourself, other people can benefit from this too, if I can do it or eventually you get to a point
Starting point is 00:23:28 where you think that other people can benefit from the lessons that you learned, the hard way, etc. But you also have the benefit of this momentum that you've got doing it. So there are other people go, well, yeah, it works for Mel because she's getting feedback from her pushing this out to the world. I don't have, I'm not getting that same feedback on a global level. And I'm not getting that feedback. I'm just, you know, a person in Cleveland who's doing it and nobody's recognizing that I'm doing it. So yeah, it works for you. And you're kicking get ass doing it. You're at the top of the game.
Starting point is 00:24:03 But if you're just Joe Schmoe, like... But 16 years ago, she wasn't getting that, right? It was three years of using it in secret before I ever told anybody about it, because let's face it, I didn't know why it worked. I'm $800,000 in debt. I am barely making
Starting point is 00:24:19 the ends meet. What business do I have telling anybody anything? And so I used it in secret. By the way, was that an important part of it, keeping it secret? In other words, holding your power and not bragging to your partner. Hey, Today I'm going to start working out. Like, I find that sometimes my stick-to-itiveness is better
Starting point is 00:24:36 if I don't share what my goals and my plans for progress are. And I keep it inside and I just do it myself. And I've only got myself to answer to. And then once I get some momentum going, then I share like, hey, by the way, I've been working out for a week, you know, or by the way, I haven't had sugar for a week or something. Jason, do you keep a lot of feelings inside, though. I do.
Starting point is 00:24:57 I know. I know, I know you do. It's going to burst. But was that an important part? Did you, did you, was this a private sort of initial stage? No, like I, like I told Chris, my husband Chris, but I, but literally it was self-preservation. I mean, we were in a free fall for crying out loud. Well, what did Chris say?
Starting point is 00:25:21 Was Chris like, okay, cool. As long as you're not bitching at me and screaming at me, I'll try anything. Like, this keeps you calming off my ass so that I'm working as hard as I'm working as a can woman like finally you see it oh chris now i i mean for chris i know fuck chris okay like come on it's a nice guy your tent taught from 2011 and now has over 30 million views from 2011 and is this is this what it's most was that what it's mostly about is the five second rule no okay so here's the story so three years go by i'm using five four three two one five four three to one to get out of bed to network and get a job to open up the bills to just do the basic blocking and
Starting point is 00:25:59 tackling that we all need to do because nobody's coming. You can sit around and hope that somebody's going to come and fix us. They're not. And the sooner you recognize, you've got to stop waiting to feel ready and you've got to get to a point in your life where where you're at doesn't work for you anymore. So you're going to do something about it. So for three years, I'm just working at it. Chris is going back into the restaurant business, renegotiating leases, like working 100 hours a week. I'm finding an odd job after odd jobs. We can just get the bankruptcy off our back and keep ourselves afloat with three kids under the age of 10. You're literally just looking to make a paycheck.
Starting point is 00:26:34 You're not driving towards some North Star career-wise. Like, I'm going to build a podcast and it's going to be a big success. No, you didn't have any sort of direction. Absolutely not. And also, I think when you get to a point where you really screw up your own life, because nobody makes a vision board and is like, hey, let's put images of bankruptcy and divorce and alcoholism on it. It's on the back.
Starting point is 00:26:56 And plus friends and family had invested in the restaurant business. And so I can't exactly go around trashing and complaining. And so we're just like- You're looking to pay them back and get your head above water financially. So we're in survival mode. And you're pretty incredible and resourceful when you're in survival mode. And so a buddy calls me, we still have $800,000 in debt. We still have liens on the house three years later.
Starting point is 00:27:21 We are still just making the ends meet. And a buddy calls me from college and says, hey, there's a person who, who is putting on an event in San Francisco that I know that's looking for somebody who's changed their job a lot and I thought about you. And that's not really a compliment. But she said, I, you know, they're offering two first class plane tickets
Starting point is 00:27:39 and two nights at the St. Regis, all you got to do is talk about career change. Now, I had never given a speech on a stage in my life. I'd taken a public high school speaking class, but I had been a lawyer, a public defender in Manhattan, and so I'd worked in courtrooms, but I'd never given a speech. when you're that in debt,
Starting point is 00:27:56 that sounds like a free vacation. Right? And so I'm like, Chris, we're going to San Francisco. Mom, dad, come watch the kids. It sounds like a free vacation in any... Yeah, in any capacity. Yeah. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Well, I didn't really think through the part of 700 people in an auditorium. Right, right, yeah. And so I get out on that stage, and it happens to be one of the first ever TEDx conferences. And they weren't a thing... Where do you get the balls for no stage fright and all that? Oh, you're watching a 21-minute-long panic attack.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Like, I want you to look close, at that TED talk, I've got this neck rash that people get when they're drunk or they're nervous, a minute in. Oh, yeah, no, I used to get that a ton. I am darting around the stage, and this is not about the five-second rule. It's about career change.
