SmartLess - "Stephen Colbert"

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

This week we take a wild ride through the brain of Mr. Stephen Colbert (host, comedian, pro skier). The gang examines Jason's 'pleasant hostility,' Stephen's Lord of the Rings memorabilia, and a few '100% true' stories. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm so glad the other two couldn't make it today. I'm Sean Hayes and I am the host of SmartLess. It's a show where we used to have two other hosts to have that. Can you believe the balls on this guy? I'm Sean Hayes. Hello. Hello. When they fucking plug my mic in, I'm gonna light this kid up.

Oh. Sean. I was just... I was told that you guys couldn't make it. That's weird because I was just saying to my friend, what a great job you're doing on the intro. So, where does that leave us now? Just kind of like enjoy the show?

Yeah, enjoy the show. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess. SmartLess.

SmartLess. SmartLess. Sean, Jason said to me the other night, he goes, I was facetiming him from his apartment, he goes, have you got it? Have you got it? Like, like as if it was like, have you gotten into my crackers? And I go into his cupboard and I open up and I had taken a photo of his fridge and all how bare it was.

And I sent it to him and Kimmel in Thoreau. And then I said, I said, yeah, let's take a look at these crackers. They are the most unappetizing looking crackers you've ever seen. Why? Because they're not edged in cheese or they're not edged in anything. It's cardboard with seeds. And then he says, I just come back from work and he goes, you eat after work? And I go, yeah, it's called dinner.

You know, a lot of people do it. They've been doing it for a minute. And I was having salad with grilled chicken. He's like, what are you doing? Because that just doesn't compute for him because he just, Jason, when's the last time you had like a burger or pizza or anything just horrible? I had a burger about three weeks ago and it was incredible. You guys should check into it.

It's three weeks ago. Yeah. Ground beef. Three weeks ago. Remember's the date. Here. Oh, sorry. Remember's the whole thing.

Go ahead. What was on the calendar? It was on his calendar. The bun was soft, but with a crispy little edge to it. I went ahead and had a little ketchup, lettuce, tomato, cheese. Good for you. Jason's death row meal, they'd be like, well, what do you want? Most people, you know, I want a thing and a chicken and, you know, pasta with a huge

thing and a Sunday. And Jason's like, if I could have half a slice of a whole wheat pita, that'd be nice. And a half hour on the treadmill. Is it available? Yeah. Before he passes, before they wire him up to the chair. I've told you a million times there's a 600 pound man in here waiting to get out. I have to, I have to stay on the mouse wheel.

Otherwise it's not going to end well. He's got me on this lemon water now too, which is, which has nothing in it but lemon and water. Yeah. Speaking of 600 pounds, we have a guy today who has 600 pounds of talent. Oh, 600 pounds of talent. Here we go. What a description.

It is not a good segue. It's the name of his autobiography. Huge fan of this guy. I love that you have no idea who it is. I'm super excited that he's on the show. He's so nice to be here. I've been a fan of his and watching him for many, many, many years. I've never done a deep dive on this fella and doing so for today.

I had no idea we had so much in common. This is what we have in common. Okay. I'm from Chicago. He spent quite a while in Chicago. Specifically at second city. Not really in common, but go ahead. Yeah.

No. Specifically at second city, which I also attended classes. He's Irish Catholic, youngest child of a massive litter. I'm also the youngest of a large Irish Catholic family. He is a big love of Lord of the Rings franchise and I think you guys know how I feel about all of that. Very. Yeah.

A million times. We both grew up playing Dungeons and Dragons. We both have a connection to the daily show. What's so funny? Oh no. Oh no. What's so funny? Just the Dungeons and Dragons.

It's just so, so you guys both just crushed a lot of ass growing up. That's covered. Sean, Sean, how excited do you get when you hear the sound pew, pew, and pew? I just soiled myself. I think I get so excited. Okay. He's currently guys. He's currently in first place in the million year late night talk show race.

My best friend in the whole world, Stephen Colbert, hang on, Stephen, what I love the pan down to tilt down, tilt down, there you go. There you go. That's professional. That's how you get number one. Yeah. That kind of technical expertise. Wow.

You're not going to get that from Kimmel or Fallon. Listener. He's in a very, uh, uh, erudite, uh, uh, like library, uh, home den. It's kind of exactly how, by the way, another thing we have in common, Stephen. What is that? What is that? What is that? What's that?

I love it. I can't get enough of it. One volume, red book of West March edition of the Lord of the Rings. Wow. That's the Lord of the Rings. All of this behind me on this shelf is Tolkien commentary or the unfinished tales like, uh, you know, the fall of Gondolin or the children of Perrin. Over here is more Lord of the Rings commentary.

That's Smeagol. That's Golem right here. What's this? It's... Wait. Is that from the movie? Actual hero sword. He's holding up a sword from the movie.

He's holding up the fucking swords that was used in the movies. Look at that thing. That's crazy. How did you get that? Okay. I don't care if you don't like Tolkien or the movies. You gotta like that. Incredible.

You must have children all over the world. How do you stop getting laid? Baby, Steve. How do you stop getting laid? What is it? How are you not getting laid right now? I fight him off with this. Well, that's another one.

And Doral, which was given to me by Viggo Mortensen. Another sword. Fucking Viggo himself gave this to me, dressed up as Eric Horne. No way. And it was the greatest sex I ever had. Wow. Viggo slept together. Wait a minute.

Is it? We're making news, guys. 100,000 percent. As I remember it. Did you buy those? Or were they given to you? They were given to me. This is actually one of the stings from the Lord of the Rings.

That's incredible. Wow. And I had to actually pry these both away from my kids because when my boys were young, they would fight each other with it. I'm like, I could pay for your college with this. Give me that. Listen, Steven, it's great to have you here on the show, man. Well, it's a pleasure.

It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you for inviting me. Of course. I am such a big fan. I just brought up the bat, Steven. Is there some kind of like a mental adjustment you have to make in your brain to go from host to guest? Like is your instinct to take over an interview when you're the subject?

Absolutely not. I'm fascinating and I am fascinated with me. I do almost every interview I do. I'm listening to the person going, I could answer this better. Sure. I could answer. Sure. I've read your bio.

