Smosh Mouth - #108 - These Monologues Are For Teens w/ Vic Michaelis

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Words were said, tears were shed. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/SMOSHMOUTH today. 0:00 Intro 10:54 Sponsor! 12:29 Monologue books 21:39 Martial arts segue 27:32 We read monologues PODCAST: https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthSpotify https://smo.sh/SmoshMouthiHeart https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthApple  SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Angela Giarratana // https://www.instagram.com/angelagiovanagiarratana/ Vic Michaelis // https://www.instagram.com/vicmmic/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Selina Garcia Editor: Rayne Darling (formerly Kortney Luby) Producer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina Garcia Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner, Josie Bellerby Stage Manager: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman, Abby Schmidt Art Coordinator: Bridgette Baron Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Matt Taylor Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Videographer: James Hull Camera Operator: Eric Wann Assistant Director: Jonathan Hyon Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Senior Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Manager: Jonathan Hyon Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Caroline Smith Director of Post Production: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran DIT/AE: Beni Kimuene Post Production Coordinator: Ariana Martinez IT: Tim Baker IT & Equipment Coordinator: Lopati Ho Chee Sound Editor: Gareth Hird Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Senior Motion & Branding Designer: Christie Hauck Graphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch Director of Channel Operations: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Manager: Audrey Carganilla Channel Operations Coordinator: Sabrina Lieberman Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Manager: Kim Wilborn Social Media Coordinator: Margaux Bernales Brand Partnership Manager: Chloe Mays Brand Partnerships Coordinating Producer: Liz Kummer Operations Manager: Selina Garcia Talent Coordinator: Danielle Moses People Operations Specialist: Katie Fink Front Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack CEO: Alessandra Catanese Executive Producers: Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Associate Producer, Special Projects: Rachel Collis Executive Assistant: Katelyn Hempstead OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames SmoshAlike: https://bit.ly/Sub2SmoshAlike FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh

I'm gonna try to stay on FLEC organically and don't laugh, guys, okay? It's gonna be somewhere in the next hour, okay? Save it for the monologue. Okay, be serious, be serious, guys. Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Angela, and I'm still getting used to this. And introduce it. And, okay, thank you.

And with us today, one of my favorite people in the world, Mick McHale's. Bring your son to work day. It's bring your son to work day. I've been getting shown around the office. Angela, let me have a piece of chocolate. I'm feeling really good. Whenever we bring a guest in, we give them some chocolate. Just a little piece.

Well, actually, as you come closer to the Smosh headquarters here in Rancho Cucamonga, there are little trails of chocolate leading up to the front door. Thank you for the shuttle bus out here. No problem. It's a long drive. Wouldn't give me the address. And so an undisclosed location to a shuttle bus out to Rancho Cucamonga, which I was not anticipating.

We've started saying that we are there. And I think it's now canon for fans to think we're there. I think we'll move there. yeah one day we'll move to rancho kookamonga rancho kukamonga rancho kukumonga rancho kukumonga rancho space kukumonga kukumonga's one word kukamonga kukumonga why don't think it was rancho kukumongo i don't know it makes sense it's fine no let's dive into it yeah we're talking about why we think weird things i'm kidding we're talking about weird stuff we have vick mcales here this is so funny actually uh we're going to

at some point, like, test our acting chops today. Yeah. We've got some monologues. We've got three actors here. I'm so excited. Yeah. Genuinely, when I heard that this was a monologue episode, I, because I am a little bit of a theater head.

A little bit of a theater. Did you go to acting school? I, I took a lot of acting classes. I never went to acting school, and I actually don't have much theater experience. School of, really? Nickelodeon. No, because, um, our fans have heard this so many times. But I started acting in, like, fifth grade, and I did, like, one community theater play.

And then from there, I started taking an acting class. Which play? Best Christmas pageant ever? Ooh. Yeah, it's a weird one. Whoa. Musical? Straight play.

No, straight play. And then I got into an acting class, and from there, like, very quickly, they're like, you should get an agent. You should go out for commercials. And then it was like, you need to go out for pilot season. Was that out here? This was in Arizona. Oh, okay.

And then very quickly from there. So in a couple, yeah, not Rancho Coma. No, no. I've made it to the big leagues now. Great. You break into Hollywood, but then you've got to break into Rancho Cucamonga. And I know a lot of people in Hollywood that have a house, in L.A., a house, and Rancho Cucamonga. People think Hidden Hills is hard to get into.

Rancho Cucamonga, that's the sealed community right there. This is reminding me of, which is actually like kind of a funny, not like funny ha-ha, more like funny, sad, but kind of funny ha-ha, is in Canada, a lot of people would go to work in the tar sands, which is in Alberta. That sounds like it's from Dune. So they go to the sand. You get sent to the tar sands. Holy shit.

It's like one of the like, I don't know, people are like natural gas, oil. I think there's a difference. I don't know and I don't know which one it is. So I'm not going to speak to the specifics of it at all. Fair. But there's like, it's like a really hard job and you're like on and off, but you make a, it's like, you know, kind of evil. But you make a shit ton of money doing it. And you can make a shit ton of money doing it with like no job experience, no educational experience, anything.

So there was a ton of people that would go out there. But because of how much money everybody was making, in order to, like, share, like, an airstream trailer with somebody, it was, like, double the price of anything that you would pay in L.A. for rent. So that's nuts. So that is what's happening to Rancho Cucamonga right now. That's what happened. It's like when Snapchat moved to Venice.

Oh, my God. Wow. Like, an airstream was, like, double the price. Yeah. Like, it just was, like, absurd. No. I thought. you were going to tie this in with theater and that it's like because there's all these people

working in these cars and they're doing constantly they built a little tiny theater there because everybody's bored out of their mind and that's dune and so they're doing shakespeare okay wait we should write this pilot that's uh the community the the theater organization that's decided to go to this like small town where everybody's got like oil money uh and it's like it's the actors of that town i i actually this is a thought i have sometimes right of just like of like, what if I moved, and I moved away from L.A. And I moved to some random part of nowhere in, like, the mountains. And I was like, I found a mountain town.

I'm just like, well, people need entertainment. What if I started a little tiny, tiny little theater here? I was like, would it be able to do well because... That's like farm to table. Because there's nothing else to do here. That's like literally like... You know, like, I don't know. I always, I'm so curious about...

It would purely rely on your talent. I know. Theoretically, it's like, I'm assuming they don't... I'm the gesture of the village. Yeah, you'd have to do stand-up. I would call the theater the village idiot and hope that, like... One guy? It seems like you really thought this out.

It's like every month it's like, he wrote a new one. We'll see how it goes. You see, he's trying drama. Even in your fantasy, people are done. They're fed up with it. Even when I'm manifesting, it's still like, my brain's like, let's tone it down a bit. Oh my God. I actually, when I think about, like, if I were to move,

because I think that's a thing a lot of actors think like if I could just go somewhere else and not and do like not the hustle and just like do something I always think I would just like move to a mountain or something

but then teach kids and do like direct like beauty and an acting teacher is probably what makes the most sense I'm never thinking about it as a one man band you one time like seven years ago at an after party for something we're like I think every day

about leaving town and going to do Shakespeare something somewhere at like a small theater. A lot of people fantasize about leaving L.A. and doing that. Yeah. You'd be a great, like, I think you would be a great acting teacher for kids. I will never forget Ms. Bhappen was her name. Also, Ms. Lippin, also taught Sam Lerner.

Makes sense. Deep cut. Okay. Love that. That's good. I'm like getting too. I'm like, I forget, I'm forgetting we're doing a podcast and I'm just like talking about our friends. That's fine.

Which is it. Okay. So my. Is Sam somebody that I know? Sam Lerner's a good friend of ours I worked with him for many years on a show and is Olivia's partner Okay fantastic

Oh yes Very tied in This is why I know the name did drop Yes, did drop. Yes, okay fantastic Drop? Drop, your close friend did drop Oh, oh drop

I thought you were making like I thought I was like Is this what people refer to as dropout Like when you're in dropout You're like oh yeah over at drop? Doing the drop Yeah, you know I'm doing drop today You guys dropped out?