Starting point is 00:28:37 And I get to minute 19, and I forget how to end the talk. And I look out, and I'm like, oh, I know, I do this thing. I call it the five-second rule. The moment you have an instinct to act, you've got to move within five seconds, or else your brain will kill your motivation.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Thank you very much. Oh, by the way, here's my email if you have questions, and I leave. Yeah. Now. You gave your email out publicly? Oh, I mean, I'm just a normal person trying to get a free vacation by giving a speech about something I don't know anything about it. Right. A year goes by.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Did they pick up incidentals? Sorry. No. A year goes by. Seriously, this is now 2012. A year goes by. I have a job. Chris is still like trying to make.
Starting point is 00:29:22 We still have liens on the house, and TEDx decides to put it online. I don't know this. Another year goes by 2013. I start getting emails at that email address. Wow. People start to write to me from around the world. Mel, I've used 5-4-3-2-1 to lose 100 pounds, 5-4-3-1 to get out of bed despite the depression. I use 5-4-3-2-1 to stop myself from jumping over this ferry and find the courage to ask for help.
Starting point is 00:29:49 And I was so blown away, this answers your question, Will, about like, at one point did you start talking about it, that while working a full-time job for several years, I would come home at night and pour a glass of wine and answer these emails from strangers because I felt obligated to figure out why does this thing work. Right, right. And so I started researching it and talking to people. And simultaneously building a following and a mailing list that you could then sort of transfer over into the podcast? Started to, not yet, like 2012, you can scroll back manually through Instagram, you have to do it manually. All it's, it's just pictures of my kids and barbecues and, you know, I didn't know normal people could make a living giving keynote speeches. And so people started to ask me to speak in 2013, 2014, and like, you know, I went and spoke for free. And then there was this moment in 2014, where 2013, rather, a person came up to me after speaking for free at a big women's conference and
Starting point is 00:30:49 said, hey, did you get your check for this thing yet? And I was like, check? You got paid for this? Am I the only idiot here is doing this for free? And that's what I'm like, I've got to figure this out. Do you think that when you were younger, that this kind of thinking was inside you the whole time when you were growing up, you just didn't know it?
Starting point is 00:31:08 Yeah, that's what I wondered too. And like, because I remember your mom used to say, you said, I read that, she said, fix it, wait, wait, fix it yourself and pull up your big girl panty. And figure it out and fix it yourself or something like that. Yep, yep. I think so. You know, I come from like Midwestern farming stock.
Starting point is 00:31:27 And so when the chores need to get done, the chores need to get done. Like that's my mom grew up on a big farm. My dad grew up in a working class family. And so there's just sort of a pragmatism to, and a focus on doing things instead of talking about things. Yeah, so that was kind of in you then at the, you know, when you're in. Yeah, and touching bottom often brings out the, the best parts of ourselves. You know, because you need it.
