Smosh Mouth - #10 - Our Craziest Hospital Stories w/ Keith Leak Jr.

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Shayne and Amanda talk to Keith about his cancer diagnosis, tumor removal, and recovery. SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU SEE Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ Keith Leak Jr. // https://www.instagram.com/keithleakjr/ FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Twitter: https://twitter.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino. Check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer or enjoy over 3,000 games to choose from like Cash Eruption, UFC Gold Blitz. Make instant deposits or same-day withdrawals. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Ben MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to Smosh Mouth, you friggin' losers. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda, and we have our biggest loser known.

Well, he did lose something. He did lose something. He lost something recently. I was saying the biggest loser is the tumor, not Keith. Hey, Keith. That's right. I don't know how I feel about that intro. I mean, the biggest loser, I have lost 10 pounds in the last week or so. Yeah, but that was 10 pounds of tumor.

No, I don't think the tumor actually weighed that. I think it was the surgery. I had a fever. You weren't eating. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I couldn't think the tumor actually weighed that. I think it was the surgery. I had a fever. You weren't eating. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I couldn't eat for real. So I was eating a little bit, you know, here and there.

But for the first four days, I had nothing to eat. Oh, my God. Liquids? Oh, IV. IV for sure. Come on. They gave me some liquid stuff. But other than that, I couldn't.

I'm still eating soft foods um trying to i try to eat harder foods and it just doesn't set well i have half a stomach so you have half a stomach half a stomach and okay so half a stomach i also have um a part of my whole spleen's gone who needs it who needs it I'll just take some shots. A piece of my pancreas is gone. A piece of it. Then they took some of my colon. We got organs. Organs are missing.

I would be lying if I said I knew what any of them did. I don't know. Your stomach. Your stomach holds food. That's somewhat shit. Yeah, shit. And then, like, my pancreas, I'm not for real sure, but it's very important. But if they would have took more, I probably would have been a brittle diabetic.

But my spleen, we don't need that. So, like, you can just take some shots. It helps fight off viruses and stuff like that. So all I have to do is take some shots. And I'm like, I can do that. You can do that. I can do that. So all I have to do is take some shots. And I'm like, I can do that. You can do that. I can do that. So what, are you, does it change what you eat now

for your whole life? I don't think so necessarily, but like for the future going forward, I'm going to have to change, you know, like what I eat. Softer foods, like I'm not a guy who likes, like peanut butter, I love Jell-O. Don't speak for me. I do not a guy who likes peanut butter. I love Jell-O. Don't speak for me.

Just eat Jell-O. You don't like Jell-O? No. No, I like Jell-O. I wasn't going to say that. You tried to finish my sentence and you didn't. You're right. But I don't like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I don't like tuna and crackers. But right now, those have been my best friends right now. Yeah, as soon as I got out of the hospital, my mom's here in town right now. She's taking care of me. Shout out to my mom. Yes. Yeah, Mom Dukes out there. We see you, baby.

Sorry. Sorry. I love it. I wanted her to make some home-cooked meals, some real heavy shit. And I could not eat them. Brennan came over recently and took some pictures of me. I probably shouldn't have been doing that. And my mom cooked for us and it was a little heavy.

And before I knew it, the food's just sitting right here because I eat fast, I eat like a cow. And I don't realize how much I have actually put them into my body until it's too late, until I'm like, I'm uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's lighter foods from now on. Lighter foods for right now.

For right now. From now on. From now on. For right now. Yeah. From now on. Would you watch that show? For right now.

From now on. Yeah, I would. You would? It sounds like a soap opera. You see what I'm saying? From now on. From now on. Right now.

Oh. From now on. Days of our lives. Yes. From now on, I would. You would? It sounds like a soap opera. You see what I'm saying? From now on, right now. Oh. Days of our lives. From now on, right now. That's like the hospital TV. So for some quick context, in case someone happens to not know, the past, we were trying to gauge how long, three years, you've been dealing with a cancerous tumor yes in your body yes i only knew for two of the years though um it could have been longer than

three who knows because we don't know when it started growing we don't know anything we just knew when i got diagnosed i think it was in april of 2020 i remember it was 20 it was i thought it was 2020 that you started to talk about feeling some shit. Yeah, 2020 when I started feeling shit. But 2021 is when I got diagnosed. In April or so. I was there.

You were there, okay. I remember we were in the old space and I remember you were talking to me about it and we were very new with each other and I remember being like, holy shit. As we're putting on Karen wigs, I was like, what? We're putting on Karen wigs, we're both wearing capri outfits, and you're talking to me about this,

and I was like. I was the sexier Karen, by the way. What, you were so much sexier. I was a nasty Karen. Thank you. I actually re-watched that video of us doing Karen. That still has my favorite. When I talk about your braids.

My favorite Amanda quote might be when your wig fell off and you're like, and everyone's like trying to play around it. And you're like, what? And then you just go, we can see your braids. Oh, my God. It's not what it looks like. It's not what it looks like. It's exactly what it looks like.

What does it look like? That you have brides You were still in it I was so in Karen and then and then you kept falling asleep and I back there's vodka Oh Karen, honey, oh there's vodka. Whoa there you go You have to watch it cuz I rewatched it and I was like, memories, I don't even know. I was like blacked out in that character. Me too, I was drunk.

You were drunk in that character. That's Karen. And yeah, you were telling me about it and I was like, I don't even know what that is like because like, what did you think that it was when you weren't feeling well? This is so dumb. Okay, so I started having and so me and my my homeboys we're about to like drink and like party for tonight and we ate some food just getting our tummies ready and i ended up having i thought it was like heartburn or acid reflux and i was like yo like i'm getting older i'm 29

i was 28 something like that i'm like yo. I'm 29. I was 28, something like that. I'm like, yo, I'm feeling something right now. And he's like, yo, take some Tums. So I took five Tums. And when I tell you I felt better, I was like, y'all, let's go! And that would happen. That happened a few times. I wasn't taking care of my body, you know, in any capacity.

So that happened a few times, and the pain would go away. I'm like, man, Tums is like an all like it's a cure to everything like y'all better get y'all some Tums I don't even have them anymore you know of course but like when I tell you it really like that's what I thought it was and I

wasn't going to get checkups or anything like that all I knew is that the Tums were helping this cancer baby that I didn't know at the time interesting I remember yeah and then I remember you talking about it and being like yeah the Tums were helping this cancer baby that I didn't know at the time. Mm-hmm. Right. I remember, yeah, and then I remember you talking about it and being like, yeah, I've got some pain like right here.

Yep. And I know like people were like, oh, you should go check out the doctor. And you're like, I know. Yeah. I will. It's hard to go to the doctor. Well, it was tough in the middle of the pandemic.

Of course this happens. But this was a thing. So we were doing, it was me, you, and Courtney. I forgot what characters you were playing, but we had a boxing ring set up. And I came to set that day, and I was like, I'm in pain. And I lifted up my shirt to Courtney, I think you too. And I was like, yo, can you tell that half of my stomach is lifted up?

And she's like, baby, you need to go to the doctor. And I'm like, yeah, I know. And then I think somehow the conversation got back to the director at the time, Ryan Finnerty. And before I knew it, I'm talking to you guys, I'm just the last shots of the day. And I'm talking to you guys, but I'm rubbing my stomach and I'm just rubbing it deeply trying to massage the pain out

but not realizing what I'm doing because I've gotten so used to the pain, but not. And I'm rubbing myself and he's looking at me on the monitors and he's like, Keith, you gotta go to the doctor. Like in front of everybody. And this is like a safe place, so it's like fine. Everybody's setting up lights.

And I'm like, yeah. So he's like, all right, I need everybody on the floor right now. So I'm getting on the floor and I'm still massaging myself and I'm like, oh, I'm wincing. He's like, no, everybody up. I said, well, I'm already down here. He said, nope, you're in pain, Keith.

We gotta get you up. So I think after that, that day is when I ended up going to urgent care. I was not trying to see. I'm like, is it my liver? I drink a little bit. Is it this? Is it that?