It would be so weird Drip drop Is that kind of fun drip drop? Okay so wait So, um, why am I saying this? Um, hop, skip, jump. Oh, yes, Ms. Lappen.

Okay. So, Ms. I think about Ms. Lappen a lot when I'm a little sad and I, like, just wish I could relax more. And Ms. Lle-Libon would, like, direct these productions and just, she would direct from just seated, would never get up. And she go, do this, do this, do this. And it was kind of like she was playing with Barbies and the Barbies were middle schoolers. And she would always have so much El Pollo Loco and we just sit there. And I dream of that. She has so many four locoes.

She had four locoes. Bears everywhere. And then she got a divorce. I will never forget this. And then she changed her name. And then one day she comes in, she goes, I'm not Miss Saffire Love. That's fucking awesome. And we went.

Got it. That's fucking killer. So Miss Sapphire Love. Was that her maiden name? She made that up. Her made up name. A maiden. A made up name.

Yeah. And I think of the freeness of Miss. Sapphire love and just, and she'd go hardcore, she'd be like, we're doing beauty and the beast. Yeah, she'd go, we're doing beauty in the beast, but we're going to be our guest and we're going to do it like three times. Like, she would just make big, big swings. And like, I like, we gotta slow down. We are five steps behind. But like, isn't that crazy? And I think about her all the time. Did she stick with Sapphire Love? I think, yeah, I think she's still teaching. I love taking big swings in youth and community theater. Why, we, I did a production of

hair where they couldn't do nudity because we were children. So what did you guys do? And so first of all, kids to do hair is crazy. I think like, we really understand that being a child actor is insane. Like, these situations you put it to are insane.

The director's name was Heather. And she literally sat us all in a circle one time and went Heather Ruby Passion. I think her name and I'm sorry, bleep this if I'm wrong, was Heather Love. Legitably. No fucking way. Every community theater, teachers, Yeah, should we like sort of bleep these names?

Like, you don't care about? I think it's fine. You can bleep it happen, but not Sapphire Love. I'll give more information so you can Google her. She was in the, she was in a touring production of hair. She played Chrissy. Okay. So that's why she was like, let's do hair.

She sat us all in a circle. Me and my friend Heath talk about this constantly. We sat in a circle and she was like, there's never been a more timely for this production because of the Iraq war happening. Fuck, yeah, dude. That's the most acting teachers. It was 2012.

We're like, and we went, okay. She goes, we can't do the nudity. We can't do the nudity. So what we're going to do is we're cutting some of the songs and we're going to write letters in character and we're going to do a stomp number where we sort of like popcorn the letters that we wrote. So we did a stomp number. Instead of nudity, we're doing letters.

We wrote letters in character and then we did a stomp number. where we sort of like there was no set pattern you just had to popcorn out like part of your letter it's a similar feeling is so funny oh they're doing stomp oh her tits are out i'd say it's more vulnerable oh look at that bush look at that trash can okay there's like a really famous production of rent that kids did somewhere and they replace AIDS with diabetes was that an SNL sketch and we can Cut that. No, but that's a legit thing that happened. That is wild. So, I mean, these kids,

these theater directors are doing whatever they want out there. This theater company that I did here was the same theater company that they were so proud in high school. We were the first youth production granted the full adult rights. Adult rights to rent. What's going on?

I understand like, TYT defunct. There are some plays that I'm like, hey, you know, the material of that really was not designed. for kids. Okay, so this brings us back. Okay, hold on. You ready for this? Yeah. Watch me do this. I know I'm only on episode two, but I got this, Shane. This episode of Smoshmouth is brought to you by Rocket Money. Shane, listen, I'm not good with my money and I need help. My wallet has legs and she's running away. Oh, but it's true. It's true. You're paying for subscriptions that you forgot

about. 100%. All of them. I have so many different subscriptions and I can't keep track. Yeah. You know to help you that. Tell me. Rocket money. Come on now. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. It's been doing that for me for years, man.

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a lot for you. You don't have to stay on top of it all the time. And it can help me save. I need that. Yeah. It's huge. Yeah. Because we're all trying to budget. Yes. A budget's hard. Especially when you just like, want to take an app. Yeah. We're not numbers people. We're creative people. So we need Rocket Money to do that work for us. Rocket Money's five million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash Smoshmouth today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash smoshmouth. RocketMoney.com slash smoshmouth. Back to the show. Back to the show. So that's a thing. A lot of people for sport, I even know Patrick McDonald did this once, where they write plays for schools only.

Yeah. Okay. And then you put them up on these sites and then you can get paid for them. That makes sense. And I think like a lot of plays, that are good for schools are like big casts, like easy subject matters that kids can relate to. But there's a lot of these things that are written for kids, right? Which is what I wanted

to talk about today, which is my favorite thing. I have a bunch of monologue books. And you're at home going, what's a monologue book, right? Okay. What's a monologue? Okay, but you know monologues but like growing up in theater there were like monologues written for kids to perform yes and they are at the time I treated them very intensely of course but like now I have all these books of these insanely funny

monologues that are just like oh the bus gotta wait for it again that somebody somewhere wrote that for 16 year old girls to just like crush and um did I do a good job of bringing us to the topic Hell yeah. Can I give it a try? Can I, oh yeah, let's see.

Okay, say something, say something funny. Community theater is just crazy. That is a perfect segue way, actually, for me, to talk about one time, my favorite things. We're talking about community here, right? Yeah, yeah. What's more of a communal experience than going to the library?

You know, it's at the library? That's so true. Books, I have a bunch of them. No way. This is, and I know this is my first time, I know this is my first time doing this. I'm auditioning for the part of co-anchor. Co-anchor?

And you're doing great. Is this a podcast or a new show? Is this live? Oh, no. I only have six more episodes. Can I see them? Can I show you how to go? All right, so you guys just like, just like, just.

So honesty community theater is how such a wild look with my mom. Can we just fucking get to the monologues? And that's why you're a professional. I didn't know we could cost. I didn't know that was an honor. God. Clicked on. Damn it.

That was so good. I liked that. That was powerful. Thank you. I wonder what that sounds like. for our audio-only listeners. Me slamming the books on the table. So have you owned these since you were a kid?

Yes. Wow. You've really, I'm very impressed. That you have to be careful. Oh my God. That's got journals in there. This has journals? That's got stuff in it.

This has Angela on the spine. Yeah, that's okay, that's the monolog. This is handbound. You made this. Did you make? No, I got it. I think like from Michaels and then it kept falling apart so I added tape.

But that's where I would take monologues from books and then I would write them, handwrite them. them in that. Desire. Yeah. Desire. You could you could never find this type of journal today. Here's what I'm going to say. That's a 2010 journal right there. I will not read anything from this. Can I just do a look really quick? I'm so scared. No, this is an audio medium so I'm not going to say anything and nobody's even going to see my face. Oh yeah, my friend gave me this. Okay, yeah. So I thought at first this

was the Dear Evan Hansen type thing where you wrote a letter that said, what are you discovering? My to-do list, which was a play bill. You are such a nerd This is embarrassing Every aspect of you is theater There is we have nothing else I'm glad you sometimes take a detour to true crime What is this? Is this an Ikea receipt?

These are probably notes from like productions Oh you're totally right Because the note that I'm seeing can I read this one? I love that you brought this You brought this onto a podcast without looking through it Look through it. That is some bold shit. At this point, I can do anything in Rancho Cucamungo.

I'm like, read through my, go through my drawers. I'm just to make, like, you really shoot from the hip. You're just like, yeah, here's my deepest, darkest secrets. I haven't checked them out in 10 years. I think if we can for a second go, okay, ha ha, we're, like, we're jaded, we're sit a call. We've been on Nickelodeon. For ha ha ha.

