SmartLess - "Mike Birbiglia"

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Come sleepwalk with us… it’s Mike Birbiglia! We chat all-things-funny; comedians who are too serious, intentional non-laughter, and crying at the ballet recital. Don’t leave the party e...arly (or we’ll talk about it for days) – it’s SmartLess.See Privacy Policy at and California Privacy Notice at

Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, so if I had a dollar for every time somebody comes up to me and asks me what my morning routine is, I'd be like a billionaire. Here's what my morning routine is. I get up and then I brush my teeth. Welcome to SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess.
Starting point is 00:00:28 SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess.
Starting point is 00:00:37 SmartLess. SmartLess. So, will, had a dinner party the other night that I was invited to. Sean was invited to. We were both there. You were invited to as well, but you were working down in Atlanta. And about halfway through it, maybe halfway. Someone said, yeah, Sean has got it left.
Starting point is 00:01:04 They're gone. They're gone. So now's your chance. I haven't seen you talk to you since. Did you have sickness or something? I have this thing about the dog. I have this thing about like leaving the dog for more than four hours. The dog that he left for eight months in New York, he's worried about leaving for four hours for him. Yeah, exactly Sean. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, because the dog was left alone. Yeah, exactly, Sean. Same thing. No, I'll be picked up from there.
Starting point is 00:01:25 No, because the dog was left alone. The dog was left alone. So when the dog's left alone here at the house, who doesn't leave their dogs alone? I know, but not that long. I have like a thing about it. Well, you got to get over that thing because that excuse is so outrageous that-
Starting point is 00:01:39 But that is not an excuse. And it's a long life. It's a long life. You can't be tethered to your house for a while. But when you tell people I got to go because I'm worried about leaving my dog for four hours, they're just going to think you're rude because no one's going to believe that that's a real thing. Well, I'm telling you what's the right, but what if I'm telling you it's a real thing? Well, then they should say you should go to therapy because it's an irrational fear.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Well, I don't know. What do you think people do? Have you ever seen anyone go to work? If you ever seen real people go to a job before? You know, like an eight hour job, which is a show. You see all those people that you see filled on the buses and you're wondering like, fuck, why is this bus holding my lane now? Well, there must be so many dogs on the real world.
Starting point is 00:02:17 All the dogs are dying while they're on the bus. Those dogs must die all day. Jesus Christ. All those buses that are filled with people going to do real hard work. Well, you're- Just a bunch of dog murderers. Well, you're watching to go get your fucking eyes checked. They have a healthy relationship with their pet. They they have left the pet in the pet. You know what? It's a little lower on the
Starting point is 00:02:35 list of priorities, you know what I mean? No, Sean, you would have you would have had you stayed. You would have seen me have one of my low points. Yes. Well, Amanda told me. So I told our host. I've told my host a few times, anyone that'll listen, I've probably bored you guys with it before, that my kryptonite is giving toast. I just can't do it. There's something about it that doesn't make, it's not comfortable for me. I do very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, part. Well, that's just, I guess so. Yeah, and instead I'm thinking about me and embarrassing myself, and I should just be
Starting point is 00:03:07 kind of just channeling love for the other person, but that's a great note. I'm going to use that next time. But anyway, I didn't think about it at the time, and the host drops a microphone on my hand, and I totally froze up. No. And you forgot where you were. I didn't even think I could have just bailed out and said, you know what? Happy birthday.
Starting point is 00:03:26 I didn't even think that. I thought I had to come up with a bit. I thought I had to do it like a set. So what did you do? And I said, I literally set out loud, oh my God, think of a good dad joke. And I couldn't even think of one of the many that you've told me. And I just looked up at him. I must have looked so horrified and pathetic.
Starting point is 00:03:41 So why not? He looked at me with such pity and just slowly pulled the microphone back out of my hand. No. And moved on to someone else. Yeah, well, you, that's not, it's not for you. It's not your thing. It's not like I can't do it. It's interesting. I mean, if you, if we think about it, considering how you've been performing since, yeah, you were such a little kid, but I get it. So I think different about a microphone, a spotlight, and a state. I don't, I'm not comfortable with it either. I mean, you know, but you know what though?
Starting point is 00:04:07 I have a good friend who forced me to, anytime I went to her house, she would make people stand up and give speeches. And at, Jay, at your birthday, like two, three years ago, I started the speech thing, remember at Richard's house? Yeah. And I was like, oh, get up,
Starting point is 00:04:22 everybody say something nice about Jason. And I, I do it because I'm scared of it, because I'm like, oh, get up. Everybody say something nice about Jason. And I do it because I'm scared of it, because I'm like, I have to work through whatever this is about public. What's that? Leaning into the fear. Yeah, leaning into the fear. And every time you do it, it gets better and better.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Well, I hope so, because that was very humbling. Let's get our guest take on how fucking rude Sean is and what a baby I am. I pulled a back girl. Here we go. So guys, today we got a fellow who is funny, okay, but he's not just funny. He's also smart. He went to Georgetown for Christ's sake.
Starting point is 00:04:54 His mom is a nurse, his dad's a doctor, but he's not just smart either, guys. He also is our least favorite word. He's a storyteller. No kidding. A better real one. So is our least favorite word? He's a storyteller. No kidding. But a real one. I like. Some folks have referred to it as a comedic monologue, but he's not just that either.
Starting point is 00:05:12 He's also an actor, a director, a writer, a husband, a dad, and right now he's our guest. Oh, that's right. Please welcome the man of many things. Comedy Swiss Army knife, y'all. Here he is, Mike Berbiglia. Oh. Mike Berbiglia. Mike Berb he is, Mike Berbiglia. Oh, I think Will was just saying the other day, you know, we should get Mike Berbiglia on the show. Wait, you've been on my list for like three years.
Starting point is 00:05:35 We have talked about getting Mike on the show and I, Mike, hi, Mike. Hey, I already had him. I'm really good, man. It's been a minute. It's been sense, it's been sense. We were in pop star together, I think. No, no, no, no, no, it's been, I've seen you since then. Oh, no, we did that benefit for Canada. You came in very kindly. Did that benefit? Talk about a guy who stood up in front of people during the pandemic, when you guys were all worried about when the government was trying to depopulate, I forget what they were trying to do, but they were trying to do something.
Starting point is 00:06:08 The government had this crazy plan to get us all. And we, Mike kindly, we did this, this charity for this hospital in Canada, and he very kindly showed up and did a set virtually, which is so fucking hard. Oh, wait, so fucking hard. Oh wait, so you can. And I had such admiration for what you did. You were so funny and so fucking good, Mike, and doing it into a camera.
Starting point is 00:06:32 It was honestly. It was like via zoom or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, stand up. Via zoom. And all the people, thousands or hundreds and thousands of people in Toronto for this thing were watching him. And he's got to do it with no crowd in front of the camera.
