SmartLess - "Timothy Olyphant"

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

No cheating nor stealing — it’s Timothy Olyphant. ‘A complaint of actors’ and other druthers: a hunch, being taken seriously, Mick’s vulnerabilities, cheap champagne and a pocket full of chips. “When he’s doing Taxi Driver, he knows that’s funny, right?” Welcome to SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of SmartLess ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Morning well, good morning. In through the nose, out through the mouth. That's it. In through the nose and out through the mouth. God, your hands are getting really low here. No, no, no, just keep the eyes closed. Is this normal? Settle into your sits bones.

Okay? All right, and feel the spine stacking and the neck rolling. You don't need to feel my spine. Wait a second. Yeah, what is this? This is a little bit of tension right there, huh? All right, let's get to an old new smartless. Smart.

What, were you? What kind of student were both you two? Hi, I'm Jason. Oh, hi, Jason. Were you guys both smarties? I don't think so. I don't make a guess here. Like bees, you know, solid bees.

Well, in college it was really bad for me because I would always copy. And so my eyes hurt because my face would be forward, but my eyes would be looking really hard down to the left. Right. At like a little computer watch? No, at the guy next to me, whoever was on either side. Really? Right.

You were a habitual cheater. Totally. And was he hip to it? Was he kind of like giving you a side wink and showing it to you? No, no. One of those big lecture halls, you know, I'd be like, my eyes would be like this and they hurt so bad. But how did you trust that they knew the answer? Do you know what I mean?

Because any guess was better than mine. Better than your brain. Right. Yeah. I was just talking about this recently. I never, I didn't cheat in high school or anything like that. I never, I didn't in high school. Not in high school.

No, I'd be willing. I'd be willing to do poorly. I had moments where I was okay, and then I just didn't. Have you ever cheated in anything, Will? No, I've never really like stolen anything. I've never really, you know, one time this is a true story, the only sort of really vivid memory I have of that is when I was a kid, when a bag of chips was still 25 cents,

and it was like a crowded thing at the convenience store after school, and there were a bunch of kids in there. I was probably 11, maybe 10. And I was like, fuck it, and I had to catch a thing, so I just took the chips. And I felt so guilty overnight. I went in the next day and I put a quarter on the counter at the store. I'm going to walk down.

Willie. Yeah. Willie are not. Willie. I know. I know. It ate away at me. I couldn't like, I was like, oh, I can't.

Have you ever done anything that would justify you getting arrested that you've gotten away with? No. I did. I was arrested. You don't have to tell me. You can just say, yes, I did get away with a couple of things I could have been arrested for had it been caught. No, no, like, no. I was arrested for that turkey sandwich.

A turkey sandwich? I told you I stole a turkey sandwich in college. I was really drunk and the cops arrested me. I told you that. That is... I don't remember. I don't know if I've ever heard a more on-brand arrest story. Yeah, yeah, I was in it.

Well, because... And the turkey sandwich was definitely on white bread with mayo only. Of course, yeah, it was wrapped. You know, it was like in a 7-Eleven or what we called a white hen. It was called white hen. Yeah, sure. And I was with my friends. I was so hungry and I didn't have any...

money so I just stole the turkey sandwich I was really drunk we were eating out at front and the cop just stands right in front of me he's like hey buddy you're coming with me and I was like for a turkey sandwich and he put me in the back and I was friding in the back and I was you cuffed did he cuff you uh I don't remember probably and um you probably asked for you said wait a second you're not going to cuff me yeah yeah you're like use these and you produced your own cuffs I'm pretty sure I need nipple clamps And I think you have to You have to cuff yourself to me

Can you put the lights on and a siren? I know my rights My rights are you need to cuff me I just start yelling Yeah, no, it was for a turkey sandwich And he took me to the station And I had to sit there Until somebody I didn't know

gave me 100 bucks to get out And it's a long story That's a crazy story You got mystery bailed Crazy waste of resources, though, right? Yeah, yeah. Crazy waste of resources. That's what I was saying in the back seat.

I mean, it's horrible that I said. Running your mouth. Yeah, I was running in my mouth because I was drunk. I was running my mouth and I said, isn't there somebody, isn't there a worst crime happening on campus right now? Isn't somebody getting like sexual harassment or something? The next go-to is, my tax is pay your salary. That's how, all right, there come the cops.

I'm your boss. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Then they come. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pin me down on the floor. Like hogtie, I think. I think we're supposed to turn the light. Lights should be a little bit lower, don't you think?

Shouldn't we have a glass of wine? Where are we? What's going on? What about how I sent Shawnee, I cut and pasted the top 10 vanilla ice creams out there. And, you know, I just thought. Number one. Hagen does, of course, as always, it's the best one.

So good. Hagen does. Although we like McConnell's. Yeah, that's true. McConnell's. I think McConnell's was on the list. Do they still make rum raisin? Probably.

Why do you want some? I just haven't had rum raisin in so long. Well, it's got raisins in it. Why would you want ice cream with raisins in it? And rum. Now, what do they do about the rum there? Do they somehow take the alcohol out of the rum? No, no.

They're putting hundred-proof rum in the fucking ice cream and selling it to kids. Well, but I've really. I want to know. How did they get the rum flavor and rumme? And there's still cocaine in Coca-Cola. And the kids are like, the kids are like, hey, you know, get another scoop.

All right. I'm sorry, surprise guest. I know. The guest, no, no, no. I like that we said, you know, we had a great segment before about being justified because this guy is justified in a lot of stuff that he does. I will say, he is a multi-em-ne nominated actor.

he has a crazy diverse list of film and TV credits that are just insane. Comedy's dramas, recently, most recently, I think that everybody was delighted to see him in FX's highly anticipated series, the Alien Earth franchise. Oh, my God. That's that Noah Holly vehicle.

He's also, Noah Holly vehicle. He was also in Apple TV show last year's Stick, which has got a second season coming up, Soon we're going to be able to see him with a crazy cast with Anna Taylor Joy and Net Benning and a bunch of people in this new Apple TV crime thriller series Lucky. Who is this tasty guest? He's a guy who, you know, and the reason I say he's justified because he was also Emmy nominated for the show, the show he started in called Justified.