I honestly had no idea, but the doctor at urgent care straight up told me, she said, said yo that's not your liver i was like well it's not my kidneys those are good i said all right cool so after that it just you know they were like you need to go get a cat scan so i went and got a cat scan and after i got the cat scan they hit me up and they were like yo so you have a 25 centimeter growth in your abdomen area and i'm like 25? That's not big. No, that's big. You know, they finished my... No, that's big.

So I looked up centimeters into inches or whatever the hell, and it said almost 10 inches. Almost 10 inches. And I'm just like, damn, that is a big dick. Jesus Christ! You have a five-inch tumor.

It's very small. No, that sounds pretty big to me. I'm like, good. You have a huge boner in your fucking abdomen. How did it get there? That you've just been massaging for days. I'm like, how did that boner get there? Because you've been massaging it.

It's just in my tumor. You've been stroking it. You've been stroking it and feeding it Tums. Oh, my God. It keeps getting harder and harder. Oh, my... I hate both of you. So, 10 inches, but it's probably, like, shaped like...

Did they ever say what shape it was? Penis? Like, it's not a cylinder. You don't have a cucumber in your body. No, so remember at one point, remember it was, like, half of my stomach. Yeah. You know, it was, like, lifted up. You could see where it, like... Oh. So, but then remember after that, y'all, I looked 12 months of my stomach. Yeah. It was like lifted up. You could see where it like.

Oh. So, but then remember after that, y'all, I looked 12 months pregnant. Yes. You did. I looked 12 months pregnant. Shout out to women who do it in nine months. Y'all, I did it in two years. Sorry.

Wow. Sorry, sorry. Am I going to get canceled for that? Let him cook. Am I going to get canceled for that? Let him keep cooking it. No, but it got really big. I looked huge. For me, I'm a gonna get canceled for that. Let him keep cooking it. No, but it was, it got really big. I looked huge.

For me, I'm a small guy, so my stomach popping out like that was like crazy. It looked unreal, you know what I mean? Like I started to lose weight. And in the middle of it, you don't realize that you're losing weight because your stomach's out to here. So it's like, you know. And it was just getting bigger. I remember that. It was just getting bigger.

It was so uncomfortable. So it was uncomfortable. Like even filming, guys, like, you know and it was just getting bigger it was just getting bigger so uncomfortable so it was uncomfortable like even filming guys like you know i couldn't do certain things so i would come and i'd be like all right like i'm here let's go let's get it done but i was like i can't do try not to laugh right now i can't do anything with a lot of like movement or energy like if i can sit down like the way that i am now, I was good. But other than that, it was rough. You still would go for it. I know. I think I always,

like after you got the surgery and everything, I mean, I obviously knew it was very serious this whole time. But I do think there was some times where I would almost forget because you would come here and you- Would work. You get in the zone that it's like,

oh, he must be feeling great because he's killing it. No, it's called turning it on and turning it off. But I think you do it better than anyone. Well, I mean, I did it with cancer, so I mean, I'm not going to argue that. You're better than all of us. No, no, no, no, no. But no, you guys just being here supporting me,

like if somebody needed to jump in a video, you guys would do it easily. There was never any issues like the support here was great um it was easy to come to work and be like okay everybody's like do what you can and i'm like if i could do it i would but if i couldn't i'm like all right yo i'm gonna just let somebody else take this one um it was a lot of that for a while on and off my stomach i got pregnant like i got repregnant, I don't know how many times, but that stomach just kept coming back. So wait, did you name your little awkward baby? Sorry, sorry, sorry, pause, pause, pause.

We just swapped out Keith's chair, because Keith's chair was loud. It's me, I move so much, I have so much energy, so it wasn't the chair that was me. How do you feel in that new chair? I feel great, look, can you hear it? No, man. You see what I'm saying?

No, I cannot hear it. So, okay, you say that you're pregnant. You had a little tumor baby, a big tumor baby. Big, big. A big dick tumor baby. What did you name? C-section. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my God, poor baby. That's so hard for women, I hear. C-section, cancer section. Yeah, right. Definitely had it during the cancer season, horoscope, all that. Yeah, the zodiac was cancer. July 13th. Wait, cancer season.

Oh, my God. Is it over yet? It is over now. Is it? Yeah. As of this podcast coming out. Oh, my God. And it's over now.

See, look what God did. It's over now. God knew what he was doing when he... When he gave you cancer. Yeah. Okay, so did you name your little baby? I didn't name it, but one of my homeboys did. Tell me.

Amelie. Amelie? Wait, wait, wait, wait. That was not the name I was expecting. The short haircut French girl? He named it Amelie. I don't know her, but I know this Amelie. And you were okay with Amelie.

Hell yeah. That's not Emily. It's Amelie. I don't know her, but I know this Amelie. And you're okay with Amelie. Hell yeah. That's not Emily. It's Amelie. Let me tell you, Amelie, the whole point of Amelie is she is seeking love, and she goes to a photo booth and takes photos of her, and a guy finds it, and they go through France to find each other. And at the end of the day, she realized she doesn't want to be alone, and they get together, and they love each other.

She has a really short, cute haircut. Well, that makes sense. She's a tumor. The whole time. That makes sense. Amelie found me. So your tumor had a little, short, little, cute little haircut. It was cute.

I showed you. You did show me the photo. It was as big as Amelie. Amelie was a bitch. I would say we could show it. I worry about us getting demonetized bitch. I would say we could show it. I worry about us getting demonetized of showing it, but we could maybe.

If you're okay with us showing it. I mean, why not? I wanna see it. That was as big as a football. All right, so trigger warning. Five, four, three, two, one. Here, if we have the photo, is Amelie. If we can't find the photo, then we'll just show a, is Amelie. If we can't find the photo,

then we'll just show a photo of Amelie. It doesn't cut to the photo. It's just Amelie shaped like Hey Arnold's football head. She's just like, so it's basically Hey Arnold with the Amelie haircut, in French. But for those listening, or if we couldn't show it, yeah, you showed me this photo, and to me, it looked like a set dressing on some sort of sci-fi movie.

Or like a zombie film. Just because it was like, it wasn't one cohesive thing. It was like a bunch of stuff. Which is Amelie. She's a lot of different things. So this is the thing. So I went to my first doctor's appointment post-op, and they said that 90% of the tumor was tissue at this point.

So, yeah, it was just sitting inside of me because of the chemo, the chemotherapy pills that I had been taking for so long. Like, it was killing it, but it doesn't just evaporate, like, you know, disappear. No, it turns into tissue and connects with you. Yeah, exactly, but 10% of it was actually still alive. I'm like, so,uckers are just living?

It was really hard to process, but that's why they had to take my spleen because the part that was- Was alive, was in your, oh. Like Keith, it is me, Amelie. Amelie has a lighter voice. I am right. Hey Keith, I am right here.

She talks like this. You talking like a beast. She talks like this. We, we, Keith, she's a wash, what you do, what youal. She talks like this. She talks like this. She talks like this. We keep. She's a wash. What's that? Guys, you know, Amelie did not talk like that. Amelie was like, bitch, wake up, motherfucker.

There we go. It's me, Amelie. You see what I'm saying? I'm here sitting on your spleen. I'm going to need you to give me a spleen, all right? Smoking a cigarette. What did Amelie sound like to you? Like that.

Literally? You know it. Yes. Allie sound like to you? Like that. Literally? You know it. Yes. Alright, here we go. Like that. You sound like Sylvester Stallone and like Jean-Claude whatever. Jean-Claude Van Damme? Well, he is French. See, look. Wow, see, look. French.

That's it. I have no other. See, God is just working up and all through up in this podcast. Yeah. And it's all about France. I can't. You know what's crazy, though? Amelie is a very long movie.

It is. And this was a very long process. I've never. This is the thing. When he named it Amelie, I'm going to be straight up. I just thought it was just a cool ass name. I'm surprised you didn't think of a name before that you named it. Yeah.

