Smosh Mouth - #123 - Home Alone

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Get your Notes app out! Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/SMOSHMOUTH you’ll get the welcome kit, a Morning Person hat, a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2, a AG1 Flavor Sampler and you’ll get to try their new sleep supplement AGZ for free. For a limited time, save up to $300 on the Tovala smart oven when you order 6+ meals, by visiting https://Tovala.com/SMOSHMOUTH and using code SMOSHMOUTH . Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/SMOSHMOUTH. Promo Code SMOSHMOUTH PODCAST: https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthSpotify https://smo.sh/SmoshMouthiHeart https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthApple  0:00 Intro 9:45 Sponsor! 11:03 Home Alone: Notes app 34:14 Sponsor! 35:41 More of our Notes app content 45:52 Hold for spam call 47:28 Sponsor! 48:46 Back to Notes app characters SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com  WHO YOU HEAR Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ Tommy Bowe // https://www.instagram.com/tomeybones/ Arasha // https://www.instagram.com/arashalalani/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Selina Garcia Editor: Andre Gardere Producer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina Garcia Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner, Josie Bellerby Stage Manager: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman, Abby Schmidt Art Coordinator: Alex Mollo Wardrobe Fabricator: Tayler Nicholson Prop Fabricator: Luke Brau Set Dresser: Nicky Tosti Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Videographer: James Hull Assistant Director: Jonathan Hyon Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Senior Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Manager: Jonathan Hyon Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Caroline Smith Director of Post Production: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran DIT/AE: Beni Kimuene Post Production Coordinator: Ariana Martinez IT: Tim Baker IT & Equipment Coordinator: Lopati Ho Chee Sound Editor: Gareth Hird Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Senior Motion & Branding Designer: Christie Hauck Graphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch Director of Channel Operations: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Manager: Audrey Carganilla Channel Operations Coordinator: Sabrina Lieberman Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Manager: Kim Wilborn Social Media Coordinator: Margaux Bernales Social Editor: Vida Robbins Brand Partnership Manager: Chloe Mays Brand Partnerships Coordinating Producer: Liz Kummer Operations Manager: Selina Garcia Financial Operations Specialist: Natalie Lewis Talent Coordinator: Danielle Moses People Operations Specialist: Katie Fink Front Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack CEO: Alessandra Catanese Executive Producers: Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Associate Producer, Special Projects: Rachel Collis Executive Assistant: Katelyn Hempstead OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames Smosh Alike: https://bit.ly/SubToSmoshAlike FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh

Hey, it's Moka, and we are in the thick of it. I'm talking holiday shopping. And the only destination for you is C.F. Sherway Gardens. Discover premium brands, exceptional dining and unforgettable festive moments. Now, I was there a couple of weeks ago, and I hit up the Lego store for my son, sporting life to look for some nice sweaters for my wife, pottery barn to get some things for the house, and then New Balance and Nike for myself. CF Sherway Gardens has over 200 stores and four incredible restaurants, including Cactus Club.

Shop your list. Find their joy. Visit CF Sherway Gardens. Build a more secure, resilient self and strengthen your relationships. For 15 years, mental health professionals at the Center for Interpersonal Relationships have offered psychological treatment and assessment services to help you, your couple, your adolescent, and your family. Psychotherapy starts at $75 per session. You don't have to live with depression, anxiety, or difficulties in your relationships. We'll offer you a service in English and in French. Book an initial session online or in person in Toronto at 790 Bay Street. Visit cfir.ca.

Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Amanda, and Shane is not here. I'm Tommy the white guy in the white guy chair this time today. I'm Horatha. I'm not white. And this episode is called Home Alone because, guys, it's around the holiday times. We are this close to going on break. And I think we're all kind of ready.

I think we're all kind of ready. I think we're all kind of ready. I think we're all kind of ready. Yeah. And guys, it's going to be. some crazy energy right now because we're all kind of pushing it to the last. And we're home alone. And we're home alone. How many calls do we get from telemarketers a day? Let me tell you 22. Because your phone number was sold. That's right. I bought something that was shipped to me from

Hong Kong. And that sold my phone number somehow. And so now 20 calls a day. Let's count. We've already had two since I've been sitting in this chair. Well, you have to answer one if it happens during I will. I will answer 100%. I will. And let me tell you. I will get a call. Wait, and, like, let's try to be, like, bigger freaks than whatever they're trying to be. Okay. They're not freaks, though. They're like, hello, Tommy.

And that's when we're like, is your house available? And I'm like, I'm not my father. Yes. Speaking of, my dad was on BitCity and everyone's like, Tom and Tommy talk exactly the same. And I told my dad and I was like, have we ever been told this? He's like, no. Wait, how did I miss that he was on BitCity? We did the, our parents made this episode, BitCity.

That just came out. I didn't watch it. Yeah. Oh, my God. My dad wrote a sketch. Your dad was here? No, my dad, they did a video call. He flew out just for BitCity.

He flew out just for BitCity. No, they did a video call. And he's like, it took 20 minutes for my mom to be like, do I have to download an app time? My dad's like, I don't know. And I'm like, Tim, does my mom have to download? And he's like, no, it's a website. And I'm like, it's a website.

She's like, it's taking me to the app store. Oh, no. Anyway, parents. And that's why my parents were not in the episode. Yeah, that's right. Could not have them. Would your parents have done it? Well, my mom did the pranking episode.

And she goes, after she goes, how did I do? Did I do okay? She's like, Amanda, dad, I was like, it was very trippy for me. I felt like I was falling. I felt like I was like in get out, like falling in my body being like, no. No, and at your baby shower too, your mom kept coming over and like quoting the episode. Like she had her lines like still memorized. She is, um, my mom is kind of top dog at the house.

Like she's kind of like, I am the star. Always and always. Correct. You are a perfect combination of both of your parents, from what I've... I really am. My dad's like, you know, everything's so weird. Have you seen that weird show on Netflix? Yeah.

And then my mom's like, uh-huh. Yeah, that's pretty much you. But I will say, I was home and I got a new phone because my phone is a dinosaur. I don't understand how I've lasted this long. What did you have before? And what was your old phone? The 11? Okay.

So the small one? tiny tiny baby something something like that whatever cute so i got a new phone and i really didn't want to go and my dad was like i'm taking you girls to the verizon store so he brought me and my sister to the verizon store we walk in my sister is wearing a smosh hat like a smosh old school crew hat the first thing the guy says without looking at me goes ugh the new smosh sucks oh i'm not actually making that up or adding anything to that and I and I was like really and I I look like garbage at this point like my hair my mom's like I want to give you a massage so I've oiled my hair is literally oil are you still recognizable or no I wouldn't he didn't he literally didn't even he looked right at you and he was like I think Amanda is a piece of shit and you're like cool no he didn't even look at me he just looked at my sister and he was like oh you like smosh the new smosh sucks the new smosh sucks imagine seeing someone wearing a hat and he's like cool about something they like and going like

what you like is bad that's crazy that's hateful he well he's just the east coast he was just like being super honest and I thought it was hilarious and my sister goes oh yeah

oh yeah so like what what do you what do you think sucks he's like it just all sucks like it's just none of it's good like I miss the old smosh I wish the old smosh was back wow right and she's just like that's so crazy

and then he proceeded to go wait are you on smosh to my sister, mind you, I'm just standing there. My dad's going, my dad's going, we got to, hey, we're in a rush, buddy. We got to get these phones upgraded. But you're just like, greasy and oily next to her. I'm greasy and oily.

The NPC standing to the side, just like, uh. And my dad's like, buddy, we got to get the upgrade. I don't want any sales. No phone now. So literally, we were at the Bryson store for two hours. And my sister looks at me. And then I think the guy started to get a little panic. because my sister's like, no, I'm not on Smosh.

And he's like, oh, okay, whatever. And then, like, as we get the phones going and my dad is denying everything he's saying, he's like, so, if you bundle, but he's like, and dad's like, I don't want to bundle. I can't do another password situation. Just get the upgrade. The guy starts to, like, freak out. He starts to, like, kind of get a little, like, he's R-H, and he gets a little, like. Wormy buggy?