I did the pre. Yeah. I could answer. And you are shanking this. The urge to like just say, go, let's switch. I'm happy to do that. Do you like that? Do you like when a guest comes on and they kind of freestyles and goes and goes off script

basically? Do you like that? Or do you like sticking to it? As long as they've got a story, that's all I care about. The only thing you don't want is for someone to come on and they say, just ask them about their first day on set, just asking them about first day on set. And then you say, so gosh, big, I mean, you're a young actor, you're there with all these like huge stars.

What was your first day on set like? And they go, it was great. And that's it. Yeah. Full start. And then you go like, fuck me. They like, they don't, if they say they're going to do one thing and they don't do it, that's when you just want to open a vein because you realize there's another 10 minutes with

this person. The other version is if somebody is super, um, hey man, I just put it out there in their public life, you know, and then you have them on and say, hey, okay, put it out there. And they go, you know, people, people have different attitudes about, like they completely back away from whatever position or what their book says or, you know, some women are nice. Like, you know, whatever they go, because they, they see the audience, they see the audience and they'll say one thing on their stupid news show where there's no audience to yell at them, but they see my audience and they go, you know, everybody's got their opinions

and they're like, that was, that's the worst. People who kind of play a character, they lose a little courage when they get in front of the audience. Right. And after them, will you, will you sort of like privately resent like privately, you're on my show. You should be, you should be entertaining. And will you kind of leave them hanging out to dry?

Will you throw them a lifeline? Well, I mean, I'm not there to like stick a knife in anybody. I don't like, even on the old gig, I didn't really wasn't there to do that. That was more of a, that was more of a ledger environment over in your show, Stephen. I mean, when you're there, when you're there, the general feeling from the staff is fuck him up. Fuck this guy up. No, I get it.

Fuck him up. And I like it. And they're like, before I go on stage, you're like, you know, you come back with his liver on a stick and you fucking don't come back at all because we are hurt by his presence in this building. Sure. You know why. Sure.

I do know why. And then I go, I promise you, I will make him suffer. Though I'll tell you, someone who actually is actually, I have a pleasant hostility with is, that's Jason Bateman, because I've interviewed you a couple of times and I actually enjoy, there's a pleasant hostility with you as a guest. And I mean, pleasant. What does that mean? Don't you feel like there's a pleasant hostility?

Like we don't get along? Well, you're incredibly pleasant. Like you're such an enjoyable performer. There comes a butt. But there is. Nope, there it is. No, and. No, you said butt.

And there is. Good for you. Okay. Good for you. All right. But there is. Okay. But there is.

Dot, dot, dot. There's a little charming nature. There's something about you that's a little hostile as a guest. It's anger. And I can't imagine. Motherfucker. Hang on a second. I can't imagine.

I'm the only host who feels this way. We're friends. I might be the only one to tell you. I look forward to it. I love a guest who's a little hostile. Let me just say this for Jason really quickly, because you don't know this, Stephen. But one of the last times that Jason was on your show, he might have been a little hostile because he was going through something.

Yeah. Yeah. Let me explain my hostility the last time I was on your show. You know about this? I don't think he does know. I actually don't know. I don't remember anything about the interviews, just that there was a sense, perhaps it's defensiveness and the hostility is as a rose's thorns.

Still beautiful, but defending one side. Let me say this. Let me say this. Jason and I were going to do this press thing and we were meeting at JFK. He was going to do your show and he shows up JFK late and he's a sweaty mess and he said, how did Colbert go? And he's like, Jesus fucking Christ. Right Jason?

Is that the setup? Yeah. Hey, you're great. All right. So here's, first of all, Stephen. Do you want me to tell the story? No. I got it.

Is this a true story? This is a true story. Am I about to hear a true story? Yes. Yeah. It's a true story. Now I will first say in my defense, I have a British mother who was very sarcastic and dry and so my sense of humor tends to be a little like that can come across as hot.

Okay. I apologize. You also have a lot of anger just below the surface. And I've got some anger below the surface. So here's the story, Stephen. And I will say, I will apologize to Mr. Jimmy Kimmel right now because I told him about this and he said, oh, you got to say that for the next time you're on. So screw you, Jimmy.

I'm going to tell it to Stephen because Stephen owns it because it was on his show. So here's what happened. I come to do your show. I'm in the dressing room there, which by the way has no bathrooms. At least the dressing room I got. The dressing room I got. That is cool. Then I didn't get the lead guest dressing room, whatever it was, there's no Johnny in

there. So here I am. They put you in the pit. They put me in the pit. So I'm in the pit and my little suits in there, my little outfit, my little talk show suits in there and everyone gets out of the dressing room. So I can change into my suit and I put it on and, you know, my wife likes me wearing stuff.

It's a little tight and I don't like it, but I guess I lost the battle on this one. So I put it on. It's a little bit tight. You know, it could be less tight if I just let a little of this gas out. I just came from dinner and things have built up a little bit and I feel like if I could just let this one bubble out, things would really work out for me. Again, let me remind the audience, true story, true story. All of this is completely true.

Keep going. How nice is this suit? How nice is this suit? Armani. It's, please. What did you say to me? What is it? 1988?

No, and it's not Hugo Boss either. They make lovely things. Something I can't even pronounce probably. Pierre Cardin. Pierre Cardin. That's it. Pierre Cardin. So the suits on or at least the pants are on such that I know I need to try to make a

little bit more room here. And so I released a valve a little bit. Out comes less, well, it's more than air. Less than solid. Now, what are we to air time at this point? What are we to air time? We're four minutes from, you're well done with the monologue. You're probably in commercial break and it's time to walk.

I haven't even got the makeup on yet because the makeup artist is waiting outside the door for me to get the suit on. So this is a problem and there's a knock on the door. She'd like to get the makeup started. Stage manager would like for us to be walking. So now I've got to get the pants off, get the underwear off and get rid of the underwear in the bathroom that doesn't exist there. So now I've got to bury the underwear in the trash can.

I've got to top it with some Kleenex or something. Across the loaf. We usually have some bread and some cheese. No one's the wiser, no one can, and so any. So a couple of cancel the Croy. So suits still tight. Now I'm commando. I'm not feeling great about myself.

I've forgotten all of my funny answers that I've worked on with the segment producer on the pre-interview. Now I'm sweating. I really need makeup. I've got David Cross in the dressing room next to me ready to pre-tape an episode and he wants to talk. And so I let him in. I tell him what's happened.

He thinks it's fantastic. He thinks I should lead with that. I elect not to. I get the makeup on, the powder, whatever. I make it out there and I sit down and we do our interview and that is probably the reason I was less than chatty. He just shat his pants, Steven, you know, you know, you want to know why I'm mad if I hadn't appeared on this podcast today.