No, no. I was like, no, because I asked him. I was like, yo, I got to name it. And he was like, Amelie. I said, perfect. Hell yeah. So you have to watch Amelie then. You're going to be like, what?

It's such an incredible movie, though. Oh, it's an amazing movie. It's a funny movie. Amazing piece of cinema. Funny, sad, loving, romantic. Oh my God, it's my life. Fun thing about Keith, though. Keith, you don't watch movies hardly ever.

Oh. Yes, I do. Okay. I watch movies. What did you watch? Did you watch a movie while you were in the hospital? Norbit. Norbit?

Oh, yeah. Okay, Norbit's the only movie Keith has seen. No, I'm just playing. I did not watch Norbit. Right before! Oh, yeah, you love Norbit. Okay, Norbit's the only movie Keith has seen. No, I'm just playing. I did not watch Norbit. Right before, so right before. Norbit! So right before, I've been getting better. Right before I went to the movies and I seen The Blackening.

Oh, okay. The what? The Blackening. The Blackening. Oh, oh, God, I want to see that. Yeah, I went to go see that with my parents. It was fun. I enjoyed it.

I really did. It was fun. Yeah, no, it was fun. I saw that with my parents It was fun I enjoyed it It was fun I saw myself up there Which was like cool I've been trying to get better with it For the most part though There's a lot of movies you have not seen Yeah I just watched Rizzo and Files

You've never watched Star Wars You've never watched Lord of the Rings You've never watched Back to the Future Yes I have You've seen Back to the Future. Yes, I have. You've seen Back to the Future? Yes, a long time ago. So I just remember the nice DeLorean or whatever car he had. I remember that.

And the crazy hair. No, I went on a ride at Disney. You did not watch it. So you have not seen it. You've just been on the ride. I've just been on the ride. I thought I'd seen it. Nah, it was just a ride.

You're like, I was in that car, and I was strapping in, and the woman who put me in was named Amy, and she worked there. Oh, shit. I didn't see it. I did a video recently where I guessed, I would see someone's top three movies, and I would guess who it was. Oh, yeah. Out of everyone here. I realized I didn't have your submissions, but I would have known yours. Norbit. Because your top three would be Norbit, Black Panther, and I don't know. Is it Black Panther? That's a great movie. That's the other movie that I know he saw. No, that's just the only one I know I've watched. It's not top three movies. It's the three movies you've actually seen.

This is what you guys have to understand. Oh, so the blackening, because that's the other movie you've seen. I can watch something bad. I watch movies. People make me watch movies like people make me watch movies they make you white chicks oh my god i just i just watched one of my favorite movies ever i just watched white chicks like two things oh my god it's so quotable i don't know

i'm a big bust bust into tears white chicks is the best. It's great. Can we actually watch it together? Yes. But you have to be okay with me speaking through the whole movie. It's fine because I speak through that whole movie because I've seen it so many times. Really? Yes. Oh my god. Yes. Oh my god. See I've watched a lot of the same stuff that I watched as a kid is the stuff that I watch now.

Yeah. That's great. I like to quote you know I'm like a comfort movie. A comfort food. Comfort food. Wow. that's great. I like to quote, you know, I'm like a comfort movie, a comfort food. Comfort food, wow. That's great. Maybe not comfort food anymore. So sorry.

Whoa. No, that wasn't a burn. I just meant it. It's fine. My mom's been making half stomach jokes too, so I'm used to it. Oh, God.

Okay, great. Truly, I'm telling you, she said something the other day I don't even want to say. Your family is brutal. Oh, my God. You tell stories about the shit your family says to each other. Oh, my God.

It's serious. It's serious. Some of it could be hurtful, but, like, we know what's going on. So, like, I'm not going to include everybody into that. Yeah. But we go there, and it's fun. You have to. I mean, you have to make these types of jokes.

You have to. Yeah. I mean, it's either that or cry, which I still do. I have my moments. I think it's important to cry, but I also think it's important to have some fun with it. It's just like, who would have ever thought in a million years, my little butt would be like, yo, we going to get a big football in I mean, a big football in your stomach. Named Amelie.

Named Amelie. It's just going to sit there for two years as far as we know. It's just going to sit there and it's just going to sit there and it's just going to sit there until it's out. Like, do you miss it at all? That made me snot. Do you miss it? Real question. That made me snot.

I need tissue because. Can we get a tissue? Oh, my God. Because like, do I miss it? No! Yes! Amelie is a person! Oh, my God, no.

She was an alien tumor baby that needed to be removed. You still got some, Keith. Yeah, I got some booger. Keith removed a tumor. Now he's removing another tumor from his nose. Oh, my God. This is so gross. You shouldn't have made me snot.

I'm sorry, but I genuinely want to snot. You see, almost. almost I'm still there God that looks That was great congratulations to Keith he just got rid of his booger Oh my god, so like we are two for two love it getting it out of here for those just getting rid of things Oh my god, Keith is Marie Kondo-ing his body right now. Do I love it? No.

Do I love it? No. No. Amelie, it's like, do I love it? No. She's like, bitch. Okay. So to answer that question, no, you don't miss it.

No. No. Well, okay. I will say this though. So I have a big zipper zipper my friends call it a zipper which is like where they cut me open sure like i haven't shown you guys yet um but it's it's a lot it's gonna be a big scar and i understand why people don't get surgery i truly understand why people don't do it because it's so invasive it really is and it hurts and it takes time like

right now i feel fine but like who knows later on in the day i might get to a point where it's so invasive. It really is. And it hurts and it takes time. Like right now I feel fine. But like who knows, later on in the day I might get to a point where it's like a little bit more difficult for me to walk and I have to stretch it out. Or like I can't pick up stuff, which I don't like picking up stuff anyway. But like you have to understand like not being able to do that. And you probably have to oil it. I'm not. It's crusty. Look, I'll just show you guys.

Show me. Look. Oh, that's not bad. That's great. But it goes all the way down to my... To the tip of your penis. No, to the tip of my penis. Okay, that would not be a bad thing.

No, it does not. It does not. Wait, why aren't you doing bio oil or anything? Ever heard of bio oil? They didn't tell me. They said don't worry about doing anything. Okay. It doesn't really look that bad.

No, it looks great. Like, bio oil just... Because I have a ton of scars, it just helps. Why do you have so many scars? You don't know where that came from. I've had a lot of surgeries, baby. Oh, because I have a ton of scars, it just helps. Why do you have so many scars? You don't know what I mean. I've had a lot of surgeries, baby. Oh, my God. Really?

I did not know that. Yes, I have. Oh, my God. You had cancer, too? And I've used, no. No cancer. Oh, okay. We'll save the story.

No, Amelie. But bio oil is very good for scars just because it softens them. So you know how they're all, like, tight? Yeah, yeah. You actually have to massage the scars. Oh, wow. With bio oil. And then they get, it's weird that they didn't tell you to do this.

No. So don't take my advice. Okay, I'm going to ask them. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, actually. Okay, with the scars, that will go away. That like kind of rippled feeling. Oh, yeah. So yeah, you massage it with bio oil.

Do you think it might be a little too early for me to do that right now? Probably. I think it's too early for me. Probably. Like, yo, I'm like two weeks out from surgery. As of recording this, it like just happened. It really just happened. Yeah, don't take my advice.

Yo, I just had surgery like a little bit more than two weeks ago. Yeah. That's really intense. Like, how are you here? I'm thriving. Honey, I'm thriving. I'm doing great. Hopefully as of people watching this,

you're now sprinting, jumping on buildings, picking stuff up. Parkour. Picking stuff up, which he doesn't want to do. Eating hard foods. Hardcore foods. I feel like that's the thing though that you were talking about is you want to get back to normalcy even though your body's like, no.

Your body will remind you every time, whether it be me eating food, like I told you before. The softer foods are my best friends right now, things that I don't actually like to eat, but they're not so bad. But it tells me when I eat harder foods, or heavier foods rather, that it's like, no, no, no, you need to go throw up.