You know him also from Deadwood. You guys, it's the wonderful, and I'm so excited, Timothy Oliphant. My friend, Timothy Aliphon. Hi, buddy. A little gentleman. A year and a day. What a pleasure. Listen, I was on the set of Justified

and I was working with Eric Roberts and he's driving and I'm sitting shotgun and I say there was all those ND cops around in the scene and we're supposed to pull out in the shot and right before we rolled I said I said I gave you 20 bucks you just hit one of these, bump one of these cops

and he goes I hit a cop once. It's not a good idea. Yeah. And I was like, wait, sorry. With your vehicle? He goes, no, I hit him. I hit him. Oh, my God. And he said, it was a bad idea. They had me on the ground so fast. And then from then on, I was just Eric the cop hitter, Roberts.

Couldn't get the break. And I said to him, ask him, how many times you've been arrested? And he said something like in the double digits. But then he qualified it because he said half of those were before he turned. And I wasn't sure how to take that. But I was taking it. And then he looked at me and goes, you ever been arrested?

And I said, no. And he goes, pussy. Yeah. I told him I was at swim practice. You know what I mean? It happened to me once. Oh, I love Jason's story. It's so good.

Full pussy style. It involves Monaco. Yeah, I was arrested in Monaco for being drunk and disorderly in a nice little leopard outfit fresh from the casinos all banged up on, you know, cheap champagne and a pocket full of chips.

Oh, God. Just got rocked. That's the name of his biography. So good. Hey, but Sean, it sounds like we found a hack for you. You ever do want the hog tie. You just got to punch the cop in the face. I just wrote it down.

I just wrote that. You got it? Note to self. That's why, listen, I'm here for you. That's why I brought you. Well, first, it's so nice to see you. I've seen all of Alien Earth. You're amazing in everything, but I just...

Very kind of. Will said that. I love that show. You're amazing in it. Did you see Sean's face? I knew that once I said that. And he's like, oh, blah, blah, right?

Yeah, such a good show. It's coming back, no? Hey, cool it, man. Yeah, we start shooting in a little bit. Thank you for asking. You sound excited about it. Yeah, we started shooting a little bit. You know what?

Tell me you guys aren't the same. We shot the first season In Thailand or something, right? In Thailand. We were in Bangkok. Oh, wow. And it was just a magical experience. What?

But. I heard it was a nightmare. I mean, there's a lot of tough conditions there. I know people. Don't put them on the spot. Go ahead. Oh, there's nothing better than listening to actors, bitch. Come on.

It's the name of my book. Don't be afraid to bitch and other tips for young actors. Well, that's so hot. Look at us. This group here, you know what they call it? Like a murderer of crows. and you're like a flock of seagulls. You've got a little complaint of actors.

It doesn't have the air conditioning of the Warner Brothers lot down there. Listen, I'm with you. I'm getting to my bitch, which is, when we were there, it was quite magical. It's hot, but it was a magical, crazy, amazing place. And the more you're there, the more you need to know it, the more you like it, the same time, you're like, I hope I don't have to come back.

So for season two, they say, we're not, we're like, we don't want to, please don't go back. And they said, no, we're not going to go back. we're going to go to either London or Budapest. And no offense to... But I was like, oh, please, London, London, right? London. And then you get the call from your agent and says,

hey, good news, season two, London. And I was like, can't shoot in L.A.? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes that click. Yeah, yeah. That quick. It's like, fuck, I gotta leave... Now, but...

Right, so what is that, what's your process of thought, like getting comfortable with that? Like, we are vagabonds, right? Like, you start the process very quickly. Okay, I'm going to be spending five months in a foreign land, in a hotel or rent a place, whatever. It's like you immediately start thinking about, you know, logistics. Do you have a wife and children that are you going to have to figure out how to detail? Or whatever, your whole life at home is all upended.

Start to bitch about that for me. the wife and children yeah well you can start there but just getting uproofing 35 years of marriage this summer oh that's great that's amazing seven really good ones

so we're well right now we're empty nesters yeah okay you guys are not none of no I'm half empty Jason's half I'm a I got one more year until my first one goes to college yeah so they don't they just leave you. So just so you know, like if I did it again, I wouldn't have gotten so close.

Yeah, that's serious. I've talked about it before. I think I tried to pick fights with my older one, yeah, just so it wouldn't hurt so bad. Does she, oh, your oldest? Yeah, she's 19, but she ended up going to school in town, so it didn't hurt quite as bad. Oh. Did she just become like weeks before leaving just like, who is this fucking devil that's taking over my child? Right. Yeah. Well, no, she's a, it. She did a lot of, you know, as they do at that age, they spend a lot of time outside the house. So it's not, as somebody smart once said,

you're not losing your 10-year-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Their wings are flapping well before they... Yeah, and she's a particularly good kid, I will say. She's a really nice kid. She's a good kid, but... Yeah, yeah. There's a Tom Popper's, I think it's him,

has a joke that when your kids leave, nobody prepares you how hard it's going to be to pretend to be sad. but even the best kids they tend to act up right before they leave right they tend to be like they got to yeah it's part of their emancipation yeah it makes it easier to leave yeah so you're getting ready to to go to london and you've got to like switch it all up you've got to kind of like start to prep i'm i'm about to do the same for six months through Atlanta and i'm like all every day i think about how's that going to go how is that going to wait a second hold on we're breaking news here.

No, well, it's got a big job. It's super exciting. Six months in Atlanta. Yeah. Well, how come I don't know about this yet? Because you're not on my cold sheet. I mean, I'm looking at it right now. Can't you just like hit me with a memo or something?

But so like that, you know what that, we've done it before. So you know what that's like. It's hard. You're getting ready to go to and overseas. What's the hardest part for you? It's always the transition, right? I don't know.

You tell me, once you're there, I feel like it's always lovely. Yeah. It is, yes. But if you've got, like, Will's got kids back at home, so they're not going to be able to be with you. I forget. Yeah, I didn't, I was very fortunate. I got so lucky, I mean, partly by design

and partly just because I failed at getting jobs. But I more or less got to work and live in L.A. for the majority of my kids. Was justified in L.A.? Just, dead. I literally had Deadwood for three years. and then justified for, I think it was six, and then we did this thing, Santa Cleary Diet for a couple.