You would have told that story on good for you. When it's my trash can, my show where that happened and you were going to tell that story on Kimmel. That's totally entitled to be a good point. You should be double the anger you are now. You owe me underwear. Absolutely owe me underwear because what size are we talking? Are you men's medium?

Will. You're an M. Will. Boy. Small. He's a boy. Small. Now with his diet. All right.

What kind do you like? Um, I like a boxer brief. Got it. Okay. Okay. Doesn't crawl up. Doesn't crawl up. Preferably a sort of a rubber saddle to it.

Hang on. There's a great question. He just asked you. Does it crawl up your leg? Does it crawl up your leg because it crawls up my leg? Uh, no, it doesn't because the fluid in the seat of it keeps it weighted, weighted down. It's like, uh, it's like a post it note against your ass.

You can imagine. We're like, he's how to go on, on Colbert. Not great, man. Not great. I took a shit in my pants and I fucking bury my underwear and I'm fucking, and now we got to get it in an all night flight. And he's like, for fuck's sake, I'm fucking, he was like very, you know what though, we can go down this rabbit hole.

No pun intended up because I had a similar thing and in grade school, I was in eighth grade. I raised my hand. I had already crapped myself in my jeans. I was 12 years old. I raised my hand. I said, can I go to the bathroom? And she said, yes, I left.

I walk into the bathroom. I go into the stall. I take my underwear off. I throw it into the stall underneath next to me and then I hear all like the entire football team come into the bathroom and they go, whoa, dude, what the fuck, oh God. And they open the stall next to me and they're like, holy shit, oh my God, there's shitty underwear. Oh my God.

And I was shaking. I thought it was going to get literally the shit beat out of me again by these people. Oh, bless us. Don't we all have those stories? Will, well, you're up. Will, you probably never have, right? Batter up. No, I'm good.

Batter up, Will. Yeah. I don't think I do. Come on. You've had, you have a history with alcohol. You must have wrecked plenty of shorts. My life wasn't fucking train spotting. Okay.

I wasn't like, you know, shitting beds, but I will say that I did, I did do a similar thing to you, Jason. I was spending the night with a lovely young lady at her apartment years ago, 25 plus years ago in New York city, just a tremendous date and getting to know you and woke up in the morning, had a little coffee at her apartment and, and then it got away from me. And I actually ended up opening the small window in her bathroom and throwing my underwear into the courtyard. So I threw it out of the building.

Stephen, we're going to complete the circle and we're going to go ahead and complete the circle. Yeah. Let's start the interview. Sure. I have one, I have one story like that involves Conan O'Brien, I have one, I have one story like that. People always say like, Hey, do you look at late night guys, I'll know each other.

Like I actually have friends with Conan, it's kind of a late onset friendship in our careers, but we were out, where were we? We were out in a deer valley in Utah and I was skiing out there with my family and Conan called me up and he said, could I ski with you guys? And I was like, ah, you know, and he said, please. I have no friend, I have no friends and I frighten my family and could I, and I said, I said, okay, I'll, yeah, all right. And so we met at the top of a silver strike.

You guys know, we met at the top of silver strike and it's just, it's just me and him because my kids saw him and I said, I don't want to ski with him and, and there were, there were, you know, they're fans of Leno and they said, we don't want to ski with him and they, they, I made them take, I made them take a side because I saw like, if you want to be in show business, the most important thing in show business is to be in a camp. That's right. That's the most like talent, okay, or like dedication, but the most important thing is to pick a camp in Hollywood and never forgive anyone for anything they do.

Right, right. And, and they said, dad, we can't because we're Leno and I said, I understand. And I'm proud of you. I said, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. You're crying right now. It should be pointed out. You're crying telling this story about how proud you are.

And so they went off to do whoever with their mom and they went to go do that, get a big cookie size of their head. And so I get on the, I go on the lift with Conan and, and he is, you know, he loves the sound of his own voice. And so we're right on the left and I'm like, shh, we got the masks on. There's a chance for nobody to know who we are. You know what I mean? Cause we got, we got the helmet.

We got the, the, the goggles on. We got the mask. We can actually go out there and enjoy ourselves. He's like, I'm Conan O'Brien when we're in the lines and his helmet is the color of his hair. Like his helmet actually is the color of his hair. Okay. On the back, on the back of his, Andy Richter's face is stitched into the back of his jacket.

And I'm like, this is embarrassing. So we get on, we're on the, we're on the, we're on the, we're on the, we're on the left. It's on the left. We're not, cause it's not enclosed. It was just a big part of the story and we're, we're on the lift going up and he's talking, he's super kind of obsessed with Lou Diamond Phillips at this time. And he's, all he wants to talk about is an officer and a, and a movie or that thing on history channel that Lou Diamond Phillips used to watch, like Kelly's heroes or something.

And then he would interview someone saying, how was that tank battle? Was that accurate? And, and he's like, why the fuck does Lou Diamond Phillips like, I know he was in that movie with like Meg Ryan about like something about Denzel Washington and Tim, but why does he get to be the guy who interviewed officers and he like, he's like, he will not let it go. He's got, he's got. Sorry.

He's like, no, but you know, because he's, he's interviewing these people as if he's had military service when he, he always like, he does like a heel turn and like that. So Conan won't shut about Lou Diamond Phillips the entire time. And we're going over, and I know how you're going up and you'll be going others, you're going over ski runs. Yeah. And this is out West where like, it might take you 20 minutes to get to the top of the mountain.

So you're looking at the people and you're judging the way they ski and everything. I'm going in, he, he sees like a little, one of these little like a conga line kind of like toddler ski class going, going by and he goes, I bet I could take a dump on those kids. And I said, I said, don't even joke about that. That's my children and their mother. Nice. That's not right.

That's not, no, they weren't my kids, but there was like, you know, it was like whatever like they called the reindeer club or whatever it is, you know, and they all, they got the clips on the front of their ski. So they have to be in this pizza french fry pizza french fry pizza the entire time. Exactly right, which is how Conan skis by the way, pizza, pizza french fry, which isn't easy in his height. And so we're going over one of these runs. I don't know.

It's like a homework bound or whatever. One of those things like that, you know, and Conan's like, I bet I, I bet I could do that. And I said, please don't try. And he said, too late. Sounds like you're daring me. And I'm like, you're in a full, you're in a full leg. You're in like a neck to ankle, like one piece jumpsuit.