Starting point is 00:31:53 Touching bottoms is completely revolutionized my life. Touching your bottom or touching bottom? Sir, what was the question? No, I do suspect that you do seem to have that, that it's not a, it doesn't feel like a leap. Now, of course, we're catching you after years of doing this and living this way and transforming your life. But I think that there is, I suspect there was a current
Starting point is 00:32:19 of that like Sean kind of what you were saying there was a kernel of that in there and whether it's your Midwestern roots or your blue collar I think also you're pretty sharp you know so well yeah you say you're a public defender in New York I mean so you're no ding dong
Starting point is 00:32:34 yeah right yeah I guess not I mean I've done some pretty ding dong things no she went to law school for Christ's being smart doesn't mean you're actually smart about how you live your life no but you're no discipline you went through law school like there's there's there's you know how to you know to ask yourself to really bring it if you need to yeah right and you and when you you had ADHD when you were a kid but you didn't know that it was
Starting point is 00:32:57 ADHD correct yeah but I think sometimes that's that's a superpower later on in life like I just saw this thing like on TikTok or something a long time ago about we talked about this the other day I know I'm against the truth I haven't read that book yet and it said something about like childhood trauma or childhood something sometimes and children create ADD as a coping mechanism they can't leave their house they can't leave where they because that's your shelter
Starting point is 00:33:23 and your food and your family and whatever but because of some trauma where you can't leave your brain's trying to constantly constantly constantly figure out how to problem solve and in doing so you develop ADD or ADHD I think there was Gabor Mote that talked about the connection before between Hang on let me finish Gabor Mote
Starting point is 00:33:37 I think said that yeah go ahead I had a delicious Monte the other day I had a Gimora Latte too last time was in Naples What do you think of that now I will say this, Mel, to that ADHD thing, it sounds like from the little, again, that I know of it,
Starting point is 00:33:54 but I know when it comes to people that I'm related to who have been diagnosed with having deficits when it comes to executive function. And I was going to say that earlier, there is that moment of, and it is one of the symptoms of a particular type of ADHD where you know that you have to do it and you can't start it. And that's an executive function deficiency. Yeah, that's interesting. It can also, to Sean's point, it can also be a trauma response, that there's this freeze. Sean's point was so muddled. It was about TikTok and he was like something in someone's saying, something in some time all over the place. The highly intelligent here can track to what Sean's saying.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I think, I think like the demeaning him is a way that you deflected. Thank you, Mel. You're welcome, darn. Well, so to the point on ADHD is super interesting, the majority of women today, because women and men and boys and girls experience ADHD at the exact same level. But women and girls go profoundly underdiagnosed because when it was discovered in the 1970s, they only study boys. and when a boy has 88 yes and so when a boy has this is going to explain marriages this is going to explain your sisters like just buckle up because this is one of those things that every time i explain it people go holy fuck that's me or that's my wife holy and so here's the short backstory so they only study boys and when boys have ADHD which is like a structural thing that's not working in the switching mechanism of your brain you can focus you just have trouble directing it at times.
Starting point is 00:35:25 Yeah. And so boys are a little bit more fidgety. And you kind of notice it because they're fidgety, they interrupt, they have trouble directing their focus. Girls have the opposite symptoms. They tend to daydream. They get quieter and they get harder on themselves. Now here's what gets interesting and really life-changing for people to learn.
Starting point is 00:35:46 If you have undiagnosed ADHD or dyslexia or executive functioning, what happens is the primary symptom is you develop anxiety because you are sitting in a classroom or in a setting where you're being asked to do things all day long that your brain can't structurally do right now. And so anxiety develops. So there's a huge generation of women, they call us the lost generation of women that were diagnosed with anxiety in our high school and our college years and then medicated with something to quell the anxiety. But the underlying issue was always undiagnosed ADHD. That's fascinating. Well, it's funny you say that, Mel. So I I had a conversation with my own dad
Starting point is 00:36:25 because I was talking about there was somebody in my family who encountered this and this is within the last three months and I said, you know, when I was a teenager and when I was, you know, a young teenager, especially adolescent in the early 80s, I would get tested a bunch and they say, oh, he's functioning very well.
Starting point is 00:36:44 We don't understand why he's not doing his work and I was kind of labeled a bad kid. And I said, Dad, you know, and this is something, a conversation I had my dad at almost, I was almost 55 at the time I'm now 55. My dad's 86, and I said, I now recognize in hearing what this doctor said,
Starting point is 00:36:59 this behavior in myself. And I feel like, and of course, you know, you, yeah, what ends up happening is you either get prescribed stuff. I'm talking for a boy, and I can't speak, but, but, or you self-medicating. Yes. And that is one of the, you know, to try to quell the symptoms.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Is there something one can do for attention deficit that is different than medication? I mean, is there something, is there therapy that one can go through? It's a great question. There's all kinds of things you can do. And I think kind of just understanding the way that your brain works or learns helps you do all kinds of things, whether there's systems for organization, there's certain types of interventions that they do with kids that really help develop. and train. Like our son ended, and this is how I found out at the age of 47 that I was both dyslexic and had ADHD. Wow. The same way that most women do, our kids start struggling in school like
Starting point is 00:38:06 you did will. They get labeled a behavioral issue. You then go through all of the neuropsych evaluation testing and then you sit back and go, huh, yeah, that's me. That's me. And I literally turned to my pediatrician and said, you know, Mark, why didn't, like, why, do you think I have ADHD? And he was like, Mel, of course you have ADHD. You're the most ADHD parent I know. I'm like, why didn't you tell me? He's like, I'm not your doctor. Is it something that you inherit from your parents?