Oh, yeah. In these past couple years with dealing with this, obviously, like, it's a very serious thing. There's a lot of pain, a lot of all this, but I imagine there's also got to be really stupid and funny things that have happened, right? Was there surprisingly ridiculous things? I boo-booed on myself at the hospital.

Explain boo-booed. And the doctors were like, that had nothing to do with the tumor. Dude, dookied, dookied. So you really were pregnant. Pregnant women when they give birth, they shit on themselves. You were doing that before the tumor. I didn't need you to bring that up.

You brought it up on Smosh before. I have, but I'm trying to move beyond that. Okay, fine. This time I did it in my sleep. Usually I do it when I'm awake. That's awesome. You did it in your sleep.

I didn't know. What were you dreaming about? I don't know. Oh, I've been having some vivid dreams. I've been having some vivid dreams, by the way,

but I'm sitting there. They're waking me up every two hours in the hospital to give me shots, to make sure my fever's down. I'm sweating a lot. I'm going through all the motions. Anybody that's had surgery and had stayed for, I want to say, a week or any amount of time, they are on your case.

They're going to make sure you're good. Shout out to everybody at Keck USC. They're incredible, by the way. Shout out to all of them. If you ever get cancer, go there. Is that too much? Because I'm shout out. No, no, by the way. Like, shout out to all of them. If you ever get cancer, go there. Is that too much? Because I'm shout out. Shameless plug.

Y'all, they took care of me. But I remember waking up at like 6. Mind you, I probably was woken up by my nurse at like maybe 4 or so. It's like 6 in the morning, maybe 5.30. I don't know, guys. I truly don't even know where I am right now. You are at Smosh Mouth with Shane and Amanda. We just start, our faces start morphing.

You're like, I'm dreaming. We have a surprise guest for you. Amelie, come on out. Hail the God of Speed. I did not want to see that little bitch. That would be fucked up. But I ended up waking up, and I'm uncomfortable. They usually stuff the pillows behind me.

It's my midsection, so everything's connected to it. So trying to sleep wasn't easy. But I woke up finally. And when I woke up, I remember I had the IVs off of me at this point. So it's easier for me to maneuver. Yeah. And I ended up getting up and I went to the bathroom

and I wiped my ass. Yeah. That's what it does. And when I wiped my ass, I was like, why is there shit in my, on this toilet paper right now? There was already,

I didn't, I wiped it just to like, you know, just to like whatever. I don't even know why I wiped it. Maybe I knew. In your dream, you were like, oh, I shit my pants. So I'm like, you know, just to like whatever. I don't even know why I wiped it. Maybe I knew. In your dream, you were like, oh, I shit my pants. So I'm like, or no, or was it?

It was either that or I looked at my gown. I looked at the gown and my gown. Isn't it open in the back? I thought it was open in the back so that you could do that. But that was the thing. But like, it was still kind of like. Oh, it was connected. It was something like that.

I don't know, guys. I was under a lot of medication at the time. But after that, I wiped it. I was like, there's a lot of shit. So let me just go check and see what my bed is doing. Well, I went to go see what the bed was doing. And there was just Smear Dookie. Oh.

All on the white sheets. And I'm telling you, like, y'all, I made a butterfly with my ass. You made a snow angel? A. You made a snow angel? A snow angel. You snow angel? Arts and crafts. Arts and crafts. I should have saved the sheets, but I decided not to.

And I was so embarrassed. You know, like, that happens all the time. It happens all the time. You know it happens all the time, like, at the hospital. Oh, the nurses were probably unfazed. I didn't. I got rid of my own shit. Yeah, you didn't want the nurses to see.

No, I don't want you to see me like that. I was making jokes with them. We was cool. You're not about to see me shit on myself. I guarantee you the nurses probably had to clean up so much shit in that hour. But she wasn't going to clean up mine. That's right. Wow.

Hold your honor. You feel me? So I got rid of them. They got little boxes and stuff for you. Little bins. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. You're like, we've been hanging out.

I'm a person. But sometimes when you're in the hospital and you're on that many meds, there's nothing you can do. When you're on meds, you say the craziest shit. It's not a fear, but it's something that I'm like, man, there's a good, there's a chance in my life. Like, either when I get very old that it'll happen, or if I get in some sort of accident or something happens, you know, it's a realistic possibility. The thought of being in a hospital where they have to clean the shit off of your butt. I'm just like, man, that would suck. I would hate to be in that position because I am a fan of wiping my own ass.

And I prefer to do it myself. I have a bidet. I have a little bidet. I used to have it, never used it. But if someone else had to do it, I'd be like, damn, I would hate that. But I know a lot of people, you end up in a situation where that's the only option.

I literally think every time a woman gives birth, every single time they shit. Every single time. Just for fun. Can you imagine a head's coming out and then there's just shit? That's what we all see when we come out, you're saying? Yeah, you guys come out covered in shit. You come out dealing with your mom's shit?

Oh my god. Speaking of, I have to deal with my mom's shit all the time when she calls me. I don't know what's bothering me right now. I hate that person so much. I'm so okay with talking about my shit, but talking about y'all's shit is making me very uncomfortable. I never said, I never said, have I shit my pants? Yes, I have.

You have? Let's talk about it. Am I the only one at this table who has not fully shit my pants? What do you mean fully? I have not fully shit my pants. What do you mean by fully? Let's talk about it. There could be, like, I'm talking like a shit.

Heath's shit. Did you shart? I don't think I sharted. What? No. Dude. I've not shit my pants where it's like,

where there's something. You've never thrown up and shit at the same time? No. No. I've been lucky with that. Hold on. When I've had food poisoning,

it's been luckily one at a time. Well, that's great. Shane just has a really strong butthole I've talked about I've talked about the food poisoning that I had on Goldberg's

yes have I told that story on air let's hear about you shitting your pants and then I'll talk about and then I'll talk about my situation

I've shit my pants a couple times pretty cool Keith she's giving you a run for your money. I've done it at least two hands worth. Pretty cool stuff. You gotta catch up. Take notes.

Well, one time was really embarrassing. I was really, really, really sick. Okay. And I was sitting on a couch with my boyfriend, like fucking brand new. We were three, four months in. Tops. Oh, my God.

He should have left you. And I was so sick. I would have left your ass. I would have gone. I would have been gone. That shouldn't have worked. He's a keeper. Yeah, I blackmailed him,

so he has to stay. Oh, good. So I, like, I remember. And it just happened. I was really sick, and I was like, and I was like. And I just shit.

Just a little cough? It wasn't a little cough. Just a little cough. I was like. And then it was like. Oh. Oh. And he was like.

You literally went. Oh, my God. And he looked around, and he was like, up, up, up, up. And he took me up and picked up the whole, like, because it was, like, a really shitty Ikea couch. So he picked up, like, the weird And he took me up and picked up the whole, like, because it was like a really shitty Ikea couch. So he picked up like the weird denim cover that's so ugly. I don't know why I had it.

And just put it in. Well, that worked out. That's what it's for. And put it in the washer and I was like, I'm so sorry. Oh no. I'm so ugly.

And he was like, no, you're not. All good. Everyone shits. We all shit. Everyone shits on this couch. You're okay. Look, I'm doing it right now. And he pulls his good. Everyone shits. We all shit. Everyone shits on this couch right now. Look, I'm doing it right now.

And he pulls his pants off, shits on everywhere. I remember telling my friends, and they were like, oh, that's so sweet. I was like, guys, come on. I just love how light the cough was. I liked that it was just like a. Hold on. No. Hold on.

OK. That's why that's. You know that scene in the movie? I think it was like horrible bosses or like... I forget, but that scene when she's on the bathtub and she's like, I really don't feel well. And she coughs and sprays shit all over. Do you know that?

Wait. Do you know that movie? Hold on. That didn't happen in... Hall Pass. That didn't happen in Norbit. I don't. Hall Pass. That didn't happen in Norbit. I don't know Hall Pass. That did not happen in Norbit.

Oh, okay. The other movies. You don't worry, you'll watch it. It was a bit that they did in one of the Jackass movies where they were dressed as old people. Oh, watch that. And they would cop it. That's just, yeah.