How are you going to do this? And he goes, zip. He's got a flap in the back and he just scoots it out over the back is where hand to God, he yells Torah, Torah, Torah. That's his, that's his shit war cry. He yells Torah, Torah, Torah. Just like, have you ever seen like those movies where like a, like some sort of rescue squad has to put down a marker in the snow?

So I helped you find you like, it's like, or it's like the flame retardant coming out of the planes. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same color as his hair. No way. 100%. A bright orange waist comes out of the corner.

It's just like, it's like he lives just on Dorito dust and it just absolutely, he dropped it like when he dropped it, like one of those planes and just literally knocks these kids down. Lesson over. Absolutely knocks them down. Oh my God. And, and, and with just a high-pitched cackle and, and I'm like, are you okay? That is not.

And again, the color again was like, remember when before you wore the wigs? Yes. Now it's all, when he still had hair before and he's all proud and I got to say, I'm, I'm impressed. Of course. I got to say a man, a man his age, that control. This is again, this is 100% true. 100% it happened.

100% true. Yeah. He might remember this story differently than I do. And we've never talked about it. He's never talked about it since. He's never, from that moment, we never talked about it. We made a promise. He looked at me and his pride, it went from like pride to deep change.

He goes, I want you to swear that not only did you not see that, like you'll never say anything, but you'll never say we want skiing together. And I said, I won't ever say anything about us skiing together if you never say anything about it. Even that day? That second, from that second, didn't happen. Fuck around. We so appreciate the trust.

And one of the reasons was, is because we get to the top and obviously who's up there? Cops. Like they're like me. Sure. I thought you were going to say Lou Diamond Phillips. Jesus Christ. You raised what a ride. So let's begin the interview.

Sure. And I just want to say, I do want to add one more thing, if I can, before we start the interview. And none of this is recorded, right? No, no, no. This is all rehearsed. Yeah, this is all pre-reviewed. The one thing I want to say is that, again, as we remember things differently, it helped

remember it differently than I do, if he ever talks about it again, is that the one thing I know happened is the Lou Diamond Phillips shit talk. That's the one thing I'm not sure about the rest of it. Stephen, welcome to the show. Stephen. Good to be here. Yeah. Thank you.

And I love your short stories. They're going to cut together. Great. So listen, I have been such a fan for so long. We don't have to go through your whole, I mean, people might find it interesting. I know they would. I know I would, but I don't want to bore you with you. So I want to know the trajectory of the late show, Stephen Colbert, because I feel like

when the show now feels like it's different than when it began a little bit. It's different than it was a year ago. Yeah. So at the beginning, did you feel like you had to conform into Letterman's kind of format or any pressure like that? And then realized, wait a minute, I need to do my own thing here. Like what steered it in the direction it is today? Just trying a whole bunch of different stuff.

Like when I, when I started, I had never been myself before. I was like, I'm not a host, I like hosting parties, but I'm not a host. I didn't know what that was. I'd always, even the Colbert report, that was, that was a 10 year sketch. Right. Like I did a 10 year scene. I was doing the character really, like that guy and I are not the same guy. And I worked really hard to never leave character.

Like I worked really hard. Like before I went on stage every night, I'd slap myself in the face hard, like really just to wake myself up and I'd look in the mirror and go, Hey, don't drop it now. Like you've been carrying this plate of glasses for like six years. Don't drop it now. What was the purpose of carrying it for six years? So I tried to stay really, you know, it's a character you wear as lightly as a hat. As the saying goes, lightly as a cap, but I still try to keep it on.

Then I go over and I go, okay, so me, what do I want to do? I don't know. So I just kept doing different things for I'd say six months. And then one of the things I was doing at the same time was actually show running the show. I was, I didn't have a show runner. It was me. Oh yeah.

Which I, it was, I had the old show and I thought I could do both and I kind of lost my mind. I'm like, I can't. I'm not thinking at all about what I want to do immediately. I'm thinking about running the show. I gotta say, Steven, it really struck me. I noticed one of the last times I went there, we did a, we did a bit and I came in a little bit early, we rehearsed it and then, and then I got a knock on the door and one of your

writers, somebody on the show said, Hey, we're downstairs. Steve is rewriting the bit right now if you want to come down because he's kind of changing it. And I was so shocked by how close it was to show time and you were downstairs and you were, you were driving, you were at the computer and you were the one who was doing it and taking ideas from everybody and you were the one who was actually physically changing the bit yourself. And I thought, wow, that is so, what a high wire act you're about to go out and do the

show. Oh, I still do that. That never changed. That's incredible. I'm talking about the show business side of it. Like I literally had somebody, I take all the show business side of it. So all I could think about was the comedy and then that, that changed the way I did my entire day, which let me just think about, okay, I'm just a comedian or a performer here

and that's when I found out what I liked and what I didn't like about what I was doing. But that level of control was like, it was, I still, I still, I mean, I can't imagine not like working on it till the last minute. I don't, I can't imagine, I can't imagine that because every day is, is metaphor John Stewart and I used to use a back when I used to work with that guy is, it's like a distillery. Like the morning you get the pitches, that's like the corn and then you mash it with the first draft and then you take that mash and you check the alcohol level and you go, okay, let's rewrite it.

That's actually to put it in the little thing and to get, get the pure alcohol out of it. And then the last rewrite, that thing in the room, right before you go on, that's where you try to make it the way I would say it. Then you try to get it in your own mouth feel and that mouth feels like that's wouldn't, that's oak aging or something, you know, that's putting in the barrel. So it turns into whiskey and you can't always do that, but it's always the goal. I'd hate to not try and it's not like you look at it go like, oh, shit, that's brandy every night.

Sometimes it's just moonshine, but you want to try to make it brandy if you can. Did you ever show up and it's in great shape right off the bat? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've got, well, listen, I don't know because there's a process that happens before I ever see it. There's the pitch in the morning, which I always hear and I weigh in on which of those I like, you know, we might get eight pitches and we'll ride on.

We'll ride on five or four of them and so sorry, what, what does that mean? Uh, you get eight pitches, eight pitches of jokes or eight pitches of ideas to do areas hide the stories. Like cause, cause this is for monologue or for after monologue. This is for a monologue. I mean, there are other, there are other refillables that get written more like buckets, you know, like they're not as timely, but the monologue that first 15 minutes of the show. That is for lack of a better word, like that's the national conversation.