Starting point is 00:06:46 And I thought, man, that is first of all, you got to be really funny to pull that off. Thanks a lot, man. Yeah. It was fun. It was very kind of you. And then, well, the other thing about that gig ended up being a seminal thing for me, because Steve Martin also performed. Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Well, Steve came and did a Q&A with me, which was also kind, yeah. And then I did a joke that he, so I had a joke that's in my new specialty old man in the pool and I say, I love pizza so much I get excited when I see the word plaza. That's a great joke. Because the word pizza is exciting. It has pizza in it. Each of the Z's is two slices. The A is a slice.
Starting point is 00:07:31 It's five slices in one word, which is a rarely used literary device I invented called Anamata Pizza. Now, the reason I bring this up is that Steve Martin was on the Zoom with us and he wrote me a side note and he goes, hey, I love that Anamata pizza joke and I immediately put it in my show and it's in the final show. It's because of him that I put it in.
Starting point is 00:07:53 No way. Yeah, true story. Did you grow up loving Steve Martin? Were you a huge fan? Oh my. I mean, the great, the great, the giant. I mean, it's the, I mean, honestly, like born standing up is book. One of the best.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I read it. Yeah, one of the great books about comedy. And then when I was starting out on the road, striving around the country and listening to Steve Martin albums, I mean, that's, that's all I was listening to. Some, he was in the audience for Old Man and the pool. And when he is in the audience sometimes for my shows, I feel self-conscious because I'm looking at him going, I have stolen this all from you.
Starting point is 00:08:33 Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now Will, you know him a little bit. Why haven't you gotten him on the show yet? Well, we've talked about, I know Steve very little bit. And Sean does too, and he's very good, obviously, really close with Marty Short. And first of all, I thought, Sean,
Starting point is 00:08:48 when you said, Mike, I thought you said, did you grow up loving, I thought, did you grow up loving pizza like I did? But you were about to see that. That's the follow-up. But yeah, I feel the same way. I love Steve as well, and I read his book, like you guys, and was just blown away by it.
Starting point is 00:09:07 And just everything he says, and just, you know, he's, he's Steve Martin. What do you say, right? I mean, he's. Well, that he can write, he can write stand-up, he can write books, he can write specials, he can write music. He can write music. But also, what I love about him too is he has such a wider view. There are so many people we know who do, who do what we do.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Yeah. But have such a, who really kind of, that's what they are. They're a standup comic or they're an actor and that's what kind of what they do. And Steve has such a broader view of the world. You know, he collects art. He's interested in music. He does a lot. And he is truly a well-rounded person. I don't think there's enough for when you get him on the show. I know. I don't know. I don't know. I was. How do you say this for when you get him on the show? I don't. I don't know. I was just saying, I'm not gonna talk to Mike.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Mike is my big deal. Because of saying that, Mike. Mike appreciates him in the same way, because he really is looking at appreciates him. And so, and I think that Mike, a lot of your stand-up also is about, not just about, it is kind of like, you are a storyteller, I hate saying it. Oh God, I can't believe you said it.
Starting point is 00:10:04 No, I don't mind that word. You don't. Well, in this context, it's, it's filmmakers that are called. We have a tough time when filmmakers go as a storyteller. You know, I'm just storyteller. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I guess it's, but you mic, but you mic. That's what you do. Yeah. So, uh, and, and, and so what that, that that, it's not joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. It's you're, you're walking people through a situation. And in that situation are many funny things. Yes. Yeah, because I think, you know, what happened, what, what, it started out and when I was
Starting point is 00:10:38 in college, I was studying screenwriting and playwriting. And then I was doing stand up at a comedy club in Washington DC. And I was working the door, and I was kind of watching all these comedians come through. And then at a certain point, I kind of merged those two things, and I started telling stories, started telling stories on this American life, and on the Moth, and then I created what, you know,
Starting point is 00:11:00 I started, my first one was called Sleepwalk with me, one of these solo shows, and Nathan Lane presented it, and it really actually kind of changed my life, it's 2008. I love that. And what are you doing studying screenwriting at Georgetown? Isn't that supposed to be like the log capital of the world? Or is it? You know, it is, but in my class,
Starting point is 00:11:22 in my screenwriting class, it was Joan and Nolan. Oh, sure. That went on to write the prestige and momentum and all kinds of amazing stuff. I'm gonna look those up. I'm gonna look those up. Jordan Nardino, Brendan O'Brien wrote neighbors, like a lot of, a lot of writers who ended up in this,
Starting point is 00:11:41 it was his class, this top by this guy named John Glab. When do you go, JB, you've offended a lot of great writers. I'm just saying, it's sort of a backhand compliment. I mean, that place is a very difficult school to get accepted to. You also have a lot of agree. Yes, exactly. I also have a lot of agree.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I picked up a lot of agree, but no, I agree with you. Storytelling is one of those things where when you say I'm going to tell a story, people, oh God. But I think the key to it is it just has to be funny all the way through. Yeah, I love story. I think it's a very unique skill because and there are a lot of different kinds of comics in some who just are like, we know them. Some are just like absolute just just a joke, just a line, just a turn of
Starting point is 00:12:27 phrase or whatever and that's their thing. But to be able to tell a story and hold people through a story and be kind of funny the whole way and then pay it off, it's really satisfying as a as an audience member. Now let me ask you this. Because it's tough to do. It is tough. What would you say since you've had these great one-man shows, what would be the difference considering your stand-up style is much like what one would consider maybe a one-man show would be like?
Starting point is 00:13:00 What would you characterize the major differences between your one-man shows and the work that you do, the writing that you do for a stand-up set? I just think like a typical stand-up is basically built on the premise of, you have a series of set-up, punch line, set-up, punch line, set-up, punch line. My sort of like what I've learned through the years is those jokes can be part of a five-minute story.
Starting point is 00:13:24 And if you have 10 a five-minute story. And if you have 10, five-minute stories that add up to a single story, that's really the goal of all my shows. And if there can be an emotional payoff at the end of it, like the last show I did on Netflix was called The New One. It was all about how all the reasons why... That's a great title. I think on the second.