And we're pulling it back. I think that if we This is really good This is my hot take Is that I think that this is all really good advice And so I'm going to read it And I want to stay They just open to a random page

In my journal and is going to read something That I wrote down probably in an acting class This is advice that was absolutely given to you I'm hoping by Sapphire love So we're going to literally We're going to pull it back and we're going to be serious about this Because I do think that this is good advice If we can find it in ourselves to take it

okay ready if we have the strength okay here we go drink your words in drink your words which I do think is good advice drink your words in hey be serious no I'm processing it I'm processing it let me process let me drink the words in if you don't have an opinion you aren't doing your work theater school is about like kind of building your own you aren't doing your work this is I actually can't believe we're doing that class classical text is a game of volleyball three serve hit spike no no no no not serve hit spike serve hit spike but the ball is gone already it's it's serve it's hit it's spike and then you're spiking it I'm assuming it's like it's what you're serving it the ball's coming

to you, you're hitting it, the ball's coming back to you, and then we're smacking it down. I think is good advice when you're thinking about like a scene and the flow of the scene. The surf hit spike, though, is all on one side of the net, though. It is, that is correct. This is sort of, we're throwing away acting is reacting, and we're sort of going, we're attacking at all times. And I kind of love that. This one, you, you, you have a bunch of words. She's mouting the words.

Hey, Shane, hey Shane. And that means you remember. Shane, if we could take this a little seriously. Sorry, I'm taking the word seriously. I was amazed that I was like, you remember. And I don't think she, I don't think she consciously remembers. You are crying. I think she, I think you're...

I unconsciously did that, and you saw it. I was amazed. I'm laughing because it's amazing. Listen to this. And we'll take a beat in wherever we're ready to get serious. I'll continue reading. I'm sorry. I wasn't even hearing what you were saying

because seeing that was fascinating. So I was like, you probably haven't read this in like 10 years. No, but I just read as I came back is shocking. You have a bunch of words on the page and they're going to wait until you enjoy them. What does that mean? The gayest shit I never brought.

Are you, hold on, am I dyslexic? You, I am dyslexic. No, I am too, and I probably wrote it wrong. You have a bunch of words on the page. Think about it. They're going to, oh, and the words are going to wait until you enjoy them. You have to. They're going to wait until you enjoy them.

So let's dive in, guys. Let's hit the words and let's spike up. What a perfect way to end this. Angela, do you know how old you were when you wrote these things? This is my high school one. Let's see what this is. Let's see what this is. Oh, no.

This is when I had to break down the vowels. This is some deep shit. Long, short, oh. Are we supposed to be doing that? This was like an old- Am I messing up as an actor? Oh, and I got a C. Okay, we're moving on.

Oh, so it's not good. So we shouldn't listen to the- We're moving on. Oh, and then here's sonnets. Put the book away. So Vic, tell us about Dropout. You're the Yoda of acting. So what's it like on Dropout?

So let's talk about, you know, anything else. Angela, I can't stress hard enough that you voluntarily texted me yesterday and said, I got some great monologue books I'm bringing in. You went through your stuff. I didn't go through this one. This one that has a lot of... What the fuck is this?

Like as the waves make toward the pebble shore, so do our minutes hoist into their end. Like as the waves made This is some crazy shit Can I say I'm laughing just because this is like Angela I was not prepared for you to bring Something so like So personal And you both have tears in your eyes

Because it's just like It's so real that's I was not ready for that You know when you're laughing so hard that it kind of feels like Something is exercising I'm like okay I got my workout out of I got my workout I'm laughing chest first I'm like you know what I mean

This is so fun Angela I'm laughing at your reality reaction to this. And I'm having a fucking box. If I picked that up, if I picked that up and I just was reading it myself. Yeah, you're not going to pick it up. I would think like, oh, these are really wise words from, like, honestly, from a teenager, like, oh, if I was a teen reading that, I'd be like, I got a, like, I did a lot of martial arts growing up and there was. That's fucking sick. I didn't know that about you and I fucking buy that. So do you not know that I did martial arts growing up. How much? This rocks because I feel like I won't shut up about it. What discipline? A taekwondo. Did you do martial arts? a tiny bit when I was a little kid. What kind? I think it was Taekwondo. Okay, great. You want to fight?

No, I was never good. It took me so long. You guys talk about fighting. I'll talk about fighting with the pen. It took me so long to get my green belt. I remember because it's white belt, orange belt, green belt. So different gyms have different ways of doing it.

But that is about right. And I remember it took me so friggin' long to get my green belt. And when I got it, I was like, I didn't earn this. And but are they all the final destination is the lack belt? Yeah. Pretty much. And then you get like stripes on the black belt. So there's also different form systems because there's like fighting and then there's forms.

They're sort of like and then weapons too. But that not all gyms do gyms like Taekwondojo specifically will do like some form of fighting, some form of forms as like a part of your belt curriculum. How long did you do this for? I did it for like 12 years. That's sick, dudes. Yeah. So you could beat the shit out of people.

In like a very specific setting. Yeah. They'd have to come at you in a very specific one. Oh, great, they're coming at me in a specific way. As long as you come at me like this. I was showing people self-defense the other day, because I taught self-defense for a long time. No. You taught self-defense?

Angela, we've been friends for 10 years. No, I didn't know this. Kimia Bipornia, who's a friend of both of us, I tested her for her black belt. Yeah. Wait, keep going. Just keep going. So sort of if I could, segue, if I may.

Yeah. This is so, this is. All of this was to say that we had like this saying like where it was like if you're not training, somebody else is training and when then when you go to fight them, they're going to win, essentially. And so right now, if you're enjoying this movie that you're watching with your friends. It literally is. Like somebody else is training.

Yeah. That's, you're just a kid trying to relax. It's so funny. So the point being that if I had picked that up as a teenager, I would have been. been like, yeah, you're doing the work. You're training and I'm behind. I would have been like you're going to get it. You're getting the part and you deserve the part. And next time I'm, I'm going to have four journals next time I come to an audition like that. That would have been my mentality. Thank you. God. Come on. This is so fun. Thank you for having me. When did you stop doing

Taekwondo though? I kind of. When did you leave the dojo? I joined a gym when I moved out to California and I went from fighting very competitively to quitting for a little bit. I broke my nose a couple of times. And then when I wanted to do acting stuff, I had to fully get it reset because it was like S shaped. And I was like, oh, I can't fight anymore because I literally can't do that again. And I, yeah, I like, I sort of was like, I want to get back into it. I miss like being a part of like, because it's like such a community. Sure. And I jumped in and I, they like put me in like a more competitive higher level class.

Yeah. And I just spent weeks getting my ass kick by 14 year old boys. I like, I can't even express how embarrassing it was on a daily basis. But like self-defense, then you taught self-defense. Where'd you teach self-defense again? I did that in like middle and high school. Like my gym had like a thing that. Just behind the gym after school.

It's like, meet up with me. Yeah, I did do that for a while. That was like, I was not a popular kid. And so that was like my way of trying to make friends. As I was like, why don't we, I'll do a recess like Taekwondo Gym and I had one friend that joined for a little bit. That was sort of my thing. Someone comes at you, what are you doing?

Someone comes at you today. What are you doing? Kind of depends. In what way? I'm pulling up my gun. I guess I'm like, can you give you a little bit of self-defense? I'm pulling you off my gun. I'm tasing them.

I'll give one tiny little piece and then I'll segue. So it's, and then I'll segue. I'm going to segue way so well. Okay, let's see this. So this is the strongest part of your hand. This? So a lot of people are like, somebody's coming at me. I'm going to throw a punch and you can, but my, but have you ever punched somebody?

Like earnestly. Yeah, my brother. Okay. Earnestly? Yeah, like we, it was lame. Like in the face? Like he punched me, I punched him back. Okay.