So that was basically me. Damn. Hold on, can we talk about when you kind of shit it? So, okay. Jack, you said about when you kind of shit it? Yeah, you said I don't think I shit it. I don't think I ever have. I can tell you that the closest I've ever been to a bad situation. This is the worst it's ever been.

Okay. But it didn't happen. But it was awful. So I'm on Goldberg's. This is a couple years ago. And we're filming. Where we would film the studio set was about an hour drive from my house with traffic. Because it was over in Culver City area, which anyone who lives in LA knows to get there is always difficult. You have to drive on the 405, which is the highway from hell.

It is always in a traffic jam. So anyways, I'm at work. We've been filming all day. We eat food. We get food from Sweet Green is the name of the restaurant. Sweet Greens.

Sweet Greens. And Sam Lerner, Sweet Greens. He's like, Sam Lerner, I would always copy his food order because he would always pick something really good.

And I didn't know this restaurant. So he's like, I'm getting this spinach whatever salad bowl thing. I'm like, I'm getting this spinach whatever salad bowl thing. I'm like, I'll get the spinach salad bowl too. We're on set. We get back to our trailers

which are hot, you know, and our salad bowls have been sitting in our trailers for a little bit. And it's like, all right,

let's eat. And we're all eating together and we're eating. I'm just like, my salad bowl. Hey Sam, I love you. And he's like,

what? I love this spinach and couscous. And I'm just like, I'm on my salad bowl. Hey, Sam, I love you. And he's like, what? I love this spinach and couscous. And I'm eating it, but towards the end of lunch, I already feel like my stomach, there's some something going on. And it just kind of feels like when you have like, you're like, okay, this is going to pass, right? This either

needs to go down or needs to come up. But it's kind of stuck in my stomach. But I'm like, I'm okay. It's fine. And then we go back and we're filming. And we're filming this scene with a bunch of people. I only have a couple lines in it. They film us. They get our coverage.

Mind you, this is all taking like a couple hours because like filming takes forever. Then the camera's now over, not over my shoulder, but it's like we're now filming the other people in the scene. And so I'm behind camera. I'm behind camera there with the other JTP members, our group. We're sitting there filming, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it's just like,

where all of a sudden you sweat immediately. It's just like, just a rainfall down my face, and I just suddenly feel so bad. I feel so awful. And I was like, whoa. And one of my castmates happens to glance at me. He kind of manages to look back.

And he looks at me. And he double takes. And he's just like, you need to go. Oh, my god. He literally looks at me in the face and goes, you need to go. And I was like, what? And they're in the middle of filming. They're talking.

And I just kind of back up and just walk off set in the middle of the scene. And I leave. And I go past the crafty. And I head out of the studio. And I speed walk to the public bathroom on this studio lot. And if you think that the Sony Studios bathroom on the studio lot is nice, you're wrong. It's like one that you come across at a rest stop along the highway.

It's bad. Because think about the people who are using that bathroom. It's, it's, it's. It's, no, it's not tourists. It's not tourists. Well, it is Jeopardy contestants. They filmed Jeopardy and Shark Tank right there.

Those nerds fucking dumb. So the sharks, it's Mark Cuban. It's the Jeopardy contestants. Shark Tank? They're stressed out. They shit. They're shitting so much. But then it's also, it's grips.

It's crew members, which are mostly like big, sweaty, crazy dudes. Like it is not, it's not pretty in this bathroom. So I go, you know how bathrooms have like four small stalls and then they have the big stall? The big boy. I go straight for the big boy. I'm like, I'm gonna need it. I'm gonna need space.

And I blast into this bathroom. And I hate shitting in public what it's the best feeling ever no it's not I love a hotel I don't love it but I will no shitting in a public bathroom where there's other people in the bathroom not the rest stop not not like an airport you can leave your sins and leave them and no I want to have the comfort of being completely alone. So I go into this bathroom. And I mean, I'm talking, I go in and it's like this. It's like, it's like.

My hands are on the walls. And it's horrible. I had no idea we were getting into detail. You know how when you hyper-focus on something on the bathroom that's been written? Someone had perfectly scrawled a Homer Simpson on the bathroom stall, and I'm just looking Homer in the face, and I am just exploding. And I'm like, ah! Oh my god! I didn't know we were going down this path.

But somehow I get myself together. I still feel awful. I do not feel good. I'm like, the second wave is coming. And I need to go back to set. I get back to set. I haven't thrown up yet, though. And I'm like, that's also coming.

And I get back to set. We luckily are about to wrap. We finally wrap. I go to my car and I have an hour drive home. Oh, Jesus. And I'm in my car. And I'm in my car

and I'm just like, it feels like Mission Impossible where I'm just like, I'm like, I'm just gonna make it. I'm just gonna make it. And I somehow, I made it home

because it was one of those actually awful situations where you're like, I can't. Like, it won't come up. Yeah. But then I was bedridden for a day. actually awful situations where you're like, I can't. Like, it won't come up. Yeah. Oh, my God. But then I was bedridden for a day.

Yeah. And I'm just like, whatever. Food poisoning. Straight up. Now, why I am saying that's not the situation where I'm questioning things. That's what we want to hear. Get us out. Okay.

Get us out. Okay. So there was a fun story. Here's the other thing. So my shirt says, Pikes Peak. I did it. A few weeks ago, I hiked Pike's Peak in Colorado with my brothers. It is a 12-mile hike.

It took us eight hours. We started at 4.30 in the morning. Fun. We get up to the top at 1 p.m. Get it. When we get to the top, my butt butt after 8 hours of hiking up a mountain my butt just felt a little like it's not great

I did chafe my ass I've never done that before full disclosure I was wearing shorts I don't know I don't know how that happened I've got such a big ass that it just happened.

But look, you know, I just feel like after eight hours of rigorous hiking, but there wasn't, I can't, there wasn't anything

where I'm like, oh, I've shit my pants before. It was just like, you know, it's tough. Your body goes through a lot. Oh my God. So this isn't about shit.

This is just about jean chafing? It wasn't jeans. I wasn't wearing jeans! Can you imagine wearing jeans for a 12 hour, 12 mile hike? That's a whole work day. Has anyone ever wore a Canadian tuxedo to a marathon?

Cause that'd be really funny. No, you would not be able to run. You'd die. You'd physically die. Unless you had like jeggings. Are jeggings done? Jeggings are done, we're not, we're done with jeggings? Jeggings are done. We're not, we're never doing jeggings again, Amanda.

I personally never worn them. Have you ever worn? You know, when I have my period, maybe I'll wear some jeggings. We're going to know, so keep an eye out if Amanda's ever wearing jeggings in a video. Guys, I don't own jeggings. You're like, cycle. But, you know, like, you know, when you get your period, you're like, oh my god, I'm 500 pounds. I can totally relate.

What the hell? Why am I 500 pounds? This is fun. Let me get my fat suit on. Like my freaking jeggings. Stop. I'm serious. I'm sorry.

It's true. Oh my god. Every woman can relate. You have to have a different bra. And I don't own jeggings, but I wish I did. I really do. I'm going to go on Amazon and gift you some jeggings. Oh, God.

They're going to be like XXXL. Here you go, boo. I'm going to start wearing jeggings in videos. It's going to be really funny. Oh, God. They'll be so tight. It'll be awful. I think I'll hate it.

Your butt is going to look amazing. I know. I probably will. That's why I'm going to do it. Please don't. He's just getting sick. I'm getting sick. I think I'll hate it. Your butt is gonna look amazing. I know. I probably will. That's why I'm gonna do it. Please don't. He's just getting sick. I'm getting sick. And can I just say this? Oh, me and J-Gings is what makes you sick? That makes me want to throw up. Your shit story,

but this is the thing. Please. I am here with ears and eyes and arms wide open. I want to hear the story about you shitting one day. One day you have to come up with an actual thing. I don't think he has.