Starting point is 00:13:42 It's all about how I never wanted to have a child. And then essentially how I had a child and why I was right. And then ultimately why I was wrong. You know, and that's the emotional turn of it. But I mean, I've always just felt like, it's kind of a matter of like, what do you want to pack into your 90 minutes? It's like, that's why I love movies.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Like I love movies because- One of those big, one of those big tens of caramel corn, you know, a Star Wars movie. Yeah. And maybe, sorry, I'm sorry. I thought you said, would this show want to pack into 90 minutes? It's, it's something like a big tens, it's like a big tin and it's caramel corn. Yeah. By the way, relate to Sean going home early from the party.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Yeah. You do. Oh my relate to Sean going home early from the party. Yeah. You do. Yeah. Oh my god. Are you kidding? But you want to stuck around, Mike. Mike, you want to suck around your gear. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, that are different than going to see you do a set
Starting point is 00:14:45 at a comedy place doing a stand-up. What is the difference between your one-man show and doing a stand-up special? So when I do clubs, I'm going out on tour right now with my next show, which is called Please Stop the Ride, and it's like 25 cities, and that'll be stand up.
Starting point is 00:15:05 It'll be the early stages of what become my one person shows are stand up. It's like a bunch of jokes. It's a bunch of stories. It's free form. There's improv. Anything can happen. And those shows are fun in their own way.
Starting point is 00:15:18 And then at a certain point, like, you know, it's all over. It's all over. Yeah. And then at a certain point, like, when I first started out with these shows in 2008, with Sleepwalk with me, I started working with this director Seth Barish. And so over the years, like, we'll construct, we'll go, you know, he'll go, you know, what
Starting point is 00:15:36 I get from what you're saying as a story is this. And I'll go, oh, okay, I wasn't intending that. I was intending this and I'll rewrite it. And it's kind of like a series of revisions and revisions revisions until I'm actually conveying the story that I'm intending in what's in my head basically. And that one sleepwalking with me was was motivated birth by prompted by tell these fellas. I've done my research there. Very, very, very, tell these, tell these fellas what that, what that, yeah, that's a literal title.
Starting point is 00:16:08 So, Sleepwalk with me is based on a story that happened to me, which is that I have a very serious sleepwalk in a sort of called REM sleep behavior disorder. I want to ask you about that. And so, and so it started out years ago, I was in my 20s. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. I started having a recurring dream. There was a hovering insect like Jackal in our bedroom
Starting point is 00:16:31 and I jumped on the bed and I strike a karate pose and my girlfriend, Abby, would go, did you know, did you know karate? No, no, I had the books for book fair when I was a kid, but I never took it. Okay, but I jump on the bed and I said, there's a jackal in the room and she goes, there's no jackal.
Starting point is 00:16:48 I go, okay, and I go to bed. And then it got increasingly worse. And I had this incident in, I was in Walla Walla Washington, which is an Eastern Washington. Where it all happened. And I was at La Quinta Inn. Sure.
Starting point is 00:17:04 And that's about a trouble. And I was at Lakinta Inn. Sure. And... That's about a trouble. And I had a dream that there was a guided missile headed towards my room. And there's all these military personnel. I jump out of bed, I say, what's the plan? And they say... It's a plan.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very action oriented in my dreams. Were you in the pose? Were you in the pose? Still? I was in the pose. I'm in the pose? Were you in the pose? Still? I was in the pose. I'm in the pose, yeah, yeah. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:17:28 And they say, and they say, it's come to our attention, the missile coordinates are set on you. Right. And I was later diagnosed with this thing, REM sleep behavior disorder, where people act out their dreams. And so I decide in my dream,
Starting point is 00:17:43 and as it turns out in my life, to jump out my window, so as to detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon. Oh my God. And do you remember the dream that vividly? I do, yeah. I literally, it's funny to just say that, Sean, because I wrote it down that night.
Starting point is 00:17:58 I took photos of it. You know, I post some of my Instagrams sometimes, like the actual, I jumped, there's two important details. One, I was on the second floor. Two, the window was closed, it was January. So I jumped through a second story window like the Hulk, like the Incredible Hulk. Yeah. Now, this was going to help your situation in what way though?
Starting point is 00:18:21 You said to detonate yourself. Yeah, it's a very great question, Jason. It's a detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon. But the missile was incoming. Yes, indeed. Yeah, but it was coming. But it was on me. It was on him, dude. Oh, oh, got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. Yeah. Okay. So I jump through the window. Yeah. And these are these are guys that you've been in the shit with. So you're, you want to save, right? This is you want to save, you want to save, obviously, you guys have been through a lot there.
Starting point is 00:18:48 You're like brothers. Yeah, we're like, we're a band of brothers and Wala Wala Wash, you're 10. We got you. We'll be right back. Our thanks to Liquid IV for supporting SmartLas. So it's New Year, it's 2024. I'm trying to figure out the new me for the new year.
Starting point is 00:19:07 I know what you're thinking, I know what you're saying. Sean, you don't need a new you, just be you. But I need a new me. So maybe you're right, maybe I don't reinvent myself for the new year, maybe just rehydrate myself with liquid IV, with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness,
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Starting point is 00:22:40 So you decided to move the target away from whoever you were sleeping with and the other people are, yeah. And you were going to, yeah. So you land in the parking lot? I land actually on the front lawn of the motel. I take a fall and I get up and I keep running. Oh my God. And I'm running and I'm slowly realizing I'm on the front lawn of Lakinta Inn in Wala Wala Washington in my underwear bleeding. And I'm
Starting point is 00:23:11 like, oh no. But in that moment, I was relieved that I hadn't been hit by the missile. Yet. Sure. I remember that. Yeah, exactly. I thought that would have been a disaster. At least I'm still in the game. Wait, so the fall didn't wake you up. Fall? The fall sort of woke me up. Well, hang on, the going through the glass window didn't wake you up. Or the big gash. No, no.
Starting point is 00:23:36 No, I went to the front desk and I said hi. I'm bleeding. I'm in my underwear. And I go, hey, I'm staying at the motel. I had an incident wherein I jumped through my, by the way, years later, I got an email from this guy at the front desk saying, hey, I was the guy. No, oh my god.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I was at the motel. I'm staying here, jumped through my window. I'm gonna need a second key. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I need to see a doctor, need a second key. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I need to see a doctor, need a second key. And he goes, all right, and he goes, and so I drove myself to the hospital and I, I,
Starting point is 00:24:15 I checked myself, you know, I went to the, I had to explain there, it's three times what happened. The nurse, the receptionist of the doctor, I'm the, I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk, you know, one guy was like, no, your Bruce Banner, I was like, point taking care. So you still think you're dreaming? No, no, no, at this point, no, no, at this point,
Starting point is 00:24:30 I'm kind of aware. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It took glass out of my legs. Literally took glass out of my legs. The glass was about a centimeter from my femoral artery. And if it had struck there, I would have just bled out on the front lawn and died. And then I flew back to New York and I did what I should have done when I saw the, you know, jackal and everything.
Starting point is 00:24:58 I went to a doctor's specializes in sleep disorders and I was diagnosed with this serious thing. Fuck. But that story, so that story in the context of my first solo show, which was called Sleepwalk with me, and it became a independent film and everything, and it was- You directed. Then I directed, and, uh, thanks. And, uh, it was, I mean, thematically, and in real life, truthfully, it really was.