Wormy buggy. And then he looks at my sister, and he goes, first of all, he literally has not turned his eyes to me whatsoever. Maybe because I'm covered in grease, I don't know. I imagine you, like, Vaseline. In my mind, you are, like, ungrabble. Yeah. It's like, you know, when you put, like, panty hose over your face,

and you become, like, a knee? So I am 100% ungravable. You're ungrabble. But I have a big coat on, and it's sipped up. So underneath, it's all ungrabble, and then I put, like, a soft coat over it. So you're, like, in disguise, mostly. Big oil, big coat. I'm in disguise, but my hair slicked, so my face is there.

Wow. Yeah. So anyways, this guy starts to get a little wormy. And I'm like, oh boy. And he looks at my sister. He goes, why did you get so offended when I said I, Smosh sucks? And I was like, and I had planned on not saying anything ever. Right.

Because here's the deal. You can have your opinion about Smosh always. I actually love hearing when people go, Smosh isn't good. I'm like, oh, tell me why. Yeah, what don't you like? I love hearing it. We'll improve it just for you in your opinion. And we'll say that.

You try. Yeah, exactly. And my sister goes, no, it's just I love the show. And he's like, oh, okay. I swear, you look so familiar. Long story short, after my dad's like, get it, get it, get it, because he wants us to get all the chargers and all the shit. The guy comes back and I just go,

so really, like, why don't you like the new smosh? And he goes, I just really wanted the old smosh back. But you know what I realized? If we had the old smosh back, everyone would be canceled probably. That's what he said That's what he said Okay, he grew in a day He grew in five minutes

He grew in 30 minutes Oh my God And so then I go You know I'm on the new smosh And he goes His only A response was

I know a celebrity No The Turner I know a celebrity My man pulled out of his house And backed right back up into it That's crazy And he goes

I know a celebrity You know a celebrity Yeah because you guys are best things And I'm sitting there and he's like Wow And he goes on his phone to go on To go on YouTube and goes Wait where are you?

Let me find you And I realize that every picture of me I'm in a fucked up wig Every picture so he goes Is that you? He goes where are you Where are you? I'm like there

And there And there and there And there like I'm just a new character Right now And he goes Oh my God that is you so you're not on smosh to my sister and she was like no

and here's the thing I actually liked the guy I actually enjoyed his company He sounds like a great guy He's a roller coaster of his story And then by the end of it he goes Oh my God Can your dad adopt me?

You guys are awesome And now you have a brother I'm not making up a single bit of this story In fact I'm leaving a lot out That's one This is so East Coast energy So anyways It's like here's my opinion

But I don't really mean it. I got a new phone. You know what, though? I really missed the East Coast because I never had to guess what he was feeling. There was no awkward moments. True. Really? Well, kind of.

You gave it to you straight. I wish Florida had, like, that East Coast energy. Because Florida is like... What does Florida have? I don't, I feel like I can't, because it's like every city, every chunk is different. It's so different. Every, you know, you go north and it's like, whee, y'i. And, uh...

Where are the alligators? Is that south? All over. Mostly south, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I like, I like the upper east coast where it's just like, what do you want? Yeah. And you're like, I'll have a coffee and they're like, cool.

Yeah. It's not like, hi. What can I get you? How's your day? It's like, oh, my God, you have mud on your shoes. Okay, you traips it in here. Right. Okay, awesome.

Yeah. Wow. They're just like, you're going to wipe up your own mud or what? And you're like, yeah, I will, sorry. Everyone always says East Coast people are mean, but actually they're just straightforward. They're just straightforward. Yeah. They're very sweet, and they're very, like, family-oriented.

Yeah, once they know you. You're honest. Exactly. You are not from the East Coast, and I can't tell you enough. You went to Boston for college. Enough. Wait. She keeps saying that she's from the East Coast.

It's like a thing. Are you on that new Smosh show? Yeah. Yeah, I'm New Smosh. Well, at least you recognize her. Well, she's not greased up. This episode of Smoshmouth is brought to you by AG1. I've been trying to be proactive and take care of myself, especially with the changing

seasons and being a new mom. And then I found AG1. AG1 is the daily health drink that combines your multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods, and antioxidants into one simple green scoop. It's one of the easiest things you can do to support your body every day. And AG1 has tasty flavors. It comes in citrus, berry, and tropical. But I love original. I created a little routine for myself. Now that I have to be up at the crack of dawn with a four-month-old, I love to take a little moment for myself. I make myself a glass of cold water and add my scoop of AG1. I am starting to feel that energy support, which is really great. Did I mention that I have a newborn? AG1 has their best offer ever. If you had to drink AG1.com slash smoshmouth, you'll get the

welcome kit, a morning person hat, a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2, and AG1. AGE1, and AGEU. flavor sampler and you'll get to try their new sleep supplement AGZ for free, which has been a game changer for my nightly routine. That's drinkag1.com slash smoshmouth for $126 in free gifts for new subscribers. Back to the show. Lather it off. I wanted to bring up the phone because you guys today, we're home alone, aka Shane's not here. Right. AKA Daddy, I guess. No. No. You guys are the parents. Can I just not be a parent? Wait, no, no, no, you're right.

No, it's who you are now. No, I'm a kid. You guys are the older siblings. Buzz, Buzz, and... I'm Buzz. You're... Buzz is a cool guy.

Buzz? No, Buzz is cool. You're Buzz. And home alone? Buzz is the worst. No, Buzz is the cool guy who has, like, porn. No, no. Oh, great.

Awesome, then. No. What? Yes. He's got the huge shelf He has a huge shelf and like porn's on top With porn on top No Buzz is not the good character

He keeps the porn out of reach? On top! Does he need a ladder or a stepstool? No, Kevin does. Wait, Buzz is not You don't want to be Buzz. He don't want to be Buzz. He has to tarantula.

Buzz's girlfriend, woof. She just said that you're buzz. He's got a girlfriend, he's got a tarantula, he's got porn. That is a cool cousin. He just goes A, I'm not that lucky two, the E, the D joke, remember that? Yes. You have a...

Listen, I've seen it, but like, God, damn. I'm not clocking buzzed. All right, so Tommy's buzz. I'm buzzed. You're the girl who wears the sweaters. Oh, God, she's kind of fine. Or what if I'm the boy who always pisses the bed all the time? The one with the cutie glasses?

Yeah, I'll be him. Yeah, that's cute. What movie is this? Home alone. All I know. The title of the episode. All I remember is the kid being home alone. Who are all these other children?

Remember at the beginning? It's like a house of like 15 of them. Oh, boy. Wait, you don't remember this? I remember the main part of the movie where the kid is, in fact, home alone. And he's Jerry rigging the whole house. Yes, and then the robbers and like all the pink-bunk.

Whoa! Yeah, you know that's actually all you need to remember. No, you need to remember the extended family. No, not really, because it's Frank. Frank's like the... How'd you say that the first time? Frank's the uncle Frank

It's Frank Frank It can't be bows And I'll be Frank Guys this is the most Unhinged episode ever Frank Frank Frank Frank Frank

You know what I just did to you What I don't like when people do to me And like someone Someone who's a very sweet person But like you'll lose me If you go like my gaze That's one of the things that I'm like You've lost me forever

Or if you're like someone like hack stuff out and you're like um i slipped down the stairs the day and i was like whoa bunk and they're like how was it like wait wait wait how was it like i'm dead and i'm like i'm not your little monkey to dance anyway that's what i just did to you i was like and how did you say it frank sorry you know what i actually really really enjoyed it really oh this is this is actually exactly what i needed I like it too. Prank. It's about listening.

It's about being present. Are you going to put your chin on the microphone the whole day? You immediately look at Scott. Because Scott goes. Okay, so we're home alone. What does that mean? We're home alone. Our parents are in Paris because they went to Paris for Christmas.