What are people talking about today? And we don't, we don't dictate that. We literally have a guy, we stole from Anderson Cooper's wonderful researcher named Brandon and we go, Brandon, what's the conversation? Where are the news trucks in the world right now? Right. Cause I'm going to talk about that thing that the audience has heard all day anyway and have their own anxiety about it.

What's the deadline on that? We record the show at five 30 cutoff is about five. Right. We have a late breaker team. We have a team that starts writing around three o'clock ish and the late breakers before we put their script to bed around five or five 15, we go a late breakers got any, um, many chunks. We call it.

Anybody, anything getting chunky upstairs? We've got any many chunks and then we go, we got maxi chunks because there was just a press conference or a new vaccine just came through or whatever it is. What's going to lead all the cable news tonight is what we're thinking. What's the lead? Cause that may not be what we lead our monologue with. We might lead with something silly that just sort of like puts a little gas in the engine for the audience, but we're going to talk about whatever it is.

We try not to ignore whatever the thing, even if it's tragic, sadly, because we don't make jokes about it, but we don't want to say like, Hey, we, we didn't have the same experience you had as an audience tonight. That process took about six months to create the product, the way we do it. And then we've been doing that for about five, five years now. Sean mentioned at the top, when you, you know, when he was introducing you that you, you were at second city in Chicago. I know that you were a, you were part of that whole gang who were, who, by the way, who

were your kind of your contemporaries when you were in Chicago? Cause everybody has kind of different classes that they were with. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's, there's two different things. There's, there's the people you watched where you wanted to be your contemporaries. And then there's the people you performed with, but in your mind, those people you watched are also like the people you were watching.

Like the people I watched, the people who I first saw improvise actually, not at second city, but at this little club in Chicago called cross, cross currents, was under the Belmont L and just really, really divey little place. Dave Pascuesi. Do you know guys, Dave? Yeah. Pascuesi was the first guy I ever saw. I went, Oh, I want to do that.

I want to, I, whatever he's got, I want that, that little secret he has when he walks on stage. I don't know what it is, but I, I always want to know what it is. Like how can you, today, I still like, I kind of still want to be Dave Pascuesi, especially his ability to improvise, but who else was there? Um, Mike Myers was on stage and, um, Tim Meadows was on stage, no, Corel was, Corel was essentially my same generation. He was about, he was about a year ahead of me.

Second city works like a wrap. Yeah. Like you, you come in and you learn, you learn like the last 40 years of material. When you do that on the road, he was in that process, like six months to a year ahead of me in that process. And what about like Amy, Amy Sideris hired on the same day because there's a big casting call every year. Like they, they'll 300 people come in and they pick like five, four, six.

My year, the people who were hired that August were, which was 1988, I guess it was me, Rose Abdu, Amy Sideris, Paul Dinello, and Chris Farley, and Greg Hallman, but Chris Farley. So first six months I toured with Farley. He toured around the country. He could do no, no wrong to me. Funniest guy. You know, people don't talk about Farley enough. People don't.

I agree. He deserves a deeper memory in comedy. He's written off as just kind of like this big dumb sort of goofy, did big physical stuff, but there was such a purpose there. It was so sharp, right? He is. You're right. That's how he's written off.

Not a dumb guy. It's so specific and so, and it was so spot on and it was so, so specific, right? So spot on. Just, he just, he and Sideris had this thing. Like I remember that I saw them before I worked with them. I saw them on stage because they were actually, we were hired, but they were actually placed in the company first. And so I was literally still like waiting tables there.

And I saw, I saw both of them on stage and I went, who are those people? The first thing I ever saw Amy say is she walked on stage, door burst open, there's this tiny little bundle of energy. She goes, oh my God, you've got a wet bar and just starts laughing like that and runs over and goes, I don't want to, I don't want to, now I want to see the cocktails she's going to make. And I went, I want to, I want to work with her. And then me and Paul and Amy ended up essentially working together almost every day for like

17 years. And you created strangers with candy. We were like, we were in a common law marriage for the next seven years. It's great. I think candy is one of my favorites. Yeah. It's fantastic. Did you, I heard that once you described Amy as like an idiot savant without the savant,

is that true? As a, as a joke, as a joke to her, to her. Oh no, she knows, she knows, no, that, I, yes, I think that, I think that might be her own accurate. That might be her own interpretation of herself. She would sit in the corner as we would like write change with candy. And of course everything is written for her and around her. It's all built around like, what can we build around her?

And Paul and I, it'd be like three o'clock in the morning and we'd be slapping on the keys going, okay, where do we go with this? And we'd be just sitting there in like the horror of the clock whizzing on the wall, like the hands going around, like we have to shoot this tomorrow. And then Amy would go like, but what if it was a squirrel? And we'd go, what? She's like, what did I say? Like, you said something about a squirrel, and it would be exactly the right thing in

that moment. And she wouldn't necessarily know that she had absorbed every problem we were trying to surmount. And she would just blurred out exactly the right answer exactly when we needed it. So the wheels are always turning inside that little coconut size skull of hers. But she's one of those people who makes me laugh more than I just, I can't, she's like a drug to me. Yeah.

I love it too. But speaking of that, Steven, like just thinking really fast, you, you have such a fast brain. And I love that you, you're like, uh, you know, wishing you were had great, as great of improv skills as some of the people you grew up with. But you do. I mean, your brain works so fast. Is it frustrating to be with people like you who aren't as fast as I am really slow? Is this agony to actually be doing anything with you to dain, to condescend, to appear

on your podcast? Uh-huh. Are you ripping paper? No, I am enjoying myself. I'm enjoying myself. No, but is it frustrating being around people who don't, who don't think as fast as you or work as fast as you or work as hard as you or anything like that? No, I actually don't think of myself as that great of an improviser.

I mean, I, I know a lot of people who are better than I am because I don't think it's necessarily about being fast. I think it's being like honestly reactive because, you know, I, not to get too spiritual here, but the first guy took any classes with the Del Close. And while there, you know, there are people who have their own opinions or pros and cons about, you know, Del Close, I don't have much of an experience with him. But he, one of the things he said was that don't think that it's you, don't think it's you that have to do this.