But in the stomach. Okay. So I would say like when you're going to punch, it hurts a lot more than you think. Okay. Like, oftentimes, like, body, face, like, all of that is much stronger than your hand. Like, it is going to hurt and you're not going to expect it to hurt. And this is the strongest part. There's, like, it's, so all you want to do is if, especially if somebody's chasing you or somebody's coming

around, use your body weight and you're just going to swing your hand around and you want this part of your hand, this, like, this fleshy part of your hand. You just want to make it as tight as you can. Your hand isn't going to hurt as badly and it's going to pack a lot more of a punch because you get a lot more body weight behind it. It's your pinky, so it's... Yeah, for the audio listener, it's the end. It's kind of the last knuckle, the side of the last knuckle of your pinky.

Yes, think about, like, in Psycho, the stabbing motion of a knife, like, that is what you want to be doing. So a hammer fist is actually... Hammer fist, yes. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, man. That's pretty exciting. I remember that.

With Vic coming on, we're not talking about comedy, we're talking about the strength of a punch. I also think about that part in blood sport when the trucker guy, he does his final move by Hammer Fist. a dude and it's just like hell yeah yeah well that's it's like because it's like the granny shot it's not as flashy as a punch but boy oh boy is it gonna pack more of a hit hit spike spike serve serve okay let's do this there's the there's that segue we were waiting for i'm obsessed okay so the original creative was to talk bring in monologues for each other to

read. Prepare. Yeah. Were we reading for me? I prepared a monologue myself. You did? I can't wait. Okay. And Angela, you said you wrote a couple. I don't want to go first. I wrote a couple because I, okay, so yes, because wrote a couple meaning I wanted to write these bad 16 year old mom. Like I do think, um, we could all kind of write these. You know what I mean? Like if we wanted to write, like if Smosh wanted to write a monologue book, we could. That's pretty funny. And that's why I was like, let's just start writing these for kids in high schools. Wait, can I help? Yeah. Like, literally. Literally, like, what if we, or if we just a bunch of comedians did it and we just started. Actually really funny.

I think that legitimately would be so fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we could sell a lot of copies. Yeah. Did you do a lot of, like, theater? Yeah.

Yeah. Did you do a lot of those off brand plays? No, I don't know. No. Okay. Yeah. Never mind. Sorry.

No, that's okay. Don't mean to spike the ball. No. And I hit it. So, you didn't really drink the words in there. Yeah. I kind of just went, no. Think about it.

Write it down. And your words will wait for you. What was it? The words are there. The words are there. Waiting for you to enjoy them. Guys, we moved on. If you don't have an opinion, don't.

You're not doing the work. If you don't have opinion, you're not doing the work, I think is, what if I got a tattoo? If you don't, if you're not doing an opinion. Can we get matching if you don't have an opinion? How about this? I'll get if you don't have an opinion. Then you don't have an opinion. What is it?

If you don't have an opinion and then you'll get, then you're not doing the work. And then we could put them next to each other. Oh, that would be actually really wonderful. Okay, so you were at a mock. Yeah. Can we hear it? You're going last? I want to go last.

I want to go last because I'm feeling shy. Okay. Okay. And I will say I looked through and I found some websites for monologues. I did find monologues for men, which title makes me laugh. They're actually not as entertaining because for adults. Is it like when they do the Bible for men where they're like, these are all the broverses? I've joked before that I think anything followed by for men is just hilarious.

Oh, yeah. And you see so much of it. I think I saw a, it was like hair salon for men and it was called like fucking nail. and grit or something like that. I was like when they had that pen that they released and they were like pen for girls and it was pink. It's like dude wipes.

Well, wasn't just pink. It also fit for tiny hands. Easier to grip. Just. Okay. So if we're, yeah, I did look up some also monologues too. Okay.

Okay. Oh, so we're not off book. Oh, no, I was going to cold read. I was going to cold read as well. For sure. Me too. Do you have it fully, are you fully off book?

Mm-hmm. You can't trust it. Why are you harping on us, and then you're not. You really can't trust. I actually can't believe I thought for a second. I'm half on, half off. Great. I'll start off in a little year on.

I did not do many monologues. No, same. I think it was a way to work alone, and it was a way to, like, audition for, like, the school plays. They would be like, here, do a monologue. Yeah. And, like. It's very much a thing for kids, I think.

I also found some monologues from, like, well-known movies that I think could be fun to read. Ooh, yeah. Okay. Okay, so I'm going to look for other ones. But, okay, so let's hear yours. Okay, I found this one. This is for 9 to 12-year-olds, and the genre is comedy.

Great. But I'm going to read it a little more dramatically. Well, I think that is the thing, right? Is that, like, the difference between comedy and drama is that, like, in drama, actors are, like, I'm saying this funny thing with the idea of being funny. And in comedy, it's like, the characters don't know that they're being funny. So, right. Whoa, that got real and good. I never thought about the flip with drama.

Because I think often it's characters that are sort of like, I'm going to tell you this joke with the idea of making other characters laugh or I'm, like, doing something with... And I mean, not always. I feel like with that piece of advice, every time any one of us gives actual good acting advice, we should get one thing about El Pollo Loco. Yes. We get one little. We get one chicken drumstick.

One little Miss Sapphire love El Pollo. I'll stop saying her name. Okay. Okay, here we go. All right. So this is Dinosaurs in Eden. I'm nine to 12 years old. Okay, you're auditioning for the school play.

And my name is Terry. Wait, can we do it like wear the panel for you? Yeah, come on in. Hey, how's it going? Hey, so Shane, Toppe, you're auditioning for the play. school play can i say something don't be so nervous shake it off we're here to we're here to watch you succeed for sure and we're going to be spending a lot of time together if you get this part okay exactly the i'm nine years old and i have the ability to just shake off my anxiety perfect and hold

on to that thank you okay all right any any whenever i'm ready whenever you're ready are you parents still together they're hanging on okay great so there will be somebody at all times drive you to rehearsal is what I'm asking. Yeah. Okay, fantastic. Go ahead. It's kind of their job to ask that. Okay. Excuse me, sir. I have a question. Where are all the dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden? In science class this week, we learned all about fossils, and Mr. Williams was saying that some of them are millions of years old. I just can't quite make sense of the timeline, because if the Bible is right, then there should be velociraptors in the Garden of Eden. And I think if that's the case, the apple would be at least the least of their problems. Surely you'd want to build some kind

of home defense system with electric fences and guardrails. Speaking of which if God really didn't want them to eat the apple, then why put the tree there? That sounds pretty mean. It's like putting a T-Rex in a cage and wondering why it chews its own foot off. Detention?

I thought we were supposed to turn the other cheek. That's a comedy! That's the last line! Them's the brakes, man. Hey, serve hit Spike. Serve hit Spoke. Thanks.

Wait, I kind of want to, that feels like Young Sheldon. It does feel like Young Sheldon. That's so funny, and maybe it's because I went to Christian school for a little bit. That read like a hard drama. Yeah. That read intense. That read like a teacher wrote that with something to prove. That's a model from God's Not Dead, right?

Some parents are going through that monologue book and seeing that one going, you're not reading that shit. What do you mean? I was always shocked by the amount of religious parents amongst actor children. Of course. And Utah Musical Theater is such a huge thing. It's always shocking to me. There's six productions every minute.

There's a production of Susicol that's getting put up. Every minute in Parkslop, Utah. During this podcast, 10 productions of Susical will be put up. Yeah. So donate below. Okay. I got one. That was a really good one.

That was a really good one. And honestly, yeah. It's also like concise. I liked also, like, you were doing a lot of discoveries. Yeah, you're getting flounder. We're doing Little Mermaid Jr. And you got flounder. And I got flounder.

Hell yes. I did it. I nailed it. Thank you. I love that. I feel like 90% of monologues are a kid talking to a teacher. Literally. Yeah.