Maybe he's doing it on purpose. One day he needs to. See, I would love that. No, I would not love that. It's going to happen. Look, I fully believe that someday I will. But I'm talking like fully shitting yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's got to be like, oh, man. Like Keith. I don't have to. I'd do that. It has to happen, and you have to go, I don't have to go to the yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be like, oh man. Like Keith. I don't have to. I do that. It has to be, it has to happen. And you have to go, I don't have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I don't feel that urgency.

You got to clean up. You got to do laundry. You got to do that. But I'm saying you're like, I am relieved. Yeah. Wow. But you had it. But look, you're in the hospital.

That's the place. If someone says, oh, I shit myself. It's like, where were you? Like the hospital. I'm like, yeah, okay. That's where that happens. I should have saved that canvas type sheet of, I shit myself. It's like, where were you? The hospital. I'm like, yeah, okay. That's where that happens. I should have saved that canvas type sheet.

No. Like the Shroud of Turin. No. Uh-uh. I should have saved it. Oh my god, it's the Mother Mary. It's gonna be worth a lot one day, right? It probably already is worth a lot. Yeah. I will say,

I don't remember it stinking. Probably right. It probably smelled like medication. Yeah. Period. It smells like ibuprofen. Oh my god. So wait, how much were you stuck in the hospital? So I was in the hospital for

seven days. Seven whole days. So I went on a Thursday, came out on a Thursday. What was the funniest shit that you saw there? Minus your shit. The shit. Besides your shit. The butterfly shit. I guess, yeah, the shit was the funniest thing.

I don't know. What was the funniest thing that I've seen? Are you laughing at all? Because I would imagine a hospital is just, it's probably got to be such highs and lows. There was. So I can, like, let me try to get there. So the shit was definitely probably like, it was a high as in it was funny.

Yeah. Um, but like it was low because I was embarrassed about it. But I will say the first two days, three days, I kind of said this in the beginning, the first three days were really rough for me. I did not like,

when I tell you, I felt so bad as soon as I got out of, Oh, I got it. Okay. Okay. So I'm making jokes, oh, I got it. Okay. Okay, we were here. So I'm making jokes before I even get into surgery. Of course.

And I'm just like, you know, like I'm making jokes to everybody. We're like laughing, this, that, and the other. I didn't want my mom and my dad to come up with me. You know, I wanted to just have this moment to myself. Definitely. Because mom was telling me to repent. She was telling me to repent for any sins. What?

No, she was telling me to repent for any sins. What? No, she was telling me to repent for any sins that I've knowingly made or unknowingly made. Oh, so you don't die during surgery. Say boom. Wait, is that like a concern? Yes. My mom is a devout Christian. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, what were the doctors telling you?

We were about to do this and my mom is still... He was probably doing it in your mind? No, no, no, no. So I'm making jokes with the nurses, the doctors. I'm meeting the whole team. I left my mom and my dad downstairs because I didn't want that energy to come with me. But it traveled through my phone because she texted me and she said, hey, I need you to repent for any sin, knowingly and unknowingly. And I'm like, man, I'm over here telling jokes.

Like, I'm not thinking about dying. I mean, I kind of agree with her in a weird way. Yeah, but it just wasn't the time, and it just also put in my mind, okay, yeah, I could die. So, after that, I'm like, I told the nurse who was helping me at the time, and I'm like, yo, this is what my

mom just told me. She said, just laughed it off. And I'm like, okay, yeah, we're on the same page right now. Yes. So, like, before, they gave me something. I don't know what it was. Oh. But they gave me something.

Was it to calm you down? It was to calm you down. This is when they were willing me off. It was a bong. You want to hit this, dude? Yo, they were willing me off. I'm pretty sure I know what they gave you. Really?

It's like a little, it's like, it's like an anxiety, like, chill. It's a cocktail. They call it a cocktail. I don't remember. That's the thing. I don't remember, but it sounds about right. It's a big cocktail. Because I remember them willing me out and I'm like this, I ain't y'all.

Like, I ain't y'all. We going down here. Like, let's go. Let's get this shit. Yes. Like really playing it up at this point. Because at this point, everybody's like, oh, he's cool. Like we can play with him.

Like they were saying jokes too. Like it was great. Yeah. So I ended up going under. The surgery was about six hours or so. It was supposed to be seven. Did you have booties on? I got a booty.

No, booties on your legs so your legs don't fall asleep. I don't know. I was asleep. I bet you had booties on. They basically massage your legs so your legs don't fall asleep. They gave me that after surgery. They gave me that after surgery. Oh, you've had a lot of surgeries. I'm like, legs don't fall asleep they gave me that they gave me that after surgery they gave me that after surgery oh you've had a lot of surgeries i'm like i don't know booties my booties right here booty but okay so i ended up getting out of surgery they're like all right

keith they're out and i don't remember this but they told my mom that i woke up still like all right i just had to finish it out yeah but then after then after that, like, I don't remember. Y'all, it's so much, like, everything's a blur. I remember certain things. I don't remember coming out doing this still. That's the energy I had. But the first thing that I do remember after surgery is my mom and my dad coming up. And they're like, your mom and dad, they're here right now.

And I was so nauseous y'all and i hate to be nauseous i don't like being in pain nausea is like the worst and they don't let you leave until you go to the bathroom exactly get up and walk and i had to pee i had to pee sitting down couldn't for some reason it just wasn't coming out so i had to stand and but like i don't know i seen some doctors and nurses come in at that point. And now it's time to tell some more jokes. And before I know it, they're telling me some serious stuff. They're like, OK, this and the other went well, blah, blah, blah. This and the other.

I'm like, all right, y'all. Stay black. Nobody's black in sight. I love it. Nobody's black in sight. I love it. And they're like, all right, man. They're like, we will stay black.

Don't say that. I won't. See you later're like, we will stay black. Don't say that. I won't. See you later. Nope, we will not do that. Peace out. Insurance cleared. Okay. That's all that matters.

Damn. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, I feel like when you get out of surgery, that's the worst part is that they tell you, they're like, okay, we can't release you or we can't give you to your mom or whoever's picking you up until you go to the bathroom by yourself. Like walk there by yourself.

And you have those socks that have the grips on them. Oh, yeah. And you're just like. And the bathroom looks like Pike's Peak probably. It's just like miles and miles. And you're so nauseous. I didn't go to the bathroom, like the actual restroom for three days.

Yeah, because I couldn't shit, guys. Like, I was constipated. What about pee? Oh, yeah. Like, they gave me a little bottle. Oh, got it. Like, you know how you pull over I wish I had a penis to put it in a bottle. But every time you walked out of that bathroom, they're like, did you shit, man? You're like, uh, yeah.

They're like, we know you didn't. So, but at first, I was just, like, having to pee. I just would get up, stand up, and then, you You're like, yeah. They're like, we know you didn't. But at first, I was just having to pee. I just would get up, stand up, and then pee. But I want to say maybe my fourth day or third day, I finally went to the restroom. It was rough because my stomach hurt so bad. And imagine going from 24-hour care to then having your mom, who's not a nurse, take care of you.

Now, shout out to Mom Dukes. You are incredible. I love you, but she's no nurse. You know what I mean? Sure. She's just not it. Did you tell her that you repented for your sins? No, we just kept it moving.

Look, I've been in and out. We're not talking about that shit. Good. Shit. Good. Anyway. Again. Sorry, I can't help it.

Damn it. Yeah, but I didn't use it for a few days until I ended up taking some stool softener and took it. And then after that, it took a couple days to even work because the shit was hard. Can we not talk about shit anymore?

Yeah, we can move on. I want to know how your mom was not a nurse. What's a couple things that she did that you were like, you are not a nurse? The thing is, she's not checking on me every two hours. What is she doing? She's just hanging. She's there. She's in the room with me.

I gave her my room, but it's not as consistent as it was at the hospital. She was in the lobby watching Dr. Phil. Oh, God. Awful. Oh, my God. No, my mom loves Dr. Pimple Popper. I cannot with that show. No, that's not for me. Brennan knows. She made Brennan and everybody

else that came over watch Dr. Pimple Popper. I cannot. There's someone we work with who has gone to her. Who? I'm not going to say. Oh, my God. We'll have them on and they'll talk about it. I think we talked about that. Yeah, we talked about that.