Starting point is 00:25:22 It was, it's really about denial and about being in denial of the fact that I have this sleep disorder and not dealing with it. You still have it and suffer from it and what do you do? And so I, I was diagnosed with REM sleep behavior disorder. I was prescribed medication and I still had sleep walking issues and I said to my doctor, like, hey, I still have this sometimes.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And she goes, well, one thing you could do is you could sleep in a sleeping bag up to your neck and you could wear mittens so you can't open the sleeping bag. And so I did that for a period of time. I don't really do that as much as I want. Until summer. Yeah, probably dropped a lot of waterways in there. Yep. But, wow. So she said that, she really do that as much as I do. Until summer. Yeah, probably dropped a lot of waterway in there.
Starting point is 00:26:05 But, uh, wow. So she said that, she said do that. And then that worked for a little while. And then, and then what? Then just meth, just fucking, I'm not sleeping ever again. No, no, that's, I've been up for two years. Strap you down, right? I've been up for two years.
Starting point is 00:26:20 I've been up for two years and fucking, I wanna fucking beat this thing. Hey, first of all, Mike, I just wanna go back real quick. How they, how they get your coordinates. That's a great question. I mean, we never think about that. I think about this all the time. I actually didn't, I don't watch shocking movies.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I don't watch, you know, things late at night because I worry that it's gonna affect my dreams. Of course, yeah. But that day, it's not even like I watched anything shocking. I was just driving through like the cascade mountains. This has appeared in my life in my 20s where I was performing at colleges. I was performing in like gymnasiums and cafeterias.
Starting point is 00:26:58 It was like a really, it was, it was, it was in the grind. And I was just listening to a, like an NPR report on the radio about like missile defense. And, and, and, and, and, of course, that's what invaded my dream. So, so can you take a nap and, and, and, and will this happen if you take a nap? And now how do you sleep? And it's, do you sleep rest like you feel rested? I, I sleep a lot better. People, I, I'm one of those people
Starting point is 00:27:25 where I have the thing and all my friends know I have the sleep walking thing and when they have an issue sleeping, they call me like I'm a doctor and of course I'm not. And so I always recommend this book that was written years ago called The Promise of Sleep. And it's a lot of it's like sleep hygiene stuff. Like my sleep is better because like a few hours before bed,
Starting point is 00:27:46 I shut off my phone, I stopped watching the news, whatever it is. And I sort of like, I think about landing, one way to look at is like landing into sleep as opposed to crashing into sleep. But honestly, in a real practical way, is the medication that that doctor prescribed you sufficient adequate? There've been no more episodes.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Do you not worry about going to sleep that you're going to start walking around and do stuff like this? Or murder someone. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's definitely a concern. And I monitor it very, very closely. And I don't even want to show this. I don't want to take the drug is I don't wanna take the drug, you know,
Starting point is 00:28:26 like a few, I have to, like a few years, like recently I actually looked up the side effects of the, it's clonipin, you know, it's clonipin. Oh yeah, I've taken it. It's the drug I take, yeah. And it was like the side, you know, it was just, recently it was like the side effects I looked in, it was just like, it was like depression, effects I looked at, it was like depression,
Starting point is 00:28:46 poor motor skills and something else. And I was like, oh, I thought that was my personality. Oh, yeah, Sean, I think you're taking too much, Sean. Yeah, exactly. But boy, but I get, what would, I mean, I would probably, I would have to, I'd be so worried about falling asleep that I'd never would be able to fall asleep. And I wouldn't want to take that medication. I probably would like strap myself down, but then you wouldn't be able to roll over. So I'd probably like devise some
Starting point is 00:29:15 sort of box over my bed. I'd like build a box, like a, a cage to sleep in, something like that. And I talk about that more. I'm talking about the cage. a cage to sleep in something like that. And I talk about that more and talk about the cage. Yeah. There's a period of time where my wife Jenny is, of course, had a deal with this for many, many years. And the I know Jenny Jenny comes. So many reasons Jenny walks in the room.
Starting point is 00:29:37 She's like missing an eye. She's got like yeah, walking on. She's wearing a full helmet. She and I listen to the podcast all the time. She's going to be devastated that this is her mention in the podcast. No, no, no, no, she's a poet. She's a poet in her own right. Yeah, how did you meet Jenny?
Starting point is 00:29:54 I met Jenny in St. Louis. He has strangled her once, a midnight in St. Louis by the bus station. Okay, settle down, settle down, settle down. Yeah. No, we met in St. Louis many years ago and yeah, I, you know, it was one of those things that was, for me, it was, you know, it was love at first sight. Like, we were both on work, you know, on work trips and I just fell in love with their immediately and I'm in love with her this very day.
Starting point is 00:30:21 I was, you know, it was a great thing that I loved from your Mac and Ro episode recently, is he said this thing about he and his wife, which is that they let each other be who they are. And I was like, oh, that's such a beautiful sentiment. I thought, I said to Jenny, I go, I think of us that way. And she's a poet and I'm a comedian. And those are two people who don't know how heating
Starting point is 00:30:45 and electricity work. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. He said that too and I was thinking about it too. Right. I will.
Starting point is 00:30:54 You guys would agree Jason for sure Amanda lets you be who she is. And I think that that's one of the great things that makes it work for you guys. Oh, my. of the great things that makes it work for you guys. Mike. Now, Mike, you've got a podcast to your own call working it out. Working out. What are it? So it's an exercise. It's just at the gym. Well, similar. Just you just interviewing trainers and the treadmill. Yeah. The similar to to smartless working it out was a pandemic baby because I couldn't perform as a standup in front of audiences. And so I was like, so I started asking my friends,
Starting point is 00:31:32 you know, John Malaney and Bill Hader and Conan O'Brien, different people to work out jokes live on the show. And so now we're 115 episodes in and it's like a big part of my life. Like I just love doing it. That's great. All right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:47 It's the best. What's one of your earliest jokes that you wrote and that's tried and true always works? From my whole career or from the from this show? I there. Well, it's funny. Like the first joke that made sense to me as like, I feel like with comedians, it takes you years to find your voice and figure out like, what's authentic to you?