Starting point is 00:38:32 They say it can be. They actually say that it can be impacted by what's going on when you're in utero and the stress levels of the parent or the mom and whether or not she's under a lot of stress because it relates to your fight or flight nervous system as well. And it impacts, the way it was explained to me, because again, like everything in life, it's like bad things need to happen. And then I realize, okay, I'm fucked. I got to figure this out. And then I turn it into a research project.
Starting point is 00:39:05 And then I try to explain what I've learned in the simplest ways. So anybody else, if I can save them the headache and the heartache that I went through for 30, 40 years, not knowing what I was really dealing with, just like you will, not knowing what you're dealing with and self-medicate. and acting out and feeling, you know, hypercritical of yourself. If I can just know what this thing is, that I'm not deficient, I just have a brain that works differently. And with ADHD, I would go to the, you know, you know when you are in college or high school and you're like, all right, I got to study. And you know you can go to the library where you're going to see your friends
Starting point is 00:39:40 or you go to the stacks. And so I would go to the stacks and I'm like, okay, I got to study. And I would sit down and I'd be ready to like lock in and honest to God, I could not for the life of me, just like what you were talking about, Will. I couldn't make myself do it and worse. It's like I could hear the mouse pooping in the corner. I could hear my stomach. And so that mechanism that like an orchestra conductor,
Starting point is 00:40:02 think about all the input of sound like an orchestra warming up. ADHD, there's this conductor in your brain that's like tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Okay, let's bring it all down. Now let's lift up the sound of the strings only. If you don't have that little conductor in your brain, the whole world sounds like an orchestra warming up, and you can't both direct your attention in certain instances, and you can't silence other input. And that's kind of what's happening.
Starting point is 00:40:35 That's fascinating. Yeah, it's super fascinating. But there's lots you can do, and it don't have to do medication. Right. So to that point, half of the fix is actually getting the diagnosis, knowing what you have, and it's your choice whether you want to medicate or not. but at least you know what it is is you can start to search for a remedy
Starting point is 00:40:52 that might be different than medication or at least just start adjusting your behavior and seeing, trying some different stuff on, yeah? Yeah, and having some grace for yourself. Like, it drives my husband crazy that the faucet's running or that my sink, I don't know what your guys' bathrooms look like, but my husband's sink looks like the sink at a Zen hotel.
Starting point is 00:41:13 Mine looks like you tipped over a Walgreens aisle on top of it. Still? Oh my God, yes. Like I, like, yeah. Wait, so wait, is the cap off the toothpaste for on you all the time? Yeah, kind of. And you have to like rip that knob off, that gets J-B.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Come on, Mel. Let's get it together. But you know, you know, Mel, I learned all these, like, I learned all these tricks along the way that I would do. And I was saying to, like, telling somebody before that, like, I have like a thing about, like, keys in my wallet and I don't lose it. So I have like a dish, and everywhere I live and everywhere I go, everything goes back in the same spot.
Starting point is 00:41:52 My bathroom is very clean. And I have taught myself all these things to do these little routines that help keep me. Create order. Yeah, they create order. That's awesome. Because the mind is like this, so the order in the environment helps your mind settle. I love that. And I have one friend he deals with anxiety in this way, and he ends up putting it,
Starting point is 00:42:12 he has a bottle of Xanax and he puts it in the elevator just in case it breaks down. Well, you should actually send him his up. Keeps a bottle in there. No, Will, you should send him this episode. You should send him this episode because the single biggest coping mechanism for anxiety is avoidance. And the more you avoid something, the bigger the anxiety gets. Because when you avoid something, you're telling yourself, I can't handle this. That's what you're doing.
Starting point is 00:42:37 So, five, four, three, two, it helps. It's Sean. It's Sean. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Tell us how, is let them a, something that is a cousin to what we're talking about or directly a part of it? It's a, again, great question. So, you know, 5, 4, 321 helps you push through all the resistance, the fear, the hesitation, the anxiety to take the action that changes everything. But I always wonder, why the hell are we so resistant anyway?