I just don't remember because I was. Speaking of, though, I feel like whenever I have been in a hospital or anywhere near a hospital, that's the trashiest shit TV that I ever end up watching. Oh, dude. I straight up watch Forensic Files. If you ever, ever go on a trip, go to a hotel, any hotel in America. Forensic Files is there. Forensic Files. They have their own channel

where all they play is Forensic Files. I kid you not. I watch it a lot. And it's funny because I was texting Courtney. Courtney had texted me. And she was like, I hope you find Forensic Files. That next day, I found Forensic Files. You found Forensic Files that next day I found Forensic Files

you found Forensic Files it was there and I'm like don't go on no no that was it I just found Forensic Files and that like that's comfort for me

I will watch I've seen all the episodes they even tried to do Forensic Files too it sucks because the dude with the sexy voice his voice

I am with you 100% I love Forensic Files really? yes or Dateline oh my god Dateline has their own channel I was just Files. Really? Yes. Or Dateline. Oh my God. Dateline has their own channel.

I was just watching Dateline with my mama last night. Dateline has its own channel? Yes. It's serious. And their own podcast. But you know what the podcast is? It's just the show put into audio format.

So they'll literally be like, and here is you see the car. And you're like, I can't see it because it's a podcast. My mom is also big into that shit. But it's why she thinks I'm always going to get murdered wherever I go. I always think I'm going to get murdered.

She's terrified of everything. And I'm like, OK, that's because you're watching people get murdered. Or maybe when it happens. See, that's not my. That's not. Dateline and forensic. I'm the opposite of you guys. That's not the trash TV I would end up watching.

Well, what I end up being forced to watch when I go to the hospital or whenever I'm in some sort of situation like that, it's always Dr. Phil, one of the judges, or like Maury Povich. It's that type of stuff that they play in lobbies. And I'm like, man, people are here with serious health conditions, and you're forcing them to watch Dr. Phil? Because it's a train wreck. Everybody loves to watch a train wreck. You feel better about yourselves. Every time. No, but if I'm in a hotel room, what I search for is Family Feud.

Oh, absolutely. Dude, Family Feud number one. No? Nah. Family Feud is the best show. You don't like it? It is. It's too cringe for me.

Oh, no. Get out. I'm like, ugh. I was going to invite you over to watch. Okay. Yeah. White Chicks? Nope, not anymore. Because going to invite you over to watch. Okay. Yeah. Okay. White Chicks?

Nope, not anymore. Because you don't like Family Feud. Bitch! You don't like Family Feud. Listen, I didn't say I don't. It's just not my vibe. It's so good. Like Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud. I'm like, ugh.

Don't compare Family Feud to Wheel of Fortune. That's different. That's so different. Do not compare those two. Why? Because Pat Sajak is not Steve Harvey? Family Feud is so different. By the way Because Pat Sajak is not Steve Harvey? Family Feud is so different. By the way, Pat Sajak is like ready.

He's like, he's done because he's getting mean. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's been getting mean. He's like, she's like, I just can't wait. He's like, great, let's go. Shut the fuck up and spin the wheel. Fuck.

Who do you guys think would be a good host for that show now that he's gone? For Wheel of Fortune? Yeah. Steve Harvey. No! I mean, shout out to Steve. That's why I got this mustache. He has a beautiful mouth.

Big teeth, beautiful mouth. Dude, Steve Harvey is the best game show host of all time. He's amazing. For that type of show. Obviously, you have Alex Trebek was perfect for Jeopardy. But Steve Harvey is, I, for some reason,

don't get tired of the same joke every time, which I tweeted this joke where he'll ask a question that's like, of course they're gonna answer something crazy. It'll be like,

name something you do with your penis every day and it's like, masturbate, Steve. And he'll be like. And he's just like, I can't believe you said that. He has the best facial expression. It's so funny, do people say insane shit on Family Feud?

This is why I get cringed. I don't love cringe, I'm like, ew. Oh my god. You can't take that back. Hold on, do you know Steve Harvey has a judge show? He's like a judge. Yeah, Judge Steve, I've not watched it, I want to. What? Yes, where it's, he's obviously not a judge show, he's like, yeah, Judge Steve, I've not watched it. I want to. What? Yes.

Where? Okay. He's obviously not a real judge, but he allows people to come in. You know, you have your plaintiff, you have the other motherfuckers and they come in and they're like, he awards the money. He does. Like, I'm serious. Like people know it's an actual show and I've been watching it with my mom.

I've been watching a lot of trash TV. Hell yeah. With your watching it with my mom. I've been watching a lot of trash TV. Hell yeah. With your mom. With my mom. And it's so crazy because he's like, you know what? I'm going to give you $1,500 for your pain and suffering. I'm so serious. I'm not playing.

I am not joking you. I'm not. But he's not a real judge. No. Are these people real plaintiffs? It's got to be, to some degree. Is there a jury? No.

No. It's just like people just hanging out. What do they come in with? I mean, some people have come in, like, what was one of the stories? She tried to kill me. It's like, yeah, I tried to kill her. I wore you $1,500 for your honesty. I feel like one of the guys, one of, okay, one of the, it was this couple, this lady,

she had bought her boyfriend, who she has a son with or a kid with, she bought him a game. But she was upset that he wasn't spending time with her. What? I'm so serious. I bought him Diablo 4, and he will not hang out with me. But she wanted to play games with him, but he would always play it with his work best friend. So these are not actual. He loves his work best friend. So these are not actual. He loves his work best friend.

That's so funny. So that's what Steve was trying to get to. He was like, so if y'all work together all the time, like, I don't understand. I don't understand. Like, I mean, the whole thing. And she was like, yeah, like, he always wants to be with Jim. And he's just like, whoa.

Please tell me that he left her for Jim. No, they ended up. Like, Jim's actually a really good guy. Jim was like really good. I love he's just like, whoa. Please tell me that he left her for Jim. No, they ended up, like Jim's actually a really good guy. Jim was like really good. I love that Jim was there too. You are too involved. No, I'm into this.

You and your mom are like, Jim is a really good guy. Come on, he was great. You woke up from the surgery and you're like, what happened with Jim? He was great. You're like, stay black,

but what happened with Jim? But she had a whole list of hours, like times that he would come home from work and play the game like and not show with her what was the game i don't remember would be different games i believe yeah just she went deep she like journal and steve probably didn't like that steve was like hey no steve or steve steve rewarded her for that i honestly truly don't remember i don't want to lie but like it was weird it was weird weird watching it because I'm like, this isn't...

These aren't real crimes. These aren't real. No, no, no, no. These are things that couldn't... A lawsuit actually couldn't come from. This is brilliant, actually. But it's just relationship issues. I mean, and it seems harder...

He sounds better than Dr. Phil. Some people end up crying. They're like, yo, I just want my relationship back with my sister. And he's like... That's how they said it. I literally feel like I'm watching it. Like, I'm kind of like, I want to know what happened with Jen. Yes.

But hold on. The funny thing is, my mom cried, too. Oh, that's sweet. No, it's not. I'm like, oh. Yes, it is. No. Because I'm like.

She got involved. Because this is the thing. Because after a while, you're like, OK, this is ridiculous. You watch enough TV. You're like, OK, they're playing. They this is the thing. Because after a while, you're like, OK, this is ridiculous. You watch enough TV. You're like, OK, they're playing. They're playing it up. It's like when people cry at American Idol. You're like, stop.

No. That, I will cry with you. Oh, yeah. American Idol gets me every. You are different. I am a Dina. You never cried watching American Idol? How dare you?

No, because I can't stand it where it's like, you know, I lost my parent. And then they're like, OK, great. Sing this song. and then they're like okay great sing this song and then they're like oh yikes life is a highway exactly why I just don't like it

because I can't connect to that really yes sounds like you just hate really good shit no but how can you

Family Feud American Idol in the early years I feel like it's fake early years early years I did watch it and did you cry?