And that brings me to this. Okay. Do you want to do that? Okay. Angela, come on in. Hi, guys. Okay, here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Step out of the room and come.

back in and I want you to come back in a little more confident. Okay, because this room is your room. You're right, you're right. Oh, should I wait for him to be office? No, whenever you're ready. No, he's good. Okay. You're going to be reading with me. Okay, great. It's a monologue, so I'll walk in and come back. Okay. So many questions. Hi. Hello? I'm Angela. I will be doing a monologue. Brilliant. Is he supposed to be on his phone? Yep, he's good on his phone. Don't worry about him. Yeah, I want, um, can you do homestate? Yeah. I know you want to order from tender greens, but if you can go ahead and order me home state.

I can do home state. What is your attitude? I'll do home state. Okay. Are you okay? Yeah. I'm serious. Are you okay?

No, I'm doing fine. Sorry, I got held up in traffic this morning. I'm just like. I could have driven you? I literally said, you're on my way. I can pick you up. I had so much time. Okay.

Okay. Amanda, go ahead. It's Angela. Great. Should I come back in? Yeah, why don't you go ahead? Yeah, I'll just go back in. Hi, Amanda.

We filled the role. The girl before you was in here for 20 minutes. She came out and you guys were like, love you babe. And all of a sudden you're a bitch and you're like, there's traffic. Okay, this is overrated. Vacation, camping, don't get me wrong. I'm glad not to be in school, but sleeping outside, this ground is always lumpy. It's so lumpy.

And eating outside is so annoying. I swear I've eaten 100 bugs, maybe even a thousand bugs. Can you shut the fuck up, Vic? Thank you. I'm just like at the point that you're eating off. hundred bugs, but it doesn't matter if it's a hundred or a couple of bugs. She's not even reading a bottle log. She's just looking at a website of bugs. This is the one you wrote, right? There's so many bugs here. I mean, this is a model for middle schoolers. I can't even

100 bucks. Remember yesterday there was a bee in my soda can and I went in and it went in my mouth and I spit it out and it was still alive and it flew away. Even birds build nests. They don't want to sleep on the ground either. Plus, it's cold. Why can't we just have one of those Disney World vacations? You know, go on rides? Stay in a hotel. A hotel.

See some dolphins jump around or something? I'm fucking this. Yeah, dolphins and hotels with cable TV. That's life. But that's just another idea for next year, Dad. The whole time talking to Dad. Would you know? you can tell that book

or that that monologue was written like 15 years ago because there's no more bugs anymore what are you talking about there's no more bugs that's true gone have you noticed bugs are gone what are you talking about no more bugs honest to God have you gone on a road trip in a minute I saw a bug this morning

what are you talking about bug populations are hugely in decline yeah actually no it's not to get dark here but bugs are going bugs are fully going yeah actually yes no we're in trouble it's tough that like our children's children will be like what's a bug what's a bug yeah and you'd be like it was a little character i played on sorda

wait we have to talk about this we have to talk about this really what do we have to talk about my first ever d&D campaign was with vick oh yeah that's true and it was during the pandemic i never played i don't think either of us had ever played dd before and it was very obvious because we only wanted to do scenes. Yeah. And we didn't want to fight. We would... Did you both play bards?

No. That feels like you could have set yourself up for that. I was the biggest character. You were the smallest character and that was the only attributes that we had. I was big and rich. You were tiny and poor. I was tiny and poor and you were big and rich. And then I took some of that and I think I put it into bug.

But this character was... Our whole thing turned to it because again, as Angel said, we only wanted to do scenes. we would literally like inch up to combat and then we would sort of be like and we run away and we run away and and I find a phone and I put it in a Big one always try to find a phone

Angel's character's name was Spooner and I'd be like I put Spooner on my back and I run and we run so fast because I'm so big oh my God that was so funny and we turned into cheerleaders at the end that was our whole thing yes we turned to the cheerleers

and Izzy and Ruhat they would fight and we'd be like all right well um I do an Eldress blast Eldridge Blast and we find a phone. Yeah, and we find a phone. I toss, I toss Spooner, Angela's character with Spinner,

toss Spooner so high into the air that Spinner is not involved in the combat at all. I think you would toss me at. Yeah, you were a cheerleader, so you would toss me up. We're like cheerleaders, but our whole thing that we turned into was we just thought it was really fun.

If I would, we do roles to see how cool. How you could throw home. How high I could throw Angela, and how cool Angela's trick would be. And then one day I, like, pooped in the air or something. And then they ended And we were like

We got him! And it was maybe the worst D&D I've ever played because I was so bad. I was so bad. I still am bad. I just like we didn't I had spells, I didn't use a single one I didn't, they scared me.

I didn't know how to do it. You were like a Vanderbilt or something, right? Yeah. You were like. But it's spelled a little funky. Okay. Oh my God. What's your monologue?

Your term. Yeah. Pass. I want to hear more of these. You want to hear more of these? Can I say? I will do mine. I promise I'm feeling so shy.

Can I say? I was like reading through these monologues and I came across one and I was just like, oh, this one's a drama one for 10 year olds. And it's like, it's like time to go, Rufus. And I start reading it. I'm like, oh my God, it's this kid taking his dog to the vet to put down. I was just like, I read like two sentences. I was there with Selena and I started tearing up after two sentences.

I was like, can't read that one. Can't read that one. I was like 10 year old me would have been destroyed. That's why you got that in a love your shop. You know what? That's why you were a professional. That's how I got I Carly. No, actually, I, it was so funny.

When I started acting, for some reason, I think this is probably still the case. It was like, you got to be able to cry on command. And that was like all your, that's all you're focused on that you, like, kind of don't act well. You're like not focused on actually learning how to act because you're just trying to cry. Would someone try to teach you how to do it? You just were like, no, nobody can teach you how to do it. So they're just like, I mean, sort of. They just be like, yeah, think about things that make you really fucking sad.

No, you look at the light. You look at the light? Yeah, this is what, okay, so in Toronto, they're teaching very different stuff. They literally were like, you've got to try and get there emotionally. If you can't, here's what you do. You, like, there's always these big lights everywhere. And if you just stare into the light for a little bit before your take. Yeah, my vision's really bad now.

Yeah, but you'll just like start and open your eyes wide. For the audio listener, we're opening our eyes. We're opening our eyes wide and trying to cry this way. This one is kind of a softer light, so it's harder to do. but you get one of these, like, bright ones over here. This cannot be good for you. Wait, hold what, I think I got it, ready? It cannot be good.

I think I'm about to hit something. Ready? Okay. Rufus? I gotta be honest, I can't really see your eyes because I was staring at lights and there's just two. Mix cooking, mix cooking, I think. There are two, where your eyes are two beans of light.

I'm laughing and they're going back in. I'm laughing in there, go back in. That's the problem is you really just got to sort of like zone out for a second and you gotta completely just like meditative state, clear your mind, stare into a light for a couple of seconds, and then you would come back out and you get that perfect dewy look. See, that perfect dewy look.