Starting point is 00:32:13 And there was a joke I did early on where I said, my girlfriend and I are living together and she's starting to think about having kids, which is exciting, because we're gonna have to break up. I've just decided I'm not gonna have kids until I'm sure nothing else good can happen in my life. And it was one of those jokes where,
Starting point is 00:32:39 whereas the first time where I was like, oh, it's not even a punchline, it's just a thought that sort of has an internal twist to it. And that's sort of how I try to think about jokes is like that if they don't even have to strain credibility, even, you know what I mean? The turn is authentic and the setup is authentic. Have you ever told a joke about something in your life
Starting point is 00:33:06 and someone in your life who's mentioned it, but obviously starting probably with your wife, but like other people or anything like that where somebody's kind of like, hey man, were you talking about this and that they were like put off by it? I have it all the time, every time I'm on stage. Wow.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Like in other words, I think about that constantly, the sort of what can I talk about, what can't I talk about? Like I have that with my daughter, for example, because right now she's eight years old, and which is an amazing age, but I'm incapable of living in the present, and so my brain goes to when she's 15, and she's gonna be like, my dad
Starting point is 00:33:46 is garbage. You know what I mean? And because I'm ready for that. Like I'm open to that. It happens. Yeah. And but my dad didn't have to deal with that. I grew up in the 80s. You know, we said it, but they didn't listen. You know, they were just like, is someone talking? And but when my daughter's 15, she's's gonna be like, my dad is garbage and I'm gonna be like, you're so brave, that's so true. How can I amplify your voice? You know what I mean? I'm gonna amplify it.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I'm gonna amplify it. So I think about that all the time. Like I think about, like even I have a joke about my daughter that I've been saying recently where like I say, Jenny and I went to see my daughter, her ballet recital. And we're in the audience, we're just crying and crying, because she doesn't have it, you know? And I can tell right away.
Starting point is 00:34:31 And it's one of those things where I'm doing the joke, and I'm thinking to myself, eventually, Una, my daughter, is gonna see this joke, and like, what's she gonna think? I don't know. Right. I made the mistake of working my kids and my wife into some stuff I was talking about
Starting point is 00:34:46 on talk shows every once in a while. And my wife eventually just pulled me aside and said, that's no more, no more. No more. Come up with stuff that is funny but has nothing to do with me or the girls. And but that's you can't, at your life, your wife and your, your, your daughter, you, they can't take that off the table for you, right? I mean, I was going to say, I go through the same thing too, and I've done it before on talk shows as well.
Starting point is 00:35:12 And my kids are older, like Jason's my older kids are older. And so you do that thing. And a couple times, like we've talked on the, on the podcast and I'm driving with my, and my kids are like, well, listen to it or they've driven it and they're like, are you, like, I can, it's just a weird because they are at that age now. And then they're like, hey, man, they're not even my partner.
Starting point is 00:35:36 It's my kids looking me like, hey, dude, are you talking about me? I'm like, yeah, sorry. Yeah, and of course you embellish a little bit to kind of make it funny. But no one knows that. And they know that. But they know that.
Starting point is 00:35:50 And it's like, yeah, it's. I said this before, Mike, on the show, but I tried to do stand-up years and years and years and years ago. Horrible at it. Didn't know how to write. And one of my jokes had to do with ballet. My opening joke was, you know, they say ballet
Starting point is 00:36:02 is one of the most difficult things you can do. So I say, just don't do it. I don't, I feel like I feel like being the non laughter was intentional from Jason and well, yeah, I'll have heard that one before. Yeah. I keep it. It's not I keep I keep waiting. And there's, you know what I said, it's Sean one day, they'll be a punchline. Yeah. Well, first of all, Sean, first of all, a lot of people come on the show and say they saw good night, Oscar. I loved it.
Starting point is 00:36:29 I've got the program in my office right here. You came to the show. Yeah. And it's unsigned. I stood by the stage door and I just come back. Sean doesn't like the people. I'm such a big fan of yours. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:36:43 I was, I'm just intimidated. I always feel like I'm going to be fan of yours. Thank you so much. I was, I'm just intimidated. I always feel like I'm going to be in the way. Yeah, I'm so honored to talk about on the show. We talked about that recently. We talked about that recently. You said, You probably, Mike, you probably felt it would be presumptuous for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Just knock on the door and say, Hey, I'm famous. You're famous. Let's talk. Yeah. But I had I known I would have, I would have invited you. I had somebody sign it for you. Mike, are you the funniest guy in your family growing up or was mom and dad or mom or dad someone that gave you the funny gene? Close call. I mean, it depends on who you ask. My brother Joe, you know, a lot of times my people will
Starting point is 00:37:22 ask my mom, they'll go, was he always funny growing up and she'll go, no, no, he's very serious. And then she'll say to me, she'll go, you know, you comedians are so serious. And I'm like, how many comedians do you know? You know, are you texting Ronnie Chang? Are you on an email? Chang with Roy Wood Jr.? Like, what is happening here?
Starting point is 00:37:47 But, no, in my brother Joe, I feel like his reputation as being the funniest one in the family. And he and I work together and collaborate on writing and everything, which has been very cool. So that's cool. It's a funny family. It's a, I don't know who's intending to be funny and who isn't. Yeah. You know, my, growing up, my dad, my dad's
Starting point is 00:38:12 very funny, but he would be, get very angry growing up. He'd be like, God damn it, I'm eating pretzels, you know, be like, is he angry? Is he hungry? What is the emotion being expressed? Yeah. There's a lot of fireworks, a lot of, it's a loud house. Yeah, yeah. Where was this house? What part of the world were we? Massachusetts. And how many, how many siblings?
Starting point is 00:38:31 And the youngest of four. So I was sort of like the, is there another child? We're hanging on what part of Massachusetts? Shrewsbury. Shrewsbury. Yeah. And what's per biglia? What nationality?
Starting point is 00:38:43 Per biglia is Italian. Great question. Oh, it's Italian. Well, just because you're youngest of like, I'd like to put people in the boxes, Sean. Oh, so there's a Italian. You got it all in the background now. What kind of box do you want to put them in?
Starting point is 00:38:53 I'm past the box. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? We're going to get some elbow macaroni. What are you going to do? You want them to forget about the question? If you shot Mike, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Now Mike, you know, being a guy who does what you do, well, I'm not offended just so you know, I'm not offended. Oh god, I did it. Doing what you do, you literally you work alone. Yeah, except when you're collaborating with your brother, brother, but so when you went, when you, when you did the directing stuff or when you're acting on something, and it's much more of a teamwork, right? A team sport. Are you able to switch gears easily,
Starting point is 00:39:30 or is it kind of like, on top of the... I do love that. I love the collaboration side of the field. Like I started when I was in college, I was casting the improv troupe, and that was sort of like, at Georgetown, that sort of changed my life. And I know you, I loved your Malania troupe and that was sort of like at Georgetown. That sort of changed my life. And I know you, I loved your millennia episode and he was talking about it.