Oh, yeah. They were all, they all shot here. In Santa Clarita, I'll bet. They were all insane. I basically lived, yeah, I thought I was in show business. But even in town, aren't you like, I can't wait to get home? Oh, yeah. By the way, even in town, you're like,

I gotta go to the valley? Yeah. That's with the real complaint. Why can't I shoot at the Fox lot? My kids were small. It was great. I just show up to work to take naps. You know, that.

So when my kids were really small, I was like, look, I'd just go to work so I'd get some sleep. Yeah, yeah. I know. We used to have an office, Jason, and complain that I didn't want to go to my office, and then I had another office for my company, and I'd go there, and I'd show up and see my partner, and I'd be like, hang on a second, and I'd go and shut the door, and I'd get on the couch and take a nap on my couch. Oh, God, Will.

I know, because I'm tired. I was tired, man. I know. You know, dude, in my intro, like, I started going through your credits, and I was going to say at the top. You have so many credits. You've done so much stuff of such variety. It's insane, man.

I mean, you're like, you're so unbelievably versatile. And when you started as an act, well, first, let's get, you were born in Hawaii and that you were raised in California. But when you started, when you were first a young actor, did you have like a particular lane you thought you wanted to go in? Because you've eliminated the lanes all. the dotted lines evaporated for you a long time ago on, on whatever road you're on. Well, you're very kind, first of all.

And by the way, back at you because I just saw literally just a few nights ago, is this thing on? That's the title, right? What a lovely, lovely performance. Isn't he great? Lived in and present. Like you weren't, you know, that lovely thing where you're like, this just must be what he's like, because, you know.

And obviously your comedic work is off the charts. So, so. We've got it all. My God. It was really just a lovely, lovely, beautiful, lived in performance. Sean wasn't terrible in it either. Look at Sean.

Sean was delightful. My God. Which one were you? From that, yeah, that's a good question. I was either Stephen or robber or something like that. Or Jeffrey. One of those.

Now that I look at you, I'm like, yeah, you were there. You guys all have this, by the way. You guys all have the crazy range. Sean, you're like, in Will and Grace, you're like doing physical comedy at like the ultimate level of effortlessness and then you're on stage doing like this incredible dramatic work. Well, thank you. Yeah.

Everybody's really good. Jason, you also, you do the acting and you do the voiceovers. Oh, you are an actor. It's huge. You are an actor. You are an actor. Right, right. Now that I see you, again, now I'm looking at you.

This is amazing. I remember you from the Ozarks. Everybody's really amazing. Right. But but but but it's sort of back to my question. And I don't know. Actually, you know what I'm going to say to all of you guys? But Timothy, I want to hear from you first

because I listen to these ding-dongs all the time. When you started, were you like, because I remember, I moved to New York, I'll start. I wanted to be a dramatic actor, I thought, because I didn't know any better. I didn't know anything about comedy or how you get to it. It wasn't even, so I was like, I want to be a dramatic actor. Did you have that?

Were you like, I want to be taken seriously? I want to do important stuff. You know, the stuff that we as young men think. You don't think acting is comedy. You think acting is drama. Yeah. Right, right. Again, memory's not a reliable narrator here,

but my favorite actors were actors who gave comedic, dramatic performances. They were just, that's what I, you know, I always felt like De Niro knew he was being funny in those roles, even the most dramatic roles. He must have known, right? When he's doing taxi driver, he knows that's funny, right? Right, right, right. Doesn't he?

There's some moments. I wonder. I wonder, that's a good question. He must. Right? I always, I just assume when he's doing that, you talking to me, he knows that that's comedic timing that's happening there, right? Yeah.

Well, did you see him in King of Comedy? Exactly, right? Yeah, I mean, it's just incredible, incredible acting performance. So when he did comedy and some people were like, I don't, wow, who knew he could do comedy? I was like, raised my hand. I was like, well, I think it was there from the beginning, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

You don't, I still, I feel. feel like Will Ferrell. Oh, yeah, Will. But Will Ferrell is playing these eccentric characters that are funny because they're eccentric, but it takes great acting chops to be believably eccentric. And I think this is the flip side, which is the best comedic performances are really dramatic. I think the through line is always it's commitment. Yeah.

Right. And so you're committed. We know, as long as you're committed to the bit, whether it's dramatic or comedic, you have to be committed. Jason, to your thing, like you can never wink, which is why when you see people who are doing stuff when they're too aware, then you're like, okay, I don't buy it as much. But if somebody's committed to the thing,

you recognize that is feeling authentic. And then one of the funniest things I think is when people commit to being non-committal. You know, like when you do, like when you do really bad acting on purpose, that's one of the funniest, I love that. You know, when you see somebody doing bad acting. For real?

Yeah, like sing for real. we'll be right back. And now back to the show. Timothy, do you know sing for real? No. You have this thing. Thoreau came up with it years ago, which is, it's so embarrassing.

Yeah, it makes your thing call. So, like, if you're driving in the car with a friend or whatever, a song comes on the radio, and if you say to the other person, sing for real, they have to sing that song and they can't do any, like,

you say it's like Satisfashion by the Stone. You can't do like, ah, I can't, like you can't put anything on. You have to do it as real as possible. Yeah, and it's really. uncomfortable it's so uncomfortable it makes your skin crawl like if i i had we did it in the documentary too but i'll i had um well do it in the car one time and i couldn't even look at them it was so i could it was horrible yeah it's the worst feeling driving with your pants off yeah and you're

it's funny you said satisfaction because i don't think of that as being like singing it for real but it is no matter what you really are saying like this fucking man on the radio. You're... Right? Telling you how white your shirts can be and he can't be a real man.

Like, you're in it. Yeah, sing for real satisfaction. Sing you have to think it's totally real right now. No. Yeah. Don't make him do it. Do it. Do it.

You have to do it. Go. He's not doing it. God. It's so rough to do it. It's so rough to do it. See, because you just thought about it. You just thought about it.

You're like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm looking at Will and I'm thinking I have to do it based on that reaction. Anything not to do it. You can't. Give me some lyrics. What do I just know, look, this is not singing though.