Starting point is 00:43:15 Well, it turns out for me anyway, and seems like for millions and millions of people that this book has resonated with, the main source of resistance and fear in our lives is our fear of other people. And the let them theory was something that I discovered, and it has fundamentally changed my life. Like, I feel like I have lived my life backwards for the first 54 years, because I have been consumed by making sure other people are. happy by worrying about their opinions, navigating my day-to-day life based on people's expectations, their moods, what, you know, they want versus truly learning that there's a different way to live. And the let them theory is ultimately a modern version of stoicism, Buddhism, the serenity prayer. It's a book about control and power. What you have control over and what you do not. and two simple words, let them, will free you from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage people's thoughts,
Starting point is 00:44:20 their opinions, manage their expectations, there's a better way to live. Let them. Let them think of it. What's the basic tenet of it? Sorry. Is it let them have their judgment? Let them be upset. It's none of my business. Let me just take care of number one. Well, here's yes and. So there's a second part, let me. But the basic tenant will. is that in life, there are only three things you can control. Only three. You can control what you think about. You can control what you do or don't do,
Starting point is 00:44:52 and you can control what you do in response to your emotions. Right. And any psychologist will tell you, when you focus on things you can't control, and the number one thing in life that you will never be able to control is other people, what they say, what they do, what they believe, whether or not they change,
Starting point is 00:45:09 whether or not they're motivated, whether or not they're anxious, whether or not they get sober. You can't control other people, and yet we exhaust ourselves and waste so much time and energy, allowing meaningless shit and other people's stuff to drain your most precious resource. Well, Mel, and part of that, too, is you also can't control, I can't, there's not enough time for me to go around
Starting point is 00:45:35 and everybody I meet and tell them how they need to treat me as well. that's kind of part of it for me. That's interesting. And I was talking about this morning with some people. I was saying, we've talked about it on here before. Part of that also for me is, and it's people and it's things, I can't be at the effect of circumstances. Because I got to make my own weather, in a sense.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Because if I'm at the effective circumstances, man, that's tough sledding. That is really tough sledding. Do you know what I mean? So are you talking about, like, if you're in your car and, traffic builds up, and for most people, they're going to grip the wheel and get pissed off about the traffic. And the truth is, you can't actually control the traffic. Yeah. And so why would you allow something like that to drain your time and energy? 100%. And I'll take it a step further, and this is sometimes where I lose people.
Starting point is 00:46:29 I'll say, when there's a lot of traffic, and you've come a long way, and then people are trying to get in, and you're like, and most people are like, fuck you, I've been waiting for a mile. I'm not going to let you in. And if you let people in, I guarantee you traffic will open up for you. It works for me every time. The more I give it away, the more I go ahead, go ahead. It works every time. It's the craziest thing.
Starting point is 00:46:53 I don't know what to tell you. It's not just the traffic opens up. Something opens up inside you. You recognize. Well, that's getting to love. And then that works with love too. It does, but it's something else first because most of us are really selfish. And when we say let them, let them in.
Starting point is 00:47:08 traffic's either going to open up or it's not. And I do believe what you believe that it does start to shift things, but what it shifts first is you recognize that your energy and your time is worse something. And when you start to value and protect your time and energy
Starting point is 00:47:25 from people's expectations, people's moods, people's rude behavior, traffic, long lines, you value and have more time and energy. You become more in control and more empowered as a human being and then everything starts to change because you're not at the effect
Starting point is 00:47:43 of all the shit going on outside of you. That's right. And, yes, and if I'm stingy with my attention, with my love, with my kindness, I will get stinginess from the universe in return. That is a lock for me anyway. And I think
Starting point is 00:47:59 that feeling of feeling unloved is generally because I'm not pushing out enough. And that, anyway, sorry. No, go ahead. Well, I didn't mean to cut you. Sean, what was your question? No, Sean.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Went to, any theater stories? Let him, Sean. Let him. Go ahead. What was your question, Sean? She did give you a good one up there on stage. Didn't know how to end it. She gave you a great theater story.
Starting point is 00:48:27 What do you do, Mel, as far as let them go in this world that we live in about social media and comments and people coming at you with, what's that? Nothing. Let him. Sounds great. No, I was going to say, with people, like for you, I'm sure you get all kinds of comments, and I know people, other people, they get, you know, comments that they can't, they thrive on the positive comments and they, you know, lose themselves on the negative ones. So what about let them for those?