Without us. Without us. And they totally forgot. Right. And we are home alone and there are potential robbers coming in. So what we do when we're home alone is we all have our phones because that's the new age of kids and we look who's going to claim this tiny piece of plastic that was on the table irasha why why do i have to it's yours now continue it's yours now continue there's three of us home

alone and so so during home alone we're going to read again do you like how often we're like throwing you off from this intro i think it's that like shame grounds you and we are unfortunately not grounding I'm not a grounding force. I actually feel like I'm tripping on it after. I'm usually grounding, but when I'm with Tommy, I can't be grounded. This is why I asked you both to be here. And I don't actually know why I did that. That's great.

In a good way. Okay, good. Okay. And I regret it. Yay. No, I don't. Since we're home alone, we're going to what you do in your home alone, right? You read through your journals, right?

Yeah. So we're going to read through our notes app. Like that segue? Okay. Because I don't know about you guys. When I am alone, I get these random thoughts and I put them in my notes app. And they might not be good and they might be bad. Totally.

A lot of them are potential characters. Love it. Yeah. Maybe a new character is someone who says Frank like that. Frank. Frank. I think that's Frank's like boo. Franks.

Franks. Franks. Franks. I also, I feel like I do this in public, too. I just think whenever inspiration strikes, I'll get. get out my phone and I'll just write it out. Yeah. Yeah.

So I put a lot of stuff in my notes up and I really wanted you guys to be a little vulnerable today. Okay. And share things on your notes app. But also, we're kind of here just hanging out as we've been doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so chill. We're cuddling on the couch, all of us together.

Right. In one snuggy. Is that what it's called? Snuggie. Yeah, snuggie. I used to have the Cheetah Print Snuggie. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, but then, no, but it's like pilled a lot. Yeah. But like, you know when like, like, like stuff pills and it like it gets like fuzzies attached to it. Never taken a pill before. Yes, you have. The whole thing is pilled. Oh.

Yeah. Little balls on the outs. Balls on my snuggie. My gaze. Who actually, who, who, who, who, who, who, some girl in college that I was friends with for a long time. She called you her gay? Yeah.

And I was like, yie. I really want to say the context of that. We're not going to. All right. We're not going to. Okay, so you had a snuggy that was Cheetah print. Great. So you're wearing that.

Okay, I'm going to be fully up front here. 80% of what's in my note. So I'm writing something for myself right now, and it's like taking a lot of energy. So like in my downtime, I'm just continuing on one path. Yes. I love that. I've chosen a path and I'm writing that.

Good. But outside of... Are you well over there? What? What is... The plastic? I don't know. I thought something was caught on my arm.

Anyway, everything's fine. Okay, I have a good character. because Amanda you and I kind of did this together because after I had come over that one time remember I told you that story about the girl who was like really mean at game night and I was like you gotta do this as a character so I wrote that down

yeah I wrote that as a character girl who's actually just super mean at game night saying stuff like that's the dumbest fucking accusation I've heard and why would we listen to the drunk cunt? Whoa! She actually said that that's crazy. What? And to give context to everyone else

this was during a werewolf right? Yeah it was a mafia game night yeah and somebody was just actually taking it so seriously he told me this story and I was like that is the funny awful awful but like the funniest character that someone's just like a bastard I know just an asshole and we've all played with someone who is yep and you know what mine always occurs during charades like during the holidays you know if you've ever done like a friend's giving or like gone over a friend's house it doesn't even need to be holidays but it's always a charades there's always one fucker who doesn't want to play but still plays and then gets upset and he's playing and holds you to the rules so hard you can't make a grunt it's charades yeah that's not the word they got more time that that's not the right word yeah and then they add in words and they're the words are insane yeah the words are insane I'm like I'm gonna shove eggnog down your throat and I want you to gargle it and I want you to shut up no it's like it's one thing to be competitive but to

actually get upset it's like you're just not fun to play with no no but but there is something when you told me this story there is something really funny about someone just in their fields the whole game yeah and and and calling people out just like actually being awful she actually said that to your face well yeah so we were playing mafia and i was like yeah i think we were like we were accusing her of it and and and we were like well like i'm pretty sure you're probably the mafia because you've done this and she's like, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. That's actually really stupid. And then somebody else who had like a glass of wine was like, honestly, I kind of see that too.

And she goes, oh, are we going to listen to the drunk girl? And everyone was like, and I was like, I have to leave. Did she show up by yourself? No, she had a partner. Oh, I bet he felt great. Yeah, what was her, what was the partner doing? He was so lovely and so sweet. Of course.

Of course he was. He was just, he was just. That's exactly what I was going. for years. Yep, he was a quiet little, quiet little man, very sweet, absolutely was incredibly apologetic for his partner. Did he say anything while she was doing that? Nope. Of course, because he knows. No, he was quiet. His time to strike is never, except for when it's like, she's probably chilled, calm down. Yeah, she's asleep. We got to wait till the next day. She's asleep and he goes, I didn't really like what you did, so. That was really awful. He said, good night. You ruined the night for me,

but that's okay. Yeah. That's okay. And that's not. unhealthy relationship. Wow. See, that's a good character. It's fun. You could actually just do that in werewolf and not tell anybody. That might get spicy.

But that would be a really fun prank. Should the three of us do it together? Nope. Maybe it's like we fight with each other. Maybe that's what it is, you guys. Like, you guys are both like, I'm actually done with the Rasha and you just like really get mad.

I don't like doing pranks. We can't do beef. You and we can't do beef. People think it's real. Well, not anymore. I forgot about that. When did you guys do beef? No, a few months ago,

I can't even remember. It started with who knows Tommy best, and Arasha was getting points correctly, but I was me. I was in that. I know. Didn't I win? I forget who won. I think Courtney may have won.

I don't remember. Oh, yeah, Courtney won. But anyway, I was awarding points like whatever, because again, it's like, whatever. To remind the audience, it was whatever. Yep. It's just fun. It's just fun. No, it's serious, actually.

It's just fun. So, people are like, Tommy's awarding Arasha so few points, even though she's getting it exactly correct. And it was like, And so then people were like, I think Tommy hates Arasha. And then there was like a little plot in some of the comments for a while where it was like we hated each other. So then we leaned into our beef for a little bit. Oh, fun.

And then through that, we're just like, well, this is just fun. We're going to drop that. So we just, yeah. But it was all because Tommy and I actually love each other. Yeah, exactly. I wrote something in my notes out. Okay, go. Oh, I can't wait.

And it's not the word salad and close. clothing inspiration and oats and mohito and softer and don't forget passport softer okay okay can't tell you can't tell you my notes app is like one word yeah okay look at this new note this one my favorite new note no additional text you you you you do one word notes oh yeah waste paper paper paper paper plates ice cream egg so what I did to make this episode worthwhile is I wrote some characters down, but I didn't write characters down for me. I wrote characters for both of you.

Stop! Okay, you win the episode. These are gifts. I'm going to start with my first character for Amanda. Garbage ma'am. Garbage ma'am. Garbage ma'am. The elder waste management manager.

She's extremely tough. Her voices like rocks in a funnel. She pronounces garbage like garbage. She has nicknames for all of her employees But not because she wants to be friendly Because she can't remember any of them And the names are like snarky roast Not in the call a little man big guy

But in a calls the bald guy smoothie king Oh my God Smoothie king Smoothie king Smoothie, you know She has a husband named Carl She says Kyle Can we make it Frank

Can we make it Frank? Frank's a different woman Frank Frank Frank Frank This is cow Kyle Kyle Kyle

Gahl Smoothie King Hey Pick up that trash boy Wait this is so Did you put me in Am I like high up Yeah you're the manager

At the waste management place You're not all the way high up So you still have to answer to some people But you're pretty high up I'm pretty high up That's why you're ma'am Yeah This is why I'm ma'am

That's why you're garbage ma'am What is my name? Have we decided? Don't have one Garbage ma'am I like Brenda or I don't know why I thought Brenda That for some reason reminds me

of, like, one of the very first character pitches I gave to you, like, a long, long time ago that I still want you to play, which is a wealthy woman who shoplifts. I think you would do really well with that. Why, you don't I remember that? How about Suez Maroney? It was maybe at a talent form, like, five years ago. What, Suez Maroney? I love it. How'd you pull that out? Names. Names. My brand does. Suze. You know when you have a character specific in mind, you can come up with their name. You're like, oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you see them. Her name was probably Susan. Yeah. And then she cut it down to Sue's because she likes shortening everyone's names because she can't really remember anyone's names. Right, names don't matter.