I don't know. Okay, I can't sing. Let's start there. You can't do like a Mick Jagger impersonation. No, you can't. You have to do it. You have to do it. I can do it.

No, you can't. You have to sing it like you're recording it for real. You have to do it. Okay. So I just was listening to this yesterday, and if I'm not mistaken, and I not said, when a man comes on the radio, tells me useless information. Is the guy on the radio giving the useless information, or is he telling him how white his shirts can be?

Come on, everybody. Who's telling him how white his shirts can be and who's telling him useless information just to drive my imagination? Let me see. It's the DJ. He's yelling at the DJ. He's yelling at the DJ.

When I'm driving in my car, and the man comes on the radio. Tells me how white my shirts can be. About some useless. What? What does he say it there? God damn it. No, no, no, it's later. Hang on. Hang on. Hold on. Hang on. Here we go. I just love, my favorite thing about this song, by the way, is that he's, Mick at one point says,

because he's on a losing streak. And I just love the idea that Mick is having a hard time with the, you know, like he was having a tough time. And that guy was really getting under his skin, because he was, right? Yeah, let's be real. Listen, he wrote it. I'm convinced as much as that guy sometimes seems like a character. on a losing streak. I know, but he's getting some depth, buddy. I think there's some vulnerability there. Those songs are too good.

Right. I always wonder about people who write love songs and stuff about heartbreak, and then they're like, did they have this much heartbreak always? Or like, what are they drawing on? I don't know. No one with a happy childhood ever went into show business, buddy. Was your family in a show business?

Hire? No. Is your family in a show business? Yeah, where'd the acting bug come from? Yeah, how did that happen? When had that happened? It just was late. It was a hunch.

I mean, yeah. Just for you. Nobody else in the family. I thought this would be good. If this doesn't work out, I got the ceramics to fall back on. But where were you? Where were you geographically when you went? You woke up that morning and you had the hunt.

You listened to the hunch. You went, I'm going to be an actor. All right. I'll tell you the chances of me keeping this short or slim. But here we go. Go ahead. One, I will say that when I was a kid, I really had a whole idea of fantasy of being in like show business

or in comedy. And when I'd say, I want to do that, like Steve Martin or something. My mom, God bless her, she would always say things, like you don't want to be like, you don't want to be like them. They're like, you know, they're like on drugs and divorced. You don't want that life. You know, they're all divorced. By the way, cut to years later, I was like, you're divorced.

What the fuck? Grew up in Modesto. We're in Modesto. Oh, you grew up in Modesto. Yeah, so I grew up in Modesto, and then I went to college in L.A. I went to USC. I was a fine art major because I always drew as a kid. And when I found out that was a major, I was like,

you know, I thought I was getting away with murder. Couldn't believe it let me do it. I didn't know that that was a thing. Like you could draw. So you have a degree in drawing. They'd give you a degree for it. for that. Yeah. Yeah. You have one. I went to, I got one, like just, I finally got that a few years ago. So you didn't finish. But, uh, I did four years, but I didn't get my degree until, you know,

just a little bit ago. It's great. I'll need to hear more about that. And then, yes, he actually gave me the honor. It sounds like you bought it on the black market the way you're talking about it, by the way. They, uh, I think it was like anything. It was like one of those COVID things. So I was like, you know what? And my kids were getting ready to get their degrees. And I was like, I got to, I should, this is time to do it. It was either a strike or a COVID, and I went back and finished up. You went back to USC? And then they gave me the honor to go at USC, yeah,

and worked with the same professor. It was a lovely experience. Wow. The great Ruth Wiseberg, who was my professor when I was there, and she still teaches. That's wild. She and I got to do an independent study with her. It was wonderful.

And then I got to go speak at the graduation ceremony for the fine art and all that, which I thought was hilarious because all those kids had accomplished in four years, what took me like 32. And I was there to give them advice. What were you thinking that fine art degree was going to afford you career-wise? Like what do all these kids? What do you take that into, like graphic design? Because one of my daughters is that that's her jam.

He's really gifted as an artist. My eldest daughter is actually a student at SC right now. And she's loving it. Absolutely. Congratulations. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

So should I encourage the 14-year-old to continue drawing? Were there options explained to you there at the school? Well, first of all, of course you have, of course you encouraged her to do what she loves doing. Yeah, Jason. You can't do anything else. If it's not lucrative, God damn. And I'll teach you nod. is she's going to become a coder and learn Mandarin.

Fuck. You know, yeah, what else are you going to do, right? Keep going, honey. She's going to code. So here's what I understand now. If kids who get like a Bachelor of Fine Arts, they just have still have so many different directions they can go. And they're thinking, and to some degree,

I think they're very attractive in whatever workforce because they were kind of just thinking outside, box all the time and being creative. Once someone gets their master's, they're going to be like a, they're going to be an artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, got you. Sean, what's, Sean, what's your degree in? My degree is I never

graduated, but I got an honorary doctorate in music, yeah. Oh, you never graduated? No, mm-mm. This is breaking news. You've never, you have buried the lead on this for all the more. I went four years as well, and then I got an honor. I didn't graduate high school, so you guys got me beat. Yeah. Right.

It doesn't show. No one's ever. It doesn't show. It has not hurt you. It just start drooling. You're doing great. You are doing great. But wait, so you get this degree from USC in fine arts and drawing,

and you're like ready to start, you know, drawing stuff or tagging bridges or doing something. And then you go, at the end of all of that, you go, you know what? You're in L.A. And you're like, I want to be an actor? Like, how did that? I do think I had a certain amount of. conscious thinking that I was wanting to put off a midlife crisis, that I was like, whoa.

Yeah, I really did. I was like, I think my parents were split, and they were, my dad was going through his, his, and I just thought, that doesn't look fun. And, you know, there's, you always, you know, oh, I always wanted to do this, but I never did it. So it became this. So I was considering going to get my master. and fine arts. It's really kind of what I wanted to do.

You know, like when grandparents and stuff would ask you, what are you going to, that degree, what are you going to do with it? At first, you're like, I don't want to be an artist. And you see the expression on their face. And then you start saying, or I could do commercial work. I could do, you talk about all the things you could do.

But I really just wanted to be an artist. And, you know, I was like going to galleries and, like, you know, in L.A. in museums and Chris Burton. and Baldessari, all these people were big inspirations. But there was a bunch of things I always wanted to try that were on my mind.