Starting point is 00:39:49 So, millennia basically was cast by Nick Crowell in the same improv group that I cast Nick Crowell in like a year before. Oh, wow. No way. Yeah. So, Nick and John and I have been friends for years and years. And then when John moved to New York, he came on tour with me. And so we've just known each other forever. But the improv community,
Starting point is 00:40:08 like I feel like that sort of formed my entire approach to creativity and creation and all the rules of, yes, ending everything. And like I made a movie about it called Don't Think Twice with Keegan Michael Key and Gillian Jacobs where it's a bunch of best friends in an improv group, and then one of them gets cast on sort of a Saturday and at live type of show, and the rest of them don't.
Starting point is 00:40:32 And it's sort of about what happens in life when people realize that not everything's fair. What kind of, were you guys doing like heralds? And that kind of thing? Yeah, okay. We believe in it. Yeah, we actually, when I was in college, we were doing heralds. We, there was improv Olympic, actually actually came and did workshops with us. There was a, there was a group across town at GW called recess and they, UCB4 with like Aimee and Matt
Starting point is 00:40:54 and, and Matt and Ian came and, and did workshops with them. No, they did. Who came from, who came down from in prevolympic? So it was this, it was this group called Frank Booth, and they were fantastic. And it was, uh, this, uh, you know, so Sharna Halpern came. Oh, Sharna, of course. And, and it was, and Liz Allen, who ended up years later being, we hired her as the coach of our fictional improv group in this movie, don't think twice. And, and so yeah, I, the collaboration, like I love. And, well, not, well, speaking of that, Mike, you know, like I love, and well, now, well speaking of that, Mike, you know, like you're so funny and so such a brilliant writer and such a brilliant performer. Truly, do you have any aspirations?
Starting point is 00:41:36 What's that? There's a butt. But. But you seem like a dick. Like a dick. Like a dick. Like a dick. You're not a dick. I'm like a dick Like a dick But like other Italians I've met
Starting point is 00:41:58 Wait John I have it as a fan of the show could I ask Sean something which is oh yeah, is it ever? Are these guys ever too much on you? I joke we get we get pages of text after, you want to know what you guys, when you I feel it's all that. And it's true, it's true. A lot of the time. Yeah, it's pretty bad. And we will be right back. Thank you to FanDuel for supporting this episode of SmartLess.
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Starting point is 00:42:58 Let's do it. So visit slash smartless and make your first bet a layup Fandool official partner of the NFL 21 make your first bet a layup. Fandool, official partner of the NFL, 21-plus exclusions apply, C show notes for full disclaimer. We get support from Zip Recruiter. According to Forbes, January is the hottest month for hiring and business owners and hiring managers are on the hunt for top talent, which is no easy task. If you're currently hiring, you can probably relate.
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Starting point is 00:44:05 get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to our exclusive web address right now to try Zippercuder for free. slash smartless. Again, that's slash smart.sss. Zippercuder, the smartest way to hire. All right, back to the show. I'm sorry, Shuffle. What was your question?
Starting point is 00:44:29 I apologize. I'm probably way, can I do it? Have you ever forgotten a joke when you're on stage? Did you ever go out there? Did you have somebody have to throw you a line? You have a podcast. Have you ever forgotten your question during your podcast? What's your funny, What's your funnyest podcast moment?
Starting point is 00:44:47 Sean, these are great questions. These are really spot on. I'm crossing the law for they say them. No, have you, like if this was the 80s or 90s and you were as brilliant as you are now, they'd hand you a sitcom, right? And now if you weren't really doing those, that kind of thing anymore.
Starting point is 00:45:03 So are you doing the dream that you've always, which is stand up and writing and touring and all of that? Or is there more that you want to do that you haven't done? First of all, I've auditioned ones for the role of Buster. They gave it to someone else, Buster. Yep. So Jason and Will just started to put you on the spot, but do you feel like they went in the right direction with that one? No way. Absolutely not. Who would still be on the spot, but do you feel like they went in the right direction with that one? No way. Showing still be on the air. If you will, I'd love to see, I mean, I don't know because I don't know what you did
Starting point is 00:45:30 it. If you're prepared, if you remember at all what you did, I'd love to see it, Mike. Let's, let's, let's improvise a scene right now. Will you play Joe while play? Was it Michael? Yes, Michael. There he is. There's, there's, hey, hey, B Buster, could you please take your shoes off before you bring that mud
Starting point is 00:45:49 inside the house for us? Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I can. I think I'm already inside the house. Yeah, well just cross your inside. Look around you. What is this your first time in a building? Oh, Mike.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Oh, I seem to have taken off my shirt. Oh, yeah. No shoes, please. Just on the belt. Oh, and bro and take a verse. There go my pants. And, Joe, what do you hope said about? Did you say, way run out of gas?
Starting point is 00:46:17 See? Oh, my God, I think my thing is. Okay, sorry. I'm so kind. I'm so kind. I'm so kind. But to add, Sean, to answer your question, yeah. Like, I audition for for I auditioned to play
Starting point is 00:46:27 Jim on the office. I auditioned to play Jonah on V by I did, you know, I don't know what happened. Any of those shows, but I'm fine with you're doing just you're doing. You know what happened? All those shows Mike they all went off the air. You know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, had my brothers, it would be like something like a resivellment where it's like off the wall and improvisational and nuts. And at CBS in 2008, that was not on the menu. And so it became a very watered down Mike Burbiglia and by the end of it, I was just like, we shot the pilot. And the cast was incredible.
Starting point is 00:47:24 Nick Crowe played my cousin, Bob Odin, we shot the pilot and the cast was incredible. Nick Crowe played my cousin, Bob Odin, Kirk played my brother. And it was amazing. It was as good as we could do within the constraints of network TV at that time, but then it didn't get picked up for air. And honestly, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was crushed at the time, but then I went back to New York and I mounted my first solo show.
Starting point is 00:47:44 Then I went on to make, you know, all these solo shows and now I'm doing something that was an absolute bullseye for you and your sensibility as opposed to the other show, uh, he wasn't, right? Yeah, it was a real walk down really. Everything, everything happened for reason that way. I had a similar experience doing a doing a multi cam that was a, gonna, would have killed me and had a similar experience. And it was the one was it the one before right before us development. Yeah. And it had that happened.
Starting point is 00:48:12 The Michael Mali. No, no, no, no, it was just other one called still standing that I did. Anyway, and I got fired after the pilot. And I was so it would have been unavailable for I would have been unavailable for rest of development at the time. Brian Callan said to me at the time when I got fired, because I knew Brian from way back in the day and he goes, oh, what, you're mad that you're not the fucking fifth lead who every other episode walks and goes, hey, what the hell happened to my couch? Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:36 You guys, you're fine. Just be happy and don't fucking worry about him. God's literally, he was like God's doing your favor and fucking six. Now Mike, when you went in and helped out our friend Jimmy Kimmel and you hosted this show for a week when he was suffering from a cold. He got an attack of the summers. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. Mike. Now, did you, did you, was it, how was that, how was that taste? Is that something that you would want to do maybe? I loved it.