They don't matter. They don't matter. Wait, this is, this is brilliant. I really like that. Do you want your first one? Yeah, let's do it. I want this as a character. Arasha, your first character that I wrote down is D. She's a haircut person with a bob that's far too short and only cuts hair that only cuts hair that way. She has two kids that don't talk to her anymore. We don't know why, but we have a hunch. Oh, no. It's her attitude. Oh shit, I thought she was going to be a sweetheart. Nope, nope. She's a forever victim and turns every story into her problem,

but she looks great doing it, minus her little bob. Her little bob. Tommy, why are you brilliant? You are so freaking brilliant. I love her name being D, too, like D-E. Yeah. D-E-E. And her kids don't talk to her because her attitude.

And so she cuts everybody's hair. D. It's like you come in. I would love a blowout and you leave with a little bomb. being a little bob I make sure people definitely coming in like oh my god well she's the best and it's like I really just want like bangs and she's like

got it got it and it's just a little bob turn you around and you're like oh they don't do that anymore they don't I kind of wish that they did that where they turn you away from the mirror and cut your hair and then you go okay but are my customers happy do they like the little

bob even though they didn't ask for us I think you as thinks that they leave happy because they don't want to say anything. Disrupt. They don't want to be upset with, because they're kind of getting a vibe from D. They're scared of my attitude too. And you're Bob. So they're like, I'm going to just

leave it. Does she own? No. She rents a chair. Oh, at a salon. Oh, shit. She rents a chair. So she, so that chair is her domain. Yes. I think my little Bob should be a little itchy. You're welcome to do that. You know? Yeah. I think it should be like kind of like a pull it around a little bit. D's yours now. You can do whatever you want with D now. Wait, that little bob was a look back in the day, wasn't it?

A shorter bob? But I mean like, hmm. Oh, you mean like it was never a look? It's like a little bit too short to be a look. What's, this is like berries and cream, right? When it's like this. Berries and cream is here. Is here?

I'm pretty sure berries is berries and cream. Barries? It gets to the chin. Flank. So I want it to be like up, but like still in the shape of the bob. So you can see my ears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to see the bottom of your ears, but I want it to be like a shink.

Ooh, like really like, slick bob. Not bull cut. Not bull cut. Bob. Little Bob. Little Bob. Heard. I'm obsessed for me. You're welcome. Thank you for D and Garbage Man.

Those are the two best ones. I got two other whatever ones for both. Okay, let's see. Let's go through this. I'll read one of mine. Okay, I have baby names. Is that crazy? Oh my God.

Amanda still hasn't chosen one. Yeah, I'm just waiting until it comes to me. Until it's like five. Wait, wait. I'm going to have a baby. baby one day and by that I meet a cat. So give me the baby names. Okay. No, you go with character first. We can do this later. I just have random things on here. Okay. You already, yeah, you already cute it up. Okay. Okay. It's like when someone goes, I have this crazy

story to tell you, but you, you go first. How are you? You're like, I don't care how I am. I just have to say it out loud to store it somewhere. I'm waiting. All right, all right. Okay. Okay, I have a lot. I have a lot. Okay, ready? So the first one, there's three forms of it. Okay, So either June or Jun or gin. Sorry. Jun? Jun. Okay.

Or maybe it's like young. Okay. It turned it back around to cool. Okay. Okay. All right. Here we go. So June.

I actually like gin. Gin? I mean, I enjoy gin. Like J-I-N. I enjoy drinking gin. Right. But also I actually like gin. Gin.

Gin. What's the other one? Jun. Jun. Jun? John. You like young. young maybe i think jun or gin

junior gin okay all right hey listen there's like 14 more no worries no worries okay here we okay the best ones are at the bottom i'll tell you my favorites mirror mirror mirror that's pretty mirror mirror mirror on the wall yes okay so can't do mirror no i like mirror no the kids at school are gonna do that look at the mirror i'm literally erasing mirror right now no the kids at school they're not all like the kids at school aren't a 60-year-old woman from New York going Mira? What do you mean? No, kids are pretty creative. They're going to get her.

They're going to get her. Leave Mira on there. Fine. I'm not going to roast any of your names anymore. No, it's okay if you do. It'll build confidence. No, that's not what happened with me. Gross looking that he's younger. Okay, okay. All right, you guys might not dislike this one, but remember, they're largely all like Asian names, mostly. Okay, so just keep that in mind.

Okay, I love this name for a long time. Ready? Carthick. Oh, I like Carthic. Why does that sound Greek to me? Okay, well, so unfortunately, when I said it out loud, I already came up with my own way of bullying someone by being like Karsik. So that's a reach.

I think Karthik is going to be fine. I think Karthik is, no one's going to go Karsik. Karsik? Hey, hey, are you Karsik? Yeah, see, I got to protect my son. My son. Okay, okay, I'm going to go fast on these next few, okay? Sure.

Sim Run. love Nathaniel Zoya Love Zoya You love Zoya She's gonna be pretty Is Nathaniel ever going to be a Nate? We don't

Yeah I think he can I think he can be yeah I'm kidding about a thaniel Not a thaniel but he could be a name I would prefer if he was thaniel I like Daniel Well I do have Daniel on here

So Daniel and Daniel One of them wins in that situation Because Daniel's Danny Okay, okay, I have a good one Okay, guys, guys These next ones are really, really good Okay, ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Calm Excuse me? Rom. You guys are bullying my kids that don't exist. No, wait, wait, wait, right, right. Rom? Rom. Rom, like, ROM?

Yeah, Rom. Yes. I think it's cutie. I like it. Okay, okay, ready for this one? Yes. Suchon? Cute. That's nice.

Suchon, okay? Like, that's like an eight-year-old. Yeah. A bad as eight-old with like a little mohawk. Satchin? I'm like, hey, Sachin. Okay, okay, here we go. He's like, I'm a rock.

Okay, this one's really good. Chahat. Chahat. Chahat. I like it. I like it. I like it. Okay, and then, Rohan.

Rohan is gorgeous. Love Rohan. Wait, Rohan is like, someone is named, isn't there like a TV show or someone's name, Rohan? Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings. Someone whispered Lord of the Rings.

Oh my God, thank you. I was like, wait, I know this thing. Who plays Rohan? Um, the land. It is, it is a land. So, Rohan is land in Lord of the Rings. Cute. I didn't know that.

Couty. I like Rohan. Rohan. I also have Roman. Roman. Roman. Roman. Romans.

Romans. And then I have Layla. Layla's. Layla's. So you guys liked a lot of the girl names. Yeah. Zoya. Zoya is my winner.

Zoya is my favorite. So my cousin's name is Zoya. I played Zoya before on, like, on something. So I don't know. It feels like used up already. But you put it on your list. Yep. That's okay.

You can keep it on your list. I like it too. Thanks, guys. So we picked one that you were going to get upset with. Did you find any cat names out of that? Yeah, any? Rom? I think Rom.

Rom is cute. Or Finn, maybe, for a cat? I think I'm going to go with Thaniel for my cat. Thaniel is really cute. Actually, Daniel, for you, makes sense. Daniel. Daniel, get away from the window. I was watching the Shannon Court's cats while they were gone.

Yes. And I had been a cat person for so long. Yeah. And then I dated someone with a dog, and that dog loved me, and I loved that dog. And I was like, oh, now I get dogs. Like, now I understand. They're the best. Like, when you actually are living with a dog, you actually enjoy it and love it.

As opposed to, like, I'm going to come over and the dog jumps on my clothes, and now I have paw prints all over my clothes. I'm like, oh, and they're like, sorry, sorry he does this. that. Yeah. Get down. I'm like, get your fucking little dog. Anyway. But when you like live with the dog, you're like, oh, it's a cute.

And they look at you with their eyes. And you're like, oh, chubby. And they love cuddly. Oh, I know. They're so cute. But now that I've watched these cats for a little bit. You're more of a cat person. I'm back to being a cat person.