Like I knew I always wanted to do stand-up. I always thought about it would be fun to be an actor. I thought, oh, it would be great to be in a band, you know, things like that. And I thought I should try to cross all these off before moving forward. Those all take a great deal of courage, though.

Well, what doesn't? Well, yeah, well, yeah. I mean, certainly standing up in front of an audience all alone with a microphone is sort of the zenith of balls. Yeah, I was thinking of that on your movie. I felt like they captured this thing that no one prepares you for when you do stand-up, which is the moment you step on the silence that you created by is just... Real quiet. It's terrible.

It's so quiet. No one tells you that's going to be that quiet before you say a word. Like the healthy respect I had for a stand-up. and what they do before was huge. And then it was just magnified the first time. I remember the first time going down at this comedy seller. And I was getting introduced as my character, as Alex Novak, but I remember the first time going up there

and trying to go up as a guy who had never done it before as well. I remember Bradley saying to me, like, we're doing something different. Don't try to rely on tricks. You have to go up and do this as this dude who's never done it. And going up there and standing there, fucking, you're like, you just feel like it's so quiet and you feel like, oh my God, I'm about to fall off a cliff here. Yeah.

And it's just, it's the best and the worst at the same time. It's simultaneously just like the most terrifying. So, yeah, stand-ups, what they do is just like, fuck, man. And you tried it, Timothy? Did you? Yeah, did it for a little while. Right around the corner from Comedy Cellar in New York was a place called Boston Comedy Club, man.

Oh, yeah. Of course. Oh, you did, huh? Yeah, yeah, I did. Do you still remember some of the jokes? I'll tell you some of mine. Oh, Sean has a really famous first. Sean's got a great opener.

Yeah, it's a great opener. He's already asked me to sing. He's told them before, but Timothy, just respond to this joke. This relationship is like, hey, Tim, sing for us. Hey, Tim, tell us some jokes. Yeah, perform for us, monkey. He'll keep it up your ear.

Sean, why don't you wet the appetite? Here we go. My opening joke was, you know, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things to do, so I just say don't do it. Oh, fuck. And that's the joke, Timothy. So, I mean, that's it.

Never gets good. No, never gets old or funny. By the way, and, well, I appreciate you call me Timothy, but you know, you can call me Tim. Can I call you Tim? You can't call you Tim. Sean, you as well. Okay, great.

Bateman? Not so much. No. Just you're close. You're close. Do you guys, do you guys know each other a little bit? Do you guys have a... Yeah, we worked together for a smidge. Uh, uh, not is this thing on. Uh, this is where I leave you. Close, close.

Close. This is where I leave you. And, uh, and you remember, because, you know, by the way, I'm at Chappikio's office. That's where I am. Oh, are you really? Yeah, I needed a computer. I guess you can't do your show if you don't own a computer. Do you not own a computer?

No, I don't. It turns out. Come on. I didn't realize that. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Let's start there.

Well, I mean, I got like a, you know, I got a phone and I got a thing. That's all you got to do. Oh. We're backing up. we're starting from here? I don't buy it. You don't have... And you being an artist,

you don't have an iPad with one of those little stylist pen thingies? No. Wait, Tim. You don't have a pencil in the paper, you don't have a laptop at all? Fucking baller.

Wait, you really, truly don't have a computer? I don't, well, let me... Because I think honesty is very important in this. Sure. Thanks for not lying. We went, I had a... We went and got out a old desktop

computer that we still have in the house and plugged it in and started it up and they were all USB things and I was like I don't think I can it won't I need to get adapters and stuff. Just for the purposes of doing the podcast you tried to do. For doing this yeah there's a lot of sacrifices that went into this

guys and don't get me wrong I appreciate I'm super honored and it's a pleasure to be here I'm a big fan I listen I don't listen but I read the transcripts and it shows very very very good sure sure it's better in written form the chemistry comes across in the print I remember getting a note from our producers

saying we're going to be producing transcripts for Tim Oliphant and we're mailing them to him every day. But wait, but Tim, you've never been tempted to buy a laptop or a desktop just to see the landscape out there.

What's going on? Like all the different sites you can go visit to expose yourself to Jason. Jason goes on a lot of sites and exposes himself, is what he's trying to say. Hey, gang, ever seen one of these? Hey, gang. Hey, yeah, hey, gang.

Wait, wait, this is so dope that you don't have a laptop. Jason has 100 laptops. They're all brand new just to look at baseball scores. All this talk about AI and stuff. Not curious to see what the fuss is about? But you can do all that on the little phones. I guess you can't, but you're always spreading and spreading and clicking and spreading.

Don't do your fingers like that. that. Stop doing that. It's spreading and sliding. It's just like, uh-uh. How about Chris Nolan doesn't even have a phone? I'm like, so jealous. I know one or two people without a phone.

It's the most exciting relationship. If you know someone without a phone and you're like, all right, so we're meeting at like seven, you know, dinner at seven tomorrow. And then on the way there, you're like, this is so excited. It's like being in high school again. Just rolling the dice. They said they'd be here. Remember, we're old enough.

Remember, like, being teenagers and being like, hey, so you'll run into people, you'll go, well, let's do something, and you had to go there. And then you'd run into people, maybe they were there. And maybe they were there. And see them in the next place. Where were you in the other place? And the night would unfold. If you go out at night, the night would just kind of unfold the way it was going to unfold.

What about directions? What about directions? Remember when you used to have a map, a map book, the Thomas Guide, or even one of those fold-out maps? Or just a sheet of paper with the list of directions. Are you going to turn left on such and such, then go a mile, then turn right, on such and such. Or you had to ask people for directions. You know what's embarrassing, embarrassing about having a friend without a phone as you're going to meet them?

Let's say it's a 7 o'clock, you're meeting them at dinner. You realize that we oftentimes are like, hey, on my way out the door, ETA 705. And then it's like parking. Like you're literally giving the play-by-play on the way there. Yeah. It's when you don't have that option, you realize how embarrassing that is. Uh-huh. But you do.