Like Kelly Clarkson? Yeah, for sure. Oh! You are so full of it. Listen, I'm a demon now. I like Dateline and Forensic Files. And maybe this show. What is it called?

You should check it out. I don't know, Judge Steve. Judge Steve. I think it's probably called Judge Steve. Why wouldn't it be called that? Is Judge Judy real, though? I think it's real. I think it's pseudo real.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're playing on it. It's definitely played up. It's not, like, legitimate. Legitimate. It's all, like, guys, anything we watch on TV, I hate to say it, but it's just all bullshit. This is why I don't pride American Idol anymore. You guys just proved my point.

Well, that's different. It's actual stories, though, that kind of pull. There is a guy I saw on TikTok, and he said he and his friends used to sue each other for fun so they could end up on Judge Judy. Really? They would sue each other over stupid, small things so that they could go there. And that's the thing. Judge Judy is always going to be not an actual crime.

It's civil suits. Judge Judy is hilarious. I watched this. I don't know why on my Instagram there's Judge Judy clips. I don't know why. But there was a Judge Judy clip, and this woman came out, and she was, you know how there's, like, always a reporter outside of the courtroom? And he was like, so what did you think? She's like, I knew it.

I knew that I couldn't trust this woman. I could tell from the moment I saw her hair. And then the woman comes out, and she goes, and she comes out and her hairline starts. The wig was all the way back here. Her hairline starts. No, you've not seen this, Shane. Her hairline's so cute. I wanted to bring this up and I was like,

but if no one knows what I'm talking about. Oh, no. She was like, I knew it from the moment I saw her hair. And then the woman comes out and she's like. Oh, the fast clip. It was just like, yep. It's like, no, you wouldn't trust this lady at all. Her head starts back here.

I should have known as soon as I seen her hair. Do you think all the people on Judge Judy and Dr. Phil and all these crazy people saying crazy shit like that know that it's like 90% of people in hospitals are watching this, right? People dealing with cancer are watching us. And they're loving it because- Do you think they're aware as they're saying that stuff?

No, they're trying to collect- Judge Judy has to know at this point that it's like, this is being streamed straight into a hospital. This is for cancer survivors. This is literally for cancer survivors. Because it's hospitals playing that shit. I don't know why

lobbies are playing this. Because that clip was so good. I knew it from when I saw her hair. This is the thing when I like, I will say,

but being in a hospital and watching those shows, I enjoyed it. Oh yeah. I felt like I was part of society. Part of society, but like,

you know how like you skip school and like you're watching, you get to watch like daytime TV. You get to watch stuff you've never seen before. Exactly. That's what it felt like. It also felt like jail. You're like, you get to watch bad TV. Daytime TV. You get to watch stuff you've never seen before. Exactly.

That's what it felt like. It also felt like jail. You're like, just tell other people live. So it felt like jail. Hospital felt like jail. Jail as well. Okay, hospital felt like jail. It felt like school.

It felt like a lot of different places. And I'm glad that I'm not there. Shout out to, this is the thing, all jokes aside, shout out to anybody who spends any time, any amount of time in the hospital overnight. Because it's not anything normal. It doesn't feel the best. You can't move the way that you want to. You are confined.

Like, maybe, like, even an insane asylum. Like, I've never been to one. Maybe I should. But, like, I truly felt like I was in that bitch, you know? I was like, wow, like, I can't move the way I want to. I have somebody coming in and checking on me ever so often, you know, like, to give me shots, to make sure just, like, I'm okay, which I appreciate.

But it's also, like, not the – that's just not how I live. It's not normal life. Yeah, you don't not how I live. It's not normal life. Yeah, you don't have your own autonomy. That's why they have those shows, so that you can feel connected to like, okay, what is everyone else doing in the world? Yeah.

You know what I mean? So you can be like, okay, so. I knew it from her hair. She comes out. I'm dealing with this, I'm in the hospital, but at least I'm not that person. We have to find that and send it to him. I'm gonna find that clip and in the hospital but at least I'm not that person we have to find that I'm gonna find that clip

and show him I'll watch it okay I yeah no I mean I I have so much respect for people who are going through

that type of stuff and I have so much respect for you Keith for oh thank you man dealing with what you dealt with and honestly continuing to be so funny here

while going through it thank you guys I'm actually in pain right now no I'm just playing oh my god And honestly, continuing to be so funny here while going through it. Thank you, guys. I'm actually in pain right now. No, I'm just playing. Oh, my God. I actually shit myself just now. Look at these butterflies.

Fuck. Oh, I didn't tell you guys, though, this. I also, right before I had surgery, like a week or two, I think I talked to you about it. I thought they said that I had another tumor. What? You didn't tell i didn't tell you oh this is during big right before big con i found out that i so i thought that it was another tumor so i'm like my whole like world at that point i'm like man this is a how do you get cancer twice you know what i mean in the same like that's where my mind when i'm like damn this is like a sequel of a movie that i never watched before like norbert you know like cancer too you know what i mean like the first one was crazy but the second one is crazier yeah although

they said it's like okay you have like a two centimeter one you know so the day before okay let me go back so the day before i got my cat scan right before surgery you know all that we're getting everything in order they're like, like this is still shrinking. Since the last CAT scan in January, this one's shrinking. Like, it's great. You're doing great. I'm like, awesome. Leave, go home, wake up the next morning.

And they're like, okay, so although that one's shrinking, we just found another one. And, you know, doctors really talk to you as if everything's normal, everything's cool. And I'm on, she's like, yeah, we found another one, but, you know, we're going to da as if everything's normal, everything's cool. And I'm on, she's like, yeah, we found another one, but you know, we're going to da, da, da, da, da. Keep it chill. Keep it chill. And I'm thinking like, I'm just like staring off outside, like looking out my window on the phone, just like.

The world is in the air. Just like, okay, so like we'll set up this and that. I'm like, yeah, okay. Before I knew it, guys, my whole face was wet just because I just started to cry. Like genuinely, like just like didn't just because I just started to cry. Genuinely, I didn't think about it. It just came because I was like, okay, bye. Yeah, of course.

But cool thing. Let's bring it around town like SpongeBob in his home. So they did the surgery and something, I don't know what it was, something was covering it. So the tumor was poking out on the other side. So I did not have two tumors. They wouldn't have known until they went inside. It was just the same. It was just Amelie playing a little trick.

It was just Amelie. It was Amelie's foot with a little heel on it. She was just like, la, la, la, la, la. They were like, bitch. Sorry, I was just kicking my legs up a little. I know. I forget that she has that voice. She has that voice. She's a smoker. Holy shit. Well, Am was just kicking my legs up. I know. I forget that she has that voice. She has that voice.

She's a smoker. Holy shit. Well, Amelie is gone. This was amazing. Shout out to Amelie. Shout out to Amelie. I hope to never experience Amelie or anything. Or Amelie 2 again.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. Well, Keith, you did it. We love you. Yeah. We did it, man. We love you so much.

I'm still doing it, y'all. It's still a process. Yeah. I still have to take meds going forward, just so that it doesn We love you. Yeah. We love you so much. I'm still doing it, y'all. It's still a process. I still have to take meds, you know, going forward, just so that it doesn't come back. And we're going to keep this fight going. It doesn't stop here. The tumor's gone, but, like, we have to take certain provisions and move forward. So it's still a fight, y'all.

It's still a fight. We're still doing it. I'm glad I have you guys to support and just love. Yeah, man. It's cool. It's cool. Go get your checkups. Yeah.

Get your checkups. Go get your checkups. Get your checkups. Yes, please. All right, man. Well, thanks for being here. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah.

Stay. No, I'm not going to do that. Stay black. Hold on. Say it with me, guys. No. No. Okay.

Stay black. Fuck. It's cool. I'm here. I support it. Stay black. Fuck. It's cool. I'm here. I support it. Just use that cut. Just use that cut of us. And then we're just like, why did we do that?

Oh, no. We're like, yeah. Stay black. All right. See you later, guys. Bye, guys. Wow.