Still love dogs, but I'm back to being a cat person. I got chosen. I like being chosen. It's really nice. Like I sat down and then one of them came up and like got my lap without me asking. Kids do that? I will never. have children

I will never Would you start with a kitten Or would you get a cat I think I would be okay with getting a cat I would be okay with starting with an adult I'm okay with kittens I love a little kitten But like it's kind of an ordeal And I don't like

Ordeals And the thing is I don't like being woken up And I know cats love to go Or just like all cats Walk across your face Wake you up around like crazy at night. Yeah, I'd have my door shut.

Yeah. Although then they'd go. Yeah, exactly. You're going to get in there. Yeah. Then you go, Tommy. Tommy. Tommy, it's me, Daniel.

I love, I love those names. Those names are really cute. Thank you. And I'm very excited that you're going to get your cat named Rom. Or Daniel. Rom Thaniel. Let me know. Okay.

We'll do. You got it. This episode of Smoshmouth is brought to you by Tovala. You know what I've been doing lately? opening my fridge and staring at it, hoping that dinner will appear. No, seriously. It's not that I don't love to cook. It's just, it can be really hard to squeeze it in on those busy days. I wonder why. This is why I use tovala. Tavala is a smart meal delivery service, fresh meals and a smart oven that does the cooking for you. It's super easy to use. You pick how many

meals you want per week, then you select what meals you want through the app. And then if you're feeling fancy, you pop the meals in your Tavala oven, which broil. oils, steams, and bakes. That's it. That's amazing. I recently had creamy tomato soup, which is so cozy and yummy, and it came with freshly baked biscuits. I mean, could it get any better with this chili weather? And I just used a smart oven, and it was super easy to use, and dinner was done, and I didn't lose my mind. For a limited time, because you are a Smoshmouth listener, you can save up to $300 on the Tavaa smart oven when you order meals six plus times by heading to toavala.com slash smoshmouth. And use my code smoshmouth. That's up to $300 off when you head to

tavala.com slash smoshmouth. And use promo code smosh mouth. One last time. That's T-O-V-A-L-A.com. And make sure you use my promo code smosh-mouth for up to $300 off the Tavala smart oven. Remember, with Tavala, dinner is taken care of. Back to the show. Wait, this one, this one is, this one actually I want to do. But I don't know if I can. Okay, that's an interesting way to start this up. You're welcome. Girl, you know, you know when you're out, like, and it doesn't need to be a dance party. It can be like a house party and people are dancing.

Have you been to a house party with people dancing, kind of? Sure, of course, yeah. You didn't look at me when you asked, do you don't, do you think I don't dance? Have you been to a house party with, oh. Okay, she immediately shut down. Yeah, God. That's a no from a rosh. I guess I want to go to a house party to dance?

I would like that. Okay, great. Okay. So, a girl who is dancing, but she's wearing a dress and she's like, she was probably the person who was like no I don't want to do no I'm fine I don't want to dance or whatever and then it's like her song comes on and she goes out in the middle and she starts dancing

but she's wearing a dress and she gets so excited that she keeps lifting up her dress so you just see her bare ass with her bong and she's going and her just her butt while she's dancing around in a circle and no one wants to say anything no because why would you but she feels alive And so you let her do it.

And so you let her do it. And I just, I got inspired because I was at my friend's house and I did that for fun just to make, just to make them laugh. Just pulled your ass out. And they were laughing so hard. And I was like, oh, this is the character. But now I'm like, I don't know if I could do that here. No. I mean, you could do like fake butt.

That would be so weird. Would it? Let's spend $1,000 on a prosthetic ass. You got a fake butt for Amanda's one second bid. I think it'd be worth it. We'd probably reuse it. to get that time. Yeah, we did.

That would be crazy. I love that. Okay, so that's one. I love that. I love that. I have this note on my phone that says things I really want, and it only has one one thing on there, and it says iPad. You don't have an iPad?

You don't have an iPad? Yeah. No, and I really want one. I was given... It literally is just iPad, and then I start the second bullet point, and there's nothing on there. Okay, you know what? Right now, we're going to fill out this list. Okay.

What is your second thing? I love this, Tom. Okay. What do you want? Other than an iPad. Come on. You have five seconds to answer as we are filming. Three, two, in your soul.

I guess I really would like a new comforter. Okay, write that down. Is it quilt? Is it goose down feather? Goose down feather, mama. Sorry. I don't remind everyone every once in a while. Like a quilt?

A quilt? Okay. Okay. I'm putting quilt in parentheses. Quilt. No. Okay. Well, Arasha wants an iPad and a quilt.

Quilt's are fine. That's on my wish list. All my aunts made quilts for my son, and they're so sweet. They're like, I just think of them as like, they're little, they're little squares. You don't fit over your whole body. Well, that's because they made it for your son. Oh, okay. So you want a big quilt.

I want a big quilt. An adult-sized quilt. Do you want one of those quilts that have like a bunch of pictures of you and your boyfriend on it? No, why would I want that? Because people do that. I don't want that. You think I want that. No, I'm analyzing your face to see if you're smiling in like a, no, I don't want that. No, I don't want that. And if you have a quilt with pictures of you and your loved one, that's okay. That's fantastic. It's cute. It's cute and I love you. No matter what you do, we approve. Okay, I think anything, everything. That's full now,

you guys. That is not true. Anything, everything, we love it. We love it. We love it. We love it. But, wait, we're not done with your list. No, we're putting a third thing on the list. There was only one other bullet point. Okay, well, we're adding a third. Yeah, what do you really want to rush for Christmas? We're adding a third. And you can ask anything because it's Christmas.

It's Christmas. And Christmas is unlimited money and anything you want. Okay. It's magic. Okay, sorry, I have to go back up to the top because now it's one of my recents. Okay. So I want an iPad. I want a new comforter.

Quilt. A quilt. A quilt. An iPad. An iPad. Okay. Maybe like a new water bottle? You're so not excited about things.

I don't know. It's hard for me to know what I want. Thermis. Yeah. Drinker. Thermis drinker. Thermis drinker. One of those jugs.

Yeah, one of those jugs that like on the side, it's like 9 a.m. No. 3 p.m. 6. 9 p.m. There's a chunk of water set aside for sex. For sex. Is there? Those water bottles that are like almost there. Drink up Piggy

You're almost Piggy It's like, whoa Hey you little pig pig It's like gulp girl Yeah Gulp little piggy Get it girl

Almost done And they're like This big Yeah they're enormous And then they're like But it forces you To gluck a lot of water Can I ask a question

I was at the gym this morning And there was a man going Kha Every Every rep And I'm like No one needs to do that right no one needs to do that right

I love where your energy is at you do nothing but I almost I almost walked up to one and went I was tempted and they have the fucking lump alarm for when a big guy drops away and goes ugh but why isn't there a alarm

why isn't there the shut the fuck up alarm why are you why are you destroying me right now literally destroying I'm like you're doing a peck fly that's not it's fine I think I just like what your face becomes when you're doing that. It was driving me crazy.

Why don't we? An hour. Over here, over there. In a planet fitness. How is going on? Wait, wait. But why don't we say anything to him? Is it too?

Something about, it's going to like, I'm going to punch you too. It's like, girl with her ass out, you know? You can't say anything. I don't say anything because they're living. Because he's living. They're existing. So I think when you get to that place of living, what happens? You're free.

You're finally free. Honestly, yeah, there is actually a lot of charm to that man just not caring about what anybody else thinks. So he's charming, you think? Was he cute? No. No. Amanda's next character is Lewis O'Donnell.

Oh, I'm in. A male nanny who isn't creepy. at all, but really loves babies. Oh, God. Quote, do you find him odd? No, I think he just really loves babies. That's all I got. What?

What's his name? Louis? Louis O'Donnell. It could be Louis O'Donnell. No, Louis, no. I think Lewis is good. I think Lewis? Lewis feels like a professional.