You do have a phone. I have a phone, yeah. You do have a phone. How about this? I was talking about this the other day with people. How about when you have plans, even with somebody you do want to see and they go, can't make it. And the relief of not having to go to something is so great when somebody bails. They're like, hey, I can't make it because then you're like, oh, no problem.

And you're thinking, like, oh, God, I get to stay home. Found time. It's money in the pocket. Yeah, finding a 20 in an old jacket. Hello, friend. Hi. Wait, you know what I want to say, talking about old friends and working together makes me think,

justified, which was so good and you were so good and it was amazing. And over the, you said it was five years, I didn't realize it was fine. You did it with our old friend, certainly Sean and my old friend, Margotne Mardiall. Oh, Margot's great.

Who I adore. It's the best. It must be nice to have one of those, would be one of those people that when people say your name, everyone just goes, well. Oh, guess what? Guess what? You're one of those people.

I think you are. You're one of those people. You are. Sean, start. No, it's true. It's true. It's really true. It's really true.

I think you are. Yeah, Margot Martin Dill, I mean, I will say, what an absolute, just a legend. I haven't had the pleasure yet. Oh, Jason. I'm a huge fan, though. Yeah, she would love her. Yeah.

She, I remember years ago, she did that, when it Cresens. movies, and so she didn't know John. And he asked me to introduce him to her. And it ended up being really, really good. And so I said, hey, John Cresensky wants to call you, and can I give him your number? And she was like, okay.

And then she called me after she goes, look, I told him I'm going to do his fucking movie, so it better be fucking good or else this is on you because you fucking force me to do this. I was like, wait. So good. You know, Margo, I mean, that's so unbrand for her. And she ended up being wonderful, obviously.

But she's the best. Yeah. I had the pleasure of sitting next to her when she won an Emmy. And it was such a lovely moment. I remember, I don't know why it pops in my head, because all that is what I spent a year with, you know, that personality you were just talking about. And such a, like, whether the camera was rolling or not,

you just felt like you were getting this authentic, connected, amazing. Just, it was so easy. And then we were at the Emmys and her, categories before mine. So I just remember that when they were, they were sitting, I'm sitting next to her and they're announcing the names and all that and then they say

the winner is. And when they said her name, she squeezed my hand. Like I could have bruised me. I get the squeeze that happened. It was the first time I kind of understood what the awards meant.

You know, like I was like, oh, that moment when that involuntary like, oh my God. You know, and then it was so moving. Not much of a story, but it's just a moment that I remember sharing with her. And then she forgot to thank you. Did she thank you when she got on stage? She did, no, she did.

She did. She was classic. We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. But Timothy, you know, Tim, sorry. No, no. So familiar. Tea Dog, T-dog.

T-Deg. Did you? I remember that. The other day, and I'm just remembering, I threw my feed on Instagram. I saw a clip of you telling the story about Deadwood. It was so funny. Can you tell what happened again?

It was like the worst Deadwood story or something. It was so funny. I mean, I don't want to get it away. And if you don't want to tell it, you don't have to. It's already on Instagram. We'll talk about it. It's already, exactly. But it's so funny.

It was so small. Well, you know, milk stories. You guys know the, the, You guys have heard the Miltz stories over the years? We've heard some rumblings, but I bet you Tracy is not. Sean's sister. She's not hip to the Hollywood stories. David Miltch, by the way, his book.

Have you read his, I've read the... No. I don't read. David Miltch for Tracy created Deadwood, amongst other things. Yeah, NYPD Blue, Hill Street Blues. Legend. Deadwood. And just a legend of a writer.

And one of these guys who, like, you know, graduated first. in his class at Yale, had a heroin addiction. You know, like a combination of brilliance and life experiences that often don't go together, you know. And so almost every day on that set was these kind of stories. But we had a, what was it, the second season, we had a storyline where I'm married to my,

which it wasn't what really happened. and in real life, which my character was a real guy, Seth Bullock. But anyway, he was married to his brother's widow and was raising his brother's child as his own kind of thing. So we had this whole, his kid and like a lot,

I think there was rumblings on the set one day that there was some issue with the kid as either his reps or his mother, but David was really upset about something. And I was like, I'm not going to pay it to him. I'm just doing my thing. All I know is that by lunch, it was a knock on my trailer door, and I open it's David, which is unusual.

And I said, what's up? And he says, we're going to kill the kid. And we're just going to kill him. This is the next minute. It's so good. Such classic showbiz moment that happened after that. He goes, I said, really? He said, yeah, we're going to kill the kid.

And this is the show, this is the part. He goes, it's going to be great for you. It's going to be really, it's going to be some really nice, some wonderful. There's more room for you. And a great, great moment. Some wonder moments, these amazing moments. He's going to be, and killed, and you'll be on his bed side. And he, talking to him as if you're his brother and your brother and wonderful.

And it's going to be good for the kid, too. And, uh, he'll free them up for other opportunities. And yeah, we did, uh, the whole season was this epic story that that art, that, whatever happened that morning turned in to the season. That's so amazing. That's amazing. J.B. J.B. As an actor who directs, or how cognizant are you of being, of understanding the process that they're going through when you're giving a note? Yeah. I mean, it's all about, you're going to get a worse performance if you leave that note session with the actor and the actor feels bad.

Right. Right. It's all people's skills, right? You've got to prop them up while you're telling them to be different. Here's my, I did a movie with Larry Kazzen, just a dream working with him. And he came up to me after, I think more than one take. Yeah, it was a couple because he said to me, he said, Tim, there's a joke there,

but we wouldn't know it because you keep fucking it up. Should we just move on, or do you want to try it again? Hey, Tim, you get this, right? It's a very usable, like, okay, lightning. That was a good note. I just had another, you just remember me, I just did this play in New York, and Lee Silverman, who's brilliant.

She's an incredible director. and a good friend. And she goes, at the first run-through, it was a one-man show. I did the whole thing, the very first time. And afterwards, I go, I feel like I'm just saying words. And she goes, yeah, yeah, it looks like that. Oh, fuck.

Wow. Which was great. Which was great. Yeah, it was the kick in the pants. But you were just so happy you got through it and you didn't forget a line I'll bet probably, right? I mean, that was the big test. Yeah, but I mean, I needed to actually think about what I was saying.