You actually have to be reactive and just the universe is going to do it. If you actually do it right, it's, it's just happening. You won't, you won't know who did it if you do it right. And I think that, that's sort of in some ways the opposite of quickness. That's vulnerability. That's vulnerability. And there are people who are great vulnerable performers who I'm incredibly jealous of because I still have a need to please and that can get in the way of me actually being a good

improviser because you want to score. Don't you consider what you do on, on your show, your conversations with people as, as improv? Yeah. I mean, I do. Sure. Being able to just be on your feet and be listening. And then.

Yeah. It's not, I mean, to me, the old show was more of like improv because there was a character choice. And then you were, you were making, you were making performance choices in the moment. That was really improvisation. First one, I'd really, especially now in COVID, I just tried to actually have a conversation with someone. It must be kind of harder now, just being yourself in a certain way than spending all

those years where you could, you were playing a character and getting, it's because you have to be much more honest again, without being too sort of, you know, corny, but you're being much more, just being yourself and being vulnerable in that way is probably more difficult. Yes or no. But it was for me. Yeah. But it is for me. I mean, now I wouldn't want to do that old guy.

Right, right. I mean, I didn't want to do that old guy anymore anyway. That's why I left. It's not like I got fired. I still liked doing him, but I wanted to leave while I still liked it. And I never intended to be doing what I'm doing right now. As a matter of fact, I already made the decision to leave that show before I was offered this one.

That was, this was 100% a happy accident. Oh wow. I had a whole other plan. I had a whole other thing I was going to do. What was that plan? What were you going to do? I still want to do it. I don't remember to steal it, but I, honest to God, that's how show biz I am.

It's registered trademark. I was going to put that character into a narrative. I was going to put that character into an honest to God, like, half hour comedy. You should. Oh, but you still can do that. I wanted to follow, I wanted to follow what he was going to do next. Yeah, but nobody can steal that idea because you play the guy. Half hour comedy.

Yeah. Starring like sort of like the character from Colbert's report and just like a single camera or a multi-camera. I can tell you what it was going to be. I'm going to tell you what was going to go with it is that in 2012, what gave me the idea was that I had all this money because I started a super pack. I started, I raised $1.3 million, which scared the, but Jesus out of me, by the way, we started as a game.

Like I, on the old show, I like to always just do everything real, you know, and as my publicist once said to me, carry, carry by like my dear friend. She once said to me, Hey, I need to ask about this running for president thing. Everybody's calling me and I just want to get, you know, everything nailed down here. So I understand is this, is this a joke or are you running for real? And I said, well, if it wasn't real, it wouldn't be a joke. She goes, got it, got it, got it. And that was the way we did.

I wanted to do everything for real. I really had a super pack. I really wanted to raise money because I really wanted to see, I wanted to be the joke. The character was the joke. What made it easier for me is that anytime you would approach a subject, there is a base code of joke because the character is a joke. I could approach any subject and there would always be some level of comedy because the character would be the joke.

And now there always has to be a joke. And that's what's harder about now. I don't have to turn that extra knob to do the character. And there are times when I really, I really do enjoy being myself. And I actually enjoy interviewing people more as myself, but I think it requires more of my writers in a way because they actually, our joke per minute ratio has to be much better because it's set ups and punchlines. Do you give yourself the credit that you deserve for being such a great actor by playing that

character as well as you did with no winking, no nut to the point where... By the way, Jason, sorry, for tracing Wisconsin, we're talking about the Colbert Report. Just so people know what we've never said, what we just keep saying the character. You played a fervent right wing, what would you call it? Pundit. Yeah. Pundit. So that took acting skills.

I question... Hold on one second. I'm going to interrupt you because I'm the host. I question whether Tracey in Wisconsin, hearing Colbert Report, if that helps her any more than knowing that I'm Stephen Colbert and saying character because if they don't know Stephen Colbert, you should do a character. I don't think Colbert Report is going to tip them off. Okay.

Just calm down about all of that. And let's just keep going. Wow. I'm trying to give you the hostility that I get. I got it. It's coming through. It's coming through. And that's the cycle of abuse.

That's the cycle of abuse. Right. Still trying to finish my goddamn question. Stephen. Oh, well, we'd love you to fucking start it. Hey, Stephen. Hi. So given all of that great raw acting talent, do you have any desire to play characters?

Like have like a acting career in and around your show? In and around my show. Now, the show takes all of my time, you know, like I'd much rather produce other people's shows. Like I'd much rather take this and help people the way I was helped. That's what I'd like to do. Like while I'm doing my show, I think to really do a good job, I'd have to like stop doing the show.

And I enjoy doing the show. I don't want to be, I don't think I could do like a side hustle as an actor. But could you, could you see yourself doing like you were just mentioning, you know, the show that you wanted to do based on your character from Colbert Rapport, could you imagine taking that character and producing it and potentially writing it at whatever and running it and having another actor say like a Lou Diamond Phillips playing you. Is that something that you would consider? And again, knowing that, wait a second, I was going to say no.

Okay. I was going to say no until you said Lou Diamond Phillips. Just to get under Conan's. There could be a natural sort of war angle to it as well. Just knowing that Conan is so mad at him because Conan's like, where does he get off, right? Conan could do like a, like a guest arc, like a stunt arc on it, producing itself. So, but could you, no, but all bits aside, could you, could you see yourself producing like that idea that you had that you wanted for you producing it for somebody else?

Yeah. I mean, I got that. I'd rather, I'd rather, I'd rather do something else because that I specifically, there was things I wanted to do with him that were ways, what I liked about him was how he climbed up against the real world. Like going out into the real world and really upset people almost every time I did it. It was so fun. And now I honestly, I like people who like me as much as the next person.

And so now, honest to God, like, you know, I actually don't, I love the audience. I don't, some people have like a hostile relationship to their audience. Like I never feel like it's the audience's fault. If the show doesn't go well, I never blame them. It's always me. That's my job. They're, they're amateurs. Exactly what you mean.

Yeah. And I, I like people to like me. And so this is such a different job. Whereas that old job, I, I, it was okay if they didn't like me. That was kind of the purpose of him going out into the world was to see what this kind of character would be clanging up in his most extreme state with real people who weren't in on it. And given that, do you think in today's political climate that, that you could do that show

today? And, and no, I don't think, I think it would, it would, it would poke the bear too much. Wouldn't it? I think it would be too dark. I think our political climate has gotten. I could feel it. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to leave is I no longer wanted to, as I said before,

that I, I no longer wanted to sip that cup of poison because you had to sip a little bit or you had to titrate it a little bit to go do the character. And I just couldn't even look at those people anymore. And now I would never, can you imagine having to leapfrog the guy who was just to be worse than him? No, I know. Because he literally quoted my old character at times, literally like word for word reaction you get when you go back to the South.