And then Arasha's second character is Mrs. Friedman, sorry, Miss Friedman. Oh. She's a cougar who is trying to find a young man who wants her for her money. because she's a weird little freak. Oh my God. And she wants the guy to eventually poison her. She's seeking out her novella story. Wait, I love this so much.

Miss Friedman. What does she wear? Leopard print? Little leopard print, um, pilled onesy. What is it? Snuggie. Snuggie. Yes, but like somehow cleavage in the snuggy.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you have to. An undeniable cleave. Maybe it's like cut out right where the snuggy cleavage is. You have just a heart cut out? Yes. I actually love that. Oh, that's awesome.

Can I be honest, when you said Lewis O'Donnell, it made me think of this guy that I follow on YouTube. Okay. Crazy. Yeah, what? He is a chiropractor for babies. That isn't real, no. It is actually real. He has a channel and he is working.

But I mean, the practice can't be good. No, I know. Babies aren't compressed. They're made of goo. Of course. Their bones are liquid. Of course. So this character is literally this man because he's like,

no, in fact, he's like, he loves babies. So he's like, and the moms are there like, he hasn't stopped crying for five months. And he's like, got it. And he just twists the head. And the baby's like, ah! And then he just goes, he like turns the baby, and the baby's like, and somehow something occurs and the baby stops crying but he is he's all he's all soft he's like vanilla ice cream he's soft he's cozy but you're like he's not creepy because you have to ask yourself

you have to go no he's not creepy you have to he just loves baby so when you said that he loves cracking babies i know who that guy is i think he needs more than just having to take care of the babies, too. I think he needs a hobby like that. Not breaking babies back. Well, he is a business. It's not a hobby. It's a business.

It's not a hobby. This is not a hobby. He has a office. No, no, no. Lewis, I'm saying. Lewis needs a hobby. Quilts. With pictures of all the babies that he's taking care of.

Yes. What? Do you knit quilts? No. I don't think so. Selina's saying no. Slina's saying no. How do you make a quilt?

A quilt is like fabric. You put fabric. You put fabric and you go. It's fabrics together. Oh, so. So. So. So.

If you knit in a tear quilt. Oh. Oh, my God. You could knit a quilt. Your feet would like push through all that knit if you're cold in the middle of night. It depends on what yarn you use, I guess. God, this is one of my favorite episodes that we've ever done. Okay.

I'm not even kidding. Okay. I think all of mine are bad. All right. No. Yeah. No. Yes.

Remember, just random stuff. in there too. I love a reporter who leads the interview like putting words in the other person's mouth going and you felt sad about that, didn't you? All the leading questions? And you were and that made you really unhappy. Hold? Hold.

Hello? Hello? My name is U.S. How are you doing today? I'm doing good. How are you? doing great. Thanks for asking. I'm calling to let you know about a powerful tool called continuous glucose monitoring.

So in order to qualify, I just need to ask one quick question. And what's that? What? Do you have Medicare or Medicare Advantage? Nope. He said diabetes.

And there you go? He literally, first of them. One down. He's diabetes first, by the way. He asked you if you have you. had diabetes and you went what? And then he said, do you have Medicare? And then him hanging up. He literally got scared because he goes, do you have diabetes?

Who asks that? And you go, what? What? What? Well, that's my first question on a date. That. And then he goes, do you have Medicare? And then he, you spooked a sparrick off.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I hope you get another one. I hope you get another one. Oh, I will. I get 22 a day That's awesome How do we fix that?

You can't Okay Which is good Because sometimes people want to reach me And I'm like you never will now Because I know phone calls are real You're busy Your voicemails full

Sorry that I made you hold I just had to follow through No that was great Please always pick it up This episode of Smoshmouth is brought to you Byora frames I love giving gifts to my friends But Shane can be a tricky one to shop for

And it doesn't help that I'm a bit of a last minute shopper Shane's always talking about how he has so many smosh pictures on his phone, and then I remembered, he can put them in an aura frame. ORA frames is a digital frame that holds all your photos and videos. By downloading the ORA app, you can upload unlimited photos and videos that you can share effortlessly and instantly. I love that I could pop a few photos into the Oro app from anywhere in the world, and they'll appear instantly on the frame. No memory required. So stop the last minute shopping and go purchase your carver mat frame. Look at this one. Isn't it so cute?

It's pictures of our pets at Smosh. No pictures of Shane. Sorry, buddy. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visitingoraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling carver mat frames, named number one by wirecutter by using promo code Smoshmouth at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frammawrame promo code SmoshMouth. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast.

So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Back to the show. I have another one. Please. Juror who is a stay-at-home mom and she's really excited. I watched a really intense crime doc and this woman was being interviewed and she was so, she was like,

when I got on the jury, you know, it was actually so good to be out of the house, you know, because the kids are in college, and I was really excited. And then, like, 30 minutes in, she's like, I had to go to therapy for months after what I witnessed. And I was like, this poor woman got so excited to go on Jerry Duty. Her life ruined. Your life got ruined. And I want to play her.

I think that's awesome. You know who is that? Tom Bo Jr. My dad. He's like, I got jury duty again. He's like, hope it's a murder. Because he loves, like, a story. and he loves like, and he's done it multiple times

and he's always the lead. So he gets to go, he wants to be the one that's like, we've decided, here's the paper. Absolutely. We're deadlocked. I've convinced them all that he's guilty. I love that. Here you go.

They're like, sir, actually, we read the guilty, and he's like, guilty. He's somehow like on the chair. Okay, similarly, I have this character that I wrote. I think his name is just Papa. But he's like, he's like, that trope of the guy that's just like

you know fellas you know get used to saying I love you to your way happy wife happy life that kind of thing

you know you feed your ladies some red meat before they get on their period and it's gonna be amazing for you this is all

and his name is Papa his name's Papa and his wife he'll do wonders Mama Mama Mama Mama

Mama I've kept Mama Mama happy for years it's Mama and Papa they feel like a little like animated couple

They're like five foot three. Yeah, they're tiny. They're tiny. They're tiny. They're made out of cloth. Yeah. But like you'll see them like on the beach in like a picnic blanket. Like as people are walking by, he's like, get used to that.

You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? And he's smothering her in his sunscreen. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, take care of your wife and you live a happy life. Got to make sure she doesn't get melanomy. Yeah, melanomy.

Melanomy. Do you have diabetes? Get used to that. Your wife gets burned. All the time. My best advice, get Medicare. I love this guy. Thank you.

Speaking of tiny little cuties with crazy voices, I worked for a pizzeria in college. Of course you did. That's awesome. What was great was they hired me to be in charge of all of the deliveries, and I did not know the area. So I couldn't actually do the job I was hired for, but I did do at least the front, I took calls and, like, put a pizza in the machine and all that.

I was like, hey. And, you know, it's like, they walk in. And I was like, oh, you want a slice shirt, whatever. You answered calls, and you were like, what? I don't have diabetes. And the owners were a couple that were both five feet tall. Love it. And it was, I forget their names.

It was like Marco and something, and anyway, they were. Hello? No, but one of them was like, Tommy, I don't understand you. You got to get that preaches. Like, come on. I'm like, talk you like this. Come on, wait.

And I was like, and I was a, I was a chef cook. I was just about to say it sounded like him. I was a sensitive little guy, so I would cry when he would get upset. But he was just a passionate man. And his wife would be like, tell me don't listen to him. Wait, what? She was five foot two hours. She would like, tell me don't listen to him.

He's having a hard day. That was going to be fine. No, the first one was Mark the guy. Yes. And this is the wife. She was like, don't listen to him. He's going to be fine. He's had a bad day.

You take a, you take a 10 outside. have a cigarette if you want. And you're like, I don't smoke, ma'am. The tears going down your eyes. Yeah, but also, like, I worked there for like three months and they invited me to their huge Christmas. You know, it's like they're Italian, they're sweet, they're passionate, they're big,

but it's like the two of them were like little cartoons and I loved it. They sound incredible. Have you looked them up? Are they still kicking? I don't know. They better be. I'm sure they're still kicking.