Now, on the other hand, I did a couple months with Soderberg, forgive me for dropping a name. That's what you do here. Sure, sure. Three months? Yeah. Not a single note. Yeah, that's terrible.

For three months. That's terrifying in its own way. Three months. And once, I was in a car with him. I was driving, it's just me and him, and he's operating. And I got back in the car, and I said, well, what do you think? and he goes, if on a scale of one to ten, that was a seven, maybe an eight? And I was like, all right, cool.

So that was technically our one exchange. No way. One performance exchange. But he's also editing, too. No, it's interesting. I was going to say, yeah, he is editing, but I was, I was going to say, interesting, you mentioned Soderberg, because he is operating. And when we were doing our movie with the, is this thing on with Bradley,

and we're old friends, and he's also operating, right? Bradley operated that whole film. So he, and as you know, it's very close. You know, he's like cameras in my face. And he would start to roll. We're rolling, blah, blah, blah. And he put the camera up. We haven't even started yet.

And then he put it down for a second. And he looked at him. And he's like this far and he'd go, no acting. And then the camera right back up. And they're like, fuck. Like pre. And he was right. I love that.

And it was so disarming. Like, you know, I had one time also I did, I did one of these, I did two of these Ninja Turtle movies years ago, like 10, 15 years ago. And we were in Madison Square Garden, and it was produced by Michael Bay. But he came in one day to shoot all this stuff at Madison Square Garden.

We shot at a Knicks game, and then they cleared out, and then we did this stuff on the floor. And he decided to operate. He wanted to do this one bit, and the camera goes off, this action, then up to me in the front row. He goes, okay, reset, and it was like, chaotic and stuff was going, and he's really on top of it.

He knows where everything is, and he's got a crane going at the same time, and he's operating, and he cameras down, and he's like following along the ball, and then he just goes right up onto me, and just goes, say something funny. I'm like, oh, fuck. Literally like that.

It was a nightmare, and I'm like, and I said something super sweaty. Farts. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I can't wait to talk a little bit about, well, you've got a couple things coming. You've got this mini-series called the Five-Star Week.

The kids moved out. I've been working more than I've ever. Ever in my life? Yeah, I mean, you have... I guess I don't have to go to a tennis tournament this weekend, so yeah, let's go. Alien Earth is renewed for season two. Stick Season 2 is been renewed for season 2.

We just wrap that. That was a joy of a gig. Adventures of Cliff Booth, which is coming out around Christmas time? Speaking of no notes, Fincher. Yeah, talk about Adventures of Cliff Booth. I want to know about this. Yeah, what is it? Is it a film?

The... Yeah, that's the prequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right? Is it prequel or sequel? It's a sequel. Yeah. Sequel, but isn't it, is it the time before once upon a time in Hollywood? If I get this wrong, it wouldn't be that surprising, but I'm pretty sure it's after. It's after.

Okay. It's the Adventures of Cliff Booth, and it's later. Gotcha. I think we're in the 70s. And so Fincher, light touch. I'm not saying that sucks. But I would imagine performance notes... My favorite thing to do was after we'd finish a take

is before he said anything, I'd say, can I get one more? If I could just get one more. Once again. Tracy, he's famous for many takes. We're talking, right? Yes. I'm telling Tracy.

That's good. That was good usage of Tracy. Hey, thanks. Yeah, so we would do... Yeah, I did a scene, yeah, for like two days, a day and a half. I didn't, like, I'd never done that anything like. I felt like I was pledging a fraternity. It felt a little bit like, oh, let's go again.

Let's do it. Fuck yeah, I want to be part of this. Let's go. Is it technical? Yeah, was it mostly because of technical and framing and light? Like the composition thing? Honestly, it's oftentimes multiple. It's oftentimes a everything.

It's, okay, on that moment, you know, maybe this. And then when you lift your hand up, show me where it is. Okay, now move it. an inch left. Okay, now down just to a half an inch, lift it right there. And you're like, okay, it's a lot of that. So it's everything from when you lean forward,

don't lean quite that far, a little there. So everything, it can get super, super technical visually, but it can also get very, very specific about, you know, when you do that, maybe it's more of an order. Maybe it's more of a, like, you know. So we'll sometimes be performance. It's almost like doing a run of a play. you know, like a scene, but you're doing it so many times.

You're doing it the master. You're doing like 20 times and then you're pushing 20 times. And so for a day and a half, you're just doing this scene. What was the most number of pages you did on one day? Was there ever more than three pages in a day? I bet there was. No, I'm very briefly in it. So I just am showing up for this thing.

And I don't know how many pages that was, but we shot it for a day and a half. Wow. But yeah, my coverage was day two. It was kind of, it was fascinating. And because you, so I loved it. I really loved it. And I think years ago when I was reading about him, I just thought, no fucking way, life's too short.

But for whatever reason at this point, I just was like, yeah, let's do 30 takes. Great. Oh, man, I'd sweep forward. It's an experience, if nothing else. But it throws you to a, there's a real quality that starts to happen that you don't expect, which is you're doing it so many times. it's hard to shut out the voice that feels like you're doing it wrong. Yeah.

You know, and that's the kiss of death, right? So you have to, so it's hard to, you also start to lose your instincts because, I mean, it really does, it really is like a, you know, it's like, pledging the fraternity here and they're going to break me down and I'm not going to, I'm not going to crack. He's talked about that. He's talked about some of the strategy as to like, yeah, if you do a great take, you know that feeling, right?

Jason, you finish a take and you think, that just felt. so money. The fact that you're going to do 15 more after that take, you start to go, maybe it wasn't that good. I don't know. You have to shut that voice out because you just have to realize but he talks about that sometimes he'll do

a bunch of takes just to get the actor to stop acting, you know, because you just run out of acting ideas and then you just end up just saying the fucking lines and that's sometimes what he's looking for is I don't want performance. Just say the lines and let's get on. Just slide down the wall.

Just fall out of frame. Right, exactly. True. You're doing too much. But I feel like I've gotten, I mean, say this with a grain of salt, but for the most part, my technique for the last decade or so has been memorizing the lines and then memorizing them to exhaustion. So I show up hopefully in that place.