I remember I had, I got a call back and it was like, oh, you're on the top. I'm just seeing spots. Yeah, no, we, none of us can see now. Just so you know, I got too, like, I got a light burned into my vision. Just drop out secret takeover plan of internet

comedies. I'm like, yeah, why don't you should just stare into the light for a little bit? I'm blinded in comedy legends left right and center. I started that one for a little bit less time than you did And now when I close my eyes It's like that scene in Iron Giant where it's in the dark It's like I feel fine

Wait tell me about this callback he had as a kid It was for a Charlize Theron movie It was like the first like I was still in Arizona No it was for North Country Ooh Yeah Serious part

Very serious dramatic role And I think the audition was not even like Reading anything It was just kind of like hey like I'm 12 And so the callback it was like once again I'm supposed to just like be talking like there was no material but my my coaches at the time were like you have to cry and so I was like okay like and so my

cat had just passed away like recently and I basically how old are you I'm like 12 or 13 so it was just like hey we're gonna film you and just like start crying about the cat that you just lost and I look back and I'm like yeah we should have just I should have just done anything else we're so focused on crying that is so to, but that was like kind of like those first couple of years of just like, yeah, you got to cry. And I'm like, I don't think that's the case. You're a kid. Okay, hot take

that we might have to cut. I don't know. Kid actors. I don't think we should ever have them anymore. I think they should be animated. Hot take, I think all kid actors should be animated. I 1,000% agree with you. I actually, yeah. I understand what you're coming from there. Is that I think the damage that is done overall like are there exceptions where there's child actors were like I had a great time and it was

awesome like absolutely but it's at large it's it's horrible it's crazy it's just still fine I feel like even our friends because we have a we have a mutual friend who like was a child actor and I think was like I had a net really good experience but it's sort of like you where it's like I recognize that I was the exception to the role yeah yeah uh you know what it makes me think of is uh there's that movie RRR the like ballroom film that's fucking awesome and uh throughout it there's a lot of CGI animals and sometimes it looks really silly but at the start of the movie they're like no animals were used in this film like they took pride they took pride and being like we don't use animals like we're not putting animals on sets and forcing them to do stuff yeah i was like you know

i can't really harp on like a bad looking cgai animal when it's it is better to not use them and it's kind of the same with like kids where it's like yeah like just like a little cgi kid that's like mama is charlie's their own i'll buy it'sie mcoy Fire, 2D animated kid. And then we go, at least that kid's in school. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what was the one you were going to read?

Okay, let me find, let me find one now. Oh, I thought it was going to be that one, my bad. I'm not going to read that. That one was, I will cry. For that one? I would actually cry because I started reading it. And then I also started reading another one, which was for 11 to 13 year olds, and it's a kid asking out his crush.

And I started reading it, and I was like, oh, I can't read this. This sounds horrible. You don't want that clipping in a weird way. It literally starts off with being like, how are you enjoying grade five? And I was like, yeah, I can't read that. Yeah. That's taking on a very different tone from what it's going for.

Can I challenge you to something? Yeah. Can you try and cry in whatever monologue you pick? Okay. Oh, that's good. I'll try to do that too. I want to find a comedy. Okay.

All right. Okay. This is age range, seven to ten years old. I'm playing Lewis. Okay. Lewis is a picky eater. He only eats hot dogs. He's over at his friend Jack's house

and Jack's mom, Mrs. Jones, doesn't have any hot dogs. I love that they have that because you don't have the play, so you need the synopsis of what's at the moment before. This is synopsis. Okay, I'm going to try.

I'm cold reading. This is bringing me back to try to, I just talked about, like, trying to cry. Yeah, it's going to say you're safe. Okay. Okay, hold on, let me. And if this is funny, it's going to be funny. Let me think about my cat that passed away.

Oh, no. Fluffy. Was that its name? Fluffy. Fluffy. It sounds fake. My brothers got to name that cat and they named him Fluffy

and that's why then after that my parents named every pet we ever owned and I was not allowed to name any of them. Yeah, because it's like so basic. Like be creative. Yeah. I'm really sorry that that happened and that the cat had to live with a bad name.

It's not a bad name. It's sort of odd name. It's like when you got a top 10 name. Fluffy. Okay. Fluffy was also, can I say, a giant cat. Okay. Yeah.

He was a Maine Coon, so those are big. And then he was also very overweight. Oh, I love a big cat. He one time jumped over our wall into the neighbor's yard who had German shepherds. And the German shepherds were cowering in fear. Whoa. And he was, he was, this, this was from the 90s and stuff. He was declawed, which never would do.

A horrible thing to do to a cat. But he would punch dogs so hard. With this part of his fist? Like, Julie, like, Like, we got cats punching a dog? We got dogs eventually, and, like, they knew, they were like, do not mess with fucking. Punch? Like, because he didn't have, he didn't have claws.

So he would just, like, fucking, bam. And it would be, like, so hard, the dog would be like, oh, fuck. It was crazy. Fuck, man. Jesus. I love that. It was awesome. Okay, let's hear it.

I'm going to try to cry here. I'm not, I'm not going to be able to cry. I'm going to be able to cry, so. That's fair. That's, hey, good for you. Thanks Me in the lobby Are you crying for the reason?

I heard Vic Like wants to see crying Hey guys Sorry we're going to be seeing you in a second If we just keep it down in here So we can respect the other auditioners Okay So sorry

Close door Thank you 200 South Librea Is Richard Gugugumaga Okay Okay Okay Shane we are ready to see you

Come on again Hi Hi All right I'll just get into it Okay. Great. I'm Shane.

I'm 13 years old. Okay. I'm reading for Lewis. Are you willing to cut your hair? Yeah. Okay. I start crying. But.

Yeah. Okay. No, I'm sorry. Mrs. Jones, I don't eat that. I only eat hot dogs. You don't have hot dogs? Oh. Maybe I should go home then

Because that's all I eat Hot dogs for breakfast For lunch, dinner Sometimes I eat two or three Instead of just one My mom says I'll grow out of it someday I doubt it I love hot dogs

My little sister She's worse She only eats chicken soup She sticks her pigtails in the soup And sucks out of the soup It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Well, tell Jack I'll see them later.

I've got to go home and I have a few hot dogs. I think it's a three hot dog day to date. See you later, Mrs. Jones. Oh my God. I didn't get, I didn't, but I didn't get the streak. You didn't get the streak. Honestly, here's my next piece of El Pollo loco. Literally.

watching somebody try not to cry. It's a stronger choice than watching somebody cry. That is how I actually learned when I was like, when I got good at it for a little bit, was that was how I had to do it. Like how drunk people are never acting drunk, they're trying to act not drunk. Because I started to notice that I'm like,

I'm someone who cries when I watch movies all the time, but it's because I'm trying not to. Yeah, and that's why you're trying. And those parts in movies where I'm like, I'm like, it's so funny because I'm like, I've been acting my whole life, but like, I'll see a movie and I'll be there, with like Courtney and then I'll like not in front of my wife and I'm just really just be like I'm like

you've seen me cry like all this stuff and I'm like I'm an actor that's what I'm trying to do all the time but then I'll be crying and I'll just be like yeah that is my when like I'm trying not to it's like that's actually so I've actually seen this happen when we did that meet and greet and this guy comes up to us and he was like um you guys have given me and my daughter father daughter time and Shane just goes, hey man, you got to stop. And he goes, we didn't have a lot to connect on. And he keeps going. And Shane's in the back and he's going, hey, so dude.

Because it's me, Spencer and Angel on the corner. And I'm just whispering. I'm just like, you got to stop, man. He goes, before we take the picture, I just want you guys to know. And he's like, literally, and he's going, you got to really stop, man. He was so earnest. He was just like, yeah, like, you know, like, it's such a great opportunity for me and my daughter to hang out and watch your videos. It's so fun for us to spend this time together

and he was so just like earnest But I was like, dude, you can't do this right now, man And that's, yeah, exactly, okay, can I read that? You want to read the hot dog one? What I love about that take is... Oh, you want to go and book it? I'm in the waiting room too, so if when we're doing the same one, what I earnestly liked about that take was I was like,

there's something going on at home. Yeah. You know what I mean? The fact this kid is only eating hot dog I added some intense context. He's like on the verge of tears. He's talking about how his sister also only eats one food. Yeah.

I'm just like there's something. Oh, there's horrendous subtext there. Yes, going on. Yeah, Mom is calling someone after this. I think I just want to read it again, not because I want to be better. I don't want to do that. Okay. Angela, you can come on in.

I just like the second part about the pigtails. The pigtails caught enough. You also, I read that cold. You got to hear it. Okay. Okay. You're right. No, do it.