And then my note contribution is, yeah. I had a dream about, a tiny table that was also a pheromone and so I drew it and that's my note contribution for this round nice it's a cute little table you like tiny things I do I actually like tiny things I like tiny spoons it's a thing how tiny like little like an ice cream like baby spoons like usable like ice cream sample but like silver yeah not not not wooded no um if you give me a wooden spoon I'll look at it and it's cute you'll look at it well the wooden like add wouldn't like adds taste to it like it has its own flavor i like a silver and you like the wood flavor

oh put that away a little a little okay i have another note okay old man in a bucket hat why jonathan that's not about you oh you're not an old man old man in a bucket hat and then i just wrote why yeah yes okay no because it's like this is like your inspiration note right yeah of just like these are one-liners and some of them are like more flushed out no i have the exact same thing i have this like long note that i just found that literally it's just titled inspiration i have like a woman asks to apply to work at the fountain at the grove how people go crazy for a turn during a first dance at a wedding wait a woman who asked you know know because she loves looking at it so much i don't know i think i just

Just the spray. I'll do the lights. I think I was just at the grove and I was like, yeah, what if somebody was like, I want to work at the fountain? There probably is. She's like, I brought my knee-high boots. Yeah, yeah, that's like your specific thing. Wellies. My rain boots.

Okay, but specifically for the first dance, you know, when like the couple's like dancing and it's like sweet and then all of a sudden they like turn it around it. Everyone's like, oh, ha! You guys ever been to a wedding? Wait, what? Say again. You know? Wait. freaking out in the wedding? Everybody. Because they turned. Because they turned. Like they did a little,

like they did a little spin. Oh, because they did a couple. At the couple. And the rest of the crowd is like, oh. No, that's at the salon. They turn you around. Little Bob. Yes, that's very good. I've got another great one. Yeah. Okay, ready? Yes. It's really good. Are you ready? Ready. Banana. Milk and coffee. Barbecue sauce. Ranch. water bottle and small dinner item oh you wrote small dinner item i rewrite new grocery lists half of the things in my notes app are new grocery lists me too me too Tommy are they just sitting there turkey I actually that actually would stress me out no mine's like that too that actually would stress me out one note one word turkey I just have like full numbers or just like

actual email addresses. Were you a flight attendant in your past life? I don't know why, but a flight attendant would be like small dinner item. Salad. Salad. Okay, I have this one that just... When the mask comes down, you put it on your neighbor. No, you put it on yourself first.

Okay. Hold on, let me look at the manual. Wait a second. Hold on. Oh, I was wrong. Tommy? When the mask comes down, you put it on yourself first. Oh, my God.

You're not going to do well. Caring is sharing. Oatmeal. Honey. Oh, look. Wealthy woman who shoplifts. It's on my inspiration note. That's for you.

Wealthy woman who shoplifts. I want Amanda to play that. Gwok is like a fruit, right? Um, yes. Right? Wait, fruit. Seeds on the inside. Right?

Right. Yeah. So guac is a fruit because that's a big seed. Or technically avocado? And tomato. That's what I mean. And tomato. Well, guac is avocado.

And strawberries are not-a-frake is more than avocado. But they're not berries. Sorry, we need to go back to that. Excuse me? Guac is more than avocado. Yeah, I know. It's lime and salt and pepper. Kind of wanted you to fight me.

And some onions. Do you want me to fight you? And some pico in the ga'i-o. This is my true, I don't know. The boss dentist. You know how there's a dentist who looks at your teeth? And then they always go, okay, let me get the... Classic dentist.

Let me get the boss to come in and check your teeth. You know how there's, like, the cleaner? big boss. And then the boss comes in and they do the quick check. Yeah. And I always hate the boss. Me too. So the boss who comes in after the cleaner dentist and does the quick check, she's intense. Talks like when mom is hyped up and mad. Doing a quick check telling the cleaning dentist all that she's missed. Oops, another spot. You missed that. Yeah. Another spot. How are you? How's everything going? So when I was growing up, the boss dentist was so insane. He would come in and literally find cavities that weren't there. Yep. And he called them pinholes.

I know. Classic up church. We're going down the acid portal right now. He made up cavities. That's a really fun character too because then you have a patient who's just sitting there like with their mouth wide open while the boss dentist is like. But they always come in and they're always just like, all right, how's it. And they're going so fast. Yeah. And they're always telling the cleaner dentist how much they miss. And the cleaner dentist has spent so much time and energy on you. Yeah. And you feel a little bit like you want to pull the cleaner dentist aside and go, are you okay? I'm sorry about that. Is everything okay?

Totally. I think we can do a lot of tooth work. We haven't really explored a lot of. Yeah, BitCity. The tooth? BitCity. Just tooth. Yeah, just tooth.

We tell the tooth. We tell the tooth. You can't handle the tooth. Tooth hurts. Yeah. We're getting there. Two hurts is good, actually. Here's one.

Haunted toy that makes you piss your pants. Or haunted camera that when it takes a picture. review you look really ugly but that's just how the main character is and the camera is just a camera or price is right game but for very inexpensive items love that like a tiny silver spoon like a tiny silver spoon or a dollar store keychain and it's like and people are like oh 50 cents it's like actually it's 399 have you been to a dollar store recently no i have i have and it's like not it's not a dollar no and that's okay we did um and the my friends giving that I did. Last year, Bear who hosted it, he got a bunch of like tiny unique

little toys and wrapped them all up and everyone had a little opening. We got to just open like garbage but like fun little garbage. And so this year he was like everyone bring a little thing and we'll all put them into these bags I've set up. And so we all had a, everyone brought their own little tiny gift that was identical for everyone. And it was so fun. And I actually love that. I went to a dollar store to like look for stuff and the key chains were four dollars each crazy at a dollar store yeah well it's there's no dollar store anymore now it's like a dollar store it's like a dollar general there's no nine nine cents stores i think those closed down i think that it's now dollar general i believe but there's yeah it's like so it's dollar up it's dollar or more dollar or more which like you could

say that about any store you can that's actually a brilliant like little white elephant game it's to get little tiny things. Like silly, silly, silly stupid. Yeah, my friend does a white elephant every year, and it's like you're not allowed to buy anything. It has to be something you already own. Oh, that's a good idea, too. So you're like getting rid of your...

So would you do, like, half lotion? What's that? Half lotion? Yeah, yeah, stuff like that. Oh, so like a used bottle. Yeah, just stuff that's, like, lying around your house, like, you know. Got a little bit of retinal juice I could hand off. Yeah, last time, like, I think somebody brought, like, a bottle of wine,

and, like, there was only this much, left in it. I think I like a tiny little gift better. That's tough. It's okay. You want some rotten wine? Okay, hear me out. Dogs with accents. Love it. Rarf.

That's all I got. That's what I got. Ralph. Frank. Rav. Rav. Can I be a lot? Can I be a menace toward the listening community? Yes. I was in, sorry, I feel like I completely just disrupt, interrupted you.

It's okay. Did he interrupt you? Did I interrupt you? No, I'm sorry. No, it's fine. It's just on camera for everyone to clip. Can we get him out of there? Hey, buzz.

Wait, can you, can you? My tarantial and my porn. That's the buzz, right? I don't actually remember him having porn. Well, he's more like, my tarantial and my porn. My born! I don't actually remember him having porn. That's a huge plot point.

That's a huge plot point in Home Alone. Look it up right now. James is hunched over. Just do Home Alone porn. He's not. He's doing his own thing. I don't think you can, I don't think you can search that word here. Just search Home Alone porn.

Don't do that. Don't do that. Do not. Do not do that. Okay, just look up, Home Alone, Buzz's magazines. Yeah, you'll get plenty out of that. I'm sure it'll be tarantulas. Okay, go.