So then to show up and then keep going, it's like you have to readjust your. Sean's motto is always like, does this put me on the 405 this next day? Like, you know what I mean? What do they need? Sure. How do you expect me to act like this? How would you expect me to act that well when you've seen the craft service table

and we both know that's fucked up? Yeah, terrible. Wait, so we have to, because I can't believe it's been an hour already. I feel like I could talk to you about this shit for fucking ever. Talk about Lucky. Lucky is about to come out this new series.

We have to mention it. What's Lucky? Yeah. So I got, Lucky is also with the same preface is the, whether it's a prequel or a sequel, if I get some of this wrong, it won't be surprising. Okay. But I believe Apple, it's on Apple TV,

and it's Ania Taylor Joy, Annette Benny, that's lovely. Tropper wrote it. Yeah, he's the movie that you and I did together. It's kind of a thriller. Friends and neighbors, Jonathan Trapper, right? Correct. There you go.

There you go. So that was cool. And then there's this, that was fantastic. That sounds. No, that's good. Very good. Great. It's great.

I think people are leaning forward. Yeah, they're going to watch now. Now I'm going to cut, I'm going to move on so that just leaves them wanting more. And then there's the five-star weekend with Jennifer Garner and Peacock. That's lovely. That was. Look at you. You just go, go, go.

I love it. It's really awesome. It's insane. It's kind of fun. And, yeah. Thanks. I appreciate it. And then, yeah, the kids moved out.

It was just, I think, there's a lot of time on the hands. Yeah. And then the, what was it, the Larry David thing, I think, airs after. Curb your enthusiasm? Before this comes up. No, that 250-year thing. Yeah. So that was fun.

Oh, shit. He's going to play at Trump's 250-year celebration? No, no, no. He's filling in for Millie Vanilly. Oh, they filled it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm just doing percussion. Oh, good for you.

playing the Maracas? I'm in that too, Tim. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And? Fun? Yeah, super fun. I think it comes out soon, like in June or something or July.

Well, July. Yeah, July, right? Oh, Sean, do you want to talk a little bit about what you got coming? No, tell me. How was it? Do you enjoy it? Yeah, it was fun. What did you do?

What was your scenario? So the concept is Larry David did a show for HBO to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the United States, and he put himself into historical scenarios to reenact them. And mine was the Wright brothers, and it was, me, John Hamm and Larry David, and John Hamm and I played Orville and the Wright brothers, and he played Lawrence Wright,

the third Wright brother, and he was complaining about the middle seat on the plane that we just invented. And yours is what? I'm OK Corral. Oh, good, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm one of the Earp brothers. And Larry, the whole

okay corral, Larry sets it off. It's all, it was him. It seems like plenty of opportunity to hire either you or me, Will. Our phone numbers must, we haven't changed in a minute, that's weird. No. Yeah. Well, um, let me just look that up. I'm gonna check my junk mail.

Sean, I'm, it was more on you because I feel like you should have said something on their behalf. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? You've seen them all the time. I do feel like everyone in town has been on curb your enthusiasm. Will, did you do it? No, you and I did not do it. You and I did not. I don't think he likes us. You know, you know what? Larry actually said to me last, this is a true story so I can said he said to me about six months

go, how come you were never on curb? And I go, you never asked me. Yeah. And he was like, uh-huh. And then I said, I think I'm too tall anyway. I did say that to him. We've had him on, we've had him on the podcast, haven't. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been in a Bateman project. Should we just get to that right now? I know. That's true. Sean, you and I've never been

in a Jason Bateman joint. Wait, you guys haven't either? No. Wait, what? He's directed like a bunch of things. Oh, are you going through a canyon? You can't hear us right now? Are you? Guys, can you hear me? Do we listen? I hear you. I hear you. Guys, I'm going to call you back. I'll call you back.

David, you send me a call sheet. I'll show up. I'm going to do, I'm going to put all three of you in one scene and then cut it. And then I'm going to cut it later. What do you mean cut it? You won't be able to cut this? It'll be so vital. Speaking of vital, you're vital to showbiz, Tim Elfond.

You are just an absolute gem. And it's been awesome having you. Dude, continued success. I keep staying busy because it's so great watching you, dude. Yeah, and give Karen and Christine their office back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back at you guys. Yeah.

It was a pleasure. Thank you. I appreciate you. We look forward to it. Five-star weekend. Lucky, all this stuff. Congrats. And what a joy.

What a joy. The great Tim Oliphon, thank you. You're going to get a round of applause. Yeah. I think that's the first goodbye applause we've done. I think so, too. Warranted. Yeah.

Gentlemen, it's a pleasure. Likewise, Tim. Thanks, dude. Bye, buddy. So, yeah, what about that, Tim Oliphant, huh? I know, he's a good dude. He's a real good dude. He's easy on the eyes.

He's got talent. I know. What's not to love? That's why it works so much. And he does have a reputation that is, he's one of the nicest guys. That's his reputation. Everybody loves him.

Remember Margo saying how much she loved him back in the day. Do they say that about any of us? About us, about Sean and me, yeah. I don't think so. Yeah, they say about. about John of me all the time. You ever heard anything bad about me? Let me just say, I would not look it up.

Where are you? If you want to have a continued good rest of your day, I would not investigate. Don't dig. No, you don't dig. Everybody loves Jackie Bates. Everybody loves. You can find some naysayers.

All bad. No. About any of us. But boy, that's him all a fan. Nope, you'd get tens across the board. Did we forgot to plug. We forgot to plug. plug Hollywood Bowl?

Yeah. Really? Oh, go ahead. Maybe just roll the tape on that. October 17th. What do you do? Hollywood Bowl. You go to smartlist.com slash live and you get tickets.

Sorry. You go to smartlist.com slash live. And you get tickets for the Hollywood Bowl, October 17th. We're going to have some surprise guests there. We're going to have some surprise guests. Two or one? A couple. Okay.

You go to smartless.com slash live. and you can get tickets for you or for a friend. Sean, they're not free. What do you do if you get them for a friend? You have to. Bye. Bye. Well.

Smartless.com slash live. Jason never chimes in. Smartlist.com slash lives. Smartlist.com slash lives. Smartless. Will audio. Will audio. Will audio.

Will audio. Will audio. Will audio. Will audio. $5. $5. $5. Smart.

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