Starting point is 00:49:08 I mean, Jimmy is the greatest obviously and he, I was, Kim, I'm from, no, no, no, no, he's talking about Fallon now. Stay on my question. We're talking about Jimmy Kimmel. Okay. If you say so, Mike, I don't know, I did made him a, Kimmel in here. So I was in Chicago.
Starting point is 00:49:28 I had a matter of fact, exactly the same time Sean was in Chicago with Good Night Oscar. I was at Steppard Wolf and they called, I was going to fly out to be a guest and I was on Southwest Airlines and I get a text from Jimmy Kimmel and he goes, uh, I'll switch you to private if you host for me. Yeah. Exactly. He goes, I, I might have COVID, uh, and then five minutes, in five minutes later, he goes, uh, you're going to be the host instead of the guest.
Starting point is 00:49:58 And then five minutes after that, he texted me, you're interviewing Tom Cruise. And five minutes after that, he texted, Tom Cruise has canceled. Oh my god. Which means apparently he's not willing to do all his own stunts. He's not willing to go the distance from Kimmel to Berbiglia. Sure. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:21 No. Well, they should have allowed Mattmit to finally get, uh, get a show. But, uh, no, they still, still bumped them, huh? But I loved it. I mean, yeah, I mean, he's, I mean, Kimmel's amazing and, but do in a talk show, hosting a talk show and being able to improvise basically with guests, even though, you know, a lot of that stuff is, is sort of predetermined. What questions are going to be asked and roughly what answers are going to be given. You still, I would imagine would just soar in that environment.
Starting point is 00:50:48 I appreciate it. I mean, I love being able to do working it out as a podcast and then also do my stand-up and solo shows and touring. Like, I like the, I don't know. I feel. You're good. Thanks. Like, I feel like I'm lucky, especially like I live in.
Starting point is 00:51:03 I just say you want to do the late night show for Christchurch. Yeah. Okay. They go, are you fighting this shit? Yeah. You coming in your combative? Because it's C.B.S. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:13 You're never going to work to C.B.S. Yeah. I don't take the late night gig. I don't get it. What's your game, baby? Mike, do the late night gig. First of all, well, first of all, well, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that. Well, and I were in pop star together, and this is something, well, you'll never hear,
Starting point is 00:51:27 because you're you, but I lived at the time, the Lonely Island was making that movie. I lived next to Yorma Taconay from the Lonely Island. And he was writing that movie with those guys with Andy and Akiva, and he said to me, he goes, we're gonna get, you know, he gets riled up your maze. Like, we're gonna get the funniest guys to play this group that's like a TMZ kind of group.
Starting point is 00:51:50 And it's gonna be like this person, this one. And one day he came to me, he's like, we got Will Arnett to play the, the love in character. And he was so happy. And then on set, and I don't know if this is. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:52:07 But then but then no, on set, and I feel like you got to take this compliment, you've you broke a lot of takes because people were laughing so hard on the set. I'm done. I need to see that movie and then I want to watch Hot Rod too. I wish you a double bill. I thought you were going to say that you're my, who my adore. You're my is one of the all time greats and you know you're his neighbor and friend and such a funny dude.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I love all the lonely island guys, but you're my, let me finish on talking about you. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, sweet you're my sweet sweet you're my. Hey Sean, cool it, huh? I thought you, Mike, I thought you were gonna say, your man said we're gonna get the funniest guys to play these guys at the TMZ and then the next day he goes, okay, the funniest guys were unavailable. We do have.
Starting point is 00:52:54 We do have. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Mike, first of all, I'm just remembering we DM'd each other after my show. Fuck you, cool it, dude. I think that's cool, you know. Oh, I wasn't gonna bring it up. I wasn't gonna bring it up.
Starting point is 00:53:09 Okay, thank you. And thank you for saying such nice things about it. But I did want it because it's me, I want to say, worst heckler, worst experience ever. Worst heckler, oh god. I feel like honestly, you know, speaking of Steve Martin, like, I feel like his born standing up and interviews he's given over the years are the best advice about dealing with audience gone wrong stuff.
Starting point is 00:53:31 And he always says just react honestly in the moment. If someone shouts condom or some bullshit, just like, sir, I'm doing a show and thanks for being here, but that's actually not helpful. I have something prepared. And like, and like, that's sort of, that's, and what I find is that when you do that, is that it really just, it ends the thing.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Because people just go like, oh, yeah, that guy's the asshole. And this guy knows what he's doing. Let's move on. Rather than rather than challenge or be challenging or aggressive back to what you mean. Yeah. And I early in my career, I was not good at this. I mean, I remember like, you know, 20 years ago, I remember performing in a casino. And there were these two guys in the front row
Starting point is 00:54:25 who looked like maybe some kind of organized criminals. And they weren't smiling or laughing. They were very, very angry. And they were with these two women. And they were just talking and talking and talking. As though I wasn't there, as though there wasn't a show of any kind. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:41 And so I kept being like, hey, maybe you don't talk, maybe go talk somewhere else. Yeah, yeah, right. And they just kept talking, talking. And finally, I didn't know what else to do and I was inexperienced and I said, hey, gentlemen, I feel like, I said gentlemen, I feel like maybe you should
Starting point is 00:55:00 take your prostitutes. And I'm not standing behind the story. This is not, first of all, it's nothing I would say today. I won't recommend this. And the guy looked at, and maybe you guys should leave. And the guy looked at me in the eye and he goes, I'm gonna fucking kill you. And no one laughed. I didn't laugh. at me in the eye and he goes, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Starting point is 00:55:25 And no one laughed. I didn't laugh. He didn't laugh. The audience didn't laugh. We were all uncertain of what was about to happen. And then he has squirted this guy out. I'm with my brother, Joe, after the show, we're gambling at Blackjack Table. And Joe yells at me.
Starting point is 00:55:44 He goes, Mike, you can't do that. You get dangerous, you know. And you can't say that to people. You can't say people's wives are prostitutes. And I go, Joe, I, it wasn't my best moment, I get it. And at that moment, these two women come over and they go, are you guys looking for dates? And they're the two women from the front row.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Of the show. Oh my God, no way. We'll have three professionals. Yeah. Wow. So you'd call this guy out. And maybe, and maybe, and maybe I was indeed about to be murdered.
Starting point is 00:56:17 Mike, have you, have you always had an eye for hookers? Yeah. Sorry. Be able to just pick them out of a crowd, literally. Just because it seems like people have a sevot for different things. But Mike, didn't you have a show called Spot, Spot the Pro for a while?
Starting point is 00:56:37 What? Spot the Pro. It's kind of, it's awful that he said that, but it's kind of fun to say. It's fucking great. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Somebody says I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Some believe it's horrible, but it's fun to say. Has anybody ever said that to you in that way or something close to that?