I was in a Gudeville, which is kind of a scam now, by the way. They like, it's not really, they kind of just, like, mark stuff up now. Like, it's not like a real thrift store anymore. Right. But anyway. What is the world coming to? I know. There was a painting that I saw.

and this only happened one other time to me where I saw a painting and I was like, I need to get this because it's so odd like it's captured my entire soul. And the last one that did that, I think, was haunted and I did get rid of that painting. This one is not haunted because I can feel it. The other one I was like,

there's something wrong with this, but I want it. This one is like, by the way, this is about four feet tall and I will show it to you and I will also show the audience. Do you have it? I have it, but I have a picture of it on my phone. so it is and before I show it to you

it is of a ballerina profile her legs are for some reason like like grotesque like they're really like overly wrinkled for some reason

and like bulbous it's very interesting very long feet proportionally strange her arms are like long noodles up in front extremely long hands really long fingers

her breasts are very jutting forward Her neck is as thick as her head hunched forward, looking down at a flower that is growing out one stem, no leaves, all the way from the floor, all the way up to her head right to where her face is. And she has full profile, one huge eye, looking at you like, mm. What? And she's smiling and she's got blush. And her hair, straw color, is going back on the back of her head, and it's covering her neck, which is as thick as the rest of her.

And now I'll show it to you. I actually Oh my God I'll hold it up to the camera in one second Wait Her legs That is actually incredible Isn't incredible

It's a four foot tall painting Tommy It's unique You can't look it up It's nowhere else I have this I have this It's in my home now

Okay now I'll hold it up to the You know what This picture makes so much sense for you to have What is going on with her legs? Her legs are Mondo But the big flower No stem

No stem, no one stem, no You didn't not talk about her chin. Oh, her big butt chin. Where is this hanging up? It'll be in my kitchen. I have two pieces of art now in my kitchen. One is this, and the other one is, a long time ago, I made a decision that I wouldn't have any freaky stuff in my apartment because I used to have, like, oddities.

And I was like, it's not a museum of audits. It's my bedroom. Yeah, yeah. But now that I live alone and I have some walls I need to fill up, I was gifted like four years ago, a probably four foot by two foot piece of sculpture art that is if you took a you showed me this I think it's like plastic but it's a bunch of baby heads no you it's a million like different size baby doll heads that have been pushed into this plastic thing oh yeah I've seen it's all like it's all like forward it's all like sticking out of so it head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head head and I'm like but it's all white white white white

So it's like... Scarier. The baby's heads. Yeah, that's scary. Anyway. Do you have a picture of it? I don't. Not of that.

But you can imagine it. I could not have those type of paintings at my place because that's very scary to me. Yeah. Well, it's in my kitchen. So it's like far away. So they're watching you when you're eating. I don't eat in my kitchen. There's no room.

I eat on my couch. That's real. Yeah. That is real. I have a one bedroom, which is amazing, but it's small. Yeah. We live in L.A. Yeah.

Everything's small. Everything's small. Everything small. Yeah. But not as small as New York. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, I saw that and I was like, I need her.

That, what's her name? Have you named her all? I haven't named her yet. I want to feel her out. Feel her out. She has good vibes to me. Yes. There was a pairing.

There was a second one that I didn't get, which is a couple, a man and a woman doing a different, like, ballet dance. And it was also grotesque. Same art. Same artist. But she was. She's top. I kept putting her down and picking her up the whole, we were walking around the story.

I had her and I was like, I can't do this. She's humongous and she's freaky. I'm going to put her back. And then I'd be like, I'm, I gotta go get her. And then I'd hold her again. I'm like, I don't know. And then at one point, Luke was just like, I'm getting it for you, give it to me. And now it's in my home. So, anyway, your turn. I'm done. Your turn. Okay, I have a stupid one, but it's basically like, it's another game night one now that I'm thinking about it. But it's like, okay, maybe it's like this insane card game where it's like, it's like it's one of those things where like you have to each in a group like draw a card and everybody has to like do whatever is on that card and so you'll draw it and it'll be like drink if you're blonde and then and you're blonde and you're blonde right now and then it'll be like drink if you like love your your boyfriend or whatever and then like I'm not drinking yeah and then you drink but then like the third person draws a card and it's like text your mom and dad that you killed somebody and that you're high right now so what is this? Is this a character?

Yep. So this is a game where it's like cutie, two-dy, and then there's a crazy one? Yep, and then a silly one. This is like a pitch horror movie. Yep. She's abandoned it. I've abandoned it entirely.

Well, it's fine because, guys, you can give me one more to wrap. Okay, I have this one note. Okay, I have this one note. I wrote this on September 1st, 2024 at 9.18 a.m. which is concerning, 9.18 a.m. I wrote Tequila.

as a man and daddy i love him that's good get that tattooed on your lower back stacked that's the only thing in the note i have a feeling your note sap is like here she comes rush is coming in again something wild oh god she hit new note oh god oh no that's your phone honey oh god he hit new note and he's never going to delete us when he's done it let me guess banana b a a no they just they just don't make a lot of sense is what I find really funny. Like I have this one that just says surgeons at K-Barbecue. Lighty, more like

mind me. That's amazing. What is that? What does that mean? I have this one that says you can't have sex until you have kids. This one says white she. I have one that says remember this feeling and the body of it

is grateful. Some of them are nice. Some of them are Hummus blueberries, water. Yeah, can we just do a quick, like, um... Let's do a rapid speed. A rapid one of, like, your random stupid notes. Okay. For sure.

Mine says, Hear me out, Chipotle Mayo. Hear me out. I don't know why. Chipotle Mayo. I agree. Yeah. As in like, that's a hear me out.

Yeah. Like a, hmm. I have, give someone your pen and get yourself a new one. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. Here's one. I don't get it. yelling.

Yelling Your is Yelling You know what I will say I know this episode is called Home Alone But I didn't actually feel like That we were three kids

At Home Alone I felt like Shane and I Share a condo Okay And Shane's out of town And I was like Twittling my thumbs

And I was like What am I going to do In my condo All by myself for Christmas I'm going to invite These two people over That I met in line At this fun

antique rodeo shop and I invited them over and they and you guys brought many different things like you brought a basket of different fruit uh you were gonna say weird you I was going to say weird weird fruit it's fine I brought weird fruit and Tommy brought like a bottle of vodka but it was half empty and then you brought a chocolate cake yeah like grocery store bought and we've been sitting yeah of course and we've been sitting in the living room just talking and that's what this episode has felt like haven't touched the cake yet And I really, and I want, I want to cut it. But every time I try to go to leave, something new pops up and I go down another portal.

And I, I just want to say, like, I actually am really enjoying it. You promise? Yes. You won't believe it. I just found a note with characters in it. And with that, read the top one and then we're out of here. Okay, so this is from the same group of characters when we were for grip guys. This was where Bruce came from, was this, like, idea batch.

Uh-huh. Bruce, oh my God. Donna, 47, shaped like a bowling pin. She's got a headache. She asks everyone to quiet down. She drinks a lot of whiskey, but never gets drunk. Quiet down, like Debbie Downer, but angry. Okay.

Debbie Downer, but angry. I know this woman. I know, we all. She literally is shaped like this. She's beyond pear shape. Her head is so tiny and thin, and the rest of her body is just... But constantly a migraine. And she drinks some with...

Never drunk. Never drunk. She could drive you home instantly. Headache, though. Don't say anything. That actually is the best one. That's great. Wow. Wow. Tommy and Arasha.

Yeah. It actually was such a joy, and I knew putting you two little kids together would be just a little kid. Absolutely wild, and I loved it so much. You guys make me very happy. Can I say the last note that I found? Yeah. November 4th, 2022 at 9. 45 p.m. What am I doing this for? Wow.

Existential ending. Guys, check out your notes app and put them in the comments because I want to I want to hear. I want to hear what's going on. Yeah, what grocery store items do you have? There's literally endless. How many notes do you guys have on your phone? Don't want to tell you. I need to know thousands. I actually don't want to tell the numbers. I need to know the thousands. Yours is a new phone, but I cloud. Oh, you know what? It says it at the bottom. 280. 745. Okay. 818. I win. Wow. And half of them are grocery notes. Yeah. Well, I just, I think it's fun to just put one word. Goodbye, guys. We love you so much. We love you. And we hope our mom comes home at some point, because they're in Paris right now.

Kevin. She's left us without food or money. And find Buzz is porn. Please in the comments, let them know that Buzz had magazines. Goodbye. Nope. Goodbye.