Starting point is 00:48:57 And for yourself, by the way, for yourself. Well, you can never control what somebody else thinks, Sean. Right. So let them think what they're going to think. Let them not like you. I just wanted to put that out there. No, no, I mean that. It's what's destroying a lot of society today
Starting point is 00:49:10 or people actually put weight into what people say about them and to them on social media and everywhere else. It goes even more than that, Sean, because let's just unpack this. Let's say that you are pulling out Instagram and you're about to post something and you pick a photo and you're like, oh, not that photo. And then you put the filter on it
Starting point is 00:49:28 and then you go to write the caption and then you put the emoji and then you backspace. You're thinking, is this too much? Is this for whom? Before you even, express yourself, you're already jumping into the brain of another human being and trying to anticipate what they're going to think. And here's the truth. There is nothing you can post that will actually guarantee somebody has a positive or negative thought because you can't control
Starting point is 00:49:50 it. Yeah. And even if you could, you can't get them all. Yeah, just let them do what they're going to do. Let them unfollow me. Let them misunderstand. Let them be disappointed. Let them let them let go, Mel. Here come the dick picks. Yeah, let them. Let them. I don't have to look at it. Let me decide what I'm going to look at. go. I'll take them, let them. The poor interns that are now in the DMs, thanks, well.
Starting point is 00:50:13 That's so funny. Okay, so wait, I got some good stuff here. Wait. Oh, what's the most shocking coaching request you've ever received? Because you do private coaching too. Oh, I don't do any private coaching. Oh, I thought you did.
Starting point is 00:50:25 I thought you did one-on-one coaching with, like, wealthy people. No, no, no, no, no. Don't have time for that anymore. But the most shocking request, well, I got a request. None of them are shocking. Yeah. They really aren't because when it's not you, it's easy to give people advice
Starting point is 00:50:42 because you're not emotionally attached to what's happening. And if you listen closely to anybody, you can really tell what they're grappling with. And what most of us are grappling with is either the fear of disappointing somebody. Yeah. Or the fear that if you do this thing, somehow people are going to judge you and you're going to end up alone. Right. And so everything comes back down to. this fear of what other people are going to think about you and how their actions dictate your
Starting point is 00:51:13 value. And here's the secret. The secret is you have to like you. And you will only like yourself if you can learn how to let other people be unhappy and learn how to let people be disappointed and let people have their opinions and let me really be clear about the decisions that make me proud of myself because when you're proud of yourself you kind of don't give a shit what other people are. So for a lot of people that are fans of yours or people that read your books
Starting point is 00:51:43 or whatever, you know you come off as this fearless you have fearlessness and confidence and so you must have some self-doubt about something. Every day. I was literally sitting here going, am I going to have a moment where I kind of
Starting point is 00:51:59 have an accident in my pants like Jason did in the green room? You know, Colbert. Oh, that's a great callback. Because I'm so nervous about meeting these guys. Like, I literally, yeah, well, actually, you and I are going to be on Jimmy Fallon on the 17th of September. And I'm sorting through your garbage to see if you've hidden underwear in there under a Diet Coke can. Get the D.C. out of the way, man.
Starting point is 00:52:21 I can't wait to meet you. Well, I was going to ask this same question. Like, are you enjoying that your state of confidence and sort of leaning forward? and the things actually creates the privilege of new anxieties. As you reach and hurdle forward, you're now seeing a whole new level of complexities and challenges that are a result of you leaning forward and breaking through. In the open, too, like to a broader audience.
Starting point is 00:52:54 You know, I'm really grateful that all this happened later in life. Yeah. I really am because, you know, when you go through an experience where you literally almost lose everything that matters to you, whether that's your marriage or your family or your home or your sanity. Or in your case, all of it, right? Yeah, all of it. And being a parent, I mean, that must have ratcheted it up, too,
Starting point is 00:53:16 worried about the welfare of your kids. Oh, my God. I can't imagine. Our kids would come downstairs at night after Chris and I had been fighting and screaming at each other, and they would find us collapsed in chairs, like, hung over. Yeah. That's how they, like, you know you're,
Starting point is 00:53:32 not winning at the parenting game when your kids wake you up so they can catch the bus. It was not good. And so all of this that you see now, whether it's the massive scale of the podcast or the number one book,
Starting point is 00:53:48 I mean, this book is on track to be the most successful nonfiction book ever launched. Six million copies in six months. Amazing. Wow. That's amazing. And part of it is because I'm just reminding you guys of what you know to be true. Excoicism is not a new idea.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Victor Frankl, man's search for meaning. What's happening out there is not where the power is. Your power is in your response to it. But these are all intellectual ideas. What I love about saying let them and then let me, which is let them is where you release the control over something you can't control, and let me is where you take the power back and focus on what you can control, which is your response to what's happening.