You're from, you're from the South. Yeah. I'm from South Carolina. From South Carolina. All roads lead North from South Carolina. Sure. Nice. Sure.

That's good. What's it like? It's fine. I mean, I don't know. You still family there? Yeah. Yeah. And I married a girl from there.

So like there's no debate about where we go when we have time. And we like have a play. We have a house like right across the street from her sister. It's like really. That's great. And her, and her parents live in a block, a block and a half away and my sister lives about a half a mile away. And so.

You've been telling, you don't have to wear a heavy disguise for, for, for protection. No, no, no, I don't think I, I'm happy to say I don't think anybody cares about me. Yeah. Right. We do. Here at smartless, we do. I don't get fanned at and I don't get hostile that I'm just unless I'm sitting in the guest chair.

Is anybody, cause you got, you come from a large family like me, but not as nearly as large as yours. Is anybody else in the family like, first of all, 11 kids you grew up with, there's got to be a gay one in there and, and, and not that we know, all right, well, hang on, not that we know, hang on, hang in there, the door is open, sure. Door is open. What was it like growing up in such a massive organization, normal, you know, whatever happens to your childhood is normal.

Right. Right. Right. So it felt perfectly normal. It wasn't until I had no sense of it, so I was in first grade. So I'm in first grade and the very first day of first grade, we all, the teacher I forgot Mrs. Poole, I think her name was, and we all had to sit up on the back of our seat, like with our butts are on the back of our seat, our feet are in the seat of the seat and we're

all to sit up there and she's going to hold up her hand fingers. And when she gets to the number of children in your family, sit down because she's trying to get to know us and she gets to 10 and I'm still sitting up on the back of my seat and she thinks that I can't count. She's like, I'm the troubled child because that's why she's doing it, to see if kids know how to count. And this is 1969 in South Carolina. This is just like two steps away from to kill a mockingbird, this community I'm in.

And the yules live right around the corner. And so that's when I found out that it was unusual that you had that many kids in your family. And are you trying to replicate that? Do you have a bunch of kids running around there? How many do you have? I'm trying to, but so far just three, just the three, just three, but I'm not giving up.

Do they, do they know what you do? And my wife is listening. I'm not. We're both in our, we're both in our late fifties, but you know what? Have you heard of Abraham? Yeah. This is very threatening, man. Again, you might want to bring the tone down.

Go ahead, Jason. Do they, do they know what you do? Do they appreciate you? Your humor? Do they give it up? Or is it the toughest audience in the world? Like the rest of us? I, it's a tough audience.

Yeah. It's a tough audience. I mean, I think they appreciate what dad does. Yeah. Tough audience. Every still a good audience. That's nice. She's my audience now because I got no audience when she, when she comes in and sits in the

extra little red chair in the storage closet where I'm doing the late show right now. That's it. Like that's as good. I mean, I, I actually said this on the show the other night when I started off, I thought like, God, I wish I could make an audience laugh the way I make Evie laugh. I, I could make it, but honestly, God, because it was like, I could feel like the honesty and like the intimacy because really that intimacy, like, what do you want? You like, there's a sense of community with an audience if you get it right, you know?

And now she's it. That's it. Like she's the one I'm making laugh. And it's kind of joyful and kind of wonderful. And as sad as the last year has been, that's been a marvelous thing. Cause she was, she, she and my, the kids were my crew down in South Carolina. We bugged out one year ago yesterday, we left the Ed Sullivan Theater and we went down to South Carolina to help take care of her folks who were like, you know, in their nineties

and they couldn't have any, anybody coming and help them. So it was just really Evie and her sister taking care of them. So we were down there right down the street and we couldn't let crew into the house. We had a satellite truck parked on the front lawn, killing the grass and they ran cables in through a spare bedroom window where we packed foam around it and tried to keep the bugs out. And I put a kitchen stool next to an old desk from her family and there was a TV in there. I could put graphics up on it.

And the first thing is my, my middle son, my, my daughter's, you know, in her twenties and out there with a job, but she was working, she was like working online in the kitchen and my eldest son was my crew for the first couple of months. And then he's like, I'm, he was finishing up colleges. Like I'm literally not going to graduate if I keep doing this dad. So his younger brother who was finishing up high school, both of them robbed with their senior years, you know, they're worse, they're worse things, but it was, I felt bad for him. Then he took over in tag team.

And then both of them are like, mom, like, well, and we won't be, I won't graduate from high school. So then Evie took over and then she was my crew and which was just kind of great. And it was really like the old 19th century. Everybody's going to pitch in and help dad down at the lumber mill because we've got the pine, you know, the new lodge pole pines are coming in and we've got to make flooring or whatever they did in the 19th century. So did they laugh at the jokes?

No, Evie would laugh at the jokes for the, I don't think that my boys cracked a smile for five months because that's how long we did it. But they weren't really paying attention either. But what they did, but they, because they were just doing the technical aspects of it, but it was like lighting, sound cameras, switching over like channels and everything, communicating with the people on their own, they're on the headset talking to the virtual control. Basically a live show.

No way. Live show. I'm 100%. Craig, they're on the kids on the headset going, hold on, dad, we're switching satellites or whatever. That's what my boys are doing for me. And then my daughter's doing my makeup and then CBS catches when they go, oh, we could do this.

It's a lot cheaper. Uh-huh. Well, we actually, we actually had to get a union waiver was like an emergency. Of course. Like you literally, because it was emergency COVID, the union said, okay, you can do this. But it was kind of an amazing thing, but they got to see what my, I loved it because I think it's very helpful for everybody to become an adult to see their parents as human. Yeah, of course.

You know, I lost my dad when I was pretty young and I was robbed of that ability to see him as not Olympian, to not see him, to see him as a human being. And so there's something stunting about your development if you don't get to see your parents as human. And they 100% saw their dad as human going like literally like in the middle of the monologue, just throwing my glasses across. I'm going, I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to do this with no audience and like no sense of timing.