Starting point is 00:56:56 I think I've seen that said, with someone's eyes, but never verbalized. I had a guy once. This is a true story. I was like, I'm gonna kill you. I think I've seen that said, there were someone's eyes, but never verbalized. I had a guy once, this is a true story. I was a teenager and I remember I was in a McDonald's in Toronto. And there was a guy, there was a big line, two lines for the fuck, it was pre, you know,
Starting point is 00:57:16 whatever, 100,000 years ago. But there was a guy in line, in the other line, but ahead of me. And he was, there was something about him. he had the worst energy human I'd ever seen up to that point in my life. And he looked like he was just like, good, a fucking, and there was something up with the dude. And I was talking to my friends and I remember this like it was yesterday. And I was looking at him because I was like, well, this fucking, in my mind, I'm thinking,
Starting point is 00:57:42 this guy's a fucking murderer, like this guy's fucking, just the craziest looking dude, and I swear to God. I don't know how he was looking, he was facing forward, I was behind him, he turns around and he goes, don't fucking look at me. Oh, and then turn back around. And I almost, for real, for the first time in my life, I almost shatter my pants.
Starting point is 00:58:04 He said one happy meal, please. Yeah. Yeah. It was I remembered to this day. Don't fucking look at me. You imagine what kind of nightmares Mike would have had if that happened to him. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm taking himself out of top floor, not a second floor. not a second floor. Mike, we're we've kept you six minutes over. We have. You make the time go so fast. Huge. Huge. You guys are this is a dream come true. I listen to the show with my wife Jenny and it's like listening to your three funniest friends and you don't have to talk. And today I had to, I got to talk, which is cool. But barely. I did. The thing while you were listening with her, little did you
Starting point is 00:58:49 know, we had plans to bring you on here. Yeah, little did you know that we had talked about and you're, hopefully you're listening to it now with Jenny. I don't know. You guys and just we just again, we want to say hi to Jenny. She's a fan. Yep. We love your poetry and we love your project. And we're a fan of yours. And so, and Mike, I mean it when I said, you truly, truly have been on my list too for like a couple of years now. I'm surprised. And Will, where were you on that?
Starting point is 00:59:15 Yeah, Will. I mean, I'm going through a canyon right now, man. Do you know what I'm kind of breaking up? You're kind of breaking up. You're kind of breaking up. We'll call you back. We'll call you back. We'll call you back. Mike, thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:26 I know that you were us. I knew you were on somebody. Elses lists as well. You don't know who's on who's lists. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, let me say one more thing too, because I listened to the show.
Starting point is 00:59:37 In my special, the old man on the pool on Netflix, I talk about how my family wasn't, and I love you family growing up. Like we didn't say I love you. We said take, we said take care, which is sort of like a passive aggressive command. Like, I'm going to need you to do something for me. Take care, you know. And, but you guys always say I love you to each other,
Starting point is 00:59:55 and I find it so sweet and meaning. Well, I just want to say that. Oh, that's real. Well, you know, what we love you now, Mike, you're part of it. I love you too. We sure do. Anything you want to say to Tracy, I mean, if you know the show, is there anything? Yeah. Tracy, I could recommend some of my Netflix specials in my movies and and I and thank you for being supporting Sean all these years through all that he's been through. Yeah, she's the best. I love her. Mike, do you have a recommendation for us for a good word to work into our buy?
Starting point is 01:00:28 Because I think we've never done this. Yeah, we're pretty tapped out. And since you're a listener of the show, you ever thought, I don't they ever use this word? That would be easy. Yeah, like, like, you know, you have children, right? Sure. Sure Sure sure. So So I would just say just think of your your favorite song or lullab
Starting point is 01:00:59 We love you love you Love you Mike. Love you love you. Love you. Love you Mike. Love you Mike. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. We are clear Mike per by glia. Oh, oh, oh, very good. It's per big. Yeah. I'm just saying for the buy. Oh, oh, oh, you stupid ass. Stupid. Okay. Okay. You're a drummer than me. Good, you know what? You're a trumpet ass. Then I get to say it then. Okay. Okay, okay. If I'm so stupid, let's see if you're gonna work it in smooth. If I'm so stupid to you.
Starting point is 01:01:32 I love that guy, Jay. I love you. He's so funny. He's so funny. Yeah, I mean, I watch his stuff all the time and I'm like, oh, that's, it's like new, but old school, like his comedy, like you were saying, like storytelling stuff. I don't see a lot of-
Starting point is 01:01:48 I'm gonna call you out on this and I don't wanna do it on the show because Mike's listening, but that's not true. I, the other day I said, hey, do you know, Mike Pavilion said, who's that? On Trilett. On Trilett. And I showed you a special, and you go,
Starting point is 01:01:59 what am I watching? And I said, you're watching Mike Pavilion, especially, and you said, I don't see anything. He's invisible to me. He's worthless and talent free. Turn it off. No, he is so fucking, he's so fucking man for so long. I agree. He's so, he's so fucking fun. But a lot of comics don't do that anymore. I mean, some of them do, but he, I love that he does the one-man shows on Broadway. I think it's really fucking cool.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Really cool. And it takes, that'd be fucking hard as shit. Think about it, Sean. You just got off Broadway. Imagine doing a one-man show every night. I mean, forget. Can't do it. You want to do it again?
Starting point is 01:02:41 Yeah. Jay, you were just saying. You're going to do it. You can't even make a speech at a fucking good friend's party. Well, but one man shows that you can't make a speech at a good, nah, you can't. I'm not good on my feet with a microphone on my hand and a spotlight in my face. That's it. Jason, Jason and I will the other night at this party ran into Gustavo Dutamel. Yeah, did you really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:06 And who orchestrated that? And a wonderful, aren't you good? Wow. Somebody took a nap and somebody's home from Atlanta. Uh-huh. Oh my, I'll be in the room. You know what? But he's going to be tired soon and then hopefully someone is just going to put him
Starting point is 01:03:24 right to bed and sing him a nice long. La la bye. What, what? And you know who, you know who I hope the person who sings it to me is? Who? Mike Burb. Bye, Glee.
Starting point is 01:03:36 We are, bye, bye. You got a double bye. You got a bye bye. I got a from somebody else. I got that from somebody else. Double bye. Double bye, bye. I got to buy buy it. I got to put somebody else. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy it. I got to buy it.
Starting point is 01:03:46 I got to put somebody else. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it.
Starting point is 01:03:54 I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it.
Starting point is 01:04:02 I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy it. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy it. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. I got to buy. Rob Armjurf, Bennett Barbaco, and Michael Granteri. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ If you like SmartLess, you can listen early and add free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen to add free on Amazon music.
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