Starting point is 00:54:27 This is just a tool, but it reminds people of what they need. know to be true since the beginning of time. And what I'm grateful for is that having almost lost everything I care about and having just clawed my way out of debt and built this just brick by brick over the last 16 years, I have stayed laser focus on what really matters. I live in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. I have no interest in the bigness aspect of all of it, because you guys know, the second something hits, everybody thinks they know what you should do next. Everybody sees something bigger for you. I would like more time with my husband and my kids.
Starting point is 00:55:05 I would like to enjoy some of this success, meaning I'm not actually working all the time. And so for me, I think the anxiety or the issues that I face is more around just saying no and letting people have their expectations about what the podcast should become or what I should do next and staying laser focused, not on up here, but on what's right in front of me right now. Because if you lose sight of what got you to where you are, you basically blow up everything you created. And so I am staying very focused on waking up every day
Starting point is 00:55:44 and just making decisions that make me feel proud of myself and doing the best that I can and giving people a little bit of grace and focusing on what I can control and what I can't. And then the rest will take care of it, you know. I love that. What's the single thing that people think will make them happy, but won't? In your opinion. I think the single thing that people think will make them happy that doesn't is achieving the thing. There's so much research that, you know, when you get the
Starting point is 00:56:13 million dollars, you're going to be happy. When you win the race, when you get the person, it's the pursuit of it. Everybody needs something that gets you out of bed. Everybody needs something that you're excited about, whether it's video games or it's birdwatching or it's volunteering. If you don't have something that you're pursuing
Starting point is 00:56:35 that's bigger than you, then you're always going to be stuck in that sort of survival autopilot, same old, same old moment. You've got to give yourself an opportunity to get proud of yourself, as you said earlier, and that's usually a pursuit of something.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Yeah, but I think that for me, I would imagine, I would suggest that part of that is a spirit, spiritual experience. Very much so. And I think that that's the true. It's funny, I was watching sort of...
Starting point is 00:57:02 Love Island? Yeah, have you seen it? It's the episode you're on, Jason. Yeah. No, it was the few days leading up to the Open, the British Open the Gulf, and Scotty Schaeffler gave this press conference
Starting point is 00:57:18 that I found to be fascinating. And he's being asked all these questions in world number one. He has been dominating golf. the last couple of years and he gave this answer and the room was silent and he sort of said part of me thinks i spent all my life to win these tournaments to win this tournament the bair nelson in his home in my hometown to have a few minutes of like yeah and then i realized what's the point and he went and he went on from there and i found it absolutely fascinating and i go here is a guy
Starting point is 00:57:50 who is at this crossroads and he's having this deep and almost spiritual experience where he's realizing that there's got to be he's looking for perspective he's gaining it and he's looking for more you know our buddy rob meter all this jokes perspective is a really hard thing to get if you don't have it and and hearing him that hearing this guy who's at the top of the i mean the millions of dollars saying like now what well yeah and he's and he's saying and why and he actually said a few times jb he said what's the point and it was and honestly it was chilling almost listening to him and he wasn't poor me
Starting point is 00:58:30 and he was very happy for all the success and he felt he was very grateful rather and yet at the same time he could see that he was struggling with that idea and there's something really really fascinating about that to me. Mel, this has been a blast. You are brilliant.
Starting point is 00:58:45 We've taken up way too much of your time. Brilliant, brilliant. And look, you have a whole studio behind you and you stopped to talk to us about it. Yeah, it's above my garage in Vermont. That's this one. We've got to have you always come to Boston. Although you don't go anywhere.
Starting point is 00:58:58 We got you guys do stuff. If you ever want to, you have an open invitation to the Mel Robbins podcast. Thank you. Oh, man. I mean it. I'd love to have you on.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Pick you apart on live camera. This would be amazing. No, I'm just kidding. No, I do. I'm really looking forward to meeting you on the 17th. That'll be awesome. I'm looking forward to meeting you too.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Thank you, Sean, for selecting me. I literally was so moved, and I can tell you the cheeseball thing now because I hate it when people come on and gush and fan. But you caused so many problems in my marriage, you guys, because when I first started listening to you like everybody did, I would come home because I was so jealous of your friend group. And I thought, why are my friends boring?