Like I took the goddamn job at the late show, not because I had ever really like harbored this dream of being a late night talk, cause this is real, this is a real late night. Like I didn't know what this job was like until I did it. No idea. I mean, my respect for like the Jimmy's and the Conan's and your Dave's and your J's and your Johnny's and your Steve Allen's and your Jack Parr's and your Dick Cavits went, I already liked them. I'd never had it like I already liked them, but my respect went through if I went, oh

my God, this is a really hard job and it's not anything like you think it is. Are you still loving doing it? Oh, absolutely. I mean, I want the audience back, but it wasn't literally wasn't on the bucket list to do this gig. And when I was offered, I went, God, it's the only fucking promotion I could think of is to take that job and no one's ever going to offer it to me again. I'll give it a shot.

Right. Right. I'll give it a shot. Thinking of it that morning and doing it that night and finding out cause the audience makes the special sound with their mouths and you know that work and you get to pull another piece of Kleenex out of the box tomorrow. That's what I love about it. I've been doing it for a year now with none of that and my kids got to see the guy crump

for the first two weeks. I kind of like just imploded in front of the camera and then I went, okay, stop complaining. This is what it is. And then I found some real enjoyment in it. I found an action and ability to like take, take some risks that I couldn't with a live order. Yeah. Jason, Sue, cause you said you, you know, your daughter did your makeup and Jason's

daughters do his makeup every morning before he goes to the mall or whatever. And I think that that's nice too to have that connection. You know what I'm saying? We got to connect once a day. Yeah. Yeah. You're dying to get back to audiences then, right? Yeah.

When do you think that'll happen? Probably the next two, three months, right? Somewhere between three months and three years from now because you keep on getting these different messages from people, but I think people are getting shots so quickly now. You know, when people can like show proof of vaccination and we can do like a, like they're like seven minute rapid tests coming down the pipe when we can do that. Right. And I can have 400 people that I don't want, I want to go back on that stage like I left

that. Yeah. I bet that's June. I mean, now that Biden said May 1st, everyone's going to be, everyone's going to qualify. Yeah. That's June, right? Middle of June? Yeah.

June, July, maybe after the 4th of July, something like that. Cause if Biden says we can all get together for small parties, you know, in 4th of July I think it's reasonable by mid-July cause we're off for those first two weeks. By mid-July we might be able to do that, but I don't, don't hold me to that cause I don't, I don't have any idea. Oh well. I don't know how else to hold it to. Yeah.

Me neither. You said it. It just comes down on you man a little bit. Yeah. Come back to you and ask what happened. So if it doesn't go the right way. Have you guys ever talked to Conan? Cause he talks a lot.

We talked to Conan. We cut him off the word. We cut a fucking. I want you to promise me you're not going to broadcast that. You have our word. You have our word. You are a very, very generous man with your time, your spirit, your stories, and your laughter.

Stephen. Oh, Stephen. Thank you guys. Thank you so much. So funny. Thank you very, very much for doing this. Thank you, Stephen. This was so fun, you guys.

This was worth the burn out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for burning a couple of hours on a Saturday. I hope so. We appreciate it very much. Thank you for being such a nice guy. So fun.

See you guys in the wrestling. All right. See you, buddy. Bye, Stephen. Thank you. Thanks, man. Thank you. Bye, buddy.

So are we really leaving? We're really leaving. Yeah, yeah. We're really leaving. Okay. I just know what this one of those things were. You broke me with the Conan story. You fucking broke me in half.

I never recovered. True story. I never recovered. True story. I never recovered. We cannot use that as what you're saying. How about this? If he ever talks about it, if he ever said anything about me, drop it adduce when we're

skiing. If he ever says anything like that, then all bets are off, obviously, but I don't know anything about that. Yeah. Because that never happened, according to you. The other one never happened either. What did he say anything about me? Because I know nothing about this.

Listen, we're not allowed to say anything about anything. We're with an NDA with you. We're going to NDA with him. Yeah. Okay. So you're saying he said something. I can't say that he said anything. I don't even know.

I'm not even allowed to acknowledge the fact that he can talk. Okay. Good. And whatever you do, whatever you do, do not broadcast the fact that up close, Conan looks like one of those guys, they fish out of a bog in Ireland who was sacrificed in some Celtic ceremony like 3,000 years ago. And like you see him in the museum in Dublin and they look like a catcher's mitt up in Cooper's town that was used by like shoeless Joe Jackson when they forgot to oil for a hundred

years. You don't want us to say that. You don't want us to have you on record saying that. That is super important to that not happen. Of course. And we'll respect that. We'll respect that. Right.

Right. Exactly. Because he still can bust a move in this town. I don't want to make any enemies. Of course. You're safe with us. We understand that. All right.

Goodbye. This is for real. Goodbye, Stephen. Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye. All right. I'm going to get a conversation going.

Knows how to keep it going. Keep it going. Okay. So that was crazy to hear Colbert tell a story that feels like we heard a different side of. Yeah. Conan has a completely different. And the question is now who's who's the liar?

You know. Right. And I guess this is where it comes into what camp are you in? Are you in Colbert's camp now? Right. Or are you in Conan's camp? I'm going to say at first I believed Conan but you know now that Stephen was just on it maybe because it was just on he was extremely persuasive in his specific and very specific

right on the story seemed a lot more specific than Conan. He actually implied or even said that the excrement was safety cone orange. Yeah. Right. Obviously again as Colbert pointed out in show business you have to pick a side and you can never deviate from it. But I would say that knowing Conan and you know historically I've known Conan for whatever 20 years he's such a fucking liar so it's hard not to just immediately assume that he

because he is such a such an untruthful fucking person through and through. I mean when you run into him he opens with a lie. I don't know. Do you trust the fucking liar or do you trust the guy with the I guess I'm going to go Colbert. Yeah. Yeah. I'm team Colbert. Let's just do that.

Let's just land there for now. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I think we're going to have to sustain the energy to do a daily talk show where you have to be you know interested every single day and write all of that stuff and it's just I know he's such a unique town. I don't really know him.

I know him from through the business tree through like award shows and stuff we'd always end up getting kind of corralled into the same area for a number of years. It's just a quick wit. I think it's background holding as a prize. That's what they call it. That's what the B.H. was for and and then they would but we and he was always he and his wife were always so delightful and sweet and funny and cool and normal and and then of course as a performer he's just hilarious funny.

Yeah. Here's here's the thing Conan is such a liar that last year he tried to convince me honestly he with a straight face he's tried to convince me that he grew up in mum bye. Bye. Bye. Smart. Yes. Smart.

Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart.

Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart. Yes. Smart.

Yes. Smart.