Yeah, we do want to see Angela's. read here today. Okay, Angela, if you can go ahead and give name an agency. Yes. Angela, smosh. Okay, wonderful. Thank you so much. Are you going to cut your hair? Wait, do you want to give me a home life? Give me like a random specific of a home life and then see if I can do it without, like in the subject. You live in a home where the dad owns two snakes. Okay. here we go oh no no no i'm sorry miss jones um i i don't eat that um i only eat hot dogs you don't have any hot dogs okay well i should go home then for breakfast, lunch, dinner.

Sometimes I eat two instead of three or just one. My mom says I'll grow out of it someday. I doubt it. I love hot dogs. But my little sister's worse. She only eats chicken soup. She sticks her pigtails in the soup. And she sucks the soup out of her hair.

It's disgusting. Well, tell Jack, I'll see them later. I've got to go home. I have a few hot dogs. I've got to go home. It's a three hot dog day. See you later, Mrs. Jones. I fucked it.

A horror movie. No, that was a horror movie. That's like the kid that, you know, like gets some sort of a premonition and it just like gets really intense for a second and then snaps out of it. And then you sort of know something bad is going to happen to that character.

Did you see the snakes? Yeah. I saw the snakes a little bit. I saw the snakes a little bit. That's also a part that kills me in any movie or show where like, because you were playing like the silly character. Yeah.

Like, that's a silly character, but they have the moment where they break. Yeah. And that always kills me. That always kills me, you know? They get really intense for a second. Well, it's just like, oh, like, beneath the veneer of their comedy. Like, they're the comedic relief of the show, but then they have the moment where they're no longer... And they're not funny anymore because their sister sucks their hair.

Yeah. Sucks soup through their hair. Yeah, I got to figure out what's going on there. Hair spoon. Hair is a spoon. Can be. Yeah, should be. I'm trying to decide.

Maybe it should be. I'm trying to decide what a, let me see, hold on, give me a second. I'm really loving running these audition sessions. I think it's like kind of, so you're like, Colorado, run a theater, Colorado, I'm assuming Colorado. Sure, yeah. And the director. And I'm kind of like Colorado, but I'm running, um, the one casting office for all the local commercials.

Slash dojo. Slash do joe. I'll do self-defense when we're not using it for casting. You could do, like, yeah, you could also be training stunt people who are also actors. Fun. I bet there's got to be some hearty stunt people coming out of Colorado. Oh, yeah. They're doing that for fun. Yeah. Okay, I have one here. Jacked, completely vegan.

Yeah, truly. No, they're shredded in Colorado. No shoes ever. Or they're wearing the shoes that have the multiple toes. I wrote one for college auditions. Did you throw up in your mouth a little bit there? So that's going to be your intention for this next one is you're wearing shoes that isolate each one of your toes. For the hot dog, mom? For this one.

Oh, my God. Sorry, I'm scrolling. And this next one, I'm just going to read the age range genre. Do it. It says age range, 10 to 12 years old. This is a monologue for 10 to 12 year olds. It's titled Carl. It says genre, drama, content warning, discussion of domestic violence.

And I'm like, for 10? For 10? 10 to 12? I'm like, you don't have to do that. Like, there's that guy in Burbank writing these monologues and he's like this. Oh my God. This kid's going to read this. Whoa.

I remember I auditioned for an off-brand Stuart Little when I was like maybe 16. Stop everything. It said content warning domestic violence. Well, it's like, it was for a local theater. It was like 35 seats. And I remember, it was a kid's production

and I just remember like the director being like, are you going to be afraid to go there? And me being like, go where? Go where? See the mouse? Yeah. So that was like, that was a big thing being like, we just want to make sure our actors aren't afraid

to really like push it and go there. And we're like, It literally was Stuart Little, but like the public domain version, and they wrote a story around whatever, like, they could use in public domain. Wait, should I do mine? Yeah, do yours, do yours. All right. Okay. Do yours.

Okay. So this is a monologue. You're off book. You're literally off book. I'm like a little bit off book. I have my sides of my pocket. This was like one that was like super important to me in college especially. And it was called it's a trap.

And it's like essentially like about how like media was changing. And so, like, things went from, like, physical media to more, like, things living online and about how things live online forever. And there's, like, not really a way to escape that, which felt kind of, like, apropos. Right. Okay, are you ready? That's really deep. Thank you. I'm a, so I'm playing a reporter, and I am getting fired from my job, and this is, like, my chance to save it, okay?

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Whoa, this is, this is. Oh, my God. take your time no rush you if you just give me a second sort of yeah yeah yeah what you can't fire me i've been working here for 10 years you can't fire me okay well hey just let me read the piece that I'm working on okay this job is everything to me just let me let me let me let me read it and if you hate it then okay then I'll go and I won't give you a hard time about it all right just please listen okay okay okay this is a review

that I'm working on right now. I should say it's 2016. This is a review that I'm working on right now. And again, if this is not your cup of tea, if it's not something that speaks to you, then fire me on the spot. The 24th Street Theater is a place you can come if your parents are fighting or you need to do your homework. If you need a job, youth is the prime focus here. Caleb Foote and Angela Giratana are young adults, but they embody all the dismissive contempt of adolescent siblings. Devine who developed the show with writer Brian Davidson. What? Tends to cast angular girls with a lot of naive sexuality.

What? Giratana sings scowls and places her feet like a weary, feral cat. Her Gretel takes to the woods and to Sarah Zinger's blind mountain woman with more altacity than Foots Hansel who remains sullen and stubborn with good reason as it turns out. And they all learn and lean on one another

and appreciate each other for the differences and their essential commonalities. Skip that part, skip that part. Oh my God. The writing isn't, the writing just isn't strong. David. Davidson's characters are not well developed, and his world is not as specific as the one of Mike Kenny's dialogue to inspire from Divine. And it must be said that Hanselin Gretel Bluegrass, the name of the show, is remarkably stiff as a title. Regardless, the show is fine.

It is a better show than you can see most places, better than one I saw recently, on a much bigger budget and a theater company ten times larger, better than one I saw later that day at a smaller theater. in a world where I heard this morning that thousands of unaccompanied Syrian refugees were awaiting deportation from France. I need to know that people like Debbie Devine and J. Mac Adams are leaving a trail of breadcrumbs at their door. That's a review.

They tied it into the darkest current events of the time. Of 2016. Oh, you can hold on this. Honestly, I should have fucking known. I should have fucking known. Be like, oh, Vic, come on in. Come on in, Vic. And you're gonna find some shit about me,

and you're gonna read it on camera. I don't know what you're talking about. That's a monologue I worked really hard on, so. Okay, so there's so much to unpack here. Did you research and find that, or have you had that in your pocket since 2016? Me? No, it's funny. If you just Google, Andrew and Giratana.

Me? Me? Who? Me? Me? As if you didn't just do that. Okay, weird. It's, you know, it just is, oh, that's so weird.

They're the funniest person alive. Are you talking about Victor, or you're talking about Angela? That's so crazy. But no, if you Google Angela Giartana, theater reviews 2015, that'll come up. It's a fun fact. What did they say about my feet? I love what you were like, oh, we're going to do monologues. Let me Google.

Let me Google. something Angela did. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I don't even remember this ever happened. Of course I remember the show. Oh my God, the pictures. I'll send you guys the pictures. There's a bunch of pictures. Who developed?

It's the feet part. Gerritana sings scowls and places her feet like a wary, feral cat. This I do think was my favorite line was that Davidson tends to cast angular girls with a lot of naive sexuality. What?

And then sent me cold. Semicolon. Semicel. You got a really nice feature in this article. This reporter did love your performance. This was a production. I will say this production was pretty wild. This was a production of Hansel and Gretel that was a three-personer and it was mostly me and this boy.

Wow, the foreshadow. I talked about leaving a trail of candy to this studio and then Hansel and Gretel. You should have known it was coming. Come on, there we go. The words are there waiting for you to enjoy them. When I was like, I was truly. I was truly, it's been a bit since you hang on every word coming out of someone's mouth. And you're like, what's that?