Starting point is 00:59:40 And I would come home to my husband be like, you need to start picking on me. We're not interesting enough. And it turns out picking on your spouse is not a great thing for a match. You've got to let them be who they are, right? It's our love language. It's our love language. I love that.
Starting point is 00:59:53 And thank you for allowing us as your listeners to feel like we are part of this friend group because to have a friend group where you can really see that you guys love each other deeply and still jab at each other. It is a very rare thing and it's a gift to experience it in our lives to listen to you guys that way. So thank you for welcoming us in. Well, thank you for saying that. And truly, truly, thank you for coming on this podcast. You're a very big deal.
Starting point is 01:00:26 I know, I wish this was two hours. I feel like I've learned a lot. I know, right? Well, maybe we can open up those private sessions. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to DM you for a one-on-one. Just a dick pick, okay?
Starting point is 01:00:42 You'll know who it's from, that's for sure. Thanks, Mel. I appreciate it. Thank you, Mel. Thank you, Mel. Thank you, Mel. Thanks, guys. Bye, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:48 See you later. Bye, bye. Bye. what a pleasure that was awesome absolutely yeah she literally was just talking about her the other day that's amazing yeah she's been on my list for like you know a couple years now but she um you know six over six million copies in that book let them i mean it's amazing and it's also amazing when people like her or for you know another example to be Oprah or these people who lend their brains you know to the masses for what they've learned or discovered and they pass it on to other
Starting point is 01:01:21 people hopefully hoping they can help other people too i love that kind of stuff kind of like if i can do it you can do it kind of thing yeah what a gift um that she's as a result of her own personal circumstance you know and touching bottom as she was saying you know and and developing these these coping skills out of out of necessity and desperation that she found herself with a vehicle to share all of that knowledge and enlightenment with with so many millions of people and uh obviously has helped and so many folks, what a great use of your life, right? We're all going to look back when we're old and gray
Starting point is 01:02:02 and did we use our years right. And what a great success way. And you listen to her talk and it's kind of like, oh, yeah, well, that makes, how did I not know that? It's like all common sense, basically. Yeah, well, oftentimes. Yeah, I mean, I think we all have some coping skills in us but maybe they're just sort of dormant
Starting point is 01:02:19 until you hear somebody put them to words and you go, oh, somebody just articulated what I kind of feel in me but didn't know if I was allowed to kind of use it. And somebody kind of puts it into words and puts it in somewhat of a scientific form. You're like, oh, great, yeah, let's use that. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Guys, can I share some?
Starting point is 01:02:38 Oh, boy. Can I share some British words I've learned while I'm here? Sure. I guess so. I mean, how much of a choice do we have? Not much. It's going to take 30 seconds. So we have a dad joke before you get into your body?
Starting point is 01:02:51 section. There you want one. Yeah. Oh, I like it. We've got a book listener. Don't rifle through. Just stick your finger on a certain page. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Here it comes. A good elevator joke works on so many levels. Great. Love it. Very nice. Love it. Thank you. And into our buy section now.
Starting point is 01:03:13 And now it's pre. Speaking of that, these are the three things I've heard. You take the lift, I'll take the apples and pears. I didn't know apples and pears meant stairs that's cockney right it's cockney yeah the way they do that i don't know and then if somebody calls you give me a call on my dog and bone i got a call on my dog and bone i didn't know phone was dog and bone it seems like you're saying five words instead of one i don't really get it but go ahead
Starting point is 01:03:36 that's right and then the last one somebody brought in this is this is a true story somebody brought in bagels the other day for at rehearsal for a good night oscar at the i can't wait look who's back He's just in the band. Just when you thought he went away, he's the bag. Look who's back. Anyway, so he brought these bagels from a store, and this is the truth. And the way they spelled bagel was B-E-I-G-E-L.
Starting point is 01:04:06 And that was the brand name. Huh. And how would you pronounce that? Yeah, how would you pronounce it? I think it's, yeah, I think it pronounced it. B-E-I-G-E-L-E. Beigel. Would you like a dozen bagel?
Starting point is 01:04:20 Would you like a bagel? Would you like bagel? Smartless. Smart. Yes. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanly handcrafted by Bennett Barbico, Michael Grant Terry,
Starting point is 01:04:43 and Rob Armjarf. Smart less.

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