What, what? Like literally every word. I was like, wait, no. The 24th Street Theater. It was a really great theater. But I had to be barefoot and sing the whole time. Oh, no. I had to sing hymns and be barefoot the entire time.

Honestly, a bluegrass version is something like that. We did a bluegrass version of like a smaller, like, show that we were doing around, like, comedy theaters here. And like, bluegrass anything, I think, is a really good choice. Like bluegrass, like, bluegrass, grease. Are you talking like bluegrass, like the music? Yeah, and make the music that. Like bluegrass. Because you did all the arranging for that.

Yeah, we did, a mommy of a different, and we did, we made it all bluegrass music. Wow. It's a good genre. It's a good genre. Did you take part? Were you just a performer in that show? No, I worked with this band, a couplet that I loved, and they do a bunch of bluegrass stuff. And I was like, can we cover all of Abbas,

and make them bluegrassy. That's pretty cool. Yeah, but I really don't know the genre that well, but I just love it. That's awesome. But yeah, so did that play, no biggie. No big deal. Way to go.

Did that play. I did a lot of performances. I think it was like 80 performances. 80 performances? Yeah, that shit was open for a long time. Whoa. Was this right out of college? Yeah.

And this was like one of those shows that's meant for like field trips. Amazing. So we would do it like all weekend and then during the week or every Saturday. morning they'd bring in like a new trip of some kids and then we would do it and then we'd like a children's theater yeah yeah cool incredible wow yeah oh my god guys we've been to hell and back look at us i i cried so much today this was yeah tears of joy tears of sadness tears

of hot dogs yeah really i can't that monologue i think i might pull out they're gonna you send me sides for a part and i'm gonna say i'm gonna do you one better the way you added the the the Well, I think I just needed to give the character a little bit of motivation. I love how it was a monologue of someone reading a monologue. Literally. It was a monologue of a journalist reading a review. I felt pretty strongly that it just needed, it needed that urgency because that's the time that we're living in. I love that a theater critic went to a children's play and like wrote an earnest.

Now hearing the context of that, I'm like, why was a theater critic? And it was like a pretty large publication that did this review. And talking about sexuality at all in like a children's play. Weird. Weird. I mean, it was like a, it was like a bunch of adults would come see it. But it was like about like these two siblings growing up. And it was like these two siblings didn't have a place to stay. So they slept outside.

Like it was like, I don't know. Slept outside of the lumpy ground and they kind of wish that they were doing a trip. To Disney. Do you want to close to feed my monologue? It's one. It's really quick. I'm begging. Okay.

I wrote you a breakdown. Okay. It's not for Gretel, but it's actually Florida Project. It's the Florida Project. Okay, here we go. Am I reading it? Yep. I booked.

You book. Okay. So I'm reading this. Okay. You're reading all of this. In the tiniest text I've ever seen in my life. Sorry. This is perfect.

I am very dyslexic, but I have perfect vision. But you're perfect. You got this. Okay. Becky, 18 to 19, quirky, shrewd, if needed. She's adventurous, bold, and daring. She takes initiative in every part of her life. Home school.

It doesn't matter to Becky. She's left-handed, so she's never been afraid to be a black sheep. Don't miss any of this. She's a senior She's never been told that she is pretty But she's smoking hot for a girl like her She's smoking hot for a girl like her And sometimes on the right day

And if the moonlight hits her just right She knows she's hot This is the breakdowns So you don't remember all this, okay? Maybe start from the beginning if you need or... Do you want me to start again? No, I just don't want you to forget The true defeated, like all these things

Still about tannedness Tall Brushes her teeth Is on partner track Is on partner track She's 1819 both of her parents like her oh both of her parents like her but not each other good bone structure silly she reads a lot but can throw any type of ball she listens but speaks her mind sturdy actor must have comedy chops kind smokes 15 cigarettes a day

but feeds her mom but feeds her mom feeds her mom like is making the money for her mom or like feeds her Like physically feeds her. Well, we're going to find out. Here we go. So everyone got that? Okay, a lot. This is Becky. That is a breakdown unlike any I've ever read.

So here's Becky. Is it, so in Canadian breakdowns, when we're getting Canadian sides, they say, like, make sure you're not using Canadian regionalities, like, no, sorry, like stuff like that. Is that important for this? Wow. Okay. Suppress who you are. We got to check.

You got to ask the questions. Okay. Well, it's not suppressing if you're, like, that into character. Okay. That's true. And that's another one of my. I'll point a go. Okay.

Oh, okay. Here we go. They say a broken clock is right twice a day. Sometimes I think I'm not even hitting that. I can't wait for cheerleading today. Fuck it. I know what I, I don't know what came over me. I never talk like that.

In the meantime, let's feed mom. I feel so good about that. Yeah, you killed that. So you sort of said, remember, let's feed mom and we know what that'll be. And you sort of didn't come back to it at all. It just sort of was a line in there. I'm really proud of. of it. Okay. I think that's great. I love that. That's great. What's the title of the show?

What's the title of the show? Becky. I love that. Wow. Short, sweet, to the point. Honestly, I could see more from Becky. I think you should write that play and we should mount it. Or I think you should come play Becky on BitCity. Yeah, okay. And now that's canon. And now we're going to do it. And now fans are going to go, Vic needs to play Becky. We need to, here's my requirements. We need to build a full Becky set. Full Becky set. This is the play. We need full Becky

Full set, we need an orchestra Yeah The play is written by Samuel Becky Smosh Pit, how about Pit Pit Pit? We need a pit orchestra There you go, there you go Costume designer They need to be specific designs for Becky

We need fan art of Becky I'm sorry We can do it The deadline for the production is tomorrow So we need to have this So we need to do this If we can sort of get this all sort of wrapped up here

This has been the best hour of my life I cannot tell you how fun this was And we didn't even scratch the surface all of my questions that I had for both of you about you had questions for us so many questions oh me me or who me you had questions him for sure yeah you want to ask one question for each of us yes and then we can go yeah okay um okay yes it's going to be some review of mine it's going to be some scary thing no then I'll start with you so you don't get scared okay okay they're making this shit up okay

If you are putting curse words on a scale of four to one. Okay. Where does Frick rate? See, you prepared these questions. Okay. I'd say Frick, four being the best curse, one being a bad curse. Four being like the most like advanced curse. We're not counting like, you know.

I would say what to one? What? No. That's wrong. I feel like I'm on shrooms. You think Frick is like a two? Frick is a two for sure. A two?

A two. Frick being a short for fuck, fuck would be a four. So then if you're downgrading it to a thing, then it would be a two. Oh, I know what you mean. Frick's a two. Frick's a two. I understand.

Because one is a non-curs. That's a point away from Angela. Shane, how you doing today? Doing great. Perfect. Thank you guys. Vic, thank you so much for being here. This has been truly the best hour of my life.

So much fun. This is so fun. I beg Angela every single day to let me come to work with her. It's so wild because we've been asking for you. And Angela's always like, Vic is so busy. They can't come in. I don't say that. I'm always like, can we bring Vic in? You do not. I, well, I'm lying and I can't wait to find out who.

Vic, is there anything you want to shout out? Yes, I would love to. There's obviously a lot of horrible bills happening around the country, so go find a local organization to support. I'd really appreciate it. Some that I really love is Zebra Youth in Orlando, helps LGBTQ youth down there, Lost and Found Youth, based in Atlanta, is doing a lot of great work. But yeah, really, anything that's local to you, you can definitely find organizations if can't donate monetarily, you know, you can signal boost their post, follow them, see if there's anything that they need.

And that's the only monologue that matters today. Literally. I wrote that out word for word, and I'm off book. You have that monologue down, and you're awesome for it. Thank you so much for coming. Oh, thanks for having me. This was incredible. This was so fun.

I can't even tell you. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. God. All right. Well, thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next week. Bye. Get your shit together. Get your shit.

I'm a broke slut. Give me my money. Where's my money?